1. Hi. Welcome to the future.Copy !req
2. San Dimas, California, 2688.Copy !req
3. And I'm telling you, it's great here.Copy !req
4. The air is clean. The water's clean.Copy !req
5. Even the dirt is clean.Copy !req
6. Bowling averages are way up.
Mini-golf scores are way down.Copy !req
7. And we have more excellent waterslides...Copy !req
8. than any other planet
we communicate with.Copy !req
9. I'm telling you, this place is great...Copy !req
10. but it almost wasn't.Copy !req
11. You see, 700 years ago,
the two great ones...Copy !req
12. ran into a few problems.Copy !req
13. So now I have to travel back in time
to help them out.Copy !req
14. If I fail to keep these two
on the correct path...Copy !req
15. the basis of our society will be in danger.Copy !req
16. Don't worry, it'll all make sense.
I'm a professional.Copy !req
17. I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!Copy !req
18. And I'm Ted... Hold on.
Bill, here, you take it.Copy !req
19. Okay.Copy !req
20. - And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
- Yeah!Copy !req
21. And we're Wyld Stallyns!Copy !req
22. - Smell it, dude.
- Let's bail.Copy !req
23. We blew it.Copy !req
24. Guess we used too much power.Copy !req
25. I liked it.Copy !req
26. While I agree that, in time,
our band will be most triumphant...Copy !req
27. the truth is,
Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band...Copy !req
28. until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar.Copy !req
29. Yes, but I do not believe
we will get Eddie Van Halen...Copy !req
30. until we have a triumphant video.Copy !req
31. It's pointless to have a triumphant video...Copy !req
32. before we even have decent instruments.Copy !req
33. How could we have decent instruments
if we don't know how to play?Copy !req
34. That is why we need Eddie Van Halen!Copy !req
35. And that is why we need
a triumphant video.Copy !req
36. Excellent!Copy !req
37. - We're late!
- For what?Copy !req
38. - For school, dude!
- Yeah.Copy !req
39. Bill, I'm waiting.Copy !req
40. He's dead?Copy !req
41. What you're telling me, essentially,
is that Napoleon...Copy !req
42. was a short dead dude.Copy !req
43. Yeah.Copy !req
44. You totally blew it, dude.Copy !req
45. - Ted, stand up.
- Stand up?Copy !req
46. Yes, son. Stand up.Copy !req
47. Now...Copy !req
48. Who was Joan of Arc?Copy !req
49. Noah's wife.Copy !req
50. Listen, guys, don't forget:
Tomorrow, final report...Copy !req
51. 1:30 to 3:30, okay?Copy !req
52. Guys.Copy !req
53. Mr. Ryan...Copy !req
54. Before you say anything,
my distinguished colleague, Ted, and I...Copy !req
55. wish to express to you our thanks...Copy !req
56. for all the things
we have learned in your class.Copy !req
57. And what have you learned?Copy !req
58. We've learned
that the world has a great history.Copy !req
59. Yes. And that thanks
to great leaders such as...Copy !req
60. Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc...Copy !req
61. and Socratic Method...Copy !req
62. the world is full of history.Copy !req
63. It seems to me the only thing
you've learned is that Caesar...Copy !req
64. is a "salad-dressing dude."Copy !req
65. Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple.Copy !req
66. You have flunked
every section of this class.Copy !req
67. Now, unless you get an A plus
on your final oral report tomorrow...Copy !req
68. guys, I have no choice
but to flunk the both of you.Copy !req
69. You know your topics.Copy !req
70. So I would suggest
you at least cover those areas...Copy !req
71. if you want to pass the course.Copy !req
72. - Understand?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
73. Okay.Copy !req
74. Your report
had better be something very special.Copy !req
75. Man.Copy !req
76. What are we supposed to know
for our report?Copy !req
77. I'm not sure.Copy !req
78. One thing I know is that
Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife.Copy !req
79. - Then who is Noah's wife?
- I don't know, Ted.Copy !req
80. But I do know we're in serious trouble.
Listen to this:Copy !req
81. "Express to the class
how an important historical figure...Copy !req
82. "... from each of your time periods...Copy !req
83. "... would view the world
of San Dimas, 1988."Copy !req
84. We're in danger of flunking
most heinously tomorrow.Copy !req
85. - Hi, Bill. Want a ride?
- Sure, Missy.Copy !req
86. I mean, Mom.Copy !req
87. - Your stepmom is cute.
- Shut up.Copy !req
88. Remember when she was a senior
and we were freshmen?Copy !req
89. I'll be right back as soon as I get my books.Copy !req
90. - What are you doing home, Dad?
- I'm looking for my keys.Copy !req
91. You haven't done anything with them?Copy !req
92. No, sir.Copy !req
93. I spoke to your principal today.Copy !req
94. - He said you're failing history.
- Me and Bill...Copy !req
95. He also said that if you fail history,
you flunk out of school.Copy !req
96. You know what that would mean,
don't you?Copy !req
97. That I would have to go
to Oates Military Academy, sir.Copy !req
98. I spoke to Col. Oates this morning.Copy !req
99. He's anxious to meet you.Copy !req
100. Dude, we gotta pass,
otherwise there's no more band.Copy !req
101. - Why?
- My dad's sending me to military school.Copy !req
102. Where?Copy !req
103. Alaska.Copy !req
104. Alaska.Copy !req
105. It is time. Their separation is imminent.Copy !req
106. Be excellent to each other.Copy !req
107. Party on, dude.Copy !req
108. Okay, Ted, George Washington.Copy !req
109. - One: The father of our country.
- Two: Born on Presidents' Day.Copy !req
110. The dollar-bill guy.Copy !req
111. You ever made
a mushroom out of his head?Copy !req
112. Alaska.Copy !req
113. Okay.Copy !req
114. Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.Copy !req
115. That's Capt. Ahab, dude.Copy !req
116. Wait. Remember Disney World?Copy !req
117. - Hall of Presidents?
- Yeah, good. What did he say?Copy !req
118. "Welcome to the Hall of Presidents."Copy !req
119. Hi. I brought you guys some food.Copy !req
120. It's your mom, dude.Copy !req
121. How's it going?Copy !req
122. Bad.Copy !req
123. We're destined to flunk
most egregiously tomorrow.Copy !req
124. And I am destined to end up
at Oates Military Academy.Copy !req
125. And then we will never start our band.Copy !req
126. Good.Copy !req
127. - What are you guys studying, anyway?
- History.Copy !req
128. Mr. Ryan?Copy !req
129. Tell him hi.Copy !req
130. Why don't you guys take a dinner break?Copy !req
131. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
132. Now your dad is going for it
in your own room.Copy !req
133. Shut up.Copy !req
134. - Your stepmom is cute, though.
- Shut up.Copy !req
135. - Remember when I asked her to the prom?
- Shut up!Copy !req
136. 1275.Copy !req
137. Okay, the lady in that car over there...Copy !req
138. said that Marco Polo was
in the year 1275.Copy !req
139. It's not just a water sport. I knew it.Copy !req
140. Excuse me.
When did the Mongols rule China?Copy !req
141. I don't know. I just work here.Copy !req
142. - You want to try the Thrifty Mart?
- Sure.Copy !req
143. Not bad.Copy !req
144. Greetings, my excellent friends.Copy !req
145. Do you know
when the Mongols ruled China?Copy !req
146. Perhaps we can ask them.Copy !req
147. Bill S. Preston, Esquire.Copy !req
148. And Ted "Theodore" Logan.Copy !req
149. Gentlemen...Copy !req
150. I'm here to help you
with your history report.Copy !req
151. - What?
- How?Copy !req
152. I hate that part.Copy !req
153. - Bill.
- What?Copy !req
154. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.Copy !req
155. Dudes, you guys are going to
go back in time!Copy !req
156. You are going to have the most excellent
adventure through history.Copy !req
157. - Who are you guys?
- We're you, dude!Copy !req
158. No way.Copy !req
159. - No way.
- Yes way!Copy !req
160. We know how you feel.Copy !req
161. We didn't believe it either
when we were you...Copy !req
162. and we-us said
what we-us are saying right now.Copy !req
163. Okay, wait.Copy !req
164. If you guys are really us...Copy !req
165. what number are we thinking of?Copy !req
166. Sixty-nine, dudes!Copy !req
167. - Look, dudes, we gotta go.
- Yeah, we gotta get back to the report.Copy !req
168. Rufus!Copy !req
169. Listen to this dude Rufus.
He knows what he's talking about.Copy !req
170. Right. And, Ted,
give my love to the princesses.Copy !req
171. - Who?
- You'll see.Copy !req
172. Gentlemen, is everything all right?Copy !req
173. Yeah, except how come
the number we dialed...Copy !req
174. Don't forget to wind your watch!Copy !req
175. Thanks, Rufus.Copy !req
176. Catch you later, Bill and Ted!Copy !req
177. Dude, are you sure
we should be doing this?Copy !req
178. Ted, you and I have witnessed
many things...Copy !req
179. but nothing as bodacious
as what just happened.Copy !req
180. Besides, we told ourselves
to listen to this guy.Copy !req
181. What if we were lying?Copy !req
182. Why would we lie to ourselves?Copy !req
183. How are you going to help us?Copy !req
184. Yeah, are you going to call someone
and get the answers?Copy !req
185. Gentlemen, we're going to do
a lot more than that.Copy !req
186. Excellent.Copy !req
187. Brace yourselves, amigos.Copy !req
188. Gentlemen...Copy !req
189. We're history.Copy !req
190. Rufus, where are we, dude?Copy !req
191. These are the circuits of history,
gentlemen.Copy !req
192. They'll take us
to any point in time we wish.Copy !req
193. How?Copy !req
194. Modern technology, William.Copy !req
195. - That was most unprecedented, Rufus.
- Yeah.Copy !req
196. But where are we, Rufus?Copy !req
197. Austria, 1805.Copy !req
198. The French have just invaded.Copy !req
199. Bill, check it out!Copy !req
200. We're in the middle of a war, dude!Copy !req
201. Amigos, time to depart.Copy !req
202. How's it going, dude?Copy !req
203. Now where are we, dude?Copy !req
204. It's my house.Copy !req
205. Rufus, can we go
anywhere we want at any time?Copy !req
206. You can do anything you want...Copy !req
207. as long as you remember this:
No matter what happens...Copy !req
208. you must get to that report. Got it?Copy !req
209. All right, amigos...Copy !req
210. that book will give you the number
of anyplace you want to go.Copy !req
211. Now, most important,
no matter what you do...Copy !req
212. no matter where you go,
that clock, the clock in San Dimas...Copy !req
213. is always running.Copy !req
214. - Got it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
215. All right, time for me to go.Copy !req
216. - What do you mean, Rufus?
- Yeah, aren't you coming with us?Copy !req
217. Gentlemen, you're on your own.Copy !req
218. - Ted?
- What?Copy !req
219. This has been a most unusual day.Copy !req
220. - It's Napoleon.
- Who?Copy !req
221. The short dead dude
from our history review.Copy !req
222. I have a most excellent idea.Copy !req
223. Grab his legs. We gotta get him inside.Copy !req
224. I think I figured out
a way to pass our report.Copy !req
225. How?Copy !req
226. We got one historical figure here,
maybe we can go back and get more.Copy !req
227. Yeah.Copy !req
228. Deacon, you have to watch this guy.Copy !req
229. His name is Napoleon.
He is a very famous French dude.Copy !req
230. We've decided to collect
other important figures from history...Copy !req
231. for an oral report we are doing.Copy !req
232. While we are gone,
you are not to let him out of your sight.Copy !req
233. Here is some money.
Take him to the movies or something.Copy !req
234. Napoleon?Copy !req
235. I am Bill.Copy !req
236. We'll take you back to France after
you tell us what you think of San Dimas.Copy !req
237. - This is Ted's little brother, Deacon.
- Hi.Copy !req
238. He'll take care of you.Copy !req
239. - Ready, Ted?
- Ready, Bill.Copy !req
240. Let's go back into history.Copy !req
241. This should be most triumphant.Copy !req
242. I want to speak with you, son.Copy !req
243. Alone, please, Bill.Copy !req
244. All right, sit down.Copy !req
245. What am I going to do with you?Copy !req
246. Great.Copy !req
247. You lose my keys, you fail history.Copy !req
248. You spend all your time
with your loser friend...Copy !req
249. planning a band that will never happen.Copy !req
250. You're not to leave this house
until tomorrow morning.Copy !req
251. Yes?Copy !req
252. Capt. Logan, this is Dep. Van Halen
down at the station.Copy !req
253. Dep. Van Halen?Copy !req
254. I'm new, dude... sir.Copy !req
255. Look, we found your keys...Copy !req
256. and if you want them,
you better come and get them.Copy !req
257. When I get back from the station,
I want you packed and ready to go. Got it?Copy !req
258. We are in serious trouble.Copy !req
259. My dad already signed me up.
My plane leaves tomorrow night.Copy !req
260. That's only if we fail, dude.Copy !req
261. No way!Copy !req
262. Okay, we got Sigmund Frood,
Beeth Oven...Copy !req
263. Is there one for the Western Movement
in America in the 19th century?Copy !req
264. Yeah.Copy !req
265. Well, then...Copy !req
266. Let's reach out and touch someone.Copy !req
267. How's it going, Old West dude?Copy !req
268. This is just like Frontierland.Copy !req
269. Yeah, but you can get shot here.Copy !req
270. - So just try to act natural.
- Okay.Copy !req
271. - Howdy, partner.
- Howdy.Copy !req
272. - Watch out for the horse crap.
- Thanks, dude.Copy !req
273. - I'm totally thirsty.
- Me, too.Copy !req
274. Two beers, please.Copy !req
275. - He didn't even card us, dude.
- Yeah, we'll have to remember this place.Copy !req
276. Who should we take with us?Copy !req
277. - Who's he?
- He's Billy the Kid.Copy !req
278. He's famous, dude. Let's bag him.Copy !req
279. I need two men.Copy !req
280. Who's with me?Copy !req
281. We're with you, Billy the Kid.Copy !req
282. Here's the deal. What I win, I keep.Copy !req
283. What you win, I keep.Copy !req
284. Sounds good, Mr. The Kid.Copy !req
285. Dude, you've got to have
a poker face like me.Copy !req
286. Three aces!Copy !req
287. What the hell's going on here, Billy?Copy !req
288. Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid?Copy !req
289. Cheating? Me?Copy !req
290. Excellent!Copy !req
291. Look, we're totally weak.
We can't possibly fight you.Copy !req
292. However, how would you gentlemen like...Copy !req
293. free passes to Waterloo,
home of excellent waterslides?Copy !req
294. Nice try, dude.Copy !req
295. Come on.Copy !req
296. - Look.
- It's the Goodyear blimp.Copy !req
297. I can't believe they fell for that.Copy !req
298. - Let's get 'em!
- Let's kill them!Copy !req
299. Come on!Copy !req
300. - You guys saved my life.
- Nothing doing, Billy the Kid.Copy !req
301. - Where are we going?
- The golden age of civilization.Copy !req
302. - Where?
- Ancient Greece, dude.Copy !req
303. Don't worry, we'll bring you back
as soon as you talk at our report.Copy !req
304. What?Copy !req
305. Socrates?Copy !req
306. - We know that name.
- Yeah. Look him up.Copy !req
307. It's under "So-crates."Copy !req
308. Yeah.Copy !req
309. "So-Copy !req
310. "'The only true wisdom...Copy !req
311. "'... consists in knowing
that you know nothing."'Copy !req
312. That's us, dude!Copy !req
313. Yeah!Copy !req
314. - Let's bag him.
- Yeah.Copy !req
315. How's it going?Copy !req
316. I'm Bill. This is Ted.
We're from the future.Copy !req
317. Socrates.Copy !req
318. Now what?Copy !req
319. I don't know.Copy !req
320. Philosophize with him.Copy !req
321. "All we are is dust in the wind," dude.Copy !req
322. Dust.Copy !req
323. Wind.Copy !req
324. Dude.Copy !req
325. Let's get out of here, dude.Copy !req
326. All right!Copy !req
327. Not bad, eh, So-crates?Copy !req
328. - Where are we, dude?
- England, 15th century.Copy !req
329. We are in most excellent shape
for our report.Copy !req
330. Yeah, all we need is one
more speaker from Medieval.Copy !req
331. Excellent.Copy !req
332. Billy, you are dealing with
the oddity of time travel...Copy !req
333. with the greatest of ease.Copy !req
334. Excuse me.Copy !req
335. Do you know where
there are any personages...Copy !req
336. of historical significance around here?Copy !req
337. Check it out!Copy !req
338. Must be the castle of King Henry.Copy !req
339. Let's go, dude!Copy !req
340. Billy, guard the booth.Copy !req
341. And watch So-crates.Copy !req
342. Who should we get for Medieval?Copy !req
343. How about that gnarly old goat dude?Copy !req
344. I'm in love, dude.Copy !req
345. Those must be the princesses
you told yourself about at the Circle K.Copy !req
346. We gotta go.
It's a history report, not a babe report.Copy !req
347. But, Bill...Copy !req
348. Those are historical babes.Copy !req
349. Okay.Copy !req
350. You're the ladies' man.
How are we gonna meet them?Copy !req
351. Excellent!Copy !req
352. - Bill.
- What?Copy !req
353. - These are heavy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
354. Heavy metal.Copy !req
355. - We better go find the princesses.
- Yeah.Copy !req
356. Watch it!Copy !req
357. Who turned out all the lights?Copy !req
358. - What?
- I'm Darth Ted.Copy !req
359. I'm Luke Bill.
And you're not my father! No!Copy !req
360. Come on!Copy !req
361. Beat you, I will, yes!Copy !req
362. - I totally conquered you, dude!
- No way!Copy !req
363. Come on!Copy !req
364. I'll never rule the universe with you!Copy !req
365. - Bill!
- What?Copy !req
366. - We totally know how to sword fight!
- Yeah!Copy !req
367. Search the castle! There might be more!Copy !req
368. Get out of here!Copy !req
369. Bogus.Copy !req
370. Heinous.Copy !req
371. Most non-triumphant.Copy !req
372. Don't be dead, dude.Copy !req
373. You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!Copy !req
374. Ted! You're alive!Copy !req
375. Yeah! I fell out of my suit
when I hit the floor.Copy !req
376. Fag!Copy !req
377. Dude, you totally boned that dude
in the head!Copy !req
378. He's a total bonehead!Copy !req
379. He's a fat old man. There must be a way
to escape before the night falls.Copy !req
380. But how?Copy !req
381. What's that?Copy !req
382. Those boys. I can't believe they're here.Copy !req
383. How's it going, ladies?Copy !req
384. You're the ones
we saw in front of the castle.Copy !req
385. I am Ted of San Dimas.Copy !req
386. And I bring to you a message of love.Copy !req
387. From who?Copy !req
388. From myself.Copy !req
389. And what is this message you speak of?Copy !req
390. Lyrics, dude. Recite them some lyrics.Copy !req
391. O you beautiful babes from England...Copy !req
392. for whom we have
traveled through time...Copy !req
393. will you go to the prom with us
in San Dimas?Copy !req
394. We will have a most triumphant time.Copy !req
395. Way to go, dude.Copy !req
396. It's Father!Copy !req
397. What does your father want?Copy !req
398. We're to be married to
two horrible old men today.Copy !req
399. No way!Copy !req
400. Will you help us escape?Copy !req
401. Of course, babes.Copy !req
402. How's it going, royal ugly dudes?Copy !req
403. I'm the Earl of Preston.Copy !req
404. And I am the Duke of Ted.Copy !req
405. Put them in the iron maiden.Copy !req
406. Iron maiden? Excellent!Copy !req
407. Execute them.Copy !req
408. Bogus.Copy !req
409. We'll save you, babes!Copy !req
410. Witches! Heretics! I saw them!Copy !req
411. They fell from the sky!Copy !req
412. Heretics!Copy !req
413. They fell out of the sky!Copy !req
414. They had fire in their eyes
and they had horns!Copy !req
415. Off with their heads!Copy !req
416. - Bill?
- What?Copy !req
417. I believe our adventure through time
has taken a most serious turn.Copy !req
418. - Billy!
- So-crates!Copy !req
419. Let's go!Copy !req
420. Guards! After them!Copy !req
421. - So-crates!
- Bye, babes!Copy !req
422. Catch you later, evil dudes.Copy !req
423. Kill them! Guards!Copy !req
424. Hurry up!Copy !req
425. Out of the way!Copy !req
426. Dial fast, dude!Copy !req
427. The number you have
dialed is not in service at this time.Copy !req
428. Please check your directory and dial again.Copy !req
429. Party on, dude.Copy !req
430. Okay, I got one! Let's go!Copy !req
431. You guys stay here.Copy !req
432. Where are we, dude?Copy !req
433. I don't know.Copy !req
434. - Sure do play excellent music.
- Most outstanding.Copy !req
435. - It's you.
- Yeah. It's us.Copy !req
436. Who are we?Copy !req
437. I think they want us to say something.Copy !req
438. What should I say?Copy !req
439. Make something up.Copy !req
440. Be excellent to each other.Copy !req
441. Party on, dudes.Copy !req
442. Good one, dude.Copy !req
443. Got to get back to our report.Copy !req
444. Yeah. We'd take you with us,
but it's a history report...Copy !req
445. not a future report.Copy !req
446. Later.Copy !req
447. Later.Copy !req
448. - Let's get back and do our report.
- Good idea.Copy !req
449. - Dude! Where are we going?
- I don't know! I think the booth's broke!Copy !req
450. We've got to keep dialing San Dimas
until we get back and get Napoleon.Copy !req
451. Behold.Copy !req
452. The Zyggie Pig.Copy !req
453. The single greatest ice-cream spectacle
known to man.Copy !req
454. "Eat the Pig, eat the Pig,
zyggie, zyggie, zyggie, zyg!"Copy !req
455. Embêtants!Copy !req
456. It's ice cream.Copy !req
457. You eat it.Copy !req
458. It's good.Copy !req
459. La glace.Copy !req
460. Whatever. Just eat it.Copy !req
461. All behold!Copy !req
462. - He ate the Pig, thus proving that he's...
- A...Copy !req
463. "Zyggie piggy!"Copy !req
464. What's that?Copy !req
465. I don't know.Copy !req
466. Shit!Copy !req
467. Where did we land now?Copy !req
468. Dude, it's Sigmund Frood.Copy !req
469. How much time we got left?Copy !req
470. Tons. Why?Copy !req
471. Extra credit, dude.Copy !req
472. How's it going, Frood dude?Copy !req
473. What is this? Let go of me.
What are you doing?Copy !req
474. Was? Was ist los?Copy !req
475. Come on, So-crates.Copy !req
476. Welcome aboard, Miss Joan of Arc.Copy !req
477. My name is Ted and this is Bill.Copy !req
478. Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?Copy !req
479. Say please.Copy !req
480. Come on, guys. Jump him!Copy !req
481. Candygram!Copy !req
482. Yes, what can I...Copy !req
483. We've got plenty of time,
but we don't have any more room left.Copy !req
484. - Ted, we're out of control.
- What?Copy !req
485. Next place we stop...Copy !req
486. we gotta try and figure out
what's wrong with the booth.Copy !req
487. Bill, I think I got an idea what's wrong.Copy !req
488. What?Copy !req
489. The antenna's broken.Copy !req
490. Yeah. All right.Copy !req
491. Attends.Copy !req
492. Crétin.Copy !req
493. Come on, let's ditch him.Copy !req
494. Attends!Copy !req
495. Attends!Copy !req
496. - Excusez-moi, monsieur.
- Hold on there. Not so fast, buddy.Copy !req
497. - "Buddy"?
- You ain't paid yet.Copy !req
498. - Pay?
- Pay.Copy !req
499. I don't want to see
you around here anymore! Beat it!Copy !req
500. - Vous me connaissez, monsieur?
- Beat it, buddy!Copy !req
501. Idiot!Copy !req
502. Deacon!Copy !req
503. Here is a treat to make
our minor prehistoric pit stop...Copy !req
504. a bit more enjoyable.Copy !req
505. Why, thank you.Copy !req
506. Thanks, guys.Copy !req
507. I sure hope this works.Copy !req
508. I think it's working, dude.Copy !req
509. Just a little farther, I hope.Copy !req
510. That's us. We're back in San Dimas!Copy !req
511. Yeah. Only now it's not now,
it's last night.Copy !req
512. Dude.Copy !req
513. - What?
- Let's go talk to ourselves.Copy !req
514. Excellent.Copy !req
515. - What did we say, anyways?
- I don't know. Let's go find out.Copy !req
516. Sixty-nine, dudes!Copy !req
517. Look, dudes, we gotta go.Copy !req
518. Listen to this dude Rufus.
He knows what he's talking about.Copy !req
519. Right. And, Ted,
give my love to the princesses.Copy !req
520. - Who?
- You'll see.Copy !req
521. Gentlemen, is everything all right?Copy !req
522. Yeah, except how come
the number we dialed for San Dimas...Copy !req
523. brought us here
instead of to tomorrow, Rufus?Copy !req
524. Because in San Dimas
it is tomorrow, William.Copy !req
525. You have to dial one number higher.Copy !req
526. Yeah. Thanks, Rufus.Copy !req
527. And hurry,
because you don't have much time.Copy !req
528. What do you mean, Rufus?
We got 10 hours left.Copy !req
529. You got two hours.Copy !req
530. Ted, you forgot to wind your watch again.
And after you reminded yourself not to.Copy !req
531. I better remind myself again.
Don't forget to wind your watch!Copy !req
532. Thanks, Rufus.Copy !req
533. Catch you later, Bill and Ted.Copy !req
534. That conversation
made more sense this time.Copy !req
535. - Watch the gonads, dude.
- Abe, you're too tall, man.Copy !req
536. That's just the way I'm built.Copy !req
537. Great, we made it!Copy !req
538. Who's the señorita? She's cute.Copy !req
539. It's his mom, dude.Copy !req
540. Hi, guys.Copy !req
541. Hi, Missy, I mean, Mom.Copy !req
542. Miss Preston,
we'd like you to meet some of our friends.Copy !req
543. Yeah, this is Dave Beeth Oven.Copy !req
544. Sie sind so schön, Madame.Copy !req
545. And Maxine of Arc, Missy.Copy !req
546. Herman the Kid.Copy !req
547. Bob Genghis Khan.Copy !req
548. So-crates Johnson.Copy !req
549. Dennis Frood.Copy !req
550. And...Copy !req
551. Abraham Lincoln.Copy !req
552. It's nice to meet you all.
There are sodas in the fridge.Copy !req
553. Can you give us a ride someplace?Copy !req
554. Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere
until you do your chores.Copy !req
555. Done!Copy !req
556. This is the San Dimas Mall...Copy !req
557. and this is where
people of today's world hang out.Copy !req
558. All right, everybody,
watch your step getting off.Copy !req
559. Beeth Oven,
make sure you don't get sucked under.Copy !req
560. Everybody get together.
Remember who your buddy is.Copy !req
561. So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude.Copy !req
562. Okay.Copy !req
563. Follow me.Copy !req
564. You got your Broadway down here,
you got your Sears over here.Copy !req
565. The stratification of our society
is much like Marie-Antoinette's.Copy !req
566. The few possess much...Copy !req
567. while the masses possess little
but their television sets.Copy !req
568. This dichotomy led to a revolution...Copy !req
569. in which Antoinette
and her husband were beheaded.Copy !req
570. Today, leaders are impeached
rather than beheaded.Copy !req
571. Still, while in her day, Marie-Antoinette
said, "Let them eat cake..."Copy !req
572. perhaps today she'd say,
"Let them eat fast food."Copy !req
573. - Enjoy!
- Okay, look around. See what you think.Copy !req
574. We'll be back as soon as
we find Napoleon, okay?Copy !req
575. Come on, dude. We don't got much time.Copy !req
576. Yes, but what do we eat?Copy !req
577. You ditched Napoleon?Copy !req
578. Do you realize you've stranded one of
Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas?Copy !req
579. He was a dick!Copy !req
580. How are we going to find him?Copy !req
581. Okay, wait.Copy !req
582. If we were one of
the greatest generals in history...Copy !req
583. and we were stranded
in San Dimas for one day...Copy !req
584. where would we go?Copy !req
585. Waterloo!Copy !req
586. Eleven children, please. Are you okay?Copy !req
587. We're going.Copy !req
588. Come on.Copy !req
589. Mon Dieu.Copy !req
590. Qu'est-ce que c'est ça?Copy !req
591. Buddy, you're holding up the line!Copy !req
592. - Sacrebleu.
- Come on, buddy.Copy !req
593. Fantastique!Copy !req
594. Come on, Napoleon.
Everybody's waiting for us at the mall.Copy !req
595. Why be soft and flabby
when you can be firm and trim?Copy !req
596. When you can have a body that cries:Copy !req
597. "Look at me! Admire me!"Copy !req
598. With our specialized weight-training
and aerobics program...Copy !req
599. we can help you attain the kind of body
you've only dreamed of having.Copy !req
600. All right, let's go, ladies!Copy !req
601. You guys are looking great! Okay!Copy !req
602. Jumping jacks! Up!Copy !req
603. You a musician?Copy !req
604. Here. Try this.Copy !req
605. What is this?Copy !req
606. - Oh, my God.
- What are they doing?Copy !req
607. Yeah, don't you think? Look at his sandals.Copy !req
608. I don't believe his clothes.Copy !req
609. - Weird.
- They're coming over to sit down.Copy !req
610. Hi.Copy !req
611. I'm Billy.Copy !req
612. This here is So-crates.Copy !req
613. - Socrates.
- We're from history.Copy !req
614. Hello. I'm Dr. Freud,
but you may call me Siggy.Copy !req
615. Oh, my God.Copy !req
616. You both seem to be suffering
from a mild form of hysteria.Copy !req
617. - God!
- You are such a geek.Copy !req
618. Way to go, egghead.Copy !req
619. - Geek.
- What is a geek?Copy !req
620. I need help. I got a live one here.Copy !req
621. Okay, I need the Lincoln hat
and the stupid beard back.Copy !req
622. You don't understand.
I'm Abraham Lincoln.Copy !req
623. Yeah, right. Come on, mister!Copy !req
624. - It's my hat and my beard!
- Come on!Copy !req
625. Keep it up! You're looking great!Copy !req
626. - Take it easy there!
- Stop! Hold it right there!Copy !req
627. Cut that guy off!Copy !req
628. Stop him!Copy !req
629. - No, Sig! Over here!
- Excuse me, miss.Copy !req
630. - Move.
- Pardon me.Copy !req
631. - I demand einen lawyer.
- Don't get smart, buddy. Let's go.Copy !req
632. There they are!Copy !req
633. All right, come on, grandpa.Copy !req
634. Bogus!Copy !req
635. That's enough.Copy !req
636. Mom, can't you go any faster?Copy !req
637. I want to know
why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.Copy !req
638. Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud?Copy !req
639. Why do you
keep asking me these questions?Copy !req
640. Tell me about your mother.Copy !req
641. God.Copy !req
642. - Would you like a couch to lie on?
- No, I don't want a couch to lie on.Copy !req
643. - All right. What's your name?
- Abraham Lincoln.Copy !req
644. That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.Copy !req
645. I know how to spell "Lincoln."Copy !req
646. What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?Copy !req
647. February 12, 1809.Copy !req
648. Everything is different, but the same.Copy !req
649. Things are more moderner than before.Copy !req
650. Bigger...Copy !req
651. and yet smaller.Copy !req
652. There's computers.Copy !req
653. Take your time.Copy !req
654. San Dimas high-school football rules!Copy !req
655. I can't believe my dad arrested them all.Copy !req
656. What are we going to do?Copy !req
657. You go in and talk to your dad.
I'm gonna scope the place out.Copy !req
658. Missy, I mean, Mom,
please keep an eye on Napoleon.Copy !req
659. Stay.Copy !req
660. - Lock him up with the rest of the wackos.
- I am a lawyer, you know.Copy !req
661. - Dad!
- You pack your bags.Copy !req
662. - What?
- You're going to military school.Copy !req
663. - But, Dad...
- I don't wanna hear it!Copy !req
664. You go home and you pack your bags now!Copy !req
665. - How'd it go?
- Bad.Copy !req
666. Our historical figures are all locked up
and my dad won't let them out.Copy !req
667. Can we get your dad's keys?Copy !req
668. We could steal them,
but he lost them two days ago.Copy !req
669. If only we could go back in time
to when he had them and steal 'em then.Copy !req
670. - Why can't we?
- 'Cause we don't got time.Copy !req
671. We could do it after the report.Copy !req
672. Good thinking, dude!Copy !req
673. After the report,
we'll time travel back to two days ago...Copy !req
674. steal the keys and leave them here!Copy !req
675. - Where?
- Don't know. How about behind that sign?Copy !req
676. That way, when we get here now,
they'll be waiting for us.Copy !req
677. - See?
- Yeah!Copy !req
678. So, after the report, we can't forget
to do this, otherwise it won't happen.Copy !req
679. But it did happen!
It was me who stole my dad's keys!Copy !req
680. That's exactly it. Come on.Copy !req
681. - Mom?
- Yes?Copy !req
682. - Can you please bring the car around back?
- Sure.Copy !req
683. Come on. We've got some
historical figures to rescue.Copy !req
684. Over and out.Copy !req
685. How are we going to get past my dad?Copy !req
686. - You got a tape recorder at home?
- Yeah.Copy !req
687. - Remember to get the tape recorder.
- Yeah.Copy !req
688. Set a timer on it for...Copy !req
689. 2:13.Copy !req
690. - Got it?
- Got it.Copy !req
691. - What am I going to say on it?
- Dad!Copy !req
692. Hey, Dad!Copy !req
693. It's you, dude.Copy !req
694. - Ted?
- I'm over here.Copy !req
695. Yeah, this way!Copy !req
696. Look! Check it out.Copy !req
697. "Dear Bill and Ted.Copy !req
698. "Good luck on the report.Copy !req
699. "Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire
and Ted 'Theodore' Logan."Copy !req
700. That was nice of us.Copy !req
701. "P.S.Copy !req
702. "Duck!"Copy !req
703. Excellent work, dude.Copy !req
704. - Way to go!
- Come on.Copy !req
705. - Merci.
- People, time is of the essence.Copy !req
706. I ask that you all work together
so that we can get down to the car.Copy !req
707. Very quiet. Quiet!Copy !req
708. Against the wall, everybody, please.
Single file.Copy !req
709. - Hurry up, Billy.
- How do we get out of here?Copy !req
710. Over here, Dad!Copy !req
711. Down here!Copy !req
712. Way to go, dude. You stalled him.Copy !req
713. What else do I say?Copy !req
714. And now, opening for Iron Maiden,
Wyld Stallyns!Copy !req
715. Come on, put your back into it.Copy !req
716. What in the hell do you think you're doing?Copy !req
717. - Trashcan. Remember a trashcan.
- Trashcan? What are you talking about?Copy !req
718. Get this thing off me!Copy !req
719. Sorry, Dad,
but we got to go pass our history report.Copy !req
720. By the way, I found your keys.Copy !req
721. Where are you? Get this off me!Copy !req
722. In conclusion, I think Abraham Lincoln
would be most impressed...Copy !req
723. with the world of San Dimas.
I know I am.Copy !req
724. Down the hall, to the left. Quiet.Copy !req
725. And I'm sure I speak
for Mr. Ward and Mrs. Rowe...Copy !req
726. when I say that your reports
were very entertaining...Copy !req
727. and very informative for all of us.Copy !req
728. It seems we may be
one report short today...Copy !req
729. so we'll leave just a bit early.Copy !req
730. But once again, I want to thank you all
for your very hard work.Copy !req
731. Who turned out the lights?Copy !req
732. Hello, San Dimas.Copy !req
733. Please welcome,
for the final report of the afternoon...Copy !req
734. from all throughout history...Copy !req
735. some of the greatest people
who have ever lived...Copy !req
736. in their 1988 world tour!Copy !req
737. How's it going?Copy !req
738. I'm Billy the Kid.Copy !req
739. I'd like you all to put your hands together.Copy !req
740. Now, my good friends...Copy !req
741. Bill S. Preston, Esquire...Copy !req
742. and Ted "Theodore" Logan.Copy !req
743. Thank you.Copy !req
744. Hello, San Dimas High.Copy !req
745. Mr. Ryan,
fellow distinguished classmates...Copy !req
746. teachers, babes.Copy !req
747. - Our first speaker was born in 470 B.C.
- Hi! Long time no see.Copy !req
748. A time when much of the world...Copy !req
749. looked like the cover of
the Led Zeppelin album Houses of the Holy.Copy !req
750. We were there. There were many steps
and columns. It was most tranquil.Copy !req
751. He is sometimes known
as the father of modern thought.Copy !req
752. He was the teacher of Plato,
who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle.Copy !req
753. And like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly
accused of corruption of the young.Copy !req
754. And since he doesn't speak English...Copy !req
755. my friend Ted, here,
is gonna interpret for him.Copy !req
756. So please welcome,
to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas...Copy !req
757. the most bodacious
philosophizer in ancient Greece...Copy !req
758. Socrates!Copy !req
759. totally out of control.
I've got a good idea where he gets it.Copy !req
760. If you and your wife used a little discipline,
your son wouldn't be such a bad influence.Copy !req
761. Is discipline your key to success with Ted?Copy !req
762. Yes, it is! He's going to
an Alaskan military school.Copy !req
763. loves you best...Copy !req
764. in all the world.Copy !req
765. What are they doing up there?Copy !req
766. He also loves baseball.Copy !req
767. Therefore, Ted's father's
own fear of failure...Copy !req
768. has caused him
to make his son the embodiment...Copy !req
769. of all of his own deepest anxieties
about himself.Copy !req
770. And hence,
his aggression transference onto Ted.Copy !req
771. Okay?Copy !req
772. Yes.
Thank you very much, Sigmund Freud.Copy !req
773. No, just got a minor Oedipal complex.Copy !req
774. It is indeed a pleasure
to introduce to you...Copy !req
775. a gentleman we picked up
in medieval Mongolia...Copy !req
776. in the year 1269.Copy !req
777. Please welcome,
the very excellent barbarian...Copy !req
778. Mr. Genghis Khan!Copy !req
779. This is a dude who, 700 years ago...Copy !req
780. totally ravaged China,
and who, we are told, two hours ago...Copy !req
781. totally ravaged
Oshman's Sporting Goods.Copy !req
782. A most bodacious soldier and general...Copy !req
783. Miss Of Arc totally rousted
the English from France.Copy !req
784. And then she turned this dude,
Dauphin, into a king.Copy !req
785. And all this by the time she was 17.Copy !req
786. Je vais remporter un triomphe terrible...Copy !req
787. en Russie...Copy !req
788. avec mes waterslides.Copy !req
789. The music of Ludwig von Beethoven.Copy !req
790. As you can see,
Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies...Copy !req
791. because of the excellent sugar rush.Copy !req
792. He also loves billiards.Copy !req
793. Beethoven's favorite works include
Mozart's Requiem...Copy !req
794. Handel's Messiah,
and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet.Copy !req
795. To improve on the condition of her armies,
Joan of Arc plans on instituting...Copy !req
796. a full-scale aerobics program
on her return to France.Copy !req
797. I don't think it's going to work.Copy !req
798. Triomphe, Napoléon!Copy !req
799. He loves...Copy !req
800. He loves San Dimas.Copy !req
801. And now, for our last speaker.Copy !req
802. One of the greatest presidents
in American history...Copy !req
803. Mr. Abraham Lincoln.Copy !req
804. Fourscore and...Copy !req
805. seven minutes ago...Copy !req
806. we, your forefathers...Copy !req
807. were brought forth upon
a most excellent adventure...Copy !req
808. conceived by our new friends...Copy !req
809. Bill...Copy !req
810. and Ted.Copy !req
811. These two great gentlemen...Copy !req
812. are dedicated to a proposition...Copy !req
813. which was true in my time...Copy !req
814. just as it's true today.Copy !req
815. Be excellent to each other.Copy !req
816. And...Copy !req
817. party on, dudes!Copy !req
818. No way!Copy !req
819. Thank you, San Dimas High.Copy !req
820. We want more!Copy !req
821. Intro.Copy !req
822. I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.Copy !req
823. What's up, Ted?Copy !req
824. We traveled through time.Copy !req
825. I mean, we met lots of great leaders
and we got an A plus on our history report.Copy !req
826. And look at us. Nothing's different.Copy !req
827. Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen.Copy !req
828. Maybe we should start
learning how to play.Copy !req
829. Maybe you're right.Copy !req
830. Hello again, my excellent friends.Copy !req
831. Congratulations on
passing your history report.Copy !req
832. Rufus, the babes.Copy !req
833. We looked all over England for you.Copy !req
834. Where'd you get those savory clothes?Copy !req
835. Rufus introduced us to
a place called the mall.Copy !req
836. And something called credit cards.Copy !req
837. I got them out of England just before
they had to marry those royal ugly dudes.Copy !req
838. Way to go, Rufus.Copy !req
839. How can we ever thank you, Rufus?Copy !req
840. You can start by signing this for my kids.Copy !req
841. - Why?
- They're big fans of yours.Copy !req
842. - What?
- Everyone is.Copy !req
843. Wyld Stallyns' music has become
the foundation of our whole society.Copy !req
844. No way!Copy !req
845. Yes way!Copy !req
846. In fact, I believe you were there.
That futuristic place with the domes?Copy !req
847. And the totally excellent music.Copy !req
848. They totally worshipped us there.Copy !req
849. I know.Copy !req
850. That's why I was sent to make sure
you passed your history report.Copy !req
851. If you guys were separated, it would have
been disastrous for life as we know it.Copy !req
852. You see, eventually, your music
will help to end war and poverty.Copy !req
853. It will align the planets
and bring them into universal harmony...Copy !req
854. allowing meaningful contact
with all forms of life...Copy !req
855. from extraterrestrial beings
to common household pets.Copy !req
856. And...Copy !req
857. it's excellent for dancing.Copy !req
858. Why don't you have the ladies sign as well,
would you please?Copy !req
859. - After all, they are in the band.
- They are?Copy !req
860. Excellent!Copy !req
861. Where are you going, Rufus?Copy !req
862. I got a surprise for you.Copy !req
863. Here.Copy !req
864. That's to help you
as you start your new band.Copy !req
865. Thanks, Rufus.Copy !req
866. I just have one further humble request:Copy !req
867. If I might be so honored to jam with you?Copy !req
868. - Do you know how to play, Rufus?
- I play a little.Copy !req
869. - Most outstanding.
- Let's jam.Copy !req
870. - Bill, my friend?
- Yes, Ted, my friend?Copy !req
871. This has been a most excellent adventure.Copy !req
872. - One.
- Two.Copy !req
873. One, two, three, four!Copy !req
874. They do get better.Copy !req
875. Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV PlayerCopy !req