1. Hey, Timmy, get me a hot dog.Copy !req
2. Hey, Dave.
I like your Dukes of Hazzard T-shirt.Copy !req
3. Well, thanks, Sara.
I like your CHiPs T-shirt.Copy !req
4. - Thanks.
- Fun party, huh?Copy !req
5. Yeah. Except for Arnie Shankman
being here.Copy !req
6. Wedgie! Wedgie! Wedgie!Copy !req
7. I feel bad for him with his sister
losing her mind and all.Copy !req
8. Whatever.Copy !req
9. You know what we should do?
Play Truth or Dare.Copy !req
10. - You want to?
- Sure.Copy !req
11. Okay, I'll go first.
Truth or dare?Copy !req
12. Truth.Copy !req
13. Have you ever kissed a girl before?Copy !req
14. - Well, I—
- Family doesn't count.Copy !req
15. - Maybe I'll take dare.
- Okay.Copy !req
16. I dare you to kiss me.Copy !req
17. Right here?Copy !req
18. Yeah. I want everyone to see
that your first kiss is with me.Copy !req
19. Got any mustard for that
cocktail frank, butt-lick?Copy !req
20. - David Buznik.
- I just landed in St. Louis.Copy !req
21. - I hope you wrote my speech.
- I did, sir. I pulled an all nighter.Copy !req
22. I look forward to this, Mr. Head.
Never been to St. Louis.Copy !req
23. Thank you for allowing me
to come on this trip—Copy !req
24. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that sounds great.Copy !req
25. If we finish our work,
I'd love to go to a jazz club.Copy !req
26. Terrific.Copy !req
27. - He hung up on you again, didn't he?
- Yes. Yes, he did.Copy !req
28. He's a jerk. You came up with the idea
for the Husky Cat clothing line.Copy !req
29. He didn't say thank you.
He should give you a promotion.Copy !req
30. There's a creative executive position
that just opened up, so...Copy !req
31. Bring that up on the trip.
You gotta stick up for yourself.Copy !req
32. I know. I'll figure something out.Copy !req
33. I gotta go. Sorry.Copy !req
34. I'm gonna miss you.Copy !req
35. That guy's looking at us.Copy !req
36. You know I don't like it when
people watch me kiss.Copy !req
37. I'm sorry.Copy !req
38. Take care.Copy !req
39. Okay. Bye.Copy !req
40. Dave...Copy !req
41. - Have a good flight.
- Okay.Copy !req
42. I'm sorry.Copy !req
43. I think you're in my seat.Copy !req
44. Come on, pal. I'm already settled in
here. Can't you sit somewhere else?Copy !req
45. You're supposed to sit in the seat
they assigned you.Copy !req
46. Nobody cares. Just sit in the seat
I'm supposed to sit in.Copy !req
47. Excuse me. This seat's available.Copy !req
48. Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
49. You're very welcome.Copy !req
50. No air.Copy !req
51. That's too bad, huh?Copy !req
52. You're on my side of the armrest.Copy !req
53. We're not gonna have problems,
are we?Copy !req
54. No.Copy !req
55. I'm wetting my Jockeys here.Copy !req
56. You gotta get a load of this, keed.Copy !req
57. I mean, you like comedies?Copy !req
58. I just haven't been sleeping a lot
lately so I was trying to catch some...Copy !req
59. Look at this actress here.Copy !req
60. What is your position
on breast implants?Copy !req
61. This guy.Copy !req
62. I can just watch the movie with you.Copy !req
63. Excuse me.Copy !req
64. - Could I get a headset?
- Certainly.Copy !req
65. Thank you.Copy !req
66. Probably make out
with my next boyfriend.Copy !req
67. Oh, my God, it was disgusting.Copy !req
68. Miss?Copy !req
69. I'll be right there, sir.Copy !req
70. Where's your headset?Copy !req
71. She's busy right now,
but it's coming.Copy !req
72. For crying out loud. You're missing
important plot points.Copy !req
73. Ma'am?Copy !req
74. Could you give me a second, sir?Copy !req
75. Excuse me.Copy !req
76. Could I maybe get that headset,
please?Copy !req
77. - Do not raise your voice to me, sir.
- I wasn't raising my voice.Copy !req
78. Just calm down.Copy !req
79. I am calm.
I just want my headset.Copy !req
80. Our country is going through
a difficult time now.Copy !req
81. If you won't cooperate—Copy !req
82. I don't know where a headset
ties into patriotism.Copy !req
83. Is there a problem here, sir?Copy !req
84. I don't think so.Copy !req
85. Can you come to the back with me
so we can have a talk?Copy !req
86. A talk about what?
There's not a problem.Copy !req
87. - The stewardess just keeps—
- Flight attendant.Copy !req
88. The flight attendant keeps
ignoring me when—Copy !req
89. Calm down.Copy !req
90. I am calm.
What is it with you people?Copy !req
91. "You people"?Copy !req
92. Now wait a minute.Copy !req
93. I don't mean you people.
I mean you people.Copy !req
94. I will not tolerate any racist
behavior on the plane.Copy !req
95. This is a difficult time
for our country.Copy !req
96. I'm not a racist.
I just want to watch the movie.Copy !req
97. I'm only going to say this
one more time, sir. Calm down.Copy !req
98. I'm calm!Copy !req
99. All rise.Copy !req
100. - What do you think?
- Not guilty. It's a no-brainer.Copy !req
101. Mr. Buznik. In case 723, assault and
battery against a flight attendant...Copy !req
102. I find you guilty.Copy !req
103. I'm ordering you to pay a fine
of $3500.Copy !req
104. Thank God you're okay.Copy !req
105. In addition, to prevent
further acts of rage...Copy !req
106. this court orders you to undergo 20
hours of anger management therapy.Copy !req
107. Anger management?Copy !req
108. Oh, my goodness. Bobby Knight.Copy !req
109. - You're in this group?
- Oh, yeah. This is my first day.Copy !req
110. - It's my first day also.
- I hope this class cures me.Copy !req
111. Working on the anger problem?Copy !req
112. Anger? Isn't this
Sexaholics Anonymous?Copy !req
113. No. I think that's down the hall.Copy !req
114. Well, the hell with this!
I'm going home!Copy !req
115. Dr. Rydell?Copy !req
116. You don't remember me, do you?Copy !req
117. - I sat next to you on the plane.
- Oh, yeah, the headset guy.Copy !req
118. - Good to see you again.
- Good to see you too.Copy !req
119. That was a crazy flight.Copy !req
120. They actually sentenced me
to anger management for that.Copy !req
121. Really?Copy !req
122. Wow.Copy !req
123. This is incredible.
You could sign this for me...Copy !req
124. and tell them I don't have
an anger problem if you want.Copy !req
125. I can't just sign your papers.Copy !req
126. I didn't do anything wrong.
You know that.Copy !req
127. All right.Copy !req
128. How's this?Copy !req
129. Just hang for one session...Copy !req
130. so I can at least say
I gave you a proper analysis.Copy !req
131. - Then I'll sign your papers.
- Okay.Copy !req
132. - Shall we?
- Oh, yes. Yes.Copy !req
133. So my boss, he was talking to me
about how many sick days I've taken.Copy !req
134. So my boss, he was talking to me
about how many sick days I've taken.Copy !req
135. And I was like, you know,
"Don't go there."Copy !req
136. But he kept on about wanting to see
a doctor's note or something.Copy !req
137. And I said, "Look, I'm seriously
serious. You don't want to go there."Copy !req
138. But he kept talking and talking,
being such a nag...Copy !req
139. and then I just blacked out.Copy !req
140. I blacked out.Copy !req
141. And when I woke up, I was standing
over him and I was screaming:Copy !req
142. "I told you not to go there!
I told you not to go there!"Copy !req
143. How do you feel you
handled that situation?Copy !req
144. Not as well as I could've.Copy !req
145. Remember, Lou, temper's the one
thing you can't get rid of by losing it.Copy !req
146. Now, Fury Fighters,
let's say hello to someone...Copy !req
147. who's joining our quest to get
the anger monkeys off our backs:Copy !req
148. - Dave.
- Hi, Dave.Copy !req
149. Hi.Copy !req
150. Good news, I fed my anger monkey
a banana this morning...Copy !req
151. and he's feeling much better.Copy !req
152. More good news, you won't have to
listen to those lame jokes...Copy !req
153. because I'm only here
for one session.Copy !req
154. Dave assaulted a female
flight attendant in midair.Copy !req
155. - Nice.
- I bet you beat her good.Copy !req
156. I didn't beat anybody.
I touched a woman.Copy !req
157. Liar. Bullshitter.
You're a woman beater.Copy !req
158. You can't admit it because
you're a piece of garbage.Copy !req
159. I don't know about all that, but
now I understand why you're here.Copy !req
160. I'm here because I was verbally
attacked by my neighbor.Copy !req
161. And I took a dump on his porch.Copy !req
162. I guess you're better than me.
That's why you can't cop to your rage.Copy !req
163. You're superior. He's superior.Copy !req
164. - Maybe Dave's not ready yet, Chuck.
- You're not ready. Hear what he said?Copy !req
165. Let's introduce Dave
to some of the rest of us.Copy !req
166. Girls, why don't you tell Dave
what brought you here.Copy !req
167. I'm sure he'd love to listen
to what you guys have to say.Copy !req
168. We always do.Copy !req
169. - Come on, Dave. Join us.
- Okay.Copy !req
170. Okay. Well, we're
in the adult film industry.Copy !req
171. And we're lovers.Copy !req
172. One day, Gina was having sex
with this Filipino guy Melo...Copy !req
173. - ... which was cool, it was in the script.
- Sure.Copy !req
174. And then I asked Melo
back to the house with us...Copy !req
175. which is cool, because,
well, we like a little variety.Copy !req
176. Variety's good.Copy !req
177. So anyway, in the middle
of our session...Copy !req
178. I look up and I see Gina
kissing Melo on the mouth...Copy !req
179. which is not cool because it
violates our threesome code of ethics.Copy !req
180. - Stacy bit my toe off.
- Then Melo freaks out...Copy !req
181. - ... and calls me a crazy skank.
- Nobody talks to my bitch that way.Copy !req
182. - So I stapled his lips shut.
- Here we are.Copy !req
183. Well, we've all been there.Copy !req
184. - I like him.
- Yeah, he's funny.Copy !req
185. Not as funny as you.Copy !req
186. I like that.Copy !req
187. - All right, girls.
- Let it go. Let it go a little bit longer.Copy !req
188. Walk it off.Copy !req
189. Nate. Didn't we decide that you
shouldn't listen to the ball game?Copy !req
190. Don't worry, Dr. B, it's just a
regular season game. Not important.Copy !req
191. He missed the lay-up!Copy !req
192. See? Iverson just missed a lay-up
at the buzzer, Sixers lose.Copy !req
193. Who gives a crap, huh?Copy !req
194. I mean, it's just a silly game,
anyways.Copy !req
195. The anger sharks are swimming
in my head.Copy !req
196. You gotta dunk that shit!Copy !req
197. You gotta dunk that shit!Copy !req
198. Listen to me. Stay with me, Nate.Copy !req
199. Now, repeat after me, Nate:Copy !req
200. Goosfraba.Copy !req
201. Goos blah blah.Copy !req
202. Not "blah blah," Nate.Copy !req
203. Goosfraba.Copy !req
204. Goosfraba.Copy !req
205. That's good. Slower.Copy !req
206. Goosfraba.Copy !req
207. How do you feel?Copy !req
208. Better.Copy !req
209. Good job, Nate.Copy !req
210. That sound is a derivation
of an old Eskimo word...Copy !req
211. that mothers used to calm
their children.Copy !req
212. - I see.
- Eskimos seem nice.Copy !req
213. - They do.
- I think Eskimos are smug.Copy !req
214. Hold that thought, Chuck.Copy !req
215. So, Dave...Copy !req
216. tell us about yourself.Copy !req
217. Who are you?Copy !req
218. Well, I am an executive assistant...Copy !req
219. at a major pet products company.Copy !req
220. I don't want you to tell us what you do.
I want you to tell us who you are.Copy !req
221. All right.Copy !req
222. I'm a pretty good guy.Copy !req
223. I like playing tennis on occasion...Copy !req
224. Also, not your hobbies, Dave,
just simple:Copy !req
225. Tell us who you are.Copy !req
226. I just...Copy !req
227. Maybe you could give me an example
of what a good answer would be.Copy !req
228. What did you say?Copy !req
229. You want Lou to tell you who you are?Copy !req
230. No, I just...Copy !req
231. I'm a nice, easygoing man.Copy !req
232. I might be a little bit
indecisive at times.Copy !req
233. Dave, you're describing
your personality.Copy !req
234. I want to know...Copy !req
235. - ... who you are.
- What the hell do you want me to say?Copy !req
236. I mean, I'm sorry. I just...
I want to answer your question.Copy !req
237. I'm just not doing it right, I guess.Copy !req
238. I think we're getting a picture, Dave.Copy !req
239. - Let's move on.
- Dr. Rydell, I'd like to know something.Copy !req
240. Why is it that Chuck
thinks he can smoke?Copy !req
241. I do whatever I want when I want,
you little Spanish fruit topping.Copy !req
242. Honey, at least I didn't
make my aunt pregnant.Copy !req
243. What are you laughing at, Dave?Copy !req
244. Just laughing. I don't know.
I'm not laughing at you.Copy !req
245. Were you laughing with me?
Because I'm not laughing.Copy !req
246. Am I out of line,
or is this guy pushing me?Copy !req
247. Well, how do you feel, Chuck?Copy !req
248. I went from happy to angry, skipped
sad. Now I feel like kicking his ass.Copy !req
249. Then we'll see who's laughing.Copy !req
250. What? Think you're better than me
because you've got both your nuts?Copy !req
251. All right, man. All right. Come on.
Come on, big boy. Pretty boy.Copy !req
252. All right. Is it worth going back
to the penitentiary, Chuck?Copy !req
253. - So he's laughing at you.
- I'm not laughing at him.Copy !req
254. Goosfraba.Copy !req
255. - Goosfraba.
- Okay.Copy !req
256. Good job, Chuck.
That was really good.Copy !req
257. Where's the coffee cake?
I was looking forward to it.Copy !req
258. Where's the coffee cake?
I was looking forward to it.Copy !req
259. I haven't been to the Actors Studio
in quite some time.Copy !req
260. - I'm sure your audition will go well.
- Thanks. I hope so.Copy !req
261. - Good night.
- All right.Copy !req
262. - Thanks, Buddy.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
263. That was a little bit insane.Copy !req
264. If I had to do 20 hours of that,
I'd end up killing myself.Copy !req
265. Here you go.Copy !req
266. Twenty hours in my class
would be pointless for you.Copy !req
267. I agree.Copy !req
268. I think I'm going to recommend
to the court that we double your time.Copy !req
269. What do you mean?Copy !req
270. Let me explain something.Copy !req
271. There are two kinds of angry people:
explosive and implosive.Copy !req
272. Explosive is the kind of individual that
you see screaming at the cashier...Copy !req
273. for not taking their coupons.Copy !req
274. Implosive is the cashier
who remains quiet, day after day...Copy !req
275. and finally shoots everyone
in the store.Copy !req
276. You're the cashier.Copy !req
277. No. I'm the guy hiding in the frozen
food section dialing 911, I swear.Copy !req
278. I'm going to assign you an anger ally...Copy !req
279. to help calm you down
when you're losing it.Copy !req
280. Chuck.Copy !req
281. Not Chuck. Give me Bobby Knight,
or the porno girls.Copy !req
282. Heard we're partnering up, huh?Copy !req
283. - Yes.
- Here's my number.Copy !req
284. Great. "You're going to die, bitch."Copy !req
285. Oops, that's a letter I'm writing
to Geraldo Rivera.Copy !req
286. - I see.
- My bad. Here.Copy !req
287. That's the number. Good. Thank you.Copy !req
288. Dave and Chuck...Copy !req
289. working together as a team.Copy !req
290. - It's a win-win situation.
- Yeah, feels it.Copy !req
291. Dave's particulars.Copy !req
292. I'll see you soon.Copy !req
293. The Yanks are great this season.Copy !req
294. Dave thinks they could beat
Seattle's win record.Copy !req
295. Remember at Brown when we
saw Ron Guidry win his 20th?Copy !req
296. Oh, man.
He was on fire that year.Copy !req
297. We could've been too.Copy !req
298. Andrew, don't start or I can't
hang out with you anymore.Copy !req
299. Sorry, it's just hard. I'll never
meet anyone as good as you.Copy !req
300. You will.
She'll be a very lucky lady.Copy !req
301. Thanks for being my best friend.Copy !req
302. Linda.Copy !req
303. - Hey, Dave.
- Andrew.Copy !req
304. Good to see you guys hugging.Copy !req
305. How was the doctor?Copy !req
306. Psychotic.Copy !req
307. Well, did you get any good
promotion news from Mr. Head?Copy !req
308. I wasn't able to talk to him
about that yet, but I will.Copy !req
309. Not that crowded here.
You'd think it would be packed.Copy !req
310. I rented the place. I figured it'd be
more fun if it was just Brown alumni.Copy !req
311. Where'd you go to college again?Copy !req
312. Trenton Community College.Copy !req
313. You had a hard day.
Let me buy you a milk shake.Copy !req
314. Later, Andrew.Copy !req
315. —once you cast your line in,
so during retrieval...Copy !req
316. it'll help you to create
a realistic and a erratic...Copy !req
317. Hey, Dave.Copy !req
318. - Hey. Andrew, what's up?
- Not much.Copy !req
319. You always try to simulate live bait.Copy !req
320. Okay, they got fishing while you
go to the bathroom. That's nice.Copy !req
321. Yep. Bass fishing.
Hey, he caught one.Copy !req
322. Be aware of your presentation...Copy !req
323. and make sure that,
as you work it along...Copy !req
324. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
325. Congratulations.Copy !req
326. Now that is a big one, folks.Copy !req
327. Always a blast being with your friends.Copy !req
328. It was a great night.Copy !req
329. Yankees winning, beer and hot dogs.Copy !req
330. Yeah, you like those foot-long
hot dogs, don't you?Copy !req
331. So I saw your boy Andrew
at the urinal.Copy !req
332. Saw his...Copy !req
333. - ... thing.
- You were looking?Copy !req
334. Yeah, unfortunately.Copy !req
335. So, now, did this guy grow up near
a nuclear power plant or something?Copy !req
336. What are you talking about?Copy !req
337. Never really seen nothing like that
before. Didn't it used to scare you?Copy !req
338. I never saw it.Copy !req
339. You never saw it?Copy !req
340. No, I told you, I never slept
with him. Why, is it huge?Copy !req
341. No. No. No. No.Copy !req
342. It's actually quite petite.Copy !req
343. I felt bad for him.Copy !req
344. It looked like it belonged on
a baby and it had a funny color.Copy !req
345. I bet he got a lot of snickers
in the locker room.Copy !req
346. Like, "What the hell's that thing?"Copy !req
347. When you're in a locker room,
you must feel good about yourself.Copy !req
348. I do. If there are 20 naked guys
in there, I'm usually in the top 18.Copy !req
349. - Which isn't bad.
- You're doing really good.Copy !req
350. Thanks.Copy !req
351. - Who's that?
- I don't know. Let me get rid of them.Copy !req
352. - Hello?
- Dave, it's me, Chuck.Copy !req
353. - Who's Chuck?
- Your anger ally.Copy !req
354. I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood.Copy !req
355. A very bad mood.Copy !req
356. I was fired from my ice-cream truck job
today. No more Fudgeicles.Copy !req
357. - What's an anger ally?
- Who's that?Copy !req
358. She making fun of me?Copy !req
359. No. That's my girlfriend.Copy !req
360. You tell her to put a sock in it because
I need to talk to you right now!Copy !req
361. We're a little busy right now.Copy !req
362. You're busy? We're all busy, okay?Copy !req
363. You come down here before
a black wolf swallows my brain!Copy !req
364. After I got kicked out of the Army,
I went through a real bad time:Copy !req
365. Hookers, booze, shooting holes in the
ceiling, screaming myself to sleep.Copy !req
366. Finally, my parents said I
had to move out.Copy !req
367. I'm guessing that's when you
decided to shack up with your aunt.Copy !req
368. Don't get cute, wiseass!Copy !req
369. But, yes.Copy !req
370. What's with the watch, huh?
Am I boring you?Copy !req
371. We ordered the drinks 15 minutes ago
and I kind of gotta get back.Copy !req
372. Miss? Excuse me, miss?Copy !req
373. Is this
Slow And Stupid Waitress Day?Copy !req
374. I'm sorry. I be right with you.Copy !req
375. Damn, man, reminds me
of these chicks back in the war.Copy !req
376. Would give you the old licky-licky,
then fry your banana.Copy !req
377. Settle.Copy !req
378. I have seen some shit, man.
I kid you not, I have seen some shit.Copy !req
379. Wake up to the sound
of kids screaming.Copy !req
380. Explosions everywhere.Copy !req
381. Never know when your number's up.Copy !req
382. Vietnam, huh?Copy !req
383. - Grenada, man.
- Grenada?Copy !req
384. Wasn't that like 12 hours long?Copy !req
385. Did you see that?Copy !req
386. - See what?
- That guy. He just gave me a look.Copy !req
387. He didn't give you a look.Copy !req
388. And I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter
some kind of anti-Semitic remark.Copy !req
389. Are you Jewish?Copy !req
390. I could be. But, no. Half Irish,
half Italian, half Mexican.Copy !req
391. Let's go give those guys some tsuris.Copy !req
392. Well, the guy on the left
is blind, Chuck.Copy !req
393. I hear you.Copy !req
394. He's yours.Copy !req
395. No. That's not what I was saying.Copy !req
396. - Hey.
- What the hell?Copy !req
397. Got something against guys
with hair?Copy !req
398. What's going on?Copy !req
399. Don't! Stop it! Stop!Copy !req
400. Stop! Goosfraba!Copy !req
401. You piece of shit!Copy !req
402. Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
403. Welcome back, Mr. Buznik.Copy !req
404. I see you've managed to brutalize
a cocktail waitress this time.Copy !req
405. I guess beating up stewardesses
can get old after a while.Copy !req
406. Flight attendant, Your Honor.Copy !req
407. I didn't hit her on purpose,
Your Honor.Copy !req
408. I was being attacked by someone...Copy !req
409. and while I was
trying to take away his...Copy !req
410. His...Copy !req
411. Trying to take away my cane,
Your Honor.Copy !req
412. You cracked a waitress in the face...Copy !req
413. while attempting to steal
a blind man's cane?Copy !req
414. Your Honor, we're not even sure
how blind this man really is.Copy !req
415. Okay. My bad. Moving on.Copy !req
416. Happy now, ass-wipe?Copy !req
417. Mr. Buznik, I don't know
why you hate women.Copy !req
418. Maybe you don't know either...Copy !req
419. but I'll let you think about it while
you spend one year in a state prison.Copy !req
420. - Isn't that a bit harsh, Your Honor?
- No!Copy !req
421. Okay.Copy !req
422. - May I approach, Your Honor?
- By all means, Dr. Rydell.Copy !req
423. Thank you.Copy !req
424. - It's been a while.
- Yes, it has.Copy !req
425. - You look marvelous, Brenda.
- Thank you.Copy !req
426. - And how are the boys?
- Fantastic.Copy !req
427. James made the basketball team,
Raheem landed the lead...Copy !req
428. in Fiddler on the Roof.Copy !req
429. Raheem will make
a breathtaking Tevye, I'm sure.Copy !req
430. So do you have a take
on this Buznik guy?Copy !req
431. Is this good or bad?Copy !req
432. Well, it's bad that he's
talking to her...Copy !req
433. but it's good that...Copy !req
434. No, it's bad. It's all bad.Copy !req
435. - You think you can help him?
- I think so, Your Honor.Copy !req
436. If I can't, I'll tear him apart
with my bare hands.Copy !req
437. Mr. Buznik...Copy !req
438. because of the enormous respect
I have for Dr. Rydell...Copy !req
439. I'm placing you in his intensive
anger management program...Copy !req
440. for 30 days.Copy !req
441. But if you fail to strictly adhere
to the rules of his program...Copy !req
442. you will spend the next year
in state prison.Copy !req
443. - Buddy?
- Good evening. Ready to get it on?Copy !req
444. Get what on?
What are you doing here?Copy !req
445. Well, well, well.Copy !req
446. The lair of the rage rhino.Copy !req
447. I smell the effluvium
of pain and frustration.Copy !req
448. - Where should we put my stuff?
- What stuff?Copy !req
449. We've got 30 days
to control your anger.Copy !req
450. My approach dictates
intense observation.Copy !req
451. What better vantage point
than bunkmates?Copy !req
452. Put that there, Dan,
thank you very much.Copy !req
453. No. No. I'm sorry. Guys, I don't think
you should be moving in with me.Copy !req
454. Sit down, Dave.Copy !req
455. Let's be perfectly clear about this.Copy !req
456. You've been deemed
a threat to society.Copy !req
457. I believe that radical,
round-the-clock therapy...Copy !req
458. is the only way to effect
a meaningful and positive change...Copy !req
459. in your behavior.Copy !req
460. Now we can do it here
or Rikers Island.Copy !req
461. - Anything else, Dr. B?
- No thanks, Dan.Copy !req
462. We'll install the wiretaps
tomorrow.Copy !req
463. Wiretaps?Copy !req
464. - Is this your CD collection?
- Yes.Copy !req
465. Oh, my.Copy !req
466. What are you doing?Copy !req
467. I don't want you listening
to any angry music.Copy !req
468. The Carpenters are angry?
I mean...Copy !req
469. Don't be naive, Dave.Copy !req
470. "Close to You."
"We've Only Just Begun."Copy !req
471. Songs of madness and obsession.Copy !req
472. Who's going to pay for that?Copy !req
473. Retard your anger level a few notches
and listen to me. Can you do that?Copy !req
474. Yeah. It's retarded. I'm retarded.Copy !req
475. Good.Copy !req
476. Now then, we need to go over
some ground rules.Copy !req
477. My girlfriend got me that.Copy !req
478. You're to refrain from violent acts
including verbal assault...Copy !req
479. and vulgar hand gestures.Copy !req
480. You may not use rage-enhancing
substances...Copy !req
481. such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol,
crack cocaine...Copy !req
482. Slippy-Flippies, Jelly Stingers,
Trick Sticks...Copy !req
483. Bing Bangs or Flying Willards.Copy !req
484. - How about Fiddle Faddles?
- Under my supervision.Copy !req
485. Also, if you are unable
to stop masturbating...Copy !req
486. please do so without the use
of any pornographic images...Copy !req
487. depicting quote-unquote
"angry sex."Copy !req
488. That having been said,
I'm a pretty good guy...Copy !req
489. and I think you'll be
pleasantly surprised...Copy !req
490. at how much fun we can have.Copy !req
491. Jeez, without Slippy-Flippies or angry
masturbating? How is that possible?Copy !req
492. Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin.
From now on, unacceptable.Copy !req
493. Dave, I got this for you.Copy !req
494. It's a wonderfully therapeutic tool.Copy !req
495. Record your thoughts on this
whenever you feel angry.Copy !req
496. I'm feeling very angry right now...Copy !req
497. because I only have one bed
and no couch.Copy !req
498. Not a problem.Copy !req
499. In Europe, it's not considered unusual
for three or four men to share a bed.Copy !req
500. Yeah, well, that's why I'm
proud to be an American.Copy !req
501. By the way...Copy !req
502. I like to sleep in the nude.Copy !req
503. You hear that frog?Copy !req
504. Nope.Copy !req
505. What do you want?Copy !req
506. I'm just recording your demeanor
upon awakening.Copy !req
507. Good to see you got your
underwear back on.Copy !req
508. 6:30?Copy !req
509. I don't gotta be up till 7.Copy !req
510. You've got to make my breakfast.Copy !req
511. Dave, cooking is very relaxing
and therapeutic.Copy !req
512. I want two eggs,
over easy and unfertilized...Copy !req
513. wheat toast, dry, and please...Copy !req
514. tell me you've got ketchup.Copy !req
515. There's a Denny's down the street.Copy !req
516. Not only do they have ketchup...Copy !req
517. but they got the angriest
waitresses I've seen.Copy !req
518. You could have a blast with
the goosfraba thing down there.Copy !req
519. Lame-o.Copy !req
520. Your eggs.Copy !req
521. - Holy shit!
- I said over easy!Copy !req
522. Now, why did I do that?Copy !req
523. Because I refused to spoon with you
last night?Copy !req
524. The angry man opens his mouth
and shuts his eyes.Copy !req
525. Alpha-Bits.Copy !req
526. No matter how old I get,
always a culinary delight.Copy !req
527. No explanation for the egg throwing.
He's a psycho.Copy !req
528. Don't sulk, Dave. Eat. Sit down.Copy !req
529. We'll be off to work in a jiffy.Copy !req
530. "We'll be off to work." Now, by "we'll,"
I assume you mean just me, right?Copy !req
531. Well, I have to join you at work.Copy !req
532. Full contact.Copy !req
533. That will make me look nuts, Buddy,
bringing a shrink to work...Copy !req
534. you whipping eggs at people.
I don't know.Copy !req
535. You must never be ashamed that you
sought help for yourself, Dave.Copy !req
536. It's not a weakness.Copy !req
537. I mean, I gotta be there by 9:00.Copy !req
538. I don't think we'll make it on time.
You're not even dressed.Copy !req
539. The Talmud says:
"Wherever you look...Copy !req
540. there's something to be seen."Copy !req
541. Look, Dave.Copy !req
542. - What exactly was that all about?
- What?Copy !req
543. You just ran through a red light.
Are you trying to get us both killed?Copy !req
544. I'm a little flustered right now.
I have to be to work in eight minutes.Copy !req
545. Flustered?Copy !req
546. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, man!Copy !req
547. - Holy shit! What are you doing?
- I need you to unfluster.Copy !req
548. My boss is going to go nuts on me
if we're late, so please?Copy !req
549. We will proceed when you
are centered.Copy !req
550. I'm centered, I'm centered.Copy !req
551. There's 10,000 people behind us.
Let's go, crazy man.Copy !req
552. What is that? Is that good?Copy !req
553. We're going to sing a song.Copy !req
554. No. I don't want to sing a song.
I want to go to... I've gotta go.Copy !req
555. Here we go.Copy !req
556. The magic of Leonard Bernstein
and Stephen Sondheim's...Copy !req
557. West Side Story.Copy !req
558. "I Feel Pretty."Copy !req
559. Get this moving.
What the hell's your problem?Copy !req
560. Shut your pie-hole!
We're working here!Copy !req
561. Wow. Sorry.Copy !req
562. Move your ass, dipshit!Copy !req
563. Burn in hell!Copy !req
564. You're late.Copy !req
565. Yes. There was a little bit
of a tie up on the bridge.Copy !req
566. I didn't ask for a traffic report.
You're always late.Copy !req
567. Now is the first time I've been late.
But you're right. I'm sorry.Copy !req
568. May I interject?Copy !req
569. You were about to say something else
before you said, "I'm sorry."Copy !req
570. We mustn't absorb and repress.Copy !req
571. - Who's this?
- I'm his anger management therapist.Copy !req
572. You're in anger management?Copy !req
573. Temporarily, yeah.Copy !req
574. Do you remember the flight
to St. Louis...Copy !req
575. that I was on when they had to
turn the plane around?Copy !req
576. Yeah, yeah. Because of that unruly
passenger in coach.Copy !req
577. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
578. He doesn't like people
touching his clubs.Copy !req
579. Well, that unruly passenger was me.Copy !req
580. I got arrested at Kennedy. That's why
I didn't make the next flight.Copy !req
581. You said your apartment caught fire.Copy !req
582. Dissembling is a common tool
of the anger junkie.Copy !req
583. Might I have your first name,
Mr. Head? And tell me it isn't Dick.Copy !req
584. - It's Frank.
- Fran.Copy !req
585. Isn't that normally a girl's name?Copy !req
586. What went on on that flight?Copy !req
587. To be honest with you,
it was a mix-up. I...Copy !req
588. Jibber jabber. Jibber jabbering.
Mumbo jumbo.Copy !req
589. Denial. Key, key, key, key, key, key.Copy !req
590. Fran, your assistant beat the bejesus
out of a flight attendant.Copy !req
591. - I didn't.
- You broke her nose.Copy !req
592. I broke the cocktail waitress's nose.Copy !req
593. I mean, I accidentally did that.Copy !req
594. Dave, you have a disease.Copy !req
595. Would you apologize if you
were a diabetic? Of course not.Copy !req
596. Why do you feel you have to apologize
because you're suffering from T.A.S.?Copy !req
597. T.A.S.?Copy !req
598. Toxic Anger Syndrome.Copy !req
599. I don't have T.A.S.Copy !req
600. He's angry. It's a sickness,
not a crime, Fran.Copy !req
601. His name is Frank!Copy !req
602. No. I'm sorry.Copy !req
603. Clothes for cats
isn't really a new idea...Copy !req
604. but there was never really a line
made for overweight cats...Copy !req
605. who might feel a little
self-conscious...Copy !req
606. about how they look
in certain outfits.Copy !req
607. That's why I got the baggy sweater
on him, to cover up his gut.Copy !req
608. And the beret to take attention
off his plump head.Copy !req
609. Oh, little Meatball.
You tie this up tight...Copy !req
610. and away goes the chin.Copy !req
611. I'm so handsome.Copy !req
612. - Hey, Dave. This is your office?
- Andrew.Copy !req
613. - What are you doing here?
- I played golf with Frank.Copy !req
614. He's friends with my dad. We're
members of the same country club.Copy !req
615. Really? I've been wanting to
play golf with him a long time.Copy !req
616. - Is it awesome there?
- It's nice.Copy !req
617. So, anyway, Dave, how's
anger management going?Copy !req
618. Who told you about that?Copy !req
619. Linda's my best friend.
There's no secrets between us.Copy !req
620. For the love of Mike!
This guy's your girl's best friend?Copy !req
621. No. I mean, I like to consider
myself her best friend...Copy !req
622. but Andrew is her best friend friend,
if that makes any sense.Copy !req
623. You ought to golf yourself.
You look a little stressed out.Copy !req
624. I gotta go. Bye.Copy !req
625. Well, well, well.Copy !req
626. This guy's got quite a basket on him.Copy !req
627. Really? I didn't notice that.Copy !req
628. Do you really want the love of your life
hanging around with a guy...Copy !req
629. who looks as though he could
satisfy a blue whale?Copy !req
630. Well, it's...
I'm doing okay myself, pal.Copy !req
631. Maybe it's the way his pants fit him.Copy !req
632. What's up?Copy !req
633. - This is your young lady?
- That's my Linda.Copy !req
634. My, oh, my.Copy !req
635. I was toying with the notion
that you were gay...Copy !req
636. because of the kitty-cat
clothes, so forth.Copy !req
637. What does she do?Copy !req
638. She teaches poetry. Poetry teacher.Copy !req
639. I love poetry.Copy !req
640. Oh, my, my, my. It's...Copy !req
641. Yes, it's a good picture of her.Copy !req
642. Well, apparently Dr. Rydell has a
history of unorthodox techniques.Copy !req
643. He's got a dozen lawsuits pending.Copy !req
644. So it's not just me.
This guy is nuts, isn't he?Copy !req
645. Or a genius.Copy !req
646. But if you could prove that he's nuts:
audiotape, video, picture, whatever...Copy !req
647. I'll arrange a hearing.Copy !req
648. I gotta go. I think he's coming.Copy !req
649. Hi, Nancy.Copy !req
650. What are you doing
in the ladies' room?Copy !req
651. Sorry. I just heard you guys
got cleaner seats than us.Copy !req
652. Not after I get through with them.Copy !req
653. I don't care for the way you've
ironed my shirts, Dave. Try it again.Copy !req
654. - I've been very patient with you.
- Beware the fury of the patient man.Copy !req
655. - I'm serious!
- Too serious.Copy !req
656. Get undressed.Copy !req
657. What did you say?Copy !req
658. Take off your clothes.Copy !req
659. I've got a stress-reduction
technique to show you.Copy !req
660. - It'll be good for you.
- Take off my clothes?Copy !req
661. Do you want to see me naked, Buddy?Copy !req
662. Are you a homophobe, Dave?Copy !req
663. No, I'm a pulling-my-penis-out-
in-front-of-you-a-phobe.Copy !req
664. Let's take a walk on the wild side.Copy !req
665. - What's up, baby?
- Why are we here?Copy !req
666. I'm not a homophobe.Copy !req
667. My lawyer's gay.
His boyfriend is gay.Copy !req
668. And are they all aware
that you despise them?Copy !req
669. Looking for company, baby?Copy !req
670. No. We're not. Thank you.Copy !req
671. It's worth 50 bucks...Copy !req
672. if you get in the back seat with
my friend here and have a little chat.Copy !req
673. My pleasure, Mr. Eyebrows.Copy !req
674. Oh, boy, here we go.Copy !req
675. - Hello.
- Hey. Good to see you.Copy !req
676. - What's your name, baby?
- Melvin.Copy !req
677. His name is David. Don't dissemble.Copy !req
678. I'm not dissembling.
That's my Hebrew name.Copy !req
679. I'm Galaxia. That's my German name.Copy !req
680. Great.Copy !req
681. Where are you from originally,
Hebrew Melvin?Copy !req
682. Brooklyn.Copy !req
683. What part of Germany
do you hail from?Copy !req
684. I'm from a little Bavarian village
called Lickin Zee Dickin.Copy !req
685. Care to visit?Copy !req
686. Actually, I like to spend
most of my time...Copy !req
687. in Girls Without Wieners-ville.Copy !req
688. I'm more comfortable there.Copy !req
689. He's just not used to male intimacy.Copy !req
690. Well, that's okay,
because I'm a lady.Copy !req
691. Oops, no, I'm not.Copy !req
692. Whoa! There it is.Copy !req
693. I feel like dancing. Dancing.Copy !req
694. Oh, my God.Copy !req
695. What does this have to do
with anger management?Copy !req
696. - Oh, are you an angry boy?
- No.Copy !req
697. Do you need some discipline?Copy !req
698. No, thank you very—Copy !req
699. Oh! Hey! Hey, watch that shit!Copy !req
700. Listen, ladies!
Gentleman! Lentleman!Copy !req
701. I'm not having sex with a she-male!
Relax!Copy !req
702. Galaxia, you may
get out of the car now.Copy !req
703. Your services are no longer required.Copy !req
704. You know what?Copy !req
705. You guys are freaks.Copy !req
706. Give me the tape recorder.Copy !req
707. Come on.Copy !req
708. Patient number 135, David Buznik...Copy !req
709. has learned the difference between
unhealthy anger and righteous anger.Copy !req
710. Thus he has advanced
to the second level of my program.Copy !req
711. Great. Can I go throw up now?Copy !req
712. I'm a lady. Oops, no, I'm not.Copy !req
713. - Whoa, there it is.
- I feel like dancing.Copy !req
714. Wasn't that sick?
She looked like Olivia Newton-John...Copy !req
715. if she was really ugly
and had huge balls.Copy !req
716. But Buddy didn't order you
to have sex.Copy !req
717. I'm getting a call.
Please hang on.Copy !req
718. - Hello?
- Is Buddy there?Copy !req
719. No, he's in the shower right now.Copy !req
720. This is Becky, his assistant.Copy !req
721. Just tell him his mom called
from Boston.Copy !req
722. She said she's having
some minor surgery.Copy !req
723. It's not serious, but she'll be at Boston
County Hospital for the next two days.Copy !req
724. Miracles of modern science.
I am stimulating my hair follicles...Copy !req
725. and brushing my teeth
at the same time.Copy !req
726. It looks really good.Copy !req
727. What's the matter?Copy !req
728. Your mom. They took her
to the hospital, Buddy.Copy !req
729. What's wrong with my mother?Copy !req
730. She's having surgery.Copy !req
731. I'm sorry.Copy !req
732. - Is it serious?
- When is surgery not serious?Copy !req
733. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right.Copy !req
734. Maybe I better get up to Boston...Copy !req
735. see what's going on up there.Copy !req
736. Yeah. Yeah.
Why don't you just go up there.Copy !req
737. Spend some quality time.
I'll stay here.Copy !req
738. It'll be good for you guys.Copy !req
739. Oh, God.Copy !req
740. You're all I got, Mom.
Please don't leave me.Copy !req
741. No more clam chowder.Copy !req
742. Buddy...Copy !req
743. it was a joke.Copy !req
744. I'm sorry.
You don't have to cry anymore.Copy !req
745. - A joke?
- Yeah.Copy !req
746. Oh, boy.Copy !req
747. A joke. A jo— I...Copy !req
748. I can't believe that
I fell for that one.Copy !req
749. I really thought my mother
was having surgery.Copy !req
750. I'm going to get you
back for that one.Copy !req
751. Just so you know,
she really is having surgery.Copy !req
752. I thought you said you were joking.Copy !req
753. No, the serious part was the joke.Copy !req
754. She's having surgery,
but just minor surgery.Copy !req
755. Maybe I better get up to Boston...Copy !req
756. see what's really going on up there.Copy !req
757. Why don't you—? You just
shoot up there. I'll be here.Copy !req
758. What?Copy !req
759. - I can't believe he's making me go.
- How come you guys aren't flying?Copy !req
760. Because Dr. Cocoa Puff said legally
I'm not allowed to get on a plane.Copy !req
761. Meanwhile, I've got Head up my ass
about that catalog.Copy !req
762. I've got to get it done with
nut-boy in Boston.Copy !req
763. Why can't Head write his own catalog?Copy !req
764. Because I've got to earn
that promotion.Copy !req
765. You've been doing his job for years.
You should be his—Copy !req
766. I'm sorry. I know this is really
stressing you out.Copy !req
767. I'm sure that it's going to be over
before you know it.Copy !req
768. Yeah, if I don't get caught
popping any Jelly Stingers.Copy !req
769. Well, that's going to be tough!Copy !req
770. Oh, God. There he is.Copy !req
771. - That's him?
- Yes.Copy !req
772. What? Oh. Okay, I'll hold that.Copy !req
773. My—Copy !req
774. The quiet warmthCopy !req
775. Smoldering beneath the rituals
Of hope for familiarityCopy !req
776. A coursing underground riverCopy !req
777. Pregnant with the chance currents
Of knowledge and loveCopy !req
778. - What?
- That's my poem! I wrote that.Copy !req
779. I know.Copy !req
780. That is your poem.
I love that poem.Copy !req
781. I found it crumpled up
behind the sports pages...Copy !req
782. on the floor of David's bedroom.Copy !req
783. - Shades of early Emily Dickinson.
- Who was great on Police Woman.Copy !req
784. Thank you. And thank you
for rescuing it from the floor.Copy !req
785. I think I better get going.Copy !req
786. I'll miss you, big guy,
so take good care.Copy !req
787. - How about a kiss?
- I'd love a kiss.Copy !req
788. I think she's talking to me.
I think I can handle it.Copy !req
789. So why don't you back up
an inch or two.Copy !req
790. Got it.Copy !req
791. Thank you. And, take care.Copy !req
792. Have a great trip, you guys.Copy !req
793. Oh, we will.Copy !req
794. Bye.Copy !req
795. What?Copy !req
796. Some mindless nitwit
is parked behind me.Copy !req
797. Good. Then we can't go.Copy !req
798. No, I can get out.Copy !req
799. - Get in.
- I don't know how you'll get out.Copy !req
800. Try to wiggle out, you're going to get
a ding. But you know everything.Copy !req
801. What's he doing?Copy !req
802. Well, you're batting a thousand...Copy !req
803. in craziness.Copy !req
804. Now we're bumping into cars.Copy !req
805. I'm just making a little room
to back up.Copy !req
806. If I had lost my temper...Copy !req
807. would I have had
the presence of mind...Copy !req
808. to leave my card
and my insurance information?Copy !req
809. Whatever, Mr. Insane-Vein-Popping-
A-Little-Too-Far-Out-Of-His-Head-...Copy !req
810. While-Swinging-The-Bat Guy.Copy !req
811. I think you've got room to back up.Copy !req
812. Why haven't you taken Linda
off the market?Copy !req
813. Think you can do better?Copy !req
814. I'm going to ask her to marry me
when I'm ready.Copy !req
815. Nobody wants to settle down
with a 35-year-old secretary.Copy !req
816. Procrastination, Dave.Copy !req
817. I'm not procrastinating.Copy !req
818. I even think about how I'm
going to pop the question.Copy !req
819. Husky down jacket.
Husky Eskimo look.Copy !req
820. What's your plan,
ask her at a Yankee game?Copy !req
821. Actually, yes. How did you know?Copy !req
822. I said the corniest thing
I could think of.Copy !req
823. If you knew Linda, you'd know
how uncorny it would be to her.Copy !req
824. Putting up a "Marry me, please"
on the scoreboard...Copy !req
825. proclaiming my love for her
in front of thousands of strangers.Copy !req
826. As you seem to have noticed, I'm a little
bit jumpy with public affection.Copy !req
827. You seemed to be lovey-dovey
back there.Copy !req
828. Glad you think that's funny.
I gotta work.Copy !req
829. A five-hour trip to find out Mommy
had a jelly bean...Copy !req
830. removed from her nose.Copy !req
831. I'm glad I missed work.
Can we eat now?Copy !req
832. You could have her, you know.Copy !req
833. I'm sure she'd love to hang out
with a goofy secretary...Copy !req
834. whose only talent
is nostril wiggling.Copy !req
835. - Girls love that.
- Dave...Copy !req
836. you've got a lot more going
for you than wiggly nostrils.Copy !req
837. I want you to go over there
and ask that woman out.Copy !req
838. No, I got a girlfriend.Copy !req
839. I'm not telling you to elope with her.
Just go over and flirt a little bit.Copy !req
840. Flirting is cheating's
ugly cousin, Buddy.Copy !req
841. I'm not a cheater.Copy !req
842. Is it cheating if you're passed around
the cell block like a peace pipe?Copy !req
843. Because that is what's on the docket
for you if you don't go and ask her out.Copy !req
844. Okay, Dave?Copy !req
845. Oh, God.Copy !req
846. That's my boy.Copy !req
847. Excuse me.Copy !req
848. I was wondering if I could buy you
a drink. I see that you have a drink...Copy !req
849. but I could get you another
when you're through with that one.Copy !req
850. Bite me.Copy !req
851. Nice meeting you. Okay.Copy !req
852. Can you guess why she rejected you?Copy !req
853. She wanted to be like the 2000 other
girls who said that to me growing up?Copy !req
854. No. Self-hypnotic negative imagery.Copy !req
855. Confidence is the key
to winning a young lady's attention.Copy !req
856. Now, listen to me very carefully.Copy !req
857. - Approach Miss Thing again.
- No.Copy !req
858. With confidence.Copy !req
859. And if she says no this time...Copy !req
860. I will admit that I am a failure
as a therapist...Copy !req
861. and release you from my program.Copy !req
862. You'll release me from your program?Copy !req
863. Just go over there
and repeat the following...Copy !req
864. I'm sorry I was so rude before...Copy !req
865. but it's difficult for me
to express myself...Copy !req
866. when I'm on the verge of exploding
in my pants.Copy !req
867. - Get out of here.
- Trust me, Dave.Copy !req
868. If you are calm as well as witty,
she will respond.Copy !req
869. Witty went out the window with
the pants explosion thing, thanks.Copy !req
870. My offer stands.Copy !req
871. So if I repeat that crazy shit...Copy !req
872. you probably stole from
a porno flick, you sick bastard...Copy !req
873. and get rejected...Copy !req
874. you'll release me from the program?Copy !req
875. Exactly.Copy !req
876. Here we go.Copy !req
877. Go get them, Mr. Johnson.Copy !req
878. I'm sorry I was so rude before...Copy !req
879. but it's difficult for me...Copy !req
880. to express myself...Copy !req
881. when I am on the verge...Copy !req
882. of exploding in my pants.Copy !req
883. You are too cute.Copy !req
884. Get the fuck out of here.Copy !req
885. - I'm Kendra.
- I'm Dave.Copy !req
886. Let me buy you a drink.Copy !req
887. Can I get a cosmopolitan?Copy !req
888. I couldn't take it anymore...Copy !req
889. so finally I just tell my boss:Copy !req
890. "Hey, baldy, if I want crap out of you,
I'll squeeze your head."Copy !req
891. - I didn't say that, but I should have.
- You are so funny.Copy !req
892. Too bad you're leaving town.
We could have fun together.Copy !req
893. Unfortunately, I am leaving
in the morning.Copy !req
894. In fact, I think I gotta get back
to my friend.Copy !req
895. What's the matter?Copy !req
896. - You gotta be kidding me.
- What's wrong?Copy !req
897. My friend took off on me.Copy !req
898. I can give you a ride.Copy !req
899. I don't even know where the guy lives.Copy !req
900. We can hang out at my place until you
get in touch with him.Copy !req
901. I bet there's like 50 Rydells in here.Copy !req
902. I shouldn't eat this.
I'm getting so fat.Copy !req
903. What? You're not fat.Copy !req
904. My clothes hide it, but I'm
getting gooey right here.Copy !req
905. I don't see any goo.Copy !req
906. You want to see goo,
I'll show you my ass.Copy !req
907. Well, I see it,
and I didn't five years ago.Copy !req
908. I went out with this guy,
and he wouldn't sleep with me.Copy !req
909. And I asked him why, and he said that
when he saw me without my clothes...Copy !req
910. that I look like a porker.Copy !req
911. He was probably just nervous
because you're beautiful and...Copy !req
912. Anyways, you're not a porker.
You're the un-porker.Copy !req
913. You're Sizzlean.Copy !req
914. - You're so sweet, Dave.
- Well, you're sweet, Kendra.Copy !req
915. Thanks for having me here.
He said her name was Rose.Copy !req
916. Rose.Copy !req
917. Rose Rydell. Rose Rydell.
Rose Rydell.Copy !req
918. Rose Rydell! I got it!Copy !req
919. Kendra...Copy !req
920. even though I'd love to see you
take that bra off...Copy !req
921. because it represents a team
I've hated my entire life...Copy !req
922. I think you gotta keep it on.Copy !req
923. Why?Copy !req
924. Because I got a girlfriend.Copy !req
925. I'm not a child, Dave.Copy !req
926. If you think I'm a porker, then just
come right out and say it.Copy !req
927. No. I don't think you're a porker.Copy !req
928. Then why when the idea of sleeping
with me comes up...Copy !req
929. do you all of a sudden
have a "girlfriend"?Copy !req
930. Because I do. I do.
I have a girlfriend.Copy !req
931. Said the liar to the beached whale!Copy !req
932. You're not a beached whale.Copy !req
933. If anything, you could even
gain a few pounds.Copy !req
934. So now I'm too skinny for you?Copy !req
935. No. I didn't mean that.Copy !req
936. - Is this what you want, Dave?
- No.Copy !req
937. If I put on a few pounds...Copy !req
938. will you be able to stifle your vomit
long enough to have sex with me?Copy !req
939. Holy shit.Copy !req
940. Are you such a hot stud
that you'll break me in two?Copy !req
941. You're angry right now. Wanna sing?
Do you know "I Feel Pretty"?Copy !req
942. - Get out! Get out!
- Stop!Copy !req
943. Get out!Copy !req
944. Get out!Copy !req
945. Porker!Copy !req
946. Fatty!Copy !req
947. No!Copy !req
948. How did it go, pal?Copy !req
949. - Why'd you ditch me?
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
950. You gave me the signal.Copy !req
951. I didn't give you the signal to leave.Copy !req
952. I gave you the signal to say your
gross pickup line actually worked.Copy !req
953. Well, of course it did.Copy !req
954. So did Little Davey need
some anger management?Copy !req
955. - That chick was killer.
- Serial killer.Copy !req
956. She tried to chocolate me to death.Copy !req
957. Anyways, I don't cheat on Linda.Copy !req
958. - Speaking of Linda, she called earlier.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
959. She seemed a little bit
bent out of shape.Copy !req
960. - About what?
- Your being out with another woman.Copy !req
961. - How would she know that?
- I told her.Copy !req
962. - What else could I do?
- What else could you do?Copy !req
963. You could've told her something else.
I was at the bank. I was at the store.Copy !req
964. I ate bad guacamole
and I couldn't stop shitting!Copy !req
965. Any of those would have been fine!Copy !req
966. Well, I'm sorry, Dave, but
I don't lie for my patients.Copy !req
967. You want to leave your friend and
run off and chase some hot babe...Copy !req
968. you can't expect me to cover for you.Copy !req
969. I did what you told me to do,
you sick, demented man.Copy !req
970. What are you laughing at?Copy !req
971. What's so funny?Copy !req
972. Kendra is an ex-patient of mine,
an actress. Pretty good one too.Copy !req
973. I arranged for her to be in the bar
and for you to pick her up.Copy !req
974. You were messing with me?Copy !req
975. Yeah. You know, just a joke
between friends...Copy !req
976. like the one you pulled on me
about my dying mother.Copy !req
977. I told you I'd get you back for that.Copy !req
978. All right.Copy !req
979. So you really didn't talk to Linda.Copy !req
980. Of course I did.
That's what made it so funny.Copy !req
981. Where's your phone?Copy !req
982. She's not home, Dave.
She went out with her pal Andrea.Copy !req
983. She doesn't know any Andreas.
You mean Andrew?Copy !req
984. Yeah, that's it.
Andrew, the testicle with legs.Copy !req
985. "The testicle with legs." Great!Copy !req
986. Now wait a minute. Calm down a bit.
Try some deep breathing.Copy !req
987. Maybe just hum a little "I Feel Pretty."Copy !req
988. No! How about you hum
the "I'm a Crazy Asshole" song?Copy !req
989. And take me home, you
psychotic piece of wacko.Copy !req
990. I never thought you'd take it like this.Copy !req
991. So, what, we're not going to talk at all?Copy !req
992. Would you forgive me if I told you
I called Linda last night...Copy !req
993. after our little fracas
and explained that it was my fault?Copy !req
994. What did she say?Copy !req
995. Well, she's not mad at you anymore,
but she let me have it pretty good.Copy !req
996. You deserved it.
I did nothing wrong.Copy !req
997. I know. I know.Copy !req
998. Friends?Copy !req
999. - Take a little nap.
- I am tired.Copy !req
1000. Well, you had a rough night.Copy !req
1001. Stop with the cupcake!Copy !req
1002. Rise and shine, Sir Snoozola.Copy !req
1003. What's going on? Where are we?Copy !req
1004. Well, at a great deal of expense
and effort...Copy !req
1005. we have managed to locate
your grade school bête noire...Copy !req
1006. Arnie Shankman.Copy !req
1007. We do desire a confrontation
with him, do we not?Copy !req
1008. What? Do you mean the kid
who bullied me in fifth grade?Copy !req
1009. Dave, I think it's pivotal for you
to confront your childhood nemesis.Copy !req
1010. Remember, for 22 more days,
you are mine.Copy !req
1011. This is where Arnie Shankman lives?Copy !req
1012. You're kidding me. You're going to
make me confront a monk.Copy !req
1013. Great.Copy !req
1014. Are you ashamed that you
never stood up to him?Copy !req
1015. No. He was just a kid
lashing out...Copy !req
1016. because his sister got sent
to an insane asylum.Copy !req
1017. I'm surprised your research
didn't tell you that.Copy !req
1018. This doesn't look like him.Copy !req
1019. Excuse me, Arnie Shankman?Copy !req
1020. Sorry about waking you up.Copy !req
1021. My name is Pana Kamanana...Copy !req
1022. but, yes, I was once known
as Arnie Shankman.Copy !req
1023. Arnie...Copy !req
1024. Pana Kamanana...Copy !req
1025. Dave Buznik
from elementary school.Copy !req
1026. David Buznik.Copy !req
1027. This is the last place I thought
I'd find you, a monastery.Copy !req
1028. You could say I've gone through
a rather dramatic transformation.Copy !req
1029. Could you excuse him for a second,
Peanuts?Copy !req
1030. His name's not Peanuts.
It's Pana Manapia.Copy !req
1031. You want me to fight a monk?
He's not even allowed to hurt a plant.Copy !req
1032. For Pete's sake, this is the monk
that twisted your tits!Copy !req
1033. Confront him or you're going to prison!Copy !req
1034. All right. All right. All right.Copy !req
1035. Anyways, what I wanted to say to you
was...Copy !req
1036. when we were kids, you kind of
bullied me around a little bit...Copy !req
1037. and I never really did anything
to deserve that kind of treatment.Copy !req
1038. Of course not.
I was a real cretin then.Copy !req
1039. I did a lot of horrible things
as a kid.Copy !req
1040. I pushed you around.
I called you nasty names.Copy !req
1041. You pulled my gym shorts down
in front of Sara Plowman.Copy !req
1042. That actually was pretty funny.Copy !req
1043. Jeez, I don't think that it was.Copy !req
1044. Now, come, David.
Humor is the spice of life.Copy !req
1045. The look on your face was priceless.Copy !req
1046. "Oh! Sara saw my pee-pee!"Copy !req
1047. So Pena likes the spicy humor.Copy !req
1048. Maybe he'd enjoy the knee-slapper
you told me about the great Buddha.Copy !req
1049. What did you say about Buddha?Copy !req
1050. Dave said, "How does a guy
who weighs over 600 pounds...Copy !req
1051. have the balls to teach people
about self-discipline?"Copy !req
1052. Let's not make fun of my God, here.Copy !req
1053. You know what else Dave finds
particularly piquant?Copy !req
1054. Recalling your nut-job sister
struggling with her underpants...Copy !req
1055. in a straitjacket.Copy !req
1056. You think that's funny?Copy !req
1057. Dave used to con her
into getting naked...Copy !req
1058. by saying that her clothes
had ghosts in them.Copy !req
1059. That never happened.Copy !req
1060. Then he'd pull out his winkie
and tell her...Copy !req
1061. it was
a strawberry ice-cream cone.Copy !req
1062. Is that what you've come here
to tell me?Copy !req
1063. Did you expose yourself...Copy !req
1064. to my sister?Copy !req
1065. - And don't shove me again.
- It's shower-room humiliation again.Copy !req
1066. He's giving you a wet willie and
making you chew on his jockstrap...Copy !req
1067. and fart blossom and all this.Copy !req
1068. Answer me, Buznik!
Did you get it on with my sister?Copy !req
1069. Over and over again.Copy !req
1070. And she moaned like a wildebeest.Copy !req
1071. Wildebeest.Copy !req
1072. Whoo! Now, that felt good!Copy !req
1073. I wasn't expecting that
from a Buddhist.Copy !req
1074. - I'm a little pissed off right now.
- You all right? You're all right.Copy !req
1075. David! David! No, David!Copy !req
1076. Easy, boy!Copy !req
1077. Sorry.Copy !req
1078. Help me, brother.Copy !req
1079. - Help me.
- Okay. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
1080. Okay, we're even. We're even now.Copy !req
1081. - I went crazy. I'm so sorry.
- I started it.Copy !req
1082. - I started it.
- It's all right.Copy !req
1083. And I'm gonna finish it!Copy !req
1084. Now we're even, butt-lick!Copy !req
1085. No! Don't! Don't! Don't!Copy !req
1086. "What's that, Auntie Em?
It's a twister!"Copy !req
1087. My nipples!Copy !req
1088. Pena! Look! Your sister's back.Copy !req
1089. I got Casper in my clothes!Copy !req
1090. - Pretty good.
- Thanks, baby.Copy !req
1091. I'll kill you!Copy !req
1092. You want that rake?Copy !req
1093. You can't get that rake from me!Copy !req
1094. Look, everybody!Copy !req
1095. Pana Banana's got a heinie.Copy !req
1096. - He's got a heinie!
- I give!Copy !req
1097. - I give!
- All right. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1098. - Friends?
- You suck!Copy !req
1099. Shankman!Copy !req
1100. Wedgie! Wedgie! Wedgie!Copy !req
1101. - I've seen enough.
- Hold it right there.Copy !req
1102. This party's by invitation only.Copy !req
1103. Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!Copy !req
1104. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
1105. Hold it back there! Come on, come on.Copy !req
1106. Start the car!Copy !req
1107. Go! Go! Go! Come on, let's go!Copy !req
1108. Now! Now! Now! Now!Copy !req
1109. Oh, boy!Copy !req
1110. We were like Butch and Sundance!Copy !req
1111. Oh, my God! I thought you
were going to shoot somebody!Copy !req
1112. You really threw me some curves
back there, kid.Copy !req
1113. I never expected it to go that way.Copy !req
1114. But you kicked some serious
monk ass there, baby.Copy !req
1115. You're damn right, baby!Copy !req
1116. - How did it feel?
- I feel good! I feel incredible!Copy !req
1117. I feel bad about molesting his sister
all those times, but it's all right!Copy !req
1118. - You really molested a crazy girl?
- No. Got you.Copy !req
1119. Congratulations, keed,
you've reached level three.Copy !req
1120. I would never have done anything
with that girl.Copy !req
1121. Don't worry. Dr. Rydell explained
everything to me, and I get it.Copy !req
1122. Dr. Rydell brought up an interesting
fact about me being a procrastinator...Copy !req
1123. and I was going to wait
for a Yankee game to do this...Copy !req
1124. but...Copy !req
1125. I don't know. I... It's something
I wanted to say to you...Copy !req
1126. and I'm having a hard time saying it
for some reason. But...Copy !req
1127. It's just that monks,
they talk shit...Copy !req
1128. but they can't back it up.Copy !req
1129. That's what was so hard
to say to me?Copy !req
1130. You know, when I was on the phone
with Buddy, he gave me some advice.Copy !req
1131. That's great.
His advice is a little cuckoo...Copy !req
1132. but somehow it works.Copy !req
1133. Well, then I guess I'll just do
what he suggested.Copy !req
1134. I don't think that we should
see each other for a while.Copy !req
1135. Buddy thinks that a trial separation
will ultimately...Copy !req
1136. strengthen our relationship.Copy !req
1137. Now, Fury Fighters...Copy !req
1138. what keys do we need to possess
before we can—?Copy !req
1139. Dave. You're late.Copy !req
1140. - Can I talk to you alone, please?
- Sure you can—Copy !req
1141. You told Linda we should have
a trial separation?Copy !req
1142. - Yes.
- Yes?Copy !req
1143. Yes!Copy !req
1144. Separating from Linda
is a crucial part of our strategy.Copy !req
1145. My strategy is to keep my girlfriend.Copy !req
1146. All right. Strictly as a friend.Copy !req
1147. Linda's been thinking about
leaving you for some time.Copy !req
1148. She loves you, but she
recognizes you're a neurotic mess.Copy !req
1149. You're jealous...Copy !req
1150. self-loathing, resentful, insecure
and a premature ejaculator.Copy !req
1151. She told you I was
a premature ejaculator?Copy !req
1152. That part I was assuming.Copy !req
1153. I haven't done that in,
like, eight months.Copy !req
1154. Anyway, a trial separation will make
you both gain a deeper appreciation...Copy !req
1155. for David Buznik.Copy !req
1156. After she dates a couple of losers,
she'll be begging you to take her back.Copy !req
1157. So I've been thinking about it,
Linda...Copy !req
1158. and a trial separation is exactly
what we need.Copy !req
1159. And if you want to start seeing...Copy !req
1160. other penises— People...Copy !req
1161. I want you to feel free.Copy !req
1162. You sound upset. Are you all right?Copy !req
1163. I'm fine. Just date anybody you'd like.Copy !req
1164. And don't hold back, okay?Copy !req
1165. Because there's a lot of nice guys
out there and I'm cool with it.Copy !req
1166. I'll be strong.Copy !req
1167. So the guy asked me for change.
I laughed. He cursed.Copy !req
1168. I whizzed on him.Copy !req
1169. - What else could I do, huh?
- You should've tossed a rock at him.Copy !req
1170. That's your solution for everything.
The guy's homeless, right?Copy !req
1171. Let him be. Set your anger free.Copy !req
1172. Look at you, Lou. You've really calmed
down since working with Dr. B.Copy !req
1173. - We all have.
- Hey, fellas.Copy !req
1174. Could you bring it down a little bit?Copy !req
1175. We're trying to have dinner.
The walls are really thin.Copy !req
1176. - This is a free country!
- What's going on with you?Copy !req
1177. - Are you crazy?
- Go in! Just go in.Copy !req
1178. Goosfraba! Goosfraba!Copy !req
1179. Goosfraba.Copy !req
1180. Very good.
What are you guys doing here?Copy !req
1181. I need to see Dr. B. I'm in crisis.Copy !req
1182. He's not here.
Why don't you go look for him?Copy !req
1183. Davey, your girlfriend stopped by
and she dropped these off for you.Copy !req
1184. Those are her keys to my apartment.Copy !req
1185. I think your girlfriend's cheating
on you.Copy !req
1186. - Why?
- I heard her on her cell phone...Copy !req
1187. talking to a guy...Copy !req
1188. - ... making a date.
- I'm so sorry, Dave.Copy !req
1189. Andrew.Copy !req
1190. I'll kill that guy.Copy !req
1191. She ain't cheating on me by the way.
We agreed to take a break.Copy !req
1192. She's not taking a break
from the old sausage, huh?Copy !req
1193. Sorry.Copy !req
1194. She's meeting the Andrew at Mort's
on 86th Street now...Copy !req
1195. if you want to go watch.Copy !req
1196. No. No, I can't do that.Copy !req
1197. We're here.Copy !req
1198. - Both of you showed up?
- You like Stacy better or something?Copy !req
1199. It's just that I want to go on a fake
date to get my girlfriend jealous...Copy !req
1200. so I really only needed
one of you guys.Copy !req
1201. Well, now she'll be twice as jealous.Copy !req
1202. - So do you know the guy she's with?
- I think I might.Copy !req
1203. Let me ask you something.Copy !req
1204. Because of your profession
you probably have seen a lot of them.Copy !req
1205. Does size count at all, or is that just
some weird thing guys think about?Copy !req
1206. This is where Gina and I
always get into a heated debate.Copy !req
1207. I like them when they're really big.Copy !req
1208. And I think it's better
when they're enormous.Copy !req
1209. Good evening.Copy !req
1210. Table for three?Copy !req
1211. - May we take your coats?
- No. We're okay.Copy !req
1212. The girls are gonna
take their coats off.Copy !req
1213. Would you like a boobs—? Booth?Copy !req
1214. Actually, could you give us a table
overlooking that table right there?Copy !req
1215. - Sure. Right this way.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1216. Oh, my God. It's Stacy and Gina.Copy !req
1217. Who?Copy !req
1218. Nobody.Copy !req
1219. I'm so hungry I could eat you, Dave.Copy !req
1220. Yummy. Yummy.Copy !req
1221. - Let's get wasted tonight.
- Definitely.Copy !req
1222. Have fun.
Lucky son of a bitch.Copy !req
1223. What?Copy !req
1224. I can't believe this.Copy !req
1225. Excuse me.Copy !req
1226. Linda. I'm a little embarrassed. I
didn't know you were going to be here.Copy !req
1227. I guess not. Are those your friends?Copy !req
1228. I'm supposed to date other people
so I figured I'd give it a try.Copy !req
1229. Gina, can you stop sucking
on Stacy's finger for one second?Copy !req
1230. I want to introduce you to somebody.Copy !req
1231. - Stacy, Gina, this is Linda.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
1232. And I'd like you to meet my date.Copy !req
1233. Ladies, this is Buddy Rydell.Copy !req
1234. - Look, Dave, it's Buddy.
- I see.Copy !req
1235. - You know Stacy and Gina?
- Yes, yes, I do.Copy !req
1236. We're in Dave's anger group.
Fury Fighters!Copy !req
1237. Well, gee whiz.
Here's your Rémy, Linda.Copy !req
1238. This is a bit awkward.Copy !req
1239. I mean, group members...Copy !req
1240. are not supposed to get
romantically involved.Copy !req
1241. - Yeah! I agree with that.
- You know that.Copy !req
1242. I'd like to talk to you alone
for a second.Copy !req
1243. There's a rage control technique I'd
like to go over with you right now.Copy !req
1244. Of course. Excuse me—Copy !req
1245. What?Copy !req
1246. - Two of the usual, Duke.
- Coming right up, Dr. B.Copy !req
1247. You're the biggest backstabbing
piece of crap I ever met.Copy !req
1248. What are you saying?Copy !req
1249. I'm trying to give you a hand.
It's my job.Copy !req
1250. Bullshit!
Your job is to steal my girlfriend?Copy !req
1251. My job is trying to prevent
Mr. Andrew...Copy !req
1252. from unleashing the Whopper
with Cheese.Copy !req
1253. That's right. Since you've
been out of the picture...Copy !req
1254. Andrew's been burning up the wires
night and day...Copy !req
1255. trying to rekindle those
hotsie-totsie nights up at Brown U.Copy !req
1256. - How would you know?
- You think I only tapped your phone?Copy !req
1257. What was she saying?Copy !req
1258. The good news is, I already launched
a preemptive strike.Copy !req
1259. Now the situation is contained.Copy !req
1260. You and I control the game.Copy !req
1261. How?Copy !req
1262. I will be uncharacteristically
aggressively boring.Copy !req
1263. I keep talking about myself,
acting arrogant and obnoxious.Copy !req
1264. When Linda sees what
the dating world is really like...Copy !req
1265. then guess who comes out
smelling like a white mushroom?Copy !req
1266. - You swear to me this will work?
- The ball's already up in the air.Copy !req
1267. Incidentally, nice move
bringing the girls.Copy !req
1268. Very strong. Come on.Copy !req
1269. I'll see you at home
in a half-hour, keed.Copy !req
1270. That's 25 dollars, pal.Copy !req
1271. We don't...Copy !req
1272. Where were you? It's 1:00.Copy !req
1273. When you hear what happened, you'll
bow down and worship me like a god.Copy !req
1274. - Better be good. Give it to me.
- Okay.Copy !req
1275. After dinner, she insisted we go home.
So we hop on the bus—Copy !req
1276. The bus? You took the bus?
What happened to your car?Copy !req
1277. I was way too smashed to drive.Copy !req
1278. I told her I didn't want to waste money
on a cab. That did not go down well.Copy !req
1279. Okay. I like that.Copy !req
1280. So we get to her house...Copy !req
1281. we have some kind of a weird
argument...Copy !req
1282. about the number of syllables
in a haiku.Copy !req
1283. Poetry garbage.Copy !req
1284. She said it was getting late,
we kissed and I headed on home.Copy !req
1285. Now, you say you kissed?Copy !req
1286. It was nothing. Little
five-second kiss. That's all.Copy !req
1287. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.Copy !req
1288. You're having this horrible evening.Copy !req
1289. - How do you end up kissing, again?
- I wish I knew, keed.Copy !req
1290. We were both pretty geezed up.Copy !req
1291. One second we're fighting,
and the next second we're laughing...Copy !req
1292. and then just a quick
10-second kiss.Copy !req
1293. I thought that you said five seconds.Copy !req
1294. First it was a five-second one...Copy !req
1295. and then a little break because
my beard gave her a tickle.Copy !req
1296. She's cute.
And then a 10-second Frencher.Copy !req
1297. You had your crazy, corroded tongue
in my girlfriend's mouth?Copy !req
1298. Just a second. Just one second, Dave.Copy !req
1299. Dr. B, let it bip.Copy !req
1300. Well, hello.Copy !req
1301. I shouldn't really talk right now.Copy !req
1302. Well, I suppose you're right.Copy !req
1303. It's got to be done.Copy !req
1304. Who was that? Linda?Copy !req
1305. I've got some good news for you
and some potentially upsetting news.Copy !req
1306. First, the good news.Copy !req
1307. I'm going to sign your papers.
You're a free man.Copy !req
1308. Let me hear
the potentially upsetting news.Copy !req
1309. Linda and I have fallen
for one another.Copy !req
1310. Pretty hard too.Copy !req
1311. David, I hope you believe me
when I say this:Copy !req
1312. I didn't intend for this to happen.Copy !req
1313. It was no one's fault, I guess.
It was just—Copy !req
1314. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1315. I figured this out.Copy !req
1316. You're messing with me.Copy !req
1317. I wish I were, Dave.Copy !req
1318. However, I did insist that we not
go forward without your blessing...Copy !req
1319. because we're best friends.
So, what do you say, Dave?Copy !req
1320. Is it all right if I date your ex?Copy !req
1321. Welcome back, Mr. Buznik.Copy !req
1322. I am appalled by your assault
on Dr. Rydell.Copy !req
1323. Obviously, anger management
has been a complete failure for you.Copy !req
1324. I'm setting a trial date for 3 weeks
from today for attempted murder.Copy !req
1325. As for Dr. Rydell's safety,
I'm issuing a restraining order.Copy !req
1326. Which means that at no time can you
come within 500 feet of him...Copy !req
1327. or his lovely new girlfriend, Linda.Copy !req
1328. Court is adjourned.Copy !req
1329. Coming, Peaches.Copy !req
1330. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
1331. Numb-nuts, where's the catalog
for my Fat Cat clothing line?Copy !req
1332. I said I'd have it by 3.Copy !req
1333. - Okay.
- Get in gear.Copy !req
1334. I'm so sorry I'm late.Copy !req
1335. I hope you have it.
My presentation's in two hours.Copy !req
1336. What's this? Your fat-shit cat's
been sitting there all day.Copy !req
1337. Don't worry about him.Copy !req
1338. Here you go.
I think you're gonna like it.Copy !req
1339. It's good stuff.Copy !req
1340. That's a good picture, I think.Copy !req
1341. What the hell is this?Copy !req
1342. You keep telling everybody you
created the Husky Cat line.Copy !req
1343. I thought you'd want your picture
in there. No?Copy !req
1344. Can I get two couches
in my office?Copy !req
1345. If friends come over, I want them
to feel comfortable.Copy !req
1346. What office?Copy !req
1347. Frank was nice enough to give me
some creative executive position.Copy !req
1348. - You gave him the job that I wanted?
- He earned it.Copy !req
1349. Why can't you be happy for me?
Linda's gonna be.Copy !req
1350. Know something?
I'm sick of you hanging out with Linda.Copy !req
1351. She dumped you 15 years ago.
Get over it.Copy !req
1352. I wouldn't worry about me.Copy !req
1353. It's your pal Buddy who's taking her
to the Yankee game tonight.Copy !req
1354. Yankee game.Copy !req
1355. Did he steal my proposal idea?Copy !req
1356. Buznik, your behavior
is unacceptable.Copy !req
1357. Unacceptable?Copy !req
1358. I've been getting your coffee and
doing your work for five years now.Copy !req
1359. When a good position
actually opens up...Copy !req
1360. you give it to the biggest dick
in the world?Copy !req
1361. I don't know about the world, but it's
definitely the biggest one in the room.Copy !req
1362. Now, when I started here...Copy !req
1363. I was promised advancement
opportunities.Copy !req
1364. And breaking that promise, to me,
is unacceptable.Copy !req
1365. You see? I golf also.
You should bring me sometime.Copy !req
1366. So when I get out of jail, sometime
in the next two to five years...Copy !req
1367. I expect you to give me the position
that Andrew just resigned from.Copy !req
1368. - Okay.
- Great.Copy !req
1369. Have fun looking like Colonel Klink.Copy !req
1370. By the way, his name is not
Fat-shit Cat, it's Meatball...Copy !req
1371. and he's eating your crab cakes
right now.Copy !req
1372. - You starting to get excited?
- Are you kidding? I'm out of my mind.Copy !req
1373. This is going to be some night.Copy !req
1374. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
1375. - Dr. B, how's it going?
- Very well, thank you.Copy !req
1376. Always a thrill. Right this way.Copy !req
1377. Where the hell's a spot?
Where's a spot?Copy !req
1378. Whoa! Watch it, man!Copy !req
1379. Your attention, please.Copy !req
1380. Your attention, please.Copy !req
1381. Before tonight's National Anthem...Copy !req
1382. Metropolitan Opera star Robert
Merrill...Copy !req
1383. will present a special moment
for two special people.Copy !req
1384. I love when they do this.Copy !req
1385. - Good.
- Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Merrill.Copy !req
1386. Linda? Linda!Copy !req
1387. What the hell do you think
you're doing?Copy !req
1388. Wait, don't I know you?Copy !req
1389. - Come on.
- Where's your German accent?Copy !req
1390. You have me confused
with somebody—Copy !req
1391. I wanna get on the field.
I'm a fan of Mr. Merrill's.Copy !req
1392. - There's no fans allowed on that field.
- Galaxia.Copy !req
1393. It's Gary.Copy !req
1394. Whatever. Someone else will marry
my woman if you don't let me go.Copy !req
1395. - Hebrew Melvin's in love.
- Very much.Copy !req
1396. I can't stop love.Copy !req
1397. - Go.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1398. Don't think I don't owe you
a couple smacks by the way.Copy !req
1399. Good evening. Tonight, romance
comes to Yankee Stadium.Copy !req
1400. Oh, my God, it's Dave.Copy !req
1401. What the heck are you doing here?Copy !req
1402. - I wanna borrow this for a second.
- That's my mike!Copy !req
1403. Linda? Where are you?Copy !req
1404. Don't move.Copy !req
1405. Linda? Are you out there, honey?Copy !req
1406. Linda, I'm not mad at you.Copy !req
1407. Oh, shit.Copy !req
1408. I know that crazy man
brought you here.Copy !req
1409. Davey's going crazy!Copy !req
1410. I've done crazier stuff than that
to win back a chick.Copy !req
1411. Once I ran naked
through a subway station.Copy !req
1412. How was that supposed to work?Copy !req
1413. I guess I never really
thought it through.Copy !req
1414. I gotta tell you something personal!Copy !req
1415. This kid lost his marbles.Copy !req
1416. I'm over here!Copy !req
1417. Linda, think about
what you're doing to us.Copy !req
1418. Sweet tackle. Wow!Copy !req
1419. Dave just got leveled!Copy !req
1420. - Nobody messes with my microphone.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
1421. Bob?Copy !req
1422. - Everything all right, Buddy?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1423. I've never seen you so excited.Copy !req
1424. It's not every day a man
gets to propose marriage...Copy !req
1425. to the woman he loves.Copy !req
1426. Now, here's what I want you to write
on the scoreboard.Copy !req
1427. Linda! Linda, I've loved you
since the day I met you!Copy !req
1428. I won't let you do this to us!Copy !req
1429. Don't marry him!Copy !req
1430. Don't marry him!Copy !req
1431. Wait!Copy !req
1432. Let this man finish
what he came here to say.Copy !req
1433. Let the man back in.Copy !req
1434. - Who was that guy?
- I think it's Regis Philbin.Copy !req
1435. Thank you, Mayor Giuliani.
You're the man, by the way.Copy !req
1436. This clown better hurry up.
My arm's starting to ice over.Copy !req
1437. Chill, Rocket. Goosfraba.Copy !req
1438. Goosfraba.Copy !req
1439. Goosfraba.Copy !req
1440. I can understand why you wanted
to see other people. I really can.Copy !req
1441. Buddy Rydell is a psycho!Copy !req
1442. But he was right about one thing.Copy !req
1443. I was an angry guy.Copy !req
1444. Mainly angry at myself...Copy !req
1445. for letting people treat me like crap
all the time.Copy !req
1446. But I don't want to be that
angry guy anymore.Copy !req
1447. I wanna change.Copy !req
1448. If you give me a chance...Copy !req
1449. I can show you that I got the guts
to stand up for what I believe in.Copy !req
1450. And I believe in us, Linda.Copy !req
1451. I love you with all my heart,
and I know you love me back.Copy !req
1452. I should be your husband...Copy !req
1453. not that weirdo.Copy !req
1454. I want to have a family with you.
I want to have kids with you.Copy !req
1455. Kids who have your eyes...Copy !req
1456. and your lips...Copy !req
1457. and my...Copy !req
1458. last name.
That's all I wish on them.Copy !req
1459. Please marry me, Linda.Copy !req
1460. Before I make my decision,
you have to do something for me.Copy !req
1461. You have to kiss me
in front of all these people!Copy !req
1462. You can do it, David!Copy !req
1463. Give her a five-second Frencher!Copy !req
1464. Kiss her, David.Copy !req
1465. Kiss her, David.Copy !req
1466. Kiss her, David!Copy !req
1467. Kiss her, David.Copy !req
1468. Go Yankees!Copy !req
1469. Dave's a dirty boy.Copy !req
1470. That wasn't so bad, was it?Copy !req
1471. I can't believe you actually
started to fall for that crazy man.Copy !req
1472. Buddy's not such a bad guy.Copy !req
1473. Congratulations! You just graduated
from anger management!Copy !req
1474. I'm glad your car died.
The train's romantic.Copy !req
1475. Don't change the subject.Copy !req
1476. You're telling me the past two weeks
of my life was just therapy?Copy !req
1477. Well...Copy !req
1478. Yeah.Copy !req
1479. I met with Buddy
after reading his book...Copy !req
1480. and I told him about some
of the things going on in your life...Copy !req
1481. and how upset it was making you
and how nuts it was making me.Copy !req
1482. He said that he thought he could help,
but it would be tough.Copy !req
1483. So how much of this thing was a
setup?Copy !req
1484. Well, the guy in your seat on the
plane, the flight attendant, the judge...Copy !req
1485. they're all friends of Buddy's.Copy !req
1486. What about the air marshal
who tasered me? Was he in on it?Copy !req
1487. No, he was just having a bad day.Copy !req
1488. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
1489. Skipper, how you doing?Copy !req
1490. Buddy Rydell, you're a great man.Copy !req
1491. I was just doing my job.
I never doubted you for a minute.Copy !req
1492. Except when Galaxia
had ahold of you.Copy !req
1493. Did you just call that guy
Buddy Rydell?Copy !req
1494. A guy named Buddy Rydell
left this card...Copy !req
1495. on what's left of my Lexus!Copy !req
1496. Oh, yeah. For insurance purposes.Copy !req
1497. Your insurance was canceled!Copy !req
1498. Grenada!Copy !req
1499. Don't point that gun at Buddy.
I'm the one who smashed your car up.Copy !req
1500. - Dave?
- No!Copy !req
1501. I'm sick of guys like this.Copy !req
1502. You wanna mess with my friends,
shoot me first.Copy !req
1503. - Don't!
- Are you crazy?Copy !req
1504. Settle down.Copy !req
1505. Butt out! Tough guy's
going to learn a lesson.Copy !req
1506. I'm not afraid. Dr. Rydell taught me
not to be afraid of anybody.Copy !req
1507. Can I ask you a question, though?Copy !req
1508. Got you!Copy !req
1509. Dr. B, Davey just pulled a joke on us!Copy !req
1510. And how does that
make you feel, Lou?Copy !req
1511. Chuck.Copy !req
1512. We were just doing a joke.
That's my friend.Copy !req
1513. Are you okay?Copy !req
1514. He feels stunning.Copy !req