1. Bowfinger
International Pictures.Copy !req
2. Hi, this is Cherisse
from AT&T.Copy !req
3. We were wondering
if your payment for $5.43
has gone astray.Copy !req
4. Could you call us?Copy !req
5. Remember, we don't need
access to your homeCopy !req
6. to disconnect
your phone.Copy !req
7. Wow.Copy !req
8. Great script.Copy !req
9. Great script.Copy !req
10. Betsy, it's now or never.Copy !req
11. We are going
to make a movie.Copy !req
12. Bowfinger
International Pictures.Copy !req
13. It's Carol.
How do I say this?Copy !req
14. I have an offer to go to
Edmonton to do Cats.Copy !req
15. It's a small role,
but I have to take it.Copy !req
16. You keep
promising me work...Copy !req
17. No!Copy !req
18. But it's been 8 months.Copy !req
19. Don't take that job.Copy !req
20. We're going
to make a movie.Copy !req
21. You've said that before.Copy !req
22. I know.Copy !req
23. Just be here
tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.Copy !req
24. I can't afford it.
Please.Copy !req
25. But you always...Copy !req
26. This is Dave.
Beep coming.Copy !req
27. Can you get me
a Mercedes tomorrow?Copy !req
28. And find out when and where
Jerry Renfro is having lunch.Copy !req
29. Just do it.
Don't think about it.Copy !req
30. You're my buddy.Copy !req
31. Come on.Copy !req
32. Hello?Copy !req
33. Afrim, it's Bowfinger.Copy !req
34. Great script.
It is?Copy !req
35. Just great.Copy !req
36. Your accounting
days are over.Copy !req
37. He likes my script!Copy !req
38. He likes my script!Copy !req
39. Just be here tomorrow
at 10:00 a.m.Copy !req
40. Yes, boss.
10:00 a.m.Copy !req
41. Slater?
Who's this?Copy !req
42. Bowfinger.
Bye.Copy !req
43. Don't hang up!Copy !req
44. Just be here
tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.Copy !req
45. Oh, man, that's early.Copy !req
46. Big meeting, 10:00 a.m.Copy !req
47. Please?Copy !req
48. You believe in me,
don't you, Betsy?Copy !req
49. First of all,
thank you for coming.Copy !req
50. I know things have
been a little slow.Copy !req
51. Very slow.Copy !req
52. Slow and low.Copy !req
53. Let him speak.Copy !req
54. But we are not
the big guys.Copy !req
55. We are the little guys.Copy !req
56. We never had muscle before.Copy !req
57. But now, we do.Copy !req
58. Because last night
I read a screenplayCopy !req
59. that every studio will want.Copy !req
60. How did we get
this screenplay?Copy !req
61. From Afrim here,
a fine writer,Copy !req
62. as well as accountant
and part-time receptionist.Copy !req
63. I said, "Afrim, if you can
write as well as you add..."Copy !req
64. I didn't even have
to finish my sentence.Copy !req
65. Twelve days laterCopy !req
66. he hands me
this masterpiece.Copy !req
67. Thank you, boss.Copy !req
68. Tell them the title.Copy !req
69. Chubby Rain.Copy !req
70. What?Copy !req
71. Chubby Rain.
Tell them why.Copy !req
72. The aliens come down
to Earth in raindrops.Copy !req
73. Yeah.Copy !req
74. Making the raindrops chubby.Copy !req
75. Aliens in raindrops.
Chubby Rain.Copy !req
76. And at the endCopy !req
77. our hero, Keith Kincaid,Copy !req
78. looks up at the alien antenna
and says, "Gotcha, suckas!"Copy !req
79. I mean, that is a moment.Copy !req
80. I don't know.Copy !req
81. Give me a day
to close the deal.Copy !req
82. If I don't,
you can leave.Copy !req
83. Come here.
Come here.Copy !req
84. See that FedEx truck?Copy !req
85. Every day, it delivers
important papers to people.Copy !req
86. One day, it is going
to stop hereCopy !req
87. and a man will walk upCopy !req
88. and casually toss
some FedExes on my desk.Copy !req
89. And at that moment,
we and by "we," I mean "me"Copy !req
90. will be important.Copy !req
91. Wow.Copy !req
92. Now, today, I have
a very important meetingCopy !req
93. with Jerry Renfro.Copy !req
94. If it goes the way
I think it willCopy !req
95. I will see youCopy !req
96. at the Oscars.Copy !req
97. Good job, Dave.Copy !req
98. You have to bring
it back in 45 minutes.Copy !req
99. Has Renfro left?Copy !req
100. Yeah.Copy !req
101. He should be
at the restaurant.Copy !req
102. If this meeting goes well,
you're cameraman.Copy !req
103. You know what that means?Copy !req
104. You're living up
to your promise?Copy !req
105. That's right.Copy !req
106. And if this movie gets made,
I'm giving you my van.Copy !req
107. It is my van.Copy !req
108. Hi.Copy !req
109. Can you seat me
next to Jerry Renfro?Copy !req
110. Thank you.Copy !req
111. Tony, how are you?Copy !req
112. Say the deal back to me.Copy !req
113. Net net?Copy !req
114. If I'm putting $85 million
into an avalanche movieCopy !req
115. I want to know
where the snow is,Copy !req
116. and what asshole
will direct.Copy !req
117. We need a director.Copy !req
118. Get me a list.Copy !req
119. The star has
to be international.Copy !req
120. I need an
international star.Copy !req
121. Who's the star, Ed?Copy !req
122. Kit Ramsey?Copy !req
123. Kit Ramsey is the hottest,Copy !req
124. sexiest action star
in the world.Copy !req
125. When I think of Kit Ramsey
in this movie,Copy !req
126. I get comfortable.Copy !req
127. I won't bid against...Copy !req
128. Even if Kit Ramsey's
interested, we may
not want Kit Ramsey.Copy !req
129. Can you believe this?
Now they're telling us
who to cast.Copy !req
130. Get me Kit.Copy !req
131. Get me Kit right now.Copy !req
132. You don't put me on hold.Copy !req
133. I put you on hold.Copy !req
134. Put me on hold,
you're dead.Copy !req
135. Jerry, hi.
Bobby Bowfinger,
Bowfinger Films.Copy !req
136. We worked on
that thing together.Copy !req
137. What thing?Copy !req
138. The, uh, famous movie.Copy !req
139. Oh, hi, Kit.
How are you?Copy !req
140. My man!Copy !req
141. How's Delores?Copy !req
142. Good.Copy !req
143. You are first in line
for the script.Copy !req
144. You can't be
more first.Copy !req
145. Can I talk to him?Copy !req
146. Can I talk to Kit?Copy !req
147. Absolutely.
Hey, Kit.Copy !req
148. I have a surprise for you.Copy !req
149. Kit?Copy !req
150. I'm losing you.Copy !req
151. Bad line?Copy !req
152. These telephones
are so bad.Copy !req
153. Universal is begging me
for this script.Copy !req
154. But I don't want to
give it to them.
They screwed me once.Copy !req
155. You should look at it.Copy !req
156. It starts nice.Copy !req
157. It does, doesn't it?Copy !req
158. "Gotcha, suckas!"Copy !req
159. What a catchphrase.Copy !req
160. Isn't it good?Copy !req
161. I just saw the poster.Copy !req
162. Let's be risky today.
I'm going with this.Copy !req
163. Bring me this script
and Kit RamseyCopy !req
164. and you got a go
picture, Bobby.Copy !req
165. Okay. Thanks.Copy !req
166. I love what you do.Copy !req
167. Here's my card.Copy !req
168. Just keep that.Copy !req
169. What was that?Copy !req
170. A go picture!Copy !req
171. A go picture!Copy !req
172. Do you know anyone
who knows Kit Ramsey?Copy !req
173. I'm the biggest black
action star in the world!Copy !req
174. Where's my
"Hasta la vista, baby"?Copy !req
175. What?Copy !req
176. My "Hasta la vista."Copy !req
177. If Arnold Schwarzen cracker
gets lines like thatCopy !req
178. then I deserve equally
well written shit!Copy !req
179. The script has
that moment.Copy !req
180. When?Copy !req
181. You say, "I enjoyed
meeting you, Cliff"Copy !req
182. and push
the guy off the cliff.Copy !req
183. That's too much
for the audience
to think about!Copy !req
184. The guy's name is Cliff,Copy !req
185. he's on a cliff,
it's too cerebral!Copy !req
186. We're making a movie,
not a film!Copy !req
187. You're the agent!Copy !req
188. I want a line
as good as whenCopy !req
189. I told Tommy Lee Jones
"Fuck you!" and
blew his brains out.Copy !req
190. You know what's
happening here?Copy !req
191. It's another example of
the white man taking the
best catchphrasesCopy !req
192. and giving them to
Arnold or Stallone.Copy !req
193. And Jackie Chan
and Van Damme.Copy !req
194. They can't even
speak English good!Copy !req
195. And there's some
covert shit going on.Copy !req
196. I just found out
the other day.Copy !req
197. Come in here!Copy !req
198. Come on!
Everybody!Copy !req
199. What is it?Copy !req
200. I scanned the script
to see how many
times the letter "K"Copy !req
201. appears in it.Copy !req
202. The letter "K" appears
in this script 1,456 times.Copy !req
203. That's perfectly
divisible by 3.Copy !req
204. So what are you saying?Copy !req
205. What am I saying?Copy !req
206. "KKK" appears in this
script 486 times!Copy !req
207. Kit...Copy !req
208. It's deep!
The sickness is deep!Copy !req
209. He's playing you.
I've been played.Copy !req
210. That's not the case.Copy !req
211. This is a great script.Copy !req
212. It's not Shakespeare, but...Copy !req
213. What did you say?Copy !req
214. I said,
it's not Shakespeare...Copy !req
215. It's no shake...
Did you hear what he's doing?Copy !req
216. He's doing something.Copy !req
217. I just can't put
my finger on it.Copy !req
218. What's he doing?Copy !req
219. Shakespeare, Freddy!Copy !req
220. Shake-a-spear.
Spear-chucker.Copy !req
221. I'm a spear-chucker now.Copy !req
222. You calling me
a spear-chucker?Copy !req
223. I didn't say that!Copy !req
224. Oh, it's my imagination.Copy !req
225. And they didn't
put a chip in
La Toya Jackson's brain.Copy !req
226. She just acts like that.Copy !req
227. And Teddy Kennedy
ain't 1/16th black.Copy !req
228. He's not like
the other Kennedys!Copy !req
229. He looks different!Copy !req
230. I have to make some calls.Copy !req
231. Yeah, go call Arnold and SlyCopy !req
232. and Van Damme
and Jackie Chan!Copy !req
233. Tell them the spear-chucker
said hello!Copy !req
234. Get my door as fast
as you get to Tom Hanks!Copy !req
235. Who are you?Copy !req
236. Script delivery
from Paramount.Copy !req
237. Paramount ain't
sending me any scripts.Copy !req
238. I meant Universal.Copy !req
239. Oh. Maybe so.Copy !req
240. You have to sign.Copy !req
241. I ain't signing shit.Copy !req
242. It's all good.Copy !req
243. This script is buttah.Copy !req
244. Buttah, it's buttah.Copy !req
245. It's all good.Copy !req
246. It's jiggy, baby.Copy !req
247. How do you know
it's jiggy?Copy !req
248. I read it.Copy !req
249. You read my script?
Yes!Copy !req
250. I loved it.Copy !req
251. It's science fiction,
which we know sells.Copy !req
252. Shut up. Shut up.
Listen to me.Copy !req
253. Don't you read my stuff.Copy !req
254. Now get off the property.Copy !req
255. I just got
a little excited.Copy !req
256. I'm off to my
Mind Head meeting.Copy !req
257. Mind Head?Copy !req
258. Mind Head?Copy !req
259. Mind Head!
You need a lift?Copy !req
260. Mind Head!
I can't believe it.Copy !req
261. Get in!Copy !req
262. Thank you.
What a coincidence!Copy !req
263. Who's your guide?
Terry Stricter.Copy !req
264. Yours?Copy !req
265. Ray.Copy !req
266. It's people like you who
give Mind Head a bad name,Copy !req
267. you lying sack of shit!Copy !req
268. Read the script!
I'm a big time
producer with clout!Copy !req
269. MAN ON P.A.:
Welcome to Mind Head.Copy !req
270. Welcome to Mind Head.Copy !req
271. Welcome to Mind Head.Copy !req
272. Welcome to Mind Head.Copy !req
273. Welcome to Mind Head.Copy !req
274. It seems as though
you are doing much better.Copy !req
275. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
276. Your paranoia is
definitely under controlCopy !req
277. since you came to understand
happy premise number one.Copy !req
278. Happy premise number
one, there are no aliens.Copy !req
279. Happy premise number two?Copy !req
280. Happy premise number two,Copy !req
281. there is no giant foot
trying to squash me.Copy !req
282. Happy premise number three.Copy !req
283. Happy premise number three,Copy !req
284. though I feel like I might
ignite, I probably won't.Copy !req
285. So what do we do?Copy !req
286. Keep it together.Copy !req
287. Keep it together.
Keep it together.Copy !req
288. And what is it we don't do,
under any circumstances?Copy !req
289. Oh, man.Copy !req
290. What is it?Copy !req
291. I have to show it
to the Laker Girls.Copy !req
292. You cannot show it
to the Laker Girls.Copy !req
293. Keep Mr. Weenie
in the pants.Copy !req
294. Always in the pants.Copy !req
295. I know you want to show
it to the Laker GirlsCopy !req
296. but you must never
show it to the Laker Girls.Copy !req
297. Well?Copy !req
298. What did he say?Copy !req
299. Betsy, come here.Copy !req
300. Come here.Copy !req
301. Sit.Copy !req
302. Come.Copy !req
303. Sit.Copy !req
304. Good girl!
Come here.Copy !req
305. What a good girl.Copy !req
306. Is she amazing or what?Copy !req
307. What did he say?Copy !req
308. All right.Copy !req
309. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
310. I'm meeting with Jerry Renfro
and it's going very well.Copy !req
311. But I'm looking at him
and thinking,Copy !req
312. I don't need him.Copy !req
313. What I needCopy !req
314. is someone like
a Kit Ramsey.Copy !req
315. Kit Ramsey makes
this a go picture.Copy !req
316. So I went to see Kit
at his home.Copy !req
317. Oh, my God.Copy !req
318. And what did he say?Copy !req
319. What did who say?Copy !req
320. What did Kit Ramsey say?
What did Kit Ramsey say?Copy !req
321. Okay.Copy !req
322. So, I'm meeting
with Kit at his home...Copy !req
323. Oh, and he knew who I was.Copy !req
324. Big fan.Copy !req
325. And I gave him the script
and he looked at the script.Copy !req
326. And I said, "Well?Copy !req
327. "Are you interested
in doing this movie?"Copy !req
328. AndCopy !req
329. Kit looked at me,Copy !req
330. and he said...Copy !req
331. KitCopy !req
332. justCopy !req
333. saidCopy !req
334. "Yes."Copy !req
335. Kit Ramsey said "yes"?Copy !req
336. Kit Ramsey is doing
this movie!Copy !req
337. You told them
we'd make the movie?Copy !req
338. That's right. I did.Copy !req
339. You have to tell them.Copy !req
340. Tell them what?Copy !req
341. We're not making it.Copy !req
342. What?Copy !req
343. Dave, I made them a promise.Copy !req
344. But Kit Ramsey said "no."Copy !req
345. You think I haven't
thought about that?Copy !req
346. We will make the movie
with Kit Ramsey, except...Copy !req
347. Except what?Copy !req
348. He won't know he's in it.Copy !req
349. What?Copy !req
350. We secretly film him.Copy !req
351. Our actors walk up to him
and say their lines.Copy !req
352. He's in our movie.Copy !req
353. And we don't have to pay him.Copy !req
354. What will he say?Copy !req
355. Who cares?Copy !req
356. It's an action movie.Copy !req
357. All he has to do is run.Copy !req
358. He runs from the aliens.Copy !req
359. He runs to the aliens.Copy !req
360. Let me show you something.Copy !req
361. I have this all worked out,
I think.Copy !req
362. Kit is in six scenes.Copy !req
363. He's not in the other scenes,Copy !req
364. so we shoot those
with our actors
on our own time.Copy !req
365. And, bingo!
We have a movie.Copy !req
366. That's crazy.Copy !req
367. Yeah, but we're desperate.Copy !req
368. Why not just wait until
a star wants to be in it?Copy !req
369. Dave, I'm 49 years old.Copy !req
370. Admittedly, I could
get away with 44, 41.Copy !req
371. Maybe 38.Copy !req
372. But when you hit 50,
they don't hire you.Copy !req
373. It's like
they can smell 50.Copy !req
374. What's that?Copy !req
375. When I was ten, I knew
I wanted to make movies.Copy !req
376. So I started
putting away $1
every week of my life.Copy !req
377. If I missed a week,
I made it up later.Copy !req
378. From age ten on.Copy !req
379. And nowCopy !req
380. you're looking at enough
to get us started. $2,184.Copy !req
381. But movies cost
millions of dollars.Copy !req
382. That's after gross, net,
deduction, profit, percentage,Copy !req
383. deferment,
ten percent of the nut.Copy !req
384. Cash?
Every movie costs $2,184.Copy !req
385. Where do I go
to be an actress?Copy !req
386. Okay, that was nice.Copy !req
387. We have your photos
and we'll call you
when we decide.Copy !req
388. I have new photos.Copy !req
389. No, these are good.Copy !req
390. You hated me.
No, you were good.Copy !req
391. Very good.Copy !req
392. She was good.Copy !req
393. She had the personality
of a Kansas zip code.Copy !req
394. She didn't have "it."Copy !req
395. What's "it"?Copy !req
396. "It" is a special quality.Copy !req
397. It's when you cannot take
your eyes off a person.Copy !req
398. Every word, every gesture
you're interested in.Copy !req
399. Do I have "it"?Copy !req
400. I'm sorry. What?Copy !req
401. Do I have "it"?Copy !req
402. Yes, you do.Copy !req
403. I thought I did.Copy !req
404. Next. Who's next?Copy !req
405. Is this where
I go to be a star?Copy !req
406. This is
where you go to sacrifice,
learn your craftCopy !req
407. and work hard.Copy !req
408. Does that take
more than a week?Copy !req
409. I gave myself a week.Copy !req
410. That's this office.Copy !req
411. Okay, we'll take a chance.Copy !req
412. See if you have "it."Copy !req
413. See if you have
a special quality.Copy !req
414. See if you have
the illusion
of the first time.Copy !req
415. Where do I pay?
It's $25, right?Copy !req
416. A check?Copy !req
417. I have I.D.Copy !req
418. A less solid company
might take a check,
but we only take cash.Copy !req
419. But I don't have
any cash on me.Copy !req
420. I have cashCopy !req
421. but the banks
aren't open, and...Copy !req
422. There, there, there.
There's the door.Copy !req
423. I'm sorry,
we can't let you audition.Copy !req
424. But I just arrived
from Ohio.Copy !req
425. Sorry.Copy !req
426. Sorry.Copy !req
427. There. There you go.Copy !req
428. Good-bye.Copy !req
429. She looked good.Copy !req
430. I mean, like she could act.Copy !req
431. Yeah, but if they don't pay
to audition, it's dangerous.Copy !req
432. How?Copy !req
433. If she gets cast,
she might want to be paid.Copy !req
434. But she had "it."Copy !req
435. Look, I didn't
make the system.Copy !req
436. Okay. If you want
the responsibility, fine.Copy !req
437. I talked it over
with the man.Copy !req
438. He'll take a check.Copy !req
439. He will?
Yes.Copy !req
440. He listens to you?Copy !req
441. Yeah.Copy !req
442. I could never
be with you, Todd.Copy !req
443. I'm loyal to Keith.Copy !req
444. I'm loyal to him.Copy !req
445. I could never,
never kiss you.Copy !req
446. Okay, that was very good.Copy !req
447. Let's try it again,Copy !req
448. Slater, this time
without the erection.Copy !req
449. Thank you, Mr. Bowfinger!Copy !req
450. Thank you!Copy !req
451. Thank you!Copy !req
452. Afrim, we need a crew
and I want the best damn
crew we can afford.Copy !req
453. In here!
In here!Copy !req
454. Come on! In here!Copy !req
455. Welcome to America!
Welcome to America!Copy !req
456. So happy to meet you.Copy !req
457. This will be great.Copy !req
458. I can tell you know
what you're doing.Copy !req
459. Glad to have you aboard.Copy !req
460. We just closed Kit's deal!Copy !req
461. Typical deal points.Copy !req
462. Name over the title,Copy !req
463. we get one take with Kit.Copy !req
464. One take?Copy !req
465. He doesn't want
to see the camera.Copy !req
466. How come?Copy !req
467. It's how he works.Copy !req
468. He's so into
his character,Copy !req
469. seeing the camera breaks
his concentration.Copy !req
470. When do we start?Copy !req
471. We have the contract, so we
start tomorrow at 7:00 a.m.Copy !req
472. Yeah!Copy !req
473. What is it?Copy !req
474. I wish you could
see what I see.Copy !req
475. What do you see, boss?Copy !req
476. The most promising group
of young professionalsCopy !req
477. I've ever worked with.Copy !req
478. Hey, Cliff.Copy !req
479. Morning, Dave.Copy !req
480. Good camera.
Yeah.Copy !req
481. It goes back each night
or it's a felony.Copy !req
482. Years you'd get.
You'd get.Copy !req
483. Daisy, come here.Copy !req
484. What if Daisy said,
"It's a tough world,"
not "rough world"?Copy !req
485. Fine.
Slater, the briefcase.Copy !req
486. Why bring his briefcase
if I'm worried?Copy !req
487. It's a metaphor
for the relationship.Copy !req
488. It's a symbol.Copy !req
489. Shouldn't I be
in this scene?Copy !req
490. I could lurk
behind a bush.Copy !req
491. No! Come on! Come on!Copy !req
492. Okay, this is it!
Places, everyone!Copy !req
493. Roll! Speed!
Marker!Copy !req
494. Don't let him
see the camera.Copy !req
495. And action.Copy !req
496. Go, Daisy!Copy !req
497. Back to Daisy!Copy !req
498. Keith, you forgot
your briefcase!Copy !req
499. Keith! You're upset!Copy !req
500. One slip up in your tough,
crime filled worldCopy !req
501. and you could die!Copy !req
502. Keith!Copy !req
503. Keith!Copy !req
504. Keith.Copy !req
505. Is your name Keith?Copy !req
506. No, I'm Jimmy.Copy !req
507. But thanks for asking.Copy !req
508. And, cut!Copy !req
509. We got our first shot!Copy !req
510. Okay, here it comes.Copy !req
511. Come on.
Work, baby, work!Copy !req
512. Keith, you forgot
your briefcase!Copy !req
513. You're upset!Copy !req
514. One slip upCopy !req
515. in your tough, crime filled
world and you could die!Copy !req
516. It worked.Copy !req
517. It looked like Daisy
came out of the house.Copy !req
518. This movie will work!Copy !req
519. Dave, did you
wash my car?Copy !req
520. I'm working on it.Copy !req
521. Okay, one scene down.Copy !req
522. Yeah?
Bowfinger.Copy !req
523. Here's what I got.Copy !req
524. Kit and his agent will be
at the Rodeo Grille
tomorrow at 12:45.Copy !req
525. Will we be there?Copy !req
526. You bet.
You're a genius.Copy !req
527. Can you see over there?Copy !req
528. Can you see Kit?Copy !req
529. Am I trying for you?Copy !req
530. You're trying,
but I know I ain't gonnaCopy !req
531. be treated like Mighty Whitey.Copy !req
532. I put 25 years
in the theater before
coming to Hollywood.Copy !req
533. Carol?Copy !req
534. We're almost ready.Copy !req
535. Why can't I meet the man
I'm going to be working with?Copy !req
536. He wants to impress
you and he needs
total concentration.Copy !req
537. Oh, that's just young.Copy !req
538. I'd like to work with someone
who's honed his craft.Copy !req
539. Yes, but now
we need that scene.Copy !req
540. You'll get your scene.Copy !req
541. He may not be
a professional.Copy !req
542. But I am.Copy !req
543. Oh, Carol.Copy !req
544. White boys get
all the Oscars.Copy !req
545. Yes, but...Copy !req
546. Did I get nominated?
No.Copy !req
547. 'Cause I won't play
them slave roles.Copy !req
548. Then you get nominated.Copy !req
549. Black dude plays a slave,
gets nominated.Copy !req
550. White boy play an idiot,
he gets the Oscar.Copy !req
551. Find a script with
a retarded slave.Copy !req
552. Then I get the Oscar.Copy !req
553. I'm going to go schmooze.Copy !req
554. Be right back.Copy !req
555. Yeah, go find that script.Copy !req
556. Buck, the wonder slave.Copy !req
557. Here we go!Copy !req
558. Sound!Copy !req
559. Lights!Copy !req
560. Roll it.Copy !req
561. When you left Phoenix,
it wasn't to raise soybeans!Copy !req
562. You had to get away!
Why?Copy !req
563. Because you wanted me
and it burned inside you?Copy !req
564. Excuse me?
Come back to Phoenix.Copy !req
565. Stop this madness!Copy !req
566. Let me in on your mission.Copy !req
567. Do you know who I am?Copy !req
568. You're Keith Kincaid.Copy !req
569. You came down from Wyoming
with your damn UFOs.Copy !req
570. You bastard!Copy !req
571. Bastard!
Bastard!Copy !req
572. Because you prefer alien love!Copy !req
573. Alien love?
Why did you say that?Copy !req
574. I must get my umbrella.Copy !req
575. You triggered the voices!Copy !req
576. Freddy!Copy !req
577. Take me to Terry Stricter!Copy !req
578. Now!Copy !req
579. We got it!Copy !req
580. Strange people
are coming to me,Copy !req
581. speaking in Jupiterian
or Venutian or something.Copy !req
582. Strangers come up to you
and you don't understand them.Copy !req
583. What is that?Copy !req
584. Maybe they're fans.Copy !req
585. Crazy fans.Copy !req
586. They talk to me,Copy !req
587. but in some secret white
language I can't decode!Copy !req
588. It's horrifying!Copy !req
589. And what do these crazy
people who speak to youCopy !req
590. and make no sense say?Copy !req
591. They talk about things
I never heard of,Copy !req
592. people I don't know.Copy !req
593. Someone named Keith!Copy !req
594. And aliens and sex
and umbrellas.Copy !req
595. I see.Copy !req
596. Kit?Copy !req
597. Do you think you can
keep it together?Copy !req
598. Yes.Copy !req
599. I'm keeping it together.
K-I-T, keep it together.Copy !req
600. I'm keeping it together.Copy !req
601. I'm keeping it together!Copy !req
602. Don't I look together?Copy !req
603. Have you heard
any more voices?Copy !req
604. No.Copy !req
605. Well, now and then
I hear a voice.Copy !req
606. I haven't heard voices.Copy !req
607. And what did
this one voice say?Copy !req
608. As I stand here
before you todayCopy !req
609. the Laker Girls
cheerleading squadCopy !req
610. needs to be taken
down a peg or two.Copy !req
611. You know, last night
was really special.Copy !req
612. It was.
I've never done it
lying down before.Copy !req
613. You know, next time...Copy !req
614. Yeah?Copy !req
615. I think I'd like to do it
with just two condoms.Copy !req
616. Well, if I was in
the movie more, yeah.Copy !req
617. If I was in the movie more,Copy !req
618. we'd be equals and
I'd trust you more.Copy !req
619. We have lots
of scenes together.Copy !req
620. I love our scenes.Copy !req
621. But I should have
more scenes with Kit.Copy !req
622. If I had more scenes
with Kit,Copy !req
623. that would pump up
our scenes.Copy !req
624. Afrim would be
in charge of that.Copy !req
625. He's the screenwriter.Copy !req
626. So, the writer's
in charge of that?Copy !req
627. I have the pages.Copy !req
628. What pages?Copy !req
629. The new pages.Copy !req
630. I think if Daisy had more
scenes with Kit, it would,Copy !req
631. uh, pump up the
scenes with Slater.Copy !req
632. So I wrote more scenes
for Daisy and Kit.Copy !req
633. Some hot scenes
where there is, uh,
heat and chemistry.Copy !req
634. But...Copy !req
635. You see,
these new hot scenes,Copy !req
636. in which Daisy
exposes her breastsCopy !req
637. will increase
sales in Thailand.Copy !req
638. Daisy agreed to this?Copy !req
639. Yes. Though I haven't
talked to her.Copy !req
640. Baby.Copy !req
641. Hi.Copy !req
642. Hello.Copy !req
643. "A vixen in stretch pants.Copy !req
644. "What man wouldn't
want a hot virgin?"Copy !req
645. Okay.Copy !req
646. You'll do this?Copy !req
647. And if it's artistic and says
something about reality.Copy !req
648. And if it's in character
and not just...Copy !req
649. Right, right, right, right.Copy !req
650. Bowfinger
International Pictures,
may I direct your call?Copy !req
651. Oh, hi.Copy !req
652. Kit's at Mind Head.Copy !req
653. He could be leaving soon.Copy !req
654. Kit feels he's ready
to shoot the
parking lot scene.Copy !req
655. I love the way
this guy works!Copy !req
656. Keep it together.Copy !req
657. Keep it together.Copy !req
658. Keep it together.Copy !req
659. And, cut!Copy !req
660. Did you get that?Copy !req
661. Nice.Copy !req
662. What did you see?
Fear.Copy !req
663. Fear.
Mostly fear.Copy !req
664. Some insane looks.Copy !req
665. Insane looks!Copy !req
666. Betsy!Copy !req
667. You are such a good girl!Copy !req
668. Good, good girl!Copy !req
669. Okay, let's get Carol
and shoot the other side
of this masterpiece.Copy !req
670. He's brilliant.Copy !req
671. He is.Copy !req
672. His fear is so real.Copy !req
673. It's like it's
actually happening.Copy !req
674. We work really
well together.Copy !req
675. That's what he said.Copy !req
676. Bastard!Copy !req
677. Darling.Copy !req
678. I respect Kit's
way of working,Copy !req
679. the no rehearsal,
no contact off screenCopy !req
680. but it's just
so traditionalCopy !req
681. to meet the person
you work with.Copy !req
682. You can't meet
because we're not doing
anything traditional.Copy !req
683. We're working
in a new style.Copy !req
684. It's, uh, cinéma nouveau.Copy !req
685. Cinéma nouveau.Copy !req
686. It felt so good today
to quit my job.Copy !req
687. I told them,
"I'm a screenwriter now."Copy !req
688. They said, "You have eight
brothers and four sisters.Copy !req
689. "How will you earn money?"Copy !req
690. I said,
"This is more important."Copy !req
691. Bobby Bowfinger has
given me a chance
and I'm going to take it.Copy !req
692. You are a great writer.Copy !req
693. I love my new scenes.Copy !req
694. They're great.Copy !req
695. Will they go in?Copy !req
696. That's up to Bowfinger.Copy !req
697. It is?Copy !req
698. That's sharp.Copy !req
699. Do the thing.Copy !req
700. I'll look good in that.Copy !req
701. It's bad.Copy !req
702. Take care of it,
send it up to my house.Copy !req
703. Mr. Ramsey, the store would
like to give you these
clothes without chargeCopy !req
704. if you'd come
back FridayCopy !req
705. and let us photograph you
in the clothes for L.A. Style.Copy !req
706. I can do that.Copy !req
707. It'll cost you
$1,000, though.Copy !req
708. That can be arranged.Copy !req
709. Okay. $100 bills.Copy !req
710. Right.Copy !req
711. I know I shouldn't
be doing thisCopy !req
712. but I had to say
you were so real
responding to the aliens.Copy !req
713. I wasn't even sure
I could be a pod person.Copy !req
714. But now I'm enjoying it,Copy !req
715. because you made
the aliens come alive.Copy !req
716. And at first I was nervous
about us having sex,Copy !req
717. but now I think it's fine,Copy !req
718. as long as we do it
in a professional manner.Copy !req
719. Of course, there will
be people watching.Copy !req
720. I won't bother you anymore.Copy !req
721. He's in the grotto.Copy !req
722. What did this alien
want from you?Copy !req
723. To inhale my gonads.Copy !req
724. What?Copy !req
725. Aliens come down
and shake your hand,
but reallyCopy !req
726. they're inhaling your gonads
and taking them back to
their world for research.Copy !req
727. I stopped the
sports channel.Copy !req
728. No encoded beams
from Jupiter will
mess with my mind.Copy !req
729. Keep it together.Copy !req
730. Kit?Copy !req
731. Maybe you should stay
with us for a few days.Copy !req
732. In our special celebrity
relaxing quarters.Copy !req
733. You think I need that?Copy !req
734. I do.Copy !req
735. Get my checkbook.Copy !req
736. Keep it together.Copy !req
737. We can't find Kit.Copy !req
738. What?Copy !req
739. He's one of the most famous
faces in the world.Copy !req
740. You can find him.Copy !req
741. We can't.Copy !req
742. We staked out his house,
Mind Head, everywhere.Copy !req
743. He's vanished.Copy !req
744. We can't shoot
our movie without him.Copy !req
745. Actors have no work
ethic these days.Copy !req
746. That cult controls him.Copy !req
747. There must be guys
who look like Kit.Copy !req
748. We'll get a look-alike
for the long shots.Copy !req
749. Kit showed his ass in
8 of his last 10 filmsCopy !req
750. and those 8 films
were hits.Copy !req
751. So we need a guy
with a great ass.Copy !req
752. Mine is the wrong color.Copy !req
753. I studied at the Moscow
Art Theater for 2 yearsCopy !req
754. then went to the
National in London.Copy !req
755. I'm currently doing
Waiting for Godot
here in L.A.Copy !req
756. Are you in the union?Copy !req
757. Yes, I am.Copy !req
758. Currently, I'm working at
the Burger King on Douglas.Copy !req
759. Have you any
experience in film?Copy !req
760. Yes, quite a bit.Copy !req
761. I have a lot
of experience.Copy !req
762. I'm an active renter
at BlockbusterCopy !req
763. and I attend the
Film du CinemaCopy !req
764. as much as possible.Copy !req
765. Weekly, bi-weekly,
inter-weekly,
intermediately.Copy !req
766. Would you mind
cutting your hair?Copy !req
767. Yes, but it's usually better
if someone else does it.Copy !req
768. I've had a few accidents.Copy !req
769. Can you see
without your glasses?Copy !req
770. Well, yeah,
I can see.Copy !req
771. I don't see well,
but I can see.Copy !req
772. Do you have contacts?Copy !req
773. I have contact lenses.Copy !req
774. I can wear them.Copy !req
775. That will help.Copy !req
776. Can I put my
glasses back on?Copy !req
777. Sure.Copy !req
778. I'm getting a headache.Copy !req
779. Would you be willing
to show your naked
rear end in a movie?Copy !req
780. Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah.Copy !req
781. This is hard.Copy !req
782. Just one more question.Copy !req
783. In addition to being
a major star in this film,Copy !req
784. would you be willing
to run errands?Copy !req
785. I've been hoping to get
a career running errands.Copy !req
786. That would be
a major boost.Copy !req
787. What was your name?Copy !req
788. Jeffernson.
Jeffernson?Copy !req
789. But my friends
call me Jiff.Copy !req
790. Jiff, welcome aboard.Copy !req
791. Here's your wardrobe.Copy !req
792. All right!Copy !req
793. All right!
Awesome!Copy !req
794. Awesome.Copy !req
795. All right.Copy !req
796. How do you feel?Copy !req
797. Kind of strange.Copy !req
798. You look good.Copy !req
799. Tough.
I do?Copy !req
800. Yeah, like
an action star.Copy !req
801. Shoulders out.Copy !req
802. Take a good, deep breath.Copy !req
803. Suck it in.
That's good.Copy !req
804. Now, look.Copy !req
805. In this scene,
you're hurting inside.Copy !req
806. You're not sure
who to trust.Copy !req
807. You want to run
to your beloved.Copy !req
808. Hi, I'm Daisy.Copy !req
809. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
810. So when I yell "action,"
you run from point A, thereCopy !req
811. to point B, over here.Copy !req
812. That seems kind of hard.Copy !req
813. Think of it as an errand.Copy !req
814. Your errand is to run
across the freeway.Copy !req
815. I get it.Copy !req
816. But isn't that
a little dangerous?Copy !req
817. No.Copy !req
818. We have stuntmen
doing the driving.Copy !req
819. You'll be completely safe.Copy !req
820. Oh, stuntmen.Copy !req
821. That's how they do it.Copy !req
822. I wondered
how they did that.Copy !req
823. Stunt drivers.Copy !req
824. Ready to do one?Copy !req
825. Yeah.
They're going really fast.Copy !req
826. Yeesh.Copy !req
827. Action!Copy !req
828. Come on, Jiff!Copy !req
829. Action!Copy !req
830. Action!Copy !req
831. Action!Copy !req
832. Action!Copy !req
833. Cut!Copy !req
834. Heavenly Father!
Heavenly Father!Copy !req
835. That was great!
You were great!Copy !req
836. Wasn't he great?Copy !req
837. Congratulations!
That was so good!Copy !req
838. I don't want to do
this anymore!Copy !req
839. What?Copy !req
840. I just want to run errands.
Heavenly God!Copy !req
841. Not many people can do
what you just did.Copy !req
842. The stunt drivers
were very impressed.Copy !req
843. Weren't they?Copy !req
844. Really?Copy !req
845. Okay, we got an
errand for you to do.Copy !req
846. Really?Copy !req
847. Go to Starbucks.Copy !req
848. I can do that.
Get coffee for everyone.Copy !req
849. I would love
to get coffee.Copy !req
850. Only you can do it.Copy !req
851. I want to get
the coffee now.Copy !req
852. But first,
let's do this once more.Copy !req
853. Heavenly God!
Heavenly God!Copy !req
854. Good work.Copy !req
855. Can I talk to you about
the new scenes?Copy !req
856. I haven't decided
about them.Copy !req
857. Can we talk about them?Copy !req
858. Okay.Copy !req
859. I mean, tonight?Copy !req
860. Oh, oh. Okay.Copy !req
861. I'll be right there!Copy !req
862. I'm so tired of going out.Copy !req
863. I thought we'd eat here.Copy !req
864. I know the maitre d'
at the Ivy.Copy !req
865. That's so trendy.Copy !req
866. Do you like
Vienna sausages?Copy !req
867. Yeah.Copy !req
868. Do you smell
burning hair?Copy !req
869. Good wine.Copy !req
870. You can drink and drink
and not get drunk.Copy !req
871. What are some of
your favorite shows?Copy !req
872. I love The Flintstones.
Me, too!Copy !req
873. It's so good.
Okay.Copy !req
874. Do you like
walks in the park?Copy !req
875. In the rain!Copy !req
876. I want you to see
The Music Man.Copy !req
877. I've seen it!
I love it!Copy !req
878. Isn't Robert Preston good?Copy !req
879. Yes! Do you love
Smashing Pumpkins?Copy !req
880. I love to do that!Copy !req
881. Do you like
shiatsu massage?Copy !req
882. I love you so much!Copy !req
883. I love you.Copy !req
884. I'm so alive!Copy !req
885. I've never been
alive until now.Copy !req
886. Never till now.Copy !req
887. I worry about
our age difference.Copy !req
888. Age is just
a state of mind.Copy !req
889. That's right.Copy !req
890. Who cares if you're 70
when I hit my sexual peak?Copy !req
891. It's Bogie and Bacall.Copy !req
892. Who?Copy !req
893. I promise to never play
mind games with your head.Copy !req
894. You are so today.Copy !req
895. I want to make
love to you!
I do, too!Copy !req
896. I want you so much!Copy !req
897. But I worry.Copy !req
898. Our love is bigger
than worry.Copy !req
899. I worry about the scenes.
Scenes?Copy !req
900. If we're filming
the new scenes.Copy !req
901. It's hard to give
yourself to a manCopy !req
902. because it's the woman who's
entered, who's violated.Copy !req
903. I so understand that.Copy !req
904. The man inside you
is part of you.Copy !req
905. He would not prevent
your added scenes
from being shot.Copy !req
906. We're doing the scenes.Copy !req
907. We're doing them
because I love youCopy !req
908. and you're brilliant
and this is your movie.Copy !req
909. Let me go get ready.Copy !req
910. I will never use you.Copy !req
911. I will never
abuse your trust.Copy !req
912. Thank you, Daisy.Copy !req
913. Not at all.Copy !req
914. Are we almost
ready, people?Copy !req
915. Dave, do you
see the fireplace?Copy !req
916. Uh-huh.Copy !req
917. Then we should
light the fireplace.Copy !req
918. Is this a good mark?Copy !req
919. Sorry.Copy !req
920. Daisy, my sweetness.Copy !req
921. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
922. Hi.Copy !req
923. Do you want to relax
first or shoot?Copy !req
924. Shoot.Copy !req
925. You have such
a good work ethic.Copy !req
926. I so admire that.Copy !req
927. Here's your mark.
Is it too small?Copy !req
928. Are you okay?Copy !req
929. Okay, this is an
important scene.Copy !req
930. This is one of
the hot scenes that
is about heat and...Copy !req
931. Chemistry.Copy !req
932. Chemistry.Copy !req
933. So this is the artistic
part of the film.Copy !req
934. That's right,
so just give her room.Copy !req
935. And be sensitiveCopy !req
936. because in this scene,
Daisy takes off her blouse.Copy !req
937. Okay, here's your mark.Copy !req
938. Now, you're not sure
if you love Keith,Copy !req
939. but you offer yourself
to save Earth.Copy !req
940. Jiff, right here.Copy !req
941. Start here.Copy !req
942. And up.Copy !req
943. And roll sound.Copy !req
944. Speed.Copy !req
945. Mark.Copy !req
946. You're not sure
if you love him, but
you want to save Earth.Copy !req
947. Action.Copy !req
948. Keith, I don't know
what's right anymore.Copy !req
949. I just know I have feelings
that make me need you,Copy !req
950. need you now.Copy !req
951. Awesome!Copy !req
952. You're doing great.Copy !req
953. You're going to be a star.Copy !req
954. And cut.Copy !req
955. How's this, boss?Copy !req
956. What's going on with him?Copy !req
957. The alien arrival scene
is next and Kit
hasn't called in.Copy !req
958. Someone must know
where he is.Copy !req
959. I know where Kit's going
to be this afternoon.Copy !req
960. You do?Copy !req
961. At 4:00, he'll be at Max
clothing store for a photo.Copy !req
962. Every day I get
an offer on this thing.Copy !req
963. It's a beauty.Copy !req
964. Not a scratch.Copy !req
965. I sold three cars for it.Copy !req
966. You have a great
eye for cars.Copy !req
967. My wife tried to get
it in the divorce.Copy !req
968. That would have hurt.Copy !req
969. Who got the kids?Copy !req
970. She did.Copy !req
971. Wait here a minute.Copy !req
972. Is the manager in?Copy !req
973. No, he's home today.Copy !req
974. How odd.Copy !req
975. We have a permit
to shoot here today.Copy !req
976. Well, we'll start
loading in equipment.Copy !req
977. Shall I call him?Copy !req
978. No, I'll call from
the cell phone.Copy !req
979. The guy vacuuming
is from the studio.Copy !req
980. Who's in charge here?Copy !req
981. I am.Copy !req
982. You have a permit
to film here?Copy !req
983. Yeah.Copy !req
984. May I see it?Copy !req
985. Can I talk to you?Copy !req
986. You ever thought
about acting?Copy !req
987. This is it.Copy !req
988. Roll it.Copy !req
989. Mark.Copy !req
990. And action.Copy !req
991. That time away really
helped calm my ass.Copy !req
992. I thought I was cracking up.Copy !req
993. You ever think there
are no conspiracies?Copy !req
994. Maybe there are no aliens?Copy !req
995. Everything's as it seems?Copy !req
996. I tell you, being alone
in a chamber
was really helpful.Copy !req
997. So helpful...Copy !req
998. Freddy, where, Freddy?Copy !req
999. Hey, you!Copy !req
1000. Kincaid.Copy !req
1001. Freddy. Freddy!Copy !req
1002. You heard me, Kincaid.Copy !req
1003. Freddy, stop playing!Copy !req
1004. Nice try, Kincaid.Copy !req
1005. Freddy.
Don't act dumb.Copy !req
1006. Where's the plutonium?Copy !req
1007. That plutonium's mine.Copy !req
1008. It's registered to use
for religious purposes.Copy !req
1009. You actually
have plutonium?Copy !req
1010. He's got plutonium?Copy !req
1011. Freddy!Copy !req
1012. Freddy's having
his guts replaced
with alien hardware.Copy !req
1013. Alien?Copy !req
1014. Oh, my God, Keith!Copy !req
1015. They told me
you were dead!Copy !req
1016. And now you are dead.Copy !req
1017. Hey!Copy !req
1018. When you kill
a pod person,Copy !req
1019. another one
takes his place!Copy !req
1020. I won't go in
your spaceship!Copy !req
1021. Keith, I love you!Copy !req
1022. Get away from me!Copy !req
1023. Keith, I love you!Copy !req
1024. Stay with him!Copy !req
1025. Hi. I came down to see
them shoot you today.Copy !req
1026. Shoot me today?Copy !req
1027. My darling!Copy !req
1028. Please, Keith,
let me love you!Copy !req
1029. My darling!
Come with me!Copy !req
1030. Stay with him.Copy !req
1031. Oh, Keith!Copy !req
1032. He's coming in here!Copy !req
1033. Cut!Copy !req
1034. Lyle, you may have
an Emmy, but I don't care.Copy !req
1035. I need to see the moment
you realize he loves you.Copy !req
1036. He's embroidering for you.
Doesn't that affect you?Copy !req
1037. Kit Ramsey!Copy !req
1038. Over here!
The car's running!Copy !req
1039. Freddy!
Show me your guts!Copy !req
1040. What you talking about?Copy !req
1041. Show me your guts, now!Copy !req
1042. Pod people are everywhere!Copy !req
1043. Pod people!Copy !req
1044. Pod!Copy !req
1045. Come on!
Do scene 35!Copy !req
1046. Keith!Copy !req
1047. Keith!Copy !req
1048. Who the hell is Keith?Copy !req
1049. Open the door!Copy !req
1050. Go, Freddy!Copy !req
1051. Keith!Copy !req
1052. And cut!Copy !req
1053. I must say, I am becoming
more and more impressedCopy !req
1054. with Mr. Ramsey's acting.Copy !req
1055. I'm learning
a lot from him.Copy !req
1056. I feel like
I haven't done much.Copy !req
1057. You look like Kit Ramsey.
That's talent.Copy !req
1058. Lots of people
can't do that.Copy !req
1059. Robert De Niro can't
look like Kit Ramsey.Copy !req
1060. He annoys me anyway.Copy !req
1061. It's just, if I go to
the store to get coffeeCopy !req
1062. I know I'm the one
getting the coffee.Copy !req
1063. I got the coffee.Copy !req
1064. I made sure the napkin
was in the bag.Copy !req
1065. I made sure there was
cream and sugar.Copy !req
1066. I did it.Copy !req
1067. Me. You know?Copy !req
1068. It's weirdCopy !req
1069. to get credit for
looking like someone.Copy !req
1070. What is that?Copy !req
1071. It's a gift.Copy !req
1072. I don't know how
much a gift it is.Copy !req
1073. I mean,
I am his brother.Copy !req
1074. That's what's great about
working with you guys.Copy !req
1075. Usually when someone learns
I'm related to Kit RamseyCopy !req
1076. they want to meet him.Copy !req
1077. I can understand that,Copy !req
1078. but it feels good
now and then to have
someone like you for you.Copy !req
1079. It's great.
I feel great.Copy !req
1080. Uh-huh.Copy !req
1081. You get along
with your brother?Copy !req
1082. Yeah. We haven't seen
him in a while,
he's been so busy.Copy !req
1083. He's cranking them out.Copy !req
1084. He didn't even come
home last Christmas.Copy !req
1085. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1086. That's okay.Copy !req
1087. I'm here with this fantastic
group of peopleCopy !req
1088. who accept me
for who I am,Copy !req
1089. the poor, stupid brother
of a guy everyone loves.Copy !req
1090. Are you from
a show business family?Copy !req
1091. We're screwed.Copy !req
1092. We luck into the
brother of the world's
hottest movie starCopy !req
1093. and I get a conscience.Copy !req
1094. Don't be so upset.Copy !req
1095. Did you hear him?
He's an innocent.Copy !req
1096. He told us he loved us.Copy !req
1097. I just can't do it.Copy !req
1098. I have to return
the camera.Copy !req
1099. You'll work it out.Copy !req
1100. I can't do it.Copy !req
1101. Citizen Kane.Copy !req
1102. Apocalypse Now.Copy !req
1103. Godfather,
Dr. Strangelove.Copy !req
1104. Stanley Kubrick.Copy !req
1105. A Clockwork Orange.Copy !req
1106. Mr. Bowfinger.Copy !req
1107. Mr. Bowfinger,
I have something
to tell you.Copy !req
1108. I have something
to tell you.Copy !req
1109. Can I tell mine first?Copy !req
1110. Okay, what?Copy !req
1111. Being Kit Ramsey's brotherCopy !req
1112. sometimes has
fringe benefits.Copy !req
1113. How do you mean?Copy !req
1114. You'll never guess
who I had intercourse
with in the van.Copy !req
1115. Isn't that cool?Copy !req
1116. She gave me the works.Copy !req
1117. She is the most
inventive girl.Copy !req
1118. Come into my office.
Sure.Copy !req
1119. She is so strong,
Mr. Bowfinger.Copy !req
1120. She's pure
power and speed.Copy !req
1121. Real hot.Copy !req
1122. Okay, listen.Copy !req
1123. I have an errand for you.Copy !req
1124. Go to Starbucks.Copy !req
1125. I'm with you.Copy !req
1126. Go to Starbucks
and get some coffee.Copy !req
1127. Bring it back here.
Here.Copy !req
1128. With enough napkins
for everyone.Copy !req
1129. Got it.Copy !req
1130. Call your brother,
find out where
he's going today.Copy !req
1131. Find out where
Kit's going.Copy !req
1132. Find out when he's leaving
and where he's going.Copy !req
1133. Go to a store,
buy some pencils.Copy !req
1134. Buy pencils.Copy !req
1135. Be sure they're sharp!Copy !req
1136. Sharp pencils!
You got it?Copy !req
1137. Yeah!Copy !req
1138. Coffee, napkins, pencils,
find out where my
brother's going.Copy !req
1139. Ride like the wind!Copy !req
1140. I'm gone!Copy !req
1141. I'm gone!Copy !req
1142. I want to see you.Copy !req
1143. We are finished.Copy !req
1144. Why?
You had sex with Jiff.Copy !req
1145. So?Copy !req
1146. I never thought
of it like that.Copy !req
1147. See you tonight at 8:00?
Okay.Copy !req
1148. There's someone
here to talk to you.Copy !req
1149. He says it concerns
Kit Ramsey.Copy !req
1150. This is Bob,
a level six.Copy !req
1151. He's been with us
four years.Copy !req
1152. He has something
to tell you.Copy !req
1153. I'm taking her out
for a wash, Jack.Copy !req
1154. We still need the big ending
or we don't have a movie.Copy !req
1155. I know what else
we don't have.Copy !req
1156. What?Copy !req
1157. Permission.Copy !req
1158. Tom Cruise didn't know
he was in that vampire movieCopy !req
1159. till two years later.Copy !req
1160. Hello.Copy !req
1161. Hi, Jiff.Copy !req
1162. He's going to
Mind Head at 4:45.Copy !req
1163. Great work, Jiff!Copy !req
1164. Now we really need
those pencils, buddy!Copy !req
1165. Okay!Copy !req
1166. See you at the location.Copy !req
1167. We are about to shoot
the final scene of the movie.Copy !req
1168. I just talked to Kit,
he's very excited.Copy !req
1169. So, know your jobs!
Let's go!Copy !req
1170. We have one hour
to get there.Copy !req
1171. Make sure Slater
finished painting the car!Copy !req
1172. Daisy, let's talk
about the scene.Copy !req
1173. Okay, this is a hard
scene for Kit.Copy !req
1174. He may not want to get
in the car with you.Copy !req
1175. In fact, he'll really resist
because of his character.Copy !req
1176. So you must be
persuasive, because...Copy !req
1177. He doesn't know
he's in the movie.Copy !req
1178. I know what's going on.Copy !req
1179. I may be from Ohio,
but I'm not from Ohio.Copy !req
1180. I'm not mad.Copy !req
1181. I'm working, aren't I?Copy !req
1182. ButCopy !req
1183. who told you?Copy !req
1184. We're packed and loaded.Copy !req
1185. Hi, honey.Copy !req
1186. Sweetie, will you put my
makeup case in the van?Copy !req
1187. Let's hit it.Copy !req
1188. Anyone want
a Frostee Freeze?Copy !req
1189. Do I look like I want
a damn Frostee Freeze?Copy !req
1190. Holy shit!Copy !req
1191. Reverse, reverse!Copy !req
1192. Hold on, hold on!Copy !req
1193. Man, what the hell...Copy !req
1194. It's the dead guy!Copy !req
1195. Oh, please.
Please don't let me die.Copy !req
1196. This is awesome!Copy !req
1197. It's going down!Copy !req
1198. It's going down now!Copy !req
1199. Okay!Copy !req
1200. Hey, I'm Kit Ramsey!Copy !req
1201. That's Kit Ramsey!Copy !req
1202. You know who I am, right?Copy !req
1203. Please, one at a time.
I can't hear you.Copy !req
1204. I'm 13 on Premiere's
power list!Copy !req
1205. What are you doing?Copy !req
1206. Tough guys like you don't
get far in this world, mister.Copy !req
1207. We were pursued
by alien forces!Copy !req
1208. Oh, aliens.Copy !req
1209. I knew I shouldn't
have slept withCopy !req
1210. the alien life form from
the star system Neon!Copy !req
1211. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1212. My gonads!
My gonads!Copy !req
1213. Keith!Copy !req
1214. There's only one
way out of this!Copy !req
1215. Follow me!Copy !req
1216. Kiss you?
Now?Copy !req
1217. Keith, danger
really turns you on!Copy !req
1218. Get in the car.Copy !req
1219. We must get to the alien
antenna before the
summer solstice!Copy !req
1220. You best hurry!Copy !req
1221. I'm Keith.Copy !req
1222. That way, Carol!
This way!Copy !req
1223. Hi, Bill.
We're here!Copy !req
1224. Put the tripod there!Copy !req
1225. We must eat!
How will we know
if we are starving?Copy !req
1226. I needed love,
but the alien embryos
had already...Copy !req
1227. They're coming up
the drive!Copy !req
1228. Action!Copy !req
1229. Get out!Copy !req
1230. There's the alien antenna.Copy !req
1231. You must go there
to yell "Gotcha, suckas!"Copy !req
1232. If you don't,
we will all become
pod people!Copy !req
1233. Cut!
Move the camera!Copy !req
1234. They will impregnate
everyone, including
the CIA and the FBI!Copy !req
1235. Once you're set,
roll on the stairwell.Copy !req
1236. In here.Copy !req
1237. They're all aliens
worshipping
their false gods.Copy !req
1238. Come on!
No!Copy !req
1239. Come on!
No!Copy !req
1240. Keith, keep running!Copy !req
1241. I've got them.Copy !req
1242. Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!Copy !req
1243. Cut to the stairwell.Copy !req
1244. It was you I loved.Copy !req
1245. And I thought about you
and your plutonium.Copy !req
1246. Next shot on the roof.Copy !req
1247. Bastard!
Bastard!Copy !req
1248. No, I'm Keith!Copy !req
1249. Bastard!Copy !req
1250. Stop that! Stop that!Copy !req
1251. Stop!Copy !req
1252. Shit!Copy !req
1253. She was from
the planet Neon!Copy !req
1254. Don't bring that
shit over here!Copy !req
1255. Put that down!Copy !req
1256. Cut! Okay, outside!Copy !req
1257. We must run, Keith!Copy !req
1258. We have only 40 seconds!Copy !req
1259. Okay, we only need
one shot.Copy !req
1260. Only one thing can stop
them now, if you say,
"Gotcha, suckas!"Copy !req
1261. What?Copy !req
1262. Put your hands right here.Copy !req
1263. What?Copy !req
1264. Go!Copy !req
1265. Cue the pyrotechnics!Copy !req
1266. Shit!
Oh, my God!Copy !req
1267. It's time!Copy !req
1268. Look up and say,
"Gotcha, suckas!"Copy !req
1269. Kincaid!Copy !req
1270. Gotcha, suckas!Copy !req
1271. Come on, say it.Copy !req
1272. Come on, say it!Copy !req
1273. Well,Copy !req
1274. sometimes the paranoidCopy !req
1275. are actually
being followed.Copy !req
1276. This film is for
Madagascar and Iran,Copy !req
1277. neither of which accept
American copyright law.Copy !req
1278. Terry! Hi!Copy !req
1279. I'm Keith Kincaid!Copy !req
1280. I saved the world!Copy !req
1281. I saved it.Copy !req
1282. I have eight brothers,
four sisters and no job!Copy !req
1283. I'm screwed!Copy !req
1284. There's no movie.
I can't believe this!Copy !req
1285. I wasn't looking
for work 'cause
I thought I was working.Copy !req
1286. I showed my
breasts on film.
For what?Copy !req
1287. I'm a felon.Copy !req
1288. I have a cousin
who's a lawyer.Copy !req
1289. I say we take action.Copy !req
1290. We sue.
Sue! Sue!Copy !req
1291. Carol, what do you think?Copy !req
1292. I think...Copy !req
1293. I think it was
a beautiful lie.Copy !req
1294. It could have worked.Copy !req
1295. What should we do
with this?Copy !req
1296. What is it?
Film.Copy !req
1297. I told them to
follow Kit aroundCopy !req
1298. and get some random shots.Copy !req
1299. The trash is outside.Copy !req
1300. I want to see it.Copy !req
1301. Why?Copy !req
1302. We need
Kit Ramsey's permission.Copy !req
1303. Why didn't someone
ever mention that to me?Copy !req
1304. Hold up!
Hold up! Hold up!Copy !req
1305. Serve!Copy !req
1306. Useless, a tennis
playing alien fighter.Copy !req
1307. Nice work, guys.Copy !req
1308. Thanks, Mr. Bowfinger.Copy !req
1309. We used a Pro Mist and tried
to open up the apertureCopy !req
1310. to give him a rim light.Copy !req
1311. What is he doing?Copy !req
1312. I think we just got
our permission.Copy !req
1313. Hey, Laker Girls.Copy !req
1314. It's not funny!Copy !req
1315. There's not a court
in this countryCopy !req
1316. that won't consider
this blackmail.Copy !req
1317. You know what?Copy !req
1318. I don't know
about blackmail.Copy !req
1319. I'm just a guy with
a great film who just needs
a shot of Kit sayingCopy !req
1320. "Gotcha, suckas"
and some close ups.Copy !req
1321. Or we'll use Kit
wagging his thing
at the Laker GirlsCopy !req
1322. which is a great ending.Copy !req
1323. Though not a good
ending for Kit,
because it could sort ofCopy !req
1324. stop his money flow
and make that family film
he's about to do just...Copy !req
1325. We'll have to think about it.Copy !req
1326. I mean, we'll have to
think about it for Kit.Copy !req
1327. Now that you've had
time to think about itCopy !req
1328. what do you and the
other fellows here at
Mind Fu...Copy !req
1329. Head, think?Copy !req
1330. Give it up for Kit!Copy !req
1331. Sir? This way.Copy !req
1332. Not bad seats.Copy !req
1333. Not bad seats at all.Copy !req
1334. CIA operative Todd DelmonicoCopy !req
1335. drove his '53 Buick
to meet Keith Kincaid.Copy !req
1336. Kincaid!Copy !req
1337. It had rained that day.Copy !req
1338. But was it normal rain?Copy !req
1339. Or was it Chubby Rain?Copy !req
1340. His guts replaced
with alien hardware!Copy !req
1341. Gotcha, suckas!Copy !req
1342. Hey, you guys!Copy !req
1343. I want you
to meet someone.Copy !req
1344. This is Farrah.Copy !req
1345. We met at the premiere.Copy !req
1346. She's one of the most
powerful lesbians
in Hollywood.Copy !req
1347. Bravo! Bravo!Copy !req
1348. Coppola?Copy !req
1349. I can't talk to you
right now.Copy !req
1350. It's an offer to do
a movie in Taiwan starring
Kit Ramsey's brother.Copy !req
1351. We're going to Taiwan!Copy !req
1352. Jiff! Jiff! Jiff!Copy !req
1353. Good to see you
again, brother.Copy !req
1354. I saved the world!Copy !req
1355. I saved it.Copy !req