- 1. Can I persuade you
to take a sandwich with you, sir?
- 2. I'll get drive-through.
- 3. You're counting on the winged avenger
to deliver you from evil...
- 4. aren't you, my friend?
- 5. Are you gonna kill me?
- 6. Maybe, maybe not. You can say
we're of two minds on the subject. Ha!
- 7. Are you a gambling man?
- 8. What say we flip for it?
- 9. One man is born a hero,
his brother, a coward.
- 10. Babies starve, politicians grow fat...
- 11. holy men are martyred,
and junkies grow legion.
- 12. Why? Why? Why?
- 13. Luck.
- 14. Blind, stupid, simple, doo-da, clueless luck.
- 15. The wrath of toss.
- 16. The only true justice.
- 17. Let's see what justice has in store...
- 18. for you.
- 19. Oh! It's like the touch of God.
Wait, wait, wait.
- 20. Oh-oh!
- 21. Fortune smiles,
another day of wine and roses.
- 22. Or, in your case, beer and pizza. Ha!
- 23. Out of here!
- 24. - But you said you'd let me live.
- Too true, and so you shall.
- 25. Nothing better than live bait
to trap a bat.
- 26. What if we could get
some kind of a horn?
- 27. Hot entrance.
- 28. Two-Face?
- 29. Two guards are dead.
He's holding a third hostage.
- 30. - Didn't see this one coming.
- We should have, though.
- 31. The Second Bank of Gotham on the...
- 32. Second anniversary
of the day I captured him.
- 33. How could Two-Face resist?
- 34. I'm Chase Meridian.
- 35. I asked Dr. Meridian to come to Gotham
to consult on this case.
- 36. She specializes in...
- 37. Abnormal Psychology,
multiple personalities. I read your work.
- 38. Insightful. Naive, but insightful.
- 39. I'm flattered. Not every girl
makes a superhero's night table.
- 40. Can we reason with him?
He's holding innocent people up there.
- 41. It won't do any good.
He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.
- 42. A trauma powerful enough to create
an alternate personality leaves the victim...
- 43. In a world where normal rules
of right and wrong no longer apply.
- 44. - Exactly.
- Like you.
- 45. I could write a hell of a paper...
- 46. on a grown man
who dresses like a flying rodent.
- 47. Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.
- 48. Really? I didn't know that.
- 49. You are interesting.
- 50. And call me Chase.
- 51. By the way, do you have a first name
or do I just call you Bats?
- 52. Let's start this party with a bang.
- 53. Very punctual, even for his own funeral.
- 54. Boys, kill the bat.
- 55. Ha, ha. Ha.
- 56. Blast him.
- 57. Open sesame.
- 58. It's a trap.
- 59. Oh, no!
- 60. Attention, citizens of fair Gotham.
- 61. When we open that safe,
we'll have everything we ever wanted.
- 62. Enough cash
to rain down upon fair Gotham...
- 63. a glorious flood of chaos.
- 64. And, of course, you, my boy, dead.
- 65. Oh, no, it's boiling acid.
- 66. For your dying pleasure we're serving
the same acid...
- 67. that made us the men we are today.
- 68. - No.
- Hold on.
- 69. Yes.
- 70. Haul away.
- 71. Yes, haul away.
- 72. - Give me your hand.
- Don't let go.
- 73. Oh! Oh.
- 74. - I'm gonna have to borrow this.
- 75. Hey. Hey, that's my hearing aid.
- 76. Thanks.
- 77. My shoes are melting. Oh!
- 78. Oh, oh.
- 79. No more!
- 80. Aah!
- 81. Oh! Ah!
- 82. - Hang on.
- Hang on?
- 83. Whoa!
- 84. Get him down. Get him down.
- 85. Hey, take it easy with him, fellows.
- 86. You'll be all right, young man.
Just stay calm. Easy, just easy.
- 87. This will fix him. Ha-ha-ha.
- 88. Hang on, Batty! Ha-ha-ha.
- 89. Ah.
- 90. Let's see.
- 91. Yes.
- 92. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, happy day.
- 93. Farewell forever
to that pointy-eared night rat.
- 94. Face.
- 95. - Hey, Face!
- 96. - Die!
- 97. Oh!
- 98. You need help, Harvey. Give it up.
- 99. Have the good taste to die.
- 100. See you.
- 101. Despite a valiant effort
last night by Batman...
- 102. Harvey Two-Face is still at large
and extremely dangerous.
- 103. And in other news today,
billionaire Bruce Wayne...
- 104. has extended his trend-setting
- 105. to the employees of the highly successful
- 106. of Wayne Enterprises.
- 107. - Mr. Wayne.
- Hello, Fred.
- 108. Your inspections
are a departmental highlight.
- 109. Oh, my God, it's him.
- 110. I am a winner. I am a winner.
I am a winner.
- 111. I am a winner.
- 112. Bioremediation. Alternative fuel.
- 113. Mr. Wayne, look at that time.
- 114. Perhaps we should get to R&D
as soon as possible.
- 115. Mister...
- 116. Ohhh... Bruce Wayne.
- 117. No, that's my name. And you are?
- 118. Nygma. Edward. Edward Nygma.
- 119. You hired me personally.
Just like I tell everyone.
- 120. We've never actually met,
but your name was on the hiring slip.
- 121. - I have it.
- I'm gonna need that hand back, Ed.
- 122. Oh. Yes, of course. I'm sorry.
- 123. It's just that...
- 124. you're my idol.
- 125. Back to work, Edward.
- 126. And some people have been trying
to keep us apart.
- 127. - Back to work, Edward.
- It's okay.
- 128. So, Mr. Nygma, what's on your mind?
- 129. Precisely. What's on all our minds?
- 130. Brain waves.
- 131. The future of Wayne Enterprises...
- 132. is brain waves.
- 133. I'm gonna have to apologize. I personally
terminated his project this morning.
- 134. It's okay.
- 135. I have it.
- 136. Voilà.
- 137. Huh?
- 138. My invention beams any TV signal
directly into the human brain.
- 139. By stimulating neurons,
manipulating brain waves, if you will...
- 140. this device makes the audience feel
like they're inside the show.
- 141. Why be brutalized by an uncaring world?
- 142. Did you say, "Manipulating brain waves"?
- 143. Well...
- 144. - Yes.
- 145. But...
- 146. someone like you would never need it.
- 147. Someone so...
- 148. intelligent, witty and charming.
- 149. I just need a bit of additional funding
for human trials.
- 150. - Let me show you, please.
- Now, listen, Ed...
- 151. I want a full set of technical schematics
on this, okay?
- 152. I want you to know
we'll be full partners in this, Bruce.
- 153. Look at us. Two of a kind.
- 154. You call my assistant, Margaret.
She'll set something up.
- 155. Ahhh...
- 156. That's not gonna be good for me.
- 157. I need an answer now.
- 158. I think I deserve it.
- 159. I'm sorry, Ed, then the answer is no.
- 160. Tampering with people's brain waves,
- 161. It just raises too many questions.
- 162. Thanks, everybody, keep up the good work.
Factory looks great.
- 163. All right, everyone, back to work.
- 164. We'll discuss this later.
- 165. You were supposed to understand.
- 166. I'll make you understand.
- 167. Lock.
- 168. Chair.
- 169. - Alfred.
- I saw the signal, sir.
- 170. All is ready.
- 171. - Commissioner Gordon?
- He's at home.
- 172. I sent the signal.
- 173. What's wrong?
- 174. Last night at the bank
I noticed something about Two-Face.
- 175. His coin.
- 176. It's his Achilles' heel.
- 177. - It can be exploited.
- I know.
- 178. You called me here for this?
- 179. The Bat-Signal is not a beeper.
- 180. Well, I wish I could say
that my interest in you...
- 181. was purely professional.
- 182. Are you trying to get under my cape,
- 183. A girl can't live by psychoses alone.
- 184. It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.
- 185. What is it about the wrong kind of man?
- 186. In grade school,
it was guys with earrings.
- 187. motorcycles, leather jackets.
- 188. Now...
- 189. Oh.
- 190. black rubber.
- 191. Try a fireman. Less to take off.
- 192. I don't mind the work.
Pity I can't see behind the mask.
- 193. - We all wear masks.
- My life's an open book. You read?
- 194. I don't blend in at a family picnic.
- 195. Oh, we could give it a try.
I'll bring the wine...
- 196. you bring your scarred psyche.
- 197. - Direct, aren't you?
- You like strong women.
- 198. I've done my homework.
- 199. Or do I need skintight vinyl and a whip?
- 200. I haven't had that much luck
- 201. Maybe you just haven't met
the right woman.
- 202. I saw the signal. What's going on?
- 203. - Nothing.
- 204. False alarm.
- 205. Are you sure?
- 206. Women.
- 207. Okay...
- 208. now I've got it! Hah.
- 209. Too many questions.
There's too many questions.
- 210. There's just too many...
- 211. I'll show you it works.
- 212. What the hell is going on here?
- 213. I told you this project is terminated.
I'm calling security.
- 214. Caffeine will kill you!
- 215. Rise and shine, little guinea pig.
- 216. What are you doing, Nygma? Untie me.
- 217. This won't hurt a bit.
- 218. At least, I don't think it will.
- 219. What are you doing? Nygma.
- 220. - You touch that switch and...
- Which one? This?
- 221. Uh-oh. Ooh.
- 222. Ah.
- 223. - Losing resolution. More power.
- 224. Edward Nygma, come on down...
- 225. you're the next contestant
on Brain Drain.
- 226. Um-chee-uh-ah.
- 227. I'll take what's inside
thick skull number one.
- 228. - What have we got for him, Johnny?
- 229. Ooh-hoo-hoo.
Stickley, I'm having a breakthrough.
- 230. And a breakdown? Maybe!
- 231. Nevertheless, I'm smarter. I'm a genius.
- 232. No, several geniuses.
- 233. A gaggle, a swarm,
a flock of freaking Freuds.
- 234. Riddle me this, Fred.
- 235. What is everything to someone
and nothing to everyone else?
- 236. Your mind, baby.
- 237. And now mine pumps
with the power of yours.
- 238. I'm sucking up your IQ
- 239. Vacuuming your cortex
- 240. Feeding off your brain
- 241. Fred!
- 242. What a rush.
- 243. What the hell just happened?
- 244. A very surprising side effect.
- 245. While you were mesmerized
by my 3-D TV...
- 246. I utilized your neural energy
to grow smarter.
- 247. Bruce Wayne was right.
- 248. You demented, bizarre, unethical toad.
It is brain manipulation.
- 249. I'm reporting you to the FCC...
- 250. the Human Experimentation Board,
the AMI, and the police.
- 251. You are going up on charges, to court...
- 252. to jail, and then to a mental institution
for the rest of your twisted little life.
- 253. But first and foremost, Nygma,
you are fired.
- 254. Do you hear me? Fired!
- 255. Mmm.
- 256. I don't think so.
- 257. Oh!
- 258. Hang on!
- 259. Fred, babe...
- 260. you are fired.
- 261. Or should I say terminated?
- 262. Surf's up, big kahuna!
- 263. Ooh. Nice form,
but a little rough on the landing.
- 264. He may have to settle for the bronze.
- 265. Questions, Mr. Wayne?
My work raises too many questions?
- 266. Why hasn't anybody...
- 267. put you in your place?
- 268. Harvey Dent,
once Gotham's District Attorney...
- 269. was horribly scarred
by underworld kingpin, Boss Moroni.
- 270. Although Batman tried to save him,
Dent's left-brain damage...
- 271. transformed him
into a violent criminal...
- 272. - ... who blames Batman...
- Wayne Manor.
- 273. and who has vowed to destroy
the Dark Knight.
- 274. - Harvey Two-Face is extremely dangerous.
- 275. Repeat, extremely...
- 276. That was the Commissioner Gordon, sir.
- 277. There's been an accident
at Wayne Enterprises.
- 278. - Horrible way to die.
- 279. The video surveillance cameras
are down here.
- 280. Good. We'll dredge the river, but with that
current, I doubt we'll ever find the body.
- 281. Why? Oh, why?
- 282. I just can't believe it.
- 283. Two years working in the same office.
- 284. He was like my father, my brother...
- 285. or a cousin that visits all the time.
- 286. Get a grip, Edward.
- 287. I found this in my cubicle.
- 288. You'll find the handwriting
matches his exactly...
- 289. as does sentence structure
- 290. I couldn't possibly continue on here.
- 291. The memories...
- 292. This is last night's security log.
- 293. There's Stickley.
- 294. Pretty cut-and-dry.
- 295. Yep, definitely suicide.
- 296. Thanks very much for your help, Bruce.
We'll be in touch.
- 297. Stickley's suicide.
It doesn't make sense. Thanks.
- 298. I want full benefits for his family.
- 299. Suicide's not covered
by our corporate insurance policy.
- 300. I know. Full benefits.
- 301. Gossip Gerty has called a record 32 times.
- 302. - Who are you taking to the charity circus?
- I'll let you know. What's this?
- 303. I don't know. I didn't see anyone.
- 304. That's hideous. What does it mean?
- 305. It's a riddle.
- 306. "Numbers on my face, 13."
- 307. One through 12.
The answer is a clock.
- 308. Who would send you a riddle?
- 309. That, Maggie, is the riddle.
- 310. Guess what I did today.
- 311. Wayne Manor.
- 312. Hmp!
- 313. See you soon.
- 314. Dr. Meridian, please. Thank you.
- 315. I...
- 316. I...
- 317. guess I'm early.
- 318. I have an appointment. I'm Bruce Wayne.
- 319. Good.
Then you can afford to buy me a new door.
- 320. I... Sorry.
- 321. I...
- 322. You sounded like you were in...
- 323. In...
- 324. You know, trouble.
- 325. I prefer healthy expressions of violence
as opposed to breaking and entering.
- 326. - Hmm.
- So how can I help you, Mr. Wayne?
- 327. Oh. Someone's been sending me
- 328. One at my office,
and one last night at my home.
- 329. I... Commissioner Gordon thought
you might give me your expert opinion.
- 330. Clock.
- 331. Clock.
- 332. A match.
- 333. My opinion,
this letter writer is a total wacko.
- 334. Wacko? That a technical term?
- 335. Patient may suffer
from obsessional syndrome...
- 336. with potential homicidal tendencies.
Does that work better for you?
- 337. So, what you're saying
is this guy's a total wacko.
- 338. Exactly.
- 339. He's obsessed with you.
- 340. His only escape
may be to purge the fixation.
- 341. To kill me.
- 342. I think you understand obsession
better than you let on.
- 343. You have a thing for bats?
- 344. Oh, that's a Rorschach, Mr. Wayne.
- 345. People see what they want.
- 346. I think the question would be,
do you have a thing for bats?
- 347. Still playing with dolls, doctor?
- 348. She's a Malaysian dream warden.
- 349. Some cultures believe
she protects you from bad dreams.
- 350. It's silly to you, I'm sure.
- 351. You look so sad.
- 352. Do you need one?
- 353. Me? No. Why would I?
- 354. You're not exactly what you seem,
are you, Bruce Wayne?
- 355. What is it you really came here for?
- 356. Yikes, time's up.
- 357. That's usually my line.
- 358. - Listen, I'd love to stay here chatting...
- Mm. Would you?
- 359. I'm not so sure.
- 360. I've really gotta get you
out of those clothes.
- 361. - Excuse me?
- And into a black dress.
- 362. Tell me, doctor, do you like the circus?
- 363. Ladies and gentlemen...
- 364. boys and girls of all ages...
- 365. welcome to the greatest show
- 366. Bruce, who is this beautiful young woman
- 367. - Dr. Chase Meridian.
- A doctor? What kind of doctor?
- 368. for Gotham Children's Hospital.
- 369. Let's thank our largest single donor:
- 370. Ladies and gentlemen...
- 371. 70 feet above the ground...
- 372. performing feats
of unimaginable aerial skill...
- 373. the Flying Graysons.
- 374. Listen, I'm going rock climbing
- 375. Would you like to join me?
- 376. Oh, um...
- 377. I'd like to, I love climbing.
I mean, I really love it.
- 378. - But?
- I've met someone.
- 379. That's fast work. You just moved here.
- 380. Well, you could say he just kind of
dropped out of the sky...
- 381. and bang!
- 382. I think he felt it too.
- 383. - Sure did.
- 384. Well, who wouldn't?
- 385. And now...
- 386. Richard, the youngest Flying Grayson...
- 387. will perform the awe-inspiring
- 388. without the safety of a net.
- 389. - Okay, let's go.
- You'll be all right.
- 390. Ladies and gentlemen...
- 391. the new management
of the Circus International...
- 392. invites you to forget this good, clean,
wholesome all-American fun...
- 393. and join us in a celebration
of absolute chaos and true jesters.
- 394. Bring it on. Bring it on, now.
- 395. Tonight, a new act
for your personal amazement.
- 396. - We call it Massacre Under the Big Top.
- 397. If we may direct your attention
to the middle of the center ring.
- 398. Inside this harmless-looking orb are two...
- 399. That's 200 sticks of TNT.
- 400. And in our innocent hand,
a radio detonator.
- 401. - What the hell do you want, Harvey?
- Want, Mr. Mayor?
- 402. One simple thing: Batman.
- 403. Bruised, broken, bleeding.
In a word: dead!
- 404. - Batman.
- Who do we have before us?
- 405. Gotham's finest, well-to-do, influential.
Surely one of you knows who Batman is.
- 406. Hell, odds are, one of you pasty-faced twits
- 407. You have two minutes.
- 408. Harvey.
- 409. I'm Batman!
- 410. Bruce.
- 411. Whoo-hoo! Ha-ha-ha.
- 412. We could stop them.
If we go out on the rigging.
- 413. - Be careful, boys.
- Don't worry, Mom.
- 414. Go to work, boys. Ha, ha.
- 415. Oof!
- 416. Ha!
- 417. Our kind of day.
- 418. Reach for it. Stop it.
- 419. Oh, my God.
- 420. Ha!
- 421. Bruce.
- 422. It's good of you to take him in.
He hasn't anyone now.
- 423. We've had him filling out papers all day.
He hasn't slept, he hasn't even eaten.
- 424. Welcome, Master Grayson. I'm Alfred.
- 425. How you doing, Al?
- 426. There's a room for you upstairs...
- 427. but perhaps you'd like to get
something to eat first.
- 428. Okay, I'm out of here.
- 429. Excuse me?
- 430. I figured telling that cop
I'd stay here...
- 431. saved me a truckload
of social service interviews and charities.
- 432. So, no offense, but no thanks. See you.
- 433. Take it easy, Al.
- 434. Where will you go?
- 435. The circus must be
halfway to Metropolis by now.
- 436. I'll get a fix on Two-Face.
Then I'm gonna kill him.
- 437. Killing Two-Face won't take the pain away.
It'll make it worse.
- 438. Look, spare me the sermons,
all right, Bruce?
- 439. I don't need your advice
and I don't need your charity.
- 440. - That's a nice bike.
- Hang out at a lot of biker bars, Bruce?
- 441. You're almost on empty.
Why don't you fill up in the garage?
- 442. There's not a gas station around here
- 443. Pump's over here.
- 444. Is this a garage or a car museum, Bruce?
- 445. Oh, wow.
- 446. - It's a 1917 Harley.
- 447. Indian classic, fully restored.
- 448. This is a Vincent Black Knight.
They only made, like, a hundred of these.
- 449. A hundred and one, actually.
She's my favorite.
- 450. - You've got two of them.
- Yeah, that one doesn't run, though.
- 451. Throttle sticks on this one.
- 452. Alfred's actually a very good mechanic,
but some of these need a lot of work.
- 453. If someone were to fix them up,
they could keep one as a fee.
- 454. Anyway, have a nice trip.
- 455. I'm sure you'll land on your feet.
- 456. Is the young master leaving? Pity.
- 457. I'll just toss this away, then.
Perhaps the dogs are hungry.
- 458. Hey, Al, wait up.
- 459. "That where there is hatred,
I will bring love.
- 460. That where there is wrong,
I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
- 461. That where there is despair,
I may bring hope.
- 462. That where there are shadows,
I may bring light.
- 463. That where there is sadness,
I may bring joy.
- 464. Lord, grant that I may seek
rather to comfort than to be comforted.
- 465. To understand, than to be understood.
- 466. To love, than to be loved."
- 467. Master Bruce?
- 468. Master Bruce?
- 469. Just like my parents.
- 470. It's happening again.
- 471. A monster comes out of the night,
a scream, two shots.
- 472. - I killed them.
- What did you say?
- 473. He killed them. Two-Face.
He slaughtered that boy's parents.
- 474. No. No, you said, "I."
"I killed them."
- 475. - Take care of the kid.
- Certainly, sir.
- 476. Can I help you settle in, Master Grayson?
- 477. No.
- 478. Thanks, I won't...
I won't be staying long.
- 479. Oh.
- 480. Is this a robin?
- 481. My brother's wire broke once
and I swung out and grabbed him.
- 482. My father said I was his hero.
- 483. I flew in like a robin.
- 484. Some hero I turned out to be.
- 485. But your father was right.
You are a hero. I can tell.
- 486. Throw this away, will you, Alfred?
I won't be needing it anymore.
- 487. I think I'll just put it in here.
- 488. Broken wings mend in time.
- 489. One day Robin will fly again. I promise.
- 490. Aah-aah!
- 491. Whoa!
- 492. Aah! Ah-ha.
- 493. We'll drive, thank you.
- 494. Aah!
- 495. The Puzzler?
- 496. The Gamester?
- 497. Captain Kill?
- 498. Question Mark Man?
- 499. No, no, no.
- 500. Ohhh...
- 501. Thank you. Thank you so much.
- 502. The Bat's stubborn refusal to expire...
- 503. is driving us insane.
- 504. Don't worry, baby.
- 505. You'll kill him soon.
- 506. Besides, I made your favorite tonight.
- 507. - Sparkling champagne...
- 508. yummy poached salmon
with little itty-bitty quail eggs...
- 509. and a creamy, dreamy lemon soufflé.
- 510. No, I made your favorite.
- 511. A charred heart of black boar...
- 512. a side of raw donkey meat...
- 513. and a Sterno and grain alcohol,
straight up, baby!
- 514. Perfect. Ladies, you spoil us.
- 515. We're of two minds
about what to eat first.
- 516. - What?
- I hope you made extra.
- 517. Who the hell are you?
- 518. Just a friend.
- 519. But you can call me...
- 520. the Riddler.
- 521. I'll call you dead, is more like it.
How did you find us here? Talk.
- 522. But then if I talked...
- 523. what would keep you from slaying me,
O Segregated One?
- 524. By the way, that's never gonna heal
if you don't stop picking.
- 525. - Let's see if you bleed green.
- 526. - Ha-ha-ha.
- ... I don't think it's me you wanna kill.
- 527. That's just too easy
for someone as powerful as you...
- 528. and you.
- 529. But Batman...
- 530. there's a challenge.
- 531. - Kill the Bat! Sounds like a good idea.
- 532. But have you thought it through?
- 533. A few bullets, a quick splash of blood,
and then what?
- 534. Wet hands.
- 535. Post-homicidal depression.
- 536. - Why not humiliate him first?
- 537. Expose his frailties.
And then, when he is at his weakest...
- 538. - ... crush him.
- 539. - I see that sparkle in your left eye.
- 540. I can help you get Batman.
- 541. That is, if you'll spare my life
for just a few moments.
- 542. Heh.
- 543. Thank you.
- 544. I simply love what you've done
with this place.
- 545. Heavy Metal meets House and Garden.
- 546. Beautiful.
- 547. It's so dark and Gothic...
- 548. and disgustingly decadent.
- 549. Yet so bright and chipper...
- 550. and conservative.
- 551. It's so you.
- 552. And yet, so you.
- 553. Very few people
are both a summer and a winter...
- 554. - ... but you pull it off nicely.
- 555. What's the point, big boy?
- 556. Has anybody ever told you
you have a serious impulse-control problem?
- 557. This is the point.
- 558. This is how I found you.
- 559. Let me demonstrate.
- 560. This is your brain on the Box.
- 561. - Aah!
- This is my brain on the Box.
- 562. Does anybody else feel like a fried egg?
- 563. I'll have a bit more. Thank you.
- 564. Oh, there's more.
But only the first one's free.
- 565. Here's the bargain.
- 566. You will help me steal production capital
so I can put a Box on every TV in town...
- 567. and become
Gotham's cleverest carbon-based life form.
- 568. And in return...
- 569. Is everybody paying attention?
- 570. I will help you solve
the greatest riddle of all.
- 571. The mother of all riddles:
- 572. - Who is Batman?
- 573. You have broken into our hideout.
- 574. - You have violated the sanctity of our lair.
- 575. For this, we should crush your bones
- 576. However, you pose
a most interesting proposition.
- 577. Therefore, heads, we accept, and tails,
we blow your damn head off.
- 578. Here's a good one.
- 579. No, no, no.
- 580. There is a good one.
- 581. Leave that, Master Dick. I'll attend to it.
- 582. Ahem.
I'm not used to being waited on, Al.
- 583. - Don't shoot me, please.
- Don't you eyeball me! Give me that!
- 584. Hey, Two-Face,
show me how to punch a guy.
- 585. It's dirt-simple, my boy.
- 586. Ball up the fist, reach way back
and assert yourself.
- 587. - Aah!
- 588. - That looks like fun. Let me try, let me try.
- Ball up the fist...
- 589. - Ball up the fist, way back...
- ... reach way back, assert yourself.
- 590. Aah! Ow!
- 591. One hundred thousand, two hundred
and twenty... One hundred and...
- 592. I lost count!
- 593. In Gotham, last night...
- 594. another robbery perpetrated
by the city's green-suited menace...
- 595. resulting in millions in diamonds stolen,
with no sign of Batman.
- 596. Teamed with Two-Face...
- 597. this new criminal's pattern
of marking his crimes with puzzles...
- 598. has Gothamites calling him the Riddler.
- 599. Apparently, you and Batman
have a common enemy.
- 600. That was with the morning mail.
- 601. Chess pawns. Clock. Match.
All physical objects, man-made.
- 602. - Small in size, light in weight.
- What's the connection?
- 603. With all due respect, sir,
I think that's why they call him the Riddler.
- 604. May I help you, Master Grayson?
- 605. How come this the only locked door
around this museum?
- 606. What have you got back there?
- 607. Master Wayne's dead wives.
- 608. The silver closet. On your way.
- 609. Now you can be part of the action.
- 610. Nygmatech brings
the joy of 3-D entertainment...
- 611. into your living room.
- 612. Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you...
- 613. my vision.
- 614. The Box in every home in America...
- 615. and one day, the world.
- 616. In local news, Edward Nygma's 3-D Box...
- 617. has become the rage of Gotham.
- 618. Rioting occurred last night
at electronics stores, which were sold out.
- 619. There is hardly a home
without the Nygmatech Box.
- 620. Critics have claimed
the Box turns Gothamites into zombies.
- 621. But Edward Nygma just shrugs:
- 622. "That's what they said
when TV was invented."
- 623. Master Dick?
- 624. Up here, Al.
- 625. Just checking, young sir.
- 626. Now.
- 627. Aah!
- 628. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
- 629. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
- 630. Oh, I have something for you.
- 631. It's on the table.
- 632. I hope you like it.
- 633. Call it clinical intuition.
- 634. I thought your dreams
might need changing.
- 635. My parents were murdered
in front of me...
- 636. when I was just a kid.
- 637. I don't...
- 638. remember a lot of what happened.
- 639. What I do comes to me in my dreams,
- 640. There's a new element now, though,
I haven't seen before.
- 641. It's a red leather book.
- 642. Something else.
- 643. My dreams are coming to me
when I'm awake now.
- 644. Bruce, you're describing
- 645. Images of a forgotten pain
that's trying to surface.
- 646. Oh, damn. Wait, I'll be right back.
- 647. Is it possible...
- 648. there's an aspect of your parents' death
that you haven't faced?
- 649. And you were so young
when it happened.
- 650. Maybe I'll leave you two alone.
- 651. This goes way beyond
taking your work home, doesn't it, doctor?
- 652. All right.
- 653. I think he's fascinating.
- 654. Clinically.
- 655. Why does a man do this?
- 656. It's as if he's cursed
to pay some great penance.
- 657. Now, what crime could he have committed
to deserve a life of nightly torture?
- 658. It's more than just...
- 659. professional interest, isn't it, Chase?
- 660. Bruce, are you jealous?
- 661. No, I...
- 662. I can't be jealous of Batman.
- 663. I wanna be close,
but you won't let me near.
- 664. What are you protecting me from?
- 665. You wanna know me?
- 666. You wanna know who I am?
- 667. I guess...
- 668. we're all two people.
- 669. One in daylight,
and the one we keep in shadow.
- 670. Rage, violence...
- 671. passion.
- 672. Excuse me.
- 673. I'm kind of busy.
- 674. I'm sorry to bother you, sir.
- 675. I have some rather distressing news
about Master Dick.
- 676. What, is he all right?
- 677. I'm afraid Master Dick
has gone traveling.
- 678. He ran away?
- 679. Actually, he took the car.
- 680. - He boosted the Jag?
- Not the Jaguar. The other car.
- 681. - The Bentley?
- No, sir.
- 682. The other car.
- 683. Come for a little ride
in my love machine, babies. Whoo!
- 684. Whoo!
- 685. Chill, dudes, it's Batman.
- 686. Open up, Batman.
- 687. Wait a minute. That's not Batman.
- 688. - What are you talking about?
- That's Batboy.
- 689. It ain't the Bat.
- 690. Go, go!
- 691. Hey! Hey, let her go!
- 692. Oooh.
- 693. Who the hell are you?
- 694. I'm Batman.
- 695. Hey, so I forgot my suit, all right?
- 696. Ahh.
- 697. - Come on, run!
- 698. Doesn't Batman ever kiss the girl?
- 699. - Go.
- Thanks, you saved my life.
- 700. I could definitely get into
this superhero gig.
- 701. Batman!
- 702. Batman!
- 703. Bastard!
- 704. It should've been you! It's your fault!
- 705. If you'd told Two-Face
who you were at the circus...
- 706. they'd still be alive!
- 707. If Bruce Wayne could have given his life
for your family, he would have.
- 708. All I can think about every second
of the day is getting Two-Face.
- 709. He took my whole life.
- 710. When I was out there tonight...
- 711. I imagined it was him
that I was fighting.
- 712. Even when I was fighting you.
- 713. And all the pain went away.
- 714. - Do you understand?
- Yes, I do.
- 715. Good.
Because you gotta help me find him.
- 716. And when we do...
- 717. I'm the one who kills him.
- 718. So you're willing to take a life?
- 719. As long as it's Two-Face.
- 720. Then it will happen this way:
- 721. You make the kill.
- 722. But your pain doesn't die with Harvey,
- 723. So you run out into the night
to find another face...
- 724. and another and another...
- 725. until one terrible morning
you wake up and realize...
- 726. that revenge has become
your whole life.
- 727. And you won't know why.
- 728. You can't understand.
- 729. Your family wasn't killed by a maniac.
- 730. Yes, they were.
- 731. We're the same.
- 732. Well, if we're the same, Bruce, help me.
All right? Train me, let me be your partner.
- 733. No.
- 734. I can't.
- 735. You still have a choice.
- 736. Look, Bruce, I'm a part of this,
whether you like it or not.
- 737. And tonight,
all of Gotham society has turned out...
- 738. for Edward Nygma's gala unveiling
of his new, improved Box.
- 739. - Thanks, Al.
- My pleasure, sir.
- 740. They'll be dining and dancing
the night away on the glamorous roof...
- 741. of the Ritz Gotham.
- 742. Mr. Nygma,
what's it like to have your face...
- 743. on the cover of every magazine
- 744. Ah! Ha!
- 745. Edward, how does it feel to be
the city's newest, most eligible bachelor?
- 746. Gotham must know. Oh!
- 747. There's Bruce Wayne. Brucie.
- 748. - Over here.
- Mr. Wayne.
- 749. Oh, Eddie, he is too cute.
- 750. How come you don't look so good
in that suit?
- 751. Shut up. You're here to work.
- 752. - How's my mole?
- 753. Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne.
- 754. What about rumors of a Nygmatech
takeover of Wayne Enterprises?
- 755. Nygmatech's stock is outselling
Wayne Enterprises' 2-to-1.
- 756. - Are you yesterday's news, Bruce?
- Yes, yes, yes.
- 757. Bruce, old man.
- 758. The press were wondering what it feels like
to be outsold, outclassed, out-coiffed...
- 759. and generally outdone in every way.
- 760. Hello, Edward. Congratulations.
- 761. Great party. Nice suit.
- 762. Wit. Good.
- 763. - And you are?
- 764. And what a grand pursuit you must be.
- 765. I'm Bruce Wayne, Miss...?
- 766. Oh.
- 767. You can call me anything you want.
- 768. Ladies and gentlemen, the future.
- 769. My new, improved Box offers
fully interactive holographic fantasies.
- 770. Edward, you're dashing and a genius.
- 771. How do you create these images, hon?
- 772. That, my dear, is my little secret. Ta!
- 773. Fully interactive holographs.
- 774. Only a high-frequency carrier wave
beamed directly into the brain...
- 775. could create such images.
- 776. Yeah, and you wish you thought of it.
- 777. Yes, don't be a sore loser, Brucie.
Step inside. Give it a try.
- 778. Edward, if you can introduce images
into the mind...
- 779. what prevents you from extracting images
out of the mind?
- 780. Oh...
- 781. Too timid to try my machine?
Just say so.
- 782. Shall we dance?
- 783. Naughty, naughty.
- 784. Looking for something?
- 785. Well, I was just...
Just wondering how you turn it off.
- 786. Ah. Clever.
- 787. - Thanks.
- My pleasure.
- 788. Good evening, Mr. Wayne.
- 789. Relax.
- 790. Tell me your dreams.
- 791. Tell me your fantasies.
- 792. Tell me your secrets.
- 793. Tell me...
- 794. your deepest, darkest fears.
- 795. No, no, no.
- 796. Relax, folks.
- 797. It's only an old-fashioned,
- 798. We're interested in the basics:
cash, jewelry, cellular telephones.
- 799. Hand them over nice and quietly
and no one will be hurt.
- 800. - Emergency, Alfred.
- Yes, sir.
- 801. Be calm, everybody. Just be calm.
- 802. Excuse me.
- 803. You're ruining my big party.
Are you insane?
- 804. We're sick of waiting for you
to deliver the Batman.
- 805. Patience, O Bifurcated One.
- 806. Patience, hell, we want him dead!
- 807. And nothing brings out the Batman
like a little murder and mayhem, baby.
- 808. The least you could do
is let me in on the caper.
- 809. We could have organized this, planned it,
pre-sold the movie rights.
- 810. Batman.
- 811. Your entrance was good, his was better.
- 812. The difference? Showmanship.
- 813. Emergency, Alfred.
- 814. Oh, sir. I could be fired for this, sir.
- 815. Perhaps they'll have me back
at Buckingham Palace.
- 816. - Ow!
- All right, boys! Phase 2!
- 817. Mmm!
- 818. My place, midnight.
- 819. Ha! Ha-ha!
- 820. Ha-ha.
- 821. Nothing like a bad case of gas.
- 822. Oh-ho.
- 823. Why can't you just die?
- 824. Hi.
- 825. - What did you think you were doing?
- You got a real gratitude problem, Bruce.
- 826. I need a name. Batboy? Nightwing?
I don't know, what do you think?
- 827. What's a good sidekick name?
- 828. How about,
"Dick Grayson, college student"?
- 829. Screw you. I just saved your life.
You owe me.
- 830. You were out of control.
You're gonna get yourself killed.
- 831. - You're looking at your new partner.
- 832. Bruce, whenever you go out at night,
I'll be watching.
- 833. And wherever Batman goes,
I'm gonna be right beside him.
- 834. I mean, how are you gonna stop me?
- 835. I can stop you.
- 836. Al, hang this next to the Batsuit.
- 837. Where it belongs.
- 838. And you're encouraging him.
- 839. Young men with a mind for revenge
need little encouragement.
- 840. They need guidance.
- 841. You, above all, should know
the consequences of the life you choose.
- 842. Even Chase calls being Batman a curse.
- 843. Perhaps the lady
is just what the doctor ordered.
- 844. She seems lovely and wise.
- 845. I've never been in love before, Alfred.
- 846. Go to her.
- 847. Tell her how you feel.
- 848. She wants Batman, not Bruce Wayne.
- 849. Let the lady decide.
- 850. I'm sorry.
- 851. I... I can't believe this.
- 852. I... I've imagined this moment
since I first saw you.
- 853. Your... Your eyes.
- 854. Your lips.
- 855. Your body.
- 856. And now I have you...
- 857. and I'm wishing
you were somebody else.
- 858. I guess a girl has to grow up sometime.
- 859. I've met someone.
- 860. He's...
- 861. Well, he's... He's not you.
- 862. I hope you can understand.
- 863. I understand.
- 864. Well.
- 865. That's just what I said.
- 866. Then I taught my doggie a new trick:
- 867. How to map the human mind.
- 868. Would you like to see what our old friend
Bruce Wayne has in his head?
- 869. W-w-woo!
- 870. Riddle me this.
- 871. What kind of a man
has bats on the brain?
- 872. - Go ahead. You can say it.
- You're a genius.
- 873. Oh, stop.
- 874. So from this day on...
- 875. Batman is no more.
- 876. You can't just quit.
I mean, there's monsters out there.
- 877. Batman has to protect the innocent.
- 878. I've dedicated my life
to helping strangers I've never met.
- 879. Faces I've never seen.
- 880. Well, the innocent aren't faceless
- 881. You can't tell me what I'm gonna do
with the rest of my life.
- 882. Lookit, my dad told me
that every man goes his own way.
- 883. Well, my way goes to Two-Face.
- 884. You gotta help me.
- 885. And if you do find Harvey
and then you kill him, what next?
- 886. Exactly.
- 887. Then you'd be alone, like me.
- 888. No, you've got to let this go.
- 889. Listen to me, Dick. I'm your friend.
- 890. I don't need a friend right now, all right?
I need a partner.
- 891. Two-Face has gotta pay.
- 892. Please.
- 893. Chase is coming over for dinner.
I'm going to tell her.
- 894. Everything.
- 895. Come on upstairs. We'll talk.
- 896. - Good evening, Dr. Meridian.
- Good evening, Alfred.
- 897. - Happy Halloween.
- Heh. Happy Halloween to you.
- 898. Well, I asked you here tonight...
- 899. because there's something
that I wanted to tell you.
- 900. I wanted to tell you something too.
- 901. - What I wanted...
- 902. - Go ahead, you go first.
- All right, okay.
- 903. Trick or treat!
- 904. All my life, I have been...
- 905. I've been attracted
to a certain kind of man.
- 906. The wrong kind of man.
- 907. And...
I mean, look what I do for a living, right?
- 908. And since... Since I met you, I...
- 909. Oh, God.
- 910. Why am I so nervous? Oh!
- 911. And don't eat too much tonight...
- 912. - ... or you'll be sick in your beds.
- Thank you, Alfred.
- 913. Happy Halloween.
- 914. Oh.
- 915. Bruce, what's wrong?
- 916. It's happening again.
- 917. Flashes. My parents' death.
- 918. Your memories are trying
to break through, don't fight them.
- 919. I want to tell you something.
- 920. - Something I've never told anyone.
- It's all right.
- 921. It's all right. I'm here.
- 922. I'm here.
- 923. "That where there is wrong,
I may bring the spirit of forgiveness."
- 924. The night of my parents' wake...
- 925. the priest's words gave no comfort.
- 926. Of course.
- 927. There, on my father's desk, the red book.
- 928. His journal.
He'd written in it every day of my life.
- 929. But now he'd never write in it again.
- 930. At that moment,
I knew my life would never be the same.
- 931. I raced out into the storm...
- 932. trying to outrun the rage. The pain.
- 933. And then I fell.
- 934. I fell forever.
- 935. The cave was monstrous.
- 936. It must have been there for centuries.
- 937. And there, deep in the shadows...
- 938. I saw...
- 939. It was coming toward me.
- 940. I was scared at first, but only at first.
- 941. The figure in the dark was my destiny.
- 942. It would change my life forever.
- 943. I would use its image to strike terror
into the hearts of those who did evil.
- 944. I would ensure what happened to me
would never happen to anyone else again.
- 945. I would have my revenge.
- 946. Bruce, what are you trying to tell me?
- 947. Chase, I... I'm...
- 948. Twick or tweet!
- 949. Trick.
- 950. Remember the plan. Seize and capture.
- 951. - No killing.
- That goes double for you.
- 952. If I was a superhero, where would I hide?
- 953. Uh...
- 954. Spank me.
- 955. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
- 956. Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
- 957. "Intruder alert. Intruder alert."
- 958. Shut up!
- 959. Now, that's impressive.
- 960. You know, it's always risky
introducing a tamed animal into the wild.
- 961. They may have trouble adapting
to their new environment.
- 962. Aah!
- 963. Hmm.
- 964. Yah!
- 965. Somebody tell the fat lady
she's on in five.
- 966. Joygasm!
- 967. Get the girl!
- 968. No!
- 969. Don't kill him.
- 970. If you kill him...
- 971. he won't learn nothing.
- 972. Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
- 973. Bruce! Bruce!
- 974. Master Bruce.
- 975. Master Bruce.
- 976. How are you, young man?
- 977. You haven't called me that
for a long time.
- 978. Old habits die hard.
- 979. Are you all right?
- 980. - Where's Chase?
- I'm afraid they've taken Dr. Meridian.
- 981. Master Dick has run away.
- 982. The cave has been destroyed.
- 983. And there's another riddle.
- 984. I'm coming, my sweet.
- 985. Like the jacket?
- 986. It keeps me safe
when I'm jogging at night.
- 987. Batman will come for me.
- 988. Batman?
- 989. Batman, you say?
- 990. Coming for you? Hoo-hoo-hoo.
- 991. Brrrr! Brrrr!
- 992. I'm counting on it!
- 993. What is that? Where's that coming from?
- 994. - There.
- Who the hell's doing that?
- 995. The Riddler.
- 996. In.
- 997. A, E, I, O, U. Vowels.
- 998. Not entirely unclever, sir.
- 999. But what do a clock, a match...
- 1000. chess pawns and vowels
have in common?
- 1001. - What do these riddles mean?
- Every riddle has a number in the question...
- 1002. and they arrived in this order:
Thirteen, one, eight and five.
- 1003. Thirteen, one, eight and five.
- 1004. - What do they mean?
- Perhaps letters of the alphabet?
- 1005. Of course, 13 is M.
- 1006. One would be A, eight would be H
and five would be E.
- 1007. M-A-H-E.
- 1008. Perhaps one and eight are 18.
- 1009. Eighteen is R.
- 1010. M-R-E.
- 1011. How about Mr. E?
- 1012. - Mystery.
- And another name for mystery?
- 1013. Enigma.
- 1014. Mr. E. Nygma. Edward Nygma.
- 1015. Stickley's suicide was obviously
a computer-generated forgery.
- 1016. You really are quite bright,
despite what people say.
- 1017. Are all the Batsuits destroyed, Alfred?
- 1018. All except the prototype
with the sonar modifications you invented.
- 1019. But you haven't tested it yet.
- 1020. Tonight's a good night.
- 1021. What do you suggest, Alfred? By sea...
- 1022. or by air?
- 1023. Why not both?
- 1024. Who's your tailor?
- 1025. I took the liberty, sir.
- 1026. "R"? What's that stand for?
- 1027. Robin.
- 1028. Riddler and Two-Face
can make a pretty lethal combination.
- 1029. I figured you could use a hand.
- 1030. Two against two are better odds.
- 1031. I can't promise I won't kill Harvey.
- 1032. A man's gotta go his own way.
- 1033. A friend taught me that.
- 1034. Not just a friend.
- 1035. A partner.
- 1036. He's not coming. Shut it down.
- 1037. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- 1038. Go, go.
- 1039. Go, go.
- 1040. A-14.
- 1041. Hit.
- 1042. - Sweet.
- 1043. Hit.
And my favorite vitamin, I might add.
- 1044. Oh.
- 1045. - Oh, that sinking feeling.
- I like this game.
- 1046. C-9.
- 1047. Aah!
- 1048. You sunk my battleship.
- 1049. - Who, me? Ha, ha.
- 1050. This is your captain speaking.
- 1051. Please return to your seats.
We will be experiencing turbulence.
- 1052. Aah!
- 1053. I got him.
- 1054. I hope they can find the little black box.
- 1055. Now...
- 1056. the real game begins.
- 1057. - Holy rusted metal, Batman.
- 1058. The ground, it's all metal.
It's full of holes, you know? Holey.
- 1059. Oh.
- 1060. Robin, wait.
- 1061. The whole island's moving.
- 1062. Looking for us?
- 1063. Ha-ha. Wah!
- 1064. That was for my mother!
- 1065. My father!
- 1066. My brother!
- 1067. And this is for me.
- 1068. Finally, justice is served.
- 1069. Let us die.
- 1070. You're a man after our own heart, son.
- 1071. I'll see you in hell.
- 1072. I'd rather see you in jail.
- 1073. Oh, good boy.
- 1074. The Bat has taught you very well.
- 1075. Noble. Stupid, but noble.
- 1076. Riddle me this, riddle me that.
- 1077. Who's afraid of the big black bat?
- 1078. No more tricks, Edward.
- 1079. Very well, then.
- 1080. Let's get real.
- 1081. Release Chase.
This is between you and me.
- 1082. And me. And me!
- 1083. You've been sucking Gotham's brain waves.
Now you've devised a way to read minds.
- 1084. You betcha.
- 1085. Soon my little Box will be
on countless TVs around the world...
- 1086. feeding me credit-card numbers,
- 1087. sexual fantasies and little white lies.
- 1088. Into my head they'll go.
- 1089. Victory is inevitable.
- 1090. For if knowledge is power...
- 1091. then a God am...
- 1092. I.
- 1093. Was that over the top? I can never tell.
- 1094. By the way, I've seen your mind, freak.
- 1095. Yours is the greatest riddle of all.
- 1096. Can Bruce Wayne and Batman
ever truly coexist?
- 1097. We'll find out today.
- 1098. But first, let's meet our contestants.
- 1099. Behind Curtain Number 1...
- 1100. the absolutely fabulous
Dr. Chase Meridian.
- 1101. She enjoys hiking,
getting her nails done...
- 1102. and foolishly hopes to be
the love of Bruce's life.
- 1103. - Ha!
- 1104. And behind Curtain Number 2...
- 1105. Fatman's one and only partner.
- 1106. This acrobat turned orphan...
- 1107. likes Saturday morning cartoons
and dreams of one day being...
- 1108. bare naked with a girl.
- 1109. And below these contestants,
my personal favorite:
- 1110. A watery grave.
- 1111. Just one little touch
and five seconds later...
- 1112. these two day-players
are gull feed on the rocks below.
- 1113. Ha!
- 1114. Not enough time to save them both.
- 1115. Whooo-ooo-ooo.
- 1116. Which one will it be, Batman?
- 1117. Bruce's love?
- 1118. Or the Dark Knight's junior partner?
- 1119. There is no way for me to save them
- 1120. This is all one giant deathtrap.
- 1121. Judges? Eh!
- 1122. I'm sorry. Your answer must be
in the form of a question.
- 1123. - But thank you for playing.
- 1124. - I have a riddle for you.
- For me?
- 1125. Really?
- 1126. Tell me.
- 1127. I see without seeing.
- 1128. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight.
- 1129. What am I?
- 1130. Please. You're as blind as a bat.
- 1131. Exactly.
- 1132. Bummer.
- 1133. Hah.
- 1134. Thanks.
- 1135. All those heroics for nothing.
- 1136. No more riddles,
no more Curtains 1 and 2.
- 1137. Just plain curtains.
- 1138. Aren't you forgetting something, Harvey?
- 1139. Your coin.
- 1140. You're always of two minds
- 1141. Yes, of course. You're right, Bruce.
- 1142. Emotion's always the enemy
of true justice.
- 1143. Thank you.
You've always been a good friend.
- 1144. Why?
- 1145. Why can't I kill you?
- 1146. Too many questions. Too many questions.
- 1147. Poor Edward.
- 1148. I had to save them both.
- 1149. You see,
I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman.
- 1150. Not because I have to be.
- 1151. Now, because I choose to be.
- 1152. Thank you for responding to my
request for a consultation, Dr. Meridian.
- 1153. Edward Nygma has been screaming
- 1154. that he knows the true identity
- 1155. Edward?
- 1156. Who is it?
- 1157. It's Dr. Meridian. Chase.
- 1158. Do you remember me?
- 1159. How could I forget?
- 1160. Dr. Burton tells me...
- 1161. you know who Batman is.
- 1162. I can't tell you if you don't say, "Please."
- 1163. Edward, please. Who is Batman?
- 1164. I'm Batman.
- 1165. Your secret is safe.
- 1166. He is definitely a wacko.
- 1167. Wacko. Is that a technical term?
- 1168. Listen.
- 1169. I won't be needing this anymore.
- 1170. Thank you for giving me a new dream.
- 1171. Don't work too late.