1. It is time.Copy !req
2. They've reached the second crucial
turning point in their destiny.Copy !req
3. Their message is about to
reach millions.Copy !req
4. But... we will change all that.Copy !req
5. When our mission is successful...Copy !req
6. no longer will the world
be dominated...Copy !req
7. by the legacy of these two fools!Copy !req
8. No longer will we hear this:Copy !req
9. We will stop them now!Copy !req
10. Brothers and sisters...Copy !req
11. are we ready?Copy !req
12. - Greetings, my excellent pupils.
- Station.Copy !req
13. Today we continue our study of the
physics of acoustical reverberation.Copy !req
14. I'd like you to meet today's
most non-bogus guest speakers.Copy !req
15. Say hello to an old friend,
Thomas Edison.Copy !req
16. Hello there.Copy !req
17. And to help us on the
musical side of things:Copy !req
18. Johann Sebastian Bach.Copy !req
19. And Sir James Martin
of Faith No More...Copy !req
20. founder of the Faith No More
Spiritual and Theological Center.Copy !req
21. - Station!
- Station!Copy !req
22. And a special treat
from the 23rd century:Copy !req
23. Miss Ria Paschelle.Copy !req
24. Miss Paschelle, as you all know, is
the inventor of the...Copy !req
25. statiophonicoxygeneticamp-
lifiagraphiphonideliverberator.Copy !req
26. Kind of hard to imagine the world
before we had them, isn't it?Copy !req
27. OK, remember, this Friday, Ben Franklin
and Aretha Franklin will be here.Copy !req
28. Saturday is the field trip
to Babylonia. And very important:Copy !req
29. Do not do your homework without
wearing headphones...Copy !req
30. Repeat...Copy !req
31. De Nomolos. My old teacher.Copy !req
32. Rufus.
My favorite pupil.Copy !req
33. - I thought you were...
- Dead?Copy !req
34. No.Copy !req
35. Just in preparation.Copy !req
36. I worked within the system
until I could stand it no longer.Copy !req
37. And soon...Copy !req
38. soon, the system
will never have existed.Copy !req
39. - You won't get away with it.
- Time will tell.Copy !req
40. Time has told.Copy !req
41. I'll go back and change that,
with the aid of my secret weapons!Copy !req
42. How's it going, dudes?Copy !req
43. Friends, friends, friends.
These are automatons.Copy !req
44. Replicas only.
Furnished with my agenda.Copy !req
45. Now, what is your mission?Copy !req
46. - First, we totally kill Bill and Ted.
- Yeah, then we take over their lives.Copy !req
47. Then we utterly destroy them.Copy !req
48. Then, at the Battle of the Bands, we give
the speech they were gonna giveCopy !req
49. except totally different.Copy !req
50. And thus a new future is born.
A great future.Copy !req
51. Don't tell us, duder.
You programmed us.Copy !req
52. - He's totally a robot!
- So are you, dude!Copy !req
53. We're total metal heads!Copy !req
54. Do shut up.Copy !req
55. Now.Copy !req
56. - What is the fuel?
- Fear!Copy !req
57. - What is the engine?
- Discipline!Copy !req
58. - What is the ideal?
- Order!Copy !req
59. And how do we achieve it?Copy !req
60. Death to Bill and Ted!Copy !req
61. Catch you later, evil dude.Copy !req
62. I am Bill S. Preston...Copy !req
63. Esquire!Copy !req
64. This is Ted "Theodore" Logan!Copy !req
65. On drums and keyboards...Copy !req
66. celebrating their fifth year
in the 20th century...Copy !req
67. the beautiful princesses
from medieval England.Copy !req
68. Joanna and Elizabeth.Copy !req
69. And we are...Copy !req
70. Wyld Stallyns.Copy !req
71. Guys!Copy !req
72. You keep telling me you're gonna be
the greatest band in the world, but you stink.Copy !req
73. Yeah.Copy !req
74. We don't understand it either.Copy !req
75. I mean, you can't sing.Copy !req
76. - The girls can play. But you guys?
- Girls mature faster than guys.Copy !req
77. Plus, they started
in the 15th century.Copy !req
78. What do you mean?Copy !req
79. - They're from medieval England.
- Ted, shut up.Copy !req
80. Medieval England, Iowa.Copy !req
81. Guys, the point is the
Battle of the Bands isCopy !req
82. the biggest event for
new groups in the area.Copy !req
83. We're talking
about a $25,000 first prize...Copy !req
84. a two-year record deal
and a chance to be seen byCopy !req
85. the most important people
in the business.Copy !req
86. I mean, we've even got
live coverage on Channel 12.Copy !req
87. Now, if you were me,
would you put you guys on?Copy !req
88. No way.Copy !req
89. However, since you guys do work for
Pretzels 'N' Cheese, I'll give you a shot.Copy !req
90. Excellent!Copy !req
91. But last. Midnight. Probably by that
time, everyone will be gone home.Copy !req
92. That's all right. I mean,
we're used to that.Copy !req
93. Yeah, we fully cleaned out Ted's little
brother's junior high school dance.Copy !req
94. They totally turned on "La Bamba"
while he was playing his solo.Copy !req
95. Shut up, Ted!Copy !req
96. Guys, do yourself a favor.
Prepare a little.Copy !req
97. Work on your act.
I mean, think of something.Copy !req
98. Don't worry, Ms. Wardroe.
We won't let you down.Copy !req
99. - Dude, we gotta win at that concert.
- Yeah, then we could finally propose to the ladies.Copy !req
100. I know.Copy !req
101. There's no way we can raise a family on the
money we make at Pretzels 'N' Cheese, dude.Copy !req
102. I'll call Missy, tell her
we're on our way.Copy !req
103. Should be a most resplendent
birthday party.Copy !req
104. - Shall we, ladies?
- Great, sure.Copy !req
105. ?Copy !req
106. So I understand you two have a little
something else to celebrate tonight.Copy !req
107. We got into the Battle of the Bands.Copy !req
108. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
109. If we win, I can totally
pay you back the money I owe you.Copy !req
110. And what if you don't win?Copy !req
111. Well, um, I guess...Copy !req
112. Maybe sell some more blood.Copy !req
113. Perhaps you should think about
selling a couple of the instruments.Copy !req
114. Of course, we've always got
a spot for you, Ted.Copy !req
115. You remember my old friend, Colonel
Oats from the Alaskan Military School?Copy !req
116. Oh, um...Copy !req
117. - "How's it going?", Ted?
- Yeah.Copy !req
118. Splendidly.Copy !req
119. Remember...Copy !req
120. it's not too late for you, Ted.Copy !req
121. Yeah.Copy !req
122. Whoa.Copy !req
123. For either of you.Copy !req
124. For all four of you.Copy !req
125. Fresh fudge.Copy !req
126. - Hi, Oatsie.
- Hi.Copy !req
127. Darling.Copy !req
128. - Hi, guys.
- Hi, Missy.Copy !req
129. Hey, Missy.
I mean, Mom.Copy !req
130. I can't believe Missy
divorced your dad...Copy !req
131. and married mine.Copy !req
132. Shut up, Ted.Copy !req
133. - Your dad looks bad.
- I know.Copy !req
134. What's next?Copy !req
135. - Maybe she'll marry you.
- Yeah, then you'll be your own stepdad.Copy !req
136. You've probably noticed we haven't
given you our gifts yet.Copy !req
137. Yeah. That's because...Copy !req
138. Uh... well...Copy !req
139. That's because what we
wanted to say was, uh...Copy !req
140. well... uh...Copy !req
141. Excuse us, dude.Copy !req
142. I wrote this myself.Copy !req
143. I wrote this last night.Copy !req
144. "Elizabeth..."Copy !req
145. "Joanna...Copy !req
146. as I wander through this dark
and lonely forest of life..."Copy !req
147. "... surrounded by various beasts..."Copy !req
148. "... bears, vipers, squirrels..."Copy !req
149. "Not to mention barnacles
and algae..."Copy !req
150. "... man-of-wars, starfish,
blowfish, catfish..."Copy !req
151. Oh, no, that's freshwater.Copy !req
152. The point is, I know we promised you
a better life than this.Copy !req
153. What I mean to say is, I realize
when we took you out of England...Copy !req
154. we said the future held
some really good stuff.Copy !req
155. Although stuff hasn't
worked out the way we thought...Copy !req
156. it will, we hope.Copy !req
157. The day after tomorrow,
if things work out...Copy !req
158. What this is about is...Copy !req
159. - Will you...?
- Marry us?Copy !req
160. - Theodore...
- I'd love to.Copy !req
161. Yeah!Copy !req
162. ?Copy !req
163. - Aim for the cat, dude! Aim for the cat!
- I'm trying, Evil Ted! I'm trying!Copy !req
164. Aw, just missed!Copy !req
165. - Not bad.
- Yeah, let's make it bad.Copy !req
166. We're here, dude.Copy !req
167. Is Rufus with you?Copy !req
168. One second.Copy !req
169. Looks like we lost him in the
circuits of time, duder.Copy !req
170. Good.
Then he's gone forever.Copy !req
171. Our first act of business:Copy !req
172. Destroy that ridiculous,
insipid band!Copy !req
173. You got it, dude!Copy !req
174. Get to work.Copy !req
175. Now!Copy !req
176. Study these books well.Copy !req
177. When my mission is completed...Copy !req
178. this will be the new history.Copy !req
179. What a shithead.Copy !req
180. - Bye!
- Bye!Copy !req
181. Drive safe!Copy !req
182. - Dude.
- What?Copy !req
183. I wonder if after we're married,
the princesses will stay over with us?Copy !req
184. Yeah, our girlfriends are
most chaste.Copy !req
185. - Yeah. At least they're not dating our dads.
- Good point, dude.Copy !req
186. Yeah.Copy !req
187. - Hello?
- Hello, Bill. This is Joanna.Copy !req
188. Hey, Joanna! How'd you
call us so fast?Copy !req
189. It's not important. This is:Copy !req
190. Elizabeth and I have spoken, and we've
decided we're quitting Wyld Stallyns.Copy !req
191. What?Copy !req
192. - Yes!
- Why?Copy !req
193. We think you're losers and
we never want to see you again.Copy !req
194. No way!Copy !req
195. We're going to the desert to be alone.Copy !req
196. - But...
- It's over. Goodbye.Copy !req
197. - I totally fooled those other usses.
- Yeah, they're completely brilliant.Copy !req
198. Not!Copy !req
199. - Let's fitch the booth and start phase two.
- Station.Copy !req
200. An incredible fortune in stones.Copy !req
201. Yet I would trade them all
for a hand phaser.Copy !req
202. Or a good solid club.Copy !req
203. Maybe we should've proposed
to them sooner.Copy !req
204. How could we, Ted?Copy !req
205. We could barely afford
our own apartment.Copy !req
206. This is most non-non-heinous.Copy !req
207. - What are we gonna do?
- We gotta find them.Copy !req
208. Talk to 'em.Copy !req
209. But how?Copy !req
210. Wonder who that could be?Copy !req
211. How's it going, Bill and Ted?Copy !req
212. Ted, it's us again.Copy !req
213. - How's it going, Bill?
- Not bad, Bill. And you?Copy !req
214. Bad.Copy !req
215. We came to help you guys in your most
unfortunate situation.Copy !req
216. Yeah.Copy !req
217. How?Copy !req
218. Come with us. We'll show you.Copy !req
219. Okay.Copy !req
220. Excuse us.Copy !req
221. Dude.Copy !req
222. - I got a weird feeling here.
- Why?Copy !req
223. I don't know.Copy !req
224. How do we know these
guys are really us?Copy !req
225. Ted, we've been through this before.Copy !req
226. Now if it wasn't for the previous
intervention of our future selves...Copy !req
227. would we have even passed history?
Or met the babes?Copy !req
228. Or had a most excellent adventure
through time?Copy !req
229. Okay.Copy !req
230. Ted, if you're really me, how many
fingers am I about to hold up?Copy !req
231. Three.Copy !req
232. - Whoa!
- Whoa!Copy !req
233. You're right!Copy !req
234. Let's go, guys.
We'll drive.Copy !req
235. - Ted.
- What?Copy !req
236. I have a feeling we're about to embark
on a most unprecedented expedition.Copy !req
237. - Dude.
- What?Copy !req
238. I got a full-on robot chubby.Copy !req
239. Later, Evil Ted.Copy !req
240. Later.Copy !req
241. ? ?Copy !req
242. I'm cold.Copy !req
243. Yeah.Copy !req
244. Hey! Dudes! Can we have
some heat back here?Copy !req
245. Shut up, Bill.Copy !req
246. That other you's a real jerk.Copy !req
247. Yeah! I better remember to be more
considerate towards myself when I become him.Copy !req
248. He said, shut your holes!Copy !req
249. Dude.Copy !req
250. I got a very bad feeling.Copy !req
251. Out.Copy !req
252. So, where are Joanna and Elizabeth?Copy !req
253. They're not here.Copy !req
254. Yeah. We lied. Here's the truth,
we're totally gonna kill you now.Copy !req
255. - No way!
- Yes way, Ted.Copy !req
256. - We're fully programmed to do it.
- Yeah, and we want to do it, too.Copy !req
257. You dick, Bill!Copy !req
258. Ow!Copy !req
259. - You're metal, dude!
- I know. Check it out!Copy !req
260. Whoa!Copy !req
261. Let's go.Copy !req
262. Bogus.Copy !req
263. ?Copy !req
264. Ted...Copy !req
265. we gotta do something.Copy !req
266. Dudes, even though
you're doing this...Copy !req
267. we, we...Copy !req
268. we love you.Copy !req
269. We love you.Copy !req
270. Fags!Copy !req
271. Catch you later, Bill and Ted!Copy !req
272. Yes! I totally loogied on that
good dead me!Copy !req
273. Yeah!Copy !req
274. - We're fully, full-on evil robots.
- Yeah!Copy !req
275. - You wanna take the van?
- No, it's beat.Copy !req
276. There's a Porsche.Copy !req
277. ? ?Copy !req
278. Let's bag it.Copy !req
279. Station.Copy !req
280. Bill...Copy !req
281. what happened?Copy !req
282. Ted...Copy !req
283. we're dead, dude.Copy !req
284. - No way.
- Yes way.Copy !req
285. Look.Copy !req
286. Now what?Copy !req
287. Who's that?Copy !req
288. Whoa!Copy !req
289. Who are you?Copy !req
290. Ted...Copy !req
291. it's the Grim Reaper, dude.Copy !req
292. Oh.Copy !req
293. How's it hanging, Death?Copy !req
294. You will come with me.Copy !req
295. We can't.
We gotta get back to the babes.Copy !req
296. Ted, we can't. We're dead, dude.Copy !req
297. We gotta stop those evil usses.
We gotta try.Copy !req
298. Excuse us, dude,
but is there any way back?Copy !req
299. You may challenge me to a contest.Copy !req
300. But if you lose...Copy !req
301. you will remain here
in the afterlife...Copy !req
302. forever.Copy !req
303. What if we win?Copy !req
304. No one has ever won.Copy !req
305. - Dude, we gotta ditch this guy.
- Definitely.Copy !req
306. But how?Copy !req
307. Melvin.Copy !req
308. Excuse us, dude...Copy !req
309. but your shoes are untied.Copy !req
310. Oh.Copy !req
311. I can't believe
we just Melvined Death.Copy !req
312. Yeah!Copy !req
313. Let's just hope he doesn't
catch up with us.Copy !req
314. Whoa.Copy !req
315. ? ?Copy !req
316. No way!Copy !req
317. This isn't funny.Copy !req
318. Way to go, Joanna!Copy !req
319. I don't understand
what's come over you two.Copy !req
320. You see, we used to be puss-weeds,
but now we're metal.Copy !req
321. So get over here and put out!Copy !req
322. Let's go. You can forget
about us playing tonight.Copy !req
323. Fine.Copy !req
324. Then I guess that's that.Copy !req
325. Yeah, see 'ya.Copy !req
326. Catch you later, babes!Copy !req
327. Ted, I have an idea.Copy !req
328. Tonight at the concert after we make
De Nomolos' speech...Copy !req
329. let's waste them.Copy !req
330. Station. In the meantime, let's trash
this lame little rathole.Copy !req
331. Stellar, Evil Ted!Copy !req
332. - Ted, we have got to stop them.
- Yeah. But how?Copy !req
333. I hope this works.Copy !req
334. It worked in The Exorcist.
I and III!Copy !req
335. Alright, Hirschfeld,Copy !req
336. you'll move downtown so DeLoach
can take her maternity leave.Copy !req
337. Also, we need to make a few shifts.
Anyone interested in moonlighting...Copy !req
338. we'll be stepping up security at the
amphitheater tonight for the Battle of the Bands.Copy !req
339. I hear your son's band is playing?Copy !req
340. Thank you for reminding me, sergeant.
Also, Scott Frank...Copy !req
341. - So, how do we do this?
- I don't know.Copy !req
342. Why don't you try something?Copy !req
343. Okay.Copy !req
344. Whoa!Copy !req
345. Okay, dudes.Copy !req
346. I mean, fellow policemen...Copy !req
347. my son, Ted "Theodore" Logan...Copy !req
348. and his friend
Bill S. Preston, Esquire...Copy !req
349. have been murdered and replaced
by evil robots from the future.Copy !req
350. You totally did it, dude!Copy !req
351. I totally possessed my dad.Copy !req
352. Okay.Copy !req
353. You got to go over
and arrest these robotsCopy !req
354. so they don't ruin
everything for me and Bill.Copy !req
355. I mean, my son and Bill.Copy !req
356. And, most importantly,
they don't hurt the babes.Copy !req
357. The princesses.Copy !req
358. This isn't working.Copy !req
359. - Back me up, dude.
- You got it, dude.Copy !req
360. I totally believe you, dude.Copy !req
361. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
362. - Whoa! Doughnuts!
- Whoa! Excellent!Copy !req
363. Savory cruller.Copy !req
364. - I got really hungry being dead.
- Yeah!Copy !req
365. Bill?Copy !req
366. I don't think they believe us.Copy !req
367. We'll have to find somebody who will.Copy !req
368. Catch you later, cop dudes!Copy !req
369. Ted, we can't go like this.Copy !req
370. Oh. Yeah!Copy !req
371. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
372. - Good morning.
- Sergeant.Copy !req
373. Gandhi.Copy !req
374. Anne Boleyn.Copy !req
375. Aristotle.Copy !req
376. - President Chester A. Arthur.
- Yes!Copy !req
377. Clark Gable.Copy !req
378. Charlemagne.Copy !req
379. And I would like to contact Ty Cobb.Copy !req
380. - Has this séance stuff ever worked?
- No.Copy !req
381. But it will today, dude.Copy !req
382. O great spirits
from the netherworld...Copy !req
383. leave your celestial
abode and speak upon us...Copy !req
384. with your life lessons.Copy !req
385. Whoa!Copy !req
386. I feel the spirits have arrived!Copy !req
387. How's it going...Copy !req
388. New Age dudes?Copy !req
389. Spirits, can you hear me?Copy !req
390. Yeah!Copy !req
391. And we can totally see down your...Copy !req
392. Ted, it's your mom, dude!Copy !req
393. Whoa, you're right! Move over, dude.Copy !req
394. Spirits, what have you to say to us?Copy !req
395. OK...Copy !req
396. the princesses are in trouble.Copy !req
397. Yeah. Ted and his most
excellent friend Bill...Copy !req
398. were killed!Copy !req
399. - Listen to us.
- You must go.Copy !req
400. Beware of evil Bill!Copy !req
401. Warn the princesses!Copy !req
402. O evil spirits from Hell...Copy !req
403. I send you back into the darkness
from whence you came!Copy !req
404. - What's she doing?
- I don't know, but I don't think it's good.Copy !req
405. Uh-oh.Copy !req
406. No way!Copy !req
407. - Dude, this is a totally deep hole.
- Yeah!Copy !req
408. - Now what?
- I don't know.Copy !req
409. Hey.Copy !req
410. - You wanna play 20 Questions?
- Okay. I got one.Copy !req
411. Are you a mineral?Copy !req
412. Yeah.Copy !req
413. Are you a tank?Copy !req
414. Whoa, yeah!Copy !req
415. Good one!Copy !req
416. Whoa!Copy !req
417. - Not bad!
- Yeah. Can we do it again?Copy !req
418. I'm working as hard as I can!Copy !req
419. No way!Copy !req
420. This is not what I expected
this place to look like at all.Copy !req
421. Yeah. We got totally lied to
by our album covers, man.Copy !req
422. Whoa.Copy !req
423. Who's that?Copy !req
424. Ted, who do you think it is, dude?Copy !req
425. Oh yeah!Copy !req
426. How are we gonna get his attention?Copy !req
427. Sign of the devil, dude!Copy !req
428. - Hey, Devil dude! Yo!
- Down here!Copy !req
429. Down here, dude!Copy !req
430. Two little guys!Copy !req
431. Big dude! Down here!Copy !req
432. Right down here, bro!Copy !req
433. Dude, I kind of like this.Copy !req
434. Whoa!Copy !req
435. Excellent!Copy !req
436. - Let's get out of here, dude.
- OK.Copy !req
437. Ted, if I die, you can have
my Megadeth collection.Copy !req
438. But, dude, we're already dead!Copy !req
439. Oh.Copy !req
440. - Well, then they're yours, dude.
- Whoa! Thanks, dude.Copy !req
441. How's it going, Beelzebub?Copy !req
442. So, uh...Copy !req
443. Okay. Can we go now?Copy !req
444. You may go.Copy !req
445. Whoa!Copy !req
446. - Thanks, dude!
- Yeah!Copy !req
447. You know, you got a bad rap,
but you're actually an okay dude!Copy !req
448. Whoa.Copy !req
449. - Where are we?
- I don't know.Copy !req
450. Maybe we should try
one of these tunnels.Copy !req
451. - Dude, where are we?
- I don't know.Copy !req
452. Maybe we should try
one of these doors.Copy !req
453. After you, dude.Copy !req
454. Now where are we?Copy !req
455. Who's that?Copy !req
456. It's Colonel Oats!Copy !req
457. No way!Copy !req
458. Gentlemen!Copy !req
459. Welcome to Hell.Copy !req
460. - No way.
- What?Copy !req
461. No way, sir?Copy !req
462. You two...Copy !req
463. will do whatever
I tell you to do...Copy !req
464. from now on.Copy !req
465. Is that clear?Copy !req
466. - Yes, sir, dude!
- What?Copy !req
467. - Yes, dude, sir!
- What?Copy !req
468. Yes, sir, sir dude!Copy !req
469. Get down and give me...Copy !req
470. infinity.Copy !req
471. Stupid, pathetic,
craven little cretins.Copy !req
472. Dude.Copy !req
473. - There's no way I can possibly do infinity pushups!
- Pitiful little morons.Copy !req
474. - Maybe if he lets us do 'em girlie-style.
- Jokers!Copy !req
475. You petty, base, bully,
bullock, bugger billies.Copy !req
476. You're not strong! You're silky boys!Copy !req
477. Silk comes from the butts
of Chinese worms.Copy !req
478. Dude, we gotta get out of here.Copy !req
479. I'll eat you up like the warm,
toasty little butter cakes you are.Copy !req
480. Get back here!Copy !req
481. - Dude.
- What?Copy !req
482. I think we're in
our own personal hell.Copy !req
483. - Let's split up.
- Yeah. That way he can't get us so bad.Copy !req
484. What happened?Copy !req
485. ?
Whoa!Copy !req
486. Bogus!Copy !req
487. ? Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you!Copy !req
488. ? Happy birthday, dear Granny!Copy !req
489. ? Happy birthday to you!Copy !req
490. Granny S. Preston, Esquire.Copy !req
491. No way.Copy !req
492. Theodore!Copy !req
493. You made your little brother cry.Copy !req
494. How about...Copy !req
495. a kiss...Copy !req
496. for your dear old granny, Bill?Copy !req
497. Come along.Copy !req
498. You stole Deacon's Easter basket.Copy !req
499. No way. This was 10 years ago!Copy !req
500. Uh-huh!Copy !req
501. Come here!Copy !req
502. Whoa!Copy !req
503. That was non, non, non...
Non-heinous!Copy !req
504. Choose...Copy !req
505. your...Copy !req
506. eternity.Copy !req
507. Choose your own, you fag!Copy !req
508. You ugly, red source of all evil!Copy !req
509. Hello, girls.Copy !req
510. - Dude.
- What?Copy !req
511. - Hell sucks!
- Definitely!Copy !req
512. - You total no-nosed salamanders!
- Deac's Easter basket! Nya-na-na-na-naCopy !req
513. Come to Oatsie!Copy !req
514. I wanted one right on the lips!Copy !req
515. - Ted, there's only one way outta here, man!
- Right, dude. We gotta play the Reaper!Copy !req
516. Choose your game.Copy !req
517. But if you lose...Copy !req
518. you will stay here in Hell...Copy !req
519. forever.Copy !req
520. D-1.Copy !req
521. Miss.Copy !req
522. B...Copy !req
523. 3.Copy !req
524. Miss.Copy !req
525. C-6.Copy !req
526. Hit.Copy !req
527. - Dude...
- I know.Copy !req
528. J-7.Copy !req
529. J-7...Copy !req
530. Hit.Copy !req
531. Yeah!Copy !req
532. A hit. You have sunk my battleship.Copy !req
533. Excellent!Copy !req
534. - I totally knew he put it in the J's.
- Good thinking, Ted.Copy !req
535. You must play me again.Copy !req
536. - What?
- Um, best two out of three.Copy !req
537. No way!Copy !req
538. Yes way.Copy !req
539. ?Copy !req
540. - What's he doing?
- I don't know.Copy !req
541. I believe...Copy !req
542. Col. Mustard did it
in the study with the candlestick.Copy !req
543. Sorry, Death. You lose.
It was Professor Plum.Copy !req
544. - I said "Plum."
- No way. You said "Mustard!"Copy !req
545. Can we go back now?Copy !req
546. Best three out of five.Copy !req
547. I don't believe this guy.Copy !req
548. - Best of seven?
- Damn right!Copy !req
549. Right hand, green.Copy !req
550. Left hand, red.Copy !req
551. Right foot, green.Copy !req
552. Right foot...Copy !req
553. Oh! Oh, dude!Copy !req
554. Yeah!Copy !req
555. Yeah!Copy !req
556. Well?Copy !req
557. I will...Copy !req
558. take you back.Copy !req
559. - You played very well, Death.
- Especially with your totally heavy death robes.Copy !req
560. Don't patronize me.Copy !req
561. Whoa, whatever, dude. But you got a
lot to learn about sportsmanship.Copy !req
562. This way.Copy !req
563. Now we can go back and save the babes.Copy !req
564. Yeah, but Bill, when we get back, how
will we fight those other usses?Copy !req
565. I mean, they're totally stronger
than us. And way smarter than us.Copy !req
566. Yeah, plus, they already
killed us once.Copy !req
567. Yeah.Copy !req
568. One minute, duder!Copy !req
569. Okay, if we were good human usses and we had
to fight two evil robot usses...Copy !req
570. - what would we do?
- Make good robot usses?Copy !req
571. Ted, good thinking, dude!Copy !req
572. Excuse us.Copy !req
573. - Excuse me, Death?
- Oh, now what?Copy !req
574. Well, could you take us to someone
who could help us?Copy !req
575. You have beaten me.
I am at your command.Copy !req
576. Cool!Copy !req
577. This way.Copy !req
578. - Ted.
- What?Copy !req
579. Don't fear the Reaper.Copy !req
580. I heard that.Copy !req
581. ?Copy !req
582. Whoa.Copy !req
583. This is most atypical.Copy !req
584. Welcome to Heaven.Copy !req
585. I'm sure I'll enjoy it.Copy !req
586. Thank you.Copy !req
587. Through there.Copy !req
588. Welcome to Heaven.Copy !req
589. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
590. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
591. "Only the most serene and enlightened
souls shall gain audience."Copy !req
592. Dude, we're in big trouble.Copy !req
593. I think I have an idea, dude.Copy !req
594. - Hello, welcome to Heaven.
- Psst. Hey.Copy !req
595. Wise dudes.Copy !req
596. - Can we ask you a question?
- OK.Copy !req
597. Right this way, please.Copy !req
598. Dude, we're in Heaven,
and we just mugged three people.Copy !req
599. I know. We better get outta here
before we ruin it for everybody.Copy !req
600. Come on, Death.Copy !req
601. You look great, dude.Copy !req
602. You think so?Copy !req
603. Yeah.Copy !req
604. You do.Copy !req
605. Shut up.Copy !req
606. - Come on, dude.
- It's not funny.Copy !req
607. I can't believe I'm
doing this stupid...Copy !req
608. How did I end up
in this ridiculous situation?Copy !req
609. How's it going?Copy !req
610. What is the meaning of life?Copy !req
611. Dude,
I have no idea what it is.Copy !req
612. Every rose has its thornCopy !req
613. Just like every night has its dawnCopy !req
614. Just like every cowboyCopy !req
615. Sings a sad, sad songCopy !req
616. Every rose has a thornCopy !req
617. Don't I know you?Copy !req
618. No.Copy !req
619. ? [angelic fanfare?Copy !req
620. OK. So, God, as if you didn't know...Copy !req
621. we're not the three wise people
that you might have thought we were.Copy !req
622. No. We mugged three people and took
their clothes. Sorry.Copy !req
623. - I'm Bill S. Preston.
- I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.Copy !req
624. Together, we are Wyld Stallyns!Copy !req
625. Yeah.Copy !req
626. This lovely lady is the Grim Reaper.Copy !req
627. He brought us here when we
challenged him and won.Copy !req
628. Now? OK.Copy !req
629. First of all, congratulations on Earth!
It's a most excellent planet.Copy !req
630. - And Bill and I enjoy it on a daily basis.
- Yeah, not to mention your other great planets.Copy !req
631. Mars, Jupiter, Uranus.Copy !req
632. But the point is, okay, we died.Copy !req
633. Most unfairly.Copy !req
634. But we won the chance to come back.Copy !req
635. We need to construct something
to help save the women we love.Copy !req
636. Yeah, and we don't got a lot of time.
So we were wondering...Copy !req
637. could you maybe help us find somebody
who can maybe help us build something?Copy !req
638. Station.Copy !req
639. Well, we were thinking along the lines...Copy !req
640. of maybe a scientist or something.Copy !req
641. Cool.Copy !req
642. Thanks, God.Copy !req
643. Yeah. You are a just and noble creator.Copy !req
644. OK, well...Copy !req
645. - We'll be going now.
- Yeah, keep up the good work.Copy !req
646. Catch you later, God.Copy !req
647. Sorry. They Melvined me.Copy !req
648. All right, upside-down cake!Copy !req
649. - Hey, Evil Ted.
- What?Copy !req
650. We're out of dishes.Copy !req
651. Check this out.Copy !req
652. Not bad, E.T.Copy !req
653. Let me try.Copy !req
654. You totally didn't see the fan.Copy !req
655. Tell my body to get over here
and get me!Copy !req
656. That's all right. I'll get you.Copy !req
657. Got your head, dude.Copy !req
658. I'm totally gonna tackle you, dude.Copy !req
659. - Touchdown for Evil Ted!
- We're total headbangers.Copy !req
660. Come on. There you go.Copy !req
661. Stop wasting time.
Proceed with the plan now.Copy !req
662. Okay, dude.Copy !req
663. What do you say
we trash their relationships?Copy !req
664. I hate them.Copy !req
665. I hate the robot versions of them.Copy !req
666. You made us, dude.Copy !req
667. Well, looks like this is the place, dude.Copy !req
668. Now all we gotta do
is find that scientist.Copy !req
669. - What kind of name is Station, anyway?
- I don't know.Copy !req
670. Must be some kind of future guy.Copy !req
671. Okay, how many syllables?Copy !req
672. Is it a play or a song or...?Copy !req
673. It's something big.Copy !req
674. My money's on Einstein.Copy !req
675. That's Station?Copy !req
676. Did you assume that
the most brilliant scientist...Copy !req
677. in the entire universe
would be from Earth?Copy !req
678. Yeah.Copy !req
679. Movies?Copy !req
680. - Nine words.
- Good, Mr. Franklin.Copy !req
681. Fire? Cigarettes?Copy !req
682. - Clouds, clouds.
- Smoke?Copy !req
683. Butch and Sundance: The Early Years.Copy !req
684. - Death!
- Sorry.Copy !req
685. Smokey and the Bandit III.Copy !req
686. Smokey is the bandit!Copy !req
687. Excuse us. Martians?Copy !req
688. First, my friend Bill and I
would like to congratulate you...Copy !req
689. on a most well-played
round of charades.Copy !req
690. Secondly, you've been
referred to Ted and me...Copy !req
691. as the most brilliant scientists
in the whole universe.Copy !req
692. So, how would you like to come to Earth with us
and help us build good robot usses...Copy !req
693. to save two beautiful princesses
from bad robot usses?Copy !req
694. Sounds good, Station.Copy !req
695. Let's go.Copy !req
696. Let's rock, Death.Copy !req
697. Whoa!Copy !req
698. Ted?Copy !req
699. - We're alive.
- Yeah.Copy !req
700. But I think a buzzard
was pecking at my head.Copy !req
701. Dinner's over, worm-dude.Copy !req
702. You guys okay?Copy !req
703. Where's Death?Copy !req
704. You okay, dude?Copy !req
705. I'm fine.Copy !req
706. OK. First on the agenda, we go back
to town and we clean up.Copy !req
707. Second, call the princesses
and warn 'em.Copy !req
708. Third, we purchase stuff
to build good robot usses.Copy !req
709. OK. Let's go!Copy !req
710. What? What?Copy !req
711. ?Copy !req
712. Here, kitty, kitty!
Here, kitty, kitty!Copy !req
713. There's one, dude!Copy !req
714. Just missed, dude.Copy !req
715. Dude, we're there.Copy !req
716. Okay. I got an idea.Copy !req
717. Whoa. How's it going, lady humans?Copy !req
718. ? ?Copy !req
719. Okay, Stations, this is
the Builders Emporium...Copy !req
720. a repository for earthly electronics
and robot-building materials.Copy !req
721. Get what you need to make
metal usses, understand? OK.Copy !req
722. - Ready for the big night, babes?
- No! We're not going.Copy !req
723. I think you guys
should stop right there.Copy !req
724. Catch you later, future wife.Copy !req
725. Whoa! Evil breath!Copy !req
726. Who are you two?Copy !req
727. Well, you see...Copy !req
728. Come on.Copy !req
729. - Any luck?
- No. They're not at our place or at theirs.Copy !req
730. I'm gonna try your dad's place.
Maybe they went to talk to Missy.Copy !req
731. Hello. Logan residence.Copy !req
732. Evil Bill S. Preston,
Esquire, speaking.Copy !req
733. - It's them! They're back from the dead.
- Oh.Copy !req
734. I guess we get to kill them again.Copy !req
735. Excellent!Copy !req
736. See you real soon.Copy !req
737. Oh yeah?Copy !req
738. - Yeah, but this time we're ready for you!
- Yeah!Copy !req
739. I think we can be ready for them, too.Copy !req
740. Good luck getting
to the concert, losers!Copy !req
741. - Initiate the finalplan, now!
- You got it, great one.Copy !req
742. Do not fail me.Copy !req
743. Metallic bufoons.Copy !req
744. - That other me is a dick.
- Yeah.Copy !req
745. I hope the Stations
know what they're doing.Copy !req
746. Huh?Copy !req
747. Station! What are you doing?Copy !req
748. Dudes! This is no time
to be playing games!Copy !req
749. Station.Copy !req
750. - Station!
- Station!Copy !req
751. ?Copy !req
752. Whoa!Copy !req
753. That one's me, right?Copy !req
754. Station.Copy !req
755. Not bad.Copy !req
756. How's it going, Good Robot Bill?Copy !req
757. How's it doing?Copy !req
758. Kate Axelrod for KJM Channel 12...Copy !req
759. reporting live from
the San Dimas Civic Auditorium.Copy !req
760. We're rocking at the
4th Annual Battle of the Bands.Copy !req
761. So stay tuned and hold tight
until we find out...Copy !req
762. who will be your winner.Copy !req
763. ?Copy !req
764. You guys ready? You're up.Copy !req
765. Where are the girls?Copy !req
766. - Oh, they're hanging from the rafters.
- Yeah, we're gonna kill them at the finale.Copy !req
767. Good luck, gentlemen.Copy !req
768. Bill, check it out.Copy !req
769. Whoa!Copy !req
770. Not bad.Copy !req
771. ?Copy !req
772. Let's hear it for Primus!
Yeah!Copy !req
773. - Station, are they ready?
- Station.Copy !req
774. Excellent work, dude.Copy !req
775. - What about me? I made the wigs.
- Okay, Death.Copy !req
776. I helped do the shopping.
I was pushing the cart.Copy !req
777. - Do these work like we asked?
- Station.Copy !req
778. Whoa!Copy !req
779. You are a most
excellent scientist, Station.Copy !req
780. Plus, you got an excellently huge
Martian butt.Copy !req
781. Station!Copy !req
782. Please feel free to split
in two parts again and relax.Copy !req
783. Don't overlook my butt.
I work out all the time.Copy !req
784. And reaping burns a lot of calories.Copy !req
785. OK, you two dudes ready to take on those
evil usses and save the babes?Copy !req
786. Fight evil usses. Save the babes.Copy !req
787. - Ready, Bill?
- Ready, Ted.Copy !req
788. Let's go get 'em.Copy !req
789. And now, the last band of the evening.Copy !req
790. Wyld Stallyns!Copy !req
791. How's it going, worms?Copy !req
792. I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!Copy !req
793. And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!Copy !req
794. Together, we are Wyld Stallyns!Copy !req
795. Hold it right there!Copy !req
796. We're Wyld Stallyns!Copy !req
797. No, dudes. We're Wyld Stallyns!Copy !req
798. You totally killed us,
you evil metal dickweeds!Copy !req
799. Yeah, and we're fully
gonna do it again!Copy !req
800. Plus, we're gonna totally
kill your girlfriends, too.Copy !req
801. Don't worry, babes! We'll save you.Copy !req
802. Everybody, say hello
to Station's creation!Copy !req
803. Good Robot Bill and Ted!Copy !req
804. Dude, we may have met our match.Copy !req
805. Kudos to you, good human usses.Copy !req
806. - Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
- Catch you later, Bill and Ted!Copy !req
807. Whoa!Copy !req
808. - Elizabeth!
- Theodore!Copy !req
809. - Joanna!
- William!Copy !req
810. Who is that?Copy !req
811. Who are you?Copy !req
812. Who am I?Copy !req
813. I am De Nomolos.Copy !req
814. I am their master.Copy !req
815. And I must see to it that you die.Copy !req
816. What?Copy !req
817. But first...Copy !req
818. We are now transmitting on every
television channel throughout the world.Copy !req
819. My word!Copy !req
820. I want the whole universe
to behold this...Copy !req
821. transfer of power.Copy !req
822. No longer will our future society...Copy !req
823. be based on
the ideas and the music...Copy !req
824. of these two fools!Copy !req
825. They will be based on my ideas...Copy !req
826. and my ideas alone!Copy !req
827. Dude, how do we get out of this?
We don't got any time.Copy !req
828. Yeah we do, dude. Look, after we get away
from this guy, we use the booth...Copy !req
829. we time-travel back to before the concert and
set up the things we need to get him now.Copy !req
830. Whoa, yeah, like what?Copy !req
831. Like, uh... like a sandbag.Copy !req
832. Excellent!Copy !req
833. Then we'll get a cage.Copy !req
834. My friends.Copy !req
835. I, too, can play the time game.Copy !req
836. If you do that,
once I have vanquished you...Copy !req
837. I will go back and set up this key.Copy !req
838. And another gun.Copy !req
839. Right, dude. Only there's one thing
you didn't think of.Copy !req
840. Yeah. Only the winners are gonna be
able to go back and set things up.Copy !req
841. Yeah. And that's gonna be us, dude.Copy !req
842. We set up the key,
and we set up the gun.Copy !req
843. Excuse me.Copy !req
844. - Your shoelaces are untied.
- What?Copy !req
845. Melvined.Copy !req
846. You're under arrest, pal.Copy !req
847. Way to go, Dad!Copy !req
848. Book him, Danno.Copy !req
849. Good job, Death.Copy !req
850. Who was that guy?Copy !req
851. Perhaps I can answer
that question, gentlemen.Copy !req
852. Ms. Wardroe, thanks for the help.Copy !req
853. Yeah. You know, we definitely...Copy !req
854. Take it off, baby!Copy !req
855. Rufus!Copy !req
856. How long you been here, dude?Copy !req
857. Got here just in time
for your audition, William.Copy !req
858. So you were Ms. Wardroe all along.Copy !req
859. Hey. Would anyone else have let you
in this contest?Copy !req
860. ]
No.Copy !req
861. Now, amigos, that was Mr. Chuck
De Nomolos, my old gym teacher.Copy !req
862. And, by the way, sit-up champion
of the 27th century.Copy !req
863. And now, gentlemen, I believe
the stage belongs to you.Copy !req
864. Thanks, Rufus.Copy !req
865. Dude, we still don't know how to play.Copy !req
866. Maybe we ought to get good, Ted.Copy !req
867. How?Copy !req
868. That was a fast 16 months
of intensive guitar training, dude.Copy !req
869. Yeah, except for that two-week
medieval honeymoon.Copy !req
870. Hello, San Dimas!Copy !req
871. Hello!Copy !req
872. Want to introduce you
to a little friend of mine.Copy !req
873. This is little Ted.Copy !req
874. Hello, little Ted!Copy !req
875. This is little Bill.Copy !req
876. Hello, little Bill!Copy !req
877. Now for the rest of our band.
Ted?Copy !req
878. On conga and bongos, proof positive
that you can't tell a book by its cover...Copy !req
879. the dude who can make one word
mean anything...Copy !req
880. Station!Copy !req
881. Our backup dancers...Copy !req
882. Station's most bodacious
creations...Copy !req
883. the Good Robot Usses!Copy !req
884. And over here...Copy !req
885. our bass player,
the Duke of Spooks...Copy !req
886. the Doc of Shocks,
the Man With No Tan...Copy !req
887. please say hello
to Death himself...Copy !req
888. the Grim Reaper!Copy !req
889. ? ?Copy !req
890. You might be a king
Or a little street sweeperCopy !req
891. But sooner or later
You dance with the ReaperCopy !req
892. Get down with your bad self!Copy !req
893. I love show business.Copy !req
894. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
895. we've been to the past.Copy !req
896. We've been to the future.Copy !req
897. We've been all around the afterlife.Copy !req
898. And you know...
Ted?Copy !req
899. The best place to be...Copy !req
900. is here.Copy !req
901. And the best time to be...Copy !req
902. is now.Copy !req
903. And all's we can say is...Copy !req
904. let's rock!Copy !req
905. One! Two!Copy !req
906. One, two, three, four!Copy !req
907. ? ?Copy !req
908. ? ?Copy !req
909. Right good! Right good!Copy !req
910. Stallyns One...Copy !req
911. Stallyns One, you are clear to leave...Copy !req
912. Drums...Copy !req
913. - Ten... nine...
- Keyboards...Copy !req
914. - ... eight...
- Affirmative.Copy !req
915. Ignition sequence start.
Engines on.Copy !req
916. - ... five... four... three... two...
- That's a check.Copy !req
917. - ... one.
- Good luck boys.Copy !req
918. You are go, Stallyns One!Copy !req
919. Come home soon. We'll miss you.Copy !req