1. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to my underground lair.Copy !req
2. I have gathered here before meCopy !req
3. the world's deadliest assassins,Copy !req
4. and yet each of you has
failed to kill Austin Powers.Copy !req
5. That makes me angry, and
when Dr. Evil gets angry,Copy !req
6. Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset.Copy !req
7. And when Mr. Bigglesworth
gets upset...Copy !req
8. People die!Copy !req
9. Aah!Copy !req
10. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
11. Aaah!Copy !req
12. Whoaaaa!Copy !req
13. Aaaah!Copy !req
14. Why must I be surrounded
by frickin' idiots?Copy !req
15. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
16. Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah!Copy !req
17. Mustafa, Frau Farbissina,Copy !req
18. I spared your lives because I
need you to help me rid the worldCopy !req
19. of britain's top secret agent,Copy !req
20. the only man who can stop me now.Copy !req
21. We must kill Austin Powers!Copy !req
22. Yeah!Copy !req
23. Come on, babies. Work
with me, people. All right.Copy !req
24. Show me love.Copy !req
25. Great, babies! Yeah!Copy !req
26. Oh, behave.Copy !req
27. It's Austin Powers!Copy !req
28. It's Austin Powers! Aah!Copy !req
29. Hello, Mrs. Kensington.Copy !req
30. Hello, Austin.Copy !req
31. Why don't you ever model
for me, Mrs. Kensington?Copy !req
32. You know how Mr.
Kensington feels about that.Copy !req
33. Oh, behave.Copy !req
34. Heh heh heh, yeah!Copy !req
35. Yeah, baby! Yeah, heh heh heh.Copy !req
36. Ow!Copy !req
37. Hello, Austin.Copy !req
38. I'm basil exposition
with British intelligence.Copy !req
39. We have just received
word that Dr. EvilCopy !req
40. is planning a trap for
you tonightCopy !req
41. at the electric psychedelic
pussycat swinger's clubCopy !req
42. here in swinging London.Copy !req
43. We'll be there.Copy !req
44. Yeah, have a look, baby!Copy !req
45. Whoo!Copy !req
46. There you go. Come on, baby.Copy !req
47. Yeah, yeah!Copy !req
48. Austin, it's a swinging shindig.Copy !req
49. It's my happening, baby,
and it freaks me out!Copy !req
50. Yeah, man!Copy !req
51. Can I get you a drink,
Mr. Powers?Copy !req
52. Sure!Copy !req
53. Austin, we've got
to look for Dr. Evil.Copy !req
54. Wait.Copy !req
55. I've got an idea.Copy !req
56. Uhh!Copy !req
57. Austin! Why on earth
did you hit that woman?Copy !req
58. Right. Let me show you, baby.Copy !req
59. That ain't no woman.Copy !req
60. It's a man, man.Copy !req
61. One of Dr. Evil's assassins.Copy !req
62. Look out! He's got a knife!Copy !req
63. Good work, Mrs. Kensington.Copy !req
64. All right, get up. Get up!Copy !req
65. Right... Where's Dr. Evil, huh?Copy !req
66. Where is he?Copy !req
67. Uhh!Copy !req
68. There's the bastard.Copy !req
69. Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
70. Coming through.Copy !req
71. Excuse me.Copy !req
72. I've got you now, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
73. Not this time.Copy !req
74. Come, Mr. Bigglesworth!Copy !req
75. See you in the future, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
76. My God!Copy !req
77. He's freezing himself.Copy !req
78. And so Dr. Evil escapedCopy !req
79. and had himself
cryogenically frozenCopy !req
80. to return at a time when
free love no longer reignedCopy !req
81. and greed and
corruption ruled again.Copy !req
82. Yes?Copy !req
83. Commander gilmour?Copy !req
84. Speaking.Copy !req
85. Commander, this is
ritter in sou-west com 3.Copy !req
86. We have a potential bogey
with erratic vectoringCopy !req
87. and an unorthodox entry angle.Copy !req
88. What are you saying, son?Copy !req
89. Well, it appears to be
in the shape of a big boy.Copy !req
90. Good God... He's back.Copy !req
91. Well, in many ways, the
big boy never left, sir.Copy !req
92. He's always offered the same high
quality meals at competitive prices.Copy !req
93. Shut up.Copy !req
94. Shall I scramble tac
hq for an intercept?Copy !req
95. What's its current position?Copy !req
96. I'm presently tracking
it over Nevada.Copy !req
97. Oh, my God! The big boy's gone.Copy !req
98. Listen, son...Copy !req
99. I want you to forget
what you saw here today.Copy !req
100. Phillips... call
the president, sir.Copy !req
101. Prepare the jet,
bring my overnight bag,Copy !req
102. and, uh, Phillips, feed my fish?Copy !req
103. Not too much.Copy !req
104. I'm off to
London, eng-a-land.Copy !req
105. Powers volunteered
to have himself frozenCopy !req
106. in case Dr. Evil
should ever return.Copy !req
107. Well, I hope
your boy's up to it.Copy !req
108. We don't wanna have to
bail you guys out againCopy !req
109. like after w.W. Ii.Copy !req
110. This is our celebrity vault.Copy !req
111. Please.Copy !req
112. Russian officer: So, who
is this Austin Powers?Copy !req
113. The ultimate gentleman spy:Copy !req
114. Irresistible to women,
deadly to his enemies,Copy !req
115. a legend in his own time.Copy !req
116. Woman over speaker:
Attention. Stage one:Copy !req
117. Laser cutting begins.Copy !req
118. Laser cutting complete.Copy !req
119. Warm liquid
goo phase beginning.Copy !req
120. Warm liquid goo phase complete.Copy !req
121. Reanimation beginning.Copy !req
122. Reanimation complete.Copy !req
123. Cleansing beginning.Copy !req
124. Cleansing complete.Copy !req
125. Evacuation beginning.Copy !req
126. Evacuation
comp—Copy !req
127. Evacuation
com—Copy !req
128. Com—Copy !req
129. Com—Copy !req
130. Evacuation
com—Copy !req
131. Uh... Uh... Wh-where am I?Copy !req
132. You're in the ministry of defence.Copy !req
133. It's 1997.Copy !req
134. You've been cryogenically frozenCopy !req
135. for 30 years.Copy !req
136. Who are these people?Copy !req
137. The shouting is a
temporary side effect ofCopy !req
138. the unfreezing process.Copy !req
139. Yes. I'm having difficulty
controlling the volume of my voice!Copy !req
140. This is commander gilmour,Copy !req
141. U.S. strategic command,Copy !req
142. and general borschevsky,Copy !req
143. Russian intelligence.Copy !req
144. Russian intelligence? Are you mad?Copy !req
145. A lot's happened
since you were frozen.Copy !req
146. The cold war's over.Copy !req
147. Well, finally, those capitalist
pigs will pay for their crimes, eh?Copy !req
148. Eh, comrades? Eh?Copy !req
149. Austin... We won.Copy !req
150. Oh, groovy. Smashing.
Yay, capitalism.Copy !req
151. Hello.Copy !req
152. Hello!Copy !req
153. Mr. Powers... the
president's quite concerned.Copy !req
154. We've got a madman on
the loose in Nevada.Copy !req
155. Dr. Evil.Copy !req
156. When do I begin?Copy !req
157. Immediately.Copy !req
158. You'll be working
with miss Kensington.Copy !req
159. Mrs. Kensington!Copy !req
160. Austin, Mrs. Kensington
has long since retired.Copy !req
161. Miss Kensington is her daughter.Copy !req
162. Ah, here she is.Copy !req
163. Vanessa is one of our top agents.Copy !req
164. My God, Vanessa's
got a fabulous body...Copy !req
165. And I bet she shags like a minx.Copy !req
166. How do I tell them that because
of the unfreezing process,Copy !req
167. I have no inner monologue?Copy !req
168. I... Hope I didn't say
that out loud just now.Copy !req
169. Heh heh heh...Copy !req
170. Mr. Powers, my job is to
acclimatize you to the nineties.Copy !req
171. You know, a lot's
changed since 1967.Copy !req
172. No doubt, love, but as long
as people are still havingCopy !req
173. promiscuous sex with many anonymous
partners without protection,Copy !req
174. while at the same time experimenting
with mind-expanding drugsCopy !req
175. in a consequence-free environment,Copy !req
176. I'll be sound as a pound.Copy !req
177. Danger Powers—
personal effects.Copy !req
178. Actually, my name is Austin Powers.Copy !req
179. It says here "name—
danger Powers."Copy !req
180. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
181. Danger's my middle name.Copy !req
182. Ok. Austin
danger Powers—Copy !req
183. one blue crushed velvet suit...Copy !req
184. Hey, all right.Copy !req
185. One frilly lace cravat...Copy !req
186. There it is.Copy !req
187. One silver medallion
with "male" symbol...Copy !req
188. One pair of Italian boots...Copy !req
189. Buon giorno, boys.Copy !req
190. One vinyl record album:Copy !req
191. Burt bacharach plays his hits...Copy !req
192. Hey, Burt!Copy !req
193. One Swedish-made...
Penis enlarger pump...Copy !req
194. That's not mine.Copy !req
195. One credit card receipt for
Swedish-made penis enlargerCopy !req
196. signed by Austin Powers...Copy !req
197. I'm telling you,
baby, that's not mine.Copy !req
198. One warranty card for
Swedish-made penis enlarger pumpCopy !req
199. filled out by... Austin Powers...Copy !req
200. I don't even know what this is.Copy !req
201. This sort of thing
ain't my bag, baby.Copy !req
202. One book: Swedish-made
penis enlarger pumps and me:Copy !req
203. By... Austin Powers.Copy !req
204. Uh... Just sign the form.Copy !req
205. Ok, don't get heavy,
man, I'll sign it,Copy !req
206. just to get things
moving, you know.Copy !req
207. You're all right, baby.Copy !req
208. Listen, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
209. I look forward to working with you,Copy !req
210. but do me a favor and
stop calling me "baby."Copy !req
211. You can address me
as... Agent Kensington.Copy !req
212. Oh, come on.Copy !req
213. All right, then... Vanessa.Copy !req
214. Was that so hard?Copy !req
215. Now come along. We have
to leave immediately.Copy !req
216. We preserved your private
jet just as you left it.Copy !req
217. It's waiting at Heathrow airport.Copy !req
218. My jumbo jet! Smashing, baby!Copy !req
219. Oop... Sorry.Copy !req
220. Mr. Powers?Copy !req
221. Quickly.Copy !req
222. Quickly. Come on, lad. Let's go.Copy !req
223. Dr. Gentlemen, welcome
to my underground lair.Copy !req
224. It's been 30 years, but I'm back.Copy !req
225. Everything's gone perfectly to planCopy !req
226. except for one
small flaw—Copy !req
227. due to a technical error
by my henchman Mustafa,Copy !req
228. complications arose in
the unfreezing process.Copy !req
229. But my design was perfect.Copy !req
230. Look what you did
to Mr. Bigglesworth!Copy !req
231. But, Dr. Evil, we were
unable to anticipateCopy !req
232. feline complications to
the reanimation process—Copy !req
233. silence!Copy !req
234. Aah!Copy !req
235. Aaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
236. Let this be a reminder to you allCopy !req
237. that this organization
will not tolerate failure.Copy !req
238. Gentlemen, let's
get down to business.Copy !req
239. We've got a lot of work to do.Copy !req
240. Someone help me!Copy !req
241. I-I'm... Still alive, only
I'm very... Badly burned.Copy !req
242. Some of you I know,Copy !req
243. some of you I'm meeting
for the first time.Copy !req
244. Ah-ah! Hello
out there! Anyone!Copy !req
245. Could someone call an ambulance?Copy !req
246. I'm in quite... A lot of pain.Copy !req
247. Ok, you've all been
gathered here to form—Copy !req
248. ohhh! Excuse me.Copy !req
249. Yes. He's down there.Copy !req
250. No, not dead—
burned. Badly.Copy !req
251. Yes.Copy !req
252. Right.Copy !req
253. If somebodyCopy !req
254. could open the retrieval
hatch down here,Copy !req
255. I could get out.Copy !req
256. See, I designed
this device myself—Copy !req
257. Oh! Hi. Good.Copy !req
258. I'm glad you found me. Listen...Copy !req
259. I'm very badly burned,Copy !req
260. so if you
could just—Copy !req
261. You shot me!Copy !req
262. Ok, moving
along—Copy !req
263. you shot me right in the arm!Copy !req
264. Why
did—Copy !req
265. Right.Copy !req
266. Let me go around the table
and introduce everyone.Copy !req
267. Founder of the
militant wing of the salvation army.Copy !req
268. Random task: Korean ex-wrestler,Copy !req
269. Evil handyman extraordinaire.Copy !req
270. Random task, show them what you do.Copy !req
271. Patty o'brien:Copy !req
272. Ex-Irish assassin.Copy !req
273. His trademark— a
superstitious man,Copy !req
274. he leaves a tiny keepsake
from his good luck braceletCopy !req
275. on every victim he kills.Copy !req
276. Scotland yard would
love to get their handsCopy !req
277. on that piece of evidence.Copy !req
278. Yeah, they're
always after me lucky charms.Copy !req
279. What? Why's everyone always
laugh when I say that?Copy !req
280. They are after me lucky charms!Copy !req
281. What?Copy !req
282. It's a
television commercial...Copy !req
283. With this cartoon leprechaun,Copy !req
284. and all of these childrens
are trying to chase him—Copy !req
285. "hey, leprechaun man!Copy !req
286. Won't you give your lucky charms?"Copy !req
287. Oh, and there's alwaysCopy !req
288. these little, tiny
bits of marshmallowsCopy !req
289. just stuck right in the cerealCopy !req
290. so that when the kids
eat them, they think,Copy !req
291. "oh, this is candy.
I'm having fun!"Copy !req
292. Finally, we come to
my number-two man.Copy !req
293. His name:Copy !req
294. Number Two.Copy !req
295. For 30 years, number
Two has run virtucon,Copy !req
296. the legitimate face
of my evil empire.Copy !req
297. Dr. Evil, over the last 30 years,Copy !req
298. virtucon has grown
by leaps and bounds.Copy !req
299. About 15 years ago, we
changed from volatile chemicalsCopy !req
300. to the communications industry.Copy !req
301. We own cable
companies in 38 states.Copy !req
302. We own a steel mill in Cleveland,Copy !req
303. shipping in Texas, oil
refineries in Seattle,Copy !req
304. and a factory in ChicagoCopy !req
305. that makes miniature
models of factories.Copy !req
306. Naturally, yes.Copy !req
307. Gentlemen...Copy !req
308. I have a plan.Copy !req
309. It's called blackmail.Copy !req
310. As you know, the
royal family of britainCopy !req
311. are the wealthiest
landowners in the world.Copy !req
312. Either the royal family pays us
an exorbitant amount of money,Copy !req
313. or we make it seem
that prince CharlesCopy !req
314. has had an affair
outside of marriage,Copy !req
315. and therefore...
Would have to divorce.Copy !req
316. Ahem.Copy !req
317. Prince Charles did have an affair,Copy !req
318. he admitted it, and
they are now divorced.Copy !req
319. Right. Ok, people,Copy !req
320. you have to tell me
these things, all right?Copy !req
321. I've been frozen for 30 years, ok?Copy !req
322. Throw me a frickin' bone here.Copy !req
323. I'm the boss. Need the info.Copy !req
324. Ok, no problem.Copy !req
325. Here's my second plan:Copy !req
326. Back in the sixties,Copy !req
327. I developed a
weather-changing machine,Copy !req
328. which was, in essence, a sophisticated
heat beam which we called a "laser."Copy !req
329. Using these "lasers,"
we punch a holeCopy !req
330. in the protective
layer around the world,Copy !req
331. which we call the "ozone" layer.Copy !req
332. Slowly, but surely,
ultraviolet rays would pour in,Copy !req
333. increasing the risk of skin cancer.Copy !req
334. That is unless... the world
pays us... A hefty ransom.Copy !req
335. Ahem.Copy !req
336. That also... already has happened.Copy !req
337. Shit.Copy !req
338. Oh, hell, let's just
do what we always do—Copy !req
339. hijack some nuclear weapons and
hold the world hostage. Good.Copy !req
340. Gentlemen, it's
come to my attentionCopy !req
341. that a breakaway Russian
Republic— kreplachistan—Copy !req
342. is about to transfer
a nuclear warheadCopy !req
343. to the united
nations in a few days.Copy !req
344. Here's the plan:Copy !req
345. We get the warhead, and we
hold the world ransom for...Copy !req
346. $1 million!Copy !req
347. Ahem.Copy !req
348. Don't you think we should maybe askCopy !req
349. for more than a million dollars?Copy !req
350. A million dollars isn't exactly
a lot of money these days.Copy !req
351. Virtucon alone makes
over $9 billion a year.Copy !req
352. Really? Mm-hmm.Copy !req
353. That's a lot more.Copy !req
354. Ok, then.Copy !req
355. We hold the world ransom for...Copy !req
356. $100... Billion!Copy !req
357. Pretty groovy jumbo jet, eh?Copy !req
358. When you see this jet a-rockin',Copy !req
359. don't come a-knockin', baby! Yeah!Copy !req
360. I'm going to need you to
sign these release forms.Copy !req
361. Release forms?Copy !req
362. Yes. You're not officially workingCopy !req
363. for ministry of defence,Copy !req
364. and these forms indemnify
the ministry against any...Copy !req
365. Mishaps that may occur
in the line of duty.Copy !req
366. Mishaps? But isn't that what beingCopy !req
367. an international man
of mystery's all about?Copy !req
368. Ok. "Name." Austin...
Danger Powers.Copy !req
369. "Sex." Yes, please!Copy !req
370. How does a hot chick like youCopy !req
371. end up working in the
ministry of defence?Copy !req
372. Oh. Well, I went to Oxford,Copy !req
373. where I excelled
in several subjects,Copy !req
374. but I ended up specializing
in foreign languages.Copy !req
375. I really wanted to travel.Copy !req
376. You know, sort of see the world?Copy !req
377. That's fascinating, Vanessa.Copy !req
378. Listen, why don't we
go in the back and shag?Copy !req
379. What?Copy !req
380. I've been frozen for 30 years.Copy !req
381. I've gotta see if my bits
and pieces are still working.Copy !req
382. Excuse me?Copy !req
383. My wedding tackle.Copy !req
384. I'm
sorry—Copy !req
385. my meat and 2 veg,
my twig and berries.Copy !req
386. Hello, lads, you still awake?Copy !req
387. Mr. Powers, please.Copy !req
388. I'd appreciate itCopy !req
389. if you could concentrate
on our missionCopy !req
390. and give your libido a rest.Copy !req
391. Can I, uh...Copy !req
392. Can I show you something?Copy !req
393. I won't bite... Hard.Copy !req
394. All right.Copy !req
395. Let me ask you a
question, and be honest.Copy !req
396. Oh!Copy !req
397. Do I make you horny?Copy !req
398. Randy?Copy !req
399. Do I make you horny,
baby? Yeah, do I?Copy !req
400. I hope this is part of
the unfreezing process.Copy !req
401. Oh, turbulence! Oh, look at that!Copy !req
402. Oh, turbulence! Oh, I've gone over!Copy !req
403. Oh, I fell over again!Copy !req
404. Oh! Mr. Powers!Copy !req
405. I will never have
sex with you, ever!Copy !req
406. If you were the last man on earthCopy !req
407. and I was the last woman on earthCopy !req
408. and the future of the human raceCopy !req
409. depended on our having
sex simply for procreation,Copy !req
410. I still would not
have sex with you.Copy !req
411. What's your point, Vanessa?Copy !req
412. Yeah!Copy !req
413. Remember when we froze your semen?Copy !req
414. You said if it didn't look
like you were coming back,Copy !req
415. we should try to make you a sonCopy !req
416. so that a part of you
could live forever.Copy !req
417. Oh, sure.Copy !req
418. Well, after a couple of years,Copy !req
419. we... Got a little impatient.Copy !req
420. Dr. Evil, I want
you to meet your son.Copy !req
421. My son?Copy !req
422. Ja.Copy !req
423. Scott!Copy !req
424. Hello, Scott.Copy !req
425. Hi.Copy !req
426. I'm your father...Copy !req
427. Dr. Evil.Copy !req
428. I haven't seen you my whole life,Copy !req
429. and now you come backCopy !req
430. and just expect a relationship?Copy !req
431. I hate you.Copy !req
432. What?Copy !req
433. Could I have a hug?Copy !req
434. No.Copy !req
435. Give me a hug. No way.Copy !req
436. Come here. I'm not
coming over there.Copy !req
437. Let's go. Forget it.Copy !req
438. Pronto. What are you doing?Copy !req
439. I'm with it. I'm hip.Copy !req
440. Don't look at me like
I'm frickin' frankenstein.Copy !req
441. Give your father a hug.Copy !req
442. You're—hey,
don't touch me!Copy !req
443. Hug... Hug... Hug...Copy !req
444. Get away from me,
you lazy-eyed psycho!Copy !req
445. Viva Las Vegas, baby! Yeah!Copy !req
446. Whoa. Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req
447. Welcome to Las Vegas, sir.Copy !req
448. So...Copy !req
449. Which side of the bed do you want?Copy !req
450. You're sleeping on
the sofa, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
451. In fact, I'd like to take
this opportunity to remind youCopy !req
452. that the only reason
we're sharing a roomCopy !req
453. is to keep up the contextCopy !req
454. that we're a married
couple on vacation.Copy !req
455. Right.Copy !req
456. Should we shag now,
or shall we shag later?Copy !req
457. How do you like to do it?Copy !req
458. Do you like to wash up first,Copy !req
459. you know, top and
tails, whore's bath?Copy !req
460. Personally, before I'm on the job,Copy !req
461. I like to give my undercarriageCopy !req
462. a bit of a
how's-your-father.Copy !req
463. I'm just joking, Vanessa.Copy !req
464. I'm just trying to get a
rise out of you, that's all.Copy !req
465. For shits and giggles.Copy !req
466. Let's unpack.Copy !req
467. Gor blimey...Copy !req
468. Nude alert!Copy !req
469. How did this get in here?Copy !req
470. Somebody's playing a prank on me.Copy !req
471. Honestly, it's not mine.Copy !req
472. Hey, Americans, yeah!Copy !req
473. Enjoy that wine.Copy !req
474. Hey, there you are.Copy !req
475. Hi. Do I know you?Copy !req
476. No, but that's where
you are. You're there.Copy !req
477. Hey, viva Las Vegas, baby.Copy !req
478. Hey...Copy !req
479. Ok, Austin...Copy !req
480. Yes.Copy !req
481. Austin, there's a
company in Las VegasCopy !req
482. called virtuconCopy !req
483. which we think may
be linked to Dr. Evil.Copy !req
484. Plenty of the virtucon executivesCopy !req
485. are gambling in this casino.Copy !req
486. Smashing. Let's go.Copy !req
487. Look. There's one over there.Copy !req
488. Changing 1,000.Copy !req
489. Hello.Copy !req
490. Excuse me.Copy !req
491. Do you mind if I join you?Copy !req
492. Not at all.Copy !req
493. The game is
Blackjack, gentlemen.Copy !req
494. $10,000 minimum bet.Copy !req
495. King for you, sir, and a 3 for you.Copy !req
496. 17?Copy !req
497. Hit me.Copy !req
498. You have 17, sir.Copy !req
499. I like to live dangerously.Copy !req
500. 4. 21.Copy !req
501. 5.Copy !req
502. I'll stay.Copy !req
503. I suggest you hit, sir.Copy !req
504. I also like to live dangerously.Copy !req
505. As you wish, sir.Copy !req
506. 20 beats your 5.Copy !req
507. I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
508. Well, I won't lie to you.Copy !req
509. Cards are not my bag, baby.Copy !req
510. Allow myself to introduce...Copy !req
511. Myself.Copy !req
512. My name is Richie Cunningham,Copy !req
513. and this is my wife Oprah.Copy !req
514. My name is Number Two.Copy !req
515. This is my Italian
confidential secretary.Copy !req
516. Her name is alotta...Copy !req
517. Alotta Fagina.Copy !req
518. Come again?Copy !req
519. Alotta Fagina.Copy !req
520. Ah, I'm sorry. I'm
just not getting it.Copy !req
521. It sounded like you said
your name was a lot of, uh...Copy !req
522. Never mind.Copy !req
523. What exactly do you
do, Mr. Number Two?Copy !req
524. That's my business.Copy !req
525. Oh.Copy !req
526. Now, if you'll excuse me,Copy !req
527. I have to go to the
little boys' room.Copy !req
528. You keep your eye
on the Italian bird.Copy !req
529. We'll rendezvous back
at the hotel suite.Copy !req
530. You didn't happen to see...Copy !req
531. Anything at all.Copy !req
532. Ah. Sorry.Copy !req
533. Ow!Copy !req
534. Howdy.Copy !req
535. Whoo!Copy !req
536. That is one crazy getup
you got there, fella.Copy !req
537. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
538. Are you in the show?Copy !req
539. Uh, no. Actually, I'm English.Copy !req
540. Whew. I'm sorry.Copy !req
541. Right.Copy !req
542. Hey, partner?Copy !req
543. Have a good one.Copy !req
544. Ok.Copy !req
545. Ughhh...Copy !req
546. Ughhh...Copy !req
547. Ughhh...Copy !req
548. Hey, partner, come on,Copy !req
549. you gotta relax. Don't force it.Copy !req
550. Gonna blow out your
o-ring, drop a log.Copy !req
551. Ughhh...Copy !req
552. Who does Number Two work for?Copy !req
553. Who does Number Two work for?Copy !req
554. That's right, buddy. You
show that turd who's boss.Copy !req
555. Hey... Hey, just grab
ahold of something,Copy !req
556. bite your lip, and
give it hell. Come on.Copy !req
557. We're gonna get through this.Copy !req
558. Hey, that sounds pretty nasty.Copy !req
559. How about a courtesy
flush over there?Copy !req
560. Jesus Christ, boy.Copy !req
561. What did you eat?Copy !req
562. Gentlemen,Copy !req
563. the warhead is ours.Copy !req
564. Patch me through to the united
nations security secret meeting room.Copy !req
565. Gentlemen, my name is Dr. Evil.Copy !req
566. In a little while you'll notice
that the kreplachistani warheadCopy !req
567. has gone missing.Copy !req
568. If you want it back,Copy !req
569. you're going to have to pay me...Copy !req
570. $1 million!Copy !req
571. Ahem.Copy !req
572. Sorry.Copy !req
573. $100 billion.Copy !req
574. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
575. Gentlemen, silence.Copy !req
576. Now, Mr.
Evil—Copy !req
577. Dr. Evil.Copy !req
578. I didn't spend 6 years
in evil medical schoolCopy !req
579. to be called mister,
thank you very much.Copy !req
580. It is the policy of
the united nationsCopy !req
581. not to negotiate with terrorists.Copy !req
582. Really?Copy !req
583. So long.Copy !req
584. Gentlemen, in exactly 5 daysCopy !req
585. we will be $100 billion richer.Copy !req
586. Heh heh ha ha ha...Copy !req
587. Ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
588. Ha ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
589. Ho ho ha ha ha ha hah!Copy !req
590. Ha ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
591. Ha ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
592. Ha ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
593. Ha ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
594. Ha ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
595. Ha ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
596. Uh, ha ha ha ha...Copy !req
597. Heh heh heh heh...Copy !req
598. Uh, ha ha ha...Copy !req
599. Ooh, Whoo...Copy !req
600. Uh, heh heh...Copy !req
601. Uh, heh...Copy !req
602. Hello, mummy?Copy !req
603. Oh, hello, Vanessa.Copy !req
604. And how's Austin?Copy !req
605. He's asleep.Copy !req
606. You didn't.Copy !req
607. No!Copy !req
608. I made him sleep on the sofa.Copy !req
609. Vanessa, I'm proud of you.Copy !req
610. Why?Copy !req
611. Because you've managed to resistCopy !req
612. Austin Powers' charms.Copy !req
613. Oh, well, God knows
he tried, mummy.Copy !req
614. I actually had to end up
being rather firm with him.Copy !req
615. What about his teeth?
It's really bizarre.Copy !req
616. Darling, you have to understand,Copy !req
617. in britain in the sixties,Copy !req
618. you could be a sex symbolCopy !req
619. and still have bad teeth.Copy !req
620. It didn't matter.Copy !req
621. Did you ever?Copy !req
622. Me? No, of course not.Copy !req
623. I was married to your father.Copy !req
624. Did you ever want to?Copy !req
625. Austin is very charming,Copy !req
626. very debonair.Copy !req
627. He's handsome, witty,Copy !req
628. has a knowledge of fine wines.Copy !req
629. Women want him,Copy !req
630. and men want to be him.Copy !req
631. He's every bit an
international man of mystery.Copy !req
632. Yeah, well, you didn't
answer my question, mummy.Copy !req
633. I know.Copy !req
634. Let me just
say this—Copy !req
635. Austin was the most loyal and...Copy !req
636. Caring friend I ever had.Copy !req
637. I will always love him.Copy !req
638. Oh... Ohh...Copy !req
639. Do you want to speak to him?Copy !req
640. No. It's been too long.Copy !req
641. Ok, well, I'm going
to have to go, mummy,Copy !req
642. but I love you.Copy !req
643. Ciao, darling.Copy !req
644. A limo's just pulled up.Copy !req
645. Let me see.Copy !req
646. That's Dr. Evil's cat.Copy !req
647. How can you tell?Copy !req
648. I never forget a pussy...Copy !req
649. Cat.Copy !req
650. Oh, no. He's gone away.Copy !req
651. My God, Vanessa,Copy !req
652. you are so incredibly beautiful.Copy !req
653. Oh...Copy !req
654. That's it... Yes...Copy !req
655. Yes... Yes...Copy !req
656. Come on, darling,Copy !req
657. I'm gonna take you out
for a night on the town.Copy !req
658. Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Burt bacharach.Copy !req
659. oh, yeah.Copy !req
660. Oh, go on, Austin, get on with it.Copy !req
661. I'm gonna do it...Copy !req
662. Do it a bit.Copy !req
663. Oh, go on... Yes!Copy !req
664. Oh...Copy !req
665. Right hand green!Copy !req
666. Oh, no, no... Aah!Copy !req
667. You all right?Copy !req
668. You all right? Oh, you know what?Copy !req
669. Wait a tick. I forgot
something in the lobby.Copy !req
670. Why don't I take the stairs?Copy !req
671. Why take the stairs when
I could take the escalator?Copy !req
672. Why take the escalator when
I've got a perfectly good canoe?Copy !req
673. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
674. I know
what—Copy !req
675. I'll take the elevator.Copy !req
676. Austin.Copy !req
677. Yes?Copy !req
678. Come have some champagne with me.Copy !req
679. Ok.Copy !req
680. Oh, I tripped. Oh...Copy !req
681. You know, I haven't had
this much fun since college.Copy !req
682. Well, I'm sorry.Copy !req
683. Why?Copy !req
684. I'm sorry that bug up
your ass had to die.Copy !req
685. Always wanting to have fun, Austin.Copy !req
686. That's you in a nutshell.Copy !req
687. No. This is me in a nutshell.Copy !req
688. Help! I'm in a nutshell!Copy !req
689. How did I get into this nutshell?Copy !req
690. Look at the size of this
bloody great big nutsh—Copy !req
691. what sort of shell
has a nut like this?Copy !req
692. This is crazy.Copy !req
693. Yes. Look at you.Copy !req
694. No.Copy !req
695. You're smashed.Copy !req
696. No, I'm not.Copy !req
697. Yes, you are.Copy !req
698. No, I'm not. I'm the sensible one.Copy !req
699. I'm always the designated driver.Copy !req
700. Oh, kiss me.Copy !req
701. I can't, darling.Copy !req
702. Why not?Copy !req
703. 'Cause you're drunk.
It's not right.Copy !req
704. No, I'm not drunk.Copy !req
705. I'm just beginning to seeCopy !req
706. what my mummy was talking
about all those years ago.Copy !req
707. I can't.Copy !req
708. Ohh...Copy !req
709. All right, well,Copy !req
710. tell me all about my
mummy in the sixties.Copy !req
711. I'm dying to know
what she was like.Copy !req
712. She was very groovy.Copy !req
713. Your dad loved her very much.Copy !req
714. If there was one
other cat in this worldCopy !req
715. that could have loved herCopy !req
716. and treated her as
well as your dad,Copy !req
717. well, it was me.Copy !req
718. But unfortunately...Copy !req
719. For yours truly...Copy !req
720. That train has sailed.Copy !req
721. Vanessa?Copy !req
722. Vanessa, hello?Copy !req
723. Come on, roll over.Copy !req
724. Sleepytime.Copy !req
725. Ok, Austin needs his hand back.Copy !req
726. You've got mail!Copy !req
727. Hello, Austin.Copy !req
728. This is basil exposition
from British intelligence.Copy !req
729. Now, I want you to find outCopy !req
730. what part virtucon plays in
something called project vulcan.Copy !req
731. I'll need you to go to alotta
fagina's penthouse immediately.Copy !req
732. Ahh...Copy !req
733. Hello, hello.Copy !req
734. Yes, yes, ok, great.Copy !req
735. Project vulcan.Copy !req
736. Yeah, ok.Copy !req
737. Cheeky, huh? Yeah.Copy !req
738. Come on, baby, give it to me.Copy !req
739. Yes, yes, yes,Copy !req
740. no, no!Copy !req
741. You seem surprised to see me,Copy !req
742. miss fagina.Copy !req
743. What do you want,
Mr... Cunningham, was it?Copy !req
744. Your boss—
Number Two—Copy !req
745. I understand that cat's involved
in big underground drills.Copy !req
746. How did you know?Copy !req
747. I didn't, baby.Copy !req
748. You just told me.Copy !req
749. We can talk about business later.Copy !req
750. Let me slip into
something more comfortable.Copy !req
751. Oh, behave.Copy !req
752. good God.Copy !req
753. Come in...Copy !req
754. And I'll show you
everything you need to know.Copy !req
755. may I wash you?Copy !req
756. Oh, groovy, baby.Copy !req
757. Mm, yes...Copy !req
758. That feels yummy. Ha ha. Mm...Copy !req
759. In Japan, men come firstCopy !req
760. and women come second.Copy !req
761. Or sometimes not at all.Copy !req
762. Care for some sake?Copy !req
763. Sake it to me, baby.Copy !req
764. Yes.Copy !req
765. Kinky.Copy !req
766. Klinky.Copy !req
767. Ooh...Copy !req
768. Ohh...Copy !req
769. How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham?Copy !req
770. Mm, I feel extreme relaxation.Copy !req
771. Oh...Copy !req
772. How dare you break wind before me?Copy !req
773. I'm sorry, baby. I didn't
know it was your turn.Copy !req
774. Pardon me for being rude.Copy !req
775. It was not me. It was my food.Copy !req
776. It just popped up to say hello,Copy !req
777. and now it's gone back down below.Copy !req
778. That's beautiful.Copy !req
779. Thank you.Copy !req
780. Let's make love,Copy !req
781. you silly, hairy, little man.Copy !req
782. I say! Hello, vicar.Copy !req
783. Ooh. That's the spot, all right.Copy !req
784. That's the spot right there.
Look at that, now. Good God.Copy !req
785. Austin Powers is getting too close.Copy !req
786. Any suggestions?Copy !req
787. Jawohl, herr doctor.Copy !req
788. I have created the ultimate weaponCopy !req
789. to defeat Austin Powers.Copy !req
790. Bring in the fembots!Copy !req
791. Go, fembots!Copy !req
792. These are the latest word in
android replicant technology.Copy !req
793. Lethal, efficient,Copy !req
794. brutal.Copy !req
795. No man can resist their charm.Copy !req
796. Send in the guards!Copy !req
797. Kill these women.Copy !req
798. quite impressive.Copy !req
799. Thank you, herr doctor.Copy !req
800. I like to see girls
of that... Caliber.Copy !req
801. By caliber, of course,Copy !req
802. I mean both the size
of their gun barrelsCopy !req
803. and the high quality
of their character.Copy !req
804. It's 2 meanings.Copy !req
805. Caliber—it's
a homonym.Copy !req
806. Forget it.Copy !req
807. At ease, boys.Copy !req
808. Austin, I want to
show you something.Copy !req
809. We're going to
outfit you with this.Copy !req
810. It looks like a watch,Copy !req
811. but in fact it's a
geosynchronous positioning device.Copy !req
812. Very shagadelic.Copy !req
813. And then there's this.Copy !req
814. Ok, let me guess.Copy !req
815. The floss is garrote wire,Copy !req
816. the toothpaste is
plastic explosives,Copy !req
817. and the toothbrush is
the detonation device.Copy !req
818. No, actually.Copy !req
819. Well, since you've been frozen,Copy !req
820. there have been fabulous advancesCopy !req
821. in the field of dentistry.Copy !req
822. W-what do you mean?Copy !req
823. Nothing.Copy !req
824. Oh, look, here's basil.Copy !req
825. Hello, exposition.Copy !req
826. Austin.Copy !req
827. Let me bring you up to speed.Copy !req
828. Dr. Evil has hijacked
a nuclear warheadCopy !req
829. from kreplachistan.Copy !req
830. Only 2 things scare me,Copy !req
831. and one is nuclear war.Copy !req
832. What's the other?Copy !req
833. Excuse me?Copy !req
834. What's the other
thing that scares you?Copy !req
835. Carnies.Copy !req
836. What?Copy !req
837. Circus folk.Copy !req
838. Nomads, you know.Copy !req
839. Smell like cabbage.Copy !req
840. Small hands.Copy !req
841. Oh... Indeed.Copy !req
842. Perhaps these photographs are
the last piece of the puzzle.Copy !req
843. Aha.Copy !req
844. I've uncovered the
details of project vulcan.Copy !req
845. Oh, good God. An
underground missile?Copy !req
846. Austin, where did you find these?Copy !req
847. Austin did some
reconnaissance work last nightCopy !req
848. at Alotta Fagina's penthouse.Copy !req
849. Oh.Copy !req
850. Our next move is to
infiltrate virtucon.Copy !req
851. Any ideas?Copy !req
852. Oh, yes.Copy !req
853. Virtucon runs a tour of
its facility every hour.Copy !req
854. I thought perhaps we could
disguise ourselves as touristsCopy !req
855. and do some onsite reconnaissance.Copy !req
856. Top drawer, Kensington.Copy !req
857. Oh, uh, Austin, I'd like
you to meet somebody.Copy !req
858. This is
my mother—Copy !req
859. Mrs. Exposition.Copy !req
860. How do you do?Copy !req
861. Austin!Copy !req
862. My God, man, what have you done?Copy !req
863. That's not your mother.
It's a man, baby!Copy !req
864. Get off! Get off! Come on!Copy !req
865. Why won't this wig come off?Copy !req
866. Uhh! Uhh!Copy !req
867. Austin!Copy !req
868. Yeah, hold on. Hold on one second.Copy !req
869. No, no. Let go of my mother!Copy !req
870. Oh... Oh, mother.Copy !req
871. Mother, are you all right?Copy !req
872. Austin, have you gone mad?Copy !req
873. No.Copy !req
874. You have a lot of explaining to do.Copy !req
875. I'm sorry, basil. I
thought she was a man.Copy !req
876. Damn it, man, you're
talking about my mother!Copy !req
877. Well, you have to admit,
she is rather mannish.Copy !req
878. Austin!Copy !req
879. Well, no offense,Copy !req
880. but if that is a woman,Copy !req
881. it does look like she was
beaten with an ugly stick.Copy !req
882. Really, Austin.Copy !req
883. Ok, give in to the beauty of
your feelings and say the words.Copy !req
884. Come on.Copy !req
885. I love you, dad.Copy !req
886. I love you, too, son.Copy !req
887. Ok, group,Copy !req
888. we have some newcomers
here today with us.Copy !req
889. Say hello to Scott and
his father Mr. Avil?Copy !req
890. Evil, actually.Copy !req
891. Dr. Evil.Copy !req
892. Hello, Dr. Evil. Hello, Scott.Copy !req
893. Hello, everybody.Copy !req
894. So, Scott, why don't
we start with you?Copy !req
895. What brings you here with us today?Copy !req
896. Well, I just really met my dadCopy !req
897. for the first time 5 days ago.Copy !req
898. I was partially
frozen his whole life.Copy !req
899. That is beautifulCopy !req
900. that you can admit to that.Copy !req
901. He comes back,Copy !req
902. and now he wants me to take
over the family business.Copy !req
903. But, Scott, who's going to
take over the world when I die?Copy !req
904. Listen to the
words he used—Copy !req
905. "who's going to take over
the world when I die?"Copy !req
906. It feels like that to some
of us sometimes, doesn't it?Copy !req
907. So what do you want to do, Scott?Copy !req
908. I don't know.Copy !req
909. I was thinking I like animals.Copy !req
910. Maybe I'd be a vet.Copy !req
911. An evil vet?Copy !req
912. No. Maybe, like,
work in a petting zoo.Copy !req
913. An evil petting zoo?Copy !req
914. You always do that!Copy !req
915. I just think, like, he hates me.Copy !req
916. I really think he wants to kill me.Copy !req
917. Now, Scott, we don't want
to kill each other in here.Copy !req
918. We might say that we do sometimes,Copy !req
919. but we really don't.Copy !req
920. Actually, the boy's quite astute.Copy !req
921. I really am trying to kill him,Copy !req
922. but so far, unsuccessfully.Copy !req
923. He's quite wily like his old man.Copy !req
924. This is what I'm talking about.Copy !req
925. Ok, well, we've
heard from you, Scott.Copy !req
926. Now, uh, you tell us
something about yourself.Copy !req
927. The details of my life
are quite inconsequential.Copy !req
928. Oh, no, please, please.Copy !req
929. Let's hear about your childhood.Copy !req
930. Yeah. Come on.Copy !req
931. Very well.Copy !req
932. Where do I begin?Copy !req
933. My father was a
relentlessly self-improvingCopy !req
934. boulangerie owner from BelgiumCopy !req
935. with low-grade narcolepsy
and a penchant for buggery.Copy !req
936. My mother was a 15-year-old French
prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.Copy !req
937. My father would
womanize, he would drink.Copy !req
938. He would make outrageous claimsCopy !req
939. like he invented the question mark.Copy !req
940. Sometimes he would accuse
chestnuts of being lazy,Copy !req
941. the sort of general malaise that only
the genius possess and the insane lament.Copy !req
942. My childhood was typical.Copy !req
943. Summers in rangoon, luge lessons.Copy !req
944. In the spring, we'd
make meat helmets.Copy !req
945. When I was insolent, I was placed in
a burlap bag and beaten with reeds.Copy !req
946. Pretty standard, really.Copy !req
947. At the age of 12, I
received my first scribe.Copy !req
948. At the age of 14,Copy !req
949. a zoroastrian named vilma
ritualistically shaved my testicles.Copy !req
950. There really is nothing
like a shorn scrotum.Copy !req
951. It's breathtaking.
I suggest you try it.Copy !req
952. You know, we have to stop.Copy !req
953. Austin, can
I have a word with you?Copy !req
954. Of course you may, love.Copy !req
955. Look, I know I'm being neurotic,Copy !req
956. but I can't shake off this suspicious
feeling about that Italian secretary.Copy !req
957. You know, miss fagina.Copy !req
958. I don't want to sound paranoid,Copy !req
959. but I've had some bad
relationships in the past,Copy !req
960. and I have been
known to be jealous.Copy !req
961. I'm sorry.Copy !req
962. No. Don't be sorry, baby.Copy !req
963. You're right to be suspicious.Copy !req
964. I shagged her.Copy !req
965. What?Copy !req
966. I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!Copy !req
967. I don't believe you,
Austin. She was repellent.Copy !req
968. Saucer of milk, table 2. Meowr.Copy !req
969. But did you use protection?Copy !req
970. Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.Copy !req
971. You know I meant
did you use a condom?Copy !req
972. Ha ha ha. Only sailors
use condoms, baby.Copy !req
973. Not in the nineties, Austin.Copy !req
974. Well, they should,
those filthy beggars.Copy !req
975. They go from port to port.Copy !req
976. Vanessa, don't have a thrombo.Copy !req
977. Alotta meant nothing to me.Copy !req
978. Well, it means something to me.Copy !req
979. Austin, if you want us
to have a relationship,Copy !req
980. you have to get it into your
head that times have changed.Copy !req
981. You can't just go off
shagging anybody anymore.Copy !req
982. And if you could, I wouldn't
because I'm not like that.Copy !req
983. Vanessa...Copy !req
984. You're everything to me.Copy !req
985. You just don't get it, do you?Copy !req
986. Good night, Austin.Copy !req
987. Welcome to the nineties.Copy !req
988. You're going to be very lonely.Copy !req
989. Hey. Check this guy out.Copy !req
990. Peace. Peace.Copy !req
991. Yeah.Copy !req
992. Jimi Hendrix...Copy !req
993. Deceased...Copy !req
994. Drugs.Copy !req
995. Janis joplin.Copy !req
996. Deceased, alcohol.Copy !req
997. Mama cass.Copy !req
998. Deceased, ham sandwich.Copy !req
999. Oh, gee, that's great.Copy !req
1000. Is the lighting halfway decent?Copy !req
1001. Yes, indeed.
They got the flag up now.Copy !req
1002. You can see the stars and stripes.Copy !req
1003. Beautiful.
Just beautiful.Copy !req
1004. Good morning, Austin.Copy !req
1005. You know, I sometimes forgetCopy !req
1006. you've missed out
on the last 30 years.Copy !req
1007. Fall of the Berlin wall,Copy !req
1008. the first female
British prime minister,Copy !req
1009. end of apartheid.Copy !req
1010. Yeah, and I can't
believe liberace was gay.Copy !req
1011. I mean, women loved him.Copy !req
1012. I didn't see that one coming, no.Copy !req
1013. The tour is about to begin,Copy !req
1014. so if you'll please
take your seats.Copy !req
1015. Welcome to virtucon,
company of the future.Copy !req
1016. Virtucon is a leading
manufacturer of many itemsCopy !req
1017. you can find right
in your very own home.Copy !req
1018. Do you think she's
prettier than me?Copy !req
1019. Who?Copy !req
1020. You know who.Copy !req
1021. Oh, the Italian bird.Copy !req
1022. No, baby. She's rancid.Copy !req
1023. I think you're shagadelic, baby.Copy !req
1024. You're switched
on. You're smashing.Copy !req
1025. We make steel, petroleum
products, and volatile chemicals.Copy !req
1026. But don't worry about
the Italian bird, ok?Copy !req
1027. She's the village bicycle.Copy !req
1028. Everyone's had a ride.Copy !req
1029. On your right, you'll notice a
door leading to a restricted area.Copy !req
1030. Only authorized
personnel are allowed...Copy !req
1031. I'll take him.Copy !req
1032. You take her.Copy !req
1033. All right.Copy !req
1034. Let's go.Copy !req
1035. It's Bolton. We've got a problem.Copy !req
1036. P.A.: Intruders in the complex.
Intruders in the complex.Copy !req
1037. Watch out.Copy !req
1038. Halt. This way.Copy !req
1039. Judo chop!Copy !req
1040. They're coming!Copy !req
1041. Hang on. I'm going to floor it.Copy !req
1042. Watch out. Move!Copy !req
1043. Move! Move!Copy !req
1044. Careful, Austin.Copy !req
1045. Nooooo!Copy !req
1046. Watch out!Copy !req
1047. Watch out!Copy !req
1048. Aaaah!Copy !req
1049. Watch out!Copy !req
1050. Aaaaah!Copy !req
1051. Eew. Ohh.Copy !req
1052. Let's go. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
1053. Oh! Thank goodness
we made it, Austin.Copy !req
1054. All right. Stay very cool, baby.Copy !req
1055. Ok.Copy !req
1056. Mr. Powers, welcome
to my underground lair.Copy !req
1057. You're just in time.Copy !req
1058. Enjoy the show.Copy !req
1059. Gentlemen, I give you the vulcan...Copy !req
1060. The world's most powerful
subterranean drill.Copy !req
1061. Does that make you horny?Copy !req
1062. Not now, Austin.Copy !req
1063. So powerful it can
penetrate the earth's crust,Copy !req
1064. delivering a 50-kiloton
nuclear warheadCopy !req
1065. deep into the liquid
hot core of the planet.Copy !req
1066. Upon detonation, every
volcano on earth will erupt.Copy !req
1067. It seems we have no choiceCopy !req
1068. but to pay your ransom.Copy !req
1069. You have my instructions. Bye-bye.Copy !req
1070. Check it out, butt-head.Copy !req
1071. This chick has 3
boobs. Heh heh heh.Copy !req
1072. How many butts does she have?Copy !req
1073. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
1074. Do you like your quasi-futuristic
clothes, Mr. Powers?Copy !req
1075. I designed them myself.Copy !req
1076. Oww!Copy !req
1077. Scott! Scott, my boy, how are you?Copy !req
1078. How was your day?Copy !req
1079. Well, my friend sweet JayCopy !req
1080. took me to that video
arcade in town, right?Copy !req
1081. And they don't speak English there,Copy !req
1082. so Jay got into a fight, and
he's all, "hey, quit hassling meCopy !req
1083. 'cause I don't speak
French" or whatever.Copy !req
1084. And then the guy says
something in Paris talk,Copy !req
1085. and I'm like, "just back off."Copy !req
1086. And they're all, "get out."Copy !req
1087. And we're like, "make me."Copy !req
1088. It was cool.Copy !req
1089. Fascinating.Copy !req
1090. What are your plans
for this evening?Copy !req
1091. I thought I'd stay in.Copy !req
1092. There's a good tittie
movie on skinimax.Copy !req
1093. And that's how you'd like
to live your life, is it?Copy !req
1094. Yeah.Copy !req
1095. Pretty much, right.Copy !req
1096. What?Copy !req
1097. Ow!Copy !req
1098. Scott, I want you to
meet daddy's Nemesis,Copy !req
1099. Austin Powers.Copy !req
1100. What, are you feeding him?Copy !req
1101. Why don't you just kill him?Copy !req
1102. No, Scott. I have
an even better idea.Copy !req
1103. I'm going to place him in
an easily escapable situationCopy !req
1104. involving an overly
elaborate and exotic death.Copy !req
1105. Why don't you
just shoot him now?Copy !req
1106. I mean, I'll go get a gun.
We'll shoot him together.Copy !req
1107. It'll be fun. Bang!Copy !req
1108. Dead. Done.Copy !req
1109. One more peep out of you
and you are grounded, mister,Copy !req
1110. and I am not joking.Copy !req
1111. All right. Let's begin.Copy !req
1112. Dr. Evil, do you really
expect them to pay?Copy !req
1113. No, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1114. I expect them to die.Copy !req
1115. Even after they pay me the money,Copy !req
1116. I'm still going to melt every city
on the planet with liquid hot magma.Copy !req
1117. Release the sharks!Copy !req
1118. Mr. Powers, you'll
notice that all the sharksCopy !req
1119. have laser beams
attached to their heads.Copy !req
1120. I figure every creature
deserves a warm meal.Copy !req
1121. Ahem. Dr. Evil, it's
about the sharks.Copy !req
1122. When you were frozen, they were
put on the endangered species list.Copy !req
1123. We tried to get some,Copy !req
1124. but it would've taken months
to clear up the red tape.Copy !req
1125. You know, I have
one simple request,Copy !req
1126. and that is to have sharksCopy !req
1127. with frickin' laser beams
attached to their heads.Copy !req
1128. Now, evidently my cycloptic colleague
informs me that that can't be done.Copy !req
1129. Can you remind me what
I pay you people for?Copy !req
1130. Honestly, throw me a bone here.Copy !req
1131. What do we have?Copy !req
1132. Sea bass.Copy !req
1133. Right.Copy !req
1134. They are mutated sea bass.Copy !req
1135. Really? Are they ill-tempered?Copy !req
1136. Absolutely.Copy !req
1137. That's a start, you know.Copy !req
1138. All right, guard, begin the unnecessarily
slow-moving dipping mechanism.Copy !req
1139. Oh!Copy !req
1140. Close the tank!Copy !req
1141. A-aren't you even
going to watch them?Copy !req
1142. They could get away.Copy !req
1143. No, no, no. I'm going
to leave them aloneCopy !req
1144. and not actually
witness them dying.Copy !req
1145. I'm just going to assume
it all went to plan—what?Copy !req
1146. I have a gun in my room.Copy !req
1147. You give me 5 seconds, I'll get it.Copy !req
1148. I'll come back down here, boom!Copy !req
1149. I'll blow their brains out.Copy !req
1150. Scott.Copy !req
1151. You just don't get it, do you?Copy !req
1152. You don't.Copy !req
1153. It's no hassle.Copy !req
1154. Shh.Copy !req
1155. Shh!
But—Copy !req
1156. all I'm
say— shh!Copy !req
1157. Shh! They're
gonna get—Copy !req
1158. I—
shh!Copy !req
1159. Shh!
I'm—Copy !req
1160. would—
shh!Copy !req
1161. Knock knock. Who's there?Copy !req
1162. Shh!Copy !req
1163. Shh!
Look—Copy !req
1164. let me tell you a little storyCopy !req
1165. about a man
named—shh!Copy !req
1166. Shh! Even before you start,Copy !req
1167. that was a preemptive shh!Copy !req
1168. Just know that I have a whole
bag of shh! With your name on it.Copy !req
1169. Aah!Copy !req
1170. What's your plan?Copy !req
1171. First, I plan to soil myself.Copy !req
1172. Then I'm going to regroup
and come up with a new plan.Copy !req
1173. Any thoughts?Copy !req
1174. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1175. I always have this
with me, just in case.Copy !req
1176. Ok. I get it.Copy !req
1177. I have bad teeth.Copy !req
1178. No, Austin. The floss is to
swing ourselves onto the ledge.Copy !req
1179. Ohh!Copy !req
1180. All right. Hold on.Copy !req
1181. Got it. Ok. Toothpaste.Copy !req
1182. Hello.Copy !req
1183. Judo chop!Copy !req
1184. Aah!Copy !req
1185. Hang on!Copy !req
1186. Hoh!Copy !req
1187. Judo trip.Copy !req
1188. No!Copy !req
1189. Eww! Aw!Copy !req
1190. Eww!Copy !req
1191. Not a good time to lose one's head.Copy !req
1192. Indeed.Copy !req
1193. That's not the way
to get ahead in life.Copy !req
1194. No.Copy !req
1195. It's a shame he
wasn't more headstrong.Copy !req
1196. He'll never be the head
of a major corporation.Copy !req
1197. Ok. That'll do. Ok.Copy !req
1198. Oh, no! What are we gonna do?Copy !req
1199. Oh, look. There's an
emergency exit. Go get help.Copy !req
1200. I'm gonna stay here and
keep an eye on Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1201. Ok. I'll hurry back.Copy !req
1202. Listen, Vanessa.Copy !req
1203. Whatever happens,
I want you to knowCopy !req
1204. that I feel really bad
about that Italian bird.Copy !req
1205. What I'm trying to say is...Copy !req
1206. That if you want me
to be a one-woman man,Copy !req
1207. well, that's just groovy, baby.Copy !req
1208. Behave.Copy !req
1209. Come, everyone.Copy !req
1210. Let us repair to the main chamber.Copy !req
1211. Project vulcan is about to begin.Copy !req
1212. Scott, don't you want to see
what daddy does for a living?Copy !req
1213. Blow me.Copy !req
1214. Excuse me?Copy !req
1215. Show me.Copy !req
1216. Ok.Copy !req
1217. Dr. Position the vulcan.Copy !req
1218. Dr. Bring in the warhead.Copy !req
1219. Ooh.Copy !req
1220. Hello, hello.Copy !req
1221. Hello, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1222. Hello, Mr. Powers.
Hello, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1223. Care to have a little fun?Copy !req
1224. Care to have a little fun?Copy !req
1225. No, actually, I, uh...Copy !req
1226. I have to save the world.Copy !req
1227. Oh. Oh.Copy !req
1228. Is it cold in here?Copy !req
1229. Arm the probe.Copy !req
1230. Yeah...Copy !req
1231. Yeah...Copy !req
1232. No! No. No, I've
got to get Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1233. I've got to get Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1234. No, no, no. Um, baseball,
uh, cold showers.Copy !req
1235. Baseball. Cold showers.Copy !req
1236. Give it up, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1237. Margaret Thatcher
naked on a cold day.Copy !req
1238. Margaret Thatcher
naked on a cold day.Copy !req
1239. Right up positions.Copy !req
1240. Gentlemen.Copy !req
1241. Let's lock and load.Copy !req
1242. Right, lads. Hup,
hup, hup, move, move, move!Copy !req
1243. Don't go.Copy !req
1244. Stay with us. Don't go.Copy !req
1245. Please don't go.Copy !req
1246. You can't resist us, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1247. You can't resist us, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1248. Au contraire, baby.Copy !req
1249. I think you can't resist me.Copy !req
1250. I want you.Copy !req
1251. I don't want anybody else.Copy !req
1252. When I think about you,Copy !req
1253. I touch myself.Copy !req
1254. Ooh.Copy !req
1255. Austin?Copy !req
1256. Vanessa!Copy !req
1257. Uh, it's not what it seems.Copy !req
1258. At ease, boys.Copy !req
1259. Likewise.Copy !req
1260. Vanessa, I can explain.Copy !req
1261. What happened was I broke
in trying to get to Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1262. Then all of a sudden,
the fembots came by,Copy !req
1263. and smoke started to come
out of their jumblies.Copy !req
1264. So I thought I'd
work my mojo, right?Copy !req
1265. To counter their mojo.Copy !req
1266. We got cross-mojonations, and
their heads started exploding.Copy !req
1267. You know, that thing, and I
ended up in my knickers here,Copy !req
1268. and then...Copy !req
1269. Ok, Austin, I believe you.Copy !req
1270. Now, get dressed.Copy !req
1271. Smashing, baby.Copy !req
1272. Onward, boys.Copy !req
1273. Launching the subterranean probe.Copy !req
1274. P.A.: Begin initial
surface penetration.Copy !req
1275. Subterranean nuclear detonation
in 3 minutes and counting.Copy !req
1276. Uhh. Aah!Copy !req
1277. Watch out!Copy !req
1278. right front!Copy !req
1279. subterranean nuclear detonation
in 3 minutes and counting.Copy !req
1280. oh, I tripped!Copy !req
1281. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1282. Open the frickin' door!Copy !req
1283. P.A.: Probe destruction
beginning in...Copy !req
1284. Aah!Copy !req
1285. P.A.: 6...Copy !req
1286. 5...Copy !req
1287. 4...Copy !req
1288. 3...Copy !req
1289. 2...Copy !req
1290. 1...Copy !req
1291. Nooooo!Copy !req
1292. P.A.: Abort. Abort. Abort.Copy !req
1293. Now to Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1294. Din-din.Copy !req
1295. I've got you now, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1296. Well done, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1297. We're not so different, you and I.Copy !req
1298. However, isn't it ironicCopy !req
1299. that the very things
that you stand for—Copy !req
1300. free love,
swinging parties—Copy !req
1301. are all now in the ninetiesCopy !req
1302. considered to be...Copy !req
1303. Evil?Copy !req
1304. No, man.Copy !req
1305. What we swingers
were rebelling againstCopy !req
1306. is uptight squares like youCopy !req
1307. whose bag was money
and world domination.Copy !req
1308. We were innocent, man.Copy !req
1309. If we'd known the consequences
of our sexual liberation,Copy !req
1310. we would have done
things differently,Copy !req
1311. but the spirit would've
remained the same.Copy !req
1312. It's freedom, baby.Copy !req
1313. Yeah!Copy !req
1314. Face it.Copy !req
1315. Freedom failed.Copy !req
1316. No, man, freedom didn't fail.Copy !req
1317. Right now we've got
freedom and responsibility.Copy !req
1318. It's a very groovy time.Copy !req
1319. There's nothing more pathetic
than an aging hipster.Copy !req
1320. All right, baldy.
Shut your cakehole.Copy !req
1321. Come on. Let's go. On your bike.Copy !req
1322. Not so fast.Copy !req
1323. It seems the tables
have turned, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1324. Go ahead, Austin.
Don't worry about me.Copy !req
1325. Hey, I can take my
sega, right, dad?Copy !req
1326. It seems the tables have
turned again, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1327. Not really. Kill
the little bastard.Copy !req
1328. See what I care.Copy !req
1329. But, dad, we just had
a breakthrough in group.Copy !req
1330. I had the group
liquidated, you little shit.Copy !req
1331. They were insolent.Copy !req
1332. I hate you! I hate you!Copy !req
1333. I wish I was never
artificially created in a lab.Copy !req
1334. Scott, that hurts daddy
when you say that, honestly.Copy !req
1335. Ah, Number Two. Your
timing is impeccable.Copy !req
1336. Go ahead. Take Mr. Powers away.Copy !req
1337. No.Copy !req
1338. What?Copy !req
1339. Dr. Evil, I've spent
30 years of my lifeCopy !req
1340. turning this two-bit evil empire
into a world-class multinational.Copy !req
1341. I was going to have a
cover story in Forbes.Copy !req
1342. But, you, like an idiot,
wanted to take over the world.Copy !req
1343. And you don't realize
there is no world anymore.Copy !req
1344. It's only corporations.Copy !req
1345. Silence, Number Two!Copy !req
1346. No!Copy !req
1347. I've had enough
of you pushing me around.Copy !req
1348. Mr. Powers...Copy !req
1349. I have a business propositionCopy !req
1350. you might find very interesting.Copy !req
1351. All right. I've had enough.Copy !req
1352. Whoa!Copy !req
1353. Aah!Copy !req
1354. Judo chop!Copy !req
1355. P.A.: The complex
will self-destruct.Copy !req
1356. Let's split! Let's go!Copy !req
1357. This place is gonna blow!Copy !req
1358. P.A.: The complex
will self-destruct.Copy !req
1359. Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
1360. P.A.: The complex
will self-destruct.Copy !req
1361. This way, Austin.Copy !req
1362. Come on, baby! It's gonna blow!Copy !req
1363. Let's go. Move it!Copy !req
1364. Alley-oop!Copy !req
1365. Aag. Ohh!Copy !req
1366. Ooooh...Copy !req
1367. Yeah. Mmm.Copy !req
1368. I love you, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1369. And I love you, Mrs. Powers.Copy !req
1370. Oh, that'll be basil exposition.Copy !req
1371. Oh, ignore it, Austin.
Come back to bed.Copy !req
1372. Duty calls, baby.Copy !req
1373. Hello, Austin.Copy !req
1374. Oh, I—I hope I'm not
interrupting your honeymoon.Copy !req
1375. No, not at all, basil.Copy !req
1376. Did you get that fruit
basket I sent you?Copy !req
1377. Yes, we did, basil,
but you sent too much.Copy !req
1378. I'm gonna have to
send some to my mother.Copy !req
1379. Oh, don't forget these.Copy !req
1380. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
1381. There you go.Copy !req
1382. Did you get my other gift?Copy !req
1383. We did.Copy !req
1384. Yes, basil, nice rack.Copy !req
1385. But who in the world
gave us this drawing?Copy !req
1386. It's bizarre.Copy !req
1387. Well, as you know, Dr. Evil
has escaped in his rocket,Copy !req
1388. which has disappeared
from our tracking system.Copy !req
1389. Oh, dear, hold on. Coffee?Copy !req
1390. Oh, yes, please.Copy !req
1391. Ok. Thank you.Copy !req
1392. Oh, and Vanessa, by the way,Copy !req
1393. you have been made a full agent.Copy !req
1394. Oh, that's fantastic,
basil! Thanks.Copy !req
1395. Milk?Copy !req
1396. Oh, yes, please.Copy !req
1397. And, Austin, her majesty the queen
informs me that you are to be knighted.Copy !req
1398. Very shagadelic!Copy !req
1399. Well, the best of
luck to both of you!Copy !req
1400. Thanks, basil.Copy !req
1401. Good-bye.Copy !req
1402. You know, Vanessa,Copy !req
1403. I'll never forget the
first time I saw you.Copy !req
1404. You were so incredibly beautiful...Copy !req
1405. So incredibly sexy...Copy !req
1406. I knew I had to have you.Copy !req
1407. Right then and there.Copy !req
1408. Did you feel the same way?Copy !req
1409. Actually, I couldn't stop
staring at your teeth.Copy !req
1410. Oh.Copy !req
1411. Oh, I ordered some
champagne. Come in!Copy !req
1412. Oh, lovely, Austin.Copy !req
1413. Right over
there's fine. Thank you.Copy !req
1414. Let's go out on the terrace.Copy !req
1415. It's a beautiful night.Copy !req
1416. We can look at the stars.Copy !req
1417. Smashing idea, baby, yeah.Copy !req
1418. Look at you.Copy !req
1419. Yeah.Copy !req
1420. Look out!Copy !req
1421. That really hurt!Copy !req
1422. I'm going to have a
lump there, you idiot.Copy !req
1423. Who throws a shoe? Honestly.Copy !req
1424. You fight like a woman.Copy !req
1425. Ha!
Ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh.Copy !req
1426. Grr!Copy !req
1427. Austin.Copy !req
1428. Honestly, it's not mine.Copy !req
1429. No, use it.Copy !req
1430. Uhh!Copy !req
1431. Uhh!Copy !req
1432. Uhh!Copy !req
1433. Look how beautiful
the night sky is.Copy !req
1434. Hey, isn't that the big dipper?Copy !req
1435. Yeah, and that looks
just like uranus.Copy !req
1436. Austin.Copy !req
1437. Well, you know.Copy !req
1438. Hey, I've never seen
that big star before.Copy !req
1439. Yeah. What is that?Copy !req
1440. Good God.Copy !req
1441. I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.Copy !req
1442. It's frickin' freezing
in here, Mr. Bigglesworth.Copy !req
1443. darling, you look fabulous.Copy !req
1444. Ok, baby.Copy !req
1445. All right.Copy !req
1446. There we go.Copy !req
1447. Look at that face.
Show me. Come on.Copy !req
1448. There. Bit of hair, bit of hair.Copy !req
1449. Smashing. Ok.Copy !req
1450. It's coming around
now. Coming around. Yes.Copy !req
1451. Yes. Great. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1452. Yes. No! No!Copy !req
1453. No, it's not working!Copy !req
1454. Go change. There you go.Copy !req
1455. Can you change her? Is
that ok? Is that all right?Copy !req
1456. Very good.Copy !req
1457. Very good.Copy !req
1458. And right here.Copy !req
1459. Right here. Looking right there.Copy !req
1460. I'm not even looking.Copy !req
1461. Oh, you're wicked!Copy !req
1462. You got your mojo working
overtime, darling. Yeah.Copy !req
1463. Look. I'm not even
shooting it. It's insane.Copy !req
1464. Smashing.Copy !req
1465. Come on. Can I get a smile?Copy !req
1466. Ok, come on.Copy !req
1467. Come on, you boys.
Get together. Come on.Copy !req
1468. Ok, good. Lovin' it.Copy !req
1469. Let's make a Vanessa sandwich.Copy !req
1470. The winged horn, the winged horn.Copy !req
1471. Come on, Austin.
Give it to me. Go. Go.Copy !req
1472. Oh, behave.Copy !req
1473. Ok, you're an animal!Copy !req
1474. An animal!Copy !req
1475. Yes.Copy !req
1476. Yes! That's it.Copy !req
1477. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1478. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1479. Just the top of the
hair. That's all I want.Copy !req
1480. Born and shoot.Copy !req
1481. Again. Try it one more time.Copy !req
1482. And, um, born and shoot.Copy !req
1483. That's it. Yeah.Copy !req
1484. Let's go. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
1485. Come on!Copy !req
1486. Ignore this. Ignore this.Copy !req
1487. Ignore me doing this.Copy !req
1488. Fabulous, darling.Copy !req
1489. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
1490. Lord. Lord.Copy !req
1491. Show me the eye.Copy !req
1492. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1493. Yes. No! No! No!Copy !req
1494. Never get up. Oh, spit!Copy !req
1495. We'll take you...Copy !req
1496. And we'll go out on the townCopy !req
1497. and swing, baby. Yeah.Copy !req