1. - Hello?
- Sonny, it's your dad. You asleep?Copy !req
2. No. Hey, man. I was exercising.Copy !req
3. - Bullshit. You were sleeping.
- I wasn't.Copy !req
4. This kid won't stop lying to me.
You still act like you're 6.Copy !req
5. Yeah, okay, Dad.
I act like I'm 6.Copy !req
6. Found a job yet where
you work more than one day a week?Copy !req
7. I've been looking.Copy !req
8. Looking won't pay the rent.Copy !req
9. All the money I won
from the cab accident...Copy !req
10. is kicking ass
in the stock market, so relax.Copy !req
11. - Don't blow it on worthless crap.
- I won't.Copy !req
12. You should spend it
on your bar exam.Copy !req
13. You're the lawyer.
I ain't taking a bar exam.Copy !req
14. I got too much other shit going on.Copy !req
15. I don't know what happened to you.Copy !req
16. How're things going with
your girlfriend, Vanessa?Copy !req
17. Things are going fine.Copy !req
18. Shit!Copy !req
19. I gotta go.Copy !req
20. Shit! You turned off
the alarm clock again.Copy !req
21. No! I mean, yes, I did,
but I thought you needed more sleep.Copy !req
22. I shouldn't have stayed here.
That was a jerk thing to do.Copy !req
23. Why are you going to work?
It's Sunday.Copy !req
24. I'm not going to work. I'm going to
brunch with potential clients.Copy !req
25. That's how a party planner
gets business, by making contacts.Copy !req
26. Meet with me. I'll order in
from Cozy's. We'll have fun.Copy !req
27. I am sick of Cozy's.
You order in from there all the time.Copy !req
28. The delivery guy's your best friend.Copy !req
29. He happens to be pretty damn nice.Copy !req
30. This is a rough patch in my life.Copy !req
31. Syracuse is 0 and 3.
And I got those medical problems.Copy !req
32. Medical problems?Copy !req
33. A cab runs over your foot two years
ago. You're hospitalized one night.Copy !req
34. First of all, that cab was huge.Copy !req
35. And a jury decided that one night
of pain was worth $200,000.Copy !req
36. - So there you go.
- Whatever.Copy !req
37. Why are you being
so nuts to me lately?Copy !req
38. You refuse to move on
to the next phase.Copy !req
39. I'd like to have a family someday.Copy !req
40. I need someone I can rely on,
not a playmate.Copy !req
41. You need a father figure?
"Stop pulling your sister's hair!"Copy !req
42. You know what? I'm gonna go to
Syracuse to see my mom.Copy !req
43. - I'll be back on Wednesday.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
44. I had call for delivery, but it was
crank call. You want chocolate cake?Copy !req
45. Come back later.
I'll Indian wrestle you.Copy !req
46. You're going down, sucker.Copy !req
47. We'll see about that.Copy !req
48. Okay. Peace, out.Copy !req
49. You're going to Syracuse?Copy !req
50. I need time to think and so do you.Copy !req
51. Think about what?Copy !req
52. Your life and why I should
be a part of it.Copy !req
53. - All right.
- While you're at it...Copy !req
54. think about getting a real job.Copy !req
55. I got a real job!Copy !req
56. Patrick Ewing, nice shot.Copy !req
57. - Hey, Sonny.
- What's up, buddy boy?Copy !req
58. I'm out the door. Hey, pal.Copy !req
59. - Where you going?
- Manhattan.Copy !req
60. You wanna take me with you?Copy !req
61. All right, I guess.Copy !req
62. Hold on to your money.
Later on.Copy !req
63. Okay, take care, Sonny.Copy !req
64. See you.Copy !req
65. Cadillac, I love it.Copy !req
66. Surprise!Copy !req
67. Just ignore him.Copy !req
68. It's only Sonny. It's only Sonny.Copy !req
69. Yeah, it's only me. It's only me.Copy !req
70. - What's going on?
- Corinne's going-away party for Kevin.Copy !req
71. She didn't tell me.
The roommate has a right to know.Copy !req
72. She knew you'd ruin the surprise.Copy !req
73. No, I wouldn't.Copy !req
74. Hey, surprise.Copy !req
75. Surprise.Copy !req
76. - Surprise.
- Surprise.Copy !req
77. What's going on?Copy !req
78. We wasted the good surprise on you.Copy !req
79. All right.Copy !req
80. Is this your handiwork?Copy !req
81. I guess.Copy !req
82. See you in three hours.Copy !req
83. Good to see you stiffs.
What've you been doing?Copy !req
84. Last three weeks have been crazy.
I've been in Denver, Dallas—Copy !req
85. I'm sleeping in the office.
We're going to trial on the fraud case.Copy !req
86. Honey, it was a great surprise.
I was totally shocked.Copy !req
87. No, you weren't!
And I worked so hard on this.Copy !req
88. Need some help?Copy !req
89. - Honey, your sister's here.
- Hey, sweetie.Copy !req
90. I hate Sonny.Copy !req
91. My client's out $7 million. All we
can sue on is breach of contract.Copy !req
92. Maybe you can sue under
the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.Copy !req
93. I gotta get back to the office.
You're the king.Copy !req
94. Mikey, a pleasure.Copy !req
95. - I'll see you at home.
- All right.Copy !req
96. I'll walk you out.Copy !req
97. I gotta admit, I'm still
weirded out when they kiss.Copy !req
98. Why? They're gay.
That's what gay guys do.Copy !req
99. I know, but they were like
brothers to us back in school.Copy !req
100. They're still like our brothers.
Our very, very gay brothers.Copy !req
101. What are you doing after this?
Going to a Klan meeting?Copy !req
102. Remember when Dad had
that barbecue...Copy !req
103. for his friends and it rained...Copy !req
104. so he and Mom went into the
kitchen and made...Copy !req
105. 100 hamburgers
with one frying pan?Copy !req
106. You're not gonna let a little rain stop
you from making 100 hamburgers.Copy !req
107. That relationship's lasted longer
than I thought it would.Copy !req
108. Look at his eyes. He's bored.
I give it two more weeks.Copy !req
109. Hey, excuse me. Everybody!Copy !req
110. I'm sorry. I wanted to thank you
for coming tonight.Copy !req
111. I guess I should say—Copy !req
112. I'm getting it.
Tomorrow I'm leaving for China...Copy !req
113. to represent the firm
of Morton and Mandel.Copy !req
114. Me, the same guy who once shaved
his ass to win a $5 bet.Copy !req
115. Prove it!Copy !req
116. Just kidding.Copy !req
117. But I am real glad you're all here
tonight, because...Copy !req
118. I'm gonna do what I never thought
I'd have the guts to do.Copy !req
119. You're not proposing, are you?Copy !req
120. - Yeah, pal, I am.
- Well, think about it, you know?Copy !req
121. God, Sonny, shut up!Copy !req
122. Anyway, will you?Copy !req
123. Yeah.Copy !req
124. Good call on the two weeks.Copy !req
125. Sonny, what was that all about?Copy !req
126. Congratulations. You and Big Boobs
McGee are gonna be happy.Copy !req
127. Don't call her that.Copy !req
128. You wanna tell your children you met
their mother as a waitress at Hooters?Copy !req
129. Sonny, that was five years ago.
She's a doctor now...Copy !req
130. and my fiancée, so from now on...Copy !req
131. Dr. Big Boobs McGee.Copy !req
132. - Congratulations.
- Thanks, man.Copy !req
133. I just...Copy !req
134. got shit going on.Copy !req
135. What's the matter?Copy !req
136. Vanessa's gonna
break up with me...Copy !req
137. and I don't know how
to make her wanna stay.Copy !req
138. She's getting older.
She wants different things.Copy !req
139. Career, stable relationship, a family.Copy !req
140. That's how they get.Copy !req
141. I want things to go back
to the way they used to be.Copy !req
142. When we were at Syracuse,
and Vanessa worshiped you.Copy !req
143. - That was nice.
- Nobody hassled you to get a job.Copy !req
144. Tommy and Phil
showered separately.Copy !req
145. Those were the days.Copy !req
146. - What're you doing?
- If I make this...Copy !req
147. Vanessa will realize
she likes me the way I am.Copy !req
148. You're going to the putt.Copy !req
149. Remember, the roof breaks
to the right.Copy !req
150. Yes! That's what I'm talk—Copy !req
151. Good God!Copy !req
152. That can't be good.Copy !req
153. Where's Kevin?Copy !req
154. He already left. I guess
he forgot to say goodbye to you.Copy !req
155. - Why are you here?
- I'm cleaning because you're useless.Copy !req
156. Then what, you gonna go to
your Hooters reunion?Copy !req
157. You guys talk about whose ass
hangs out of their shorts the most?Copy !req
158. At least I can fit my ass
in my shorts, fatty.Copy !req
159. Speaking of fatty, whose is this?Copy !req
160. - I don't know.
- I'm eating it then.Copy !req
161. "We wasted the good surprise
on you."Copy !req
162. Yeah?Copy !req
163. Lady gave me $5 to bring him here.Copy !req
164. - What do you mean?
- Later.Copy !req
165. Are you selling raffle tickets?Copy !req
166. Oh, boy.Copy !req
167. - Kevin Gerrity.
- I got something to tell you.Copy !req
168. - What's up?
- There's a kid here.Copy !req
169. What kind of kid?Copy !req
170. If this note is true, it's your kid.Copy !req
171. What do you mean?Copy !req
172. I'm having a tough time
reading this...Copy !req
173. but it says, "Dear Kevin:
This is Julian, your son.Copy !req
174. I hope you understand why
I didn't tell you until now...Copy !req
175. but he needs your help.
I can't be his mother anymore."Copy !req
176. - This is ridiculous.
- Hang on.Copy !req
177. Who's this?Copy !req
178. This is my friend.Copy !req
179. - Is that Kevin on the phone?
- No, it's my Uncle Remus.Copy !req
180. Hi. What's your name?Copy !req
181. Is he all right?Copy !req
182. He doesn't like you.
Leave us alone.Copy !req
183. You're such a dick.Copy !req
184. That was your girlfriend.
She was acting "Hooterific."Copy !req
185. - Who sent that note?
- "Jan."Copy !req
186. Jan...
I don't know any Jan.Copy !req
187. - Where's he from?
- Where are you from?Copy !req
188. Buffalo.Copy !req
189. I've never even been to Buffalo.Copy !req
190. Maybe it's a mistake.Copy !req
191. Is this like the time
you said my parents were dead?Copy !req
192. I swear, he's right here.Copy !req
193. I'm coming home.
I don't know what I'll say—Copy !req
194. Hang on. It says...Copy !req
195. "If you won't take responsibility
for him, they found a foster family—"Copy !req
196. Yes, Uncle Remus,
I know the catfish are huge.Copy !req
197. That's terrific.Copy !req
198. Here's a number for a guy...Copy !req
199. at City Social Service.
Arthur Brooks. I'll call.Copy !req
200. - I'll come home.
- I'll take care of it.Copy !req
201. Are you sure?Copy !req
202. Yeah, don't worry.Copy !req
203. Hooters. Hooters. Hooters!Copy !req
204. - All right. Thanks a lot.
- Later.Copy !req
205. I'm gonna make another phone call.Copy !req
206. You want to come and sit down, pal?Copy !req
207. Or you can stand there.
Anything you want. I'll be a minute.Copy !req
208. Social Services
is closed today, Columbus Day.Copy !req
209. We'll be open tomorrow at 8 a.m.Copy !req
210. Columbus Day.Copy !req
211. Boy, I don't know what to tell you.Copy !req
212. Everything's gonna get
figured out tomorrow.Copy !req
213. Can you be a tough little guy
until then?Copy !req
214. Great.Copy !req
215. Do I need to get you a bottle
of formula or something?Copy !req
216. - No.
- What do you eat?Copy !req
217. Food.Copy !req
218. Yeah? I eat food too.Copy !req
219. What—? Come on.Copy !req
220. You need me to hold your hand?Copy !req
221. On Mondays, I go to Central Park
and watch rollerbladers fall down.Copy !req
222. - You into that?
- I don't know.Copy !req
223. Watch. This guy's humming.Copy !req
224. He's going down, he's going down,
he's going—!Copy !req
225. How old are you, anyways?Copy !req
226. - Five.
- Five?Copy !req
227. You wear a diaper?Copy !req
228. No.Copy !req
229. - You wipe your own ass then?
- Yes.Copy !req
230. You do? Good job. That's cool.Copy !req
231. Come on, fall down. Fall down. Yes!
Come on, damn it.Copy !req
232. You suck. You suck!Copy !req
233. Check this out.Copy !req
234. My God!Copy !req
235. There's a stick there.
Somebody should move it.Copy !req
236. All right now, what way
would you put that on?Copy !req
237. This Columbo, he pretends
to be stupid...Copy !req
238. but he's really smart as a tack.Copy !req
239. Oh, yeah, he is.Copy !req
240. You put the vane on down there.
Then this boat comes up.Copy !req
241. I wipe my own ass.Copy !req
242. Me too.Copy !req
243. So, Mr. Ass Wiper,
what's this guy's name?Copy !req
244. Scuba Steve.Copy !req
245. Does he ever take his flippers off?Copy !req
246. What if he goes bowling?Copy !req
247. They don't make him wear bowling
shoes? He wears flippers?Copy !req
248. - Really?
- I had a doll like that at one time.Copy !req
249. But my cat, he bite his head off.Copy !req
250. What cat would do that?Copy !req
251. You calling me a liar?Copy !req
252. Hey, take it easy.Copy !req
253. Anyways...Copy !req
254. Jets are playing tonight.Copy !req
255. We're gonna go to the Blarney Stone.
Wanna come?Copy !req
256. I've got more deliveries.Copy !req
257. Maybe you can also finish
the turkey on your lip.Copy !req
258. Right there.Copy !req
259. Let's crank up the Styx.Copy !req
260. No music during the game.Copy !req
261. - It's halftime. Relax, Mr. Herlihy.
- Goddamn Jets.Copy !req
262. What are you doing in here, cutie?Copy !req
263. Watching football.Copy !req
264. - Who do you want to win?
- The goddamn Jets.Copy !req
265. Have fun.Copy !req
266. Too bad you don't like girls.
I think you could've had her.Copy !req
267. - I'm thirsty.
- You're thirsty?Copy !req
268. - Are you allowed soda?
- I don't know.Copy !req
269. My mom always said
soda rots your teeth...Copy !req
270. but you'll lose them
anyway, so rot on.Copy !req
271. - Can we get two root beers?
- Sure.Copy !req
272. When I graduated law school, we met
here every Monday to watch football.Copy !req
273. Who would meet you?Copy !req
274. My friends, Vanessa.Copy !req
275. Vanessa always rooted against
the team...Copy !req
276. I wanted to win
just to bust my chops.Copy !req
277. But everybody's so busy with
their crap lately, no one comes.Copy !req
278. Like I'm not busy?Copy !req
279. Shut up or I'll smack you
through the wall like last Monday.Copy !req
280. Last Monday was a fluke.
Bring it on, woman.Copy !req
281. Anytime.Copy !req
282. He drinks a lot of soda.Copy !req
283. I'm telling you, buddy. Vanessa,
she's the one. I can't lose her.Copy !req
284. I'm not getting any handsomer.Copy !req
285. Every day I get a little bit older
and balder and fatter.Copy !req
286. - Fatter?
- At your age...Copy !req
287. I could eat anything.
Wouldn't gain an ounce.Copy !req
288. Now, I have a chocolate shake,
my ass jiggles for a week.Copy !req
289. - Enjoy the metabolism while you got it.
- Metalobism?Copy !req
290. Good God, it's 2:30 in the morning.
You must be wrecked.Copy !req
291. Anyways, I had fun today.
Did you have fun?Copy !req
292. Yeah, you're all right.Copy !req
293. Have a good one.Copy !req
294. Sonny?Copy !req
295. Could I have a night-light?Copy !req
296. Night-light? I think I can
help you out. Hang on.Copy !req
297. Let's see here.Copy !req
298. There you go, all right?Copy !req
299. Sonny?Copy !req
300. Are you my dad?Copy !req
301. No, I'm not, but...Copy !req
302. that Dad and Mom thing
we'll figure out in the morning.Copy !req
303. You just go to sleep.Copy !req
304. - Good night.
- Good night.Copy !req
305. Go get the can, okay?Copy !req
306. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
307. I'm thinking about keeping the kid.Copy !req
308. Sonny.Copy !req
309. Remember when we went to
the pet store...Copy !req
310. and you wanted that puppy,
but I reminded you about feeding it...Copy !req
311. cleaning it
and toilet training it?Copy !req
312. This is kind of like that,
except with a human.Copy !req
313. I mean, I'm glad you had fun and all,
but this is big.Copy !req
314. I gotta do something big.
I think Vanessa will respect that.Copy !req
315. You think that since women
get pregnant...Copy !req
316. to fix a troubled relationship...Copy !req
317. why can't a guy adopt a kid
to do the same?Copy !req
318. I didn't think of it like that.
But yes, that's what I'm thinking.Copy !req
319. Sounds nuts to me, pal.
Do yourself a favor. Sleep on it.Copy !req
320. You're right.
Can I use your phone?Copy !req
321. Arthur Brooks speaking.Copy !req
322. How you doing?
Kevin Gerrity.Copy !req
323. Right on, Mr. Gerrity.Copy !req
324. We were expecting you.Copy !req
325. Do you still got a foster family
lined up for Julian?Copy !req
326. Yes, we do.Copy !req
327. I've decided to
take care of the little guy.Copy !req
328. Way to sleep on it, pal.Copy !req
329. You two want to get married,
I support that.Copy !req
330. When parents take the responsibility,
there's no bigger high for us.Copy !req
331. I'm psyched about it too.Copy !req
332. So that's it.Copy !req
333. Yep. Good luck
to you and your son.Copy !req
334. My son.Copy !req
335. Goddamn stick!Copy !req
336. That's my boy.Copy !req
337. Hey.Copy !req
338. Go back to sleep.Copy !req
339. Well, I'm going back to sleep.
Nighty-night.Copy !req
340. I wet my bed.Copy !req
341. Oh, God.Copy !req
342. That's a shitload of piss.Copy !req
343. Okay.Copy !req
344. There you go, all right?Copy !req
345. No more wet mess.Copy !req
346. Sleep, all right? Just try to sleep.
Stay asleep.Copy !req
347. Sit still!Copy !req
348. Lay!Copy !req
349. All right! I'm up!Copy !req
350. It smells like urine in this joint.
Good job.Copy !req
351. What're you doing there, boy?Copy !req
352. Making cereal.Copy !req
353. Oh, yeah? Why don't you
pour me a bowl?Copy !req
354. Or don't pour me a bowl.
Either way.Copy !req
355. I got it. I got it.Copy !req
356. We can fix this.Copy !req
357. It's not a big deal.Copy !req
358. Look. See?Copy !req
359. See how quick it goes away?Copy !req
360. Crybaby, come on.Copy !req
361. Don't worry about it, boy.Copy !req
362. Scuba Steve, damn you!Copy !req
363. You think that's funny,
me getting hurt?Copy !req
364. There's a bright side to being up
before 11 : McDonald's breakfast.Copy !req
365. I haven't been up for that
in 10 years. You wanna go?Copy !req
366. Tie your shoes, we'll go. Hurry.Copy !req
367. It's like 12 blocks from here,
so tie quickly.Copy !req
368. Do you need help with that?Copy !req
369. I can do it.Copy !req
370. Let me do it.Copy !req
371. You loop it, you swoop it,
and you pull.Copy !req
372. You loop it, you swoop it, you pull.Copy !req
373. Good. Let's go. We're in a hurry.Copy !req
374. It's different for your generation.Copy !req
375. You've always had
McDonald's breakfast available.Copy !req
376. I have?Copy !req
377. When I was born, all we had were
the burgers and fries.Copy !req
378. Maybe the fish sandwich. I'm not sure.
I'll get back to you.Copy !req
379. What are you doing?Copy !req
380. Oh, yeah, the hand-holding thing.Copy !req
381. My dad took us to McDonald's
the first morning they had breakfast.Copy !req
382. Everybody was baffled.
"Are these sausages or hamburgers?"Copy !req
383. I have to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
384. We're gonna be there
in a minute.Copy !req
385. I gotta go now.Copy !req
386. Didn't you pee enough in bed?Copy !req
387. We only got nine minutes
to get there.Copy !req
388. But I gotta go to the bathroom.Copy !req
389. All right, let's go.Copy !req
390. Can my kid use the bathroom
for a minute?Copy !req
391. Customers only.Copy !req
392. He's just a kid.
We'll be in and out.Copy !req
393. That's not my problem.Copy !req
394. It's not your problem? All right.Copy !req
395. Come on.Copy !req
396. Here you are.
Your waiter will be right with you.Copy !req
397. I can't do it.Copy !req
398. What do you mean,
you can't do it? Just go.Copy !req
399. I'm scared. Could you do it too?Copy !req
400. All right.Copy !req
401. Here we go.Copy !req
402. And we're off.Copy !req
403. That's not too difficult, right?Copy !req
404. And we're both losing weight.Copy !req
405. Good job. We're gonna miss
breakfast. Let's go.Copy !req
406. Put it away.Copy !req
407. - Thanks, anyways.
- Sure thing. Anytime.Copy !req
408. Move your ass there, pee-boy.Copy !req
409. We only got five minutes,
five minutes. Now four.Copy !req
410. Come on. We're almost there.Copy !req
411. Hey, mister. Why are you
sitting on the ground?Copy !req
412. This is where I live.Copy !req
413. - We gotta get going.
- Why?Copy !req
414. In retrospect, I made some
bad choices after high school.Copy !req
415. - We gotta get going.
- Why?Copy !req
416. This was during the
so-called Disco Era...Copy !req
417. but for me, it was more
the Doing Mushrooms Era.Copy !req
418. - We're gonna miss breakfast.
- Why?Copy !req
419. I never thought about that.Copy !req
420. I was never Mr. Popularity
in high school...Copy !req
421. and I watched Fantasia a lot.Copy !req
422. - One day it clicked.
- Hey, yappy.Copy !req
423. If you end it,
you get an Egg McMuffin.Copy !req
424. How about a Sausage McMuffin
with hash browns?Copy !req
425. You got a deal.Copy !req
426. Look, look. He fell asleep.
Let's go.Copy !req
427. Let's go.Copy !req
428. Sausage McMuffin.Copy !req
429. Pardon me, sir.Copy !req
430. How you doing?Copy !req
431. What can I get for you?Copy !req
432. - What do you want?
- Cheerios.Copy !req
433. They don't got Cheerios.Copy !req
434. Lasagna.Copy !req
435. What's the matter?
We'll take hotcakes and sausage.Copy !req
436. Sorry. We stopped serving breakfast.Copy !req
437. We're four seconds late.Copy !req
438. You're 30 minutes and four seconds
late. Breakfast stops at 10:30.Copy !req
439. Horseshit!Copy !req
440. Don't cry. Sorry.Copy !req
441. I was cursing at the lady, not you.Copy !req
442. Nice parenting.Copy !req
443. Thanks. Are you my therapist?
Take a walk.Copy !req
444. Do you want a Happy Meal?Copy !req
445. You got a Happy Meal?Copy !req
446. Will somebody get
the kid a Happy Meal?Copy !req
447. Relax.Copy !req
448. Where's my Egg McMuffin?Copy !req
449. Breakfast is over at 10:30.Copy !req
450. - Really? I thought it was 11.
- I thought that too.Copy !req
451. Total mind blower.Copy !req
452. Will you just relax? Here.Copy !req
453. What do you want me to do?Copy !req
454. You're gonna meet Vanessa tonight.
You'll like her.Copy !req
455. You wanna see me get hurt?
That'll cheer you up?Copy !req
456. All right.Copy !req
457. You think that's funny?Copy !req
458. Good. No more crying.Copy !req
459. Are you okay?Copy !req
460. Next time, kill me.Copy !req
461. Let's do it, Rangers.Copy !req
462. —Rangers against
the Tampa Bay Lightning.Copy !req
463. And at this stage...Copy !req
464. it's as close as you can get
to a must-win game for the Rangers.Copy !req
465. Or they'll fall behind—Copy !req
466. - How you doing?
- How you doing?Copy !req
467. - You like hockey?
- You like hockey?Copy !req
468. This is a big, important game.Copy !req
469. - Cut the crap.
- Cut the crap.Copy !req
470. I'm serious. Don't do that.Copy !req
471. How much wood
would a woodchuck chuck...Copy !req
472. if a woodchuck could chuck wood?Copy !req
473. That's what I thought. Shut up.Copy !req
474. Don't you take naps?Copy !req
475. Sometimes.Copy !req
476. Go take a nap.Copy !req
477. I'm too hungry to sleep.Copy !req
478. You want some food?Copy !req
479. Having a kid is great...Copy !req
480. as long as his eyes are closed
and he's not moving or speaking.Copy !req
481. He's taken down! Penalty shot!Copy !req
482. How you doing? You sleepwalking?Copy !req
483. Why don't you go back sleepy?
Sleepy.Copy !req
484. Keep napping. What's this?Copy !req
485. Kangaroo song.Copy !req
486. That's terrific. And we'll watch this
after the game, okay?Copy !req
487. But after my nap,
I always watch the kangaroo song.Copy !req
488. It's overtime, and there's
a penalty shot about to take place.Copy !req
489. It happens every 10 years—Copy !req
490. Kangaroo song. Kangaroo song!Copy !req
491. All right!Copy !req
492. God! You were normal yesterday.Copy !req
493. I can't take this.
Are you serious?Copy !req
494. Come and playCopy !req
495. What do you say?Copy !req
496. Douche-bag kangaroo.Copy !req
497. Are you all hopped out?Copy !req
498. I don't know what to do.
Hopefully Vanessa will.Copy !req
499. I think she's back.
If she's not back, we'll wait for her.Copy !req
500. Get your coat. Clean up.Copy !req
501. Oh, God. You don't
have to pee, do you?Copy !req
502. - Do you swear?
- I swear.Copy !req
503. How come you're not going?Copy !req
504. I don't have to go. Only you and
my grandfather go every 30 seconds.Copy !req
505. Let's hurry it up, all right?
I'm keeping you company.Copy !req
506. He'll write your name on the wall.
Mind your business.Copy !req
507. Let's go. Let's go.Copy !req
508. Why do I need to meet this lady?Copy !req
509. - Now it is your problem.
- Thank you.Copy !req
510. She's that lady I was
telling you about.Copy !req
511. She's gonna be a big part
of your life.Copy !req
512. I'm scared. What if she's not nice?Copy !req
513. Look.Copy !req
514. See these right here?
These are magic sunglasses, okay?Copy !req
515. If you're afraid, put them on
to become invisible.Copy !req
516. Really? Nobody can see me?Copy !req
517. Put them on.Copy !req
518. Sonny, I'm right here.Copy !req
519. Oh, the glasses. I couldn't see you.Copy !req
520. Keep those on. No one can notice you
until you decide they can.Copy !req
521. - Okay.
- Let's go.Copy !req
522. I'm still right here.Copy !req
523. Okay, all right, the glasses.Copy !req
524. - Hey.
- Hi.Copy !req
525. Welcome back.Copy !req
526. - Who's that?
- Who's who? He's invisible.Copy !req
527. - Can I come in?
- Sure.Copy !req
528. Any invisible people out here...Copy !req
529. feel free to come in, okay?Copy !req
530. Sonny, I don't really know
what's going on right now.Copy !req
531. - We should talk—
- You said I got some thinking to do?Copy !req
532. So I did it.Copy !req
533. Just because I don't have a job
doesn't mean I don't wanna move on.Copy !req
534. Instead of saying that,
I figured I'd show you.Copy !req
535. - Before you say anything—
- Look at that.Copy !req
536. He took his sunglasses off.Copy !req
537. He wants you to see him.
He likes you.Copy !req
538. Julian, come here.Copy !req
539. Come here, pal.Copy !req
540. Vanessa...Copy !req
541. I want you to meet Julian, my son.Copy !req
542. Our son. I adopted him.Copy !req
543. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
544. Don't say anything.Copy !req
545. Is someone in the bathroom?Copy !req
546. Why is the door shut?Copy !req
547. - I don't know.
- You don't?Copy !req
548. - I don't know.
- Sonny.Copy !req
549. I can't believe this.Copy !req
550. - Hey. Open up.
- Sonny.Copy !req
551. Hello. Open the door!Copy !req
552. - ls everything okay?
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
553. I'm sorry. I was freaking out there.Copy !req
554. - I'm Sonny.
- Sid.Copy !req
555. I had an attack of paranoia. I thought
you were sleeping with my girl.Copy !req
556. I am.Copy !req
557. What's that?Copy !req
558. I am.Copy !req
559. That's what I was trying to tell you
before. I found someone.Copy !req
560. - This old guy?
- Sid.Copy !req
561. He's already achieved so much...Copy !req
562. and yet he's still goal-oriented
and still focused.Copy !req
563. And he has a five-year plan.Copy !req
564. What is it? "Don't die"?Copy !req
565. I can't believe this. We got
a family now. This is what you wanted.Copy !req
566. You surprising me with a kid
that you adopted...Copy !req
567. - ... wasn't what I wanted.
- I did this for you.Copy !req
568. You wanted me
to be more responsible.Copy !req
569. I can't raise this kid alone.Copy !req
570. You remind me of my grandson.
You don't think things through.Copy !req
571. Hey, Old Man River, zip it
or I'll break your hip.Copy !req
572. - I'd like to see you try it.
- Shut up.Copy !req
573. How'd you misconstrue
the situation so badly?Copy !req
574. I don't know.Copy !req
575. Deep down you must've known
this day was coming.Copy !req
576. You made the biggest mistake
of your life.Copy !req
577. I know you'll be missing me
when you got...Copy !req
578. that big, white, wrinkly...Copy !req
579. body on top of you...Copy !req
580. with his loose skin...Copy !req
581. and old balls.Copy !req
582. Gross.Copy !req
583. Excuse me. How you doing?
I'm Kevin Gerrity.Copy !req
584. I got an emergency problem.
Is Arthur Brooks around?Copy !req
585. I'll go get him for you.Copy !req
586. Stay where I can see you.
I gotta talk to this guy.Copy !req
587. Mr. Gerrity?Copy !req
588. - Arthur Brooks.
- How are you?Copy !req
589. I need to speak with you.Copy !req
590. I didn't tell you to come here, did l?Copy !req
591. I was gonna mail you
the paperwork.Copy !req
592. It's like the opposite of that.Copy !req
593. Look, I can't manage this kid.Copy !req
594. I ain't a good father.
I made a big mistake.Copy !req
595. - Mistake?
- I had a mother lined up for him...Copy !req
596. but she's banging
the Pepperidge Farm guy.Copy !req
597. The kid won't stop
peeing and throwing up.Copy !req
598. He's like a cocker spaniel.
I just...Copy !req
599. He'd be better off
with his natural mother.Copy !req
600. Well, she passed away last night,
Mr. Gerrity.Copy !req
601. She had cancer.
She must have sensed...Copy !req
602. that her time was running short.Copy !req
603. She wanted her son to be with
the natural father.Copy !req
604. Loop.Copy !req
605. Pull.Copy !req
606. If you don't wanna take care
of him...Copy !req
607. we'll take him. But he'll have to
chill in a group home.Copy !req
608. Group home? Like an orphanage?Copy !req
609. We don't call them that.Copy !req
610. Look, I did it.
Loop, swoop and pull.Copy !req
611. You did do it.Copy !req
612. Congratulations, kid.Copy !req
613. I showed him that.Copy !req
614. Why don't you
go back over there, okay?Copy !req
615. - I'll call the Heatherton Home—
- Let's do this.Copy !req
616. I'll hang on to the kid
until you find him a new family.Copy !req
617. I don't know. I gotta watch out
for the kid's best interest.Copy !req
618. You said yourself you
were a bogus dad.Copy !req
619. He's better off with me
than in an orphanage.Copy !req
620. I don't wanna put him in a home
any more than you do.Copy !req
621. Why don't we pretend you
didn't even come in here?Copy !req
622. I'll give you a shout
when I line up a family.Copy !req
623. - That's good.
- Later.Copy !req
624. Just don't make me regret this.Copy !req
625. Where are we going now?Copy !req
626. I gotta make a phone call.
Just stay right here, all right?Copy !req
627. - This is a collect call from:
- Your baby boy.Copy !req
628. - To accept charges, say, "Yes."
- Yeah, I'll accept.Copy !req
629. Dad, how's it going?
How's Florida?Copy !req
630. Not too bad. Your mother got
a sunburn playing tennis.Copy !req
631. - I got some interesting news.
- Oh, yeah? What?Copy !req
632. Kind of adopted a kid.Copy !req
633. What do you mean?Copy !req
634. I'm talking about
you being a grandfather.Copy !req
635. Who the hell would give you a kid?Copy !req
636. Social Services.Copy !req
637. You idiot. You better give
that kid back.Copy !req
638. His mother's...Copy !req
639. Hang on.Copy !req
640. Go play with them pigeons, buddy.Copy !req
641. I tried to give him back.
I just can't. All right?Copy !req
642. I need your help.Copy !req
643. I'm in a bad way. Vanessa dumped
me. I don't know what I'm doing.Copy !req
644. You're damn right.Copy !req
645. The kid is always around.Copy !req
646. He never leaves me alone.Copy !req
647. You'd think he'd want some privacy.
I'm in deep shit.Copy !req
648. Give that kid back before
you ruin both your lives.Copy !req
649. I appreciate that.Copy !req
650. He's better off living in a dumpster.Copy !req
651. I'll be a better father than you!Copy !req
652. Impossible!
All you care about is yourself!Copy !req
653. Yeah? No, I care about you
saving money on this call!Copy !req
654. Let's eat.Copy !req
655. The Vanessa thing did not work out.Copy !req
656. She lost her damn mind.
That wasn't your fault, though, okay?Copy !req
657. Okay.Copy !req
658. I know when you first got here...Copy !req
659. you thought you were gonna
meet your dad.Copy !req
660. But I don't think
that's gonna happen.Copy !req
661. - Why?
- I don't know.Copy !req
662. But, buddy, real dads
aren't always that great.Copy !req
663. I got one and he's
out of his mind.Copy !req
664. He tells me what to do. He never lets
me figure stuff out on my own.Copy !req
665. A lot of dads are like that.
That's why people grow up nuts.Copy !req
666. Look at this guy.Copy !req
667. He was probably a nice boy like you.
Then his dad messed his mind up.Copy !req
668. Who won the Jets game?Copy !req
669. Who cares?Copy !req
670. Let it go.
He can't control you anymore.Copy !req
671. What do you mean?Copy !req
672. - You know.
- You're a loser.Copy !req
673. You're mad at your dad, not at me!
I forgive you!Copy !req
674. I am. I am. I hate my father.Copy !req
675. I don't want it to be like that.
I don't wanna control you.Copy !req
676. - You even like your name?
- I guess.Copy !req
677. You guess? Shouldn't you like
your name?Copy !req
678. It'll be your name
the rest of your life.Copy !req
679. What do you want?Copy !req
680. Frankenstein.Copy !req
681. I can deal with that.
I'll call you Frankenstein.Copy !req
682. Frankenstein, you gonna play
in the puddle?Copy !req
683. Go ahead. From now on, you do
whatever you wanna do.Copy !req
684. I'll show you some cool shit
along the way.Copy !req
685. That's what it's all about.Copy !req
686. Stay in front of it.
Don't be scared.Copy !req
687. It's coming right at you.Copy !req
688. Okay. All right.Copy !req
689. You're picking your head up.
Don't do that.Copy !req
690. Is this okay?Copy !req
691. That's what you wanna wear?Copy !req
692. That's okay with me then.Copy !req
693. Good luck walking down the street.Copy !req
694. Way to block it. Stay with it.Copy !req
695. You're the next Willie Randolph.Copy !req
696. Chief Jay Strongbow
used to do a sleeper hold.Copy !req
697. Put your arm under here.Copy !req
698. Lift this arm, okay? Slide under
and try to lock wrists.Copy !req
699. Let me show you. Watch.Copy !req
700. Throw him into the ropes
and he comes back...Copy !req
701. Get him. Get him. Lock him up.Copy !req
702. Lock wrists.Copy !req
703. You bring him down slow.Copy !req
704. Apply pressure.Copy !req
705. He's going to sleep now.Copy !req
706. See, he's out.Copy !req
707. Wake up.Copy !req
708. You'll be the only kid your age
with a slingshot.Copy !req
709. Go have some fun. Shoot a few
beer cans or something.Copy !req
710. You like that?Copy !req
711. Sonny, Sonny, come here!Copy !req
712. What is it? What's the matter?Copy !req
713. Let me have that.Copy !req
714. Go to your room. I think.
Or do whatever you want.Copy !req
715. It's gonna be fun. You nervous?Copy !req
716. No? You're excited, aren't you?Copy !req
717. Let's go. Up, up, up.Copy !req
718. Here comes some candy.Copy !req
719. How you doing?Copy !req
720. Happy Halloween!
We got a first-timer.Copy !req
721. Do the right thing, buddy.Copy !req
722. We want some candy!Copy !req
723. Hang on right here for a second.
Don't move.Copy !req
724. Yeah, that's it.Copy !req
725. Yeah, CDs. You like that?Copy !req
726. He's not happy. What else you got?Copy !req
727. Okay, that's good. Trick-or-treat.Copy !req
728. - Say, "Happy Halloween."
- Happy Halloween.Copy !req
729. Thank you.Copy !req
730. Next year, be prepared, moron.Copy !req
731. What's with the cummerbund?Copy !req
732. I let him wear whatever he wants.Copy !req
733. Those boots are the best.Copy !req
734. I think they're Kevin's.Copy !req
735. I'll have a hot dog with
the mustard and a knish.Copy !req
736. Frankenstein, what do you want?Copy !req
737. Thirty packets of ketchup.Copy !req
738. All right. Thirty packets of ketchup.Copy !req
739. Nice cut, pal.Copy !req
740. Frankenstein.Copy !req
741. Do that thing I taught you
the other day.Copy !req
742. It took him 20 minutes to learn that.
He's quick. He's smart.Copy !req
743. - And he loves ketchup.
- He does.Copy !req
744. This is a whole new school
of child raising.Copy !req
745. You give him options, not orders.
Let him make the decision.Copy !req
746. You're a pioneer.Copy !req
747. - So you two just chill out all day?
- Basically.Copy !req
748. Hung out on the monkey bars.
The kid did eight chin-ups.Copy !req
749. I can't even do one
with these scrawny arms.Copy !req
750. They're not scrawny. They're nice.Copy !req
751. What do you wanna do tomorrow?Copy !req
752. I wanna go to school.Copy !req
753. I don't force him, he makes
the right decision. Way to go.Copy !req
754. We'll enroll you on Monday.
Enjoy the weekend.Copy !req
755. Do the thing again.Copy !req
756. That one touched the ground.Copy !req
757. That was awesome!Copy !req
758. Good job.Copy !req
759. Help me! Help me!Copy !req
760. Please help me.
I don't know where I live.Copy !req
761. This isn't a big problem.Copy !req
762. We'll find your parents.Copy !req
763. - What's your name?
- Frankenstein.Copy !req
764. - Frankenstein. Okay.
- There you are.Copy !req
765. There you are. Are you okay, buddy?Copy !req
766. I turn my head and he disappeared.Copy !req
767. Don't you ever do that to me again.
Don't do that.Copy !req
768. Thank you for being sweet
to my little boy.Copy !req
769. - You're welcome, Sonny.
- Sonny?Copy !req
770. I think my sister, Corinne,
is engaged to your roommate.Copy !req
771. Your sister's Corinne? That sucks.Copy !req
772. Yeah, I'm up from D.C.
I was at that party...Copy !req
773. where we wasted
the good surprise on you.Copy !req
774. Sorry about that.Copy !req
775. So, what, you have a son now?Copy !req
776. I'm not his dad.
I'm more of a father-figure type...Copy !req
777. until Social Services
can get another family.Copy !req
778. At which point,
you'll find a new way...Copy !req
779. to initiate conversations
with girls in the park.Copy !req
780. Yeah, that's correct.Copy !req
781. Hey!Copy !req
782. Good job, buddy!Copy !req
783. He's peeing on his own.Copy !req
784. Keep it flowing! That's it!Copy !req
785. Go! Go!Copy !req
786. So does Corinne's sister
have a name?Copy !req
787. - It's Layla.
- Layla? I like your song.Copy !req
788. Could you do me a favor?Copy !req
789. Could you hang out with me?Copy !req
790. He'll think he's a failure
if he couldn't get me a date.Copy !req
791. I really can't.Copy !req
792. I have a ton of work to do.Copy !req
793. I see. Hang on a second.Copy !req
794. Come here.Copy !req
795. Layla, if you don't come over
to Sonny's apartment tonight...Copy !req
796. there's a good chance
I'll develop a stutter.Copy !req
797. P-P-P-Please don't do this to me.Copy !req
798. - That is so cheap.
- What?Copy !req
799. So I'm working in a tollbooth now.Copy !req
800. I originally wanted to be
a male model...Copy !req
801. but I'm not very good-looking,
so that didn't work out.Copy !req
802. I'm sorry to hear that.Copy !req
803. I'm all right. I'm recovering.Copy !req
804. This is my favorite part
of the song right here.Copy !req
805. Better keep it down low.
The kid's gonna wake up.Copy !req
806. Sonny!Copy !req
807. Too late.Copy !req
808. Okay. Just hang out a little bit.Copy !req
809. I'll be right back.
Don't go sneaking out.Copy !req
810. - What are you doing?
- You forgot to say good night.Copy !req
811. What do you mean?Copy !req
812. I can't go to sleep
until you say good night.Copy !req
813. I didn't know that.
I'm sorry. Good night.Copy !req
814. Go to sleep now, all right?Copy !req
815. What'd we learn about girls?Copy !req
816. Initiating the conversation
is half the battle.Copy !req
817. Bingo. Now sleep, okay?Copy !req
818. I gave him NyQuil.
He should be out for the night.Copy !req
819. This is Styx. They've been
my favorite band since I was 12.Copy !req
820. You're kidding me.Copy !req
821. No, I can't help it.
I just love them.Copy !req
822. My friends make fun of me.Copy !req
823. My friends make fun of me too.
I've seen them 25 times.Copy !req
824. Tommy Shaw, when I was 16,
I was at the concert...Copy !req
825. and he reached down,
pulled me on stage.Copy !req
826. - I did the robot voice for "Mr. Roboto."
- Really?Copy !req
827. No, I made that up. I'm sorry.Copy !req
828. That would've been cool, right?Copy !req
829. My cousin's friends
with their drummer...Copy !req
830. so when they come to town,
we go to dinner...Copy !req
831. and they tell us stories
from the road.Copy !req
832. - Really?
- No, I made that up again too.Copy !req
833. I'm sorry.Copy !req
834. You're not attracted to, like,
60-year-old guys, are you?Copy !req
835. - No.
- Yeah, I don't like them either.Copy !req
836. I can't sleep.Copy !req
837. Okay.Copy !req
838. He can't sleep.Copy !req
839. So the rabbit ran across the street...Copy !req
840. because he thought
he saw some carrots.Copy !req
841. But when he got across the street...Copy !req
842. it turned out they weren't carrots,
they were peanuts.Copy !req
843. Peanuts?Copy !req
844. The peanuts belonged to a squirrel...Copy !req
845. who had taken them home
from a baseball game.Copy !req
846. And then the rabbit
thought to himself...Copy !req
847. "Carrots, peanuts,
what's the difference?"Copy !req
848. So he asked the squirrel
if he could have some.Copy !req
849. And the squirrel said, "Of course."Copy !req
850. And the rabbit was very happy
to make such a nice new friend.Copy !req
851. And so was the squirrel.Copy !req
852. And the rabbit thought the squirrel
had pretty hair.Copy !req
853. And nice eyes also.Copy !req
854. And the squirrel thought the rabbit
was really nice too.Copy !req
855. And then, the rabbit
worked up his courage...Copy !req
856. and asked the squirrel
if he could have...Copy !req
857. just the littlest squirrel kiss.Copy !req
858. And the squirrel thought
it just wasn't the right time...Copy !req
859. in her busy squirrel life
to be kissing any rabbits...Copy !req
860. even though this particular rabbit
was very sweet.Copy !req
861. And the rabbit got shut down,
did he?Copy !req
862. That's all right.
But he was still thinking maybe...Copy !req
863. Scuba Steve could get
a squirrel kiss...Copy !req
864. so somebody's getting
some action.Copy !req
865. Good night, Scuba Steve.Copy !req
866. Good night, Frankenstein.Copy !req
867. Good night, Sonny.Copy !req
868. Good night, Layla.Copy !req
869. Don't get caught with any girls.Copy !req
870. It's your first day. Take it slow.Copy !req
871. I'll meet you after school
at 2:30, right out front.Copy !req
872. You're not staying?Copy !req
873. No, I gotta go get you
some more ketchup.Copy !req
874. I don't like these kids.Copy !req
875. I don't either,
but shouldn't we give them a chance?Copy !req
876. How's this?Copy !req
877. Here are the magic sunglasses.Copy !req
878. You put them on
if you feel scared, okay?Copy !req
879. I lost you.Copy !req
880. I don't know where you are.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
881. Oh, there you go.Copy !req
882. You go inside
and make some friends.Copy !req
883. Oh, yeah, that's a good hug.Copy !req
884. All right. Go inside.
I'm gonna miss you.Copy !req
885. Hi, I like your hat.Copy !req
886. What's your name?Copy !req
887. - Might as well—
- Leave a message!Copy !req
888. Mr. Gerrity, this is Arthur Brooks from
Social Services. I got good news.Copy !req
889. We may have found
a family for Julian.Copy !req
890. Give me a call back
as soon as possible...Copy !req
891. so we can set up a meeting. Bye.Copy !req
892. Sierra Club Legal Department.Copy !req
893. Can I speak to Layla Maloney?Copy !req
894. Layla, line four.Copy !req
895. - Hello?
- You're a lawyer?Copy !req
896. What are you doing?Copy !req
897. Waiting for Julian so I can have
somebody to play with.Copy !req
898. - What are you doing?
- I'm swamped.Copy !req
899. I gotta do my laundry
on my lunch hour.Copy !req
900. I was gonna do my laundry today too.
Where are you going?Copy !req
901. There's a place nearby,
Suds, on Bleecker.Copy !req
902. I know that place.
Maybe I'll see you there then.Copy !req
903. Maybe. I gotta go.Copy !req
904. I bought tickets
and the show was the night before.Copy !req
905. Maybe it was a mistake.Copy !req
906. That's nice, but you don't know
what's going down on the streets.Copy !req
907. It's hard to know what's going down...Copy !req
908. when you're in an office
seven days a week, Mr. Tollbooth.Copy !req
909. You're not gonna tell me
to get a real job.Copy !req
910. No. You're a big boy.Copy !req
911. It's cool you only work
one day a week.Copy !req
912. These are the cutest things
I've ever seen.Copy !req
913. I know. I have them in yellow.
I wear them when I work out.Copy !req
914. It's great what you're doing
with Julian while you got him.Copy !req
915. Yeah, well, I got him.Copy !req
916. I read an article that said...Copy !req
917. the most important influences
in a kid's life are his friends.Copy !req
918. They said that?Copy !req
919. Just hope he's not hanging out
with drug dealers...Copy !req
920. and delinquents in school.Copy !req
921. I'm kidding.Copy !req
922. I know. I know.Copy !req
923. Man, this Yoo-Hoo is good.
You know what else is good?Copy !req
924. Smoking dope.Copy !req
925. I ain't going to rat you out.Copy !req
926. Puffing the cheeba.Copy !req
927. Go by the seesaw, smoke a J.
You know what I'm talking about?Copy !req
928. I have a bellybutton.Copy !req
929. You have a bellybutton?
We all have bellybuttons.Copy !req
930. And we all love Yoo-Hoo.
Especially with a little rum.Copy !req
931. - What's rum?
- You don't know?Copy !req
932. Rumpelstiltskin?Copy !req
933. Rumpelstiltskin.Copy !req
934. Rumpelstiltskin's a good man.
So are you guys.Copy !req
935. Stay clean. Stay focused.Copy !req
936. Frankenstein,
have fun with your friends.Copy !req
937. Why are you scratching so much?Copy !req
938. I have ecza...Copy !req
939. Eczema? Gross.Copy !req
940. How do I make it stop itching?Copy !req
941. I don't know. You scratch it.Copy !req
942. Spaghetti-O's. Do you like
Spaghetti-O's?Copy !req
943. Dented cans are half price.Copy !req
944. Microsoft went down three points.
We gotta save some money.Copy !req
945. Here, give it a shot.Copy !req
946. That's it, boy.Copy !req
947. Put it in there. Feels good.Copy !req
948. Hi, Sonny.
Hi, Sonny's friend.Copy !req
949. His name's Frankenstein.Copy !req
950. Hi, Frankenstein. Remember me?Copy !req
951. Help me. I'm lost.
I don't know where I am.Copy !req
952. You don't gotta do that.Copy !req
953. You guys wear the same size
T-shirt. That's cool.Copy !req
954. I heard you did laundry
with my sister.Copy !req
955. She said we did laundry?Copy !req
956. Where I'm from, it's called
doing the hibbity-dibbity.Copy !req
957. I got eczema.Copy !req
958. Well, then you shouldn't scratch it.Copy !req
959. Don't tell him what to do.
He can scratch.Copy !req
960. - Scratch.
- Is that better?Copy !req
961. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
962. You know about kids?
I thought you were a foot doctor.Copy !req
963. It's not doctor stuff. It's common
sense. Scratching spreads rashes.Copy !req
964. This is something
you learned at Hooters.Copy !req
965. - What the hell is he doing?
- He's shopping.Copy !req
966. Microsoft went down three points.Copy !req
967. That's good.
See you later, Frankenstein.Copy !req
968. Stay away from the frozen-food
section. Your boobs'll harden.Copy !req
969. Isn't Little Italy the greatest?Copy !req
970. I like it. Everyone always tells me
to hang out in the Village and SoHo.Copy !req
971. That's all right.Copy !req
972. But you gotta respect a place where
the fatter you are, the cooler you are.Copy !req
973. Last time, he was with
a different girl. I guess he ate her.Copy !req
974. I went to Coney Island today
with the little boy.Copy !req
975. You gotta take a look at this.Copy !req
976. We had a blast together.Copy !req
977. He's so happy.Copy !req
978. He is such a good boy.Copy !req
979. If I have a kid of my own,
I hope he's half as cool as that kid.Copy !req
980. Is he picking your nose?Copy !req
981. Yeah, he was picking his own
all day...Copy !req
982. - ... so I figured he could borrow mine.
- Sweet.Copy !req
983. He must be miserable
without you right now.Copy !req
984. No, he's in good hands.Copy !req
985. Look at Brad's body.
Not an ounce of fat on it.Copy !req
986. - What?
- Don't worry. I like yours better.Copy !req
987. I got two queens, two jacks
and an ace.Copy !req
988. - I win.
- Why do you win?Copy !req
989. I got a two, a four, a 10,
an eight and a six.Copy !req
990. I don't understand.
Why do you win?Copy !req
991. - Because I win.
- What's the name of that game?Copy !req
992. I win.Copy !req
993. I'll get it!Copy !req
994. - What's up?
- I'm looking for Kevin Gerrity.Copy !req
995. He's in China. Who are you?Copy !req
996. Arthur Brooks, New York City
Social Services. I'm confused.Copy !req
997. Chinatown. He loves
those egg rolls.Copy !req
998. I've tried contacting him several times
and he hasn't responded.Copy !req
999. I'm concerned.Copy !req
1000. Ix-nay on the ketchup-nay.Copy !req
1001. - Have him call me.
- All right.Copy !req
1002. My body's definitely better than his.Copy !req
1003. Without question.Copy !req
1004. It took you a long time to pencil me in.
You work all the time.Copy !req
1005. I know. I'm excited.Copy !req
1006. You're excited.
How long you been this crazy?Copy !req
1007. I guess ever since
I was a little girl.Copy !req
1008. See, my mom got married really young
and pretty much just raised us kids.Copy !req
1009. So when my dad took off...Copy !req
1010. she wasn't left
with a lot of options.Copy !req
1011. And I think that's when I decided...Copy !req
1012. that I never wanted to end up
in that situation.Copy !req
1013. That's actually a good reason
to be working.Copy !req
1014. I guess I feel like I gotta kick ass
while there's ass to be kicked.Copy !req
1015. You kick that ass during the day,
but at night you have fun with Sonny.Copy !req
1016. The best of timesCopy !req
1017. Are when I'm alone with youCopy !req
1018. Some rain, some shineCopy !req
1019. Two guys you were best friends with
in law school...Copy !req
1020. fell in love with each other?Copy !req
1021. Is that strange for you?Copy !req
1022. No. Nothing changed, really.Copy !req
1023. They watch a different kind
of porno now. But that's it.Copy !req
1024. Hello.Copy !req
1025. My God! This is Corinne's place?Copy !req
1026. If the girls at Hooters
could see her now.Copy !req
1027. - Do you want your ass kicked?
- I'm just kidding around, Layla.Copy !req
1028. You're afraid to get involved
and you got a lot of work, but...Copy !req
1029. when I'm not with you, I'm thinking
of you. Do you have that going on?Copy !req
1030. Maybe.Copy !req
1031. Maybe we should try a kiss out.Copy !req
1032. We owe it to ourselves to see
if we should move to the next level.Copy !req
1033. I'm not sure.Copy !req
1034. Me either. It's just that
you kissed Scuba Steve.Copy !req
1035. Ever since then,
he's strutted around bragging...Copy !req
1036. "l got a kiss the first night.
After three times, you got nothing."Copy !req
1037. - He said that?
- Come on.Copy !req
1038. Let's just give it a shot
just so I can have some dignity.Copy !req
1039. All right?Copy !req
1040. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1041. Gross!Copy !req
1042. Did I witness the first kiss?Copy !req
1043. Yeah, you did.
Thanks a lot for showing up.Copy !req
1044. Layla, you didn't actually
enjoy that, did you?Copy !req
1045. I don't know. I'm going upstairs.Copy !req
1046. Wash your mouth out. He's dirty.Copy !req
1047. And he's poor.Copy !req
1048. What do you got in the bag, Corinne?
Some chicken wings? Booby tassels?Copy !req
1049. Shut up.Copy !req
1050. You have a good sleep.Copy !req
1051. Pleasant Hooters.Copy !req
1052. Come on, come on!Copy !req
1053. This is where we hang our jackets.Copy !req
1054. This is my hook.Copy !req
1055. That's a capertillar.Copy !req
1056. A caterpillar.Copy !req
1057. - That's right, a capertillar.
- Capertillar, all right.Copy !req
1058. - Staying clean, pal?
- Yes.Copy !req
1059. You drink the booze, you lose.
Remember that, punk.Copy !req
1060. I'm Julian's teacher, Ms. Foote.Copy !req
1061. - You his father?
- I'm Kevin Gerrity.Copy !req
1062. Do you have some time
to go over some things...Copy !req
1063. - ... that have been bothering me?
- Sure.Copy !req
1064. Go take a walk, pal.Copy !req
1065. Julian has been displaying
some odd behavior.Copy !req
1066. He spilled glue on the floor
and didn't tell anyone.Copy !req
1067. He covered it with newspaper.Copy !req
1068. And then one of our students wore
Rollerblades for show-and-tell.Copy !req
1069. And Julian tripped him with a stick.Copy !req
1070. I've never—Copy !req
1071. Julian found it hilarious.Copy !req
1072. I like him to express himself freely.Copy !req
1073. I've really never seen
any problems with that.Copy !req
1074. Your boy's making the least progress
of any of the children.Copy !req
1075. Frankly, his personal hygiene
is becoming a cause for concern.Copy !req
1076. He's the smelly kid in class?
I let him become the smelly kid?Copy !req
1077. What's wrong with me?Copy !req
1078. I've had some smelly ones before.Copy !req
1079. But your son is by far the smelliest.Copy !req
1080. All right, I got you.
What do you think I should do?Copy !req
1081. Start by paying more attention
to his schoolwork.Copy !req
1082. The class is giving a presentation
of the Founding Fathers.Copy !req
1083. Julian has drawn the part of Benjamin
Franklin, a very important role.Copy !req
1084. Do what you can to help.Copy !req
1085. I will turn this all around.
That's a promise.Copy !req
1086. Thank you very much.Copy !req
1087. Stinky, let's go.
You got us in trouble.Copy !req
1088. Did he call him "Stinky"?Copy !req
1089. Wow, I didn't know this
about George Washington.Copy !req
1090. Yes, his teeth were made of wool.Copy !req
1091. Wood.Copy !req
1092. I sorry. I mix up "D" and "L."Copy !req
1093. Well, get it right.Copy !req
1094. Turn that game off, pal.Copy !req
1095. I got four guys left.Copy !req
1096. Let's study a little bit.Copy !req
1097. I don't wanna study.Copy !req
1098. Give me that.Copy !req
1099. - You just killed me.
- So what? You'll play later.Copy !req
1100. You can't tell me what to do.Copy !req
1101. Really? Let's take a vote.
Who thinks the kid should study?Copy !req
1102. Who doesn't?
Well, you just lost, two to one.Copy !req
1103. It's a tie. That guy doesn't count.
He can't even read.Copy !req
1104. I know. He was just joking around.Copy !req
1105. Can you hang out here a little bit?
I gotta go do something.Copy !req
1106. No problem.Copy !req
1107. Would you likeCopy !req
1108. We'll hop, hop, hop, hopCopy !req
1109. What do you say?Copy !req
1110. Get the door.Copy !req
1111. Hi, Julian. How you doing?Copy !req
1112. I'm Scuba Sam.Copy !req
1113. Scuba Steve's father.Copy !req
1114. You see, my boy...Copy !req
1115. needs to take a bath.Copy !req
1116. The only problem is...Copy !req
1117. he's afraid to bathe alone.Copy !req
1118. So I was wondering...Copy !req
1119. if maybe you could
keep him company in the tub.Copy !req
1120. Terrific. And after the bath,
you have to try and study hard.Copy !req
1121. Because if you wanna be a member
of the Scuba Squad...Copy !req
1122. you have to be smart.Copy !req
1123. I could be in the Scuba Squad?Copy !req
1124. Well, sure. All you have to do
is work hard.Copy !req
1125. And don't tell a soul
about the Scuba Squad...Copy !req
1126. because then everybody will
wanna join.Copy !req
1127. And one more thing...Copy !req
1128. be nice to the delivery guy,
would you?Copy !req
1129. It's not his fault he can't read.Copy !req
1130. Take care.Copy !req
1131. He told me to watch his boat for him.
Said that he wanted to...Copy !req
1132. talk to you about
some secret mission.Copy !req
1133. I have no idea what
you're talking about.Copy !req
1134. Okay.Copy !req
1135. How come I have to wear
a bathing suit?Copy !req
1136. I don't know the rules...Copy !req
1137. with little kids and grownups
and being naked and just sit down.Copy !req
1138. The good news is you're not
smelling like a foot anymore.Copy !req
1139. I read something interesting. You
know Benjamin Franklin invented...Copy !req
1140. bifocals? That's pretty cool.Copy !req
1141. What are they?Copy !req
1142. I'll show you in that book. It might
help you out with your school play.Copy !req
1143. We'll make this a regular thing.Copy !req
1144. Bathing and studying
and eating right.Copy !req
1145. Put your head back.
My grandmother did this to me.Copy !req
1146. "Oh, boy. When I was a little girl,
frankfurters only cost a nickel."Copy !req
1147. Can you still have fun?Copy !req
1148. Yeah, but after you study.Copy !req
1149. In fact, we gotta get you
dressing differently.Copy !req
1150. - We'll go to Barney's.
- Barney?Copy !req
1151. Not that Barney.
A more expensive Barney.Copy !req
1152. All right, one at a time.Copy !req
1153. That's one.Copy !req
1154. Two.Copy !req
1155. See? Urinals are good too.Copy !req
1156. "Electricity."Copy !req
1157. Very good.Copy !req
1158. "Constitution."Copy !req
1159. That's it.Copy !req
1160. "Philadelphia."Copy !req
1161. Smart. Good.Copy !req
1162. "Fish"?Copy !req
1163. "Pony"?Copy !req
1164. "Hip—"Copy !req
1165. "Hiphop—"Copy !req
1166. "Hipopynonamous"?Copy !req
1167. Damn you!
You gave him the easy ones!Copy !req
1168. - Thanks!
- You're welcome.Copy !req
1169. Slow down.Copy !req
1170. - You owe me a Sausage McMuffin.
- Okay.Copy !req
1171. There's a pole there.Copy !req
1172. My name is Alexander Hamilton.Copy !req
1173. I was the first Secretary
of the Treasury.Copy !req
1174. I owned a bank and a newspaper.Copy !req
1175. Aaron Bird shot me.Copy !req
1176. Hi, my name is Benjamin Franklin.Copy !req
1177. I was a writer, a diplomat...Copy !req
1178. an inventor and a statesman...Copy !req
1179. although I only went to school
for two years.Copy !req
1180. I wrote many books and invented
many things we still use today.Copy !req
1181. The Declaration of Independence
is finished.Copy !req
1182. Who will be the first to sign?Copy !req
1183. - How about you, John Hancock?
- I want to sign!Copy !req
1184. - Look at my man stand strong.
- He's so cute.Copy !req
1185. What are your cards?Copy !req
1186. I got a six, a five, a jack,
a four and a eight.Copy !req
1187. - I win.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
1188. I had a hand just like that.
I didn't win.Copy !req
1189. - Because I win.
- This is bullshit!Copy !req
1190. All right. Take it easy, man.Copy !req
1191. Every time it's different cards.Copy !req
1192. So what? Relax. He's a kid.Copy !req
1193. There should be same set of rules,
no matter what age.Copy !req
1194. He's gotta learn how to lose too.Copy !req
1195. - Hello, Mr. Koufax.
- Mr. Brooks, how you doing?Copy !req
1196. I was gonna give you a buzz.Copy !req
1197. You just called me Mr. Koufax,
didn't you?Copy !req
1198. It is your name, isn't it?
Sonny Koufax?Copy !req
1199. You held yourself out
to be Kevin Gerrity...Copy !req
1200. to gain custody of young Julian.Copy !req
1201. Big problem in this state.Copy !req
1202. I've delivered to you before.Copy !req
1203. You always order
three pieces of cheesecake.Copy !req
1204. The real Kevin Gerrity
asked me to take care of—Copy !req
1205. Save it, Mr. Koufax.Copy !req
1206. He has to come with me
or I'll arrest you.Copy !req
1207. Take out your handcuffs.Copy !req
1208. I don't have any,
but two policemen downstairs do.Copy !req
1209. Listen, Sonny, I would like to help...Copy !req
1210. but my status in your country
is not what you would call legal.Copy !req
1211. It's okay.Copy !req
1212. I'm Audi.Copy !req
1213. Julian, you're gonna have to
come with me.Copy !req
1214. - Just give me—
- Sonny.Copy !req
1215. One second, pal.Copy !req
1216. Would you just give me a second
to say goodbye to the kid?Copy !req
1217. Take a second.Copy !req
1218. You don't want me here anymore?Copy !req
1219. No, that's not it, pal.Copy !req
1220. You just gotta go away
for a little while.Copy !req
1221. How long am I going away for?Copy !req
1222. I don't wanna lie to you.Copy !req
1223. I don't think we're gonna...Copy !req
1224. be seeing each other anymore.Copy !req
1225. I screwed up, pal. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1226. Come here.Copy !req
1227. Put your coat on.Copy !req
1228. It's not your fault, okay?
I'm the idiot.Copy !req
1229. - I don't wanna go.
- I know you don't.Copy !req
1230. But you have to,
and you're gonna be okay.Copy !req
1231. Please don't make me go.Copy !req
1232. I'm sorry, but I don't know
what else to do.Copy !req
1233. I won't play
the kangaroo song anymore.Copy !req
1234. Come on.Copy !req
1235. Just go. You gotta go.Copy !req
1236. You gotta go.Copy !req
1237. I don't wanna go. I promise...Copy !req
1238. I'm sorry. I don't even
like that song anymore.Copy !req
1239. I know, pal. That's not it.Copy !req
1240. But I wipe my own ass!
I wipe my own ass!Copy !req
1241. I know.Copy !req
1242. - Layla, they took the kid.
- Who?Copy !req
1243. Social Services.
I gotta get him back.Copy !req
1244. You said this was just temporary.Copy !req
1245. I can't have it be temporary.
It's gotta be permanent.Copy !req
1246. Okay, what can we do?Copy !req
1247. I filed to get custody based
on the child's best interests.Copy !req
1248. Tommy knew a clerk, so they
fast-tracked the hearing. It's Tuesday.Copy !req
1249. - This Tuesday?
- You got work?Copy !req
1250. I gotta go to Washington
for a hearing to dismiss my case.Copy !req
1251. Can you get somebody else?Copy !req
1252. I'm sorry, Sonny.
I can't. It's my case.Copy !req
1253. We don't even know where
this kid's gonna end up.Copy !req
1254. Sonny, this is exactly why
I didn't wanna get involved.Copy !req
1255. I had things going the way I wanted.Copy !req
1256. Then at the park, you and this kid
come barging into my life...Copy !req
1257. and it's screwing up everything
I had planned.Copy !req
1258. You think I planned on a kid
showing up on my doorstep?Copy !req
1259. But I fell in love with him.Copy !req
1260. So now my plans have changed.Copy !req
1261. All rise.Copy !req
1262. We're here to determine
proper custody of Julian McGrath...Copy !req
1263. also known as Julian Gerrity,
a minor child.Copy !req
1264. Representing New York City?Copy !req
1265. Ted Castellucci.Copy !req
1266. Arthur Brooks, Social Services.Copy !req
1267. And representing Sonny Koufax?Copy !req
1268. Phillip D'Amato.Copy !req
1269. Thomas Grayton.Copy !req
1270. Plus, I'll pretty much
be representing myself.Copy !req
1271. Anyone else?Copy !req
1272. Layla Maloney, Your Honor.Copy !req
1273. - Thank you.
- Does this mean that you love me?Copy !req
1274. Something like that.Copy !req
1275. First witness.Copy !req
1276. Koufax is a good egg.
He was nice to that kid.Copy !req
1277. But he fights like a girl.
You like that?Copy !req
1278. I'm right here, miss.Copy !req
1279. What are you gonna do about it?Copy !req
1280. Are you drunk, Mr. Herlihy?Copy !req
1281. I had a few chardonnays.
What of it?Copy !req
1282. Get off the stand.Copy !req
1283. You got it.Copy !req
1284. I've got a few problems.Copy !req
1285. Off to a good start.Copy !req
1286. Mr. Koufax is a really cool guy.
I wish my dad was as cool as him.Copy !req
1287. My dad was a military man.Copy !req
1288. Guess I wasn't such a "good soldier."Copy !req
1289. When I was 35, he attempted to give
me a crew cut while I was sleeping.Copy !req
1290. I broke his arm,
haven't seen him since.Copy !req
1291. I'd rather live on the streets
than under his rules.Copy !req
1292. Anyway, I think Mr. Koufax should be
acquitted of all the charges.Copy !req
1293. If O.J. can get away with murder,
why can't Sonny have his kid?Copy !req
1294. This guy knows
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
1295. No more questions.Copy !req
1296. No more questions...Copy !req
1297. How long have you delivered food
to Mr. Koufax?Copy !req
1298. I deliver food for six years.Copy !req
1299. Plus, I'm stripper.
But I've put on weight so it's problem.Copy !req
1300. I see. And in your experience,
was Sonny a good father to Julian?Copy !req
1301. Oh, yes. They make terrific pair.Copy !req
1302. They went together like
lamb and tuna fish.Copy !req
1303. Lamb and tuna fish?Copy !req
1304. Spaghetti and meatball? You more
comfortable with that analogy?Copy !req
1305. Yes, considering we're in America.Copy !req
1306. If you don't like spaghetti
and meatballs, get out.Copy !req
1307. I'll come give you a crew cut.Copy !req
1308. Let's see your clippers.Copy !req
1309. Not my problem your dad was sick.Copy !req
1310. Stop yelling at me!Copy !req
1311. Order! Order! Order!Copy !req
1312. Am I in the right room?Copy !req
1313. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
1314. I'm Mr. Koufax's co-counsel.Copy !req
1315. He has enough co-counsels.Copy !req
1316. Well...Copy !req
1317. one more won't hurt.Copy !req
1318. Let's get on with it.Copy !req
1319. Mr. Koufax is simply parading
his buddies up there.Copy !req
1320. Can't they find someone
who isn't a friend?Copy !req
1321. What were Julian
and Mr. Koufax doing?Copy !req
1322. Shopping.Copy !req
1323. Did he appear to be
an attentive, loving father?Copy !req
1324. He certainly did.Copy !req
1325. And how long have you
disliked Mr. Koufax?Copy !req
1326. Since the day I met him.Copy !req
1327. For the record, where did you work
during medical school?Copy !req
1328. Hooters.Copy !req
1329. No further questions.Copy !req
1330. Asshole.Copy !req
1331. Next witness.Copy !req
1332. We'd like to call Julian McGrath.Copy !req
1333. If it's okay with you,
I'd like to ask you a few questions.Copy !req
1334. This is just you and me talking...Copy !req
1335. so don't pay attention to
these people.Copy !req
1336. Can you tell me how old you are?Copy !req
1337. Your Honor, one second.Copy !req
1338. That's better, huh?Copy !req
1339. Can you tell me
how old you are?Copy !req
1340. Five.Copy !req
1341. What's your birthday?Copy !req
1342. July 15th.Copy !req
1343. Where were you born?Copy !req
1344. Toronto.Copy !req
1345. Toronto? I thought you were
from Buffalo.Copy !req
1346. I moved to Buffalo with my mommy.Copy !req
1347. For the past six weeks, you've been
living with Sonny?Copy !req
1348. Yes.Copy !req
1349. - Did you and Sonny have fun?
- Yes.Copy !req
1350. What kind of things would you do?Copy !req
1351. He taught me how to do the sleeper
hold like Chief Jay Strongbow.Copy !req
1352. That's nice.Copy !req
1353. Anything else?Copy !req
1354. He taught me how to pee
on a building.Copy !req
1355. Really?Copy !req
1356. And he taught me that Styx was one
of the greatest American rock bands.Copy !req
1357. They only caught a bad rap...Copy !req
1358. because most critics
are cynical assholes.Copy !req
1359. I think we'd all agree with that.Copy !req
1360. Before you came here,
do you remember...Copy !req
1361. the last thing
your mommy said to you?Copy !req
1362. That she loved me and I was gonna
live with my new daddy.Copy !req
1363. If your mother could pick anyone
to be your new daddy...Copy !req
1364. who would she pick?Copy !req
1365. Sonny.Copy !req
1366. Thank you, Julian.Copy !req
1367. You can step down now.Copy !req
1368. That went good, don't you think?Copy !req
1369. I don't know.
Judge doesn't look too happy.Copy !req
1370. Mr. Koufax, anyone else?Copy !req
1371. I'd like to call upon myself,
Your Honor.Copy !req
1372. Awesome.Copy !req
1373. Which of your esteemed co-counsels
will examine you?Copy !req
1374. My father, Lenny Koufax.Copy !req
1375. What?Copy !req
1376. Forget it, Sonny.Copy !req
1377. What is going on?Copy !req
1378. Nobody in this world thinks I shouldn't
have a child more than that man.Copy !req
1379. He also happens to be
a well-respected lawyer in Florida.Copy !req
1380. If I can make a believer out of him, I
can make a believer out of everybody.Copy !req
1381. This court is after the truth, not
the opinion of the defendant's father.Copy !req
1382. You want my opinion?
My son is a moron.Copy !req
1383. I withdraw my objection.
Please proceed.Copy !req
1384. Mr. Koufax.Copy !req
1385. This is a big mistake.Copy !req
1386. I only came today to make sure
you didn't end up in jail.Copy !req
1387. That was nice of you. Thank you.Copy !req
1388. To do what I think is right here.Copy !req
1389. Cut your fingernails.
They're too long.Copy !req
1390. Okay, Dad.Copy !req
1391. This case is simple.Copy !req
1392. It is absurd to think that Sonny Koufax
is ready to raise a child.Copy !req
1393. - Objection!
- Shut up, Tommy.Copy !req
1394. Sorry, Mr. Koufax.Copy !req
1395. First of all, how did...Copy !req
1396. this sweet little boy, Julian,
end up under your supervision?Copy !req
1397. I told Social Services
that my name was Kevin Gerrity.Copy !req
1398. - Of course, you are not Kevin Gerrity.
- No.Copy !req
1399. - So you lied.
- Yes.Copy !req
1400. Like the time I found a bag of pot
in your drawer...Copy !req
1401. and you said you thought
they were pencil shavings.Copy !req
1402. Yeah.Copy !req
1403. Remember when I told you Aunt Fay
was coming to New York...Copy !req
1404. and I wanted you to
show her the city?Copy !req
1405. And you said that you had
better things to do.Copy !req
1406. That's right.Copy !req
1407. I'm curious. Just what were those
better things that you had to do?Copy !req
1408. Jethro Tull had a reunion concert
in New Jersey, so I caught that.Copy !req
1409. What happened to Aunt Fay
that weekend?Copy !req
1410. She died.Copy !req
1411. Yes, she did.Copy !req
1412. Did you happen to make it
to her funeral?Copy !req
1413. - Why not?
- I went to Jones Beach...Copy !req
1414. got drunk and fell asleep.Copy !req
1415. Hell, yes!Copy !req
1416. Some role model.Copy !req
1417. Your Honor...Copy !req
1418. my son doesn't have
health insurance.Copy !req
1419. He doesn't know how to boil an egg.Copy !req
1420. He filed for social security
at the age of 30.Copy !req
1421. He is a drain on the economy,
on the country...Copy !req
1422. and most of all, on me!Copy !req
1423. Your Honor,
to give this young man...Copy !req
1424. custody over another life
is not only wrong...Copy !req
1425. it's insane.Copy !req
1426. Hey. I love you.Copy !req
1427. - What?
- Don't be scared. It's all right.Copy !req
1428. I'm not scared.Copy !req
1429. If I get custody of Julian,
I'll be his father forever.Copy !req
1430. That scares you because you think
there's a good chance I'll fail.Copy !req
1431. Sonny, it's more than a chance.
It's a certainty.Copy !req
1432. You're wrong, Dad.Copy !req
1433. You can be scared that I might get
pickpocketed in a bad neighborhood...Copy !req
1434. or break my legs skiing.Copy !req
1435. But don't be scared about me
being a dad, because I will not fail.Copy !req
1436. I love this kid too much.Copy !req
1437. I love him as much as
you love me, Dad.Copy !req
1438. I'm gonna give him advice
and I'm gonna guide him...Copy !req
1439. and I'll be there
whenever he needs me.Copy !req
1440. I'll fly to New York to be
at his court case...Copy !req
1441. even if I disagree with
why he's there.Copy !req
1442. But, Sonny, you work in a tollbooth.Copy !req
1443. Don't worry about money.Copy !req
1444. I am in love with a beautiful girl
who makes plenty of it.Copy !req
1445. She'll be my sugar mama.Copy !req
1446. I gotta get me one of those.Copy !req
1447. I know this is the right thing
because I would die for this kid...Copy !req
1448. just so he won't feel
one ounce of sadness.Copy !req
1449. That's why you're here right now,
to protect me, to be scared for me...Copy !req
1450. to be a good father.Copy !req
1451. And that's exactly
what I'm gonna be.Copy !req
1452. Hello, Dad?Copy !req
1453. Yeah, I just
wanted to say I love you.Copy !req
1454. Hi, Mom? Could you put Dad
on the phone for a second?Copy !req
1455. Can I borrow that
when you're done?Copy !req
1456. Your Honor...Copy !req
1457. my son deserves this kid.Copy !req
1458. I love you too, sir.Copy !req
1459. Mr. Koufax...Copy !req
1460. the fact is
you kidnapped this child.Copy !req
1461. Not only
shouldn't you get custody...Copy !req
1462. but since you obtained him
by defrauding the state...Copy !req
1463. you should be in jail.Copy !req
1464. Bailiff, remand him until
I can figure out the punishment.Copy !req
1465. Wait. You can't take him away.Copy !req
1466. As that boy's father,
I refuse to press charges.Copy !req
1467. Oh, God. Corinne, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1468. Six years ago, Joe Carter...Copy !req
1469. Joe Carter?Copy !req
1470. Toronto and the Phillies.
World Series.Copy !req
1471. Mitch Williams—
We flew up for the night.Copy !req
1472. - There was a girl.
- Oh, God.Copy !req
1473. I'm an idiot. I was so hammered.Copy !req
1474. Chicken wings, Molson 3-0.
Canadian beer is like moonshine.Copy !req
1475. Hell, yes.Copy !req
1476. You remember?
It was at that Toronto Hooters.Copy !req
1477. That was before he met you.
That Hooters thing is a coincidence.Copy !req
1478. I'm sorry, Corinne.Copy !req
1479. I know this changes everything,
but I had to do the right thing.Copy !req
1480. Mr. Castellucci.Copy !req
1481. Pending a blood test, l...Copy !req
1482. Whatever.Copy !req
1483. The court grants custody to Kevin
Gerrity, pending the DNA test results.Copy !req
1484. I want you to be my dad, Sonny.Copy !req
1485. I know. I do too, pal.Copy !req
1486. But I'm not sure that can happen
exactly the way we want it.Copy !req
1487. Because it seems you
already have a daddy.Copy !req
1488. But I'll tell you what I can do.Copy !req
1489. I can be your friend, no matter what.
All right?Copy !req
1490. I'll always be your friend.Copy !req
1491. I'll always be your family.
I'll always be around.Copy !req
1492. I promise.Copy !req
1493. The kid's good at tying his shoes.Copy !req
1494. He's not great at it,
so work with him.Copy !req
1495. - I'll teach him bunny ears.
- What's bunny ears?Copy !req
1496. Make bunny ears,
cross and pull them through.Copy !req
1497. I go with this loop, swoop
and pull thing. He likes that.Copy !req
1498. - I don't know that.
- Go with the loop, swoop and pull.Copy !req
1499. I swear to God it's working.Copy !req
1500. All right.Copy !req
1501. Go with the bunny ears thing.
You're his dad, right? I'm sorry.Copy !req
1502. It's important, when you eat
at my restaurant...Copy !req
1503. you never order BLT.Copy !req
1504. You must trust me.
Stay away from BLT, okay?Copy !req
1505. Hey, guys.Copy !req
1506. I'm gonna leave you
with your dad now, Julian.Copy !req
1507. He's a good man.
I've known him my whole life.Copy !req
1508. So you two have fun
and I'll see you in the morning.Copy !req
1509. All right?Copy !req
1510. - Quit scaring the kid for a minute.
- Who am I scaring?Copy !req
1511. Bye, pal.Copy !req
1512. Hey, Julian.Copy !req
1513. I went to China.
Do you know where that is?Copy !req
1514. It's in Asia, which is...Copy !req
1515. by Europe.
I brought some cool stuff back.Copy !req
1516. Did you move the bench?Copy !req
1517. That's pretty funny.Copy !req
1518. You know what I got?
Some noisemakers. Check this out.Copy !req
1519. Wanna try one?Copy !req
1520. That's my foot!Copy !req
1521. You're nice man.Copy !req
1522. I've got Spice Channel.
It's blurry but it's nice.Copy !req
1523. Let's make this quick.
I gotta get to work.Copy !req
1524. Holy shit. Sonny Koufax
would rather work than eat.Copy !req
1525. I'm working on a big case. I gotta
sue you for making me come here.Copy !req
1526. Surprise!Copy !req
1527. Did you just waste
the good surprise on me again?Copy !req
1528. Hi, Corinne.Copy !req
1529. - Happy birthday.
- Thanks, everybody.Copy !req
1530. Hey, you guys. How are you?Copy !req
1531. Happy birthday, Daddy.Copy !req
1532. How you doing, cutie?Copy !req
1533. Sonny, I beat you so bad
in basketball yesterday.Copy !req
1534. From now on, I have to
stop letting you win.Copy !req
1535. I stopped that months ago.
He still wins.Copy !req
1536. That's because you suck.Copy !req
1537. Corinne, put a tank top on
for old time's sake.Copy !req
1538. - What is he talking about, Mommy?
- Nothing.Copy !req
1539. - Happy birthday, Sonny.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1540. It's a clock radio.Copy !req
1541. - Thanks for telling me.
- I have to split.Copy !req
1542. I got deliveries.Copy !req
1543. Hang out with us. We'll have fun.Copy !req
1544. No, I can't stay.
I'll hang for a little bit.Copy !req
1545. There you go. Come on,
let's eat, everybody.Copy !req
1546. Hey, you! Still missing
that tooth, huh?Copy !req
1547. Can we get some fries?Copy !req
1548. - Vanessa.
- Hi, Sonny.Copy !req
1549. You're a Hooters girl?Copy !req
1550. What happened
to Sid's five-year plan?Copy !req
1551. How you doing?Copy !req
1552. - Maybe it's a 10-year plan.
- Is that the guy with the old balls?Copy !req
1553. I think it is.Copy !req
1554. Come on. I bet they're nice.Copy !req
1555. You're not supposed to say "balls."
Testicles. Okay?Copy !req