1. Man, will you look at all the hot tail
running around this place?Copy !req
2. Man, will you look at all the hot tail
running around this place?Copy !req
3. Look, look. Oh, God.Copy !req
4. Dad, listen, could you just... Please,
please don't embarrass me today, okay?Copy !req
5. - Embarrass you?
- Not today.Copy !req
6. Son, you spent the entire summer depressedCopy !req
7. because your girlfriend ran off
with that pretty boy, Trent.Copy !req
8. Now, you gotta get out there
and crush some ass!Copy !req
9. It's the only way to get your mind off her.Copy !req
10. - Yes. Yes, that is what I'm talking about.
- Yes, huh?Copy !req
11. "Crush some ass"? Oh, come on.Copy !req
12. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
13. - I'll show you how it's done.
- Oh, no. No, no, no.Copy !req
14. Watch this. Just watch and learn.
- Just please drive.Copy !req
15. Excuse me, ladies? Hi. Hi.Copy !req
16. - This is my son, Erik.
- Hi.Copy !req
17. And he's moving in today,Copy !req
18. and we were just wondering
if maybe either of you were interestedCopy !req
19. in showing him a good time?Copy !req
20. No, thanks.Copy !req
21. Oh!Copy !req
22. I'm sorry.Copy !req
23. - He's a stallion, just like his old man!
- No, Dad, come on!Copy !req
24. Well, I tried, Erik.Copy !req
25. Yeah, thanks.
Now I'm gonna have to transfer.Copy !req
26. - Son, son?
- Yeah.Copy !req
27. I want to show you something.Copy !req
28. That is the list of all the chicks
I ever banged.Copy !req
29. Are you serious?Copy !req
30. - Is that two-sided? It is! Nice!
- It is!Copy !req
31. Yeah. It's a good goal for you to try
to keep up with your old man.Copy !req
32. Hey, Dad, why isn't Mom's name
the last name on the list there?Copy !req
33. Uh...Copy !req
34. We didn't tell you, but when you were three,
we had a trial separation for a week.Copy !req
35. Trial...Copy !req
36. Dad, there's like... Well,
there's 10 names here for that week alone.Copy !req
37. Yeah, I went on kind of
a poon-tang bender, there.Copy !req
38. Is that my mom's name?Copy !req
39. Yeah, you know, on second thought,
I'll just kind of hang on to that.Copy !req
40. Come on, guys. Let's get loaded here!Copy !req
41. - I'm sorry.
- Cooze, grab a box.Copy !req
42. - Did you have sex with his mom?
- Yeah.Copy !req
43. How was it?Copy !req
44. Wow! This place is amazing.Copy !req
45. Hi.Copy !req
46. God, there are girls everywhere.Copy !req
47. This is my room.Copy !req
48. It still kind of sucks
that we're not gonna be rooming together.Copy !req
49. Dude, whatever.
You're gonna be right down the hall.Copy !req
50. Besides, I got a single.Copy !req
51. - Hold on to this. I'm gonna find a bathroom.
- All right.Copy !req
52. I'll be right back.Copy !req
53. Hi, how you doing?
Mike Coozeman. Glad to meet you.Copy !req
54. Wow. This is gonna
take some getting used to.Copy !req
55. Yeah, isn't this the guy's bathroom?Copy !req
56. No, it's coed. All the dorms are like this.Copy !req
57. Cool, coed, yeah.Copy !req
58. Don't worry. I won't peek.Copy !req
59. Yeah, I won't peek... I won't peek, either.Copy !req
60. I'm Ashley, what's your name?
- I'm Erik.Copy !req
61. Well, it's nice to meet you, Erik.
- It's nice to meet you, too.Copy !req
62. Hey, do you think you could pass me
my shampoo? It's just right there.Copy !req
63. - Yeah. Just give me a minute here, okay?
- Thanks.Copy !req
64. Erik?Copy !req
65. Erik?Copy !req
66. Alittle help here?Copy !req
67. Ride the white whale, baby!Copy !req
68. Ride the white whale.Copy !req
69. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God. Oh, man. I'm sorry.Copy !req
70. I'm sorry, the doorwas...Copy !req
71. - Hey, you must be Erik.
- I am.Copy !req
72. - I'm Bobby.
- Hi.Copy !req
73. Hey.
- Hey, hey.Copy !req
74. - Come on in, man.
- No, no, no. It's...Copy !req
75. - You guys are busy. I can come back later.
- Okay, listen. This is your place, too,Copy !req
76. and don't worry about Margie.
She's not exactly shy.Copy !req
77. No, she's not.Copy !req
78. - Sit down. You want a beer?
- No.Copy !req
79. - You sure?
- Yeah.Copy !req
80. Are you hungry?
Margie cooked up some mean bratwurst.Copy !req
81. - No, I just had a sandwich. Thanks.
All right.Copy !req
82. - Where're you from?
- East Great Falls.Copy !req
83. East Great Falls.Copy !req
84. Slow down, sassy pants.Copy !req
85. All right, baby?
I'm trying to have a conversation.Copy !req
86. Yeah.Copy !req
87. - College! Yeah! Best years of our lives!
- Yeah.Copy !req
88. Put it up.Copy !req
89. Oh, high...
High-five.Copy !req
90. You wanna jump in on this?Copy !req
91. - Come on. Margie loves it.
- No, no, no. Margie, no, no.Copy !req
92. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I'm good.Copy !req
93. Look, it was very nice to meet you,
Bobby and Margie.Copy !req
94. Actually, I just came
to change my pants here.Copy !req
95. I spilled a drink on it earlier,
so I'm just gonna let you guys... Yeah.Copy !req
96. Are you role-playing again?Copy !req
97. Say the safe word, baby. Say the safe...
Baby? Are you choking?Copy !req
98. - Dude, I think she's choking!
- What?Copy !req
99. I think she's choking.
You gotta do something.Copy !req
100. - Do something.
I can't do anything!Copy !req
101. I'm tied up and basted
like a Thanksgiving turkey.Copy !req
102. All right, all right, all right. I got it.
Hold on. From the spot.Copy !req
103. Oh, my Jesus.Copy !req
104. What do you want me to do with all this...Copy !req
105. Get out!Copy !req
106. - Erik? No!
Sorry.Copy !req
107. All right, son!Copy !req
108. Yeah! That's what being a Stifler's all about.Copy !req
109. - No, no, no. She was choking.
That's it!Copy !req
110. - I was helping her.
- That's how Stiflers do college.Copy !req
111. Now, let's just give these kids some privacy.Copy !req
112. Doing good. Keep it up.Copy !req
113. I'm not trying to freak you out, roomie,
but I just totally came.Copy !req
114. Is this where
Laura Johnson and Sara Coleman live?Copy !req
115. Yeah, I'm Laura Johnson
and this is my roommate, Sara.Copy !req
116. My name is Dwight Stifler.Copy !req
117. I'm here with the
Freshman Welcoming Committee,Copy !req
118. and I've been given instructions
to escort you ladiesCopy !req
119. on a guided tour of the entire campus.Copy !req
120. - That's so sweet.
- Yeah.Copy !req
121. Should we wear anything special?Copy !req
122. Dude, there is no way that everybody
in this is a student here.Copy !req
123. Look, he's holding her boob.Copy !req
124. He is.Copy !req
125. No, man, they are.
I've had a subscription for, like, a year.Copy !req
126. That'll be good.Copy !req
127. That's not a cologne ad.Copy !req
128. I've used that exact issue
more times than I can count.Copy !req
129. You smell pretty.Copy !req
130. - Sorry.
- That was so uncalled for.Copy !req
131. - Wow.
- Is this Erik Stifler's room?Copy !req
132. Yeah.Copy !req
133. Welcome to college, boys.Copy !req
134. Yeah. No, I wouldn't lie to you.
I'm dead serious.Copy !req
135. Most sororities won't even give you a bid
unless you've had a threesome.Copy !req
136. It shows that you work well
within the group dynamic,Copy !req
137. and that you're really prepared
for sisterhood.Copy !req
138. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
139. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
140. Oh, man. Who is this guy?Copy !req
141. Dude, he's the reason we came
to college here.Copy !req
142. - You like that?
- That was awesome.Copy !req
143. You have to give a little bit back
every now and then.Copy !req
144. - Hey, hey, shower buddy!
- Oh, hey. Hi.Copy !req
145. Shower buddy?Copy !req
146. Yeah, Erik and I met
when I was showering this afternoon.Copy !req
147. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
148. Oh, right, the coed bathrooms. Yeah.Copy !req
149. It took me about three years
to get the board of trusteesCopy !req
150. to approve that one. Worth it.Copy !req
151. Oh, Ashley, hi. This...Copy !req
152. Everyone, this is Ashley.
Ashley, this is everyone.Copy !req
153. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
154. This is my roommate, Denise.
She just came here from Georgia.Copy !req
155. Hey, y'all.Copy !req
156. Well, I do declare, a real life Scarlett O'Hara.Copy !req
157. Oh, my.Copy !req
158. Well, hey, you guys aren't taking off,
are you?Copy !req
159. Yeah, we're going to this cocktail mixer
at the Epsilon Sigma Kappa House.Copy !req
160. Oh, no, no, no. The Geek House?
No, trust me.Copy !req
161. - I wanna stay but...
But we promised, so...Copy !req
162. Plus, Ashley thinks this party
is a little bit déclassé.Copy !req
163. What? Like sleazy?Copy !req
164. Hey, baby. How you doing, sweetheart?
Grab a beer.Copy !req
165. No, you got the wrong idea
about this whole thing.Copy !req
166. Look, this is just a little meet and greet
that I set up to, sort of,Copy !req
167. you know, demonstrate our school spiritCopy !req
168. and our, you know,
dedication to this university.Copy !req
169. Beta House fucking rules!Copy !req
170. Real classy.Copy !req
171. - Erik, it was really nice to see you again.
- Yeah.Copy !req
172. - Guys, till next time.
- Yeah, see you.Copy !req
173. Bye, guys.
Bye.Copy !req
174. - It's nice to meet you.
- See you.Copy !req
175. Hey, Stifler,
what's up with this Geek House?Copy !req
176. Yeah, I never even heard of it.Copy !req
177. I know a Geek house sounds harmless,
but they are a nightmare.Copy !req
178. They were a social club for decades,Copy !req
179. till a group of rich geeks came in
and threw some money around,Copy !req
180. built the house, got a new charter.Copy !req
181. Wait, a geek fraternity?Copy !req
182. To get in,
you need, like, perfect SAT scores.Copy !req
183. Transfer $2 million to my Swiss account.Copy !req
184. Then they check your family tree
and calculate future earnings potential.Copy !req
185. No, I said buy at 60, not sell at 60.
You're fucking fired!Copy !req
186. They got billionaire alumni.Copy !req
187. They got billionaire alumni.Copy !req
188. Hey, it's only 100 grand.Copy !req
189. They run the student government,
and the faculty loves them.Copy !req
190. But don't even get me started
on the women.Copy !req
191. They attract the most beautiful women
from the entire school.Copy !req
192. Who wants to hang out
with a house full of geeks?Copy !req
193. It's a new world out there.Copy !req
194. These women realise
that the geeks are gonna be the millionairesCopy !req
195. right out of school.Copy !req
196. They've just adjusted their nesting habits.Copy !req
197. Hey, don't sweat it.
Beta's still where the party's at, right?Copy !req
198. Look out!
Stifler, the judging's about to begin.Copy !req
199. Judging?Copy !req
200. Oh, the Beta House never disappoints.Copy !req
201. - Are you serious? It's always like this?
- All the time.Copy !req
202. - These girls are ridiculous.
- Ridiculous. Get the clipboard.Copy !req
203. Sweetie, you are naughty.
I am keeping you after class.Copy !req
204. Bring that ruler. I've also been bad.Copy !req
205. And this one over here's got great abs.Copy !req
206. They look like fresh buttered rolls
right out of the oven.Copy !req
207. This is the best idea I've ever had!Copy !req
208. - No, I just... I can't handle it.
- This is chicken scratch. You're a caveman.Copy !req
209. She's pulling them out.
She's pulling them out.Copy !req
210. Perfect 10!Copy !req
211. - Beta! Beta!
Beta! Beta!Copy !req
212. Ladies and gentlemen,
depravity is haunting this university.Copy !req
213. Sex, alcohol, vulgarity, stupidity.Copy !req
214. Once, this was a respected institution
of higher learning.Copy !req
215. We are declaring a new age
at this university.Copy !req
216. An age in which a student's worthCopy !req
217. is no longer measured
by his blood alcohol level,Copy !req
218. but rather, his GPA.Copy !req
219. We formed this fraternity to change the way
geeks are thought of in this country.Copy !req
220. But as history has proven,Copy !req
221. for a new civilization to emerge,Copy !req
222. another must crumble.Copy !req
223. We must destroy the Betas.Copy !req
224. Hey, Stacey, my hands are wet.
I can't get this beer open.Copy !req
225. Will you do it for me?Copy !req
226. Thanks. Those Kegel muscle exercises
are really paying off, huh?Copy !req
227. So what do we have to do to become Betas?Copy !req
228. Well, obviously, you guys are cool with me.Copy !req
229. What you need to do
is impress the rush chair, Wesley.Copy !req
230. - Have you guys met Wesley?
Uh-uh.Copy !req
231. You haven't? All right.
He's in the other room.Copy !req
232. Come on, I'll introduce you. Follow me.Copy !req
233. Don't be fooled by his appearance.Copy !req
234. His nickname is the Blackout Menace.Copy !req
235. He's a perfect student,Copy !req
236. except for his habit
of getting belligerently drunk,Copy !req
237. blacking out,
causing complete and total mayhem,Copy !req
238. and never remembering a thing.Copy !req
239. Uh...Copy !req
240. Excuse me. Where is this plane going to?Copy !req
241. Detroit.Copy !req
242. Thank God.Copy !req
243. All right, excuse me.
Where is it coming from?Copy !req
244. Bangkok.Copy !req
245. - Whose kid is that?
- Yours. You adopted him yesterday.Copy !req
246. Congratulations.Copy !req
247. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
248. Are you serious?Copy !req
249. Yep, just dropped Sung Lee off
at their embassy this last week.Copy !req
250. Kid nearly caused an international incident.Copy !req
251. Wesley!Copy !req
252. Sorry to interrupt.
Wesley, this is my cousin and his buddies.Copy !req
253. - Hi.
Hey.Copy !req
254. - Erik, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
255. Mike Coozeman.
How come we didn't see you last year?Copy !req
256. I was in a Mexican jail.
I had to tunnel my way out.Copy !req
257. But I made it back in time for finals
which is what we're all about here at Beta,Copy !req
258. education.Copy !req
259. Right.Copy !req
260. - You wanna dance?
- Yeah.Copy !req
261. Let's get sexy.Copy !req
262. Hey, you ready?Copy !req
263. There's a hundred hot horny chicks
here tonight. I'm counting on you.Copy !req
264. Get some, baby! Get some!Copy !req
265. Call me irresponsibleCopy !req
266. Call me unreliableCopy !req
267. Oh, you gotta be kidding me!Copy !req
268. Are you gonna start drinking?
Because I desperately need a wing man.Copy !req
269. No, I'm not drinking tonight, Bull.
I had a rough night last week.Copy !req
270. Oh, really? Really? That's fine.Copy !req
271. Because then I just might have
to tell these fine, young ladiesCopy !req
272. about a certain frat boy
and a Mexican transvestite!Copy !req
273. All right, all right, all right.Copy !req
274. One drink.Copy !req
275. Yeah, just one.Copy !req
276. Hey.Copy !req
277. What the hell's with you, man?Copy !req
278. Can you not see all this prime ass
a foot from your face?Copy !req
279. Yeah, man, I see. It's... It's pretty cool.Copy !req
280. Yeah, it's cool. You should be tearing it up!Copy !req
281. You guys, it's just...Copy !req
282. Remember last year?
We came up here, I had the time of my life.Copy !req
283. You know, I did stuff I neverwould
have dreamed I would've ever done,Copy !req
284. and I kind of figured it would change me.Copy !req
285. Yeah, okay.
So you got drunk and you ran naked, right?Copy !req
286. But you blew it
with a really hot sorority chickCopy !req
287. to run home and have sex
with your little girlfriend.Copy !req
288. Yeah, Erik. That stunt might
have won you points in high school,Copy !req
289. - but this isn't high school.
- No.Copy !req
290. I guess you guys are right.Copy !req
291. Listen, college is your one chance
to start over. Okay?Copy !req
292. You get to hit the reset button on life.
You get to be anybody you wanna be.Copy !req
293. - Never thought of it like that before.
- Yeah. Here, slug that.Copy !req
294. - That a boy. Julie, this is my cousin, Erik.
- Hey.Copy !req
295. I just wanted you to know Erik voted
for you in the hottie contest,Copy !req
296. and since he's, like,
the ladies' man of the family,Copy !req
297. I totally trust his taste.Copy !req
298. - You want to dance, gorgeous?
- I'd love to.Copy !req
299. Anybody you wanna be. Yeah.Copy !req
300. Wow, you can really put that away.Copy !req
301. You kidding me?
This stuff is like waterto me.Copy !req
302. Hey, hey, everybody,
settle down for a second!Copy !req
303. We're just having
a little, minor technical glitch.Copy !req
304. No big deal.
We'll get everything fixed up in a minute.Copy !req
305. I don't think so, Stifler!Copy !req
306. You see,
you overloaded your prehistoric circuits.Copy !req
307. I'm afraid your music won't be coming on
for the rest of the night.Copy !req
308. Don't... Don't listen to him.
We'll get everything fixed in a minute.Copy !req
309. That won't matter
because by Jake's calculations,Copy !req
310. based on the amount
of kegs and liquor you bought,Copy !req
311. you should be running out, just about now.Copy !req
312. - Bullshit.
- The fucking kegs are dry!Copy !req
313. We're out of fucking booze!Copy !req
314. I know!Copy !req
315. Settle down! It's fine. We'll make a beer run.Copy !req
316. They could do that,Copy !req
317. or you can all come to the Geek House
where we have enough liquor to last a week,Copy !req
318. along with all the champagne you can drink.Copy !req
319. We also have a heated pool
and enough swimsuits for everyone.Copy !req
320. That is, if you even want to wear one.Copy !req
321. Yeah!Copy !req
322. Are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
323. Oh, it's your choice, people.Copy !req
324. - Stay here and get puked on...
- Okay, I'm out of here.Copy !req
325. Or come party, VIP style.Copy !req
326. All right! Let's go! Let's go!Copy !req
327. Fucking Edgar.Copy !req
328. Prick really knows how
to throw that money around, huh?Copy !req
329. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
330. Oh, but it doesn't help that numbnuts here
barfed all over the chicks, either.Copy !req
331. Yeah.Copy !req
332. - Sorry about that.
- You look disgusting.Copy !req
333. - Erik, for crying out loud, man!
- I'll clean it up.Copy !req
334. Not again.Copy !req
335. Morning, sexy.Copy !req
336. Some party, huh?Copy !req
337. Hey, baby. How you doing?Copy !req
338. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
339. How you feeling there, cuz?Copy !req
340. A lot better. Thanks.Copy !req
341. No need for thanks, we're family.Copy !req
342. Right now, I gotta run.
I gotta go down to the basement,Copy !req
343. take care of some official Beta business.Copy !req
344. - Have some of Peaches' eggs.
- Okay.Copy !req
345. All right. Thanks, Peaches.Copy !req
346. Oh, buddy.Copy !req
347. - I need this place.
That a boy!Copy !req
348. Yeah.
- Off the hook! Work it!Copy !req
349. So, guys, the hard-on champ is in?Copy !req
350. - Yeah!
All right.Copy !req
351. Aye, aye.Copy !req
352. Yeah, I love this guy.Copy !req
353. Beta? I love Beta!Copy !req
354. You like Beta, baby?
Best rack in the house, though.Copy !req
355. I fucking love Beta, baby!Copy !req
356. Shut up! Shut up! Everyone calm down.Copy !req
357. I told you I didn't want to drink.Copy !req
358. Look how the pig squeals!
Look how the pig squeals!Copy !req
359. All in favour of Bobby Coolidge?Copy !req
360. - Everyone.
- Aye, aye.Copy !req
361. - Aye, aye.
- Aye, aye.Copy !req
362. All right, all right.Copy !req
363. Oh, man!
Jesus!Copy !req
364. Holy crap! Wow!Copy !req
365. Man, this guy really knows
how to work a room.Copy !req
366. Give him a bid.
He'll be a pussy magnet, buddy.Copy !req
367. Yeah!Copy !req
368. Oh, no!Copy !req
369. Hey, hey, hey!
All right, that's my cousin. Take it easy.Copy !req
370. No offence, brother, okay? But I don't know
if your cousin is up for the challenge, man.Copy !req
371. I'm with Bull on this one.
I mean, he's a nice kid,Copy !req
372. but he passed up sleeping
with Brandy, man.Copy !req
373. All right, all right, all right.Copy !req
374. Look, I know Erik missed his big chance
to, like, sleep with the one girlCopy !req
375. that, I'm assuming, everybody in this room
would lop off your left nut to bang.Copy !req
376. - Am I right?
Two nuts.Copy !req
377. All right, does that mean
he's not Beta material?Copy !req
378. - Yes!
Yeah!Copy !req
379. He was young and dumb
and in love. He's a... He's a late bloomer.Copy !req
380. I think he's gonna surprise you
this semester.Copy !req
381. And anyway, he's a legacy,
so he's automatically getting a bid.Copy !req
382. So you can all fuck off.Copy !req
383. - Aye.
- Aye, aye!Copy !req
384. Yeah, that's what I thought, bitches.Copy !req
385. - Hey, you.
- Hi.Copy !req
386. - We have to stop meeting like this.
- Yeah.Copy !req
387. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, I just had a really rough night.Copy !req
388. You know, I think Denise has
a crush on yourfriend, Cooze.Copy !req
389. She thinks he's sweet.Copy !req
390. - Denise thinks Cooze is sweet?
- Yeah.Copy !req
391. - Wait, actually...
- Erik, I...Copy !req
392. - I was thinking...
- Look, I'm just thinking...Copy !req
393. - Do you wanna go out with me once?
- Yeah.Copy !req
394. - Really?
- Yeah. That would be really nice.Copy !req
395. Okay, keep...
You have really pretty teeth, by the way.Copy !req
396. What's going on?Copy !req
397. This sucks.Copy !req
398. Hey, guys. Don't go that way.
This way's quicker.Copy !req
399. - Dude, I left the best sandwich in my dorm.
This sucks.Copy !req
400. - Wait a second. Where are we?
- I don't see any sandwiches here.Copy !req
401. Hey, guys. You wanna see something?Copy !req
402. Yes.
- That is...Copy !req
403. Gentlemen,Copy !req
404. today is the first day
of the rest of your lives.Copy !req
405. You are the select few who have
been chosen to pledge the Beta House.Copy !req
406. Beta, baby!Copy !req
407. Now, most fraternities do the pledging thing
a little bit differently than we do.Copy !req
408. Most pledging consists
of hate-filled mental and physical hazingCopy !req
409. designed to break you down.Copy !req
410. But here at Beta,Copy !req
411. I, Dwight Stifler, your pledge master,
have devised an elaborate scientific planCopy !req
412. to build teamwork and brotherhood.Copy !req
413. Gentlemen, I give you your pledge board.Copy !req
414. On this pledge board are 50 tasksCopy !req
415. that you and your pledge brothers
must complete by semester's endCopy !req
416. if you want to become Betas.Copy !req
417. To start things off,Copy !req
418. I say we begin with my personal favourite,
number 37.Copy !req
419. Okay, so here's the low-down.Copy !req
420. One of you has got to get your ass signed
by a stripperwith photo proof. All right?Copy !req
421. All right, we're gonna go get a drink.Copy !req
422. - Wesley...
- Yeah.Copy !req
423. Don't bother us.Copy !req
424. Okay, who's gonna try and do this?Copy !req
425. Oh, you guys, I got this. Who's got a pen?
That'll do.Copy !req
426. Hey, baby, how's about signing my ass
while I'm up here?Copy !req
427. She got Cooze! We gotta help him!Copy !req
428. Down goes fatty!Copy !req
429. Stripper brawl!Copy !req
430. Stifler, we need some help!Copy !req
431. Oh, cousin got clothes-lined.
That's a shame.Copy !req
432. That's gonna leave a big bruise.Copy !req
433. Those girls are wild tonight.Copy !req
434. I used to fuck girls like you in prison.Copy !req
435. - Oh, I love a good stripper brawl.
- Who doesn't?Copy !req
436. - You started it!
- Way to go, Cooze.Copy !req
437. - You started it!
- Way to go, Cooze.Copy !req
438. What? I didn't do anything.Copy !req
439. You charged that stripper with a pen
like you were going to shove it in her ass.Copy !req
440. Maybe if her panties
smelled like waffles,Copy !req
441. then you would have done something...Copy !req
442. Shut up. Shut up!Copy !req
443. some syrup. That idiot?
- I bet she would have liked that.Copy !req
444. - Hey there, gorgeous. You work here?
- Yeah, sweetie.Copy !req
445. You see,
we're pledging the Beta House right now,Copy !req
446. and one of our tasks
is to get our ass signed by a...Copy !req
447. A professional dancer like yourself.Copy !req
448. So I was just, you know, wondering
if maybe you'd do me the honour?Copy !req
449. That's a different approach
than the boys usually take in this place.Copy !req
450. - Bend over.
- Thanks.Copy !req
451. My name's Erik Stifler, by the way.Copy !req
452. Let me get one for the year book.Copy !req
453. Nice smile.Copy !req
454. - You have any relation to Dwight Stifler?
- He's my cousin.Copy !req
455. - Hey, Stifler.
- Candy. How are you, sweetheart?Copy !req
456. Good to see you.Copy !req
457. I can see where he gets his charm from.Copy !req
458. - You come see me soon, okay?
- You know I will.Copy !req
459. All right, boys.
Hey, congratulations. Task 37.Copy !req
460. - In the bag! Done!
Yeah.Copy !req
461. Good job, boys.
That's our first task completed.Copy !req
462. I think that stripper's implant broke my face.Copy !req
463. Everyone, let's go.Copy !req
464. Sweet Caesar's ghost!Copy !req
465. Fifteen, check.Copy !req
466. Sixteen, check.Copy !req
467. Hmm.Copy !req
468. - Who's that guy?
- He's my Swahili instructor.Copy !req
469. I have my proficiency exam next week.Copy !req
470. - Nice!
- Yeah.Copy !req
471. Hey, what's...
What's this golden hammer doing in here?Copy !req
472. It's from the Greek Olympiad.Copy !req
473. It was, like, a series of competitions
involving skill and deviant behaviour.Copy !req
474. They got really out of hand,
so the university banned them for life.Copy !req
475. The Betas were legendary at them, though.
We never lost.Copy !req
476. - Cool. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
477. Oh, and remember, Erik...Copy !req
478. Yeah.Copy !req
479. Swahili.Copy !req
480. This place is swell, isn't it?
Yeah.Copy !req
481. Look at how juicy.Copy !req
482. Sucking the crab? Wow.Copy !req
483. - This place is fun.
- Yeah. Yeah, this place is awesome.Copy !req
484. I thought you'd like it here, you know.Copy !req
485. I like this mallet.Copy !req
486. - Oh, my God. Are you okay? Here.
- It's all right.Copy !req
487. It doesn't really taste that bad.Copy !req
488. Dude, I'm telling you,
this chick can't get enough of me.Copy !req
489. I did her again last night!Copy !req
490. Oh, I can't believe that. You're the man!Copy !req
491. I think I know that girl.Copy !req
492. You know,
not all frat guys are like those guys.Copy !req
493. I know. I guess I just have a jaded opinion.Copy !req
494. Really? Why's that?Copy !req
495. It's just the typical story.Copy !req
496. Boy meets girl.
Boy goes off to college, joins a frat,Copy !req
497. starts sleeping with every girl he can.Copy !req
498. Girl finds out
and dumps his ass during winter break.Copy !req
499. But that was high school.
I'm much older and wiser now.Copy !req
500. Right, older and wiser. And you're on a date
with a guy who's pledging a frat.Copy !req
501. I know, and I'm watching you.Copy !req
502. - Dine and ditch.
- Yeah.Copy !req
503. That's, like, one of my favourite plays of...Copy !req
504. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Are you okay?Copy !req
505. Little help here!Copy !req
506. You are just the sweetest.Copy !req
507. You just bring it out in me, babe.Copy !req
508. - Perfect.
- Yeah?Copy !req
509. - Careful, my feet are real sensitive.
- Really?Copy !req
510. Oh, my.Copy !req
511. I love foot massages.Copy !req
512. Oh, my!Copy !req
513. I can't!Copy !req
514. - I'm sorry.
- No, that's cool.Copy !req
515. It's totally fine, really.Copy !req
516. Here, let me just take care of you.Copy !req
517. Okay.Copy !req
518. Ooh!Copy !req
519. - You like that?
- God, yeah.Copy !req
520. You do that almost as good as I do.Copy !req
521. How're you feeling?Copy !req
522. Hey. Good, thanks.Copy !req
523. - Here, let me see.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
524. No, no. Ashley, it's...
You really don't need to do anything.Copy !req
525. Oh, my God, Erik.
You have to put something on that.Copy !req
526. No, it's just a little red.Copy !req
527. Here, let me.Copy !req
528. Are you sure?
Yeah.Copy !req
529. It's not...Copy !req
530. - Does it hurt?
- No, it's just really cold.Copy !req
531. Does that feel better?
- Yeah.Copy !req
532. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
533. Wow!Copy !req
534. - Oh, man!
- I didn't even touch it.Copy !req
535. No, it's no big deal.Copy !req
536. I guess I should just
take it as a compliment, right?Copy !req
537. - I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry.
- It's cool.Copy !req
538. Wow, that cream feels good.Copy !req
539. Ash, you might wanna...Copy !req
540. Just relax.Copy !req
541. It's still hot.Copy !req
542. Oh, my God! Mr Biggles!Copy !req
543. - This is really, really embarrassing.
- No, it's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
544. I just haven't seen anything like that.Copy !req
545. Well, I was a virgin until last year,Copy !req
546. and then my girlfriend dumped me
about four months ago.Copy !req
547. Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
Are you telling me that you haven't...Copy !req
548. In four months?Copy !req
549. Well, you see, there was this incident
that made masturbationCopy !req
550. very taboo in my household.Copy !req
551. Well, you have more self-control
than most people.Copy !req
552. I'm really sorry about Mr Biggles.Copy !req
553. Yeah.Copy !req
554. - Just a little... Right.
- No, it's...Copy !req
555. Oh, baby, I love you. Whoa, baby,
why won't you tell me you love me, too?Copy !req
556. - Hey, Bull. Have you seen Stifler?
- He's in a meeting.Copy !req
557. - What meeting would he be at?
- I don't know. Something important.Copy !req
558. And it was after my parents...Copy !req
559. Well, they had to fire
the fourth landscaping crewCopy !req
560. because they caught me with them.Copy !req
561. And that's when I knew that I had a problem.Copy !req
562. But I have been sex-free for two years nowCopy !req
563. and, you know, never felt better.Copy !req
564. You are so brave.Copy !req
565. Get it in there! Yeah! Faster! Faster!Copy !req
566. - I'm going as fast as I can.
- Faster, bad boy!Copy !req
567. Faster, I said!Copy !req
568. - I think I'm gonna...
- It's gonna break!Copy !req
569. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
570. God, yes.Copy !req
571. Oh, boy.Copy !req
572. You call yourself a man?Copy !req
573. Get back here and fuck me!Copy !req
574. Okay, okay. All right, listen.
I just did three times, okay?Copy !req
575. I'm gonna go get an icepack
and then I'll be right back.Copy !req
576. You know the secret,
icepacks are for pussies!Copy !req
577. Oh, your friend. He wants to come play!Copy !req
578. I'm going to see you again!Copy !req
579. - I'm a grizzly bear!
- You're bad.Copy !req
580. I'm gonna steal a picnic basket
full of orgasms.Copy !req
581. Okay, lay your head back.
Lay your head back.Copy !req
582. Ready? Are you ready for it?
Let's go, all right?Copy !req
583. Hands and feet inside the tram.
Next stop, penetration station, baby.Copy !req
584. Hey, get back here!Copy !req
585. Stifler, I forgot to tell you...Copy !req
586. Whoa.Copy !req
587. - Get your ass over here, punk.
- Okay.Copy !req
588. Oh, dude. On her teddy bear? Really?Copy !req
589. Dude, he hasn't busted a nut
in, like, four months.Copy !req
590. What do you think I should do?Copy !req
591. - Man, you gotta beat the bishop.
- Yeah.Copy !req
592. - You need to punch that clown. A lot.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
593. - You need to masturbate, dude. A lot.
A lot.Copy !req
594. So next time you won't blow your load
when you're rounding first base.Copy !req
595. Yeah.Copy !req
596. Just gotta clean the pipes.Copy !req
597. - Who is it?
- Hey, it's Ashley.Copy !req
598. We were gonna hang out, remember?Copy !req
599. Yeah! Yeah, I remember.Copy !req
600. I... I lost track of time, Ashley.
I'll be right there.Copy !req
601. - Are you okay in there?
- Yeah.Copy !req
602. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Just give me one second, okay?Copy !req
603. Erik, are you naked?Copy !req
604. Just putting on my t-shirt right now.Copy !req
605. There it is.Copy !req
606. Whew!Copy !req
607. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
608. - Can I come in?
- No. No, the place is actually a mess.Copy !req
609. - Bobby's disgusting.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
610. - But I know a cool place we can go.
- Come on.Copy !req
611. All right. Right hand, yellow.Copy !req
612. Ooh.Copy !req
613. I love this game.Copy !req
614. Don't you fall or you're losing those boxers.Copy !req
615. Oh, really?Copy !req
616. - Are you okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
617. Ow.Copy !req
618. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
619. I'm sorry.Copy !req
620. - What? Are you a virgin or something or...
- No.Copy !req
621. It's just when I... When I get too excited...Copy !req
622. Oh, it's embarrassing.Copy !req
623. Here.Copy !req
624. - Let me just take care of you again.
- Okay.Copy !req
625. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Cheers, cheers.Copy !req
626. Mmm.Copy !req
627. Let me get that for you.
A little spillage. No big deal.Copy !req
628. It's not gonna go off again, is it?Copy !req
629. Absolutely not.
I've been practicing my self-control a lot.Copy !req
630. A lot? Okay.Copy !req
631. Come on.Copy !req
632. Oh, just how much have
you been working on your self-control?Copy !req
633. I'm really sorry. It's not working.Copy !req
634. My stupid friends, they said that if I would...Copy !req
635. Erik, it's okay. It happens.Copy !req
636. Wine?Copy !req
637. All right, boys. We got a live one here.Copy !req
638. Two clicks north, three clicks east.Copy !req
639. All right, three clicks east.Copy !req
640. Let's blast our big giant ones.Copy !req
641. Fire in the hole!Copy !req
642. Direct hit!Copy !req
643. - Yes!
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
644. I love the smell of boobies in the morning.Copy !req
645. Hey, so how's it going with Denise?Copy !req
646. Well, okay, so we hooked up
and she gave me a couple of hand jobs.Copy !req
647. Hand jobs?Copy !req
648. They're actually the best hand jobs
I've ever had in my life.Copy !req
649. - Oh, really?
- Shut up!Copy !req
650. The only problem is
I try to stick my hand down her pants,Copy !req
651. she keeps... Pulls my hands away.Copy !req
652. She says she's embarrassed.Copy !req
653. Uh-oh.Copy !req
654. - Maybe she has an abnormally large bush.
- Yeah, or maybe she's got a yeast infection.Copy !req
655. - Come on.
- Maybe she's got a dick.Copy !req
656. Huh?Copy !req
657. What? Crying Game? Boys Don't Cry?Copy !req
658. - That's based on true stories, boys.
- No.Copy !req
659. - Yeah.
- No, there's no way.Copy !req
660. Hey, man, maybe she's a hermaphrodite.Copy !req
661. Transvestite? Alittle Shanghai Surprise!Copy !req
662. Well, come on. You said yourself,Copy !req
663. she gives you the best hand jobs
you've ever had in your whole life. Right?Copy !req
664. Yeah, so?Copy !req
665. So, how do you think she got so good at it?Copy !req
666. Probably from working her own gear.Copy !req
667. So you guys think that I might have been
hooking up with a dude this whole time?Copy !req
668. Maybe. There's only one way to find out.Copy !req
669. You gotta get into those pants.Copy !req
670. Oh, wait. This is too perfect.
Load it up. Load it up, right now.Copy !req
671. - What the...
Sorry!Copy !req
672. Yeah!
Yeah!Copy !req
673. I want you to go down on me, Cooze.Copy !req
674. Are you sure? Because I can wait.Copy !req
675. No, I want you down there now.Copy !req
676. That's it, Cooze.Copy !req
677. That's it, Cooze.Copy !req
678. Suck my cock!Copy !req
679. She's got a dick!Copy !req
680. Are you okay?Copy !req
681. Oh, my God. I just had the worse nightmare.Copy !req
682. What was it about? Who's got a dick?Copy !req
683. I do.Copy !req
684. Oh, my God.Copy !req
685. I can't take this anymore.Copy !req
686. Hello?Copy !req
687. I thought you were gonna call me.Copy !req
688. Oh, hey.Copy !req
689. Yeah. I fell asleep.Copy !req
690. I'm sorry.Copy !req
691. Were you dreaming about me?Copy !req
692. Maybe.Copy !req
693. Hey, can you hold on for one sec?Copy !req
694. Because thisCopy !req
695. isn't a dream.Copy !req
696. Oh, God. That's not mine. That's Bobby's.Copy !req
697. That's not mine.Copy !req
698. Guys. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
699. Number 33, baby.Copy !req
700. We got a chance to do number 33,
but we gotta go now.Copy !req
701. - Half-naked girl here.
- Sorry, Ashley.Copy !req
702. Dude, the manager just called.
He's got an opening.Copy !req
703. - We haven't even rehearsed for that bit yet.
- It's our only chance, man.Copy !req
704. Really?Copy !req
705. Ashley, it is Number 33.Copy !req
706. Maybe, we could just finish later
or something?Copy !req
707. It's cool.Copy !req
708. I'm coming with you.Copy !req
709. - We rocked that place.
- Yeah!Copy !req
710. Awesome!Copy !req
711. Number 46, sex in the stacks. Chalk it up.Copy !req
712. Number 26, receive a golden shower.Copy !req
713. Number 27, perform a Cleveland steamer.Copy !req
714. - Check.
Oh, man.Copy !req
715. Get a panda in the grotto.Copy !req
716. - Thirty, get a blumpkin.
Oh, you didn't.Copy !req
717. After corned beef. It was disgusting.Copy !req
718. - All right. Yeah. That was pretty good.
Yeah!Copy !req
719. By the power granted to me
by the great country of Canada,Copy !req
720. I now pronounce you life partners.Copy !req
721. Would you like to seal it with a kiss?Copy !req
722. - No.
- Yes.Copy !req
723. Number 41. Make it official.Copy !req
724. Because I'm a gentleman.Copy !req
725. Wow. You boys are such an inspiration.Copy !req
726. I think it's time we do
a little mid-semester celebrating.Copy !req
727. - What do you think?
- Yes. Definitely.Copy !req
728. Stifler, I'm afraid I gotta see everyone's IDs.Copy !req
729. Come on, Manny. You're joking, right?Copy !req
730. I'm afraid not.Copy !req
731. You see, the new ownership
of this establishmentCopy !req
732. doesn't condone underage drinking.Copy !req
733. Officers, please escort these minors
from the premises.Copy !req
734. Can I touch your gun?
All right, okay. We're going.Copy !req
735. Bye-bye.
- You're fucking with traditions, Edgar.Copy !req
736. I'm not just fucking with your traditions,
I'm tearing them down.Copy !req
737. Take him away.Copy !req
738. You know, you are way too classy,Copy !req
739. and have way too nice of a body to be
hanging out with a douche bag like that.Copy !req
740. Don't listen to him, honey.
Your body isn't that great.Copy !req
741. I'll have a gimlet, please. Thank you.Copy !req
742. Stifler.Copy !req
743. What?
- Your lawyer's here.Copy !req
744. Excellent. Thanks, Marty. Send him in.Copy !req
745. You have a lawyer?Copy !req
746. Thanks for coming. I'm glad you got here.Copy !req
747. Well, you know me.
I'm always down for the cause.Copy !req
748. - Betas for life, baby.
- Betas for life.Copy !req
749. Mr Levenstein?Copy !req
750. Hey, Erik. How's your mom and dad?Copy !req
751. They're good. They're really good, actually.Copy !req
752. - Well, that's good.
Hey, guys, this is Noah.Copy !req
753. He's a Beta alum.
He's our House-counselling consigliere.Copy !req
754. This guy has gotten us out of more shit
than you can even imagine.Copy !req
755. Well you Beta boys do keep me busy,
that's for sure.Copy !req
756. Now, I've just talked to the district attorney.Copy !req
757. He's an old school chum of mine.
He's willing to drop all the chargesCopy !req
758. if you promise never to set foot
in the Silver Dollar again.Copy !req
759. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
760. Where am I gonna have Sunday brunch?Copy !req
761. Oh, look, I know you're upset.Copy !req
762. They do have a great omelet bar,
that's for sure.Copy !req
763. - But you're just gonna have to give it up.
- No, we can't.Copy !req
764. These geeks... These geeks are messing
with the Beta way of life.Copy !req
765. You want to step inside, Noah?Copy !req
766. - Oh, it's open?
Yeah.Copy !req
767. Oh, thanks Marty.Copy !req
768. If you wanna grab a sandwich,
I'll just be a minute.Copy !req
769. Look, fellas,Copy !req
770. there is a bigger picture here
than the Beta way of life.Copy !req
771. Is that what you thought
when you were in the Beta House?Copy !req
772. No.Copy !req
773. - No. It wasn't.
- So...Copy !req
774. So I think something has to be done here.
Within the confines of the law, of course.Copy !req
775. Of course. Of course.Copy !req
776. So what would you do?Copy !req
777. What would I do?Copy !req
778. I would crush those geeks
with every Beta muscle in my body.Copy !req
779. But that's just me.Copy !req
780. See you boys at homecoming.
Say hi to your folks, Erik.Copy !req
781. I will. Thank you.Copy !req
782. Come on.Copy !req
783. Freeze, human.Copy !req
784. Uphold the galactic alliance with my cock.Copy !req
785. What the hell is going on in there?Copy !req
786. Sounds like a dog with its dick
stuck in a vacuum.Copy !req
787. - All right, this way.
- I'm a husky ninja.Copy !req
788. Okay.Copy !req
789. Guys, I really gotta take a dump.Copy !req
790. Oh, come on. Not now.Copy !req
791. That fast food I ate put me over.Copy !req
792. Oh! I can't wait.Copy !req
793. Well, hurry up, then.
God, that guy's disgusting.Copy !req
794. Okay. All right.Copy !req
795. Okay.Copy !req
796. All right.Copy !req
797. Come on.Copy !req
798. Ooh!Copy !req
799. - Bobby, what are you doing, man?
- Upper-decker, baby!Copy !req
800. Upper-decker, baby.Copy !req
801. Oh, my God.Copy !req
802. Betas, we are leaving. Go, go, go!Copy !req
803. What's happening?Copy !req
804. Well, pledges,Copy !req
805. you completed every task
on the task board in record time.Copy !req
806. I, along with every other Beta in this room,
are proud to call you our brothers.Copy !req
807. Congratulations, you're all Betas!Copy !req
808. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
809. Hey, cuz.Copy !req
810. Yeah.
Here you go, cuz.Copy !req
811. So it sounds like you got yourself
a pretty good girl there, buddy.Copy !req
812. Oh, yeah. You know what?
Now that pledge is finally over,Copy !req
813. we can spend a lot more time together, too.Copy !req
814. What? Are you kidding me?Copy !req
815. Edgar, get you and the Mensa rejects
out of my house, now.Copy !req
816. You have crossed me
for the last time, Stifler!Copy !req
817. We're gonna settle this once and for all!Copy !req
818. Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
819. Oh! What the fuck?Copy !req
820. We, the members of the Geek House,
challenge you, the Beta House,Copy !req
821. to the Greek Olympiad.Copy !req
822. The Greek Olympiad?Copy !req
823. As much as I'd love to kick
your Geek ass up and down the field, Ed,Copy !req
824. I hate to tell you, the Greek Olympiad's
been banned for like 40 years. So...Copy !req
825. What's the matter?
Afraid to get into a little trouble, Stifler?Copy !req
826. Afraid?Copy !req
827. - Let's do this.
- Oh, but there is one catch.Copy !req
828. We are playing for charters.Copy !req
829. If we win, you give up your charter
and you move out of the Beta House.Copy !req
830. And if you win,Copy !req
831. we move out and you take our house.Copy !req
832. This place against your mansion?Copy !req
833. Consider it another tradition
I plan to tear down.Copy !req
834. You're on.Copy !req
835. Are you out of your mind?Copy !req
836. The Greek Olympiad
has been banned for life.Copy !req
837. You'll all get thrown off campus.Copy !req
838. - That's a chance we're gonna have to take.
- Oh, but the Greek Olympiad is crazy.Copy !req
839. I mean, yes, it's a combination of skill,
endurance, athleticism granted,Copy !req
840. but there is a degree of perversion
in these gamesCopy !req
841. which I don't think
would serve you kids well.Copy !req
842. Do you happen to remember the name
of the last captainCopy !req
843. to ever win the Greek Olympiad?Copy !req
844. Well, I haven't the foggiest
because it was so long ago.Copy !req
845. His name was Noah Levenstein.Copy !req
846. Uh-huh.Copy !req
847. Well, I knew that would
catch up to me one day.Copy !req
848. But, you know, fellas,
I didn't know what was going on back then.Copy !req
849. I was just a dumb kid.Copy !req
850. Mr Levenstein, we need you.Copy !req
851. Tradition states
that the last team captain to winCopy !req
852. comes back to officiate.Copy !req
853. I know it's tradition.Copy !req
854. I... I suppose I could do it.Copy !req
855. I'd have to call in
and take a few personal days.Copy !req
856. Excellent. You will not regret this.
I promise you.Copy !req
857. - Stifler! This just came for you, man.
What is it?Copy !req
858. This is interesting.Copy !req
859. Hello!Copy !req
860. I'm here. What's this big bombshell?Copy !req
861. Are you sure you weren't followed?Copy !req
862. You? What the hell are you doing here?Copy !req
863. - Well, well, Stifler.
- Rock.Copy !req
864. Looks like we meet again.Copy !req
865. - All right, this is a set-up. I'm out of here.
- Just relax, ass clown.Copy !req
866. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.Copy !req
867. What we had was a rivalry,Copy !req
868. but what Edgar did
got us kicked off campus.Copy !req
869. Wait, how do you even know the guy?Copy !req
870. He tried to pledge
our house three years ago.Copy !req
871. He was the first regular sized guy
to rush the little person frat.Copy !req
872. They used to have this tradition
where we put a sheep in the basement...Copy !req
873. Be gentle.Copy !req
874. They'd tell us we had to bang the sheepCopy !req
875. and that we couldn't come out
until the rubber was used.Copy !req
876. Now, one of two things happened.Copy !req
877. Either they would come out crying,Copy !req
878. or they would beat off in the rubber
and say they did the sheep.Copy !req
879. And then there was Edgar.Copy !req
880. Good luck.Copy !req
881. We gotta check it out.Copy !req
882. For the love of God, man!Copy !req
883. That sick bastard fucked the sheep.Copy !req
884. That's a great story
but I'm a little unclear on how it helps me?Copy !req
885. I'm sure you'll figure something out, Shitler.Copy !req
886. Welcome to the Greek Olympiad!Copy !req
887. Competing today in this ancient traditionCopy !req
888. are the Beta House...Copy !req
889. - Beta! Beta!
Beta! Beta!Copy !req
890. And the Geek House.Copy !req
891. Now, when we think of the term
Greek Olympiad,Copy !req
892. we hearken back to ancient traditions.Copy !req
893. We conjure up images of mighty warriorsCopy !req
894. in their little skirts, getting all oiled up,Copy !req
895. writhing around with each other.Copy !req
896. Some called it wrestling,
others called it something else.Copy !req
897. But enough history. On with the games.Copy !req
898. The first event is called
The Release of Venus.Copy !req
899. The man who undoes all the brassieres
on his side the quickest, wins.Copy !req
900. You know, Ed,Copy !req
901. it's really a shame all that practice on your
sister's training bra is not gonna pay off.Copy !req
902. Please, Dwight. I spent a season
in Milan dating lingerie models.Copy !req
903. It was before I met you.Copy !req
904. Gentlemen, are we ready?Copy !req
905. Decline and fall, Dwight. Decline and fall.Copy !req
906. Start unsnapping.Copy !req
907. You know, I still hold
the record in this event.Copy !req
908. Hands of a surgeon.Copy !req
909. - Oh, what's up with Edgar?
- Chick's got double Ds.Copy !req
910. Squad clasps are really difficult to deal with.Copy !req
911. Done.Copy !req
912. Done!Copy !req
913. I knew it!Copy !req
914. Betas win.Copy !req
915. Yeah!
Yeah!Copy !req
916. Hey, nice try, Edgar.Copy !req
917. Oh, sorry, sweetheart.
I guess I was just in the zone.Copy !req
918. You know, with a little more to work with,
I might have won.Copy !req
919. The next event is The Battle of Ares.Copy !req
920. Two men fighting to the death,Copy !req
921. or until one knocks the other into the water.Copy !req
922. Yeah! Ride that!Copy !req
923. You guys are so done, Edgar.
Bull is an animal with this thing.Copy !req
924. Why don't you just save some face,
give me the deed to your place now.Copy !req
925. Not quite yet.Copy !req
926. You haven't met our new initiate, have you?Copy !req
927. His name is Dave Maul,Copy !req
928. and he is the number-one rated
light saberfighterCopy !req
929. on the science fiction convention tour.Copy !req
930. Oh, he's a virgin.Copy !req
931. Are you ready, boys?Copy !req
932. Joust!Copy !req
933. Oh, shit!Copy !req
934. Take him! Take him!Copy !req
935. Finish him.Copy !req
936. Go! Come on!Copy !req
937. - Geeks win!
- I need a beer.Copy !req
938. The next event is called Demeter's Feast.Copy !req
939. Now, in ancient Rome,
the pig was considered sacred.Copy !req
940. And often sacrificed
to the goddess of agriculture.Copy !req
941. Today, we've taken a pig, greased it up,Copy !req
942. and the first one who catches it, wins.Copy !req
943. Hey, you sure you're up for this pigging?Copy !req
944. Stifler, I grew up on a farm with 652 pigs,Copy !req
945. I can tell what the pig is thinking.Copy !req
946. Silly, little, fat man.Copy !req
947. Hey, Edgar, what's the deal with
Captain Sulu? He afraid to compete?Copy !req
948. You haven't heard of parkour, have you?Copy !req
949. What the...Copy !req
950. Go! Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
951. Damn.Copy !req
952. Come here, pork chop.Copy !req
953. Geeks!Copy !req
954. Geeks win!Copy !req
955. Shut up.Copy !req
956. Greek Roulette is a very dangerous game.
Not for the faint of heart.Copy !req
957. One of these chambers contains a capsuleCopy !req
958. with aged horse semen.Copy !req
959. Gentlemen, let us begin.Copy !req
960. Disgusting.
Oh, come on.Copy !req
961. Come on, come on!
Come on, Dwight!Copy !req
962. You're busted. Come on.Copy !req
963. - It's gonna be...
We're not in it. Come on!Copy !req
964. You know, I gotta hand it to you, Edgar.Copy !req
965. I really didn't think
you'd have the huevos for this.Copy !req
966. I thought you'd probably
recruit one of your lackeys.Copy !req
967. I wouldn't miss watching you shoot
yourself full of horse semen for anything.Copy !req
968. Come on, man.Copy !req
969. Come on, Stifler!Copy !req
970. Yeah!
Yes!Copy !req
971. - We can do this! Yes, yes!
Come on!Copy !req
972. That's how we do.Copy !req
973. Oh, boy!Copy !req
974. - Come on! Come on!
Edgar!Copy !req
975. Come on, baby. Eat it!Copy !req
976. Yeah!Copy !req
977. - Put two canisters in there!
- Two? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Two?Copy !req
978. That's too many, Dwight.
Come on, two? He's not worth it.Copy !req
979. Unless Edgar's afraid, put in two canisters.Copy !req
980. Fine! Put in two!Copy !req
981. Put in two.Copy !req
982. Go!Copy !req
983. Go!Copy !req
984. Be a man, huh?
- Ready. Go!Copy !req
985. Warm it up.
Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
986. All right, all right! All right!Copy !req
987. - All right!
- Everyone quiet!Copy !req
988. We're good? Back to the match.Copy !req
989. You're good baby.
There's nothing in there.Copy !req
990. Oh, no. I can't watch this.Copy !req
991. Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
992. - Yeah! Yes!
Yeah!Copy !req
993. - Yes! Yes!
All right! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
994. You're up.Copy !req
995. Come on!Copy !req
996. - Do it.
- Let's go.Copy !req
997. Do it!
Do it! Do it!Copy !req
998. - Do it!
Do it, now! Pull the fucking trigger.Copy !req
999. - Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Pull the trigger.Copy !req
1000. Oh.Copy !req
1001. Yes! We won! Sucker!Copy !req
1002. Betas win.Copy !req
1003. - Enjoy Mister Ed's jizz.
- How does that semen taste, there?Copy !req
1004. Tough loss, there, Edgar,
but you know what they say, son.Copy !req
1005. You've got to get right back
up on that horse.Copy !req
1006. So to speak.Copy !req
1007. The ancient game of the Wife Carry
has been around for centuries.Copy !req
1008. The first couple
to complete the course wins.Copy !req
1009. - You owe me big time for this.
- I know.Copy !req
1010. - Okay.
All right. Ready?Copy !req
1011. How pathetic. Now!Copy !req
1012. What? What...Copy !req
1013. Really? You trying to give Bandhu a hernia?Copy !req
1014. Oh, once again your pathetic little brain
has let you down, Dwight.Copy !req
1015. Bandhu, up.Copy !req
1016. All right, Erik. We got this. Let's go.Copy !req
1017. We're fucked.Copy !req
1018. Come on, Erik! Go, go, go!Copy !req
1019. We can beat those Betas.Copy !req
1020. How'd you feel about that...Copy !req
1021. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
1022. Maybe I should have carried you.Copy !req
1023. Man, that is one scary chick.Copy !req
1024. That's a chick?Copy !req
1025. Okay.Copy !req
1026. And now, the Peloponnesian War.Copy !req
1027. The first team to consume
an entire keg wins.Copy !req
1028. Throwing up does not disqualify.Copy !req
1029. Gentlemen, inside this cylindrical
casing of aluminium,Copy !req
1030. lies 55 metric litres of malted alcohol.Copy !req
1031. Remember, fellas,
don't underestimate these Geeks.Copy !req
1032. Most of them are lonely problem drinkers,
all right?Copy !req
1033. Beware, gentlemen,
these men know how to drink,Copy !req
1034. but we are more than men.Copy !req
1035. We are more than men!Copy !req
1036. We, sirs, are Geeks!Copy !req
1037. Yes!
- All right, boys. Battle!Copy !req
1038. - Gentlemen, chug-a-lug!
- I can out-drink you fucks!Copy !req
1039. Drink!Copy !req
1040. Edgar!Copy !req
1041. I only have one thing to say to you.Copy !req
1042. What's that, you philistine?Copy !req
1043. Puking doesn't disqualify!Copy !req
1044. - Geeks, attack!
- Boot and rally, boys!Copy !req
1045. Come on, Edgar.
Let's see what you got, bitch.Copy !req
1046. That's all you got, huh? That's all you got?Copy !req
1047. Go back to the keg!Copy !req
1048. We got a man down!Copy !req
1049. Gentlemen, we need to attain
maximum efficiency.Copy !req
1050. Attach the device!Copy !req
1051. - What the hell is that?
- What is that thing?Copy !req
1052. Open valves.Copy !req
1053. That's the Geeks taking the lead.
It's time for our secret weapon. Wesley!Copy !req
1054. Let's go!
- Wesley, keg stand!Copy !req
1055. Open the valves all the way.
We need warp speed on this, motherfucker!Copy !req
1056. - Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
1057. Betas win!Copy !req
1058. With the Greek Olympiad tied,
we now go into sudden death.Copy !req
1059. The final event is called
The Rise of Aphrodite.Copy !req
1060. Quite simply, the first manCopy !req
1061. who excretes his manly juices,Copy !req
1062. in the ejaculatory sense,Copy !req
1063. loses.Copy !req
1064. I cannot wait to see you come in your pants.Copy !req
1065. Let's do this.Copy !req
1066. Pi is equal to 3. 1415...Copy !req
1067. - No big deal at all.
- 5978...Copy !req
1068. I feel like Santa Claus
at the local shopping mall.Copy !req
1069. - That was nothing. I'm okay.
- That was nothing for me, either.Copy !req
1070. No big deal.Copy !req
1071. Shake that thing.Copy !req
1072. - I like your boobs.
Look at this.Copy !req
1073. Pretend you're sucking my man breast!Copy !req
1074. Give it up, Stifler.
This is a game of mind over matter.Copy !req
1075. And my brain is way biggerthan yours.Copy !req
1076. I've got experience on my side.Copy !req
1077. I'll take that over
yourVulcan mind tricks any day.Copy !req
1078. We shall see. Bring her in!Copy !req
1079. We flew this young lady in from Las Vegas.Copy !req
1080. She's the number one stripper
in the Emerald City.Copy !req
1081. Enjoy, Dwight.Copy !req
1082. Oh, no!Copy !req
1083. Good luck.Copy !req
1084. I'm in trouble here, boys.Copy !req
1085. This chick is ridiculous. Bring her in!Copy !req
1086. Oh, God! Oh, God!Copy !req
1087. What the fuck?Copy !req
1088. Look at my tail, Edgar.Copy !req
1089. Look how fluffy it is.Copy !req
1090. Somebody make her stop.Copy !req
1091. Edgar, you got a little wool fetish, buddy?Copy !req
1092. No! Make her stop!Copy !req
1093. He's done.Copy !req
1094. Betas win.Copy !req
1095. Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta!Copy !req
1096. To the winners,
I now present the Golden Hammer!Copy !req
1097. To Beta House!Copy !req
1098. Beta, baby!Copy !req
1099. Congratulations, Stifler.
You've kept the Beta traditions alive.Copy !req
1100. - Thanks, Noah. Betas for life.
- Betas for life.Copy !req
1101. Now this is a frat party.Copy !req
1102. No. This is a Beta party.Copy !req
1103. - Hey, I got a little surprise for you.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1104. A little present for you being
so patient and understanding.Copy !req
1105. Okay.Copy !req
1106. - Are you ready for your present?
- I'm not sure.Copy !req
1107. I'm really confused right now,
and I'm trying to keep an open mind but...Copy !req
1108. Oh, man this is fucked up even for me.Copy !req
1109. Here it comes.Copy !req
1110. Oh, my God. If it's biggerthan mine,
I swear, I'm gonna pass out.Copy !req
1111. I'm not wearing any panties.Copy !req
1112. Easy, Cooze. Everybody can see you.Copy !req
1113. Well, I'm sure we can find some place
around here with a little privacy.Copy !req
1114. - Okay.
- Let's go.Copy !req
1115. Come on.Copy !req
1116. - Where are you taking me?
- It's a surprise. You're gonna like it.Copy !req
1117. I'm nervous.Copy !req
1118. What are you talking about?
Everything's gonna be fine.Copy !req
1119. - Are you sure?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1120. Why don't I take care of you.Copy !req
1121. Okay.Copy !req
1122. Okay.Copy !req
1123. Oh, my.Copy !req
1124. I can't! I can't!Copy !req
1125. Look, just let yourself go, baby.Copy !req
1126. There's nothing you can do
that's gonna surprise me. Okay?Copy !req
1127. - Are you sure?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1128. Okay!Copy !req
1129. Why are you bringing me in here?Copy !req
1130. Well, this being our new house,Copy !req
1131. I thought I'd come up with my own task
for the pledge board.Copy !req
1132. Okay. What's that gonna be?Copy !req
1133. Well, I think it's kind of better if I...Copy !req
1134. If I show you.Copy !req
1135. Hmm.Copy !req
1136. Sex in a movie theatre.Copy !req
1137. I like the way you think, Erik Stifler.Copy !req
1138. I'm coming! I'm coming!Copy !req
1139. I'm coming!Copy !req
1140. Oh, my...Copy !req
1141. Okay. I was a little surprised by that.Copy !req
1142. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1143. It's okay.Copy !req
1144. - It was actually really sexy.
- Really?Copy !req
1145. Yeah. Can you do that every time?Copy !req
1146. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1147. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1148. - Hey, buddy, take a little dip in the pool?
- Nope.Copy !req
1149. Oh, wait a minute.Copy !req
1150. Yes. The elusive female ejaculation.Copy !req
1151. Not a lot of girls can do that. Congrats.Copy !req
1152. Beta House fucking rules!Copy !req
1153. Yes!Copy !req
1154. Hey, big boy,Copy !req
1155. ready to fill me up with some more protein?Copy !req
1156. No, no, no. No!Copy !req
1157. Yes, the Blackout Menace strikes again.Copy !req
1158. Wear this for your next dance, honey.Copy !req
1159. Thanks.Copy !req