1. Suntan lotion is good for me
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2. You protect me
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3. Tee-hee-hee
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4. Oh, the sun tries to burn me,
but you won't let it, will ya?
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5. Ultraviolet rays - bad. Lotion - good.
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6. Smiley.
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7. There's something important
I was supposed to do today.
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8. Have five daiquiris?
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9. No, you remembered to do that.
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10. Man, why did I have so many drinks?
I can't remember.
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11. - What's today?
- October?
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12. It's nudie-magazine day!
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13. Yeah!
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14. Watch out, butler!
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15. Ooh, you're a quick one.
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16. Nudie-magazine day!
Nudie-magazine day!
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17. Nudie-magazine day! Nudie...
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18. Agh! Ooh!
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19. Ooh.
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20. Eee...
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21. Ah!
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22. Oh!
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23. Holy jeez!
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24. Lookee what we got here.
That silly penguin is back again.
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25. No, Mr Madison, there no penguin.
You got too much sun today.
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26. There no penguin!
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27. It's too damn hot for a penguin
to be just walkin' around here.
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28. I gotta send him back to the South Pole.
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29. No!
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30. Penguin! Don't you dare run away!
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31. Come here, Mr Penguin!
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32. I'm one of the good guys, penguin.
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33. Don't run! Oh. Oh...
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34. Don't run!
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35. Don't run from me!
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36. Penguin!
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37. Penguin.
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38. You're a bad penguin.
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39. Whee-hee!
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40. Call the zoo!
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41. All the people at the zoo
are very nice, penguin.
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42. They'll treat you real respectable, like.
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43. There's nothing to worry about, big fella.
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44. Here I come!
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45. Right this way, gentlemen.
Mr Madison is expecting you.
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46. Leg.
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47. Billy! You shouldn't pull that crap in front
of your father's business associates.
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48. Now you get yourself upstairs
and get ready. Dinner's in 15 minutes.
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49. - Yeah, yeah.
- Don't "yeah, yeah" me, boy.
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50. This is a very important dinner.
You best be there.
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51. I will. Thank you, Juanita.
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52. You gotta dress yourself up
and look nice, too.
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53. Oh, that boy's a fine
piece of work all right.
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54. He's a fine piece of ass though, too.
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55. Where the hell is he? I'm starvin'.
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56. I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car.
You should've had some.
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57. If you'd told me
there were Triscuit crackers,
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58. - ..I could've enjoyed them with you.
- I'm sorry.
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59. Sorry doesn't put the Triscuit crackers
in my stomach, does it, Carl?
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60. Gentlemen?
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.
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61. Have you all met?
Eric Gordon, my executive vice president.
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62. And our operations manager Carl Alphonse.
Sit down, gentlemen, sit down.
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63. Beautiful table.
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64. Good seeing you, sir.
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65. Where's Billy?
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66. Juanita said he'd be down
in a few minutes.
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67. I'm sure you'll all be very impressed.
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68. Shampoo is better.
I go on first and clean the hair.
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69. Conditioner is better.
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70. I leave the hair silky and smooth.
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71. Oh, really, fool? Really!
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72. Stop looking at me, swan.
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73. - Hey, Carl, what's up?
- Nothing much, Billy.
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74. - I see you got a little sun today.
- You think so?
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75. - I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours.
- Did you fall asleep or did you pass out?
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76. Shut up!
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77. That's enough, Billy. Because you took
your sweet-ass time coming down here,
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78. .. these gentlemen will miss their flights.
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79. Well, this guy can stay in my room,
I'll tell you that much.
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80. Billy? Eat your soup.
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81. It's good soup.
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82. Gentlemen, I can't thank you enough
for coming this evening.
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83. Please, Billy, please,
no gibberish tonight, please. I beg you.
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84. Sorry, Daddy.
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85. This is a big night for me tonight, gents.
I have an important announcement.
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86. That's it, Billy! Get the hell outta here!
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87. Nice talkin' to you, Billy.
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88. Right. One, two, three!
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89. Hey, Billy, how come
you ain't poundin' any tonight?
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90. I don't know. My dad was yellin' at me.
I'm just not in the mood.
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91. Hey, Billy, who would you rather bone,
Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
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92. Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?
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93. '74.
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94. - Meg Ryan.
- Go.
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95. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
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96. Oh, my God! I am the winner!
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97. - Billy is not an idiot.
- I'm not saying he's an idiot.
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98. I just think he might not be mature
enough to run a Fortune 500 company.
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99. My late wife Emily and I
started this company...
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100. .. with a 15-unit motel
in Patchogue, Long Island.
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101. We built it into 650 hotels.
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102. Our dream was to one day
turn it over to our only son Billy.
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103. - How many people work for Madison?
- 61,000 and change.
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104. How long will they have jobs once Billy
has the hotel operator speaking gibberish?
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105. Oh, Billy, Billy boy.
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106. When are you gonna find
whatever it is you're lookin' for?
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107. Here's a nice piece of shit.
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108. My, oh, my. Wait till old man Clemens
realises it's a bag of shit.
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109. He's gonna shit when he realises it's shit.
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110. Who got the lighter?
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111. Come on.
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112. Light it.
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113. Oh, my God! Old man Clemens hates shit!
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114. Shh. Here he comes!
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115. Who the hell is it? What do you want?
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116. Judas Priest, Barbara!
One of those flaming bags again!
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117. Don't put it out
with your boots, Ted.
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118. Don't tell me my business, devil woman.
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119. Call the fire department.
This one's outta control
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120. It's poop again!
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121. He called the shit "poop"!
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122. This is the best night of my life!
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123. I'll get you damn kids for this!
You're all gonna die!
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124. Billy, could you step in here
for a moment?
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125. I have big news.
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126. Eric is pregnant! Congratulations, Dippy!
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127. Feel those kicks!
He's gonna be a soccer player. He is.
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128. He is.
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129. All right, what's up?
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130. I've had to face
some hard truths tonight, Billy.
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131. Do we have to do this
with Captain Dipshit here?
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132. You were brought up with
every advantage. I bought you everything.
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133. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes...
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134. Actually, I stole this shirt from Frank.
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135. Yeah, well, whatever.
It's all my fault. I made a mistake.
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136. Jeez, what...?
Are you some damned moron?
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137. Can't you just stop for two seconds?
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138. I'm trying to tell you that I'm retiring,
and Eric, not you,
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139. - ..is gonna take over Madison Hotels.
- Eric?
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140. You're gonna give the company to Eric?
He is a bad, bad man!
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141. What do you care, Billy? What do you care
who I appoint to run the company, huh?
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142. I mean, I'm doin' you a favour.
You don't ever have to look for a job.
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143. You can sit around all day, goofing off,
sipping drinks, chasing invisible penguins.
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144. Is that it, Dad?
Did the penguin tell you to do this?
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145. - Penguin?
- What an idiot.
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146. You know, I could help Billy
until he gets the hang of it.
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147. I think crazy Carl is right. I mean,
I can do this if I set my mind to it.
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148. High school was a pain in the ass,
but I graduated.
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149. Because I paid your teachers
to give you decent grades.
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150. I've regretted it every day since.
I thought at the time...
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151. .. if you could get good grades,
you might get into a good college...
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152. - .. and straighten yourself out.
- I don't believe that.
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153. Well, what do you believe?
That you were an honours student?
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154. How could I hand over to someone who
couldn't get through school on his own?
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155. I don't know. Don't think about it.
Just hand it over.
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156. Forget it.
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157. Well, listen, don't you think you better
go to bed? Big day tomorrow.
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158. A day filled with daiquiris
and Nintendos and jack-off magazines...
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159. Dad!
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160. Yeah, what?
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161. Give me one more chance.
I'll prove I can take over.
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162. I'll do anything it takes. I'll go back
to high school and take the exams again.
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163. - I'll get my diploma all by myself.
- Billy, Billy, it wasn't just high school.
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164. Remember that spelling bee
you won in the first grade?
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165. - No, you didn't.
- Rock.
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166. R-o-k.
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167. Yeah? So what's your point?
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168. - R-o-c-k!
- The C is silent.
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169. OK, all right.
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170. All right, you got it. First grade
through 12th grade all over again.
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171. I'll do each grade in two weeks,
take the tests, regraduate,
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172. .. prove to you I'm not an idiot, and then
I get to take over Madison Hotels.
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173. That's some idea.
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174. - You just think of that?
- Yeah, I did. It's pretty good, huh?
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175. Brian, don't you think
the future of Madison Hotels...
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176. .. and its 61,000 employees is too
important to gamble on a game like this?
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177. No.
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178. You're on.
Carl, you make the arrangements.
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179. You pass every grade before June 15
and you take over instead of Eric.
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180. Have a nice weekend, son.
You start school on Monday.
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181. Oh!
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182. Give 'em hell, Bill.
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183. Nice try, asswipe.
But you're just delaying the inevitable.
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184. Downtown we'll drown,
we're in our never splendour
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185. Flowers, showers
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186. Who's got the new boy gender?
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187. I'll be your baby, I'll be your score
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188. I'll run the gun for you
and so much more
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189. I'll tumble for ya
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190. I'll tumble for ya
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191. I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble for you
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192. I'll tumble for ya
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193. I'll tumble for ya
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194. I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble
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195. I get a crazy feeling
that chases in my head
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196. It's nothing that you do to me,
it's nothing that you said
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197. Where's my Snack Pack?
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198. You've got a banana.
You don't need no Snack Pack.
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199. You know I like Snack Pack.
Why can't you give me a Snack Pack?
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200. I thought I was your Snack Pack.
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201. - What are you talkin' about?
- Nothin'.
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202. Bill, you're gonna miss the bus.
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203. Yeah, you better get
your beautiful buns up that driveway.
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204. What a weirdo!
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205. Oh, back to school
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206. Back to school
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207. To prove to Dad that I'm not a fool
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208. I got my lunch packed up
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209. My boots tied tight
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210. I hope I don't get in a fight
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211. Oh, back to school
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212. Back to school, back to school...
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213. Well, here goes nothin'.
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214. Thank you, Daddy.
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215. - Hi. How you doin'?
- Fine.
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216. Are you going to class today, too?
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217. I'll be going to class to teach.
How about you?
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218. I'll be going to learn.
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219. Ah. You must be Billy Madison.
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220. Yes, I am.
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221. Don't you think it's pathetic that because
of your father you get to do school again?
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222. - Yes, I do.
- Well, as long as you know.
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223. Well, all right!
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224. Hey, mister,
guess what I had for breakfast.
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225. - What?
- Beans.
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226. Scotty likes beans, don't you, Scotty?
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227. - Hey. How you doin'?
- Let's involve the class.
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228. Quiet down, my special people.
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229. I want you all to meet...
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230. .. our new friend Billy.
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231. - Can everyone say hello to Billy?
- Hello, Billy.
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232. Hi.
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233. Billy is going to be sharing our fun
and learning for the next two weeks.
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234. Billy is special,
just like each and every one of you.
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235. And what do we do to our special people?
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236. All right. All right.
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237. Billy, why don't you take a seat
right up front here?
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238. And we can start story time.
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239. You got a misshaped head.
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240. Thank you.
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241. The Puppy Who Lost His Way
by Chrissy Taylor.
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242. "One fine morning...
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243. ..a puppy popped his puppy paws
out of his puppy house."
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244. "This was no ordinary puppy."
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245. "This puppy was the happiest puppy
in the whole world."
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246. "In fact, his name was Happy.
Happy looked through the bushes..."
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247. "I'll never let you get lost again',
cried the little boy,
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248. .. who was so happy
that he gave Happy a kiss...
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249. .. on his wet little puppy nose."
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250. "The end."
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251. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Miss Lippy.
The part of the story I don't like...
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252. ..is that the little boy gave up
looking for Happy after an hour.
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253. He didn't put posters up. He just sat
on the porch like a goon and waited.
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254. That little boy's gotta think:
you got a pet, you got a responsibility.
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255. If your dog gets lost, you don't look
for an hour then call it quits.
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256. You get your ass out there
and you find that fuckin' dog!
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257. I think it's time to play dodge ball.
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258. You're out! O'Doyle rules!
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259. Billy. What are you doing back?
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260. I'm out.
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261. Well, that just means you stay
off to the side until a new game starts.
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262. That's OK. I'm kinda tired anyway.
I'll just sit here and colour or something.
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263. Billy, dodge-ball time is a special time.
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264. Not just for you boys and girls,
but for Miss Lippy, too. So stay outside.
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265. Whoa!
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266. Now you're all in big, big trouble.
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267. You're out!
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268. Oh, yeah!
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269. Lunchtime!
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270. I bet that Snack Pack's pretty good.
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271. Wanna trade me the rest of it
for this banana?
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272. You know how badly I can beat you, right?
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273. Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis
is the best video game ever.
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274. I disagree. It's a very good game, but I
think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
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275. - Donkey Kong sucks.
- You know somethin'? You suck.
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276. Number one, number one
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277. Now my song has just begun
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278. With a rum tum taddelum,
Old John Braddelum
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279. Hey, what country folk we be
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280. Number two, number two
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281. Roosters crow,
cock-a-doodle-doodle-doo
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282. With a rum tum taddelum,
Old John Braddelum
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283. Hey, what countryfolk we be
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284. Number three, number three
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285. I like you and you like me
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286. Hey! That's very nice of you to pick up
your little brother here at school.
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287. He's not my brother. He's my son.
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288. - You gotta be kiddin' me.
- Mom, that's Billy. He's in my class.
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289. I heard he's retarded or something.
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290. Creative mind. Maybe someday he'll make
Mommy and Daddy a lot of money.
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291. Daddy's in prison, and he won't
be home for a long time.
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292. My dear Lord.
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293. Yeah! Yeah, well, I gotta get goin'
right now. I gotta get on the bus.
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294. I ride the bus for the city
and watch the bus drivers.
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295. This programme to make sure
they turn the wheels right...
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296. Billy, you forgot your stuff.
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297. Come on, honey.
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298. Thank you very much, Miss Lippy!
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299. Yes.
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300. - Brian Madison for you.
- Tell him I'm out to lunch.
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301. Billy Madison.
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302. A buffoon. And yet a threat
to my eventual takeover of this company.
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303. A menace.
And what do we do with a menace?
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304. We eliminate it.
We eliminate Billy Madison.
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305. - Tricia Labonte?
- Here.
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306. - Scotty Logan?
- Here.
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307. Billy Madison?
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308. Hm...
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309. Hey. Look at all this milk.
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310. - You want some of this milk?
- That milk belongs to that classroom.
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311. Oh. They don't gots to know about it.
It could be our milk.
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312. No milk will ever be our milk.
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313. Ooh. That wasn't very nice.
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314. How 'bout you, sideburns?
You want some of this milk?
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315. Rather have a beer.
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316. I drew the duck blue because
I've never seen a blue duck before...
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317. .. and, to be honest with ya,
I wanted to see a blue duck.
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318. Well, it's an excellent blue duck.
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319. Congratulations.
You just passed the first grade.
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320. Oh, Miss Lippy, that's so great.
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321. What do you think of that, Mr Blue Duck?
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322. That's quack-tastic!
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323. Wow! Look at all that candy!
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324. Rolex!
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325. - Thanks for the watch, Billy.
- You're welcome, buddy.
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326. This is great. When I graduated first grade
all my father did was tell me to get a job.
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327. Hey, you wanna feed that donkey
some beer, get it all messed up?
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328. - Maybe later.
- I'll go put some beer in a bucket.
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329. - OK.
- Hey there, Mr Graduate. How's it goin'?
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330. Go!
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331. Come on, kid! Get up! Get up!
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332. You're humiliating yourself! Get up!
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333. Whoa, whoa, whoa...
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334. Aaah!
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335. So he's passed first grade and
he's moved on to second. Whoop-de-do.
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336. Any more information, Rollo?
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337. Billy likes to drink soda.
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338. Miss Lippy's car is green.
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339. And now we have just two students left.
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340. Bath.
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341. Bath.
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342. B-a-t-h.
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343. - Bath.
- Correct!
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344. Bath - that's a little easy.
Why don't you just give her the trophy?
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345. Cheese.
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346. Cheese.
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347. C-h-e-e-s-e.
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348. - Cheese.
- Correct.
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349. - Couch.
- Couch.
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350. C...
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351. C-o...
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352. - W?
- No!
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353. No, I'm sorry, that's not right.
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354. Well, Billy, if you spell this correctly,
you pass second grade.
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355. Couch.
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356. C...
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357. Cou...
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358. Cou...
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359. C-o...
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360. R... Are you going to the mall later?
That's what I'm asking.
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361. No, I am not going to the mall.
Keep spelling, mister.
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362. C-o-u...
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363. ..c-h?
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364. Correct!
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365. I am the smartest man alive!
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366. Is he gonna have a stupid party
every time he passes a grade?
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367. Everybody's having
a good time but you.
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368. Spoilt snot. Get outta here.
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369. Let me ask you something, Carl.
You started here, what, 25 years ago?
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370. Night bellboy at the Philadelphia Madison?
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371. After all your hard work, how would you
feel working for some punk kid like Billy?
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372. Could be worse.
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373. That's nice.
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374. Man, I'm so nervous.
First and second grade were easy,
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375. .. but social studies, division?
This is gonna be tough.
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376. Man, I'm so nervous.
First and second grade were easy,
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377. .. but social studies, division?
This is gonna be tough.
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378. Relax, dude.
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379. Jackpot.
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380. - Good morning, class.
- Good morning, Miss Vaughn.
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381. We're gonna start today by reading
a short story entitled "My Sister Fanny".
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382. Quiet.
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383. OK, so let's all open up
our Reading is Fun books to page 69.
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384. 69!
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385. Class, say hello to Billy Madison.
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386. Hello, Billy Madison.
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387. Billy is a nuisance.
He will be gone in two weeks.
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388. I apologise for this inconvenience.
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389. - Jeez! What's up her butt?
- What was that, Billy?
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390. I said "Reading is good."
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391. Can we start the story now?
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392. Dan, you may begin.
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393. "O... o... once...
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394. ..th... th... there w... was...
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395. ..a g... g... girl...
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396. .. who w..."
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397. - He can't even read.
- Cut it out, dude.
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398. You're gonna get us in trouble.
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399. "..p... p... p... p..."
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400. T... t... t... today, junior!
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401. Ow! You're tearing my ear off!
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402. Making fun of a kid for trying to read.
Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?
Copy !req
403. I'm sorry. I can't hear you.
I've been physically abused in the ear.
Copy !req
404. Keep your mouth shut for the next two
weeks or I'm gonna fail you. End of story.
Copy !req
405. I see your lips movin', but I can't
make out your words. I'm deaf.
Copy !req
406. Oh, Veronica Vaughn. So hot.
Copy !req
407. Want to touch the heinie.
Copy !req
408. So that girlie I've been chasin'?
Turns out she's my third-grade teacher.
Copy !req
409. First thing she does
is kick me out of her class.
Copy !req
410. Maybe she feels she has
to make an example of you.
Copy !req
411. - Or she's got somethin' up her ass.
- That's what I said.
Copy !req
412. - Poor Billy.
- I'm so depressed.
Copy !req
413. - Want me to take my shirt off for you?
- No, thank you.
Copy !req
414. OK, baby. But remember,
the offer is on the table.
Copy !req
415. Oh, yes. Oh, my.
Copy !req
416. Oh, God, yes.
Copy !req
417. - Lordy.
- Billy Madison.
Copy !req
418. Uh-huh?
Copy !req
419. Would you like to try writing some words
in cursive on the blackboard today?
Copy !req
420. OK. Sure.
Copy !req
421. OK, how about the word "dugout"?
Copy !req
422. OK, good. How about "bunt"?
Copy !req
423. Bunt. B-u-n-t.
Copy !req
424. In perfect cursive.
Any more brain-busters?
Copy !req
425. Rizzuto.
Copy !req
426. Z... Z...
Copy !req
427. Rirruto?
Copy !req
428. Those are Zs.
Copy !req
429. They look like Rs to me.
Copy !req
430. That's not fair! Rizzuto is not a word.
He's a baseball player. You're cheating.
Copy !req
431. Would you like to try the word "buzz"?
Copy !req
432. I hate cursive and I hate all of you!
Copy !req
433. I'm never comin' back to school! Never!
Copy !req
434. Billy!
Copy !req
435. I swear, I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Copy !req
436. If you're gonna stay home today,
you could help me shave my armpits.
Copy !req
437. Oh, my God! I'll go to school.
Copy !req
438. O'Doyle rules!
Copy !req
439. - What's goin' on?
- Miss Vaughn's sick.
Copy !req
440. Please take your seats.
Copy !req
441. - Who's that guy?
- Principal Anderson.
Copy !req
442. As you can tell, Miss Vaughn is not feeling
well today, so I'll be taking her place.
Copy !req
443. But don't get your hopes up,
because I plan on teaching,
Copy !req
444. ..so I hope you plan on learning.
Copy !req
445. Now, who can tell me where we are
in our social-studies reader?
Copy !req
446. Yes?
Copy !req
447. Michael?
Copy !req
448. Excuse me. What's that in your hand?
Copy !req
449. Bring that note up to me.
Copy !req
450. Ooh.
Copy !req
451. Now let's see what couldn't wait
till after class.
Copy !req
452. "We're so lucky to have
Principal Anderson substituting."
Copy !req
453. "Now we have the privilege of staring
at that tub of lard all day long"?
Copy !req
454. "If I were him, I would walk my fat ass
right into oncoming traffic."
Copy !req
455. Oh, man, Billy,
I just thought of the funniest thing.
Copy !req
456. Billy?
Copy !req
457. - Where's Billy?
- He's in school, man.
Copy !req
458. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
459. I'm not the one
Copy !req
460. That you'll be shootin' for
Copy !req
461. I'm not the one
Copy !req
462. Who's coming back for more
Copy !req
463. You know why
Copy !req
464. We've been through this too many times
Copy !req
465. You know why
Copy !req
466. It's never clear it's pantomime
Copy !req
467. I don't wanna sound like a weirdo,
but I kinda missed Miss Vaughn today.
Copy !req
468. - Why? Do you like her or something?
- No!
Copy !req
469. - Why? Did she say she likes me?
- Not to me.
Copy !req
470. Well, let's find out.
Copy !req
471. Uh, hello?
Copy !req
472. Um, is this Miss Vaughn?
Copy !req
473. Oh, hi. It's Ernie from class.
Copy !req
474. Ask her if she has a boyfriend.
Copy !req
475. Uh, Miss Vaughn, do you have a boyfriend?
Copy !req
476. No.
Copy !req
477. - Ask her...
- Shh!
Copy !req
478. Ask her if she likes anybody from class,
like, more than a friend.
Copy !req
479. Uh, Miss Vaughn, do you like
anybody in class more than a friend?
Copy !req
480. No.
Copy !req
481. Ask her if she would ever
go out with somebody from class.
Copy !req
482. - No!
- Just do it!
Copy !req
483. Um, Miss Vaughn, would you ever
go out with anybody from class?
Copy !req
484. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
485. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
486. You see, Ernie, grown-ups like
to go out with other grown-ups.
Copy !req
487. - What about Billy?
- You're more of a grown-up than Billy.
Copy !req
488. - I'll give you a grown-up.
- What was that, Ernie?
Copy !req
489. Nothing.
See you tomorrow in class, Miss Vaughn.
Copy !req
490. You blew it!
Copy !req
491. Hey, I dare you to throw
your sandwich at the bus driver.
Copy !req
492. Do it. Come on.
Copy !req
493. Hey!
Copy !req
494. Hey, who threw that?
Copy !req
495. I'll turn this damn bus around.
Copy !req
496. That'll end your precious little
field trip pretty damn quick, huh?
Copy !req
497. Bullshit.
Copy !req
498. Hey, I'm tryin' to score points with
the teacher today. Don't screw it up!
Copy !req
499. I dare you to touch her boobs.
Copy !req
500. Touch her boobs? That's assault, brother.
Copy !req
501. Ya double-dare me?
Copy !req
502. Miss Vaughn, how long till we get there?
Copy !req
503. - I have to go to the bathroom.
- Probably about two minutes.
Copy !req
504. Sorry about that.
Damn guy drives like an animal.
Copy !req
505. That's all right, Billy.
Why don't you go back and sit down now?
Copy !req
506. - OK.
- I double-dare you.
Copy !req
507. Da... I... Accident...
Copy !req
508. Mistake... Tit...
Copy !req
509. - Go sit down now.
- Yes.
Copy !req
510. Yeah, here we go again.
Another treat from the road.
Copy !req
511. Grand, ripe banana.
Trick of the day. Great...
Copy !req
512. What is a horseshoe?
What does a horseshoe do?
Copy !req
513. Are there any horse socks?
Copy !req
514. Is anybody listening to me?
Copy !req
515. Anyways, I am sorry about
what happened back there,
Copy !req
516. .. but you have to admit,
I've been tryin' to be good lately.
Copy !req
517. Well, you're not the first person
that's tried to grab my chest.
Copy !req
518. I'm trying not to hold you to a higher
standard than the rest of the students.
Copy !req
519. Although maybe I should.
You are, what, 50?
Copy !req
520. No, but the other kids look up to me.
I don't want them to think I'm a coward.
Copy !req
521. Don't worry about it. Next week you're
gonna have another teacher to annoy.
Copy !req
522. I don't want to annoy another teacher,
Miss Vaughn. I want to annoy you.
Copy !req
523. - Miss Vaughn!
- Somebody stole all our lunches.
Copy !req
524. Who would steal 30 bagged lunches?
Copy !req
525. I'll tell you who took those lunches.
Copy !req
526. That damn sasquatch.
Copy !req
527. Well, I guess that's it.
OK, everybody! Back on the bus!
Copy !req
528. - Hey, what's with Ernie?
- I don't know. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
529. Hey, Ernie, what's up?
Copy !req
530. Nothing.
Copy !req
531. You fallen in love
with the wall or somethin'?
Copy !req
532. - I had an accident.
- An accident. What does that mean?
Copy !req
533. Ooh!
Copy !req
534. Oh, I know. OK. Uh...
Copy !req
535. Don't worry, buddy. You hang tight.
I'll be right back.
Copy !req
536. Hey, look, everybody! Billy peed his pants!
Copy !req
537. Of course I peed my pants. Everybody
my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.
Copy !req
538. - Really?
- Yes!
Copy !req
539. You ain't cool unless you pee your pants.
Copy !req
540. - Wow.
- Hey, man, Ernie peed his pants too.
Copy !req
541. All right!
Copy !req
542. If peeing your pants is cool,
consider me Miles Davis.
Copy !req
543. Oh!
Copy !req
544. That was the grossest thing
I've ever heard in my life! Let's go!
Copy !req
545. Get on the bus here.
Copy !req
546. Move it. Get up there, Kyle.
Copy !req
547. One, two, five, seven.
Copy !req
548. Move it or lose it. Get on the b...
Copy !req
549. Hi, Miss Vaughn. Nice to see ya.
Copy !req
550. That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass.
Copy !req
551. I know from experience, dude,
if you know what I mean.
Copy !req
552. No, you don't.
Copy !req
553. Well, not me personally, but a guy I know.
Him and her got it on.
Copy !req
554. Whoo-ee!
Copy !req
555. No, they didn't.
Copy !req
556. No, no, no, they didn't.
Copy !req
557. But you can imagine
what it'd be like if they did, right? Huh?
Copy !req
558. Everybody on?
Good, great, grand, wonderful!
Copy !req
559. No yelling on the bus!
Copy !req
560. Billy passed the third grade
Copy !req
561. Oh, what a glorious day
Copy !req
562. Oh, passin' third grade
Copy !req
563. The Billy Madison way
Copy !req
564. Yeah!
Copy !req
565. Rock on! Yes!
Copy !req
566. Stop it.
Copy !req
567. Who are you? I don't even know you.
Go away, mister. Stop it.
Copy !req
568. - Are you OK?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
569. - Look! She came!
- And she came too.
Copy !req
570. The mucus queen is yours.
Copy !req
571. Thanks.
Copy !req
572. Hi!
Copy !req
573. Oh, gosh. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
574. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
575. Snack Pack! You're the coolest!
Copy !req
576. - Those should last you the weekend.
- Thank you very much.
Copy !req
577. - Billy is on the right track.
- He's on track all right.
Copy !req
578. He's headed right down the toilet.
Copy !req
579. Easy.
Copy !req
580. You still don't think he's gonna make it?
Copy !req
581. Trust me, Carl, baby.
I know he's not gonna make it.
Copy !req
582. Would you excuse me for a second?
Copy !req
583. Who will help me destroy Billy Madison?
Copy !req
584. Who?
Copy !req
585. You know, that was really sweet,
the way you helped Ernie out yesterday.
Copy !req
586. He would have done the same for me.
Copy !req
587. So what's it like being back in school?
Copy !req
588. I don't know. I kinda feel
like an idiot sometimes.
Copy !req
589. Although I am an idiot,
so it kinda works out.
Copy !req
590. Is it just you and your dad in here?
Copy !req
591. Well, actually, no. There's Juanita,
and some maids and butlers and stuff.
Copy !req
592. And people who work for my dad
are always stoppin' by.
Copy !req
593. And my friends are always sleepin' over,
even when I didn't ask 'em to.
Copy !req
594. - Sounds like a hotel.
- It kinda is. It can be distracting.
Copy !req
595. That's why I moved out here.
Copy !req
596. Wow.
Copy !req
597. This is where I've been spending
most of my time lately.
Copy !req
598. Not exactly roughing it, are you?
Copy !req
599. Those are, uh...
They come with the tent, so...
Copy !req
600. Oh, wow. A Tale of Two Cities.
I don't think we're up to that one yet.
Copy !req
601. I can understand nine words
in that book now.
Copy !req
602. So, it's, um... the last day of third grade.
Copy !req
603. And you have the teacher,
alone, in your tent.
Copy !req
604. What do you wanna do?
Copy !req
605. Well, I can think of three things
I'd like to do.
Copy !req
606. One would involve some ice cubes
and a nine-iron.
Copy !req
607. - Two would include a buffalo.
- Really?
Copy !req
608. Live or stuffed.
Preferably stuffed, for safety's sake.
Copy !req
609. we'd bring back
some of those ice cubes,
Copy !req
610. .. but switch it over to a pitching wedge.
Copy !req
611. How you guys doin'?
Copy !req
612. Hey! Carl! Good to see you!
Copy !req
613. This is Veronica, my teacher. That's Carl.
Copy !req
614. Very pleased to meet you.
Bill, I think Eric is up to something.
Copy !req
615. - Who's Eric?
- He works for my dad too.
Copy !req
616. He gets the company if I screw up.
He's a douchebag.
Copy !req
617. He made some menacing comments to me,
and then he did that little weasel laugh.
Copy !req
618. - Yeah. How does that laugh go again?
- You know.
Copy !req
619. - Very good. It sounded just like him.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
620. Well, I'm sure he's got
something up his sleeve.
Copy !req
621. - Thanks, buddy.
- No problem.
Copy !req
622. You went to school to learn, girl
Copy !req
623. Things you never, never knew before...
Copy !req
624. The most densely populated part
of the US is along the eastern seaboard.
Copy !req
625. We're gonna talk about why that is
over the next few minutes.
Copy !req
626. We all know what a census is, don't we?
That's like taking a census...
Copy !req
627. You know, yeah. Pick it up and gimme...
Copy !req
628. You want some of this?
Copy !req
629. Oh, my dear Lord!
Copy !req
630. You never leave me open, son,
cos I'm gonna hit it every time.
Copy !req
631. You want some more of that?
I didn't think so!
Copy !req
632. Reading, writing, arithmetic
are the branches of the learning tree
Copy !req
633. But without the roots
of love every day, girl
Copy !req
634. Your education ain't complete
Copy !req
635. Teacher's gonna show you
Copy !req
636. How to get an A
Copy !req
637. How to spell 'me', 'you'
and add the two
Copy !req
638. Listen to me, baby,
that's all you gotta do
Copy !req
639. ABC
Copy !req
640. It's easy as 1-2-3
Copy !req
641. As simple as do-re-mi, ABC...
Copy !req
642. All right, stop before I throw up.
Copy !req
643. Hey, Billy, you wanna go
play soccer with us after school?
Copy !req
644. No, I got a test on Friday.
I'll play with you guys next week.
Copy !req
645. - Next week you'll be in ninth grade.
- Yeah, high school.
Copy !req
646. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
647. You aren't gonna wanna hang round with
a bunch of dumb elementary-school kids.
Copy !req
648. That's not true. I'll come
and visit you guys all the time.
Copy !req
649. Yeah, to see your girlfriend.
Copy !req
650. Whooo!
Copy !req
651. Have some more Sloppy Joes.
Copy !req
652. I made 'em extra sloppy for yous.
Copy !req
653. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.
Copy !req
654. Lady, you're scarin' us.
Copy !req
655. - Do you know where the bathroom is?
- Second door on the left.
Copy !req
656. Hey, tubby, how about
a little bathroom reading?
Copy !req
657. I have the August 1983 issue
of Wrestling World here.
Copy !req
658. There's a terrific article about
a wrestler named the Revolting Blob.
Copy !req
659. Gee, you know somethin'?
He kinda looks like someone I know.
Copy !req
660. - Where'd you get that?
- I have a subscription.
Copy !req
661. Bad guy. He threw one opponent out of
the ring and hit a bunch of senior citizens.
Copy !req
662. Boy, this wacko looks familiar.
Copy !req
663. What do I care about some
stupid phoney wrestling guy?
Copy !req
664. My God.
Copy !req
665. In June 1983 he sat on
some guy's head and killed him.
Copy !req
666. It was just a stunt!
Copy !req
667. He was supposed to pinch my leg
if he was running short of air.
Copy !req
668. With this guy sitting on everyone's head,
I wonder how he got his teaching degree?
Copy !req
669. No!
Copy !req
670. No, you can't do that to me.
Those kids are my whole life!
Copy !req
671. So you wouldn't want anything to happen
that would make 'em think less of you?
Copy !req
672. Max?
Copy !req
673. Max?
Copy !req
674. You ready to cooperate with me?
Copy !req
675. Yes.
Copy !req
676. Then Madison Hotels is as good as mine!
Copy !req
677. - Nice shirt.
- Yeah. Yep.
Copy !req
678. Now the cell's happy. But other molecules
are saying "We'd like some energy too."
Copy !req
679. And it uses its own pigment molecule,
chlorophyll, to carry out the action.
Copy !req
680. This does not make the ribosomes happy.
Copy !req
681. And poor chlorophyll is caught
in the middle of this.
Copy !req
682. Chlorophyll? More like "bore-ophyll"!
Copy !req
683. Right?
Copy !req
684. - Jeez, a little bit stuffy in here, huh?
- Don't talk to me.
Copy !req
685. - And why is that?
- Because you're a loser.
Copy !req
686. .. from these ribosomes.
And chlorophyll helps the chloroplast...
Copy !req
687. No, I will not make out with you!
Copy !req
688. Did you hear that? This girl wants to
make out with me in the middle of class!
Copy !req
689. You got "chlorophyll man" up there
talkin' about God knows what.
Copy !req
690. All she's talking about is makin' out with
me. I'm here to learn, not to make out.
Copy !req
691. Go on with the chlorophyll.
Copy !req
692. O'Doyle rules.
Copy !req
693. Thanks a lot, O'Doyle. Nice meetin' you.
Copy !req
694. - Wait till they start with the wedgies.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
695. You oughta start cutting your underwear
before you get to school. So it rips easier.
Copy !req
696. I see. Who are you guys?
Copy !req
697. The guys everybody used to pick on
before you started here.
Copy !req
698. No, they ain't pickin' on me. They're givin'
me a hard time cos I'm the new guy.
Copy !req
699. A little first-day hazing.
Copy !req
700. - Are you in loser denial or something?
- I had a bad case of loser denial myself.
Copy !req
701. Till the lacrosse team stuck
a parking cone up my ass.
Copy !req
702. Loser? I ain't no loser.
I was the king of this high school.
Copy !req
703. A hundred friends, a million parties...
Copy !req
704. You guys are losers, not me.
Copy !req
705. And that is what a prime number is.
Copy !req
706. Billy!
Copy !req
707. I figured I got fourth period off,
I'd shoot down and say hi.
Copy !req
708. - How's high school, Billy?
- Yeah, how's high school?
Copy !req
709. High school is great.
I mean, I'm learning a lot.
Copy !req
710. And all the kids are treating me
very nice. It's great.
Copy !req
711. Gee, I can't wait till I go to high school.
Copy !req
712. Don't you say that.
Copy !req
713. Don't you ever say that.
Copy !req
714. Stay here.
Copy !req
715. Stay as long as you can.
Copy !req
716. For the love of God, cherish it.
Copy !req
717. Jennifer,
why don't you read out loud?
Copy !req
718. You gotta cherish it.
Copy !req
719. You do.
Copy !req
720. Hm.
Copy !req
721. I don't understand it.
Copy !req
722. I mean, ten years ago high school
was the greatest. I had so much fun.
Copy !req
723. I guess a little too much fun,
since you've gotta do it again.
Copy !req
724. I know. It's just that classes are so hard,
and all the kids treat me like I'm a goof.
Copy !req
725. Well, you are a goof.
Copy !req
726. Suck it up. Eight more weeks
and you're all set.
Copy !req
727. Yeah, you're right. You're so smart.
Copy !req
728. - I gotta go, OK?
- OK.
Copy !req
729. Billy, wait.
Copy !req
730. It doesn't feel so great
to be called a loser, does it?
Copy !req
731. No.
Copy !req
732. Maybe the first time
you went to high school,
Copy !req
733. ..you weren't as nice to the kids
that you thought were losers.
Copy !req
734. I know what you're sayin'.
You're so smart.
Copy !req
735. Hello?
Copy !req
736. - Hi. Is this Danny McGrath?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
737. The Danny McGrath that graduated
from Knibb High School in 1984?
Copy !req
738. - Uh, yeah. Who's this?
- This is Billy Madison.
Copy !req
739. You probably don't remember me,
but I went to high school with you.
Copy !req
740. I kinda gave you a hard time back then,
Copy !req
741. .. and I did some things that
I thought were funny at the time,
Copy !req
742. .. but now I realise they
were just mean and stupid.
Copy !req
743. And I just wanted to apologise,
and I hope you forgive me.
Copy !req
744. Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it.
Copy !req
745. Wow! That's great!
Copy !req
746. Well, I am sorry, and maybe
we can get together some time...
Copy !req
747. .. and have coffee or somethin'.
Copy !req
748. - Sure, I'd like that.
- OK. Well, I'll see you around.
Copy !req
749. OK. Bye.
Copy !req
750. Speak for yourself, moron.
Copy !req
751. Oh, my God! That is funny!
Copy !req
752. Next.: the shocking story of power
and corruption involving a hotel tycoon.
Copy !req
753. How his 27-year-old millionaire son
cheated his way through school.
Copy !req
754. - What the hell...?
- Now, now. Maybe it's somebody else.
Copy !req
755. My name is Max Anderson,
Copy !req
756. .. and I am the principal
at the Polly Fector Elementary School.
Copy !req
757. Recently a young man named
Billy Madison was enrolled there.
Copy !req
758. During that time
Mr Madison was disruptive.
Copy !req
759. The only reason he passed was that
he offered me a bribe of $5,000,
Copy !req
760. which I regrettably accepted.
Copy !req
761. I'm sorry, Billy.
Copy !req
762. That was Principal Anderson
of Polly Fector Elementary School.
Copy !req
763. Dad! He's lyin'!
Copy !req
764. You made a fool out of me.
This was a mistake from the beginning.
Copy !req
765. Brian, I got some interim
forecasts for you to...
Copy !req
766. - Why is everybody so glum?
- You seriously don't believe me?
Copy !req
767. That's right. I seriously don't believe you.
Copy !req
768. The deal's off. Eric's got the company.
Copy !req
769. Wow. Good news for me.
Copy !req
770. I can't believe this is happening right now.
Copy !req
771. Are you gonna come to class on Monday?
Copy !req
772. Wouldn't make much sense now, would it?
Copy !req
773. Stupid idea in the first place.
Copy !req
774. They finally found me
Copy !req
775. The renegade who had it made
Copy !req
776. Retrieved for a bounty
Copy !req
777. Never more to go astray
Copy !req
778. This'll be the end today
of the wanted man
Copy !req
779. Better get up outta this bed!
Copy !req
780. I've been years on the lam
And had a high price on my head
Copy !req
781. Lawman said 'Get him dead or alive'...
Copy !req
782. Yoo-hoo!
Copy !req
783. Hello!
Copy !req
784. Billy's here!
Copy !req
785. Hey, baby!
Copy !req
786. You lookin' hot tonight!
Copy !req
787. - Billy, what has happened to you?
- We're gonna go on a date.
Copy !req
788. You, me, Jack and Frank...
Copy !req
789. .. are gonna go around puttin' shit
on people's doorsteps...
Copy !req
790. .. and we're gonna set it on fire.
Copy !req
791. Billy, why are you acting like this?
I know that you didn't pay off Max.
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792. Well, that makes two of us, then, baby,
Copy !req
793. .. but it takes more than two to tango.
Or somethin' like that.
Copy !req
794. - So let's go.
- No, let's stay.
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795. And the three of you can light dog shit
on my living-room floor.
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796. - Come on, Billy, you know that...
- Talky, talky, talky.
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797. No more talky.
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798. You got a lighter in here?
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799. Oh.
Copy !req
800. I see what's goin' on in here.
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801. So sorry to interrupt!
Copy !req
802. Proceed.
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803. Billy, you're losing your mind.
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804. All right, boys' night out!
Copy !req
805. Let's go!
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806. Ow!
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807. I need to talk to you.
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808. Jeez!
Copy !req
809. What's goin' on, man?
Copy !req
810. I think Billy and his girlfriend
are playin' water polo or somethin'.
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811. Hey, maybe they're playin' Marco Polo.
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812. Marco.
Copy !req
813. - Jeez, that was a great game.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
814. I got an idea for you.
Instead of being an idiot every day,
Copy !req
815. .. why don't you go back to school,
graduate and get the company?
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816. Cos I don't want it any more.
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817. - What do you mean, you don't want it?
- I got somethin' comin' outta my nose?
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818. I can't believe I liked someone
who could roll over and die.
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819. I ain't rollin' over and dyin'. I was set up.
And, worst of all, nobody believes me.
Copy !req
820. I believe you, Billy. And I believe in you.
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821. You know, some people have no willpower,
no brains, no vision.
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822. They just drift through life
like lumps of crap.
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823. What is she talkin' about?
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824. And you have all those things.
You're just afraid to use 'em.
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825. Don't be. You say you're not a loser,
Billy Madison. So win.
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826. Yes, I will go back to school
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827. And achieve victory
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828. No man will take
what my father has built
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829. Unless that man is me
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830. My Billy, sweet Billy boy
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831. I knew you would go back
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832. No one can stop you if you try
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833. Don't I have a nice rack?
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834. Veronica, I thank you
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835. For beating the shit out of me
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836. I see things so clearly now
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837. I choose my destiny
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838. Oh, Billy, I knew you had it in ya.
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839. We're here to help you, Billy
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840. Get back in school to stay
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841. You gotta work real hard and stick it out
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842. Till graduation day
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843. Hey, kids, it's me
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844. I bet you thought that I was dead
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845. But when I fell over I just broke my leg
Copy !req
846. And got a haemorrhage in my head
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847. There are obstacles in the way
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848. - ~ But together we shall overcome
- ~ Overcome
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849. Cos you can't break our spirit
and you can't kill our dream
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850. Do you have any more gum,
more gum, more gum, more gum?
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851. Do you have any more gum?
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852. Oh. Hello, kids.
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853. Mr Anderson, is that you?
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854. Oh.
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855. Yes, actually, it is.
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856. This is just... Well, this is...
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857. Normally I don't allow children to be
in my home without parental supervision.
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858. So why don't you just run on... Oh, boy.
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859. It sure is great to have all you kids come
surprise me like this at my home, but I...
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860. Mr Anderson, Billy said the stuff
that you said didn't happen.
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861. Is he lying or are you lying?
Copy !req
862. Oh, well, listen, kids.
It's not always as simple as all that.
Copy !req
863. The statement I made about Billy Madison
was and is completely untrue.
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864. No.
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865. I know now that I shall
never escape my fate...
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866. - ..as the Revolting Blob.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Copy !req
867. It's something
I must learn to live with.
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868. Joyce?
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869. What a mess.
Copy !req
870. First this psycho goes on TV,
lies, then retracts it.
Copy !req
871. And now Eric's secretary is in a coma.
Copy !req
872. Carl, has anybody been able to find out
anything about this Max guy?
Copy !req
873. No, sir. He's vanished.
Nobody has any idea where he is.
Copy !req
874. - I believed in Billy all along, sir.
- Cut the horseshit!
Copy !req
875. - I know you blackmailed Max.
- Take it easy, Billy.
Copy !req
876. Things were going along great until
this wrestling freak messed things up.
Copy !req
877. Billy should get
another shot at high school.
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878. Hey, rules are rules. Billy was supposed to
finish each grade within the two weeks...
Copy !req
879. .. or I get the company.
He didn't finish ninth grade.
Copy !req
880. Eric, certainly there are
extenuating circumstances.
Copy !req
881. Extenuating, exschmenuating.
We had a deal. A signed, written deal.
Copy !req
882. Each grade, two weeks,
or I get the company.
Copy !req
883. Well, technically you're right, but...
Copy !req
884. Oh, shut up, Brian. I've had
to listen to your jawing for too long.
Copy !req
885. "Well, technically..."
Copy !req
886. Just shut up! Are you ready
to hand the company over to me now?
Copy !req
887. - No.
- Then I'll see your ass in court.
Copy !req
888. Good.
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889. Nice talkin' to ya, shitheads.
Copy !req
890. Hey, Eric, how would you like
to settle this now, no lawyers?
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891. You and me, mano y mano.
Copy !req
892. - What does that mean?
- What does that mean?
Copy !req
893. - Carl, what does that mean?
- Uh... I don't know.
Copy !req
894. It means an academic decathlon.
Copy !req
895. One day, ten events, testing all the
knowledge one would gain in high school.
Copy !req
896. Me versus you.
Copy !req
897. - You're joking, right?
- Let's take it a little easy here, Billy.
Copy !req
898. No, I'm serious. Let's do it.
Let's do it on Friday.
Copy !req
899. - Let's do it.
- Is that all right with you, Daddy?
Copy !req
900. Well, if you think you can beat him.
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901. Oh, I can. And I will.
Copy !req
902. - It's a deal.
- I know it was you.
Copy !req
903. You broke my heart.
Copy !req
904. Here are the trigonometry hand-outs.
Copy !req
905. Last year's physics notes.
Best I could do.
Copy !req
906. Thanks a lot, fellas. You're saving my life.
Copy !req
907. O'Doyle rules.
Copy !req
908. O'Doyle, I got a feeling
your whole family's goin' down.
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909. But for now I gotta study.
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910. Norman invasion of England.
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911. 1066.
Copy !req
912. That is correct.
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913. The Magna Carta.
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914. 1215?
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915. Yes.
Copy !req
916. Spanish Armada.
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917. 1466?
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918. '67? 1469?
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919. 1514?
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920. 1981? 1986?
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921. Please do not do that. Come on, I swear...
Just hang in there one second.
Copy !req
922. Please, God, give me the answer!
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923. Buenos dias.
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924. Buenas tardes.
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925. Buenas noches.
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926. Slow down.
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927. Oh
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928. Spanish Armada...
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929. 1588.
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930. That is correct.
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931. Ladies and gentlemen, thanks to
a generous donation by Mr Madison...
Copy !req
932. ..to the Knibb High School library, I have
been able to arrange for ten teachers...
Copy !req
933. ..to administer this academic decathlon
in various courses of study.
Copy !req
934. However, if there is any attempt
by either contestant to cheat,
Copy !req
935. .. especially with my wife, who is a dirty,
dirty tramp, I am just gonna snap.
Copy !req
936. Do I make myself clear?
Copy !req
937. - Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
Copy !req
938. All right, then.
Let the academic decathlon begin.
Copy !req
939. Second team, all-American, Harvard track.
Copy !req
940. Is that right?
Copy !req
941. Oh, gross! Did you see that guy's balls?
Copy !req
942. Yeah, they were weird-lookin'.
Copy !req
943. Whoa!
Copy !req
944. He's good.
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945. To be, or not to be:
Copy !req
946. that is the question:
Copy !req
947. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Copy !req
948. The slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune...
Copy !req
949. Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
Copy !req
950. And by opposing end them?
Copy !req
951. To die: to sleep;
Copy !req
952. No more.
Copy !req
953. Billy!
Copy !req
954. Hey, hey, hey. Who rules?
Copy !req
955. O'Doyle rules!
Copy !req
956. O'Doyle rules!
Copy !req
957. O'Doyle rules!
Copy !req
958. O'Doyle rules!
Copy !req
959. O'Doyle rules!
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960. O'Doyle rules!
Copy !req
961. O'Doyle rules!
Copy !req
962. O'Doyle rules!
Copy !req
963. Good afternoon, students.
Copy !req
964. You've been invited here today
to witness the tenth and final event...
Copy !req
965. ..in the competition between
Mr Eric Gordon and Mr Billy Madison.
Copy !req
966. As of this moment, Mr Madison
is ahead by one point.
Copy !req
967. Each competitor will select
the final category for his opponent.
Copy !req
968. Mr Madison will go first.
Mr Gordon, choose the topic.
Copy !req
969. English Literature.
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970. US Presidents.
Copy !req
971. My Wife, the Tramp.
Copy !req
972. Burning Dog Poo
and the Human Response.
Copy !req
973. Reflections of Society in Literature.
Copy !req
974. Reflections of Society in Literature.
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975. Good luck, schmuck.
Copy !req
976. Mr Madison.
Copy !req
977. The Industrial Revolution changed
the face of the modern novel for ever.
Copy !req
978. Discuss, citing specific examples.
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979. Uh...
Copy !req
980. Come on!
Copy !req
981. OK.
Copy !req
982. The Industrial Revolution, to me,
is just like a story I know...
Copy !req
983. .. called The Puppy Who Lost His Way.
Copy !req
984. The world was changing...
Copy !req
985. .. and the puppy was getting... bigger.
Copy !req
986. So, you see, the puppy was like industry,
Copy !req
987. ..in that they were both
lost in the woods,
Copy !req
988. .. and nobody, especially the little boy -
society - knew where to find them.
Copy !req
989. Except that the puppy... was a dog.
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990. But the industry, my friends,
Copy !req
991. .. that was a revolution.
Copy !req
992. Knibb High football rules!
Copy !req
993. Mr Madison, what you've just said...
Copy !req
994. ..is one of the most insanely
idiotic things I have ever heard.
Copy !req
995. At no point in your rambling,
incoherent response...
Copy !req
996. .. were you even close to anything that
could be considered a rational thought.
Copy !req
997. Everyone in this room is now dumber
for having listened to it.
Copy !req
998. I award you no points,
and may God have mercy on your soul.
Copy !req
999. OK. A simple "wrong"
would have done just fine, but...
Copy !req
1000. You remain one point ahead.
Copy !req
1001. Mr Gordon, it is your turn.
Mr Madison, choose the topic.
Copy !req
1002. I choose Business Ethics.
Copy !req
1003. Mr Gordon. The American business
environment has fundamentally changed...
Copy !req
1004. .. following the insider trading
and savings and loan scandals.
Copy !req
1005. Explain business ethics,
and how they are applied today.
Copy !req
1006. The, uh, ethics of, uh, business...
Copy !req
1007. .. can be summarised in...
Copy !req
1008. Yeah, um...
Copy !req
1009. See...
Copy !req
1010. Ethics are, uh...
Copy !req
1011. You know, the... the thing about ethics...
Copy !req
1012. Aagh!
Copy !req
1013. That question was not fair!
That was not in the reading.
Copy !req
1014. - I demand a new question.
- Take it easy, psycho.
Copy !req
1015. You blew it. You lose.
Copy !req
1016. I oughta blow you away, you miserable...
Copy !req
1017. Well, go ahead and do it.
Copy !req
1018. Yikes!
Copy !req
1019. No!
Copy !req
1020. Get off me!
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1021. No!
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1022. Man, I'm glad I called that guy.
Copy !req
1023. - Max, are you OK?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm OK.
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1024. OK.
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1025. A little confused, kinda sweaty,
Copy !req
1026. ..a little hungry,
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1027. .. but all in all I'm OK.
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1028. Thank you, thank you,
thank you very much. Thank you.
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1029. Well, what can I say? I graduated.
It's over. I did it.
Copy !req
1030. I know most of you are sayin'
"Hey, any idiot could do that."
Copy !req
1031. Well, it was tough for me, so back off!
Copy !req
1032. - Sorry. Sorry about that.
- Yahoo, Billy! Billy's number one! Yahoo!
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1033. That's nice, buddy.
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1034. Yahoo!
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1035. Yahoo for school!
Copy !req
1036. Yahoo for me!
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1037. Anyways, this hotel stuff
really isn't for me,
Copy !req
1038. ..so I decided to step down
as chairman of Madison Hotels...
Copy !req
1039. .. and give the company to Carl.
Copy !req
1040. I'm gonna go to college.
I'm gonna be a teacher.
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1041. Peace! I'm outta here!
Copy !req
1042. Daddy.
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1043. What can I say? I saved the day, I guess.
Copy !req
1044. I mean, Eric doesn't
take over the company.
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1045. Are you sure this is what you wanna do?
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1046. I'm sure, Dad. Thanks for everything.
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1047. Max! What can I say, buddy?
You saved my life.
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1048. You don't have to say anything.
I'm so proud of you.
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1049. But I'm still horny.
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1050. All right, man. You're hurting me.
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1051. You think he's horny.
Copy !req
1052. Come here.
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