1. There was a time,
a time before cable,
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2. when the local anchorman
reigned supreme,
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3. when people believed
everything they heard on TV.
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4. This was an age when only men
were allowed to read the news.
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5. And in San Diego, one anchorman
was more man than the rest.
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6. His name was Ron Burgundy.
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7. He was like a god
walking amongst mere mortals.
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8. He had a voice that could
make a wolverine purr,
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9. and suits so fine
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10. they made Sinatra
look like a hobo.
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11. In other words,
Ron Burgundy was the balls.
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12. Mmm. I look good.
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13. I mean, really good.
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14. Hey, everyone!
Come and see how good I look!
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15. Mm, ehh, mm.
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16. Ribs. I had ribs for lunch.
That's why I'm doing this.
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17. How now brown cow.
How now brown cow.
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18. How now brown cow.
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19. How are you?
You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm?
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20. Maybe don't wear
a bra next time.
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21. No, I was talking to you.
No, not her.
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22. I don't know her name.
What is it?
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23. Lanolin?
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24. La-lanolin?
Like sheep's wool?
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25. Unique New York.
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26. Unique New York.
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27. Mm, I love Scotch.
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28. I love Scotch.
Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch.
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29. Here it goes down.
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30. Down into my belly.
Mm-mm-mm.
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31. The arsonist
has oddly shaped feet.
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32. How much time?
30? 30 seconds?
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33. - Man: You are on.
- I'm on right now?
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34. I don't believe you.
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35. Oh, come on. Audrey.
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36. I look like hell.
I got bags under my eyes.
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37. What's that?
If you were a man,
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38. I'd punch you right
in the mouth.
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39. That's bush.
Bush league.
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40. The human torch was denied
a bank loan.
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41. You hear me?
Audrey, look at me!
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42. I'm sorry.
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43. All right?
I'm sorry.
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44. Ha ha!
Ha ha ha ho!
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45. Ha ha ho.
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46. Ha oh!
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47. All right, we're on.
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48. Ready, Phil.
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49. We're on in five, four...
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50. When the clock struck 6:00,
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51. it meant one thing
for Ron Burgundy
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52. and his news team:
Go time.
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53. Channel 4 News,
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54. Channel 4 News,
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55. with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor
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56. Ron Burgundy.
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57. Champ Kind, sports.
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58. Ooh! Hoo-hoo!
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59. Brick Tamland, weather.
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60. And your reporter in the field,
Brian Fantana.
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61. It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.
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62. Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy,
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63. and this is what's happening
in your world tonight.
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64. A La Jolla man clings to life
at a university hospital
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65. after being viciously attacked
by a pack of wild dogs
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66. in an abandoned pool.
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67. Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up!
Ron Burgundy's on!
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68. Authorities are still
uncertain as to why the man
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69. - was loitering...
- Ron Burgundy.
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70. Oh, my gosh!
She said her first words!
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71. Right now it's 82'
in our fair city,
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72. and compare that to 48'
in the upper Northwest
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73. and 38'
in the Middle East.
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74. Off the coast
of Tampa Bay yesterday,
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75. one lucky cameraman
happened to catch
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76. an unusual
aquatic daredevil.
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77. What you're about to see
is a Channel 4 News exclusive.
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78. His name is
Nutty the Squirrel,
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79. and he's three years old.
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80. How 'bout that?
( laughing )
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81. That squirrel
can water-ski.
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82. - Man, that's hilarious.
- Yeah, that's good.
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83. For all of us here
at News Center 4,
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84. I'm Ron Burgundy.
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85. You stay classy,
San Diego.
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86. You stay classy, San Diego.
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87. Listen up.
The ratings just came in for last month.
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88. We are number one.
We just grabbed every key demographic.
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89. - Super-duper, gang!
- Yeah! Yeah!
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90. Super-duper!
That's nice!
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91. Way to go!
Neat-o, gang.
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92. - Brian: Yes!
- Ron: Boy, Ed.
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93. That is good news.
I gotta be honest.
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94. - Congrats, congrats.
- That is good news!
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95. - Brian: All right!
- Stick around.
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96. Make sure these guys
don't party too much.
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97. - They don't really ever listen to me.
- Just get it done.
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98. Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?
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99. Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?
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100. I've just been handed
an urgent
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101. and horrifying news story.
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102. I need all of you
to stop what you're doing
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103. and listen.
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104. Cannonball!
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105. Yes, these fellas were a real news team.
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106. Burgundy, of course,
was the foundation, the rock.
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107. But each member brought their own
special something to the equation.
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108. People call me
the Bri-man.
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109. I'm the stylish one
of the group.
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110. I know what
you're asking yourself,
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111. and the answer is yes,
I have a nickname for my penis.
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112. It's called the Octagon.
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113. But I also nicknamed
my testes.
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114. My left one
is James Westfall,
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115. and my right one is
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
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116. You ladies play your cards right,
you might get to meet the whole gang.
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117. Bang, boom, they were
showing lasers
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118. every Friday night.
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119. Champ here.
I'm all about havin' fun.
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120. You know, get a couple
of cocktails in me,
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121. start a fire
in someone's kitchen.
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122. Maybe go to SeaWorld,
take my pants off.
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123. Anyway, I've become
kind of famous
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124. for my signature catchphrase,
"Whammy!"
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125. As in, "Gene Tenace
at the plate...
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126. and whammy!"
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127. Whammy!
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128. I'm Brick Tamland.
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129. People seem to like me
because I am polite
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130. and I'm rarely late.
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131. I like to eat ice cream,
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132. and I really enjoy
a nice pair of slacks.
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133. Years later,
a doctor will tell me
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134. that I have an lQ of 48
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135. and am what some people call
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136. "mentally retarded."
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137. Hello!
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138. - Whoo! Marco!
- Polo!
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139. - Brian.
- You having a good time?
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140. - I'm having a great time.
- That makes two of us.
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141. You've gotta meet this girl.
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142. She used to be a Charger cheerleader,
but she broke her pelvis.
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143. Sherri,
meet Ron Burgundy.
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144. - Hey, Ron.
- Hello.
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145. - I've got a big story for you.
- Mm-hmm.
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146. And it's right here.
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147. Well, hello.
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148. You pointed to your boobies.
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149. Oh, my God, you did!
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150. - Ron Burgundy?
- Yes?
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151. I have had a crush on you
since I was a little girl.
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152. Let's go somewhere.
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153. I'm telling you, it don't
get no better than this.
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154. We've been coming
to the same party for 12 years,
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155. and in no way
is that depressing.
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156. Ahh.
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157. By the beard of Zeus!
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158. Excuse me.
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159. Ron, where you going?
What, are you crazy? Ron!
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160. If you're coming down the baseline,
you gotta take home plate from me!
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161. So there I go,
head first, boom!
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162. I've lost her.
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163. Ohh.
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164. Hello.
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165. Hello.
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166. Hope I'm not disturbing
you, but, uh,
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167. I saw you from across
the party, and, uh,
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168. I don't usually do this, but I felt
compelled to tell you something.
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169. You have...
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170. an absolutely
breathtaking...
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171. heinie.
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172. I mean, that thing is good.
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173. I want to be friends with it.
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174. Well, you certainly know
how to compliment a woman.
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175. Now, if you'll excuse me.
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176. Do you know who I am?
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177. No, I can't say that I do.
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178. I don't know how to put this,
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179. but I'm kind of a big deal.
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180. Really?
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181. People know me.
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182. I've very happy for you.
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183. I'm very important.
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184. I have...
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185. many leather-bound books,
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186. and my apartment
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187. smells of rich mahogany.
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188. I— I'm friends
with Merlin Olsen, too.
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189. He comes over on occasion.
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190. That's stupid.
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191. No, no, that's...
very exciting.
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192. Listen, can l—
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193. can I start over again?
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194. Sure.
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195. I wanna say something.
I'm gonna put it out there.
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196. If you like it,
you can take it.
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197. If you don't,
send it right back.
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198. Mm-hmm.
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199. I wanna be on you.
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200. Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
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201. I—
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202. I wanna be on you.
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203. Yoo-hoo!
( clears throat )
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204. Baxter!
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205. Papa's home.
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206. There he is.
There's my little man.
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207. - You're okay?
- ( barking )
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208. Of course I met
a lady tonight.
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209. This one was different.
I have to be honest.
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210. Quite different.
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211. - ( barking )
- What—
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212. I'm lonely?
I'm not lonely!
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213. I'm beloved by everyone
in San Diego.
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214. Wow.
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215. You know how to cut
to the core of me, Baxter.
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216. - ( growls )
- You're so wise.
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217. You're like
a miniature Buddha
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218. covered in hair.
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219. - ( barks )
- Come again?
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220. You know I don't speak Spanish.
In English, please.
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221. - ( barks )
- Huh?
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222. - ( growling )
- You pooped in the refrigerator?
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223. - ( sneezes )
- And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?
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224. How'd you do that?
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225. I'm not even mad.
That's amazing.
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226. ( laughing )
I forgive you.
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227. What do you say we get you
in your pj's and hit the hay?
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228. Bedtime. Okay, come on.
Let's go. Come on.
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229. Oh, that was one
crazy party.
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230. I am hung over.
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231. Tell me about it.
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232. I woke up this morning
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233. and I shit a squirrel.
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234. I mean it.
Literally.
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235. Hell of it is,
damn thing's still alive.
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236. So I got this
shit-covered squirrel
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237. down there in the office.
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238. Don't know what to name it.
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239. I'm sorry, Champ.
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240. I think I ate
your chocolate squirrel.
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241. All right, guys.
Let's focus up.
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242. Morning, everyone.
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243. Here are the stories
we're going to be chasing today.
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244. It looks like Ling Wong,
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245. the rare panda
at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant.
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246. This is a big one.
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247. This could be the big
story of the summer.
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248. Network is gonna be wanting
plenty of coverage.
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249. And speaking of network,
word on the street is
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250. they're looking
for a new anchor.
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251. - So, Ron...
- Huh? Network?
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252. Are they here?
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253. A lot of you have been hearing
the affiliates complaining
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254. about a lack of diversity
on the news team.
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255. What in the hell's diversity?
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256. ( clears throat )
Well, I could be wrong,
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257. but I believe diversity
is an old, old wooden ship
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258. that was used
during the Civil War era.
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259. I would be surprised
if the affiliates were concerned
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260. about the lack
of an old wooden ship,
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261. but nice try.
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262. Diversity means
that times are changing,
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263. and with that in mind—
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264. - Ron, are you paying attention?
- Nope.
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265. - This concerns all of us.
- Okay.
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266. Keeping that in mind, I'd like
to introduce the latest addition
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267. to the KVWN News Team,
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268. directly from WYPN
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269. in Asheville, North Carolina,
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270. Ms. Veronica Corningstone.
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271. - Oh!
- I just want you all to know
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272. that I look forward
to contributing
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273. to this news station's
already sterling reputation.
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274. I mean, come on, Ed!
It's bullcrap!
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275. Don't get me wrong.
I love the ladies.
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276. They rev my engine,
but they don't belong in the newsroom!
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277. It is anchorman,
not anchorlady!
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278. - And that is a scientific fact!
- Brian: Uh-huh.
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279. I don't know
what we're yelling about!
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280. Ron, what do you think?
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281. She— sh—
it's terrible!
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282. She has beautiful eyes,
and her hair smells like cinnamon!
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283. Mm-hmm.
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284. Loud noises!
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285. All right, everyone relax.
She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.
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286. I read somewhere that
their periods attract bears.
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287. Bears can smell
the menstruation.
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288. Well, that's just great.
You hear that, Ed?
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289. Bears. Now you're putting
the whole station in jeopardy.
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290. I will say
one thing for her, Ed,
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291. she does have a nice,
big old behind.
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292. I'd like to put some
barbecue sauce on that butt
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293. and just bite, bite, bite, bite,
munch, munch, munch!
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294. - Ah-whoo!
- Stop it! Oh, Jeez.
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295. Look at the full-moon butt!
( yapping )
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296. Champ! Champ!
Champ, Champ!
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297. Mr. Harken, I was just wondering
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298. if you knew when my office
would be ready.
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299. Well, that might
take some time.
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300. For now, why don't you just
grab a desk in the bullpen?
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301. You can use my office! Then afterwards
maybe we can go to lunch!
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302. Lower your voice, Ron.
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303. Mm-hmm!
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304. All right.
Thank you, Mr. Harken.
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305. I'll go get
my desk set up.
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306. Oh, she is a saucy mama!
I mean, I would...
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307. ( Veronica sighs )
Here we go again.
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308. Every station
it's the same.
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309. Women ask me
how I put up with it.
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310. Well, the truth is,
I don't really have a choice.
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311. This is definitely
a man's world.
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312. But while they're laughing
and grab-assing,
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313. I'm chasing down leads
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314. and practicing
my nonregional diction.
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315. Because the only way to win
is to be the best.
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316. The very best.
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317. Touchy situation.
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318. I think the best thing
to do with this Corningstone,
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319. to keep her in line,
is bed her quick.
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320. Oh, that behind
is driving me loco!
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321. I'm like a night wolf.
( howling )
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322. Guys, take it easy.
Just take it easy!
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323. - She's got feelings, too.
- Oh, my God!
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324. Listen to Burgundy.
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325. He's gone soft on us,
like some schoolboy bitch.
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326. You sound like a gay.
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327. Hey! Come on!
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328. It's me, Papa Burgundy,
all right?
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329. As far as I'm concerned,
Corningstone's fair game.
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330. Huh?
Let the games begin!
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331. Hi-ohhh!
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332. There he is.
There he is.
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333. I'm very aroused.
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334. ( Champ laughing )
What's this?
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335. Well, well, well.
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336. Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4
News Team.
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337. Hello, Wes Mantooth.
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338. Hello,
Evening News Team.
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339. Nice clothes, gentlemen.
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340. I didn't know the Salvation Army
was having a sale.
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341. Am I right?
Look at these guys.
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342. Hey, where did you
get those clothes?
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343. At the toilet store?
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344. What are you doing
on our station's turf, Burgundy?
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345. You're about to get
a serious beat-down.
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346. I will smash your face
into a car windshield
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347. and then take your mother,
Dorothy Mantooth,
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348. out for a nice seafood dinner
and never call her again!
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349. Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
You understand me?
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350. - Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
- Ron: Hey.
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351. Leave the mothers
out of this, all right?
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352. It's unnecessary.
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353. Besides, I'm sure Wes here
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354. is just upset over finishing
second in the ratings again.
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355. Ooh!
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356. That's completely
uncalled for, Burgundy.
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357. You know those
rating systems are flawed.
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358. They don't take into account
houses that have
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359. more than two television sets
and other things of that nature.
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360. I guess I have to take you
at your word,
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361. Number Two.
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362. You have
a great day, fellas.
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363. We'll see you around the bend.
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364. Son of a bitch!
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365. Excusez-moi, Numero Two.
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366. Hey, Burgundy.
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367. You know those sample audiences
aren't big enough!
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368. Stop hiding behind those phony numbers,
Burgundy! I'm coming after you!
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369. I hate you, Ron Burgundy.
I hate you!
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370. You can't say one word?
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371. Even the guy who can't
think says something!
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372. You guys just stand
there? Come on!
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373. Right, but I think my son
is just going through a phase.
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374. I have no idea where
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375. he would have gotten ahold
of German pornography.
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376. But you and l
are mature adults.
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377. We've both seen our share
of pornographic materials.
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378. Oh, you never have?
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379. Of course you haven't,
how stupid of me. Neither have l.
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380. I was just speaking
in generalities.
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381. I'll stop by the school
a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.
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382. Ed, she insisted
on coming in.
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383. Mr. Harken, sir,
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384. I will not have my first story
at this news station
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385. be about a cat fashion show.
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386. Miss Corningstone, ma'am,
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387. you will do the stories
to which you are assigned.
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388. Mr. Harken, I am
a damn good journalist,
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389. and this cat show thing
is grade-A baloney.
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390. It is not baloney.
Now, go do your job, missy!
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391. It is baloney!
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392. Hey, Ron,
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393. I'm gonna take a run
at the new girl.
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394. Let the games begin.
( howls )
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395. Oh, Champ, Champ,
we're not really gonna actually do that.
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396. - We were just flapping our gums.
- Oh, yeah.
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397. You kill me, Burgundy.
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398. Let me just grab this.
Oh, sorry about that.
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399. - Whammy.
- Hmm.
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400. - Uh, Champ?
- Yeah.
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401. You're trying to touch
my breasts, aren't you?
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402. What can I say?
I like the way you're put together.
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403. What do you say
we go out on a date?
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404. Have some chicken,
maybe some sex.
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405. You know,
see what happens?
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406. Oh, let me get this
over here.
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407. - ( groans )
- Sorry.
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408. Oh, there it is.
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409. I'll give this
little cookie an hour
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410. before we're doing
the no-pants dance.
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411. - ( chuckles )
- Time to musk up.
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412. Wow.
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413. It never ceases to amaze me.
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414. What cologne
you gonna go with?
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415. London Gentleman, or—
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416. wait. No, no, no.
Hold on.
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417. Blackbeard's Delight.
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418. No, she gets
a special cologne.
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419. It's called Sex Panther
by Odeon.
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420. - ( snarling )
- It's illegal in nine countries.
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421. Yep, it's made with bits
of real panther.
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422. - So you know it's good.
- It's quite pungent.
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423. Oh yeah.
Copy !req
424. It's a formidable scent.
Copy !req
425. It stings the nostrils.
Copy !req
426. - In a good way.
- Yep.
Copy !req
427. I'll be honest with you.
That smells like pure gasoline.
Copy !req
428. They've done studies,
you know.
Copy !req
429. 60% of the time,
it works every time.
Copy !req
430. That doesn't make sense.
Copy !req
431. Well...
Copy !req
432. let's go see if we can
make this little kitty purr.
Copy !req
433. Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite
I'd like to extend your way.
Copy !req
434. My God.
Copy !req
435. ( sniffs )
What is that smell?
Copy !req
436. - ( man coughs )
- Oh!
Copy !req
437. That's the smell
of desire, milady.
Copy !req
438. God, no, it smells like—
Copy !req
439. like a used diaper
filled with lndian food.
Copy !req
440. Oh!
Excuse me.
Copy !req
441. Desire smells like that
to some people.
Copy !req
442. What is that? Smells like a turd
covered in burnt hair!
Copy !req
443. - ( groaning )
- ( retching )
Copy !req
444. - ( woman shrieks )
- ( man yelling )
Copy !req
445. It smells like
Bigfoot's dick!
Copy !req
446. - ( woman screams )
- Oh.
Copy !req
447. Oh, hell, that's rank!
Copy !req
448. Oh, what's that smell?
Copy !req
449. This is worse than the time
the raccoon got in the copier.
Copy !req
450. Yeah.
Copy !req
451. It's very distracting.
Copy !req
452. - When we get to the pet shop—
- Cough!
Copy !req
453. Look over here.
Copy !req
454. Excuse me, Veronica.
Copy !req
455. Yes, what is it, Brick?
Copy !req
456. I would like
to extend to you
Copy !req
457. an invitation
to the pants party.
Copy !req
458. Excuse me?
Copy !req
459. The party.
The pants—
Copy !req
460. With the pants.
Party with pants?
Copy !req
461. Brick, are you saying
Copy !req
462. that there's a party in
your pants and I'm invited?
Copy !req
463. That's it.
Copy !req
464. Hmm. Did Brian tell you
to say this, Brick?
Copy !req
465. No—
yes, he did.
Copy !req
466. Okay. No, I don't want to go
to a party in your pants.
Copy !req
467. Very well.
Ian?
Copy !req
468. Would you like to go
to a party in my pants?
Copy !req
469. No, Brick.
Copy !req
470. All right. Let's go!
Copy !req
471. - All right, now...
- ( loud crash )
Copy !req
472. I'm telling you,
she is a real ball-buster.
Copy !req
473. A real ice queen.
Copy !req
474. Mm. I just
burned my tongue.
Copy !req
475. The only way
to bag a classy lady
Copy !req
476. is to give her two tickets
to the gun show...
Copy !req
477. and see if she likes
the goods.
Copy !req
478. 1,001.
Copy !req
479. 1,002.
( grunts )
Copy !req
480. - Uh, Mr. Burgundy?
- 1,003.
Copy !req
481. Helen said that you
needed to see me?
Copy !req
482. Oh, Miss Corningstone.
Copy !req
483. ( grunts )
I wasn't expecting company.
Copy !req
484. Just doing my workout.
Copy !req
485. Tuesday's arms and back.
Copy !req
486. - You asked me to come by, sir.
- Oh, did l?
Copy !req
487. Yes.
Copy !req
488. Oh, it's the deep burn!
Copy !req
489. Oh, it's so deep.
( grunts )
Copy !req
490. I can barely lift my right
arm 'cause I did so many.
Copy !req
491. I don't know if you heard me counting.
I did over 1,000.
Copy !req
492. You have your ubulus muscle
Copy !req
493. that connects
to the upper dorsinus.
Copy !req
494. It's boring,
but it's part of my life.
Copy !req
495. I'm just gonna grab this shirt,
if you don't mind.
Copy !req
496. Just watch out for the guns.
They'll get you.
Copy !req
497. You are pathetic.
Copy !req
498. This has to be
the feeblest
Copy !req
499. pickup attempt
that I have ever encountered.
Copy !req
500. I expected it from the rest of them,
Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.
Copy !req
501. Wait a minute!
I— pickup attempt?
Copy !req
502. I'm offended.
Copy !req
503. I have little time
to get to the gym,
Copy !req
504. so I have to sculpt
my guns at the office.
Copy !req
505. Oh, stop calling
your arms "guns."
Copy !req
506. Look.
Copy !req
507. My plan was to ask you
Copy !req
508. if I could squire you
about town
Copy !req
509. as one professional
helping another professional,
Copy !req
510. because I know what it's like
to be lonely in a new city.
Copy !req
511. - Really?
- Yes.
Copy !req
512. But now I am too hurt.
Copy !req
513. And shocked and offended
Copy !req
514. and— and hurt.
Copy !req
515. I could do that.
Copy !req
516. Really?
Copy !req
517. Well, yes.
Copy !req
518. As a journalist,
I should get to know
Copy !req
519. the city
that I'm covering.
Copy !req
520. - But this is not a date.
- No, of course not.
Copy !req
521. - Strictly professional.
- Wonderful.
Copy !req
522. - Hmm.
- Great.
Copy !req
523. Shall I pick you up
Copy !req
524. 8:00?
Copy !req
525. Mm, 9:00.
Copy !req
526. Downstairs?
Copy !req
527. Mr. Burgundy, you have
a massive erection.
Copy !req
528. Really?
( laughs )
Copy !req
529. Yes, I do.
Um...
Copy !req
530. I'm sorry, it's the—
Copy !req
531. - it's the pleats.
- Mm.
Copy !req
532. It's actually
an optical illusion.
Copy !req
533. It's the pattern
on the pants.
Copy !req
534. It's not flattering
in the crotchal region.
Copy !req
535. I'm actually
taking them back right now.
Copy !req
536. Taking them back
to the pants store.
Copy !req
537. Oh, this is awkward.
Copy !req
538. I'm gonna walk—
Copy !req
539. I'm gonna walk
this situation off
Copy !req
540. and I will see you later.
Nothing to look at.
Copy !req
541. Go back to work, everyone.
Copy !req
542. Don't act like
you're not impressed.
Copy !req
543. Don't look at me right now.
Copy !req
544. I'm walking around the office.
Copy !req
545. My new walk.
Copy !req
546. I have a situation right now
I'm trying to walk off.
Copy !req
547. Frame up two.
Copy !req
548. - Let's go to Brian Fantana live...
- Gimme a tighter one on two.
Copy !req
549. with a Channel 4
News exclusive.
Copy !req
550. Brian?
Copy !req
551. Panda watch.
The mood is tense.
Copy !req
552. I have been on some
serious, serious reports,
Copy !req
553. but nothing like this.
Copy !req
554. I— l— Ching—
King is inside now.
Copy !req
555. I tried to get an interview,
but they said, "You can't.
Copy !req
556. He's a live bear. He will
literally rip your face off."
Copy !req
557. Hey! You're making me
look stupid!
Copy !req
558. Get out here!
Panda jerk!
Copy !req
559. Great story.
Compelling and rich.
Copy !req
560. That's gonna do it for all
of us at Channel 4 News.
Copy !req
561. You stay classy,
San Diego.
Copy !req
562. I'm Ron Burgundy?
Copy !req
563. Damn it! Who typed a question mark
on the Teleprompter?
Copy !req
564. For the last time, anything
you put on that prompter,
Copy !req
565. Burgundy will read.
Copy !req
566. Oh, God,
this is a mistake.
Copy !req
567. This is a mistake.
Copy !req
568. He's very cute. Very cute.
No, he's not. He's hairy.
Copy !req
569. There she is!
Veronica!
Copy !req
570. My little China doll.
Copy !req
571. I am full of it tonight.
Copy !req
572. Oh, silly. Hi.
Copy !req
573. You look ravishing.
Copy !req
574. It truly is beauty
and the beast.
Copy !req
575. I might add
a handsome beast at that.
Copy !req
576. Are you ready
for our rendezvous?
Copy !req
577. It's not a date.
Copy !req
578. No, strictly professional.
Copy !req
579. Doesn't mean
we can't have fun.
Copy !req
580. - Shall we?
- Yes.
Copy !req
581. San Diego.
Copy !req
582. Mm! Drink it in.
Copy !req
583. It always
goes down smooth.
Copy !req
584. What a beautiful view,
Mr. Burgundy.
Copy !req
585. I know. I love this city.
It's a—
Copy !req
586. it's a fact.
Copy !req
587. It's the greatest city
in the history of mankind.
Copy !req
588. Discovered by the Germans
in 1904.
Copy !req
589. They named it San Diago,
Copy !req
590. which of course in German
means a whale's vagina.
Copy !req
591. N— no, there's
no way that's correct.
Copy !req
592. I'm sorry.
I was trying to impress you.
Copy !req
593. Oh.
Copy !req
594. I don't know what it means.
Copy !req
595. I'll be honest. I don't think anyone
knows what it means anymore.
Copy !req
596. Scholars maintain that
the translation was lost
Copy !req
597. hundreds of years ago.
Copy !req
598. Doesn't it mean
Saint Diego?
Copy !req
599. No. No.
Copy !req
600. No, that's—
that's what it means.
Copy !req
601. Really.
Copy !req
602. Well, agree to disagree.
Copy !req
603. May I take your order?
Copy !req
604. Yes, I am going to have
three fingers of Glenlivet
Copy !req
605. with a little bit of pepper,
and, uh, some cheese.
Copy !req
606. Very good.
Copy !req
607. A Manhattan,
and kick the vermouth
Copy !req
608. in the side with a pair
of steel-toed boots.
Copy !req
609. - Certainly.
- Thank you, Scott.
Copy !req
610. Thank you.
Copy !req
611. Wow.
Quite a drink order.
Copy !req
612. Oh, well, when in Rome.
( chuckles )
Copy !req
613. Yes?
Copy !req
614. Please, go on.
Copy !req
615. Uh, do as the Romans do?
Copy !req
616. It's an old expression.
Copy !req
617. Oh! I've never heard of it.
Copy !req
618. - Oh.
- It's wonderful, though.
Copy !req
619. ( chuckling )
Mr. Burgundy.
Copy !req
620. - Tino! How are you?
- So good to see you.
Copy !req
621. You're looking fantastic.
Copy !req
622. Tino, Veronica.
Copy !req
623. Veronica.
What a pretty girlfriend.
Copy !req
624. - Drinks are on Tino tonight.
- No, no, no.
Copy !req
625. We're work associates.
I work at the station.
Copy !req
626. - I'm a journalist.
- Oh, okay. This is a good guy.
Copy !req
627. Tino's the finest
club owner in the city.
Copy !req
628. - My best friend, right?
- Yes.
Copy !req
629. Yes, we have a saying
in my country about people like him.
Copy !req
630. "The coyote of the desert
Copy !req
631. always likes to eat
the heart of the young,
Copy !req
632. where the blood drips down to children
for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
Copy !req
633. - only the ribs will be broken in two."
- Tino.
Copy !req
634. Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy,
we will be honored
Copy !req
635. if you will play
"yazz" flute for us.
Copy !req
636. - I can't.
- Please.
Copy !req
637. - ( sighs )
- You play jazz flute?
Copy !req
638. - I dabble.
- Oh.
Copy !req
639. Would everyone love to hear
Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute?
Copy !req
640. - Man: Get it goin', Ronnie!
- Tino: Yes! Please.
Copy !req
641. You, on stage now.
Copy !req
642. Okay, I guess I can play
a little ditty.
Copy !req
643. - Honestly, I'm—
- Come on.
Copy !req
644. - Give him a hand.
- I'm not prepared. Not at all.
Copy !req
645. - Yeah!
- This is a surprise, I'll tell you.
Copy !req
646. Guys, "East Harlem
Shakedown," E flat?
Copy !req
647. Keep the cymbals splashy,
Copy !req
648. and, Jay, let's take
the bass line for a walk.
Copy !req
649. ( sputtering )
Hold on.
Copy !req
650. I'm not hearing it right.
Hold on.
Copy !req
651. We got it now.
It's all right.
Copy !req
652. Fire up, Ronnie!
Copy !req
653. Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you.
Hope you got your griddles.
Copy !req
654. That's baby-makin' music,
that's what that is.
Copy !req
655. - Let's go!
- ( microphone feedback )
Copy !req
656. Hey, Aqualung!
Copy !req
657. Thank you.
Copy !req
658. Thank you!
Copy !req
659. You were amazing.
Copy !req
660. Mm. Thank you.
Copy !req
661. Where did you learn
to play like that?
Copy !req
662. Well, jazz flute
Copy !req
663. has always been a small
passion of mine.
Copy !req
664. So what other passions
do you have, Mr. Burgundy?
Copy !req
665. Well, I have one
great passion that—
Copy !req
666. that lives deep
within my loins, like a—
Copy !req
667. like a flaming golden hawk:
Copy !req
668. To one day
become a network anchor.
Copy !req
669. Well, believe it or not,
Copy !req
670. we share the same dream.
Copy !req
671. I too want to be
an network anchor.
Copy !req
672. God, you are so beautiful.
Copy !req
673. - ( upholstery squeaks )
- ( Veronica pants )
Copy !req
674. We really
should be going.
Copy !req
675. I swore that I would never
get involved with a coworker.
Copy !req
676. Wait.
Copy !req
677. What if, just for tonight,
we weren't coworkers?
Copy !req
678. We were co-people?
Copy !req
679. - I don't—
- Shh.
Copy !req
680. You be a woman.
Copy !req
681. I'll be a man.
Copy !req
682. That's all.
Copy !req
683. Oh.
Copy !req
684. You continue to surprise
me, Mr. Burgundy.
Copy !req
685. Oh, I'm storming your castle
on my steed, milady.
Copy !req
686. Oh, mi corazón
es en fuego!
Copy !req
687. Julio, fuego,
fuego, fuego!
Copy !req
688. Wait, stop.
Stop talking like that.
Copy !req
689. - I can't understand you.
- Sorry.
Copy !req
690. Take me to Pleasure Town!
Copy !req
691. - Oh, we're going there!
- Oh!
Copy !req
692. I friggin' love you!
Copy !req
693. I friggin' love you back!
Copy !req
694. Look! The most glorious
rainbow ever!
Copy !req
695. Oh, do me on it!
Copy !req
696. - ( horses whinny )
- Whee!
Copy !req
697. Mmm.
Copy !req
698. Well done, sir.
Copy !req
699. Tip of the cap to you as well,
Miss Corningstone.
Copy !req
700. I'm having very strong feelings
for you, Mr. Burgundy.
Copy !req
701. Mm.
Copy !req
702. But it's very important to me
that I be viewed as a professional.
Copy !req
703. - Right.
- Hmm.
Copy !req
704. When in Rome.
Copy !req
705. Yeah.
Copy !req
706. That, uh, expression
Copy !req
707. doesn't really apply
to what I'm talking about.
Copy !req
708. - Oh, I'm—
- What I was saying.
Copy !req
709. I still don't quite
understand what it means.
Copy !req
710. Oh, no.
You'll find it.
Copy !req
711. No, I was saying that,
Copy !req
712. if we continue
seeing each other,
Copy !req
713. that we should keep it
relatively quiet around the station.
Copy !req
714. Absolutely,
Copy !req
715. my wild love tigress.
Copy !req
716. Tasteful discretion
is the name of the game.
Copy !req
717. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
718. Veronica Corningstone
and I had sex,
Copy !req
719. and now we are in love!
Copy !req
720. Did I say that loud?
Copy !req
721. Yeah, you pretty much
yelled it.
Copy !req
722. Well, I can't help it.
Copy !req
723. It's fantastic!
Copy !req
724. - What's it like, Ron?
- The intimate times?
Copy !req
725. Outta sight, my man!
Copy !req
726. No. The other thing.
Copy !req
727. Love.
Copy !req
728. Yeah.
What is that?
Copy !req
729. Well, it's tough to explain.
Copy !req
730. - I think I was in love once.
- Really, what was her name?
Copy !req
731. I don't remember.
Copy !req
732. That's not a good start,
but keep going.
Copy !req
733. She was Brazilian.
Copy !req
734. Or Chinese,
or something weird.
Copy !req
735. I met her in the bathroom
of a K-mart,
Copy !req
736. and we made out for hours.
Copy !req
737. Then we parted ways,
never to see each other again.
Copy !req
738. I'm pretty sure
that's not love.
Copy !req
739. Damn it!
Copy !req
740. I love...
Copy !req
741. carpet.
Copy !req
742. I love desk.
Copy !req
743. Are you just looking at things
in the office and saying you love them?
Copy !req
744. I love lamp.
Copy !req
745. Do you really love the lamp,
or are you saying it because you saw it?
Copy !req
746. I love lamp!
I love lamp.
Copy !req
747. You really want to know
what love is?
Copy !req
748. - Yeah.
- Yes, tell us.
Copy !req
749. More than anything
in the world.
Copy !req
750. Well, it's really
quite simple.
Copy !req
751. It's kind of like...
Copy !req
752. - Whoop!
- You guys have it, I think.
Copy !req
753. I don't know, Ron.
That sounds kinda crazy.
Copy !req
754. Sounds like you have
mental problems, man.
Copy !req
755. - Yeah, you got mental problems, man.
- Yeah, he really does.
Copy !req
756. Man.
Copy !req
757. - Wanna make a phone call.
- Freshen this up.
Copy !req
758. Oh, look out.
Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus.
Copy !req
759. He's ready to do battle
in the arena
Copy !req
760. against the tiniest lion
you've ever imagined.
Copy !req
761. I'm getting some great stuff,
Miss Corningstone.
Copy !req
762. Shut up.
Copy !req
763. Oh, I hate cats.
Copy !req
764. Let's just do my sign-off
and get outta here.
Copy !req
765. It was quite a show
down here at the Pet Shack.
Copy !req
766. Just for today, fashion curiosity
did not kill the cat.
Copy !req
767. I'm Veronica Corningstone
for Channel 4 News.
Copy !req
768. That was our newest reporter,
Veronica Corningstone.
Copy !req
769. She's really great.
Copy !req
770. I'd also like to share with you
that we are currently dating
Copy !req
771. and that she is quite
a handful in the bedroom.
Copy !req
772. - ( theme music plays )
- Uh...
Copy !req
773. That's gonna do it
for all of us here at 6:00.
Copy !req
774. For the Channel 4 News Team,
I'm Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
775. You stay classy,
San Diego.
Copy !req
776. All clear.
Copy !req
777. Uh-oh.
Copy !req
778. I might be in trouble
on that one.
Copy !req
779. I can't believe that you said
that we were dating on the air.
Copy !req
780. Mmm! Mmm.
That is good fondue.
Copy !req
781. Don't you get it, Ron?
I wanna be an anchor.
Copy !req
782. That is never gonna happen
if everyone in San Diego
Copy !req
783. thinks that I'm
your bimbo gal pal.
Copy !req
784. I don't know what to say.
Copy !req
785. I just—
I got excited.
Copy !req
786. I just wanted to shout it
from on top of a mountain.
Copy !req
787. But I didn't have a mountain.
I had a newsroom and a camera.
Copy !req
788. ( sighs )
Look.
Copy !req
789. I report the news.
That's what I do.
Copy !req
790. And today's top story,
in Ron Burgundy's world,
Copy !req
791. read something like this:
Copy !req
792. I love Veronica Corningstone.
Copy !req
793. Oh, Ron.
Copy !req
794. This is nice, gang, sittin' here.
Copy !req
795. - Brian: Oh, yeah.
- Ron: Brown baggin' it.
Copy !req
796. The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow
morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00.
Copy !req
797. Oh! Almost forgot.
Copy !req
798. I won't be able
to make it, fellas.
Copy !req
799. Veronica and I are trying
this new fad called,
Copy !req
800. uh, jogging.
Copy !req
801. I believe it's jogging or yogging.
It might be a soft "J."
Copy !req
802. I'm not sure,
but apparently you just run
Copy !req
803. for an extended period
of time.
Copy !req
804. - It's supposed to be wild.
- So Ron's not coming?
Copy !req
805. No, Ron's coming.
Copy !req
806. It's the pancake breakfast.
We do it every month.
Copy !req
807. I realize that.
Copy !req
808. Sometimes you gotta look yourself
in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."
Copy !req
809. The bottom line is,
Copy !req
810. you've been spending
a lot of time with this lady.
Copy !req
811. You're a member of
the Channel 4 News Team.
Copy !req
812. - That's a given.
- We need you.
Copy !req
813. Hell, I need you.
Copy !req
814. I'm a mess without ya.
Copy !req
815. I miss you
so damn much.
Copy !req
816. I miss being with you.
Copy !req
817. I miss being near you.
I miss your laugh.
Copy !req
818. I miss—
I miss your scent.
Copy !req
819. ( sniffing )
I miss your musk.
Copy !req
820. - ( clears throat )
- When this all gets sorted out,
Copy !req
821. I think you and me should
get an apartment together.
Copy !req
822. Just take it easy, Champ.
Copy !req
823. Why don't you stop talking
for a while?
Copy !req
824. Maybe sit the next
couple of plays out.
Copy !req
825. You know what I mean?
Copy !req
826. Yeah, I'm gonna quit
sayin' things
Copy !req
827. when they crop up
in the ol' skull, huh?
Copy !req
828. See what it's like
when you're not here?
Copy !req
829. You're our leader.
Look what you're doing to the group.
Copy !req
830. Champ's been a mess.
Brick can't sleep at night.
Copy !req
831. - ( chuckles )
- Here's the thing,
Copy !req
832. I don't trust this chick.
Copy !req
833. We need you around,
and she is just using you.
Copy !req
834. Everyone, just relax.
All right?
Copy !req
835. Believe me, if there's one thing
Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
Copy !req
836. Okay, and Veronica Corningstone,
she's just—
Copy !req
837. she's just dying
to quit her job
Copy !req
838. so that she can take care
of me and have babies.
Copy !req
839. Hey, gang.
Copy !req
840. Papa's home.
Copy !req
841. Oh, honey.
Copy !req
842. I am so glad you're home.
Copy !req
843. My alabaster doll.
Copy !req
844. Gentlemen.
Copy !req
845. You look great.
Copy !req
846. No eye contact!
Copy !req
847. Oh, darling.
Copy !req
848. I've spent all day
cleaning your Emmys
Copy !req
849. and preparing dinner
in the nude.
Copy !req
850. Oh, let's make whoopie.
Copy !req
851. And then I'm going to go drinking
with the news team for two days.
Copy !req
852. Wonderful.
Wonderful!
Copy !req
853. Ow!
Copy !req
854. Bite it!
Bite it!
Copy !req
855. - Oh, yes!
- Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
856. You are a bad boy.
Copy !req
857. I'm bad. I need to go
to the principal's office.
Copy !req
858. I love my life.
Copy !req
859. I don't know, Ron.
Copy !req
860. Guess what.
I do.
Copy !req
861. I know that one day, Veronica
and I are gonna get married
Copy !req
862. on top of a mountain.
Copy !req
863. And there's going
to be flutes playing
Copy !req
864. and trombones and flowers
Copy !req
865. and garlands of fresh herbs.
Copy !req
866. And we will dance
till the sun rises.
Copy !req
867. And then our children
will form a family band.
Copy !req
868. And we will tour
the countryside,
Copy !req
869. and you won't be invited!
Copy !req
870. I'm telling you, this lady has really
crawled into Ron's head.
Copy !req
871. Good.
Good one!
Copy !req
872. Oh, okay.
I understand.
Copy !req
873. You have a nice day,
sir. Bye.
Copy !req
874. Um, I could come back
later, Mr. Harken.
Copy !req
875. No, no, no.
Copy !req
876. It's just parent stuff.
Copy !req
877. It seems that our youngest,
Chris, was
Copy !req
878. on something called acid
Copy !req
879. and was firing
a bow and arrow into a crowd.
Copy !req
880. - Mm.
- You know how kids are.
Copy !req
881. Oh. Right.
Copy !req
882. Anyhoo, what can
I do you for?
Copy !req
883. Well, Mr. Harken,
Copy !req
884. I feel like I have proven
myself as a journalist
Copy !req
885. and that I deserve
the opportunity
Copy !req
886. to take on more
challenging stories.
Copy !req
887. Well, ask
and you shall receive.
Copy !req
888. Ah, yes, this just
came across my desk.
Copy !req
889. Here is a story
of a 103-year-old woman
Copy !req
890. who claims to have a recipe
for the world's greatest meat loaf.
Copy !req
891. Ooh, now that's
a hot lead.
Copy !req
892. It was very hard for Veronica.
Copy !req
893. But she was a pro
and hung tough.
Copy !req
894. But soon, with a simple act
of littering,
Copy !req
895. everyone's life
would change forever.
Copy !req
896. This burrito is delicious,
but it is filling.
Copy !req
897. - ( tires screeching )
- Ron: Whoa!
Copy !req
898. Antony and Cleopatra!
Copy !req
899. Goddamn son of—
Copy !req
900. What the hell, bro'?
Copy !req
901. Hello, neighbor.
Copy !req
902. Did you just throw a burrito
out your window?
Copy !req
903. I believe I did.
Copy !req
904. Are you high or something?
Did you see what happened?
Copy !req
905. I did. That was a terrific spill.
That's quite a raspberry.
Copy !req
906. That's my chopper
you just thrashed, Broseph.
Copy !req
907. Easy, compadre. I'm your
friend out here, all right?
Copy !req
908. I want you to fix my chopper
before I stomp your goofy ass!
Copy !req
909. If you want
to throw down, fine.
Copy !req
910. I've got Jack Johnson
and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.
Copy !req
911. You destroyed
the only thing I love.
Copy !req
912. All right? There it is.
What do you love?
Copy !req
913. I love poetry.
Copy !req
914. And a glass of Scotch.
Copy !req
915. And, of course,
my friend Baxter here.
Copy !req
916. Well, guess what.
Now this is happenin'.
Copy !req
917. Excuse me. Excuse me.
What are you doing?
Copy !req
918. - ( splashes )
- That's how I roll.
Copy !req
919. Baxter!
( gasps )
Copy !req
920. No...!
Copy !req
921. - Where the hell is he?
- He'll be here.
Copy !req
922. - I thought he was Mr. Dependable.
- It's not like Ron.
Copy !req
923. I'd put Brick on, but unless he's
tracking a storm front, he's useless.
Copy !req
924. - Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Oh. Hello.
Copy !req
925. Just want you to know if Ron does not
show up, I am ready to go on.
Copy !req
926. You and I have had this discussion
a million times.
Copy !req
927. There's never been
a woman anchor.
Copy !req
928. Mr. Harken,
Copy !req
929. - this city needs its news.
- Oh.
Copy !req
930. You're gonna deprive them
of that because I have breasts?
Copy !req
931. Exquisite breasts?
Copy !req
932. I am gonna go on,
and if you want to stop me, bring it on.
Copy !req
933. Because I am good
at three things:
Copy !req
934. fighting, screwing
and reading the news.
Copy !req
935. I've already done one of those today,
so what's the other one gonna be?
Copy !req
936. Uh—
Copy !req
937. Screwing?
Copy !req
938. I will be in makeup.
Copy !req
939. Jesus, she's terrifying!
Copy !req
940. - Fantana.
- ( wailing )
Copy !req
941. Ron, are you okay?
Copy !req
942. The man punted Baxter!
Copy !req
943. - ( wailing )
- Calm down.
Copy !req
944. Breathe, Ron,
breathe.
Copy !req
945. The man that loved
the motorcycle!
Copy !req
946. What did the bad man do?
Copy !req
947. The motorcycle on the bridge!
I hit him with a burrito!
Copy !req
948. - Ron!
- He took him!
Copy !req
949. He took him with his foot
and he kicked him!
Copy !req
950. That's what he did!
Copy !req
951. Someone punted him?
Copy !req
952. No, wait. Wait.
Let me say something.
Copy !req
953. Let me say something.
( wailing )
Copy !req
954. - What?
- ( wailing )
Copy !req
955. I— I don't— I didn't
understand one word you said.
Copy !req
956. Ron, are you okay?
Ron?
Copy !req
957. Ron.
Where are you?
Copy !req
958. I'm in a glass case
of emotion!
Copy !req
959. He's gonna put
Corningstone on.
Copy !req
960. He's gonna
put Corningstone on!
Copy !req
961. I've got to do the news!
Copy !req
962. You're not Ron.
Copy !req
963. We're on in 10.
Good luck, lady.
Copy !req
964. Ready the announce.
Copy !req
965. - Power.
- Roll in.
Copy !req
966. Power.
Power.
Copy !req
967. One slip,
Copy !req
968. and you're gone.
Whammy.
Copy !req
969. And your reporter in the field,
Copy !req
970. Brian Fantana.
Copy !req
971. It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.
Copy !req
972. Good evening.
Ron Burgundy is off tonight.
Copy !req
973. I'm Veronica Corningstone.
Copy !req
974. Tonight's top story:
Copy !req
975. - Okay, we're off and running.
- Three armed men
Copy !req
976. wearing ski masks made off with over
$20,000 from an area bank
Copy !req
977. in a daring
early morning robbery.
Copy !req
978. Hey!
Copy !req
979. And the winner of the frog-leaping
contest was Hoppy,
Copy !req
980. with a jump
of seven feet, 10 inches.
Copy !req
981. Hmm.
Copy !req
982. I used to date a guy named Hoppy down
in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.
Copy !req
983. That will do it
for us at 6:00.
Copy !req
984. From all of us here
at Channel 4 News,
Copy !req
985. I'm Veronica Corningstone,
Copy !req
986. and thanks
for stopping by, San Diego.
Copy !req
987. - ( applause )
- All clear!
Copy !req
988. Yes! Yes!
Copy !req
989. Lady! Lady!
Copy !req
990. Not bad, Miss Corningstone.
Not bad at all.
Copy !req
991. Thank you, Mr. Harken.
That felt good.
Copy !req
992. - That felt really good.
- I liked your sign-off line, too.
Copy !req
993. You did? It just came through me.
It was so organic.
Copy !req
994. Thank you.
Copy !req
995. Oh, Ron! Ron!
Ron, darling!
Copy !req
996. I'm so glad you're
all right. Oh, God.
Copy !req
997. I have something
magnificent to tell you.
Copy !req
998. I'm here.
We can do the news now.
Copy !req
999. It's all right, everyone!
We can do the news.
Copy !req
1000. Hold on. Why are we all standing around?
Let's go!
Copy !req
1001. Ron, we did it.
Veronica filled in for you.
Copy !req
1002. What?
Copy !req
1003. Sweetheart, we were
so worried about you,
Copy !req
1004. and we waited as long
as we could, but—
Copy !req
1005. Darling, I did the news,
and I nailed it. I nailed it.
Copy !req
1006. Wait, wait! Veronica, please,
tell me this is some kind
Copy !req
1007. of sick, tasteless joke.
Copy !req
1008. You weren't here.
Why are you being this way?
Copy !req
1009. Why can't you
be proud of me
Copy !req
1010. as a peer and as
my gentleman lover?
Copy !req
1011. Oh, Jeez.
Copy !req
1012. I can't believe
you did this to me!
Copy !req
1013. You read my news!
Copy !req
1014. I told you that I wanted
to be an anchor.
Copy !req
1015. I told you that.
Copy !req
1016. I thought you were kidding!
Copy !req
1017. I thought it was a joke!
Copy !req
1018. I even wrote it down
in my diary!
Copy !req
1019. "Veronica had
a very funny joke today."
Copy !req
1020. I laughed at it
later that night!
Copy !req
1021. I can't believe
that I cared for you.
Copy !req
1022. Get out! Just go!
Copy !req
1023. We are through!
Through!
Copy !req
1024. Because of your actions,
you scorpion woman!
Copy !req
1025. You have broken my heart,
Mr. Burgundy.
Copy !req
1026. You have broken my heart.
Copy !req
1027. From there on out,
Copy !req
1028. things just got worse
for Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
1029. Corningstone was a star,
Copy !req
1030. and everything started
to move awfully fast
Copy !req
1031. - after her big break.
- Where's lan? Ian!
Copy !req
1032. Ed:
All right, I got a call from network.
Copy !req
1033. It looks like
our broadcast last night
Copy !req
1034. received a two-point
ratings boost,
Copy !req
1035. and the decision
has been passed down
Copy !req
1036. to make Veronica
our co-anchor.
Copy !req
1037. - What?
- No. No!
Copy !req
1038. No!
Copy !req
1039. - No!
- No!
Copy !req
1040. - No!
- This is wonderful.
Copy !req
1041. Ed, come here,
you big silly man. You big silly man.
Copy !req
1042. - We did it.
- What is this, amateur hour?
Copy !req
1043. - That's great.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1044. What Brian didn't tell you
Copy !req
1045. was that those
were not real pirates.
Copy !req
1046. - They looked convincing, though.
- Oh, yes.
Copy !req
1047. Well, for all of us here
at Channel 4 News,
Copy !req
1048. I'm Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
1049. You stay classy,
San Diego.
Copy !req
1050. And thanks
for stopping by.
Copy !req
1051. But mainly stay classy.
Copy !req
1052. - Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
1053. - Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy.
Copy !req
1054. - Ron Burgundy.
- ( clears throat )
Copy !req
1055. You are a real hooker,
and I'm gonna slap you in public.
Copy !req
1056. You have way
too much pubic hair.
Copy !req
1057. Actually, that's a point of pride.
Copy !req
1058. I'm very proud of my mane
of pubic hair, so thank you.
Copy !req
1059. You have man boobs.
( chuckling )
Copy !req
1060. You've got a dirty,
whorish mouth.
Copy !req
1061. I'm gonna punch you
in the ovary.
Copy !req
1062. - A straight shot.
- Ooh, ow.
Copy !req
1063. Right to the baby-maker.
Copy !req
1064. Ah, jazz flute
is for little fairy boys.
Copy !req
1065. Okay, you know what?
That's uncalled for.
Copy !req
1066. I can't work with this woman.
It's terrible.
Copy !req
1067. - ( phone ringing )
- It's ringing.
Copy !req
1068. Veronica Corningstone.
Copy !req
1069. Hello, Veronica,
this is Mike Rithjin
Copy !req
1070. from the network.
You've just been promoted.
Copy !req
1071. You're gonna need to move
to Moscow.
Copy !req
1072. Start cleaning up your desk.
Copy !req
1073. See you in the morning.
We'll pick you up in a van.
Copy !req
1074. What did you say
your name was?
Copy !req
1075. Mike Ritnitjun.
It's not important.
Copy !req
1076. Start cleaning your desk,
Copy !req
1077. and we'll pick you up
in the morning.
Copy !req
1078. Tell her she might
want to get a coat.
Copy !req
1079. Hold on. Veronica?
What was it?
Copy !req
1080. Tell her to get a coat.
Copy !req
1081. Also, I don't know if you know Moscow.
It's pretty cold.
Copy !req
1082. You might want
to buy a coat.
Copy !req
1083. Are you and Champ
having a good time, Ron?
Copy !req
1084. Are we what?
Copy !req
1085. I can see you, Ron.
Copy !req
1086. What?
Copy !req
1087. I can see you.
Copy !req
1088. Okay. Bye-bye.
Copy !req
1089. - What happened?
- She knew it was me.
Copy !req
1090. You're watching Channel 4 News
Copy !req
1091. with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor
Copy !req
1092. Ron Burgundy
and Tits McGee.
Copy !req
1093. Good evening, San Diego.
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
Copy !req
1094. Tits McGee is on vacation.
Copy !req
1095. And I'm Tits—
I'm Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
1096. - Veronica Corningstone.
- This is your doctor.
Copy !req
1097. I have your pregnancy
report here, and guess what.
Copy !req
1098. You got knocked up.
You should probably get out of news.
Copy !req
1099. - Who is this?
- This is Dr. Chim.
Copy !req
1100. - Dr. Chim Richalds.
- Ron, is this you?
Copy !req
1101. - ( laughing )
- I'm a professional doctor.
Copy !req
1102. You saw me.
You don't remember.
Copy !req
1103. - We— you should move.
- ( Champ laughing )
Copy !req
1104. - Get out of the business.
- This is pathetic.
Copy !req
1105. You're pathetic.
Copy !req
1106. What'd she say?
Copy !req
1107. She— I don't—
I think she bought it.
Copy !req
1108. She's looking this way.
Copy !req
1109. - Oh, uh-oh. Whoa!
- Here she comes.
Copy !req
1110. I'll tell you what,
it's just not working.
Copy !req
1111. She's making us look like
a bunch of fools.
Copy !req
1112. - Ellen, where's the party?
- ( sighs )
Copy !req
1113. Children, grow up.
Copy !req
1114. Son of a bee sting.
Copy !req
1115. She's turning
the entire office against us.
Copy !req
1116. - This is grim. Real grim.
- What are we gonna do?
Copy !req
1117. There's only one thing
a man can do
Copy !req
1118. when he's suffering from a spiritual
and existential funk.
Copy !req
1119. Go to the zoo,
flip off the monkeys?
Copy !req
1120. No. Buy new suits.
Copy !req
1121. Yea!
Copy !req
1122. Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
Copy !req
1123. Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
Copy !req
1124. Brick, I thought you said
this was a shortcut.
Copy !req
1125. Fantastic.
Copy !req
1126. - Is it a shortcut or not?
- Okay.
Copy !req
1127. Jeez.
Copy !req
1128. Hey.
Copy !req
1129. Uh-oh.
Here comes trouble.
Copy !req
1130. Burgundy and the ladies
went out for a stroll, huh?
Copy !req
1131. You boys walkin' around
and talkin' things through?
Copy !req
1132. Keep a tight perimeter.
Copy !req
1133. Yes, sirree.
Copy !req
1134. Well, well, well.
Copy !req
1135. Ron Burgundy
Copy !req
1136. and the Channel 4
News Team.
Copy !req
1137. Where's your mommy?
Copy !req
1138. You back off,
Evening News Team.
Copy !req
1139. You know,
I understand that, uh,
Copy !req
1140. they had to bring
a female in.
Copy !req
1141. Change your diapers.
Copy !req
1142. Wipe the dribble away
from your bubblin' lips.
Copy !req
1143. Rub Vaseline
all over your heinie
Copy !req
1144. and tell you that it's special
and different from everyone else's.
Copy !req
1145. He said "heinie"!
Copy !req
1146. Brick, get back over here!
Copy !req
1147. Heinie!
Copy !req
1148. Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?
Copy !req
1149. Give you a little kiss
on your forehead?
Copy !req
1150. Tell you everything's
gonna be okay?
Copy !req
1151. I've had enough
of you, Mantooth.
Copy !req
1152. This is gonna end
right here, right now.
Copy !req
1153. Let's dance, dickweed.
Copy !req
1154. You wanna dance, Ronnie?
Copy !req
1155. I wanna polka.
Copy !req
1156. Come get a taste.
Copy !req
1157. Brick, where'd you get
a hand grenade?
Copy !req
1158. I don't know.
Copy !req
1159. All right.
Let's do this!
Copy !req
1160. Hey!
Copy !req
1161. If you're gonna have a fight,
Copy !req
1162. then don't forget
Channel 2 News with me,
Copy !req
1163. Iead anchor Frank Vitchard.
Copy !req
1164. You dirtbags have been
in third place for five years.
Copy !req
1165. Yeah? Well, you're about
to be in dead place.
Copy !req
1166. Not so fast, you ingrates!
Copy !req
1167. Public News Team is taking
a break from its pledge drive
Copy !req
1168. to kick some ass.
Copy !req
1169. No commercials!
No mercy!
Copy !req
1170. Cómo están, pinches!
Copy !req
1171. Spanish Language News is here.
Copy !req
1172. Tonight's top story:
Copy !req
1173. The sewers run red
with Burgundy's blood.
Copy !req
1174. Hyah! Hyah!
Copy !req
1175. Well looks like we got
ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.
Copy !req
1176. Now, before we do this,
let's go over the ground rules.
Copy !req
1177. Rule number one:
Copy !req
1178. No touching
of the hair or face.
Copy !req
1179. Of course.
Copy !req
1180. And that's it!
Copy !req
1181. Now let's do this!
Copy !req
1182. - Begin!
- ( shouting )
Copy !req
1183. - ( screams )
- ( chuckles )
Copy !req
1184. I'm gonna straight-up
murder your ass!
Copy !req
1185. - Blade!
- Here you go, mate!
Copy !req
1186. Ahh! God!
Copy !req
1187. Oh! I did not
see that coming!
Copy !req
1188. Oh! Aaah!
Copy !req
1189. - Now I'll be number one.
- No, you won't!
Copy !req
1190. - ( sirens wailing )
- Policía!
Copy !req
1191. Boy, that escalated quickly.
Copy !req
1192. I mean, that really
got out of hand fast.
Copy !req
1193. - It jumped up a notch.
- It did, didn't it?
Copy !req
1194. Yeah, I stabbed
a man in the heart.
Copy !req
1195. I saw that.
Brick killed a guy.
Copy !req
1196. - Did you throw a trident?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1197. There were horses and a man on fire
and I killed a guy with a trident.
Copy !req
1198. I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
Copy !req
1199. Find yourself a safe house
or a relative close by.
Copy !req
1200. Lay low for a while, because you're
probably wanted for murder.
Copy !req
1201. I'm proud of you fellas.
Copy !req
1202. You kept your head
on a swivel.
Copy !req
1203. That's what you gotta do when
you're in a vicious cockfight.
Copy !req
1204. Can you believe Mantooth and
the Channel 9 Evening News Team?
Copy !req
1205. "Where's your mommy?
Someone's gotta change your diapers."
Copy !req
1206. This Corningstone business
is really hurting our rep.
Copy !req
1207. I know exactly
what you mean, Brian.
Copy !req
1208. Every newsman in this city's
laughing at us.
Copy !req
1209. - And I don't like it.
- I don't like the put-downs.
Copy !req
1210. We're gonna do
something about it.
Copy !req
1211. It is time to put
an end to this!
Copy !req
1212. Last time I looked, my name's Ron
Burgundy. What's your name?
Copy !req
1213. - Brian Fantana.
- Champ Kind.
Copy !req
1214. - Brian Fantana.
- No, you're Brick.
Copy !req
1215. - Brian.
- I'm Brian.
Copy !req
1216. Veronica.
Copy !req
1217. Ron on TV:
And I've shown you, old man!
Copy !req
1218. Garth, I need to look at these tapes
for a potential lead.
Copy !req
1219. Ron's using the machine
Copy !req
1220. to play his local Emmy
acceptance speech from last year.
Copy !req
1221. I tried to ask her
out on a date.
Copy !req
1222. Turn the music off!
I'm still talking!
Copy !req
1223. - This is ridiculous!
- I don't remember doing it.
Copy !req
1224. - Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
Copy !req
1225. I need this machine so I can
watch a tape for a story.
Copy !req
1226. I'm using the tape.
Copy !req
1227. I'm showing Jeffrey
my Emmy tape.
Copy !req
1228. We are watching history.
Copy !req
1229. Mr. Burgundy,
I'm a professional,
Copy !req
1230. and I would like
to be able to do my job.
Copy !req
1231. Big deal!
I am very professional!
Copy !req
1232. Mr. Burgundy,
you are acting like a baby.
Copy !req
1233. I'm not a baby, I am a man.
I am an anchorman!
Copy !req
1234. You are not a man.
You are a big fat joke!
Copy !req
1235. I'm a man
who discovered the wheel
Copy !req
1236. and built the Eiffel Tower
out of metal and brawn.
Copy !req
1237. That's what
kind of man I am.
Copy !req
1238. You're just a woman
with a small brain.
Copy !req
1239. With a brain a third the size of us.
It's science.
Copy !req
1240. I will have you know
that I have more talent
Copy !req
1241. and more intelligence
in my little finger
Copy !req
1242. than you do
in your entire body, sir!
Copy !req
1243. You are a smelly
pirate hooker!
Copy !req
1244. You look like a blueberry.
Copy !req
1245. Why don't you go back
to your home on Whore lsland?
Copy !req
1246. Well, you have bad hair.
Copy !req
1247. What did you say?
Copy !req
1248. I said
Copy !req
1249. your hair
Copy !req
1250. looks stupid.
Copy !req
1251. - Let 'em work it out!
- It's between the two of them!
Copy !req
1252. They're just talking.
Just talking.
Copy !req
1253. - I hate you!
- I hate you more!
Copy !req
1254. Ow!
Copy !req
1255. - ( screaming )
- Shut up! Shut up!
Copy !req
1256. All right, stop!
Copy !req
1257. Stop what you're doing
right now!
Copy !req
1258. I will not have
my newsroom be divided.
Copy !req
1259. Ah! Knights of Columbus,
that hurts!
Copy !req
1260. I was like, "Who is that guy?"
Copy !req
1261. I just can't believe
what Ron did to you.
Copy !req
1262. It is so awful.
Copy !req
1263. Yes.
Copy !req
1264. Have you ever thought
about fighting fire
Copy !req
1265. with fire?
Copy !req
1266. What do you mean?
Copy !req
1267. I have some information
that you can choose to use or not use.
Copy !req
1268. Up to you.
Copy !req
1269. Ron Burgundy
Copy !req
1270. will read anything
that is put on that Teleprompter.
Copy !req
1271. And when I say anything,
Copy !req
1272. I mean an-y-thing.
Copy !req
1273. Arnold, cue one.
Copy !req
1274. After the FotoMat
was destroyed,
Copy !req
1275. the bear scampered
back into the woods.
Copy !req
1276. Apparently he wasn't too happy
with his color prints.
Copy !req
1277. - Oh.
- ( chuckles )
Copy !req
1278. From the entire
Channel 4 News Team,
Copy !req
1279. I'm Veronica Corningstone.
Copy !req
1280. And I'm Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
1281. Go fuck yourself,
San Diego.
Copy !req
1282. - ( cup clatters )
- ( gasps )
Copy !req
1283. What in the name—
Copy !req
1284. No!
Copy !req
1285. Nobody talks about
my city that way!
Copy !req
1286. Ron Burgundy's ass
is grass!
Copy !req
1287. Nice work, everyone.
Sharp broadcast.
Copy !req
1288. Really good.
Everyone on the floor as well.
Copy !req
1289. Really a lot of hustle.
I liked it.
Copy !req
1290. - ( phone ringing )
- Dump out! Dump out!
Copy !req
1291. ( humming )
Hello, Edward.
Copy !req
1292. - Ron, I've got to fire you.
- I've got to fire you.
Copy !req
1293. Bing, bong, bong.
You're fired, Ed.
Copy !req
1294. Do you even know
what you just said?
Copy !req
1295. ( gasps )
Great Odin's raven!
Copy !req
1296. Are you happy, Ron?
Copy !req
1297. Veronica.
She put that in the Teleprompter.
Copy !req
1298. You're probably right,
but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.
Copy !req
1299. My hands are tied. I—
Copy !req
1300. I gotta fire you.
Copy !req
1301. Ed, let's hold on.
Let's count to 10.
Copy !req
1302. That's a rash decision.
Is this about something else?
Copy !req
1303. Ed, there's 300
very angry San Diego-ites.
Copy !req
1304. San Diego-ins.
San Diego-uns.
Copy !req
1305. - San Dieg-ons.
- San Diegans.
Copy !req
1306. San Diegans out
in front of the station.
Copy !req
1307. They want Ron's blood.
Copy !req
1308. They want to hurt you.
Copy !req
1309. Why did you say that? Why?
Copy !req
1310. ( sobbing )
Why, Ron? Why?
Copy !req
1311. You're my hero, Ron.
Copy !req
1312. Garth, l—
Copy !req
1313. And you come out
with stink like that poop!
Copy !req
1314. You poop mouth!
Get all the poop out of your mouth!
Copy !req
1315. If I were to give you money out
of my wallet, would that ease the pain?
Copy !req
1316. I hate you, Ron Burgundy!
I hate you!
Copy !req
1317. Ron? Ron! I never
wanted it to be like this.
Copy !req
1318. I can't believe you did this to me!
Are you happy?
Copy !req
1319. No, Ron, I'm not!
It was supposed to be a joke.
Copy !req
1320. I mean, it's still kind of funny.
Copy !req
1321. But it's not.
Copy !req
1322. I have nothing left!
Nothing!
Copy !req
1323. I've been reduced to rubble!
Copy !req
1324. Don't you know I would
never say the word fuck?
Copy !req
1325. I would never fucking
ever fucking say that!
Copy !req
1326. Ever!
Copy !req
1327. Let's go. These people
are about to pull you apart.
Copy !req
1328. I'm sorry. Get your hands
off him, you bastards!
Copy !req
1329. Don't you know I would
never say fuck?
Copy !req
1330. - Fuck!
- Move.
Copy !req
1331. No! No!
Copy !req
1332. Mr. Burgundy, you should
be ashamed of yourself.
Copy !req
1333. - Please, l—
- You're an awful man!
Copy !req
1334. You are truly a disappointment
to us all, Mr. Burgundy!
Copy !req
1335. Bob Dylan once wrote,
Copy !req
1336. "The times,
they are a-changin'."
Copy !req
1337. Ron Burgundy
had never heard that song.
Copy !req
1338. So when he fell, he fell hard.
Copy !req
1339. It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!
Copy !req
1340. Good evening, San Diego.
Copy !req
1341. I'm lead anchor
Veronica Corningstone.
Copy !req
1342. Tonight's top story:
an ultrasound of Ling Wong,
Copy !req
1343. the most famous panda
in the world,
Copy !req
1344. shows that her baby
is doing quite well.
Copy !req
1345. - No!
- ( ringing )
Copy !req
1346. Ron Burgundy, stay classy.
( clears throat )
Copy !req
1347. Hello, this is Ron.
Copy !req
1348. Hello.
Copy !req
1349. Who's there?
I'm talking. Hello.
Copy !req
1350. Who is this?
Copy !req
1351. Baxter, is that you?
Copy !req
1352. Baxter!
Copy !req
1353. Bark twice
if you're in Milwaukee.
Copy !req
1354. Is this Wilt Chamberlain?
Copy !req
1355. Have the courage
to say something. Hello!
Copy !req
1356. Hello!
Copy !req
1357. Oh, Tino, thank you
for letting me come in here.
Copy !req
1358. I'm glad I can still
get a good meal.
Copy !req
1359. Yeah sure. Here you are,
the chef made this special for you.
Copy !req
1360. You eat that for the way
you talk about my city.
Copy !req
1361. I will not eat that.
Copy !req
1362. You're going to eat
that cat poo.
Copy !req
1363. I will not eat cat poop.
Copy !req
1364. - You will eat cat poo.
- Ron Burgundy says no!
Copy !req
1365. You make a fool of me
and everyone here.
Copy !req
1366. You put that cat poo
in your mouth.
Copy !req
1367. - No!
- Yes!
Copy !req
1368. - No!
- Sí!
Copy !req
1369. - I will not eat cat poop.
- You will do it immediately!
Copy !req
1370. - No!
- You will!
Copy !req
1371. - Fine, I'll try to eat one—
- Get in there.
Copy !req
1372. If I take one bite will
you get me a steak?
Copy !req
1373. If I take one bite of shit
will you bring me a steak?
Copy !req
1374. I'll think about it.
Copy !req
1375. Yeah, get in there.
Copy !req
1376. - Yeah, start with the end.
- I am so hungry.
Copy !req
1377. - There.
- Oh God!
Copy !req
1378. A steak. A big steak
for him, please.
Copy !req
1379. No!
I had one bite.
Copy !req
1380. - That's not enough.
- Son of a bitch.
Copy !req
1381. - You like this?
- ( Ron crying )
Copy !req
1382. Oh, don't cry.
Don't cry.
Copy !req
1383. He's not crying.
He's not crying.
Copy !req
1384. - Don't cry in my—
- I'll eat the shit. I don't care.
Copy !req
1385. I'll eat the entire
hunk of shit.
Copy !req
1386. Okay, just finish it up.
Copy !req
1387. Don't you feel
better now?
Copy !req
1388. Hey, you watch
yourself, mister.
Copy !req
1389. Hey, lady in
the red hat. Yeah.
Copy !req
1390. You smell.
Copy !req
1391. Guys.
Guys, it's me, Ron.
Copy !req
1392. Fellas!
Copy !req
1393. Harken said he'd fire us
if we talked to you.
Copy !req
1394. - What?
- I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1395. I— Brian!
Copy !req
1396. - It's Ronnie!
- Ron!
Copy !req
1397. - Champ!
- Ron!
Copy !req
1398. Champ, come on.
Come on!
Copy !req
1399. Go, Brick.
Copy !req
1400. My sweet Brick.
Copy !req
1401. Brick, come hug me.
I know you want to.
Copy !req
1402. I am completely
miserable, San Diego!
Copy !req
1403. It's so damn hot!
Copy !req
1404. Milk was a bad choice!
Copy !req
1405. Yes, yes.
Chris, listen to me.
Copy !req
1406. Put down the gun
and let the marching band go.
Copy !req
1407. - We'll play it off as a prank.
- ( phone ringing )
Copy !req
1408. We'll straighten it out later.
I'm getting another call.
Copy !req
1409. Ed Harken.
Copy !req
1410. What?
Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1411. Listen, everybody, Ling Wong
the panda is giving birth!
Copy !req
1412. Get Corningstone
over there right away!
Copy !req
1413. The network
is picking up the feed.
Copy !req
1414. I want a shot
of that panda being born!
Copy !req
1415. This is Ted Nightingale,
Channel 6 News Los Angeles,
Copy !req
1416. reporting from
the San Diego Zoo.
Copy !req
1417. And this is the moment
Copy !req
1418. the entire world
has been waiting for.
Copy !req
1419. I can only speculate
as to the sex of the panda,
Copy !req
1420. but if I had to guess,
I'd say female.
Copy !req
1421. - Excuse me. Press.
- Hey, lady, watch it.
Copy !req
1422. Excuse me, I'm press.
Thank you. What do you got?
Copy !req
1423. Nothing. All I can see
is a blue curtain.
Copy !req
1424. Oh, damn it.
Copy !req
1425. Go over there and see
if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.
Copy !req
1426. Hey, lady, why don't you
go fetch me a sandwich?
Copy !req
1427. - ( laughing )
- Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.
Copy !req
1428. Then I'll show you the ratings where
you're number two to a woman.
Copy !req
1429. Ouch. Don't lose
any more hair over it.
Copy !req
1430. - Whatever.
- We're live, Mr. Mantooth.
Copy !req
1431. Good afternoon,
San Diego.
Copy !req
1432. We're here today to celebrate
the birth of a panda.
Copy !req
1433. Quit the singin'!
Copy !req
1434. Creeping out
all the regulars.
Copy !req
1435. I'm expressing my inner anguish
through the majesty of song!
Copy !req
1436. Look, drunkie, you been
coming in here every day,
Copy !req
1437. stinking up the joint
with your craziness.
Copy !req
1438. Now, what the hell
is wrong with you?
Copy !req
1439. I got no heart!
Copy !req
1440. Because a she-devil stole it!
Copy !req
1441. You know what the worst
part about it is?
Copy !req
1442. She's better than me!
Copy !req
1443. She's better than me.
Copy !req
1444. You know, times are changing.
Copy !req
1445. Ladies can do stuff now.
Copy !req
1446. You're gonna have to learn
how to deal with that.
Copy !req
1447. What?
Were you saying something?
Copy !req
1448. Look, I don't
speak Spanish.
Copy !req
1449. Ah.
Copy !req
1450. Scotty.
Copy !req
1451. Scotty, I have the shot.
Copy !req
1452. Scotty. Scotty!
Copy !req
1453. ( clear throat )
Hey, uh,
Copy !req
1454. that is some fantastic
shot you got there.
Copy !req
1455. The kind of shot that gets you
to the top of network news.
Copy !req
1456. - Oh, well, we hope.
- We at public television,
Copy !req
1457. we're really down
with the woman's lib thing.
Copy !req
1458. That is so refreshing to me.
Copy !req
1459. Because the struggle I've—
( screams )
Copy !req
1460. - Howie, we have the shot.
- ( Veronica grunts )
Copy !req
1461. Up a little.
Up, up.
Copy !req
1462. Oh.
You son of a bitch!
Copy !req
1463. Shh!
Copy !req
1464. Don't want to wake up
your friends.
Copy !req
1465. ( hushed )
Help!
Copy !req
1466. - Simply vanished.
- How do you lose your lead anchor?
Copy !req
1467. - I can't find Corningstone.
- Where the hell is she?
Copy !req
1468. - No one's seen her.
- I can't believe this.
Copy !req
1469. Every news outlet in the world
is looking for coverage on this.
Copy !req
1470. I've got no damn lead anchor!
Copy !req
1471. Damn it! Get me a phone.
Copy !req
1472. I can't believe
I'm about to do this.
Copy !req
1473. Rocky's,
bar, grill, fine dining.
Copy !req
1474. - Is there an anchorman there?
- Hold on.
Copy !req
1475. This is killing me.
I'd rather slit my throat.
Copy !req
1476. - Hello?
- Hello?
Copy !req
1477. - Is this Ron?
- Who is this?
Copy !req
1478. - It's me. Ed.
- Who?
Copy !req
1479. - Ed Harken.
- I don't know a Ned.
Copy !req
1480. - Ed Harken!
- Ed!
Copy !req
1481. - Ed, hello.
- Listen, Ron.
Copy !req
1482. Corningstone disappeared in the midst
of the biggest story of the year.
Copy !req
1483. We need you down here
right away.
Copy !req
1484. Wait, Ed.
Copy !req
1485. Does this mean you're asking me
to report the news again?
Copy !req
1486. - Yes.
- Ed!
Copy !req
1487. That's wonderful!
Thank you!
Copy !req
1488. Ed, hold on.
I want to say a few words.
Copy !req
1489. - You have always been a good friend!
- Right.
Copy !req
1490. - Always!
- Right.
Copy !req
1491. Get down here
as quickly as you can.
Copy !req
1492. Ed, I'll be down there.
Copy !req
1493. And I'm going to look good.
Copy !req
1494. Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
1495. Damn!
That dude cleans up good!
Copy !req
1496. If I'm gonna do this, I'll need
my news team at my side.
Copy !req
1497. News team!
Copy !req
1498. Assemble!
Copy !req
1499. News team, assemble!
Copy !req
1500. Hey, Ron.
Copy !req
1501. What's up?
Copy !req
1502. Oh.
Copy !req
1503. Hi.
Didn't see you there.
Copy !req
1504. We've been here literally
the entire time you have.
Copy !req
1505. I'm a little embarrassed.
Copy !req
1506. ( sighs )
Look.
Copy !req
1507. I just got the call from Harken.
He wants me back.
Copy !req
1508. But I can't do this
without my news team.
Copy !req
1509. I don't know, Ron.
Copy !req
1510. That was half a lifetime ago.
We're different people now.
Copy !req
1511. When you left,
the hurt was so deep.
Copy !req
1512. I don't know if I can
go through that again.
Copy !req
1513. Think about
what you're asking.
Copy !req
1514. ( babbles )
Man.
Copy !req
1515. Gentlemen,
Copy !req
1516. there was a time
Copy !req
1517. when you called me
your lead anchor.
Copy !req
1518. Will you follow me again?
Copy !req
1519. I'm gettin' too old
for this shit.
Copy !req
1520. To the news van!
Copy !req
1521. - To the news van!
- Okay!
Copy !req
1522. Ahh!
Copy !req
1523. Well, I'll be.
Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
1524. He's back!
Copy !req
1525. Gentlemen, let's try
to get in a good position for the story.
Copy !req
1526. - How does the hair look?
- Magnificent.
Copy !req
1527. You have hair like an angel.
Copy !req
1528. Oh, whoa, whoa.
Network talent scout.
Copy !req
1529. - Champ: This is a hot one.
- Ron: I'm actually nervous.
Copy !req
1530. - Let's go get 'em.
- ( Veronica whimpering )
Copy !req
1531. Wait! Did you
just hear something?
Copy !req
1532. - ( growling )
- Help.
Copy !req
1533. - Ron, help!
- Veronica!
Copy !req
1534. - Are you okay?
- Shh!
Copy !req
1535. How did you
get down there?
Copy !req
1536. Just go get someone.
Please.
Copy !req
1537. Hold on.
Hold on!
Copy !req
1538. We've got to do something.
Copy !req
1539. Whoa, Ron, I don't want
to sound cruel, but—
Copy !req
1540. There's a network
talent scout over there.
Copy !req
1541. This is a tough decision.
Copy !req
1542. So much to think about.
Copy !req
1543. Basically the biggest story
of my career,
Copy !req
1544. Iaunching me to a level
I've never known before,
Copy !req
1545. or saving the woman
Copy !req
1546. I used to have
familiar relations with.
Copy !req
1547. This is hard!
Copy !req
1548. I am in a pickle!
Copy !req
1549. Ron, I know
it sounds harsh,
Copy !req
1550. but God does not
want her to live.
Copy !req
1551. No. Hold on.
Copy !req
1552. It's clear now.
Copy !req
1553. We go into the bear pit.
Copy !req
1554. Ron, don't.
Copy !req
1555. ( grunts )
Oh!
Copy !req
1556. I immediately
regret this decision.
Copy !req
1557. What are you doing?
Why didn't you get help?
Copy !req
1558. These bears are massive!
Copy !req
1559. They looked
a lot smaller from up there.
Copy !req
1560. Fan out.
Let's go find Harken.
Copy !req
1561. Stay calm.
Copy !req
1562. It's all right. I think it's all right,
my sweet chinchilla.
Copy !req
1563. - Oh, Ron.
- Yes, yes.
Copy !req
1564. In case we die here today,
Copy !req
1565. there's something
that you should know.
Copy !req
1566. That dirty trick
with the Teleprompter, it wasn't—
Copy !req
1567. Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!
It wasn't you, was it?
Copy !req
1568. It was Wes Mantooth.
Copy !req
1569. - Oh, I should have known.
- No, no.
Copy !req
1570. - No, I did it.
- You bitch!
Copy !req
1571. - Shh!
- ( bellowing )
Copy !req
1572. You woke the bears.
Why did you do that?
Copy !req
1573. There's somebody
in the bear pit!
Copy !req
1574. It took
my impending death
Copy !req
1575. for me to realize
how much I need you.
Copy !req
1576. Oh, Ron.
Copy !req
1577. Those bears
are gonna hurt them!
Copy !req
1578. News team, let's hunt.
Copy !req
1579. News team!
Copy !req
1580. Bear fight!
Copy !req
1581. Come on.
Come on!
Copy !req
1582. Damn!
Copy !req
1583. Hit 'em in the uvula!
Copy !req
1584. Hey, Ron!
Copy !req
1585. I'm riding a furry tractor!
Copy !req
1586. The bears have descended
on the news team
Copy !req
1587. and it's not going well.
Copy !req
1588. Clearly, after today,
I will no longer—
Copy !req
1589. Come on!
Oh, God!
Copy !req
1590. It's getting to be
ri-goddamn-diculous!
Copy !req
1591. Oh, no.
Copy !req
1592. We woke up the mama.
Copy !req
1593. Oh, God!
Copy !req
1594. I don't wanna die.
Copy !req
1595. - Ron: Baxter!
- ( barking )
Copy !req
1596. Look! They're following their mother!
Copy !req
1597. It's instinct.
Copy !req
1598. Oh, Baxter!
Copy !req
1599. Oh! Oh, Baxter,
you're still alive!
Copy !req
1600. Oh, I'm so happy!
Copy !req
1601. I'm so happy!
You are alive!
Copy !req
1602. I'm so happy!
Copy !req
1603. I will lick you!
Copy !req
1604. I will lick you in front
of everyone to show my joy.
Copy !req
1605. Oh. Ohhh!
Copy !req
1606. Boy, he really
likes that dog.
Copy !req
1607. Burgundy!
Burgundy!
Copy !req
1608. Burgundy! Burgundy!
Copy !req
1609. Burgundy!
Burgundy!
Copy !req
1610. Hi, Ron.
Copy !req
1611. It's always a long fall
from the top, isn't it?
Copy !req
1612. Easy, Wes.
Copy !req
1613. I've been waiting
to say this to you for a long time.
Copy !req
1614. - All right.
- Deep down in my stomach,
Copy !req
1615. with every inch of me,
Copy !req
1616. I pure, straight
Copy !req
1617. hate you!
Copy !req
1618. But, God damn it,
do I respect you!
Copy !req
1619. Thank you,
Copy !req
1620. brother.
Copy !req
1621. Burgundy!
Burgundy!
Copy !req
1622. Today we spell redemption
Copy !req
1623. R-O-N.
Copy !req
1624. Burgundy!
Burgundy!
Copy !req
1625. Ron, you're my hero!
Copy !req
1626. Ron, I think you've got
a story to report.
Copy !req
1627. Are you sure, Ed?
Copy !req
1628. Do it.
Copy !req
1629. It's the story
you were born to tell.
Copy !req
1630. San Diego's waiting.
Go get 'em.
Copy !req
1631. Make way!
Copy !req
1632. Ron Burgundy's about
to report on pandas!
Copy !req
1633. Count me down.
Three.
Copy !req
1634. You're live, Mr. Burgundy.
Copy !req
1635. This is Ron Burgundy,
Copy !req
1636. proudly reporting once again
for Channel 4 News.
Copy !req
1637. Today's story is one
of the more remarkable things
Copy !req
1638. ever to happen
to San Diago
Copy !req
1639. or even the world.
Copy !req
1640. But in order
to properly retell it,
Copy !req
1641. I'm going to need
some help
Copy !req
1642. from my co-anchor,
Copy !req
1643. Miss Veronica Corningstone.
Copy !req
1644. - High-pressure system—
- No, no, no, no, Brick.
Copy !req
1645. - High-pressure system—
- Go stand over there.
Copy !req
1646. Oh, Ron.
Copy !req
1647. Ron, there are literally
thousands of men
Copy !req
1648. that I should
be with instead,
Copy !req
1649. but I am 72% sure
that I love you.
Copy !req
1650. Yes, redemption
was sweet for Ron Burgundy.
Copy !req
1651. Yes!
Ron!
Copy !req
1652. - As for the news team:
- Stop it! Ron!
Copy !req
1653. Champ Kind went on to become
a commentator for the NFL,
Copy !req
1654. but was later fired
after being accused
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1655. of sexual harassment
by Terry Bradshaw.
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1656. Excuse me.
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1657. Is that Sex Panther
you're wearing?
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1658. Brian Fantana went on
to have great success
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1659. as the host of the hit
reality TV show
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1660. "lntercourse lsland"
on the Fox Network.
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1661. Anyone seen Brick?
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1662. - Brick?
- Don't! That tickles!
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1663. No, that tickles me!
Come on!
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1664. Brick Tamland
is married with 11 children
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1665. and is one of the top
political advisors
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1666. to the Bush White House.
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1667. I'm gonna get you!
I'm gonna get you!
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1668. And Ron and Veronica
didn't stay in San Diego long.
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1669. I chose them
as my replacement,
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1670. and they became the first
mixed-gender network news team,
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1671. and they're still
doing it today.
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1672. From all of us here
at the World News Center,
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1673. I'm Veronica Corningstone.
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1674. And I'm Ron Burgundy.
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1675. You stay classy, planet Earth.
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1676. Oh!
Great Odin's raven!
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1677. Oh!
By the hammer of Thor!
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1678. Oh!
Saint Damien's beard!
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1679. Sweet grandmother's spatula!
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1680. Oh! Hot pot of coffee!
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1681. Uncle Jonathan's
corncob pipe!
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1682. I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun
when you're not looking.
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1683. In the back of the head.
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1684. - I'm sorry.
- ( crew laughing )
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1685. You're not very bright.
You know that, right?
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1686. You're actually
quite a dullard.
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1687. Everyone here knows it.
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1688. If I'm a dullard,
you're the, uh, the dull—
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1689. Oh! Can't think of
anything to say, can you?
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1690. Yes, I can. I can think
of a lot of things to say.
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1691. Like, you're a dirty bitch.
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1692. Well, Ron, I'm gonna
put poison—
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1693. ( laughs )
Oh, my God!
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1694. I drank a lava lamp.
It wasn't lava.
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1695. I ate a whole bunch
of fiberglass insulation.
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1696. It wasn't cotton candy
like that guy said.
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1697. My stomach's itchy.
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1698. I pooped a hammer.
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1699. I pooped
a tape recorder.
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1700. I pooped
a Cornish game hen.
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1701. Uh...
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1702. ( laughs )
Nope.
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1703. You do not take
a tone with me,
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1704. 'cause I will give you a rap right
on the Jack Johnson!
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1705. - Okay.
- Yes.
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1706. Now this
is happenin'.
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1707. What are
you doing?
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1708. - Hah!
- What are you doing?
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1709. What are you—
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1710. Action.
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1711. We'll go back to doing
what I do best—
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1712. I guess we'll go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
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1713. When do we
get started?
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1714. When do we get started?
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1715. - That's my line.
- When do we get started?
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1716. You say,
"Whenever you like."
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1717. - Whenever you like.
- ( laughs )
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1718. Keep it rollin'.
This is good stuff.
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1719. an area bank
in a daring...
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1720. Probably not the same one.
Probably not the same guy.
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1721. Brick, before I let you go,
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1722. are you still having your celebrity
golf tournament this summer?
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1723. No, too many people
died last year.
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1724. So we're not gonna do—
( laughs )
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1725. Sorry. Sorry.
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1726. They named it
San Diego.
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1727. Which in German means,
"a whale's vagina."
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1728. This is the most
ridiculous thing ever.
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1729. Way to handle him.
That was nice.
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1730. It sure is good
to be number one.
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1731. It sure beats the hell
out of number two.
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1732. We are laughing!
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1733. And we are
very good friends.
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1734. Good buddies sharing
a special moment.
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1735. Don't say anything, Ron.
Just let it happen.
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1736. We're laughing,
enjoying our friendship.
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1737. And someday we'll look back
on this with much fondness.
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1738. Yeah.
( sighs )
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1739. Yeah.
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