1. The world is full of complainers.
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2. But the fact is,
nothing comes with a guarantee.
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3. Now, I don't care
if you're the pope of Rome,
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4. president of the United States
or Man of the Year.
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5. Something can always go wrong.
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6. And go ahead, you know - complain.
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7. Tell your problems to your neighbour.
Ask for help.
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8. And watch him fly.
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9. Now, in Russia, they got it mapped out
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10. so that everyone pulls for everyone else.
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11. That's the theory, anyway.
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12. But what I know about is Texas.
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13. And down here,
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14. you're on your own.
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15. Gave me a little pearl-handled.38
for our first anniversary.
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16. Figured I'd better leave
before I use it on him.
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17. I just don't know how you can stand him.
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18. Well, I'm only an employee.
I ain't married to him.
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19. Yeah.
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20. It's just -
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21. I don't know.
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22. Sometimes I think maybe
there's something wrong with him.
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23. Like maybe he's sick?
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24. Mentally?
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25. Or is it maybe me, do you think?
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26. Listen, I...
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27. I ain't a marriage counsellor.
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28. I don't know what goes on.
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29. I don't want to know.
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30. But I like you.
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31. I always liked you.
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32. What are you gonna do in Houston?
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33. I'll figure something out.
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34. How come you offered
to drive me in this mess?
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35. I told you. I like you.
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36. I never knew that.
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37. Well, now you do.
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38. Hell.
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39. Stop the car, Ray!
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40. You know that car?
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41. No.
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42. What's the matter?
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43. I don't know.
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44. I just think maybe I'm making a mistake.
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45. What was that back there?
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46. Back where?
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47. That sign.
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48. I don't know.
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49. Motel.
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50. - Abby -
- Ray.
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51. Did you mean what you said before,
or were you just being a gentleman?
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52. Abby, I like you,
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53. but there's no point
starting anything now.
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54. Yeah.
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55. - I mean, I ain't a marriage counsellor.
- Yeah.
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56. What do you want to do?
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57. What do you want to do?
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58. - Hello.
- Having a good time?
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59. - Who is this?
- I don't know. Who's this?
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60. - You still there?
- Yeah, I'm still here.
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61. Ray.
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62. Yeah?
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63. Who was it?
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64. Your husband.
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65. I know where you can get those framed.
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66. Why'd you take these?
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67. What do you mean? Just doin' my job.
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68. You called me. I knew they were there.
Why'd you take 'em?
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69. Well, I don't know.
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70. Call it a fringe benefit.
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71. How long you watch her?
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72. Most of the night.
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73. They'd rest every few minutes
and then get started again.
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74. Quite something.
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75. You know, in Greece...
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76. they would cut off the head
of the messenger that brought the bad news.
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77. That don't make much sense.
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78. No.
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79. Made them feel better.
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80. Well, first off... Julian,
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81. I don't know what the story is in Greece,
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82. but in this state we got
very definite laws about that.
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83. Second, I'm not a messenger.
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84. I'm a private investigator.
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85. And third - and most important -
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86. it ain't such bad news.
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87. I mean, you thought he was coloured.
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88. You're always assumin' the worst.
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89. Anything else?
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90. Don't come around here anymore.
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91. If I need you,
I know what rock to turn over.
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92. That's good. Yeah.
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93. "What rock to turn over."
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94. That's very, very good.
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95. Gimme a call whenever
you wanna cut off my head.
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96. I can always crawl around without it.
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97. She'll be back after a spell.
We will be too.
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98. Hold it. Hold it.
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99. - You were telling me about the Ring of Fire.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
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100. Now, look,
you got all these volcanoes, right?
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101. And every time one goes "pop,"
you got the equivalent of, what,
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102. 20, 30 megatons of TNT?
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103. Meurice.
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104. Yeah, I know, Marty. Pour 'em short.
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105. - Ray come in yet?
- No, it's his night off.
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106. - Where was he last night?
- How would I know where he was last night?
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107. I don't know. Didn't he call?
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108. Marty, this is, this is
an old friend of mine. This is Debra.
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109. Debra, this is Julian Marty.
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110. There's a deuce in the corner needs help.
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111. Right.
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112. How long you known Meurice?
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113. - About 10 years.
- Ten years?
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114. What are you doing tonight?
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115. Going out with Meurice.
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116. Tell him you have a headache.
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117. It'll pass.
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118. We don't seem to be communicating.
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119. Look, you want to hustle me.
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120. - I don't want to be hustled.
- Oh, you don't?
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121. - It's as simple as that.
- Oh, it's as simple as that.
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122. Meurice, I'm not here
if Ray comes in. Okay?
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123. - Right.
- Right.
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124. Nice guy.
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125. Not really.
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126. What'd you say your last name was?
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127. Hi there, old boy.
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128. Ray?
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129. - Yeah.
- Let's get out of here.
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130. - You get what you wanted?
- Yeah. Let's get out of here.
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131. Drive me to a motel?
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132. You can stay at my place.
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133. I'll drop you there.
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134. - Where are you going?
- See a guy.
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135. Ray, don't go to the bar.
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136. I know him.
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137. It ain't a good idea.
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138. I just gotta see a guy.
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139. You and your colleagues find a way
to harness this vast volcanic energy,
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140. and I just sit back
and watch these shit-kickers go broke.
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141. - Howdy, stranger.
- Meurice.
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142. - Sorry about last night.
- No sweat. Wasn't too busy.
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143. You missed a good one though.
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144. This white guy walks in about 1:00 and asks
if we have a discount for alcoholics.
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145. Well, I tell him to get lost,
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146. but Marty's sitting here
and I can tell he's thinking
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147. maybe that ain't such a bad idea.
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148. Marty?
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149. Well?
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150. What?
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151. - What "what"?
- Am I fired?
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152. You wanna hit me? What?
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153. I don't particularly want to talk to you.
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154. Well...
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155. if you're not gonna fire me,
I might as well quit.
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156. Fine.
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157. Suit yourself.
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158. Having a good time?
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159. - I don't like this kind of talk.
- What'd you come here for?
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160. You owe me for two weeks.
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161. No.
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162. She's an expensive piece of ass.
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163. But you get a refund if you tell me
who else she's been sluicing.
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164. I want that money.
You got something to tell me, fine.
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165. What are you,
a fucking marriage counsellor?
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166. What are you smiling at?
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167. I'm funny, right? I'm an asshole?
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168. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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169. That's not what's funny.
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170. What's funny is her.
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171. What's funny
is that I had you two followed,
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172. because if it's not you she's
sleeping with, it's someone else.
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173. And what's really gonna be funny
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174. is when she gives you
that innocent look and says,
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175. "I don't know
what you're talking about, Ray.
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176. I ain't done anything funny."
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177. But the funniest thing to me right now
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178. is that you think
that she came back here for you.
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179. That's what's fuckin' funny.
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180. Come on this property again,
I'll be forced to shoot you.
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181. Fair notice.
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182. Hey, Marty.
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183. Marty. Thought you were dead.
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184. You going home?
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185. No.
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186. I'm staying right here in hell.
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187. Kind of a bleak point of view, isn't it?
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188. Meurice...
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189. I don't want the asshole near my money.
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190. And I don't want him in the bar.
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191. We get a lot of assholes in here, Marty.
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192. Hello?
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193. Marty?
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194. Who was it?
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195. What?
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196. On the phone.
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197. Was it...
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198. - Was it for you?
- I don't know.
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199. He didn't say anything.
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200. How'd you know it was a he?
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201. You got a girl?
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202. Am I screwing something up by being here?
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203. No.
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204. Am I?
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205. I can find a place tomorrow.
Then I'll be outta your hair.
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206. If that's what you want to do,
then you oughta do it.
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207. You...
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208. You want the bed or the couch?
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209. Well...
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210. couch'll be all right.
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211. You can sleep on the bed if you want.
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212. I'm not gonna put you out of your bed.
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213. Wouldn't be putting me out.
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214. I'll be all right here.
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215. Okay.
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216. Opal?
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217. Lover boy oughta lock his door.
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218. Lot of nuts out there.
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219. Let's do it outside.
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220. In nature?
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221. Like to have seen his face
when he found the dead end.
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222. Hey, mister,
how'd you break your pussy finger?
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223. "I want it! I want it!"
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224. Yeah, well, listen, I -
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225. I'm sorry, sweetheart.
My date is here.
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226. She saw me rolling a cigarette
and thought it was marijuana.
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227. Thought I was a swinger, I guess.
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228. Isn't that wild?
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229. Stick your finger
up the wrong person's ass?
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230. You know - You know, a friend of mine
a while back broke his hand
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231. and put in a cast.
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232. Very next day he falls,
protects his bad hand,
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233. and he breaks his good one.
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234. He breaks that too, you know.
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235. So now he's got
two busted flippers, you know.
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236. So I says to him,
I says, "Creighton,"
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237. "I hope your wife really loves you,
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238. 'cause for the next five weeks
you can't even wipe your own goddamn ass."
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239. That's the test, ain't it?
Test of true love.
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240. I got a job for you.
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241. Well,
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242. if the pay is right
and it's legal, I'll do it.
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243. It's not strictly legal.
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244. Well, if the pay's right, I'll do it.
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245. It's in reference to that gentleman
and my wife.
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246. The more I think about it,
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247. the more irritated I get.
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248. Yeah? Well, could you tell me
what it is you want me to do?
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249. Or is it a secret?
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250. It's no joke.
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251. You want me to kill 'em.
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252. Well...
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253. "Well" what?
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254. What do you think?
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255. You're an idiot.
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256. So this wouldn't -
wouldn't interest you?
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257. I didn't say that.
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258. All I said was you're an idiot.
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259. Hell, you been thinking about it for
so much, it's driving you simple.
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260. I'll give you $10,000.
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261. I'm supposed to do a murder -
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262. two murders -
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263. and trust you not to go simple on me
and do something stupid.
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264. I mean, really stupid.
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265. Now, why should I trust you?
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266. For the money.
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267. The money.
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268. Yeah.
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269. That's a right lot of money.
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270. In Russia...
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271. they make only 50 cent a day.
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272. I want you...
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273. to go fishing.
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274. - What?
- Go down to Corpus for a few days.
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275. Get yourself noticed.
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276. I'll give you a call when it's done.
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277. You just find a way to cover that money.
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278. I'll take care of the money.
You make sure those bodies aren't found.
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279. There's a big incinerator behind my place.
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280. So you want, like, a townhouse?
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281. Your own apartment?
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282. Come. I show you around.
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283. You sure this apartment is vacant,
Mrs. Esteves?
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284. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I was just explaining
to him that he moved out yesterday.
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285. Don't mind Mr. Garcia.
He used to be my brother-in-law.
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286. Looks like the state legislature's
out of session.
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287. Yeah. I thought this was where they met.
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288. - Listen, you're gonna help me with a problem.
- I am?
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289. You're gonna keep an eye on Marty and Ray,
make sure nothing happens.
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290. All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's show
our appreciation for Lorraine up there.
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291. Registered nurse from Bolton, Texas.
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292. How 'bout it, gentlemen? Yeah.
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293. - Thanks, Meurice.
- Anytime.
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294. You don't have to worry for a while.
Marty went down to Corpus yesterday.
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295. He's in the house.
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296. He's in the house.
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297. - What's the matter?
- Could've sworn I heard something.
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298. Door's locked. There's nothing there.
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299. Well, I guess we wouldn't
have heard anything if it'd been him.
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300. He's real careful.
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301. Fact is,
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302. he's anal, Ray.
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303. He told me once himself.
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304. He said to me,
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305. "In here, Abby.
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306. In here,
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307. I'm anal."
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308. Well, I'll be damned.
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309. I couldn't believe it myself.
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310. Me, on the other hand,
I got lots of personality.
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311. Marty always said I had too much.
Course, he was never big on personality.
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312. He sent me to a psychiatrist once
to see if he could calm me down some.
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313. Yeah?
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314. And what happened?
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315. Psychiatrist said I was the healthiest
person he'd ever met, so Marty fired him.
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316. I don't think you can fire
a psychiatrist, exactly.
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317. Well, I never saw him again,
I can tell you that much.
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318. I said, "Marty, how come you're anal
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319. and I gotta go to the psychiatrist?"
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320. What'd he say?
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321. Nothing.
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322. He's like you. He doesn't say much.
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323. Thanks.
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324. Except when he doesn't say things,
they're usually nasty.
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325. And when you don't,
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326. they're usually nice.
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327. Do you ever get tired?
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328. Oh, yeah. I guess.
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329. - Hello.
- Marty?
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330. - Yeah.
- Catch any fish?
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331. What?
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332. Catch any fish?
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333. Yeah, yeah.
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334. What kind of fish?
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335. Listen, i-is it done?
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336. Yes, sir. You owe me some money.
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337. If you're fuckin' with me,
you'll regret it.
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338. They look good.
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339. Why? You want a couple?
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340. Just the 10,000 would be fine.
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341. You got something to show me first?
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342. Dead?
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343. So it would seem.
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344. Wh-Wh-What'd you do with the bodies?
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345. It's taken care of.
The less you know about it, the better.
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346. Jesus.
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347. I don't believe it.
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348. I'm gonna be sick.
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349. I'm gonna want that picture back.
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350. You did say somethin' about some money.
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351. Yeah. The money.
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352. Something I got to ask you, Marty.
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353. I've been very, very careful.
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354. Have you been very, very careful?
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355. Of course.
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356. Nobody knows you hired me?
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357. Don't be stupid.
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358. I was not about to tell anyone.
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359. We have to learn to be discreet,
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360. to trust each other.
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361. For richer or poorer.
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362. Don't say that.
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363. Your marriages don't turn out so hot.
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364. - How did you cover the money?
- It's been taken care of.
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365. And the less you know about it, the better.
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366. I made a call.
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367. It'll be all right.
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368. I must've gone money simple.
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369. A murder like this,
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370. too risky.
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371. Then you shouldn't have done it.
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372. Can't have it both ways.
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373. Count it...
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374. and go.
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375. Nah, I trust ya.
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376. Who looks stupid now?
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377. What's the matter? You deaf?
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378. Marty, you home?
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379. Marty?
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380. What night is tonight?
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381. - What night is tonight?
- Tuesday.
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382. Tuesday night is ladies' night.
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383. - What?
- Tuesday night is ladies' night.
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384. All your drinks are free.
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385. Eighty-eight percent in
the last three years.
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386. What's more, in two years' time,
we'll be experiencing what's known
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387. as the Jupiter Effect,
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388. when all the planets
of the known universe will align up,
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389. causin' an incredible build-up
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390. of destructive gravitational force.
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391. In Matthew, chapter six, verse 18,
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392. the Lord out and tells us
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393. that these are the signs
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394. by which we shall know
that he is at our door.
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395. There are many good people
who disagree with me.
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396. But it's my belief that this Antichrist
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397. is alive today
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398. and livin' in the 10-nation alliance
I spoke of.
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399. This is WKLJ midnight.
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400. I'm John Mucee.
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401. I'll be here with you
until 6:00 this morning,
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402. when Mike Miller will be steppin' in.
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403. These are requests
we really had to dig for.
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404. - Yeah?
- Abby. You all right?
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405. Ray? What time is it?
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406. I don't know.
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407. It's early.
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408. I love you.
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409. You all right?
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410. I don't know.
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411. I better get off now.
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412. Well, I'll see ya.
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413. Thanks, Ray.
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414. Abby -
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415. Hey, Ray.
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416. Why didn't you get into bed?
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417. I didn't think I could sleep.
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418. I'm surprised you could.
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419. You called me this morning.
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420. Yeah.
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421. I just wanted to let you know
that everything's all right.
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422. I took care of everything.
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423. Now all we have to do is keep our heads.
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424. - What do you mean?
- I know about it, Abby.
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425. I went to the bar last night.
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426. What happened? Was Meurice there?
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427. Yeah.
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428. He didn't see me though.
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429. Nobody saw me.
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430. Is it cold in here?
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431. Well, what happened?
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432. I cleaned it all up.
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433. But that ain't important.
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434. What's important is what we do now.
I mean, we can't go around half-cocked.
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435. What we need is, time
to think about this, figure it out.
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436. Anyway, we got some time now.
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437. But we gotta be smart.
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438. Ray -
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439. Abby, never point a gun at anyone
unless you mean to shoot him.
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440. And if you shoot him,
you better make sure he's dead.
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441. 'Cause if he ain't dead,
he's gonna get up and try and kill you.
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442. The only thing they taught us
in the service that was worth a goddamn.
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443. Where in the hell's my windbreaker?
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444. Ray.
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445. Just tell me what happened.
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446. That ain't important.
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447. What's important is that we did it.
That's the only thing that matters.
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448. We both did it for each other.
That's what's important.
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449. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
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450. I mean, what are you talkin' about?
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451. I haven't done anything funny.
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452. What was that?
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453. Ray, you're not even actin' like yourself.
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454. First you call me 5:00 in the AM, saying
all kind of nice things on the phone,
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455. and then you come charging in here
scaring me half to death
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456. without even telling me
what I'm supposed to be scared of.
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457. I mean, if you two had a fight
or something, I don't care,
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458. just as long as -
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459. Pick it up.
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460. What?
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461. Well, that was him.
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462. Who?
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463. Marty.
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464. What's going on with you two?
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465. All right.
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466. You can call him back, whoever it was.
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467. I'll get out of your way.
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468. You left your weapon behind.
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469. Hi, Meurice. This is Helene.
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470. Helene Trend, you know?
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471. I wanna know what that remark you made
about Sylvia's supposed to mean.
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472. She says you're full of shit,
and, frankly, I believe her.
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473. And hey, I love you too. Sure.
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474. Anyway, you better call me soon
'cause I'm going to South America tonight.
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475. You know, Uruguay?
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476. Listen, asshole, it's Marty.
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477. I just got back from Corpus Christi, and
there's a lot of money missing from the safe.
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478. A lot of money.
I'm not saying you took it.
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479. But the place was
your responsibility, Meurice,
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480. and I told you to keep an eye
on your asshole friend.
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481. Don't come to the bar tonight.
I've got some bus -
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482. Damn. What is this?
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483. The bar's still gonna be closed tonight.
I got some other business to take care of.
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484. But tomorrow I want to have a word with
you, and with Ray, if you can find him.
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485. I hope you're planning on leaving town.
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486. - You got a problem, Meurice?
- No, but you do, cowboy.
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487. Have you been to the bar?
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488. - Why?
- You shouldn't have taken the fuckin' money!
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489. Look at me, man. I'm serious.
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490. You broke in the bar
and you ripped off the fuckin' safe.
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491. Abby warned me about you.
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492. You know what your problem is?
You're too fucking obvious.
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493. The only two people
with the combination are you and me.
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494. And Abby, maybe. These fuckin' things
are nothin' but coffin nails.
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495. Hey, look, Ray.
Personally, I don't give a shit, you know?
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496. Look, man, I know Marty's a hard-on,
but you've gotta do something.
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497. Say you're sorry, give the money back,
get the fuck out of here or somethin'!
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498. Shit.
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499. Hey, look, man, it's very humiliating
preaching about this bullshit.
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500. But I'm not laughing, Ray Bob,
so you know it's no fucking joke.
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501. Damn.
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502. Ray?
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503. Lover boy oughta lock the door.
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504. I love you.
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505. That's a stupid thing to say, right?
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506. I love you too.
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507. No.
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508. You're just saying that
because you're scared.
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509. You left your weapon behind.
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510. He'll kill you too.
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511. Ray?
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512. Where is everything?
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513. In the trunk.
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514. In the car.
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515. You leaving?
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516. Isn't that what you want?
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517. Wanna come with me?
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518. I gotta know what happened first.
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519. What you want to know?
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520. You broke in at the bar.
You wanted to get your money.
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521. You and Marty had a fight,
and something -
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522. I don't know. Wasn't it you?
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523. - Maybe a burglar broke in, and -
- With your gun?
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524. Nobody broke in, Abby.
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525. I'll tell you the truth.
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526. Truth is,
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527. I've been feeling sick
the last couple of days.
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528. Can't sleep.
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529. Can't eat.
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530. When I try...
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531. Ab -
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532. The truth is...
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533. he was alive when I buried him.
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534. Yeah, yeah. Just a second.
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535. - Abby. What's the matter?
- I think Marty's dead.
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536. Can I come in?
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537. That's bullshit. Marty called me
after he was jacked up.
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538. I don't know where Marty is,
but he's not dead.
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539. Now, you relax, and I'll go find him.
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540. And stay away from Ray.
The guy's gone nuts.
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541. Turn it off.
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542. Ray.
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543. Just turn it off.
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544. Why?
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545. No curtains on the windows.
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546. So?
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547. - I think someone's watching.
- So what'll they see?
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548. Just leave it off. He can see in.
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549. If you do anything,
the neighbours will hear.
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550. You think...
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551. Abby, I meant it...
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552. when I called.
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553. I love you too.
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554. You're scared.
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555. All right.
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556. You got some personal property of mine.
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557. One of you do.
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558. Oh!
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559. I don't know what the hell
you two thought you were gonna pull off.
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560. I'm not afraid of you, Marty.
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561. Well, ma'am,
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562. if I see him,
I'll sure give him the message.
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