1. Yeah, baby.Copy !req
2. Hi, I'm Dixie. Dixie Normous.Copy !req
3. I may just be a small-town
FBI agent-slash-single mother...Copy !req
4. but I'm still tough and sexy.Copy !req
5. Well, Miss Normous, shall we shag now...Copy !req
6. or shag later?Copy !req
7. Oh, Austin, behave.Copy !req
8. Hey, Powers.Copy !req
9. You better watch your frigging self...Copy !req
10. because this is one doctor
who does make house calls.Copy !req
11. Right, Mini Me?Copy !req
12. Hey, assholes.Copy !req
13. I'm right over here. I'm Mini Me.
Come and get me.Copy !req
14. And cut.Copy !req
15. That's a cut, everybody.Copy !req
16. Moving on. Check the gate, please.Copy !req
17. So, Austin, what'd you think
of the opening credits?Copy !req
18. Well, I can't believe
Sir Steven Spielberg...Copy !req
19. the grooviest filmmaker
in the history of cinema...Copy !req
20. is making a movie about my life.Copy !req
21. Very shagadelic, baby. Yeah.Copy !req
22. Having said that,
I do have some thoughts.Copy !req
23. Really?Copy !req
24. Uh, my friend here
thinks it's fine the way it is.Copy !req
25. Well, no offense, Sir Stevie...Copy !req
26. but you've got to have mojo, baby.
Yeah.Copy !req
27. Hit it.Copy !req
28. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Quincy Jones.Copy !req
29. Yeah.Copy !req
30. This is where the movie
gets its mojo, baby.Copy !req
31. Groovy, yes.Copy !req
32. Quiet, everybody.
Music video, take two.Copy !req
33. It's Britney Spears.Copy !req
34. Oops, I did it again, baby. Yeah.Copy !req
35. I love you!Copy !req
36. Yeah.Copy !req
37. Welcome back, Herr Doctor.
How was space?Copy !req
38. Space was cool. Wasn't it, Mini Me?Copy !req
39. - Mm-hm.
- Yeah.Copy !req
40. Dr. Evil, while you were in space...Copy !req
41. I created a way for us to make
huge sums of legitimate money...Copy !req
42. and still maintain the ethics
and the business practices...Copy !req
43. of an evil organization.Copy !req
44. I have turned us into a talent agency:
The Hollywood Talent Agency.Copy !req
45. - Really?
- By charging A-list clients 9 percent...Copy !req
46. rather than the traditional 10 percent,
we've been able to sign such stars...Copy !req
47. - ... as George Clooney...
- Ooh.Copy !req
48. - Julia Roberts...
- Hey.Copy !req
49. and Leo DiCaprio.Copy !req
50. Leo.Copy !req
51. And the best part of the whole scheme
is we all get our own assistants.Copy !req
52. Hi, I'm Number Three.Copy !req
53. Whoa!Copy !req
54. I'm really excited to be part of the team
here at HTA.Copy !req
55. Very impressive, Number Two...Copy !req
56. but I finally have the perfect plan.Copy !req
57. In the '70s, there lived
a Dutch metallurgical hedonist...Copy !req
58. by the name of Johann van der Smut.Copy !req
59. He loved gold so much...Copy !req
60. he even lost his genitalia
in an unfortunate smelting accident.Copy !req
61. Hence the name...Copy !req
62. Goldmember.Copy !req
63. He invented a cold-fusion power unit...Copy !req
64. for a "tractor beam"--Copy !req
65. "Tractor beam"...Copy !req
66. powerful enough
to pull a meteor to Earth.Copy !req
67. The meteor was called...Copy !req
68. "Midas 22."Copy !req
69. It's made of solid gold.Copy !req
70. Is he sleeping?Copy !req
71. Well, that's okay.Copy !req
72. I guess Mini Me won't get any...Copy !req
73. chocolate!Copy !req
74. You want down, Mini Me?
Use your words like a big boy clone.Copy !req
75. He's okay.Copy !req
76. Here's the chocolate.Copy !req
77. It's from Bruges. That's in Belgium.Copy !req
78. That's where Daddy's from. Yeah.Copy !req
79. Check out Mini Me.Copy !req
80. Yeah. He's gone mental
on account of the chocolate.Copy !req
81. It's like fricking catnip for clones.Copy !req
82. - Your chair, Dr. Evil.
- Thank you.Copy !req
83. Whoa!Copy !req
84. Thanks. Skedaddle. Right.Copy !req
85. You know, when you have kids...Copy !req
86. I think you're gonna find
that all kids are different, eh?Copy !req
87. For example, Mini Me loves chocolate.Copy !req
88. Scotty don't.Copy !req
89. - What, I like chocolate fine, I just—
- Scotty don't.Copy !req
90. Well, this is very familiar. Hang on,
let me do what I do. "Uh, would you stop?"Copy !req
91. How about I what?Copy !req
92. What are you...?Copy !req
93. I don't even— Honestly, isn't this—?Copy !req
94. How about you don't?
Ladies and gentlemen, Scotty Don't.Copy !req
95. Ahem. Dr. Evil, perhaps it's time
that you finished unveiling your plan.Copy !req
96. Yes, thank you, Number Two.
Ladies and gentlemen, my plan is—Copy !req
97. - Scotty don't.
- Come on. You're such a lame-ass.Copy !req
98. - Oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
99. - Oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
100. - Yeah.
- Oh, this is...Copy !req
101. - Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, so we're...Copy !req
102. You know, this is causing me
serious psychological harm.Copy !req
103. I don't know. Who am I?Copy !req
104. Fine. You know what?
I would love some chocolate.Copy !req
105. Here you go.Copy !req
106. Thank you. Perfect.Copy !req
107. Heel, Mini Me.Copy !req
108. Heel.Copy !req
109. Come on. Got me a marlin. Yeah.Copy !req
110. - You okay, Mini Me?
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
111. Yeah? Did I pull too hard?
I don't want to hurt you.Copy !req
112. - Dr. Evil.
- Yeah?Copy !req
113. What does Goldmember's plan
have to do with us?Copy !req
114. Our early attempts at a tractor beam
went through several preparations.Copy !req
115. Preparations A through G were a failure.
But now, ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
116. we finally have a working tractor beam
which we shall call:Copy !req
117. "Preparation H."Copy !req
118. What?Copy !req
119. Why don't you just call it
"Operation Ass Cream," you ass.Copy !req
120. I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?Copy !req
121. Yes. I'd love some chocolate ass cream.Copy !req
122. Perhaps later.Copy !req
123. - Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
- Yeah, eh?Copy !req
124. Ja, Herr Doctor, it's a really good plan.Copy !req
125. Yes, Frau, on the whole,
I think Preparation H feels good.Copy !req
126. - What is it now?
- No, nothing. You know what, I agree.Copy !req
127. Preparation H does feel good on the hole.Copy !req
128. Well, I'm glad we're sprechen Sie
the same lingitty, ja.Copy !req
129. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
130. using my time machine,
I shall travel back to 1975...Copy !req
131. pick up Goldmember
and bring him back to the future.Copy !req
132. And the best part of this plan is...Copy !req
133. no one can stop me.Copy !req
134. Not even...Copy !req
135. Austin Powers.Copy !req
136. Not so fast.Copy !req
137. You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
138. Shit.Copy !req
139. Dr. Evil, the World Court
sentences you to 400 years.Copy !req
140. Do you have anything to say?Copy !req
141. No, but I think Mini Me does.Copy !req
142. Order! I will have order!Copy !req
143. Looks like two eggs in a hanky.Copy !req
144. The criminal genius known as Dr. Evil
and his clone...Copy !req
145. were sentenced today
at the World Organization.Copy !req
146. For his efforts, Austin Powers...Copy !req
147. son of England's most famous spy,
Nigel Powers...Copy !req
148. will be knighted by the queen
at Buckingham Palace.Copy !req
149. Arise, Sir Austin Powers.Copy !req
150. Thank you, Your Majesty.Copy !req
151. - Your father must be very proud of you.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
152. Come on, Dad, stand up and take a bow.Copy !req
153. Daddy?Copy !req
154. Dad?Copy !req
155. DaddyCopy !req
156. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
157. DaddyCopy !req
158. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
159. To take me to the fairCopy !req
160. It seems he doesn't careCopy !req
161. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
162. When I was first baptized
When I was criticizedCopy !req
163. When I was ostracized
When I was JazzercisedCopy !req
164. Steak and kidney pies
One-hour MartinizeCopy !req
165. When I was circumcisedCopy !req
166. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
167. To take me to the fairCopy !req
168. To change my underwearCopy !req
169. Daddy wasn't thereCopy !req
170. "Daddy Wasn't There." Peace.Copy !req
171. I am a sexy beast.Copy !req
172. Yes.Copy !req
173. Bangs. Yes, how's it going?Copy !req
174. The robot. Haven't seen that in a while.Copy !req
175. - It's Austin Powers! You so funny.
- Well, you know.Copy !req
176. Also, very sexiful. Can I have autograph?Copy !req
177. Of course. Your name is...?Copy !req
178. Fook Mi.Copy !req
179. Oh, behave, baby. Yes.Copy !req
180. - Now, your name is...?
- Fook Mi.Copy !req
181. You kiss your mother with that mouth?Copy !req
182. Fook Mi. Like this.Copy !req
183. Oh, I see!Copy !req
184. Your name is Fook Mi.Copy !req
185. - You want drink?
- Yes, of course.Copy !req
186. You know, I have a private bar in the back
that you're more than welcome to use—Copy !req
187. Here you go.Copy !req
188. Fook Mi, that was fast.Copy !req
189. Fook Yu.Copy !req
190. You're going the right way
for a smacked bottom...Copy !req
191. and I don't care who knows it.Copy !req
192. Austin.Copy !req
193. This is my twin sister. Her name Fook Yu.Copy !req
194. Fook Yu.Copy !req
195. Fook Mi.Copy !req
196. See?Copy !req
197. Twins. Twins.Copy !req
198. Twins. Yes.Copy !req
199. We're going to see the twins. Yes.Copy !req
200. I also think Austin Powers very sexiful.Copy !req
201. We think you are very gravy, baby.Copy !req
202. Do we make you sleepy?Copy !req
203. Well, you make me many things,
but sleepy's not one of them.Copy !req
204. We give you top-secret massage.Copy !req
205. Yes, top-secret massage, baby.Copy !req
206. Sorry about that.Copy !req
207. I swear to God that never happens,
heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
208. Yes, hold on a tic.Copy !req
209. Okay...Copy !req
210. Okay. Now, where were we, babies? Yes.Copy !req
211. Ah, Austin. I'm sorry to interrupt.Copy !req
212. Twins, Basil. Twins.Copy !req
213. Austin, it's your father.Copy !req
214. - Bye-bye.
- What?Copy !req
215. - Bye.
- He's been kidnapped.Copy !req
216. Very heavy, man.Copy !req
217. Oh. So that's why my father
wasn't at the knighting ceremony.Copy !req
218. Well, no, actually.Copy !req
219. He was kidnapped
after you were knighted.Copy !req
220. Ah.Copy !req
221. He was last seen on his yacht.Copy !req
222. Ah, yes, the HMS Shag-at-Sea.Copy !req
223. Exactly. Just take a look.Copy !req
224. Gentlemen, fall in.Copy !req
225. Austin, these men were assigned
to guard your father.Copy !req
226. Okay, chaps. Chins up, trousers down.Copy !req
227. I think we may have found a clue.Copy !req
228. Cor blimey. All your privates
have had their privates painted gold.Copy !req
229. How bizarre.Copy !req
230. Imagine, gilded tallywhackers...Copy !req
231. golden wedding tackle,
14-karat trouser snakes—Copy !req
232. - That's enough.
- Okay.Copy !req
233. Basil, there's only one person
in the world...Copy !req
234. who truly understands
the psychology of a madman.Copy !req
235. Dr. Evil.Copy !req
236. I've been expecting you, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
237. My father is missing.Copy !req
238. Yes, I heard. How ironic.Copy !req
239. You finally caught me,
yet now you need me more than ever.Copy !req
240. But then again, you've always needed me,
haven't you, Mr. Powers?Copy !req
241. Remember when I told you
we're not so different, you and I?Copy !req
242. We're not so different, you and I.Copy !req
243. See? I did say that. Mm-hm.Copy !req
244. Very clever. Now, who has my father?Copy !req
245. Uh-oh!Copy !req
246. Someone has some daddy issues.Copy !req
247. Nothing could be my father from the truth.Copy !req
248. Ooh! You said, "my father."Copy !req
249. - No, I dadn't.
- Hey-oh!Copy !req
250. Didn't. Did not.Copy !req
251. She-ba.Copy !req
252. - For me, this is a dad issue.
- Ha—Copy !req
253. Dead issue. Dead dad.Copy !req
254. Deadbeat dad. Daddy didn't love me.Copy !req
255. It seems the knighting ceremony
wasn't the only time...Copy !req
256. your daddy let you down.Copy !req
257. Remember that day at the academy?Copy !req
258. Think.Copy !req
259. It was graduation.Copy !req
260. Yeah, baby, yeah.
Do I make you horny, baby?Copy !req
261. Oh, yes, that's the spot. Right there.Copy !req
262. You're a naughty one. Yes, you are.Copy !req
263. Hello, vicar. Crake!Copy !req
264. Have you ever heard of knocking, man?Copy !req
265. Right.Copy !req
266. We were just getting started.Copy !req
267. Bye, love.Copy !req
268. Don't forget, Master Powers,
later you have a brief oral exam.Copy !req
269. Well, I hope it's mostly oral and not too...Copy !req
270. brief, baby.Copy !req
271. You know, "brief" and "oral exam"...Copy !req
272. Marks are in, lads.Copy !req
273. It looks Like Master Evil
is the top contender...Copy !req
274. for this year's
International Man of Mystery.Copy !req
275. He's number one in the class.Copy !req
276. Whoop-de-do, Basil.Copy !req
277. Hey, everybody, I'm number one.Copy !req
278. Who cares?Copy !req
279. Hello, I'm Number Two.Copy !req
280. Nice to meet you, Number Two...Copy !req
281. but now I'm going to be named
this year's International Man of Mystery.Copy !req
282. Yeah, right.Copy !req
283. Shut your gob.Copy !req
284. Ow!Copy !req
285. Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.Copy !req
286. And now it's time to award
our greatest honor.Copy !req
287. This year's International
Man of Mystery is...Copy !req
288. Austin Powers.Copy !req
289. Well done, Austin.Copy !req
290. - Jolly good.
- Top notch.Copy !req
291. - We're proud of you.
- Very well done, indeed.Copy !req
292. It's always been my dream
to win this award, just like my dad.Copy !req
293. And I'm glad he could be here.Copy !req
294. Stand up, Dad. Take a bow.Copy !req
295. Dad?Copy !req
296. Daddy?Copy !req
297. Boo-frickity-hoo.Copy !req
298. I had the best grades in the class
and I didn't get diddlysquat.Copy !req
299. - Here we go.
- Tell me, Mr. Powers...Copy !req
300. what did you find on those sailors?Copy !req
301. A golden surprise, perhaps?Copy !req
302. How did—? Yes.Copy !req
303. All the sailors had their
meat and two veg painted gold.Copy !req
304. Yes, it's the distinctive calling card
of a criminal mastermind.Copy !req
305. The aptly named...Copy !req
306. Goldmember.Copy !req
307. How can I find this Goldmember?Copy !req
308. Quid pro quo, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
309. Yes, squid pro row.Copy !req
310. I'll give you Goldmember, you give me
a transfer to a regular prison...Copy !req
311. so that I could be with
my beloved Mini Me.Copy !req
312. Okay, I'll get you a transfer
to a regular prison.Copy !req
313. Now, where's Goldmember?Copy !req
314. Not where, Mr. Powers...Copy !req
315. but when.Copy !req
316. 1975. Studio 69 Disco. New York City.
Corner of 69th and 8th.Copy !req
317. You go now, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
318. Fly, fly.Copy !req
319. I'll get it.Copy !req
320. Instead of hiding your father
in some remote location...Copy !req
321. Goldmember is hiding him in 1975.Copy !req
322. So our engineers
have crafted this vehicle...Copy !req
323. to time-travel to the '70s.Copy !req
324. Smashing, Basil. A pimpmobile.Copy !req
325. Oh, yes, yes.
I knew it would tickle your fancy.Copy !req
326. What can I say? Look.Copy !req
327. Cough.Copy !req
328. Here we go, 1975.Copy !req
329. Good luck, Austin.Copy !req
330. 1975!Copy !req
331. Yeah, baby! Yeah!Copy !req
332. Solid GoldCopy !req
333. Solid GoldCopy !req
334. It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's goldCopy !req
335. It's solid gold, babyCopy !req
336. It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's goldCopy !req
337. It's solid gold, babyCopy !req
338. YeahCopy !req
339. He's got the Midas touchCopy !req
340. But he touched it too muchCopy !req
341. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
342. He's got a golden padCopy !req
343. He's super badCopy !req
344. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
345. Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to Studio 69.Copy !req
346. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
347. It's Goldmember!Copy !req
348. Hey, everybody, I am from Holland.Copy !req
349. Isn't that weird? Yes. Ha, ha.Copy !req
350. He's got the Midas touchCopy !req
351. But he touched it too muchCopy !req
352. Hey, Goldmember
- YeahCopy !req
353. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
354. You're getting' down tonightCopy !req
355. - Ow!
- You're dynamiteCopy !req
356. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
357. - Goldmember
- Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
358. 'Cause that's the way, uh-huh
Uh-huhCopy !req
359. He likes it, uh-huh
Uh-huhCopy !req
360. Goldmember
- GoldmemberCopy !req
361. He loves it
- He loves itCopy !req
362. 'Cause that's the way, uh-huh
- Uh-huhCopy !req
363. - He likes it, uh-huh
- Uh-huhCopy !req
364. Goldmember
- GoldmemberCopy !req
365. He loves it
- He loves itCopy !req
366. He's got the Midas touchCopy !req
367. He touched it too muchCopy !req
368. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
369. Hey, Goldmember
- GoldmemberCopy !req
370. He's from the NetherlandsCopy !req
371. - It's where he learned to dance
- Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
372. - Gold, Goldmember
- Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
373. Hey, GoldmemberCopy !req
374. It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's goldCopy !req
375. It's solid gold, babyCopy !req
376. Goldmember's so solid
- It's gold, it's gold, it's goldCopy !req
377. It's gold, it's gold, it's goldCopy !req
378. - It's gold
- It's solid gold, babyCopy !req
379. His member's so goldCopy !req
380. Yes, it is, yeahCopy !req
381. Well, if it isn't Austin Powers.Copy !req
382. I'm sorry?Copy !req
383. You got a lot of nerve dragging
your jive white ass in here.Copy !req
384. I don't believe we've met.Copy !req
385. It's me. Foxxy!Copy !req
386. Foxxy Cleopatra!Copy !req
387. Long time, no see.Copy !req
388. - Oh.
- Stop!Copy !req
389. We can't be seen talking to each other,
you dig?Copy !req
390. I'm using this cat as a distraction.Copy !req
391. I get it. Yes, very clever.Copy !req
392. First things first.Copy !req
393. Ow! Ouch-kabibble!Copy !req
394. Eight years and no phone call?
Nobody stands up Foxxy Cleopatra!Copy !req
395. Where have you been?Copy !req
396. Listen, Foxxy.Copy !req
397. I just want you to know
I never intended to hurt you, baby.Copy !req
398. Well, all I know is...Copy !req
399. Mama only got a taste of honey...Copy !req
400. but she wanted the whole beehive.Copy !req
401. Oh, beehive.Copy !req
402. Yes, "beehive."Copy !req
403. You always knew how to make me smile.Copy !req
404. Well, you know, it's a gift, really. L, um—Copy !req
405. Ugh, what am I doing?Copy !req
406. Foxxy, what are you doing
in Goldmember's club?Copy !req
407. I'm undercover.Copy !req
408. About a year ago,
my partner at the bureau was killed.Copy !req
409. And that jive-ass turkey Goldmember
is the prime suspect.Copy !req
410. Ow!Copy !req
411. Your father's in the back room,
under heavy guard.Copy !req
412. - Thanks, Foxxy.
- Austin! Good luck.Copy !req
413. Oh!Copy !req
414. - Dad!
- Hello, son.Copy !req
415. Just overpowering my guards. Heh, heh.Copy !req
416. I'm here to rescue you. Come quickly.Copy !req
417. I've got a better idea.
Why don't you rescue me in about...Copy !req
418. what, seven or eight minutes, eh?
Ha, ha.Copy !req
419. Oh, knock it off.
I don't want to see my dad on the job.Copy !req
420. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
421. - Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, girls.
- No.Copy !req
422. I've got to go, it's my boy. Hold on.Copy !req
423. - What's wrong with your neck?
- I took a Viagra.Copy !req
424. It got stuck in my throat.
I've had a stiff neck for hours.Copy !req
425. I thank you.Copy !req
426. Listen, Dad, if you are gonna
talk about naughty things...Copy !req
427. in front of these American girls...Copy !req
428. then at least speak "English" English.Copy !req
429. All right, my son.Copy !req
430. I could've had it away
with this cracking Judy, my old china.Copy !req
431. Are you telling pork pies
and a bag of tripe?Copy !req
432. Because if you are feeling quiggly,
why not just have a J. Arthur?Copy !req
433. - What, Billy No-Mates?
- Too right, youth.Copy !req
434. Don't you remember the din-din
with the grotty Scottish bint?Copy !req
435. Oh, the one that was all
sixes and sevens?Copy !req
436. The trouble and strife of the Morris dancer
that lived up the apples and pears.Copy !req
437. Yes, yes, she was the barrister
that became a bobby in a lorry...Copy !req
438. with a Gatling gun
in and above St. Regis...Copy !req
439. tea kettle.Copy !req
440. - Yes.
- Then she...Copy !req
441. Shat on a turtle.Copy !req
442. - Oh, God, we had some good times, eh?
- We had some good times, eh?Copy !req
443. - Wonderful times, we had.
- Good times, yeah.Copy !req
444. We had some good, uh...Copy !req
445. times.Copy !req
446. Welcome to 1975...Copy !req
447. Austin Powers and father.Copy !req
448. Excuse me while I change.
The roller boogie has made me sweaty.Copy !req
449. Yeah, sweaty.Copy !req
450. You see, Mr. Powers...Copy !req
451. I love gold.Copy !req
452. The look of it, the taste of it...Copy !req
453. the smell of it, the texture.Copy !req
454. I love gold so much...Copy !req
455. that I even lost my genitalia
in an unfortunate smelting accident.Copy !req
456. Hence the name...Copy !req
457. Goldmember.Copy !req
458. We are both swingers, you see? Ha, ha.Copy !req
459. You have a tight body. Yes.Copy !req
460. I see that from your tight pants.Copy !req
461. Yes, you are tight like a tiger.Copy !req
462. Would you like a smoke and a pancake?Copy !req
463. - A what?
- A smoke and a pancake.Copy !req
464. You know, flapjack and a cigarette?
Hmm?Copy !req
465. All right. Cigar and a waffle?Copy !req
466. No? Pipe and a crepe?Copy !req
467. - No? Bong and a blintz?
- No.Copy !req
468. Ah, well. Then there is no pleasing you.Copy !req
469. That's not right.Copy !req
470. Ooh, hello. What have we here?Copy !req
471. That's a keeper. Yes.Copy !req
472. Put it in the skin box, please.
With the others.Copy !req
473. - I'm peeling.
- Oh, that's just disgusting.Copy !req
474. Quickly. Quickly. Thank you.Copy !req
475. Save me from myself.Copy !req
476. You're insane, Goldmember.Copy !req
477. And that's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.Copy !req
478. KC and the Sunshine Band.Copy !req
479. All right, Goldmember,
don't play the laughing boy.Copy !req
480. There are only two things
I can't stand in this world:Copy !req
481. People who are intolerant
of other people's cultures...Copy !req
482. - and the Dutch.
- What?Copy !req
483. Take the father away.Copy !req
484. Dutch-hater. And now, ha, ha,
it is time to say goodbye.Copy !req
485. Dr. Evil's orders.Copy !req
486. Which for you is bad news, bears.Copy !req
487. Walter Matthau.Copy !req
488. Shazam.Copy !req
489. Up yours, jive turkey.Copy !req
490. - Traitor.
- Ugh!Copy !req
491. Heh-heh-heh. Yes, the gun.
Good, very good.Copy !req
492. 2002.Copy !req
493. They're taking my father
to the time machine.Copy !req
494. - The say-what machine?
- Come on, now. Ha, ha.Copy !req
495. - No!
- This way, sugar.Copy !req
496. That was close, Foxxy. I owe you one.Copy !req
497. Austin, I found this in Goldmember's office.
It's a microfilm. It may be a clue.Copy !req
498. - Smashing.
- I want to go to the future with you.Copy !req
499. We can catch Goldmember together.
I owe it to my partner.Copy !req
500. I should warn you, Foxxy,
2002 is very different.Copy !req
501. Well, heh, the future
better get ready for me.Copy !req
502. Because I'm Foxxy Cleopatra
and I'm a whole lot of woman.Copy !req
503. 2002, here we come.Copy !req
504. All visitations limited to five minutes.Copy !req
505. No spitting in the visitors' room.Copy !req
506. Herr Doctor...Copy !req
507. I have some news.Copy !req
508. - It's your son.
- Oh.Copy !req
509. He wants to take over
the family business.Copy !req
510. Scotty does?Copy !req
511. Oh, he's gotten so evil,
he has even started losing his hair.Copy !req
512. I know, it's sweet.Copy !req
513. Oh, he just wants to make you proud,
Herr Doctor.Copy !req
514. After all, it's hard on the boy
not having a father.Copy !req
515. You know, first you were frozen,
then you were in space, now you're in jail.Copy !req
516. Well, don't tell me he feels neglected.Copy !req
517. I was adopted by fricking Belgians, eh?Copy !req
518. You were adopted?Copy !req
519. I never met my birth parents.Copy !req
520. There was a car accident.Copy !req
521. I'm told it was a beautiful Belgian day.Copy !req
522. The smell of waffles and Brussels sprouts
filled the summer air...Copy !req
523. until...Copy !req
524. My birth mother was incinerated.Copy !req
525. I only survived
because her smoking carcass...Copy !req
526. formed a protective cocoon
of slaughtered human effluence.Copy !req
527. A Belgian man and his 15-year-old
love slave with webbed feet...Copy !req
528. was looting the accident scene.Copy !req
529. They came across a blood-soaked baby,
moi.Copy !req
530. They raised me to be evil.Copy !req
531. You know, that old chestnut.Copy !req
532. But nothing compares to this,
being inside the belly of the beast...Copy !req
533. night after night, all alone.Copy !req
534. Daddy's all pent up. Let's freak!Copy !req
535. Oh!Copy !req
536. Time's up.Copy !req
537. Visiting hours are over. Step to the line.Copy !req
538. Cuffs up.Copy !req
539. Move it.Copy !req
540. Hi, there.Copy !req
541. How you sleeping? Good?Copy !req
542. Gentlemen, listen up, y'all.Copy !req
543. Here's the new plan:Copy !req
544. You're gonna start a riot...Copy !req
545. and we're gonna
walk out the front door.Copy !req
546. Hey, man.Copy !req
547. I know guys on crack
that makes more sense than you.Copy !req
548. Really?Copy !req
549. Then let me put it to you this way, cuz.Copy !req
550. Yeah.Copy !req
551. - Instead of treated
- We get trickedCopy !req
552. - Instead of kisses
- We get kickedCopy !req
553. It's the hard knockCopy !req
554. I don't know how to
be No crib on MTVCopy !req
555. God only knows
Got my Mini Me in the G.P.Copy !req
556. See how it goes
Evil's all that I seeCopy !req
557. And you ask me my name?
D to the rizzoCopy !req
558. E to the vizzo
I to the lizzoCopy !req
559. I'm a crazy
Y'all knew thatCopy !req
560. Austin caught me in the first act
It's all backwards, what's with that?Copy !req
561. So I'll make a prophecy
From the dogs to the Mini MeCopy !req
562. Give me an Escalade, a two-way
Bling bling on eBayCopy !req
563. DominoCopy !req
564. Stick that in your pipe and smoke itCopy !req
565. Instead of treatedCopy !req
566. This is for all my homeys in BrugesCopy !req
567. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huhCopy !req
568. Ah, Cristal.Copy !req
569. My Moto.Copy !req
570. A couple of beyotches.Copy !req
571. Why not?Copy !req
572. I gotta bust a move
Drop and bust a grooveCopy !req
573. Feelin' fine, got an evil crew
Goldmember tooCopy !req
574. Lick my 9Copy !req
575. Till then I'll... on my... butt
Brains outCopy !req
576. Put... on call
And splooge in your... that's allCopy !req
577. Fo' shizzle my nizzle, y'allCopy !req
578. Yeah.Copy !req
579. All right, Listen up.Copy !req
580. Tonight, 8 p.m.,
you're going to start a riot.Copy !req
581. Yes, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
582. Attention, all guards.
There is a riot in progress.Copy !req
583. Seal all exits.Copy !req
584. Attention. Dr. Evil and his clone
are trying to escape.Copy !req
585. All guards report to Cell Block A
immediately.Copy !req
586. Dr. Evil and his clone are getting away.Copy !req
587. There you are.Copy !req
588. - Good morning, sunshine.
- Good morning.Copy !req
589. How did you sleep?Copy !req
590. - Great.
- Me too. If these lips could talk.Copy !req
591. Mm. Oh, hello.Copy !req
592. You have the right to remain sexy, sugar.Copy !req
593. Oh. I hope there's a search involved.Copy !req
594. You've got mail.Copy !req
595. So, what does this thing do?Copy !req
596. Well, it's called the Internet...Copy !req
597. and it's completely revolutionized
the way we live...Copy !req
598. and access vital information.Copy !req
599. For example, have a look at this:Copy !req
600. Oh, look at the monkey.Copy !req
601. Oh, he's got his finger on his—
- Oh, no. Watch out.Copy !req
602. Wow. Now, that's vital information.Copy !req
603. I know. It's amazing.Copy !req
604. Oh, Basil. What's happening, baby?Copy !req
605. A lot is happening, Foxxy.Copy !req
606. Dr. Evil has escaped.Copy !req
607. The good news is that
one of our agents...Copy !req
608. has managed to infiltrate
Dr. Evil's organization.Copy !req
609. Excellent. We've been trying for years
to get a mole inside Dr. Evil's lair.Copy !req
610. - We now have that mole.
- Yes.Copy !req
611. And here he is.Copy !req
612. So you're the—Copy !req
613. Mo...Copy !req
614. Most. Most.Copy !req
615. - Most.
- Most excellent agent we've ever seen.Copy !req
616. Yes, most excellent agent we've ever seen.Copy !req
617. - Mm-hm.
- Thank you.Copy !req
618. Thank you.Copy !req
619. Now, I wasn't able to get an exact Location,
but I did learn...Copy !req
620. that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair
outside of Tokyo, Japan.Copy !req
621. Hmm.Copy !req
622. By the way, I realize
that I have a large mole on my face.Copy !req
623. Where? Ha, ha.Copy !req
624. What? Where's that mole? Heh, heh.Copy !req
625. I didn't see one.Copy !req
626. I also realize the irony
that I am myself a mole.Copy !req
627. No one would make that connection.Copy !req
628. Anyway, well done, old chap.Copy !req
629. Jolly good work.Copy !req
630. Yes, nice to mole you— Meet you.
Nice to meet your mole.Copy !req
631. - Don't say "mole."
- Stop.Copy !req
632. - I said "mole."
- Stop.Copy !req
633. Stop.Copy !req
634. - Bye.
- Mole.Copy !req
635. Mole.Copy !req
636. Stop.Copy !req
637. - Mole.
- Oh, shut up!Copy !req
638. Moley-moley-moley-moley-moley.Copy !req
639. Up, periscope.Copy !req
640. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
641. welcome to my new submarine lair.Copy !req
642. It's long and hard and full of seamen.Copy !req
643. Nothing? No?Copy !req
644. Not even a titter?Copy !req
645. Tough sub.Copy !req
646. Dr. Evil, you look very tight.Copy !req
647. Yes, tight like a tiger.Copy !req
648. - Yes, yes, yes.
- Really?Copy !req
649. Yes, you look like a macho man.Copy !req
650. Village People.Copy !req
651. You know, Goldmember...Copy !req
652. I don't think that's something
one dude should say to another dude.Copy !req
653. Yeah. A little creepy. Mm-hm.Copy !req
654. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.
This is a keeper. Oi.Copy !req
655. Yes.Copy !req
656. All right, you're not gonna put that skin
in your mouth, are you?Copy !req
657. You did. Okay, that's just gross.Copy !req
658. Yes, salty. Yes, that was good.Copy !req
659. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
660. as you know...Copy !req
661. we've been designing
a "tractor beam"...Copy !req
662. code-named Preparation H.Copy !req
663. - Heh-heh-heh.
- It's powerful enough to pull the meteor...Copy !req
664. "Midas 22" into a collision course
with the Earth.Copy !req
665. Upon entering the atmosphere,
the hot ball of magma...Copy !req
666. will strike and melt the polar icecaps,
causing a global flood.Copy !req
667. But enough of my technical mumbo jumbo.
Allow me to demonstrate.Copy !req
668. Lower the globe.Copy !req
669. Lower the globe!Copy !req
670. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
671. Well, congratulations, numbnuts.Copy !req
672. You've succeeded in turning me
into a fricking jack-in-the-box.Copy !req
673. Get it off. Get it off. It's dark, it's dark.Copy !req
674. I'm okay. I'm okay.Copy !req
675. Release the meteor.Copy !req
676. Release the meteor!Copy !req
677. - Ow!
- Oh...Copy !req
678. No way.Copy !req
679. Right in the kniggin.Copy !req
680. - Goddamn it. Oh!
- Ow.Copy !req
681. Guys.Copy !req
682. Way to go, A-hole.Copy !req
683. All right, hold on while I try
and find my balls, for God's sakes.Copy !req
684. One, two and three.Copy !req
685. Okay. I'm okay.Copy !req
686. Dr. Evil, we still have
the ultimate insurance policy.Copy !req
687. May I present to you...Copy !req
688. the very sexual, the very tight...Copy !req
689. Austin Powers' father.Copy !req
690. - His what?
- His father, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
691. His "farger"?Copy !req
692. - What's a farger?
- His father. You know, the father.Copy !req
693. Yeah. Goldmember, I don't speak
freaky-deaky Dutch, okay, perv boy?Copy !req
694. Father. His dad. Dad is father.Copy !req
695. Oh, his dad?Copy !req
696. Oh, his father.Copy !req
697. Yes, I have a Dutch accent.
Isn't that weird?Copy !req
698. Father. Father.Copy !req
699. Ah, Nigel Powers.Copy !req
700. Hello, hello.Copy !req
701. - Bring him to me.
- Easy peezy, lemon squeezy.Copy !req
702. Oh, put the guns down.
Is this the first day on the job or something?Copy !req
703. Look, this is how it goes.
You attack me one at a time...Copy !req
704. and I knock you out with a single punch.
Okay? Go.Copy !req
705. - Judo chop.
- Oh, he's good.Copy !req
706. Judo chop.Copy !req
707. Do you know who I am?Copy !req
708. Have you any idea
how many anonymous henchmen...Copy !req
709. I've killed over the years?
And look at you.Copy !req
710. You haven't even got a nametag.
You got no chance.Copy !req
711. Why don't you just fall down?Copy !req
712. Go on, son.Copy !req
713. All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up
while you've still got a chance.Copy !req
714. Okay. Okay. You've got me.Copy !req
715. Nigel Powers, meet...Copy !req
716. - Mini Me.
- Oh, blimey.Copy !req
717. I thought I smelled cabbage.Copy !req
718. Take him away.Copy !req
719. Uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold?Copy !req
720. It's kind of my thing, you know.Copy !req
721. How about no, you crazy Dutch bastard?Copy !req
722. Attention, henchmen, it's health week.Copy !req
723. Don't forget your physical.
Dr. Evil's orders.Copy !req
724. You know, I think it's a shame
the way they treat you.Copy !req
725. Just because
you're one-eighth their size...Copy !req
726. doesn't mean you deserve
one-eighth of their respect.Copy !req
727. Does it?Copy !req
728. Say, mini-fella, I'm, uh...Copy !req
729. I'm curious.Copy !req
730. Is, uh, everything in proportion?Copy !req
731. You know, your bobby-dangler,
your general, two colonels...Copy !req
732. your giggle stick, master of ceremonies.Copy !req
733. Yeah. Oh, don't be shy. Let's have a look.Copy !req
734. My word.Copy !req
735. You're a tripod.Copy !req
736. What do you feed that thing, eh?
It's like a baby's arm holding an apple.Copy !req
737. The good news is, you ever get tired,
you can use it as a kickstand.Copy !req
738. I think we both know who the real brains is
behind this operation, eh?Copy !req
739. Mm-hm.Copy !req
740. Tokyo à gogo, baby. Yeah.Copy !req
741. Oh, what's kicking, Basil?Copy !req
742. A lot's kicking, Foxxy. Austin...Copy !req
743. one of Dr. Evil's henchmen
has been spotted at the Asahi Sumo Arena.Copy !req
744. Proceed there immediately.Copy !req
745. Thanks, Basil.Copy !req
746. Ah, Jesus Christ.
This diaper's making my nuts rub together.Copy !req
747. It's gonna start a fire.Copy !req
748. That's Fat Bastard.Copy !req
749. Fat Bastard.Copy !req
750. You know what my favorite
Helen Hunt movie is?Copy !req
751. Twister.Copy !req
752. Oh!Copy !req
753. Fat Bastard...Copy !req
754. - That's not right.
- Sure ain't.Copy !req
755. Are we done here?Copy !req
756. I've got to take a crap.Copy !req
757. Wait a tick.Copy !req
758. Something doesn't smell right.Copy !req
759. And I think it's Fat Bastard.Copy !req
760. On top of spaghettiCopy !req
761. All covered in— Ahh! —cheeseCopy !req
762. I lost my poor meatballCopy !req
763. 'Cause somebody—Copy !req
764. - You okay, Austin?
- Sound as a pound, love. Yeah. Good.Copy !req
765. What the—? I didn't have any corn.Copy !req
766. Aah!Copy !req
767. Hey, diaper lady.Copy !req
768. Here's my diaper.Copy !req
769. I think I might have pinched one off
too soon.Copy !req
770. Oh, I left a rosebud in there for you.Copy !req
771. You really are a fat bastard.Copy !req
772. You know, that hurts my feelings.
I tried going on a diet, you know.Copy !req
773. The Zone. You know,
"carbs are the enemy"?Copy !req
774. We don't like carbs,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
775. Oh.Copy !req
776. Who's your friend?Copy !req
777. Oh, I'd like to have a go with that filly.Copy !req
778. Oh, do you find me sexy?Copy !req
779. Oh, look at my titties.Copy !req
780. - Shut your mouth.
- Mm, yeah.Copy !req
781. All right, that's enough.Copy !req
782. Okay, you got me.Copy !req
783. - Put it there, would you?
- Okay.Copy !req
784. Come here, you.Copy !req
785. Ow, my titties!Copy !req
786. Ow, you gave me a nurple.Copy !req
787. I've got you now, ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
788. Come here, you.Copy !req
789. Prepare for the ultimate
wire-fighting maneuver.Copy !req
790. I just hope my wire-fighting team
is ready.Copy !req
791. Whoa!Copy !req
792. - Crikey.
- Oh, great.Copy !req
793. Isn't this magical?Copy !req
794. One of my wires broke.Copy !req
795. You under arrest, sugar.Copy !req
796. Okay, Fat Bastard, who's the Japanese cat
you made an exchange with?Copy !req
797. Oh, all right.Copy !req
798. His name is Roboto.Copy !req
799. He owns Roboto Industries.Copy !req
800. He's designing some contraption
for Dr. Evil. I don't know.Copy !req
801. The tractor beam.Copy !req
802. - That's it.
- Listen...Copy !req
803. do you honestly think
that crime can pay?Copy !req
804. Well, to be honest with you,
I've been trying to go legit.Copy !req
805. I really take my sumo wrestling
seriously, you know.Copy !req
806. But when you're an overweight child...Copy !req
807. in a society that demands perfection...Copy !req
808. well, your sense of right, wrong...Copy !req
809. fair and unfair...Copy !req
810. will always be tragically skewed.Copy !req
811. Did you just soil yourself?Copy !req
812. Maybe, heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
813. It did sound a little wet, didn't it?
Right at the end.Copy !req
814. Ooh. Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
815. Let's have a smell, all right?Copy !req
816. Ooh, wafting, wafting.Copy !req
817. Oh, everyone likes their own brand,
don't they? This is magic.Copy !req
818. All right, analysis:Copy !req
819. Oh, it smells Like carrots and throw-up.Copy !req
820. Oh, that could gag a maggot.Copy !req
821. I smell Like hot, sick ass
in a dead carcass.Copy !req
822. Oh, even stink would say that stinks.Copy !req
823. You know when you go
into an apartment building...Copy !req
824. and you smell other people's cooking
on each floor and you go:Copy !req
825. "What are they cooking?" That, plus crap.Copy !req
826. - Hey, Pop.
- Hey, Scotty.Copy !req
827. How you been, sport?Copy !req
828. Whoa!Copy !req
829. I got you a present.Copy !req
830. Really?Copy !req
831. - Open the tank.
- Open the tank!Copy !req
832. Are those sharks with laser beams
attached to their heads?Copy !req
833. Cool. You mean I actually have
fricking sharks...Copy !req
834. with fricking Laser beams
attached to their fricking heads?Copy !req
835. You're the best evil son
an evil dad could ever ask for.Copy !req
836. Well, I love you, Dad.Copy !req
837. I love you, son.Copy !req
838. It's touching moment, yes.Copy !req
839. Scotty, come here.Copy !req
840. Pop a squat right next to Daddy.Copy !req
841. Mini Me?Copy !req
842. Move down the bench.Copy !req
843. Move down the bench.Copy !req
844. There's a power struggle, yes.Copy !req
845. Scotty's on fire.Copy !req
846. All right, it's getting crowded in here.Copy !req
847. Everyone out, everyone out. Come on.Copy !req
848. Not you, Scotty. Not you, Number Two.Copy !req
849. Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember.Copy !req
850. Not you, guys back there.Copy !req
851. Not you, Henchman Holding Wrench.Copy !req
852. Not you,
Henchman Arbitrarily Turning Knobs...Copy !req
853. Making It Seem Like
You're Doing Something.Copy !req
854. Oh, this is uncomfortable.Copy !req
855. Heh, heh. The tiny one can't take a hint.
Heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
856. He doesn't understand.
He is small, heh, heh.Copy !req
857. Hello, Foxxy. Austin.Copy !req
858. We've confirmed what Fat Bastard told you
about Roboto is accurate.Copy !req
859. He was hired by Dr. Evil
to construct Preparation H.Copy !req
860. So Roboto had the technology
to build Goldmember's tractor beam.Copy !req
861. Which means Roboto
will lead us to Goldmember.Copy !req
862. Which means Goldmember
will lead us to my father.Copy !req
863. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. I thank you.Copy !req
864. - You speak Japanese?
- A little.Copy !req
865. Well, you might be a cunning linguist,
but I'm a master debater.Copy !req
866. I'm looking for my father.
He was kidnapped.Copy !req
867. Please eat what?Copy !req
868. Wait.Copy !req
869. He said,
"Please eat some shitake mushrooms."Copy !req
870. Tell me...Copy !req
871. what do you know...Copy !req
872. about my father's where...Copy !req
873. abouts?Copy !req
874. Mm.Copy !req
875. "Your ass is happy"?Copy !req
876. No.Copy !req
877. He said,
"Your assignment is an unhappy one."Copy !req
878. Oh.Copy !req
879. Nice potty mouth, dirtbag.Copy !req
880. Oh.Copy !req
881. Yes, quite off topic,
thank you very much.Copy !req
882. Why don't I just speak in English?Copy !req
883. That would be a good idea,
now, wouldn't it?Copy !req
884. That way I wouldn't
misread the subtitles...Copy !req
885. making it seem like
you're saying things that are dirty.Copy !req
886. I'm sorry to hear about your father,
but I can't help you.Copy !req
887. Please excuse me.
I have another appointment.Copy !req
888. By the way...Copy !req
889. - Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
- Tell me something I don't know.Copy !req
890. - I open-mouth kissed a horse once.
- Say what?Copy !req
891. That's something you don't know.Copy !req
892. My spider sense is telling me
that my father's still in this building.Copy !req
893. You keep a lookout.
I'm gonna try and sneak in.Copy !req
894. Mm.Copy !req
895. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
896. Judo chop!Copy !req
897. Shazam!Copy !req
898. Come on, sugar.Copy !req
899. - There's Goldmember and Roboto.
- Yes, very impressive.Copy !req
900. Put Preparation H
into my schtuppen transporten.Copy !req
901. - What's this?
- You need this to turn on the tractor beam.Copy !req
902. It's a gold key.Copy !req
903. It's gold.Copy !req
904. Smarty-pants.Copy !req
905. - Let's spread out.
- Yeah.Copy !req
906. Hands up, Goldmember.
It's payback time.Copy !req
907. Sure, you can kill me...Copy !req
908. but then what happens
to Austin Powers' father?Copy !req
909. - Dad.
- Yes.Copy !req
910. And now he's going to have
an unfortunate smelting accident.Copy !req
911. - Hiya!
- Unh!Copy !req
912. Don't worry, Dad. I'm here to rescue you.Copy !req
913. Ow! May I point out that last time around,
you fell into an obvious trap.Copy !req
914. Now you're trying to save me
instead of stopping Goldmember.Copy !req
915. Oh, please. I'm not gonna
let Goldmember get away.Copy !req
916. Austin, Goldmember's getting away.Copy !req
917. Ah.Copy !req
918. Hello, hello.
Aren't you going to introduce us, Austin?Copy !req
919. - Foxxy, this is—
- Powers. Nigel Powers.Copy !req
920. - Is that Eau de Flores you're wearing?
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
921. That's how a woman should smell.Copy !req
922. Especially one as beautiful as you.Copy !req
923. My, my. Even in the face of danger,
you live up to your reputation.Copy !req
924. Get on with it.Copy !req
925. I've got an idea.Copy !req
926. Your spy car's a MINI?Copy !req
927. It's not the size, mate,
it's how you use it.Copy !req
928. I would've found my way off that.Copy !req
929. - Fellas.
- What? I saved your life.Copy !req
930. - You should've been doing your job.
- Oh, you're welcome, man.Copy !req
931. Shut up and turn around, please!Copy !req
932. Run! It's Godzilla!Copy !req
933. It looks Like Godzilla, but due to
international copyright laws, it's not.Copy !req
934. Still, we should run Like it is Godzilla!Copy !req
935. Though it isn't.Copy !req
936. There's Goldmember.Copy !req
937. Breaker, breaker, 1-niner.Copy !req
938. This is Goldy-Wang. Over.Copy !req
939. 10-4, there, Goldy-Wang.Copy !req
940. This is Rubber Ducky.
What's your 10-20? Over.Copy !req
941. I've got Preparation H in my rear
and Smokey the Bear in my back door.Copy !req
942. We've got us a convoy. Over.Copy !req
943. Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch
pile of monkey nuts.Copy !req
944. Open wide there, Rubber Ducky.Copy !req
945. I am entering your mouth now. Over.Copy !req
946. - Oh, great. Goldmember got away.
- Now what?Copy !req
947. I think it's obvious.
We should take Dr. Evil's lair by force.Copy !req
948. - You can be my backup, son.
- Backup?Copy !req
949. Well, that's fairly condescending.Copy !req
950. Do you think Dr. Evil's
gonna expect an attack?Copy !req
951. We should infiltrate his lair.Copy !req
952. This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.Copy !req
953. We need commandos, scuba,
gadgets, for God's sake.Copy !req
954. Well, I don't like to use gadgets...Copy !req
955. outside the bedroom. I thank you.Copy !req
956. Outside the bedroom.Copy !req
957. You know, I think being frozen
damaged your brain.Copy !req
958. Really? And how would you know?Copy !req
959. This is the most time
that we've ever spent together since...Copy !req
960. ever.Copy !req
961. - What are you saying, son?
- Oh, please.Copy !req
962. What boy learned to drive a car
with machine guns on it?Copy !req
963. Or had a helicopter
you can fit in a knapsack?Copy !req
964. What about your Swedish nanny, Helga?Copy !req
965. Oh, yes. Helga.Copy !req
966. Let's say I didn't hire her for the cooking.Copy !req
967. - Ha-ha-ha.
- Ha-ha-ha. Oh, yes.Copy !req
968. She stayed on until you were 24.Copy !req
969. We were mates, you and I.Copy !req
970. I didn't need a friend, I needed a father.Copy !req
971. Do you know I risked my life
trying to save you...Copy !req
972. and you still don't give me any respect.Copy !req
973. Respect? Oh, come on.
if you've got an issue, here's a tissue.Copy !req
974. That is not funny.Copy !req
975. Well, I suppose we better go
our separate ways, then.Copy !req
976. Fine.Copy !req
977. So I've been assigned to welcome you
to the Ministry of Defence.Copy !req
978. I have a letter from my director
personally thanking you for switching sides.Copy !req
979. I can't wait to inform Austin
of your defection.Copy !req
980. Oh, hello, Basil.Copy !req
981. Yes, Austin should be here
any second. Yes.Copy !req
982. Yes, I'm in Austin's hotel room right now.
Mm-hm.Copy !req
983. - Aah!
- Oh— Uh—Copy !req
984. - Assassin!
- Eek!Copy !req
985. Try to kill me, will you?Copy !req
986. Oh, you want to be friends, huh?Copy !req
987. Wait a tick.Copy !req
988. Peace?Copy !req
989. Oh!Copy !req
990. I'm not falling for that again.Copy !req
991. But at least he didn't mention it.Copy !req
992. Yes, I realize he can't talk.Copy !req
993. Listen, I think Dr. Evil treated him badly
and that's why he's decided to help us.Copy !req
994. Come back here, you little bugger.Copy !req
995. Got you.Copy !req
996. Oh, yes, I'm sure Austin and Mini
will get along famously.Copy !req
997. No, I guarantee nothing will happen
to Mini Me on my watch.Copy !req
998. Come on, you bugger.
Come on, I got you.Copy !req
999. Oh, I think he and Austin will be united
in their commitment to stopping Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1000. Austin, there you are.
I've come to tell you the good news.Copy !req
1001. Mini Me has...Copy !req
1002. switched sides.Copy !req
1003. Ah! Oh. Heh.Copy !req
1004. Sorry about that, old chap. Sorry.
You know. Sorry.Copy !req
1005. Welcome aboard, heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
1006. - My "mole-stake."
- What was that?Copy !req
1007. - Listen, just get it out of your system.
- No, I'm fine.Copy !req
1008. - We could work together better if—
- It's okay—Copy !req
1009. Mole! Bloody mole!Copy !req
1010. We're not supposed to talk about the mole,
but there's a mole winking me in the face.Copy !req
1011. I'm gonna chop it off and cut it up
and make some guacamole.Copy !req
1012. - Better?
- Yeah. Yes.Copy !req
1013. So you've decided to join us,
huh, Mini Me?Copy !req
1014. Welcome to the good side,
my mini-brother.Copy !req
1015. And thank you for the map
of Dr. Evil's sub.Copy !req
1016. What's this? It says:Copy !req
1017. "Dr. Evil's tractor beam is now complete.
There's not much time.Copy !req
1018. Dr. Evil must pay."Copy !req
1019. "You are so beautiful.
Are you a clone of an angel?"Copy !req
1020. That is so sweet.
Well, no, my mini-man, I'm not.Copy !req
1021. "Are you sure you don't have
a little clone in you?"Copy !req
1022. Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
1023. "Would you like to?"Copy !req
1024. Horny bugger.Copy !req
1025. That is so not funny.Copy !req
1026. Okay, everyone, prepare to dive.Copy !req
1027. This spy car's also a submarine.Copy !req
1028. Get me the World Organization.Copy !req
1029. What is it, Dr. Evil?Copy !req
1030. Gentlemen, in a matter of hours...Copy !req
1031. a meteor will crash into Earth,
causing a global flood.Copy !req
1032. That is, of course, unless you pay me...Copy !req
1033. one billion...Copy !req
1034. million yen.Copy !req
1035. I think you're bluffing.Copy !req
1036. Well, perhaps you'd like a demonstration.
Number Two, the key, please.Copy !req
1037. Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing.Copy !req
1038. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.Copy !req
1039. - Which one?
- It's the one that looks like a pair of—Copy !req
1040. Melons. Big, juicy melons.Copy !req
1041. Are they nice and firm?Copy !req
1042. Well, what do you think?Copy !req
1043. Look at that. It looks like a set of giant—Copy !req
1044. - Hey, "A" and "N," you're late.
- How we doing? We're back.Copy !req
1045. Go, Titans!Copy !req
1046. Check it out. Those remind me of—Copy !req
1047. - Boobs.
- Boobs, Ozzy?Copy !req
1048. - These filmmakers are ****ing boobs.
- What do you mean, Dad?Copy !req
1049. They're using the same ****ing joke
as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.Copy !req
1050. - What ****ing joke?
- You know, the ****ing joke...Copy !req
1051. about the long smooth rocket
that looks like some guy's—Copy !req
1052. - Johnson.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
1053. - Any sign of that satellite?
- No, sir. It's gone.Copy !req
1054. Gentlemen, you have my demands.
Peace out.Copy !req
1055. Cor, baby. You look very switched on.Copy !req
1056. Thank you, Austin.Copy !req
1057. Uh—Copy !req
1058. No, Mini Me. Off. Bad. Mustn't.
No humping.Copy !req
1059. Dr. Evil, in light of the success
of the device...Copy !req
1060. it is Japanese custom
that I receive a bonus.Copy !req
1061. A bonus? Ha-ha-ha. That's good.Copy !req
1062. Yeah, that's awesome.Copy !req
1063. Throw me a fricking bonus here.
Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1064. Oh, I haven't laughed that hard
since I was a little girl. Thank you.Copy !req
1065. - Hmm.
- Oh.Copy !req
1066. You're not joking.Copy !req
1067. No. In fact,
if you don't give me the bonus—Copy !req
1068. - Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Scotty. How are you, sport?Copy !req
1069. Whoa!Copy !req
1070. - Why don't you let me take care of this?
- Okay.Copy !req
1071. Ugh.Copy !req
1072. He's got a good evil laugh.Copy !req
1073. Get along.Copy !req
1074. Scotty!Copy !req
1075. Scotty.Copy !req
1076. Take it down a notch.Copy !req
1077. It's creeping a bit.Copy !req
1078. Let's go.Copy !req
1079. We'll need a disguise.Copy !req
1080. There's only one uniform.Copy !req
1081. One of us has to go on
the other one's shoulders.Copy !req
1082. Hey there, buddy. How's it going?
Good to see you.Copy !req
1083. Yeah. Yeah. Hi.Copy !req
1084. How are you? Just getting my sea legs.
Sorry about that.Copy !req
1085. Hello. You all right?Copy !req
1086. Yes, it's a good hat. Very good hat.Copy !req
1087. Come on, Mini Me. Let's go.Copy !req
1088. Hold it right there, mister.Copy !req
1089. Did you really think
you could get away with this?Copy !req
1090. I did, actually. Yes.Copy !req
1091. Every new recruit must have a physical.Copy !req
1092. Now get in here, sailor.Copy !req
1093. I'm going to need a urine sample.Copy !req
1094. Okay.Copy !req
1095. - No.
- I don't know.Copy !req
1096. Okay, then. Um...Copy !req
1097. Okay.Copy !req
1098. Hello.Copy !req
1099. And here we go.Copy !req
1100. Sorry.Copy !req
1101. Right. There you go. Right.Copy !req
1102. - Ah, yes.
- Terrific.Copy !req
1103. Yes, good. Okay.Copy !req
1104. All right, sailor, go behind that screen...Copy !req
1105. and strip down to your skivvies.Copy !req
1106. All right, then. I'll just go to that screen...Copy !req
1107. which is over there.Copy !req
1108. Right behind that screen.Copy !req
1109. Next.Copy !req
1110. Come on, hurry. The map.Copy !req
1111. Okay, what's our plan?Copy !req
1112. - I'm going to need a urine sample.
- Okay.Copy !req
1113. Which way to the main chamber?Copy !req
1114. Okay, so... Oh, sure.Copy !req
1115. Oh.Copy !req
1116. - Excuse me, doctor?
- It's difficult in public, isn't it?Copy !req
1117. Mini Me, our shadows.
We're casting a shadow.Copy !req
1118. What's wrong, sailor?Copy !req
1119. You should check that guy out.Copy !req
1120. What the hell's going on here?Copy !req
1121. Hands up.Copy !req
1122. You heard me. I said, hands up.
Both of you.Copy !req
1123. Oh.Copy !req
1124. - Come with me.
- Mini Me, the map. Go.Copy !req
1125. Okay. You got me.Copy !req
1126. Are you all right, little man?Copy !req
1127. Uh-huh.Copy !req
1128. Right on.Copy !req
1129. Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1130. Before I kill you...Copy !req
1131. perhaps you'd like to see
the genius of my plan.Copy !req
1132. Key, please.Copy !req
1133. What the—? Who? But how? Where? Huh?Copy !req
1134. - Looking for this?
- Huh?Copy !req
1135. - Mini Me?
- All right...Copy !req
1136. everybody drop your guns,
because Foxxy Cleopatra's in the sub.Copy !req
1137. Smashing, Foxxy. Yeah.Copy !req
1138. - Unh!
- Here, sugar.Copy !req
1139. All right, Dr. Evil.Copy !req
1140. It's finally come down to this.Copy !req
1141. You, me and a gun.Copy !req
1142. What are you going to do now, Austin?Copy !req
1143. Dad?Copy !req
1144. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1145. I've gotta finish this off once and for all.Copy !req
1146. I'm afraid you can't do that.Copy !req
1147. I have to protect my son.Copy !req
1148. Dad, I'm fine.Copy !req
1149. I'm not talking about you.Copy !req
1150. I'm talking about him.Copy !req
1151. What?Copy !req
1152. Dr. Evil's not your son, I am.Copy !req
1153. - You both are.
- Huh?Copy !req
1154. What?Copy !req
1155. It was our first family holiday together.Copy !req
1156. Just as I was finishing a case...Copy !req
1157. your mother brought the two of you
to Belgium.Copy !req
1158. I stopped to have a tinkle when the car...Copy !req
1159. But my parents died in a car accident.Copy !req
1160. It was no accident.Copy !req
1161. It was an assassination attempt.Copy !req
1162. I thought only Austin survived.Copy !req
1163. I should have told you the truth earlier...Copy !req
1164. but those Belgians,
they made you so damn...Copy !req
1165. evil.Copy !req
1166. And, of course, they share a border
with the Dutch.Copy !req
1167. Very interesting story, Mr. Powers.Copy !req
1168. Of course, I'm gonna have to wait
until I see all the facts.Copy !req
1169. Daddy.Copy !req
1170. Shh, Daddy's here, Dougie.Copy !req
1171. - Shh.
- Uh, "Dougie"?Copy !req
1172. - Dougie?
- Dougie. Remember, Dougie?Copy !req
1173. Dad, what's going on?Copy !req
1174. What are you going to do, Austin?Copy !req
1175. - Austin.
- Hmm?Copy !req
1176. Are you sure you can trust Dr. Evil?Copy !req
1177. He ain't heavy...Copy !req
1178. he's my brother, baby. Yeah.Copy !req
1179. I should have told you this
so long ago, son.Copy !req
1180. - I'm very proud of you.
- Unh!Copy !req
1181. - Can you forgive me?
- I forgive you, Dad.Copy !req
1182. Come on.Copy !req
1183. Yes.Copy !req
1184. My two sons.Copy !req
1185. I'm Dougie. I'm Dougie.Copy !req
1186. Come on.Copy !req
1187. Oh, there you are.Copy !req
1188. Oh, come on.Copy !req
1189. I mean, first I'm not evil enough for you.Copy !req
1190. And now you're gonna turn good?Copy !req
1191. Listen, Scott.Copy !req
1192. You can spend your whole life...Copy !req
1193. trying to win your parents' acceptance,
believe me.Copy !req
1194. But at the end of the day,
you've just gotta do it for yourself, baby.Copy !req
1195. That all I've gotta do?Copy !req
1196. Hey, Austin? Shh!Copy !req
1197. What?Copy !req
1198. I hate you.Copy !req
1199. I hate you. I hate you.Copy !req
1200. I don't even know you,
but I hate you too.Copy !req
1201. And I especially hate you.Copy !req
1202. You'll pay.Copy !req
1203. You'll all pay.Copy !req
1204. I'd like to point out that no one else
in my gene pool runs like a girl.Copy !req
1205. Not so fast, smarty-pants.Copy !req
1206. Dr. Evil...Copy !req
1207. you might not want to destroy the world,
but I do.Copy !req
1208. Preparation H goes ahead as planned.Copy !req
1209. I'm going to flood the Earth.Copy !req
1210. Think again, Goldmember.Copy !req
1211. Ah, Foxxy Cleopatra.Copy !req
1212. It's a shame I had to kill your partner.
Too bad for you.Copy !req
1213. Too bad for me?
How about too bad for you?Copy !req
1214. Oh, no.Copy !req
1215. No! No! No!Copy !req
1216. No...Copy !req
1217. Luckily, I keep a spare.Copy !req
1218. Look, everyone.Copy !req
1219. My winkie was a key.Copy !req
1220. Only a bloody Dutchman.Copy !req
1221. - Ha-ha-ha.
- You mine, sucker.Copy !req
1222. Yes.Copy !req
1223. Foxxy, I'm coming.Copy !req
1224. Nobody try anything stupid
or the shooting begins.Copy !req
1225. Austin. Take Dougie.
I'll stay here and be your backup.Copy !req
1226. - Dougie, what do we do?
- I'm not a real "hands-on evil genius."Copy !req
1227. Think. You were always the smart one.Copy !req
1228. Uh, I could reroute the output capacitor
to the tractor beam...Copy !req
1229. from one of the conduit boxes up there.Copy !req
1230. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
1231. Yes. The shooting begins.Copy !req
1232. Let me shoot.Copy !req
1233. You know, Dr. Evil...Copy !req
1234. - ... I used to think you were crazy.
- I know.Copy !req
1235. But now I can see you're nuts.
I thank you.Copy !req
1236. Give me the gun.Copy !req
1237. Ow!Copy !req
1238. Hurry.Copy !req
1239. - Father. Father. Father.
- Ow!Copy !req
1240. Father, can you hear me?Copy !req
1241. Father. Father.Copy !req
1242. Wow!Copy !req
1243. Well done, Austin.
He saved the world again.Copy !req
1244. Hey, yeah.Copy !req
1245. Thank you.Copy !req
1246. Right on.Copy !req
1247. - Austin, you did it.
- We did it.Copy !req
1248. Yeah, baby.Copy !req
1249. No? Just trying it on.Copy !req
1250. Goldmember?Copy !req
1251. You under arrest, sugar.Copy !req
1252. Hey, assholes.Copy !req
1253. Do I have time for a last smoke
and a pancake, or what?Copy !req
1254. I am from Holland. Isn't that weird?Copy !req
1255. Yeah.Copy !req
1256. Yes, well done.Copy !req
1257. Good on you, man.Copy !req
1258. Thank you.Copy !req
1259. Yes.Copy !req
1260. Hey, Powers.Copy !req
1261. Fat Bastard? But you're not fat anymore.Copy !req
1262. I went on the Subway diet.
You know, just like Jared.Copy !req
1263. I've lost 180 pounds.Copy !req
1264. Congratulations, baby.Copy !req
1265. Thank you. I do have a little bit
of excess skin, though.Copy !req
1266. Bit of a problem here, yeah.Copy !req
1267. And unfortunately,
my neck does look like a vagina.Copy !req
1268. - Austin! Austin!
- Over here.Copy !req
1269. - Congratulations.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1270. - Austin, you the boss!
- You all right?Copy !req
1271. - Loved it!
- Okay.Copy !req
1272. Austin...Copy !req
1273. thank you for everything.Copy !req
1274. Shazam.Copy !req
1275. I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.Copy !req
1276. Well, they're using the same
****ing joke...Copy !req
1277. as they did in the last Austin Powers
film— Movie— What was it?Copy !req
1278. Well, they're using the— Well—Copy !req
1279. Well, they're using the same joke
that they did— Oh.Copy !req
1280. - What do I mean?
- Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1281. - Boobs, Ozzy.
- Stop, do that again.Copy !req
1282. You're starting to laugh.Copy !req
1283. Oh, don't start, Kelly,
or I'll put you back in the refrigerator.Copy !req
1284. One more.Copy !req
1285. - I don't like that.
- A little serious.Copy !req
1286. Don't make that noise, Sharon.
I'm getting turned on.Copy !req
1287. My testosterone is going dancing.Copy !req
1288. Get off me.Copy !req
1289. Is—? Is it true what they say about you?Copy !req
1290. Kickstand. Really?Copy !req
1291. Um, can I give you my cell phone number?Copy !req
1292. Please?Copy !req
1293. Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Burt Bacharach.Copy !req