An Adventure in Space and Time (2013)

1. The following program is based on actual events.

2. It is important to remember, however,

3. that you can't rewrite history. Not one line.

4. Except, perhaps, when you embark on an adventure in space and time.

5. Everything all right, sir?

6. Are you okay?

7. You need to move along now, sir.

8. Sir?

9. You're in the way.

10. Hello? Er, Mr. Hartnell?

11. Mr. Hartnell, sir, they're asking for you now.

12. Shall I tell them you're coming now?

13. Tell them what you like.

14. - Beg pardon, Mr. Hartnell? - Tell them what you bloody well like.

15. Listen, I'm only doing my job.

16. Sod off, will you? I'm not ready.

17. I need more time.

18. Len. Len, for God's sake,

19. you'll go up like a Roman candle if you're not careful.

20. Can I take my head off, mate? I'm boiling in here.

21. No. We'll be starting up again in a minute.

22. - Why, what's the hold-up? - You-know-who.

23. Well, tell him to get his skates on.

24. Some of us have got a bloody planet to invade.

25. - Shh. - What?

26. - Can I see your pass, sir? - Ah, come on, Harry. You know my face.

27. - That's as may be, sir. - Sydney Newman.

28. Clue's in the name. Better than any mugshot.

29. - I still need to see your pass, sir. - Ah, to hell with it.

30. That's not the way we do things at the BBC, sir.

31. You don't say.

32. So, we got a great big thumping audience for Grandstand,

33. but we lose them before their teenyboppers tune in

34. for Juke Box Jury, right?

35. - Right. Er, correct. - We've got a gap to plug.

36. - Twenty-five minutes. - How about another Dickens?

37. Fossilized, Mervyn. Fusty. Frowsty.

38. And other less-polite words beginning with F.

39. I've got a word for you, though. "Fun." Fun. You heard of fun, Mervyn?

40. That something else you brought with you from I I V?

41. I hope so. I certainly hope so.

42. We need stuff to keep the sports fans hooked, and the kids, too.

43. - Competitive tiddlywinks? - You know what I'm talking about.

44. Science fiction. Is it really that popular?

45. It was, the last time I took a look.

46. With juvenile boys, perhaps.

47. I like it.

48. - She thought the balloon had gone up. - What?

49. She thought we'd all had it. Cuba.

50. No point in holding back if the missiles started flying,

51. - so she put it about a bit. - A lot.

52. So, what did they say?

53. "You're only a production assistant, dear. It's a bit of a leap."

54. I'm giving myself a year to either get on in television, or get out.

55. Look, what do I know? I spend my time trying not to bump into the cameras.

56. But don't pack in yet, Verity. Softly-softly, eh?

57. - You've got a... - What?

58. - Red wine. - Oh.

59. - Oh, Lord, it's on, isn't it? - What?

60. The space shot. The Soviets' Valentina Whatsit.

61. - First woman in space. - God, yes.

62. And there she is, Valentina Tereshkova,

63. looking, appropriately enough, on top of the world.

64. Pop-polo-polo-

65. The first woman in space.

66. A major triumph for the Soviet Union in the ever-escalating space race.

67. - Hello? Verity, it's Sydney.

68. - What? - Sydney!

69. Sydney! Hello, stranger.

70. Do you know anything about children, Verity?

71. Not a thing.

72. We want to do a science fiction serial. Legitimate stuff, though.

73. - No tin robots or B.E.M.s. - "B.E.M.s"?

74. Bug-Eyed Monsters. You know, mutations and death-rays

75. and brains in a glass jar, that kind of crap.

76. It's gonna run all year long. So, good-looking guy, good-looking gal,

77. a kid who gets herself into all kinds of trouble,

78. plus an older man. Quirky. I'll come back to him.

79. They travel about space and time, getting into scrapes.

80. - That's a lovely idea. - You know me. Pop-pop-pop.

81. We want history, too, proper history.

82. The kids at home should learn something.

83. And what about the other man? The quirky character?

84. - He's a doctor. - A doctor?

85. Mmm.

86. He should be a doctor, don't you think? Makes him an authority figure.

87. Sorta, kinda reassuring.

88. So, what do you think?

89. Look, Sydney, I would love to work with you again. Really, I would. It's just...

90. I gave myself a year. Get on in TV or get out.

91. Hey, hey, hey-

92. I don't want you to be my assistant again, kid.

93. I want you to produce it.

94. - Produce it? - Sure!

95. They've never had a female producer here. Sit down.

96. You're just what this place needs.

97. Someone with piss and vinegar in their veins.

98. Thanks, I think.

99. I did a show called Pathfinders for I I V. You see it?

100. - Um... - We had an old guy as the hero.

101. Grumpy old guy. That's what we want here.

102. MAN ON TV'. Wait for it... Atten-tion!

103. Oh, my stars, what did I do to deserve you lot?

104. Drivel.

105. We'll make her a skirt.

106. - No one rung?

107. - Not since you last asked... - All right.

108. - Five minutes ago. - All right, all right.

109. You've only been out of work a couple of weeks.

110. Well, I'm not built for lazing around, am I?

111. Got to graft, or I'll go round the twist.

112. What about that play?

113. Another ruddy Army part? No fear.

114. That's all they ever offer me. Crooks and perishing Sergeant Majors.

115. But that's how the casting people see you, isn't it, love?

116. - Authority figures. - I V: Atten-tion!

117. 55 My grandfather's a funny 'un

118. Don't do that.

119. 55 He's got a face like a pickled onion

120. Stop it.

121. - Bloody rubbish. - Bill, not in front of Judy.

122. 55 My grandfather's a funny 'un 41

123. I said stop it.

124. Why are you always so grumpy, sampa?

125. What? What's it got to do with you? Silly girl.

126. Judy?

127. Judy-pudy, darling!

128. - For goodness' sake, Bill, go after her. - I've told the girl once.

129. - What's wrong with her? Cloth ears?

130. - Don't you like being successful? - That's not success. I'm legitimate.

131. A legitimate character actor of the stage and film.

132. This is variety.

133. I only asked.

134. How about Leslie French? He'd be marvelous.

135. He's working with Visconti. He gave us a polite "no."

136. - Cyril Cusack? - A less polite "no."

137. - Can I help you? - I think you're in my office.

138. That's a rather interesting way of looking at it.

139. - I'm rather an interesting person. - I don't doubt it.

140. Rex Tucker. I'm looking after Doctor Who.

141. Pending the appointment of the permanent producer.

142. Oh, is he with you?

143. You're looking at him.

144. I keep coming back to Hugh David.

145. Who?

146. He was in Knight Errant on I I V. Lovely actor.

147. Not old enough for the Doctor, surely.

148. Well, we don't want Grandpa Moses, do we?

149. We need someone who can play older.

150. The shooting schedule's going to be pretty punishing.

151. - I've got some ideas. - I'll call Hugh. See what he thinks.

152. - I'd rather you didn't. - Is that a fact?

153. Waste of time.

154. We need someone like Frank Morgan in The Wizard of Oz.

155. - He's dead. - Rex...

156. - And American. - I said "like."

157. Perhaps we should all, um, sleep on it.

158. After all, it took them months to find Scarlett O'Hara.

159. Dear lady, may I have a word?

160. Hello?

161. Yes.

162. Oh! Yes.

163. Is it right you were Sydney's production assistant

164. on the other channel?

165. Yes. - So this is quite a promotion.

166. - Apparently. - Bound to ruffle a few feathers.

167. If feathers don't ruffle, nothing flies.

168. This show's going to be a terrific challenge, you know.

169. Outer space. Time travel.

170. In this first script, they go back to the Stone Age.

171. You're going to need all the help you can get,

172. so Rex is going to act as a sort of mentor to you.

173. A ship can't have two captains.

174. - Dear lady... - Please don't call me that.

175. - Sorry. - And what about you, Mervyn?

176. What's your function?

177. To be your sort of technical boffin.

178. Help you through the mire of all this.

179. Sydney obviously thinks he's got the right person for the job.

180. That's what he wants for Doctor Who.

181. Someone with piss and vinegar in their veins.

182. - Did he say that? - He's very blunt.

183. Yes.

184. Look, all I'm saying is, dear...

185. Verity,

186. all I'm saying is "experience" is not a dirty word.

187. Don't fight us.

188. Perhaps you could add a few drops of warm beer in with your, er...

189. - Piss and... - Mixture.

190. Just for the time being.

191. Well, we'd better clear out. We'll have the news team in here.

192. That's clever.

193. So they don't have to look down at their words all the time.

194. Yes, quite a wheeze.

195. - Someone'll make a fortune out of that. - I suppose so.

196. Shame I didn't get to the patent office faster.

197. Why?

198. I invented it.

199. Well, have a look at it, Bill.

200. It certainly sounds different.

201. - And it's an old man part, you know.

202. - Oh, is it? - Yeah. It's like This Sporting Life.

203. Well, I... I love playing older.

204. I know.

205. - Well, what next? - Ollie's going to set up a meeting,

206. and he sounded ever so upbeat on the phone. He says it's a smashing role.

207. Ah.

208. - The BBC. - Yeah. Yeah.

209. And it's for kiddies.

210. - Come on, Stumpy.

211. Off to Madame Bovary.

212. Well, I'm sure he'll be happier away from us.

213. Any news from the design department?

214. - Not being very helpful, I'm afraid.

215. What is this? What are we going to do with this?

216. Stone Age man going "ugg". It's crazy.

217. Cavemen and doctors and disappearing bloody police boxes...

218. Waris Hussein, our director.

219. - Verity. - Hi.

220. - What have you just been working on? - Er, Compact.

221. Oh? High art, indeed.

222. - Shut up. - Don't people say "ugg" in Compact?

223. Frequently. Mostly after a liquid lunch.

224. But the cavemen script is the only one ready to go.

225. - We have to start with it. - Right. And where are we shooting?

226. Lime Grove, Studio D.

227. Oh, God, not there.

228. We can't do anything there. It's a broom cupboard.

229. It's smaller on the inside.

230. It's the wrong shape, and the sprinklers go off when it gets hot.

231. Well, you'll make it brilliantly, won't you?

232. Oh, I see. Simple as that.

233. It'll never work.

234. When do we start?

235. Excuse me.

236. Excuse me.

237. - Hello? - Yes, sir?

238. Gin and tonic and Pall Mall please...

239. Vodka and tonic, and a red wine, please.

240. I'm sorry, love, I'm serving...

241. Vodka and tonic, and a red wine, please.

242. - Vodka-tonic, red wine. Thank you.

243. I'd have been stood here all night.

244. We are all strangers in a strange land.

245. - Very profound. - Isn't it?

246. You'll find I'm generally pretty profound.

247. - I wish I had your front. - I wish I had your behind.

248. Shh! Shut up.

249. Don't be fooled, Waris. That's all it is. Front.

250. Inside, I'm shaking like a leaf.

251. I'm here by the skin of my bloody teeth.

252. First Indian director this place has ever had.

253. So we've got to stick together, haven't we? Make our little show work.

254. - That'll teach them. - Who?

255. The old guard.

256. This sea of fag-smoke and tweed and sweaty men.

257. - Not that I'm knocking sweaty men. - I should hope not.

258. Listen, I overheard a couple of old horrors standing by the tea urn.

259. They said "Well, she didn't get here standing up, did she?"

260. - Sydney's bit of fluff, am I? - well, that seems to be the impression.

261. How else could you get a promotion like this?

262. A promotion like what?

263. I'm trying to recreate the Stone Age with Airfix glue and bloody BacoFoil!

264. - "We're" trying to, yes. - Yes. Sorry.

265. Well, here's to us.

266. - The posh wog. - And the pushy Jewish bird.

267. - L'chaim. - Cheers.

268. - You know, we could have our own series. - We do.

269. I don't want any of this muck, thanks very much.

270. - I'll have a drink. - Right.

271. - You the director, son? - Yes.

272. Hardly out of the cradle, the pair of you.

273. Right, let's talk turkey.

274. I'm not sure about this, not sure at all.

275. No?

276. Apart from anything else, I don't want to take on another long run.

277. Had enough of that on The Army Game. Nearly killed me.

278. - Weekly. Bloody rep. - Would you like to order some drinks?

279. Whiskey and soda. Choppie-choppie.

280. - Yes, sir. - Now, whose idea was all this?

281. - That fellow from ITV? - Sydney Newman, yes.

282. But so many people have been at the birth of the thing,

283. we'd be here all day.

284. Tell me about the characters. Two schoolteachers.

285. Ian and Barbara.

286. They're intrigued about one of their pupils, a young girl called Susan.

287. She seems to have impossible knowledge for a girl from 1963.

288. So the schoolteachers follow her home,

289. but "home" is a junkyard.

290. Yes, yes, yes. Scripts. I need to see scripts.

291. Oh, they're going wonderfully. Wonderfully.

292. The BBC are really excited about the show.

293. They're throwing everything at it. State-of-the-art facilities.

294. How do they get about? A flying saucer, or something?

295. Ours is a space and time machine that can blend in with its background.

296. What, you mean it's covered in invisible paint, or something?

297. No, no, it adapts to suit its environment.

298. It gets stuck in one shape.

299. A police box.

300. A police box? How gorgeous would that be?

301. An ordinary 20th-century object on the surface of an alien planet.

302. - Fantastic. - And the opening titles

303. - are like nothing you've ever seen. - Yes.

304. You see, if you point a camera down its own monitor,

305. it creates the most wonderful shapes. Patterns.

306. Like mirrors endlessly reflecting,

307. swooping and pulsing like butterfly wings.

308. Maybe I could be in them.

309. Just pop in front of the camera, will you, Tony?

310. Let's see how that looks.

311. Oh, Christ, no. That's terrifying.

312. And wait till you hear the music.

313. - We're using the latest technology.

314. - How did you do it? Brian's house keys.

315. What about the Doctor himself?

316. He's something like 600 years old.

317. Looks like a senile old man, but he's tough.

318. Tough! Tough and wiry, like an old turkey.

319. It's what you do so well, Mr. Hartnell. Stern and scary.

320. - But with a twinkle. - Trust me, Bill, you're perfect for it.

321. - No one will be able to resist you. - Do you really think so?

322. C.S. Lewis meets H.G. Wells meets Father Christmas. That's the Doctor.

323. "Doctor" who?

324. - Come on, big smiles. Cheers.

325. Lovely. One more. And again.

326. - Lovely stuff. That's it, thank you. - You're a brick for doing this.

327. - I'm contractually obliged, darling. - No, no. I mean the show.

328. You'll all give it such gravitas. Thank you.

329. So, what do you make of him?

330. Oh, I've always been a fan. Wonderful screen actor.

331. - He frightens the life out of me. - I think he's sweet, bless him.

332. "Bless him"? He's not as old as he looks.

333. - He must have had a tough life. - Cheers!

334. - Are you okay? - Scared to death.

335. Me too.

336. Well, goodbye, real world.

337. One more.

338. Paflence.

339. I have the patience of a saint, but it's wearing very thin.

340. We need the inside of the Tardis right now.

341. I'm busy. You'll get your time machine when I can find a moment.

342. Too busy for a children's program? Is that it?

343. Patience.

344. "If you could touch the alien sand

345. "and listen to the..."

346. Buggefl

347. "If you could touch the alien sand and hear

348. "the cry of strange birds,

349. "and watch them wheel in another sky, would that satisfy you?"

350. "Susan and I are cutoff from our own people,

351. "but one day, we shall get back.

352. "Yes, one day."

353. - "One day..." - Who's Susan?

354. - My granddaughter. - I'm your granddaughter.

355. Yes, yes, of course you are, darling,

356. but she's my granddaughter in the story I'm doing on the television.

357. I play a funny old man who lives inside a magic box.

358. - Like a Jack-in-the-box, sampa? - A little like that, yes,

359. but this is a machine in disguise.

360. A time machine.

361. Do you know how to fly a time machine, sampa?

362. Hmm? Oh, yes. Yes, of course I do.

363. You'll see. You'll see, when I'm on the television.

364. We'll be going back through history to meet kings and queens,

365. and off to distant planets,

366. where the Doctor will have all kinds of adventures.

367. - The Doctor? - He's the old man I'm playing.

368. A doctor? Does he make people better?

369. No.

370. "Don't you think you're being...

371. - "... rather high-handed, young man?" - I have.

372. You thought you saw a young girl enter the yard.

373. You imagine you heard music, or her voice.

374. You believe she might be in there.

375. - Not very substantial, is it? - But why won't you help us?

376. I'm not hindering you. You intrude here...

377. - He's tetchy as hell. - ... accusations and implications.

378. If you both want to make fools of yourselves,

379. I suggest you do what you said you'd do.

380. Go and ask a policeman... Bugger!

381. "Fetch" a policeman.

382. While you nip off quietly in the other direction, I suppose?

383. Come on, Barbara.

384. What are you doing out there, Grandfather?

385. Go back inside. Shut the door.

386. - Shut that door! - Barbara!

387. Okay. Okay, everyone, fantastic.

388. That's where we stop the tape and go inside the spaceship.

389. - When it's built. - Okay. Good. Everyone happy?

390. No. I'm not happy, not at all.

391. - Miss Lambert, a word, if you please. - Coffee?

392. - Good idea. - Thank you.

393. The set for the machine, Tardis, when is it arriving?

394. There's, er, been a delay.

395. No. It won't do. It just won't do.

396. I don't know how I'm expected to cope

397. with all the technical gibberish I have to spout

398. - without a bloody set to work on. - I'm sorry, Bill.

399. I need time to plot out all the buttons, you see.

400. Buttons?

401. On the controls. All those switches and dials.

402. I need to know what they all do.

403. What if I press something to open the doors, and then the next week,

404. I use it to blow us all up? You must see that.

405. The children will spot it, you see, if we try and fudge it.

406. And we must discuss my character.

407. - Absolutely. - He's too abrasive, too nasty, you see.

408. Where's that twinkle you talked about?

409. The thing that made me so... So right for it?

410. Er... Oh, Sydney!

411. Sydney Newman, Head of Drama, let me introduce you

412. to Mr. William Hartnell.

413. Right! Our Doctor.

414. Great choice. I'm a big fan. Big fan.

415. Oh, thank you. But I do need to discuss...

416. What was that terrific war picture you were in? What was that?

417. Well, I've done a few. Er, The Way Ahead?

418. Yeah.

419. Hell of a picture. You were sensational.

420. Oh, do you really think so?

421. - Oh, yes. Absolutely extraordinary. Well, I...

422. I did get some very nice notices, yes.

423. Oh, er, was that before or after Brighton Rock?

424. - Oh, before. - Of course.

425. You were in Brighton Rock. Wow, what a performance!

426. Oh. Well, you're very kind.

427. It should have led to much bigger and better things, you know,

428. - but I wasn't blessed. Not blessed?

429. What the hell are you talking about? Of course you're blessed.

430. - You're gonna be Doctor Who, aren't you? - Well, yes.

431. Perfect choice for my little show. Well, my idea, anyway.

432. That's what I do. Ideas.

433. One day, I came into I IV. "I've got an idea," I said.

434. ”The Avengers.” "What's it about?" they said.

435. "How the hell should I know?" I said. "But what a title!"

436. - Hah! Pop-pop-pop.

437. You, sir, are going to make a huge impact with this character.

438. I am?

439. Only a movie star could do it.

440. So nuanced. So many layers.

441. Well, you know, one tries.

442. And these kids are perfect for it.

443. You couldn't be in safer hands.

444. - Fun, energy, youth, pop-pop-pop.

445. Freaks.

446. Thank you so much, Sydney.

447. You've no idea what a difference it makes.

448. Be a producer, Verity. Find a way to deal with this stuff.

449. Or are you out of your depth?

450. What are you doing?

451. - Being patient. - What?

452. - I can be very patient. - You can't stay here.

453. Now, what shall we talk about? I've got all day.

454. Don't be ridiculous.

455. The Old Curiosity Shop, the Roman Forum,

456. the Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Symphonies in pencil and ink.

457. So, surely, you can turn your hand to my teeny little time machine.

458. Just turn that blazing talent of yours to my little kiddies' show.

459. Who knows what might happen? Won't take you more than half an hour.

460. - You are a very trying woman. - Then I'll get out of your hair.

461. Maybe the muse will be with you.

462. Maybe it will be the best thing you've ever thought of.

463. Very well. Very well.

464. Here. Here, madam.

465. Here's your bloody Tardis.

466. Turned out rather well, hasn't it?

467. Through the cupboard doors and into Narnia.

468. Too bloody big. Takes up half the studio.

469. Yes, my love, don't fret. - Yes?

470. - Yes, yes, Waris, I heard him. - Thank you. All right.

471. - Could you pass me my script, please? What's the delay?

472. This is ridiculous! - Sorry, boys and girls.

473. He says he won't have his teeth blacked out.

474. Dougie, it's 100,000 B.C.

475. I know. It's the Tribe of Gum.

476. He says he got them whitened to get onto the telly.

477. Well, does it matter? We only see his bloody shadow.

478. - I'll do it. - What?

479. I don't mind blacking my teeth.

480. I've already got sand and fleas in my Y-fronts. Can't get much worse.

481. Okay. Stout man. I think we're sorted, then, guv.

482. - Thank you, Dougie.

483. Okay. Into position, everyone,

484. and roll to record in 15.

485. God, it's hot in here.

486. - Anyone else hot? - Yeah.

487. Can we do something about the heat?

488. I thought he'd be used to it.

489. - What? - Nothing.

490. Watch it, Arthur.

491. Five minutes, chum, then they turn the lights out.

492. - Them's the rules. - Okay, everyone.

493. Quiet, please. Quiet.

494. Five. Four. Three.

495. Okay, come in to Camera 1 on one.

496. Okay. Clear two.

497. These people are known to you, I believe.

498. What are you doing here? They're two of my schoolteachers.

499. Is that your excuse for this unwarrantable,

500. unwarranted intrusion?

501. You had no right to invite them here.

502. I blame you for this, Susan. - Coming on, uh... Coming on three.

503. - But, Grandfather, I... - Is this really where you live, Susan?

504. - Yes. - On three.

505. - On one. - It was just a box.

506. - Well, it can't be. - On three. Coming on two.

507. Move the camera.

508. Get hold of the crate. Get the crate.

509. Move the bloody camera.

510. I'm doing my best, all right? If it's that easy, why don't you have a go?

511. I'd just like to... I know this is absurd, but...

512. The doors.

513. What's happening to the doors? The Tardis can go anywhere.

514. "The Tardis"? I don't know what you mean, Susan.

515. I made up "Tardis" from the initials. Time and Relative Dimensions in Space.

516. I thought you'd both realize when you came inside and saw

517. - the different dimensions from outside. God!

518. What's happening to the bloody doors?

519. This thing that looks like a police box stuck in a junkyard

520. can move anywhere in time and space?

521. - lAN: Oh, Susan, don't be ridiculous. - Oh, Christ!

522. - Stiff as a Scotsman's wallet.

523. You look like us. You sound like us.

524. I was born in the 49th century.

525. Get it under covering!

526. Get the covers!

527. - Everybody out. - Am I on yet?

528. Anyone? I've done my teeth.

529. Wish I knew what bloody dimension I was in.

530. Hello?

531. No, my child. We cannot let our secret loose

532. into the world of the 20th century.

533. But you can't keep them prisoners here.

534. You can't keep us prisoners anywhere.

535. I cannot let you go, schoofleachen

536. Whether you believe what you have been told is of no importance.

537. You and your companion will leave footprints

538. in a time we were not supposed to walk.

539. If I have to use force to get out of here, I will, you know.

540. Maybe we've stumbled on something beyond our understanding.

541. Why did you come here? Why?

542. SUSAN'. Grandfather, no! DOCTOR'. No, you don't.

543. Stop it. Let him go! Let me go!

544. Let's go to lunch.

545. - Not hungry? - Don't seem to have much of an appetite.

546. You surprised?

547. I should fire the pair of you.

548. Right. Take out the reference to the future time they've come from.

549. "Forty-ninth century" is too specific. It's "Doctor Who," remember.

550. The old guy is too nasty. He should be cuter. Funnier.

551. And the kid needs to be cheeky, too. Like a regular teenager.

552. - Did you like any of it? - Not much.

553. - Hate the opening titles. - You're joking.

554. Too weird.

555. It's sensational. Just because it's new...

556. Hey, hey, I like new. I do new, remember?

557. It's too scary for the kids.

558. - I thought we were trying to scare them. - Scare them, not traumatize them.

559. Change it.

560. - Over my dead body! - It can be arranged.

561. It'll cost, and they'll crucify me for it.

562. What?

563. Do the whole thing again.

564. - I'm not right for the part. - Bill...

565. - Just not right. It isn't me at all. - Bill, listen to me.

566. Sydney thought it was good.

567. He's over the moon. I let you down.

568. You let me down?

569. You were right. You were so right.

570. We've made the Doctor too abrasive. We need much more of you in him.

571. Much more charm, and warmth, and twinkle.

572. You knew it. I couldn't see it.

573. You're sure you've got the right man?

574. Of course I am.

575. I'm... I'm frightened, you see.

576. I've never really done anything like this before.

577. The pressure, the schedule,

578. and all those ruddy words.

579. I'm here for you, Bill.

580. Promise?

581. Every step.

582. Right.

583. I've got to tell the others, now.

584. Time and tide wait for no man, eh?

585. Time and space, Bill. And they wait for no woman, either.

586. I'm not hindering you.

587. If you both want to make fools of yourselves,

588. I suggest you do what you said you'd do.

589. - Go and find a policeman. - In clear three. Clear three.

590. Shot two. Tighter on two.

591. There's only one way in and out of this yard.

592. I shall be here when you get back. I want to see your faces when you try

593. - and explain your behavior... - Tighter on one.

594. to a policeman, Chesterman. Chesterton.

595. - We're going to find one. - He got the name wrong. Can we go back?

596. Can we go back?

597. We've already stopped recording three times.

598. - Only one more edit allowed, son. - Thank you, Mervyn.

599. Four edits in a whole show, it's... It's so bloody primitive.

600. Young man speak truth. BBC equipment from Stone Age.

601. We have no choice, do we?

602. - Onwards, Waris, onwards. - Okay, stand by on one.

603. Oh, no, Grandfather, no!

604. Let me through. Get back to the ship, child.

605. DOCTOR'. It could be anywhere. Dear, dear, dear, dear.

606. This is no help to us at all. I suggest, before we go outside and explore,

607. - let us clean ourselves up. SUSAN'. Oh, yes.

608. What does the radiation read, Susan?

609. It's reading normal, Grandfather.

610. Okay, good.

611. I'll tell them we can make the transmission date.

612. How are the other scripts coming along?

613. Your Canadian pal is doing us one about Marco Polo.

614. Terrific, that's more like my brief. Get the kids hooked on real history.

615. We're also trying one of Tony Hancock's writers, Terry Nation.

616. - You got a script? - Yes, it's good.

617. - What's it about? - Robots.

618. No... No, they're not robots.

619. Rule one, no robots.

620. - Rule two... - No bug-eyed monsters.

621. I know, but I promise you they're not, it's a really interesting story,

622. set on a distant planet after a nuclear war...

623. Okay, okay, whatever...

624. Send it straight up to me. Then we'll see.

625. This time in a few weeks, Episode 1 will have aired.

626. Hmm.

627. Brave heart, darling.

628. I think we'll be a smash.

629. Fingers crossed. We could do with a bit of luck.

630. Hideous machine-like creatures.

631. The lens on a flexible shaft.

632. Acts as an eye?

633. "You will move ahead of us and follow my directions."

634. "lan breaks away and dashes for it."

635. "Exterminate..."

636. "Exterminate."

637. It is will deep regret that we announce that

638. President Kennedy is dead.

639. He was shot down as he was driving in an open car

640. through the city of Dallas, Texas.

641. The identity of the assassin remains unconfirmed at this time.

642. It was very good, Bill.

643. And now we return to the news.

644. Vice President Lyndon Johnson was yesterday sworn in

645. as the 36th president of the United States,

646. following the assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy...

647. They'll all be watching the news.

648. She's way over budget.

649. No, no, it's more than that.

650. I'm afraid Miss Lambert doesn't know what she's doing.

651. First cavemen, now these silly robots.

652. What are you saying?

653. That you're not to do any more than these four episodes

654. you've already got in production.

655. Kill it, Sydney.

656. Kill Doctor Who.

657. - Reviews were respectable. - Uh-huh.

658. The ratings too, respectable, considering what happened.

659. Mmm.

660. Sydney wants to see you, Verity.

661. It's my fault. I promoted you too soon.

662. I don't much like the way the show's going.

663. First, goddamn cavemen.

664. - No choice, the... - And then these day-lecks.

665. - Daleks. - Exactly what I wanted to avoid.

666. - Cheap jacked science fiction trash. - Have you read the script?

667. - Yes. - Really?

668. Well, enough to know garbage when I see it.

669. Jesus, Dorlocks.

670. - Daleksl - Whatever!

671. Bug-eyed...

672. They're not bug-eyed monsters!

673. They used to be like us.

674. Radiation has made them retreat inside these impregnable metal shells,

675. and now they hate everything that isn't like them.

676. All they know how to do is lash out.

677. The Doctor and his friends turn up and try to make them see differently,

678. to understand other people and make peace, it's good stuff.

679. It's strong stuff, Sydney, and I really, truly believe in it.

680. Well...

681. I wanted someone with piss and vinegar.

682. I think we've got something really special here, Sydney.

683. A knockout. We've just got to hold our nerve.

684. Okay-

685. Okay-

686. I'll talk to the high-ups.

687. And I want a repeat.

688. - What? - On Saturday.

689. Repeat Episode 1 before Episode 2.

690. No one was watching because of the assassination.

691. Oh, I see.

692. This is Kennedy's fault.

693. We deserve a fair crack of the whip, Sydney.

694. You'd better be right about these...

695. Daleks.

696. Let me be very clear, young lady,

697. your neck's on the block.

698. Come on, get a move on. It's like a rabbit hutch in here.

699. Okay.

700. You nice and snug?

701. What the hell is that?

702. Monster for the next story.

703. What, a sink plunger and an egg whisk?

704. Oh, well, if they can't take over the universe,

705. might be able to whip up a decent omelet.

706. Roll to record in 15, 14...

707. Quiet please, everyone.

708. Ten, nine,

709. eight, seven, six,

710. five, four, action!

711. You will move ahead of us

712. and follow my directions...

713. On two...

714. Immediately.

715. Tighter on one.

716. Tighter.

717. Stand by one.

718. On one.

719. In three.

720. Stand by two.

721. Two.

722. I said immediately.

723. Fire!

724. My legs. - On two.

725. - My legs. Your legs are paralyzed.

726. You will recover shortly

727. unless you force us to use our weapons again.

728. Well, everyone, meet the Daleks.

729. They're creepy, aren't they?

730. Actually, really creepy.

731. Michael!

732. Dennis!

733. Your tea's getting cold.

734. Oh, and that thing you wanted to watch is on!

735. The truth is that your supply of drugs has failed,

736. and you came into the city to see if you could find more.

737. MAN ON TV'. I don't know what you're talking about.

738. You and your companions need a drug to stay alive.

739. DOCTOR'. We have no gloves... Drugs.

740. - You said gloves. - Eh?

741. Yes, yes, I did.

742. Because the Daleks are nasty.

743. And you must need to have special gloves to touch them.

744. Yes.

745. Yes.

746. You know things like that because you're Doctor Who.

747. That's right.

748. Exterminate! Exterminate!

749. You will be my prisoner.

750. You won't believe what I saw on the bus this morning. It's thrilling.

751. Sydney wants you, Verity.

752. Ten million viewers for your bug-eyed monster.

753. Ten million.

754. So...

755. What do I know about anything?

756. Well done, kid.

757. A bus?

758. What were you doing on a bus?

759. Getting in touch with our audience.

760. Our great big fat enormous bloody audience!

761. Whoo!

762. Quickly, child, we're running out of time. Check the fornicator.

763. - Faultlicator.

764. Okay, I think we better hold it there, please.

765. - First positions again.

766. Verity. Verity.

767. Look at this. Just look at this.

768. - General De Gaulle. DeGaullek!

769. - Non, non, non. - That's wonderful.

770. We've really got something here.

771. They love us.

772. Lovely stuff this, you know. - Mmm.

773. Shame it's not in color.

774. Come on. How much have I won?

775. Uh... Thirty-five elephants, 4,000 white stallions,

776. - 25 tigers... And 10 bob, you old devil.

777. Right.

778. Make-up and hair will be done on Kublai Khan's digit, so we best press on.

779. What do you think?

780. - Oh, wow. - Very swish.

781. - D'you like it? - Gorgeous, Carole.

782. Weren't even going to let me buy it.

783. Turn a few heads on the King's Road.

784. Oh, God.

785. Something the matter, Bill?

786. You should be more careful, sweetheart. Throwing your money around like that.

787. It's an insecure profession, you know. We should all bear that in mind.

788. Fancy anything at Newmarket, Bill?

789. You know what I mean. I'm just saying.

790. Splashing out on new togs all the time, you don't know you're bloody born.

791. I'm not a child.

792. I'll spend it how I like.

793. You're right of course, Bill.

794. None of us knows how long this is going to last.

795. No one's irreplaceable.

796. - Who told you that? - Everyone mentions it.

797. - So, you didn't go to RADA. - Roedean, darling.

798. - Eh? The girls' school.

799. Must've been a typo on my CV. I've not got the heart to tell Sydney.

800. Bill, thank you so much for the flowers.

801. Sorry to see you go, son.

802. - So, what's next for you? - I've been offered A Passage to India.

803. - One way?

804. Bill, I hope you never change.

805. Bill. Bill, come on.

806. - Quiet, please, everybody. - Oh, yes.

807. Bit of hush, ladies and gents.

808. Sure you won't stay? Do some more with us?

809. Pastures new.

810. It's been a bloody blast, Verity.

811. Couldn't have done it without you, darling. Shoulder to shoulder.

812. I saw you interfering with some dials only last night,

813. so I've decided to show you all the things that you mustn't touch

814. under any circumstances.

815. Exterminate. Exterminate.

816. Bloody hell.

817. Hello, my darling.

818. What do you think?

819. Thrills galore.

820. "Full-size real-life Dalek playsuit

821. "from the BBC TV series Doctor Who." Strike of light,

822. - only 66 shillings and sixpence. - What will you do?

823. - And we have these.

824. Goodness.

825. Man and boy I've been at this lark,

826. but I've never known anything like...

827. Incredible.

828. No one's irreplaceable, eh?

829. So much for softly, softly.

830. At this rate, you'll be running the place.

831. - "Dear Uncle Who..." Uncle Who.

832. "I've got my physics O-level coming up

833. "and I need your help."

834. I don't know why they think I can help them.

835. - It's all gobbledygook to me.

836. Please.

837. Doctor Who. Can I please have your autograph?

838. Now then, what's this? An autograph?

839. Teacher said it will be all right.

840. Well, that must make you a very special little boy, um...

841. Alan.

842. Thank you.

843. Please.

844. Doctor.

845. Yes, what is it, um...

846. Alan.

847. - What is it, Alan? - Please.

848. - When are them Daleks coming back? - Daleks.

849. They're taking over the ruddy world.

850. Well, it's what they do best isn't it?

851. Oh!

852. - Oh, wow. - Wow.

853. Oh, goodness me.

854. - Ha! - Come along. Come along. Keep up.

855. We must all get back to the Tardis.

856. - What's this? What's this? Look out! What?

857. Look out. Run! Run!

858. - Exterminate! Exterminate!

859. Cut!

860. Cut!

861. Right, one more, please. Quick as you can.

862. You were nearly off the curb. Why is it we always seem to have to go again

863. - because of you? - Well, I need a wee, don't I?

864. You ought to try being in here.

865. Reset again!

866. Bill... Bill. I thought I might try something

867. when I'm carrying you down the ramp.

868. What?

869. I thought maybe I'd just throw a look towards you.

870. Sort of showing the Roboman's inner turmoil.

871. You know, I was a man once, sort of thing,

872. before the Daleks made me like this.

873. - What d'you think? - Don't be so bloody ridiculous.

874. - It was just a suggestion. - Yes, well, stow it.

875. - What's up with you? - Mind your own business.

876. It's not too late, you know.

877. No. I've made up my mind.

878. They can rewrite this stuff in a shot.

879. It's time to move on, Bill.

880. There's lots of other things I want to do.

881. Well, of course.

882. And there's more to life than just screaming at nasty monsters.

883. That's no way to talk about me.

884. One day I shall come back.

885. Yes, I shall come back.

886. Until then there must be no regrets,

887. no tears, no anxieties.

888. Just go forward in all your beliefs,

889. and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.

890. Good-bye, Susan.

891. Good-bye, my dear.

892. That's lovely, Bill. Really lovely.

893. Doesn't like farewells, does he?

894. Just stepping off for a minute, Waris.

895. - Waris? - He's been doing that a lot lately.

896. That's it. Look over towards Bill.

897. - Cheers. - Cheers.

898. One more.

899. You look all in.

900. Mmm.

901. Come on, love, why don't you get your head down?

902. We can go through this in the morning.

903. No, no, got to get them in. Got to.

904. Maybe it's time you thought about moving on, love.

905. Moving on?

906. You're shattered all the time.

907. I can't even if I wanted to.

908. They're all relying on me. Hundreds of people, aren't they?

909. And all those kiddies out there.

910. You cam have Doctor Who

911. without Doctor Who, can you?

912. Come on.

913. Vortis. What galaxy is that in?

914. It's the Isop Galaxy.

915. The lsop Galaxy.

916. It's many, many light years away.

917. I do not understand his words.

918. He is becoming delirious, I do not understand his words.

919. Bill mustn't know I've spoken to you.

920. It'd play merry hell.

921. What's the matter?

922. Our GP rang.

923. Bill's not very well.

924. Oh, dear.

925. Nothing serious.

926. Not in the short term.

927. It's, um...

928. Arteriosclerosis.

929. It's a hardening of the arteries.

930. I see.

931. He smokes too much.

932. Drinks too much.

933. And these days, the only exercise he gets is walking the dog.

934. That, plus doing Doctor Who virtually all year.

935. Do you think he should stop?

936. No.

937. No, he couldn't bear that.

938. He loves the program, he's so proud of it.

939. And all of you. You should hear him.

940. But if there's anything you can do

941. to lift the burden from his shoulders, you know,

942. let him slow down a little.

943. Well...

944. I'll have a quiet word with my successor.

945. Oh...

946. Oh, lsee...

947. Vortis?

948. What galaxy is that?

949. The lsop Galaxy, just a few...

950. Many, many light earths,

951. light years from us

952. and from earth.

953. And yet, the...

954. Vortis, Vortis planet hasn't a moon.

955. Hmm...

956. Right. Hold it there, please.

957. All this stuff, you know, I can do it with a look.

958. Bill, I really think we should stick with what's on the page.

959. Verity.

960. I could do all this with a look, you know. I don't need all these lines.

961. It's like bloody King Lear.

962. I remember Lindsay Anderson saying the same thing about me

963. on Sporting Life.

964. You just rip a couple of pages out of the script,

965. Bill could do all this with a gesture.

966. A raised eyebrow, you see what I mean?

967. Of course...

968. Bless you.

969. Actually, I'm glad to have the chance to talk to you.

970. You're my rock, Verity, you know that? My rock.

971. Oh, I don't know about that.

972. Since that day you first started telling me about Doctor Who,

973. I have been spellbound, just spellbound.

974. But look at us now, eh.

975. Just look at us.

976. Our asses are in butter!

977. What did you want to tell me?

978. Which, of course, was her way of saying, "Take a hike."

979. So, I'm justifiably proud of myself, I can spot talent light-years away.

980. Ladies and gentlemen, Verity.

981. Best goddamn appointment I've ever made.

982. Verity!

983. J1 For she's a jolly good fellow

984. J1 For she's a jolly good fellow

985. J1 For she's a jolly good fellow

986. 41 And so say all of us

987. 41 And so say all of us

988. 41 And so say all of us

989. J1 For she's a jolly good fellow

990. J1 For she's a jolly good fellow

991. J1 For she's a jolly good fellow

992. 41 And so say all of us 41

993. Not joining us?

994. Perhaps in a minute.

995. Bill, I wanted to say thank you.

996. For everything you've done.

997. I'm in demand, it's all down to you.

998. Oh, nonsense.

999. In no small measure, Bill, Doctor Who has made me.

1000. Why does it have to change? Why do things always have to change?

1001. Why can't we just go on as we are?

1002. Life.

1003. What about you?

1004. Not ready for a rest?

1005. Me, no.

1006. Not a bit.

1007. This old body of mine is good for a few years yet.

1008. Gonna miss all this.

1009. You've got some...

1010. Mmm? Oh...

1011. Let me.

1012. What am I going to do without you?

1013. Till we meet again.

1014. There she is!

1015. Smile! Mr. Purves.

1016. Purves and Jackie, look at each other.

1017. Jackie, that's it! Lovely.

1018. Give us a smile! Lovely.

1019. MAN'. Alright, when you're ready, Bill.

1020. Mr. Hartnell to you, sonny.

1021. Sorry?

1022. You might call me by my first name if we get to know each other better.

1023. If you”. If you last on my show, that is.

1024. Can we go from the top of the scene?

1025. Mr. Hartnell, you make the TV screen come on.

1026. The scanner.

1027. The scanner. Right.

1028. And then you flick the switch and the doors open.

1029. No, no, can't do that.

1030. I beg your pardon?

1031. I'd have to move around to the other side,

1032. that's where the door switch is.

1033. Does it matter?

1034. Of course it matters.

1035. All right.

1036. We'll work around it. You move where you like, Mr. Hartnell.

1037. Thank you. I will.

1038. Okay. Top of the scene, then.

1039. The glass cylinder

1040. should be going up and down. The ship is in flight.

1041. Right. Yes. Sorry.

1042. - Well? - Sorry.

1043. Be right with you.

1044. Anybody know how to make it go?

1045. Oh, for Christ's sake... Does anyone know how to do anything!

1046. Out! Out!

1047. I'll sort it myself.

1048. Standby bell!

1049. Roll to record!

1050. In fifteen.

1051. Fourteen.

1052. Quiet, please, everyone.

1053. Okay, everyone ready?

1054. Ready, now.

1055. There's little people dancing about in my eyeline...

1056. It's very off-putting, do you mind?

1057. Thank you.

1058. Now.

1059. They've all gone.

1060. All gone.

1061. None of them...

1062. Ever understood.

1063. Not even young Susan.

1064. Or old Vicky...

1065. And then there's...

1066. Barbara.

1067. And Chatterton...

1068. Chesterton.

1069. Oh, God.

1070. Perhaps...

1071. I should go back to my own time.

1072. To my own planet.

1073. But I...

1074. I can't...

1075. I can't...

1076. Is everything okay?

1077. I, uh...

1078. I can't...

1079. Are you alright?

1080. I...

1081. I can't...

1082. Mr. Hartnell?

1083. Mr. Hartnell?

1084. Anneke, turn to me, love. Turn to me.

1085. Thanks, love.

1086. I could get used to this.

1087. As you can see...

1088. Yeah, yeah, I hear ya.

1089. It can't go on.

1090. He's become so difficult to work with. And his lying!

1091. Ihearya.

1092. The poor man's worn out.

1093. Shame.

1094. Goddamn shame.

1095. So that's that, I suppose.

1096. What do you mean?

1097. Well, we can't have Doctor Who without Doctor Who, can we?

1098. Pop, pop, pop-

1099. Sampa, sampa, Sampal

1100. Oh, hello there.

1101. Where are you going to take the Tardis next, sampa.

1102. Oh, I don't know, darling.

1103. Liz says you should go back in time and see

1104. Oliver Cromwell and tell him not to be so horrible.

1105. Yeah, maybe I should.

1106. But I want the butterfly men to come back!

1107. They were pretty. We did them at school and I was a...

1108. Listen... Judy...

1109. They could have a big fight with the Daleks.

1110. And you could fly on their backs with a bow and arrow.

1111. Listen, darling, you mustn't expect too much

1112. from your old grandfather, you know.

1113. I get very tired these days, and uh...

1114. Graham Porter says the Tardis will run out of petrol soon.

1115. I need to take things a bit easier.

1116. But I told him he was stupid.

1117. The Tardis will go on and on forever, because it's special and magic,

1118. like my sampa.

1119. My sampa is Doctor Who, and he can do anything.

1120. I hope you don't think it presumptuous of me to ask

1121. for this meeting, Sydney.

1122. Presumptuous? Hell no, Bill.

1123. I was gonna ask you to come in, as it happens.

1124. - Oh, yes? - Yeah...

1125. Yeah.

1126. Things...

1127. Things can't go on the way they are.

1128. Exactly! Exactly, Sydney.

1129. I'm committed to Doctor Who, 100% committed, but, um,

1130. I need more time off.

1131. Bloody schedule would kill a man half my age.

1132. All those lines they give me!

1133. The kiddies don't want to hear all that waffle.

1134. Perhaps it would be best if the writers just, um,

1135. sort of sketched in the story and left me to, um, make up the rest.

1136. No, no, that's probably a step too far, but you take my meaning?

1137. Um, I'm the star of the show.

1138. I'm the Doctor, and if we're to continue,

1139. you have to take account of that.

1140. Proper account.

1141. We've got great plans for Doctor Who, Bill. Believe you me, great plans.

1142. Oh, I know.

1143. We're 100% committed, too.

1144. Very glad to hear it.

1145. But we're looking at ways of refreshing it.

1146. Regenerating it.

1147. Mmm, yes... Quite right. Spice things up a bit.

1148. - Bill... - I'm glad we're on the same...

1149. Wavelength, anyway.

1150. Oh, hell, Bill, there's no easy way of saying this.

1151. Um...

1152. We want Doctor Who to go on.

1153. Yes.

1154. But not with you.

1155. Like you said, things have gotta change.

1156. I see.

1157. Who...

1158. Who have you got in mind?

1159. You're a hard act to follow, Bill.

1160. No need for softsoap, Sydney, you know me better.

1161. Who?

1162. DO YOU approve?

1163. Oh, yes, yes.

1164. Quite.

1165. Patrick Troughton.

1166. Excellent choice.

1167. I'm so sorry, Bill.

1168. "Fortune, good night. Smile once more.

1169. "Turn thy wheel."

1170. Huh?

1171. King Lear.

1172. I did it once.

1173. Carried a spear.

1174. Long time ago.

1175. long time ago.

1176. Hmm.

1177. Everything alright, sir?

1178. Are you okay?

1179. You need to move along now, sir.

1180. Sir?

1181. You're in the way.

1182. I'm sorry, sir, but you...

1183. Aren't you...

1184. I'm uh... sorry, very sorry, Officer.

1185. You're him, aren't you?

1186. Very sorry, Officer.

1187. You're Doctor Who!

1188. Wait till I tell the kids...

1189. They bloody love you!

1190. Well, it's been agreed by...

1191. By mutual consent that I should...

1192. Pack it in.

1193. Oh...

1194. Oh, right.

1195. Give it up.

1196. I see.

1197. Well, then.

1198. I think it's for the best.

1199. Truly, I do.

1200. You can't go on like this.

1201. And I've made my mark.

1202. Shown everyone I can do it.

1203. I'm sure it'll lead to lots more interesting stuff.

1204. Mmm?

1205. Yes.

1206. Well, I'll make us a nice cup of tea.

1207. I...

1208. I...

1209. I don't want to go.

1210. I don't want to go.

1211. - Oh, Bill.

1212. Well, then, who's who?

1213. I won't lie to you. I'm scared stiff.

1214. Oh, you'll be fine.

1215. In fact, you'll be wonderful.

1216. I told them, you know.

1217. There's only one man in England who could take over.

1218. Oh. Couldn't they get him?

1219. Standby bell!

1220. Okay, positions everyone, please.

1221. And roll to record in fifteen...

1222. I want you to belong somewhere, to have roots of your own.

1223. With David, you'll be able to find those roots.

1224. And live normally like any woman should do.

1225. Believe me, my dear. Your future lies with David.

1226. And not with a silly old duffer like me.

1227. One day, I shall come back.

1228. Yes, I shall come back.

1229. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties.

1230. Just go forward in all your beliefs.

1231. And prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.