1. Come in if you dare.Copy !req
2. The living.Copy !req
3. The dead.Copy !req
4. Can they coexist?Copy !req
5. That's what
we're here to find out.Copy !req
6. My name is Lydia Deetz,
and welcome to Ghost House.Copy !req
7. Joining us in the attic tonightCopy !req
8. are Emmet and Jody Welch,
from Cleghorn, Wisconsin.Copy !req
9. Along with their dog, Taco.Copy !req
10. And we're gonna hear about howCopy !req
11. their dream home
became a ghost house.Copy !req
12. I've been a psychic mediator
for over 15 years.Copy !req
13. But nothing
could have prepared meCopy !req
14. for what I encountered
when I visitedCopy !req
15. the Welch farm.Copy !req
16. Here's a preview.Copy !req
17. Be warned,Copy !req
18. it's intense.Copy !req
19. I don't know what I'm gonna
find behind this door,Copy !req
20. but it doesn't want me here.Copy !req
21. I feel a dark presence.Copy !req
22. We need to leave! Now!Copy !req
23. Emmet, are you ready to hear
about your paranormal visitors?Copy !req
24. Bring it on.Copy !req
25. How about you, Jody?Copy !req
26. Haven't slept a winkCopy !req
27. since we moved
into that darned house.Copy !req
28. Taco was so freaked out,
he goes to the bathroomCopy !req
29. in his doggy bed every night.Copy !req
30. It's been a living nightmare.Copy !req
31. Confronting the unknown.
Conquering your fears.Copy !req
32. There's nothing harder.Copy !req
33. But don't worry.Copy !req
34. I'll be right by your...Copy !req
35. What the...Copy !req
36. No.Copy !req
37. No, no.Copy !req
38. What's going on?Copy !req
39. - I don't know.
- Go!Copy !req
40. No. No.Copy !req
41. - Uh...
- You're doing great.Copy !req
42. I'm...Copy !req
43. Need a break?Copy !req
44. - Yeah.
- Yeah, let's take a break.Copy !req
45. Lydia Deetz,
ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
46. Bravo.Copy !req
47. I need five. Make it happen.Copy !req
48. Okay, everybody, that's lunch!Copy !req
49. I told him
he needed to wear contacts.Copy !req
50. But no, Mr. Big Shot Magician
wouldn't listen.Copy !req
51. Oh, can you
give it a rest, Nadia?Copy !req
52. I'm having a really shitty day.Copy !req
53. Hmm?Copy !req
54. What happened out there?Copy !req
55. You okay?Copy !req
56. Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
57. It's these double taping days,Copy !req
58. - it can get to me.
- Oh, God.Copy !req
59. Kills me to see you
feeling like this.Copy !req
60. Because when
you're feeling like this,Copy !req
61. it just makes me
feel what you're feeling.Copy !req
62. So in a weird way it's like,Copy !req
63. when you're hurting,
it's hurting me.Copy !req
64. - I don't know.
- God, I'm sorry.Copy !req
65. I... I don't mean to make you
feel like that.Copy !req
66. Oh, babe. Hey, it's okay.Copy !req
67. If anything, it just shows
how connected we are.Copy !req
68. It's like we got the same
stupid little heart.Copy !req
69. No. You don't need these.Copy !req
70. Oh.Copy !req
71. I have one job, and that isCopy !req
72. to make sure that you do not
drown your talentsCopy !req
73. at the bottom
of a bottle of pills, Lydia.Copy !req
74. Please...Copy !req
75. just to get through today.Copy !req
76. Okay. But...Copy !req
77. this is the last timeCopy !req
78. that I ever dig pills
out of a trash can for you.Copy !req
79. Do you understand?
Or a toilet or sink.Copy !req
80. Here.Copy !req
81. Okay? You got this.Copy !req
82. - All right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
83. - Is that mine?
- Don't move.Copy !req
84. Who's texting me?Copy !req
85. Your stupid stepmother.Copy !req
86. She's got texting diarrhea.Copy !req
87. I have to go.Copy !req
88. Lydia...Copy !req
89. we still have
a segment to finish.Copy !req
90. Tell us aboutCopy !req
91. the inspiration
for The Human Canvas.Copy !req
92. I am my own canvas.Copy !req
93. I am my art.Copy !req
94. As we know,
art imitates the living.Copy !req
95. It feeds me.Copy !req
96. And I was not getting
enough nourishmentCopy !req
97. from the sculpture alone.Copy !req
98. So, I decided
to broaden my tastesCopy !req
99. and it turns out
I am insatiably...Copy !req
100. Delia!Copy !req
101. Where have you been?Copy !req
102. I think I've cried all
the water out of my body.Copy !req
103. What happened to Dad?Copy !req
104. I'm desolee, Le Tigre!Copy !req
105. He is the Picasso
of graffiti artists.Copy !req
106. He was tagging me like
the walls of the Paris Métro.Copy !req
107. But now he's having
a petite tantrumCopy !req
108. because I had to cancel
the performance.Copy !req
109. What happened?Copy !req
110. What? Oh.Copy !req
111. Your father's left me.Copy !req
112. He's divorcing you?Copy !req
113. What a horrible thought.Copy !req
114. No! He's dead!Copy !req
115. What?Copy !req
116. Daddy's passed away.Copy !req
117. How?Copy !req
118. He was returningCopy !req
119. from his bird-watching
expeditionCopy !req
120. to the Funafuti Atoll...Copy !req
121. when his plane
went downCopy !req
122. in the South Pacific.Copy !req
123. A plane crash?Copy !req
124. That was
his worst nightmare.Copy !req
125. Actually,
he survived the crash.Copy !req
126. - He drowned?
- Almost.Copy !req
127. But not quite, no.
According to survivors,Copy !req
128. Daddy clung onto a wing.Copy !req
129. - Over here!
- Come on!Copy !req
130. Hey, swim over!
Swim over!Copy !req
131. Hey!Copy !req
132. So, how did he die?Copy !req
133. A shark jumped out of the waterCopy !req
134. - and got him!Copy !req
135. Just like that.Copy !req
136. I just spoke to him
on Saturday.Copy !req
137. He was so excited,Copy !req
138. he thanked me
for the binoculars,Copy !req
139. he said he had observed
the mating ritualsCopy !req
140. of the Tuamotu sandpiper.Copy !req
141. Yes, he flew halfway
around the worldCopy !req
142. to watch birds
do it on a beach.Copy !req
143. And it killed him!Copy !req
144. We need to tell Astrid.Copy !req
145. Oh. Must we?Copy !req
146. She's already
such a morbid little thing.Copy !req
147. That's if I can even reach her.Copy !req
148. We're barely on speaking terms.Copy !req
149. Oh, it would kill Charles
to knowCopy !req
150. I had to cancel my show.Copy !req
151. Bonne journée a jamais!Copy !req
152. What'd he say?Copy !req
153. Did you see that?Copy !req
154. Bonjour, monsieur. Ou suis-je?Copy !req
155. Where am I?Copy !req
156. Down the hall,
second door on the right.Copy !req
157. Take a number.Copy !req
158. Someone will help you.Copy !req
159. Eventually.Copy !req
160. Goddamn foreigners.Copy !req
161. Hey, toots!Copy !req
162. You're not supposed
to be back here.Copy !req
163. Don't make me tell you twice.Copy !req
164. Where is Beetlejuice?Copy !req
165. Ugh.Copy !req
166. Ghost House!Copy !req
167. When you're all
on your third kidCopy !req
168. and second divorce,Copy !req
169. we'll see who gets
the last laugh.Copy !req
170. Perfect.Copy !req
171. Leave me alone.Copy !req
172. So it's settled. We'll bring
Charles home to Winter River.Copy !req
173. But I've never
hosted a funeral...Copy !req
174. I've never hosted anythingCopy !req
175. without Charles standing there.Copy !req
176. Watching me. In awe.Copy !req
177. It's Astrid.Copy !req
178. - Please don't leave a message.
- She won't pick up.Copy !req
179. Maybe I should tell Astrid
about Charles.Copy !req
180. Might be easier coming fromCopy !req
181. a non-feminine
masculine archetype.Copy !req
182. Well, there aren't any men
left in the family.Copy !req
183. Well, no offense taken, Delia.Copy !req
184. I'll be a member of the family
soon enough.Copy !req
185. In fact,Copy !req
186. I might be the perfect person
to tell her.Copy !req
187. Having just lost
my own grandfather.Copy !req
188. You did? When?Copy !req
189. Forty years ago.Copy !req
190. But in my child body,
that's yesterday.Copy !req
191. I'm gonna
tell Astrid, okay?Copy !req
192. Just give me a few minutes
before you come up.Copy !req
193. Enough!
I'll handle this.Copy !req
194. Astrid!Copy !req
195. Astrid!Copy !req
196. Astrid!Copy !req
197. Stop torturing your mother.Copy !req
198. I know I usually find it funny,Copy !req
199. and only fair
after the way she treated meCopy !req
200. when she was your age.Copy !req
201. But not today!Copy !req
202. Your mummy's lost her daddy.Copy !req
203. You've lost your grandpa.Copy !req
204. And I've lost my...Copy !req
205. horny handyman.Copy !req
206. Charles.Copy !req
207. Charles!Copy !req
208. Oh, Charles!Copy !req
209. Can't believe Grandpa is dead.Copy !req
210. He's like the only semi-normal
person in this family.Copy !req
211. We're gonna be in
Winter River for a few weeks.Copy !req
212. What do you mean
for a few weeks?Copy !req
213. I thought we were just
going for the funeral.Copy !req
214. Well, we need to clear out
the house.Copy !req
215. Grandpa loved that place.Copy !req
216. Yes, and we are going
to honor himCopy !req
217. with a Grief Collective.Copy !req
218. A "Grief Collective"?Copy !req
219. I am seeing a semi-multimedia
visual manifesto of our loss.Copy !req
220. What does loss look like?Copy !req
221. Is it just tears? A headstone?Copy !req
222. Wilting gladioli?Copy !req
223. No, we need to unpack
the art of sorrow.Copy !req
224. Yeah, that sounds
really traumatic.Copy !req
225. I can't go.Copy !req
226. I'm our school repCopy !req
227. for our Student Environmental
Conference next week.Copy !req
228. We're presenting our demands
on climate change action.Copy !req
229. I spoke with the principal,
and they cleared it.Copy !req
230. She actually thinks
it's a really good idea.Copy !req
231. Yeah, well, I guess when you
donate an entire art center,Copy !req
232. the principal becomes your
little puppet on a string.Copy !req
233. Well, you're free
to reject your inheritanceCopy !req
234. when you're living high
off a tree hugger's salary.Copy !req
235. What? No! No!Copy !req
236. Jesus! Okay,
people already knowCopy !req
237. that Lydia Deetz is my mom.Copy !req
238. Okay, can you stop being
a freak for, like, one second?Copy !req
239. - Go back.
- Why?Copy !req
240. All right, people already know
you'd rather spendCopy !req
241. more time with ghosts
than your own daughter.Copy !req
242. Jesus, Bob.Copy !req
243. Can't you see
I'm concentrating here?Copy !req
244. You know, Bob,Copy !req
245. long distance relationships
can be difficult.Copy !req
246. Especially when
one of you is deadCopy !req
247. and the other's ignoring you
for 30 years.Copy !req
248. But Lydia and I,Copy !req
249. we have a definite
psychic connection.Copy !req
250. I just need
these people out of my house.Copy !req
251. Please hold! Afterlife
Call Center, please hold.Copy !req
252. How much
for a premium bio exorcism?Copy !req
253. And I'll tell ya something,Copy !req
254. she definitely saw me
that last time.Copy !req
255. I felt a little tingle.Copy !req
256. The money back
guarantee one.Copy !req
257. I'm putting your call
through now.Copy !req
258. I've just died,
and she's already remarried.Copy !req
259. Sell him the honeymoon package.Copy !req
260. I'll kill the new husband,
and I'll possess the ex-wife.Copy !req
261. I'll make her
do some unseemly things,Copy !req
262. and then I'll post the pics.Copy !req
263. Can I pay
in installments?Copy !req
264. I'm needed upstairs.Copy !req
265. Bob, hold down the fort.Copy !req
266. Ou je suis?Copy !req
267. - Where am I?
- Take a number,Copy !req
268. take a seat.Copy !req
269. I'm more of a dog person.Copy !req
270. You! Room 515. Now.Copy !req
271. - Come on.
- Come on.Copy !req
272. Hey,
easy with the suit.Copy !req
273. Don't "Detective" me,Copy !req
274. you walking disaster.Copy !req
275. - We got reports.
- Another protestor.Copy !req
276. There is a ten-o-nine.Copy !req
277. Wolf Jackson,
Afterlife Crime Unit.Copy !req
278. Let me take a wild stab.Copy !req
279. Actor.Copy !req
280. Not just any actor.Copy !req
281. I've done it all.
For six movies and a reboot,Copy !req
282. I became Frank Hardballer.Copy !req
283. Doing my own stunts
was non-negotiable.Copy !req
284. - You know why?
- Authenticity.Copy !req
285. Correct.Copy !req
286. A vice cop doesn't
get to a perp's doorCopy !req
287. and then call for some hambone
stunt man to break it down.Copy !req
288. Neither did I.Copy !req
289. You gotta keep it real.Copy !req
290. Looks like you got a little
too real there, bud.Copy !req
291. Who knew it was a live grenade?Copy !req
292. Your name came upCopy !req
293. on this case I'm investigating.Copy !req
294. Recognize this puss?Copy !req
295. Never seen that chick
before in my life.Copy !req
296. Or afterlife.Copy !req
297. Any ideaCopy !req
298. why my suspect wrote your nameCopy !req
299. in this schmo's goo?Copy !req
300. Uh... Hard to say, Wolf,
but could be a super-fan.Copy !req
301. You know,
guys like you and me...Copy !req
302. we drive the gals crazy.Copy !req
303. She collected
all her body parts.Copy !req
304. My hunch
is she's out for revenge.Copy !req
305. And you seem to be numero uno
on her hit list.Copy !req
306. Well, wouldn't be
the first womanCopy !req
307. who wanted to kill me.Copy !req
308. And kinda hard
to kill a dead guy.Copy !req
309. This gal can.Copy !req
310. She's a soul sucker.Copy !req
311. Oh, yeah,
you could say that again.Copy !req
312. My advice, lay low.Copy !req
313. She gets her hands on you
and you're dead-dead.Copy !req
314. And there's no coming back
from that, Mr. Juice.Copy !req
315. Roger that.Copy !req
316. I just don't believe
I won't see Charles again.Copy !req
317. Be comforted in the knowledgeCopy !req
318. that he's in
a far better place.Copy !req
319. Angels are guiding him
towards everlasting lightCopy !req
320. and may his soul fly through
the heavenly gates,Copy !req
321. like the birds
that he so adoredCopy !req
322. and soar over
the Fields of ElysiumCopy !req
323. to the glory that is thine.Copy !req
324. What?Copy !req
325. I haven't been to a funeral
since Dad's.Copy !req
326. Death is hard.Copy !req
327. Yeah, sometimes
I think life is harder.Copy !req
328. I know.Copy !req
329. Listen, if you wanna talk
to that therapist again...Copy !req
330. There you go again.Copy !req
331. You just sidestepCopy !req
332. every possible
conversation about him.Copy !req
333. Astrid...Copy !req
334. I loved your father,Copy !req
335. but our relationship was overCopy !req
336. a long time
before the accident.Copy !req
337. I still don't understand
why you can't see him.Copy !req
338. - Why not?
- I wish I knew.Copy !req
339. But this abilityCopy !req
340. didn't exactly
come with instructions.Copy !req
341. It all started
when I was your age.Copy !req
342. It's ironic, isn't it?Copy !req
343. You can apparently
see any random ghostCopy !req
344. for your shitty TV show,Copy !req
345. but the one ghost
that actually matters to meCopy !req
346. you can't see at all.Copy !req
347. We are closed!Copy !req
348. I'm sorry to bother you.
My name's Charles Deetz.Copy !req
349. I'm feeling
a little lightheaded.Copy !req
350. Where am I?Copy !req
351. Damn newbies.Copy !req
352. You wait! In waiting room!Copy !req
353. All right.Copy !req
354. Unbelievable.Copy !req
355. Hey...Copy !req
356. who's there?Copy !req
357. - My ex-wife is back.
- Hmm?Copy !req
358. Well, I know
what you're thinking...Copy !req
359. "When was the Juice
ever tied down?Copy !req
360. What kind of woman could ever
keep him satisfied?" Well...Copy !req
361. Mazel tov.Copy !req
362. Now she's back,Copy !req
363. and she's pissed.Copy !req
364. Hey.Copy !req
365. Must be pretty
noisy up here. Yeah?Copy !req
366. In here, too.Copy !req
367. Listen, if you ever
need to processCopy !req
368. any of your emotions,
I'm here for you.Copy !req
369. Emotions processed. Thanks.Copy !req
370. I saw you standing
at your grandfather's grave.Copy !req
371. He must have been
a pretty dope dude.Copy !req
372. Death is so, like...Copy !req
373. It's, like, tragic,
you know?Copy !req
374. I mean, if you ever wanna,
you know, cry or just,Copy !req
375. kind of rage against
some of these feelingsCopy !req
376. that you have going on
in there,Copy !req
377. I want you to knowCopy !req
378. that I could be that...Copy !req
379. kinda dope dad-dude for you.
You know?Copy !req
380. - I'm good.
- You know,Copy !req
381. times like this
can bring a familyCopy !req
382. weirdly closer together.Copy !req
383. On the way over here,Copy !req
384. I wrote a poem
for your grandpa.Copy !req
385. Oh, did you? How does it go?Copy !req
386. It's, it's, it's...Copy !req
387. it starts...Copy !req
388. It, well, it kinda like
opens on grief. Obviously.Copy !req
389. And then acceptance.Copy !req
390. It's long. I didn't memorize it
or anything like that,Copy !req
391. but it's quite beautiful.Copy !req
392. Cut the crap, Rory.Copy !req
393. All right? I'm not falling
for your New Age,Copy !req
394. overly emotional,
trauma bonding,Copy !req
395. yoga retreat bullshit.Copy !req
396. I see you.Copy !req
397. Because, like you,Copy !req
398. my mom is a very broken person.Copy !req
399. Okay?
She's a delusional fantasist.Copy !req
400. You just exploit her.Copy !req
401. And if she wants
to allow that to happen,Copy !req
402. that's on her.Copy !req
403. I'm so sorry
for your loss. I'm sorry.Copy !req
404. I know, I know. Thank you.Copy !req
405. Oh, if it isn't
little Jane Butterfield.Copy !req
406. Littler Jane?Copy !req
407. Oh, it's Jane Butterfield-Lee
now.Copy !req
408. We hyphenated.Copy !req
409. Is that Maxie Dean?Copy !req
410. No.Copy !req
411. No one's here yet.Copy !req
412. Sample from
my hubby's microbrewery.Copy !req
413. "Micro"? Is that for people
with tiny houses?Copy !req
414. Why is your house
covered in black fabric?Copy !req
415. It's a mourning shroud.Copy !req
416. Now that Charles is dead,
so also dies this house.Copy !req
417. And I'm protecting it
in its transition.Copy !req
418. To a new life
with a new family.Copy !req
419. I can't wait to show it.Copy !req
420. Buyers are already lining up.Copy !req
421. Thanks to you, Lydia,Copy !req
422. everyone wants a piece
of the original Ghost House.Copy !req
423. Ghosts aren't real.Copy !req
424. Only gullible people
believe that kind of crap.Copy !req
425. Unless you're trying to pay
the bills, right, Mom?Copy !req
426. Okay, honey, in we go.Copy !req
427. Can I have
everyone's attention, please?Copy !req
428. What?Copy !req
429. We're gathered here todayCopy !req
430. to celebrate the life
of an extraordinary man.Copy !req
431. Now, I only had the pleasureCopy !req
432. of meeting Charles a few times.Copy !req
433. Then I can tell you
he didn't want any speeches.Copy !req
434. Charles hated
public displays of emotion.Copy !req
435. Yeah, but he also...Copy !req
436. chose to live his life
to the fullest.Copy !req
437. I'm going to tear a page
out of Charles Deetz's book.Copy !req
438. Lydia,Copy !req
439. now, I know
we had always agreedCopy !req
440. to take
our relationship slowly.Copy !req
441. But I can't wait any longer.Copy !req
442. Let's get married
on your favorite holiday.Copy !req
443. Will you marry me on Halloween?Copy !req
444. - Good Lord!
- Uh...Copy !req
445. That's... That's in two days!Copy !req
446. Yes, I know.Copy !req
447. I've already spoken
to Father Damien.Copy !req
448. The church is available.Copy !req
449. The Lord's sanctuary
welcomes all who seekCopy !req
450. salvation
and everlasting glory.Copy !req
451. Just not before noon,
and between three and four.Copy !req
452. You're seriously doing this
at Charles' wake?Copy !req
453. Yes. Yes. Yes, because...Copy !req
454. because as we stand here,Copy !req
455. surrounded by death...Copy !req
456. let us all make
a commitment to choose life.Copy !req
457. Because I want to spendCopy !req
458. the rest of my life
with you, Lydia.Copy !req
459. And you, Delia.Copy !req
460. And you too.Copy !req
461. And you. Again.Copy !req
462. What do you say?Copy !req
463. Rory, I... Come on,Copy !req
464. I can't commit to this
right now.Copy !req
465. Oh.Copy !req
466. All right.Copy !req
467. This is too much loss.Copy !req
468. What do you mean?Copy !req
469. Well, first,
the death of Charles.Copy !req
470. And of course,
the death of my grandfather,Copy !req
471. which you know about.
And now the death of...Copy !req
472. - us.
- No! No, I...Copy !req
473. Come on, I didn't mean that.Copy !req
474. Thought you wanted to take
life's great big bungee jumpCopy !req
475. right beside me.Copy !req
476. No safety nets, right?Copy !req
477. But I guess,Copy !req
478. the only thing
bungee jumping today is love.Copy !req
479. And that cord just snapped.Copy !req
480. Come on. Rory...Copy !req
481. - I love you.
- And I love you.Copy !req
482. Oh.Copy !req
483. What are we waiting for?Copy !req
484. Okay, I guess.Copy !req
485. Oh, my God.Copy !req
486. She said "yes"!Copy !req
487. She said "yes"!Copy !req
488. Astrid!Copy !req
489. Sorry!Copy !req
490. - Sorry!
- Watch out!Copy !req
491. Whoa.Copy !req
492. Are you okay?Copy !req
493. Are you okay?
What happened?Copy !req
494. Yeah. I'll live.Copy !req
495. Uh, what are you reading?Copy !req
496. Crime and Punishment.Copy !req
497. - One of those.
- "One of those"?Copy !req
498. What does that mean?Copy !req
499. Nothing.
I've read it three times.Copy !req
500. - Did you really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
501. "Pain and suffering
are always inevitable."Copy !req
502. Yes.Copy !req
503. Yeah, I...Copy !req
504. I can't believe you're quoting
Dostoevsky. That's...Copy !req
505. Where have you been
all my life?Copy !req
506. So, how long have
you been in Winter River?Copy !req
507. My whole life.Copy !req
508. I've never seen you
around before.Copy !req
509. Yeah, this is just
a temporary layoverCopy !req
510. for my grandpa's funeral.Copy !req
511. Until my mom's janky fianceCopy !req
512. turned it into
a de facto engagement party.Copy !req
513. Yeah, he announced
their wedding date.Copy !req
514. Wow. That's different.Copy !req
515. Oh, yeah.
If you knew my mom,Copy !req
516. that's actually
pretty on-brand for her.Copy !req
517. Is your dad
in the picture or...Copy !req
518. No.Copy !req
519. Yeah, he was a free spirit.Copy !req
520. Defender of hopeless causes.Copy !req
521. When they split,
he went to Brazil.Copy !req
522. He was trying
to save the rainforest.Copy !req
523. But my mom grew up here.Copy !req
524. That old house on the hill.Copy !req
525. Wait. The Ghost House?Copy !req
526. Is your mom Lydia Deetz?Copy !req
527. Unfortunately.Copy !req
528. She's a legend.Copy !req
529. Well, yeah, if you believe
in supernatural bullshit.Copy !req
530. You don't?Copy !req
531. - No.
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
532. I only believe in things
that I can see.Copy !req
533. You know, science. Facts.Copy !req
534. Oh.Copy !req
535. Yeah, it's gonna keep going.Copy !req
536. Back to the insanity.Copy !req
537. I'm sorry about your fence,
by the way.Copy !req
538. You can tell your parents
my mom will pay for that.Copy !req
539. Nah, that's okay. It's...
They won't even notice.Copy !req
540. Uh... Well, listen,
I'll be here tomorrow,Copy !req
541. if you want a break
from the insanity.Copy !req
542. Witness confirmed our suspectCopy !req
543. as the soul sucker
from Lost and Found.Copy !req
544. Wanna hear
the weird part, chief?Copy !req
545. Hit me.Copy !req
546. After she turned the ownerCopy !req
547. into a human pancake,Copy !req
548. she stole a wedding dress
from the conveyor.Copy !req
549. Of course.
This stapled sicko...Copy !req
550. has her twisted heart setCopy !req
551. on a romantic reunion
with Mr. Juice.Copy !req
552. She won't stop killing,Copy !req
553. until she walks him
back down the aisle.Copy !req
554. Cases like this make me wonder
why I even became a cop.Copy !req
555. You're not a cop.
You're an actor.Copy !req
556. Thank you, Janet.Copy !req
557. You keep me real.Copy !req
558. Should we take
this BeetlejuiceCopy !req
559. into protective custody?Copy !req
560. See if you can find him.Copy !req
561. He's probably laying low.Copy !req
562. Scared out of his mind.Copy !req
563. A little higher, boys.Copy !req
564. We can't let Delores
get through that door.Copy !req
565. Bob.Copy !req
566. Like lookin' in a mirror.Copy !req
567. You see, Bob,
you'd serve as my decoy.Copy !req
568. You'd walk in front of me
at all times.Copy !req
569. That way she'd suck your soul
while I make my getaway.Copy !req
570. ¿Comprende?Copy !req
571. Now's my chance.Copy !req
572. What?Copy !req
573. Why?Copy !req
574. No! No! No!Copy !req
575. Delia, what's wrong?Copy !req
576. I'm trying to capture
the perfect primal scream.Copy !req
577. I'm gonna blow it up,
mount it on the wall,Copy !req
578. and I invite all of you
to do the same.Copy !req
579. - Why?
- For the Collective.Copy !req
580. We cannot sincerely celebrateCopy !req
581. all that was good
about our dearly departed.Copy !req
582. Not until we release the horrorCopy !req
583. that they inflicted upon us.Copy !req
584. What awful thing
did Grandpa ever do to you?Copy !req
585. He bought this house
without telling me.Copy !req
586. Oh, my God!Copy !req
587. I was helpfully getting
some boxes in town,Copy !req
588. then I heard you screaming.
Are you all right?Copy !req
589. It was Delia.Copy !req
590. Oh, Delia.Copy !req
591. I'm good.Copy !req
592. Ignore her.Copy !req
593. That was very
thoughtful of you.Copy !req
594. Astrid, can you give him
a hand with the boxes?Copy !req
595. I told the movers to come
a week from today. All right?Copy !req
596. I think that'll give us all
time to get overCopy !req
597. our grief and our trauma.Copy !req
598. And then, after the wedding,
I think we should go back,Copy !req
599. and we gotta
finish those shows.Copy !req
600. Maybe Mom can get
the ghosts in the atticCopy !req
601. to give us a hand.Copy !req
602. Adam and Barbara Maitland.
They're not here anymore.Copy !req
603. Why? They find
a better house to haunt?Copy !req
604. No, we found a loophole,
and they moved on.Copy !req
605. How convenient.Copy !req
606. Ew.Copy !req
607. Oh.Copy !req
608. God, I thought I lost those.Copy !req
609. That was taken at an all-night
Mario Bava horror fest.Copy !req
610. I was nine months
pregnant with you.Copy !req
611. My water broke during
Kill, Baby... Kill!Copy !req
612. Dad's favorite movie.Copy !req
613. Yeah.Copy !req
614. Can I keep this?Copy !req
615. Yeah.Copy !req
616. I really like that model
of Winter River, too.Copy !req
617. Did Grandpa make that?Copy !req
618. No, that belonged
to the Maitlands.Copy !req
619. You know,
the non-existent ghost couple.Copy !req
620. Oh, I found that on the floor.Copy !req
621. - Hey, who's Beetlejuice?
- Don't ever say that name!Copy !req
622. Not ever!Copy !req
623. - Beetlejuice.
- No! Astrid, I'm serious.Copy !req
624. If you say that name
three times, really bad stuffCopy !req
625. - is gonna happen.
- Like what?Copy !req
626. In fact,
this attic is off-limits.Copy !req
627. Do you understand me?Copy !req
628. Yeah, I understand
that you're crazy.Copy !req
629. Oh, my God, it's you!Copy !req
630. I thought a moose
was about to attack me.Copy !req
631. It's breathing exercises.Copy !req
632. Try seeing ghosts every day.Copy !req
633. Astrid!Copy !req
634. Let her be.Copy !req
635. God, she hates me.Copy !req
636. Somehow, Richard's
death is still my fault.Copy !req
637. You blamed me
for your mother's.Copy !req
638. She's not dead.Copy !req
639. And I didn't blame you.
I resented you.Copy !req
640. There's a difference.Copy !req
641. You weren't very nice.Copy !req
642. No, you barely acknowledged
my existence.Copy !req
643. But we've done all right,
haven't we?Copy !req
644. Yeah. Ever since I sold out
and got famous,Copy !req
645. we have gotten closer.Copy !req
646. No, I started liking you
before that.Copy !req
647. Again with
the creepy breathing!Copy !req
648. It works!Copy !req
649. I learned it at the survivors'
retreat, where I met Rory.Copy !req
650. Of course you did.Copy !req
651. Look, I was in shock
after Richard died.Copy !req
652. And I was working on
my unresolved feelings,Copy !req
653. and Rory had just lost
his fianceeCopy !req
654. in a skiing accident,Copy !req
655. and we were
in the same sorrow circleCopy !req
656. and we connected.Copy !req
657. Yeah.Copy !req
658. He was turned on by you at
the lowest point in your life.Copy !req
659. Okay, but this isn't about him.Copy !req
660. Astrid found this in the attic.Copy !req
661. Ew. So?Copy !req
662. So?Copy !req
663. Every now and then
I feel his presence.Copy !req
664. Like he's lurking somewhere,Copy !req
665. just out of reach.Copy !req
666. But lately,Copy !req
667. I'm seeing him again.Copy !req
668. And I was really hoping
this was all in my head.Copy !req
669. But now this?Copy !req
670. Lydia, you need
to take back your life.Copy !req
671. From the hanger-onners,
from this thing.Copy !req
672. Where's the obnoxious
little goth girlCopy !req
673. who tormented me
all those years ago?Copy !req
674. It's time to find her.Copy !req
675. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
676. - Jeremy, is that you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
677. Uh, Mom, I'm just gonna
be upstairs with a friend.Copy !req
678. Okay. Have fun.Copy !req
679. - Hey, Dad.
- Son.Copy !req
680. Stuck on...
He lives in that room.Copy !req
681. You've got a lot of '90s vinyl.Copy !req
682. Where are you
finding this, eBay?Copy !req
683. No, I troll old record stores.Copy !req
684. I don't trust
what I can't touch.Copy !req
685. Handbook for
the Recently Deceased.Copy !req
686. Yeah, I got that
at a yard sale in town.Copy !req
687. The illustrations
are pretty gnarly.Copy !req
688. Yeah, looks like
the kinda crappy bookCopy !req
689. my mom would write.Copy !req
690. What's the deal
with your parents?Copy !req
691. Well, my mom spends
every waking hourCopy !req
692. in the kitchen stress-baking.Copy !req
693. And my dad used to work
at the paper mill,Copy !req
694. but then he had an accident,Copy !req
695. so now he's a full-time
couch potato.Copy !req
696. I can't wait to get out
of this shitty town.Copy !req
697. Um, you must have been
to a lot of placesCopy !req
698. traveling, with a famous mom.Copy !req
699. Not really.Copy !req
700. My dad's
more the traveler anyway.Copy !req
701. We used to have this big planCopy !req
702. where we were gonna visitCopy !req
703. the top ten
creepiest places on Earth.Copy !req
704. So, Tower of London
and Dracula's Castle and...Copy !req
705. yeah, then we never
got the chance to do it.Copy !req
706. What happened?Copy !req
707. A boat accident.Copy !req
708. Yeah, they searched
the Amazon for a week,Copy !req
709. and they never found his body.Copy !req
710. You really miss him.Copy !req
711. Yeah.Copy !req
712. You know,
I at least would have likedCopy !req
713. to have gotten the chance
to say goodbye.Copy !req
714. But can't your mom,Copy !req
715. I don't know, like,Copy !req
716. contact him or...Copy !req
717. She claims
she can't even see him.Copy !req
718. - Why not?
- Because she's a fraud.Copy !req
719. Well, I think
that's a little harsh.Copy !req
720. Uh, well, tomorrow's Halloween.Copy !req
721. I know. Used to be
my favorite holiday.Copy !req
722. Because my dad,
he would go all outCopy !req
723. and make the most
age-inappropriate costumes.Copy !req
724. Yeah, I think I wasCopy !req
725. in second grade when I went
as Munch's The Scream.Copy !req
726. - Wow. Yeah.
- Yeah. It was a choice.Copy !req
727. But now my mom's
getting married that day,Copy !req
728. so I don't know,Copy !req
729. probably be
my least favorite now.Copy !req
730. Well, what time's the wedding?Copy !req
731. Midnight. The witching hour.Copy !req
732. Future stepdad's lame idea.Copy !req
733. Well, why don't you
come over...Copy !req
734. earlier?Copy !req
735. Uh, we could,Copy !req
736. I don't know, we could order
pizza and give out candy.Copy !req
737. Only if you want to.
I mean that's, that's no...Copy !req
738. no pressure.Copy !req
739. What is up
with these creepy birds?Copy !req
740. Bird-watching
was my dad's passion.Copy !req
741. Oh, I contacted
that vintage shopCopy !req
742. you love in SoHo.Copy !req
743. They've sent a few
potential wedding dresses.Copy !req
744. Should be here later today.Copy !req
745. Ooh, great. Thanks.Copy !req
746. And a, uh,Copy !req
747. little bird may have
chirped our big newsCopy !req
748. to a few news outlets.Copy !req
749. Thought we could
sell the photos exclusively.Copy !req
750. Could be great press
for the show.Copy !req
751. I... Look, I'm really excited
about tying the knot,Copy !req
752. but can we just keep it
small and private?Copy !req
753. Yeah. Well, sure.Copy !req
754. It's your big day.Copy !req
755. Night. Whatever.Copy !req
756. Yo, I've got fevers runningCopy !req
757. all through me. All through me!Copy !req
758. Lydia?Copy !req
759. I want you out of my life!Copy !req
760. Do you hear me?Copy !req
761. Lydia?Copy !req
762. Who are you yelling at?Copy !req
763. Do you remember that
couples therapist that we saw,Copy !req
764. - Dr. Glickman?
- Mmm.Copy !req
765. He said that I was holding
something backCopy !req
766. and until I faced it,
you and I wouldn't evolve.Copy !req
767. - Mmm.
- Okay, well, he was right.Copy !req
768. And I'm going to tell you now.Copy !req
769. And, fair warning,Copy !req
770. it's gonna sound batshit crazy.Copy !req
771. Are you okay with that?Copy !req
772. Of course. I'd love to.Copy !req
773. Let's break through
this barrier together.Copy !req
774. Okay, just give me a sec.Copy !req
775. When I was a teenager,Copy !req
776. a trickster demon
terrorized my entire familyCopy !req
777. and tried to force me
to marry him,Copy !req
778. in order to come back
to the real world for good.Copy !req
779. I believed he was gone forever,Copy !req
780. and then lately,
I have been seeing him again.Copy !req
781. And now, he is actually back.Copy !req
782. And I don't know why,
or how, or what to do.Copy !req
783. Okay, so you're saying that
someone called Beetlejuice...Copy !req
784. Don't say his name!Copy !req
785. If you say his name
three times,Copy !req
786. he will appear.Copy !req
787. Okay. So this...Copy !req
788. demon is clearly a construct
of your unpacked trauma.Copy !req
789. It's trauma that
you're gonna need to face,Copy !req
790. otherwise, it's just
gonna get worse.Copy !req
791. He's not a construct.
He is literally a demon.Copy !req
792. I know this
is a big step for you.Copy !req
793. But in the words
of Dr. Glickman,Copy !req
794. I'm gonna give you
the push you need.Copy !req
795. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice,
Beetlejuice.Copy !req
796. What just happened?Copy !req
797. We're in the model.Copy !req
798. That's not possible.Copy !req
799. What the hell?Copy !req
800. I told you not to say his name!Copy !req
801. Lydia Deetz,
ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
802. Don't ever
say that name.Copy !req
803. Not ever!
We need to leave, now.Copy !req
804. Beetlejuice,
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.Copy !req
805. - Is that...
- Beetlejuice!Copy !req
806. First of all,
I want you two kids to know,Copy !req
807. this is a safe space. Okay?Copy !req
808. Feel free
to express yourselves.Copy !req
809. Don't be afraid. I sense
there's an enabler here,Copy !req
810. but we'll get to that.Copy !req
811. Look, dig deepCopy !req
812. and spill your guts.Copy !req
813. Okay? Who wants to go first?Copy !req
814. Huh?Copy !req
815. All right, I will.Copy !req
816. There you go. See?
I'm willing to do the work.Copy !req
817. You two kids
need to get in touchCopy !req
818. with your inner child.Copy !req
819. Mine'll be along
in just a jiffy.Copy !req
820. Everybody says
he's got my eyes.Copy !req
821. Personally, I don't see it.Copy !req
822. Scram, kid.Copy !req
823. You're just my unpacked trauma.Copy !req
824. You're just my unpacked trauma.Copy !req
825. You're a figment
of my imagination.Copy !req
826. Really?Copy !req
827. Is this a figment
of your imagination?Copy !req
828. Leg man.Copy !req
829. Just like his old man.Copy !req
830. That was you stalking me.Copy !req
831. Hey, if stalking meansCopy !req
832. trying to remarry
the love of my life,Copy !req
833. well, I'm guilty as charged.
Come here!Copy !req
834. Home, home, home!Copy !req
835. What happened?Copy !req
836. I just had the wildest dream.Copy !req
837. Yeah, I think
we should lay off the pills.Copy !req
838. Snakes?Copy !req
839. Actually, asps.Copy !req
840. Aren't they beautiful?Copy !req
841. Wedding gift for Rory?Copy !req
842. Too late.
They've been defanged.Copy !req
843. Guaranteed harmless,
and they're for me.Copy !req
844. In Ancient Egypt,Copy !req
845. a queen would perform
a ceremonyCopy !req
846. at the tomb of her pharaoh
using snakes,Copy !req
847. the symbol of undying love.Copy !req
848. - Are you sure about that?
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
849. We read that
they were a constant threatCopy !req
850. to Ra in the underworldCopy !req
851. and represented total chaos.Copy !req
852. Okay, see,
that's why schools needCopy !req
853. more art and less reading.Copy !req
854. You got your wish,
we're leaving.Copy !req
855. So go pack up your things,Copy !req
856. I'm driving you back to school.Copy !req
857. Wait, what happened?Copy !req
858. You wouldn't believe me
if I told you.Copy !req
859. I will pay
for a fleet of moversCopy !req
860. to take everything
back to Manhattan,Copy !req
861. except that model.Copy !req
862. We need to chop it up
and burn it.Copy !req
863. Oh.Copy !req
864. You're calling off the wedding?Copy !req
865. What did that
cheese ball do now?Copy !req
866. It's not Rory.Copy !req
867. It's Beetlejuice.Copy !req
868. He's here.Copy !req
869. In the model. I saw him.Copy !req
870. Rory saw him, too,
but he thinks it's a dream.Copy !req
871. Wait,
we can't leave yet.Copy !req
872. I have plans tomorrow
with this boy that I met.Copy !req
873. How did you have time
to meet a boy?Copy !req
874. You had time to get married.Copy !req
875. She doesn't
mean it. It's just karma.Copy !req
876. Whatever. I was bikingCopy !req
877. and then I kinda crashed
into his fenceCopy !req
878. and we started talking,Copy !req
879. and then he invited me over
to his place for Halloween.Copy !req
880. Can I go, Mom?Copy !req
881. Mmm-mmm.Copy !req
882. Please?Copy !req
883. I will not allow
that menace to humanityCopy !req
884. to upheave our family again.Copy !req
885. No one goes in there,
no one calls his name!Copy !req
886. We're gonna be fine, right?Copy !req
887. Mom, come on!
I'm gonna be late.Copy !req
888. Trick or treat!Copy !req
889. Are you sure
this is the right address?Copy !req
890. Yeah.Copy !req
891. 125 Jefferson Lane.Copy !req
892. Don't judge... all right?Copy !req
893. His dad just got
into an accident at work,Copy !req
894. and they're going through
a rough patch.Copy !req
895. Trick or treat!Copy !req
896. He's cute.Copy !req
897. What are you doing?Copy !req
898. I was gonna go
say "hey" to his parents.Copy !req
899. Seriously?
This isn't a playdate.Copy !req
900. I mean,
we're not six years old.Copy !req
901. Nothing's gonna happen.Copy !req
902. All right, okay. You're right.Copy !req
903. Have fun,
and I'll pick you up at 10:00.Copy !req
904. Not a second later.Copy !req
905. Come on, quick!Copy !req
906. Trick or treat!Copy !req
907. I, uh,
raided the basement.Copy !req
908. I forgot we even
had half this stuff.Copy !req
909. Yeah, you really went all out.Copy !req
910. Yeah.Copy !req
911. I like the James Dean costume,
by the way.Copy !req
912. Thank you. But yeah,Copy !req
913. my parents think
I look more likeCopy !req
914. Richie from Happy Days.Copy !req
915. - Mmm?
- Your costume looks great.Copy !req
916. Who are you supposed to be?Copy !req
917. Marie Curie.Copy !req
918. Two-time Nobel Prize-winning
French physicistCopy !req
919. - and feminist icon.
- Oh, she was, uh,Copy !req
920. she discovered radiation.
Right?Copy !req
921. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
922. Yeah, her work was killing her.Copy !req
923. She didn't even realize it.Copy !req
924. Yeah, well,
for someone who is dyingCopy !req
925. of radiation poisoning,Copy !req
926. uh, you look beautiful.Copy !req
927. I brought some candy.
Or a lot of... I...Copy !req
928. It's probably
too much actually.Copy !req
929. But, uh, we can, I don't know,Copy !req
930. maybe binge on whatever's
left over, if you want?Copy !req
931. Or we could start
handing it out now,Copy !req
932. if that's...Copy !req
933. - what you wanna do.
- Yeah.Copy !req
934. Uh, I have a confession, actually.Copy !req
935. I'd rather stay up here
with you.Copy !req
936. Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
937. That works, too.Copy !req
938. Please don't freak out.Copy !req
939. What are you?Copy !req
940. Don't you know?Copy !req
941. Astrid, really,
you don't have to be scared.Copy !req
942. You're a ghost.Copy !req
943. My mom was telling the truth.
Shit!Copy !req
944. When my mom and dad
used to fight,Copy !req
945. I used to steal
one of my dad's six-packsCopy !req
946. and go hide out
in the tree fort.Copy !req
947. And one day,Copy !req
948. I slippedCopy !req
949. and fell.Copy !req
950. How long ago did that happen?Copy !req
951. 23 years, 5 months and 14 days.Copy !req
952. But who's counting?Copy !req
953. I've been stuck in this house
for 23 years.Copy !req
954. I can't go any further
than that tree.Copy !req
955. And I've just spent my time
watching the world go by.Copy !req
956. But then you came along,Copy !req
957. and you could see me.Copy !req
958. And I've been on my own
for so long,Copy !req
959. it was like a grenade
had gone off in my head.Copy !req
960. It was amazing.Copy !req
961. You're amazing.Copy !req
962. - I should go.
- Astrid, I know.Copy !req
963. I know it's insane.Copy !req
964. But I really like you,Copy !req
965. and I want us to be together.Copy !req
966. How?Copy !req
967. You're dead, I'm alive.
That doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
968. Well, uh,Copy !req
969. what if I told youCopy !req
970. that I'd found a way
to come back.Copy !req
971. To be human again.Copy !req
972. Um, it's all in this book.Copy !req
973. Uh, everyone gets one of these
when they die.Copy !req
974. It's kind of complicated,Copy !req
975. but, uh, I can only do itCopy !req
976. with the help
of a living person.Copy !req
977. And you could literally
give me my life back.Copy !req
978. I don't know.
Maybe we could ask my mom?Copy !req
979. 'Cause she's supposed to be
the undead expert, right?Copy !req
980. Yeah, well, I...Copy !req
981. I'm sure she'll give you
a million reasonsCopy !req
982. to stay away.Copy !req
983. But I'll give you one reason
to help me.Copy !req
984. You'd get to see your dad.Copy !req
985. Again.Copy !req
986. I have the first
official open houseCopy !req
987. a week from Sunday,Copy !req
988. and then we will let
the bidding war begin.Copy !req
989. Where's Rory?Copy !req
990. Supermarket.Copy !req
991. Swapping out the candy
I bought for carrot sticks.Copy !req
992. Because Rory loves
to fun-suck everything.Copy !req
993. Even Halloween.Copy !req
994. Gotta run.
See you at the church.Copy !req
995. Oh. Unless you're calling off
the wedding?Copy !req
996. No, Delia.Copy !req
997. Where are you going?Copy !req
998. Cemetery.Copy !req
999. To commune
with my dear husband's spirit.Copy !req
1000. I need to skedaddle, too.Copy !req
1001. I'm co-chaperoningCopy !req
1002. Littler Jane's
Girl Scout troop.Copy !req
1003. We spent weeks coming up
with a group costume theme.Copy !req
1004. We agreed nothing Disney.Copy !req
1005. The closest
we ever got to DisneyCopy !req
1006. was when Astrid dressed
as Cinderella's dead mom.Copy !req
1007. You'll never guess
what the girls came up with.Copy !req
1008. - Mmm?
- Fruit salad.Copy !req
1009. Isn't that genius?Copy !req
1010. It's healthy
and non-triggering.Copy !req
1011. I'm going as...Copy !req
1012. "reverse mortgage."Copy !req
1013. Which is "mortgage"
spelled backwards.Copy !req
1014. Where is Astrid?Copy !req
1015. On a date. Her first.Copy !req
1016. I think I'm more nervous
than she is.Copy !req
1017. The boy lives over
on Jefferson.Copy !req
1018. Don't mention that street.Copy !req
1019. I have a listing that's kept meCopy !req
1020. from a perfect sales record.Copy !req
1021. Oh, it's my own fault.Copy !req
1022. The place had been
on the market for years...Copy !req
1023. but I thought if I could sell
the "Murder House,"Copy !req
1024. it would be
a feather in my cap.Copy !req
1025. Murder House?Copy !req
1026. Which house?Copy !req
1027. 125.Copy !req
1028. That's where
I dropped Astrid off.Copy !req
1029. She was seeing
a boy named Jeremy.Copy !req
1030. Jeremy Frazier?Copy !req
1031. I didn't get his last name.Copy !req
1032. Oh, no, it can't be him.Copy !req
1033. But Jeremy Frazier
was bad news.Copy !req
1034. Twenty-three years ago,
he murdered his parents.Copy !req
1035. The cops found him
hiding in his tree house.Copy !req
1036. When they tried to get him out,Copy !req
1037. he fell, broke his neck,Copy !req
1038. died instantly.Copy !req
1039. That's all you have to do
to get into the Afterlife?Copy !req
1040. Draw a door with some chalk?Copy !req
1041. Oh, and knock three times?Copy !req
1042. I'm just doing
what it says in there.Copy !req
1043. So lame.Copy !req
1044. Or maybe it's not so lame.Copy !req
1045. And what do we do?
We just walk through?Copy !req
1046. I can. But since
you're still alive,Copy !req
1047. you have to read
that incantation first.Copy !req
1048. "De mundo
vivorum audeo in iterum..."Copy !req
1049. Astrid!Copy !req
1050. Jeremy, is that you?Copy !req
1051. "Ut liber iterum
ambulet alius."Copy !req
1052. Okay.Copy !req
1053. I think that worked.Copy !req
1054. Astrid!Copy !req
1055. Let's go see your dad.Copy !req
1056. Astrid! No!Copy !req
1057. Okay.Copy !req
1058. Uh, okay, you just wait here.Copy !req
1059. I'm gonna go find out
where we're supposed to go.Copy !req
1060. Make sure to ask
where my dad is.Copy !req
1061. Excuse me,
sorry, sorry for...Copy !req
1062. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
1063. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
1064. Thanks.Copy !req
1065. Okay, we need to go
to Immigration.Copy !req
1066. Excuse me, can I
please speak to your manager?Copy !req
1067. My wife is gonna flay me
if I don't get home soon.Copy !req
1068. That's sweet.
Take a number and a seat.Copy !req
1069. Whoa, dude.Copy !req
1070. Oh,
Powers of the Hereafter,Copy !req
1071. accept my Charles as
I have accepted his passing.Copy !req
1072. No, I haven't.Copy !req
1073. And I won't ever.Copy !req
1074. There is no expiry date
on sorrow.Copy !req
1075. Oh. Oh, that's good.Copy !req
1076. Though there is no expiry date
on sorrow!Copy !req
1077. Kings of Commerce,Copy !req
1078. Knights of Nasdaq,Copy !req
1079. deem him worthy to enter
the gates of your realm.Copy !req
1080. You are no more, my king.Copy !req
1081. But with the blessing
of the angelsCopy !req
1082. of undying love...Copy !req
1083. I, your surviving queen,Copy !req
1084. proudly take up the mantle
of your...Copy !req
1085. Okay.
There you go. Thank you.Copy !req
1086. You all right, honey?
You look a little manic.Copy !req
1087. Just pre-wedding jitters.Copy !req
1088. I'm just gonna go up
and try on my dress,Copy !req
1089. but don't come upCopy !req
1090. 'cause it's bad luck to see me
before the ceremony.Copy !req
1091. Sure.Copy !req
1092. Oh, well, hello.
Who's clowning around?Copy !req
1093. - Trick or treat!
- Trick or treat!Copy !req
1094. Here we are.Copy !req
1095. - Apples...
- Thank you!Copy !req
1096. carrot sticks,
and some blonde raisins,Copy !req
1097. 'cause no one likes
a big, fat clown.Copy !req
1098. I can't believe I'm doing this.Copy !req
1099. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice,
Beetlejuice.Copy !req
1100. The Juice is loose.Copy !req
1101. I need you to tell me
what this means.Copy !req
1102. Oh, well, let's have a look,
shall we?Copy !req
1103. Long story short,
your daughter's screwed.Copy !req
1104. She decided to trade lives
with the boy.Copy !req
1105. He gets to come back,Copy !req
1106. while she's stuck
on the other side permanently.Copy !req
1107. One-way ticket
on the Soul Train.Copy !req
1108. - Soul Train?
- That's right.Copy !req
1109. Last stop, the Great Beyond.Copy !req
1110. No, she can't
get on that train.Copy !req
1111. You've gotta get me in there
so I can get her out.Copy !req
1112. Well, I can get you in,Copy !req
1113. but it's gonna
take a quid pro quo.Copy !req
1114. Of course there is.
What do you want?Copy !req
1115. Well, I've got this ex-wife,
you know?Copy !req
1116. And she's kind of a whack job,
first of all. We're through.Copy !req
1117. She's kinda clingy.Copy !req
1118. If I could just get away
from her permanently somehow.Copy !req
1119. You want me to marry you!Copy !req
1120. I thought you'd never ask.Copy !req
1121. How do I know that
you're gonna keep your word?Copy !req
1122. I swear
on my dead mother's soul.Copy !req
1123. Yikes!Copy !req
1124. Okay, fine.Copy !req
1125. I'll marry you if you help me
save my daughter.Copy !req
1126. I'm gonna need that in writing.Copy !req
1127. - Give me that.
- Ow.Copy !req
1128. And here we go.Copy !req
1129. I'm gonna make you so happy.Copy !req
1130. Jesus! What's the plan
on getting in?Copy !req
1131. Yeah.Copy !req
1132. Well, can't exactly
go through the front door.Copy !req
1133. We need
a demon possession.Copy !req
1134. Our case worker's
on strikeCopy !req
1135. and the waiting room's...Copy !req
1136. Tell BeetlejuiceCopy !req
1137. these people
are still in my house.Copy !req
1138. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
1139. You never saw us.Copy !req
1140. ¿Comprende?Copy !req
1141. Bob, you and the boys
stand guard.Copy !req
1142. Nobody gets through.Copy !req
1143. Let's go, honey.Copy !req
1144. - Trick or treat.
- Trick or treat.Copy !req
1145. Whoa, whoa.Copy !req
1146. One each.Copy !req
1147. Honor system.Copy !req
1148. Yeah, right. Asshole.Copy !req
1149. Huh?Copy !req
1150. Okay, everyone,Copy !req
1151. strawberries get first pick
this time.Copy !req
1152. No crowding.Copy !req
1153. Hands on your head, asswipe!Copy !req
1154. Or I'll spray-paint the wall
with your brains!Copy !req
1155. 10-31 reporting.Copy !req
1156. Oh, no, dude.Copy !req
1157. That was way too forced.Copy !req
1158. Remember, throw it away.Copy !req
1159. Underplay it.Copy !req
1160. You gotta keep it real.Copy !req
1161. - Warning.
- Olga,Copy !req
1162. what the hell is going on?Copy !req
1163. We got a code 6-9-9 violation.Copy !req
1164. You mean to tell meCopy !req
1165. a live one illegally
broke into the Afterlife?Copy !req
1166. 6-9-9 violation.Copy !req
1167. Time to call the Ghoul Squad.Copy !req
1168. I need a hard target search
for two suspects.Copy !req
1169. Scumbag...Copy !req
1170. goes by the name
of Beetlejuice.Copy !req
1171. And a female Fleshbag.Copy !req
1172. One Lydia Deetz.Copy !req
1173. Kick down every door.
Leave no gravestone unturned.Copy !req
1174. Hell, sift through the sands
of Titan if you have to!Copy !req
1175. Men...Copy !req
1176. this is what
you've been trainingCopy !req
1177. your entire deaths for.Copy !req
1178. And remember...Copy !req
1179. Gotta keep it real!Copy !req
1180. Yes!Copy !req
1181. What the hell?Copy !req
1182. Where am... What?Copy !req
1183. No. No. No!Copy !req
1184. No!Copy !req
1185. No!Copy !req
1186. Excuse me!Copy !req
1187. What if a mistake's been made?Copy !req
1188. Because I'm not
supposed to be here.Copy !req
1189. Seriously?Copy !req
1190. No. I have global entry.Copy !req
1191. Is there a line for that?Copy !req
1192. The 8:35 to the Great BeyondCopy !req
1193. is on time.Copy !req
1194. Next.Copy !req
1195. Stand on the marks and look
directly into the camera.Copy !req
1196. Say "cheese."Copy !req
1197. Whoa!Copy !req
1198. Are you okay?Copy !req
1199. No. I feel strange.Copy !req
1200. I feel amazing. Go figure.Copy !req
1201. - What just happened?
- Well, it's real simple.Copy !req
1202. You remember the chant
that I got you to recite?Copy !req
1203. Uh, you agreed
to swap your life for mine.Copy !req
1204. What?Copy !req
1205. I needed your life so that
I could walk free again.Copy !req
1206. She's got a seat
on the Soul Train.Copy !req
1207. One-way to the Great Beyond.Copy !req
1208. If you hustle,
you can make the 8:35.Copy !req
1209. - Wait, no! Wait!
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
1210. I never agreed to this!Copy !req
1211. Uh, how do I cross back over?Copy !req
1212. Get this stamped first.
Window 11.Copy !req
1213. The transfer
isn't permanent till then.Copy !req
1214. Dad?Copy !req
1215. - Astrid?
- Dad?Copy !req
1216. Dad! Help me!Copy !req
1217. Dad!Copy !req
1218. Astrid!Copy !req
1219. Soon, my beloved.Copy !req
1220. Soon.Copy !req
1221. Warning, violation code 6-9-9.Copy !req
1222. All clear. Let's go.Copy !req
1223. We're like Bonnie and Clyde,
you and me.Copy !req
1224. Without the bullet holes.Copy !req
1225. Do you even know
where we're going?Copy !req
1226. You go right down the hallway,Copy !req
1227. three rights through
the ninth door...Copy !req
1228. Violation code 6-9-9.Copy !req
1229. and right to the Soul Train.Copy !req
1230. Where are you going?Copy !req
1231. I'm gonna go to
the little boy's room first.Copy !req
1232. This is the 8:35...Copy !req
1233. to the Great Beyond!Copy !req
1234. All aboardCopy !req
1235. the Soul Train!Copy !req
1236. No. No!Copy !req
1237. No!Copy !req
1238. Yeah! Whoo!Copy !req
1239. Astrid!Copy !req
1240. Astrid!Copy !req
1241. No! No, no!Copy !req
1242. No, no!Copy !req
1243. Please, no!Copy !req
1244. Hey,
shake your thing, mama.Copy !req
1245. Hey!Copy !req
1246. Astrid!Copy !req
1247. Shoot!Copy !req
1248. Freeze!Copy !req
1249. There.Copy !req
1250. By the way, I saw Dad.Copy !req
1251. Hey, where are we?Copy !req
1252. I don't know.Copy !req
1253. Hey, that's Saturn.Copy !req
1254. Right? So we must be
on one of its moons.Copy !req
1255. I swear,
the Afterlife is so random!Copy !req
1256. Sandworm! Run!Copy !req
1257. Take my hand!Copy !req
1258. Here! Come on!Copy !req
1259. Marie Curie.Copy !req
1260. After the radiation poisoning.Copy !req
1261. Right?Copy !req
1262. Learned from the best.Copy !req
1263. We made a great kid.Copy !req
1264. Yeah, we did.Copy !req
1265. Come here!Copy !req
1266. I know you can't see me,Copy !req
1267. but I check in on you both
all the time.Copy !req
1268. And I don't want
to be the reasonCopy !req
1269. that drove you two apart.Copy !req
1270. You need each other.Copy !req
1271. You make each other better.Copy !req
1272. Always have.Copy !req
1273. Alert!Copy !req
1274. We have a 6-9-9 violation.Copy !req
1275. We gotta get back
to Winter River.Copy !req
1276. You can't leave until
Astrid gets her life back.Copy !req
1277. - Warning! Intruder detected!
- Let's go.Copy !req
1278. The Ghoul patrol found
the breach and sealed it.Copy !req
1279. Any sign of Mr. Beetlejuice?
Or the Fleshbag?Copy !req
1280. Still looking.Copy !req
1281. But we did find something
that might help.Copy !req
1282. Hmm.Copy !req
1283. - "Bob"?
- Mmm?Copy !req
1284. Let me tell ya
how this is gonna go.Copy !req
1285. Your shriveled lips
will start flappin',Copy !req
1286. or I'll crack
your itty-bitty skullCopy !req
1287. like a goddamn walnut.Copy !req
1288. Where's Beetlejuice?Copy !req
1289. - Rory?
- Father...Copy !req
1290. I'm seeing these shrunken
head people everywhere.Copy !req
1291. Well, be not afraid,Copy !req
1292. for thine eyes
will see strange things.Copy !req
1293. Are you filled
with fear and trembling?Copy !req
1294. Yes! I'm shitting my pants.Copy !req
1295. - Ah.
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
1296. I'm searching
for the lost lambsCopy !req
1297. to bring back into the light.Copy !req
1298. Why don't I give you a ride
to the church?Copy !req
1299. Trick or treat!Copy !req
1300. Sorry, sorry I just... I'll...Copy !req
1301. I... Come right back, I just...Copy !req
1302. Excuse me. Just...Copy !req
1303. Um, sorry, I'm just, uh,
late for a wedding.Copy !req
1304. Hi, yes, one question,
how do I get out of here?Copy !req
1305. Because someone
made a terrible mistake.Copy !req
1306. I'm on a break.
Take a number. Take a seat.Copy !req
1307. No, you see, those asps,Copy !req
1308. they were defanged.
I paid extra for that.Copy !req
1309. Honey, you're dead, okay?Copy !req
1310. Now take a number and sit down.Copy !req
1311. Is there perhaps anyone here
who has the power to help me?Copy !req
1312. Did that line
used to work for you?Copy !req
1313. I'm not dead!Copy !req
1314. You know what?Copy !req
1315. My husband's here.
Charles Deetz.Copy !req
1316. Yes, he can fix this.Copy !req
1317. You call him, he can fix this,
he can fix anything.Copy !req
1318. Not anymore he can't.Copy !req
1319. No, wait! Wait, I know people!Copy !req
1320. Oh! I know people!
I am people! Why's...Copy !req
1321. No.Copy !req
1322. Beetlejuice. Oh, no.Copy !req
1323. Beetlejuice.Copy !req
1324. Right here.Copy !req
1325. I get it. Now that you're dead,Copy !req
1326. you wanna hang out with me.Copy !req
1327. Would you help me
find Charles, please?Copy !req
1328. And then the VIP lounge.Copy !req
1329. - Sure.
- Okay.Copy !req
1330. Just after you help me
find my runaway bride.Copy !req
1331. Ugh.Copy !req
1332. Hmm?Copy !req
1333. Where is he?Copy !req
1334. Tell me.Copy !req
1335. Stay behind
the line until called.Copy !req
1336. Don't stamp that passport!Copy !req
1337. You're too late, man.Copy !req
1338. I think it was Dostoevsky
who said...Copy !req
1339. "Later, fucker!"Copy !req
1340. This way. Follow me.Copy !req
1341. Next!Copy !req
1342. Warning! Intruder detected.Copy !req
1343. This way.Copy !req
1344. This is
a code 6-9-9. We have...Copy !req
1345. Okay, this is as far as I go.Copy !req
1346. - Okay.
- I love you.Copy !req
1347. I love you too, sweetheart.Copy !req
1348. Have an amazing life.Copy !req
1349. You take care of each other.Copy !req
1350. Yeah.Copy !req
1351. - I'll see you later.
- Okay.Copy !req
1352. Thank you for saving my life.Copy !req
1353. I'm so sorry I never believed
that you saw ghosts and...Copy !req
1354. I don't know,
I'm just sorry for all of it.Copy !req
1355. Astrid, I...Copy !req
1356. Lydia!
Come on, you're late!Copy !req
1357. Oh, my God! My wedding!Copy !req
1358. We're about to start.Copy !req
1359. Wait, Mom, with everything
that's happened tonight,Copy !req
1360. you know you don't
have to do this, right?Copy !req
1361. I know,
but if I don't do it now,Copy !req
1362. I'm never gonna do it.Copy !req
1363. But are you sure about this?Copy !req
1364. Rory loves me,
and that's gotta be enough.Copy !req
1365. Quickly, my dear!
Come! Come!Copy !req
1366. Oh.Copy !req
1367. And the lost lamb
is welcome into thy houseCopy !req
1368. - with open arms.
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
1369. I thought you got cold feet.Copy !req
1370. Oh, no, blame me.Copy !req
1371. She just saved me
from my date from hell.Copy !req
1372. Who are all these people?Copy !req
1373. This is just
a couple influencers.Copy !req
1374. Nobody under
five million followers,Copy !req
1375. and I think we have
a Netflix executive in there.Copy !req
1376. We doing this?Copy !req
1377. Yeah. Where's your dress?Copy !req
1378. All that matters
is that I'm here, now.Copy !req
1379. So let's just skip
straight to the vows.Copy !req
1380. Wait, where's Delia?Copy !req
1381. Yo!Copy !req
1382. Right here.Copy !req
1383. She was helpin' me calm down
before the wedding.Copy !req
1384. I was feeling a little jittery.Copy !req
1385. - All, right, beat it.
- You.Copy !req
1386. You're that thing...Copy !req
1387. from my dream.Copy !req
1388. Well, I'm really
more nightmare material,Copy !req
1389. but, thanks.Copy !req
1390. - You're...
- Uh-uh.Copy !req
1391. Part of the dealCopy !req
1392. is you can never,
ever say my name, ever!Copy !req
1393. What deal?Copy !req
1394. The deal she made to save you.Copy !req
1395. By the way,
you can call me "Dad."Copy !req
1396. Lydia.Copy !req
1397. You agreed to marry him?Copy !req
1398. I was desperate,
and it was my only option.Copy !req
1399. Lydia. What's going on here?Copy !req
1400. Wow.Copy !req
1401. Awkward.Copy !req
1402. You haven't made much progress
since our last session,Copy !req
1403. so I'm gonna suggest
some drug therapy.Copy !req
1404. Don't be afraid to share.
When you're ready.Copy !req
1405. I always thought
your whole act was bullshit.Copy !req
1406. I never believed in ghosts,
spirits, or any of it.Copy !req
1407. What? All this time?Copy !req
1408. Why the hell
did you wanna get married?Copy !req
1409. Money!Copy !req
1410. I knew I could make more
as your husbandCopy !req
1411. than I could as your manager.Copy !req
1412. And I never
had a dead fiancee.Copy !req
1413. I just went
to that survivor's retreat,Copy !req
1414. so that I could meet
weak women and exploit them!Copy !req
1415. And I hit the codependent
lottery when I met you.Copy !req
1416. How 'bout a little
physical therapy?Copy !req
1417. We'd like to thank you allCopy !req
1418. for coming to this
very special occasion,Copy !req
1419. but right now
we'd like a little privacy.Copy !req
1420. Where you goin', Padre?Copy !req
1421. Honey, I've got
one more surprise,Copy !req
1422. and this one's from the heart.Copy !req
1423. I love a good dream sequence.Copy !req
1424. Mr. Juice,Copy !req
1425. you've violated code 6-9-9!Copy !req
1426. Freeze!Copy !req
1427. Book 'em, Danno!Copy !req
1428. Beetlejuice!Copy !req
1429. What the...Copy !req
1430. I'm back.Copy !req
1431. Sweetheart!Copy !req
1432. You look fantastic!Copy !req
1433. You look so...Copy !req
1434. - put together.
- He's mine.Copy !req
1435. It's me, not you.
You know, honey,Copy !req
1436. I've been goin' through
a lotta changes lately.Copy !req
1437. Kind of a mid-afterlife
crisis, I guess.Copy !req
1438. Your soul belongs to me,
my love.Copy !req
1439. For eternity.Copy !req
1440. You don't wanna
spend your eternity with me.Copy !req
1441. I'm a lone wolf.Copy !req
1442. You need a soulmate.Copy !req
1443. Somebody who really sees you.
For instance.Copy !req
1444. I need something
to draw with. Quick!Copy !req
1445. Olé.Copy !req
1446. - Let's go!
- Hey!Copy !req
1447. We had a deal.Copy !req
1448. She doesn't have to marry you.Copy !req
1449. - What?
- You violated
code 6-9-9.Copy !req
1450. Yeah, you illegally brought
my mom into the Afterlife.Copy !req
1451. According to that book,
that contract is null and void.Copy !req
1452. Look, I'm sorry things didn't
work out between us,Copy !req
1453. but the 600-year age gapCopy !req
1454. was a little bit much for me.Copy !req
1455. - Beetle...
- Ah!Copy !req
1456. Beetlejuice.Copy !req
1457. Beetlejuice.Copy !req
1458. - Hey!
- Beetlejuice.Copy !req
1459. Shoulda got married in Vegas.Copy !req
1460. Looks like
we're a little late, boys.Copy !req
1461. Tape off the crime scene,
call in forensics,Copy !req
1462. and keep
the goddamn media away.Copy !req
1463. Little lady, you just
popped his Beetlejuice.Copy !req
1464. Say your goodbyes,Copy !req
1465. you can take a selfie now,
if you like,Copy !req
1466. but make it quick.Copy !req
1467. Sister, you're comin' with me.Copy !req
1468. What? Delia, what did you do?Copy !req
1469. I fell for a scam,Copy !req
1470. and I'm counting on you
to claim a refund.Copy !req
1471. Those snakes were actually
poisonous, weren't they?Copy !req
1472. Yeah. So, I died
of embarrassment.Copy !req
1473. Your work's gonna
go up in value.Copy !req
1474. - Oh! Oh, well, then.
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
1475. Delia...Copy !req
1476. - I'll miss you.
- No, you won't.Copy !req
1477. I'll find Charles
and we'll haunt you both,Copy !req
1478. until you beg us to move on!Copy !req
1479. Nice work
for a couple of Fleshbags.Copy !req
1480. Don't come knockin'
until it's your time,Copy !req
1481. and in the meantime, remember,Copy !req
1482. you gotta keep it real.Copy !req
1483. Come on, beautiful,Copy !req
1484. we got a date
with the commissioner.Copy !req
1485. Charles!Copy !req
1486. Delia!Copy !req
1487. I can't believe you're here!Copy !req
1488. Oh, Charles.Copy !req
1489. I'm so happy
to see you!Copy !req
1490. Oh, Charles,Copy !req
1491. look what happened to me!Copy !req
1492. This is the 10:13,Copy !req
1493. to the Great Beyond!Copy !req
1494. All aboardCopy !req
1495. the Soul Train!Copy !req
1496. I wanna thank
all you Ghosties out there,Copy !req
1497. for all your support
over the years,Copy !req
1498. but this is my last show.Copy !req
1499. I have spent so much time
talking to the dead,Copy !req
1500. it's time I started living.Copy !req
1501. I wanna make memories
with the people I loveCopy !req
1502. rather than be
haunted by them later.Copy !req
1503. Oh, my God.
What is that?Copy !req
1504. Mommy!Copy !req
1505. I just had the weirdest dream.Copy !req