1. Hey, Stifler, how come
Steve got all the talent
in your family?Copy !req
2. Bite me, Fuck Face.Copy !req
3. Come on, man,
you're missing it.Copy !req
4. I've seen it a million times,
you fucking ass-booger.Copy !req
5. Matt, Steve is like
a film-making genius.Copy !req
6. A true American hero.Copy !req
7. The Tarantino of titties.Copy !req
8. Yeah, there's just
no way you could
ever be this good.Copy !req
9. Hey, look, I'm going to prove
to SteveCopy !req
10. that I'm up to
the standards of
the Stiffmeister Productions.Copy !req
11. After Steve sees
my directing talent,Copy !req
12. little bro's joining
the family business.
Is that what he said?Copy !req
13. He finally called you back?
No, but I left him
another message.Copy !req
14. He'll get back to me.
It's only been three weeks.Copy !req
15. Gentle-fucks, a toast.
Tomorrow, we begin
our reign as seniors.Copy !req
16. Okay, people,
let's take a break.Copy !req
17. Remember, we play this
at the end of the ceremonyCopy !req
18. after Pomp and Circumstance.Copy !req
19. I don't want anyone starting
the wrong song again.Copy !req
20. Elyse, you need to relax,
girl.
I'm fine.Copy !req
21. I just... You know,
it's my first time up here,
and...Copy !req
22. Yeah, but it's graduation.
It ain't the Boston Pops.Copy !req
23. This performance sets the tone
for our senior year.
I mean...Copy !req
24. Look, you just remember
that everybody here
is pulling for you.Copy !req
25. Dork. Dork. Dork.Copy !req
26. (EXCLAIMS)
Goose.Copy !req
27. I like them feisty.
What're you doing here,
Stifler?Copy !req
28. We just want to say sayonara,
and let you fuck-necks knowCopy !req
29. we plan on winning
the state titleCopy !req
30. now that the Stiffmeister's
running the show.Copy !req
31. Adiós, butt-hugger.
He's a bigger asshole
than his brother.Copy !req
32. Holy shit, Arianna.Copy !req
33. Matt, what're you doing here?Copy !req
34. Oh, we just want to make sure
the seniors have
a very memorable last day.Copy !req
35. That's cool. So,
there's a camp-out tonightCopy !req
36. and it's only for the grads,
but you could come.Copy !req
37. Let me check my schedule.
Hell, yeah.Copy !req
38. Bring your sleeping bag,
in case we decide
to pitch a tent.Copy !req
39. Check it out.
Perfect timing.Copy !req
40. This is going to be classic.Copy !req
41. Time to initiate
Operation Gradu-fuck-uation.Copy !req
42. This is gonna be awesome.Copy !req
43. Shit.
Oh, yeah! Jackpot!Copy !req
44. Payback, seniors.Copy !req
45. Don't get that pepper spray
on your hands.Copy !req
46. A graduation gift
from the Stiffmeister.Copy !req
47. Dude, we should've
sprayed the diplomas.Copy !req
48. Sorry, bandies.Copy !req
49. Bite my nuts
and call me Skippy.
It's a Steely Dan.Copy !req
50. A what?
It's a double-headed dildo.Copy !req
51. It's a dildo. It's a dildo.Copy !req
52. Holy shit.
It's even got a name.Copy !req
53. Picardo.Copy !req
54. Picardo?Copy !req
55. Spray that shit.
Fuck, no. Finders keepers.Copy !req
56. Okay, everybody,
Pomp and Circumstance.Copy !req
57. Five-minute warning. Let's go.Copy !req
58. The bandies.
Let's get out of here.Copy !req
59. Matt?
Leesy.Copy !req
60. How they hanging?
Still small and perky, I see.Copy !req
61. (LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
That's funny.Copy !req
62. (LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
Yeah.Copy !req
63. What're you doing here, Matt?
I just came by
to wish you good luck.Copy !req
64. You know,
on the whole music thing.
Good luck?Copy !req
65. You haven't said a word to me
since the eighth grade.Copy !req
66. Yeah, and that tone of voice
is exactly the reason why.Copy !req
67. So, I'm going to take off now.Copy !req
68. Ladies and gentlemen,
please rise to honor
our graduates.Copy !req
69. Douchebag's gonna miss it.Copy !req
70. Oh, yes.Copy !req
71. Are they crying?Copy !req
72. Holy shit!Copy !req
73. Yes!Copy !req
74. Eat shit, seniors.Copy !req
75. Yeah. Oh!Copy !req
76. Stifler!Copy !req
77. I've been waiting for this
moment for a very long time.Copy !req
78. And now,
the day of reckoning has come.Copy !req
79. Hello, Matthew.Copy !req
80. Your brother must be very proud.Copy !req
81. You've continued his legacy.Copy !req
82. Tormenting the innocent,Copy !req
83. defiling all that is good
and pure.Copy !req
84. But now, you're going down.Copy !req
85. Ooh. What're you going to do,
expel me, Shermanator?Copy !req
86. I am a sophisticated
counseling machineCopy !req
87. sent back in time
to guide young
and innocent minds.Copy !req
88. My primary directive
is to protect the students
of this institutionCopy !req
89. and all, indeed all mankindCopy !req
90. from the menace
that is another Stifler.Copy !req
91. Behavior modification
is required.Copy !req
92. It's not too late
to change your future.Copy !req
93. No, expulsion would be too easy.Copy !req
94. Hmm.Copy !req
95. I know the perfect punishment
to fit your crime.Copy !req
96. Since you have so much trouble
with the band,Copy !req
97. perhaps you should
make friends with them.Copy !req
98. (RASPING)
No fucking way.Copy !req
99. Either you learn
to be more considerate
or you will be expelled.Copy !req
100. No football.Copy !req
101. No parties.Copy !req
102. No spring break.Copy !req
103. No graduation.Copy !req
104. No college.Copy !req
105. No coeds.Copy !req
106. Comprende?Copy !req
107. Pack your bags, Stifler.Copy !req
108. You're going to Band Camp.
Band Camp!Copy !req
109. Bullshit, trash.Copy !req
110. All right, Steve!
Valley Girls Gone Wild.Copy !req
111. Fuck.Copy !req
112. I told you
Steve would get back to me.Copy !req
113. I mean, it was just a postcard,Copy !req
114. but it gave me a great idea.Copy !req
115. Look...Copy !req
116. Steve's shit-head friend,
Jim,Copy !req
117. he married this freaking
nympho band-geek, Michelle.Copy !req
118. And he said all they do
at Band Camp is screw 24/7.Copy !req
119. Matt, buddy,
you cannot screw band chicks.
There are standards.Copy !req
120. I'm not talking
about screwing them,
scrotum-breath.Copy !req
121. I'm talking about
videotaping them.Copy !req
122. People love to see dorks
doing that freaky shit
on hidden video.Copy !req
123. Bandeez Gone Wild?
Steve's gonna have
some competition nowCopy !req
124. because little bro's
joining the family business.Copy !req
125. Yeah, Spy Chest.Copy !req
126. Secret Video.Copy !req
127. Hell, yeah.Copy !req
128. Color night vision?
I'll take it. Shit.Copy !req
129. How about tomorrow?
This is going be great.Copy !req
130. Welcome to Tall Oaks 2005.Copy !req
131. Let's hear it
from Lloyd Memorial High.Copy !req
132. L-L-O-Y-D!Copy !req
133. L-L-O-Y-D!Copy !req
134. Mount St. Marie.
Mount St. Marie!Copy !req
135. Mount St. Marie!Copy !req
136. East Great Falls High.Copy !req
137. East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!Copy !req
138. East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!Copy !req
139. And five-time defending
Tall Oaks Cup Champion...Copy !req
140. Beechwood Academy.Copy !req
141. (CROWD BOOING)
We're number one!
We're number one!Copy !req
142. We're number one!Copy !req
143. Okay, settle down.Copy !req
144. Now, as you know, each yearCopy !req
145. one senior Tall Oaks composer
is awardedCopy !req
146. a full scholarship
to the prestigious
Robards Conservatory.Copy !req
147. Elyse, this is your year
to win.Copy !req
148. This year, Dr. Susan Choi,
president of Robards,Copy !req
149. will judge the compositions
herself.Copy !req
150. And let's not forget
to welcome the Tall Oaks
Camp Counselors.Copy !req
151. If you visit our infirmary,
Nurse Sanders will take care
of your every need.Copy !req
152. Okay, so let's work hard,
and may the best band win.Copy !req
153. You guys ready?Copy !req
154. What the fuck?Copy !req
155. Are you a rookie?
You look lost.Copy !req
156. Are you an asshole?
You're hairy,
and you smell like shit.Copy !req
157. I'll, uh...Copy !req
158. I'll ignore
that kind of talk once.Copy !req
159. We don't speak that way here.Copy !req
160. Rookies are to wear
their beanies at all times.
Those are the rules.Copy !req
161. And who made you
the mayor of Geek Town?Copy !req
162. I'm Brandon Vandecamp,
senior drum major of
Beechwood AcademyCopy !req
163. and the president
of the Tall Oaks Council.Copy !req
164. Oh, and who are they,
Mr. President?
The First Lady and Vice Pussy?Copy !req
165. Suits you well.Copy !req
166. Golly, jeepers, thanks.
Hey, you know, since I'm an
official band geek and all,Copy !req
167. can you guess what
my favorite piece of music is?Copy !req
168. I have no idea.
The Nutcracker.Copy !req
169. Step back, bitch.
Holy mother of Mozart.Copy !req
170. This is bad.Copy !req
171. You didn't know Jackie Chan
was in the house,
did you boys, huh?Copy !req
172. Stop that. Stop that now.Copy !req
173. Those knob-slobbers
started it.Copy !req
174. That's not true, sir.
We simply reminded him
to wear his beanie.Copy !req
175. And then he viciously
assaulted Brandon's genitals.Copy !req
176. That's a lie, you dick-snot.
Oscar, Jimmy,
escort this man to seeCopy !req
177. the Macro.
The what?Copy !req
178. You're dead.
Now, gentlemen.Copy !req
179. (GROANING)
God, Brandon, are you okay?Copy !req
180. You want to tell me
what the hell
you're doing here, Stifler?Copy !req
181. It don't matter, Big O.
He ain't gonna be here long.Copy !req
182. Bitch!
Get over here.Copy !req
183. Macro gonna
fuck your ass up, fool.Copy !req
184. What the fuck's a macro?
The Macro.Copy !req
185. Morale And Conflict
Resolution Officer.Copy !req
186. I heard this one time,
this kid went
into that officeCopy !req
187. a baritone
and came out a soprano.Copy !req
188. Clarinet up the ass
backwards, yo.
What?Copy !req
189. Pussies.Copy !req
190. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
191. Frankenstein. Scary stuff.Copy !req
192. I am just a Boris Karloff nut.Copy !req
193. I'm the Macro, Mr. Levenstein.
Holy shit, you're Jim's dad.Copy !req
194. He screwed that redheaded
nympho chick at my lake house.Copy !req
195. Oh, my, you're not a Stifler?
Yeah, I'm Steve's brother,
Matt.Copy !req
196. There are two Stiflers?
Yes, sir.
Hey, what're you doing here?Copy !req
197. Oh, well, Jim is now
out of the house,
married to Michelle,Copy !req
198. that redheaded nympho chick
that you spoke of.Copy !req
199. And, being a former
Tall Oaks Counselor
of the Year,Copy !req
200. she was hired to be
the Macro this summer,
but she got pregnant.Copy !req
201. No doubt due to the tendencies
you alluded to earlier.Copy !req
202. And I have a great rapport
with young people...Copy !req
203. (DOOR OPENING)
so I just stepped in
and volunteered.Copy !req
204. That cretin is not
in our band, and we are not
responsible for his actions.Copy !req
205. Who pissed in your piccolo?
I'm sensing
some hostility here.Copy !req
206. He poisoned my band.
What?Copy !req
207. I'm the Macro and it's my job
to deal with...
What is he doing here?Copy !req
208. Matt Stifler is pure evil
just like his brother.
conflict.Copy !req
209. Thanks, Leesy.Copy !req
210. She seems nice.
(DOOR SLAMMING SHUT)Copy !req
211. There are rules, of course.Copy !req
212. You will
have to wear a beanie.
Yeah.Copy !req
213. Oh, I know.
It's a little silly,
but it's tradition here,Copy !req
214. something you're familiar
with, being on the
football team, I'm sure,Copy !req
215. with your elephant walks
and circle jerks
and drinking butt beer.Copy !req
216. But here,
you just have to wear
a silly little hat andCopy !req
217. a somewhat stylish
Tall Oaks T-shirt.
Yeah.Copy !req
218. So, just go with the flow, Matt,Copy !req
219. and you will have loads of funCopy !req
220. and you'll be making
new friends in no time.Copy !req
221. Hey, Ernie Kaplowitz, tenor sax.Copy !req
222. Cool! I'm a rookie here, too.Copy !req
223. I really wanted to come
last year, but Computer Camp
conflicted, and...Copy !req
224. Oh, yeah, that was here
when I arrived. I think
it has your name on it.Copy !req
225. What is it?Copy !req
226. Hi, welcome
to Casa de Stifler.
I'll be your host, Matt.Copy !req
227. Every day here, I'll make it
my sincere goal not to have
to kick your ass.Copy !req
228. Allow me to show you
to your new accommodations.Copy !req
229. When I'm out here,
you're in there.Copy !req
230. Have a great day, fucko.Copy !req
231. I don't...Copy !req
232. Okay...Copy !req
233. I'll just go ahead
and put this stuff
away for you.Copy !req
234. All right.
Bandy-vision.Copy !req
235. (LISPING)
This is a 1978
Ohio State show...Copy !req
236. The Wizard Of Oz.Copy !req
237. The one
where the sousaphone player
forgot to dot the I? Oh, hey.Copy !req
238. Yeah, right. Freaks.Copy !req
239. Never fear,
the Stiffmeister's here.Copy !req
240. Band Camp just got
a whole lot better, ladies.Copy !req
241. You're Steve Stifler's
younger brother, aren't you?Copy !req
242. Young and hung.
Great.Copy !req
243. Could you send him
a message for me?Copy !req
244. No problem, señorita.Copy !req
245. Well, it looks like Steve
gave someone the old Stifler
bang-and-boot.Copy !req
246. Is there a problem here?
No, everything's fine.Copy !req
247. Have fun at Band Camp.
Thank you, I will.Copy !req
248. Later.
Word.Copy !req
249. You need to start
showing some respect
around here, Stifler.Copy !req
250. You need to show yourself
back to your table, Big Dog.Copy !req
251. Out of my way, yo.Copy !req
252. Hola, chicas.
Elyse, so good
to see you again.Copy !req
253. So, what's going on tonight?
We gonna party,
get a little crazy?Copy !req
254. Who wants to rack up
a few frequent fucker miles?Copy !req
255. You know, you are the most...
Most sexy man ever
to come to Band Camp.Copy !req
256. What? Chloe,
he is so obnoxious.
Sexy obnoxious.Copy !req
257. Thank you.
I'm tired of messing around
with theseCopy !req
258. dorky-ass nice guysCopy !req
259. and "sensitive-artist" types.Copy !req
260. Let's party
with a real hombre tonight.
Hell, yeah. That's me.Copy !req
261. 100% hombre.
All right, my room, 8:00.Copy !req
262. Great first day, campers.
This is your Macro speakingCopy !req
263. and, hey, morale couldn't have
been higher today.Copy !req
264. So hop in the sack,
and get a good night's sleep
becauseCopy !req
265. starting tomorrow, we have
many, many exciting activities
planned,Copy !req
266. not the least of which
is the race
for the Tall Oaks Cup.Copy !req
267. So let the games begin.Copy !req
268. Bandeez Gone Wild.
Scene One. Party hombre.Copy !req
269. It's called Strip Trivia.
We made it up.
It's a Band Camp tradition.Copy !req
270. "Fourth and Long,"
"Sextuplets,"Banging Babes,"
and "Who Blew Me?"Copy !req
271. This looks like my kind
of game. Shall we play?Copy !req
272. You sit in the middle.
Your game, my seating chart.Copy !req
273. Sit a little closer, ladies.Copy !req
274. Don't be scared.
It's all right.Copy !req
275. Okay...Copy !req
276. The rules are simple.
You choose a category
and a questionCopy !req
277. and every time you miss,
you strip.Copy !req
278. Hell, yeah.Copy !req
279. I'll go first. "Who Blew Me?"Copy !req
280. Good.Copy !req
281. I am a silver
Stradivarius trumpet played
by a Pulitzer Prize winner.Copy !req
282. Who blew me?Copy !req
283. Yeah, like I'd know.Copy !req
284. Sorry. Lose the shoes,
and pick again.Copy !req
285. You didn't tell me
this shit was about music.Copy !req
286. Well, it is Band Camp, moron.
Hey, to be fair,Copy !req
287. maybe we should just
give him a head start.Copy !req
288. All right. Yeah.Copy !req
289. (STUTTERING)
Okay, all right. All right.Copy !req
290. What's wrong with you?
Scared to show off
the mosquito bites?Copy !req
291. I've matured
since the fourth grade, Matt.
Have you?Copy !req
292. Oh, I've got 10 pounds
of dangling maturity
right here, Leesy.Copy !req
293. Quit calling me that.
Okay, okay, moving on.Copy !req
294. Matt, just pick
another question, please.Copy !req
295. All right, screw it. Whatever.Copy !req
296. There you go. Suck on that.Copy !req
297. Fourth and Long.Copy !req
298. Sure, no problem.Copy !req
299. Of Beethoven's
major symphonies, which has
the longest fourth movement?Copy !req
300. All right,
I see where this is going.Copy !req
301. Fine, you win.Copy !req
302. I free ball, ladies.Copy !req
303. (EXCLAIMING)
Got to let
the big boys breathe.Copy !req
304. (GIRLS GIGGLING)
All right,
we play by my rules now.Copy !req
305. Football questions only.
Prepare to strip, ladies.Copy !req
306. Wait. But first,
does anybody want a beer?Copy !req
307. I do.Copy !req
308. The counselors have
a secret stash in the fridge
across the hall.Copy !req
309. Would you mind?Copy !req
310. Now we're talking about
a fucking party.Copy !req
311. Stiffy'll be back in a jiffy.Copy !req
312. Uh, uh, uh, uh.Copy !req
313. I mean, there's nobody aroundCopy !req
314. and we haven't seen
your best side yet.Copy !req
315. Yes! We got him.Copy !req
316. So busted.Copy !req
317. Man, big boys, wake up.Copy !req
318. Just gotta turn down the AC
in there, huh?Copy !req
319. Good night, girls.Copy !req
320. Sorry, asshole, game's over.Copy !req
321. Yeah, the big boys
will love the long walk home.Copy !req
322. Room check, girls.
(GASPING)Copy !req
323. Oh, shit.Copy !req
324. Ditch his clothes.
Out the window.Copy !req
325. All right,
who wants a long neck?Copy !req
326. Nurse Sanders.Copy !req
327. They set me up.
He attacked usCopy !req
328. with pepper spray
and ruined our graduation.Copy !req
329. I went there
for a friendly game...Copy !req
330. Hold it. Hold it. Kids.Copy !req
331. Okay...Copy !req
332. Where are your clothes?Copy !req
333. I have them.Copy !req
334. May I ask why?
Well, they got me naked...Copy !req
335. Oh, whatever. He took
his own pants off...
And they stole my clothes.Copy !req
336. And I got stuck up there
with Mrs. Doubtfire
checking out my...Copy !req
337. Let me see
if I have this straight.Copy !req
338. Elyse, you think Matt
is an arrogant jock who wears
his penis on his foreheadCopy !req
339. just to gain the approval
of his sociopathic brother.Copy !req
340. And, Matt, you think Elyse
is an uptight, geeky prudeCopy !req
341. who needs to loosen up
and get laid.Copy !req
342. Excuse the expression, dear.
Is that close
to being on the money?Copy !req
343. Look, kids...Copy !req
344. The only way
to solve your differencesCopy !req
345. is by working together.Copy !req
346. So why don't you start tomorrowCopy !req
347. by putting one foot
in front of the other?Copy !req
348. Left flank hut.Copy !req
349. Turn and hut.Copy !req
350. What the fuck!Copy !req
351. Band 10 hut!Copy !req
352. Holy shit.Copy !req
353. When I yell "band 10 hut,"
you snap firmly at attention.Copy !req
354. You want to see me
firmly at attention?Copy !req
355. I already have.
I wasn't impressed.Copy !req
356. Look...Copy !req
357. We've never beaten Beechwood,
okay?Copy !req
358. For some of us,
it's our last shot.Copy !req
359. Just stop screwing up, okay?Copy !req
360. Yeah, asshole.Copy !req
361. Okay, people,
back to work, let's go.
Whatever.Copy !req
362. I don't need this shit.Copy !req
363. Reset the block.
Front ranks, right here.Copy !req
364. (MIMICKING WOMAN)
Housekeeping.Copy !req
365. Oscar, brought me
something to drink?Copy !req
366. Come on.
Good looking out, baby.Copy !req
367. Hey, it's Ernie Crapowitz.Copy !req
368. So you finally came out
of the closet. Good for you.Copy !req
369. Look, I want to know
what goes on at night,
all right?Copy !req
370. All the crazy shit.
Naked pillow fights, whatever.Copy !req
371. Do I look like the guy
that's in charge of
the naked pillow fights, huh?Copy !req
372. It's my first time here.Copy !req
373. Notice the beanie?Copy !req
374. Yes.Copy !req
375. Yes, I do.Copy !req
376. Yes, speaking of beanies,
where's yours, Stifler?Copy !req
377. You still not following
the rules, huh?Copy !req
378. Let's see.
Look. He's getting
in trouble again.Copy !req
379. No standard-issue
Tall Oaks T-shirt
and no beanie.Copy !req
380. I believe that's two points
from Great Falls, Mr. Nelson.Copy !req
381. Tell you what,
Vande-cramp,Copy !req
382. what if I took his beanieCopy !req
383. and put it on my weenie?Copy !req
384. How do you like that
Vande-cramp?
It's on my head, right? Huh?Copy !req
385. Make it five points
from Great Falls.Copy !req
386. Five points.Copy !req
387. Man, this place sucks
donkey ass.Copy !req
388. (SNIFFS) Ugh...Copy !req
389. Put your beanie on, son.Copy !req
390. Five points.Copy !req
391. Stay still. Stop moving.Copy !req
392. He ain't going nowhere now.Copy !req
393. This isn't your world.
This is our world,
and we don't want you in it.Copy !req
394. You already cost us
five points in the standings.Copy !req
395. We can't have that.Copy !req
396. Set the man up with his beanie.Copy !req
397. Now you're representing, fool.Copy !req
398. And this toothpasteCopy !req
399. this will make up
for the pepper spray, asshole.Copy !req
400. Oh, shit.Copy !req
401. I'll get the paint thinner
from maintenance.Copy !req
402. Animals.Copy !req
403. Matt, you were sent hereCopy !req
404. to make a change.Copy !req
405. And, so far, you've only had
your sinuses sanitized. So...Copy !req
406. I think it's time
to try a new approach.Copy !req
407. Make some friends.Copy !req
408. Earn their trust.Copy !req
409. Why would I want
to earn their trust?Copy !req
410. (SNORTING)
Good.Copy !req
411. That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
412. Welcome to Stifler-vision.Copy !req
413. I think there's a cymbal class
at 1:00.Copy !req
414. (ROBOT WHIRRING)
I hate that.Copy !req
415. Yeah, but it's better than
the bass drum relay.Copy !req
416. Yeah, that's true.Copy !req
417. Counselors going wild.Copy !req
418. Yours look totally fantastic.Copy !req
419. Two for
the price of one.
My left one's bigger, see?Copy !req
420. Yeah, mine, too, baby.
They can totally
fix that.Copy !req
421. That shampoo smells awesome.Copy !req
422. Thanks. I get it from
this Russian lady
who does my bikini wax.Copy !req
423. Brazilian or Playboy?Copy !req
424. Actually, I get mine customized.Copy !req
425. Wanna see?
Oh, yeah, show me.Copy !req
426. Oh, my God, how cute.
There's a little music note.Copy !req
427. No!
Yeah, I used to be flat.Copy !req
428. Just like
I used to be.
Lens fog. No!Copy !req
429. What is that thing, butt weasel?Copy !req
430. Yeah, it's the KR3, baby.Copy !req
431. The Kaplowitz Remote
Robotic Rover.
And you are so busted.Copy !req
432. Hey, Oscar, somebody call
the Macro.
Dude, please, shut up.Copy !req
433. Pull your panties
out of your ass. I can help
you with that chick.Copy !req
434. What chick?Copy !req
435. Dude, the one
with all the tattoos.
The Tubanator.Copy !req
436. Her name is Chloe.Copy !req
437. Come on, man. I can help.
I'm the Stiffmeister.Copy !req
438. Master of love
and romance.
Bullshit.Copy !req
439. I nailed three cheerleaders
in one week on spring break.
College cheerleaders.Copy !req
440. And I know why
your camera spritzed out.Copy !req
441. Dude, this thing is awesome.Copy !req
442. You ever use this
to look up chicks' skirts?
No.Copy !req
443. But I did use it to win
the State Science Fair
last year.Copy !req
444. And I'm hoping it gets me
into MIT next fall.Copy !req
445. I really want to work for NASA.Copy !req
446. National Anal Sex Association?Copy !req
447. No, it's Space...Copy !req
448. There's an Anal Sex Association?Copy !req
449. Oh, yeah, but you've
got to be a pro.Copy !req
450. Wait, there's
a Space Association?Copy !req
451. You were supposed to use this.Copy !req
452. See, it's got
an anti-fog lens. Duh.
Yeah, good.Copy !req
453. Can the robot record?
All right, so, what are
your intentions?Copy !req
454. With the video, I mean.
What are you doing?Copy !req
455. Oh, it's just for fun.Copy !req
456. I mean, who doesn't like
to look at hot naked chicks,
right?Copy !req
457. Keep it between us,
and I'll let you watch.Copy !req
458. Plus, I'll have you
giving Chloe the pelvic noogie
inside a week.Copy !req
459. Hey, Stifler. Phone.Copy !req
460. We're in Detroit!Copy !req
461. Locked into sweet Brazilian rum.Copy !req
462. I'm fucking fubar, man!Copy !req
463. I sent you rum today.
Could come in handy
in Dorksville.Copy !req
464. Man, this place blows.Copy !req
465. Hey, my roommate,
Dr. Robot,Copy !req
466. busted me taping
some college chicks
in the shower.Copy !req
467. So now I have to be
all nice to him and shit.Copy !req
468. And I'm not getting
any good footage 'cause these
fucking bandies hate me.Copy !req
469. Think of it like trying
to hook up with a virgin.Copy !req
470. Act like you give a shit
about them until they
bring you into the good stuff.Copy !req
471. Earn their trust?Copy !req
472. Dude, that could work.Copy !req
473. I'll be an undercover
bandy fucker.Copy !req
474. Hello, everyone.
Isn't it a peachy day
here at Band Camp?Copy !req
475. Band buds.
How's it going? Yo.Copy !req
476. Hey, I just want to say thanks
for the little wakeup call.
You kidders.Copy !req
477. Hey, I can finally hear
the music calling me, okay?Copy !req
478. (BAND PLAYING)
There. Hear it?
Yeah. Me, too.Copy !req
479. So I'm a totally new man, and...Copy !req
480. By the way, you both
look great in pantyhose.Copy !req
481. What are you doing?
Awaiting my marching lesson,
ma'am.Copy !req
482. Look, Matt, I really don't
have time for this right now.Copy !req
483. No, look, I figure I'm here,
I might as well make
the best of it.Copy !req
484. Matt, marching's hard, okay?
It's not like
throwing some football.Copy !req
485. Oh, you ever thrown
into double coverage?Copy !req
486. You ever high-stepped
in double time?Copy !req
487. Yes, ma'am, the time
the cops chased us
across Koreno's Creek.Copy !req
488. And you got so scared,
you cried.Copy !req
489. I had allergies.
It was winter, Mattie.Copy !req
490. Well, if you don't teach me
to march, I might just
cry again.Copy !req
491. Fine.Copy !req
492. Left foot on one and three,
right foot on two and four.Copy !req
493. You have to do math?Copy !req
494. One, two, three, middle.
One, two, three, line.Copy !req
495. Right foot on four.Copy !req
496. Keep your
step size even.
My what?Copy !req
497. All right, there we go,
little buddy. I'm gonna
fix you up good.Copy !req
498. Any girl that knows
how to play a tuba,
she can do things.Copy !req
499. That's what Stifler says.Copy !req
500. I don't know what it means,
but it's got to be good.Copy !req
501. You're good to go.Copy !req
502. Let's go find Chloe.Copy !req
503. Holy shit.Copy !req
504. What the hell?
Who's doing this?Copy !req
505. Take it.Copy !req
506. It's okay.Copy !req
507. Thanks, little
creepy machine.
You're welcome...Copy !req
508. Beautiful lady.Copy !req
509. With my right, with my right,
but I can also do it
with my left, with my left.Copy !req
510. Bootie.Copy !req
511. Good game.Copy !req
512. Good game. Good game.
Good game. Good game.
Good game.Copy !req
513. You just touched my bootie.Copy !req
514. What's that?
Your instrument.Copy !req
515. That's fucking gay.Copy !req
516. I mean lame.
Good.Copy !req
517. Now, there are two positions.Copy !req
518. Carrying position, like this,
and playing position,
like this.Copy !req
519. Now when I call, "horns up,"Copy !req
520. you're gonna move
your instrument out,
and then...Copy !req
521. (MATT GROANING)
Hello, losers.Copy !req
522. Matt. Oh, my God.
Matt, I am so sorry.Copy !req
523. I think I bit a hole
in my tongue.
Oh, let me see.Copy !req
524. No, no hole.
On today's episode,Copy !req
525. wasting time on lost causes.Copy !req
526. Speaking of which, I understandCopy !req
527. you composed the music
to your show, Elyse,Copy !req
528. if you call that music.Copy !req
529. Yeah. That's right.
I did.Copy !req
530. And who'd your daddy hire
to compose yours?Copy !req
531. I'm just giving you
fair warning, cupcake.
Robards Scholarship is mine.Copy !req
532. Like you need it.Copy !req
533. It's not a matter of need.
It's a matter of want.Copy !req
534. Yeah, I get what I want.Copy !req
535. (LISPING)
Why don't you
shut the fuck up?Copy !req
536. Matt, don't.Copy !req
537. What are you
going to do?
Kick your ass.Copy !req
538. Are you challenging me?
No.Copy !req
539. Yeah, what if I am?
No, Brandon, that is not
what he's doing.Copy !req
540. I accept.
Amphitheatre, 5:00.Copy !req
541. It's been three years
since I've been challenged.Copy !req
542. We got a challenge.Copy !req
543. I look forward
to reminding people why.Copy !req
544. East Great Falls.
Hoo, ha!Copy !req
545. I'll see you there, asshole.Copy !req
546. Do you know what you just did?Copy !req
547. Doesn't matter.
Fucker's going down.Copy !req
548. Matt, you challenged him
to a duel.Copy !req
549. With swords?Copy !req
550. No, you idiot.
You each get on stage
and perform.Copy !req
551. And the crowd decides who wins.Copy !req
552. Can't we just do keg stands?Copy !req
553. Matt, this is serious, okay?
Beechwood gets five points
if he wins,Copy !req
554. which, you know, he will
because he plays
an instrument.Copy !req
555. Well, so do I.Copy !req
556. Let the Tall Oaks
Battle Royale begin.Copy !req
557. The prize is five points
towards the cup.Copy !req
558. Okay, Brandon, you're up first.Copy !req
559. Come on!Copy !req
560. Suck on that, bitch.Copy !req
561. Lame.Copy !req
562. This is so embarrassing.Copy !req
563. Okay, Brandon.Copy !req
564. Now you show him, Brandon.Copy !req
565. Take that!Copy !req
566. Well, seems
this contest is over.Copy !req
567. Figures. We just lost
five points.Copy !req
568. And the winner by forfeit is...Copy !req
569. But I know it's not his fault...Copy !req
570. (SINGING)
Play that funky music
white boyCopy !req
571. You don't know the words.Copy !req
572. Play that funk music white boyCopy !req
573. Lay down that boogieCopy !req
574. And play that funky music
till you dieCopy !req
575. He should shave that.Copy !req
576. East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!Copy !req
577. East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!Copy !req
578. Okay, five points
to Great Falls.Copy !req
579. All right, Great Falls!Copy !req
580. East Great Falls!Copy !req
581. East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!Copy !req
582. East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!Copy !req
583. Hey. Hey. Hey.Copy !req
584. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
What?Copy !req
585. Are you really Scottish?
Fuck, no.Copy !req
586. My mom made me
learn an instrument.Copy !req
587. That's the most annoying one
I could think of.Copy !req
588. I think you were just born
to squeeze sacks
and blow pipes, Stifler.Copy !req
589. Hey, Oscar.Copy !req
590. How many other Oscars
do you know? Go!Copy !req
591. What's up?
Your drum line sounds
pretty tight.Copy !req
592. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
593. You let me know
if you want to learn
some new moves.Copy !req
594. Really?Copy !req
595. He's gonna screw it up.
He's definitely gonna
screw it up.Copy !req
596. Hey.Copy !req
597. Thanks for winning
those points back.Copy !req
598. I lost them.
I had to get them back.Copy !req
599. Hey, guys,
Sheree's gonna show me
some moves.Copy !req
600. Hey, gang,Copy !req
601. just a little reminder that
as the battle for the cupCopy !req
602. heats up, let's try to rememberCopy !req
603. to keep up that Tall Oaks
spirit of fair play
and friendly competition.Copy !req
604. We'll have enough spit
for a six-pack.Copy !req
605. Yeah, baby,
you did me proud, son.
Thanks, J. Lo.Copy !req
606. It's cool.
Big O?Copy !req
607. Quite a little show you put on
yesterday, Stifler.Copy !req
608. You know, these plebes think
you're some kind of hero.Copy !req
609. I don't know
what a plebe is, Vande-creep.Copy !req
610. Didn't anybody tell you
not to mess with the big dog
while he's eating?Copy !req
611. It's mine, jerk-wad.
Now will you give it back?Copy !req
612. Dildos.
This is still
my camp, asshole.Copy !req
613. You're going down.
No, I'm not.Copy !req
614. But your mom did last night.Copy !req
615. Did she play the trumpet?
Because she has really
strong lips.Copy !req
616. That's right.Copy !req
617. Mmm!Copy !req
618. Mmm, mmm, mmm!Copy !req
619. Yummy.Copy !req
620. That's what
I'm talking about.
Whoo!Copy !req
621. What happened this time, Claire?Copy !req
622. Well, I was working on my soloCopy !req
623. and I hurt myself.Copy !req
624. I've been fucking poisoned.Copy !req
625. Ipecac is
a natural herbal extractCopy !req
626. that triggers
the regurgitation reflex.Copy !req
627. Whatever's in there
should be out soon enough.Copy !req
628. Like him, if we're lucky.Copy !req
629. Well, I'm pretty sure
it's probably
just somethingCopy !req
630. you had for lunch, you know?
I've got the same problem.
Very sensitive stomach.Copy !req
631. I was at a banquet once.
On the same plate,
if you can believe it,Copy !req
632. they had creamed venison,Copy !req
633. squid fritters and jellied pork.Copy !req
634. What?Copy !req
635. Hey, what's up, crust bucket?Copy !req
636. Come here, dude.
Check this out.Copy !req
637. So, this afternoon,
while the counselorsCopy !req
638. were practicing
for the talent show,Copy !req
639. I faked an asthma attack,
and I changed both
of the cameras.Copy !req
640. Oh, shit! What the hell
are they doing?Copy !req
641. It's their talent show
routine, Au naturel.Copy !req
642. Dude, you filthy little
cyberfucker. Shit.Copy !req
643. Hey, I thought we were
just going to watch.Copy !req
644. Exactly, we may want
to watch it again.Copy !req
645. Oh, yes. Counselors gone wild.
Dancing white ta-tas.Copy !req
646. Hey, so, I took your advice
about Chloe. I used the Rover
to deliver a soda.Copy !req
647. That was your cool, crazy idea?Copy !req
648. Yeah, I think
she actually liked it.Copy !req
649. Yeah, that sounds gay.
It's not gay.Copy !req
650. Anyway, there's this
bonfire-slushee party
tonightCopy !req
651. and I really need to know
Step Two in
the Stiffmeister plan.Copy !req
652. Slushee party. Really.Copy !req
653. Special delivery.Copy !req
654. Prepare to jam
with the bearded clam.Copy !req
655. Get ready to cuddle
the love puddle.Copy !req
656. The time has come
for Dr. Robot to get laid.Copy !req
657. Get laid?Copy !req
658. I told you,
trust the Stiffmeister.Copy !req
659. Meister means "master"
in German.Copy !req
660. Get her drunk?
That's the secret of the ages?
That's Step Number Two?Copy !req
661. No, actually, it's Step Four.Copy !req
662. You don't have
the balls for Two
or the tongue for Three.Copy !req
663. I've got the balls.Copy !req
664. Hey, you haven't heard
Step Five yet.Copy !req
665. (SINGING) Born to be wildCopy !req
666. Well, I'm hot-blooded
check it and seeCopy !req
667. I've got a fever of 103Copy !req
668. Come on, baby
do you do more than dance?Copy !req
669. This is some good shit.
Don't enjoy it
too much.Copy !req
670. We have a big practice
tomorrow, you guys.
Relax, Leesy.Copy !req
671. Suckle the tender fruits
of Band Camp
with your friends.Copy !req
672. Come on, Elyse.
Cut loose a little bit.
Have some fun.Copy !req
673. I am having fun.Copy !req
674. Hey, horn dog, let's go get
some more of these
before they run out.Copy !req
675. All right.
Horn dog?Copy !req
676. Yeah, it's his nickname.
Dude will stick his dick
into anything. It's unnatural.Copy !req
677. Check it, dawg. This one time
at Band Camp,
I fucked an oboe.Copy !req
678. Really?
Blow in it for a while,Copy !req
679. get that wood nice and warm,
slap on some valve oil
and go to town, yo.Copy !req
680. Hey, maybe you should
try a flute.Copy !req
681. Hey.
Hey.Copy !req
682. Now's a good time
to teach you those moves.Copy !req
683. Really?Copy !req
684. What?Copy !req
685. I know what you're doing.Copy !req
686. You do?Copy !req
687. It's what you always do.
You're a fake.Copy !req
688. You do whatever it takes
to be the center of attention.Copy !req
689. Just like when we were kids,
around me, you were
regular old Matt,Copy !req
690. but around Steve
and his friends,
you were the Stiffmeister.Copy !req
691. Who're you going to be tonight?Copy !req
692. (IMITATING MATT)
Hey, cheese dick,Copy !req
693. why don't you quit being
such a fucking taint licker,
and get me another slushee.Copy !req
694. Fucking puss monkey.Copy !req
695. You know what?
I am going to have some fun.Copy !req
696. Fucking hoes, man.
I don't get that shit.Copy !req
697. I mean, right now, Oscar's off
in the woods tapping
that counselor biatch, Sheree.Copy !req
698. What's up with that?
That cock spring
is getting laid?Copy !req
699. True that. And here we are,
the two dopest homeboys
in campCopy !req
700. and we ain't got no prospects
for our palm pilots.
That's fucked up, dawg.Copy !req
701. Dude, I gotta see this.Copy !req
702. Use your hips more.Copy !req
703. Hips, like that?Copy !req
704. Yeah, now faster. Yeah.
Like that. A circle.
Like that.Copy !req
705. (IMITATING STEVE IRWIN)
Crikey! The alpha female
has chosen an unlikely mate.Copy !req
706. Will he survive
this dangerous encounterCopy !req
707. or will she satisfy
her primal needs and then
devour him for dinner?Copy !req
708. Stay tuned.Copy !req
709. I'm sorry. I'm really
no good at this stuff.Copy !req
710. Relax.
You're doing fine.Copy !req
711. This sucks.Copy !req
712. How's that feel?
Oscar.Copy !req
713. Is that your drumstick
poking me?Copy !req
714. I don't have my drumsticks.Copy !req
715. Are you standing up
for me again, Oscar?Copy !req
716. It's getting hot.Copy !req
717. Smack my ass and call me cowboy.Copy !req
718. Hello,
Double-D Sheree.Copy !req
719. Hips. Hips.Copy !req
720. Use your hips.
Oh, yeah, hips.Copy !req
721. And step, and...Copy !req
722. (CHUCKLING)
Who knew?Copy !req
723. Wow.Copy !req
724. Oh, shit!Copy !req
725. You're a sweet guy, Oscar.Copy !req
726. Bandeez Gone Wild.
Scene 69.Copy !req
727. Double-D Sheree
and Big O.Copy !req
728. (RAPPING) Yo, we at Tall Oaks
sipping on juiceCopy !req
729. Got horns, trumpets
rhythm and flutesCopy !req
730. Great Falls laying it downCopy !req
731. Gonna ride fucking Beechwood
out of the townCopy !req
732. J.C., what
rocking the bunchCopy !req
733. All tripped out
on the fucking fruit punchCopy !req
734. Hey, are you sure
about this? I mean...Copy !req
735. I just
want to be respectful.
Oh, that's sweet.Copy !req
736. But right now,
I just want you to respect me
real hard and bad.Copy !req
737. Lucky son of a bitch.Copy !req
738. The only person who's
gonna get laid around here.Copy !req
739. Hello, oboe.Copy !req
740. This is so cool.Copy !req
741. I hope I didn't scare you
with the Rover and the soda.Copy !req
742. No, man, it was cute.Copy !req
743. Nobody's ever been
that sweet to me
in my whole life.Copy !req
744. Plus, to be honest,Copy !req
745. metal really turns me on.Copy !req
746. Oh.Copy !req
747. Man, the shit's stuck.Copy !req
748. Turn off the lights.
Damn, gangsta.Copy !req
749. I was just fucking
with you, dawg!Copy !req
750. You... It's stuck.Copy !req
751. Shit, you want help?
Don't touch me.Copy !req
752. Come on.Copy !req
753. Maybe you should blow on it.Copy !req
754. Maybe you should blow on it
and I'll pull.Copy !req
755. Hell, no. Jimmy ain't putting
his lips on that thing.Copy !req
756. Jimmy should be
a team player.Copy !req
757. Try and relax, dawg.
Not so hard.Copy !req
758. Oh, my God!Copy !req
759. I was just trying to help him
get it off, yo.Copy !req
760. Dude, shut up.Copy !req
761. Whatever.Copy !req
762. He had an allergic reaction
to the valve oil.Copy !req
763. The swelling should go down
in a few minutes.Copy !req
764. These kinds of things
would never happen
with our old Macro.Copy !req
765. We didn't have MTV
when I was growing up.Copy !req
766. So maybe it's
the over-stimulated timesCopy !req
767. that we live in
that causes young men
to stick theirCopy !req
768. instruments in such odd places.Copy !req
769. I knew a certain young man onceCopy !req
770. who actually engaged
in sexual congress
with an apple pie.Copy !req
771. And he turned out just fine.Copy !req
772. So, you're perfectly normal...Copy !req
773. As these things go.Copy !req
774. Hey.Copy !req
775. Are you okay?
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
776. I'm so drunk right now.
I'm probably going
to forget about youCopy !req
777. porking an oboe.Copy !req
778. I have six piercings.Copy !req
779. That doesn't include
the ones on my face.Copy !req
780. Two right here...Copy !req
781. And four down here.Copy !req
782. Haven't seen that in a while.Copy !req
783. Yeah, well, no time
for dance. It's all about
band, band, band.Copy !req
784. No, I was talking
about you having fun.Copy !req
785. I have fun.
I have fun all the time.
Yeah.Copy !req
786. I just get stressed out,
you know. I mean...Copy !req
787. We graduate next year,
and I don't know.Copy !req
788. I mean, I don't really
talk about it all that muchCopy !req
789. because the cup is, like,
a team thing, and...Copy !req
790. But winning
the Robards Scholarship,
I mean, that is likeCopy !req
791. my future, you know?
AndCopy !req
792. Dr. Choi is coming.
I mean,Copy !req
793. you don't understand.
She's like famous,Copy !req
794. like holy-shit famous.
And, sometimes, I just...Copy !req
795. I get really stressed outCopy !req
796. and I calm myself down
by going off
and playing on my Picardo.Copy !req
797. Wait, you have...
Picardo?Copy !req
798. It's just a cheapie,
but I lost it.Copy !req
799. Wait, if I somehow found
this Picard thing...
You found it?Copy !req
800. Maybe.
Give it back.Copy !req
801. If you let me watch.Copy !req
802. Okay, but it takes me a while
to warm up.Copy !req
803. I have all the time
in the world.Copy !req
804. Figures.Copy !req
805. But I'm going to have
to be really drunk.Copy !req
806. I mean really drunk.
Really drunk.Copy !req
807. Yes.Copy !req
808. Beat it, jerk off.Copy !req
809. Okay, people,
let's take a break.Copy !req
810. We're all
a little sluggish today.Copy !req
811. Man, we suck.Copy !req
812. Man, one night of fun
was not worth losing
a whole day of practice.Copy !req
813. Give me this thing.Copy !req
814. All right, listen up,
you lazy bunch of lip shits.Copy !req
815. Those Beechwood plebes
aren't taking breaks.Copy !req
816. We want to win this thing,
we've gotta bust our asses.Copy !req
817. Come on, bitches.
Back to work.Copy !req
818. Matt, that's my job.
Grab your cocks
and move your socks.Copy !req
819. We're at war here, people, war!Copy !req
820. Show some tits.
Grow some balls.Copy !req
821. Hey, keep that thing
warm for me.Copy !req
822. All right, now.
What, you want to let
Beechwood tittie-fuck us?Copy !req
823. I didn't think so.Copy !req
824. All right, Tall Oakers,Copy !req
825. we're in our final week.
Time to put on our game faces.Copy !req
826. And time
to strap yourselves in
for a bumpy ride.Copy !req
827. I want the oboe, clarinet,
black thingiesCopy !req
828. and we've got
the rhythm section
in a full-on blitz.Copy !req
829. Are you with me, bandies?
Yeah!Copy !req
830. Competition for
the Tall Oaks Cup isCopy !req
831. really heating up.Copy !req
832. Beechwood wins.Copy !req
833. Whatever.Copy !req
834. I told you,
you should let me steer.Copy !req
835. Take that bitch home, man.Copy !req
836. Drive it in.
Hey, you, fuck face...Copy !req
837. I don't even know
where to start with you.Copy !req
838. Beechwood leads.Copy !req
839. Great Falls and Lloyd
are tied for second.Copy !req
840. Beechwood licks nuts. Hut!Copy !req
841. Victory, East Great Falls.Copy !req
842. Right foot on line.Copy !req
843. Jimmy, you fucking lotion lover.Copy !req
844. East Great Falls
by four points.Copy !req
845. Hey, butt pirates ahoy.Copy !req
846. Your little bandCopy !req
847. may be leading
in the competition, Stifler...Copy !req
848. but make sure
to let us know
if you get thirsty.Copy !req
849. Yeah, 'cause there's plenty
of this.Copy !req
850. That's funny for you dorks.
Yeah, it is, isn't it? Yeah.Copy !req
851. Man, screw that challenge.
I'm just gonna kick his ass.Copy !req
852. No, wait.
I've got a better idea,Copy !req
853. if you think you're man enough.Copy !req
854. Yes.Copy !req
855. Hey, you sure you can do this?
Hey, born to be
a porn star, baby.Copy !req
856. Delivery on demand.Copy !req
857. When I get back, I'll be
a million Stiflers lighter.Copy !req
858. Hey, ocupado.Copy !req
859. Sorry.Copy !req
860. Oh.Copy !req
861. Dude, how about
a courtesy flush, man?Copy !req
862. I'm trying to concentrate
in here.Copy !req
863. Sheree.Copy !req
864. Mattie.Copy !req
865. Double-D Sheree.Copy !req
866. Sheree. Yeah.Copy !req
867. Arianna.Copy !req
868. Oh, Arianna.Copy !req
869. Band, 10-hut!Copy !req
870. Leesy.Copy !req
871. Yeah, Leesy.Copy !req
872. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
873. Nurse Sanders.Copy !req
874. Go ahead,
give me that shot, baby.Copy !req
875. Naughty Nurse.Copy !req
876. More. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
877. It's coming. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
878. Oh, yeah, it's coming.Copy !req
879. Claire? No!Copy !req
880. Claire. Oh, Claire, baby.Copy !req
881. (CONTINUES MOANING)
Claire...Copy !req
882. Claire...Copy !req
883. Claire.Copy !req
884. Courtesy flush.
Oh, no!Copy !req
885. Brandon, I think you're
a really good drummer, so...Copy !req
886. Excuse me.Copy !req
887. Listen, this is your chance
to help.Copy !req
888. Hey, guys,Copy !req
889. don't forget your sunscreen.
Your bodies
are your instruments.Copy !req
890. Yeah, you don't want to be
chapped for your solos.Copy !req
891. No, we don't. Bye now.Copy !req
892. What is that, 30?
It's really thick.Copy !req
893. How's that taste, Vande-cock?Copy !req
894. Mmm! Good, huh?
Warm and salty? Yeah.Copy !req
895. It's a cum-pletely
new formula.
100% Stiffy juice...Copy !req
896. SPF 69.Copy !req
897. Suck on that.Copy !req
898. Yeah.
Stop, man.Copy !req
899. Yeah.
Ernie.Copy !req
900. What you had before
was way better than this.Copy !req
901. This sounds like
your overactive
honor-society brain.Copy !req
902. Instead of your nasty, wetCopy !req
903. dirty-girl panties.Copy !req
904. It should be more spontaneous.Copy !req
905. Stop.Copy !req
906. Maybe you should hang out
with your friend Matt
a little bit more.Copy !req
907. Yeah, right.Copy !req
908. I know he's a dick
and everything,
but he's also got one.Copy !req
909. Make some love music,
you know? And then your notes
will just cum to you.Copy !req
910. Oh, Matt!
Stop.Copy !req
911. Matt. Matt.Copy !req
912. Go long, you asshole. Go.Copy !req
913. Hey, Elyse.Copy !req
914. Throw it back. Come on.Copy !req
915. What you got?Copy !req
916. Oh! Oops!Copy !req
917. Missed. Sorry.Copy !req
918. Hey, if I have to ring
the triangle,Copy !req
919. you have to throw
the football, all right?
Okay.Copy !req
920. Draw your arm back.
There you go.Copy !req
921. Shoulder to your target.
Right. Okay,
now step forward.Copy !req
922. Come on we're not marching.
One foot.Copy !req
923. Argh. Okay.
You're fine. Ready?
There you go.Copy !req
924. Draw the ball over your earCopy !req
925. and when you throw it,
let it roll right off
your fingers, all right?Copy !req
926. Okay.Copy !req
927. Come on, throw it.Copy !req
928. See? I taught you something.
What?Copy !req
929. So every time I throw it,
you're gonna run
and go get it?Copy !req
930. That's generally how it works.Copy !req
931. Like playing fetch with my dog.Copy !req
932. Yeah, except I don't lick
my own balls.
You would if you could.Copy !req
933. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
934. Okay, again.Copy !req
935. Right here.Copy !req
936. Look, that one looks
like a bunny.Copy !req
937. No, it doesn't.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
938. Maybe a bunny with one nut.Copy !req
939. No, that's its tail.
Whatever you say.Copy !req
940. You think
we'll win this thing?
Hell, yeah, we will.Copy !req
941. If you write in a bagpipe part.Copy !req
942. Oh, God, I'll never
make that mistake again.Copy !req
943. What?
The eighth grade recital.Copy !req
944. You made me write in
a part for you.Copy !req
945. You wore your kilt.Copy !req
946. Yeah, Steve showed up
with his friends.Copy !req
947. They gave me so much shit
for that.Copy !req
948. I didn't come out
of my room for days.Copy !req
949. You made it up to him
by stealing
all my underwearCopy !req
950. so you could run them up
the flagpole.Copy !req
951. Including my training bras.Copy !req
952. Okay, since we're having
some big fucking
Oprah moment here...Copy !req
953. I'm sorry about your underwear.Copy !req
954. And the diary.Copy !req
955. And all that other shit, too.Copy !req
956. That's it.Copy !req
957. You started it.
This is gonna get me
that scholarship.Copy !req
958. What?Copy !req
959. Oh, I've got to go write
this down
before I forget.Copy !req
960. Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
961. Uh...Copy !req
962. Could we do this again
tomorrow night?Copy !req
963. Yeah, sure.
I'll see you here at sunset.Copy !req
964. Hey. Um...Copy !req
965. Should I bring that
Picardo thing?Copy !req
966. Okay, I'll do a solo for you.Copy !req
967. Hey...Copy !req
968. What's up, Ernie?
Hey.Copy !req
969. It was that fugly nurse again.Copy !req
970. Oh, my God.Copy !req
971. Matt Stifler?Copy !req
972. Holy shit, look at you.
Arianna,
what are you doing here?Copy !req
973. We practice our routine
with the band.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
974. I had to come.
The school made me.Copy !req
975. Does anybody know
about this yet?
Oh, they do now.Copy !req
976. Hey, come on, no pictures.
What're you,
the papa-tit-zzy?Copy !req
977. Holy shit,
this is so hilarious.
Smile.Copy !req
978. Ladies.
No time for fraternizing.Copy !req
979. Get the bags.
Guess I'll see you around,
bandy.Copy !req
980. What a dork.
I'm going to email this
to everybody.Copy !req
981. Girls, that was great.
Percussion, take five.Copy !req
982. Horns, we've got to work
on intonation.Copy !req
983. The final performance
is tomorrow, you guys.Copy !req
984. They're so lame.Copy !req
985. You play the triangle.
How cute.Copy !req
986. No, I don't.
Look, I told you...Copy !req
987. I had to...
I gotta go.Copy !req
988. I don't socialize
with bandies.
I'm not a fucking bandy.Copy !req
989. I'm not. Look.
I've just been acting
like a geek.Copy !req
990. I've been playing them
so I could get them
on hidden video.Copy !req
991. I've been secretly
videotaping them
doing all this crazy shit.Copy !req
992. Really?
Yeah, I could show you.Copy !req
993. Okay, come by after dinner.Copy !req
994. I'll leave my pompoms
in the window for you.Copy !req
995. You're late.Copy !req
996. Yeah, no shit.
Open the window.Copy !req
997. Hold on. Be careful with it.Copy !req
998. All right, one condition
before I show you
the fruits of my labors.Copy !req
999. What's that?Copy !req
1000. I want that picture
on that camera phone erased.Copy !req
1001. Nobody at school hearsCopy !req
1002. about the triangle
or the beanie.Copy !req
1003. I don't want anybody
to think
I'm a dorky-ass bandyCopy !req
1004. Fine. Like,
now can we get on with it?Copy !req
1005. As soon as you get rid
of that picture of me
on your phone.Copy !req
1006. Are you going into town?Copy !req
1007. Not tonight. I'm too tired.Copy !req
1008. Besides,
they're much hotter here.Copy !req
1009. I know.
It's a great crop this year.Copy !req
1010. There. Done deal.
Now can we see the video?Copy !req
1011. Stiffmeister ProductionsCopy !req
1012. in association with
its talented new director,
Matthew Stifler,Copy !req
1013. is happy to premier
the unedited,Copy !req
1014. unfiltered,
and un-fucking-believable
Bandeez Gone Wild.Copy !req
1015. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1016. Oh, my God.
That is unbelievable.Copy !req
1017. You're kidding me, right?
That's great.Copy !req
1018. Danielle likes Jimmy,Copy !req
1019. but she's like
a foot taller than him.Copy !req
1020. And wait till you hear this.Copy !req
1021. Sheree slept with that
big Oscar guy, the drummer.Copy !req
1022. Said he was amazing.Copy !req
1023. Well, I hooked up
with Brandon once.
Some drummer. He hasCopy !req
1024. no rhythm,
and he can't even bang
very long.Copy !req
1025. Oh, my God.
Are you serious?Copy !req
1026. Yeah, he's a preemie.
And I'm not talking about
the day he was born, either.Copy !req
1027. Can you get my back?
I think I got a little bit
of sun today?Copy !req
1028. Sure.Copy !req
1029. Get this. He has one ball.Copy !req
1030. No way.
One ball.Copy !req
1031. Yeah, that's why he carries
that big stick around
everywhere.Copy !req
1032. It's got his other ball on top.Copy !req
1033. Shit, shit, oh, shit.Copy !req
1034. What is that thing?Copy !req
1035. Let's kill it.Copy !req
1036. Where'd he go?Copy !req
1037. There he is.Copy !req
1038. Look out.Copy !req
1039. This is going into the lake.Copy !req
1040. No one's gonna know
about your little video.Copy !req
1041. 'Cause the shit
you got us doing on tape...Copy !req
1042. So we got a contest to win
tomorrow. And I don't want
to see you.Copy !req
1043. Understand?Copy !req
1044. Did you help him?Copy !req
1045. With East Great Falls
in the lead,Copy !req
1046. Beechwood has to win
the Band Camp Playoffs.Copy !req
1047. Direct yourselves
to the marching field
in one hour.Copy !req
1048. Now, Dr. Choi,
Brandon Vandecamp
from BeechwoodCopy !req
1049. is our best musician by farCopy !req
1050. and his father, Landon,
is our best donor,
also by far.Copy !req
1051. Robards needs
talented musiciansCopy !req
1052. as much as
we need talented donors.Copy !req
1053. Ipecac.Copy !req
1054. So how's it going?
Are you having fun?
It's okay.Copy !req
1055. How about some Ipecac,
Vande-cooch?Copy !req
1056. This herbal fucking extract
will help you Beechwood fief
play in tune, huh?Copy !req
1057. Shit.Copy !req
1058. Hey!Copy !req
1059. I told you
I don't want to see you
anymore, Stifler.Copy !req
1060. Someday,
you'll thank me, asshole.Copy !req
1061. Orange?Copy !req
1062. Again?Copy !req
1063. Damn.
That orange shit is janky.Copy !req
1064. I'm feeling grape, dawg.Copy !req
1065. I don't care
how many times they won.Copy !req
1066. They're not getting
the grape today.Copy !req
1067. That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
1068. Your five-time
defending champion,Copy !req
1069. Beechwood Academy.Copy !req
1070. They're tight.Copy !req
1071. Yeah, they're better
than ever this year.Copy !req
1072. Okay, everybody.Copy !req
1073. It's no surprise
Beechwood is good.Copy !req
1074. But this year is different.
This year, we can beat them.Copy !req
1075. We've worked hard,
and we are good enoughCopy !req
1076. and this is our time,
so let's win the cup.Copy !req
1077. Yeah!Copy !req
1078. Beechwood Academy.Copy !req
1079. Their music today was composed
by senior drum major,Copy !req
1080. Brandon Vandecamp.Copy !req
1081. Beat that. Hoo, ha.Copy !req
1082. East Great Falls,
you may enter the field
for competition.Copy !req
1083. Band 10 hut. One, two, ready.
Shit.Copy !req
1084. Leesy, wait, no.Copy !req
1085. No. Wait.Copy !req
1086. You know, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what happened.Copy !req
1087. Not my shoes. Here we go.Copy !req
1088. Stifler!Copy !req
1089. You know, you're like
your brother, Steve.Copy !req
1090. And I don't think those
are the shoes you should be
so eager to fill.Copy !req
1091. You know, the people
Steve thought
were his friendsCopy !req
1092. really didn't like him
very much.
What?Copy !req
1093. But I think you're different.Copy !req
1094. I think people want
to like you, Matt.
You just make it really hard.Copy !req
1095. Hoo! Ha!Copy !req
1096. Parting is such sweet sorrow.
When you're a loser.Copy !req
1097. Mr. Levenstein reports that
there were a few incidentsCopy !req
1098. at camp.Copy !req
1099. But he also says thatCopy !req
1100. you bonded
with the band briefly.Copy !req
1101. When school starts,
you're going to be
on a very short leash.Copy !req
1102. Remember, the Shermanator
sees it all.Copy !req
1103. Be gone.Copy !req
1104. Did everybody hate my brother?Copy !req
1105. Stardate, August 21, 2005.Copy !req
1106. Some progress made
with Stiffy Junior.Copy !req
1107. Behavior modification evident.Copy !req
1108. Will continue to monitor.Copy !req
1109. Shermanator out.Copy !req
1110. A little "Double-D Sheree"
action.Copy !req
1111. Little bit of Dr. Robot.Copy !req
1112. (CHUCKLING)
Crazy fucker.Copy !req
1113. Hey, Stifler,
where's your instrument?Copy !req
1114. Dude,
you're in the wrong uniform.Copy !req
1115. Screw them, dude.
They're gonna freak out
when they see the video.Copy !req
1116. Look, we thought
that if we had
an advance screening,Copy !req
1117. then everyone would see
that you're not really a dork.Copy !req
1118. I can't. It's gone.Copy !req
1119. What?
The video, man, I deleted it.Copy !req
1120. Why?Copy !req
1121. Guess little bro's quitting
the family business.Copy !req
1122. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
1123. He went fucking bandy on us.Copy !req
1124. Hey, what's up, guys?Copy !req
1125. You a dead man, motherfucker.Copy !req
1126. You, too, little man.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
1127. Dude, the purple puke
was an accident.
Somebody switched the coolers.Copy !req
1128. Hey, that orange shit
is janky, yo.Copy !req
1129. Chloe, we never saw Elyse,
you know, naked.Copy !req
1130. Matt turned off the computer.Copy !req
1131. So we're just supposed
to forgive him now?Copy !req
1132. He's still an asshole.
You're right.Copy !req
1133. I am an asshole.Copy !req
1134. I can't take back spying on youCopy !req
1135. and I can't win
that Bandy Cup thing.Copy !req
1136. But I can help someone
get what she deserves.Copy !req
1137. I'm not asking you
to forgive me.Copy !req
1138. Just help me help Elyse.Copy !req
1139. I got the number.Copy !req
1140. Go ahead.Copy !req
1141. 555-0171.Copy !req
1142. He shouldn't have been dumping
Ipecac in anyone's cooler.Copy !req
1143. We could've won on our own.Copy !req
1144. I don't even care
that he saw me on camera.
Well, I mean I do, but...Copy !req
1145. Honey, this just came for you.Copy !req
1146. It's from Robards.Copy !req
1147. What's it say?Copy !req
1148. Dr. Choi wants to meet
with me?Copy !req
1149. Okay.
Okay.Copy !req
1150. Bye.Copy !req
1151. Hi. Elyse Houston.Copy !req
1152. I have an appointment
with Dr. Choi.Copy !req
1153. You're not in the book.
Oh, no, there must be
some mistake. See...Copy !req
1154. I have a letter.Copy !req
1155. This letter is, well...Copy !req
1156. It's a fake.Copy !req
1157. This is not
Dr. Choi's signature.
What?Copy !req
1158. Stifler.Copy !req
1159. You son of a bitch.Copy !req
1160. What? It wasn't enough
for you to humiliate me
at Band Camp?Copy !req
1161. Now you have to set me up here?Copy !req
1162. What's going on here?Copy !req
1163. This is my band.Copy !req
1164. And that's her music.Copy !req
1165. Well...Copy !req
1166. I've certainly seen
some interesting attempts
to gain admission,Copy !req
1167. but this is a first.Copy !req
1168. Excellent audition,
Miss Houston. Let's go
discuss that scholarship.Copy !req
1169. Um, I thought Brandon won.Copy !req
1170. No, Mr. Vandecamp
was disqualified
for plagiarism.Copy !req
1171. All right.Copy !req
1172. That's what
I'm talking about, yo.Copy !req
1173. Oh, my God, you guys,
that was amazing.Copy !req
1174. Thank you so much.
Thank him. It was his idea.Copy !req
1175. Word.Copy !req
1176. You planned all this?
With some friends.Copy !req
1177. Come here.Copy !req
1178. Ow.Copy !req
1179. Oh, I believe this is yours.Copy !req
1180. You know...Copy !req
1181. Picardo is a brand of piccolo.Copy !req
1182. You really are an asshole
sometimes...Copy !req
1183. Stiffy.Copy !req
1184. Man, change the channel, yo.Copy !req
1185. Hook a brother up
with some mad beats.Copy !req
1186. Will you cut that out?Copy !req
1187. Your name is
James Hi Ping Chong.Copy !req
1188. Your dad owns
a Chinese restaurant.Copy !req
1189. You live in the suburbs.
You ain't never gonna
be a gangsta.Copy !req
1190. Damn!Copy !req
1191. That's cold, dawg.Copy !req