1. We could just fire him.Copy !req
2. He'll need
three months' notice.Copy !req
3. Stuff and nonsense.
Leave it to me.Copy !req
4. I'll talk to the chairman and
insist on Mr Bean's dismissal.Copy !req
5. Back to the agenda.Copy !req
6. The Grierson Gallery of
California has recently receivedCopy !req
7. a private donation
of fifty million dollarsCopy !req
8. to buy Whistler's
portrait of his motherCopy !req
9. from the Musee D'Orsay
in Paris.Copy !req
10. It is simply the most
historic purchaseCopy !req
11. made by an American gallery
this century.Copy !req
12. It's as simple as this.Copy !req
13. The greatest painting ever
by an American artistCopy !req
14. is returning to America.Copy !req
15. From now on, Whistler's Mother
lives here in Los AngelesCopy !req
16. where she belongs!Copy !req
17. When will we actually see her?Copy !req
18. The unveiling will be in about
two weeks - you're all invited!Copy !req
19. They've asked us
to send a scholarCopy !req
20. of great weight and substance
to preside over the ceremonyCopy !req
21. and stay on
for lectures and seminars.Copy !req
22. Dr Rosenblum...Copy !req
23. Dr Cutler...Copy !req
24. You both hold high claim
on this great honour.Copy !req
25. - The chairman's here, sir.
- Excellent. Send him in.Copy !req
26. Run and fetch Mr Bean, will you?Copy !req
27. - We're about to fire him.
- Marvellous.Copy !req
28. Mr Bean is the worst employee
in the gallery's history.Copy !req
29. Good afternoon, sir.Copy !req
30. Sit down.Copy !req
31. Before moving on
to the major business,Copy !req
32. I'd like to broach
the question of Mr Bean.Copy !req
33. Mr Bean has worked
for us for many years.Copy !req
34. And will for many more.Copy !req
35. I employed
this splendid young manCopy !req
36. when I did YOUR job,
Charles,Copy !req
37. and I'll resign
if you go near him.Copy !req
38. He's a fine young fellow.Copy !req
39. Absolutely. Quite right.Copy !req
40. Moving on... um...Copy !req
41. The Grierson Gallery
of CaliforniaCopy !req
42. needs a representative
of our great gallery.Copy !req
43. They are looking for a scholar
of the very highest standing.Copy !req
44. I have therefore decided
to recommend for the post...Copy !req
45. and the three months'
sabbatical that goes with it...Copy !req
46. that splendid employee -Copy !req
47. Mr Bean!Copy !req
48. Yes!Copy !req
49. - All in favour?
- YES! YES!Copy !req
50. Excellent! Carried.Copy !req
51. Our loss is America's gain.Copy !req
52. David, the Royal National
Gallery wants a guy called BeanCopy !req
53. to represent them.Copy !req
54. Can't say I've heard of him.Copy !req
55. The letter's signed
by Rosenblum and Cutler.Copy !req
56. That's impressive.Copy !req
57. They say "he's a man
whose incontrovertible geniusCopy !req
58. Rosenblum and Cutler
said that?Copy !req
59. You asked for England's top man.
I delivered him.Copy !req
60. It sounds like it.Copy !req
61. However, before we confirm,Copy !req
62. Bernice feels
we'd get more media attentionCopy !req
63. with someone from
the entertainment industry.Copy !req
64. I believe we could get...Copy !req
65. Jon Bon Jovi.Copy !req
66. Jon Bon Jovi?Copy !req
67. - To unveil Whistler's Mother?
- Yes.Copy !req
68. I have nothing
against Jon Bon Jovi.Copy !req
69. He's had two great
hairstyles in ten years,Copy !req
70. an achievement
not to be sniffed at.Copy !req
71. But, so far as I know,
Mr Jovi knows nothingCopy !req
72. about 19th-Century
Impressionism.Copy !req
73. It isn't mentioned in his songs.Copy !req
74. - But David...
- This is not a rock video.Copy !req
75. This is a great
and serious work of art,Copy !req
76. and Dr Bean will give
the occasion depth and dignity.Copy !req
77. You're right.
We go with Bean.Copy !req
78. - But, George...
- No, David's our curator.Copy !req
79. It's his decision,
his responsibility,Copy !req
80. ultimately, his neck.Copy !req
81. - Where will he stay?
- I have an interesting idea.Copy !req
82. Here? In our house?Copy !req
83. For two months?Copy !req
84. Oh-ho, David ... suddenly there's
no hotels in LA?Copy !req
85. No need to get excited.Copy !req
86. This is the Royal
National Gallery's top man.Copy !req
87. I thought it'd be excitingCopy !req
88. to have him around
to learn from, talk to...Copy !req
89. What do we know about him?Copy !req
90. They'd mention
if he was a serial killerCopy !req
91. Are you feeling lucky, punk?Copy !req
92. - David, over my dead body!
- Ali...Copy !req
93. I'd like to put it
on the table right now!Copy !req
94. This is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.Copy !req
95. It'll be great for the kids.Copy !req
96. You're kidding!Copy !req
97. It's gonna be great!Copy !req
98. Let's say there is a chartCopy !req
99. of the most intelligent
people you've ever met.Copy !req
100. Number one is Dr Bean.Copy !req
101. Kevin, sometimes you ask me
questions I can't answer.Copy !req
102. Like, "What's an IUD?"Copy !req
103. More like,
"What's the meaning of life?"Copy !req
104. - I never asked you that.
- That doesn't matter!Copy !req
105. What I'm saying is,
Dr Bean is a remarkable man.Copy !req
106. He could be cute.Copy !req
107. The guy's gonna be a creep!Copy !req
108. All Englishmen are ugly -Copy !req
109. I look at Prince Charles
and weep.Copy !req
110. So he looks
like Meatloaf's butt.Copy !req
111. If we get lucky.Copy !req
112. Jennifer, nobody is
asking you to marry him.Copy !req
113. Why have a family conference?
Dad's made up his mind.Copy !req
114. Perceptive child.Copy !req
115. What's wrong
with Meatloaf's butt?Copy !req
116. C'mon, it'll be great.Copy !req
117. Dr Bean is a genius
of the highest order.Copy !req
118. Good evening.Copy !req
119. No, sir.
You're in First Class.Copy !req
120. Good evening.Copy !req
121. Good evening, sir.
May I take your coat?Copy !req
122. - Simple poster. Nice and big.
- A bargain at $9.99.Copy !req
123. - Spencer?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
124. Bath towel.Copy !req
125. Pushing your luck a little.Copy !req
126. It'll sell.Copy !req
127. It's Whistler's Sister.Copy !req
128. You are kidding.Copy !req
129. No, sir. We have a range
for every member of the family.Copy !req
130. Whistler's Mother's cookies.Copy !req
131. Whistler's Father's beer mug.Copy !req
132. Here's one
for the younger brother range.Copy !req
133. Whistler's whistle.
You blow up her ass.Copy !req
134. Here, try.Copy !req
135. I don't feel well.Copy !req
136. I think I'm gonna be sick.Copy !req
137. I think we're looking
for a Brad Pitt look-alike.Copy !req
138. Police!Copy !req
139. Move on him now!Copy !req
140. Watch it! Out of the way!Copy !req
141. A 415, man with a gun
heading into Terminal Two!Copy !req
142. Get some people here!Copy !req
143. Police coming through!Copy !req
144. Lady, watch it!Copy !req
145. There he is!Copy !req
146. Everyone on the floor! Now!Copy !req
147. - Not you, sweetie.
- Oh, right.Copy !req
148. Carefully take out your weapon,Copy !req
149. holding the butt
with two fingers.Copy !req
150. Slowly place it on the floor
and take three steps back.Copy !req
151. - What is this?
- I don't know. Weird.Copy !req
152. Mr Bean,Copy !req
153. are you on any medication?Copy !req
154. Not that I know of.Copy !req
155. Well, you could
certainly use some.Copy !req
156. So, Doctor...Copy !req
157. Bean.Copy !req
158. Yes, OK, Dr Bean.Copy !req
159. Well, you... you made it.Copy !req
160. - Nice flight?
- Hm-mmh-ghhh...Copy !req
161. This is Kevin.Copy !req
162. This is Jennifer. She's very
excited about meeting you.Copy !req
163. My wife, Alison.Copy !req
164. David, could I have
the tiniest talk with you?Copy !req
165. All right. We just...Copy !req
166. I appreciate he seems
a little eccentric.Copy !req
167. There are Martians exiled
from Mars for looking weirdCopy !req
168. who look less weird than him.Copy !req
169. - He has an original quality.
- He goes.Copy !req
170. Wow! That was amazing!Copy !req
171. Can you do this?Copy !req
172. No, but I can do this.Copy !req
173. - How do you do that?
- Magic.Copy !req
174. - You'll tell him?
- Yes.Copy !req
175. - Today?
- Today seems a good day.Copy !req
176. Well, sir. An unorthodox start.Copy !req
177. I guess I never expected things
with a man of your calibreCopy !req
178. to be normal.Copy !req
179. I've never read your writings.Copy !req
180. What exactly is your position
at the gallery?Copy !req
181. I sit in the corner
and look at the paintings.Copy !req
182. That is brilliant!Copy !req
183. If only more scholars
would do that -Copy !req
184. just sit and look,
not lecture, write and argue -Copy !req
185. just sit and look
at the paintings. Brilliant!Copy !req
186. - Morning, Elmer.
- Good morning, sir.Copy !req
187. - Dr Bean.
- Oh.Copy !req
188. If you'd like to sign in, sir.Copy !req
189. Thank you.
Welcome to the Grierson.Copy !req
190. Welcome to my world.Copy !req
191. We're expected in
Grierson's office at 9am.Copy !req
192. He doesn't like
to be kept waiting, so...Copy !req
193. - Do you mind...?
- Absolutely, you bet.Copy !req
194. Doctor, we should go.
We're very late.Copy !req
195. Oh, we...
Doctor, if you're ready.Copy !req
196. Ah, David, finally. >Copy !req
197. Our professor
from across the sea.Copy !req
198. - George Grierson, Dr Bean.
- I'm delighted, Doctor.Copy !req
199. - Actually, I'm not...
- A photo, sir?Copy !req
200. We expect a great deal
of you, Doctor.Copy !req
201. Bernice is in charge of PR.Copy !req
202. An absolute honour, Doctor.Copy !req
203. Walter Huntley,
our merchandise manager.Copy !req
204. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
205. Take a seat, Doctor.Copy !req
206. Let me take that.
This is very out-of-date.Copy !req
207. Before we settle in,
feast your eyes on these.Copy !req
208. I'll be honest with you, Bean.Copy !req
209. - I like this.
- It's beautiful, sir.Copy !req
210. - Over here.
- OK.Copy !req
211. Yeah, it's a lovely
green there.Copy !req
212. Good, down to business.Copy !req
213. I've asked Bernice to run
through the order of events.Copy !req
214. Dr Bean,
would you join us?Copy !req
215. Uh, no, no, I'll just, uh...Copy !req
216. < Oh, very well.Copy !req
217. Bernice.Copy !req
218. Anything pertaining
to media requirementsCopy !req
219. has an asterisk.Copy !req
220. I. e., glossy stills required
by some favoured weeklies,Copy !req
221. that sort of thing.Copy !req
222. The big day unfolds as follows:Copy !req
223. our benefactor General Newton
arrives at 10am,Copy !req
224. then at 10.30
will be the unveilingCopy !req
225. in front of all media.Copy !req
226. I assume all this merchandising
will be available?Copy !req
227. Absolutely. From fridge magnets
to frisbees, we'll be ready.Copy !req
228. It will
probably be about 11amCopy !req
229. when the stage
is set for Dr Bean.Copy !req
230. Yes, right, we really...Copy !req
231. We should bring in
the Doctor here.Copy !req
232. Uh, Dr Bean?Copy !req
233. Doctor, we've inspected
the schedule, and...Copy !req
234. if you would just look
at yours over there.Copy !req
235. The General arrives at 10amCopy !req
236. and unveils the picture
at 10.30.Copy !req
237. About eleven o'clock
should be your speech.Copy !req
238. I think twenty minutes
should be long enough.Copy !req
239. - Bernice?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
240. You could fill hours, Doctor,Copy !req
241. but it would be best
to keep it light.Copy !req
242. Maybe some anecdotes about
the painting of the picture,Copy !req
243. and why it is considered
America's greatest painting.Copy !req
244. Is that going to be enough,
Doctor, 20 minutes?Copy !req
245. If you'll excuse me,
I have lunch with the Mayor.Copy !req
246. Not what I like, but duty calls.Copy !req
247. Doctor, good to meet you.Copy !req
248. It's a complex experience.Copy !req
249. Enjoy your stay with David.Copy !req
250. They're simple people, but warm.Copy !req
251. David, may I have
a private word?Copy !req
252. OK. Wait for me
at the new acquisitions.Copy !req
253. I'll join you shortly.Copy !req
254. He's a genius, right?Copy !req
255. - Yeah, he's eccentric, but...
- Yes!Copy !req
256. The unveiling
of Whistler's MotherCopy !req
257. is the most important thing
to happen at this gallery.Copy !req
258. And Dr Bean was your choice.Copy !req
259. Yes, I understand that.
Thank you, sir.Copy !req
260. Dr Bean, when we get home...Copy !req
261. I wonder if you would mindCopy !req
262. giving me a moment
with my wife?Copy !req
263. There's something
we need to work out.Copy !req
264. No problem.Copy !req
265. I think just wait
in here would be good.Copy !req
266. Just ignore that.Copy !req
267. Her mother gave it to us.
Huge sentimental value.Copy !req
268. Just make yourself at home.Copy !req
269. I'll be just a couple
of minutes with Alison.Copy !req
270. Oh, uh, Doctor...Copy !req
271. I would actually not do that.Copy !req
272. That's a limited edition.Copy !req
273. It's delicate, so if you...Copy !req
274. Yeah, there would be good.Copy !req
275. That's fine.Copy !req
276. No Dr Bean?Copy !req
277. - Actually, he is still here.
- Jennifer, Kevin, Plan B!Copy !req
278. Luggage packed?
What is Plan B?Copy !req
279. If Dr Bean isn't gone,
we go to Grandma's.Copy !req
280. Screwed up again, Dad?Copy !req
281. There was no time
to raise the subject!Copy !req
282. - Start the car, sweetie.
- Wait a second. Look...Copy !req
283. YOU look!
I ask very little of you,Copy !req
284. but I did ask you
to get rid of Dr Bean.Copy !req
285. You two can stay hereCopy !req
286. and come to grips
with post-modernism,Copy !req
287. but I am taking
our kids to Mother's.Copy !req
288. Give him one last chance.
Just one.Copy !req
289. Please.Copy !req
290. OK.Copy !req
291. - OK.
- Thank you.Copy !req
292. - All right.
- Thanks.Copy !req
293. - Once you know him...
- Don't.Copy !req
294. - Hello, Doctor.
- Hello.Copy !req
295. That's not for the TV...Copy !req
296. Yeah... Well...Copy !req
297. There they go.Copy !req
298. Well, Doctor, we got
the whole weekend together.Copy !req
299. Yeah, get to know
each other, and, uh...Copy !req
300. I was thinking tomorrow
we might really do LA.Copy !req
301. There's the Gallery
of American Indian Art,Copy !req
302. the California State Gallery...Copy !req
303. The Rabowitz is THE place
for Abstract Expressionism.Copy !req
304. Sound good to you?Copy !req
305. You have something
else in mind?Copy !req
306. Incredible. You set?Copy !req
307. Would you get another ticket?Copy !req
308. Could be more fun
the second time around.Copy !req
309. OK.Copy !req
310. Brace yourself!Copy !req
311. Help me!Copy !req
312. He's a genius, huh?Copy !req
313. So they tell me.Copy !req
314. Well, he looks like
a fruitcake to me.Copy !req
315. You'll take responsibility
for his actions?Copy !req
316. You're a braver man than me,Copy !req
317. and I take on gangs
armed with AK-47 s.Copy !req
318. Get him out of here.Copy !req
319. I would love to kick his butt.Copy !req
320. And the next time, I will.Copy !req
321. Doctor, there is something
we have to talk about.Copy !req
322. I don't quite know
how to put this. >Copy !req
323. What concerns me...Copy !req
324. Whoever that is,
I'll get rid of them.Copy !req
325. - There he is!
- David, sorry we're late.Copy !req
326. Traffic - terrible.
It gets worse and worse.Copy !req
327. It's beautiful - the green!Copy !req
328. - .. nobody in control.
- The yellow!Copy !req
329. He doesn't have to drive!Copy !req
330. Where is Alison?Copy !req
331. I've got bad news
and good news.Copy !req
332. The bad news is that Alison
is visiting her mom,Copy !req
333. who is... not well.Copy !req
334. - That's too bad.
- The poor thing.Copy !req
335. The good news is,
Dr Bean and I are cooking.Copy !req
336. - That's good news?
- Of course it is.Copy !req
337. All the greatest chefs
are men.Copy !req
338. What's on the menu, maestro?Copy !req
339. How could I forget?Copy !req
340. What the hell will we eat?Copy !req
341. They expect something
more formal.Copy !req
342. An onion? On its own?Copy !req
343. That's for Thanksgiving.
Alison would kill me.Copy !req
344. There must be something else.Copy !req
345. Have you cooked one before?Copy !req
346. Oh, yes.Copy !req
347. But it'd take five hours!Copy !req
348. Not necessarily.Copy !req
349. - What do you think, 20 minutes?
- How do I know?Copy !req
350. You sure this will work?Copy !req
351. OK, put on some vegetables
and say hello.Copy !req
352. Maestro, my tastebuds
are tingling with anticipation.Copy !req
353. No, thanks.Copy !req
354. We'll skip the appetiser.Copy !req
355. So, Bean. Big day Tuesday.Copy !req
356. Your big day, my big day.Copy !req
357. I have a question for you.Copy !req
358. He's attentive to detail.Copy !req
359. Everything must be... just so.Copy !req
360. Bean, I think we need
to be honest with each other.Copy !req
361. I cannot deny
that over the last daysCopy !req
362. some suspicions have begun
to gather in my mind.Copy !req
363. I would like to ask
some questions.Copy !req
364. Number one: are you a doctor?Copy !req
365. No.Copy !req
366. Number two.Copy !req
367. Do you know anything about art?Copy !req
368. Um... well...Copy !req
369. Just, for instance...Copy !req
370. Was Leonardo da Vinci
an American basketball player?Copy !req
371. Yes.Copy !req
372. - Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Dad.Copy !req
373. Hello, Doctor.Copy !req
374. - Bye, Dad.
- Bye, Dad.Copy !req
375. Hallo-o...
Uh, Mr Grierson, yes.Copy !req
376. He's in the shower with me.Copy !req
377. Give it to me!Copy !req
378. Hello, Mr Grierson.Copy !req
379. No, no, you misunderstood.Copy !req
380. What time? She is?Copy !req
381. Thank you for calling me.Copy !req
382. - OK. Goodbye.
- Bye.Copy !req
383. Whistler's Mother
has actually arrived in America.Copy !req
384. Listen, I beg you,Copy !req
385. as a man whose entire
career depends on you,Copy !req
386. behave rationally today.Copy !req
387. What do you think?Copy !req
388. Nice frame.Copy !req
389. Magnificent.Copy !req
390. David, well done.
Worth every bright green buck.Copy !req
391. She's something else,
isn't she?Copy !req
392. Enjoy her while you can.Copy !req
393. Soon we'll lock her awayCopy !req
394. until the guy who paid
$50 million for her turns up.Copy !req
395. - Elmer, a security meeting?
- Right, sir.Copy !req
396. This is your key
to the encasement system.Copy !req
397. There are only two -
I have the other one.Copy !req
398. If it turns up missing,
I'll know where to go.Copy !req
399. If you could all join me
at the security console.Copy !req
400. Doctor, why don't you
stay here?Copy !req
401. Maybe the real thing
will inspire your speech.Copy !req
402. Don't leave this room
till I get back.Copy !req
403. This chart maps
all the security alarms.Copy !req
404. The operation has a code name:Copy !req
405. "Operation Whistler's Mother".Copy !req
406. Not a snazzy title,
but I think it works.Copy !req
407. Fear not, gentlemen.Copy !req
408. Nothing'll touch that painting,
short of an earthquake.Copy !req
409. Oooh!Copy !req
410. We've gotta protect the paintingCopy !req
411. without getting
in the good doctor's way.Copy !req
412. Seems to be
a problem with the...Copy !req
413. door.Copy !req
414. Where's the picture gone?Copy !req
415. What, what, what?Copy !req
416. Oh, Jesus! Oh, God!Copy !req
417. Jesus, God! Oh, Mary!Copy !req
418. Why am I worrying?
You did it!Copy !req
419. All I have to do
is tell them what happened!Copy !req
420. Then they'll say, "Who left him
alone with the picture?"Copy !req
421. I say, "ME"! And they say,
"You're fired. "Copy !req
422. I say, "Fine. "Copy !req
423. They say, "Prosecute him
for negligence. "Copy !req
424. My wife leaves me, my daughter
becomes a prostitute.Copy !req
425. I wind up on Death Row
with Butch McDick!Copy !req
426. I gotta calm down.Copy !req
427. OK, give me one more
look at the painting.Copy !req
428. Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!Copy !req
429. rendering the underground
ventilation ducts secure.Copy !req
430. - That's good to know.
- Thank you, sir.Copy !req
431. Hey, do you drink, Bean?Copy !req
432. - No.
- Good. Neither do I.Copy !req
433. Bean...Copy !req
434. Carry on.Copy !req
435. Do you want to know the reality
of the situation?Copy !req
436. Because you moved into my house,
my wife has moved out.Copy !req
437. Yes, she did.Copy !req
438. She might have
moved out anyway, but...Copy !req
439. That is point one.
Point two...Copy !req
440. I've given my LIFE to art.Copy !req
441. From here on in, the only art
I will get anywhere nearCopy !req
442. are pictures I draw
on the pavement,Copy !req
443. hoping passers-by
will throw nickels in my hat.Copy !req
444. The long and the short of it...Copy !req
445. I wish I'd never been born.Copy !req
446. Yesterday,Copy !req
447. All my troubles
seemed so far away,Copy !req
448. Now it looks as though
they're here to stay.Copy !req
449. Oh, I believeCopy !req
450. In yesterday.Copy !req
451. Suddenly,Copy !req
452. I'm not half the man
I used to be.Copy !req
453. There's a shadow
hanging over meCopy !req
454. I believeCopy !req
455. In yesterday.Copy !req
456. Suddenly,Copy !req
457. Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the streamCopy !req
458. If you see a crocodile,
Don't forget to scream.Copy !req
459. Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.Copy !req
460. If you see a crocodile,
Don't forget to screa...Copy !req
461. I can explain everything.Copy !req
462. < OK, explain everything.Copy !req
463. It's inexplicable.Copy !req
464. - Ali, listen...
- No, David.Copy !req
465. The reason I came home
was because I missed you.Copy !req
466. And also because I live here,Copy !req
467. and they live here.Copy !req
468. But we've been waiting
for five hours!Copy !req
469. And we get a drunk and his
friend from the Planet Zog!Copy !req
470. I know it seems
like this horrible...Copy !req
471. situation...Copy !req
472. but if you could just hear
my full horrific tale.Copy !req
473. David, I think I'm gonna
have to leave you.Copy !req
474. You are?Copy !req
475. Well, then things
really have gotten bad.Copy !req
476. < Hi, Beanie.Copy !req
477. - Can't sleep?
- No.Copy !req
478. Me neither. Can't stop
thinking about naked women.Copy !req
479. - How about you?
- Whistler's Mother.Copy !req
480. Whatever turns you on.Copy !req
481. Catch you around, Moon Man.Copy !req
482. If you still can't sleep,
come to my room.Copy !req
483. I've some great posters
of Cindy Crawford.Copy !req
484. Come on!Copy !req
485. Ohhh! Arghhh! God damn it!Copy !req
486. Oh, my God! Oh, my GOD!Copy !req
487. Jennifer! No, no, no, no.Copy !req
488. You're not getting
on that bike.Copy !req
489. Good morning, everyone.Copy !req
490. No one's allowed on those
death traps. You promised.Copy !req
491. You promised
to get rid of Dr Freako!Copy !req
492. Don't talk to me!
I'm thinking about what to do.Copy !req
493. - Well...
- Quiet!Copy !req
494. There they are.Copy !req
495. < What a pleasure, sir.Copy !req
496. Welcome to our humble abode.Copy !req
497. Not too humble, I hope.
I'm expecting lunch.Copy !req
498. - This way.
- After you, sir.Copy !req
499. Glad you made itCopy !req
500. Where the hell have you been?Copy !req
501. - Sorry, trouble at home.
- Never mind. Come along.Copy !req
502. I'd like you
to meet our curator.Copy !req
503. - Delighted...
- Of course you are.Copy !req
504. Through here, sir.Copy !req
505. Ladies and gentlemen, this is
a great moment for America,Copy !req
506. and for one very special lady -
Whistler's Mother.Copy !req
507. She's here todayCopy !req
508. thanks to our great benefactor.Copy !req
509. Will you join me
in saluting a soldier,Copy !req
510. philanthropist,
loving father...Copy !req
511. and extremely generous patron
of the arts, General Newton.Copy !req
512. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
513. I am not
a traditional art lover.Copy !req
514. I can't distinguish between
a Picasso and a car crash.Copy !req
515. But I can't stand the ideaCopy !req
516. of Frenchies owning
America's greatest painting.Copy !req
517. Let's get on with it.Copy !req
518. Welcome home, Ma.Copy !req
519. Whatever you did, you're
a genius, and I love you.Copy !req
520. - It's a poster.
- It's a what?Copy !req
521. - David, it's time.
- Time for what?Copy !req
522. - The speech.
- What speech?Copy !req
523. Dr Bean's speech.Copy !req
524. Of course, the speech.Copy !req
525. Doctor, keep it below an hour.Copy !req
526. A joke in it would be nice.Copy !req
527. "Good Morning, America" couldn't
give a monkey about "isms".Copy !req
528. You know what I mean.Copy !req
529. - It needn't be long. Just...
- Dr Bean, we're ready.Copy !req
530. Just, just, just...Copy !req
531. For the second
highlight of our day,Copy !req
532. Dr Bean, English art scholar,
will speak for a few minutes -Copy !req
533. not too long! -
about our new purchase.Copy !req
534. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
535. Dr Bean of the National
Gallery of England.Copy !req
536. - Yeah!
- Bravo!Copy !req
537. Well, hello.Copy !req
538. I'm Dr Bean... apparently...Copy !req
539. and my job is to sit
and look at paintings.Copy !req
540. Just him and the painting?Copy !req
541. What have I learntCopy !req
542. that I can say
about THIS painting?Copy !req
543. Well, firstly, it's quite big.Copy !req
544. Which is excellent.Copy !req
545. Because if it was really small -
you know, microscopic -Copy !req
546. then hardly anybody
would be able to see it,Copy !req
547. which would be
a tremendous shame.Copy !req
548. Um, secondly...Copy !req
549. and I'm getting
quite near the end nowCopy !req
550. of this analysis
of this painting.Copy !req
551. Secondly...Copy !req
552. Why was it worth this man hereCopy !req
553. spending fifty million
of your American dollarsCopy !req
554. on this portrait?Copy !req
555. The answer is...Copy !req
556. Well, this picture
is worth such a lot of moneyCopy !req
557. because...Copy !req
558. it's a picture...Copy !req
559. of Whistler's MOTHER.Copy !req
560. And, as I've learnt
by staying with my best friend,Copy !req
561. David Langley, and his family,Copy !req
562. families are very important.Copy !req
563. And even though Mr WhistlerCopy !req
564. was perfectly awareCopy !req
565. that his mother
was a hideous old batCopy !req
566. who looked like she had
a cactus up her backside...Copy !req
567. he stuck with her,Copy !req
568. and even took the time to paint
this amazing picture of her.Copy !req
569. It's not just a painting.Copy !req
570. It's a picture of a mad old cowCopy !req
571. who he thought the world of.Copy !req
572. And that's marvellous.Copy !req
573. That's what I think.Copy !req
574. OK, let's seal it up.Copy !req
575. Home and dry.Copy !req
576. Where did you put
the original?Copy !req
577. Mr Langley, may I have a word?Copy !req
578. Stay here. Shut up.Copy !req
579. - Mr Langley...
- I can explain.Copy !req
580. - Explain what?
- About the painting.Copy !req
581. - What painting?
- "Whistler's Mother".Copy !req
582. I'm here as a police officer,
not as an art lover.Copy !req
583. Your daughter's been
in a motorcycle accident.Copy !req
584. < Damn!Copy !req
585. Request emergency clearance
for 8-0-9 Adam.Copy !req
586. - No!
- Shut up!Copy !req
587. Suspect male, possibly
armed. Request back-up.Copy !req
588. Keep speeding. If you get
a ticket, I'll tear it up.Copy !req
589. Easy, fella, hold it! Halt!Copy !req
590. Put the gun down.Copy !req
591. Jennifer Langley's room.
She came in about 11 o'clock.Copy !req
592. Motorcycle accident.Copy !req
593. Ow! Just...Copy !req
594. All right.Copy !req
595. I... Please, just stay here
and do nothing!Copy !req
596. If you do nothing,
nothing can go wrong.Copy !req
597. I've got to
take care of my family.Copy !req
598. The nurse says
that it's not a coma,Copy !req
599. that she's just
sorta taking time out.Copy !req
600. But we haven't seen
a doctor yet, so I don't...Copy !req
601. Dr Jacobson, you're needed
urgently in OR-3.Copy !req
602. I'm due in Number 4.Copy !req
603. A ruptured kidney
and massive bleeding.Copy !req
604. OK.Copy !req
605. Yes, it's urgent.Copy !req
606. - What's happening?
- Surgeon's on his way.Copy !req
607. At last, Dr... Bean.Copy !req
608. We've got a 45-year-old male
brought in 10 minutes ago.Copy !req
609. He's got a penetrating
injury to the chest.Copy !req
610. In there now!Copy !req
611. Doctor, it looks like
a bullet in the lower thorax.Copy !req
612. There's severe inner bleeding.Copy !req
613. - He's coming to.
- Give me a T-70.Copy !req
614. Shall I extend
the incision, sir,Copy !req
615. from the breastbone
to the diaphragm?Copy !req
616. Sorry, sir,
it's only my first week.Copy !req
617. You're right.
We'll wait for X-rays.Copy !req
618. Help. We are losing
this guy. We need help.Copy !req
619. Watch he doesn't go
into haemodynamic shock.Copy !req
620. < He's fibrillating!
Charge the paddles.Copy !req
621. Clear!Copy !req
622. What's that?Copy !req
623. Oh, what?Copy !req
624. Oh, jolly good. Clean it up.Copy !req
625. Sorry to keep you waiting.
back to the bleeding.Copy !req
626. We'll clamp it off.Copy !req
627. We need that J-17 right now.Copy !req
628. There's too much blood.Copy !req
629. More suction,
pack the bleeding!Copy !req
630. Pressure's bottoming out.Copy !req
631. His heart rate's
dropping! We're losing him!Copy !req
632. He's crashing!Copy !req
633. Where is this bullet?
We find it or he's dead.Copy !req
634. < I am not going to lose him!Copy !req
635. Sir, I've got to get in there!Copy !req
636. Doctor, you can't just...!
This is too dangerous!Copy !req
637. My God!Copy !req
638. Incredible.Copy !req
639. Heart rate stabilising.
Blood pressure's back.Copy !req
640. Doctor, thank God.
My daughter was in an accident.Copy !req
641. We're desperate
for some medical attention.Copy !req
642. Would you mind?Copy !req
643. - The doctor will check her out.
- Thank God.Copy !req
644. Damage to the brainCopy !req
645. is sensitive to observe,Copy !req
646. so maybe we should
step outside.Copy !req
647. The first nurse saidCopy !req
648. it's more like a deep sleep
than a coma.Copy !req
649. Jennifer?Copy !req
650. Wakey, wakey.
Breakfast's ready.Copy !req
651. Jennifer...?Copy !req
652. What time is it?Copy !req
653. It's almost 2.Copy !req
654. Can you turn the clock back
about 12 hours for me?Copy !req
655. Sure.Copy !req
656. Wake up, wake up!Copy !req
657. Wake up!Copy !req
658. I don't know
what to say about Bean.Copy !req
659. He's clearly
a Force 10 disaster area,Copy !req
660. but - God help me! -Copy !req
661. I like him.Copy !req
662. Having said that,
there is no reasonCopy !req
663. why any of you should have
anything to do with him again.Copy !req
664. Mom! Dad! Anyone?Copy !req
665. My God! Jennifer!Copy !req
666. Honey! Look at you!Copy !req
667. - What happened?
- You had an accident.Copy !req
668. But everything is gonna be OK.Copy !req
669. What happened to Stingo?Copy !req
670. He'll be fine...
till I get my hands on him.Copy !req
671. Doctor, where are you going?
How can we ever say thank you?Copy !req
672. You've made us so happy.Copy !req
673. - We'll do anything.
- Anything.Copy !req
674. I suppose you could
let me stay another week.Copy !req
675. Sunset Boulevard!Copy !req
676. Hey, what's this all about?Copy !req
677. Presents!Copy !req
678. Ooh, this is heavy.Copy !req
679. Thank you.Copy !req
680. - Thanks.
- Thanks.Copy !req
681. Oh, look, laxatives.
A whole box of them!Copy !req
682. - Oh, hey, there they are!
- SIX of them.Copy !req
683. Barbie...!Copy !req
684. ThanksCopy !req
685. What did you get?Copy !req
686. We love it, we love it!Copy !req
687. Give us a smile.Copy !req
688. Bye-bye!Copy !req
689. Bye, Beanie!Copy !req
690. See ya!Copy !req
691. Farewell!Copy !req
692. Well, Beanie, it's been...Copy !req
693. surreal.Copy !req
694. Er, you can come back
and visit any time...Copy !req
695. in the fairly
distant future.Copy !req
696. I know it sounds insane,Copy !req
697. but I'm really gonna
miss you.Copy !req
698. OK...Copy !req
699. OK.Copy !req
700. Bye again.Copy !req