1. Ally, can we get a recap?
You remember the Kowolskis.Copy !req
2. They've owned this shop for 30 years,
and they are attempting to set a record...Copy !req
3. by making Buffalo's largest
cookie, and you have to wear this.Copy !req
4. A hair net? Health department.Copy !req
5. You're kidding me. If you're
around the cookie, you have to have it on.Copy !req
6. It's the law. I just did
the hair. The hair is perfect.Copy !req
7. All right. Give it to me.Copy !req
8. God, why do you hate
me? We're rolling.Copy !req
9. And speed.Copy !req
10. For three decades, the
Kowolski family bakery...Copy !req
11. has been a mainstay
in downtown Buffalo...Copy !req
12. known for their sinfully sweet,
cream-filled Polski pierogis...Copy !req
13. and the occasional
sugar-induced coma that follows.Copy !req
14. But today, in honor of
their 30th anniversary,Copy !req
15. they've invited us to ride along
as they go for the record...Copy !req
16. on Buffalo's biggest cookie.Copy !req
17. Vol. Vol. You need a
tissue or something?Copy !req
18. Can we get Vol a tissue or a spoon?Copy !req
19. It's a good thing we're wearing these today,
'cause I wouldn't want any stray hairs...Copy !req
20. to fall into the booger.Copy !req
21. Are we gonna do this again?
No. We can cut to B-roll.Copy !req
22. - Moving on!
- So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?Copy !req
23. Well, man from health department...Copy !req
24. say he find rat pellet in
our pastry, but I say, "No.Copy !req
25. Is big chocolate sprinkle."
But he shut store down.Copy !req
26. So we clean up, make big cookie...Copy !req
27. for to bring customers back.Copy !req
28. Well, I admire your candor.
Let's try that again, shall we?Copy !req
29. So tell me, Mama. Why make
Buffalo's biggest cookie?Copy !req
30. So the children of the
neighborhood will be happy?Copy !req
31. That's right. It must be wonderful
seeing the smiles on their little faces.Copy !req
32. I work in back. I see no smiles.Copy !req
33. The previous Buffalo
record was eight feet, seven inches,Copy !req
34. baked by Gladys Pelsnick.Copy !req
35. If this cookie beats Gladys's,
it will prove once and for all...Copy !req
36. that the Kowolskis have
much more free time.Copy !req
37. And the cookie is 10 feet, four inches.Copy !req
38. We have a new record!Copy !req
39. Cue the cheesy inspirational music!Copy !req
40. But what are we really looking at here?Copy !req
41. Is it just a big cookie, or does this
cookie represent the pride of Buffalo,Copy !req
42. its dedicated and hardworking
citizens the key ingredient...Copy !req
43. with a few nuts thrown in...Copy !req
44. and, finally, the love of our families,Copy !req
45. which provides the warm, chewy center,Copy !req
46. making our beloved Buffalo
the sweetest place to live.Copy !req
47. And that's the way the cookie crumbles.Copy !req
48. I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness
News. And cut it.Copy !req
49. What do you think?Copy !req
50. I think it's really good. It sucks.Copy !req
51. It's a story about a cookie.Copy !req
52. The Pillsbury Doughboy
will be riveted. Ohh.Copy !req
53. Honey, it was
funny. It made me laugh.Copy !req
54. There's nothing wrong
with makin' people laugh.Copy !req
55. I'll never be an
anchorman, not with this.Copy !req
56. The job's right there, but I can't reach it,
because every time they make me do this stuff,Copy !req
57. I have to act like a total
goof in order to make it work.Copy !req
58. I have no credibility. Not good. Not good.Copy !req
59. You know what? Now you're just
sounding silly. Know what? Forget it.Copy !req
60. It's not important,
right? It's not important.Copy !req
61. - Let's watch it one more time.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
62. - Just once more. Please?
- No. No. Bruce, you promised you would help with this album.Copy !req
63. Now, you get your goofy butt over here.Copy !req
64. Uh-uh.Copy !req
65. Okay.Copy !req
66. Okay. Okay. Now, you just
go through this stack,Copy !req
67. and you pick your favorites.Copy !req
68. Oh, come on. This is fun.
Right? Isn't this fun?Copy !req
69. This is nice.Copy !req
70. Evan's gonna get that
anchor job; I just know it.Copy !req
71. Ah, Bruce! He's the favorite.Copy !req
72. All right. You know what? Just
forget it. Let's just forget it.Copy !req
73. This is just our life. We can always
just have some kid do it for us.Copy !req
74. Whoa! Hold the phone! I like
this one. Our weekend at the lake.Copy !req
75. How did you get that? That's
supposed to be in our private stash.Copy !req
76. You look perky, hon. It must've been
cold. All right. Just give it to me.Copy !req
77. I think I'll put this on my computer
and use it as wallpaper. No, no, no.Copy !req
78. Okay. Give it to me.
Come on! No, no, no.Copy !req
79. All right. Fine. Do with it
what you will. I don't care.Copy !req
80. - I will do with it what I will.
- Jesus.Copy !req
81. You know, I might even
send this in to Playboy.Copy !req
82. I hear their layouts can be quite
tasteful. Give that to me right now!Copy !req
83. - Jesus. - Right
now! - Ow! Rough stuff!Copy !req
84. I'm gonna hurt you...Copy !req
85. Sweetie? Time to get up.Copy !req
86. Uh-uh.Copy !req
87. Good dream. No. Uh-uh. No.Copy !req
88. Well, the Buffalo Sabres
lost again last night...Copy !req
89. at the hands of the Toronto Maple Leafs.Copy !req
90. It was a shootout on the ice for our
hometown... Of course. They're my team.Copy !req
91. And that's the way the cookie crumbles. You
know, I think there might be something...Copy !req
92. to this cookie line.Copy !req
93. All the greatest anchors have
had their own signature sign-off,Copy !req
94. like Wal-ter
Cron-kite.Copy !req
95. And that's the way it
was. That's the way the cookie crumbles.Copy !req
96. And that's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it,Copy !req
97. uh-huh, uh-huh.Copy !req
98. Oh, no. Grace, the dog!Copy !req
99. I'm in the shower!Copy !req
100. No, Sam! Bad dog!Copy !req
101. Inside, bad. Outside, good.Copy !req
102. Inside, bad. Outside, good.Copy !req
103. Oh, you're done now.Copy !req
104. Great.Copy !req
105. B-E-A-utiful.Copy !req
106. Come on. Let's go back inside and have a shit.Copy !req
107. - What is the deal-io? -
We are having a blood drive.Copy !req
108. Creepy. Needles. Yuck.Copy !req
109. Well, they need my blood. I
have a very rare blood type.Copy !req
110. I'm A.B. - Positive. Really?Copy !req
111. Mm-hmm. I'm
I.B. - Positive.Copy !req
112. I be positive they ain't touchin'
me with no needle. It's just so...Copy !req
113. Helpful and lifesaving? No.
It's your blood. It's blood.Copy !req
114. Blood's supposed to stay inside the
body. That's where it's meant to be.Copy !req
115. Besides, they stockpile this
stuff in a warehouse somewhere.Copy !req
116. It's all frozen on ice, and they
tell everybody there's a shortage.Copy !req
117. That's just not true.
Where did you hear that?Copy !req
118. From a very reliable friend
of a friend of a girl...Copy !req
119. whose sister's going out with someone
very high up in the government.Copy !req
120. But for your own protection, I cannot discuss
it at this time. Now, get out before they see us.Copy !req
121. Oh, no.Copy !req
122. Oh. Here. Hold on a second.
You need these more than I do.Copy !req
123. What is these? Prayer beads.Copy !req
124. The kids made 'em for me.
They will keep you safe.Copy !req
125. I hope they're powerful. I'm gonna need
a friggin' miracle to get to work on time.Copy !req
126. This isn't happening. Not
now. Not during sweeps week.Copy !req
127. Not during sweeps week!Copy !req
128. Oh, God.Copy !req
129. Yeah. Yeah. Meeting's
started without me.Copy !req
130. This is my luck. This is my luck!Copy !req
131. Shit.Copy !req
132. Oh, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on!Copy !req
133. Jesus. Get out of there!Copy !req
134. "REwe Blind." No, but I'm late.Copy !req
135. Is your child in dire jeopardy?Copy !req
136. - Find out tonight after the game.
- Okay. Promos are approved.Copy !req
137. Uh, Jack, shouldn't we be focusing
on Pete's retirement? Now, let's...Copy !req
138. - I mean, this is his last week.
- Yeah, Jack. Any word on the open anchor position?Copy !req
139. Evan, when I know something, you'll
know something.Copy !req
140. Sorry I'm late. Traffic was...Copy !req
141. Did you guys already play the
spots? It's a nice story, Bruce,Copy !req
142. but we're gonna go with Evan's piece... sex
scandal in the mayor's office... for sweeps.Copy !req
143. Oh, yeah. Sweeps.Copy !req
144. And that's the
way the cookie crumbles.Copy !req
145. I'm just
messing with you, Bruce.Copy !req
146. See, you just gotta
remember that the newsroom...Copy !req
147. is like a big cookie.Copy !req
148. Do you like jazz, Evan? Yeah.Copy !req
149. Let me play something for
ya.Copy !req
150. I can hold that note all day,
buddy. Knock it off, guys.Copy !req
151. Bruce, we're gonna keep your story in
reserve. Now, can we get back to the board...Copy !req
152. so we'll have something
to put on the air today?Copy !req
153. Great choice, Jack. This
is the Cadillac of bolognas.Copy !req
154. Okay. Thanks. Jack,
can I talk to you a second?Copy !req
155. Yeah. Sure, Bruce. What
do you need? Sweeps.Copy !req
156. Bruce. Jack. Jack! Hear me out here.Copy !req
157. I'm startin' to get desperate, man. I'm
pushin' 40, and what have I got to show for it?Copy !req
158. I've hit some kind of a ceiling here. There's
an anti-Bruce barrier I can't get past.Copy !req
159. And Evan is lovin' it, by the way.Copy !req
160. Lovin' it. He gets the stories. He gets on
sweeps. Maybe I should be more like Evan.Copy !req
161. You don't wanna be like
Evan. Evan's an asshole.Copy !req
162. I can be an asshole.
No, Bruce. You can't.Copy !req
163. You gonna pick that up?
Yeah. I'm sorry. It's...Copy !req
164. I'm losin' it. It's just this whole
anchor thing opening up has got me nuts.Copy !req
165. Hi, Susan. Hi, Susan. Hi, Jack.Copy !req
166. Look, Bruce. You're a good
reporter. You make people laugh.Copy !req
167. All right. I'll tell you what. Today is the
156th anniversary of the Maid of the Mist.Copy !req
168. I want you at Niagara Falls
in an hour. Maid of the Mist?Copy !req
169. That's always live. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
170. But Evan always does live feeds.
Now you and Evan get the live feeds.Copy !req
171. I'm going live? During sweeps?
Mm-hmm. But watch your step.Copy !req
172. I've seen your outtakes.
Jack, you will not regret this.Copy !req
173. And I won't forget you when
I go national. Uh, can you...Copy !req
174. Thanks, pal.
Can I have your wish now?Copy !req
175. I'm gonna put it in
the wish jar. Thank you.Copy !req
176. - Okay. Put your wish in there.
- Me too.Copy !req
177. Put your wish in there.
Look at that. Looks like a big wish.Copy !req
178. Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Martin, don't...
don't eat that. Don't eat that.Copy !req
179. Don't put that in your mouth.
That's paste, honey. Ooh.Copy !req
180. - That must've tasted awful.
- Mommy!Copy !req
181. Oh, Zoe-Baboey! Did you have
a good time with Aunt Crazy today?Copy !req
182. Mm-hmm. Yeah? See how nice
this is? Baby on the hip?Copy !req
183. Oh, it's amazing. You've become
Mom. The transformation is complete.Copy !req
184. Oh. I'll get it.Copy !req
185. - Small Wonders Day Care.
- Grace? - No. It's Debbie,Copy !req
186. the sister whose life
you're not wasting.Copy !req
187. Oh, all right. Okay, okay,
okay. Bye, Debbie!Copy !req
188. Oops. Hi. Hi. Sorry.Copy !req
189. Debbie forgot to take her
meds today. Where are ya?Copy !req
190. Oh, a little place called the winner's
circle. I'm at the falls doing a live report.Copy !req
191. - Live? That's great!
- Yeah! It's happening, hon. I got sweeps, and I'm live.Copy !req
192. You know what that means? They're
seein' if I can think on my feet,Copy !req
193. you know, like I might have to do
in a live news anchor situation.Copy !req
194. - Oh, my gosh.
- Yeah. It's what we've always talked about, Grace.Copy !req
195. - Jack practically came out and told me.
- Practically?Copy !req
196. Well, he didn't spell it
out, but legally, he can't.Copy !req
197. But this is exactly what happened to Susan
Ortega just before they bumped her up.Copy !req
198. It's good. It's good.
It's good.Copy !req
199. Okay. Well, honey, I just don't... I don't
want you to get too ahead of yourself.Copy !req
200. Bruce? Oh, I gotta go.
They're callin' me in.Copy !req
201. Oh. Okay, honey. Good luck. I love you.Copy !req
202. Love, love, love, love, love.Copy !req
203. Let's do it.Copy !req
204. They want you close
to the falls. Really?Copy !req
205. - I'm gonna get soaked.
- That's the point. They want you to put this on.Copy !req
206. Part of the condition of
us getting the exclusive.Copy !req
207. You know what? Nothin' can
bother me today. Nothin'.Copy !req
208. Okay. Now, remember. It's their
156th-year anniversary. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
209. 149 capacity. Right.Copy !req
210. They cater to tourists, honeymooners...
And people insanely thirsty.Copy !req
211. I get it. Okay. And you are gonna
be interviewing Irene Dansfield.Copy !req
212. Irene! Pleasure to meet you. Truly.Copy !req
213. You look beautiful. Irene's
mother rode on the maiden voyage.Copy !req
214. Wow. Rub that in my face,
why don't ya? Ninety seconds!Copy !req
215. Ninety seconds? Holy hell. Uh,
yeah. Okay. Ninety seconds? Whoo.Copy !req
216. Because of the fast response, the toxic
chemicals were cleaned up without incident.Copy !req
217. - Susan?
- Bruce Nolan is standing by at Niagara Falls,Copy !req
218. but before we go live to Bruce,
we have an announcement to make.Copy !req
219. As everyone knows, after 33 years,Copy !req
220. our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring.Copy !req
221. Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill,Copy !req
222. But the show must go on, and we
could think of no one better...Copy !req
223. than our very own Evan Baxter.Copy !req
224. Ohh... Oh, boy.Copy !req
225. - Congratulations, Evan.
- Thanks, Susan. I'm thrilled and honored.Copy !req
226. And as you said, no one can replace the
great Pete Fineman, but I will do my best.Copy !req
227. I have to say, I am so proud to be a
part of our local community of Buffalo,Copy !req
228. and I think, in a lot of ways, a great
city is like a great recipe, really.Copy !req
229. You take hardworking
citizens, add some caregivers,Copy !req
230. maybe a few nuts,Copy !req
231. All sprinkled with
the love and support of good families.Copy !req
232. Ultimately, that makes
one sweet place to live.Copy !req
233. - That was amazing.
- I meant it.Copy !req
234. - I wish I'd written something.
- And now let's go live...Copy !req
235. to that wacky Bruce Nolan
out at Niagara Falls.Copy !req
236. Hey! Wacky Bruce!Copy !req
237. Bruce? Talk, Bruce. Hello?Copy !req
238. - Talk, honey. Talk.
- What's going on?Copy !req
239. - We got a Walt Disney. - He's frozen
solid. - We may not have audio. Check.Copy !req
240. - We may be having a bit of technical difficulty.
- Feed's good, Jack.Copy !req
241. Move. Come on. Come on. Come
on. Talk, Bruce, damn it!Copy !req
242. - All right. Get ready to pull the plug.
- Come on, baby. Say something.Copy !req
243. - Say something.
- Bruce, talk.Copy !req
244. - Hi, Susan.
- Oh, thank you, God.Copy !req
245. Bruce Nolan here aboard the Maid of
the Mist in fabulous Niagara Falls.Copy !req
246. First off, let me just add another
congratulations to Evan Backstabber...Copy !req
247. Pardon me. Bastard. Baxter, rather. It is
good to see what someone with talent can do...Copy !req
248. when great opportunities are given to
them instead of me.Copy !req
249. Anyway, I'm here with
Katharine Hepburn's mom.Copy !req
250. Tell me. Why did you throw the blue Heart of
the Ocean jewel over the railing of the Titanic?Copy !req
251. Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio
drown while you were safe, floating on the door?Copy !req
252. Could you have taken turns, or were you just
too afraid to freeze your big, fat ass off?Copy !req
253. Hmm. I guess that's how life is, isn't it?Copy !req
254. Some people are drenched, freezing
to death on a stupid boat...Copy !req
255. with a stupid hat, while others are in a
comfy news studio, suckin' up all the glory.Copy !req
256. - Oh, well. No big deal.
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
257. Oh, look. It's the owner
of the Maid of the Mist.Copy !req
258. Let's have a talk with him, shall we?
Come on in here, Bill. That's all right.Copy !req
259. No, no, no, no. No, no.
Come on. Let's have a talk.Copy !req
260. Come on. What are you doing?Copy !req
261. Bill, you've been running the Maid
of the Mist for 23 years now. Tell me.Copy !req
262. Why do you think I didn't get the anchor
job? Hey, man. I don't want problems.Copy !req
263. Is it my hair, Bill? Are
my teeth not white enough?Copy !req
264. Or like the great falls,
is the bedrock of my life...Copy !req
265. eroding beneath me?Copy !req
266. Eroding! Eroding! Eroding!Copy !req
267. Cut the feed. Go to black.Copy !req
268. Go to black. I'm on it.Copy !req
269. I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness
News. Back to you, fuckers!Copy !req
270. Oh, boy. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
271. That is perfect. That is
the motivation that I needed!Copy !req
272. Right there! Thank you.Copy !req
273. Thank you, W.K.B. W!Copy !req
274. Wimpy Kitty Baby Whiners!Copy !req
275. That's what that stands for!Copy !req
276. I'll see you on Channel 5,
where they do the real news.Copy !req
277. Do I look blind to you? Do I look blind to you?Copy !req
278. - Hey.
- Let's go, man. Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
279. What are you doing over there?
Come on. Leave the poor guy alone.Copy !req
280. You okay, man?Copy !req
281. Yeah, you'd better keep walkin'.Copy !req
282. What? What'd you say, ese?Copy !req
283. Run, man! Run! Oh, God!Copy !req
284. Okay, okay, okay! I didn't
mean it! I was just kiddin'!Copy !req
285. Hey, you forgot your things.Copy !req
286. Say somethin' to that. Say somethin'.Copy !req
287. B-E-A...Copy !req
288. utiful.Copy !req
289. That's what I get...Copy !req
290. That's what I
get for trying to help someone.Copy !req
291. Oh, don't look at me, Walter.Copy !req
292. Oh, no!Copy !req
293. Well, that's
my payment, I guess.Copy !req
294. That... That is my reward.Copy !req
295. Just? Just get a clue!Copy !req
296. Thank God you're all right.
Yeah. Let's thank God.Copy !req
297. For his blessings are
raining down upon me.Copy !req
298. - Wait! That's not rain!
- Bruce, please don't do that, honey.Copy !req
299. You know that everything
happens for a reason.Copy !req
300. That I don't need. That is a
cliche. That is not helpful to me.Copy !req
301. A bird in
the hand is worth two in the bush.Copy !req
302. I have no bird. I have no bush.
God has taken my bird and my bush.Copy !req
303. Oh, I see. So God is picking on
you, is that what you're saying?Copy !req
304. No. He's ignoring me completely.Copy !req
305. He's far too busy giving Evan everything he wants.Copy !req
306. Oh, that's great, Sam, but you
missed your target. I'm over here!Copy !req
307. Don't get mad at the dog.
It's not the dog's fault.Copy !req
308. No. It's God's fault. I gave
him the wrong coordinates.Copy !req
309. All right. You know what? Enough. All
right? Will you stop being such a martyr?Copy !req
310. I am not being a martyr. I'm a victim.Copy !req
311. God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill
with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant.Copy !req
312. He could fix my life in
five minutes if he wanted to,Copy !req
313. but he'd rather burn off my
feelers and watch me squirm!Copy !req
314. Sweetheart, I know you're
mad. It's understandable.Copy !req
315. What Evan did is slimy and wrong,Copy !req
316. but this day could've
been so much worse.Copy !req
317. I'm just glad you're okay.
Okay? News flash! I'm not okay.Copy !req
318. I'm not okay with a mediocre job! I'm
not okay with a mediocre apartment.Copy !req
319. I'm not okay with a mediocre life!Copy !req
320. So is that what you think
that we have? A mediocre life?Copy !req
321. - Don't make this about you.
- About me? How could I make this about me?Copy !req
322. It's about you! It's always about you!Copy !req
323. Perfect. Perfect.Copy !req
324. I'll have the worst day of my life
with a side order of guilt, please!Copy !req
325. Oh.Copy !req
326. Okay, God. You
want me to talk to you?Copy !req
327. Then talk back. Tell me what's going on.Copy !req
328. What should I do? Give me a signal.Copy !req
329. Oh, I need your guidance,
Lord. Please send me a sign.Copy !req
330. Ah, what's this joker doin' now?Copy !req
331. Okay. All right. I'll try it your way.Copy !req
332. All right. Lord, I need a miracle.Copy !req
333. I'm desperate. I need your help, Lord.Copy !req
334. Please reach into my life. Hey!Copy !req
335. What the he... I got ya!Copy !req
336. Ha-ha!Copy !req
337. Hey!Copy !req
338. Fine! The gloves are off, pal!Copy !req
339. Come on! Let me see a little wrath.Copy !req
340. Smite me, O mighty smiter!Copy !req
341. You're the one who should be fired!Copy !req
342. The only one around here
not doing his job is you!Copy !req
343. Answer me!Copy !req
344. Sorry. Don't know ya.Copy !req
345. Wouldn't call you if I did.Copy !req
346. Ohh.Copy !req
347. Oh, God. Ohh.Copy !req
348. HelloCopy !req
349. Oh, no!Copy !req
350. Sam, this has gotta stop.Copy !req
351. All right. Now, get it straight here.Copy !req
352. That's the house. This is
the bathroom. House. Bathroom.Copy !req
353. Bathroom. House. House.
Bathroom. Bathroom. House.Copy !req
354. What's the point?Copy !req
355. Denied that
promotion at work? Is life unfair?Copy !req
356. Is there someone less talented
than you reaping all the benefits?Copy !req
357. Is your name Bruce? Then
do we have the job for you.Copy !req
358. We're located at 7725623rd Street.Copy !req
359. So come on down, or we'll
just keep beeping you.Copy !req
360. "Omni Presents."Copy !req
361. Oh, yeah. The glass is half full.Copy !req
362. Oh, geez!Copy !req
363. Come on! Look! What is that?Copy !req
364. What is that?Copy !req
365. Ah, geez! Thank you. Thank you again.Copy !req
366. What the...Copy !req
367. You're looking for Room 7.Copy !req
368. Yeah. I figured.Copy !req
369. You want me to even those up for you?Copy !req
370. How
do I get to Room 7?Copy !req
371. That'll be on the seventh floor.
Stairs are right over there.Copy !req
372. - I'd rather take the elevator.
- Out of order.Copy !req
373. I love the stairs though.
They were my second choice.Copy !req
374. Do you mind giving me
a hand with this floor?Copy !req
375. What? That's good.Copy !req
376. Are you serious? Oh,
uh, I'm kind of busy.Copy !req
377. - Um, rain check.
- I'll hold you to it.Copy !req
378. I'm free on the seventh at 7:00.Copy !req
379. Seventh at 7:00 it is.Copy !req
380. This looks promising.Copy !req
381. Hello? Another "hugantic,"Copy !req
382. "ginormic" waste of my life.Copy !req
383. Hello?Copy !req
384. Yo! I'm lookin' for whoever runs
this joint. Be right with you.Copy !req
385. I'm trying to fix a light.
Tell me if it's working.Copy !req
386. Yeah. Seems to be.Copy !req
387. Kind ofbright, though.
Yeah. It is for most people.Copy !req
388. Spend their lives in the
dark trying to hide from me.Copy !req
389. Oh, the elevator's broken, huh?Copy !req
390. Yeah, but I'll get around to it.Copy !req
391. You install the Clapper? No,
but catchy jingle, isn't it?Copy !req
392. "Clap on, clap off"Copy !req
393. "Clap on, clap off the Clapper"Copy !req
394. Just can't get it out of my head.Copy !req
395. Good luck with that. I'm gonna go now.Copy !req
396. Okay. But the boss'll be right out.Copy !req
397. You must be Bruce.
I've been expecting you.Copy !req
398. This is hilarious. So you're the boss
and the electrician and the janitor?Copy !req
399. Must be a killer Christmas party.
Don't get drunk, though.Copy !req
400. One of you might need a ride home.Copy !req
401. You always were funny,
Bruce, just like your father.Copy !req
402. He didn't mind rolling up
his sleeves, either, son.Copy !req
403. People underestimate the
benefit of good old manual labor.Copy !req
404. There's freedom in it. Some of
the happiest people in the world...Copy !req
405. go home smelling to high
heaven at the end of the day.Copy !req
406. All right. What is this?Copy !req
407. How do you know my father, and
how did you get my pager number?Copy !req
408. Oh, I know quite a
lot about you, Bruce...Copy !req
409. just about everything there is to know.Copy !req
410. Everything you've ever said or
done or thought about doing...Copy !req
411. right there in that file cabinet.Copy !req
412. Wow. A whole drawer just for me.Copy !req
413. Yeah. Mind if I take a look?Copy !req
414. It's your life. This oughta be good.Copy !req
415. Now, this last entry
was a little disturbing.Copy !req
416. "The gloves are off, God."Copy !req
417. "God has taken my bird and my bush."Copy !req
418. "God is a
mean kid with a magnifying glass."Copy !req
419. "Smite me, O mighty smiter!"Copy !req
420. Now, I'm not much for blaspheming,
but that last one made me laugh.Copy !req
421. Are you spying on me?Copy !req
422. - Who are you?
- I'm the one.Copy !req
423. - Huh?
- Creator of the heavens and the earth, alpha and omega.Copy !req
424. Oh, I see where this is going.Copy !req
425. Bruce, I'm God.Copy !req
426. Bingo! Yahtzee! Is
that your final answer?Copy !req
427. Our survey says, "God!"
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing!Copy !req
428. Well, it was nice to meet you,
God. Thank you for the Grand Canyon,Copy !req
429. and good luck with the apocalypse.Copy !req
430. Oh, and by the way, you suck!Copy !req
431. You know what would've been a
little more impressive, though?Copy !req
432. If you hadn't used the
cheesy file cabinet illusion.Copy !req
433. Anybody with a brain stem
can tell that that drawer...Copy !req
434. is being fed through the
wall from the other side.Copy !req
435. All you have to do is find
the crease, right around here.Copy !req
436. There is a seam here...
or a hollow spot.Copy !req
437. Where? Through the drywall and concrete?Copy !req
438. Okay. That is a
good one. That is a good one.Copy !req
439. - Okay. How many fingers am I holding up?
- Now, Bruce.Copy !req
440. Thou shalt not tempt the Lord... Hey,
if you can't do it, man, that's cool.Copy !req
441. Three. Two. Four. Nine. Six.Copy !req
442. Eight. One.Copy !req
443. Okay. How many now?Copy !req
444. - Seven.
- Aha!Copy !req
445. You've been doing a lot
of complaining about me, Bruce.Copy !req
446. And quite frankly, I'm tired
of it. Wait. Don't come near me.Copy !req
447. When I'm backed into a
corner, I'm like a wild animal.Copy !req
448. I don't wanna hurt you, but I will, out
of instinct. You haven't won a fight...Copy !req
449. since grade five, and
that was against a girl.Copy !req
450. Yeah, but she was huge.
She had been held back.Copy !req
451. And the sun was in your
eyes. Oh, there you go.Copy !req
452. In a way, I brought you
here to offer you a job.Copy !req
453. Job? What job? My job.Copy !req
454. You think you can do it
better, so here's your chance.Copy !req
455. When you leave this building, you
will be endowed with all my powers.Copy !req
456. Whatever you say, pal.Copy !req
457. Okay. That did not happen, and
no one needs to hear about it.Copy !req
458. I'm deleting the program.Copy !req
459. No. No. I'm having a
breakdown, that's what it is.Copy !req
460. Normal, everyday psychotic episode
caused by a tumor or brain lesion.Copy !req
461. Come on. Start!Copy !req
462. That was lucky.Copy !req
463. Come on, man. Calm down. You did not
meet God; you do not have his powers.Copy !req
464. If that was God, then
I'm Clint Eastwood.Copy !req
465. Holy hell!Copy !req
466. Be careful what you wish for, punk.Copy !req
467. No. Uh-uh! No. No.Copy !req
468. I am a reasonable, sane
human being with a. 44 Magnum,Copy !req
469. the most powerful handgun
in the wo...Copy !req
470. I'm not Clint Eastwood. I'm Bruce Nolan.Copy !req
471. Bruce Nolan. I'm Bruce No-lan!Copy !req
472. Oh, it's not real. It's not real.Copy !req
473. Coffee? Yeah. Uh, coffee. Yeah.Copy !req
474. We have a special on soup today.
No. That's fine. Thank you.Copy !req
475. It's tomato. I made it myself.Copy !req
476. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
477. Excuse me. I need a sp...Copy !req
478. It's okay. I found one.Copy !req
479. Here's your soup.Copy !req
480. Oh, soup. Right. Uh, yeah. Right.Copy !req
481. Having fun?Copy !req
482. Thy... Thou..."Copy !req
483. Come. Take a closer walk with me.Copy !req
484. - Let me explain the rules.
- Rules?Copy !req
485. Yeah. You left in such a rush,
I didn't get a chance to explain.Copy !req
486. Two extra fingers freaked
me out a little bit.Copy !req
487. I just figured I'd get your attention.Copy !req
488. I did the same thing to Gandhi;
he didn't eat for three weeks.Copy !req
489. Anyway, here's the deal.Copy !req
490. You have all my powers.
Use them any way you choose.Copy !req
491. There are only two rules. You
can't tell anybody you're God.Copy !req
492. Believe me, you don't want
that kind of attention.Copy !req
493. And you can't mess with free will.Copy !req
494. Uh-huh. Can I ask why?Copy !req
495. Yes, you can! That's the beauty of it!Copy !req
496. This is amazing.
Speaking of amazing... Excuse me.Copy !req
497. Oh.Copy !req
498. Holy sh... cow.Copy !req
499. Since you're through with
these, I think I'll keep 'em.Copy !req
500. Might come in handy someday.Copy !req
501. See you around, kid.Copy !req
502. - Where you going?
- I'm taking a vacation.Copy !req
503. God doesn't take vacations,
does he? Do... ye?Copy !req
504. Did you ever hear of the Dark
Ages? Besides, I'm covered.Copy !req
505. You can clear everything up in
five minutes if you want to, right?Copy !req
506. Ciao.Copy !req
507. "I've
got the power" Boom!Copy !req
508. "I've got the power"Copy !req
509. And he saw that it was good.Copy !req
510. "I've got the power"Copy !req
511. Whoa.Copy !req
512. "Gettin,
gettin' gettin'kind ofheavy"Copy !req
513. "Gettin, gettin' gettin'kind ofheavy"Copy !req
514. "I've got the power"Copy !req
515. B-E-A-utiful.Copy !req
516. - Hey. Check it out. Check it out.
- Hey. Check it out.Copy !req
517. Oh, look. It's the
hero. What's up, homie?Copy !req
518. Yo, brethren, what up with
thee? Blessings on your alley.Copy !req
519. Looking for another can of whoop-ass?Copy !req
520. - You didn't get enough, Mr. Hero?
- He wants some more.Copy !req
521. Surely I say unto you dudes,
I do not wish to fight.Copy !req
522. So as soon as you apologize and make a
full reckoning of your transgressions,Copy !req
523. I shall absolve you and continue
along the path of righteousness.Copy !req
524. What are you talkin' about, man?Copy !req
525. Straight up. You talk kind of
funny, you know what I mean?Copy !req
526. I don't know if you've lost it all up in
here or what, but check this out, homie.Copy !req
527. You want me and the homies
to apologize, right? Mm-hmm.Copy !req
528. Cool. Tell you what. We'll apologize
the day a monkey comes out of my butt.Copy !req
529. Then you get your
"sorry." How 'bout that?Copy !req
530. What a coincidence, because
that's today.Copy !req
531. Oh!Copy !req
532. Hey, did that monkey just come out your crack, man?Copy !req
533. Ohh.Copy !req
534. This is some voodoo
shit, man. Let's go!Copy !req
535. Are you guys leavin'?Copy !req
536. Hey, don't forget your parting gifts!Copy !req
537. Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey.
Time for you to go home, little buddy.Copy !req
538. No!Copy !req
539. No!Copy !req
540. I am Bruce Almighty!Copy !req
541. My will be done!Copy !req
542. "What if God was one of us"Copy !req
543. "Just a slob like one of us"Copy !req
544. "Just a stranger on a bus"Copy !req
545. "Tryin'to make his way"Copy !req
546. "Home"Copy !req
547. My God. You can call me Bruce.Copy !req
548. What happened to you? You seem so...Copy !req
549. happy.Copy !req
550. Why shouldn't I be... on
a night like this? Wow.Copy !req
551. Those are amazing. What are
these? They're a new breed.Copy !req
552. Cross-pollination between
tulips and daisies.Copy !req
553. I call them tu-daisies.Copy !req
554. Okay.Copy !req
555. Honey, these flowers are really
beautiful, but last night...Copy !req
556. Last night, I was only human.Copy !req
557. Barry, help me out here.Copy !req
558. "Oh, baby"Copy !req
559. "Oh, baby"Yeah, I'll be here"Copy !req
560. "Forever and ever
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah"Copy !req
561. "I'll see you through"Copy !req
562. "Makin'love to you right
now That's all I wanna do"Copy !req
563. "'Cause I found"Copy !req
564. "What the world is searchin'for"Copy !req
565. "For someonejust like you
make me feel the way you do"Copy !req
566. "Never, never gonna give you up"Copy !req
567. "I'm never, ever gonna stop"Copy !req
568. "Not the way I feel about you"Copy !req
569. "Girl, I just can't live without you"Copy !req
570. Honey. Hi. Wow.Copy !req
571. I've never seen the moon that big! Yeah.Copy !req
572. "Oh, baby" We really shouldn't waste it.Copy !req
573. Ohh.Copy !req
574. Ohh.Copy !req
575. Bedroom? Five minutes.Copy !req
576. "Right about now funk soul
brother" Let there be light.Copy !req
577. - "Right about now"
- I'll be out in a minute.Copy !req
578. - "Funk soul brother Check it out now"
- Don't rush yourself.Copy !req
579. Sometimes anticipation
can heighten the pleas-ure.Copy !req
580. Oh, God! Oh!Copy !req
581. It's a
funny thing about pleasure.Copy !req
582. Wow. It can be quite...
pleasurable!Copy !req
583. Oh, my God!Copy !req
584. - Pleasurable.
- Oh, God!Copy !req
585. Oh, God!Copy !req
586. Pleasurable. Pleasurable.Copy !req
587. In international news, Japanese relief
workers are staging a desperate effort...Copy !req
588. to rescue hundreds of people stranded by
a freak tidal wave that hit Kitamoto City.Copy !req
589. Scientists say the tsunami may have
been caused by what they're describing...Copy !req
590. as unusual lunar activity.Copy !req
591. More on this as it develops.Copy !req
592. Please bless my mommy, my
daddy and especially my little sister.Copy !req
593. Please help me, Lord.
Please get me through this.Copy !req
594. All I'm asking
is would you help me?Copy !req
595. Thank you for everything
else in my life. Amen.Copy !req
596. Sam!Copy !req
597. Good boy.Copy !req
598. Ah... Forget something?Copy !req
599. Hmm.Copy !req
600. Good boy. There are
girls in the house, huh?Copy !req
601. Morning. Morning!Copy !req
602. I made you grilled
cheese. Ooh, my favey!Copy !req
603. - Honey, last night was just...
- Heavenly? I know. I know.Copy !req
604. I mean, I woke up this morning, and
I felt like my boobs were bigger.Copy !req
605. Ohh. I mean, do they look bigger to you?Copy !req
606. Uh, what? Your, um, hmm? No. Uh...Copy !req
607. - Bigger?
- Oh, come on! Look at them!Copy !req
608. Please. They are definitely bigger.
I mean, look. They feel huge.Copy !req
609. Well, listen, I, uh, have to go,Copy !req
610. but this has been the
breast bek... breast...Copy !req
611. Thank you. Where are you going?Copy !req
612. To get my job back.Copy !req
613. "Yeah, yeah"Copy !req
614. "I am great Yeah, yeah"Copy !req
615. "I am..." Good grief.
Is that what I'm drivin'?Copy !req
616. Whoa. Nice car, man.Copy !req
617. Yeah. It gets me from "A" to "B."Copy !req
618. Oh, darn. All this horsepower
and no room to gallop.Copy !req
619. Heigh-ho, Silver, away!Copy !req
620. I certainly wouldn't want to be
a fugitive on the run with Hank,Copy !req
621. Buffalo's number-one
police dog on the job.Copy !req
622. This is Phil Sidleman reporting from
the Police Canine Training Center,Copy !req
623. Channel 5 News.Copy !req
624. And cut it.Copy !req
625. "Hey-Hey!
Look what the cat coughed up!Copy !req
626. Channel 7, right? You're the guy
that went crazy? I had a bad moment.Copy !req
627. What are you doing here?
Just looking for a story.Copy !req
628. There's no story here.
This pond is all fished out.Copy !req
629. Pretty standard stuff
anyway. I don't know.Copy !req
630. My instinct tells me there's something
more. Yeah? Well, go with that.Copy !req
631. It served you well in the past, right?Copy !req
632. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
633. Hey! Hank found something!Copy !req
634. Hey, we got a body! Over here!Copy !req
635. Get the camera! Now!Copy !req
636. - It's locked, and the keys are inside!
- I guess every dog has his day.Copy !req
637. Hey, kid. You wanna make 10 bucks?
You know how to use one of these?Copy !req
638. Duh.Copy !req
639. Seems to be in tune. Let's do this.Copy !req
640. The body ofJimmy Hoffa was
uncovered in a field today...Copy !req
641. outside of a canine training
center in Buffalo, New York.Copy !req
642. Bruce Nolan was the first on the
scene. Thank you, Jane.Copy !req
643. As you can see behind us, the
body is being carefully exhumed...Copy !req
644. and will be transported
to a medical facility,Copy !req
645. where D.N.A. Testing
can confirm the identity.Copy !req
646. That, however, merely a
formality at this point,Copy !req
647. as in a bizarre twist, the body was
found buried with a birth certificate...Copy !req
648. and complete set of dental records.Copy !req
649. I'd call that a red-letter day for any K-9
unit, but was that enough for old Hank here?Copy !req
650. No, sirree. Moments later, he
busted a local news camera crew...Copy !req
651. With 220 pounds of marijuana.Copy !req
652. I never saw it before, I
swear!Copy !req
653. I'm Bruce Nolan, and that's
the way the cookie crumbles.Copy !req
654. Yeah! Did you like that?Copy !req
655. Yes. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
656. Hi, Bruce. Oh, hi, Susan.Copy !req
657. Good work. I'm impressed.Copy !req
658. - Jack, did you need me for something?
- Bruce! Bruce!Copy !req
659. Just the man I wanna see. Hey.Copy !req
660. Hoffa? What are the odds of
that? What are the odds of that?Copy !req
661. Bruce, why don't you sit down? Okay.Copy !req
662. I'm gonna be straight with
you. We want you back, Bruce.Copy !req
663. But I want you to understand it
was not my decision to let you go.Copy !req
664. When the big guy gives the order,
you gotta... No harm, no foul, Jack.Copy !req
665. I needed some time to reassess my goals
and get in touch with my true self.Copy !req
666. You did that in a day? Imagine
what I could do with seven.Copy !req
667. Look, Bruce. It is not in
my power to give you anchor.Copy !req
668. Now, as far as field reporting
goes, if you're looking for a bump...Copy !req
669. Jack, let's just cut the crap
and get down to brass tacks here.Copy !req
670. I'm kidding
with you, and you...Copy !req
671. I had you going, Jackie. Don't
even worry about it, old friend.Copy !req
672. You just give me a camera,
Jack; I'll give you the news.Copy !req
673. "A little less conversation a
little more action"Copy !req
674. "All this aggravation ain't'satisfactioning'me"Copy !req
675. My secret is that I
let thejalapenos marinate...Copy !req
676. in a spicy sauce for at least 24
hours before I stir it into the chili.Copy !req
677. Then I let it all come to a
simmer b... Oh!Copy !req
678. Hold that thought, Hazel! It seems as if
an asteroid or some kind of meteorite...Copy !req
679. has just hit ground right outside
the Mark Twain Chili Cook-Off.Copy !req
680. This should certainly
spice things up a bit.Copy !req
681. - His stories are all over town.
- From unearthing Jimmy Hoffa...Copy !req
682. To a meteor crashing to earth...Copy !req
683. Bruce Nolan is rapidly
becoming known as...Copy !req
684. "Yeah a little less conversation
a little more action"Copy !req
685. "All this conversation ain't'satisfactioning'me"Copy !req
686. "A little more bite and a little more bark"Copy !req
687. "A little less fight and a little
more spark"Copy !req
688. And that's the way the cookie crumbles!Copy !req
689. Was this
Bruce's idea? Uh-huh.Copy !req
690. He said he wanted me to have a day
of beauty and luxurious serenity.Copy !req
691. I gotta tell you. He is really impressing me lately.Copy !req
692. You know where he's taking
me to dinner tonight?Copy !req
693. Hmm. Where?Copy !req
694. - The Blue
Palm? - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
695. - Oh, my gosh. I just got chills.
- I know.Copy !req
696. And he told me to prepare for the most
memorable night of our entire lives.Copy !req
697. Oh, my gosh. Grace, he's gonna propose.Copy !req
698. Stop it. No. Really?Copy !req
699. Yeah. Really. Come on. You do the math.Copy !req
700. He sends you all day to a beauty spa. He's
taking you to the most romantic restaurant,Copy !req
701. where you had your first date.Copy !req
702. You know, I never thought I'd say this,
but Bruce is right. This is your big night.Copy !req
703. Relax and enjoy it. Oh, God.Copy !req
704. Ow. Ow.Copy !req
705. Welcome to Eyewitness
News at 6:00 with Susan Ortega,Copy !req
706. Evan Baxter, Fred Donohue...
sports, Dallas Coleman... weather.Copy !req
707. And now, Buffalo's
number-one news team.Copy !req
708. Good evening, and welcome to Eyewitness
News at 6:00. I'm Susan Ortega.Copy !req
709. And I'm Evan Baxter, and
here's what's making news.Copy !req
710. A potential scandal with the
Buffalo P.D. Surfaced today...Copy !req
711. when the mayor...Copy !req
712. - I'm sorry. I'm seem to have something stuck in my...
- Somebody get him some water.Copy !req
713. Looks like my new
coanchor may need a glass of water.Copy !req
714. Oh. There we go. Sorry
about that.Copy !req
715. In other news, the prime minister
of Sweden visited Washington today,Copy !req
716. and my tiny little
nipples went to France.Copy !req
717. What did he just say?
Check the prompter.Copy !req
718. - The prompter's fine.
- Evan, read the copy, please. The copy's good. Just read it.Copy !req
719. The White House reception committee
greeted the prime rib roast minister,Copy !req
720. and I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl.Copy !req
721. - I
"lika'do the cha-cha.Copy !req
722. I'm sorry. We seem to be having
some technical difficulties.Copy !req
723. In other news...Copy !req
724. My apologies.Copy !req
725. Doo-doo,
caca, poo-poo.Copy !req
726. Pee-pee!Copy !req
727. "If I ruled the world"Copy !req
728. "Every day would be
the first day of spring"Copy !req
729. "Every heart would
have a new song to sing"Copy !req
730. "And we'd sing"Copy !req
731. "Of thejoy every morning would bring"Copy !req
732. "If I ruled the world"Copy !req
733. "Every man would be as free as a bird"Copy !req
734. May I? Thank you. Certainly.Copy !req
735. "Every voice would be
a voice to be heard"Copy !req
736. It's
perfect. She'll love it.Copy !req
737. "We would treasure each day that occurs"Copy !req
738. You know, uh,"Copy !req
739. I was gonna, uh... I was gonna
wait until after the meal,Copy !req
740. but it's gonna burst out of me
like an alien if I don't do it now.Copy !req
741. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay.Copy !req
742. This is it, isn't it?Copy !req
743. I don't know. I don't
know if I'm ready for this.Copy !req
744. I mean, I'm ready for this.
I just don't know if I would...Copy !req
745. I didn't think I would
have... I'm sorry. Go on.Copy !req
746. I didn't know this was
so important to you.Copy !req
747. Me neither. Me neither.Copy !req
748. Oh."Copy !req
749. Grace. Yes.Copy !req
750. Grace. Yes.Copy !req
751. I got anchor.Copy !req
752. Yes.Copy !req
753. Apparently, it wasn't
working out with Evan,Copy !req
754. so he's gonna finish out the
week, and I go live on Monday.Copy !req
755. That's great, honey. That's
great. I know. I know.Copy !req
756. Wow.Copy !req
757. So that's what this is all about?Copy !req
758. Well, yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
759. Grace, we got anchor. Jack's
throwing me a party Friday night...Copy !req
760. at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate.Copy !req
761. What's the matter? Nothing.Copy !req
762. Now I lay me down to sleep.Copy !req
763. I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
Oh, I feel so stupid. I feel stupid.Copy !req
764. Wow, it is kinda loud in here, isn't it?Copy !req
765. - No, it's not loud.
- Geez, can you keep it down to a dull roar?Copy !req
766. What are you... Thank you.Copy !req
767. Is that supposed to be funny? 'Cause
that is not funny. If I should die before I wake,Copy !req
768. I pray the Lord my soul to
take. What are you saying?Copy !req
769. What is wrong with you? Stop
yelling!Copy !req
770. Uh, would you excuse me?Copy !req
771. I think I'll take a little trip to
the, um...Copy !req
772. The wine is
going right through me.Copy !req
773. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
774. Keep going, Tony! You're great! Oh, God.Copy !req
775. What is going on here? Oh, what is this?Copy !req
776. Give me a break!Copy !req
777. Really something, isn't it?Copy !req
778. Is this heaven?Copy !req
779. No, this is Mount Everest.Copy !req
780. You should flip on the Discovery
Channel from time to time.Copy !req
781. But I guess you can't
now, being dead and all.Copy !req
782. I'm dead?Copy !req
783. Nah, I'm just messin' with you.Copy !req
784. That's not funny, man. That
is not funny!Copy !req
785. Okay.Copy !req
786. And what about the voices in my head?Copy !req
787. Is that part of the hilarity?
No, those are prayers.Copy !req
788. And you keep ignoring them, they're
gonna build up on you like that.Copy !req
789. But it's just noise. I
can't understand them.Copy !req
790. Well, you're not listening, son.Copy !req
791. Let's see.Copy !req
792. You've had my powers for
a little over a week now.Copy !req
793. How many people have you helped?Copy !req
794. L-I took care of a few things. I righted
a few wrongs in my own life first, okay?Copy !req
795. I was gonna help the others.Copy !req
796. I think I could help the
world. Mm-hmm. The world?Copy !req
797. That wasn't the world.Copy !req
798. That was just Buffalo between
57 th Street and Commonwealth.Copy !req
799. Oh.Copy !req
800. I didn't want to start you off
with more than you could handle.Copy !req
801. Well, you took the job, Bruce,
so I suggest you get to it.Copy !req
802. Seeing him
smile would make me so happy.Copy !req
803. Prayers, prayers. Okay, prayers. Oh!Copy !req
804. This
creepy whisper thing has to end.Copy !req
805. Organization and
management is what I need.Copy !req
806. I need a system. Something concrete.Copy !req
807. Concentrate!Copy !req
808. Files.Copy !req
809. Let all prayers be organized into files.Copy !req
810. Well, that takes care of the voices.Copy !req
811. Not exactly a space saver though.Copy !req
812. Grace might notice.Copy !req
813. I know. Prayer Post-Its!Copy !req
814. Shh!Copy !req
815. Okay, I need something with a lock,
security, combination, a password.Copy !req
816. A password.Copy !req
817. "Yahweh"Copy !req
818. You've got prayers.Copy !req
819. Welcome to the revelation superhighway.Copy !req
820. We bless. No mess. Downloading now.Copy !req
821. It's good. It's good.Copy !req
822. This is gonna take a while.Copy !req
823. 1,527,503 prayer requests?Copy !req
824. I'd better manifest some coffee.Copy !req
825. Hola, Juan Valdez.Copy !req
826. Buenos dias. Buenos dias.Copy !req
827. Disfrute un buen cafe. Gracias, senor.Copy !req
828. Adios.Copy !req
829. Adios.Copy !req
830. Ah! Now, that's fresh mountain-grown
coffee from the hills of Colombia.Copy !req
831. It's good.Copy !req
832. It's good!Copy !req
833. Okay, I had to have made some
kind of a dent by now.Copy !req
834. Oh, come on!Copy !req
835. What a bunch of whiners. This
is gonna suck up my whole life.Copy !req
836. You know what?Copy !req
837. Yes to all!Copy !req
838. Yeah, there ya go.Copy !req
839. Now everybody's happy.Copy !req
840. I'll drink to that. My tech
stocks tripled in five days.Copy !req
841. You know something, Joe?
You seem taller. I am.Copy !req
842. My daughter pitched a no-hitter.Copy !req
843. I lost 47 pounds on
the Krispy Kreme diet.Copy !req
844. Hey, there he is, the man of the hour!Copy !req
845. Bless you. Bless all of you.Copy !req
846. Be fruitful and do long
division or something.Copy !req
847. Hey, try that. It's an excellent year.Copy !req
848. Hey, Bruce. Who do you like
in the game tonight? Hey.Copy !req
849. I like the Sabres.
Coach prays a lot. Okay.Copy !req
850. "And I hear it in the windy storm"Copy !req
851. "And I feel it in the icy dawn"Copy !req
852. "God gave me everything
I want, now, come on"Copy !req
853. "I'll give it all to you, babe"Copy !req
854. "God gave me everything
I want"Copy !req
855. Hey, this is
Bruce, Grace and Sam. Leave a message.Copy !req
856. Grace, are you there?Copy !req
857. Hello. It's me.Copy !req
858. Hello? Hello, hello,
hello, hello, hello.Copy !req
859. Come on, Grace. Come to the party.Copy !req
860. I'll call you later, okay?Copy !req
861. Come on, Sam."Copy !req
862. Help me out here.Copy !req
863. Nature's not doing it.Copy !req
864. - What'd you wish when you...
- Oh, Sam, don't! Come on!Copy !req
865. Come on. Tell me. If I told
you, it might not come true.Copy !req
866. What is it you want,
Mary? What do you want?Copy !req
867. You... You want the moon?Copy !req
868. Just say the word, and I'll throw
a lasso around it and pull it down.Copy !req
869. Hey, that's a pretty good idea.Copy !req
870. I'll give you the moon,
Mary. I'll take it.Copy !req
871. Then what?Copy !req
872. Well, then you could swallow
it, and it'll all dissolve, see?Copy !req
873. The moonbeams would shoot out of
your fingers and your toes...Copy !req
874. And the ends of your hair.Copy !req
875. Hey, this is
Bruce, Grace and Sam...Copy !req
876. Hi, Bruce.Copy !req
877. What are you doing in here all alone?Copy !req
878. Oh, I was just gonna...
Oh, uh, I mean...Copy !req
879. I was gonna, uh, give Grace a call.Copy !req
880. Yeah, I didn't see her in there.
So, how are you and Grace doing?Copy !req
881. Well, actually, we
had a-a bit of a fight.Copy !req
882. Kind of... I'm not
sure if she's...Copy !req
883. You're on fire, Bruce. Hmm?Copy !req
884. Some women can't handle the fire.Copy !req
885. Some can.Copy !req
886. That's interesting, 'cause,
you know, I never thought...Copy !req
887. we would ever talk.Copy !req
888. Mm-mm.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.Copy !req
889. Mmm.Copy !req
890. Grace!Copy !req
891. Aah!Copy !req
892. "Everything so confusing" You
might wanna stop touching me.Copy !req
893. Now isn't a good time. Grace!
"Maybe I'm just out of my mind"Copy !req
894. Grace! Grace, come here!Copy !req
895. Grace, this is so weird.
I was just calling you.Copy !req
896. Oh, yeah. What? And you thought,
like, Susan's mouth was the phone?Copy !req
897. L... She kissed me. I didn't...
I'm the "kissee." Grace...Copy !req
898. Oh, please. Yeah, you were
putting up a really big fight.Copy !req
899. I tried to fight her off. I tried
to stop her, but she's really strong.Copy !req
900. Okay, I screwed up.
Can I make it up to you?Copy !req
901. Yeah! Why don't you,
uh, get me a boat, Bruce.Copy !req
902. What? Yeah, a big boat.Copy !req
903. And then maybe two big bags of
cash. Then... Then I'll be happy.Copy !req
904. Lots of money and lots of stuff.Copy !req
905. Other people want idiotic
crap like getting married...Copy !req
906. or having babies with the man
that they've loved for five years.Copy !req
907. But not me, Bruce. Just gimme the boat.Copy !req
908. No wonder you stayed single!Copy !req
909. Oh! Grace, don't do
this! I'm not doing this.Copy !req
910. I'm undoing it. I'll be at Debbie's.Copy !req
911. You take care of Sam until
I can make arrangements.Copy !req
912. You can't leave me.Copy !req
913. I'm the alpha, lady!Copy !req
914. I'm the omega, baby!Copy !req
915. Okay, fine. I don't need you.Copy !req
916. What's the matter, Bruce? She
can't handle a little competition?Copy !req
917. The game's been called
on account of rain.Copy !req
918. An unusually high number
oflottery winners...Copy !req
919. has New York officials concerned.Copy !req
920. So far, 1, 100 winning
tickets have been turned in,Copy !req
921. all strangely from the Buffalo area.Copy !req
922. More on this story as it develops.Copy !req
923. Enjoying your party?Copy !req
924. Nothing like spending quality
time with great friends, huh?Copy !req
925. Grace left me.Copy !req
926. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
927. She'll take me back.Copy !req
928. She'll take me back, right?Copy !req
929. Would you take you back?Copy !req
930. Oh.Copy !req
931. How do you make somebody love
you without affecting free will?Copy !req
932. Welcome to my world, son.Copy !req
933. You come up with an answer
to that one, you let me know.Copy !req
934. Rise and shine, Buffalo.Copy !req
935. It's 70 and sunny, and the
perfect day to forgive Bruce.Copy !req
936. "I don't know much"Copy !req
937. "But I know I love you"Copy !req
938. Bye. Have fun. You got it.Copy !req
939. "Every point of view has another angle"Copy !req
940. "And every angle has its merit"Copy !req
941. "And do you ever feel"Copy !req
942. "That there is something missing"Copy !req
943. "There's a God-shaped
hole in all of us"Copy !req
944. "And the restless soul is searching" Hi.Copy !req
945. - Can I get a small coffee to go?
- Sure, hon. Just a sec.Copy !req
946. K-Tel Records brings you
the 100 greatest love songs of all time.Copy !req
947. You'll hear such classics
as "All You Need Is Bruce."Copy !req
948. "If You Can't Be With The One
You Love, Then Love Bruce."Copy !req
949. "Do That To Bruce One More Time."Copy !req
950. And who can forget that classic,
"Bruce So Horny, He Love You Long Time."Copy !req
951. Order today and we'll throw
in at no extra charge...Copy !req
952. the video Sweatin' To Bruce.Copy !req
953. Just dial 1-900-4GIVHIM.
That's 1-900-4GIVHIM. Do it now.Copy !req
954. "Do you ever feel"Copy !req
955. "That there is something missing"Copy !req
956. "There's a God-shaped
hole in all of us"Copy !req
957. "And the restless soul is searching"Copy !req
958. "There's a God-shaped
hole in all of us"Copy !req
959. "And it's a void only he can fill"Copy !req
960. Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no. Oh, gosh,
please don't put that in your mouth.Copy !req
961. We don't eat that. Oh, that's not food.Copy !req
962. Go to the bathroom,
please. Wash out your mouth.Copy !req
963. Wash off your hands.Copy !req
964. God, I swear that kid is
gonna poop an ornament.Copy !req
965. One more time, you're
gonna be in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
966. All right. That's it!Copy !req
967. That's it! Hi.Copy !req
968. I surrender! I surrender! I surrender.Copy !req
969. Hi. Hi.Copy !req
970. I'm, uh, doing my first anchor tonight.Copy !req
971. Oh, wow! That's great!Copy !req
972. So how have you been doing? Good.Copy !req
973. Yeah? Yeah. Good. Just,
um... Debbie won the lottery.Copy !req
974. Oh, yeah? You're kidding.Copy !req
975. But I guess so did 400,000 other
people, so she only won, like, $17.Copy !req
976. I miss you.Copy !req
977. Okay.Copy !req
978. I took the first step.
Jumped out on the ledge.Copy !req
979. Feeling pretty vulnerable too. I
don't know what you want me to say.Copy !req
980. Just say you love me and
you want me back. No, Bruce.Copy !req
981. Come on. What about all the signs?Copy !req
982. How did you know about
that? Did you talk to Debbie?Copy !req
983. Look, would it help if I just
said that I was a complete ass?Copy !req
984. - Hey, you said "ass."
- Yeah, but it's okay if I'm talking about a donkey.Copy !req
985. - I didn't say "hole." If I said "ass"...
- Wait! Wait!Copy !req
986. Okay, you know what, honey?
Let's go. Let's go inside.Copy !req
987. All right, kids. Everybody
inside. Time to go inside.Copy !req
988. Grace, please,Copy !req
989. none of this seems right without you.Copy !req
990. Yeah, I gotta go.Copy !req
991. Wait!Copy !req
992. Uh...Copy !req
993. How do you feel now?Copy !req
994. Have you completely lost your mind?Copy !req
995. What? Are you drunk? Yeah,
I'm drunk. Drunk with power.Copy !req
996. Love me. Love me.Copy !req
997. Love me. Love me!Copy !req
998. I did.Copy !req
999. Yeah, I know... free will. Oh, God.Copy !req
1000. More power outages reported today...Copy !req
1001. caused by last week's meteorite strike.Copy !req
1002. Officials are desperately trying
to repair several transformers...Copy !req
1003. damaged by the ensuing electrical surge.Copy !req
1004. The scene nearly turned violent when
hundreds of disgruntled Buffalo residents...Copy !req
1005. protested last week's lottery results.Copy !req
1006. And doomsayers are pointing to last
week's strange celestial events...Copy !req
1007. as signs that prophesy
is now being fulfilled...Copy !req
1008. and the world as we know
it may be coming to an end.Copy !req
1009. World's gone mad.Copy !req
1010. Bruce, 30 seconds to air. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
1011. There you are. It's your big
debut. How are you feeling?Copy !req
1012. You know what? Fine. Never better.Copy !req
1013. Show must go on, right?Copy !req
1014. The Sabres just won the
Stanley Cup. You're kidding me!Copy !req
1015. Was that tonight?
That's great, isn't it?Copy !req
1016. It's getting pretty
crazy out there. Uh-huh.Copy !req
1017. - We're gonna kick live to Fred at the stadium, okay?
- Five seconds to the open.Copy !req
1018. - This is it. You ready?
- Born that way.Copy !req
1019. Welcome to Eyewitness
News at 6:00, with Susan Ortega,Copy !req
1020. Bruce Nolan, Fred Donohue...
sports... Dallas Coleman... weather.Copy !req
1021. And now, Buffalo's
number-one news team.Copy !req
1022. I'm Susan Ortega. I'm Bruce Nolan.Copy !req
1023. And here's what's making news.Copy !req
1024. What happened? What the
hell happened? We lost power.Copy !req
1025. Transformer's down again. Oh, geez.Copy !req
1026. Ever since that damn meteorite hit.Copy !req
1027. It's okay. We're back up.Copy !req
1028. We apologize for the interruption.
And now back to the news. Bruce.Copy !req
1029. Thank you, Susan. I'm sorry.
We're going live to H.S.B.C. Arena,Copy !req
1030. where the Buffalo Sabres
have won the Stanley Cup.Copy !req
1031. Great. Fred.Copy !req
1032. We're about to uncork
some champagne because...Copy !req
1033. the Sabres have won their
first championship in 22 years!Copy !req
1034. What in the blue blazes...Copy !req
1035. We'll be back with the Sabres' Stanley
Cup victory in just a hot second.Copy !req
1036. In other news... Bloody hell!Copy !req
1037. For the love of God, what is
it now? The whole booth is down.Copy !req
1038. No, it's not!Copy !req
1039. In other news, fighting erupted in...Copy !req
1040. the Gaza Strip today, as
Israelis and Palestinians...Copy !req
1041. Bruce. We've got a situation here. What?Copy !req
1042. - They're rioting right outside the station.
- You're kidding.Copy !req
1043. The whole town has gone crazy.Copy !req
1044. Come on, Bruce. Say something.Copy !req
1045. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, this just in.Copy !req
1046. Possibly...Copy !req
1047. the biggest breaking news
story this town has ever seen.Copy !req
1048. And I gotta go.Copy !req
1049. I'm sorry, Jack.Copy !req
1050. Susan, it's all yours.Copy !req
1051. Sabres!Copy !req
1052. Sabres rule!Copy !req
1053. Repent! The
end is near! Repent!Copy !req
1054. Come back with my bubble gum machine!Copy !req
1055. The lottery sucks!Copy !req
1056. I only won 17 bucks!Copy !req
1057. Channel 7 fries!Copy !req
1058. Oh! Oh, no!Copy !req
1059. God?Copy !req
1060. Are you here?Copy !req
1061. Hello? I need your help.Copy !req
1062. Clap on. Clap on.Copy !req
1063. Clap on! Clap on! Clap on!Copy !req
1064. Figures!Copy !req
1065. Well, hello there, Bruce Almighty.Copy !req
1066. Not as easy as it looks, is it, son?Copy !req
1067. - This God business.
- They're all out of control.Copy !req
1068. It's mayhem. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
1069. Well, you're right on time... 7:00.Copy !req
1070. The seventh at 7:00.Copy !req
1071. All righty then.Copy !req
1072. There we are. It's good. It's good!Copy !req
1073. It's a wonderful thing.Copy !req
1074. No matter how filthy something gets,Copy !req
1075. you can always clean it right up.Copy !req
1076. There were so many, I just
gave them all what they wanted.Copy !req
1077. Yeah, but since when...Copy !req
1078. does anyone have a clue
about what they want?Copy !req
1079. So what do I do?Copy !req
1080. Parting your soup is not a
miracle, Bruce. It's a magic trick.Copy !req
1081. A single mom who's working two jobs...Copy !req
1082. and still finds time to take her kid
to soccer practice, that's a miracle.Copy !req
1083. A teenager who says no to
drugs and yes to an education,Copy !req
1084. that's a miracle.Copy !req
1085. People want me to do
everything for them.Copy !req
1086. But what they don't realize
is they have the power.Copy !req
1087. You wanna see a miracle, son?Copy !req
1088. Be the miracle.Copy !req
1089. Wait. Are you leaving?Copy !req
1090. Yeah. I see that you
can handle things now.Copy !req
1091. But what if I need you.
What if I have questions?Copy !req
1092. That's your problem,
Bruce. That's everybody's problem.Copy !req
1093. You keep looking up.Copy !req
1094. Order has
been restored in Buffalo...Copy !req
1095. after this evening's downtown riot.Copy !req
1096. State officials have
suspended all lottery sales...Copy !req
1097. pending further investigation.Copy !req
1098. No injuries were reported in the
melee; however, there were dozens...Copy !req
1099. "I've gotta be honest I think you know"Copy !req
1100. "We're covered in lies and that's okay"Copy !req
1101. Okay."There's somewhere
beyond this I know"Copy !req
1102. Well, thanks a million. God
bless. Oh, not a problem.Copy !req
1103. "Hope I can find the words to say"Copy !req
1104. - "Never again, no"
- Bruce giveth...Copy !req
1105. and Bruce taketh away.Copy !req
1106. If you don't like it, megabyte me.Copy !req
1107. "'Cause you're a god and I am not"Copy !req
1108. "And I just thought that you would know"Copy !req
1109. Evan. Bruce.Copy !req
1110. I suppose you're here to gloat
about the anchor position.Copy !req
1111. Go ahead. Take your best shot.Copy !req
1112. Actually, I, uh...Copy !req
1113. I just came to tell you
that I've been a royal prick.Copy !req
1114. The anchor position is
yours. I turned down the job.Copy !req
1115. Oh, and I never really
congratulated you in the first place.Copy !req
1116. Congratulations.Copy !req
1117. "'Cause you're a god and
I am not" Thanks, Bruce.Copy !req
1118. In the financial world, things
are settling back to normal...Copy !req
1119. in what analysts are calling
a fluke market fluctuation.Copy !req
1120. You made the right move,
Jack. So what about you?Copy !req
1121. Are you ready to go back out there?Copy !req
1122. And do the cutesy stuff?
The lighter side of the news?Copy !req
1123. Lower and debase myself for the
amusement of total strangers?Copy !req
1124. Yeah, I could do that. Sounds like fun.Copy !req
1125. Good.Copy !req
1126. Okay, Sammy, let's do it
right, like all the other dogs.Copy !req
1127. I don't wanna make you feel bad, but they're
laughing at you. They're laughing at you.Copy !req
1128. Come on. Concentrate. There you go.
Come on. Pump it out if you have to.Copy !req
1129. What am I gonna
do with you?Copy !req
1130. I know this seems kinda crazy,Copy !req
1131. but desperate times...Copy !req
1132. calls for desperate measures.Copy !req
1133. Yeah. Okay. Okay, Sammy.Copy !req
1134. Do your thing.Copy !req
1135. That's it. That's it. Good boy!Copy !req
1136. Training my dog.Copy !req
1137. "'Cause you're a god and I am not"Copy !req
1138. "And I just thought that you would know"Copy !req
1139. "You're a god and I am not"Copy !req
1140. "And I just thought I'd let you go"Copy !req
1141. Yes, we did it! We did it!Copy !req
1142. "Bow-wow-wow Yippee-yo, yippee-yay
We're doin'it doggy style"Copy !req
1143. I'll alert Penthouse Forum.Copy !req
1144. Hi, Deb. How are you? How's Grace?Copy !req
1145. I really didn't come to chat, okay,
Bruce? I came for Grace's stuff.Copy !req
1146. You need, uh...Copy !req
1147. No, it's okay. I've got it.Copy !req
1148. I don't, uh... I don't know if she...Copy !req
1149. I don't know if she wants that or not.Copy !req
1150. This is full. You did all this?Copy !req
1151. You know what I do every night
before I go to bed? I tuck my kids in,Copy !req
1152. maybe have a scoop of
ice cream and watch Conan.Copy !req
1153. You know what Grace does?Copy !req
1154. She prays.Copy !req
1155. Most of the time for you.Copy !req
1156. Find Grace Connelly.Copy !req
1157. The woman does pray a lot.Copy !req
1158. Find Grace, then Bruce.Copy !req
1159. "Dear God,
please help Bruce find himself,Copy !req
1160. find contentment, find you."Copy !req
1161. "Dear God, please help Bruce.
He seems to be struggling."Copy !req
1162. "Dear God, give Bruce strength."Copy !req
1163. "Dear God, bless Bruce."Copy !req
1164. Bruce. Bruce. Bruce.Copy !req
1165. It's her.Copy !req
1166. Sammy, it's her. She's logging
on. She's praying right now.Copy !req
1167. Grace.Copy !req
1168. Please, God.Copy !req
1169. Please. I still love him.Copy !req
1170. But I don't wanna love him anymore.Copy !req
1171. I don't wanna hurt anymore. Please.Copy !req
1172. Help me forget.Copy !req
1173. Please help me let him go.Copy !req
1174. Please help me let him go.Copy !req
1175. You win!Copy !req
1176. I'm done!Copy !req
1177. Please, I don't wanna do this anymore.Copy !req
1178. I don't wanna be God.Copy !req
1179. I want you to decide
what's right for me.Copy !req
1180. I surrender to your will!Copy !req
1181. Ah! Huh?Copy !req
1182. Am I...Copy !req
1183. You can't kneel down in the middle of a
highway and live to talk about it, son.Copy !req
1184. But why? Why now?Copy !req
1185. Bruce,Copy !req
1186. you have a divine spark.Copy !req
1187. You have the gift for bringing
joy and laughter to the world.Copy !req
1188. I know. I created you.Copy !req
1189. Quit braggin'. See. That's...Copy !req
1190. That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
1191. That's the spark.Copy !req
1192. What do you want me to do?Copy !req
1193. I want you to pray, son.Copy !req
1194. Go ahead. Use them.Copy !req
1195. Um...Copy !req
1196. Lord, feed the hungry.Copy !req
1197. And bring peace to...Copy !req
1198. all of mankind.Copy !req
1199. How's that? Great.Copy !req
1200. If you wanna be Miss America.Copy !req
1201. Now, come on.Copy !req
1202. What do you really care about?Copy !req
1203. Grace.Copy !req
1204. Grace. You want her back?Copy !req
1205. No.Copy !req
1206. I want her to be happy.Copy !req
1207. No matter what that means.Copy !req
1208. I want her to find someone...Copy !req
1209. who will treat her...
with all the love...Copy !req
1210. she deserved from me.Copy !req
1211. I want her to meet someone...Copy !req
1212. who will see her always...Copy !req
1213. as I do now...Copy !req
1214. through your eyes.Copy !req
1215. Now, that's a prayer.Copy !req
1216. Yeah?Copy !req
1217. Yeah.Copy !req
1218. It's good. It's good.Copy !req
1219. It's good!Copy !req
1220. I'm gonna get right on it.Copy !req
1221. Clear! Whoa!Copy !req
1222. That didn't feel very good. Clear!Copy !req
1223. Got a rhythm.Copy !req
1224. All right. I got a pulse.
All right. Let's set him up.Copy !req
1225. Yeah. Get the backboard and brace.Copy !req
1226. Bruce? Bruce?Copy !req
1227. Welcome back.Copy !req
1228. You're lucky to be alive, son.Copy !req
1229. Someone up there must like you.Copy !req
1230. I hear all that stuff
winds up in a warehouse somewhere.Copy !req
1231. Grace.Copy !req
1232. Hi, baby.Copy !req
1233. Oh. Oh, my God, look at you.Copy !req
1234. I was such an idiot. It's okay.Copy !req
1235. It's okay.Copy !req
1236. It's okay.Copy !req
1237. I don't know what I would have done.Copy !req
1238. Oh, God.Copy !req
1239. I swear I wanted to
be mad at you forever.Copy !req
1240. Now you're just showing off.Copy !req
1241. This is Bruce Nolan here at Buffalo's
First-Annual "Be the Miracle" Blood Drive.Copy !req
1242. It's a B-E-A-utiful day,
so come on down here.Copy !req
1243. Because the life you save could be mine.Copy !req
1244. - Ha, ha.
- Let's go over here,Copy !req
1245. where the Kowolskis have baked a very
special cookie just for this occasion.Copy !req
1246. Sure, it's a little creepy and a
shameless plug, but we love 'em.Copy !req
1247. Thank you, Mama. Vol,
finger... lose.Copy !req
1248. I, myself, will have given
blood twice this week.Copy !req
1249. For those of you who haven't heard,Copy !req
1250. I'd like to introduce you to the
future Mrs. Exclusive... Grace Connelly.Copy !req
1251. There she is.Copy !req
1252. Look at her! Isn't she beautiful?Copy !req
1253. She just gave blood, and she still
has enough left to fill up her face.Copy !req
1254. Yes, behind every great man, there's
a woman rolling her eyes, folks.Copy !req
1255. I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News,Copy !req
1256. with all the folks down here at
the blood drive, reminding you to...Copy !req
1257. Be the miracle!Copy !req
1258. You heard 'em.Copy !req
1259. Okay, cut it. Thank you, Bruce.Copy !req
1260. Thanks, Ally. Hey.Copy !req
1261. How was that? That was great.Copy !req
1262. Yeah? That was really great. Now,
you still have to go over there.Copy !req
1263. The nurse is waiting. Oh, do I have to?Copy !req
1264. Oh, it's not gonna hurt. In fact, I
think you'll find it quite pleasurable.Copy !req
1265. Ooh, baby.Copy !req
1266. "Are you ready for a miracle"Copy !req
1267. "Ready as I can be"Copy !req
1268. "Are you ready for a miracle"
"It's ready to set you free"Copy !req
1269. "Oh, are you ready Are
you ready"Ready, ready"Copy !req
1270. "Are you ready Are you
ready"Ready, Ready"Copy !req
1271. "Are you ready for a miracle"Copy !req
1272. "Oh"Copy !req
1273. "Are you ready"Copy !req
1274. "Ready for a miracle"
"Ready, ready Yes, I am"Copy !req
1275. "Are you ready Are
you ready"Yes, I am"Copy !req
1276. "Are you ready for a miracle"Yes"Copy !req
1277. Who can take a rainbow,Copy !req
1278. wrap it in a sigh?Copy !req
1279. "Soak it in the sun and
make a groovy lemon pie"Copy !req
1280. Oompah. Loompah.Copy !req
1281. Doompah. Oh, geez.Copy !req
1282. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1283. I'm a very rare blood
type. I'm A.B. - Positive.Copy !req
1284. Hmm. Sounds delicious. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1285. Yeah, well, there, you know, there
are storehouses all over the world.Copy !req
1286. You know, all over the...
with... with tons of stuff on ice.Copy !req
1287. And it's... Sorry. You're like this.Copy !req
1288. Sorry. Go on. Okay.Copy !req
1289. Positive. I.B. - Positive. Okay, sorry.Copy !req
1290. I have a "rarey"... Oh!Copy !req
1291. She has a "rarey." Okay.Copy !req
1292. Well, they need my blood. I
have a very rare blood type.Copy !req
1293. I'm A.B. - Negative.
I'm I.B. - Positive.Copy !req
1294. Am I A.B. - Negative or am I...
I don't know what you are anymore.Copy !req
1295. I'm gonna need a frickin'
miracle to get to work on time.Copy !req
1296. Vroom!Copy !req
1297. Shit.Copy !req
1298. Shit!Copy !req
1299. That won't work.Copy !req
1300. Other stories in
the n-n-n-n-n-n...Copy !req
1301. The prime minister of Sweden
visited Washington today.Copy !req
1302. And in other
n-n-n-n-n-n...Copy !req
1303. In other...Copy !req
1304. In other news...Copy !req
1305. I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness No...Copy !req
1306. Eyewitness Nose. Okay,
and clear.Copy !req
1307. Be the miracle.Copy !req
1308. That's right.Copy !req
1309. Whoo!Copy !req
1310. Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV PlayerCopy !req