Ashens and the Polybius Heist (2020)

1. Ow!

2. Hello. Didn't see you there.

3. I knew someone was after my treasures.

4. Everyone said I was out of my mind.

5. Do I look unstable to you, huh?

6. Well, I've learned never to answer that question

7. when it's being asked by somebody holding a gun.

8. Hey, you're that famous collector of collectables guy!

9. Rations or something like that.

10. Well, Ashens, actually.

11. Well, technically Stuart Ashen.

12. Ashens is like a name I use in social media.

13. Kind of a branding thing. You know, SEO and all that,

14. but yes, I am a collector of incredibly rare,

15. but totally worthless collectibles.

16. Whatever, just put my Delta Attack down

17. and I might let you walk out of here alive.

18. Well, it'd be difficult to walk out of here dead, wouldn't it?

19. That game is staying in my collection.

20. - It's not yours. - It bloody is!

21. It belongs in the Centre for Computing History!

22. I'm afraid not, Mr. Ashens.

23. - Time to die!

24. Hello, gentlemen.

25. Hand it over.

26. Thank you, Dr. Ashen.

27. You lose again.

28. Oh, well, that's gone then.

29. Ah, where did you get that gun from?

30. They're very hard to get hold of in this country.

31. Oh, from my father.

32. Funny thing, didn't even have any bullets.

33. Then why did you let him take the game?

34. Oh, just got caught up in the moment I suppose.

35. Wait, what was your name again?

36. - It's Ashen, Stuart Ashen.

37. Whatever.

38. What did you go and do that for?

39. - Do what? - I had it under control.

40. Stuart, it was just a bit fun. It's nice for me to get one over you once in a while.

41. Fine.

42. - Any new jobs on the go? - Uh, we've got a Mr. Stogdon.

43. He wants you to locate a Modular Tatboy 3000.

44. And we have a Miss Corsan who is looking

45. for a sticker album she had when she was 12.

46. And of course we've had five calls

47. from people who want us to pick up their rubbish.

48. We really need to change this company's name.

49. Are you just saying that because you want your name on the door?

50. No. Well, yes.

51. - I deserve it. - Look, mate, you're still learning the ropes.

52. A bit of patience.

53. - Fine.

54. Hey, uh, can you guys collect some of my old mattresses?

55. No, we're a collection service, not a collections agency.

56. So, what do you collect?

57. Collectibles.

58. There's good money in rubbish collection.

59. You should think about it.

60. - Yeah, thanks.

61. Oh, what are you looking at there?

62. Well, I was just doing a little bit of research

63. in the University Library Archive

64. and I came across this.

65. Very strange.

66. Upright arcade cabinet, early filled vectors,

67. all prototypes forcibly recalled.

68. Is this the Polybius?

69. Are you researching the Polybius?

70. You've heard of the Polybius?

71. The infamous arcade game that can control people's minds.

72. Benny, that's just a myth

73. gamers tell to scare one another.

74. Well, I'm not so sure, Ashens.

75. I mean, from my initial research,

76. it was an upright game that was released

77. into arcades circa 1981.

78. I've heard this bedtime story, too.

79. Yeah, the game was strangely addictive and people

80. would fight each other for the next go on it.

81. And if you got the high score,

82. you entered some sort of euphoric trance.

83. Here, I've got a book on it.

84. - Look.

85. Dangerous side effects, strange behavior,

86. even rumors of some fatalities.

87. But then the men in black suits came and...

88. never heard of again.

89. People have been chasing this myth for 30 years.

90. Look at the amount of documentation here.

91. This doesn't look like a myth.

92. Well, it does seem legitimate.

93. Hey, check this out.

94. This must be the bloke who developed it.

95. Hey!

96. Where are you going?

97. Guess bingo night's canceled.

98. Father, look what I got at the 50p shop.

99. Very nice.

100. Now, sit up and pay attention.

101. Your father has to go away for a little while,

102. but before I do I want to tell you a story.

103. A story about your grandfather, Woodward Ashen.

104. In this box is the culmination of his work.

105. The Ashen Portable Mini Electric Organ.

106. He managed to get it patented, but all it ever did was this.

107. He thought he'd make his fortune from that.

108. All he ever accomplished...

109. was leaving your grandmother and me penniless.

110. I promised one day I would make her proud of me

111. and now I've finally created something that will help me fulfill that promise, but...

112. it has been taken from me!

113. I must do everything I can to get it back.

114. I want you to have these.

115. Your grandfather made them just before he died.

116. They were supposed to enable endless free play

117. on arcade games, but of course all they ever did

118. was shorted everything out.

119. They will serve as a reminder

120. to focus on things that really matter.

121. Now, I must go.

122. But before I go, remember I...

123. Remember...

124. Remember to mow the lawn well and regularly.

125. Always use the best lawnmower you can possible afford.

126. It's important for the health of the grass.

127. Goodbye.

128. - Daddy?

129. Professor?

130. Professor?

131. Don't say a word.

132. What are you wearing?

133. It's a migraine machine, but I'm not sure whether

134. it causes them or cures them.

135. Fascinating, yeah, look, Professor,

136. please tell me everything you know about the Polybius.

137. No, Stuart, no.

138. Don't even think about it. It's way too dangerous.

139. So, the legend is true?

140. Well, I mean this is what I've heard.

141. It was the early 1980s and video games were exploding.

142. I don't mean literally exploding

143. like the rapid exchange of combustible energy.

144. I mean economically exploding.

145. I understand, yeah, yeah.

146. So, money was flooding into the market,

147. and a shady military organization funded a brilliant,

148. but psychotic developer who was developing games

149. that could exploit the feelings of players.

150. You know, a bit like VR today, only good.

151. And the prototype was called Polybius.

152. There were terrible side effects,

153. but the developer wouldn't stop.

154. He carried on developing it

155. until the project was terminated.

156. He must've been a complete lunatic,

157. completely devoid of humanity.

158. Completely and utterly inhumanly corrupt!

159. He must've been an absolute psychotic monster!

160. Professor, I think that man was my father.

161. I'm so sorry, Stuart.

162. I'm sure he must've been lovely in other ways.

163. He wasn't. And I haven't seen or heard from him

164. since the Polybius supposedly disappeared.

165. Stuart, you've got to let this one go. It's far too dangerous.

166. If you find it and fell into the wrong hands,

167. it would be very, very bad news.

168. I think it already has.

169. From what we found in the University Archives,

170. we think the prototype may be being held in this building.

171. Which is owned by Antony Agonist,

172. a cretin who had the Museum of Local History demolished

173. so he could build his sterile headquarters on it.

174. I dread to think what he's got planned for the Polybius.

175. I really must stop putting

176. so much of this oil on my hands.

177. Sorry, you were saying.

178. Professor, what do you think I should do?

179. I'm sorry, Stuart, I can't tell you that.

180. You'll have to decide for yourself.

181. But, you know, best of luck saving the world or not.

182. It's totally up to you.

183. No pressure.

184. Thanks, Professor.

185. Whoa, oh, I'm sorry.

186. Let me see.

187. - Hello, Christine. - Stuart?

188. Can I come in?

189. Sorry, yes, of course.

190. I see you're still very keen on the old lawnmowers.

191. Yes, here's my new purchase.

192. - The Stingray 3000. - Um, yeah.

193. Very, very nice.

194. Look, Chris, I have something I've got to ask you.

195. Have you ever heard of the Polybius?

196. No, what's that?

197. I think it was the project that, um...

198. that father was working on before he abandoned us.

199. Oh, suddenly you're interested

200. in Dad after all these years. Why's that?

201. It's got nothing to do with Dad. It's purely professional.

202. He disappeared, I got over it. You should get over it, too.

203. How can you still be so cold about this, Stuart?

204. Don't pretend it doesn't matter.

205. I'll never stop trying to find out what happened.

206. Look at what it's done to you.

207. You've got to stop chasing his shadow, it's pointless.

208. It's better than a pointless life, Stuart.

209. I don't have time for this.

210. Unlike you, I'm a very busy person.

211. I should go.

212. Thought I'd find you here.

213. How'd it go with your sister?

214. Could have gone better.

215. Do you believe, Benny?

216. Do you believe in the legend of the Polybius?

217. I don't know what I believe.

218. But if what we found out about the Polybius is true...

219. then we have to find it.

220. And if we do maybe then you can find out something

221. about what happened to your dad, too.

222. - Let's get this thing. - Yes, a heist!

223. - It's not a heist. - It's a heist.

224. A robbery, pre-planned

225. with more than one participant.

226. It's not a complicated definition,

227. but if it ticks both those,

228. - it's a heist. - I suppose it is actually, isn't it?

229. I mean, I did check the definition last night.

230. Ah, so cool.

231. Uh, well, we should probably go actually.

232. We've got, like, loads of stuff to do.

233. Oh, yes.

234. Sorry, it's all the drama!

235. So, according to our research,

236. after 30 years of failed development,

237. what we think could be the Polybius was sold at a military boot sale

238. and purchased by one Antony Agonist.

239. This guy gives new meaning to the word egomaniac.

240. And he seems to be on some bizarre crusade

241. against anything made over three years ago.

242. The man's bad news.

243. And now he's pouring resources into the Polybius.

244. So the Polybius is secured in his corporate headquarters,

245. the Brundall Unconditional Modernization Building,

246. and getting it is not going to be easy.

247. We're going to have to bypass six separate security systems.

248. - Seven. - Oh, yeah, good spot.

249. But I think there might be a weak spot on this west wall.

250. There's a heating vent here that isn't secured, guarded or alarmed.

251. You're right. If we can access this small thermal exhaust port,

252. we can get into the maintenance area here.

253. It's a heating vent.

254. Why do they always make these

255. thermal exhaust ports so vulnerable?

256. Again, a heating vent.

257. Mind you, it might be quite difficult getting in.

258. The thermal exhaust port doesn't look very big.

259. No bigger than a womp rat.

260. It's a heating vent.

261. We're going to need a good crew on this job. The best.

262. Eye in the sky, fixer, grease man,

263. and a mole if we're going to get it done.

264. You forgot the most important one. The money.

265. We're going to need cash for equipment,

266. transport, craft services.

267. But who do we know that can get that kind of money?

268. Benny, my friend, I think we both know the answer to that.

269. - Who? - Geoff.

270. Geoff.

271. Geoff! Are you all right, what's happened?

272. It's the germs Stuart.

273. The germs, they're everywhere.

274. They're in everyone.

275. What, like cold and flu germs?

276. No, no, no, no, no, no.

277. It's the moon germs.

278. The sentient moon germs from the dark side of the moon.

279. NASA brought them back with them from the first moon landing

280. in the 1960s and...

281. Geoff, there's no such thing as moon germs.

282. - Really? - No.

283. Unbelievable!

284. Why didn't you tell me that before, Chef?

285. I told you 17 times.

286. Well, I guess that's true.

287. Sorry, Stuart, is there something I can help you with?

288. Actually, yes.

289. I'm putting together a crew in order

290. to steal an old item of technology.

291. And I was wondering if you would like to fund it.

292. I would love to help, but I've spent a fortune

293. on vitamin pills fighting the moon germs! Oh!

294. Totally understandable, mate.

295. Totally understandable of course,

296. but just as a matter of interest.

297. The item in question is owned by an Antony Agonist.

298. Agonist? I hate that guy.

299. You know, he knocked down my mother's house because

300. he thought her thatched roof had too much thatch!

301. I'm in, whatever you need, Stuart.

302. It's just really great to come to, uh, places like this.

303. You know, real down to earth,

304. salt of the earth kind of places.

305. Normally, I go to the Bellago or the Maribelle.

306. You know, I'm somewhat of a high roller.

307. Super high, actually.

308. But I like to keep it real, keep it on the DL.

309. Keep my feet on terra firma, if you know what I mean.

310. Yeah, whatever.

311. Yeah, it's just, uh, I'm...

312. You're getting those drinks, right?

313. Yeah, of course.

314. Make mine a double.

315. Double?

316. You'll have to excuse me. I've just seen a high roller associate of mine,

317. or a high roll ass as we abbrevo in the biz.

318. I will be right back.

319. - Jarred. - Ashens, I'm working here, mate.

320. I need a smooth man for a job.

321. Well, you know me, I'm a real smoothie.

322. Put a straw in and suck me up.

323. I've got a good thing going here.

324. What did you get off that mark?

325. Just this packet of pickled beetroot

326. cheesy monster crisps.

327. You can do better. Are you in out?

328. - It's a one time offer. - Hey, did you take my crisps?

329. Okay, I'm in.

330. Let's roll.

331. Step right up, play the game.

332. Sir, sir, pick a card, any card.

333. Fancy a game?

334. Please?

335. Just so lonely.

336. Hello, Annalise.

337. Ashens, fancy a game?

338. - Go on, go on. - Oh, okay.

339. Watch the card. Oh, where did it go?

340. If you find the card you make plenty of money.

341. Easy as can be.

342. Yeah, I said I'd treat you and treat you I shall.

343. Now, find the queen.

344. - It's that one. No, it's definitely there. - No, it's that one.

345. - I was watching it the whole time. - It's 100% that one.

346. Well, I'm sorry, my friend but...

347. Oh, how did that happen?

348. Oh, well, I guess I owe you.

349. Could you spot me a tenner?

350. Ashens, are you sure about this?

351. Annalise, I need a USB cable that connects

352. to the old Mini Type B.

353. - Is that all? - I also need an AB hybrid adapter.

354. Oh, she's good. Very good.

355. Maybe too good.

356. Annalise, I'm putting together a crew,

357. and I need a woman who knows how to get things.

358. Can I talk to people?

359. Yes, yes, you can.

360. I'm in.

361. Cheers.

362. Okay, you good?

363. - You want an autograph as well? - I'm good.

364. Why are you dressed like that again?

365. This saved us ten pounds in entry fees.

366. And you just had that ready to go?

367. It is I, the dreaded Calibrax.

368. Please leave a message and I will...

369. No, I want Calibare, not Calibrax,

370. for my voice message.

371. Oh, sorry, okay.

372. Hey, it's me, Calibare smeeble,

373. please be a dear and leave a message.

374. No, no, that's Calibare's early voice

375. from episode 209 when he fuses with the hivemind.

376. No one likes pre-fusion Calibare.

377. He's the worst character in the show.

378. Do you even watch your own show?

379. I want post-fusion Calibare.

380. Look, I just want satisfaction, okay?

381. Oh, hey, isn't that Crewman Simon Tarses

382. - from the Drumhead episode of The Next Generation? - What, where?

383. Sorry, I do this when I get nervous.

384. - And thanks. - No problem, mate. How are you doing?

385. Ah, well, you know, it's good getting the chance to meet all the fans.

386. You know, as a voice actor you don't usually get a chance to meet them.

387. I can't possibly imagine anything worse than this.

388. It is the worst.

389. Listen, Ashens, I can guess why you're here,

390. but I'm out of the game now.

391. Come on, Vocal, you're the best there is.

392. Not anymore.

393. That wasn't acclaimed actor

394. Spencer Garret, you idiots.

395. Now, do the voice properly. I've paid three pounds for this.

396. - I demand satisfaction. - Are you sure you don't want in on this?

397. - I'm in as long as we leave immediately. - Wait.

398. What are you doing? Satisfaction!

399. I want satisfaction!

400. Satisfact...

401. Okay, I think that's everyone.

402. - We're still missing a grease man. - A grease man?

403. I know a grease man. I'll sort it.

404. And we need an eye in the sky.

405. Oh, no, oh, no, no, no, I know what you're thinking.

406. Absolutely not, not The Cube. I don't trust him.

407. I never have and I never...

408. - Hello, Cube. - Hello, procrastinator.

409. You're really late.

410. Seriously, where have you been?

411. Oh, God, I wondered when you'd darken my dawn up again.

412. Let me guess, you need a proper eye in the sky

413. for your Polybius heist?

414. How did you know?

415. Don't ask stupid questions.

416. You know that I know that you know that I know

417. that a partridge in a pear tree

418. is worth two friends in need.

419. - What? - You know what I mean.

420. I never know what you mean.

421. Look, Cube, I know we haven't always

422. seen eye to eye on jobs in the past...

423. Well, that's because you are a complete control freak.

424. You have archaic plans and archaic technology.

425. If you just use my nice shiny plans and my nice shiny

426. technology everything would be so much easier.

427. - Anything else? - I hate your general approach to life.

428. Also, your beard is stupid.

429. Look, you know what we're after,

430. and you know what it can mean.

431. Okay, but I need technology from the absolute

432. bleeding edge and I get to keep all of it when I'm done.

433. Yay, great.

434. Just give me a list and I'll sort it.

435. Oh, and I want to be called Cyber Ops.

436. Don't push it.

437. Right, you all know why we're here.

438. What we're proposing is very dangerous

439. and there is a high risk of failure,

440. so if any of you have any doubts,

441. walk now, no hard feelings.

442. — Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sit down, everyone.

443. Sit down.

444. That was rhetorical, come on.

445. Now, I know many of you know each other,

446. but I will be issuing you all

447. with code names for security reasons.

448. You will be Mr. Pink.

449. Yes, very happy with that.

450. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Stuart.

451. You know pink is my favorite color! I want to be Mr. Pink.

452. No, you'll be the color I assign you.

453. Excuse me, but you promised me I could be Mr. Pink.

454. I look fantastic in pink.

455. No, I'm Mr. Pink.

456. I'm more Miss Beige. That suits me better.

457. Then can I be Miss Pink because of the whole,

458. - you know, gender norms stereotype. - That's enough.

459. There'll be no Mr. Pink for anyone.

460. We'll just use our real names.

461. Right, let's move on. Who is this?

462. Well, this is Yiannis.

463. - He's the grease man. - Oh, great.

464. Hello, Yiannis.

465. I was told there would be tea and biscuits.

466. Do you speak any English?

467. Geoff, where did you find Yiannis?

468. In Greece.

469. No, we needed a grease man, G-R-E-A-S-E.

470. Somebody who can get into difficult places.

471. Stuart, I'm sure Yiannis can get into many places.

472. And what is he wearing?

473. I lent him one of Chef's costumes.

474. Well, why'd you make me wear that?

475. - It doesn't make sense. - Shut up.

476. Stuart, what is your problem?

477. Yiannis, Yiannis, have you understood

478. anything that's been said so far?

479. Uh, you thief...

480. uh, steal Polybius.

481. Unbelievable, so the little English you do know is too much.

482. Well, welcome to the crew, Yiannis.

483. Perhaps we can now finally get to why we're here.

484. - This is our target.

485. The Polybius.

486. The Polybius is secured in the Brundall Unconditional

487. Modernization or BUM building.

488. It has one of the most intricate security systems

489. of any research facility and is owned by Antony Agonist.

490. What, I hate that guy!

491. He made me take all the keys off my keyboard

492. because they were too clicky.

493. And here's how we're going to get it.

494. My plan is to infiltrate the BUM with a mole.

495. - By which I mean one of our people

496. will be working inside the research facility.

497. We'll split into two teams working simultaneously,

498. coordinated by our eye in the sky.

499. - Cyber Ops.

500. Fine, eye in the sky.

501. We're going full frontal

502. - into the BUM people.

503. And I wish I'd phrased that differently.

504. Anyway, we're going through the front door,

505. here we'll need to lift some names from the daily visitors list

506. to override the secondary check.

507. I'm blind, I'm blind!

508. Then our eye in the sky will bypass the electrified fence

509. so our secondary team can gain access

510. through this small thermal exhaust port.

511. Our mole will then acquire

512. the Polybius room door decoder from the lead scientist,

513. relaying it back to the eye in the sky.

514. Then our front door team

515. will circumvent the fingerprint and facial recognition systems.

516. Meanwhile, our second team will access

517. the Polybius room manual override.

518. Ah, Satan licked my eyes!

519. Then we'll need to beat the motion detectors,

520. making sure not to move faster than 0.3 miles per hour.

521. Before finally, we relay a signal

522. to our replica door decoder, accessing the Polybius room,

523. and securing the Polybius itself.

524. My face!

525. I use that all the time!

526. Spit in my eyes, spit my eyes!

527. - Spit!

528. This is impossible.

529. I'm not going in someone's BUM.

530. Oh, don't be so negative. It's not impossible.

531. We can get into that BUM.

532. Together we can crack this.

533. - Is there anything else? - Yes.

534. After 30 minutes, our overrides will reset,

535. the alarms will go off, and we'll all be sent to jail for 20 years

536. - for criminal conspiracy. - And then they'll release the guard dogs

537. that are trained to gnaw on our bollocks.

538. - We should be okay then. - Right, well, I'm off.

539. Yeah, you have my money.

540. Don't forget to send me a postcard from jail.

541. Okay?

542. Chef.

543. Ah, man.

544. Right, let's get to work.

545. Ah, Crystal.

546. How's my favorite scientist?

547. It's Christine.

548. Actually, it's Dr. Ashen.

549. As you can see, we're making good progress.

550. My father came up with a directed neural frequency system.

551. And we're starting to understand its functionality.

552. Dr. Ashen...

553. I took a big risk taking on the daughter

554. of the failure who made this machine.

555. Don't make me regret that decision.

556. Tell me...

557. do you have any brothers or sisters?

558. I have a brother, but we don't really...

559. Let me tell you about my life, Christine.

560. I have four brothers.

561. Four.

562. All my life I've had hand me downs.

563. Hand me downs!

564. Grubby toys and dirty and mismatched clothing.

565. I have devoted my life to making sure...

566. that no one has to feel that pain.

567. I don't understand.

568. I have a vision.

569. The Polybius 2.0 will be the most addictive game ever.

570. And alongside the serotonin pumping straight into the brain,

571. will be a simple message.

572. New is good.

573. New is right.

574. New works!

575. Sir, the technology directly impacts

576. the emotional area of the brain.

577. We must be very careful.

578. It is time to sweep away the old and bring in the new!

579. The clock is beeping. You hear that?

580. Beep, beep, beep. Oh, it's coming from there, it's coming there.

581. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

582. beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

583. We start with reconnaissance. We need to know everyone

584. who's coming in and out of that building.

585. Most importantly, the identity of the lead scientist

586. who has the Polybius room door decoder.

587. Okay, so that's the second time we've seen Mr. Red Shirt.

588. - Yep, yep. - It looks like he's jumping up and down.

589. - Does he need the loo? Oh, genius. - He needs the loo.

590. - Those are the toilets. - That must be the toilet.

591. - Yeah. - Oh, this is the most fun

592. I've had in ages.

593. Yiannis, how are you getting on

594. with that Learn English in Seven Days tape?

595. Nice to meet you.

596. Your curtains are beautiful.

597. Is that real cotton?

598. - That's pretty good, Yiannis. - Excellent, yeah.

599. That's going to be really useful.

600. Next, for Cube's overrides we'll need

601. to access the service mainframe,

602. which is located underneath the building.

603. Okay, this is the primary communications hub for the entire building.

604. We can piggyback directly onto it.

605. If we touch the primary, they'll know we were here.

606. Like I told you, Ashens,

607. let's go through this secondary sub command path.

608. - It's a low priority system, quiet, accessible. - There's no need.

609. Nobody's going to look for a rootkit until we're long gone.

610. Yes, they will!

611. No, they won't.

612. - There, we're in

613. using my method, I win, ha!

614. No, we all loser.

615. Let's go.

616. Next, we're going to need our mole doing his mole thing.

617. Using our computer override,

618. Cube has secured Jarred a job in the building.

619. These are fun, aren't they? Go up and down.

620. Oh... that's secure.

621. Did my job.

622. I'm going to go get a cup of coffee.

623. Black coffee.

624. - No milk. - I'm more of a Kombucha tea kind of guy,

625. but I will have exactly what you're having please.

626. I'm watching you. Yeah.

627. I'm so sorry, mate.

628. This is my life.

629. - Okay, let's talk it.

630. So, Cube has some minor modifications to my plan.

631. Thank you, okay.

632. So, as we all know, Jarred is the mole,

633. Vocal and I, we're going to be Cyber Ops.

634. - Aw, man. - This is getting sad.

635. - That's not the name. - Fine, eye in the sky.

636. We're in the van. Annalise, Yiannis, you're going in through

637. the thermal exhaust port and you are going to be called

638. Team Soaring Eagle of Destiny.

639. Oh, wow, soaring, eagles, destiny,

640. they're, like, my three favorite things.

641. - It's a heating vent. - Whatever.

642. Ashens, you and Benny are going through

643. the front door and you are Team Boiled Celery.

644. Boiled Celery? Oh, come on.

645. Celery, uh, is like, um, dirt flavored soft wood.

646. Ashens, just own it.

647. Now, focus, people.

648. So, are the telephone calls in hand?

649. Because as soon as we take over the system,

650. all external communications will be blocked.

651. I need control for a couple of seconds,

652. and no calls are coming in in that short amount of time.

653. Okay, but have you considered that if a...

654. The plan works!

655. Stuart, the plan works.

656. You can't rely entirely on the technology.

657. There's more to it than that.

658. Oh, should we rely on your technology?

659. Your archaic eight bit crap!

660. Sorry.

661. Fellas, can we just move on?

662. What about the lead scientist?

663. The database, it's 2048 bit encryption.

664. - It's insane. - Yeah, get on with it.

665. No, I don't have a name for you yet.

666. If we don't know who has the door decoder,

667. we are dead in the water.

668. No, we'll be alive!

669. - In jail. - That's not much better.

670. Well, you know, it could be, because with jail you get,

671. - you know, free food and... - Communal dining area.

672. You know, like Wagamamas. You don't pay rent.

673. You don't, you don't pay rent.

674. - I like corn. - Corn?

675. - Yeah. - Do they have corn there?

676. - You see? - Probably, yeah.

677. Uh, I think jail is bad.

678. - Yeah, yeah, it's no joke. - Yeah, that's true.

679. - Next, transport.

680. Nondescript, reliable, and most importantly, cheap.

681. So, as I was saying, my employer would like

682. to purchase one of your excellent vans.

683. - Well, I want to help. - Mm-hmm.

684. But I think the best I can do is 12,000.

685. Oh.

686. She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

687. Please could you help us out with the price?

688. You drive a hard bargain, but I like you.

689. - I can drop it to 11. - What about ten?

690. No, 11's the best I can do.

691. - Sea shells on the sea shore.

692. If you can't, then that'll have to do.

693. Lovely doing business with you.

694. You know, you're a very kind man.

695. With kind eyes.

696. - Let go!

697. Ouch!

698. - I think you broke it.

699. Uh, 14, 14, it's my final offer.

700. - Let me go get the paperwork. - Oh!

701. Who's this?

702. This is Ryan, I've known him for years.

703. Say hi, Ryan.

704. - Hi, Ryan. - He's our driver.

705. He's the best that I know of. He's got our backs.

706. I've no idea what's going on, but I'm okay with that.

707. Ah, he's very mysterious.

708. I genuinely don't care about him.

709. Right, do we have my 4K monitors?

710. Yes, check.

711. - Do we have my SSD arrays? - Yep, here.

712. Uh, do you have my artificial intelligence RISC chip?

713. No, because you made that up.

714. How dare you!

715. You trying to be clever?

716. A little bit, yeah.

717. - Didn't work. - Hang on.

718. Who the hell are these guys?

719. Oh, I invited them.

720. But the plan, Ashens, the plan.

721. Count us up, plus Geoff.

722. One, two, three, carry the two, 11.

723. Exactly, 11.

724. So, what? 11.

725. 11, Ashen's Eleven.

726. We can call ourselves Ashen's Eleven!

727. Oh, that is so...

728. cool!

729. - Yes! - Yeah, it is!

730. Totally justifies the massive extra risk.

731. Oh, now, see, that works on so many levels.

732. Well, it works on one level, but...

733. - Oh, yeah. - That's a good level.

734. - What a level. - Level...

735. Actually, I better find something for you guys to do, um.

736. How about you take these, collect some money to offset

737. - the cost of the heist. - That sounds like a lot of fun.

738. - Let's do it! - Cheers, guys.

739. - Bye. - Bye.

740. - See you. - They're so lovely.

741. I didn't now it was possible

742. to feel this level of regret.

743. - [man 1] Support the heist. - [man 2] Pennies in the bucket.

744. - It's a good cause. - Support the heist.

745. Oh, I love a good heist.

746. It's for a good cause.

747. Next, we'll build an exact replica

748. of the motion detector room so that I can train.

749. Oh, don't say that. Oh, I'm going to say mean things

750. - about your mum in a minute. - Your mum is

751. the nicest person I think I've ever met.

752. - She's, like, so kind. - So nice.

753. - And very, very slow. - Where's my head gone?

754. - There's so much blood, I'm going to have PTSD... - Slower, slower!

755. More better.

756. No more way to say, um.

757. - Your mum's so fat!

758. Well, she's lost a lot of weight recently actually.

759. - Yeah. - She looks really good for it to be perfectly honest.

760. Think like a sloth with the finger,

761. but not sloth, so maybe like the broadband,

762. but not broadband, the dial-up with...

763. - It's more like that. - Hit him in the head.

764. - Again, no? - Watch it,

765. I've seen you before, you put codes in.

766. Excuse me!

767. We are trying to plan a heist here.

768. - She started it. - Yeah.

769. No, I didn't.

770. She brought mums up.

771. Ah, bugger that. I'm going to shoot you all in the head.

772. - Give me the controller. - Yes.

773. I haven't got a head, but I'm still going.

774. Watch out for her stump, it's vicious.

775. Next, we'll have to get Antony Agonist's fingerprint.

776. Okay, he's accepted the invitation.

777. He'll be here in 30 minutes.

778. Okay, so let's go over this again.

779. This glass has been covered in a special resin.

780. We just need him to pick it up, and then I can lift the print

781. using this 3D laser scanner.

782. Bingo.

783. Bob's your uncle.

784. The resin degenerates very quickly,

785. so I'll be in the van with a scanner.

786. Yiannis, you need to bring me the glass

787. as quickly as possible.

788. - Okay? - Uh, uncle, bingo, Bob,

789. resin, scanner, yes.

790. Are you guys sure you can't pick up my mattresses?

791. - I'll pay cash. - Please get out.

792. It's your loss.

793. Um, the fox is in the chicken, uh, house.

794. Agonist behind door.

795. Mr. Agonist, you're extremely early,

796. but please come in, come in.

797. How are you doing?

798. I got your message.

799. You're demolishing a museum filled with Byzantine treasures.

800. - I can't wait. - Yeah, yeah, it's going to be great.

801. Uh, would you like a drink of something?

802. - A glass of water? - Water?

803. Not enough electrolytes.

804. Water's for losers.

805. Ah.

806. A fingerprint reader.

807. I love these.

808. I can see the family resemblance.

809. Although, your face is a bit more boring and plain.

810. I'm sorry, I don't understand.

811. Christine, she's your sister, right?

812. - You know Christine? - Know her?

813. She's my lead scientist on a very important project.

814. Very hush hush.

815. I'd like a word with you in private.

816. Join me.

817. Please, have a seat.

818. Ashens, the reason I'm here

819. other than to see priceless artifacts destroyed,

820. is to talk to you about your sister.

821. What about her?

822. I'd like to get to know her better.

823. I thought maybe you could give me some brotherly advice.

824. Nope, sorry, I can't help you.

825. Fine!

826. I wouldn't normally ask you, but your father...

827. - Oh, oh, sorry. I'm just getting a call.

828. Sorry, I've got to take this.

829. - Oh, hi, Dad. - Hi, Mr. Agonist.

830. We need you to move your car.

831. Yeah, no, I'm just here with someone, Dad.

832. Sorry, no, this is the council.

833. Yeah, no their dad disappeared over 30 years ago.

834. - You're confused, I just... What the f... - Love you.

835. Sorry, don't know if you heard, that was my dad.

836. Who I talk to on a regular basis.

837. You know what, I'm bored of you.

838. I'm going to send you a signed copy of my third autobiography.

839. Thanks, this has been great.

840. Got to go.

841. ls your sister the lead scientist...

842. I believe she is.

843. And you didn't know that she...

844. I did not.

845. Are you just going to keep cutting off

846. - everything that... - I am.

847. There's something I need to do.

848. Sorry, what did I miss?

849. This is, how you say, a family full of mess.

850. Yes, it is.

851. Everything all right?

852. Stuart, what are you doing here?

853. I'm going to ask you a question and I want an honest answer.

854. Okay.

855. It's just their shape, you know?

856. The way they just cut the grass and...

857. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

858. Are you working on the Polybius?

859. We went through this.

860. I've spoken to Agonist.

861. I know everything.

862. Are you doing this for father?

863. It won't bring him back.

864. No, he's been gone for years.

865. Do you ever think about him?

866. No, never.

867. Didn't need him then, don't need him now.

868. Why do you always do that?

869. What?

870. Why were you speaking to Agonist?

871. What are you up to?

872. Oh, nothing, no reason, no.

873. But, um, do be careful, Chris.

874. Fine.

875. I'll leave you to your lawnmowers.

876. - What do you mean?

877. Hello, Science Department.

878. Yes, it's Dr. Ashen.

879. I'd like to move forward with the relocation plan.

880. Uh, uh, Cyber Ops emergency.

881. Cyber ops emergency!

882. Everybody here now!

883. Norwich, we have a problem.

884. I've just seen some serious email chatter.

885. They are moving the Polybius.

886. What, when?

887. - Uh, two days from now!

888. We're going to have to go tomorrow night.

889. - I'm not ready. - I need to finish my training.

890. This is the only way now.

891. There's something not right here.

892. - What is going on? - Oh, really,

893. you're accusing me of this now?

894. I think it's a possibility.

895. Everything that's gone wrong has come through you.

896. - I don't understand.

897. There's nothing to get to the bottom of.

898. Enough!

899. We can do this.

900. We're prepared.

901. At least we know Jarred's on top of things.

902. Oh, come on, man.

903. Get the door decoder, get out.

904. - Oh, my God.

905. I am so sorry.

906. Watch where you're going.

907. Look, let me help you with these.

908. What are you staring at?

909. Um, uh, wow...

910. Lawnmowers.

911. Nice, nice.

912. You know, 68,000 people are injured every year

913. by lawnmowers in the United States.

914. Fact.

915. Um, you know, lawnmowers remind me of,

916. "It's summer, get out and cut the lawn!"

917. "But I'm watching TV, Mum!" "Get out there!"

918. - "It's not working!"

919. "You've got to prime it, you idiot!"

920. Yeah, clippings everywhere.

921. - Clippings everywhere.

922. - Right, give those to me.

923. I have work to do.

924. I hope to see you soon.

925. You used to be smooth.

926. That was rough.

927. What's happened to me?

928. Come on, on the ready line, everybody.

929. Okay, before we go, I would like to say a few words.

930. This is absolutely hopeless.

931. That's not a good way to start a speech.

932. Oh, hello regret my old friend.

933. Oh, no, that's perfect for us because we

934. are absolutely hopeless.

935. Ah, yeah, much better.

936. What we are about to do

937. is often referred to as a con.

938. Now, what is con short for?

939. Utter confusion!

940. Computer Output Notification.

941. - Confidence? - Yes, confidence.

942. And that is something we don't have a lot of.

943. I mean, take a look at us.

944. We've got Annalise whose positivity

945. is bordering on insanity.

946. We've got Vocal whose constant voice training exercises

947. are threatening to can the whole shebang.

948. We've got Ryan who is the only person

949. I know with a driving license.

950. We've got Benny whose irritating curiosity

951. kicked this whole thing off.

952. We've got Yiannis, I still don't really know

953. if he speaks English or Greek.

954. Ah, yes.

955. This is a great pep talk so far, Ashens, really great.

956. And of course, Cube, who once got stuck

957. at a press any key prompt because he refused to comply.

958. That was one time!

959. And most of all, me.

960. Some poor prat who turned his hoarding problem

961. into an embarrassing career.

962. What I'm saying, ladies and gentlemen,

963. is that we haven't had it easy.

964. None of us have been blessed with good looks,

965. fancy contacts, or even competent personal hygiene.

966. Speak for yourself.

967. But this is what makes us stronger

968. than any other crew.

969. We are the No Confidence Crew.

970. We will not be beaten, we will not be stopped.

971. And there is nobody else I would rather do this thing with.

972. I like that. No Con Crew.

973. To the No Confidence Crew.

974. Yeah, it's got a nice ring to it.

975. To a bunch of utter losers!

976. That speech made no sense!

977. - Okay, let's go, people. - Woo!

978. This is so cool.

979. Okay, Ryan, punch it.

980. All right, people, let's get ready to roll.

981. Annalise, check your camera.

982. I think you just broke that.

983. Yes, that's broken. Ditch that.

984. Okay, Team Soaring Eagle of Destiny go to work.

985. You guys got this.

986. I just love those three things so much.

987. Commencement.

988. - Okay, here we go.

989. I am in the system and taking over

990. the telephony and the cameras in three, two, one.

991. The clock is now ticking.

992. You've got 30 minutes to get in, get the package,

993. and get out before the system resets

994. and you're all caught on CCTV.

995. Now, let's see what we can see.

996. Good evening, sirs.

997. Names please.

998. Okay, switching to shelf cam.

999. Uh, yes, we're here to see Dr. Christine Ashen.

1000. Okay, name please?

1001. Zooming, zooming.

1002. Oh, come on, move that paper!

1003. - Name please? - Guys, the newspaper is blocking the list.

1004. I repeat, the newspaper is blocking the list.

1005. Yes, we're scientists.

1006. From Sweden.

1007. - Sweden, yes.

1008. Fish, fishes.

1009. Ah, that's well and good, sir, but I'm going to need a name please.

1010. Just say something.

1011. Anything!

1012. Sweden.

1013. Yes, my name is a series of words

1014. which are preciously Dr. Steve Wedding.

1015. Yes, Dr. Steve Wedding.

1016. Ah, Jesus Christ.

1017. I'll check the list.

1018. Oh, Dr. Wedding. Yes, you're on the list.

1019. If you'd like to step forward to the camera.

1020. Team Soaring Eagle of Destiny, do you read me?

1021. We're in position.

1022. I am turning off the electricity... now.

1023. Yes, hello, this is Desk Alpha,

1024. I'm calling to confirm visitor Dr. Wedding.

1025. Yes, Desk Alpha, I have your image.

1026. I can confirm identity of Steve Wedding and guest.

1027. Access is authorized.

1028. - That checks out, sir. - Yes.

1029. Here are your passes. If you'd like to go down the corridor

1030. on the left and up on to the fourth floor.

1031. Fish.

1032. Something ain't right about them.

1033. I can smell it.

1034. You said that four times today.

1035. Nah, this time's different.

1036. You said that three times.

1037. Oh, there's trouble brewing.

1038. Or my name ain't Jake Steel.

1039. Your name isn't Jake Steel, it's Kevin.

1040. It's Kevin.

1041. Team Boiled Celery, gear up and start making

1042. your way down to the Polybius room.

1043. I hate this jumper, it's like I have sandpaper on my nipples.

1044. - Tell me about it. - Okay,

1045. let's switch the phones back to local control.

1046. - Uh, here we go again.

1047. Ah, Vocal, I can't disconnect the call override without raising alarms.

1048. If that phone rings, you have to answer it.

1049. - Okay, gotcha. - It'll be fine.

1050. - The phone's not going to ring.

1051. Uh, it's Andrienna Cavachuti from accounting.

1052. She's calling a pharmacist.

1053. I think this might be your bag.

1054. They're my heist pants.

1055. Um, hello there, Amblin Pharmacy.

1056. How can I help you?

1057. Um, yeah, can I just pop you on hold there, Miss Cavachuti?

1058. Line two, John from HR.

1059. He's calling his wife.

1060. - Hello, dear. - No, she's older than that.

1061. - Hello, dear. - She's not that old.

1062. Hello, dear.

1063. Why not, We'll meet down at the park.

1064. Go t'pub and stay out t'rain.

1065. Team Soaring Eagle of Destiny, do you read me?

1066. Um, there are no, um, what...

1067. - Screws? - No.

1068. Let me have a go.

1069. Okay.

1070. You can do this.

1071. Well, that was grate!

1072. No, thermal exhaust port.

1073. Let's go.

1074. Now, Mr. Peterson, your colonoscopy

1075. has been moved to Tuesday.

1076. You actually have yoga tomorrow.

1077. Team Boiled Celery, walk straight up to the scanner.

1078. Greetings, Antony Agonist.

1079. What fantastic hands you have.

1080. Okay, we're in.

1081. Are you sure this is going to work?

1082. Well, their facial topography system

1083. is a little iffy, but I think

1084. the hack of the face database has worked.

1085. Don't bother, Cube, I've got a nice dependable low-tech solution.

1086. What are you doing? Follow my plan!

1087. - Identity confirmed.

1088. Your face looks amazing, Antony. Really great.

1089. Unbelievable.

1090. Yes, I had an accident.

1091. No, it was my fault.

1092. I really did a really bad one.

1093. I did a boo boo.

1094. Okay, we are still waiting on Jarred.

1095. What is taking him so long?

1096. Come on, man.

1097. You can do this. Come on.

1098. Blue skies in.

1099. Gray skies out.

1100. I'm going in.

1101. - Hello? - Jarred.

1102. What can I do for you, Jarred?

1103. Well, I was just wondering...

1104. what... um, how, how's it going?

1105. I'm well.

1106. How are you?

1107. A bit blocked up actually.

1108. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

1109. No, I'm sorry.

1110. Why does my mouth and brain not work together?

1111. Listen, if there isn't anything else,

1112. I have work to do.

1113. I know what you're saying, pet,

1114. but you really need to just take a step back

1115. and have a look at it from her perspective.

1116. You know what I mean like?

1117. Come on, Jarred. You are the sweatiest,

1118. slickest man I've ever met.

1119. You can do this, mate.

1120. Okay.

1121. I could leave or I could stay here...

1122. and talk to you more.

1123. And what do we have to talk about?

1124. Well, I want to talk to you about that beautiful...

1125. hunk of machinery on the wall over there.

1126. You like lawnmowers?

1127. Are you kidding me?

1128. I love a lawnmower!

1129. Man, a bit of a collector actually, yeah.

1130. Got quite a few interesting pieces.

1131. Tell me about your piece.

1132. I mean, your lawnmower pieces.

1133. Well, I'd have to say my favorite would have to be

1134. The Grassinator X98 Titanium.

1135. There's just nothing better than a ride-on mower, is there?

1136. No, there isn't.

1137. Sometimes I just feel it, you know?

1138. Just getting your leg over,

1139. and then I take my time, slowly easing into

1140. that triple sprung cushioned seat.

1141. Nestle myself right in, becoming one with it, you know?

1142. Easing myself in there.

1143. Getting comfortable and then when I'm ready...

1144. I turn on the engine and I feel the rumbling underneath me.

1145. Oh, the purring of potential.

1146. - Oh, can you imagine that? - Yes.

1147. Well, now, imagine me putting my foot on the pedal gently,

1148. just to help the engine warm up.

1149. - Then when it's ready,

1150. I'm going to put the pedal to the metal,

1151. and I'm going to mow that lawn.

1152. Oh, man. Woo!

1153. Now that is what I call satisfaction.

1154. Jarred, what are you doing later?

1155. Anything you want me to.

1156. Good man, Jarred. Well done.

1157. Okay, we have to get him out of there.

1158. Can I put you on hold for a minute there, Mr. Lawson?

1159. I'm just going to call the hotel in Lanzerotti on your behalf.

1160. Excuse me one second.

1161. You're needed downstairs.

1162. I'm so sorry, I've got to go.

1163. Security never takes a day off.

1164. But I hope to see you soon.

1165. Yes, very soon.

1166. Yeah.

1167. Yeah.

1168. Okay, get that over to Yiannis.

1169. You have t-minus 20 minutes.

1170. I'm on my way.

1171. Oh, wait a minute.

1172. Relocating the Polybius?

1173. Who authorized this?

1174. I'm going for a walk.

1175. My instinct's twitching something fierce.

1176. I bet it is.

1177. Uh-uh. Where is he going?

1178. Wait up, wait up, I'm coming.

1179. Get this to The Cube, ASAP.

1180. I will make this occurrence happen.

1181. - Christine. - I told you, it's Dr. Ashen.

1182. What do you want, I'm very busy.

1183. What's this about moving the Polybius?

1184. Yes, I have some concerns about security in the Polybius room.

1185. Let's go.

1186. Explain. No, show me.

1187. I'll see you there.

1188. Look sharp, guys. You've got company coming your way.

1189. - What are they doing here? - I don't know.

1190. My cowboy sense is tingling.

1191. Kevin, can we just go back?

1192. Not until we've checked this area.

1193. Clear!

1194. Unbelievable.

1195. Jarred and Annalise, there's no way you're making it

1196. to the override with those two hanging around.

1197. You need to deal with them and you're going to need to do it quickly.

1198. Count to 30 and then distract the guard.

1199. - What are you going to do? - Something I saw in a movie once.

1200. There's movies about ironing?

1201. Oh, good job, Yiannis.

1202. - Yes. - Okay, I go walking

1203. - and be outlook. - Lookout.

1204. Ah.

1205. Now, the motion detectors.

1206. Okay, gentlemen, the code should be on the door.

1207. It's all Greek to me.

1208. That's not helpful, Ashens.

1209. No, literally.

1210. This is the most bizarre security system.

1211. Yiannis!

1212. Cube, get Yiannis!

1213. I do not believe your free market is truly free.

1214. - Sorry, give us a sec. - I'll go find him.

1215. Your food is unoriginal and derivative.

1216. One time we need him.

1217. Cube, hurry up!

1218. Don't worry, I'm on it.

1219. Vocal, hurry!

1220. Come on, guys, the clock is ticking.

1221. He's here, he's here, he's here.

1222. Yiannis, what does this say?

1223. Uh, turn the handle left to open.

1224. What?

1225. Well, that was a lot less complicated than I anticipated.

1226. Yes.

1227. Guys, guys, over here! I need your help!

1228. Wait, wait, wait, something's not right.

1229. - I'm going to call this in. - Don't you dare!

1230. This is my bust and I ain't giving

1231. anyone else the credit for taking it down.

1232. Kevin, don't go in there.

1233. - It's Jake. Jake Steel.

1234. I'm a security expert trained in two martial arts.

1235. I got the reflexes of a ninja,

1236. the stealth of a cat, and clean CRB check.

1237. Oh, God, Kevin.

1238. Oh, what did you just do?

1239. Oh, that didn't happen in the movie.

1240. - Ah, let's get out of here. - Yeah, okay.

1241. Go, go, go.

1242. We need to get this override pulled now

1243. or this will all fall apart.

1244. - Jake, I mean Kevin.

1245. Oh, that's not good.

1246. This?

1247. Oh, it's nothing.

1248. Just a flesh wound.

1249. Ah, I got worse in 'Nam.

1250. You didn't serve in Vietnam.

1251. No, Nam, my local Vietnamese restaurant.

1252. I've had food poisoning there multiple times.

1253. - I'm going to call an ambulance. - Not necessary.

1254. - I'll be fine. - Okay, let's get you up,

1255. and we'll get you a first aid kit.

1256. Sounds good...

1257. partner.

1258. - Okay, now...

1259. focus, Stuart.

1260. You can do this.

1261. Take a deep breath, take your time.

1262. Don't take too much time.

1263. What I'm trying to say is take exactly

1264. the right amount of time.

1265. Not too slow, but then again, not too fast.

1266. Don't rush, but also make sure you don't dilly dally.

1267. You'll only get one chance to do this.

1268. No pressure.

1269. You've started well. You've got ages to go though.

1270. You're the slowest man I know, Ashens.

1271. Slower, Ashens.

1272. Slower...

1273. Ashens.

1274. I believe in you, Stuart. I'll support you always,

1275. except in certain legal eventualities.

1276. You're not helping.

1277. You're almost there now, but you could still screw it up real bad.

1278. Really not helping.

1279. Lasers deactivated.

1280. Have a nice day.

1281. Fantastic!

1282. Now, Soaring Eagles, just pull the override

1283. and we'll be able to remotely hot wire that door.

1284. We have liftoff.

1285. - Yes. - Nice!

1286. We are in position.

1287. All right, Ashens, I am sending you the signal now.

1288. Say again, please repeat.

1289. Where is that coming from?

1290. I've isolated all possible sources.

1291. Sorry.

1292. Okay, Ashens, I'm sending the signal

1293. through... now.

1294. Proceed with extreme caution.

1295. Shall we?

1296. How dare she move the Polybius without me.

1297. How dare she!

1298. Give me a second here.

1299. Hi, I'm Stuart.

1300. I think you've been expecting me.

1301. So, you're Father's favorite child?

1302. You don't look so great to me.

1303. - Ashens? - Oh, oh, sorry.

1304. How long have you been there?

1305. I came into the room with you.

1306. I mean, I've been here the whole time.

1307. I was standing just there.

1308. I mean, I was a couple steps back.

1309. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - How long have we been in the room?

1310. - Five or ten. - Well, that's how long

1311. I've been, I've been here as long as we've,

1312. because we came in together when...

1313. Sorry, sorry.

1314. Let's get this thing.

1315. Uh, just tip it towards you, yep.

1316. - Okay, to me. - Three, two, one, go!

1317. I can't.

1318. Oh, oh, that ain't moving.

1319. So, I've noticed a flaw in our plan.

1320. Yeah.

1321. Give me your screwdriver.

1322. Cheers.

1323. - What are you doing? - Hang on.

1324. Yes, right here. Ah.

1325. This is all we need. The rest are just standard components,

1326. but this is the key to everything.

1327. Good thinking.

1328. The eagle is in the nest.

1329. I repeat, the eagle is in the nest.

1330. - What? - I mean, the Polybius is in my hand.

1331. I've, I've got the Polybius.

1332. Well, I don't want to spoil your fun,

1333. but we've got five minutes until the system resets,

1334. and the CCTV catches us. So, get out of there!

1335. Hello, Dr. Ashen.

1336. You must obey me.

1337. I am your boss.

1338. I am the boss of bosses.

1339. Come on, Ant, you got this. You're the man!

1340. You are the man! Hey!

1341. How you doing?

1342. How, uh, long have you been standing there?

1343. Never mind, good.

1344. Go with that.

1345. Yeah, we're just sightseeing.

1346. And your building's brilliant.

1347. Great job, we're going now.

1348. - Bye. - Wait.

1349. I get it now.

1350. You're trying to steal the Polybius!

1351. And now I'm here to ruin all your plans.

1352. No wonder your dad left you all those years ago.

1353. Benny!

1354. What are you doing?

1355. Thank you very much.

1356. You lose again, Dr. Ashen.

1357. Wait, did your best friend just

1358. betray you?

1359. Oh, my God, that is too much.

1360. Your whole life people have been letting you down, haven't they?

1361. You loser!

1362. You're not going to get away with this.

1363. You, you loser.

1364. No!

1365. There's something for your fifth autobiography.

1366. You dick.

1367. All right, uh, Team Soaring Eagle of Destiny,

1368. and Team Boiled Celery, everything's going well.

1369. We do have a few alarms, so everyone needs to get out of there right now!

1370. - Intruder alert.

1371. Intruder alert.

1372. Authorities notified.

1373. Two minutes!

1374. Upper quadrant lockdown.

1375. Please scan again to de-escalate.

1376. Database reconfiguring.

1377. Please do not move.

1378. Scanning, scanning, scanning, scanning,

1379. scanning, scan complete.

1380. Hello, Simon Pegg, media ambassador.

1381. - One minute left.

1382. Where are they? Did they make it out?

1383. Cyber Ops is down. Cyber Ops is down!

1384. Oh, fine, eye in the sky is down.

1385. My overrides have been completely shutout.

1386. I can't access anything. This isn't part of my plan.

1387. Well, it is now, mate.

1388. Come on, Cube, do something.

1389. All right, what would Ashens do?

1390. I've got an idea.

1391. Wait, Ashens, stop.

1392. We've got police heading to the front door.

1393. Head down the stairs, then directly to sub-exit 99P.

1394. I'm going to get Vocal to clear the security guards.

1395. Unit Alpha, the intruders have been spotted

1396. in the east wing.

1397. Unit Omega, move to the west wing.

1398. Unit Zeta, move down to the basement.

1399. - Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...

1400. - ... five, four, three, two, one.

1401. - And they are out of there. - Yes!

1402. The babies are thrown out with the bath water.

1403. Nice one, Cube.

1404. Let's go!

1405. Come on then, let's see it.

1406. I don't have it.

1407. What do you mean you don't have it?

1408. I mean, Benny stole the chip.

1409. He played me like a fiddle or a cello or a double bass

1410. or some sort of bloody stringed instrument.

1411. He betrayed us.

1412. - What are you saying, I... - Enough!

1413. Stop the van, just stop the bloody van!

1414. Ashens, where are you going?

1415. Stuart, come back!

1416. He is no longer in the vehicle.

1417. I keep telling you we're not

1418. that kind of collections agency!

1419. Hi, Stuart.

1420. Oh, hi, Chris. What are you doing here?

1421. Drop it, Stuart. I saw you on CCTV and I figured out the rest,

1422. including Jarred.

1423. Look, I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you...

1424. I don't want to talk about it now.

1425. I take it Benny running off wasn't part of the plan?

1426. I'm sorry.

1427. Stuart...

1428. why do you want the Polybius?

1429. Well, you know, it's very dangerous,

1430. - isn't it, and... - Stuart, come on.

1431. I thought if I could get hold of it,

1432. then maybe it would give us some peace.

1433. Uh, maybe I could work out why it was so important that he had to desert us.

1434. - How? - I'm not as naive as you think I am.

1435. It's called GPS.

1436. As soon as you started sniffing around I put a bug on it.

1437. Now, what are you going to do?

1438. First, I've got some people to apologise to.

1439. I love this crew.

1440. Honestly, you're the nicest people I've ever met.

1441. Everybody leaves me.

1442. Just as I was starting to like him.

1443. So, I'm sorry I stormed off.

1444. I needed some time to think

1445. and there's something I want to say.

1446. I know I haven't been the easiest bugger to work with,

1447. but what we just pulled off,

1448. the most amazing heist ever,

1449. is something we can all be proud of.

1450. Now, I know where Benny and the Polybius are.

1451. I'm going to go and get it,

1452. and I would love it if you would finish this job with me.

1453. Betrayal made you quit.

1454. Hope brought you back.

1455. It has been an honour and pleasure

1456. to work with you. Of course we will.

1457. Okay, here's the plan.

1458. Benny.

1459. Ashens. You surprise me again.

1460. Why'd you do it, Benny?

1461. Oh, I don't know, Ashens.

1462. I got tired of your arrogance.

1463. Of you always wanting to control everything.

1464. All I wanted was my name on the door.

1465. And even that was too much for you.

1466. If I'd have known it meant that much to you, Benny,

1467. - I'd have had your name tattooed across my chest. - What?

1468. Tattooed?

1469. I said, I wanted it on the door.

1470. Yeah, no, I was emphasizing a point.

1471. Ah.

1472. Yeah, I get it.

1473. Anyway, a few months ago

1474. I was approached by someone

1475. who did see the value in my work.

1476. At last, my name would be famous!

1477. Who?

1478. Oh, I think you might know him.

1479. Hello, boy.

1480. Daddy?

1481. Stuarticus.

1482. It's Stuart now, just Stuart.

1483. Or should I call you Ashens?

1484. No, let's not.

1485. Stand up straight, boy.

1486. I must congratulate you on retrieving the Polybius.

1487. I could never recapture what went into my original work.

1488. And with my limited resources,

1489. I was unable to get the chip without your help.

1490. Your little friend Benny was very helpful

1491. in facilitating that.

1492. Why didn't you ever try and contact us?

1493. Because I couldn't compromise my security.

1494. The military are still looking for me,

1495. but now that I have a fully operational Polybius...

1496. I can finish what I started!

1497. Nothing was more important than the Polybius.

1498. Not even your own family.

1499. Stuart, this is the culmination of my life.

1500. How could I look you and Christine in the eye as a failure?

1501. What we needed was our father!

1502. Perhaps.

1503. I have a proposal for you.

1504. I would like you to join me.

1505. In what?

1506. After my final test,

1507. I... we are to embark

1508. on a wondrous journey!

1509. Why are you still testing?

1510. - I don't understand. - What do you mean?

1511. Can't you see how important this is?

1512. No.

1513. No, I can't.

1514. After all these years it's pointless.

1515. Look, I know that this is important to you,

1516. but it is not important to me.

1517. Just as a suspected.

1518. There was always a little too much of your mother in you.

1519. Take him up.

1520. No!

1521. Wake him up.

1522. Look, son, look at what I've created for us.

1523. With this I shall be able to test the Polybius

1524. on every person playing a game

1525. - for thousands of miles.

1526. Chris, what are you doing here?

1527. I followed you here from...

1528. Daddy?

1529. - Daddy, is that you? - Oh, good.

1530. So you were able to join us after all, Christine.

1531. So nice to have us all together again.

1532. What's going on?

1533. You are both about to witness

1534. something truly amazing.

1535. After all these years, at last my final test.

1536. No, you can't! It's too dangerous!

1537. I have awaited this moment my whole life.

1538. - The time is now.

1539. - Benny! - Sorry.

1540. Sorry.

1541. Get the extension lead, man.

1542. Sorry, it's all the drama.

1543. At last, the hour of greatness is upon us.

1544. Yes, yes!

1545. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

1546. What's happening?

1547. How did they take it offline?

1548. Okay, we have to shut it off. I'll just unplug it.

1549. No, if we cut the power the capacitor will pulse

1550. and that could kill anyone affected.

1551. We need to short it out somehow.

1552. Chris, do you still have the Ashen coin?

1553. No, no!

1554. What have you done?

1555. Father, Father, we have to go.

1556. No, I can't come now.

1557. Come on, let's get out of here.

1558. Go, go, go, go, go.

1559. Go.

1560. No!

1561. No!

1562. No!

1563. Woo!

1564. Woo.

1565. What happened to father? Did he make it out?

1566. I don't know, Chris. I... I don't know.

1567. Why? Why did he do it?

1568. We'll never know, but it doesn't matter anymore.

1569. You know that.

1570. I suppose it doesn't.

1571. Come on, we should go.

1572. No, thanks. I think I'm going to go home and figure out

1573. what to do with my life.

1574. You know what you're doing, Chris. You'll be fine.

1575. Thank you, Stuart.

1576. Come on, guys. In the van and back to the warehouse.

1577. - Well done, guys.

1578. Come through, you beautiful people. You did it.

1579. Come on through, come on through, come on through.

1580. I'm so proud of you guys.

1581. Stuart, I knew you could do it.

1582. Chef didn't believe in you one second.

1583. He said, it was a waste of time and resources.

1584. There's a weird tension between you guys,

1585. but I, I always believed in you.

1586. I'm sure you did, Geoff.

1587. Right, I think this calls for a drink to celebrate.

1588. - I second that.

1589. Way ahead of you, man. Chef?

1590. - Oh, fancy.

1591. - You're going to love it. - It's cheap rubbish.

1592. Is it Cava? I think it's Cava. Is it Cava?

1593. - Something's dead in mine. - Well, I would like

1594. - to propose a toast. - Here, here.

1595. - Hey! - I like toast.

1596. Um, may I?

1597. Sure, go ahead.

1598. Good luck, mate.

1599. Um, uh, we have...

1600. uh, no, um...

1601. We've done what no one else could.

1602. Certainly what no one else thought we could.

1603. Our success is testament to our skill,

1604. commitment, and teamwork.

1605. And I just wanted to say what an absolute pleasure it's been to meet you all,

1606. and a real privilege to work with you.

1607. Cheers.

1608. - Cheers.

1609. Whoa, Yiannis, your English has really improved.

1610. Oh, thank you very much. Yes, the cassettes really were very effective.

1611. Well, enjoy each other's company, everyone,

1612. because this is the last time we can all be together.

1613. Uh, what about the Pub Quiz next week?

1614. - Oh, yeah. - I forgot about that.

1615. Yeah, I heard the prize this week is a tray full of meat.

1616. - Oh! We can't miss that. - Well, no, of course.

1617. Guys, guys, guys, so, Pub Quiz next Wednesday,

1618. and that is the last time we can all be together.

1619. No, I've got a group voucher for the bird sanctuary.

1620. - They've got eagles now. - Soaring eagles!

1621. Oh, it's totally my destiny to see those eagles.

1622. - I did a callback. - Ah, snap.

1623. Right, best plan I reckon is check the group calendar

1624. and the last thing booked in,

1625. that will be the last time we can all be together.

1626. - Unless somebody gets one of those bus tickets. - Hey, guys, come look at this.

1627. The possibly illegal practices of Antony Agonist,

1628. the trading of shares of his company has been suspended

1629. while he's been put on leave by the board of directors.

1630. - Agonist now faces financial ruin...

1631. - It's so good. - Can you believe it?

1632. What a loser, I'm going to buy his company

1633. - just because I can. - Pay your taxes.

1634. I take it that was your doing?

1635. Well, your unfound accusations

1636. about me leaking gave me the idea.

1637. I just got all his personal files and released them.

1638. Thinking of calling myself CubeLeaks.

1639. - Like files, not physically. - Got it.

1640. Yeah, you understand, you get it, yeah?

1641. I understand exactly what you mean,

1642. and I just wanted to say thank you.

1643. We couldn't have done without you.

1644. No, you couldn't. And you're welcome.

1645. Hello, everyone.

1646. Hello, fella, good to see you.

1647. - What happened to the other guy? - Oh, he died.

1648. It's very sad.

1649. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

1650. - How much money did you get?

1651. Uh, 195,888 pound.

1652. What?

1653. - Money!

1654. I love money!

1655. - Turns out people really love heists. - Well, that was unexpected.

1656. - What are we going to do with the money? - We could go on a holiday.

1657. One of those sun-filled happy family holidays.

1658. Yes, those are never stressful or cause tension.

1659. Yeah, I could with a holiday. Where should we go?

1660. Oh, what about Grimsby, oh Grimsville, uh, Grimesville?

1661. I've always wanted to go somewhere where it like sounds like that.

1662. Fun fact about the word grim,

1663. it derives from the old Dutch word meaning fisherman.

1664. And ville means village.

1665. Fisherman's village. Facts!

1666. Um, what's my Visa status by the way?

1667. Am I settled or not? I'm still rather confused about your country.

1668. Do you have the following comic books:

1669. "Kill Avenger Number 47," "Hunter Force Number 25,"

1670. also do you have "New Detective Comics 109,"

1671. the special edition in the Old English language?

1672. Also, why have you not moved the comics to the front like I asked?

1673. I said last week it would look so much better if you just them in the front here.

1674. I don't know why you never listen to me. I literally know what's best for the store.

1675. I've been going here for years. I just want satisfaction, okay?

1676. As a customer and someone who would work here.

1677. I just want satisfaction. Satisfaction, satisfaction!

1678. I like your 'tache.

1679. Thank you, I grew it myself.

1680. Don't tell anyone I was here.

1681. Get your signed autobiographies here

1682. about the famed but now totally bankrupt

1683. entrepreneur, Antony Agonist.

1684. Not ghost written like many autobiographies.

1685. Got any vinyl?

1686. Do I have any vinyl?

1687. Do I have any vinyl?

1688. Does it look like I have any vinyl?

1689. - You losers! - Go!

1690. Oh, I wish people would stop doing that to me.

1691. I'm a genius!

1692. I'm a freaking stable genius!

1693. I hate it here.

1694. Everything's so used and old.

1695. - Hello? - Hello, Jarred?

1696. Oh, Christine.

1697. Look, I am so sorry about what happened.

1698. You've been a very naughty boy, Jarred.

1699. Oh, oh, I have been naughty.

1700. Really naughty.

1701. Will you forgive me?

1702. Convince me.

1703. Well, picture us mowing a lawn together,

1704. with an old school rotary mower. Sweating.

1705. Oh, Jarred.

1706. Goodbye!