1. It is time.
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2. They've reached the second crucial
turning point in their destiny.
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3. Their message is about to
reach millions.
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4. But... we will change all that.
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5. When our mission is successful...
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6. no longer will the world
be dominated...
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7. by the legacy of these two fools!
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8. No longer will we hear this:
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9. We will stop them now!
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10. Brothers and sisters...
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11. are we ready?
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12. - Greetings, my excellent pupils.
- Station.
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13. Today we continue our study of the
physics of acoustical reverberation.
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14. I'd like you to meet today's
most non-bogus guest speakers.
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15. Say hello to an old friend,
Thomas Edison.
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16. Hello there.
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17. And to help us on the
musical side of things:
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18. Johann Sebastian Bach.
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19. And Sir James Martin
of Faith No More...
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20. founder of the Faith No More
Spiritual and Theological Center.
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21. - Station!
- Station!
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22. And a special treat
from the 23rd century:
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23. Miss Ria Paschelle.
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24. Miss Paschelle, as you all know, is
the inventor of the...
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25. statiophonicoxygeneticamp-
lifiagraphiphonideliverberator.
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26. Kind of hard to imagine the world
before we had them, isn't it?
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27. OK, remember, this Friday, Ben Franklin
and Aretha Franklin will be here.
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28. Saturday is the field trip
to Babylonia. And very important:
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29. Do not do your homework without
wearing headphones...
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30. Repeat...
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31. De Nomolos. My old teacher.
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32. Rufus.
My favorite pupil.
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33. - I thought you were...
- Dead?
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34. No.
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35. Just in preparation.
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36. I worked within the system
until I could stand it no longer.
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37. And soon...
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38. soon, the system
will never have existed.
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39. - You won't get away with it.
- Time will tell.
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40. Time has told.
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41. I'll go back and change that,
with the aid of my secret weapons!
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42. How's it going, dudes?
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43. Friends, friends, friends.
These are automatons.
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44. Replicas only.
Furnished with my agenda.
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45. Now, what is your mission?
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46. - First, we totally kill Bill and Ted.
- Yeah, then we take over their lives.
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47. Then we utterly destroy them.
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48. Then, at the Battle of the Bands, we give
the speech they were gonna give
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49. except totally different.
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50. And thus a new future is born.
A great future.
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51. Don't tell us, duder.
You programmed us.
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52. - He's totally a robot!
- So are you, dude!
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53. We're total metal heads!
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54. Do shut up.
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55. Now.
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56. - What is the fuel?
- Fear!
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57. - What is the engine?
- Discipline!
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58. - What is the ideal?
- Order!
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59. And how do we achieve it?
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60. Death to Bill and Ted!
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61. Catch you later, evil dude.
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62. I am Bill S. Preston...
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63. Esquire!
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64. This is Ted "Theodore" Logan!
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65. On drums and keyboards...
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66. celebrating their fifth year
in the 20th century...
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67. the beautiful princesses
from medieval England.
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68. Joanna and Elizabeth.
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69. And we are...
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70. Wyld Stallyns.
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71. Guys!
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72. You keep telling me you're gonna be
the greatest band in the world, but you stink.
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73. Yeah.
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74. We don't understand it either.
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75. I mean, you can't sing.
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76. - The girls can play. But you guys?
- Girls mature faster than guys.
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77. Plus, they started
in the 15th century.
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78. What do you mean?
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79. - They're from medieval England.
- Ted, shut up.
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80. Medieval England, Iowa.
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81. Guys, the point is the
Battle of the Bands is
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82. the biggest event for
new groups in the area.
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83. We're talking
about a $25,000 first prize...
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84. a two-year record deal
and a chance to be seen by
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85. the most important people
in the business.
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86. I mean, we've even got
live coverage on Channel 12.
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87. Now, if you were me,
would you put you guys on?
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88. No way.
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89. However, since you guys do work for
Pretzels 'N' Cheese, I'll give you a shot.
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90. Excellent!
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91. But last. Midnight. Probably by that
time, everyone will be gone home.
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92. That's all right. I mean,
we're used to that.
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93. Yeah, we fully cleaned out Ted's little
brother's junior high school dance.
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94. They totally turned on "La Bamba"
while he was playing his solo.
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95. Shut up, Ted!
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96. Guys, do yourself a favor.
Prepare a little.
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97. Work on your act.
I mean, think of something.
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98. Don't worry, Ms. Wardroe.
We won't let you down.
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99. - Dude, we gotta win at that concert.
- Yeah, then we could finally propose to the ladies.
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100. I know.
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101. There's no way we can raise a family on the
money we make at Pretzels 'N' Cheese, dude.
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102. I'll call Missy, tell her
we're on our way.
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103. Should be a most resplendent
birthday party.
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104. - Shall we, ladies?
- Great, sure.
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105. ?
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106. So I understand you two have a little
something else to celebrate tonight.
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107. We got into the Battle of the Bands.
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108. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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109. If we win, I can totally
pay you back the money I owe you.
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110. And what if you don't win?
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111. Well, um, I guess...
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112. Maybe sell some more blood.
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113. Perhaps you should think about
selling a couple of the instruments.
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114. Of course, we've always got
a spot for you, Ted.
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115. You remember my old friend, Colonel
Oats from the Alaskan Military School?
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116. Oh, um...
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117. - "How's it going?", Ted?
- Yeah.
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118. Splendidly.
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119. Remember...
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120. it's not too late for you, Ted.
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121. Yeah.
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122. Whoa.
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123. For either of you.
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124. For all four of you.
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125. Fresh fudge.
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126. - Hi, Oatsie.
- Hi.
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127. Darling.
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128. - Hi, guys.
- Hi, Missy.
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129. Hey, Missy.
I mean, Mom.
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130. I can't believe Missy
divorced your dad...
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131. and married mine.
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132. Shut up, Ted.
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133. - Your dad looks bad.
- I know.
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134. What's next?
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135. - Maybe she'll marry you.
- Yeah, then you'll be your own stepdad.
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136. You've probably noticed we haven't
given you our gifts yet.
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137. Yeah. That's because...
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138. Uh... well...
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139. That's because what we
wanted to say was, uh...
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140. well... uh...
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141. Excuse us, dude.
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142. I wrote this myself.
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143. I wrote this last night.
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144. "Elizabeth..."
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145. "Joanna...
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146. as I wander through this dark
and lonely forest of life..."
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147. "... surrounded by various beasts..."
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148. "... bears, vipers, squirrels..."
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149. "Not to mention barnacles
and algae..."
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150. "... man-of-wars, starfish,
blowfish, catfish..."
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151. Oh, no, that's freshwater.
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152. The point is, I know we promised you
a better life than this.
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153. What I mean to say is, I realize
when we took you out of England...
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154. we said the future held
some really good stuff.
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155. Although stuff hasn't
worked out the way we thought...
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156. it will, we hope.
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157. The day after tomorrow,
if things work out...
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158. What this is about is...
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159. - Will you...?
- Marry us?
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160. - Theodore...
- I'd love to.
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161. Yeah!
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162. ?
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163. - Aim for the cat, dude! Aim for the cat!
- I'm trying, Evil Ted! I'm trying!
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164. Aw, just missed!
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165. - Not bad.
- Yeah, let's make it bad.
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166. We're here, dude.
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167. Is Rufus with you?
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168. One second.
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169. Looks like we lost him in the
circuits of time, duder.
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170. Good.
Then he's gone forever.
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171. Our first act of business:
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172. Destroy that ridiculous,
insipid band!
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173. You got it, dude!
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174. Get to work.
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175. Now!
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176. Study these books well.
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177. When my mission is completed...
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178. this will be the new history.
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179. What a shithead.
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180. - Bye!
- Bye!
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181. Drive safe!
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182. - Dude.
- What?
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183. I wonder if after we're married,
the princesses will stay over with us?
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184. Yeah, our girlfriends are
most chaste.
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185. - Yeah. At least they're not dating our dads.
- Good point, dude.
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186. Yeah.
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187. - Hello?
- Hello, Bill. This is Joanna.
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188. Hey, Joanna! How'd you
call us so fast?
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189. It's not important. This is:
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190. Elizabeth and I have spoken, and we've
decided we're quitting Wyld Stallyns.
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191. What?
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192. - Yes!
- Why?
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193. We think you're losers and
we never want to see you again.
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194. No way!
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195. We're going to the desert to be alone.
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196. - But...
- It's over. Goodbye.
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197. - I totally fooled those other usses.
- Yeah, they're completely brilliant.
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198. Not!
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199. - Let's fitch the booth and start phase two.
- Station.
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200. An incredible fortune in stones.
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201. Yet I would trade them all
for a hand phaser.
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202. Or a good solid club.
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203. Maybe we should've proposed
to them sooner.
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204. How could we, Ted?
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205. We could barely afford
our own apartment.
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206. This is most non-non-heinous.
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207. - What are we gonna do?
- We gotta find them.
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208. Talk to 'em.
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209. But how?
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210. Wonder who that could be?
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211. How's it going, Bill and Ted?
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212. Ted, it's us again.
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213. - How's it going, Bill?
- Not bad, Bill. And you?
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214. Bad.
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215. We came to help you guys in your most
unfortunate situation.
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216. Yeah.
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217. How?
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218. Come with us. We'll show you.
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219. Okay.
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220. Excuse us.
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221. Dude.
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222. - I got a weird feeling here.
- Why?
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223. I don't know.
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224. How do we know these
guys are really us?
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225. Ted, we've been through this before.
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226. Now if it wasn't for the previous
intervention of our future selves...
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227. would we have even passed history?
Or met the babes?
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228. Or had a most excellent adventure
through time?
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229. Okay.
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230. Ted, if you're really me, how many
fingers am I about to hold up?
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231. Three.
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232. - Whoa!
- Whoa!
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233. You're right!
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234. Let's go, guys.
We'll drive.
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235. - Ted.
- What?
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236. I have a feeling we're about to embark
on a most unprecedented expedition.
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237. - Dude.
- What?
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238. I got a full-on robot chubby.
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239. Later, Evil Ted.
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240. Later.
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241. ? ?
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242. I'm cold.
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243. Yeah.
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244. Hey! Dudes! Can we have
some heat back here?
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245. Shut up, Bill.
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246. That other you's a real jerk.
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247. Yeah! I better remember to be more
considerate towards myself when I become him.
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248. He said, shut your holes!
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249. Dude.
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250. I got a very bad feeling.
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251. Out.
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252. So, where are Joanna and Elizabeth?
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253. They're not here.
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254. Yeah. We lied. Here's the truth,
we're totally gonna kill you now.
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255. - No way!
- Yes way, Ted.
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256. - We're fully programmed to do it.
- Yeah, and we want to do it, too.
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257. You dick, Bill!
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258. Ow!
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259. - You're metal, dude!
- I know. Check it out!
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260. Whoa!
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261. Let's go.
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262. Bogus.
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263. ?
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264. Ted...
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265. we gotta do something.
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266. Dudes, even though
you're doing this...
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267. we, we...
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268. we love you.
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269. We love you.
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270. Fags!
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271. Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
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272. Yes! I totally loogied on that
good dead me!
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273. Yeah!
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274. - We're fully, full-on evil robots.
- Yeah!
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275. - You wanna take the van?
- No, it's beat.
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276. There's a Porsche.
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277. ? ?
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278. Let's bag it.
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279. Station.
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280. Bill...
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281. what happened?
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282. Ted...
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283. we're dead, dude.
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284. - No way.
- Yes way.
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285. Look.
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286. Now what?
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287. Who's that?
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288. Whoa!
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289. Who are you?
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290. Ted...
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291. it's the Grim Reaper, dude.
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292. Oh.
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293. How's it hanging, Death?
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294. You will come with me.
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295. We can't.
We gotta get back to the babes.
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296. Ted, we can't. We're dead, dude.
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297. We gotta stop those evil usses.
We gotta try.
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298. Excuse us, dude,
but is there any way back?
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299. You may challenge me to a contest.
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300. But if you lose...
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301. you will remain here
in the afterlife...
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302. forever.
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303. What if we win?
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304. No one has ever won.
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305. - Dude, we gotta ditch this guy.
- Definitely.
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306. But how?
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307. Melvin.
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308. Excuse us, dude...
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309. but your shoes are untied.
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310. Oh.
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311. I can't believe
we just Melvined Death.
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312. Yeah!
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313. Let's just hope he doesn't
catch up with us.
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314. Whoa.
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315. ? ?
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316. No way!
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317. This isn't funny.
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318. Way to go, Joanna!
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319. I don't understand
what's come over you two.
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320. You see, we used to be puss-weeds,
but now we're metal.
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321. So get over here and put out!
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322. Let's go. You can forget
about us playing tonight.
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323. Fine.
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324. Then I guess that's that.
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325. Yeah, see 'ya.
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326. Catch you later, babes!
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327. Ted, I have an idea.
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328. Tonight at the concert after we make
De Nomolos' speech...
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329. let's waste them.
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330. Station. In the meantime, let's trash
this lame little rathole.
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331. Stellar, Evil Ted!
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332. - Ted, we have got to stop them.
- Yeah. But how?
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333. I hope this works.
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334. It worked in The Exorcist.
I and III!
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335. Alright, Hirschfeld,
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336. you'll move downtown so DeLoach
can take her maternity leave.
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337. Also, we need to make a few shifts.
Anyone interested in moonlighting...
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338. we'll be stepping up security at the
amphitheater tonight for the Battle of the Bands.
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339. I hear your son's band is playing?
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340. Thank you for reminding me, sergeant.
Also, Scott Frank...
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341. - So, how do we do this?
- I don't know.
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342. Why don't you try something?
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343. Okay.
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344. Whoa!
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345. Okay, dudes.
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346. I mean, fellow policemen...
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347. my son, Ted "Theodore" Logan...
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348. and his friend
Bill S. Preston, Esquire...
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349. have been murdered and replaced
by evil robots from the future.
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350. You totally did it, dude!
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351. I totally possessed my dad.
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352. Okay.
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353. You got to go over
and arrest these robots
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354. so they don't ruin
everything for me and Bill.
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355. I mean, my son and Bill.
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356. And, most importantly,
they don't hurt the babes.
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357. The princesses.
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358. This isn't working.
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359. - Back me up, dude.
- You got it, dude.
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360. I totally believe you, dude.
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361. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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362. - Whoa! Doughnuts!
- Whoa! Excellent!
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363. Savory cruller.
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364. - I got really hungry being dead.
- Yeah!
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365. Bill?
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366. I don't think they believe us.
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367. We'll have to find somebody who will.
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368. Catch you later, cop dudes!
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369. Ted, we can't go like this.
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370. Oh. Yeah!
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371. Thanks, Dad.
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372. - Good morning.
- Sergeant.
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373. Gandhi.
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374. Anne Boleyn.
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375. Aristotle.
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376. - President Chester A. Arthur.
- Yes!
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377. Clark Gable.
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378. Charlemagne.
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379. And I would like to contact Ty Cobb.
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380. - Has this séance stuff ever worked?
- No.
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381. But it will today, dude.
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382. O great spirits
from the netherworld...
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383. leave your celestial
abode and speak upon us...
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384. with your life lessons.
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385. Whoa!
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386. I feel the spirits have arrived!
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387. How's it going...
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388. New Age dudes?
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389. Spirits, can you hear me?
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390. Yeah!
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391. And we can totally see down your...
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392. Ted, it's your mom, dude!
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393. Whoa, you're right! Move over, dude.
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394. Spirits, what have you to say to us?
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395. OK...
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396. the princesses are in trouble.
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397. Yeah. Ted and his most
excellent friend Bill...
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398. were killed!
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399. - Listen to us.
- You must go.
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400. Beware of evil Bill!
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401. Warn the princesses!
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402. O evil spirits from Hell...
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403. I send you back into the darkness
from whence you came!
Copy !req
404. - What's she doing?
- I don't know, but I don't think it's good.
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405. Uh-oh.
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406. No way!
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407. - Dude, this is a totally deep hole.
- Yeah!
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408. - Now what?
- I don't know.
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409. Hey.
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410. - You wanna play 20 Questions?
- Okay. I got one.
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411. Are you a mineral?
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412. Yeah.
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413. Are you a tank?
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414. Whoa, yeah!
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415. Good one!
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416. Whoa!
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417. - Not bad!
- Yeah. Can we do it again?
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418. I'm working as hard as I can!
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419. No way!
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420. This is not what I expected
this place to look like at all.
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421. Yeah. We got totally lied to
by our album covers, man.
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422. Whoa.
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423. Who's that?
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424. Ted, who do you think it is, dude?
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425. Oh yeah!
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426. How are we gonna get his attention?
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427. Sign of the devil, dude!
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428. - Hey, Devil dude! Yo!
- Down here!
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429. Down here, dude!
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430. Two little guys!
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431. Big dude! Down here!
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432. Right down here, bro!
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433. Dude, I kind of like this.
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434. Whoa!
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435. Excellent!
Copy !req
436. - Let's get out of here, dude.
- OK.
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437. Ted, if I die, you can have
my Megadeth collection.
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438. But, dude, we're already dead!
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439. Oh.
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440. - Well, then they're yours, dude.
- Whoa! Thanks, dude.
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441. How's it going, Beelzebub?
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442. So, uh...
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443. Okay. Can we go now?
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444. You may go.
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445. Whoa!
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446. - Thanks, dude!
- Yeah!
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447. You know, you got a bad rap,
but you're actually an okay dude!
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448. Whoa.
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449. - Where are we?
- I don't know.
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450. Maybe we should try
one of these tunnels.
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451. - Dude, where are we?
- I don't know.
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452. Maybe we should try
one of these doors.
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453. After you, dude.
Copy !req
454. Now where are we?
Copy !req
455. Who's that?
Copy !req
456. It's Colonel Oats!
Copy !req
457. No way!
Copy !req
458. Gentlemen!
Copy !req
459. Welcome to Hell.
Copy !req
460. - No way.
- What?
Copy !req
461. No way, sir?
Copy !req
462. You two...
Copy !req
463. will do whatever
I tell you to do...
Copy !req
464. from now on.
Copy !req
465. Is that clear?
Copy !req
466. - Yes, sir, dude!
- What?
Copy !req
467. - Yes, dude, sir!
- What?
Copy !req
468. Yes, sir, sir dude!
Copy !req
469. Get down and give me...
Copy !req
470. infinity.
Copy !req
471. Stupid, pathetic,
craven little cretins.
Copy !req
472. Dude.
Copy !req
473. - There's no way I can possibly do infinity pushups!
- Pitiful little morons.
Copy !req
474. - Maybe if he lets us do 'em girlie-style.
- Jokers!
Copy !req
475. You petty, base, bully,
bullock, bugger billies.
Copy !req
476. You're not strong! You're silky boys!
Copy !req
477. Silk comes from the butts
of Chinese worms.
Copy !req
478. Dude, we gotta get out of here.
Copy !req
479. I'll eat you up like the warm,
toasty little butter cakes you are.
Copy !req
480. Get back here!
Copy !req
481. - Dude.
- What?
Copy !req
482. I think we're in
our own personal hell.
Copy !req
483. - Let's split up.
- Yeah. That way he can't get us so bad.
Copy !req
484. What happened?
Copy !req
485. ?
Whoa!
Copy !req
486. Bogus!
Copy !req
487. ? Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you!
Copy !req
488. ? Happy birthday, dear Granny!
Copy !req
489. ? Happy birthday to you!
Copy !req
490. Granny S. Preston, Esquire.
Copy !req
491. No way.
Copy !req
492. Theodore!
Copy !req
493. You made your little brother cry.
Copy !req
494. How about...
Copy !req
495. a kiss...
Copy !req
496. for your dear old granny, Bill?
Copy !req
497. Come along.
Copy !req
498. You stole Deacon's Easter basket.
Copy !req
499. No way. This was 10 years ago!
Copy !req
500. Uh-huh!
Copy !req
501. Come here!
Copy !req
502. Whoa!
Copy !req
503. That was non, non, non...
Non-heinous!
Copy !req
504. Choose...
Copy !req
505. your...
Copy !req
506. eternity.
Copy !req
507. Choose your own, you fag!
Copy !req
508. You ugly, red source of all evil!
Copy !req
509. Hello, girls.
Copy !req
510. - Dude.
- What?
Copy !req
511. - Hell sucks!
- Definitely!
Copy !req
512. - You total no-nosed salamanders!
- Deac's Easter basket! Nya-na-na-na-na
Copy !req
513. Come to Oatsie!
Copy !req
514. I wanted one right on the lips!
Copy !req
515. - Ted, there's only one way outta here, man!
- Right, dude. We gotta play the Reaper!
Copy !req
516. Choose your game.
Copy !req
517. But if you lose...
Copy !req
518. you will stay here in Hell...
Copy !req
519. forever.
Copy !req
520. D-1.
Copy !req
521. Miss.
Copy !req
522. B...
Copy !req
523. 3.
Copy !req
524. Miss.
Copy !req
525. C-6.
Copy !req
526. Hit.
Copy !req
527. - Dude...
- I know.
Copy !req
528. J-7.
Copy !req
529. J-7...
Copy !req
530. Hit.
Copy !req
531. Yeah!
Copy !req
532. A hit. You have sunk my battleship.
Copy !req
533. Excellent!
Copy !req
534. - I totally knew he put it in the J's.
- Good thinking, Ted.
Copy !req
535. You must play me again.
Copy !req
536. - What?
- Um, best two out of three.
Copy !req
537. No way!
Copy !req
538. Yes way.
Copy !req
539. ?
Copy !req
540. - What's he doing?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
541. I believe...
Copy !req
542. Col. Mustard did it
in the study with the candlestick.
Copy !req
543. Sorry, Death. You lose.
It was Professor Plum.
Copy !req
544. - I said "Plum."
- No way. You said "Mustard!"
Copy !req
545. Can we go back now?
Copy !req
546. Best three out of five.
Copy !req
547. I don't believe this guy.
Copy !req
548. - Best of seven?
- Damn right!
Copy !req
549. Right hand, green.
Copy !req
550. Left hand, red.
Copy !req
551. Right foot, green.
Copy !req
552. Right foot...
Copy !req
553. Oh! Oh, dude!
Copy !req
554. Yeah!
Copy !req
555. Yeah!
Copy !req
556. Well?
Copy !req
557. I will...
Copy !req
558. take you back.
Copy !req
559. - You played very well, Death.
- Especially with your totally heavy death robes.
Copy !req
560. Don't patronize me.
Copy !req
561. Whoa, whatever, dude. But you got a
lot to learn about sportsmanship.
Copy !req
562. This way.
Copy !req
563. Now we can go back and save the babes.
Copy !req
564. Yeah, but Bill, when we get back, how
will we fight those other usses?
Copy !req
565. I mean, they're totally stronger
than us. And way smarter than us.
Copy !req
566. Yeah, plus, they already
killed us once.
Copy !req
567. Yeah.
Copy !req
568. One minute, duder!
Copy !req
569. Okay, if we were good human usses and we had
to fight two evil robot usses...
Copy !req
570. - what would we do?
- Make good robot usses?
Copy !req
571. Ted, good thinking, dude!
Copy !req
572. Excuse us.
Copy !req
573. - Excuse me, Death?
- Oh, now what?
Copy !req
574. Well, could you take us to someone
who could help us?
Copy !req
575. You have beaten me.
I am at your command.
Copy !req
576. Cool!
Copy !req
577. This way.
Copy !req
578. - Ted.
- What?
Copy !req
579. Don't fear the Reaper.
Copy !req
580. I heard that.
Copy !req
581. ?
Copy !req
582. Whoa.
Copy !req
583. This is most atypical.
Copy !req
584. Welcome to Heaven.
Copy !req
585. I'm sure I'll enjoy it.
Copy !req
586. Thank you.
Copy !req
587. Through there.
Copy !req
588. Welcome to Heaven.
Copy !req
589. - Hello.
- Hello.
Copy !req
590. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Copy !req
591. "Only the most serene and enlightened
souls shall gain audience."
Copy !req
592. Dude, we're in big trouble.
Copy !req
593. I think I have an idea, dude.
Copy !req
594. - Hello, welcome to Heaven.
- Psst. Hey.
Copy !req
595. Wise dudes.
Copy !req
596. - Can we ask you a question?
- OK.
Copy !req
597. Right this way, please.
Copy !req
598. Dude, we're in Heaven,
and we just mugged three people.
Copy !req
599. I know. We better get outta here
before we ruin it for everybody.
Copy !req
600. Come on, Death.
Copy !req
601. You look great, dude.
Copy !req
602. You think so?
Copy !req
603. Yeah.
Copy !req
604. You do.
Copy !req
605. Shut up.
Copy !req
606. - Come on, dude.
- It's not funny.
Copy !req
607. I can't believe I'm
doing this stupid...
Copy !req
608. How did I end up
in this ridiculous situation?
Copy !req
609. How's it going?
Copy !req
610. What is the meaning of life?
Copy !req
611. Dude,
I have no idea what it is.
Copy !req
612. Every rose has its thorn
Copy !req
613. Just like every night has its dawn
Copy !req
614. Just like every cowboy
Copy !req
615. Sings a sad, sad song
Copy !req
616. Every rose has a thorn
Copy !req
617. Don't I know you?
Copy !req
618. No.
Copy !req
619. ? [angelic fanfare?
Copy !req
620. OK. So, God, as if you didn't know...
Copy !req
621. we're not the three wise people
that you might have thought we were.
Copy !req
622. No. We mugged three people and took
their clothes. Sorry.
Copy !req
623. - I'm Bill S. Preston.
- I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
Copy !req
624. Together, we are Wyld Stallyns!
Copy !req
625. Yeah.
Copy !req
626. This lovely lady is the Grim Reaper.
Copy !req
627. He brought us here when we
challenged him and won.
Copy !req
628. Now? OK.
Copy !req
629. First of all, congratulations on Earth!
It's a most excellent planet.
Copy !req
630. - And Bill and I enjoy it on a daily basis.
- Yeah, not to mention your other great planets.
Copy !req
631. Mars, Jupiter, Uranus.
Copy !req
632. But the point is, okay, we died.
Copy !req
633. Most unfairly.
Copy !req
634. But we won the chance to come back.
Copy !req
635. We need to construct something
to help save the women we love.
Copy !req
636. Yeah, and we don't got a lot of time.
So we were wondering...
Copy !req
637. could you maybe help us find somebody
who can maybe help us build something?
Copy !req
638. Station.
Copy !req
639. Well, we were thinking along the lines...
Copy !req
640. of maybe a scientist or something.
Copy !req
641. Cool.
Copy !req
642. Thanks, God.
Copy !req
643. Yeah. You are a just and noble creator.
Copy !req
644. OK, well...
Copy !req
645. - We'll be going now.
- Yeah, keep up the good work.
Copy !req
646. Catch you later, God.
Copy !req
647. Sorry. They Melvined me.
Copy !req
648. All right, upside-down cake!
Copy !req
649. - Hey, Evil Ted.
- What?
Copy !req
650. We're out of dishes.
Copy !req
651. Check this out.
Copy !req
652. Not bad, E.T.
Copy !req
653. Let me try.
Copy !req
654. You totally didn't see the fan.
Copy !req
655. Tell my body to get over here
and get me!
Copy !req
656. That's all right. I'll get you.
Copy !req
657. Got your head, dude.
Copy !req
658. I'm totally gonna tackle you, dude.
Copy !req
659. - Touchdown for Evil Ted!
- We're total headbangers.
Copy !req
660. Come on. There you go.
Copy !req
661. Stop wasting time.
Proceed with the plan now.
Copy !req
662. Okay, dude.
Copy !req
663. What do you say
we trash their relationships?
Copy !req
664. I hate them.
Copy !req
665. I hate the robot versions of them.
Copy !req
666. You made us, dude.
Copy !req
667. Well, looks like this is the place, dude.
Copy !req
668. Now all we gotta do
is find that scientist.
Copy !req
669. - What kind of name is Station, anyway?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
670. Must be some kind of future guy.
Copy !req
671. Okay, how many syllables?
Copy !req
672. Is it a play or a song or...?
Copy !req
673. It's something big.
Copy !req
674. My money's on Einstein.
Copy !req
675. That's Station?
Copy !req
676. Did you assume that
the most brilliant scientist...
Copy !req
677. in the entire universe
would be from Earth?
Copy !req
678. Yeah.
Copy !req
679. Movies?
Copy !req
680. - Nine words.
- Good, Mr. Franklin.
Copy !req
681. Fire? Cigarettes?
Copy !req
682. - Clouds, clouds.
- Smoke?
Copy !req
683. Butch and Sundance: The Early Years.
Copy !req
684. - Death!
- Sorry.
Copy !req
685. Smokey and the Bandit III.
Copy !req
686. Smokey is the bandit!
Copy !req
687. Excuse us. Martians?
Copy !req
688. First, my friend Bill and I
would like to congratulate you...
Copy !req
689. on a most well-played
round of charades.
Copy !req
690. Secondly, you've been
referred to Ted and me...
Copy !req
691. as the most brilliant scientists
in the whole universe.
Copy !req
692. So, how would you like to come to Earth with us
and help us build good robot usses...
Copy !req
693. to save two beautiful princesses
from bad robot usses?
Copy !req
694. Sounds good, Station.
Copy !req
695. Let's go.
Copy !req
696. Let's rock, Death.
Copy !req
697. Whoa!
Copy !req
698. Ted?
Copy !req
699. - We're alive.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
700. But I think a buzzard
was pecking at my head.
Copy !req
701. Dinner's over, worm-dude.
Copy !req
702. You guys okay?
Copy !req
703. Where's Death?
Copy !req
704. You okay, dude?
Copy !req
705. I'm fine.
Copy !req
706. OK. First on the agenda, we go back
to town and we clean up.
Copy !req
707. Second, call the princesses
and warn 'em.
Copy !req
708. Third, we purchase stuff
to build good robot usses.
Copy !req
709. OK. Let's go!
Copy !req
710. What? What?
Copy !req
711. ?
Copy !req
712. Here, kitty, kitty!
Here, kitty, kitty!
Copy !req
713. There's one, dude!
Copy !req
714. Just missed, dude.
Copy !req
715. Dude, we're there.
Copy !req
716. Okay. I got an idea.
Copy !req
717. Whoa. How's it going, lady humans?
Copy !req
718. ? ?
Copy !req
719. Okay, Stations, this is
the Builders Emporium...
Copy !req
720. a repository for earthly electronics
and robot-building materials.
Copy !req
721. Get what you need to make
metal usses, understand? OK.
Copy !req
722. - Ready for the big night, babes?
- No! We're not going.
Copy !req
723. I think you guys
should stop right there.
Copy !req
724. Catch you later, future wife.
Copy !req
725. Whoa! Evil breath!
Copy !req
726. Who are you two?
Copy !req
727. Well, you see...
Copy !req
728. Come on.
Copy !req
729. - Any luck?
- No. They're not at our place or at theirs.
Copy !req
730. I'm gonna try your dad's place.
Maybe they went to talk to Missy.
Copy !req
731. Hello. Logan residence.
Copy !req
732. Evil Bill S. Preston,
Esquire, speaking.
Copy !req
733. - It's them! They're back from the dead.
- Oh.
Copy !req
734. I guess we get to kill them again.
Copy !req
735. Excellent!
Copy !req
736. See you real soon.
Copy !req
737. Oh yeah?
Copy !req
738. - Yeah, but this time we're ready for you!
- Yeah!
Copy !req
739. I think we can be ready for them, too.
Copy !req
740. Good luck getting
to the concert, losers!
Copy !req
741. - Initiate the finalplan, now!
- You got it, great one.
Copy !req
742. Do not fail me.
Copy !req
743. Metallic bufoons.
Copy !req
744. - That other me is a dick.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
745. I hope the Stations
know what they're doing.
Copy !req
746. Huh?
Copy !req
747. Station! What are you doing?
Copy !req
748. Dudes! This is no time
to be playing games!
Copy !req
749. Station.
Copy !req
750. - Station!
- Station!
Copy !req
751. ?
Copy !req
752. Whoa!
Copy !req
753. That one's me, right?
Copy !req
754. Station.
Copy !req
755. Not bad.
Copy !req
756. How's it going, Good Robot Bill?
Copy !req
757. How's it doing?
Copy !req
758. Kate Axelrod for KJM Channel 12...
Copy !req
759. reporting live from
the San Dimas Civic Auditorium.
Copy !req
760. We're rocking at the
4th Annual Battle of the Bands.
Copy !req
761. So stay tuned and hold tight
until we find out...
Copy !req
762. who will be your winner.
Copy !req
763. ?
Copy !req
764. You guys ready? You're up.
Copy !req
765. Where are the girls?
Copy !req
766. - Oh, they're hanging from the rafters.
- Yeah, we're gonna kill them at the finale.
Copy !req
767. Good luck, gentlemen.
Copy !req
768. Bill, check it out.
Copy !req
769. Whoa!
Copy !req
770. Not bad.
Copy !req
771. ?
Copy !req
772. Let's hear it for Primus!
Yeah!
Copy !req
773. - Station, are they ready?
- Station.
Copy !req
774. Excellent work, dude.
Copy !req
775. - What about me? I made the wigs.
- Okay, Death.
Copy !req
776. I helped do the shopping.
I was pushing the cart.
Copy !req
777. - Do these work like we asked?
- Station.
Copy !req
778. Whoa!
Copy !req
779. You are a most
excellent scientist, Station.
Copy !req
780. Plus, you got an excellently huge
Martian butt.
Copy !req
781. Station!
Copy !req
782. Please feel free to split
in two parts again and relax.
Copy !req
783. Don't overlook my butt.
I work out all the time.
Copy !req
784. And reaping burns a lot of calories.
Copy !req
785. OK, you two dudes ready to take on those
evil usses and save the babes?
Copy !req
786. Fight evil usses. Save the babes.
Copy !req
787. - Ready, Bill?
- Ready, Ted.
Copy !req
788. Let's go get 'em.
Copy !req
789. And now, the last band of the evening.
Copy !req
790. Wyld Stallyns!
Copy !req
791. How's it going, worms?
Copy !req
792. I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
Copy !req
793. And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
Copy !req
794. Together, we are Wyld Stallyns!
Copy !req
795. Hold it right there!
Copy !req
796. We're Wyld Stallyns!
Copy !req
797. No, dudes. We're Wyld Stallyns!
Copy !req
798. You totally killed us,
you evil metal dickweeds!
Copy !req
799. Yeah, and we're fully
gonna do it again!
Copy !req
800. Plus, we're gonna totally
kill your girlfriends, too.
Copy !req
801. Don't worry, babes! We'll save you.
Copy !req
802. Everybody, say hello
to Station's creation!
Copy !req
803. Good Robot Bill and Ted!
Copy !req
804. Dude, we may have met our match.
Copy !req
805. Kudos to you, good human usses.
Copy !req
806. - Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
- Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
Copy !req
807. Whoa!
Copy !req
808. - Elizabeth!
- Theodore!
Copy !req
809. - Joanna!
- William!
Copy !req
810. Who is that?
Copy !req
811. Who are you?
Copy !req
812. Who am I?
Copy !req
813. I am De Nomolos.
Copy !req
814. I am their master.
Copy !req
815. And I must see to it that you die.
Copy !req
816. What?
Copy !req
817. But first...
Copy !req
818. We are now transmitting on every
television channel throughout the world.
Copy !req
819. My word!
Copy !req
820. I want the whole universe
to behold this...
Copy !req
821. transfer of power.
Copy !req
822. No longer will our future society...
Copy !req
823. be based on
the ideas and the music...
Copy !req
824. of these two fools!
Copy !req
825. They will be based on my ideas...
Copy !req
826. and my ideas alone!
Copy !req
827. Dude, how do we get out of this?
We don't got any time.
Copy !req
828. Yeah we do, dude. Look, after we get away
from this guy, we use the booth...
Copy !req
829. we time-travel back to before the concert and
set up the things we need to get him now.
Copy !req
830. Whoa, yeah, like what?
Copy !req
831. Like, uh... like a sandbag.
Copy !req
832. Excellent!
Copy !req
833. Then we'll get a cage.
Copy !req
834. My friends.
Copy !req
835. I, too, can play the time game.
Copy !req
836. If you do that,
once I have vanquished you...
Copy !req
837. I will go back and set up this key.
Copy !req
838. And another gun.
Copy !req
839. Right, dude. Only there's one thing
you didn't think of.
Copy !req
840. Yeah. Only the winners are gonna be
able to go back and set things up.
Copy !req
841. Yeah. And that's gonna be us, dude.
Copy !req
842. We set up the key,
and we set up the gun.
Copy !req
843. Excuse me.
Copy !req
844. - Your shoelaces are untied.
- What?
Copy !req
845. Melvined.
Copy !req
846. You're under arrest, pal.
Copy !req
847. Way to go, Dad!
Copy !req
848. Book him, Danno.
Copy !req
849. Good job, Death.
Copy !req
850. Who was that guy?
Copy !req
851. Perhaps I can answer
that question, gentlemen.
Copy !req
852. Ms. Wardroe, thanks for the help.
Copy !req
853. Yeah. You know, we definitely...
Copy !req
854. Take it off, baby!
Copy !req
855. Rufus!
Copy !req
856. How long you been here, dude?
Copy !req
857. Got here just in time
for your audition, William.
Copy !req
858. So you were Ms. Wardroe all along.
Copy !req
859. Hey. Would anyone else have let you
in this contest?
Copy !req
860. ]
No.
Copy !req
861. Now, amigos, that was Mr. Chuck
De Nomolos, my old gym teacher.
Copy !req
862. And, by the way, sit-up champion
of the 27th century.
Copy !req
863. And now, gentlemen, I believe
the stage belongs to you.
Copy !req
864. Thanks, Rufus.
Copy !req
865. Dude, we still don't know how to play.
Copy !req
866. Maybe we ought to get good, Ted.
Copy !req
867. How?
Copy !req
868. That was a fast 16 months
of intensive guitar training, dude.
Copy !req
869. Yeah, except for that two-week
medieval honeymoon.
Copy !req
870. Hello, San Dimas!
Copy !req
871. Hello!
Copy !req
872. Want to introduce you
to a little friend of mine.
Copy !req
873. This is little Ted.
Copy !req
874. Hello, little Ted!
Copy !req
875. This is little Bill.
Copy !req
876. Hello, little Bill!
Copy !req
877. Now for the rest of our band.
Ted?
Copy !req
878. On conga and bongos, proof positive
that you can't tell a book by its cover...
Copy !req
879. the dude who can make one word
mean anything...
Copy !req
880. Station!
Copy !req
881. Our backup dancers...
Copy !req
882. Station's most bodacious
creations...
Copy !req
883. the Good Robot Usses!
Copy !req
884. And over here...
Copy !req
885. our bass player,
the Duke of Spooks...
Copy !req
886. the Doc of Shocks,
the Man With No Tan...
Copy !req
887. please say hello
to Death himself...
Copy !req
888. the Grim Reaper!
Copy !req
889. ? ?
Copy !req
890. You might be a king
Or a little street sweeper
Copy !req
891. But sooner or later
You dance with the Reaper
Copy !req
892. Get down with your bad self!
Copy !req
893. I love show business.
Copy !req
894. Ladies and gentlemen...
Copy !req
895. we've been to the past.
Copy !req
896. We've been to the future.
Copy !req
897. We've been all around the afterlife.
Copy !req
898. And you know...
Ted?
Copy !req
899. The best place to be...
Copy !req
900. is here.
Copy !req
901. And the best time to be...
Copy !req
902. is now.
Copy !req
903. And all's we can say is...
Copy !req
904. let's rock!
Copy !req
905. One! Two!
Copy !req
906. One, two, three, four!
Copy !req
907. ? ?
Copy !req
908. ? ?
Copy !req
909. Right good! Right good!
Copy !req
910. Stallyns One...
Copy !req
911. Stallyns One, you are clear to leave...
Copy !req
912. Drums...
Copy !req
913. - Ten... nine...
- Keyboards...
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914. - ... eight...
- Affirmative.
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915. Ignition sequence start.
Engines on.
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916. - ... five... four... three... two...
- That's a check.
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917. - ... one.
- Good luck boys.
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918. You are go, Stallyns One!
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919. Come home soon. We'll miss you.
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