1. Captioning made possible by
paramount pictures corporationCopy !req
2. Uh huh huh huh...Copy !req
3. This is cool.Copy !req
4. Uh huh huh...Copy !req
5. Ow. Cut it out,
butt-Hole.Copy !req
6. Whoa!
Aah!Copy !req
7. Aah!Copy !req
8. Uh huh huh huh...Copy !req
9. Uh, hey, baby.
Huh huh.Copy !req
10. I'm, like, pretty tall.
Uh huh huh...Copy !req
11. Damn it, cut it out.
I'm trying to score.Copy !req
12. Look at you,
you bungholes.Copy !req
13. Heh heh...Copy !req
14. Hey, baby,
how's it goin'?Copy !req
15. Hey, hey!Copy !req
16. No way, beavis.
I saw her first.Copy !req
17. Damn it.
I'm gonna kick your ass.Copy !req
18. Get outta here.Copy !req
19. Uh uh uh...Copy !req
20. Butt-Head,
hey, butt-Head.Copy !req
21. Oh, no.Copy !req
22. Butt-Head,
butt-Head, wake up!Copy !req
23. Butt-Head...Copy !req
24. Uh... uh...
damn it, beavis,Copy !req
25. I was about
to score.Copy !req
26. Yeah, but
check it out.Copy !req
27. It's gone.Copy !req
28. Uh... what?Copy !req
29. The tv!
Mm mm mm...Copy !req
30. Uh...Copy !req
31. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
32. Huh huh huh...Copy !req
33. Well, where is it?Copy !req
34. I don't know.Copy !req
35. I just woke up,
and it was gone.Copy !req
36. And look,
the window's broken, too.Copy !req
37. We'll get 100 bucks
for this baby.Copy !req
38. Oops.Copy !req
39. Ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
40. No...Copy !req
41. Hmm. Uh huh huh huh...Copy !req
42. Uhh...Copy !req
43. Uhh...Copy !req
44. Uh huh huh huh...Copy !req
45. Uhh...Copy !req
46. Uh huh huh...Copy !req
47. Uhh...Copy !req
48. Whoa.
I think I just figured something out, beavis.Copy !req
49. W-W-What?Copy !req
50. H-H-Heh...Copy !req
51. This sucks.
Huh huh huh...Copy !req
52. Yeah. Heh. Yeah,
it really sucks.Copy !req
53. Heh heh heh...Copy !req
54. This sucks more than anything
that has ever sucked before.Copy !req
55. We must find this butt-Hole
that took our tv.Copy !req
56. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
57. Isaac hayes:
♪ a couple of mean guysCopy !req
58. Uh huh huh huh...Copy !req
59. Uh...Copy !req
60. It's not in here.Copy !req
61. What are we gonna do,
butt-Head?Copy !req
62. What if we never find it?Copy !req
63. Settle down, beavis.Copy !req
64. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
65. Where are we going?Copy !req
66. I don't want to
go to school.Copy !req
67. We gotta find our tv.Copy !req
68. Shut up, beavis.Copy !req
69. I got an idea.Copy !req
70. Uh huh huh huh...Copy !req
71. Let's just wheel this
thing back to the house.Copy !req
72. Huh huh... yeah.Copy !req
73. Uh, hey,
excuse me, boys.Copy !req
74. What's
going on here?Copy !req
75. Uh, someone
stole our tv.Copy !req
76. Yeah. We're just
gonna use this one.Copy !req
77. Get outta the way.Copy !req
78. I'm afraid that tv belongs
to the school, ok?Copy !req
79. You know, this could be a really
positive experience for you guys.Copy !req
80. There's a wonderful
and exciting world out thereCopy !req
81. When we discover that we don't
need tv to entertain us.Copy !req
82. He said anus.
Uh huh huh huh...Copy !req
83. Entertain us... anus.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
84. Have you guys heard
a word I've said?Copy !req
85. Uh, yeah.Copy !req
86. Anus.Copy !req
87. Yeah, yeah.
Heh heh...Copy !req
88. Yeah, I heard it, too.Copy !req
89. Look, guys,
just take the tvCopy !req
90. Back to the a/v room
right now.Copy !req
91. And try to be a little more
open to life experiences,Copy !req
92. Ok?Copy !req
93. What a dork.Copy !req
94. Get it over here...Copy !req
95. Ow.Copy !req
96. That was cool.Copy !req
97. No, it wasn't.Copy !req
98. Uh... oh, yeah.Copy !req
99. Uh, what's
going on out here?Copy !req
100. Oh, no!Copy !req
101. Uh, that belongs
to the school.Copy !req
102. Yeah. It's supposed
to be in the a/v room.Copy !req
103. Uh, get back here!Copy !req
104. Beavis
and butt-Head,Copy !req
105. You're both
expelled!Copy !req
106. Uhh...Copy !req
107. Cool.Copy !req
108. Whoa, check it out,
beavis.Copy !req
109. I didn't know anderson
had a camper.Copy !req
110. Yeah.
Maybe it has a tv.Copy !req
111. Oh, hello.Copy !req
112. Are you boys here to look
at the refrigerator?Copy !req
113. Uh, no.Copy !req
114. Heh heh.
We're here to look at the tv.Copy !req
115. Oh, tom didn't tell me
it was broken.Copy !req
116. Go on in.Copy !req
117. Cool.Copy !req
118. Yeah.Copy !req
119. Well, that ought
to hold her.Copy !req
120. You know, the most
important thingCopy !req
121. You can have
on a camperCopy !req
122. Is a good
butane regulator,Copy !req
123. And this here's the
best one they make.Copy !req
124. I sure hope we can
get that fridge fixed.Copy !req
125. Now, marcy,
we've been planningCopy !req
126. And saving up for this
trip our whole lives,Copy !req
127. and we're gonna go
come hell or high water.Copy !req
128. What in the hell
is that?Copy !req
129. Ah, must be them
damn buzzard hawks.Copy !req
130. Let's get something
to drink.Copy !req
131. Ahh.Copy !req
132. Aah!Copy !req
133. This crap is warm.Copy !req
134. Beavis, you butt-Hole,
you broke it.Copy !req
135. Aah, no, no, damn it!Copy !req
136. Hey, what the hell's
goin' on here?Copy !req
137. They're here
to fix the tv.Copy !req
138. What? The tv
ain't broken.Copy !req
139. Uh...Copy !req
140. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
141. Yeah. Heh...
heh heh...Copy !req
142. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
143. You two look
kind of familiar.Copy !req
144. Ain't you
them kidsCopy !req
145. That have been whackin'
off in my toolshed?Copy !req
146. Uh huh huh...
heh heh heh...Copy !req
147. Uh h-H-Hnn hnn...Copy !req
148. We still don't have
a tv, butt-Head.Copy !req
149. I know, beavis.Copy !req
150. And damn it,
I can't sleep without a tv.Copy !req
151. You dumb-Ass.Copy !req
152. H-Help. Help me.Copy !req
153. No... no...Copy !req
154. What's your problem,
beavis?Copy !req
155. Uhh... I need tv.Copy !req
156. I need tv now.Copy !req
157. Damn it.Copy !req
158. Whoa.Copy !req
159. Tv.Copy !req
160. Yeah, yeah. Tv.
Heh heh.Copy !req
161. Tv. Yeah.Copy !req
162. Unh... unh... damn it.Copy !req
163. Uh... no.Copy !req
164. Damn it.Copy !req
165. You sure these guys
can pull this off, earl?Copy !req
166. It's gotta look
like an accident.Copy !req
167. Oh! Oh, yeah.Copy !req
168. Ohh...Copy !req
169. Uh huh huh...Copy !req
170. Ohh...Copy !req
171. Beavis and butt-Head,
y-You little bastards!Copy !req
172. Can we watch
your tv?Copy !req
173. No! Y-You're expelled.Copy !req
174. Now, get outta here!Copy !req
175. Wait a minute.
Damn it.Copy !req
176. I need a tv now.Copy !req
177. We're missing everything.Copy !req
178. Yeah, hold on a minute.
That must be them now.Copy !req
179. Yeah, I'll call you back.Copy !req
180. Come in!Copy !req
181. Ahh...Copy !req
182. Tv. Yeah.Copy !req
183. You're late.Copy !req
184. Really? Did we
miss baywatch?Copy !req
185. Ehhh...Copy !req
186. Man, earl said you
guys were young,Copy !req
187. But jeez...Copy !req
188. Ah, well.
As long as you can get the job done.Copy !req
189. What are your names?Copy !req
190. Uh, butt-Head.
Huh huh...Copy !req
191. Oh, I mean, beavis.
Heh heh heh...Copy !req
192. Oh, that's all right.Copy !req
193. I'd rather not know
your real names anyway.Copy !req
194. Mine's muddy.Copy !req
195. Now, look, I'm gonna get
right to the point.Copy !req
196. I'll pay you 10 grand
plus expenses,Copy !req
197. All payable
after you do her.Copy !req
198. Uh... do her?Copy !req
199. That's right... Do her.Copy !req
200. I'm offering you $10,000
plus expenses to do my wife.Copy !req
201. We got a deal?Copy !req
202. Um, actually,
we just want to watch tv.Copy !req
203. Shut up, beavis.Copy !req
204. Uh... yeah,
we'll do your wife.Copy !req
205. N-No! I wanna
watch tv.Copy !req
206. Aah!Copy !req
207. Damn it, beavis,
you butt-Munch.Copy !req
208. This guy wants us to
score with his wife,Copy !req
209. And he's gonna pay us.Copy !req
210. We can buy a new tv.Copy !req
211. Heh heh. Really?
Heh heh. Cool.Copy !req
212. Uh... huh huh...
we'll do it, sir.Copy !req
213. Well, all right, then.Copy !req
214. Let's get down
to business.Copy !req
215. Here she is, boys.Copy !req
216. Her name's dallas.Copy !req
217. She ain't as sweet
as she looks.Copy !req
218. She stole
everything from me.Copy !req
219. Ya gotta watch out,Copy !req
220. 'Cause she'll do you twice
as fast as you do her.Copy !req
221. Whoa. Huh huh...Copy !req
222. Cool.Copy !req
223. Heh heh. Yeah.Copy !req
224. She's holed up in her
room in las vegas.Copy !req
225. I got you a room
right next to hers.Copy !req
226. Your flight leaves
in an hour. Come on.Copy !req
227. I'll drive you
to the airport.Copy !req
228. Holed up.Copy !req
229. Huh huh huh...Copy !req
230. Hole.Copy !req
231. Can we watch
some tv first?Copy !req
232. No.Copy !req
233. Now, you listen to me,
and this is real important.Copy !req
234. My wife's got this
leather satchel.Copy !req
235. It's a black bag
about this big.Copy !req
236. I need you to
bring it back, boys.Copy !req
237. Sentimental value,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
238. Any questions
so far?Copy !req
239. Uh,
does she have big hooters?Copy !req
240. Heh heh. Yeah, she sure does.
Ha ha...Copy !req
241. Huh huh...
this is gonna be cool.Copy !req
242. Y-Y-Yeah.Copy !req
243. Boi-Oi-Oi-Oing.Copy !req
244. Heh heh heh...Copy !req
245. Hey, you guys
are funny.Copy !req
246. Let's have a drink on it,
eh?Copy !req
247. Now, don't let me down.Copy !req
248. We're gonna get paid
to score.Copy !req
249. Yeah.
Then we're gonna get a big-Screen tv...Copy !req
250. With 2 remotes.Copy !req
251. Beavis,Copy !req
252. This is the greatest
day of our lives.Copy !req
253. Yeah.Copy !req
254. Here you are.Copy !req
255. Hey, beavis,
she touched my butt.Copy !req
256. Hello there.Copy !req
257. Are you two headin'
for las vegas?Copy !req
258. Yeah. We're
gonna score.Copy !req
259. Oh. Well,
I hope to score big there myself.Copy !req
260. I'm mostly gonna be
doin' the slots.Copy !req
261. Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping
to do some sluts, too.Copy !req
262. Do they have a lot of
sluts in las vegas?Copy !req
263. There are
so many slots,Copy !req
264. You won't know
where to begin.Copy !req
265. Whoa. Hey, butt-Head,
this chick is pretty cool.Copy !req
266. She says there's gonna be
tons of sluts in las vegas.Copy !req
267. Cool. Huh huh...Copy !req
268. It's so nice to meet young
men who are so well-Mannered.Copy !req
269. Yeah. Heh heh.Copy !req
270. I'm gonna have money
and a big-Screen tv,Copy !req
271. And there's gonna be
sluts everywhere.Copy !req
272. It's gonna rule.Copy !req
273. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
274. turn your attention
to the front of the cabinCopy !req
275. For pre-Flight
safety instructions.Copy !req
276. to fasten
your seat beltCopy !req
277. Insert the free end
into the coupling...Copy !req
278. Insert.
Huh huh huh...Copy !req
279. Uhh...Copy !req
280. Hmm.Copy !req
281. Damn it.Copy !req
282. Uh...Copy !req
283. Hi. Can I help
you with that?Copy !req
284. There you go,
all set.Copy !req
285. I love you.
Huh huh...Copy !req
286. Hey, hey,
cut it out.Copy !req
287. I want her to do it.Copy !req
288. Huh huh...
come to butt-Head.Copy !req
289. flight attendants,
please prepare for takeoff.Copy !req
290. Nn, damn it.Copy !req
291. Hey, wait a minute.
Hey, what's going on?Copy !req
292. Aah! We're gonna die!Copy !req
293. Aah! We're all
gonna die!Copy !req
294. Come to butt-Heaaaah...Copy !req
295. Uh, could you, like,
do that thing with my belt again?Copy !req
296. Yeah. This is her.Copy !req
297. Oh, she looks
lovely.Copy !req
298. I'm probably going to make out
with her first before we, uh...Copy !req
299. You know, heh heh,
get down.Copy !req
300. I'm sorry.
You have to speak up, son.Copy !req
301. I have this ringin'
in my ears.Copy !req
302. My doctor says
it could be relatedCopy !req
303. To my heart
palpitations.Copy !req
304. Heh. Really?Copy !req
305. I poop too much.Copy !req
306. Ohh.Copy !req
307. Maybe you're
lactose-Intolerant.Copy !req
308. No, no.
I poop too much!Copy !req
309. And then
I get tired.Copy !req
310. Tired?
Oh, well, I know all about tired, dear.Copy !req
311. I have just
the thing for ya.Copy !req
312. Here, take
a couple of these.Copy !req
313. They perk me
right up.Copy !req
314. Thanks.Copy !req
315. Tastes like crap.Copy !req
316. What else ya got?Copy !req
317. Oh, go right ahead.
Help yourself.Copy !req
318. So, uh, huh huh...Copy !req
319. Goin' to las vegas?Copy !req
320. Yi-Ai-Ai-Ai-Ai-Ai...Copy !req
321. Hi. We're serving
dinner now.Copy !req
322. Our selections tonight
are chicken piccataCopy !req
323. Or seafood gumbo.Copy !req
324. piccata.
Titicaca...Copy !req
325. Does the gumbo
have corn in it?Copy !req
326. I am cornholio.Copy !req
327. I need piccata
for my bung-Hole.Copy !req
328. You'll have to wait
your turn, sir.Copy !req
329. Are you
threatening me?Copy !req
330. My bung-Hole
will not wait.Copy !req
331. Heh heh. Bungholio.Copy !req
332. Uh, hey,
I got a beer.Copy !req
333. Want some?
Huh huh...Copy !req
334. I am cornholio!Copy !req
335. Aah!
Aah!Copy !req
336. Aah...Copy !req
337. Get the hell
outta the cockpit!Copy !req
338. Huh huh. You said...Copy !req
339. Now!Copy !req
340. Welcome to las vegas.Copy !req
341. Uhh...Copy !req
342. This is las vegas?Copy !req
343. Yeah. I thought
there'd be, like,Copy !req
344. Casinos and lights
and stuff.Copy !req
345. This isn't
very good.Copy !req
346. Hey, butt-Head,
why is that guy holding a sign?Copy !req
347. Uhh...Copy !req
348. Maybe he's blind.Copy !req
349. Huh huh. Check this out.Copy !req
350. Uh, heh heh,
heh heh, uh...Copy !req
351. Excuse me. Heh heh.Copy !req
352. Uh, you guys
wouldn't knowCopy !req
353. Where I could find these guys,
would ya?Copy !req
354. Oh.Copy !req
355. Uh, be-A...Copy !req
356. Be-Ave?Copy !req
357. Um, buh... boo...Copy !req
358. Boot? Someone
named boot?Copy !req
359. This says beavis.Copy !req
360. And boot-Head.Copy !req
361. Uhh... that's
butt-Head.Copy !req
362. Don't you get it, beavis?Copy !req
363. These dudes have
the same name as us.Copy !req
364. Whoa, really?Copy !req
365. We should party.Copy !req
366. This way, sirs.Copy !req
367. Where are
those guys?Copy !req
368. Where the hell
is he?Copy !req
369. You sure this is
the right place?Copy !req
370. You muddy?Copy !req
371. What are you,
the cops?Copy !req
372. Uh, no.
Earl sent us,Copy !req
373. You know, to take
care of your wife.Copy !req
374. What? Take care...Copy !req
375. What the hell
are you talkin' about?Copy !req
376. Who were those
other two clowns?Copy !req
377. Huh?Copy !req
378. Aghh... god damn it!Copy !req
379. She did it to me again!Copy !req
380. I'm gonna go to vegas,Copy !req
381. And I'm gonna kill
all three of them!Copy !req
382. Hey, I noticed
your tv was broken.Copy !req
383. You want to buy
a new one?Copy !req
384. Just leave it.
Worthless piece of crap.Copy !req
385. Yeah, really, man.Copy !req
386. We gotta start stealin'
from rich people.Copy !req
387. I'm sorry aboutCopy !req
388. That little misunderstanding,
gentlemen.Copy !req
389. We didn't realize you
were registered guests.Copy !req
390. If there's anything
we can do to...Copy !req
391. Mm! Damn it!Copy !req
392. This thing is stuck.Copy !req
393. Uh, sir, it's
attached to the...Copy !req
394. You dumb-Ass.
Let me try.Copy !req
395. Uh... huh huh.Copy !req
396. Hey, check it out.
That guy's still standing there.Copy !req
397. Ahem.Copy !req
398. Uh... could you, like,
not stand there and stuff?Copy !req
399. Some people
are dumb.Copy !req
400. Yeah, really.Copy !req
401. Uh... check it out,
beavis.Copy !req
402. I wonder where
this goes.Copy !req
403. Uh... huh huh.Copy !req
404. Whoa. I think
I hear a chick.Copy !req
405. Really? Cool! Neat!Copy !req
406. Ow!Copy !req
407. All right,
who are you?Copy !req
408. Cia, fbi, atf?Copy !req
409. Hey, butt-Head,
it's her!Copy !req
410. Whoa!
Yeah!Copy !req
411. Uh... huh huh huh,
hey, baby...Copy !req
412. Are we, like,
gonna do it?Copy !req
413. You got 2 seconds.Copy !req
414. Uh... huh huh...Copy !req
415. Is that gonna
be enough time?Copy !req
416. Who sent you?Copy !req
417. Uh, this drunk dude.Copy !req
418. He said he was gonna
pay us to do you.Copy !req
419. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
420. Muddy...
son of a bitch.Copy !req
421. Hold it.
What's he paying you?Copy !req
422. Uh... 10, uh...Copy !req
423. 10 grand?
Oh, that cheap ass.Copy !req
424. All right.
I got a better deal for you.Copy !req
425. I'll double it.
I'll pay you 20Copy !req
426. If you go back there
and do him.Copy !req
427. Uh, you want us
to do a guy?Copy !req
428. No way.Copy !req
429. Um, I don't know,
butt-Head.Copy !req
430. That is
a lot of money.Copy !req
431. Maybe if we close our eyes and
pretend he's a chick... Aah!Copy !req
432. Damn.Copy !req
433. You two wait
right there.Copy !req
434. Uh... huh
huh huh.Copy !req
435. I'm ready
for love.Copy !req
436. Yeah! I don't
believe this.Copy !req
437. Hmm.Copy !req
438. Yeah, las vegas.Copy !req
439. Give me the number
for dream america tours.Copy !req
440. Right.Copy !req
441. Uh, huh huh huh,
uh, huh huh.Copy !req
442. Yeah. You got
a bus leaving today?Copy !req
443. Where's it going?Copy !req
444. Washington, d.C.Copy !req
445. 5 minutes? Perfect.Copy !req
446. Give me 2 tickets.Copy !req
447. Wait, butt-Head.
You always go first.Copy !req
448. Damn it, beavis,
we've never done this before.Copy !req
449. Aah!Copy !req
450. Oh, uh...
huh huh...Copy !req
451. Wanna... you know...
uh, huh huh...Copy !req
452. Do it?
Heh heh.Copy !req
453. Hey,
we're finally gonna score!Copy !req
454. Do it?Copy !req
455. Ow!Copy !req
456. You guys wanna...
score? Oh, ho ho.Copy !req
457. Damn it!Copy !req
458. Ow! Cut it out!Copy !req
459. You wait here.Copy !req
460. Bunghole!Copy !req
461. Damn it!
Ow! Aah!Copy !req
462. Aah!Copy !req
463. Uh... huh
huh huh.Copy !req
464. Aah!Copy !req
465. Uh... huh
huh huh.Copy !req
466. No!Copy !req
467. Aah! Aah! Aah!Copy !req
468. Ahem!Copy !req
469. Aah!Copy !req
470. Don't wear yourselves out,
boys.Copy !req
471. Save some energy
for me.Copy !req
472. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
473. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
474. This is it, beavis.
We're finally gonna score.Copy !req
475. Heh heh...
thank god.Copy !req
476. Oh, yeah. We're gonna do it,
all right.Copy !req
477. Uh, huh huh huh...
heh heh heh...Copy !req
478. Heh heh, oh, yeah!
Uh, huh huh...Copy !req
479. Ahem!Copy !req
480. Boys... boys...Copy !req
481. Boys!Copy !req
482. First, you have to do
a little job for me.Copy !req
483. Would you like to do
a little job for me?Copy !req
484. Here's what it is.Copy !req
485. I want you to take the bus
to washington, d.C.Copy !req
486. That's all.Copy !req
487. Then when you get there,
I'll be waiting.Copy !req
488. You're gonna make
a whole lot of money,Copy !req
489. And I'm gonna give you
everything.Copy !req
490. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
491. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
492. Until then...Copy !req
493. Keep your pants on.Copy !req
494. Now, your bus is downstairs waiting,
so get going.Copy !req
495. Uh, huh huh huh...Copy !req
496. Hm hm, heh heh...Copy !req
497. Let's go!Copy !req
498. On 3!Copy !req
499. This is gonna be cool.Copy !req
500. Can't wait. Heh heh.Copy !req
501. Ow.Copy !req
502. Get outta there, beavis.
I want the window.Copy !req
503. No, butt-Head!Copy !req
504. Why don't ya
take turns?Copy !req
505. Hey, butt-Head,
check it out.Copy !req
506. It's that slut
from the plane.Copy !req
507. Oh, why,
it's you two.Copy !req
508. How'd you do
in las vegas?Copy !req
509. Um, we didn't
score yet.Copy !req
510. Oh, well, I'm sorry
to hear that.Copy !req
511. Me, I took
a beating.Copy !req
512. Cool.Copy !req
513. So that's why I'm bussing
it across america.Copy !req
514. I'm so glad
you're here.Copy !req
515. Jim, jim! I want you
to meet two nice boys.Copy !req
516. Uh... oh...Copy !req
517. This is travis
and bob.Copy !req
518. What's your
last name, dear?Copy !req
519. Uh, head.Copy !req
520. My first name's butt.
Uh, huh huh.Copy !req
521. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
522. Agent flemming, atf.Copy !req
523. So, are you gonna
tell us where it isCopy !req
524. Or will I have to have
agent hurly over thereCopy !req
525. Give you another
cavity search?Copy !req
526. Mmm. Is that a promise?Copy !req
527. Look, mrs. Scum,
we know who you are.Copy !req
528. Tell her, bork.Copy !req
529. Dallas grimes,
married to muddy grimes.Copy !req
530. You run a mom-And-Pop
arms smuggling ring.Copy !req
531. Mmph. You got
my bad side.Copy !req
532. 3 days ago,
you pulled a jobCopy !req
533. At the army research facility in hadley,
nevada,Copy !req
534. Where you stole
the x-5 unit.Copy !req
535. We happen to know you
had the unit with youCopy !req
536. When you
checked in here,Copy !req
537. So why don't you be a good
girl and tell us where it is?Copy !req
538. You gonna charge me
with anything?Copy !req
539. I didn't think so.Copy !req
540. You wanna
let me go now,Copy !req
541. Or wait till my lawyer
files a wrongful arrest?Copy !req
542. We got nothing,
chief.Copy !req
543. We tore
the place apart.Copy !req
544. We can only legally hold her
another couple of hours.Copy !req
545. Damn it!
Cut her loose.Copy !req
546. Where is that damn unit?Copy !req
547. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
548. We're in
washington.Copy !req
549. Yeah, yeah.
We're gonna score now.Copy !req
550. Actually, son, we're
at the hoover dam.Copy !req
551. Um, no, no.
We're in washington!Copy !req
552. Yeah. We're
gonna score now!Copy !req
553. Tour guide:
over 40,000 tons of concreteCopy !req
554. Were used in the construction
of the hoover dam.Copy !req
555. From top to bottom,
the dam is 51 stories.Copy !req
556. It has a maximum capacity
for generatingCopy !req
557. Wow. Really?
2.074 megawatts of electricity,Copy !req
558. But on the average,
it generates about 25% of that.Copy !req
559. I'll be damned.Copy !req
560. Can anybody tell meCopy !req
561. How much energy it takes
to power las vegas?Copy !req
562. Um, yeah, I just
have a question.Copy !req
563. Is this a god dam?
Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
564. Huh huh huh.Copy !req
565. You know, god damn.
You know?Copy !req
566. if you'll
follow me this way.Copy !req
567. This is dumb.
Let's go find that chick.Copy !req
568. Yeah. Enough
of this crap.Copy !req
569. Whoa. Check it out,
butt-Head... Tv!Copy !req
570. Cool.Copy !req
571. I gotta hit
the head.Copy !req
572. Can you get me
some coffee?Copy !req
573. All right.Copy !req
574. Talk to me, bork.Copy !req
575. Chief, we found
a witnessCopy !req
576. That says he saw 2 teenagers leaving dallas'
roomCopy !req
577. Shortly before
we arrived.Copy !req
578. Did you give him
a full cavity search?Copy !req
579. Uh... the witness?Copy !req
580. Yes. You can never be
too careful, bork.Copy !req
581. Sir,
I didn't really think it was necessary.Copy !req
582. You see, we have
a picture of themCopy !req
583. From the elevator
security cam.Copy !req
584. Here. Have a look.Copy !req
585. What the hell?Copy !req
586. They look like a couple of kids,
chief.Copy !req
587. Don't you realize what
kids today are capable of?Copy !req
588. Don't you read
the papers?Copy !req
589. What the...Copy !req
590. Damn it!Copy !req
591. All they have is these
shows about water.Copy !req
592. Yeah, really.Copy !req
593. They need some
shows about fire.Copy !req
594. Uh, what are you
doing, beavis?Copy !req
595. Something's wrong
with my butt.Copy !req
596. Your butt sucks.Copy !req
597. Hey, how come
there's no sound?Copy !req
598. Uh... I'll fix it.Copy !req
599. Uh...Copy !req
600. Yeah, yeah! There you go.
Louder! Louder!Copy !req
601. Uh, huh huh...
hmm... huh huh...Copy !req
602. Uh...Copy !req
603. Mas-Ter-A...Copy !req
604. Masturbation?Copy !req
605. Uh, huh huh huh!Copy !req
606. You know,
I'll tell you what.Copy !req
607. It doesn't get
any better than this.Copy !req
608. This here is
god's country.Copy !req
609. Unspoiled and...Copy !req
610. Aaaaah!Copy !req
611. Uh...Copy !req
612. I think I found
the remote.Copy !req
613. What the hell's
going on?Copy !req
614. I swear, that's
all I know.Copy !req
615. They got on
the tour bus.Copy !req
616. It was probably
heading west.Copy !req
617. Uhh! Please...Copy !req
618. I'm gonna kill 'em!Copy !req
619. That was boring.Copy !req
620. Yeah, yeah.
Just the same thing, over and over again.Copy !req
621. Uh, wait a minute.Copy !req
622. We can't leave
washingtonCopy !req
623. Till we find
that chick.Copy !req
624. Oh, we're a long way from washington,
bob.Copy !req
625. This is
the hoover dam.Copy !req
626. Dam. I'll
be damned.Copy !req
627. Heh heh.Copy !req
628. You boys better show up.Copy !req
629. Do you see
what I see, bork?Copy !req
630. I see it.
I just don't get it.Copy !req
631. You got half the state
looking for you.Copy !req
632. How do you get away?Copy !req
633. Cut the power!Copy !req
634. Damn right.Copy !req
635. Bork, we're dealing
with real pros here.Copy !req
636. My opinion: terrorists.Copy !req
637. What's the scoop on
that stolen unit?Copy !req
638. Well, sir,
it's not good.Copy !req
639. Roll the tape.Copy !req
640. The x-5 unit is a new
top-Secret biological weapon...Copy !req
641. A man-Made virus,
the deadliest known to man.Copy !req
642. It could wipe out
5 states in 5 days.Copy !req
643. Here's what happenedCopy !req
644. When it was tested on a
group of army recruits.Copy !req
645. Look at these guys,
chief.Copy !req
646. This thing is a veritable
doomsday device.Copy !req
647. Jesus jumped-Up
christ!Copy !req
648. If this were to fall
into the wrong hands...Copy !req
649. It gets worse.
The unit wasn't finished.Copy !req
650. It has a flaw...
The casing.Copy !req
651. If hit hard enough,
it could break open,Copy !req
652. Releasing the virus.Copy !req
653. Ok, people,
as of right now,Copy !req
654. These are the most
dangerous men in america.Copy !req
655. I want these faces in front of
every fed and 2-Bit sheriffCopy !req
656. Within a thousand miles.Copy !req
657. The orders are
dead or alive.Copy !req
658. Let's just pray that
nothing hits that unit.Copy !req
659. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
660. Cut it out,
butt-Head!Copy !req
661. Get outta the way,
beavis.Copy !req
662. I wanna sit
by the window.Copy !req
663. Ow!Copy !req
664. Ok, people, next stop:
grand canyon.Copy !req
665. Uh, huh huh huh...Copy !req
666. Hm hm, heh heh...Copy !req
667. Uh, huh huh huh...Copy !req
668. Hm hm, heh heh...Copy !req
669. It's, like, it's
coming out of his ass,Copy !req
670. But then it's, like,
also coming out of the ass of the ass.Copy !req
671. It's like the poop's coming
out of the ass of the ass.Copy !req
672. Heh heh. Yeah!Copy !req
673. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
674. Uh, huh huh huh.
Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
675. there are over
200 active geysersCopy !req
676. In yellowstone park.Copy !req
677. Old faithful here
is one of the largest.Copy !req
678. During an eruption,
the water can reach as high as 200 feet.Copy !req
679. So?Copy !req
680. Hm hm,
heh heh.Copy !req
681. Uh, the geyserCopy !req
682. Shoots out over 12,000 gallons
of water in a single eruption.Copy !req
683. That's not that much,
really.Copy !req
684. Yeah, really.
Let's get outta here.Copy !req
685. If you'll just
step over here,Copy !req
686. The geyser
is seconds away...Copy !req
687. Oh, it's
incredible.Copy !req
688. Oh, oh, yeah.Copy !req
689. That's amazing.Copy !req
690. It's incredible.Copy !req
691. That's amazing.Copy !req
692. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
693. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
694. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
695. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
696. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
697. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
698. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
699. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
700. can't
wait forever.Copy !req
701. Damn kids.Copy !req
702. No respect.Copy !req
703. Don't appreciate
anything.Copy !req
704. Oh, my god!Copy !req
705. Wait! Stop!Copy !req
706. Darn it.Copy !req
707. Get me the police.Copy !req
708. Uh, huh huh huh.
Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
709. This is the coolest
thing I have ever seen.Copy !req
710. Chief, we got 'em.Copy !req
711. They're on a senior
citizens tour busCopy !req
712. Going south
on highway 89.Copy !req
713. Ah... heh...
yeah, that was great.Copy !req
714. Yeah.Copy !req
715. Uh... is this
the right bus?Copy !req
716. Um... heh heh.Copy !req
717. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
718. Hey, beavis,
we're on a bus with chicks.Copy !req
719. Hey, baby.Copy !req
720. They're not
on the bus.Copy !req
721. These people
know something.Copy !req
722. I want full cavity searches...
Everyone.Copy !req
723. Go deep on 'em.Copy !req
724. Agent hurly.Copy !req
725. I tell you, bork,Copy !req
726. These guys are
smart, damn smart.Copy !req
727. They're probably a hundred
miles away by now.Copy !req
728. Uh, huh huh...
uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
729. Hey, butt-Head,
this book kicks ass.Copy !req
730. There's this talking snake,
and a naked chick,Copy !req
731. And then this dude puts
a leaf on his schlong.Copy !req
732. Cool.Copy !req
733. Uh... uh...Copy !req
734. Ow!Copy !req
735. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
736. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
737. Check it out,
butt-Head...Copy !req
738. Porta-Potties.Copy !req
739. Cool.Copy !req
740. I gotta take
a dump.Copy !req
741. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
742. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
743. Uh... where's
the toilet?Copy !req
744. Forgive me, father.
I've sinned.Copy !req
745. I... I slept with
a woman, and, uh...Copy !req
746. Butt-Head: really?
Uh, huh huh.Copy !req
747. Was she naked?Copy !req
748. Well, yes, father.
Please forgive me.Copy !req
749. Cool!
Uh, huh huh.Copy !req
750. Could you, like,
see her boobs?Copy !req
751. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
752. Uh, I'm sorry.
How many hail marys?Copy !req
753. 1,000! Heh heh...Copy !req
754. And I want you to hit yourself, right now!
Heh.Copy !req
755. Uh, now?Copy !req
756. Yeah... do it!Copy !req
757. ohh!Copy !req
758. Yeah, yeah!
Harder.Copy !req
759. ow!Copy !req
760. Do it again.Copy !req
761. oww! Aah!Copy !req
762. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
763. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
764. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
765. Heh... hm hm.Copy !req
766. welcome to
the petrified forest,Copy !req
767. The world's largest site
of petrified wood.Copy !req
768. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
769. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
770. "Wood."
Huh huh huh!Copy !req
771. you may wonder,
"how can wood get so hard?"Copy !req
772. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
773. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
774. Well, the wood became hard
over 2 million years ago.Copy !req
775. Uh, huh
huh huh.Copy !req
776. Hm hm,
heh heh.Copy !req
777. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
778. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
779. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
780. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
781. Wood. Uh,
huh huh...Copy !req
782. Hey, where'd
those chicks go?Copy !req
783. I think you
scared them off.Copy !req
784. This sucks.
What are we doing here?Copy !req
785. Uh... I don't know.Copy !req
786. Uh, do you know
where washington is?Copy !req
787. Uh, yeah.
About 2,000 miles that way.Copy !req
788. Cool.
Thanks.Copy !req
789. Didn't see which
way they went.Copy !req
790. Didn't see
their vehicle.Copy !req
791. I don't suppose you
tried to stop them.Copy !req
792. The most dangerous guys in america?
No, thank you.Copy !req
793. I make $9.00 an hour.Copy !req
794. National security is the
responsibility of every american.Copy !req
795. Bork...Copy !req
796. Cavity search?Copy !req
797. Deep and hard.Copy !req
798. Agent hurly.Copy !req
799. They're not gonna
get away this time.Copy !req
800. I want roadblocks every road
out of here for 200 miles.Copy !req
801. Um... this sucks.
It's all hot and stuff.Copy !req
802. This desert
is stupid.Copy !req
803. They need to put a drinking
fountain out here.Copy !req
804. Yeah, like, a 7-Eleven
or something. Heh.Copy !req
805. Somethin' wrong,
officer?Copy !req
806. Sir, we're looking for
these two fugitives.Copy !req
807. Well, I'll be danged.Copy !req
808. That's them two kids that have been whackin'
in my camper.Copy !req
809. You saw these two?Copy !req
810. I sure did.
Boy, I never seen two kidsCopy !req
811. Do so much
damned whackin'.Copy !req
812. Blue denim,
this is post 9.Copy !req
813. I have positive I.D.Copy !req
814. They're just like a couple of
little old spider monkeys...Copy !req
815. I'll have to ask you to
step out of the vehicle.Copy !req
816. Now, wait a minute.
Me and the missis hereCopy !req
817. Are on our way
to washington, d.C...Copy !req
818. Now!Copy !req
819. Now, wait
right there.Copy !req
820. You're dealing with a
veteran of 2 foreign wars.Copy !req
821. They're the ones
been whackin'.Copy !req
822. I find anything
broken in there,Copy !req
823. You and I are
gonna tangle.Copy !req
824. Masturbating in
the man's camper.Copy !req
825. We're dealing with
two sick individuals.Copy !req
826. I want that camper
torn apart,Copy !req
827. Full cavity searches
all around.Copy !req
828. Something tells me he
could be involved.Copy !req
829. What in the hell...Copy !req
830. Now wait
just a minute!Copy !req
831. Chief, just came in.Copy !req
832. 2 days ago,
express airways had a disturbanceCopy !req
833. By someone calling
himself "cornholio."Copy !req
834. Guess who matches
the description?Copy !req
835. Finally,
a real break.Copy !req
836. Get me that
flash point of origin.Copy !req
837. We're gonna kick some ass.Copy !req
838. Uh, huh
huh... heh.Copy !req
839. Uh, huh
huh huh. Nuhn.Copy !req
840. Uh, huh huh...Copy !req
841. Hm hm, heh.Copy !req
842. Uh...Copy !req
843. Uh, huh... hey!
One of you bastards got a match?Copy !req
844. Uh, yeah...
My butt and your...Copy !req
845. Uh... butt,
huh huh huh.Copy !req
846. Uh, huh huh huh huh huh.
Uh, huh huh.Copy !req
847. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
848. Hm hm, heh heh.Copy !req
849. Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
850. Hm hm, heh heh.
Uh, huh huh huh.Copy !req
851. And here's a song
that might help you copeCopy !req
852. With some of
those feelings, ok?Copy !req
853. It's called
lesbian seagull.Copy !req
854. Uh, that's him!
He's their teacher!Copy !req
855. Uh, huh, yeah.Copy !req
856. Uh, what's
going on here?Copy !req
857. I'll ask the questions.Copy !req
858. Are these your students?Copy !req
859. I assume you're
a government agent.Copy !req
860. I would think
you would knowCopy !req
861. There is something in this
country called due process, ok?Copy !req
862. That's the kind
of talk I'd expectCopy !req
863. From the guy who
taught these two.Copy !req
864. Take this scum away.Copy !req
865. I believe I'm supposed to
be read my miranda rights.Copy !req
866. Now... Whaa!Copy !req
867. I always knew
they were no good.Copy !req
868. Uh, I hate...Copy !req
869. Shut up! You've been harboring
two criminal masterminds.Copy !req
870. Ohh, ohh...Copy !req
871. Chief,
you know that guyCopy !req
872. Whose camper they
were whackin' off in?Copy !req
873. Bork, you are
a federal agent.Copy !req
874. You represent the united
states government.Copy !req
875. Never end a sentence
with a preposition.Copy !req
876. Oh. Uh...Copy !req
877. You know that guy
in whose camper they...Copy !req
878. I... I mean that guy off in whose
camper they were whacking?Copy !req
879. That's better. Yes?Copy !req
880. We've run a sample through the
national criminal sperm bankCopy !req
881. And come up with 2 possible
genetic matches for a father.Copy !req
882. Former motley crue roadies
turned drifters.Copy !req
883. You were a roadie
for motley crue?Copy !req
884. Yep.Copy !req
885. Uh huh huh huh.
Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
886. Aha... fire.Copy !req
887. Uh, here's
another true story.Copy !req
888. About 15 years ago,Copy !req
889. We stopped
in this toilet,Copy !req
890. Uh, called highland.Copy !req
891. Really? That's
where we're from.Copy !req
892. Well, then you know
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
893. Anyway,
here's the story.Copy !req
894. I scored with these 2 chicks.
True story.Copy !req
895. Uh heh heh heh.
Yeah, me, too.Copy !req
896. You scored
with 2 chicks?Copy !req
897. Yeah.
They were sluts.Copy !req
898. Aah!Copy !req
899. Shut up, dumb-Ass!Copy !req
900. You didn't score.Copy !req
901. I scored with
both of them.Copy !req
902. Uh, do you think these 2
sluts still live in highland?Copy !req
903. That would be cool.Copy !req
904. Hey, you want to see
something really cool?Copy !req
905. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
906. Uh huh huh huh.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
907. fire!Copy !req
908. Ahh...Copy !req
909. Uh...Copy !req
910. Hmm. Where'd
those guys go?Copy !req
911. Yeah.Copy !req
912. Um...Copy !req
913. Are we almost
there yet?Copy !req
914. Uh...Copy !req
915. Probably like another
5 minutes or something.Copy !req
916. The sun sucks.Copy !req
917. Yeah.Copy !req
918. Cut it out,
butt-Hole!Copy !req
919. Hey, butt-Head...Copy !req
920. Isn't there supposed to be,
like, water in cactuses?Copy !req
921. Uh...Copy !req
922. Hey, beavis...Copy !req
923. Check it out.Copy !req
924. Uh huh huh huh.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
925. Well, no,
I can't say that I've seen them, officer.Copy !req
926. I sure hope it's safe
to drive around here.Copy !req
927. Don't worry, sir. Just
stick to the main roads.Copy !req
928. If they're around,
they're probably hiding out in the desert.Copy !req
929. Well, that's good
to know, officer.Copy !req
930. Yeah.Copy !req
931. Ohh...Copy !req
932. Hey, butt-Head,Copy !req
933. Are we gonna die?Copy !req
934. Uh...Copy !req
935. Uh... probably.Copy !req
936. Whoa!Copy !req
937. I think my life is, like,
flashing in front of my eyes.Copy !req
938. Whoa...Copy !req
939. My life was cool.Copy !req
940. Oh, yeah...Copy !req
941. Wait a minute...Copy !req
942. Um, I think I'm seeing
something, too.Copy !req
943. It's, like, a really
long time ago.Copy !req
944. Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
945. Yeah. Yeah, this
is gonna be cool.Copy !req
946. Hey, how's
it going?Copy !req
947. Aah!Copy !req
948. Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
949. Yeah.Copy !req
950. I scored.Copy !req
951. Hey, butt-Head,Copy !req
952. I'm starting
to feel weird.Copy !req
953. I think
I'm freaking out.Copy !req
954. Uh... ok.Copy !req
955. Whoa, this is cool.Copy !req
956. It's like...Copy !req
957. It's like everything looks all weird,
and, you know.Copy !req
958. It's like there's all
these weird shapes and...Copy !req
959. And it's sort of like...
It's like a music video.Copy !req
960. What are you doing,
butt-Head? Stop it!Copy !req
961. You're freaking me out!
Cut it out!Copy !req
962. What's going on?Copy !req
963. There's a problem here.Copy !req
964. Ohh!Copy !req
965. Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
966. Fire! Fire! Fire!Copy !req
967. Oh, yes!Copy !req
968. Aah!
Unh!Copy !req
969. Aah!
I'm all wet!Copy !req
970. Uh...Copy !req
971. Oh, hey, cool.Copy !req
972. Yeah. Water.Copy !req
973. Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this.Copy !req
974. Any last words
before I kill you?Copy !req
975. Uh...Copy !req
976. I have a couple.Copy !req
977. Butt cheeks.Copy !req
978. Yeah, yeah!Copy !req
979. And, um,
and boobs.Copy !req
980. I just wanna say
that again.Copy !req
981. Boobs.Copy !req
982. I'm gonna blow you
both to hell,Copy !req
983. That's what
I'm gonna do!Copy !req
984. Cool. Whoa.Copy !req
985. Hey, beavis,
that's that dudeCopy !req
986. That's paying us
to do his wife.Copy !req
987. Oh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
988. Um,
can you just take us to washington?Copy !req
989. We're gonna meet her there and,
you know, um...Copy !req
990. Heh heh. You know.Copy !req
991. Washington?Copy !req
992. That's where she's gonna
meet up with you?Copy !req
993. You know, I just might
need you boys, after all.Copy !req
994. All right.
Get in the trunk.Copy !req
995. Both of you. Now!Copy !req
996. Butt-Head: boy,
it sure is hard to score.Copy !req
997. yeah, really.Copy !req
998. hey, hey, butt-Head,
check it out...Copy !req
999. A jack.Copy !req
1000. Uh huh huh huh.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1001. Butt-Head: jack.Copy !req
1002. Uh huh huh huh.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1003. hey, beavis,
check it out.Copy !req
1004. I'm jacking off.Copy !req
1005. Uh huh huh huh.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1006. Yeah.Copy !req
1007. Uh huh huh huh.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1008. Uh... let's
get out of here.Copy !req
1009. You go first,
beavis.Copy !req
1010. Um, I don't know,
butt-Head.Copy !req
1011. That road's, like,
moving pretty fast and stuff.Copy !req
1012. Come on, beavis.Copy !req
1013. Just start running
really fastCopy !req
1014. As soon as
you hit the ground.Copy !req
1015. It'll work.Copy !req
1016. No way. You go.Copy !req
1017. Don't be a wuss,
beavis.Copy !req
1018. Aah!Copy !req
1019. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1020. Ow!Copy !req
1021. That was cool.Copy !req
1022. Unh! Unh! Unh!Copy !req
1023. Unh!Copy !req
1024. Boy, what I wouldn't
give for 5 minutes aloneCopy !req
1025. With them
2 little bastards.Copy !req
1026. Aah!Copy !req
1027. I need a trauma box over here right now!Copy !req
1028. Well, bob, the news
out here is not good.Copy !req
1029. Authorities are calling this
the worst highway disasterCopy !req
1030. In the nation's history.Copy !req
1031. Behind me, over 400 vehicles
lay wrecked or stuck.Copy !req
1032. Chief, look!
No one knows what caused it,Copy !req
1033. But police
have not ruled out...Copy !req
1034. Well, I'll be
a blue-Nosed gopher.Copy !req
1035. Where did these guys
come from?Copy !req
1036. The question is,
where are they going?Copy !req
1037. In other news,
g-Pac is set to begin at 2 p.M. TomorrowCopy !req
1038. When representatives
from around the world...Copy !req
1039. What the hell?Copy !req
1040. Bork! That bus
we picked up,Copy !req
1041. Where was it
heading?Copy !req
1042. Uh, d.C., Chief.Copy !req
1043. Jesus jumped-Up...Copy !req
1044. Bork, can you imagine
what would happenCopy !req
1045. If they set that thing off
in our nation's capitol?Copy !req
1046. Or even worse!Copy !req
1047. If they sold it to some damn
foreigner at that conference?Copy !req
1048. Well, it's not
going to happen!Copy !req
1049. Whoa!Copy !req
1050. This kicks ass.Copy !req
1051. Yeah.Copy !req
1052. Yoo-Hoo!
Travis and bob head!Copy !req
1053. Hellooo!Copy !req
1054. Hey, butt-Head,
it's that chick.Copy !req
1055. Uh, oh, yeah. Cool.Copy !req
1056. Maybe they can take us
to washington,Copy !req
1057. And we can
finally score.Copy !req
1058. Yeah.Copy !req
1059. Um, isn't seattle
in washington?Copy !req
1060. Uh, yep.
It sure is.Copy !req
1061. Cool.Copy !req
1062. 'Cause I was thinking
after we score,Copy !req
1063. Maybe we could
go see hole.Copy !req
1064. Uh huh huh huh.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1065. Butt-Head: hole.Copy !req
1066. Hmm.Copy !req
1067. expecting somebody?Copy !req
1068. Well, well, look at this.Copy !req
1069. The love of my life.Copy !req
1070. Where have you been?Copy !req
1071. Honey, I was gonna split it
with you after I sold it.Copy !req
1072. Right down the middle,
I swear. I just...Copy !req
1073. Sure you were,Copy !req
1074. But now you don't have to go
to all that bother, do you?Copy !req
1075. Come on, muddy,
what do you say we just forget about itCopy !req
1076. And go get a room
like old times?Copy !req
1077. I don't think so.Copy !req
1078. Where is it?Copy !req
1079. All senators are
requested for a vote.Copy !req
1080. All senators
are requested for a vote.Copy !req
1081. Can I help you?Copy !req
1082. Uh...Copy !req
1083. We're looking
for washington?Copy !req
1084. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1085. We're gonna meet this chick
with really big hooters.Copy !req
1086. Sirs,
you are in washington.Copy !req
1087. Really?Copy !req
1088. Well,
where is she?Copy !req
1089. Uh, could you, like,
make an announcementCopy !req
1090. That we're ready
to score?Copy !req
1091. No.Copy !req
1092. just a moment.Copy !req
1093. Hello?
How may I help you?Copy !req
1094. Butt-Head: uh... attention.Copy !req
1095. Attention.Copy !req
1096. We're looking for
the chick with big boobs.Copy !req
1097. yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
1098. We are ready
to do you now.Copy !req
1099. uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1100. uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1101. I guess you forget who you're dealing with,
honey.Copy !req
1102. You see, I got your mules
right here in my trunk, and...Copy !req
1103. Hey!Copy !req
1104. Oh, damn! Damn!Copy !req
1105. I am gonna kill them!Copy !req
1106. No, honey...Copy !req
1107. We're gonna kill them.Copy !req
1108. next stop,
white house.Copy !req
1109. Oh, man!Copy !req
1110. Hey, wait a minute!
What's going on?Copy !req
1111. Why are we getting
back on the bus?Copy !req
1112. It's time to go, son.Copy !req
1113. We can't leave!Copy !req
1114. We never met
that chick!Copy !req
1115. Damn it!
We were supposed to get some!Copy !req
1116. Settle down,
beavis.Copy !req
1117. No! I won't
settle down!Copy !req
1118. Not this time!Copy !req
1119. Damn it!
This always happens!Copy !req
1120. I think I'm gonna score,
and then I never score!Copy !req
1121. It's not fair!Copy !req
1122. We traveled, um, um,
100 milesCopy !req
1123. 'Cause we thought
we were gonna score!Copy !req
1124. But now it's not
gonna happen! Damn it!Copy !req
1125. Hey, buddy, sit down!Copy !req
1126. Shut up, asswipe!Copy !req
1127. I'm sick and tired
of this!Copy !req
1128. We're never gonna score!Copy !req
1129. It's just
not gonna happen!Copy !req
1130. We're just gonna get old
like these people!Copy !req
1131. But they've
probably scored!Copy !req
1132. Hey, I'm warning you!
Sit down!Copy !req
1133. It's, like,
this chick's a slut!Copy !req
1134. And look at this guy!
He's old!Copy !req
1135. But he's probably scored
a million times!Copy !req
1136. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1137. But not us!
We're never gonna score!Copy !req
1138. We're never gonna score!Copy !req
1139. All right,
that's it, numb-Nuts!Copy !req
1140. Aah!Copy !req
1141. Once more
and I'll... Unh!Copy !req
1142. kick your ass!Copy !req
1143. Well,
look what we have here.Copy !req
1144. You two make me sick.Copy !req
1145. Book 'em, bork.Copy !req
1146. You don't have anything on us,
and you know it.Copy !req
1147. Oh, I don't, huh?
How about lewd conduct?Copy !req
1148. Maybe indecent exposure.Copy !req
1149. Here's what's
gonna happen.Copy !req
1150. One of you is going to make
a deal and get me the unit.Copy !req
1151. The other can spend
the next 60 years in jail.Copy !req
1152. Heh. That's where
you're wrong, boy.Copy !req
1153. Me and my wife are back together,
and you will never...Copy !req
1154. He stole the unit!Copy !req
1155. Said he put it
in some kid's pants.Copy !req
1156. Why you damn little
four-Legged...Copy !req
1157. Hey! Take it easy!Copy !req
1158. I'm gonna rip your...Copy !req
1159. Now, travis,
it doesn't do a body goodCopy !req
1160. To get
all worked up.Copy !req
1161. Here, this should
help you relax.Copy !req
1162. Does that
say "xanax"?Copy !req
1163. Um, yeah.Copy !req
1164. Um, yeah,
probably.Copy !req
1165. I don't know.Copy !req
1166. What else you
got in there?Copy !req
1167. Gimme that thing!Copy !req
1168. Waah!Copy !req
1169. Ok, boys and girls,
our suspects are on a tour busCopy !req
1170. We believe to be
heading for...Copy !req
1171. The white house?Copy !req
1172. Jumping Jesus!Copy !req
1173. I want everyone there!
Our people. Locals.Copy !req
1174. Orders are shoot to kill.
Repeat, shoot to kill.Copy !req
1175. Ngaah!Copy !req
1176. Yeah, yeah,
heh heh,Copy !req
1177. You know what's
really cool?Copy !req
1178. Hey, butt-Head.
Hey, butt-Head.Copy !req
1179. Shut up, beavis.Copy !req
1180. Yeah. Ooh.Copy !req
1181. Hey, butt-Head!
Hey, butt-Head!Copy !req
1182. and I'll be
your tour guide.Copy !req
1183. In case
you don't know,Copy !req
1184. You've come on
a very special day.Copy !req
1185. Gathered at
the white house todayCopy !req
1186. For an historic
global conference called,Copy !req
1187. "Give peace a chance"
or "g-Pac,"Copy !req
1188. Are representatives
from around the world.Copy !req
1189. ngaaahh!Copy !req
1190. This is the east room.Copy !req
1191. Many of the portraits
you see were savedCopy !req
1192. From the fire set by
the british in 1814...Copy !req
1193. Fire! Fire!Copy !req
1194. What's your problem,
beavis?Copy !req
1195. Weeahh!Copy !req
1196. The site
for the white houseCopy !req
1197. Was chosen by president
washington and pierre I'enfant.Copy !req
1198. L'enfentata!Copy !req
1199. L'enfentata titicaca
for my bunghole!Copy !req
1200. Sir?
Bunghole!Copy !req
1201. Sir, are you ok?Copy !req
1202. Are you
threatening me?Copy !req
1203. I am cornholio!Copy !req
1204. Ok...Copy !req
1205. Uh... sir,Copy !req
1206. Maybe you should wait
out in the lobby?Copy !req
1207. Um, ok.Copy !req
1208. In this lobby,Copy !req
1209. Will there be t.P.
For my bunghole?Copy !req
1210. Cornholio... Heh, heh.
The room was originally designed...Copy !req
1211. Boy, where are you
when we need you, ike?Copy !req
1212. I tell you what, honey,Copy !req
1213. Even with all
we've been through,Copy !req
1214. It don't change a thing.Copy !req
1215. I've said it before,
and I'll say it again.Copy !req
1216. This is the greatest country on earth,
and I...Copy !req
1217. Say, that looks
kind of like...Copy !req
1218. Naw, it couldn't be.Copy !req
1219. bungholio!Copy !req
1220. Are you
threatening me?Copy !req
1221. I am cornholio!Copy !req
1222. Uh, yes, the president
does plan to speak todayCopy !req
1223. At the g-Pac conference.Copy !req
1224. Mr. Secretary!
Mr. Secretary!Copy !req
1225. What about the rumors that a
biological weapon has been stolenCopy !req
1226. And smuggled out of the country
during this conference?Copy !req
1227. Those rumors are
entirely unfounded.Copy !req
1228. Those rumors are
totally unfounded.Copy !req
1229. I am
the great cornholio!Copy !req
1230. I am a gringo!Copy !req
1231. I have no bunghole.Copy !req
1232. Bungholio.Copy !req
1233. This is
the state dining room,Copy !req
1234. Where the most powerful world
leaders are entertained.Copy !req
1235. Hey!Copy !req
1236. Uh, where's the tv?Copy !req
1237. Uh, there are no tvs
in the dining room.Copy !req
1238. This house sucks.Copy !req
1239. please follow me.Copy !req
1240. Evacuation?Copy !req
1241. It's probably just another
bomb threat or something.Copy !req
1242. Ok.Copy !req
1243. Is this the lobby?Copy !req
1244. I am cornholio!Copy !req
1245. I need t.P.
For my bunghole!Copy !req
1246. Yes, mr. President.Copy !req
1247. I am cornholio!Copy !req
1248. My bunghole,
it goes, rattatataa...Copy !req
1249. Mr. President?Copy !req
1250. Mr. President,
I can't make out what you're saying.Copy !req
1251. Bwah! Bwah! Bwah!Copy !req
1252. Ngaaah! Waaato!Copy !req
1253. Sir, the president
sounds strange.Copy !req
1254. Something's going on.
I don't think it's a drill.Copy !req
1255. Washington may be
under attack.Copy !req
1256. Go to defcon 4.Copy !req
1257. Step on it!
Step on it!Copy !req
1258. Move!Copy !req
1259. Uh huh huh huh...Copy !req
1260. Huh huh huh...Copy !req
1261. Move it along, folks.
Move it along.Copy !req
1262. Whoa!Copy !req
1263. Hey, baby.Copy !req
1264. I noticed
you have braces.Copy !req
1265. I have braces, too.Copy !req
1266. Whoa!Copy !req
1267. Unh!Copy !req
1268. Uh huh huh huh.
That was cool.Copy !req
1269. whoa!Copy !req
1270. This is the coolest thing
I have ever seen.Copy !req
1271. All right,
where's the unit?Copy !req
1272. Uh... my unit?Copy !req
1273. In my pants.Copy !req
1274. Uh... uh...Copy !req
1275. Not on him,
chief.Copy !req
1276. Agent hurly, I want you to give
this scumbag a cavity search.Copy !req
1277. I'm talking roto-Rooter.Copy !req
1278. Don't stop till you reach
the back of his teeth.Copy !req
1279. Yeah.
Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1280. Sir, we're awaiting
your final orders.Copy !req
1281. I order you
to surrender your t.P.Copy !req
1282. Give me that!Copy !req
1283. Mr. President, in the name
of all that's holy,Copy !req
1284. I must have
those launch codes.Copy !req
1285. I am cornholio!Copy !req
1286. You will cooperate
with my bunghole.Copy !req
1287. For there is but
one bunghole.Copy !req
1288. The almighty bunghole.Copy !req
1289. He's clean, chief.Copy !req
1290. Uh... huh huh huh...Copy !req
1291. Did I just score?Copy !req
1292. The other guy
must have it.Copy !req
1293. He's got to be
in here somewhere.Copy !req
1294. "cornholio"?Copy !req
1295. bunghole!Copy !req
1296. "bunghole"?Copy !req
1297. Huh?Copy !req
1298. Fire.
Bungholio.Copy !req
1299. Excuse me.
I'm terribly sorryCopy !req
1300. For the inconvenience,
gentlemen,Copy !req
1301. But we're going to have to
wait outside for a moment.Copy !req
1302. Follow me, please?Copy !req
1303. Yeah.Copy !req
1304. "T.P. For
my bunghole"?Copy !req
1305. Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
1306. T.P. For
my bunghole.Copy !req
1307. Yeah, yeah.
Pretty good.Copy !req
1308. let these gentlemen through, please.Copy !req
1309. They're with
the conference.Copy !req
1310. It's ok.
He's with them.Copy !req
1311. You cannot run from
your bunghole.Copy !req
1312. Bunghole, bunghole,
bunghole.Copy !req
1313. Aha.Copy !req
1314. Uh heh heh heh.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1315. Ohh.Copy !req
1316. Ahh.Copy !req
1317. Oh-Ho-Ho.Copy !req
1318. Boi-Yoi-Yoi-Yoi-Yoi-Ing!Copy !req
1319. Boy, I tell you what,
it really makes you proud.Copy !req
1320. I could stay in here
all day.Copy !req
1321. Sir,
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.Copy !req
1322. Now, wait just a minute.Copy !req
1323. Now!Copy !req
1324. Hey, now, that's enough.Copy !req
1325. I been planning this trip
my whole life,Copy !req
1326. And... Hey!
What do you think you're...Copy !req
1327. Something about
a "corn hole".Copy !req
1328. We haven't even seen
the lincoln room yet.Copy !req
1329. Damn it!
Now, let go of me.Copy !req
1330. Uh, say, chief...Copy !req
1331. Isn't that the guy whose
camper they were whackin'...Copy !req
1332. I mean, off in whose
whackin' camper...Copy !req
1333. Not now, bork.Copy !req
1334. I tell you what,
honey,Copy !req
1335. This country's going to
hell in a handbasket.Copy !req
1336. I'm going to go over
right nowCopy !req
1337. And talk to my
congressman about this.Copy !req
1338. aah!
Ooh. Mmm. Ah!Copy !req
1339. What the hell?Copy !req
1340. Wait here a minute.Copy !req
1341. oh! No!Copy !req
1342. Ohh, no!Copy !req
1343. What in the hell
is that damn noise?Copy !req
1344. I... Huh? Aah!Copy !req
1345. What?Copy !req
1346. hey.
How's it going?Copy !req
1347. Pull your damn pants up,
boy!Copy !req
1348. I don't want to see
that!Copy !req
1349. Damn it,
get out of here!Copy !req
1350. And if I ever catch you
whackin' in here again,Copy !req
1351. I'm gonna hog-Tie you!Copy !req
1352. Aw, damn it!Copy !req
1353. Now I gotta straighten up
in here.Copy !req
1354. We just cleared
all 4 floors.Copy !req
1355. No sign of him.Copy !req
1356. Damn. Where the hell
is he?Copy !req
1357. Say, chief,
isn't that the camper...Copy !req
1358. Bork, not now.Copy !req
1359. Chief, look.Copy !req
1360. Well, I'll be a monkey's
bare-Assed uncle.Copy !req
1361. Attention, all units.
We've got him.Copy !req
1362. He's in front of a white
camper on pennsylvania avenue.Copy !req
1363. I am cornholio!Copy !req
1364. I will lay waste
to your bunghole!Copy !req
1365. Bungholio.Copy !req
1366. Holio... Bungholio.Copy !req
1367. Hit the deck!
Get down!Copy !req
1368. Bunghole, bunghole,
bunghole...Copy !req
1369. Ok, nobody shoot.Copy !req
1370. He could still
have the unit on him.Copy !req
1371. Keep your distance.Copy !req
1372. We don't want to take a
chance on hitting it.Copy !req
1373. Where are his pants?Copy !req
1374. Who knows?Copy !req
1375. Bunghole.Copy !req
1376. Uh heh heh. Bunghole?
Bungholio.Copy !req
1377. This is agent flemming,
atf.Copy !req
1378. We won't hurt you.
We just want the unit.Copy !req
1379. Tell us where
the unit is.Copy !req
1380. Do you have t.P.?Copy !req
1381. T.P. For my bunghole?Copy !req
1382. We'll get you
whatever you want.Copy !req
1383. Get that other kid.
We might need him.Copy !req
1384. Do you have any holio?Copy !req
1385. Uh, yeah, this is bork.Copy !req
1386. Listen, we need some t.P.Copy !req
1387. And some...Copy !req
1388. What did he say?Copy !req
1389. Whoa.Copy !req
1390. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1391. This rules.Copy !req
1392. Can I have a gun, too?Copy !req
1393. You must bow down
to the almighty bunghole!Copy !req
1394. Heh heh. That was cool.Copy !req
1395. Garga-Holio-Ala-Hole...Copy !req
1396. This is your last chance.Copy !req
1397. Give us the unit now.Copy !req
1398. Why does everybody
want to see my schlong?Copy !req
1399. Uh, bunghole.Copy !req
1400. Bungholio.Copy !req
1401. He's jerking us off.Copy !req
1402. I think we're gonna
have to take him out.Copy !req
1403. Get ready to fire
on my orders.Copy !req
1404. I am the one and only almighty
one and only bungholio!Copy !req
1405. This is your
last chance.Copy !req
1406. I'm gonna give you
3 seconds.Copy !req
1407. I have no bungholio!Copy !req
1408. Ok, boys,
get ready to fire on the count of 3.Copy !req
1409. 1...Copy !req
1410. Huh. Cool.Copy !req
1411. 2...Copy !req
1412. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1413. What's going on?Copy !req
1414. What is this?Copy !req
1415. 3!Copy !req
1416. Take your damn pants
with you!Copy !req
1417. Hold your fire!Copy !req
1418. What in the hell?Copy !req
1419. The pants!Copy !req
1420. He's got the unit!Copy !req
1421. Drop the pants.Copy !req
1422. Now!Copy !req
1423. Now, wait a minute.
I ain't...Copy !req
1424. The one...Copy !req
1425. Who...Copy !req
1426. Ooh!
Ooh! Ooh!Copy !req
1427. uh huh. Uh huh huh.Copy !req
1428. Whoa.
Oh.Copy !req
1429. Uh...Copy !req
1430. Here you go.Copy !req
1431. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1432. Ow! Now... Now, wait
just a minute, mister.Copy !req
1433. Sir, take a look
at this.Copy !req
1434. How do you
explain this?Copy !req
1435. What in the hell
are you talking about?Copy !req
1436. So, using 2 innocent
teenagersCopy !req
1437. As pawns in your
sick game, huh?Copy !req
1438. Look, I already told you I don't
know what in the hell this is about.Copy !req
1439. Take him away.Copy !req
1440. Hey! Get your
damn hands off me!Copy !req
1441. Aah!Copy !req
1442. God damn it! Hey!Copy !req
1443. Aah!Copy !req
1444. Ow!Copy !req
1445. Damn it!Copy !req
1446. You don't know who you're
dealing with here!Copy !req
1447. I'm a veteran
of 2 foreign wars!Copy !req
1448. I ain't the one that...Copy !req
1449. I always thought there was
something wrong with him.Copy !req
1450. Yeah. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1451. He had a lot of problems.Copy !req
1452. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1453. And, um, he used
to hit me, too.Copy !req
1454. Yeah. Uh heh heh.Copy !req
1455. Uh, hey...Copy !req
1456. Does anyone wanna see
my unit?Copy !req
1457. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1458. Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1459. I got to admit it.Copy !req
1460. I had you boys
figured wrong.Copy !req
1461. I thought
you were scum,Copy !req
1462. But you saved more lives
today than you'll ever know.Copy !req
1463. You led us to one of the sickest
criminals in our history.Copy !req
1464. This country owes you
a debt.Copy !req
1465. Uh, does that mean
we're gonna get,Copy !req
1466. Like, money and stuff?Copy !req
1467. And, um, and chicks.Copy !req
1468. We were supposed
to score.Copy !req
1469. For security reasons,Copy !req
1470. Your actions will have
to remain top secret.Copy !req
1471. But someone very special
wants to give his thanks.Copy !req
1472. Beavis and butt-Head,Copy !req
1473. On behalf of your
fellow americans,Copy !req
1474. I extend
my deepest thanks.Copy !req
1475. You exemplify
a fine new cropCopy !req
1476. Of young americansCopy !req
1477. Who will grow
into the leadersCopy !req
1478. Of this great country.Copy !req
1479. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1480. He said extend.Copy !req
1481. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1482. In recognition
for your great service,Copy !req
1483. I'm appointing you
honorary agentsCopy !req
1484. In the bureau of alcohol,
tobacco & firearms.Copy !req
1485. Whoa!Copy !req
1486. Alcohol and tobacco?Copy !req
1487. Yeah.Copy !req
1488. And firearms!Copy !req
1489. Yeah.Copy !req
1490. Cool, huh?Copy !req
1491. Cigarettes and beer
kick ass.Copy !req
1492. Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
1493. We're in the bureauCopy !req
1494. Of beer and fire
and cigarettes.Copy !req
1495. And maybe
some chicks, too.Copy !req
1496. This is gonna be cool.Copy !req
1497. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1498. Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1499. You know what sucks?Copy !req
1500. We never scored,Copy !req
1501. And we never got
any money.Copy !req
1502. Yeah. Really.Copy !req
1503. Um...Copy !req
1504. And my butt's
still sore,Copy !req
1505. And that chick
with the braces...Copy !req
1506. Butt-Head.
Butt-Head, look!Copy !req
1507. Yes!Copy !req
1508. Ohh.Copy !req
1509. Ohh, yes.Copy !req
1510. Yes.Copy !req
1511. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1512. Hey, butt-Head...Copy !req
1513. Do you think
we're ever gonna score?Copy !req
1514. Uh, I probably will.Copy !req
1515. But not you.Copy !req
1516. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1517. You're too much
of a butt-Monkey.Copy !req
1518. Shut up, dill-Hole.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1519. Butt-Dumpling.
Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1520. Turd burglar.
Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1521. Uh, ass goblin.
Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1522. Shut up, butt-Head.Copy !req
1523. Um, hey,
doesn't tom anderson live on this street?Copy !req
1524. Uh, yeah.Copy !req
1525. 'Cause, um...Copy !req
1526. I just need to stop by his
toolshed for a couple minutes.Copy !req
1527. Uh heh heh heh.Copy !req
1528. You know
what I'm saying?Copy !req
1529. Tool.Copy !req
1530. Uh huh huh huh.Copy !req
1531. Boi-Yoi-Yoi-Yoi-Yoi-Ing!Copy !req
1532. Captioning made possible by
paramount pictures corporationCopy !req
1533. Captioning performed by the
national captioning institute, inc.Copy !req
1534. Engelbert humperdinck:
♪ come with meCopy !req
1535. ♪ come with meCopy !req
1536. L.L. Cool j: * ohCopy !req
1537. ♪ ain't nobodyCopy !req
1538. ♪ ain't nobodyCopy !req
1539. ♪ nobodyCopy !req
1540. ♪ ain't nobodyCopy !req
1541. ♪ ain't nobodyCopy !req
1542. ♪ nobodyCopy !req