1. I'll knock your block off, you
big stiff! You're a bum!
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2. Strike! You're out!
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3. Elmer, here it is.
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4. - I knew you'd find it.
- Boy, I could sure use a drink.
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5. I wonder if any big shots are
getting married today?
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6. Looks like the same suckers
get married every day.
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7. Come on.
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8. Hey, the guy with the cheaters.
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9. Now what's he hiding from?
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10. - Hey, isn't that Mortimer Brewster?
- Mortimer Brewster, the dramatic critic?
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11. No, it's not him. But what a scoop it'd be!
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12. The guy who wrote The Bachelor's
Bible finally getting hooked himself.
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13. No, it's too good to be true.
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14. Come on, let's snap the mayor in
his new fire helmet and go home.
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15. Say, let's stick around, see who the guy is.
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16. Two-by-two they come and go, hip-hip-hiyay.
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17. Good morning, children. Your name, please?
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18. - Elaine Harper.
- Speak a little louder.
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19. Elaine Harper.
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20. Er, thank you. Yours?
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21. - Mortimer Brewster.
- How's that?
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22. Mortimer Brewster.
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23. Speak up, sonny. There's
nothing to be afraid of.
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24. No, no, no. Just...
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25. Look, I...
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26. Look, I want to keep this undercover.
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27. Love her? Of course you love her.
You're gonna marry her, ain't ya?
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28. No, you don't understand. Come
here. Come here.
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29. You see, I don't want this to
get out for a while.
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30. I'm Mortimer Brewster.
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31. Uh, you're who?
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32. Mortimer Brew...
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33. That's him!
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34. Now, Mr. Brewster!
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35. Mr. Brewster!
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36. Now, look, don't you...
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37. Goodbye, dear.
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38. Don't you understand? How can I marry you?
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39. Me, the symbol of bachelorhood!
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40. I've sneered at every love
scene and every play.
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41. I've written four million
words against marriage!
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42. Not only hooked, but to a
minister's daughter,
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43. and not only a minister's
daughter, but a girl from Brooklyn.
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44. Now look at you. Look at the way you look!
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45. What is that infernal
contraption you've got there?
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46. Well, that's a pin I borrowed
from your aunt's.
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47. You know what they say, Mortimer,
something borrowed and something...
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48. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that bromide.
Something borrowed and something blue.
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49. Old, new.
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50. Rice and old shoes. Carry you
over the threshold.
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51. Niagara Falls. All that silly
tripe I've made fun of for years.
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52. Is this what I've come to?
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53. I can't go through with it. I
won't marry you and that's that.
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54. - Yes, Mortimer.
- What do you mean, Yes, Mortimer?
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55. Aren't you insulted? Aren't
you going to cry?
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56. Aren't you going to make a scene?
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57. - No, Mortimer.
- No. And don't, No, Mortimer me, either!
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58. Don't you see, marriage is a superstition!
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59. It's... It's old-fashioned.
It's... I... I...
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60. Oh.
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61. Come.
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62. O'Hara, don't be a jerk. You
don't seem to realize
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63. I'm turning over to you the
nicest, best beat in Brooklyn.
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64. Now look at that old church.
And them old houses.
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65. Did George Washington ever do
any sleeping around here?
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66. Of course he did. Why, this whole
neighborhood just stinks with atmosphere.
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67. - And look at that old house there.
- The original owners still living there?
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68. Now, don't crack wise about
the Brewster sisters.
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69. They're two of the dearest, sweetest
old ladies that ever walked the Earth.
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70. They're out of this world.
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71. They're like, uh... They're
like pressed rose leaves.
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72. Pressed rose leaves?
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73. Hey, the old girls must be
kind of hard up, huh?
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74. Oh, no. Their old man left
them fixed for life.
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75. And don't you call them the girls, either.
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76. Brophy, is Lieutenant around?
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77. If they're so well-heeled,
what are they renting rooms for?
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78. They don't rent rooms. But you can bet
if anybody came around looking for a room,
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79. they wouldn't go away without a good meal
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80. and probably a couple of bucks
in their pocket.
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81. That's just their way of
digging up people to do good to.
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82. Oh, Reverend Harper, I do hope
you don't disapprove of Mortimer
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83. just because he's a dramatic critic
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84. and takes your daughter to the
theater every night.
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85. Well, it's not so much that I
disapprove of his being a critic
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86. but no man, no man with this
published attitude on marriage
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87. should take any man's daughter
anyplace... At any time.
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88. I must be catching cold.
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89. No, dear. It was Reverend
Harper who sneezed. Bless you.
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90. We mustn't be angry with Mortimer.
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91. He's so very much in love with her.
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92. And Sister Martha and I are so
happy about it.
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93. He used to come to see us only
occasionally, and now,
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94. now he's in Brooklyn six nights a week!
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95. Remember now, watch your language.
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96. Well, Sergeant, you know I'm
not a swearing man.
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97. You'd be surprised what they'd
consider swearing.
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98. Oh, will you excuse me?
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99. No, no, Teddy, dear. Thank you. I'll go.
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100. - Oh! Come right in, Mr. Brophy.
- Miss Abby, we came for the toys.
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101. - Oh, yes.
- Now, this is Officer O'Hara.
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102. He's taking over my beat.
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103. - How do you do, miss?
- Well, welcome
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104. - to our neighborhood, Mr. O'Hara.
- Thank you.
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105. Gentlemen, what news have you brought me?
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106. Colonel, we have nothing to report.
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107. Oh, no, absolutely nothing to report.
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108. Splendid!
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109. Thank you, gentlemen. At ease.
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110. Er, you know the Reverend Dr.
Harper from the church next door?
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111. - No.
- Sure. Hello, Reverend.
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112. Uh, this is Officer O'Hara,
the new man on the beat.
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113. How do you do, sir? It's nice to meet you.
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114. Uh, the toys are on the chair
up here, by the library door.
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115. Oh. Uh, Teddy, will you run upstairs
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116. and bring down your army and
navy from Aunt Martha's room.
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117. They're all packed.
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118. That's splendid work you men do, fixing
up discarded toys for the kids at camp.
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119. Charge!
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120. Oh, it gives us something to do while
we're sitting around at the station.
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121. You get tired of playing cards.
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122. - Oh, so these are the toys?
- How's Mrs. Brophy?
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123. Oh, she's better, thank you.
But a little weak, still.
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124. Well, I'm going to get some
beef broth for you to take to her.
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125. Oh, Miss Abby, please don't
bother. You've done so much already.
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126. Oh, stop the nonsense! I won't be a minute.
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127. Gentlemen, if I know what pure
kindness and absolute generosity are
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128. it's because I've known the
Brewster sisters.
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129. Now, Teddy, you promised me
you wouldn't do that anymore.
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130. But I have to call a cabinet meeting
to get the release of those supplies.
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131. Now don't do that again. Do you hear me?
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132. He used to do that in the
middle of the night
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133. and the neighbors raised Cain with me.
They're a little afraid of him anyway.
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134. Look, Sergeant, I promised you I
wouldn't swear, but what the heck...
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135. What's going on here anyway?
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136. - Oh, he's quite harmless.
- He thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt.
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137. So what? There's a lot of
worse guys he could think he was.
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138. Yeah?
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139. That's right.
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140. I'll make a note of that. He's
a very interesting character.
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141. Isn't it a shame, Father...
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142. Isn't it a shame, Reverend,
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143. that a nice family like this
should be hatching a cuckoo?
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144. Oh! Well, now, isn't this nice!
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145. - Good afternoon, Miss Brewster.
- How do you do, Mr. Brophy?
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146. - Good afternoon, Miss Brewster.
- Reverend Harper, how do you do?
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147. Miss Martha, this is Officer
O'Hara. He's taking over my duties.
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148. How do you do, ma'am?
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149. - Well, I'm very glad to know you!
- Thank you.
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150. - Oh!
- Martha, you're back.
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151. Here's the broth for Mrs.
Brophy. Be sure it's good and hot.
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152. You bet I will, and thank you very much.
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153. The army and navy are ready for action.
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154. Oh, Colonel, this is grand.
It'll make a lot of kids happy.
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155. What's this? The Oregon?
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156. Oh, Teddy, dear, put it back.
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157. - But the Oregon goes to Australia.
- Now, Teddy...
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158. No, it goes to Australia.
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159. - These are lovely. Thank you very much.
- Oh, not at all.
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160. - The children will be going crazy.
- Ah, now, don't mention it.
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161. Well, so long, Colonel.
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162. Hey, Sarge.
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163. Huh? Oh, yes.
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164. Dismissed!
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165. - Well, goodbye and thank you.
- Goodbye!
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166. - Don't mention it.
- Bye.
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167. Careful of the step there now with the toys.
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168. Good night.
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169. Young man, let that be a lesson to you.
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170. Goodbye!
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171. Well...
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172. - Well, I must be going.
- Charge!
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173. Charge the blockhouse!
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174. Blockhouse?
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175. Oh, the stairs are always San Juan Hill.
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176. - Oh... I see.
- Bless you!
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177. Have you tried to persuade him
he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
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178. - Oh, no!
- Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
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179. Oh, do you remember, Martha?
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180. Once, a long time ago, we
thought if he'd be George Washington
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181. it might be a change for him,
and we suggested it.
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182. And do you know what happened?
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183. He just stayed under his bed
for days and wouldn't be anybody.
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184. Well, if he's happy, and what's
more important, you're happy...
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185. Oh, our only worry for Teddy
is after we're gone.
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186. Yes, indeed. That is quite a problem.
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187. But Mortimer's made all the
arrangements for Teddy
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188. to go to Happy Dale Sanitarium
after we pass on.
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189. - Splendid idea! A very pleasant place.
- Yes.
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190. Dear, sweet Reverend Harper.
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191. You know, Martha, I really do
believe he's beginning to see the light.
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192. I'm sure we needn't worry about him.
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193. He won't interfere with our
plans for Mortimer and Elaine.
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194. - Oh, did you just have tea?
- Yes.
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195. And dinner's going to be late, too.
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196. So, why?
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197. Teddy!
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198. Oh, Teddy, good news for you.
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199. You're going to Panama and dig
another lock for the canal.
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200. Delighted!
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201. That's bully! Just bully!
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202. I shall prepare at once for the journey.
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203. Charge!
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204. Abby! While I was out?
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205. Yes, dear. I just couldn't wait for you.
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206. I didn't know when you'd be
back, and Reverend Harper was coming.
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207. - Oh, but all by yourself.
- Oh, I got along fine.
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208. - I'll run right downstairs and see.
- No, no, dear.
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209. There wasn't time. And I was all alone.
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210. - Well?
- Martha...
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211. Just look in the window seat.
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212. - Oh, it's Elaine!
- Hello, darlings!
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213. - But, Elaine!
- What did she mean?
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214. - You don't suppose they've gone and...
- Oh.
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215. Elaine!
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216. Oh, let's go.
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217. - Listen, buddy.
- What?
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218. This old cab has seen osculation, but...
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219. You ain't seen anything yet.
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220. - You're going to drive us to the station.
- You better take her hat.
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221. - Oh, thanks.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
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222. And her brooch.
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223. Oh, if you find her hairpins,
you can keep 'em.
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224. - Hold on to that, will you?
- Yeah.
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225. There they are.
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226. Here's your hat.
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227. Just throw it. I don't like
that look in your eyes.
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228. Why, what's the matter with it?
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229. Father preached a sermon about
it only last Sunday.
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230. He did? He did. What did he
say? What did he say?
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231. - He was against it.
- Oh, but that was only Sunday.
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232. Please! For heaven's sake.
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233. But Mortimer, right out here in
the open, with everyone looking?
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234. Yes, right out here in the open,
with everyone looking. Mmm-hmm.
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235. Let everyone in Brooklyn over 16 look. Mmm!
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236. But Mortimer, you're going to
love me for my mind, too?
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237. One thing at a time.
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238. Oh, there's that look again!
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239. There's that look again, Mortimer!
You better get used to that look.
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240. You're gonna see it often. It
goes just before this. Mmm.
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241. Oh, you know what we're doing,
darling? We're wasting time.
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242. Look, I'll go tell my aunts
and you tell your old...
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243. No, you better not tell your
father just yet.
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244. You'll run that cold of his
into a pneumonia.
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245. Oh, I can handle Father. He's a dear.
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246. Look, uh, why don't we wire
him from Niagara Falls?
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247. Niagara Falls?
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248. So that's why you stopped at your office.
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249. Yes, certainly! We're going to
go the whole hog.
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250. Niagara Falls! Everybody ought
to go to Niagara Falls.
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251. You should've seen my secretary's
face when I made the reservation.
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252. We've a drawing room on the
train, the bridal suite in the hotel,
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253. and tomorrow morning we go
over the falls in a barrel.
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254. Oh, Mortimer!
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255. Go on, darling, hurry and pack.
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256. I don't have to. I started
packing the day after I met you.
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257. Uh-uh-uh. There, you see. You see?
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258. Uh-huh, that's what I mean.
That's what I hate about women.
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259. I wonder what Mary's doing now?
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260. Go on, darling, the train
leaves in an hour, and hurry.
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261. It'll be a few minutes before I'm ready.
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262. - Father may want to pray over me a little.
- All right. Whistle when you're ready.
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263. - Oh, Elaine?
- Yeah.
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264. And when you whistle, open the
front door fast.
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265. If you see a tall, dark streak
of light going shh, it's me.
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266. What? Now?
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267. No, not now!
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268. Look surprised when he tells us.
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269. Aunt Abby! Aunt Martha!
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270. Now hold on to your bustles.
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271. We're married. Elaine and I are married.
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272. Oh, darling, how wonderful!
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273. Oh, Martha, isn't it
wonderful? They're married!
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274. Yeah, don't pretend to be so
surprised either, you two old frauds.
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275. - Can I use the telephone, darling?
- Yes, of course.
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276. Oh, isn't it too, too wonderful?
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277. And to think that it happened
right here in this room!
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278. Oh, now, here, here, here, now.
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279. Hello? Hello, Benson's
Florists? This is Mortimer Brewster.
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280. Did you send those roses to
Mrs. Brewster at the parsonage?
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281. You did? Good.
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282. Now send four dozen more to
drawing room A, Canadian Limited,
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283. Grand Central Station.
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284. Yes, now, and hurry them. Oh, and
throw in a flock of orange blossoms.
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285. Oh! But before you go, we can
have our celebration.
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286. I'll open a bottle of wine and we'll sing.
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287. And we'll invite a few of the neighbors in.
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288. And, of course, a wedding cake!
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289. Oh, darling, you won't have
time to bake a cake.
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290. We're going to Niagara Falls.
I've got a taxi waiting.
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291. Oh, but, it's all ready. It's
been ready since...
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292. Yes, I bet it's been ready
since the first day I met Elaine.
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293. What is this? Did everybody in Brooklyn
know I was gonna get married except me?
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294. Oh, we knew you'd find out about it in time.
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295. Come here.
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296. I've got the two nicest aunts in the world.
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297. Of course, you've got the
nicest nephew in the world, too.
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298. Oh.
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299. Well, I'll run along and get
everything ready.
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300. Oh, dear. I do hope the
Reverend isn't too angry.
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301. You know how your books upset him.
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302. Well, I'm going to burn all my books.
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303. I'm gonna let the Reverend
Harper light the first match.
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304. - Oh.
- Oh. Mmm.
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305. By the way, did I leave some
notes here for my new book?
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306. You mean Mind Over Matrimony?
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307. Yeah, shh. Where are they?
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308. - Well, I hid them someplace...
- Come along. Come along.
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309. Now you behave.
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310. Let's find them before Elaine sees them.
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311. Hello, Mortimer.
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312. - How are you, Mr. President?
- Bully, thank you. Just bully.
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313. What news have you brought me?
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314. Just this, Mr. President, the
country's squarely behind you.
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315. Yes, I know. Isn't it wonderful?
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316. Well, goodbye. I'm off to Panama.
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317. Goodbye, Mr. President.
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318. A new lock for the canal, you know.
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319. Oh, tell the news to Mother
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320. Oh, dear.
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321. Did you find those notes? What's the matter?
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322. There's a baby picture of your
brother Jonathan.
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323. You ought to put that in the fire
with my books. My, my, what a face!
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324. I remember now. He used to
scare grownups with it.
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325. Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me.
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326. Do you remember how he used to
cut worms in two with his teeth?
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327. Jonathan? Oh, he's probably in
prison or hanged or something by now.
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328. I saw a play last week, had a
character in it reminded me of Jonathan.
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329. - No, really?
- Yeah.
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330. Oh, a honey of a lunatic. One of
those whodunits called Murder Will Out.
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331. - Oh, dear!
- Yeah, what a play.
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332. When the curtain goes up, the
first thing you see is a dead body.
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333. The next thing is...
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334. Hey, mister.
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335. - Happy bridegroom!
- Congratulations, darling!
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336. No, here... Now.
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337. Never mind that now, Aunt Abby.
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338. Now, listen, darlings.
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339. Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha,
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340. you know how we've always planned to
send Teddy to that sanitarium, Happy Dale?
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341. - Oh, yes, dear. That's after we're gone.
- Yes, very well.
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342. Yes, we talked with Reverend
Harper about it.
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343. No, no, Teddy's got to go to
Happy Dale now. At once!
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344. Now he's gone in the cellar,
get him up here right away.
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345. Well, there's no such hurry as that.
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346. No, when Teddy's working on the canal,
you can't get his mind on anything else.
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347. Well, look, darlings...
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348. Look, I'm frightfully sorry, but
I've got an awful shock for you.
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349. Teddy's killed a man, darlings!
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350. Oh. Nonsense.
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351. But there's a body in the window seat!
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352. Yes, dear. We know.
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353. - You know?
- Of course!
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354. Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy.
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355. Now, Mortimer. You just forget about it.
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356. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
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357. Forget?
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358. We never dreamed you'd peek.
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359. What the...
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360. Who... Who is he?
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361. He's a Mr. Hoskins. Adam Hoskins.
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362. That's really all I know about
him, except that he's a Methodist.
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363. Oh, he's a Methodist? Oh, isn't that nice.
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364. That's all you know? Well,
what's he doing here?
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365. - What happened to him?
- He died.
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366. Yeah... Look, Aunt Martha, men just
don't get into window seats and die!
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367. We know, dear. He died first.
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368. Yeah... Hold... Wait a minute.
Stop all this.
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369. Now look, darling, how did he die?
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370. Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive.
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371. The gentleman died because he
drank some wine with poison in it.
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372. Well, how did the poison get in the wine?
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373. Well, we put it in wine
because it's less noticeable.
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374. When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor.
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375. You mean you...
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376. You put it in the wine?
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377. Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins in
the window seat
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378. because Reverend Harper was coming.
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379. Oh!
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380. Oh, look at me, darling.
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381. You mean, you knew what you'd done
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382. and you didn't want the
Reverend Harper to see the body?
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383. Well, not at tea. That
wouldn't have been very nice.
Copy !req
384. Oh. It's first-degree!
Copy !req
385. Now, Mortimer, you know all
about it and just forget about it.
Copy !req
386. I do think that Martha and I have
the right to our own little secrets.
Copy !req
387. Oh, Abby, while I was out I dropped
in on Mrs. Schultz. She's much better.
Copy !req
388. But she would like us to take
Junior to the movies again.
Copy !req
389. Well, we must do that, tomorrow or next day.
Copy !req
390. Yes, but this time we'll go
where we want to go.
Copy !req
391. Junior's not going to drag me into
another one of those scary pictures.
Copy !req
392. No, they ought not to be allowed to
make such pictures just to frighten people.
Copy !req
393. Hang on a second.
Copy !req
394. Operator?
Copy !req
395. Can you hear my voice?
Copy !req
396. You can?
Copy !req
397. Are you sure?
Copy !req
398. Then I must be here.
Copy !req
399. Oh.
Copy !req
400. Is it... Here.
Copy !req
401. Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha. Uh...
Copy !req
402. Oh, the dears. Isn't Halloween
a wonderful time for them?
Copy !req
403. Yes, it is. They have so much fun.
Copy !req
404. Now, Mortimer, don't be so impatient.
Copy !req
405. - We'll let you lick the bowl up after.
- Lick the bowl?
Copy !req
406. I don't want to lick the bowl! I
want to know what we're going to do!
Copy !req
407. Well, we're going to celebrate, dear.
Copy !req
408. Celebrate? Look, Aunt Martha,
there's a body in the window seat!
Copy !req
409. Yes, dear. Mr. Hoskins.
Copy !req
410. Oh, I know what his name is. I just
want to know what we're going to do.
Copy !req
411. Can't turn you over to the police.
Copy !req
412. Well, for pity's sake, stop
worrying about it.
Copy !req
413. We told you to forget about the whole thing.
Copy !req
414. Forget? Look, my dear aunt Martha,
Copy !req
415. can't I make you realize that
something has to be done?
Copy !req
416. Oh, now, Mortimer, you behave.
Copy !req
417. You're too old to be flying
off the handle like this.
Copy !req
418. - But... But Mr. Hodgekiss...
- Hoskins, dear.
Copy !req
419. Well, whatever his name is, he's
dead and you can't leave him in there!
Copy !req
420. Well, we don't intend to, dear.
Copy !req
421. No, Teddy's down in the cellar
now, digging the lock.
Copy !req
422. Teddy...
Copy !req
423. Oh. You mean, you're going to
bury Mr. Hodgekiss in the cellar?
Copy !req
424. Oh, yes, dear. That's what we
did with the others.
Copy !req
425. The...
Copy !req
426. Look, here, Aunt Martha. You can't...
Copy !req
427. - Others?
- The other gentlemen.
Copy !req
428. Oh!
Copy !req
429. When you say others, do you mean others?
Copy !req
430. - More than one others?
- Oh, yes, dear.
Copy !req
431. Let me see now. This is 11, isn't it, Abby?
Copy !req
432. Oh, no, dear. This makes 12.
Copy !req
433. Oh, Abby, dear, I think you're
wrong. This one is only 11.
Copy !req
434. No, dear, because I remember
when Mr. Hoskins first came in
Copy !req
435. it occurred to me that he'd
make just an even dozen.
Copy !req
436. But, Abby, dear, I really don't
think you should count the first one.
Copy !req
437. Oh, I was counting the first
one, and that makes it 12.
Copy !req
438. It does?
Copy !req
439. Well, she's probably right. Abby usually is.
Copy !req
440. I get them mixed up sometimes.
Copy !req
441. Makes it 12.12.
Copy !req
442. Hello?
Copy !req
443. Oh.
Copy !req
444. Well! Whatever is the matter
with Mortimer today?
Copy !req
445. Why, Abby, what do you think
happened to him?
Copy !req
446. Hello?
Copy !req
447. Oh.
Copy !req
448. Not now. Not now. For heaven's
sake, keep your shirt on!
Copy !req
449. Oh, isn't that... Oh, Elaine,
I didn't mean... I...
Copy !req
450. Now, now, let's see. Where were we?
Copy !req
451. Twelve. 12!
Copy !req
452. - Yes, dear.
- Oh, there you are.
Copy !req
453. Abby thinks that we should
count the first one.
Copy !req
454. Never mind about that. Now just sit down.
Copy !req
455. Now tell me, who was the first one?
Copy !req
456. Mr. Midgely. He was a Baptist.
Copy !req
457. He was such a lonely, old
gentleman, Mr. Midgely was.
Copy !req
458. All his kith and kin were dead.
Copy !req
459. We felt so sorry for him.
Copy !req
460. And then, when his heart attack came,
Copy !req
461. and he sat there dead in that chair,
Copy !req
462. looking so peaceful... Remember, Martha?
Copy !req
463. We made up our minds, then and there,
Copy !req
464. that if we could help other lonely old men
Copy !req
465. to find that same peace,
Copy !req
466. we would.
Copy !req
467. Oh, why, you poor...
Copy !req
468. You mean, he dropped dead
right in this chair?
Copy !req
469. Oh.
Copy !req
470. And then, you see, Teddy came
up from digging in Panama,
Copy !req
471. and he thought Mr. Midgely was
a yellow-fever victim!
Copy !req
472. And that meant that he had to
be buried immediately.
Copy !req
473. - So?
- So, we all took him down to Panama
Copy !req
474. and put him in the lock and
gave him a decent Christian burial.
Copy !req
475. - Oh.
- There. Now you see?
Copy !req
476. That's why we told you not to
bother about it,
Copy !req
477. because we know exactly what's to be done.
Copy !req
478. Wait a minute!
Copy !req
479. Come here, darling. What about the others?
Copy !req
480. All 12 of them just didn't
walk in here and drop dead.
Copy !req
481. Oh, no, dear. Of course not!
Copy !req
482. Well, so, so, so?
Copy !req
483. - Mortimer.
- What?
Copy !req
484. Do you remember those jars of
poison that had been on the shelves
Copy !req
485. in Grandfather's laboratory all these years?
Copy !req
486. You know your Aunt Martha's
knack for mixing things!
Copy !req
487. You've eaten enough of her piccalilli.
Copy !req
488. Well, dear, for a gallon of elderberry wine,
Copy !req
489. I take one teaspoonful of arsenic,
Copy !req
490. then add half a teaspoonful of strychnine,
Copy !req
491. and then just a pinch of cyanide.
Copy !req
492. Mmm, should have quite a kick.
Copy !req
493. Yes!
Copy !req
494. As a matter of fact, one of
our gentlemen found time to say,
Copy !req
495. How delicious!
Copy !req
496. He did? Well, wasn't that nice of him?
Copy !req
497. Abby, we mustn't be standing
here gossiping all night.
Copy !req
498. Why, we must get that cake frosted.
Copy !req
499. No, no, darling, don't worry about
the cake. I couldn't eat a thing.
Copy !req
500. Oh, you newlyweds! A sip of
wine will give you an appetite.
Copy !req
501. Yeah, that'd be nice, darling,
a sip of... A sip of wine!
Copy !req
502. Wine! Oh.
Copy !req
503. I'm beginning to think the cat's in on this.
Copy !req
504. Huh. Oh, he's wonderful. Happy as a
lark. Singing away, digging locks.
Copy !req
505. Got him working the yellow-
fever victims. Oh, it's the end.
Copy !req
506. Oh, I can see the headlines now.
Copy !req
507. Murder Incorporated Rides
Again, right across the front page.
Copy !req
508. Let me see...
Copy !req
509. Teddy! Of course. Everybody
knows he's crazy.
Copy !req
510. Let me see. Who can I call up?
Dewey, La Guardia, Winchell?
Copy !req
511. No, Winchell's no good.
Copy !req
512. Old Judge Cullman!
Copy !req
513. I wonder if I got his number.
Copy !req
514. Tickets? What am I doing with tickets?
Copy !req
515. Information.
Copy !req
516. Hello? Information?
Copy !req
517. Get me the number of Judge
Cullman on North Shore Road, Brooklyn.
Copy !req
518. Yeah, would he call me back?
Copy !req
519. Oh, wouldn't it be marvelous
if he wasn't there?
Copy !req
520. Hey, you!
Copy !req
521. I thought you were, pshh!
Tall, dark streak of light.
Copy !req
522. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
523. What am I doing here? Didn't
you hear me whistle?
Copy !req
524. Whistle? Oh, yes.
Copy !req
525. Yes, yes, I heard you whistle.
Copy !req
526. - Hey, how do I look?
- Oh, you look fine. You look fine.
Copy !req
527. Now run on home. I'll call you up tomorrow.
Copy !req
528. - Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
529. You know I always call you up
every day or two.
Copy !req
530. You and your gags!
Copy !req
531. Hey, where's your hat? Come
on, the bag's in the taxi.
Copy !req
532. - Huh? Bags, taxi, what?
- Yeah, come on!
Copy !req
533. Oh, oh, Elaine, I'm so sorry,
but something happened.
Copy !req
534. What'd you do, lose your nerve?
Copy !req
535. Hey, where's that look I was
going to see so often?
Copy !req
536. Look? Look?
Copy !req
537. Oh! No, no, no, stop. Don't whistle
in my ear, please. It's unnerving.
Copy !req
538. Oh, Mortimer, what is wrong?
Look at your hair.
Copy !req
539. Oh, my goodness, what color is
it? Quick, has it turned?
Copy !req
540. Oh, darling, what's the matter, huh?
Copy !req
541. - What happened?
- Oh! Oh, Elaine.
Copy !req
542. Those flowers are so beautiful.
Copy !req
543. Oh, if I could only tell you,
Elaine. Oh, you smell so nice now.
Copy !req
544. Oh, oh, you better go home!
Copy !req
545. But, darling, we were married today!
Copy !req
546. Well, all right, go home, go
to bed, get some rest!
Copy !req
547. Rest?
Copy !req
548. Hello. Hello. Who? Oh, Judge Cullman?
Copy !req
549. Oh, oh, this is Mortimer Brewster.
Copy !req
550. Look, Judge, I'll tell you why
I called you. It's about Teddy.
Copy !req
551. I've got to come over and see
you right away.
Copy !req
552. Well, I'm afraid it won't wait
until tomorrow, Judge.
Copy !req
553. Yes, you see, it's very, very important.
Copy !req
554. We've got to do something
about Teddy immediately.
Copy !req
555. Well, it's practically a
matter of life and... Elaine!
Copy !req
556. Will you get out of here?
Copy !req
557. Mortimer, what in the world is
going on around here?
Copy !req
558. I wanna know where I stand!
Copy !req
559. - Oh, anywhere, but don't stand there!
- But, darling, Niagara Falls!
Copy !req
560. - It does? Well, let it!
- Now wait a minute! Listen.
Copy !req
561. You can't marry me one minute and
throw me out of the house the next.
Copy !req
562. Of course, darling, I'm not
throwing you out of the house!
Copy !req
563. I'm not throwing you out of the
house. Will you get out of here?
Copy !req
564. Mortimer!
Copy !req
565. Uh, I'm sorry, Judge. But a thing happened.
Copy !req
566. Look, Judge, about Teddy, you see, he's...
Copy !req
567. - Mortimer!
- Oh, dear.
Copy !req
568. You see, Judge, it's his bugle blowing.
Copy !req
569. Yes, the neighbors have been complaining
Copy !req
570. and the police are all set to
throw him into a state institution.
Copy !req
571. How do you like that?
Copy !req
572. - I read an ad here about a room to rent.
- Oh, shut up!
Copy !req
573. Well, I thought if you could
sign the papers,
Copy !req
574. and I can get Teddy to commit
himself, we can get him into Happy Dale.
Copy !req
575. Yes, it's a wonderful place, Judge.
Copy !req
576. You will?
Copy !req
577. Fine! I'll be... I'll be right over
as soon as I've made another call.
Copy !req
578. Doorbell's ringing, dear.
Copy !req
579. Oh, how do you do? Come in.
Copy !req
580. I understand you've got a room to rent.
Copy !req
581. Yes! Do step in.
Copy !req
582. - Are you the lady of the house?
- Yes, I'm Miss Brewster.
Copy !req
583. Hello, operator? Give me long
distance, please.
Copy !req
584. And this is my sister. Another
Miss Brewster.
Copy !req
585. - My name's Gibbs.
- Well, do sit down.
Copy !req
586. I'm sorry, we're just setting
the table for dinner.
Copy !req
587. Now, this would be a nice comfortable chair.
Copy !req
588. Oh, hello, long distance?
Copy !req
589. I want the Happy Dale
Sanitarium, Happy Dale, New York.
Copy !req
590. Is Brooklyn your home?
Copy !req
591. Haven't got a home. Live in a
hotel, don't like it.
Copy !req
592. Uh, are your family Brooklyn people?
Copy !req
593. - Hello? What, operator?
- Haven't got any family.
Copy !req
594. All alone in the world?
Copy !req
595. - Yep.
- But... No, no.
Copy !req
596. - Well, Martha...
- No, Happy Dale! Yes.
Copy !req
597. Well, you've come to just the right house.
Copy !req
598. - Do sit down.
- Dale.
Copy !req
599. D like in dig, you know when you dig a lock?
Copy !req
600. That's right. Yeah, A like in
arsenic. Got that?
Copy !req
601. Is there always this much noise?
Copy !req
602. Oh, he doesn't live with us.
Copy !req
603. I can see the headlines now. Oh, please.
Copy !req
604. Hello?
Copy !req
605. I'd really like to see the
room. I don't think I'll like it.
Copy !req
606. The room's upstairs.
Copy !req
607. Won't you try a glass of our
wine before we start up?
Copy !req
608. - Never touch it.
- Oh. Er...
Copy !req
609. Well, we... We make this
ourselves. It's elderberry wine.
Copy !req
610. Elderberry?
Copy !req
611. I haven't tasted elderberry
wine since I was a boy.
Copy !req
612. - Thank you.
- Oh! Operator!
Copy !req
613. Look, I don't want the Happy Dale
Laundry! I want the Happy Dale Sanitarium!
Copy !req
614. Sanitarium! Sanitarium!
Sanitarium! Yes, like a broken record!
Copy !req
615. - Have your own elderberry bushes?
- Er, no, but the cemetery's full of them.
Copy !req
616. Oh, well, skoal.
Copy !req
617. Hello, operator! Look,
operator, what's taking you so long?
Copy !req
618. It's only across the river! I
could swim it faster!
Copy !req
619. Yes!
Copy !req
620. Hello! Hello... What...
Copy !req
621. What, they're busy?
Copy !req
622. Busy?
Copy !req
623. Look, they're busy and you're dizzy!
Copy !req
624. No, I'm not drunk, madam, but
you've given me an idea!
Copy !req
625. Mortimer! Uh-uh-uh-uh.
Copy !req
626. Darling, don't uh-uh-uh-uh. I'm
nervous. No, no, don't do that.
Copy !req
627. Mortimer, not that.
Copy !req
628. No!
Copy !req
629. Get out of here! Do you want to be poisoned,
Copy !req
630. do you want to be murdered, do
you want to be killed? Do you?
Copy !req
631. Oh!
Copy !req
632. They're nuts!
Copy !req
633. You're telling me!
Copy !req
634. Look, you can't do things like that!
Copy !req
635. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
636. Now I don't know how I can
explain this to you...
Copy !req
637. But it's not only against the
law, it's wrong.
Copy !req
638. Oh, piffle!
Copy !req
639. It's not a nice thing to do.
Copy !req
640. People wouldn't understand. He
wouldn't understand.
Copy !req
641. What I mean is... Well...
Copy !req
642. This is developing into a very bad habit!
Copy !req
643. Oh. Just...
Copy !req
644. Hello, who? Oh, Happy Dale Sanitarium?
Copy !req
645. Oh, that's amazing, operator. Yes.
Copy !req
646. Happy Dale? Uh, let me talk to
Mr. Witherspoon, please.
Copy !req
647. Mr. Witherspoon speaking.
Copy !req
648. Oh, how do you do, Mr.
Brewster? How are you?
Copy !req
649. Uh, uh, well, Mr. Witherspoon, do
you... Oh, I'm fine, thanks. How are you?
Copy !req
650. Mr. Witherspoon, do you
remember that conversation we had
Copy !req
651. about committing my brother
Teddy to Happy Dale?
Copy !req
652. You do? Well, we want to
commit him there immediately.
Copy !req
653. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
654. Oh, dear. Oh, that's too bad.
Copy !req
655. Well, I'd hoped we wouldn't
have him for some time yet.
Copy !req
656. Well, you see, Mr. Brewster, we have
several Theodore Roosevelts at the moment,
Copy !req
657. and it would lead to trouble. Oh, trouble.
Copy !req
658. Oh. Well, now, if he thought that...
Copy !req
659. Well, Mr. Brewster, we're a bit
short of Napoleons at present.
Copy !req
660. Bonaparte. And, uh, if...
Copy !req
661. Oh? Oh, I see. Of course.
Copy !req
662. Well, er, if your mind is made up. Yes.
Copy !req
663. Yes. Have you had the papers drawn up?
Copy !req
664. No, but I'm going to do that right
now. I'll call you as soon as I have them.
Copy !req
665. Thank you, Mr... What?
Copy !req
666. Oh, all right. Thank you, Mr. Witherspoon.
Copy !req
667. Another Roosevelt. Oh, dear, dear.
Copy !req
668. Now listen, darlings, I've got
to run over to Judge Cullman's,
Copy !req
669. but before I go I want you to
promise me something.
Copy !req
670. Well, we'd have to know what it was first.
Copy !req
671. Well, I love you both very much.
Copy !req
672. And you know I'd do anything
in the world for you, don't you?
Copy !req
673. - Yes, dear.
- All right.
Copy !req
674. Then I want you to do one
little thing for me, like good girls.
Copy !req
675. What do you want us to do?
Copy !req
676. Don't do anything. I mean,
don't do anything!
Copy !req
677. Don't let anyone in the house and
leave Mr. Whosit right where he is...
Copy !req
678. Oh, get off that thing.
Copy !req
679. I can't talk to you like
this... I can't concentrate.
Copy !req
680. Oh, now, look, darlings,
Copy !req
681. I wouldn't want anything in the
world to happen to either of you.
Copy !req
682. Well, what on Earth could happen to us?
Copy !req
683. Well, darling...
Copy !req
684. Anyway, you'll do that little
thing for me, won't you?
Copy !req
685. All right, now, where's my
hat? Oh, there it is.
Copy !req
686. - But, Mortimer.
- What, darling, what?
Copy !req
687. We were planning to hold
services before dinner.
Copy !req
688. Well, look, sweet, couldn't
that wait until I get back?
Copy !req
689. Oh! Then you could join us in the hymns!
Copy !req
690. Yes, darling, I could join you in the hymn.
Copy !req
691. I'll sing with you, I'll dance
with you, I'll do anything.
Copy !req
692. But... Now, remember, don't let
anybody in the house until I get back.
Copy !req
693. - You promise?
- Yes.
Copy !req
694. Good.
Copy !req
695. - Mortimer!
- What, huh?
Copy !req
696. Oh, stop uh-uh-uh-uh-ing. What is it?
Copy !req
697. Mr. Hoskins' hat!
Copy !req
698. Oh!
Copy !req
699. - Do you still want me to wait for you?
- Yes! Call me a cab!
Copy !req
700. Yeah, okay. Hey, cab!
Copy !req
701. - Get me a cab.
- Oh, yeah, there you are.
Copy !req
702. Don't open that, I'll sit with you!
Copy !req
703. Yeah, that's right. I can go
faster that way. Sure.
Copy !req
704. Wait a minute! What am I doing? Hey.
Copy !req
705. Come here!
Copy !req
706. Getting nice Mr. Hoskins' hat all mussed up.
Copy !req
707. - A shame! Such a nice hat.
- Yes.
Copy !req
708. You know, Abby, Mortimer didn't
seem to be quite himself today.
Copy !req
709. No. Oh, well.
Copy !req
710. Er, what were you saying about Mortimer?
Copy !req
711. Oh, I think I understand why
he seemed so upset.
Copy !req
712. Why?
Copy !req
713. He's just been married.
Copy !req
714. I believe that always makes a
man a little nervous.
Copy !req
715. Oh, yes. The poor dears.
Copy !req
716. Well, I'm so happy for Elaine.
Copy !req
717. Oh, Abby.
Copy !req
718. If Mortimer's coming back for
the services for Mr. Hoskins,
Copy !req
719. we'll need another hymnal.
Copy !req
720. There's one up in my room.
Copy !req
721. Oh. I'll go, dear.
Copy !req
722. Abby.
Copy !req
723. We promised Mortimer we
wouldn't let anyone come in.
Copy !req
724. Abby, it's two men, and I've
never seen them before.
Copy !req
725. - Are you sure?
- Yes.
Copy !req
726. - Let me look.
- Yeah, you look.
Copy !req
727. - Do you recognize them?
- No, they're strangers to me.
Copy !req
728. Well, we'll just have to
pretend we're not at home.
Copy !req
729. Come in, Doctor.
Copy !req
730. This is the home of my youth.
Copy !req
731. As a boy, I couldn't wait to
escape from this house.
Copy !req
732. Now I'm glad to escape back into it.
Copy !req
733. Yes, Johnny, it's a good hideout.
Copy !req
734. The family must still live here.
Copy !req
735. I hope there's a fatted calf
awaiting the return of the prodigal.
Copy !req
736. A fatted calf?
Copy !req
737. Oh, Johnny, I'm so hungry.
Copy !req
738. Look, Johnny. Drink.
Copy !req
739. - As if we were expected.
- Yes.
Copy !req
740. A good omen.
Copy !req
741. Who are you?
Copy !req
742. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
743. Aunt Abby. Aunt Martha.
Copy !req
744. It's Jonathan.
Copy !req
745. You... You get out of here!
Copy !req
746. I'm Jonathan, you know.
Copy !req
747. Your nephew, Jonathan.
Copy !req
748. Oh, no, you're not.
Copy !req
749. You're nothing like Jonathan,
so don't pretend you are.
Copy !req
750. You just get out of here.
Copy !req
751. I see you're still wearing the
lovely garnet ring
Copy !req
752. that Grandma Brewster bought in England.
Copy !req
753. And you, Aunt Martha, still the high collar
Copy !req
754. to hide the scar where
Grandfather's acid burned you.
Copy !req
755. Why, his voice is like Jonathan's.
Copy !req
756. Have... Have you been in an accident?
Copy !req
757. My face.
Copy !req
758. Dr. Einstein is responsible for that.
Copy !req
759. He's a plastic surgeon.
Copy !req
760. But... But I've seen that face before.
Copy !req
761. Abby, do you remember when we took
the little Schultz boy to the movies,
Copy !req
762. and I was so frightened?
Copy !req
763. It was that face.
Copy !req
764. Take it easy, Johnny. Take it easy.
Copy !req
765. Don't worry. The last five years,
I give him three different faces.
Copy !req
766. I give him another one right away.
Copy !req
767. That last face. I saw that picture, too,
Copy !req
768. just before I operating. I was intoxicated.
Copy !req
769. You see, Doctor, what you've done to me?
Copy !req
770. - Even my own family think I'm...
- Johnny, Johnny!
Copy !req
771. You are home in this lovely house.
Copy !req
772. You know...
Copy !req
773. How many times he tells me about...
Copy !req
774. About Brooklyn, about this
house and about his aunts
Copy !req
775. he loves so much?
Copy !req
776. They know you, Johnny.
Copy !req
777. Please tell him so.
Copy !req
778. Well, Jonathan,
Copy !req
779. it's been a long time.
Copy !req
780. Bless you. It's good to be home again.
Copy !req
781. Well, Martha, we mustn't let
what's on the stove boil over.
Copy !req
782. If you'll excuse us for a moment, Jonathan.
Copy !req
783. Unless you're in a hurry to go somewhere.
Copy !req
784. Well, Johnny, where do we go from here?
Copy !req
785. You know, Johnny, we got to think fast.
Copy !req
786. The police, they got pictures of that face.
Copy !req
787. I got to operate on you right away.
Copy !req
788. We got to find someplace.
Copy !req
789. We got to find someplace for
Mr. Spenalzo, too.
Copy !req
790. Don't waste any worry on that rat.
Copy !req
791. But we got a hot stiff on our hands.
Copy !req
792. Forget Mr. Spenalzo.
Copy !req
793. But, Johnny, we can't leave a
dead body in the rumble seat.
Copy !req
794. You shouldn't have killed him.
Copy !req
795. Just because he knows
something about us, what happens?
Copy !req
796. That's it.
Copy !req
797. We come to him for help and he
tries to shake us down.
Copy !req
798. Besides, he said I looked like
Boris Karloff.
Copy !req
799. That's your work, Doctor.
Copy !req
800. You did that to me.
Copy !req
801. Now, please, Johnny, take it easy.
Copy !req
802. We'll find someplace and I'll
fix you up right away, huh?
Copy !req
803. - Tonight.
- Yes, tonight, but I have to eat first.
Copy !req
804. This time, I want the face of
an absolute nonentity.
Copy !req
805. Yes, Johnny, I know exactly
what I'm going to do.
Copy !req
806. You see, I'm going to take
this piece here and lift it up...
Copy !req
807. Be careful about the stitches this time.
Copy !req
808. - I look like I'm maimed.
- You leave that up to me.
Copy !req
809. I'll give you nice little ears and...
Copy !req
810. - You were careless last time.
- And new stitches.
Copy !req
811. You understand? You were careless.
Copy !req
812. And on the eyes I'll do a
Schmidt. That's my specialty.
Copy !req
813. - I take it together like this...
- No, leave the eyes alone.
Copy !req
814. - Leave the nose alone.
- You leave it...
Copy !req
815. Poor Teddy.
Copy !req
816. I imagine it's for the best.
Copy !req
817. Well, ours not to reason why,
ours but to do...
Copy !req
818. Sign right here, please, Judge. Excuse me.
Copy !req
819. Right there.
Copy !req
820. Mmm-hmm. Sometimes I think, with the
world in its present chaotic state...
Copy !req
821. Yes, I know, we'd all be
better off at Happy Dale.
Copy !req
822. I sign here as next of kin, don't I?
Copy !req
823. Only last week I created a mild sensation
Copy !req
824. at the bar association when I said...
Copy !req
825. Goodbye. Good luck, Judge. Thank you.
Copy !req
826. Tell Martha and Abby I'll be over this week.
Copy !req
827. I've been feeling rather lonely.
Copy !req
828. No! No. Oh, no. Never tell
them you've been lonely. Never!
Copy !req
829. - Why? I don't...
- Judge, Judge.
Copy !req
830. Tell me, are you a drinking man?
Copy !req
831. Why, no. I never indulge.
Copy !req
832. Good! Well, then you'll live longer.
Copy !req
833. Of course, a little wine now and then...
Copy !req
834. Whoa! No! No. For heaven's
sakes, no wine! No wine.
Copy !req
835. I may be committing the wrong Brewster.
Copy !req
836. Well, I... I'm sure you both want
to get to wherever you're going.
Copy !req
837. My dear, sweet aunties, I'm so
full of your delicious dinner,
Copy !req
838. - I'm unable to move a muscle.
- Yes, it's nice here.
Copy !req
839. I found it! I found it!
Copy !req
840. Gentlemen, be seated.
Copy !req
841. Here it is, gentlemen. The
story of my life, my biography.
Copy !req
842. Here's the picture I was telling you about.
Copy !req
843. General, here we are, both of us.
Copy !req
844. President Roosevelt and
General Goethals at Culebra Cut.
Copy !req
845. That's me, General, and that's you.
Copy !req
846. My, how I've changed!
Copy !req
847. Well, you see, that picture
hasn't been taken yet.
Copy !req
848. We haven't even started work on Culebra Cut.
Copy !req
849. We're still digging locks.
Copy !req
850. And now, General, we will both go
to Panama and inspect the new lock.
Copy !req
851. No, Teddy. Not to Panama.
Copy !req
852. Maybe some other time, Mr.
President. Panama is a long ways off.
Copy !req
853. - Nonsense! It's just down in the cellar.
- The cellar?
Copy !req
854. Well, we let him dig the
Panama Canal in the cellar.
Copy !req
855. - General Goethals?
- Yes, sir.
Copy !req
856. As President of the United States,
Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy,
Copy !req
857. and the man who gave you this job,
Copy !req
858. I demand that you accompany me
on the inspection of the new lock.
Copy !req
859. Teddy, I think it's time for
you to go to bed.
Copy !req
860. I beg your pardon. Who are you?
Copy !req
861. I'm Woodrow Wilson. Go to bed.
Copy !req
862. No, you're not Wilson. But
your face is familiar.
Copy !req
863. Let me see... You're not anyone I know now.
Copy !req
864. Perhaps later, on my hunting trip to Africa.
Copy !req
865. Yes, you look like someone I
might meet in the jungle.
Copy !req
866. I... I think perhaps you had
better go to bed, Teddy.
Copy !req
867. He and his friend want to get
back to their hotel.
Copy !req
868. General Goethals, inspect the canal.
Copy !req
869. All right, Mr. President, we go to Panama.
Copy !req
870. Bully, bully! Follow me, General.
Copy !req
871. - It's down south, you know.
- Oh.
Copy !req
872. Well, bon voyage.
Copy !req
873. Aunt Abby, I must correct your
misapprehension.
Copy !req
874. You talked of our hotel.
Copy !req
875. We have no hotel. We came here directly.
Copy !req
876. This is not your home, and I'm
afraid you can't stay here.
Copy !req
877. Dr. Einstein and I need a place to sleep.
Copy !req
878. You remember that, as a boy, I
could be disagreeable.
Copy !req
879. It would not be pleasant for any of us if...
Copy !req
880. I don't have to go into details, do I?
Copy !req
881. Perhaps we'd better let them
stay here tonight.
Copy !req
882. Hey, Johnny. Johnny, come here. Quick.
Copy !req
883. Why, I forgot to tell you.
Copy !req
884. Dr. Einstein and I are turning
Grandfather's laboratory
Copy !req
885. into an operating room. We
expect to be very busy.
Copy !req
886. Hey, Johnny.
Copy !req
887. - Down here, what do you think I find?
- What?
Copy !req
888. The Panama Canal!
Copy !req
889. And it just fits Mr. Spenalzo.
Copy !req
890. See the hole he's digging?
Four feet wide, six feet long.
Copy !req
891. He just fits!
Copy !req
892. You'd think he knew we were
bringing Mr. Spenalzo along.
Copy !req
893. That's hospitality, huh?
Copy !req
894. Rather a good joke on my aunts.
Copy !req
895. They're living in a house with
a body buried in the cellar.
Copy !req
896. Hey, how do we get him in here?
Copy !req
897. Yes, we can't just walk Mr.
Spenalzo in through the door.
Copy !req
898. We'll bring the car up between
the cemetery and the house,
Copy !req
899. and after they've gone to bed,
Copy !req
900. we'll bring Mr. Spenalzo in
through the window.
Copy !req
901. Bed. Johnny!
Copy !req
902. We're moving the car behind the
house. You'd better get to bed.
Copy !req
903. The car is all right where it
is until morning.
Copy !req
904. I don't want to leave it in the
street. That might be against the law.
Copy !req
905. Abby, what are we going to do?
Copy !req
906. Well, we're not going to let
them spend more than one night
Copy !req
907. in this house for one thing.
Copy !req
908. What would the neighbors think?
Copy !req
909. People coming in here with one
face and going out with another.
Copy !req
910. And what are we going to do
about Mr. Hoskins?
Copy !req
911. Oh, Mr. Hoskins!
Copy !req
912. It can't be very comfortable
for him in there.
Copy !req
913. And he's been so patient, the poor dear.
Copy !req
914. Well, I think Teddy had better take
Mr. Hoskins downstairs right away.
Copy !req
915. General Goethals was very pleased. He
said the canal was just the right size.
Copy !req
916. Teddy. Teddy, there's been
another yellow-fever victim.
Copy !req
917. Dear me! This will be a shock
to the General.
Copy !req
918. No, Teddy, we must keep it a secret.
Copy !req
919. - Yes.
- A state secret?
Copy !req
920. - Yes, a state secret.
- Promise?
Copy !req
921. You have the word of the
President of the United States.
Copy !req
922. Cross my heart and hope to
die. Now, um, let's see.
Copy !req
923. How are we going to keep it a secret?
Copy !req
924. Well, Teddy, I think you'd
better get back down into the cellar.
Copy !req
925. And then,
Copy !req
926. when I turn out the lights,
when everything's dark here,
Copy !req
927. you come up and take the poor
man down to the canal.
Copy !req
928. Now get along, Teddy.
Copy !req
929. And we'll come down later and hold services.
Copy !req
930. - Where is the poor devil?
- In the window seat.
Copy !req
931. It seems to be spreading.
Copy !req
932. We've never had yellow fever there before.
Copy !req
933. Abby, I've never even seen Mr. Hoskins!
Copy !req
934. Oh, my goodness! That's right, you were out.
Copy !req
935. Well, you just come right
along and see him now.
Copy !req
936. You know, he's really very nice
looking, considering that he's a Methodist.
Copy !req
937. We're bringing the luggage through here.
Copy !req
938. Jonathan, your room is waiting
for you. You can go right up.
Copy !req
939. I'm afraid we don't keep Brooklyn
hours. You two run along to bed.
Copy !req
940. Oh, but you must be very tired. Both of you.
Copy !req
941. And we don't go to bed this early.
Copy !req
942. It's time I came home to take care of you.
Copy !req
943. Take the bags upstairs.
Copy !req
944. For the instruments, I'll come back later.
Copy !req
945. Good night.
Copy !req
946. Now, we'll all go to bed.
Copy !req
947. I'll, uh, wait until you're up
and then turn out the lights.
Copy !req
948. Run along, Aunt Martha.
Copy !req
949. Just off the laboratory, Doctor.
Copy !req
950. - All right, Aunt Abby.
- I'll be right up.
Copy !req
951. Now, Aunt Abby! Turn out the lights.
Copy !req
952. Aunt Abby.
Copy !req
953. He's all right, Johnny.
Copy !req
954. I'll open the window. You go
round and hand him through.
Copy !req
955. But he's too heavy for me.
Copy !req
956. You go outside, Johnny, and push
it, and I'll stay here and pull.
Copy !req
957. And then together we take him
down to Panama, huh?
Copy !req
958. All right. We must be quick. I'll
take a look around outside the house.
Copy !req
959. When I tap on the glass, you
open the window.
Copy !req
960. Yeah.
Copy !req
961. It's dark in here.
Copy !req
962. Where am I?
Copy !req
963. Oh, here I am.
Copy !req
964. Who left this open?
Copy !req
965. Johnny?
Copy !req
966. Okay, Johnny, wait a minute. Hand him over.
Copy !req
967. Now I have him. Alley-up!
Copy !req
968. Now, wait a minute, Johnny.
You lost a leg somewhere.
Copy !req
969. Help me. He's so heavy.
Copy !req
970. Now I have him. Now I got him.
Copy !req
971. - Be careful.
- But his shoe came off.
Copy !req
972. Help me, Johnny. He's so heavy.
Copy !req
973. Now I've got him!
Copy !req
974. Hey, Johnny, somebody's at the
door. Go open, quick.
Copy !req
975. I'll manage Spenalzo. Go, quick!
Copy !req
976. Mortimer!
Copy !req
977. Aunt Abby!
Copy !req
978. Aunt Martha!
Copy !req
979. Who is it?
Copy !req
980. Is that you, Teddy?
Copy !req
981. Who are you?
Copy !req
982. I'm Elaine Harper. I live next door.
Copy !req
983. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
984. I came here to see my husband, Mortimer.
Copy !req
985. Why did you say your name was Harper?
Copy !req
986. It is Harper. I mean, it's Brewster.
Copy !req
987. I'm not very used to it. I'm a
brand-new Brewster.
Copy !req
988. Doctor!
Copy !req
989. It's all right, Johnny. It's okay.
Copy !req
990. Maybe you'd better explain
what you're doing here.
Copy !req
991. We happen to live here.
Copy !req
992. You don't live here.
Copy !req
993. I'm in this house every day,
and I've never seen you before.
Copy !req
994. Where are Miss Martha and Miss
Abby? What have you done to them?
Copy !req
995. Perhaps we'd better introduce ourselves.
Copy !req
996. May I present Dr. Einstein?
Copy !req
997. Dr. Einstein?
Copy !req
998. A surgeon of great distinction.
Copy !req
999. And something of a magician.
Copy !req
1000. Now, I suppose you're going to
tell me you're Boris...
Copy !req
1001. I am Jonathan Brewster.
Copy !req
1002. Oh.
Copy !req
1003. - You're Jonathan.
- Oh, you've heard of me?
Copy !req
1004. - Yes, they talk about you.
- And what do they say about me?
Copy !req
1005. Just that there's another brother
named Jonathan, that's all they say.
Copy !req
1006. Well, that explains everything.
Copy !req
1007. Now that I know who you are,
Copy !req
1008. I'll just be running along if
you'll kindly unlock the door.
Copy !req
1009. That explains everything. Just
what do you mean by that?
Copy !req
1010. Why do you come here at this time of night?
Copy !req
1011. I just thought I saw Mortimer
drive up. I suppose it was you.
Copy !req
1012. You thought you saw someone drive up?
Copy !req
1013. Yes. Weren't you just outside?
Isn't that your car?
Copy !req
1014. - You saw someone at the car?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1015. - What else did you see?
- Just that, that's all!
Copy !req
1016. I see. Is that why you came over here?
Copy !req
1017. No, I came to see Mortimer. But
if he's not home, I'll run along.
Copy !req
1018. - You've given two names.
- You're hurting me!
Copy !req
1019. I think she's dangerous.
Copy !req
1020. No visitors. It's going to be
a private funeral.
Copy !req
1021. Teddy, tell these men who I am!
Copy !req
1022. Well, that's my daughter, Alice.
Copy !req
1023. Oh, no, Teddy! Teddy!
Copy !req
1024. Now, Alice, don't be a tomboy.
Don't play rough with the gentlemen.
Copy !req
1025. Charge!
Copy !req
1026. Teddy!
Copy !req
1027. Doctor, the cellar.
Copy !req
1028. Let go of me!
Copy !req
1029. Let go of me!
Copy !req
1030. What's the matter? What's
happening down there?
Copy !req
1031. What's the matter? What are you doing there?
Copy !req
1032. We caught a burglar, a sneak
thief. Go back to your room.
Copy !req
1033. - We'll call the police.
- I'll handle this. Go back to your room.
Copy !req
1034. Do you hear me?
Copy !req
1035. Don't answer that.
Copy !req
1036. Don't answer that!
Copy !req
1037. Miss Abby! Miss Martha!
Copy !req
1038. - Mortimer!
- Where's Teddy? Is he upstairs?
Copy !req
1039. - Mortimer, where have you been?
- Never mind that now, darling, please.
Copy !req
1040. Darling, what are you doing
with your best clothes on?
Copy !req
1041. Mortimer!
Copy !req
1042. Holy... What's that?
Copy !req
1043. What's that thing there, darling?
It looks like a cigar-store dummy.
Copy !req
1044. It's your brother, Jonathan,
and this is Dr. Einstein.
Copy !req
1045. Look, dear, didn't I tell you
not to let anybody in the house?
Copy !req
1046. - Who did you say it was?
- It's your brother, Jonathan!
Copy !req
1047. - I've come back home, Mortimer.
- What?
Copy !req
1048. I've come back home, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1049. I've come back home, Mortimer.
Listen, it talks!
Copy !req
1050. Yes, I talk.
Copy !req
1051. Mortimer, have you forgotten
the things I used to do to you,
Copy !req
1052. when you were tied to the bedpost?
Copy !req
1053. The needles under your fingernails.
Copy !req
1054. - Mortimer, he...
- Wait a minute.
Copy !req
1055. Holy mackerel!
Copy !req
1056. It is Jonathan!
Copy !req
1057. I'm glad you remember, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1058. Yeah, I remember.
Copy !req
1059. How could I forget you?
Copy !req
1060. Where'd you get that face? Hollywood?
Copy !req
1061. Don't you two boys start quarreling
again the minute you've seen each other.
Copy !req
1062. We invited Jonathan and Dr.
Einstein to stay.
Copy !req
1063. - Oh. What?
- Just for tonight.
Copy !req
1064. Oh, no, you don't. I'm staying here tonight.
Copy !req
1065. - In fact, I'm staying here from now on.
- Mortimer, what about me?
Copy !req
1066. So there's no room for anybody
else in the house.
Copy !req
1067. Please, darling, just a moment.
Copy !req
1068. So take that little squirt and beat it!
Copy !req
1069. Now, where's Teddy? I've got
to see him right away.
Copy !req
1070. Is he upstairs?
Copy !req
1071. Mr. Brewster. We don't take up much room.
Copy !req
1072. Johnny can sleep on the sofa,
and I'll sleep on the window seat.
Copy !req
1073. Nothing to...
Copy !req
1074. Window seat?
Copy !req
1075. Certainly not on the window seat.
Copy !req
1076. I'm going to sleep on the window seat.
Copy !req
1077. I'm going to sleep on the
window seat from now on.
Copy !req
1078. Mortimer.
Copy !req
1079. Now look. Now look, Jonathan.
Copy !req
1080. Now, be a good fellow.
Copy !req
1081. Here's $10. Go out and haunt
yourself a hotel.
Copy !req
1082. Mortimer, you know what I do
to people who order me around.
Copy !req
1083. Hey, Johnny.
Copy !req
1084. Johnny. Mr. Spenalzo.
Copy !req
1085. What?
Copy !req
1086. What's going to happen to Mr. Spenalzo?
Copy !req
1087. We can't leave him here in the window seat.
Copy !req
1088. Johnny.
Copy !req
1089. Doctor? You know, Doctor, I've
completely lost track of Mr. Spenalzo.
Copy !req
1090. Wait! Who's this Mr. Spenalzo?
Copy !req
1091. A friend of ours Johnny was looking for.
Copy !req
1092. Don't bring anyone else in here.
Now, come on, beat it! Both of you.
Copy !req
1093. It's all right, Johnny.
Copy !req
1094. While we are packing, I'll
tell you about him.
Copy !req
1095. I'll take care of you,
Mortimer, in just a little while.
Copy !req
1096. How do you like that?
Copy !req
1097. The guy stays away for 20 years
Copy !req
1098. and picks tonight out of all
nights to come back.
Copy !req
1099. Oh, hello, Elaine, what are you doing here?
Copy !req
1100. Mortimer!
Copy !req
1101. What's the matter, darling? What is it?
Copy !req
1102. - I almost got killed.
- Killed?
Copy !req
1103. Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha!
Copy !req
1104. - Oh, no!
- Oh, no, no! It was Jonathan!
Copy !req
1105. He mistook her for a sneak thief.
Copy !req
1106. - Oh, that.
- Oh, it was worse than that.
Copy !req
1107. He's some kind of a maniac.
Copy !req
1108. - I know, dear.
- Mortimer, I'm afraid of him.
Copy !req
1109. Darling, don't worry about it.
I'm here now. Forget it.
Copy !req
1110. We were married today, we were
going over Niagara Falls in a barrel,
Copy !req
1111. your brother tries to strangle
me, a taxi's waiting
Copy !req
1112. and now you want to sleep on a window seat!
Copy !req
1113. Window seat. Witherspoon.
Copy !req
1114. - Darling, you'd better run along home.
- What?
Copy !req
1115. Yes, go on home like a good
girl. I got things to do.
Copy !req
1116. - Home? But...
- Now, now, please, sweetie.
Copy !req
1117. Hello, operator? Get me Happy
Dale 270, please.
Copy !req
1118. But, Mortimer, didn't you hear
what I was just saying?
Copy !req
1119. Your own brother, Jonathan, he
was trying to strangle me!
Copy !req
1120. - Please! This is important!
- That?
Copy !req
1121. Hello? Oh, hello, Mr.
Witherspoon? This is Mortimer Brewster.
Copy !req
1122. Yes, Mr. Brewster. Yes.
Copy !req
1123. Well, I don't understand you.
Copy !req
1124. He was going to kill me!
Copy !req
1125. Wait a minute, darling, I
can't hear the man.
Copy !req
1126. Well, look. I've got the
papers all drawn up.
Copy !req
1127. I know it's late, but I want
you to come down here
Copy !req
1128. and get my brother
immediately! It's got to be done.
Copy !req
1129. Please, darling. Please.
Copy !req
1130. By the way, you've had the papers signed
by your brother and the doctor, of course?
Copy !req
1131. Oh, the doctor?
Copy !req
1132. Oh, holy mackerel! I forgot the doctor!
Copy !req
1133. Mortimer!
Copy !req
1134. Please, be quiet! Can't you
see I've got to get a doctor?
Copy !req
1135. Hello? What kind of a doctor?
A family doctor?
Copy !req
1136. You can take your honeymoon,
your wedding ring,
Copy !req
1137. your taxi, your window seat,
Copy !req
1138. and put them in a barrel, and
push them all over Niagara Falls!
Copy !req
1139. Thank you, darling. Thank you.
Copy !req
1140. Well, look. Why don't you come
down here anyway?
Copy !req
1141. While you're getting here,
Copy !req
1142. I'll get Teddy's and the
doctor's signatures, both.
Copy !req
1143. Elaine! Elaine!
Copy !req
1144. I'll get both signatures.
Yeah, well, come right away.
Copy !req
1145. Elaine! What's the matter with her?
Copy !req
1146. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
1147. Elaine! Elaine!
Copy !req
1148. Elaine!
Copy !req
1149. Let me sit down. Let me think
about this thing.
Copy !req
1150. Doctor, Teddy, signature.
Copy !req
1151. Hoskins!
Copy !req
1152. Ye gods! There's another one!
Copy !req
1153. Aunt Abby! Aunt Martha!
Copy !req
1154. - Come in here!
- We're busy.
Copy !req
1155. No, you come in here now!
Copy !req
1156. Yes, dear, what is it? Where's Elaine?
Copy !req
1157. Wait a minute. Didn't you promise me
Copy !req
1158. not to let anyone in the house
while I was gone?
Copy !req
1159. - Well, Jonathan just walked in.
- I don't mean Jonathan!
Copy !req
1160. - And Dr. Einstein.
- And I don't mean Dr. Einstein!
Copy !req
1161. Who is that in the window seat?
Copy !req
1162. We told you, Mr. Hoskins.
Copy !req
1163. It is not Mr. Hoskins!
Copy !req
1164. There!
Copy !req
1165. Who can that be?
Copy !req
1166. Are you trying to tell me
you've never seen that man before?
Copy !req
1167. I certainly am.
Copy !req
1168. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do!
Copy !req
1169. It's getting so anybody thinks
he can walk in this house!
Copy !req
1170. Now, you look here, Aunt Abby.
Copy !req
1171. Don't you try to get out of this!
Copy !req
1172. That's another one of your
gentlemen and you know it!
Copy !req
1173. Mortimer, how can you say such a thing?
Copy !req
1174. That man's an impostor.
Copy !req
1175. And if he came here to be
buried in our cellar, he's mistaken.
Copy !req
1176. Now, look.
Copy !req
1177. You admitted you put Mr.
Hoskins in the window seat.
Copy !req
1178. Yes, I did.
Copy !req
1179. This man couldn't have just
got the idea from Mr. Hoskins!
Copy !req
1180. - By the way, where is Mr. Hoskins?
- He must have gone to Panama.
Copy !req
1181. - What? You buried him?
- No, no. Not yet.
Copy !req
1182. He's just down there waiting
for the services, poor dear.
Copy !req
1183. We haven't had a minute, what
with Jonathan in the house.
Copy !req
1184. Jonathan.
Copy !req
1185. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
1186. We've always wanted to hold a
double funeral.
Copy !req
1187. But I will not read services
over a total stranger!
Copy !req
1188. A total stranger. Aunt Abby,
how can I believe you?
Copy !req
1189. There are 12 men down in the
cellar and you admit you poisoned them!
Copy !req
1190. Yes, I did. But you don't
think I'd stoop to telling a fib!
Copy !req
1191. Martha! Martha, what do you
think has happened?
Copy !req
1192. A fib!
Copy !req
1193. Ha.
Copy !req
1194. Whoa-oh!
Copy !req
1195. No, no, no, no.
Copy !req
1196. This may interest you, Mortimer.
I've decided that we're staying.
Copy !req
1197. And I've also decided that
you're leaving, and I mean now.
Copy !req
1198. Listen, handsome. I'm in no
mood to debate the question.
Copy !req
1199. Are you getting out, or am I
throwing you out on your ear?
Copy !req
1200. I've led a strange life, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1201. Martha, you come straight along here.
Copy !req
1202. You just look and see what's
in that window seat.
Copy !req
1203. No!
Copy !req
1204. No, no, Aunt Abby. Don't...
Copy !req
1205. Jonathan, let Aunt Martha see
what's in the window seat.
Copy !req
1206. Aunt Abby, darling, I owe you an apology.
Copy !req
1207. I've got some very good news
for you. Jonathan is leaving.
Copy !req
1208. And he's taking Dr. Einstein
and that cold companion with him.
Copy !req
1209. Listen, Jonathan. You're my
brother, you're a Brewster.
Copy !req
1210. So I'm giving you a chance to get
away and take the evidence with you.
Copy !req
1211. You can't ask for more than that.
Copy !req
1212. Well?
Copy !req
1213. All right, in that case, I'll
have to call the police.
Copy !req
1214. Don't reach for the telephone.
Copy !req
1215. Remember, what happened to Mr.
Spenalzo can happen to you, too.
Copy !req
1216. Spenalzo?
Copy !req
1217. I knew he was a foreigner.
Copy !req
1218. Put down that telephone, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1219. Oh.
Copy !req
1220. - Hello.
- Oh, Officer O'Hara!
Copy !req
1221. I saw your lights on and thought you
might have sickness in the house...
Copy !req
1222. You got company? Oh, I'm sorry
I disturbed you.
Copy !req
1223. - No! Come in.
- Yes, do come in.
Copy !req
1224. Come right in, Officer O'Hara.
This is our nephew, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1225. - Pleased to meet you.
- Glad to see you, fella.
Copy !req
1226. And this is another nephew, Jonathan.
Copy !req
1227. Pleased to make your acquaintance.
Copy !req
1228. Say, your face is familiar.
Copy !req
1229. Haven't I seen a picture of
you somewhere before?
Copy !req
1230. I don't think so.
Copy !req
1231. - I'll be running along.
- Oh, come on. What's the hurry?
Copy !req
1232. Why don't you stick around
until my brother leaves.
Copy !req
1233. I got to ring in, Mr. Brew...
Copy !req
1234. Say, you're not the Mortimer Brewster,
Copy !req
1235. the book writer and the
dramatic critic, are you?
Copy !req
1236. Well, yes, why?
Copy !req
1237. Oh, what a break for me! I'm a
playwright. I'm working on a play now.
Copy !req
1238. You are? Well, well, well!
Copy !req
1239. - Maybe I can help you with it.
- Oh, would you? What a break!
Copy !req
1240. I get wonderful ideas, but I
can't spell them.
Copy !req
1241. I can spell like the dickens.
Constantinople?
Copy !req
1242. Well, come on! Let's go into the
kitchen. You can tell me all about it.
Copy !req
1243. Couldn't you whip up a
sandwich for Officer O'Hara?
Copy !req
1244. I hope you don't mind eating
in the kitchen, Officer O'Hara.
Copy !req
1245. And where else would you eat?
Copy !req
1246. See you in a moment.
Copy !req
1247. Now, listen, Jonathan. This is
your last chance.
Copy !req
1248. I'll keep O'Hara busy in the
kitchen to give you a chance to get out.
Copy !req
1249. All three of you, you, Dr.
Einstein and Spenalzo.
Copy !req
1250. Mortimer...
Copy !req
1251. Because if you don't leave
here in five minutes,
Copy !req
1252. I'll bring in Officer O'Hara
and introduce him to Mr. Spenalzo.
Copy !req
1253. Mr. Brewster, my play takes place in...
Copy !req
1254. I'll be right with you,
O'Hara. Right with you.
Copy !req
1255. Right with you. Just give me one moment.
Copy !req
1256. Now get going! All three of you.
Copy !req
1257. Doctor, this affair between my
brother and myself has got to be settled.
Copy !req
1258. But, Johnny, we've got trouble
enough as it is. Come, let's go.
Copy !req
1259. We're not going. We're going to
sleep right here in this house.
Copy !req
1260. What? With a cop in the kitchen
and Spenalzo in the window seat?
Copy !req
1261. That's all he's got on us. We'll
take Spenalzo and dump him in the bay.
Copy !req
1262. After that, we're coming back
here. Then if he tries to interfere...
Copy !req
1263. No, no, Johnny. No, please.
Copy !req
1264. Doctor, we've got a wonderful
setup here. We can make a fortune.
Copy !req
1265. Two old ladies as a front.
Only Mortimer stands in our way.
Copy !req
1266. I never did like Mortimer.
Copy !req
1267. No, Johnny. Please, take it easy. Please!
Copy !req
1268. Doctor, you know when I make up my mind...
Copy !req
1269. Yeah, I know, when you make up
your mind, you lose your head.
Copy !req
1270. Look, Johnny, Brooklyn ain't a
good setup for you.
Copy !req
1271. Okay, Johnny. Okay!
Copy !req
1272. Take the instruments and hide
them in the cellar. Move fast.
Copy !req
1273. So, Mr. Brewster.
Copy !req
1274. - You don't know what goes on in Brooklyn.
- I don't know.
Copy !req
1275. - My mother was an actress.
- Legitimate?
Copy !req
1276. Of course she was. She was my mother.
Copy !req
1277. - Oh, excuse me...
- Peaches La Tour was her name.
Copy !req
1278. - Hey, Johnny. Johnny, come quick!
- What's the matter?
Copy !req
1279. - You know that hole in the cellar?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1280. Well, we got an ace in the hole.
Copy !req
1281. This is no fly-by-night idea. I've
been working on this thing for 12 years.
Copy !req
1282. Oh, you have? Well, rehash it in
your mind. I'll be back in a minute.
Copy !req
1283. - All right. Swell.
- I like the first act.
Copy !req
1284. I didn't tell you the first...
Copy !req
1285. Look, I thought I told you...
Copy !req
1286. Jonathan. Jonathan. Jonathan!
Copy !req
1287. Yes, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1288. What are you two doing still
here? I thought I told you to beat it.
Copy !req
1289. We're not going.
Copy !req
1290. - You're not going?
- No.
Copy !req
1291. - No.
- You stay out of this.
Copy !req
1292. All right, you asked for it.
Copy !req
1293. - Officer O'Hara?
- Coming.
Copy !req
1294. Now, if you tell O'Hara what's
in the window seat,
Copy !req
1295. I'll tell him what's down in the cellar.
Copy !req
1296. Cellar?
Copy !req
1297. There's an elderly gentleman down
there who seems to be very dead.
Copy !req
1298. - What were you doing down the cellar?
- What is he doing in the cellar?
Copy !req
1299. Now what are you going to tell O'Hara?
Copy !req
1300. Your aunts think my opening is swell.
Copy !req
1301. - Shall I bring them in here?
- No! No! No!
Copy !req
1302. You can't do that. You can't do
that now. Uh, you'd better ring in.
Copy !req
1303. Oh, the heck with ringing in! You've got
me rolling. I want to tell you the plot.
Copy !req
1304. You can't tell me in front of
those two fellas.
Copy !req
1305. They won't appreciate it.
Copy !req
1306. Oh. Lowbrows, huh?
Copy !req
1307. Let's go some place where we can
be alone. I'll meet you there later.
Copy !req
1308. Okay. Say...
Copy !req
1309. How about the backroom at Kelly's?
Copy !req
1310. Kelly's? Oh, yeah. Fine place.
Bohemian atmosphere. Genius at work.
Copy !req
1311. - You ring in and I'll meet you at Kelly's.
- All right, fine.
Copy !req
1312. Why don't you both go down in the cellar?
Copy !req
1313. - That's all right with me.
- No! No! No!
Copy !req
1314. There's a much more literary
atmosphere in Kelly's, I assure you.
Copy !req
1315. - Okay. This opening will kill you.
- It will?
Copy !req
1316. I'm waiting to be born, see,
and the doctor gets there...
Copy !req
1317. - Oh, the doctor!
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1318. - Look, you ring in and I'll see you later.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1319. - You won't stand me up, will you?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1320. - No!
- This is a great play. You'll like it.
Copy !req
1321. - I'll see you down there.
- Can't wait! I can't wait!
Copy !req
1322. Doctor, doctor.
Copy !req
1323. Where are those papers? Oh, there they are.
Copy !req
1324. Oh, ho-ho.
Copy !req
1325. You're smug, aren't you? You think
you've got it over me. You haven't.
Copy !req
1326. You think I'm afraid to the
police about Spenalzo
Copy !req
1327. because you'll blab about
Hoskins. Well, I'm not!
Copy !req
1328. The moment I get Spenalzo...
Copy !req
1329. The moment the doctor signs, I don't
care who knows about him, Hoskins, I mean.
Copy !req
1330. And you better feel the same
way about Spenalzo. Yes, Spenalzo!
Copy !req
1331. - Where are you going?
- To the doctor's. Where do you...
Copy !req
1332. When I come back, I expect to
find you gone. Wait for me!
Copy !req
1333. We'll wait for him.
Copy !req
1334. Did he look guilty!
Copy !req
1335. Well, Martha, I think we can
start the services now.
Copy !req
1336. Oh...
Copy !req
1337. We thought we heard you leave.
Copy !req
1338. Perish the thought, dear
aunties. That was just Mortimer.
Copy !req
1339. And speaking of services, Aunt Martha,
Copy !req
1340. will you make us some coffee while we
take Mr. Spenalzo down to the cellar?
Copy !req
1341. Oh, no!
Copy !req
1342. No, Jonathan. You've got to
take him with you!
Copy !req
1343. There's a friend of Mortimer's
downstairs waiting for him.
Copy !req
1344. - A friend of Mortimer's?
- Take his feet, Doctor.
Copy !req
1345. Mr. Spenalzo and he will get
along fine together.
Copy !req
1346. They're both dead.
Copy !req
1347. Oh. He must mean Mr. Hoskins.
Copy !req
1348. Mr. Hoskins?
Copy !req
1349. You know about what's down there?
Copy !req
1350. Of course we do. And he's no
friend of Mortimer's.
Copy !req
1351. - He's one of our gentlemen.
- Your gentlemen?
Copy !req
1352. Yes. And we won't have any
strangers buried in our cellar.
Copy !req
1353. - But Mr. Hoskins...
- Mr. Hoskins is no stranger.
Copy !req
1354. Besides, there's no room for Mr. Spenalzo.
Copy !req
1355. The cellar's crowded already.
Copy !req
1356. Crowded? With what?
Copy !req
1357. There are 12 graves down there now.
Copy !req
1358. Twelve graves.
Copy !req
1359. That leaves very little room
and we're going to need it.
Copy !req
1360. You mean that you and Aunt
Martha have murdered 12...
Copy !req
1361. Murdered? Certainly not. It's
one of our charities.
Copy !req
1362. Why, what we've been doing is a mercy.
Copy !req
1363. So you just take your Mr.
Spenalzo out of here.
Copy !req
1364. You've done all that
Copy !req
1365. right here in this house and
buried them in the cellar?
Copy !req
1366. That's wonderful, Johnny!
Copy !req
1367. We've been chased all over the world,
Copy !req
1368. they stay right here in Brooklyn,
and they do just as good as you do.
Copy !req
1369. - What?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1370. You got 12, they got 12.
Copy !req
1371. I've got 13.
Copy !req
1372. - No, Johnny, 12. Don't brag.
- Thirteen.
Copy !req
1373. There's Mr. Spenalzo. Then the
first one in London.
Copy !req
1374. Two in Johannesburg, one in
Sydney, one in Melbourne,
Copy !req
1375. two in San Francisco, one in
Phoenix, Arizona.
Copy !req
1376. Phoenix?
Copy !req
1377. - The filling station.
- Filling... Oh, yes.
Copy !req
1378. Three in Chicago and one in South Bend.
Copy !req
1379. That makes 13.
Copy !req
1380. You cannot count the one in
South Bend. He died of pneumonia.
Copy !req
1381. He wouldn't have died of
pneumonia if I hadn't shot him.
Copy !req
1382. No, no, Johnny, you cannot count him.
Copy !req
1383. You got 12, they got 12.
Copy !req
1384. The old ladies is just as good as you are.
Copy !req
1385. They are, are they?
Copy !req
1386. Well, that's easily taken care of.
Copy !req
1387. All I need is one more.
Copy !req
1388. That's all. Just one more.
Copy !req
1389. And I've a pretty good idea who it is.
Copy !req
1390. I'm a lucky man to have caught
you at home, Dr. Gilchrist.
Copy !req
1391. This is most irregular. Most irregular.
Copy !req
1392. Well, I'm sorry to have dragged you
out of bed, but only you can help me.
Copy !req
1393. I know Teddy blows bugles, but I can't
commit a man to an institution on that.
Copy !req
1394. If you'd only have another
little talk with him,
Copy !req
1395. I'm sure you'd be convinced.
Now, here's the house. I...
Copy !req
1396. - There goes Hoskins.
- Who?
Copy !req
1397. What? Did I say...
Copy !req
1398. - You better wait.
- Here?
Copy !req
1399. Yes. I'll bring Teddy out.
Copy !req
1400. I wouldn't want to alarm the old
ladies, seeing a doctor and everything.
Copy !req
1401. - You wait here.
- In the cemetery?
Copy !req
1402. It's Halloween.
Copy !req
1403. Don't worry about Halloween.
Copy !req
1404. The pixies won't be out till after midnight.
Copy !req
1405. Now look, you wait here. Make
yourself comfortable.
Copy !req
1406. Pull up a tombstone. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
1407. - Hey, $22.50!
- What?
Copy !req
1408. - $22.50!
- Oh, yes, looks good on you!
Copy !req
1409. Not the suit, the meter!
Copy !req
1410. Looks good on me. $22.50.
Copy !req
1411. - Did you give him a 21-gun salute?
- Yes, with a Maxim silencer.
Copy !req
1412. Hey, you! Five more bucks and you'll own it.
Copy !req
1413. No, thanks. It wouldn't fit me.
Copy !req
1414. - Mr. President, may I present...
- Dr. Livingstone!
Copy !req
1415. - Livingstone?
- That's what he presumes.
Copy !req
1416. Mr. President, the doctor would like
to have a few words with you in private.
Copy !req
1417. Certainly. Welcome to Washington, Doctor.
Copy !req
1418. Arlington is beautiful at this
time of year, is it not, Doctor?
Copy !req
1419. Yes, indeed.
Copy !req
1420. Well now, that's that.
Copy !req
1421. It gives me a chance to rest.
Copy !req
1422. So far, so good.
Copy !req
1423. Not so good.
Copy !req
1424. Do you or do you not love me?
Copy !req
1425. Oh, Elaine.
Copy !req
1426. Elaine, how can you say such a
thing? Darling, of course I love you.
Copy !req
1427. - Do you?
- Yes, darling.
Copy !req
1428. Then why have you been
treating me the way you have?
Copy !req
1429. - You've been...
- Elaine, Elaine...
Copy !req
1430. Darling, I love you so much, I
can't go through with our marriage.
Copy !req
1431. Have you suddenly gone crazy?
Copy !req
1432. No, no, I don't think so, but
it's only a matter of time.
Copy !req
1433. Look, darling, you wouldn't want to
have children with three heads, would you?
Copy !req
1434. You wouldn't want to set up
housekeeping in a padded cell.
Copy !req
1435. - What are you talking about?
- Well, I don't quite know.
Copy !req
1436. I probably should have told
you this before, but you see,
Copy !req
1437. well, insanity runs in my family.
Copy !req
1438. It practically gallops.
Copy !req
1439. Oh, darling, just because Teddy's a
little strange, that doesn't mean...
Copy !req
1440. No, darling. It's way back before Teddy.
Copy !req
1441. This goes back to the first
Brewster who came over on the Mayflower.
Copy !req
1442. You know how in those days the
Indians used to scalp the settlers?
Copy !req
1443. Well, he used to scalp the Indians.
Copy !req
1444. Darling, that's ancient history.
Copy !req
1445. Yes, Doctor, I'll run for a
third term, but I won't be elected.
Copy !req
1446. That'll mean the last of the
Roosevelts in the White House.
Copy !req
1447. - That's what you think.
- Of course, if the country insists...
Copy !req
1448. Oh, darling, all this doesn't prove a thing.
Copy !req
1449. Look at your aunts. They're
Brewsters, aren't they?
Copy !req
1450. They're the sweetest, sanest
people I've ever known.
Copy !req
1451. Well, even they have their peculiarities.
Copy !req
1452. What of it? So your family's
crazy. So you're crazy.
Copy !req
1453. That's the way I want you,
that's the way I love you.
Copy !req
1454. I'm crazy too, but kiss me.
Copy !req
1455. No, no. I...
Copy !req
1456. Oh...
Copy !req
1457. Goodbye, Ambassador. I've
enjoyed this little talk very much.
Copy !req
1458. Any time you're in Washington,
drop in to see me at the White House.
Copy !req
1459. - Those papers.
- Go away. Papers!
Copy !req
1460. - I'll commit him to any place.
- You will?
Copy !req
1461. I've just been appointed
Ambassador to Bolivia!
Copy !req
1462. You see? Didn't I tell you?
Copy !req
1463. Don't worry about that. Just
go on signing the papers.
Copy !req
1464. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
1465. Thank you.
Copy !req
1466. All right! All right! You'll
find out whose house this is!
Copy !req
1467. I'm warning you, you better stop it.
Copy !req
1468. There's no use doing what you're
doing. It'll just have to be undone.
Copy !req
1469. Aunt Abby, go to bed!
Copy !req
1470. It's a terrible thing to do, to
bury a good Methodist with a foreigner.
Copy !req
1471. Mortimer, where have you been?
Copy !req
1472. Getting some papers signed. Is
Teddy in his room?
Copy !req
1473. Oh, Mortimer, what is the matter with you?
Copy !req
1474. Running around getting papers
signed at a time like this.
Copy !req
1475. Martha and I are going for the police.
Copy !req
1476. Police!
Copy !req
1477. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
Copy !req
1478. - You can't go for the police.
- Oh, no?
Copy !req
1479. - No.
- You know what Jonathan's doing?
Copy !req
1480. He's putting Mr. Hoskins and
Mr. Spenalzo in together.
Copy !req
1481. All right, let him.
Copy !req
1482. This is all fixed up nice now.
Copy !req
1483. Nice and smooth like a lake.
Copy !req
1484. The President will be very
proud of his Panama Canal.
Copy !req
1485. Oh, Johnny, bed feels good already.
Copy !req
1486. You know, we didn't get any
sleep for 48 hours.
Copy !req
1487. - You're forgetting, Doctor.
- What?
Copy !req
1488. - Now, Mortimer...
- All right, all right.
Copy !req
1489. If Jonathan and Mr. Spenalzo
aren't out this house before morning,
Copy !req
1490. we're going for the police.
Copy !req
1491. I'll get them out, I promise you that!
Copy !req
1492. - Then you get the wedding silver.
- Remember, no police! No police!
Copy !req
1493. All right, fine. Look, go to bed, will you?
Copy !req
1494. For heaven's sakes, get out of
those clothes!
Copy !req
1495. You two look like a double blackout.
Copy !req
1496. My brother, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1497. I just heard him upstairs.
Copy !req
1498. No, no, no! I am tired.
Copy !req
1499. You forget, I got to operate
on your face tomorrow.
Copy !req
1500. You are going to operate tomorrow, Doctor.
Copy !req
1501. But tonight we are taking care of Mortimer.
Copy !req
1502. But Johnny, not tonight! I'm sleepy.
Copy !req
1503. We'll do it tomorrow. Or the next day.
Copy !req
1504. Look at me, Doctor.
Copy !req
1505. You can see that it's got to
be done, can't you?
Copy !req
1506. Yeah, I know that look.
Copy !req
1507. It's a little late to dissolve
our partnership.
Copy !req
1508. Okay, okay, Johnny. Okay, we'll do it.
Copy !req
1509. But the quick way, huh? The
quick twist like in London.
Copy !req
1510. No, Doctor. I think this calls
for something special.
Copy !req
1511. I think, perhaps, the Melbourne method.
Copy !req
1512. Not the Melbourne method, please!
Copy !req
1513. Two hours!
Copy !req
1514. And then when it was all over, what?
Copy !req
1515. The fellow in London was just as
dead as the fellow in Melbourne.
Copy !req
1516. No, no, no, don't do that, Mr. President.
Copy !req
1517. But I cannot sign any
proclamation without consulting my cabinet.
Copy !req
1518. This must be secret.
Copy !req
1519. A secret proclamation? How unusual.
Copy !req
1520. Yes, it's the only way we can
outsmart the other fellow.
Copy !req
1521. - Who's the other fellow?
- That's the secret.
Copy !req
1522. Oh, I see!
Copy !req
1523. Very clever.
Copy !req
1524. Well, if it's a secret
proclamation, it has to be signed in secret.
Copy !req
1525. - Of course, Mr. President.
- I'll have to put on my signing clothes.
Copy !req
1526. You already have them on, Mr. President.
Copy !req
1527. So I have. Wait here.
Copy !req
1528. Hey, Mr. Brewster.
Copy !req
1529. What is it, mice?
Copy !req
1530. - You get out of this house.
- Can't you see I'm busy?
Copy !req
1531. Thank you, Mr. President.
Copy !req
1532. What a load off my mind. Boy,
could I use a drink!
Copy !req
1533. - Get out of here, will you, please?
- What? Speak up. I can't hear you.
Copy !req
1534. Johnny's in a bad mood. Get out!
Copy !req
1535. - Stop underplaying. I can't hear you.
- Please listen to me. Get out.
Copy !req
1536. Stop all this! What are you doing?
Look, Doc... Are you really a doctor?
Copy !req
1537. Yes, Heidelberg, 1919.
Copy !req
1538. Heidelberg? How'd you hook up with Jonathan?
Copy !req
1539. I tell you later about that, but
you go now. Please, listen to me.
Copy !req
1540. Stop it, Doctor! Now, stop it!
Copy !req
1541. You get out of here! Look,
when Johnny's in that mood,
Copy !req
1542. he's a madman. He's a maniac!
Copy !req
1543. And then things happen. Horrible things.
Copy !req
1544. - You get out of here!
- Will you stop it?
Copy !req
1545. Stop telling me about
Jonathan, I'll take care of him.
Copy !req
1546. You take care of yourself. Get
going, little fellow.
Copy !req
1547. - What's that? Wait.
- Oh, no, my schnapps.
Copy !req
1548. - I could use that.
- That's mine.
Copy !req
1549. Ah-ah-ah! Please. Only for dramatic critics.
Copy !req
1550. Now, look, you beat it before
things start popping around here.
Copy !req
1551. But, look, Mr. Brewster, please.
Copy !req
1552. You've just been married.
Copy !req
1553. You have a nice little wife
waiting for you. Please go now.
Copy !req
1554. Please.
Copy !req
1555. Don't those plays you see all
the time teach you anything?
Copy !req
1556. Don't get me on the subject of plays!
I've got to wait for Mr. Witherspoon.
Copy !req
1557. At least people in plays act
like they got sense.
Copy !req
1558. Did anybody in a play ever act
like they got intelligence?
Copy !req
1559. - How can somebody be so stupid?
- You ought to have my job.
Copy !req
1560. Listen to me brother,
Copy !req
1561. when you get out of prison, have
yourself wheeled to the Garrick Theater.
Copy !req
1562. There's a play that's so bad, it'll
still be running when you get out.
Copy !req
1563. There's a man... Now listen to this.
Copy !req
1564. He knows he's in the house with
murderers and should know he's in danger.
Copy !req
1565. He's even been warned to get
out. And does he go?
Copy !req
1566. - Yes.
- No, he doesn't. He stays!
Copy !req
1567. This fellow doesn't even have sense
to be scared or to be on his guard.
Copy !req
1568. The murderer even invites him to sit down.
Copy !req
1569. - What do you think he does?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
1570. He sits down!
Copy !req
1571. He deliberately pulls up a
chair and he sits down in it.
Copy !req
1572. Isn't that great?
Copy !req
1573. So there he is, all waiting to
be trussed up and gagged.
Copy !req
1574. What do you think they tied
him up with? The curtain cord.
Copy !req
1575. Curtain cord?
Copy !req
1576. But didn't he see him get it?
Copy !req
1577. See him get it?
Copy !req
1578. No. The silly chump sits down
with his back toward the murderer.
Copy !req
1579. All he has to do is look
around, but does he? No!
Copy !req
1580. See, brother Heidelberg, in a play,
or even in a movie for that matter,
Copy !req
1581. a fellow never sees or hears
anything. That's right.
Copy !req
1582. But what does he do?
Copy !req
1583. The big chump sits there. This
fellow's supposed to be bright.
Copy !req
1584. Now get a load of this. Look
at the attitude.
Copy !req
1585. Large as life! He sits there
waiting to be tied up and gagged.
Copy !req
1586. The big dope!
Copy !req
1587. You were right about that fellow.
Copy !req
1588. He wasn't very bright.
Copy !req
1589. Yes, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1590. I've been away for 20 years.
Copy !req
1591. But never, my dear brother,
were you out of my mind.
Copy !req
1592. In Melbourne one night, I dreamt of you.
Copy !req
1593. The more you struggle, Mortimer,
the more you strangle yourself.
Copy !req
1594. Later on, you may consider that a blessing.
Copy !req
1595. Now, Doctor...
Copy !req
1596. We go to work.
Copy !req
1597. Johnny, for me, please, the
quick way. Please.
Copy !req
1598. - This must be an artistic achievement.
- Please.
Copy !req
1599. After all, we're performing
before a very distinguished critic.
Copy !req
1600. - Johnny, please!
- Doctor!
Copy !req
1601. All right. Let's get it over with.
Copy !req
1602. Oh, but Johnny, I cannot see
this without the drink.
Copy !req
1603. Pull yourself together, Doctor.
Copy !req
1604. But I can't pull myself
together without a drink.
Copy !req
1605. You remember when we came in,
there was some wine.
Copy !req
1606. And then they took it. Where
did they put it?
Copy !req
1607. Johnny, I found some wine.
Copy !req
1608. I found some wine. Here, I'll
split it with you.
Copy !req
1609. We both have a drink before we operate.
Copy !req
1610. I am so happy that we don't
have to operate without a drink.
Copy !req
1611. Doctor, one moment, please.
Copy !req
1612. Where are your manners?
Copy !req
1613. Yes, Mortimer.
Copy !req
1614. I realize now that it was you
who brought me back to Brooklyn.
Copy !req
1615. We drink to you.
Copy !req
1616. Doctor, to my dear, dead brother.
Copy !req
1617. Prosit...
Copy !req
1618. Mmph!
Copy !req
1619. That idiot!
Copy !req
1620. - He goes next. That's all. He goes next!
- Not Teddy! Please!
Copy !req
1621. - We'll get to him later.
- No, Teddy, we won't get to him at all!
Copy !req
1622. We have to work fast. The quick way.
Copy !req
1623. The quick way, yes!
Copy !req
1624. If it has to be, then the
quick way. I'll help you.
Copy !req
1625. Hey, the colonel has to quit
blowing that horn.
Copy !req
1626. It's all right, officer. We're
taking the bugle away from him.
Copy !req
1627. I'd better talk to him myself.
Where's the lights?
Copy !req
1628. Hey...
Copy !req
1629. You stood me up!
Copy !req
1630. I've been waiting for you for
over an hour at Kelly's.
Copy !req
1631. - What happened to him?
- Nothing.
Copy !req
1632. He was explaining a play he saw and
that's what happened to a man in the play.
Copy !req
1633. Oh, I see.
Copy !req
1634. Did that really happen in a play you saw?
Copy !req
1635. How do you like that? You
can't trust nobody.
Copy !req
1636. They practically stole that
from the second act in my play.
Copy !req
1637. In the second act, just... Maybe
I'd better start at the beginning.
Copy !req
1638. Yeah, sure.
Copy !req
1639. No.
Copy !req
1640. You've got to hear the plot!
Copy !req
1641. My mother's sitting there, making
up. Like a flash, out of a clear sky,
Copy !req
1642. the door opens and a man with
a mustache comes in.
Copy !req
1643. He says, Miss Peaches La Tour,
will you marry me?
Copy !req
1644. That's the first scene. My mother doesn't
say they're married. That's the surprise!
Copy !req
1645. What a kick!
Copy !req
1646. Twenty-five years pass. Well,
in the meantime, there's me.
Copy !req
1647. Grown into a magnificent
specimen. So what do I do?
Copy !req
1648. I join the police force and
become one of New York's finest.
Copy !req
1649. Well, I'm cleaning out a crooked
laundry, see? Little do I know it,
Copy !req
1650. but there's a dope fiend with
a long knife trailing after me.
Copy !req
1651. - I'm in great danger.
- Mmph!
Copy !req
1652. It's getting you, ain't it? I
can see it in your eyes.
Copy !req
1653. Well, you ain't heard nothing yet.
Copy !req
1654. All of a sudden, a fire breaks
out. What an effect!
Copy !req
1655. The firemen rush in and who's leading them?
Copy !req
1656. Mayor Fiorello La Guardia!
Copy !req
1657. What's the matter with him?
Copy !req
1658. - Probably your play put him to sleep.
- What?
Copy !req
1659. - I personally like it very much.
- It's probably over his head.
Copy !req
1660. - Where have I seen that face before?
- No, please.
Copy !req
1661. The scene changes. It's an evolving stage.
Copy !req
1662. I'm walking along my beat, casual-like,
Copy !req
1663. when a guy that I'm following,
it turns out he's following me!
Copy !req
1664. Don't let nobody in. I figures
I'll outsmart him.
Copy !req
1665. - There's a vacant house on the corner.
- Johnny, the cops!
Copy !req
1666. I sees the door handle turn,
Copy !req
1667. so I pulls out my gun,
Copy !req
1668. braces myself against the wall and I says...
Copy !req
1669. Come in!
Copy !req
1670. Oh, hello, boys.
Copy !req
1671. - What the Sam Hill's going on?
- Sarge, this is Mortimer Brewster.
Copy !req
1672. - He's going to help me write my play.
- Do you have to tie him up?
Copy !req
1673. Well, Harry, you better report
into the station.
Copy !req
1674. Why didn't you ring in? The
whole force is out looking for you.
Copy !req
1675. Right in the middle of the second
act. Did they send you guys here for me?
Copy !req
1676. No, we came to warn the old ladies.
Copy !req
1677. - The colonel blew that bugle again.
- I heard him.
Copy !req
1678. The neighbors are phoning in.
The Lieutenant's on the warpath.
Copy !req
1679. He says we've got to put him away someplace.
Copy !req
1680. Now, who the heck is this?
Copy !req
1681. Mr. Brewster's brother. My
play put him to sleep.
Copy !req
1682. That's the one that ran away.
So he came back.
Copy !req
1683. Brophy. Get me Mac.
Copy !req
1684. Have you got yourself in a mess!
You're two hours overdue at the station.
Copy !req
1685. I better let them know that I found you.
Copy !req
1686. It wasn't that bad, was it?
Copy !req
1687. Mac?
Copy !req
1688. Tell the Lieutenant he can call
off the big manhunt. We found him.
Copy !req
1689. At the Brewster house.
Copy !req
1690. Shall we bring him in?
Copy !req
1691. All right, we'll hold him right here.
Copy !req
1692. The Lieutenant is on his way over.
Copy !req
1693. So I've been turned in?
Copy !req
1694. All right, you've got me.
Copy !req
1695. I suppose you and my stool-
pigeon brother will split the reward.
Copy !req
1696. - Reward?
- Yes, reward!
Copy !req
1697. Now I'll do some turning in!
Copy !req
1698. Wait a minute, Mr. Brewster.
Copy !req
1699. You think my aunts are sweet,
charming old ladies, don't you?
Copy !req
1700. Well, there's 13 bodies buried
in the cellar!
Copy !req
1701. Yes, 13.
Copy !req
1702. Be careful what you say about
your aunts, they're friends of ours.
Copy !req
1703. - I'll show them to you.
- Don't make trouble for them!
Copy !req
1704. Never mind, Mr. Brewster. Leave him to me.
Copy !req
1705. - Come down to the cellar.
- Wait a minute. Now, wait a minute.
Copy !req
1706. Thirteen bodies. I'll show you
where they're buried.
Copy !req
1707. Oh, yeah?
Copy !req
1708. - Go to the cellar with him.
- Yes, come to the cellar.
Copy !req
1709. Well, look, do I have to?
Copy !req
1710. Maybe I don't want to go down to the cellar.
Copy !req
1711. Go on down the cellar with him!
Copy !req
1712. Now, please. I'll tell you the
rest of my play later.
Copy !req
1713. - Go on down the cellar with him.
- Do I have to?
Copy !req
1714. Look at that puss. He looks
like Boris Karloff.
Copy !req
1715. - Argh!
- Don't! Sarge!
Copy !req
1716. Look out, Pat!
Copy !req
1717. - Look out!
- He's got a gun.
Copy !req
1718. I got him, Pat. Look out!
Copy !req
1719. Fight. Go on and fight.
Copy !req
1720. That's enough, that's enough. Everybody off.
Copy !req
1721. - Tsk, tsk, tsk.
- Pat, look out!
Copy !req
1722. Amazing.
Copy !req
1723. Such a fine day, too.
Copy !req
1724. All I did was cross the bridge
and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.
Copy !req
1725. No, don't...
Copy !req
1726. Don't bother me now.
Copy !req
1727. You could use this in the third act.
Copy !req
1728. I got something better. Let me tell you...
Copy !req
1729. I'll see you later.
Copy !req
1730. Oh!
Copy !req
1731. I got the papers signed. The
papers are all signed. What do I care?
Copy !req
1732. Go ahead, fight.
Copy !req
1733. I'd better call and see if
Witherspoon has left.
Copy !req
1734. Telephone.
Copy !req
1735. I'll get every one of you!
Copy !req
1736. I hate cops. I'll brain the
first one that comes near me!
Copy !req
1737. A little higher, please, brother.
Thank you very much. That's fine.
Copy !req
1738. - Oh!
- Don't do that, please.
Copy !req
1739. Get him, Pat.
Copy !req
1740. That won't have any effect.
I've tried it before...
Copy !req
1741. It did. Isn't that amazing?
Copy !req
1742. Oh, dear. Wish I could relax like that.
Copy !req
1743. - Witherspoon.
- Come in.
Copy !req
1744. - What has occurred?
- Well...
Copy !req
1745. Never mind! Didn't I tell you
I'd handle this?
Copy !req
1746. Well, Lieutenant!
Copy !req
1747. - We were just acting in self-defense.
- What happened? He put up a fight?
Copy !req
1748. This isn't the one that blows the bugle.
Copy !req
1749. This is his brother. He tried
to kill O'Hara.
Copy !req
1750. All I said was he looked like Boris Karloff.
Copy !req
1751. Boris... Turn him over.
Copy !req
1752. Kind of think he's wanted somewhere.
Copy !req
1753. Oh, you kind of think he's wanted somewhere?
Copy !req
1754. If you guys can't look at the
circulars we put up in the station,
Copy !req
1755. you can at least read short
detective stories.
Copy !req
1756. Certainly, he's wanted. In Indiana!
Copy !req
1757. He escaped from the prison for
criminally insane. He's a lifer.
Copy !req
1758. That's my brother.
Copy !req
1759. That's the way they described
him. He looked like Karloff.
Copy !req
1760. Why'd you knock him out?
Copy !req
1761. He tried to get us to go to the
cellar. He says 13 bodies buried down there.
Copy !req
1762. Thirteen bodies in the cellar,
Copy !req
1763. and that don't tip you off the
guy's from a nuthouse?
Copy !req
1764. Thanks, pal.
Copy !req
1765. About my not ringing in, I want to...
Copy !req
1766. Where have you been all night?
Don't tell me.
Copy !req
1767. I was right here writing a
play with Mortimer Brewster.
Copy !req
1768. - Yeah?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1769. Well, you're going to have a
long time on that play.
Copy !req
1770. You're suspended.
Copy !req
1771. Now go on. Report in.
Copy !req
1772. Bring him to and find out
where his accomplice is.
Copy !req
1773. - What is the meaning of this commotion?
- The guy who helped him escape.
Copy !req
1774. - He's wanted, too.
- Here.
Copy !req
1775. I've been after these guys for 48
hours. Nothing to eat. No sleep.
Copy !req
1776. No wonder Brooklyn's in the shape it's in.
Copy !req
1777. With flatheads like you on the
force. Falling for a story like that!
Copy !req
1778. Thirteen bodies buried in the cellar.
Copy !req
1779. But there are 13 bodies in the cellar!
Copy !req
1780. - Who are you?
- I'm President Roosevelt.
Copy !req
1781. - What the blazes is this?
- He's the guy that blows the bugle.
Copy !req
1782. - Howdy, Colonel.
- Oh.
Copy !req
1783. Colonel, you've blown your last
bugle. Get this guy out of here.
Copy !req
1784. - Dear me! Another yellow-fever victim?
- What?
Copy !req
1785. All the bodies in the cellar
are yellow-fever victims.
Copy !req
1786. No, Colonel. This is a spy. We
caught him at the White House.
Copy !req
1787. Take him out and bring him to.
I want to question him.
Copy !req
1788. - Questioning of spies is my department.
- Hey, you, keep out of that.
Copy !req
1789. You're forgetting that as President
I am also head of the Secret Service.
Copy !req
1790. Who are you?
Copy !req
1791. What's your name?
Copy !req
1792. Usually, I'm Mortimer Brewster.
But I'm not quite myself today.
Copy !req
1793. You're his brother. Look, no
argument. He's got to be put away.
Copy !req
1794. No arguments, Captain. No arguments.
Just a minute, take it easy. Read this.
Copy !req
1795. Teddy's going to go to Happy Dale tonight.
Copy !req
1796. - I'm waiting for Mr. Witherspoon.
- As long as he's going someplace.
Copy !req
1797. He's scaring the neighbors with that bugle.
Copy !req
1798. And that cockeyed story about
13 bodies being...
Copy !req
1799. I've been without sleep for 48
hours. I'm liable to think anything.
Copy !req
1800. I know just how you feel.
Copy !req
1801. There's people dumb enough to believe that.
Copy !req
1802. Last year there was a crazy
guy, started a murder rumor.
Copy !req
1803. I had to dig up a half acre
lot before I could prove...
Copy !req
1804. - What's this?
- What's the matter?
Copy !req
1805. - These papers aren't any good.
- Why not?
Copy !req
1806. He signed it Theodore Roosevelt!
Copy !req
1807. - Is your taxi engaged?
- Losing dough every minute. Any offers?
Copy !req
1808. I'm Mr. Witherspoon of Happy Dale
Sanitarium, I have come to get a Brewster.
Copy !req
1809. I would like you to drive us
back to the sanitarium.
Copy !req
1810. I knew this would end up in a nuthouse!
Copy !req
1811. We like to think of it as a rest home.
Copy !req
1812. Mr. Brewster?
Copy !req
1813. Mr. Brewster.
Copy !req
1814. Mr. Witherspoon is here.
Copy !req
1815. Supposing the spy steals this
document and finds the name Roosevelt on it.
Copy !req
1816. Think what that would mean to
the safety of the nation!
Copy !req
1817. - No, it's chicanery.
- What is this? Come on!
Copy !req
1818. - He's come to. He's ready to talk.
- Hold him till I get there.
Copy !req
1819. Let me explain. The name
Brewster is code for Roosevelt.
Copy !req
1820. - Code for Roosevelt?
- Take the name Brewster.
Copy !req
1821. Take away the B and what have you got?
Copy !req
1822. - Rooster.
- And what does a rooster do?
Copy !req
1823. - Crows.
- It crows! Where do you hunt in Africa?
Copy !req
1824. - On the veldt!
- There you are! Crowsveldt.
Copy !req
1825. Ingenious! My compliments to
the boys in the code department.
Copy !req
1826. That's all right! Do that again for me.
Copy !req
1827. Never mind! Give me that pen.
Copy !req
1828. This is fun.
Copy !req
1829. Now, all I got to get is Witherspoon.
Copy !req
1830. Oh, Mr. Witherspoon, I'm so glad to see you.
Copy !req
1831. - Thank you.
- Mr. Witherspoon, before I...
Copy !req
1832. Look, you will take good care of Teddy?
Copy !req
1833. - Best of care of him.
- That's fine.
Copy !req
1834. And no wagon when he leaves.
Copy !req
1835. Why? To take him away? Never, never.
Copy !req
1836. Taxicabs. We always... I have
one waiting now.
Copy !req
1837. - Look, it means a great deal to me.
- Yes.
Copy !req
1838. You will personally see that
Teddy's happy at Happy Dale?
Copy !req
1839. - He'll be very happy at Happy Dale.
- That's good.
Copy !req
1840. You know, I sometimes envy
some of our patients, secretly.
Copy !req
1841. You do? It must be a nice
place. I've never been there.
Copy !req
1842. You never can tell.
Copy !req
1843. This is a particularly happy
moment for me tonight, Mr. Brewster.
Copy !req
1844. - I've never met a dramatic critic before.
- The woods are full of them.
Copy !req
1845. I have here something that will
explain what we're trying to do.
Copy !req
1846. - A pamphlet about Happy Dale?
- No, it's a play.
Copy !req
1847. Something I've been working on
for some time now.
Copy !req
1848. It's a dramatization of many
incidents that have happened at Happy Dale.
Copy !req
1849. Captain! Captain!
Copy !req
1850. I want you to read this carefully.
Copy !req
1851. I want you to be just as harsh
as you like, in your criticism.
Copy !req
1852. I shan't mind, you know...
Copy !req
1853. Captain, this is Mr. Witherspoon.
Copy !req
1854. Oh, yes, yes.
Copy !req
1855. He'll be very happy at Happy Dale.
Copy !req
1856. - Come, my boy.
- What is this?
Copy !req
1857. No, you got it wrong. This is
Captain Rooney.
Copy !req
1858. The police?
Copy !req
1859. I'm sure! Here are the papers, all
signed. Now you can take him away.
Copy !req
1860. I'll be in my office vetoing some bills.
Copy !req
1861. Mr. President, I have good news for you.
Copy !req
1862. Your term of office is over.
Copy !req
1863. - Is this March 4?
- Practically.
Copy !req
1864. Let's see...
Copy !req
1865. Oh...
Copy !req
1866. Now I go on my hunting trip to Africa!
Copy !req
1867. Well, I must get started immediately.
Copy !req
1868. Is he trying to move into the
White House before I've moved out?
Copy !req
1869. Who, Mr. President?
Copy !req
1870. Taft!
Copy !req
1871. No, this isn't Mr. Taft.
Copy !req
1872. It's Mr. Witherspoon, your guide to Africa.
Copy !req
1873. Bully! Bully!
Copy !req
1874. Wait right here. I'll bring
down my equipment.
Copy !req
1875. Happy man.
Copy !req
1876. Goodbye, Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha.
Copy !req
1877. I'm on my way to Africa. Isn't it wonderful?
Copy !req
1878. Charge!
Copy !req
1879. It's all right, I've got it.
Copy !req
1880. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
1881. And Happy Dale is full of staircases.
Copy !req
1882. You've come to meet Teddy, haven't you?
Copy !req
1883. No, he's come to take him.
Teddy's been blowing his bugle again.
Copy !req
1884. No, he can't go now! We won't permit it.
Copy !req
1885. We promise to take his bugle away from him.
Copy !req
1886. - We won't be separated from Teddy.
- I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1887. How can you allow this? You promised.
Copy !req
1888. Brewster's got nothing to do
with this. The law is the law!
Copy !req
1889. Teddy's committed himself and
he's got to go.
Copy !req
1890. - Well, If he's going, we're going, too!
- Yes, you'll have to take us with him.
Copy !req
1891. Why not? Why not, indeed?
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1892. It's sweet of them, but impossible. We
never take sane people at Happy Dale.
Copy !req
1893. Oh, no, no, no.
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1894. These two little sane people will get
lost in the shuffle. You could arrange that.
Copy !req
1895. Just put them in and they'll
get all mixed up.
Copy !req
1896. Oh, no, no, no. Too dangerous.
Dissension, jealousy.
Copy !req
1897. Now, let's be sensible, ladies.
Copy !req
1898. Here I am wasting my time when I
could be doing some serious work.
Copy !req
1899. You know, ladies, there are still
murders to be solved in Brooklyn.
Copy !req
1900. It ain't only his bugle
blowing. Things are going to get worse.
Copy !req
1901. We're liable to have to dig up your cellar.
Copy !req
1902. Our cellar?
Copy !req
1903. - Yeah.
- Oh-oh.
Copy !req
1904. Teddy's been telling around
there's 13 bodies buried in the cellar.
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1905. There are 13 bodies in our cellar.
Copy !req
1906. What?
Copy !req
1907. Yes. You just ask our nephew, Mortimer.
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1908. Charge!
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1909. Isn't that amazing?
Copy !req
1910. Now, Mortimer, you behave yourself.
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1911. You know very well there are
13 bodies down in our cellar.
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1912. Certainly there's 13 bodies in the cellar.
Copy !req
1913. And there are hundreds more up
in the attic, Captain!
Copy !req
1914. - What is this?
- You mustn't mind Mortimer.
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1915. - How about it?
- I'll be right there.
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1916. He's been a little strange all day.
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1917. Right now I wouldn't know what
is and what ain't strange anymore.
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1918. - I'll look in that cellar.
- I'll tell you what we'll do.
Copy !req
1919. I'll bring my bodies from the attic
and you get yours from the cellar,
Copy !req
1920. and we'll get them all together,
and we'll send them to Happy Dale.
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1921. - What?
- No, you wouldn't have to dig.
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1922. The graves are all marked.
Copy !req
1923. - We put flowers on them every Sunday.
- Flowers?
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1924. Sure, I put neon lights on mine.
Copy !req
1925. Humor them, humor them.
Copy !req
1926. Smile.
Copy !req
1927. - What?
- There's one down there, a Mr. Spenalzo...
Copy !req
1928. Hasn't got it yet.
Copy !req
1929. who doesn't belong here and has to leave.
Copy !req
1930. - But the other 12 are our gentlemen.
- Your gentlemen?
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1931. You'd like mine better. None
of mine are gentlemen.
Copy !req
1932. - You mustn't mind him at all.
- He got married today.
Copy !req
1933. There is a Happy Dale far, far away
Copy !req
1934. There is a Happy...
Copy !req
1935. Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
1936. He got it. It's amazing.
Copy !req
1937. Don't you think you can find
room for the ladies?
Copy !req
1938. Just the ladies?
Copy !req
1939. Just the ladies!
Copy !req
1940. - How about it?
- They'd have to be committed.
Copy !req
1941. Teddy committed himself. Couldn't they?
Copy !req
1942. - All they have to do is sign the papers.
- Certainly.
Copy !req
1943. Oh! Well, if we can go with
Teddy, we'll sign the papers.
Copy !req
1944. - Come along.
- Where are they?
Copy !req
1945. - Yes, where are they?
- I have them, ladies, right here.
Copy !req
1946. Sign them up, will you? I want
this all cleaned up.
Copy !req
1947. I'm going out to talk to that
spy. Maybe I can understand him.
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1948. Thirteen bodies in the cellar.
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1949. Ladies, if you'll sign right here.
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1950. - Here?
- Yes, please.
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1951. It's on the right-hand side there.
Copy !req
1952. I'm really looking forward to going.
Copy !req
1953. The neighborhood here has changed so.
Copy !req
1954. Yes. Especially since they won
that old pennant thing.
Copy !req
1955. Oh...
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1956. Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. We've
overlooked something.
Copy !req
1957. It's absolutely compulsory that we
have the signature of a physician.
Copy !req
1958. A doctor.
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1959. Dr. Einstein! Come here and
sign some papers, please.
Copy !req
1960. - Good night.
- Come here, Dr. Einstein.
Copy !req
1961. - A doctor?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1962. Dr. Einstein almost operated on
me earlier. Come along, Doctor.
Copy !req
1963. Now, here. Just sign right here,
Copy !req
1964. - please, Doctor.
- Yes.
Copy !req
1965. - Were you leaving, Doctor?
- Yes, please.
Copy !req
1966. Aren't you going to wait for Jonathan?
Copy !req
1967. I don't think we go to the same place.
Copy !req
1968. Hello, Mac. We picked up that
guy that's wanted in Indiana.
Copy !req
1969. His accomplice's description
is on the circular, on the desk.
Copy !req
1970. Read it to me, will you?
Copy !req
1971. Yeah.
Copy !req
1972. About 40.
Copy !req
1973. Five-foot-three.
Copy !req
1974. One hundred and forty pounds.
Copy !req
1975. Pop eyes.
Copy !req
1976. Talks with a German accent.
Copy !req
1977. Poses as a doctor.
Copy !req
1978. Okay, Mac. Thanks.
Copy !req
1979. It's all right. The doctor has
completed the signatures.
Copy !req
1980. That's great!
Copy !req
1981. Thanks, Doc. You've done
Brooklyn a great service.
Copy !req
1982. But Dr. Einstein!
Copy !req
1983. - Now, Mr. Witherspoon...
- You're Witherspoon, I'm Brewster.
Copy !req
1984. It's contagious, yes. It's your turn.
Copy !req
1985. - Don't play games...
- You sign.
Copy !req
1986. You sign as next of kin.
Copy !req
1987. Why didn't you say so? I'm all
confused. Don't mind me.
Copy !req
1988. Mr. Witherport.
Copy !req
1989. - Spoon.
- Here.
Copy !req
1990. Come up and pack my duffel.
Copy !req
1991. Duffel?
Copy !req
1992. Pack his duffel. He's President, you know?
Copy !req
1993. Oh.
Copy !req
1994. And bring along my bugle.
Copy !req
1995. President.
Copy !req
1996. Don't charge!
Copy !req
1997. Mortimer,
Copy !req
1998. Mortimer, we're really very
worried about something.
Copy !req
1999. Now, darling, don't be worried.
Copy !req
2000. - Me too, Mortimer.
- Well, of course, darling.
Copy !req
2001. You'll both be very happy at
Happy Dale. Really.
Copy !req
2002. We're very happy about the
whole thing, but that's just it.
Copy !req
2003. We don't want anything to go wrong.
Copy !req
2004. - Oh, what can go wrong?
- Mortimer,
Copy !req
2005. Will they investigate those signatures?
Copy !req
2006. - They won't look up Dr. Einstein...
- But it's not his signature, dear.
Copy !req
2007. - It's yours.
- Mine?
Copy !req
2008. You see, you signed as next of kin.
Copy !req
2009. - What's wrong about that, darling?
- Martha, you tell him.
Copy !req
2010. Well, dear.
Copy !req
2011. - What, dear?
- You're not really a Brewster.
Copy !req
2012. - What?
- Your mother came to us as a cook.
Copy !req
2013. And you were born about three
months afterwards.
Copy !req
2014. And she was such a sweet woman
and such a good cook,
Copy !req
2015. we didn't want to lose her. So
brother married her.
Copy !req
2016. Your real father was a cook, too.
Copy !req
2017. He was a chef on a tramp steamer.
Copy !req
2018. You mean I'm not really a Brewster?
Copy !req
2019. - Darling!
- Don't feel so badly about it.
Copy !req
2020. I'm sure it won't make any
difference to Elaine.
Copy !req
2021. Elaine, Elaine!
Copy !req
2022. Where are you? Can you hear
me? I'm not really a Brewster!
Copy !req
2023. I'm the son of a sea cook!
Copy !req
2024. Mortimer!
Copy !req
2025. Mortimer!
Copy !req
2026. Mortimer! It's true! I saw them. It's true.
Copy !req
2027. It's true! There are 13 bodies down there!
Copy !req
2028. But I saw them...
Copy !req
2029. What's all this screaming about?
Copy !req
2030. - But I saw them...
- It's way past her bedtime.
Copy !req
2031. Quiet!
Copy !req
2032. - But, Mortimer...
- Goodbye!
Copy !req
2033. - Bye.
- Goodbye, darling!
Copy !req
2034. - What is all this?
- They're going on their honeymoon.
Copy !req
2035. They're off to a flying start.
Copy !req
2036. Mortimer, I really did see...
Copy !req
2037. You'll own two cabs!
Copy !req
2038. - Mortimer...
- I mean the meter!
Copy !req
2039. Oh, Mortimer.
Copy !req
2040. Oh, Mortimer.
Copy !req
2041. We're going to Niagara Falls.
Call me a cab, dear.
Copy !req
2042. Yes, love.
Copy !req
2043. But Mr. Brewster!
Copy !req
2044. No, no. I'm not a Brewster.
I'm a son of a sea cook.
Copy !req
2045. Charge!
Copy !req
2046. I'm not a cab driver. I'm a coffee pot!
Copy !req