1. Yeah, baby.Copy !req
2. Hi, I'm Dixie. Dixie Normous.Copy !req
3. I may just be a small-town
FBI agent-slash-single mother...Copy !req
4. but I'm still tough and sexy.Copy !req
5. Well, Miss Normous, shall we shag now...Copy !req
6. or shag later?Copy !req
7. Oh, Austin, behave.Copy !req
8. Hey, Powers.Copy !req
9. You better watch your frigging self...Copy !req
10. because this is one doctor
who does make house calls.Copy !req
11. Right, Mini Me?Copy !req
12. Hey, assholes.Copy !req
13. I'm right over here. I'm Mini Me.
Come and get me.Copy !req
14. And cut.Copy !req
15. That's a cut, everybody.Copy !req
16. Moving on. Check the gate, please.Copy !req
17. So, Austin, what'd you think
of the opening credits?Copy !req
18. Well, I can't believe
Sir Steven Spielberg...Copy !req
19. the grooviest filmmaker
in the history of cinema...Copy !req
20. is making a movie about my life.Copy !req
21. Very shagadelic, baby. Yeah.Copy !req
22. Having said that,
I do have some thoughts.Copy !req
23. Really?Copy !req
24. Uh, my friend here
thinks it's fine the way it is.Copy !req
25. Well, no offense, Sir Stevie...Copy !req
26. but you've got to have mojo, baby.
Yeah.Copy !req
27. Hit it.Copy !req
28. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Quincy Jones.Copy !req
29. Yeah.Copy !req
30. This is where the movie
gets its mojo, baby.Copy !req
31. Groovy, yes.Copy !req
32. Quiet, everybody. Music video, take two.Copy !req
33. It's Britney Spears.Copy !req
34. Oops, I did it again, baby. Yeah.Copy !req
35. I love you!Copy !req
36. Yeah.Copy !req
37. Welcome back, Herr Doctor.
How was space?Copy !req
38. Space was cool. Wasn't it, Mini Me?Copy !req
39. - Mm-hm.
- Yeah.Copy !req
40. Dr. Evil, while you were in space...Copy !req
41. I created a way for us to make
huge sums of legitimate money...Copy !req
42. and still maintain the ethics
and the business practices...Copy !req
43. of an evil organization.Copy !req
44. I have turned us into a talent agency:
The Hollywood Talent Agency.Copy !req
45. - Really?
- By charging A-list clients 9 percent...Copy !req
46. rather than the traditional 10 percent,
we've been able to sign such stars...Copy !req
47. - ... as George Clooney...
- Ooh.Copy !req
48. Julia Roberts...
- Hey.Copy !req
49. and Leo Di Caprio.Copy !req
50. Leo.Copy !req
51. And the best part of the whole scheme
is we all get our own assistants.Copy !req
52. Hi, I'm Number Three.Copy !req
53. Whoa!Copy !req
54. I'm really excited to be part of the team
here at HTA.Copy !req
55. Very impressive, Number Two...Copy !req
56. but I finally have the perfect plan.Copy !req
57. In the '70s, there lived
a Dutch metallurgical hedonist...Copy !req
58. by the name of Johann van der Smut.Copy !req
59. He loved gold so much...Copy !req
60. he even lost his genitalia
in an unfortunate smelting accident.Copy !req
61. Hence the name...Copy !req
62. Goldmember.Copy !req
63. He invented a cold-fusion power unit...Copy !req
64. for a "tractor beam"...Copy !req
65. "Tractor beam"...Copy !req
66. powerful enough
to pull a meteor to Earth.Copy !req
67. The meteor was called...Copy !req
68. "Midas 22."Copy !req
69. It's made of solid gold.Copy !req
70. Is he sleeping?Copy !req
71. Well, that's okay.Copy !req
72. I guess Mini Me won't get any...Copy !req
73. chocolate!Copy !req
74. You want down, Mini Me?
Use your words like a big boy clone.Copy !req
75. He's okay.Copy !req
76. Here's the chocolate.Copy !req
77. It's from Bruges. That's in Belgium.Copy !req
78. That's where Daddy's from. Yeah.Copy !req
79. Check out Mini Me.Copy !req
80. Yeah. He's gone mental
on account of the chocolate.Copy !req
81. It's like fricking catnip for clones.Copy !req
82. - Your chair, Dr. Evil.
- Thank you.Copy !req
83. Whoa!Copy !req
84. Thanks. Skedaddle. Right.Copy !req
85. You know, when you have kids...Copy !req
86. I think you're gonna find
that all kids are different, eh?Copy !req
87. For example, Mini Me loves chocolate.Copy !req
88. Scotty don't.Copy !req
89. - What, I like chocolate fine, I just...
- Scotty don't.Copy !req
90. Well, this is very familiar. Hang on,
let me do what I do. "Uh, would you stop?"Copy !req
91. How about I what?Copy !req
92. What are you...?Copy !req
93. I don't even... Honestly, isn't this...?Copy !req
94. How about you don't?
Ladies and gentlemen, Scotty Don't.Copy !req
95. Ahem. Dr. Evil, perhaps it's time
that you finished unveiling your plan.Copy !req
96. Yes, thank you, Number Two.
Ladies and gentlemen, my plan is...Copy !req
97. - Scotty don't.
- Come on. You're such a lame-ass.Copy !req
98. - Oh.
Oh.Copy !req
99. - Oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
100. - Yeah.
Oh, this is...Copy !req
101. - Yeah, yeah.
Oh, so we're...Copy !req
102. You know, this is causing me
serious psychological harm.Copy !req
103. I don't know. Who am I?Copy !req
104. Fine. You know what?
I would love some chocolate.Copy !req
105. Here you go.Copy !req
106. Thank you. Perfect.Copy !req
107. Heel, Mini Me.Copy !req
108. Heel.Copy !req
109. Come on. Got me a marlin. Yeah.Copy !req
110. - You okay, Mini Me?
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
111. Yeah? Did I pull too hard?
I don't want to hurt you.Copy !req
112. - Dr. Evil.
- Yeah?Copy !req
113. What does Goldmember's plan
have to do with us?Copy !req
114. Our early attempts at a tractor beam
went through several preparations.Copy !req
115. Preparations A through G were a failure.
But now, ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
116. we finally have a working tractor beam
which we shall call:Copy !req
117. "Preparation H."Copy !req
118. What?Copy !req
119. Why don't you just call it
"Operation Ass Cream," you ass.Copy !req
120. I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?Copy !req
121. Yes. I'd love some chocolate ass cream.Copy !req
122. Perhaps later.Copy !req
123. - Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
- Yeah, eh?Copy !req
124. Ja, Herr Doctor, it's a really good plan.Copy !req
125. Yes, Frau, on the whole,
I think Preparation H feels good.Copy !req
126. - What is it now?
- No, nothing. You know what, I agree.Copy !req
127. Preparation H does feel good on the hole.Copy !req
128. Well, I'm glad we're sprechen Sie
the same lingitty, ja.Copy !req
129. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
130. using my time machine,
I shall travel back to 1975...Copy !req
131. pick up Goldmember
and bring him back to the future.Copy !req
132. And the best part of this plan is...Copy !req
133. no one can stop me.Copy !req
134. Not even...Copy !req
135. Austin Powers.Copy !req
136. Not so fast.Copy !req
137. You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
138. Shit.Copy !req
139. Dr. Evil, the World Court
sentences you to 400 years.Copy !req
140. Do you have anything to say?Copy !req
141. No, but I think Mini Me does.Copy !req
142. Order! I will have order!Copy !req
143. Looks like two eggs in a hanky.Copy !req
144. The criminal genius known as Dr. Evil
and his clone...Copy !req
145. were sentenced today
at the World Organization.Copy !req
146. For his efforts, Austin Powers...Copy !req
147. son of England's most famous spy,
Nigel Powers...Copy !req
148. will be knighted by the queen
at Buckingham Palace.Copy !req
149. Arise, Sir Austin Powers.Copy !req
150. Thank you, Your Majesty.Copy !req
151. - Your father must be very proud of you.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
152. Come on, Dad, stand up and take a bow.Copy !req
153. Daddy?Copy !req
154. Dad?Copy !req
155. DaddyCopy !req
156. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
157. DaddyCopy !req
158. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
159. To take me to the fairCopy !req
160. It seems he doesn't careCopy !req
161. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
162. When I was first baptized
When I was criticizedCopy !req
163. When I was ostracized
When I was JazzercisedCopy !req
164. Steak and kidney pies
One-hour MartinizeCopy !req
165. When I was circumcisedCopy !req
166. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
167. To take me to the fairCopy !req
168. To change my underwearCopy !req
169. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
170. "Daddy Wasn't There." Peace.Copy !req
171. I am a sexy beast.Copy !req
172. Yes.Copy !req
173. Bangs. Yes, how's it going?Copy !req
174. The robot. Haven't seen that in a while.Copy !req
175. - It's Austin Powers! You so funny.
Well, you know.Copy !req
176. Also, very sexiful. Can I have autograph?Copy !req
177. Of course. Your name is...?Copy !req
178. Fook Mi.Copy !req
179. Oh, behave, baby. Yes.Copy !req
180. - Now, your name is...?
- Fook Mi.Copy !req
181. You kiss your mother with that mouth?Copy !req
182. Fook Mi. Like this.Copy !req
183. Oh, I see!Copy !req
184. Your name is Fook Mi.Copy !req
185. - You want drink?
- Yes, of course.Copy !req
186. You know, I have a private bar in the back
that you're more than welcome to use...Copy !req
187. Here you go.Copy !req
188. Fook Mi, that was fast.Copy !req
189. Fook Yu.Copy !req
190. You're going the right way
for a smacked bottom...Copy !req
191. and I don't care who knows it.Copy !req
192. Austin.Copy !req
193. This is my twin sister. Her name Fook Yu.Copy !req
194. Fook Yu.Copy !req
195. Fook Mi.Copy !req
196. See?Copy !req
197. Twins. Twins.Copy !req
198. Twins. Yes.Copy !req
199. We're going to see the twins. Yes.Copy !req
200. I also think Austin Powers very sexiful.Copy !req
201. We think you are very gravy, baby.Copy !req
202. Do we make you sleepy?Copy !req
203. Well, you make me many things,
but sleepy's not one of them.Copy !req
204. We give you top-secret massage.Copy !req
205. Yes, top-secret massage, baby.Copy !req
206. Sorry about that.Copy !req
207. I swear to God that never happens,
heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
208. Yes, hold on a tic.Copy !req
209. Okay...Copy !req
210. Okay. Now, where were we, babies? Yes.Copy !req
211. Ah, Austin. I'm sorry to interrupt.Copy !req
212. Twins, Basil. Twins.Copy !req
213. Austin, it's your father.Copy !req
214. - Bye-bye.
- What?Copy !req
215. - Bye.
- He's been kidnapped.Copy !req
216. Very heavy, man.Copy !req
217. Oh. So that's why my father
wasn't at the knighting ceremony.Copy !req
218. Well, no, actually.Copy !req
219. He was kidnapped
after you were knighted.Copy !req
220. Ah.Copy !req
221. He was last seen on his yacht.Copy !req
222. Ah, yes, the HMS Shag-at-Sea.Copy !req
223. Exactly. Just take a look.Copy !req
224. Gentlemen, fall in.Copy !req
225. Austin, these men were assigned
to guard your father.Copy !req
226. Okay, chaps. Chins up, trousers down.Copy !req
227. I think we may have found a clue.Copy !req
228. Cor blimey. All your privates
have had their privates painted gold.Copy !req
229. How bizarre.Copy !req
230. Imagine, gilded tallywhackers...Copy !req
231. golden wedding tackle,
14-karat trouser snakes...Copy !req
232. - That's enough.
- Okay.Copy !req
233. Basil, there's only one person
in the world...Copy !req
234. who truly understands
the psychology of a madman.Copy !req
235. Dr. Evil.Copy !req
236. I've been expecting you, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
237. My father is missing.Copy !req
238. Yes, I heard. How ironic.Copy !req
239. You finally caught me,
yet now you need me more than ever.Copy !req
240. But then again, you've always needed me,
haven't you, Mr. Powers?Copy !req
241. Remember when I told you
we're not so different, you and I?Copy !req
242. We're not so different, you and I.Copy !req
243. See? I did say that. Mm-hm.Copy !req
244. Very clever. Now, who has my father?Copy !req
245. Uh-oh!Copy !req
246. Someone has some daddy issues.Copy !req
247. Nothing could be my father from the truth.Copy !req
248. Ooh! You said, "my father."Copy !req
249. - No, I dadn't.
- Hey-oh!Copy !req
250. Didn't. Did not.Copy !req
251. She-ba.Copy !req
252. - For me, this is a dad issue.
- Ha...Copy !req
253. Dead issue. Dead dad.Copy !req
254. Deadbeat dad. Daddy didn't love me.Copy !req
255. It seems the knighting ceremony
wasn't the only time...Copy !req
256. your daddy let you down.Copy !req
257. Remember that day at the academy?Copy !req
258. Think.Copy !req
259. It was graduation.Copy !req
260. Yeah, baby, yeah.
Do I make you horny, baby?Copy !req
261. Oh, yes, that's the spot. Right there.Copy !req
262. You're a naughty one. Yes, you are.Copy !req
263. Hello, vicar. Crikey!Copy !req
264. Have you ever heard of knocking, man?Copy !req
265. Right.Copy !req
266. We were just getting started.Copy !req
267. Bye, love.Copy !req
268. Don't forget, Master Powers,
later you have a brief oral exam.Copy !req
269. Well, I hope it's mostly oral and not too...Copy !req
270. brief, baby.Copy !req
271. You know, "brief" and "oral exam"...Copy !req
272. Marks are in, lads.Copy !req
273. It looks like Master Evil
is the top contender...Copy !req
274. for this year's
International Man of Mystery.Copy !req
275. He's number one in the class.Copy !req
276. Whoop-de-do, Basil.Copy !req
277. Hey, everybody, I'm number one.Copy !req
278. Who cares?Copy !req
279. Hello, I'm Number Two.Copy !req
280. Nice to meet you, Number Two...Copy !req
281. but now I'm going to be named
this year's International Man of Mystery.Copy !req
282. Yeah, right.Copy !req
283. Shut your gob.Copy !req
284. Ow!Copy !req
285. Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.Copy !req
286. And now it's time to award
our greatest honor.Copy !req
287. This year's International
Man of Mystery is...Copy !req
288. Austin Powers.Copy !req
289. Well done, Austin.Copy !req
290. Jolly good.
Top notch.Copy !req
291. We're proud of you.
Very well done, indeed.Copy !req
292. It's always been my dream
to win this award, just like my dad.Copy !req
293. And I'm glad he could be here.Copy !req
294. Stand up, Dad. Take a bow.Copy !req
295. Dad?Copy !req
296. Daddy?Copy !req
297. Boo-frickity-hoo.Copy !req
298. I had the best grades in the class
and I didn't get diddlysquat.Copy !req
299. - Here we go.
- Tell me, Mr. Powers...Copy !req
300. what did you find on those sailors?Copy !req
301. A golden surprise, perhaps?Copy !req
302. How did...? Yes.Copy !req
303. All the sailors had their
meat and two veg painted gold.Copy !req
304. Yes, it's the distinctive calling card
of a criminal mastermind.Copy !req
305. The aptly named...Copy !req
306. Goldmember.Copy !req
307. How can I find this Goldmember?Copy !req
308. Quid pro quo, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
309. Yes, squid pro row.Copy !req
310. I'll give you Goldmember, you give me
a transfer to a regular prison...Copy !req
311. so that I could be with
my beloved Mini Me.Copy !req
312. Okay, I'll get you a transfer
to a regular prison.Copy !req
313. Now, where's Goldmember?Copy !req
314. Not where, Mr. Powers...Copy !req
315. but when.Copy !req
316. 1975. Studio 69 Disco. New York City.
Corner of 69th and 8th.Copy !req
317. You go now, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
318. Fly, fly.Copy !req
319. I'll get it.Copy !req
320. Instead of hiding your father
in some remote location...Copy !req
321. Goldmember is hiding him in 1975.Copy !req
322. So our engineers
have crafted this vehicle...Copy !req
323. to time-travel to the '70s.Copy !req
324. Smashing, Basil. A pimpmobile.Copy !req
325. Oh, yes, yes.
I knew it would tickle your fancy.Copy !req
326. What can I say? Look.Copy !req
327. Cough.Copy !req
328. Here we go, 1975.Copy !req
329. Good luck, Austin.Copy !req
330. 1975!Copy !req
331. Yeah, baby! Yeah!Copy !req
332. Solid GoldCopy !req
333. Solid GoldCopy !req
334. It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's goldCopy !req
335. It's solid gold, babyCopy !req
336. It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's goldCopy !req
337. It's solid gold, babyCopy !req
338. YeahCopy !req
339. He's got the Midas touchCopy !req
340. But he touched it too muchCopy !req
341. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
342. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
343. He's got a golden padCopy !req
344. He's super badCopy !req
345. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
346. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
347. Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to Studio 69.Copy !req
348. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
349. It's Goldmember!Copy !req
350. Hey, everybody, I am from Holland.Copy !req
351. Isn't that weird? Yes. Ha, ha.Copy !req
352. He's got the Midas touchCopy !req
353. But he touched it too muchCopy !req
354. Hey, Goldmember
YeahCopy !req
355. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
356. You're gettin' down tonightCopy !req
357. - Ow!
You're dynamiteCopy !req
358. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
359. - Goldmember
- Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
360. 'Cause that's the way, uh-huh
Uh-huhCopy !req
361. He likes it, uh-huh
Uh-huhCopy !req
362. Goldmember
GoldmemberCopy !req
363. He loves it
He loves itCopy !req
364. 'Cause that's the way, uh-huh
- Uh-huhCopy !req
365. - He likes it, uh-huh
- Uh-huhCopy !req
366. - Goldmember
GoldmemberCopy !req
367. He loves it
He loves itCopy !req
368. He's got the Midas touchCopy !req
369. He touched it too muchCopy !req
370. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
371. Hey, Goldmember
- GoldmemberCopy !req
372. He's from the NetherlandsCopy !req
373. - It's where he learned to dance
- Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
374. - Gold, Goldmember
- Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
375. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
376. It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's goldCopy !req
377. It's solid gold, babyCopy !req
378. - Goldmember's so solid
It's gold, it's gold, it's goldCopy !req
379. It's gold, it's gold, it's goldCopy !req
380. - It's gold
- It's solid gold, babyCopy !req
381. His member's so goldCopy !req
382. Yes, it is, yeahCopy !req
383. Well, if it isn't Austin Powers.Copy !req
384. I'm sorry?Copy !req
385. You got a lot of nerve
dragging your jive white ass in here.Copy !req
386. I don't believe we've met.Copy !req
387. It's me. Foxxy!Copy !req
388. Foxxy Cleopatra!Copy !req
389. Long time, no see.Copy !req
390. - Oh.
- Stop!Copy !req
391. We can't be seen talking to each other,
you dig?Copy !req
392. I'm using this cat as a distraction.Copy !req
393. I get it. Yes, very clever.Copy !req
394. First things first.Copy !req
395. Ow! Ouch-kabibble!Copy !req
396. Eight years and no phone call?
Nobody stands up Foxxy Cleopatra!Copy !req
397. Where have you been?Copy !req
398. Listen, Foxxy.Copy !req
399. I just want you to know
I never intended to hurt you, baby.Copy !req
400. Well, all I know is...Copy !req
401. Mama only got a taste of honey...Copy !req
402. but she wanted the whole beehive.Copy !req
403. Oh, beehive.Copy !req
404. Yes, "beehive."Copy !req
405. You always knew how to make me smile.Copy !req
406. Well, you know, it's a gift, really. I, um...Copy !req
407. Ugh, what am I doing?Copy !req
408. Foxxy, what are you doing
in Goldmember's club?Copy !req
409. I'm undercover.Copy !req
410. About a year ago,
my partner at the bureau was killed.Copy !req
411. And that jive-ass turkey Goldmember
is the prime suspect.Copy !req
412. Ow!Copy !req
413. Your father's in the back room,
under heavy guard.Copy !req
414. - Thanks, Foxxy.
- Austin! Good luck.Copy !req
415. Oh!Copy !req
416. - Dad!
- Hello, son.Copy !req
417. Just overpowering my guards. Heh, heh.Copy !req
418. I'm here to rescue you. Come quickly.Copy !req
419. I've got a better idea.
Why don't you rescue me in about...Copy !req
420. what, seven or eight minutes, eh?
Ha, ha.Copy !req
421. Oh, knock it off.
I don't want to see my dad on the job.Copy !req
422. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
423. - Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, girls.
No.Copy !req
424. I've got to go, it's my boy. Hold on.Copy !req
425. - What's wrong with your neck?
- I took a Viagra.Copy !req
426. It got stuck in my throat.
I've had a stiff neck for hours.Copy !req
427. I thank you.Copy !req
428. Listen, Dad, if you are gonna
talk about naughty things...Copy !req
429. in front of these American girls...Copy !req
430. then at least speak "English" English.Copy !req
431. All right, my son.Copy !req
432. I could've had it away
with this cracking Judy, my old china.Copy !req
433. Are you telling pork pies
and a bag of tripe?Copy !req
434. Because if you are feeling quiggly,
why not just have a J. Arthur?Copy !req
435. - What, Billy No-Mates?
- Too right, youth.Copy !req
436. Don't you remember the din-din
with the grotty Scottish bint?Copy !req
437. Oh, the one that was all
sixes and sevens?Copy !req
438. The trouble and strife of the Morris dancer
that lived up the apples and pears.Copy !req
439. Yes, yes, she was the barrister
that became a bobby in a lorry...Copy !req
440. with a Gatling gun
in and above St. Regis...Copy !req
441. tea kettle.Copy !req
442. Yes.
Then she...Copy !req
443. Shat on a turtle.Copy !req
444. - Oh, God, we had some good times, eh?
- We had some good times, eh?Copy !req
445. - Wonderful times, we had.
- Good times, yeah.Copy !req
446. We had some good, uh...Copy !req
447. times.Copy !req
448. Welcome to 1975...Copy !req
449. Austin Powers and father.Copy !req
450. Excuse me while I change.
The roller boogie has made me sweaty.Copy !req
451. Yeah, sweaty.Copy !req
452. You see, Mr. Powers...Copy !req
453. I love gold.Copy !req
454. The look of it, the taste of it...Copy !req
455. the smell of it, the texture.Copy !req
456. I love gold so much...Copy !req
457. that I even lost my genitalia
in an unfortunate smelting accident.Copy !req
458. Hence the name...Copy !req
459. Goldmember.Copy !req
460. We are both swingers, you see? Ha, ha.Copy !req
461. You have a tight body. Yes.Copy !req
462. I see that from your tight pants.Copy !req
463. Yes, you are tight like a tiger.Copy !req
464. Would you like a smoke and a pancake?Copy !req
465. - A what?
- A smoke and a pancake.Copy !req
466. You know, flapjack and a cigarette?
Hmm?Copy !req
467. All right. Cigar and a waffle?Copy !req
468. No? Pipe and a crepe?Copy !req
469. - No? Bong and a blintz?
No.Copy !req
470. Ah, well. Then there is no pleasing you.Copy !req
471. That's not right.Copy !req
472. Ooh, hello. What have we here?Copy !req
473. That's a keeper. Yes.Copy !req
474. Put it in the skin box, please.
With the others.Copy !req
475. - I'm peeling.
- Oh, that's just disgusting.Copy !req
476. Quickly. Quickly. Thank you.Copy !req
477. Save me from myself.Copy !req
478. You're insane, Goldmember.Copy !req
479. And that's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.Copy !req
480. KC and the Sunshine Band.Copy !req
481. All right, Goldmember,
don't play the laughing boy.Copy !req
482. There are only two things
I can't stand in this world:Copy !req
483. People who are intolerant
of other people's cultures...Copy !req
484. and the Dutch.
What?Copy !req
485. Take the father away.Copy !req
486. Dutch-hater. And now, ha, ha,
it is time to say goodbye.Copy !req
487. Dr. Evil's orders.Copy !req
488. Which for you is bad news, bears.Copy !req
489. Walter Matthau.Copy !req
490. Shazam.Copy !req
491. Up yours, jive turkey.Copy !req
492. - Traitor.
- Ugh!Copy !req
493. Heh-heh-heh. Yes, the gun.
Good, very good.Copy !req
494. 2002.Copy !req
495. They're taking my father
to the time machine.Copy !req
496. - The say-what machine?
Come on, now. Ha, ha.Copy !req
497. No!
- This way, sugar.Copy !req
498. That was close, Foxxy. I owe you one.Copy !req
499. Austin, I found this in Goldmember's office.
It's a microfilm. It may be a clue.Copy !req
500. - Smashing.
- I want to go to the future with you.Copy !req
501. We can catch Goldmember together.
I owe it to my partner.Copy !req
502. I should warn you, Foxxy,
2002 is very different.Copy !req
503. Well, heh, the future
better get ready for me.Copy !req
504. Because I'm Foxxy Cleopatra
and I'm a whole lot of woman.Copy !req
505. 2002, here we come.Copy !req
506. All visitations limited to five minutes.Copy !req
507. No spitting in the visitors' room.Copy !req
508. Herr Doctor...Copy !req
509. I have some news.Copy !req
510. - It's your son.
- Oh.Copy !req
511. He wants to take over
the family business.Copy !req
512. Scotty does?Copy !req
513. Oh, he's gotten so evil,
he has even started losing his hair.Copy !req
514. I know, it's sweet.Copy !req
515. Oh, he just wants to make you proud,
Herr Doctor.Copy !req
516. After all, it's hard on the boy
not having a father.Copy !req
517. You know, first you were frozen,
then you were in space, now you're in jail.Copy !req
518. Well, don't tell me he feels neglected.Copy !req
519. I was adopted by fricking Belgians, eh?Copy !req
520. You were adopted?Copy !req
521. I never met my birth parents.Copy !req
522. There was a car accident.Copy !req
523. I'm told it was a beautiful Belgian day.Copy !req
524. The smell of waffles and Brussels sprouts
filled the summer air...Copy !req
525. until...Copy !req
526. My birth mother was incinerated.Copy !req
527. I only survived
because her smoking carcass...Copy !req
528. formed a protective cocoon
of slaughtered human effluence.Copy !req
529. A Belgian man and his 15-year-old
love slave with webbed feet...Copy !req
530. was looting the accident scene.Copy !req
531. They came across a blood-soaked baby,
moi.Copy !req
532. They raised me to be evil.Copy !req
533. You know, that old chestnut.Copy !req
534. But nothing compares to this,
being inside the belly of the beast...Copy !req
535. night after night, all alone.Copy !req
536. Daddy's all pent up. Let's freak!Copy !req
537. Oh!Copy !req
538. Time's up.Copy !req
539. Visiting hours are over. Step to the line.Copy !req
540. Cuffs up.Copy !req
541. Move it.Copy !req
542. Hi, there.Copy !req
543. How you sleeping? Good?Copy !req
544. Gentlemen, listen up, y'all.Copy !req
545. Here's the new plan:Copy !req
546. You're gonna start a riot...Copy !req
547. and we're gonna
walk out the front door.Copy !req
548. Hey, man.Copy !req
549. I know guys on crack
that makes more sense than you.Copy !req
550. Really?Copy !req
551. Then let me put it to you this way, cuz.Copy !req
552. Yeah.Copy !req
553. - Instead of treated
- We get trickedCopy !req
554. - Instead of kisses
- We get kickedCopy !req
555. It's the hard knockCopy !req
556. I don't know how to be
No crib on MTVCopy !req
557. God only knows
Got my Mini Me in the G.P.Copy !req
558. See how it goes
Evil's all that I seeCopy !req
559. And you ask me my name?
D to the rizzoCopy !req
560. E to the vizzo
I to the lizzoCopy !req
561. I'm a crazy
Y'all knew thatCopy !req
562. Austin caught me in the first act
It's all backwards, what's with that?Copy !req
563. So I'll make a prophecy
From the dogs to the Mini MeCopy !req
564. Give me an Escalade, a two-way
Bling bling on eBayCopy !req
565. DominoCopy !req
566. Stick that in your pipe and smoke itCopy !req
567. Instead of treatedCopy !req
568. This is for all my homeys in BrugesCopy !req
569. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huhCopy !req
570. Ah, Cristal.Copy !req
571. My Moto.Copy !req
572. A couple of beyotches.Copy !req
573. Why not?Copy !req
574. I gotta bust a move
Drop and bust a grooveCopy !req
575. Feelin' fine, got an evil crew
Goldmember tooCopy !req
576. Lick my 9Copy !req
577. Till then I'll... on my... butt
Brains outCopy !req
578. Put... on call
And splooge in your... that's allCopy !req
579. Fo' shizzle my nizzle, y'allCopy !req
580. Yeah.Copy !req
581. All right, listen up.Copy !req
582. Tonight, 8 p.m.,
you're going to start a riot.Copy !req
583. Yes, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
584. Attention, all guards.
There is a riot in progress.Copy !req
585. Seal all exits.Copy !req
586. Attention. Dr. Evil and his clone
are trying to escape.Copy !req
587. All guards report to Cell Block A
immediately.Copy !req
588. Dr. Evil and his clone are getting away.Copy !req
589. There you are.Copy !req
590. - Good morning, sunshine.
- Good morning.Copy !req
591. How did you sleep?Copy !req
592. - Great.
- Me too. If these lips could talk.Copy !req
593. Mm. Oh, hello.Copy !req
594. You have the right to remain sexy, sugar.Copy !req
595. Oh. I hope there's a search involved.Copy !req
596. You've got mail.Copy !req
597. So, what does this thing do?Copy !req
598. Well, it's called the Internet...Copy !req
599. and it's completely revolutionized
the way we live...Copy !req
600. and access vital information.Copy !req
601. For example, have a look at this:Copy !req
602. Oh, look at the monkey.Copy !req
603. Oh, he's got his finger on his...
Oh, no. Watch out.Copy !req
604. Wow. Now, that's vital information.Copy !req
605. I know. It's amazing.Copy !req
606. Oh, Basil. What's happening, baby?Copy !req
607. A lot is happening, Foxxy.Copy !req
608. Dr. Evil has escaped.Copy !req
609. The good news is that
one of our agents...Copy !req
610. has managed to infiltrate
Dr. Evil's organization.Copy !req
611. Excellent. We've been trying for years
to get a mole inside Dr. Evil's lair.Copy !req
612. - We now have that mole.
- Yes.Copy !req
613. And here he is.Copy !req
614. So you're the...Copy !req
615. Mo...Copy !req
616. Mo...Copy !req
617. Most. Most.Copy !req
618. - Most.
- Most excellent agent we've ever seen.Copy !req
619. Yes, most excellent agent we've ever seen.Copy !req
620. - Mm-hm.
- Thank you.Copy !req
621. Thank you.Copy !req
622. Now, I wasn't able to get an exact location,
but I did learn...Copy !req
623. that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair
outside of Tokyo, Japan.Copy !req
624. Hmm.Copy !req
625. By the way, I realize
that I have a large mole on my face.Copy !req
626. Where? Ha, ha.Copy !req
627. What? Where's that mole? Heh, heh.Copy !req
628. I didn't see one.Copy !req
629. I also realize the irony
that I am myself a mole.Copy !req
630. No one would make that connection.Copy !req
631. Anyway, well done, old chap.Copy !req
632. Jolly good work.Copy !req
633. Yes, nice to mole you... Meet you.
Nice to meet your mole.Copy !req
634. - Don't say "mole."
- Stop.Copy !req
635. - I said "mole."
- Stop.Copy !req
636. Stop.Copy !req
637. - Bye.
Mole.Copy !req
638. Mole.Copy !req
639. Stop.Copy !req
640. - Mole.
- Oh, shut up!Copy !req
641. Moley-moley-moley-moley-moley.Copy !req
642. Up, periscope.Copy !req
643. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
644. welcome to my new submarine lair.Copy !req
645. It's long and hard and full of seamen.Copy !req
646. Nothing? No?Copy !req
647. Not even a titter?Copy !req
648. Tough sub.Copy !req
649. Dr. Evil, you look very tight.Copy !req
650. Yes, tight like a tiger.Copy !req
651. - Yes, yes, yes.
- Really?Copy !req
652. Yes, you look like a macho man.Copy !req
653. Village People.Copy !req
654. You know, Goldmember...Copy !req
655. I don't think that's something
one dude should say to another dude.Copy !req
656. Yeah. A little creepy. Mm-hm.Copy !req
657. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.
This is a keeper. Oi.Copy !req
658. Yes.Copy !req
659. All right, you're not gonna put that skin
in your mouth, are you?Copy !req
660. You did. Okay, that's just gross.Copy !req
661. Yes, salty. Yes, that was good.Copy !req
662. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
663. as you know...Copy !req
664. we've been designing
a "tractor beam"...Copy !req
665. code-named Preparation H.Copy !req
666. - Heh-heh-heh.
- It's powerful enough to pull the meteor...Copy !req
667. "Midas 22" into a collision course
with the Earth.Copy !req
668. Upon entering the atmosphere,
the hot ball of magma...Copy !req
669. will strike and melt the polar icecaps,
causing a global flood.Copy !req
670. But enough of my technical mumbo jumbo.
Allow me to demonstrate.Copy !req
671. Lower the globe.Copy !req
672. Lower the globe!Copy !req
673. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
674. Well, congratulations, numbnuts.Copy !req
675. You've succeeded in turning me
into a fricking jack-in-the-box.Copy !req
676. Get it off. Get it off. It's dark, it's dark.Copy !req
677. I'm okay. I'm okay.Copy !req
678. Release the meteor.Copy !req
679. Release the meteor!Copy !req
680. - Ow!
- Oh...Copy !req
681. No way.Copy !req
682. Right in the kniggin.Copy !req
683. - Goddamn it. Oh!
- Ow.Copy !req
684. Guys.Copy !req
685. Way to go, A-hole.Copy !req
686. All right, hold on while I try
and find my balls, for God's sakes.Copy !req
687. One, two and three.Copy !req
688. Okay. I'm okay.Copy !req
689. Dr. Evil, we still have
the ultimate insurance policy.Copy !req
690. May I present to you...Copy !req
691. the very sexual, the very tight...Copy !req
692. Austin Powers' father.Copy !req
693. - His what?
- His father, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
694. His "farger"?Copy !req
695. - What's a farger?
- His father. You know, the father.Copy !req
696. Yeah. Goldmember, I don't speak
freaky-deaky Dutch, okay, perv boy?Copy !req
697. Father. His dad. Dad is father.Copy !req
698. Oh, his dad?Copy !req
699. Oh, his father.Copy !req
700. Yes, I have a Dutch accent.
Isn't that weird?Copy !req
701. Father. Father.Copy !req
702. Ah, Nigel Powers.Copy !req
703. Hello, hello.Copy !req
704. - Bring him to me.
- Easy peezy, lemon squeezy.Copy !req
705. Oh, put the guns down.
Is this the first day on the job or something?Copy !req
706. Look, this is how it goes.
You attack me one at a time...Copy !req
707. and I knock you out with a single punch.
Okay? Go.Copy !req
708. - Judo chop.
- Oh, he's good.Copy !req
709. Judo chop.Copy !req
710. Do you know who I am?Copy !req
711. Have you any idea
how many anonymous henchmen...Copy !req
712. I've killed over the years?
And look at you.Copy !req
713. You haven't even got a nametag.
You got no chance.Copy !req
714. Why don't you just fall down?Copy !req
715. Go on, son.Copy !req
716. All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up
while you've still got a chance.Copy !req
717. Okay. Okay. You've got me.Copy !req
718. Nigel Powers, meet...Copy !req
719. Mini Me.
Oh, blimey.Copy !req
720. I thought I smelled cabbage.Copy !req
721. Take him away.Copy !req
722. Uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold?Copy !req
723. It's kind of my thing, you know.Copy !req
724. How about no, you crazy Dutch bastard?Copy !req
725. Attention, henchmen, it's health week.Copy !req
726. Don't forget your physical.
Dr. Evil's orders.Copy !req
727. You know, I think it's a shame
the way they treat you.Copy !req
728. Just because
you're one-eighth their size...Copy !req
729. doesn't mean you deserve
one-eighth of their respect.Copy !req
730. Does it?Copy !req
731. Say, mini-fella, I'm, uh...Copy !req
732. I'm curious.Copy !req
733. Is, uh, everything in proportion?Copy !req
734. You know, your bobby-dangler,
your general, two colonels...Copy !req
735. your giggle stick, master of ceremonies.Copy !req
736. Yeah. Oh, don't be shy. Let's have a look.Copy !req
737. My word.Copy !req
738. You're a tripod.Copy !req
739. What do you feed that thing, eh?
It's like a baby's arm holding an apple.Copy !req
740. The good news is, you ever get tired,
you can use it as a kickstand.Copy !req
741. I think we both know who the real brains is
behind this operation, eh?Copy !req
742. Mm-hm.Copy !req
743. Tokyo à gogo, baby. Yeah.Copy !req
744. Oh, what's kicking, Basil?Copy !req
745. A lot's kicking, Foxxy. Austin...Copy !req
746. one of Dr. Evil's henchmen
has been spotted at the Asahi Sumo Arena.Copy !req
747. Proceed there immediately.Copy !req
748. Thanks, Basil.Copy !req
749. Ah, Jesus Christ.
This diaper's making my nuts rub together.Copy !req
750. It's gonna start a fire.Copy !req
751. That's Fat Bastard.Copy !req
752. Fat Bastard.Copy !req
753. You know what my favorite
Helen Hunt movie is?Copy !req
754. Twister.Copy !req
755. Oh!Copy !req
756. Fat Bastard...Copy !req
757. - That's not right.
- Sure ain't.Copy !req
758. Are we done here?Copy !req
759. I've got to take a crap.Copy !req
760. Wait a tick.Copy !req
761. Something doesn't smell right.Copy !req
762. And I think it's Fat Bastard.Copy !req
763. On top of spaghettiCopy !req
764. All covered in... Ahh! cheeseCopy !req
765. I lost my poor meatballCopy !req
766. 'Cause somebody...Copy !req
767. - You okay, Austin?
- Sound as a pound, love. Yeah. Good.Copy !req
768. What the...? I didn't have any corn.Copy !req
769. Aah!Copy !req
770. Hey, diaper lady.Copy !req
771. Here's my diaper.Copy !req
772. I think I might have pinched one off
too soon.Copy !req
773. Oh, I left a rosebud in there for you.Copy !req
774. You really are a fat bastard.Copy !req
775. You know, that hurts my feelings.
I tried going on a diet, you know.Copy !req
776. The Zone. You know,
"carbs are the enemy"?Copy !req
777. We don't like carbs,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
778. Oh.Copy !req
779. Who's your friend?Copy !req
780. Oh, I'd like to have a go with that filly.Copy !req
781. Oh, do you find me sexy?Copy !req
782. Oh, look at my titties.Copy !req
783. - Shut your mouth.
- Mm, yeah.Copy !req
784. All right, that's enough.Copy !req
785. Okay, you got me.Copy !req
786. - Put it there, would you?
- Okay.Copy !req
787. Come here, you.Copy !req
788. Ow, my titties!Copy !req
789. Ow, you gave me a nurple.Copy !req
790. I've got you now, ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
791. Come here, you.Copy !req
792. Prepare for the ultimate
wire-fighting maneuver.Copy !req
793. I just hope my wire-fighting team
is ready.Copy !req
794. Whoa!Copy !req
795. - Crikey.
- Oh, great.Copy !req
796. Isn't this magical?Copy !req
797. One of my wires broke.Copy !req
798. You under arrest, sugar.Copy !req
799. Okay, Fat Bastard, who's the Japanese cat
you made an exchange with?Copy !req
800. Oh, all right.Copy !req
801. His name is Roboto.Copy !req
802. He owns Roboto Industries.Copy !req
803. He's designing some contraption
for Dr. Evil. I don't know.Copy !req
804. The tractor beam.Copy !req
805. - That's it.
Listen...Copy !req
806. do you honestly think
that crime can pay?Copy !req
807. Well, to be honest with you,
I've been trying to go legit.Copy !req
808. I really take my sumo wrestling
seriously, you know.Copy !req
809. But when you're an overweight child...Copy !req
810. in a society that demands perfection...Copy !req
811. well, your sense of right, wrong...Copy !req
812. fair and unfair...Copy !req
813. will always be tragically skewed.Copy !req
814. Did you just soil yourself?Copy !req
815. Maybe, heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
816. It did sound a little wet, didn't it?
Right at the end.Copy !req
817. Ooh. Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
818. Let's have a smell, all right?Copy !req
819. Ooh, wafting, wafting.Copy !req
820. Oh, everyone likes their own brand,
don't they? This is magic.Copy !req
821. All right, analysis:Copy !req
822. Oh, it smells like carrots and throw-up.Copy !req
823. Oh, that could gag a maggot.Copy !req
824. I smell like hot, sick ass
in a dead carcass.Copy !req
825. Oh, even stink would say that stinks.Copy !req
826. You know when you go
into an apartment building...Copy !req
827. and you smell other people's cooking
on each floor and you go:Copy !req
828. "What are they cooking?" That, plus crap.Copy !req
829. - Hey, Pop.
- Hey, Scotty.Copy !req
830. How you been, sport?Copy !req
831. Whoa!Copy !req
832. I got you a present.Copy !req
833. Really?Copy !req
834. - Open the tank.
- Open the tank!Copy !req
835. Are those sharks with laser beams
attached to their heads?Copy !req
836. Cool. You mean I actually have
fricking sharks...Copy !req
837. with fricking laser beams
attached to their fricking heads?Copy !req
838. You're the best evil son
an evil dad could ever ask for.Copy !req
839. Well, I love you, Dad.Copy !req
840. I love you, son.Copy !req
841. It's touching moment, yes.Copy !req
842. Scotty, come here.Copy !req
843. Pop a squat right next to Daddy.Copy !req
844. Mini Me?Copy !req
845. Move down the bench.Copy !req
846. Move down the bench.Copy !req
847. There's a power struggle, yes.Copy !req
848. Scotty's on fire.Copy !req
849. All right, it's getting crowded in here.Copy !req
850. Everyone out, everyone out. Come on.Copy !req
851. Not you, Scotty. Not you, Number Two.Copy !req
852. Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember.Copy !req
853. Not you, guys back there.Copy !req
854. Not you, Henchman Holding Wrench.Copy !req
855. Not you,
Henchman Arbitrarily Turning Knobs...Copy !req
856. Making It Seem Like
You're Doing Something.Copy !req
857. Oh, this is uncomfortable.Copy !req
858. Heh, heh. The tiny one can't take a hint.
Heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
859. He doesn't understand.
He is small, heh, heh.Copy !req
860. Hello, Foxxy. Austin.Copy !req
861. We've confirmed what Fat Bastard told you
about Roboto is accurate.Copy !req
862. He was hired by Dr. Evil
to construct Preparation H.Copy !req
863. So Roboto had the technology
to build Goldmember's tractor beam.Copy !req
864. Which means Roboto
will lead us to Goldmember.Copy !req
865. Which means Goldmember
will lead us to my father.Copy !req
866. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. I thank you.Copy !req
867. - You speak Japanese?
- A little.Copy !req
868. Well, you might be a cunning linguist,
but I'm a master debater.Copy !req
869. I'm looking for my father.
He was kidnapped.Copy !req
870. Please eat what?Copy !req
871. Wait.Copy !req
872. He said,
"Please eat some shitake mushrooms."Copy !req
873. Tell me...Copy !req
874. what do you know...Copy !req
875. about my father's where...Copy !req
876. abouts?Copy !req
877. Mm.Copy !req
878. "Your ass is happy"?Copy !req
879. No.Copy !req
880. He said,
"Your assignment is an unhappy one."Copy !req
881. Oh.Copy !req
882. Nice potty mouth, dirtbag.Copy !req
883. Oh.Copy !req
884. Yes, quite off topic,
thank you very much.Copy !req
885. Why don't I just speak in English?Copy !req
886. That would be a good idea,
now, wouldn't it?Copy !req
887. That way I wouldn't
misread the subtitles...Copy !req
888. making it seem like
you're saying things that are dirty.Copy !req
889. I'm sorry to hear about your father,
but I can't help you.Copy !req
890. Please excuse me.
I have another appointment.Copy !req
891. By the way...Copy !req
892. - Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
- Tell me something I don't know.Copy !req
893. - I open-mouth kissed a horse once.
- Say what?Copy !req
894. That's something you don't know.Copy !req
895. My spider sense is telling me
that my father's still in this building.Copy !req
896. You keep a lookout.
I'm gonna try and sneak in.Copy !req
897. Mm.Copy !req
898. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
899. Judo chop!Copy !req
900. Shazam!Copy !req
901. Come on, sugar.Copy !req
902. - There's Goldmember and Roboto.
Yes, very impressive.Copy !req
903. Put Preparation H
into my schtuppen transporten.Copy !req
904. - What's this?
- You need this to turn on the tractor beam.Copy !req
905. It's a gold key.Copy !req
906. It's gold.Copy !req
907. Smarty-pants.Copy !req
908. - Let's spread out.
- Yeah.Copy !req
909. Hands up, Goldmember.
It's payback time.Copy !req
910. Sure, you can kill me...Copy !req
911. but then what happens
to Austin Powers' father?Copy !req
912. - Dad.
- Yes.Copy !req
913. And now he's going to have
an unfortunate smelting accident.Copy !req
914. - Hiya!
- Unh!Copy !req
915. Don't worry, Dad. I'm here to rescue you.Copy !req
916. Ow! May I point out that last time around,
you fell into an obvious trap.Copy !req
917. Now you're trying to save me
instead of stopping Goldmember.Copy !req
918. Oh, please. I'm not gonna
let Goldmember get away.Copy !req
919. Austin, Goldmember's getting away.Copy !req
920. Ah.Copy !req
921. Hello, hello.
Aren't you going to introduce us, Austin?Copy !req
922. - Foxxy, this is...
- Powers. Nigel Powers.Copy !req
923. - Is that Eau de Flores you're wearing?
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
924. That's how a woman should smell.Copy !req
925. Especially one as beautiful as you.Copy !req
926. My, my. Even in the face of danger,
you live up to your reputation.Copy !req
927. Get on with it.Copy !req
928. I've got an idea.Copy !req
929. Your spy car's a MINI?Copy !req
930. It's not the size, mate,
it's how you use it.Copy !req
931. I would've found my way off that.Copy !req
932. Fellas.
- What? I saved your life.Copy !req
933. - You should've been doing your job.
- Oh, you're welcome, man.Copy !req
934. Shut up and turn around, please!Copy !req
935. Run! It's Godzilla!Copy !req
936. It looks like Godzilla, but due to
international copyright laws, it's not.Copy !req
937. Still, we should run like it is Godzilla!Copy !req
938. Though it isn't.Copy !req
939. There's Goldmember.Copy !req
940. Breaker, breaker, 1-niner.Copy !req
941. This is Goldy-Wang. Over.Copy !req
942. 10-4, there, Goldy-Wang.Copy !req
943. This is Rubber Ducky.
What's your 10-20? Over.Copy !req
944. I've got Preparation H in my rear
and Smokey the Bear in my back door.Copy !req
945. We've got us a convoy. Over.Copy !req
946. Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch
pile of monkey nuts.Copy !req
947. Open wide there, Rubber Ducky.Copy !req
948. I am entering your mouth now. Over.Copy !req
949. Oh, great. Goldmember got away.
Now what?Copy !req
950. I think it's obvious.
We should take Dr. Evil's lair by force.Copy !req
951. - You can be my backup, son.
- Backup?Copy !req
952. Well, that's fairly condescending.Copy !req
953. Do you think Dr. Evil's
gonna expect an attack?Copy !req
954. We should infiltrate his lair.Copy !req
955. This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.Copy !req
956. We need commandos, scuba,
gadgets, for God's sake.Copy !req
957. Well, I don't like to use gadgets...Copy !req
958. outside the bedroom. I thank you.Copy !req
959. Outside the bedroom.Copy !req
960. You know, I think being frozen
damaged your brain.Copy !req
961. Really? And how would you know?Copy !req
962. This is the most time
that we've ever spent together since...Copy !req
963. ever.Copy !req
964. - What are you saying, son?
- Oh, please.Copy !req
965. What boy learned to drive a car
with machine guns on it?Copy !req
966. Or had a helicopter
you can fit in a knapsack?Copy !req
967. What about your Swedish nanny, Helga?Copy !req
968. Oh, yes. Helga.Copy !req
969. Let's say I didn't hire her for the cooking.Copy !req
970. - Ha-ha-ha.
- Ha-ha-ha. Oh, yes.Copy !req
971. She stayed on until you were 24.Copy !req
972. We were mates, you and I.Copy !req
973. I didn't need a friend, I needed a father.Copy !req
974. Do you know I risked my life
trying to save you...Copy !req
975. and you still don't give me any respect.Copy !req
976. Respect? Oh, come on.
If you've got an issue, here's a tissue.Copy !req
977. That is not funny.Copy !req
978. Well, I suppose we better go
our separate ways, then.Copy !req
979. Fine.Copy !req
980. Fine.Copy !req
981. So I've been assigned to welcome you
to the Ministry of Defence.Copy !req
982. I have a letter from my director
personally thanking you for switching sides.Copy !req
983. I can't wait to inform Austin
of your defection.Copy !req
984. Oh, hello, Basil.Copy !req
985. Yes, Austin should be here
any second. Yes.Copy !req
986. Yes, I'm in Austin's hotel room right now.
Mm-hm.Copy !req
987. - Aah!
- Oh... Uh...Copy !req
988. - Assassin!
- Eek!Copy !req
989. Try to kill me, will you?Copy !req
990. Oh, you want to be friends, huh?Copy !req
991. Wait a tick.Copy !req
992. Peace?Copy !req
993. Oh!Copy !req
994. I'm not falling for that again.Copy !req
995. But at least he didn't mention it.Copy !req
996. Yes, I realize he can't talk.Copy !req
997. Listen, I think Dr. Evil treated him badly
and that's why he's decided to help us.Copy !req
998. Come back here, you little bugger.Copy !req
999. Got you.Copy !req
1000. Oh, yes, I'm sure Austin and Mini
will get along famously.Copy !req
1001. No, I guarantee nothing will happen
to Mini Me on my watch.Copy !req
1002. Come on, you bugger.
Come on, I got you.Copy !req
1003. Oh, I think he and Austin will be united
in their commitment to stopping Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1004. Austin, there you are.
I've come to tell you the good news.Copy !req
1005. Mini Me has...Copy !req
1006. switched sides.Copy !req
1007. Ah! Oh. Heh.Copy !req
1008. Sorry about that, old chap. Sorry.
You know. Sorry.Copy !req
1009. Welcome aboard, heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
1010. - My "mole-stake."
- What was that?Copy !req
1011. - Listen, just get it out of your system.
- No, I'm fine.Copy !req
1012. - We could work together better if...
- It's okay...Copy !req
1013. Mole! Bloody mole!Copy !req
1014. We're not supposed to talk about the mole,
but there's a mole winking me in the face.Copy !req
1015. I'm gonna chop it off and cut it up
and make some guacamole.Copy !req
1016. - Better?
- Yeah. Yes.Copy !req
1017. So you've decided to join us,
huh, Mini Me?Copy !req
1018. Welcome to the good side,
my mini-brother.Copy !req
1019. And thank you for the map
of Dr. Evil's sub.Copy !req
1020. What's this? It says:Copy !req
1021. "Dr. Evil's tractor beam is now complete.
There's not much time.Copy !req
1022. Dr. Evil must pay."Copy !req
1023. "You are so beautiful.
Are you a clone of an angel?"Copy !req
1024. That is so sweet.
Well, no, my mini-man, I'm not.Copy !req
1025. "Are you sure you don't have
a little clone in you?"Copy !req
1026. Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
1027. "Would you like to?"Copy !req
1028. Horny bugger.Copy !req
1029. That is so not funny.Copy !req
1030. Okay, everyone, prepare to dive.Copy !req
1031. This spy car's also a submarine.Copy !req
1032. Get me the World Organization.Copy !req
1033. What is it, Dr. Evil?Copy !req
1034. Gentlemen, in a matter of hours...Copy !req
1035. a meteor will crash into Earth,
causing a global flood.Copy !req
1036. That is, of course, unless you pay me...Copy !req
1037. one billion...Copy !req
1038. million yen.Copy !req
1039. I think you're bluffing.Copy !req
1040. Well, perhaps you'd like a demonstration.
Number Two, the key, please.Copy !req
1041. Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing.Copy !req
1042. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.Copy !req
1043. - Which one?
- It's the one that looks like a pair of...Copy !req
1044. Melons. Big, juicy melons.Copy !req
1045. Are they nice and firm?Copy !req
1046. Well, what do you think?Copy !req
1047. Look at that. It looks like a set of giant...Copy !req
1048. - Hey, "A " and "N," you're late.
- How we doing? We're back.Copy !req
1049. Go, Titans!Copy !req
1050. Check it out. Those remind me of...Copy !req
1051. - Boobs.
- Boobs, Ozzy?Copy !req
1052. - These filmmakers are ****ing boobs.
- What do you mean, Dad?Copy !req
1053. They're using the same ****ing joke
as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.Copy !req
1054. - What ****ing joke?
- You know, the ****ing joke...Copy !req
1055. about the long smooth rocket
that looks like some guy's...Copy !req
1056. - Johnson.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
1057. - Any sign of that satellite?
- No, sir. It's gone.Copy !req
1058. Gentlemen, you have my demands.
Peace out.Copy !req
1059. Cor, baby. You look very switched on.Copy !req
1060. Thank you, Austin.Copy !req
1061. Uh...Copy !req
1062. No, Mini Me. Off. Bad. Mustn't.
No humping.Copy !req
1063. Dr. Evil, in light of the success
of the device...Copy !req
1064. it is Japanese custom
that I receive a bonus.Copy !req
1065. A bonus? Ha-ha-ha. That's good.Copy !req
1066. Yeah, that's awesome.Copy !req
1067. Throw me a fricking bonus here.
Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1068. Oh, I haven't laughed that hard
since I was a little girl. Thank you.Copy !req
1069. - Hmm.
- Oh.Copy !req
1070. You're not joking.Copy !req
1071. No. In fact,
if you don't give me the bonus...Copy !req
1072. Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Scotty. How are you, sport?Copy !req
1073. Whoa!Copy !req
1074. - Why don't you let me take care of this?
- Okay.Copy !req
1075. Ugh.Copy !req
1076. He's got a good evil laugh.Copy !req
1077. Get along.Copy !req
1078. Scotty!Copy !req
1079. Scotty.Copy !req
1080. Scotty.Copy !req
1081. Take it down a notch.Copy !req
1082. It's creeping a bit.Copy !req
1083. Let's go.Copy !req
1084. We'll need a disguise.Copy !req
1085. There's only one uniform.Copy !req
1086. One of us has to go on
the other one's shoulders.Copy !req
1087. Hey there, buddy. How's it going?
Good to see you.Copy !req
1088. Yeah. Yeah. Hi.Copy !req
1089. How are you? Just getting my sea legs.
Sorry about that.Copy !req
1090. Hello. You all right?Copy !req
1091. Yes, it's a good hat. Very good hat.Copy !req
1092. Come on, Mini Me. Let's go.Copy !req
1093. Hold it right there, mister.Copy !req
1094. Did you really think
you could get away with this?Copy !req
1095. I did, actually. Yes.Copy !req
1096. Every new recruit must have a physical.Copy !req
1097. Now get in here, sailor.Copy !req
1098. I'm going to need a urine sample.Copy !req
1099. Okay.Copy !req
1100. - No.
- I don't know.Copy !req
1101. Okay, then. Um...Copy !req
1102. Okay.Copy !req
1103. Hello.Copy !req
1104. And here we go.Copy !req
1105. Sorry.Copy !req
1106. Right. There you go. Right.Copy !req
1107. Ah, yes.
- Terrific.Copy !req
1108. Yes, good. Okay.Copy !req
1109. All right, sailor, go behind that screen...Copy !req
1110. and strip down to your skivvies.Copy !req
1111. All right, then. I'll just go to that screen...Copy !req
1112. which is over there.Copy !req
1113. Right behind that screen.Copy !req
1114. Next.Copy !req
1115. Come on, hurry. The map.Copy !req
1116. Okay, what's our plan?Copy !req
1117. - I'm going to need a urine sample.
- Okay.Copy !req
1118. Which way to the main chamber?Copy !req
1119. Okay, so... Oh, sure.Copy !req
1120. Oh.Copy !req
1121. - Excuse me, doctor?
- It's difficult in public, isn't it?Copy !req
1122. Mini Me, our shadows.
We're casting a shadow.Copy !req
1123. What's wrong, sailor?Copy !req
1124. You should check that guy out.Copy !req
1125. What the hell's going on here?Copy !req
1126. Hands up.Copy !req
1127. You heard me. I said, hands up.
Both of you.Copy !req
1128. Oh.Copy !req
1129. - Come with me.
- Mini Me, the map. Go.Copy !req
1130. Okay. You got me.Copy !req
1131. Are you all right, little man?Copy !req
1132. Uh-huh.Copy !req
1133. Right on.Copy !req
1134. Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1135. Before I kill you...Copy !req
1136. perhaps you'd like to see
the genius of my plan.Copy !req
1137. Key, please.Copy !req
1138. What the...? Who? But how? Where? Huh?Copy !req
1139. - Looking for this?
- Huh?Copy !req
1140. - Mini Me?
- All right...Copy !req
1141. everybody drop your guns,
because Foxxy Cleopatra's in the sub.Copy !req
1142. Smashing, Foxxy. Yeah.Copy !req
1143. Unh!
- Here, sugar.Copy !req
1144. All right, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1145. It's finally come down to this.Copy !req
1146. You, me and a gun.Copy !req
1147. What are you going to do now, Austin?Copy !req
1148. Dad?Copy !req
1149. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1150. I've gotta finish this off once and for all.Copy !req
1151. I'm afraid you can't do that.Copy !req
1152. I have to protect my son.Copy !req
1153. Dad, I'm fine.Copy !req
1154. I'm not talking about you.Copy !req
1155. I'm talking about him.Copy !req
1156. What?Copy !req
1157. Dr. Evil's not your son, I am.Copy !req
1158. - You both are.
- Huh?Copy !req
1159. What?Copy !req
1160. It was our first family holiday together.Copy !req
1161. Just as I was finishing a case...Copy !req
1162. your mother brought the two of you
to Belgium.Copy !req
1163. I stopped to have a tinkle when the car...Copy !req
1164. But my parents died in a car accident.Copy !req
1165. It was no accident.Copy !req
1166. It was an assassination attempt.Copy !req
1167. I thought only Austin survived.Copy !req
1168. I should have told you the truth earlier...Copy !req
1169. but those Belgians,
they made you so damn...Copy !req
1170. evil.Copy !req
1171. And, of course, they share a border
with the Dutch.Copy !req
1172. Very interesting story, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1173. Of course, I'm gonna have to wait
until I see all the facts.Copy !req
1174. Daddy.Copy !req
1175. Shh, Daddy's here, Dougie.Copy !req
1176. - Shh.
- Uh, "Dougie"?Copy !req
1177. - Dougie?
- Dougie. Remember, Dougie?Copy !req
1178. Dad, what's going on?Copy !req
1179. What are you going to do, Austin?Copy !req
1180. - Austin.
- Hmm?Copy !req
1181. Are you sure you can trust Dr. Evil?Copy !req
1182. He ain't heavy...Copy !req
1183. he's my brother, baby. Yeah.Copy !req
1184. I should have told you this
so long ago, son.Copy !req
1185. - I'm very proud of you.
- Unh!Copy !req
1186. - Can you forgive me?
- I forgive you, Dad.Copy !req
1187. Come on.Copy !req
1188. Yes.Copy !req
1189. My two sons.Copy !req
1190. I'm Dougie. I'm Dougie.Copy !req
1191. Come on.Copy !req
1192. Oh, there you are.Copy !req
1193. Oh, come on.Copy !req
1194. I mean, first I'm not evil enough for you.Copy !req
1195. And now you're gonna turn good?Copy !req
1196. Listen, Scott.Copy !req
1197. You can spend your whole life...Copy !req
1198. trying to win your parents' acceptance,
believe me.Copy !req
1199. But at the end of the day,
you've just gotta do it for yourself, baby.Copy !req
1200. That all I've gotta do?Copy !req
1201. Hey, Austin? Shh!Copy !req
1202. What?Copy !req
1203. I hate you.Copy !req
1204. I hate you. I hate you.Copy !req
1205. I don't even know you,
but I hate you too.Copy !req
1206. And I especially hate you.Copy !req
1207. You'll pay.Copy !req
1208. You'll all pay.Copy !req
1209. I'd like to point out that no one else
in my gene pool runs like a girl.Copy !req
1210. Not so fast, smarty-pants.Copy !req
1211. Dr. Evil...Copy !req
1212. you might not want to destroy the world,
but I do.Copy !req
1213. Preparation H goes ahead as planned.Copy !req
1214. I'm going to flood the Earth.Copy !req
1215. Think again, Goldmember.Copy !req
1216. Ah, Foxxy Cleopatra.Copy !req
1217. It's a shame I had to kill your partner.
Too bad for you.Copy !req
1218. Too bad for me?
How about too bad for you?Copy !req
1219. Oh, no.Copy !req
1220. No! No! No!Copy !req
1221. No...Copy !req
1222. Luckily, I keep a spare.Copy !req
1223. Look, everyone.Copy !req
1224. My winkie was a key.Copy !req
1225. Only a bloody Dutchman.Copy !req
1226. - Ha-ha-ha.
- You mine, sucker.Copy !req
1227. Yes.Copy !req
1228. Foxxy, I'm coming.Copy !req
1229. Nobody try anything stupid
or the shooting begins.Copy !req
1230. Austin. Take Dougie.
I'll stay here and be your backup.Copy !req
1231. - Dougie, what do we do?
- I'm not a real "hands-on evil genius."Copy !req
1232. Think. You were always the smart one.Copy !req
1233. Uh, I could reroute the output capacitor
to the tractor beam...Copy !req
1234. from one of the conduit boxes up there.Copy !req
1235. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
1236. Yes. The shooting begins.Copy !req
1237. Let me shoot.Copy !req
1238. You know, Dr. Evil...Copy !req
1239. - ... I used to think you were crazy.
- I know.Copy !req
1240. But now I can see you're nuts.
I thank you.Copy !req
1241. Give me the gun.Copy !req
1242. Ow!Copy !req
1243. Hurry.Copy !req
1244. - Father. Father. Father.
Ow!Copy !req
1245. Father, can you hear me?Copy !req
1246. Father. Father.Copy !req
1247. Wow!Copy !req
1248. Well done, Austin.
He saved the world again.Copy !req
1249. Hey, yeah.Copy !req
1250. Thank you.Copy !req
1251. Right on.Copy !req
1252. - Austin, you did it.
- We did it.Copy !req
1253. Yeah, baby.Copy !req
1254. No? Just trying it on.Copy !req
1255. Goldmember?Copy !req
1256. You under arrest, sugar.Copy !req
1257. Hey, assholes.Copy !req
1258. Do I have time for a last smoke
and a pancake, or what?Copy !req
1259. I am from Holland. Isn't that weird?Copy !req
1260. Yeah.Copy !req
1261. Yes, well done.Copy !req
1262. Good on you, man.Copy !req
1263. Thank you.Copy !req
1264. Yes.Copy !req
1265. Hey, Powers.Copy !req
1266. Fat Bastard? But you're not fat anymore.Copy !req
1267. I went on the Subway diet.
You know, just like Jared.Copy !req
1268. I've lost 180 pounds.Copy !req
1269. Congratulations, baby.Copy !req
1270. Thank you. I do have a little bit
of excess skin, though.Copy !req
1271. Bit of a problem here, yeah.Copy !req
1272. And unfortunately,
my neck does look like a vagina.Copy !req
1273. Austin! Austin!
Over here.Copy !req
1274. Congratulations.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1275. Austin, you the boss!
- You all right?Copy !req
1276. Loved it!
- Okay.Copy !req
1277. Austin...Copy !req
1278. thank you for everything.Copy !req
1279. Shazam.Copy !req
1280. I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.Copy !req
1281. Well, they're using the same
****ing joke...Copy !req
1282. as they did in the last Austin Powers
film... Movie... What was it?Copy !req
1283. Well, they're using the... Well...Copy !req
1284. Well, they're using the same joke
that they did... Oh.Copy !req
1285. - What do I mean?
Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1286. - Boobs, Ozzy.
- Stop, do that again.Copy !req
1287. You're starting to laugh.Copy !req
1288. Oh, don't start, Kelly,
or I'll put you back in the refrigerator.Copy !req
1289. One more.Copy !req
1290. - I don't like that.
- A little serious.Copy !req
1291. Don't make that noise, Sharon.
I'm getting turned on.Copy !req
1292. My testosterone is going dancing.Copy !req
1293. Get off me.Copy !req
1294. Is...? Is it true what they say about you?Copy !req
1295. Kickstand. Really?Copy !req
1296. Um, can I give you my cell phone number?Copy !req
1297. Please?Copy !req
1298. Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Burt Bacharach.Copy !req