1. - Sure you don't wanna go to my room?
- No. Why?
Copy !req
2. My roommate's already moved out.
We'll be all alone.
Copy !req
3. - All right.
- The door is locked.
Copy !req
4. - Okay, Jim, relax. Relax.
- Okay, yeah, sure.
Copy !req
5. No strings attached, okay?
It's just friendly goodbye sex.
Copy !req
6. Yeah, right. Right, right, right, right.
Copy !req
7. But you see, it's just that...
Copy !req
8. we've never even had friendly hello sex.
Copy !req
9. - So do you not wanna do this?
- Oh, no, no, no.
Copy !req
10. Oh, I do. Yeah. No, I definitely do.
Copy !req
11. It's just that...
Copy !req
12. you see, this is actually my first time.
Copy !req
13. Well, not my first.
It's my first time...
Copy !req
14. since my first time.
Copy !req
15. So, technically, that's my second time.
Copy !req
16. And I don't... I don't wanna suck at it.
Copy !req
17. So if I'm not up to par,
performance-wise...
Copy !req
18. Jim, this isn't exactly a turn-on.
Copy !req
19. I mean, girls like a guy
with confidence.
Copy !req
20. Hey, I'm confident.
Copy !req
21. Oh, I am... I'm absolutely,
totally confident.
Copy !req
22. - Let's get naked.
- Okay.
Copy !req
23. Seems like just yesterday my dad picked
me up after my first year at college.
Copy !req
24. We popped a couple of beers...
Copy !req
25. and he said, "Now, you're a man."
Copy !req
26. And today I get to say
the same thing to my son.
Copy !req
27. Honey, your speeches embarrass him.
Copy !req
28. So, try and do what the kids say,
and just be cool.
Copy !req
29. I think I bring new meaning
to the word "cool," honey.
Copy !req
30. That's his dormitory up ahead.
Copy !req
31. Turn over.
Copy !req
32. - Can't bring alcohol in the dorms.
- Good.
Copy !req
33. Thank you, Matt. I'm just here
to surprise my son Jim.
Copy !req
34. - Now pin my leg up.
- What?
Copy !req
35. Pin my leg up, like this.
Copy !req
36. Maybe you can help me out, you know.
Copy !req
37. Is that the one? No.
Copy !req
38. There!
Copy !req
39. Now I remember.
Copy !req
40. I didn't do this for you.
Copy !req
41. Thanks, dude.
Copy !req
42. - Where's my big guy?
- Oh, my God!
Copy !req
43. - Jesus!
- Jim, we got here a little early.
Copy !req
44. - Dad, get out!
- I'll wait in the car.
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45. Go, Dad! Oh, my...
Copy !req
46. - Jeez!
- Was that your dad?
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47. - I'm so sorry.
- For your own edification...
Copy !req
48. son, I'm not embarrassed.
Copy !req
49. I am!
Copy !req
50. It's a perfectly normal thing
for two human beings to do.
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51. This is human nature...
human nature at its best.
Copy !req
52. Son, everybody does it. Your mother
and I... Well, not so much any more.
Copy !req
53. Got your favourite.
Oh, my God! They're fucking!
Copy !req
54. Honey, honey, listen.
I'm gonna take her...
Copy !req
55. - Please just go!
- Actually, if you wouldn't mind.
Copy !req
56. Honey... I'll take her to the car.
Copy !req
57. - Hi, Mama.
- What?
Copy !req
58. Natalie!
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59. I'm Jim's dad.
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60. You must be the parents
of this young lady.
Copy !req
61. I'm sorry I didn't get her name,
but hopefully my son did...
Copy !req
62. because I have not been
here the whole time.
Copy !req
63. Natalie, get dressed!
Copy !req
64. - Beer?
- Avert your eyes! Turn around!
Copy !req
65. - Thanks, Jim. Don't believe in locks?
- Oh, my God!
Copy !req
66. Hey, fuckface.
Copy !req
67. - Mornin', dude.
- Come on, Ozzy. It's show time.
Copy !req
68. Before you go to Ann Arbor
to pick up Heather...
Copy !req
69. I wanna show you what you're missing.
Copy !req
70. See what they are today, dude.
See what they are today.
Copy !req
71. Okay, here we go. Moment of truth.
Copy !req
72. - There's little hearts on her panties!
- Super.
Copy !req
73. There's little hearts on her panties!
Come on, look, you pussy. Look.
Copy !req
74. What the fuck, man? Come on!
Copy !req
75. I'm disappointed in you.
Copy !req
76. Here it is, the end of our freshman year
and you screwed one girl.
Copy !req
77. One.
Copy !req
78. You're a disgrace to men everywhere.
Copy !req
79. Look at the Stifmeister.
I got laid 23 times this year...
Copy !req
80. and I'm not counting the hummer
I got in the library stacks, baby.
Copy !req
81. All right, here's a new idea
for you, Stifler, okay?
Copy !req
82. You find a girl.
You two become best friends.
Copy !req
83. You don't bother counting how many
times you have sex with each other.
Copy !req
84. - You laugh at the people who do count.
- Here's a new idea for you.
Copy !req
85. I'll get you a spoon
so you can eat my ass.
Copy !req
86. Okay, people, notebooks closed.
Let's get this exam rolling.
Copy !req
87. Oh, shit! Do we got an exam today?
Copy !req
88. - Are you kiddin' me?
- Bullshit.
Copy !req
89. Yes!
Copy !req
90. I'm never even gonna think
about political science again.
Copy !req
91. Hey. How'd you do?
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92. - Fine.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
93. Can't believe I'm going abroad for summer.
Last thing I need is more classes.
Copy !req
94. - You're gonna have a great time.
- Hello, summer!
Copy !req
95. - Did that exam blow or what?
- Yeah, it sucked.
Copy !req
96. - Kev, what's up, man? How are you?
- Good.
Copy !req
97. Put your party hat on.
Copy !req
98. - We got 12 weeks of immortality ahead.
- Yes, sir!
Copy !req
99. Weird.
Copy !req
100. The one that got away, huh, son?
Copy !req
101. Well, evidently you two...
Copy !req
102. made quite the handsome couple
on the Internet.
Copy !req
103. I didn't see it.
Copy !req
104. It was brought up at a PTA meeting.
Copy !req
105. Anyway, my point is...
Copy !req
106. these little sexual debacles
should not get you down...
Copy !req
107. because you know what?
Copy !req
108. It happens to the best of us.
Copy !req
109. In fact...
Copy !req
110. the first time your mother and I...
Copy !req
111. got together...
Copy !req
112. I used a condom.
Copy !req
113. Well, she referred to it
as "shrink wrapping."
Copy !req
114. But I got over it.
Copy !req
115. Anyway, keep your chin up.
You keep plugging...
Copy !req
116. and good things will happen.
Copy !req
117. Good to have you home, son.
Copy !req
118. It's good to be home, Dad.
Copy !req
119. It's gonna be nice to hit Stifler's
tonight after exams.
Copy !req
120. - Did you get through 'em?
- There's the mystery man!
Copy !req
121. Finch, how are you?
Copy !req
122. It's Japanese.
Copy !req
123. It means "hello." Hello.
Copy !req
124. - Finch, what happened to Latin?
- Met a Japanese girl at the art museum.
Copy !req
125. Changed majors.
Copy !req
126. Wanted to understand
the things she was moaning.
Copy !req
127. - You got laid in an art museum?
- The Met.
Copy !req
128. - And the Guggenheim with Francesca.
- The Guggenheim?
Copy !req
129. And then my social-psych professor
in Baskin-Robbins.
Copy !req
130. All right, enough.
Copy !req
131. But I'll tell you,
none of these women even compare to...
Copy !req
132. Stifler's mom.
Copy !req
133. Stifler's mom is a goddess.
Copy !req
134. How about some more of Stifmeister's
collegiate concoction?
Copy !req
135. This thing is like half alcohol.
You're just trying to get me drunk.
Copy !req
136. Mary, would I do that?
Copy !req
137. - My name's Christy.
- Christy, right. Beautiful name.
Copy !req
138. Like it matters.
Copy !req
139. Hey, how you doing?
Copy !req
140. Howdy-howdy, fuckin' partners!
Copy !req
141. Johnny C., how's it going?
Good to see you.
Copy !req
142. Looks like someone
gained the freshman 15.
Copy !req
143. - This'll help.
- You're an asshole.
Copy !req
144. Missed you too.
Copy !req
145. All right, everybody
having a good time? Ladies?
Copy !req
146. Fellas! How's it going?
Copy !req
147. The keg's back there as always. Enjoy.
Copy !req
148. Ladies, I'm Steve Stifler
and I have an 11-inch penis...
Copy !req
149. around!
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150. Think about it. Sherman!
Copy !req
151. Okay, Stifler, take your shot. Ha, ha.
Copy !req
152. Come on, man.
I'm really happy to see you.
Copy !req
153. All right.
Copy !req
154. You stupid fuck!
Copy !req
155. - Are you Steve Stifler?
- Yes, I am.
Copy !req
156. Thank you for throwing
this awesome party, man.
Copy !req
157. - No problem.
- The cops bust all our parties now.
Copy !req
158. Well, I put the word out
so high school chicks would come.
Copy !req
159. Just 'cause you fuckers don't have dicks
doesn't make it okay for you to be here.
Copy !req
160. - Hey, could I ask you a question?
- Sure, son.
Copy !req
161. Is it true that Paul Finch
nailed your mom?
Copy !req
162. Sons of bitches.
Copy !req
163. My mom's a saint!
Copy !req
164. The joke's on Finch!
Copy !req
165. Hey, Carlos, Jason.
Copy !req
166. What's goin' on? Keg's back on the deck.
Copy !req
167. How was Iowa State?
Copy !req
168. Did you see those fuckers
I had to boot out of here?
Copy !req
169. Back at Stifler's.
It's just like old times.
Copy !req
170. One difference. We're college men now.
Copy !req
171. Some of these girls
are from the grade below us.
Copy !req
172. I might actually have a chance.
Copy !req
173. Hey, I remember you.
Copy !req
174. Do you now?
Copy !req
175. You're that guy who blew
his load on the Internet.
Copy !req
176. Splat. "Oh, wait, Nadia,
don't go." Splat.
Copy !req
177. - Pathetic.
- Loser.
Copy !req
178. It's exactly like old times.
Copy !req
179. - I'm gonna miss you.
- I'll miss you.
Copy !req
180. I'll call you when I get in, okay?
Copy !req
181. Go have fun.
Copy !req
182. Bye.
Copy !req
183. I can't believe those two girls, Kevin.
Copy !req
184. Jim, it's not a big deal.
Copy !req
185. They toyed with my emotions.
Copy !req
186. - Hello. Hello.
- See? There's other girls.
Copy !req
187. - How are you?
- You got nothing to worry about, man.
Copy !req
188. Jessica's here.
Copy !req
189. With Vicky.
Copy !req
190. And Vicky got hot!
Copy !req
191. What's that supposed to mean?
Copy !req
192. Look at her.
Copy !req
193. - Yeah, Jim, I see her.
- Hey, Kevin.
Copy !req
194. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
195. - Hey, Vic, how are you?
- What's up?
Copy !req
196. - I'm okay.
- Yeah, I'm good.
Copy !req
197. That's good.
Copy !req
198. - It's good to hear.
- Yeah, you too.
Copy !req
199. Wow.
Copy !req
200. Well, this is about as comfortable
as a high colonic in Tijuana.
Copy !req
201. And I would know. Okay.
Copy !req
202. - I'm gonna get a drink.
- She's right.
Copy !req
203. - Why is this so weird?
- Actually, I have no idea.
Copy !req
204. See, I knew it.
I knew you'd be mature about this.
Copy !req
205. You know, and we could
still be friends, right?
Copy !req
206. I miss you, Kev.
Copy !req
207. Whoa.
Copy !req
208. Friends, right?
Copy !req
209. Yeah, right. I mean, I know you said
friends and I... I just...
Copy !req
210. I'm sorry. I was... It was just...
Copy !req
211. an old habit... a friend kiss.
Copy !req
212. Are you sure?
Copy !req
213. Vic, why wouldn't I wanna
be friends with you?
Copy !req
214. Look, we'll... we'll just do this, okay?
Copy !req
215. - Friends.
- Friends.
Copy !req
216. - Ozzy, my man!
- There he is.
Copy !req
217. Shake off your chains of monogamy?
You're a free man.
Copy !req
218. I don't think so, Stifler.
I'll never turn over to the dark side.
Copy !req
219. Dumb ass. What happened to
the Nova I knew in high school?
Copy !req
220. Nova, as in Casanova,
the guy who had all the moves.
Copy !req
221. - He was an idiot.
- Yeah, but he was my idiot.
Copy !req
222. Hey, everyone, listen up!
Copy !req
223. Nova's back, baby...
Copy !req
224. and he's taken the lock off his cock!
Copy !req
225. Ozzy, I'm lobbing you a softball.
Copy !req
226. Pull out your bat and take a swing.
Copy !req
227. Mandy.
Copy !req
228. This is my friend, Oz.
All-state lacrosse two years in a row.
Copy !req
229. - Hi, Oz.
- Mandy, how are you?
Copy !req
230. Listen. I have a girlfriend.
Copy !req
231. It was a pleasure meeting you.
Copy !req
232. Beer out back?
Copy !req
233. You pussy!
Copy !req
234. Stifler's mom's room.
Copy !req
235. How did you do that magic you did?
Copy !req
236. Tantra.
Copy !req
237. What the fuck are you doin' in here?
Copy !req
238. - Just relax.
- You get out of my house!
Copy !req
239. - Jesus Christ!
- Come back here, you little fucker!
Copy !req
240. Come back here, you son of a bitch!
Copy !req
241. Easy! That's enough.
Copy !req
242. Okay, guys, we went through this
last summer, all right?
Copy !req
243. Finch got a black eye
and Stifler got six stitches.
Copy !req
244. 'Cause he fuckin' bit me!
Copy !req
245. You touch me, I bite.
Copy !req
246. - You two relax and shake hands.
- Shake this.
Copy !req
247. I need a drink.
Copy !req
248. Why is everybody
taking a piss right now?
Copy !req
249. - Line's too long. I ain't gonna make it.
- You'll be okay. Relax.
Copy !req
250. Hey, bro. Hey, man, you're
the guy who boned Stifler's mom.
Copy !req
251. - Hey, you are a god.
- Holy shit, dude.
Copy !req
252. If I didn't have to hold my dick 'cause
I gotta piss, I would shake your hand.
Copy !req
253. - I'm honored, guys.
- Don't leave.
Copy !req
254. You must teach me. How?
Copy !req
255. How?
Copy !req
256. Look what I found, Christy.
Copy !req
257. What a coincidence.
Copy !req
258. I've been saving this
for a special occasion...
Copy !req
259. for a special girl, just like you.
Copy !req
260. - You're so sweet.
- That's what they say.
Copy !req
261. Weird.
Copy !req
262. - Oh, my God.
- I spilled some on you.
Copy !req
263. - Maybe I should mop that up.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
264. No problem.
Copy !req
265. Whoa! Whoa, hey.
Copy !req
266. - Take it slow. Come on.
- Right.
Copy !req
267. You know, they warn us
about these situations in college.
Copy !req
268. Now, you may be intoxicated.
Copy !req
269. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
270. Are you certain that you wish
to engage in consenting...
Copy !req
271. Hey, don't count your chickens, buster.
Copy !req
272. - I'm just playing by the rules, baby.
- I make the rules.
Copy !req
273. That's a pretty good fucking rule.
Copy !req
274. Dude, the line's too long.
I'll never make it.
Copy !req
275. It's gotta happen now. Get my back.
Copy !req
276. - Clamp it off.
- Hello.
Copy !req
277. - How are you?
- Awesome.
Copy !req
278. - How are you?
- I'm really good.
Copy !req
279. How 'bout I give you a little champagne?
Copy !req
280. Go downstairs and get us some beers?
Copy !req
281. I've got a surprise for you.
Close your eyes and get ready.
Copy !req
282. I'm ready.
Copy !req
283. - You want a beer?
- Yeah, all right.
Copy !req
284. Okay, go.
Copy !req
285. This is kind of kinky, and I like that.
Copy !req
286. That's it. Bathe the Stifmeister.
Copy !req
287. Oh, that's great!
Copy !req
288. That's great.
Copy !req
289. How did you get it so nice and warm?
Copy !req
290. I can taste the bubbles.
Copy !req
291. Actually, I can't.
Copy !req
292. Much better.
Copy !req
293. Wait a second.
Copy !req
294. - Let's go.
- Thanks, man.
Copy !req
295. Christy?
Copy !req
296. Oh, fuck!
Copy !req
297. Yep. Half these got
East High parking passes on them.
Copy !req
298. Gotta break up another one.
Call in a couple of units.
Copy !req
299. - Isn't this the Stifler house?
- Yeah. Ever seen Mrs Stifler?
Copy !req
300. - What a MILF!
- Yeah? She got all that?
Copy !req
301. Okay, now...
Copy !req
302. do these high school kids
think we're cool...
Copy !req
303. because they're at a college party...
Copy !req
304. or are we those weird older guys...
Copy !req
305. that try to hang out with
high school kids when we come home?
Copy !req
306. No way. We're definitely not those guys.
Copy !req
307. Cops! Cops!
Copy !req
308. Break it up. Party's over.
Copy !req
309. Let's go.
Copy !req
310. Ostreicher, Myers.
Copy !req
311. Welcome back.
Copy !req
312. Where's Steve Stifler?
Copy !req
313. I got peed on.
Copy !req
314. No, man, Stifler's got shut down.
Copy !req
315. We can't party anywhere any more.
Copy !req
316. And things are...
Copy !req
317. - Getting weird?
- Yeah, a little bit.
Copy !req
318. First summer back from college.
Copy !req
319. Yep, things are gonna get weirder.
Copy !req
320. - What are you talkin' about?
- Well, times change, people change.
Copy !req
321. It's just what happens, you now.
Copy !req
322. Kev, listen. Go into my old room.
Copy !req
323. My friends and I knew that
it was up to us to stick together.
Copy !req
324. You remember my first college summer?
We rented the lake house in Grand Harbor.
Copy !req
325. We treated every day out there
lie it was a post-prom party.
Copy !req
326. Hell of a time. We capped it
all off with a massive blow-out.
Copy !req
327. Best ever. It was legendary.
Copy !req
328. My advice is do that.
By the end of the summer...
Copy !req
329. you're gonna see the big picture.
Copy !req
330. - She's on the phone. It's long-distance.
- Who?
Copy !req
331. - Nadia! Nadia!
- What?
Copy !req
332. New York. Hello.
Yes, dear, he's right here.
Copy !req
333. - Here. Wait.
- Now remember...
Copy !req
334. Yes, I am sure to go see the Lion King.
Copy !req
335. Right. And don't ride
the subway after midnight.
Copy !req
336. I know they've done wonderful things
with that city, but, you know, for me...
Copy !req
337. - Dad!
- He's right... Hang on.
Copy !req
338. - How was college?
- College was excellent.
Copy !req
339. Yeah. Yeah, it was...
it was really excellent.
Copy !req
340. You have not forgotten
about me, have you?
Copy !req
341. No. I... Absolutely not.
Copy !req
342. - I definitely didn't.
- Good, because guess what.
Copy !req
343. I'm coming to see you
at the end of summer.
Copy !req
344. I hope you're ready for me...
Copy !req
345. because I have not forgotten
about you either, you sexy boy.
Copy !req
346. - Shit.
- Jim, you can eat hot dogs tomorrow.
Copy !req
347. No, Finch, it's not the hot dogs.
Copy !req
348. Nadia called me this morning.
Copy !req
349. She's coming here at the end of
the summer and she wants to see me.
Copy !req
350. - That's killer.
- Yeah, that's a good thing.
Copy !req
351. No, not "good thing." Not "killer."
Copy !req
352. I'll never be able to do it.
Copy !req
353. Nadia is gonna be expecting
filet mignon.
Copy !req
354. Okay, and all I'm gonna
be able to give her...
Copy !req
355. is rump roast.
Copy !req
356. Come on.
Copy !req
357. Jim, you've had experience since Nadia.
Copy !req
358. Ah, yes, you would be referring to...
Copy !req
359. the flute-fetish band geek that made me
her bitch, then ditched me after prom.
Copy !req
360. Yes, that's great experience.
Copy !req
361. You just gotta
find the right girl, Jimbo.
Copy !req
362. - Brings it all together.
- I had the right woman.
Copy !req
363. She just sells her cottage
and takes off to parts unknown.
Copy !req
364. My romantic life has passed its peak.
Copy !req
365. Take me out to the pasture and shoot me.
Copy !req
366. Super start to a super summer, fellas.
Welcome home.
Copy !req
367. Guys, I got it. Pack your bags.
Copy !req
368. For what?
Copy !req
369. We're moving to the lake.
Copy !req
370. We're gonna be the shit.
Everybody on the beach is gonna know us.
Copy !req
371. Plenty of opportunities
to practice for Nadia.
Copy !req
372. Throw a huge party at the end
of the summer to cap it all off.
Copy !req
373. Dude, that's a great idea. That way
we'll be able to welcome Heather back...
Copy !req
374. and we'll be able to prepare
for Nadia's big arrival.
Copy !req
375. This is it. This is my summer of love.
Copy !req
376. Just thought I'd say
goodbye to you animals.
Copy !req
377. Hey, Mr Levenstein. How are you, sir?
Copy !req
378. - All packed up, I see.
- We're all set, Dad.
Copy !req
379. Don't worry, okay? I'll be fine.
Copy !req
380. Come on and give your old man a hug.
Copy !req
381. Keep it real, homies.
Copy !req
382. You too, sir. Have a good summer.
Copy !req
383. All right, let's go.
Copy !req
384. I've been running these numbers here...
Copy !req
385. and I don't think the four of us
can afford this place.
Copy !req
386. - Not on summer jobs.
- Well, I kinda thought of that.
Copy !req
387. So, I invited someone else.
Copy !req
388. Oh, yeah! The Stifmeister's
coming back to Grand Harbor!
Copy !req
389. Deck the halls! Bye-bye, Great Falls!
Copy !req
390. Wipe my ass and lick my balls!
Copy !req
391. It's Stifler time, baby!
Copy !req
392. Stifler, if you're gonna be living
with us, you gotta behave yourself.
Copy !req
393. All right, you and Finch
just stay out of each other's way.
Copy !req
394. Kevin, Stifler's stench is unavoidable.
Copy !req
395. Finch, fist yourself.
Copy !req
396. That's right, baby. We're here.
Copy !req
397. Yeah, baby, we're here!
Copy !req
398. - It's a palace.
- It's a temple.
Copy !req
399. Isn't this great?
Copy !req
400. Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
401. This just won't do.
Copy !req
402. Guys.
Copy !req
403. Check this out. This is it.
Copy !req
404. Will you idiots tell me
what this fucker's doin'?
Copy !req
405. Don't touch me while I'm tantric.
Copy !req
406. "Tantric?" What the fuck is tantric?
Copy !req
407. It's a Buddhist discipline.
Copy !req
408. You learn to channel
your body's energies... your chakras.
Copy !req
409. When you can do that, you can have sex
for hours, even days.
Copy !req
410. And this stuff's for real?
Copy !req
411. It's been around for centuries.
Copy !req
412. With tantra you can make
an entire session of sex...
Copy !req
413. feel like one giant orgasm.
Copy !req
414. Eventually, you can sustain
that feeling by meditating.
Copy !req
415. - Maybe you can teach me sometime?
- Very doubtful.
Copy !req
416. - True.
- Come on, Jim.
Copy !req
417. - You can't possibly be that bad.
- Oh, no?
Copy !req
418. No way.
Copy !req
419. I guess there's only one person
that really knows for sure, huh?
Copy !req
420. Oh, yeah? Where is she this summer?
Copy !req
421. Hey, are you here for
the mid-session performance?
Copy !req
422. Guests go in the amphitheatre.
You can't be here.
Copy !req
423. Do you know where I could find
Michele Flaherty?
Copy !req
424. Guests bring food.
Food attracts animals. This one time...
Copy !req
425. a bear came, and then the bear
had to be destroyed...
Copy !req
426. which means they shot it in the head
with a rifle and killed it and it died.
Copy !req
427. You must know Michele.
Copy !req
428. One, two, three, four.
Copy !req
429. That's a lot of flutes.
Copy !req
430. Good luck. Thanks.
Copy !req
431. Good job. Have fun at your next class.
Copy !req
432. Jim. Holy potatoes!
Copy !req
433. You're really here?
Copy !req
434. Oh, shoot!
Copy !req
435. We're not supposed to have visitors...
Copy !req
436. 'cause this one time, here...
Copy !req
437. this kid had these cookies...
Copy !req
438. Let me guess. A bear came.
Copy !req
439. Cool.
Copy !req
440. It's like you know all our stories.
Copy !req
441. Was that a question?
Copy !req
442. I don't know. Maybe.
Copy !req
443. Do you wanna answer it anyway?
Copy !req
444. I left you like...
like three messages after prom.
Copy !req
445. Really?
Copy !req
446. You didn't think I was weird...
Copy !req
447. because of the way I acted that night?
Copy !req
448. Weird, no.
Copy !req
449. Surprising, yes.
Copy !req
450. I get nasty when I'm horny.
Copy !req
451. That's kind of why I'm here.
Copy !req
452. You remember, was I any good that night?
Copy !req
453. Wow. Jeez.
Copy !req
454. How could I forget?
Copy !req
455. You sucked. You didn't know
what the hell you were doing.
Copy !req
456. But wasn't it fun even though
you were so terrible?
Copy !req
457. - I'm sorry. "Terrible?"
- I've had worse.
Copy !req
458. Sorry.
Copy !req
459. I could give you
some pointers if you want.
Copy !req
460. Really?
Copy !req
461. Shoot. Okay, wait here.
I'll meet you in an hour, okay?
Copy !req
462. - Yeah.
- Wait.
Copy !req
463. Cool idea.
Copy !req
464. What are you doing?
Copy !req
465. You're all right. Here we go. You know
you're not supposed to be here now.
Copy !req
466. Everyone's supposed to be in
the amphitheatre. All right, come on.
Copy !req
467. It's piss-poor to be this late.
I'm very angry right now.
Copy !req
468. You can tell by the tone of my voice
I'm angry. I'm pissed off.
Copy !req
469. Here they are. Got him home.
Copy !req
470. Wait a minute. Are you Petey?
Copy !req
471. Yeah, sure.
Copy !req
472. Petey! Well, that explains everything.
Copy !req
473. All right. Well, always something
with these kids. Go!
Copy !req
474. We are just so thrilled to have you.
None of my kids are at your caliber.
Copy !req
475. But we are just so overjoyed...
Copy !req
476. to have someone
with your kind of talent here.
Copy !req
477. Here you go.
Copy !req
478. Look at this. Your old best friend.
Copy !req
479. I know it's not yours...
Copy !req
480. but you are going to make
beautiful music.
Copy !req
481. This is fantastic. I'm very excited.
Copy !req
482. You just own this and break a leg.
Copy !req
483. What was he doing
wandering unsupervised?
Copy !req
484. Who knows?
Copy !req
485. I'll tell you something. I'm about
fed up with these Tall Oaks North kids.
Copy !req
486. Kids, entertain yourselves.
Play along with Petey.
Copy !req
487. No, no, no, Petey. Here we go.
Copy !req
488. All right, all right.
Come on, now. A little encouragement.
Copy !req
489. Folks, he's just a little nervous.
Copy !req
490. This isn't right.
Copy !req
491. Just blow on it, kid. All right.
Copy !req
492. Here we go.
Copy !req
493. Play! Do something.
Copy !req
494. Special, my ass.
Copy !req
495. Come on. Give the little guy
some support.
Copy !req
496. Come on, Petey.
You're doing great, partner.
Copy !req
497. Come on, honey. You can do it.
Copy !req
498. Come on, Petey.
Copy !req
499. What the hell.
Copy !req
500. All right!
Copy !req
501. All right, Petey! Come on, now! Come on!
Copy !req
502. Rock and roll!
Copy !req
503. Thank you!
Copy !req
504. Thank you, Tall Oaks. You're beautiful.
Copy !req
505. My name is Petey!
Copy !req
506. Thank you!
Copy !req
507. And I have gigantic balls!
Copy !req
508. Not now! Come back later. Go!
Copy !req
509. Hey, hey, hey. Come back here!
Copy !req
510. - I wanna talk to you!
- You are so sweet.
Copy !req
511. He is special.
Copy !req
512. He's my bitch.
Copy !req
513. Well, Michele has confirmed it.
Copy !req
514. - I suck.
- What?
Copy !req
515. I gotta get some practice.
Copy !req
516. Don't worry about it. I mean,
that's why we got the house, Jimbo.
Copy !req
517. We plop a keg on the deck
and the girls come in off the beach.
Copy !req
518. It's like a hummingbird feeder.
Copy !req
519. - You think so?
- I know so.
Copy !req
520. Guaranteed hotties.
Copy !req
521. Fellas, nice pad.
Copy !req
522. Good view, but...
Copy !req
523. the Sherminator sensors detect
no female life forms in the vicinity.
Copy !req
524. High likelihood of
a sausage fest in progress.
Copy !req
525. The girls are coming. I made some calls.
Copy !req
526. The Sherminator's got a point, Kev.
Copy !req
527. Since when do you start listening
to the Sherminator?
Copy !req
528. Since he made me realize
there's an abundance of wiener here.
Copy !req
529. I mean, look around, dude.
Copy !req
530. All right, now it's your turn.
Copy !req
531. Come on. There's nothing to tell.
Copy !req
532. Hey, what's up?
What are you guys talking about?
Copy !req
533. You know, we're just trading
war stories about college...
Copy !req
534. who hooked up with who,
who slept with who...
Copy !req
535. So, Vicky?
Copy !req
536. Well, there was this one guy.
How 'bout you?
Copy !req
537. You know, there was a few girls...
Copy !req
538. three.
Copy !req
539. Look at you. You stud.
Copy !req
540. All right, Oz. Now that Kevin
told us, what about you?
Copy !req
541. You haven't had the slightest bit
of attraction to any girl at school?
Copy !req
542. Don't you fuckin' say no.
I know you did.
Copy !req
543. Even if I did...
Copy !req
544. it wouldn't be anything more
than just a momentary thing.
Copy !req
545. Very uninteresting.
Copy !req
546. How about you, Jessica? How many chicks
did you sleep with this year?
Copy !req
547. Gee, wouldn't you like to know.
Copy !req
548. Fuck yeah, I would.
Copy !req
549. Come on, Ozzy.
Copy !req
550. Yeah, man. Ball. Pool's yours.
Copy !req
551. - Hey, Vic, you wanna play?
- Yeah, sure. You wanna break?
Copy !req
552. Where are the fuckin' females?
Copy !req
553. Jim, can't you leave your shirt on?
You're scaring the chicks away.
Copy !req
554. Dude, give him a break.
Copy !req
555. Ozzy, go deep.
Copy !req
556. - Yeah, bro. You playing?
- No.
Copy !req
557. No, keep going. Flank pattern.
Copy !req
558. - What are you doin'?
- Fishin'.
Copy !req
559. Are you okay?
Copy !req
560. - You okay?
- I'm so sorry. Is everybody okay?
Copy !req
561. Amazing.
Copy !req
562. The Force is strong in that one.
Copy !req
563. Whoa.
Copy !req
564. The Sherminator detects serious heat
at a distance of two meters.
Copy !req
565. Preparing to deploy beer.
Copy !req
566. Dude, let me give you a valuable
piece of advice, okay?
Copy !req
567. Drop the whole "Sherminator" thing.
Copy !req
568. Please repeat previous statement.
Copy !req
569. Look, I know your last name
is Sherman, right?
Copy !req
570. And that rhymes with The Terminator...
Copy !req
571. which was a big hit movie ten years ago.
Copy !req
572. But you can't tell me
a girl's ever really gone for it.
Copy !req
573. System overload.
Hasta la vista, Jessica.
Copy !req
574. Freak.
Copy !req
575. Vic, hey, you guys are leaving?
Copy !req
576. You know, we barely had a chance
to hang out, you know, catch up.
Copy !req
577. - What are you doing this weekend?
- I can get together.
Copy !req
578. - Cool. Let's hang out.
- All right.
Copy !req
579. - Bye, Kev.
- See ya, Jess.
Copy !req
580. No, no, that's all wrong.
Copy !req
581. Thank you. Have a nice day.
Copy !req
582. - So what does he mean, "meet up"?
- You know, like hang out...
Copy !req
583. grab lunch, whatever.
Copy !req
584. I told you, we're just friends now.
And he totally understands.
Copy !req
585. - I'm sure he understands quite well.
- He does.
Copy !req
586. Oh, no, sir. These are all
wrong for you. I mean, seriously.
Copy !req
587. Sure. Well, we're friends.
Copy !req
588. But it's not like I see her
making plans with anyone else.
Copy !req
589. I don't see her with a boyfriend.
I think that puts me on deck.
Copy !req
590. Hey, Vicky only slept with
one guy since we went out.
Copy !req
591. I mean, that like makes me 50%
of her entire guy-related life.
Copy !req
592. You dipshit.
Copy !req
593. She didn't sleep with one guy.
She slept with at least three.
Copy !req
594. What?
Copy !req
595. When a girl tells you
how many guys she slept with...
Copy !req
596. multiply it by three
and that's the real number.
Copy !req
597. Didn't you fuckers
learn anything at college?
Copy !req
598. He did not sleep with three girls,
much like Sly and the Family Stone...
Copy !req
599. aren't gonna dance in here
and gang-bang me...
Copy !req
600. between the afros
and the bell-bottoms, okay?
Copy !req
601. It's not gonna happen.
Copy !req
602. - Kevin did not sleep with three girls.
- Why would he lie to me?
Copy !req
603. It's not a lie. It's an adjustment.
The rule of three.
Copy !req
604. - The rule of what?
- Three.
Copy !req
605. If a guy tells you how many girls he's
been with, it's not even close to that.
Copy !req
606. Take that number and divide it by three.
Then you get the real total.
Copy !req
607. So, if Kevin's saying it's been three
girls, it's more like one, or none.
Copy !req
608. - None?
- Rule of three.
Copy !req
609. It's an exact science,
consistent as gravity.
Copy !req
610. Ozzy, I'm happy for you.
Copy !req
611. At least you've seen a nice bod
while Heather's off suckin' dick.
Copy !req
612. Keep your fantasies to yourself.
Copy !req
613. Dude, use your fuckin' brain.
Copy !req
614. "I'm the American college chick.
La, la, la.
Copy !req
615. Your European cultural shit
is so charming.
Copy !req
616. Hot Spanish guy. Love your accent.
Copy !req
617. Love your ding-dong."
Copy !req
618. I'm tellin' you, right now there
is a dick in your girlfriend's mouth.
Copy !req
619. - Knock it off.
- What'd I say?
Copy !req
620. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
621. Guys, check it out.
Copy !req
622. Lesbians.
Copy !req
623. Lesbians live here.
Copy !req
624. You know, Mr Homophobic Wizard...
Copy !req
625. that it is possible for women
to hold hands and not be gay.
Copy !req
626. Friends can hold hands.
Copy !req
627. Hey, Finch, I don't wanna hear
about you and your boyfriends.
Copy !req
628. - Go jerk off.
- Unnecessary.
Copy !req
629. Tantra teaches you to hold
an orgasm over time...
Copy !req
630. in anticipation of an ultimate moment...
Copy !req
631. to release it upon the world.
Copy !req
632. I'm filling up to the brim.
Copy !req
633. That's fucking disgusting!
I'm gonna throw up.
Copy !req
634. Hey, Heather. You're in!
Copy !req
635. How's the studying going?
Copy !req
636. I'd hardly call it studying.
Copy !req
637. I've been going to the Picasso museum...
Copy !req
638. hanging out at Sagrada Familia...
Copy !req
639. going with Pierre to the Parc Guell.
Copy !req
640. - Who's Pierre?
- One of the guys in the program.
Copy !req
641. He's got a girlfriend back in France, so
we've kind of got something in common.
Copy !req
642. That sounds cool.
Copy !req
643. Yeah, I've overheard them
on the phone at night.
Copy !req
644. And, well, it made me think.
Copy !req
645. Hey, Oz, I'm reaching under my shirt
and I'm rubbing myself.
Copy !req
646. Oz, come on. It's phone sex.
Help me out here.
Copy !req
647. Okay.
Copy !req
648. I'm going over to my bed.
Copy !req
649. And I'm lying down.
Copy !req
650. And I'm slowly...
Copy !req
651. reaching downstairs.
Copy !req
652. Grab it. Tell me how big it is.
Copy !req
653. Listen, Heather,
I'm feeling kind of awkward.
Copy !req
654. If we can't be with each other,
then we have to learn to be more vocal.
Copy !req
655. - Right?
- Right. Okay.
Copy !req
656. Okay, here we go.
I'm reaching in my pants now.
Copy !req
657. And I'm rubbing it for you, Heather.
Copy !req
658. And it feels so good.
Copy !req
659. - Yeah, me too.
- Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
660. I got...
Copy !req
661. Call waiting.
Copy !req
662. Shit. Hello?
Copy !req
663. Wrong number.
Copy !req
664. Hey. Hello. Wrong number.
Copy !req
665. All right, look, man. I got
my hand on my dick right now, okay...
Copy !req
666. and I'm trying to have sex
with my girlfriend over the phone.
Copy !req
667. Good for you, man.
Copy !req
668. Sorry about that. Where were we?
Copy !req
669. I think you were reaching for something.
Copy !req
670. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
671. Oh, yeah, Heather. I'm rubbing it
and it feels so good.
Copy !req
672. Hey, Oz, I'm touching myself.
What else do you want me to do?
Copy !req
673. Heather, baby.
Copy !req
674. Why don't you tell me my dick
is as big as Stifler's.
Copy !req
675. Stifler, get off!
Copy !req
676. I am getting off just listening
to the two of you guys.
Copy !req
677. - Keep going.
- We should try this another time.
Copy !req
678. Yeah, all right. Bye. I love you.
Copy !req
679. - I love you.
- Come on you, guys. I was almost there!
Copy !req
680. - Nice talking with you, Steven.
- Stifler, man!
Copy !req
681. Repressed.
Copy !req
682. Check it out.
Copy !req
683. Potential lesbians leaving the building.
Copy !req
684. All right. Now is my chance.
Copy !req
685. I need confirmation.
Copy !req
686. Stifler. Hey, man, what are you doing?
Copy !req
687. Go get him.
Copy !req
688. You ass. Stifler, get out.
Copy !req
689. Shit, dude! I found a dildo!
Copy !req
690. Big blue rubber dicks for everyone!
Copy !req
691. - The people demand rubber dicks!
- Finch, help.
Copy !req
692. Dildo, dildo, dildo!
Copy !req
693. - What are you doing?
- Looking for more lesbian artifacts.
Copy !req
694. - Where'd you get this?
- Finch's ass.
Copy !req
695. Shit! Guys, they're back.
Copy !req
696. Stall 'em!
Copy !req
697. Come on. Come on!
Copy !req
698. - Come on. Come on.
- This is awesome!
Copy !req
699. Danielle, Amber, hi.
Copy !req
700. Just needed the paper, huh?
Copy !req
701. - Which room?
- I can't remember. I was too excited.
Copy !req
702. - I'm in a lesbian stronghold.
- Was it in here?
Copy !req
703. - Why you asking me so many questions?
- Was it in here?
Copy !req
704. - Maybe.
- Was it or was it not here?
Copy !req
705. Happy painting, boys.
Copy !req
706. You gotta get out of there.
They're inside.
Copy !req
707. Oh, shit, balls!
Copy !req
708. - Very original, Steven.
- Don't call me Steven.
Copy !req
709. I can wear that
little leopard bikini of mine.
Copy !req
710. I love that one. It's so cute on you.
Copy !req
711. Help me zip, please.
Copy !req
712. - Did I show you my cute pink shoes?
- Does it match your pink bikini?
Copy !req
713. They're getting naked.
Copy !req
714. - Cute.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
715. Shit. She's de-pantsing.
Copy !req
716. Oh, man.
Copy !req
717. Wait. They can't hear us inside?
We won't cross over their radio?
Copy !req
718. No, man. These work on a CB frequency.
Copy !req
719. This girl is so hot.
Copy !req
720. Two possible lesbians
in their bras and panties.
Copy !req
721. Lesbians?
Copy !req
722. Did you say lesbians?
Copy !req
723. Hot lesbians!
Copy !req
724. - Don't touch me.
- I'm not.
Copy !req
725. That better not have been
what I thought it was.
Copy !req
726. This is not gonna fit.
Look at you and look at me.
Copy !req
727. - Too big.
- I'll get you the blue stringy number.
Copy !req
728. Johnny West is missing.
Copy !req
729. Maybe you kicked it under the bed.
Copy !req
730. Okay, let me look.
Copy !req
731. Wait. Didn't you have it
when we were downstairs?
Copy !req
732. Maybe.
Copy !req
733. Guys, get the hell
out of there right now.
Copy !req
734. Come on!
Copy !req
735. - It's clear!
- Go, go, go!
Copy !req
736. They're coming back.
Copy !req
737. I'm just so glad I found him.
He's my favourite collectible.
Copy !req
738. I know.
Copy !req
739. Guys, we got nothin' to worry about.
Copy !req
740. I just remembered, I got that dildo
from the other bedroom.
Copy !req
741. Holy shit! There's a dildo in my drawer.
Copy !req
742. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
743. You could have asked me
if you wanted to borrow it.
Copy !req
744. Stop it.
Copy !req
745. - What the hell was that?
- I don't know. Call 911.
Copy !req
746. - No 911.
- Don't call the police.
Copy !req
747. - My God, it's the painting kids.
- I'm still calling the cops.
Copy !req
748. Okay, no, no, no. This isn't right.
Copy !req
749. - Look. Stifler did break in here.
- You dick!
Copy !req
750. But we just followed him in
to get him out.
Copy !req
751. I just wanted proof that you chicks
are really lesbians.
Copy !req
752. You wanna mess with 'em?
Copy !req
753. Yeah, it'll be fun.
Copy !req
754. Let's do it.
Copy !req
755. You guys like that?
Copy !req
756. Ozzy, stand by for confirmation.
Copy !req
757. That's a big 10-4 on the confirmation.
Copy !req
758. Sounds like your little friends
outside wanna play too.
Copy !req
759. You won't be needing this.
Copy !req
760. Who wants me to touch Amber?
Copy !req
761. I do, I do.
Copy !req
762. - Who the hell is that?
- Who's this?
Copy !req
763. This is John... Smith.
Copy !req
764. I'm turning off my radio now.
Copy !req
765. Okay. Where should I touch Amber?
Copy !req
766. Ass, baby. Feel that ass!
Copy !req
767. That's nice.
Copy !req
768. I know. You feel his ass first.
Copy !req
769. Excuse me?
Copy !req
770. Yeah, I like that. That's good.
Copy !req
771. I got some painting I should...
Copy !req
772. Jim, hold on. I can handle it.
Copy !req
773. - What?
- I'm comfortable with my sexuality.
Copy !req
774. And I would love to see that show.
Copy !req
775. Bravo!
Copy !req
776. One finger on the cheek.
Copy !req
777. We want...
Copy !req
778. palm grasping.
Copy !req
779. That's too much. No, no, no.
Copy !req
780. You don't touch, we don't touch.
Copy !req
781. - Squeeze his ass, son. You'll like it.
- Come on, boys.
Copy !req
782. - Jesus Christ.
- Oh, shit.
Copy !req
783. I'm touching his ass.
I'm touching his ass.
Copy !req
784. Red Leader, what's your position?
Copy !req
785. I'm touching his ass.
I'm touching his ass.
Copy !req
786. Mommy!
Copy !req
787. You can go.
Copy !req
788. That really wasn't bad.
Copy !req
789. - I wanna go home.
- That's too bad.
Copy !req
790. Never mind. I'm staying.
Copy !req
791. Danielle is feeling my breasts.
Copy !req
792. No way, dude!
Copy !req
793. Her breasts are so luscious.
Copy !req
794. What a wonderful Christmas gift
you bought the boys.
Copy !req
795. My nipples are so hard.
Copy !req
796. I think I can fix these.
Copy !req
797. Sweet Jesus.
Copy !req
798. Your turn.
Copy !req
799. Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
800. No, no, no.
Copy !req
801. Him.
Copy !req
802. Kiss.
Copy !req
803. Dude, no.
Copy !req
804. - Wait. What?
- You want more?
Copy !req
805. We want more. Go get him, tiger.
Copy !req
806. - You're gonna love it.
- Do it for us.
Copy !req
807. Okay, dude.
Copy !req
808. One, two...
Copy !req
809. three.
Copy !req
810. - That doesn't even count.
- That totally counted.
Copy !req
811. - That's how you kiss your mother.
- Don't you say anything!
Copy !req
812. Make it real. You do that...
Copy !req
813. we'll do anything you want.
Copy !req
814. Anything?
Copy !req
815. Anything.
Copy !req
816. - You better like it.
- Promise.
Copy !req
817. I wouldn't lie.
Copy !req
818. That is what I'm talking about.
Copy !req
819. Kev, you can look.
Copy !req
820. That's it.
Copy !req
821. Where's your tongue?
Copy !req
822. Good boys.
Copy !req
823. - Very good.
- Dude, you're a fucking lousy kisser.
Copy !req
824. What? I wasn't trying!
Copy !req
825. That's not fair!
Copy !req
826. I wasn't trying there!
Copy !req
827. No judgment.
Copy !req
828. Wait a second. You were trying?
Copy !req
829. - Fuck no!
- You were trying!
Copy !req
830. - I kissed Jim!
- Silence!
Copy !req
831. - Ladies.
- Yes?
Copy !req
832. As you were.
Copy !req
833. - Here we go.
- Let's do it.
Copy !req
834. Them girls sound like the two
transvestites we picked up in Biloxi.
Copy !req
835. - Honey, come on. Food's ready.
- I'm not hungry!
Copy !req
836. I can't believe this. Okay, just do it.
Copy !req
837. - Oh, God.
- It was worth it.
Copy !req
838. Hello.
Copy !req
839. Okay, I think that's enough now.
Copy !req
840. - I want more.
- Hell, yeah. I want more too, baby.
Copy !req
841. We're gonna get more physical
as soon as we get some...
Copy !req
842. - Hand jobs.
- Okay!
Copy !req
843. Hand jobs.
Copy !req
844. You do him. We love to watch.
Copy !req
845. I'm sorry?
Copy !req
846. - You go.
- We go.
Copy !req
847. Don't be a wimp.
Copy !req
848. Okay. It's okay.
Copy !req
849. I know what I have to do.
Copy !req
850. I need to keep this party goin'.
Copy !req
851. I'm takin' one for the team.
Copy !req
852. Mother of God!
Copy !req
853. Come on, you pussies! We had 'em!
Copy !req
854. - I am not touching that.
- Put that thing away, Stifler.
Copy !req
855. Why can't you guys be team players, huh?
Copy !req
856. I was the one doin'
all the sacrificing'.
Copy !req
857. And now for our devoted listeners,
back to the show.
Copy !req
858. Let me try that dildo.
Copy !req
859. Now, wait just a minute.
Copy !req
860. Stifler wanted to give
you two hand jobs?
Copy !req
861. No. Stifler wanted one from us.
Copy !req
862. What? Bullshit.
Copy !req
863. He did. And it was horrible.
Copy !req
864. Very horrible.
Copy !req
865. You guys, you wanna play some "asshole"?
Copy !req
866. Just watching the game, Kev.
Copy !req
867. I just wanna do something together.
Copy !req
868. We just did something together.
Very together.
Copy !req
869. Ho, ho, ho. Stifler Claus is here.
Copy !req
870. Now, just so there's no confusion...
Copy !req
871. Santa Porn has just brought us
some heterosexual entertainment.
Copy !req
872. Here you go.
Copy !req
873. All right. Here.
Copy !req
874. And the Stifmeister's provided us
some complimentary lubricant.
Copy !req
875. Whack away, Jim.
Copy !req
876. Does this stuff really
make a difference?
Copy !req
877. - Oh, yeah!
- Really?
Copy !req
878. Stifmeister's palace of love...
Copy !req
879. straight love.
Copy !req
880. Oh, hey. Yeah, I'm fine.
Copy !req
881. - How about you?
- That's Stifler's mom.
Copy !req
882. Silence.
Copy !req
883. I didn't really think you were gonna be
in Michigan this summer.
Copy !req
884. Yeah, you're more than welcome
to be here.
Copy !req
885. Okay, stop by in a couple of weeks.
We're having a big party.
Copy !req
886. Okay, bye.
Copy !req
887. Stifler, was that...
Copy !req
888. She's coming.
Copy !req
889. Stifler's mom is coming here.
Copy !req
890. Efforts must be doubled.
Copy !req
891. "Efforts must be doubled."
Copy !req
892. Absolutely.
Copy !req
893. Jenny, where'd you put my clarinet?
Copy !req
894. - I think I shoved it in your box.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
895. Bad man. I'm a bad, bad man.
Copy !req
896. Jim, what are you doing here?
Copy !req
897. Well, I thought you had said...
Copy !req
898. You can't just stand out here.
Copy !req
899. Look, I need your help.
Copy !req
900. Nadia's coming back and I don't...
Copy !req
901. I don't wanna be this awkward...
Copy !req
902. bumbling, nervous guy with her.
Copy !req
903. I don't wanna seem like a dork.
Copy !req
904. Well, I know that feeling.
Copy !req
905. Spend your life playing in the band...
Copy !req
906. it doesn't exactly give you
the ultra-cool hipster image.
Copy !req
907. - I think you're pretty cool.
- Seriously?
Copy !req
908. Michele, why did you
ditch me after prom?
Copy !req
909. I didn't ditch you. I just...
Copy !req
910. Our date was over.
Copy !req
911. I mean, did you want some...
Copy !req
912. funky, weird, next-morning goodbye?
Copy !req
913. It's not like I wanted you to pretend
you were in love with me or something.
Copy !req
914. Why would I pretend that?
Copy !req
915. Guys do that.
Copy !req
916. Yeah, well, I'm not like other guys.
Copy !req
917. I know.
Copy !req
918. Okay, I'm gonna help you.
Copy !req
919. Really?
Copy !req
920. Yeah, I feel bad
for saying that you sucked...
Copy !req
921. even though you kind of did.
Copy !req
922. Let's just get started.
Copy !req
923. - Now, I'm a hot girl.
- Right.
Copy !req
924. - Okay, what do you wanna do?
- I wanna feel your boobs.
Copy !req
925. No, you dingbat.
Copy !req
926. You don't just go groping away.
Copy !req
927. You gotta preheat the oven
before you stick in the turkey.
Copy !req
928. Kiss me, here.
Copy !req
929. Good. Okay, now...
Copy !req
930. the collarbone... kiss.
Copy !req
931. Good, Jim.
Copy !req
932. You're making me wet.
Copy !req
933. Holy shit. Really?
Copy !req
934. No, I was just saying that
so you could practice.
Copy !req
935. Of course.
Copy !req
936. Does direction matter,
like clockwise, counter clockwise?
Copy !req
937. Okay, Jim,
this is what I'm talking about.
Copy !req
938. Your main problem is you're so uptight.
Copy !req
939. Do I seem uptight
about my sexual stuff? No.
Copy !req
940. The biggest pointer
I could give you is...
Copy !req
941. you have to feel comfortable
in any situation.
Copy !req
942. Stand up.
Copy !req
943. Stand up.
Copy !req
944. - Now, this is a fucked-up situation.
- What happened to preheating?
Copy !req
945. - We're skipping a few chapters.
- Oh, okay.
Copy !req
946. This is good. This is good. Obviously.
Copy !req
947. - Gilligan's island, Mr Howell.
- What?
Copy !req
948. You've got to control yourself
and think of something nonsexual.
Copy !req
949. I haven't even touched you yet,
and you're turning into the Sears Tower.
Copy !req
950. I'm sorry. Yeah, nonsexual.
Copy !req
951. Right, right. Okay.
Copy !req
952. - Chairs.
- Good.
Copy !req
953. Mastodons.
Copy !req
954. Cleaning my bathroom.
Copy !req
955. Dung beetles.
Copy !req
956. Okay. Now, don't freak out.
Copy !req
957. I'm gonna do something
to push your threshold.
Copy !req
958. Oh, that's cold! What are you doing?
Copy !req
959. I just shoved a trumpet in your ass.
Aren't instruments fun?
Copy !req
960. Okay, I think you've just
crossed my threshold.
Copy !req
961. Call me in two weeks. I'll be home then.
We can finish lessons.
Copy !req
962. Pointer... less tongue.
Copy !req
963. - What is it? A guest book?
- Yeah, and look at this entry.
Copy !req
964. "Best thing was the blow-out
at Tom Myers' place.
Copy !req
965. - There he is.
- A night not soon to be forgotten.
Copy !req
966. August '93."
It's your brother, man. Look.
Copy !req
967. Yeah, his cottage was
right down on the beach.
Copy !req
968. Guys, this is what our party's gotta be.
Copy !req
969. - Something we'll always remember.
- Yes, definitely.
Copy !req
970. Absolutely.
Copy !req
971. - You go fish.
- Finch, we're playing gin.
Copy !req
972. Gin.
Copy !req
973. What the fuck?
Copy !req
974. "Dear Jim.
Copy !req
975. Chicago is beautiful,
but it would be better if you were here.
Copy !req
976. I'm counting the days. Love, Nadia."
Copy !req
977. Well, I wish you were here, Nadia.
Copy !req
978. - Have you been dirty?
- Oh, yes, baby. I've been dirty.
Copy !req
979. Do you want me to clean you?
Copy !req
980. "Apply a few drops
to achieve desired lubrication."
Copy !req
981. All right.
Copy !req
982. I that a loofah,
or are you just glad to see me?
Copy !req
983. What the hell.
Copy !req
984. Shit.
Copy !req
985. God!
Copy !req
986. I been missin' out.
Copy !req
987. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
988. Shit!
Copy !req
989. - Everybody okay?
- I'm fine.
Copy !req
990. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
Copy !req
991. Shut the fuck up or I'll break down
this door and pummel your ass!
Copy !req
992. No, don't come in here. I'm fine.
I just fell out of the bed.
Copy !req
993. - You sure?
- Okay, good night, then.
Copy !req
994. - 'Night.
- We'll see you in the morning.
Copy !req
995. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
996. - Poison control.
- Hello?
Copy !req
997. Yeah, I kind of...
Copy !req
998. Super Glued myself...
Copy !req
999. to myself.
Copy !req
1000. No, no!
Copy !req
1001. Don't send an ambulance.
Copy !req
1002. Look, is there anything, you know,
around the house?
Copy !req
1003. Paint thinner.
Copy !req
1004. Shit.
Copy !req
1005. Don't move! Stay where you are!
Copy !req
1006. Hands where we can see 'em!
Copy !req
1007. Both hands!
Get the other hand up, God damn it!
Copy !req
1008. I can't! I can't! I'm glued!
Copy !req
1009. I'm glued!
Copy !req
1010. Sorry.
Copy !req
1011. Relax your hands.
Copy !req
1012. I'll take it from here, okay?
Copy !req
1013. Don't worry, Jimbo.
You're gonna be fine, buddy.
Copy !req
1014. Jim, this happens to the best of us.
Copy !req
1015. Left foot first. Easy does it. Good.
Copy !req
1016. - Watch your head.
- All right. Take a seat.
Copy !req
1017. Excuse me, sir. Are you a family member?
Copy !req
1018. Fuck, no! This is just too good to miss!
Copy !req
1019. Okay, sir, you're just gonna have
to wait here. All right?
Copy !req
1020. This summer's turned out to be great.
Copy !req
1021. Mucilage is dangerous territory...
Copy !req
1022. and I would think
any adhesive product...
Copy !req
1023. would have a warning right on the tube.
Copy !req
1024. I thought it was a lubricant.
Copy !req
1025. I was trying to use lubricant.
Copy !req
1026. Son, couldn't you have left
that disgusting thing at home?
Copy !req
1027. Excuse me?
Copy !req
1028. Well, that kind of material
is offensive to me.
Copy !req
1029. Oh, well, we're sorry.
Copy !req
1030. But, you see,
my son couldn't leave it at home...
Copy !req
1031. because he's having
a bit of a medical emergency.
Copy !req
1032. Thanks, Dad.
Copy !req
1033. Your opinion of his taste
in video rentals, I'm afraid...
Copy !req
1034. is not a priority, lady.
Copy !req
1035. It's at the bottom of the totem pole.
Copy !req
1036. Thank you. Okay?
Copy !req
1037. My son...
Copy !req
1038. is sitting here right now...
Copy !req
1039. with his hand glued to his penis!
Copy !req
1040. But that doesn't mean
anything to you, does it?
Copy !req
1041. Because you don't have a penis!
Copy !req
1042. - Or maybe you do!
- Dad!
Copy !req
1043. Sorry. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1044. You know, it just bugs me
when people speak before they think.
Copy !req
1045. You know, they speak.
Copy !req
1046. - How you doin', son?
- I've been better.
Copy !req
1047. Boy, that doesn't look too bad, Jim.
Copy !req
1048. Good job, Doctor.
Copy !req
1049. The swelling should subside
in about eight or nine days.
Copy !req
1050. Eight or nine...
Copy !req
1051. Beach party's in a week. Nadia's coming.
Copy !req
1052. Doctor, my son has
a party in seven days...
Copy !req
1053. and there's a young lady coming...
Copy !req
1054. that he's been waiting to...
Copy !req
1055. he's been waiting to get with.
Copy !req
1056. I'd tell your son to keep
his pants on during that party.
Copy !req
1057. Oh, yes. Believe me, I will be
doing that. It goes without saying.
Copy !req
1058. But if his pants...
Copy !req
1059. decide to come off during the party...
Copy !req
1060. could he have full use of his...
Copy !req
1061. penis?
Copy !req
1062. Okay.
Copy !req
1063. This should shave a couple of days off.
Copy !req
1064. Oh, good.
Copy !req
1065. Thank you, Doctor.
Copy !req
1066. Jim...
Copy !req
1067. that's good news.
Copy !req
1068. This has been a good-news day, son.
Here. Put this on.
Copy !req
1069. Little chilly out there.
Copy !req
1070. Well, here we are.
Copy !req
1071. You know, Jim...
Copy !req
1072. I think we should keep your mother
in the dark about the incident tonight.
Copy !req
1073. I think the whole glue thing
might get her a little queasy.
Copy !req
1074. I don't know how I get myself
into these things.
Copy !req
1075. But thanks for understanding.
Copy !req
1076. You've been really cool.
Copy !req
1077. I mean, between this and...
Copy !req
1078. you know...
Copy !req
1079. You know, you may be Jimbo or Jumbo...
Copy !req
1080. or Jimbodinny to these guys
in here, but...
Copy !req
1081. I want you to know
there are two people...
Copy !req
1082. who still remember where
James Emanuel Levenstein came from.
Copy !req
1083. We're awful proud of you, son.
Copy !req
1084. Thanks, Dad.
Copy !req
1085. Don't forget your penis cream.
Copy !req
1086. That was it.
Copy !req
1087. Right there.
That was a pure tantric moment.
Copy !req
1088. The fiicus, the water...
it was all erotic.
Copy !req
1089. One more stimulant,
I would have had full release.
Copy !req
1090. Finch, stay the fuck
away from that fiicus.
Copy !req
1091. That's a jizz-free fiicus.
Copy !req
1092. There he is. Morning, Jimbo.
How's the twig and giggleberries, man?
Copy !req
1093. Oh, very colorful.
My dick looks like a paint-by-numbers.
Copy !req
1094. You're the only guy I know
whose dick needs an instruction manual.
Copy !req
1095. Casa de Stifler.
Copy !req
1096. You're here now? No, that's cool.
Copy !req
1097. You know, if you want to
hang out with these guys.
Copy !req
1098. Okay, then. I'll meet you out front.
Copy !req
1099. - Hey, Stifler, was that...
- Eat shit, Shitbreak.
Copy !req
1100. She's here.
Copy !req
1101. My lady has arrived.
Copy !req
1102. - I gotta prepare.
- Here we go.
Copy !req
1103. - Great. Stifler's mom is here?
- This could be a disaster.
Copy !req
1104. Not unless Stifler's mom drives a moped.
Copy !req
1105. Moped?
Copy !req
1106. Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers.
How you doin', boys?
Copy !req
1107. - That's Stifler's little brother.
- What are you doing here?
Copy !req
1108. Pussy, man. I'm here for the pussy.
Copy !req
1109. Take a number.
Copy !req
1110. Gentlemen, why all the noise?
Everybody knows this is my special day.
Copy !req
1111. - What is that?
- Is that a fuckin' dress?
Copy !req
1112. - Are you wearing a dress?
- Shitbreak, meet my little brother.
Copy !req
1113. Little brother, meet Shitbreak.
Copy !req
1114. - That's your brother?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1115. My lady's not coming.
Copy !req
1116. So my entire stockpile is wasted...
Copy !req
1117. and I look ridiculous!
Copy !req
1118. Excuse me.
Copy !req
1119. - That didn't look too good.
- No.
Copy !req
1120. - Let's go find your room.
- So, where are the fuckin' females?
Copy !req
1121. I can't believe I finally got you alone.
Copy !req
1122. That only took, what, six weeks?
Copy !req
1123. So, are you alone too?
Copy !req
1124. - Yep.
- Good.
Copy !req
1125. I'm all alone.
Copy !req
1126. Guess what I had in mind?
Copy !req
1127. Hey, Marco,
can you get your balls off me?
Copy !req
1128. - What the hell's going on over there?
- Nothing.
Copy !req
1129. It's just my flatmates.
Copy !req
1130. I guess this is kind of
a lost cause, huh?
Copy !req
1131. - Yeah, I guess so.
- See ya this weekend?
Copy !req
1132. - I can't wait.
- I can't wait either.
Copy !req
1133. Bye-bye.
Copy !req
1134. - Surprise!
- Holy... Nadia!
Copy !req
1135. You're here? You're here.
What are you doing here?
Copy !req
1136. Jim, I got so tired of sightseeing.
Copy !req
1137. But you're... you're early.
Copy !req
1138. Okay. Nice to know you.
Copy !req
1139. - I will leave.
- No!
Copy !req
1140. No. Don't... Don't leave.
Copy !req
1141. Don't leave. No leaving.
Copy !req
1142. It's just, I'm not gonna be ready...
Copy !req
1143. I mean, the party won't be
ready until Saturday.
Copy !req
1144. I can stay here until then?
Copy !req
1145. Yeah.
Copy !req
1146. I'm gonna be right back. Is that okay?
Copy !req
1147. - Okay.
- Nadia...
Copy !req
1148. who's in my room. Now. Holy shit.
Copy !req
1149. All right, I've got a plan.
Copy !req
1150. Okay. How about I come back with you...
Copy !req
1151. and you say...
Copy !req
1152. "Hello, this is Michele, my girlfriend."
Copy !req
1153. And obviously, Nadia won't
expect you to hop in the sack.
Copy !req
1154. And then we break up
the day of the party.
Copy !req
1155. And you're all healed
and back on the market.
Copy !req
1156. - You're evil.
- No way!
Copy !req
1157. I'm like Cupid.
Copy !req
1158. And I know how to make a girl jealous.
Copy !req
1159. This is gonna be fun.
Copy !req
1160. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner...
Copy !req
1161. but we just started seeing
each other a few weeks ago.
Copy !req
1162. But I'd really love it
if you stayed here.
Copy !req
1163. I think you should stay
and have fun at the party.
Copy !req
1164. Good for you, Jim.
Of course I will stay.
Copy !req
1165. That's great... That's my nipples!
Copy !req
1166. She just loves my nipples.
Copy !req
1167. - Oh, my God.
- You still broken?
Copy !req
1168. No.
Copy !req
1169. I'm fine.
Copy !req
1170. I might have to
actually go through with this.
Copy !req
1171. What's the big deal with Nadia, anyway?
Copy !req
1172. I mean, okay...
Copy !req
1173. so she's 50,000 times hotter
than most girls...
Copy !req
1174. but come on, it's just sex.
Copy !req
1175. Oh, no.
Copy !req
1176. You saw the thing on the Internet.
Copy !req
1177. Did it look like I might have had...
Copy !req
1178. a slight interest in Nadia then?
Copy !req
1179. Add another year to that.
Copy !req
1180. Okay.
Copy !req
1181. Hey, why don't you bring Nadia
to the concert first?
Copy !req
1182. It'll be a cool date.
Copy !req
1183. We'll see how things go.
Copy !req
1184. Michele, you have been great.
Copy !req
1185. Thank you.
Copy !req
1186. Anytime.
Copy !req
1187. Come on.
Copy !req
1188. You ready to break up?
Copy !req
1189. You big, stupid dummy!
Copy !req
1190. Theater is so cool!
Copy !req
1191. I don't care if you are the best lay
I've ever had in my life.
Copy !req
1192. - I hate your guts anyway.
- Don't say that.
Copy !req
1193. And I don't care if you did give me
ten orgasms in a row...
Copy !req
1194. because you smell really bad.
Copy !req
1195. I smell really bad!
Copy !req
1196. Because we've been having
so much sex, and...
Copy !req
1197. and I haven't showered,
and I wanna shower!
Copy !req
1198. So, don't you go being all
super sexy guy any more...
Copy !req
1199. because I am now impervious...
Copy !req
1200. to your unrelenting machismo
and sexual ardor.
Copy !req
1201. And that includes fucking me
in the ass! So there!
Copy !req
1202. We had something special.
Copy !req
1203. Vicki. Hey.
Copy !req
1204. I'm so glad you came.
You want something to drink or...
Copy !req
1205. Can I help you?
Copy !req
1206. - Kevin.
- What?
Copy !req
1207. That's my date.
Copy !req
1208. You saved them all.
Copy !req
1209. How sweet.
Copy !req
1210. You don't think I'm a dork?
Copy !req
1211. Whatever you are, Jim,
it is what I like.
Copy !req
1212. Kevin left. Didn't look good.
Copy !req
1213. Kevin left?
Copy !req
1214. Just wandered down the beach.
Copy !req
1215. You okay, Kev?
Copy !req
1216. Wanna tell us what's up?
Copy !req
1217. Wanna feel Finch's ass?
Copy !req
1218. No, I went to say hi to Vicky...
Copy !req
1219. and she was there with a date.
Copy !req
1220. You hooked up with three girls
this year. You're doing fine.
Copy !req
1221. Rule of three, Oz.
Copy !req
1222. I guess I was living in the past...
wanting to party with you guys...
Copy !req
1223. and be with Vicky,
just like high school.
Copy !req
1224. You remember that day after prom?
Copy !req
1225. You know, we made
a toast to the next step.
Copy !req
1226. I guess I never took it.
Copy !req
1227. My brother said that by the end
of the summer I'd see the big picture.
Copy !req
1228. And I see it.
Copy !req
1229. No matter what, times change
and things are different.
Copy !req
1230. The problem is, I don't want them to be.
Copy !req
1231. You know, Kevin,
I haven't moved on either.
Copy !req
1232. I've been obsessed with the one woman...
Copy !req
1233. I can't have a real future with...
Copy !req
1234. other than a very kinky,
extremely warped one.
Copy !req
1235. I got to find a new goddess.
Copy !req
1236. It's gonna take patience,
but I've been celibate all summer.
Copy !req
1237. - You kinda get used to it, though, huh?
- Are you insane?
Copy !req
1238. Look, Kev, different does not
necessarily mean worse.
Copy !req
1239. As a matter of fact,
I think things are just getting better.
Copy !req
1240. Or am I gonna have to drag your ass
back to that party and prove it to you?
Copy !req
1241. I'll walk.
Copy !req
1242. You know, you have beautiful eyes.
Copy !req
1243. - Oh, you're sweet.
- That's a really nice top.
Copy !req
1244. - Oh. Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Copy !req
1245. - Wanna fuck?
- Are you serious?
Copy !req
1246. Come on, baby.
Give it to the Stifmeister.
Copy !req
1247. - I think you better...
- Your loss.
Copy !req
1248. Wow. You know, you have beautiful eyes.
Copy !req
1249. Come here, dude.
You're making an ass out of yourself.
Copy !req
1250. You're ruining my mojo.
And you're not the Stifmeister, okay?
Copy !req
1251. It takes years to develop
true Stifmeister style.
Copy !req
1252. Come on, man!
I just wanna see some boobs.
Copy !req
1253. - Hey, Pop Tart.
- Dream on, midget.
Copy !req
1254. Excuse him. Come here.
Take this. You're on cop watch.
Copy !req
1255. Go out in the driveway.
See any cops, call me, okay?
Copy !req
1256. All right.
Copy !req
1257. Gentlemen, this appears to be a party.
Copy !req
1258. Guys, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go look for Nadia.
Copy !req
1259. Good luck.
Copy !req
1260. So what was this year like for you?
Copy !req
1261. Did you miss high school?
Copy !req
1262. Well, no.
Copy !req
1263. When you travel as much as I do,
you get used to moving on.
Copy !req
1264. But I have great memories.
Copy !req
1265. - Wow, can we go in there?
- The lighthouse?
Copy !req
1266. Yes.
Copy !req
1267. Yes, we can.
Copy !req
1268. How romantic.
Copy !req
1269. Jim, come on.
Copy !req
1270. It's beautiful!
Copy !req
1271. Cool!
Copy !req
1272. Jim, I have told you
my memories from high school.
Copy !req
1273. What are yours?
Copy !req
1274. You.
Copy !req
1275. You have not changed.
Copy !req
1276. Jim, relax.
Copy !req
1277. We are just, how do you say,
tooting our horns.
Copy !req
1278. Actually, that is quite difficult.
Copy !req
1279. What do you mean?
Copy !req
1280. Well, this one time at band camp...
Copy !req
1281. Holy shit!
Copy !req
1282. What? Tell me.
Copy !req
1283. Well, this one time at band camp...
Copy !req
1284. I got stuck playing this trombone.
Copy !req
1285. And I can't play anything at all.
So I totally sucked.
Copy !req
1286. And everyone thought
I was this Petey guy...
Copy !req
1287. but I didn't know what to think,
so I just kept playing and playing...
Copy !req
1288. and I didn't know what I was doing.
Copy !req
1289. It was so funny!
Copy !req
1290. - I gotta go.
- What? Why?
Copy !req
1291. Please don't take this the wrong way...
Copy !req
1292. but you're...
Copy !req
1293. you're everything that I used to want.
Copy !req
1294. And as much as I may really...
Copy !req
1295. really regret what I'm about to do...
Copy !req
1296. there's somebody else I want to be with.
Copy !req
1297. You want the band geek?
Copy !req
1298. Nadia...
Copy !req
1299. I am a band geek.
Copy !req
1300. I just never joined the band.
Copy !req
1301. You go get your geek.
Copy !req
1302. Someday I will find mine.
Copy !req
1303. Hey. Kevin Myers.
Copy !req
1304. Hi. Sorry I was a dick before.
Copy !req
1305. It's okay, man. My name's Brett.
Copy !req
1306. - Can you give us a sec?
- Sure.
Copy !req
1307. Look, you don't have to do this.
Copy !req
1308. Maybe I was being selfish...
Copy !req
1309. in wanting to be your friend.
Copy !req
1310. Maybe it's just not gonna work.
Copy !req
1311. I would much rather have you as a friend
than not have you in my life at all.
Copy !req
1312. Party on!
Copy !req
1313. - From the lighthouse all the way...
- Hey, handsome.
Copy !req
1314. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
1315. I was gonna pick you up
at the airport in two hours.
Copy !req
1316. I took an earlier flight,
and I thought I'd surprise you.
Copy !req
1317. - Yeah, you did.
- Kinda weird without the phone, huh?
Copy !req
1318. We'll get used to it.
Copy !req
1319. Come on. I wanna hear all about it.
We'll grab you a drink.
Copy !req
1320. Steve, this cop-watch
thing is horseshit.
Copy !req
1321. Hello?
Copy !req
1322. Man, this sucks.
Copy !req
1323. Who is it out there?
Copy !req
1324. It's the Stifmeister, baby.
Copy !req
1325. Is that so?
Copy !req
1326. Life's a bitch, isn't it?
Copy !req
1327. It's all right.
You don't have to say anything.
Copy !req
1328. I'm used to girls ignoring me.
Copy !req
1329. Or making fun of me.
Copy !req
1330. "Come on, Sherman. Be the Sherminator."
Copy !req
1331. Like the movie. How clever.
Copy !req
1332. I get it, okay?
Copy !req
1333. Maybe I am a geek.
Copy !req
1334. Whatever.
Copy !req
1335. Yes! Yes, you are!
Copy !req
1336. All right.
Copy !req
1337. I am the Sherminator.
Copy !req
1338. A sophisticated sex robot
sent back through time...
Copy !req
1339. to change the future for one lucky lady.
Copy !req
1340. I am lucky lady?
Copy !req
1341. That's right, Nadia.
Copy !req
1342. You've been targeted for Shermination.
Copy !req
1343. Come with me if you want to live.
Copy !req
1344. Help!
Copy !req
1345. - Fuck me, geek!
- Affirmative!
Copy !req
1346. No fuckin' way!
Copy !req
1347. - Forget it.
- Like you have a chance.
Copy !req
1348. Cheers, bud.
Copy !req
1349. Hey, Steve, look what I found.
Copy !req
1350. - Dude, don't touch the shirt.
- Just look.
Copy !req
1351. - Hi.
- Hey, there.
Copy !req
1352. Brilliant. You found lesbians.
Copy !req
1353. Good luck trying to break
through that force field.
Copy !req
1354. - Lesbians?
- We never said that.
Copy !req
1355. - What?
- We never said that.
Copy !req
1356. Oh, man.
Copy !req
1357. I will do anything... anything...
to sleep with you chicks.
Copy !req
1358. Okay? I'll grab
every guy's ass in this room.
Copy !req
1359. I'll caress it, even.
I'll shave some ass if they need it.
Copy !req
1360. Oh, yeah. You heard me.
Copy !req
1361. It's true. I'll kiss everybody here.
Dudes, chicks, everybody.
Copy !req
1362. Because I am comfortable
with my sexuality.
Copy !req
1363. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
1364. At least have a drink
with the Stifmeister.
Copy !req
1365. - All right.
- That's fair.
Copy !req
1366. All right.
Copy !req
1367. You truly are a Stifmeister.
Copy !req
1368. - Welcome back to the party.
- Steve, those are my lesbians.
Copy !req
1369. - Ladies, I am down with the funky shit.
- Like what?
Copy !req
1370. One time at this party,
I was drinking champagne...
Copy !req
1371. Thank you. Thank you.
Copy !req
1372. Our next soloist
will be Michele Flaherty.
Copy !req
1373. Petey?
Copy !req
1374. This kid is killing me.
Copy !req
1375. - You suck, retard.
- I'm not retarded.
Copy !req
1376. I'm a very special boy.
Copy !req
1377. How's this for a band camp story?
Copy !req
1378. Come on, guys. Let's hear it for Petey!
Copy !req
1379. That untalented bastard.
Copy !req
1380. - Good for them.
- It's awesome.
Copy !req
1381. - Wanna dance?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1382. We'll be back. Come on now, baby.
Copy !req
1383. You know, there's only one word
for that party.
Copy !req
1384. - Bitchin'.
- Out of control.
Copy !req
1385. Am I gonna have a hangover?
'Cause I want one.
Copy !req
1386. Later.
Copy !req
1387. - Good-bye.
- See ya.
Copy !req
1388. - Let's go to our page.
- We have to write about this party.
Copy !req
1389. This party was crazy!
Look at my date! He's passed out!
Copy !req
1390. - You drank him under the table.
- He couldn't hack it.
Copy !req
1391. - Best summer ever, huh, fellas?
- Absolutely.
Copy !req
1392. - Sorry things didn't work out for you.
- You kiddin'? Things are great.
Copy !req
1393. I have all the time in the world.
Copy !req
1394. So, are we gonna do this every summer?
Copy !req
1395. - Hell, yeah, we are.
- Of course we are, gentlemen.
Copy !req
1396. Well, we're gonna try.
Copy !req
1397. - That's a sweet car.
- It is sweet.
Copy !req
1398. - Stifler's mom.
- Hey, Finchy.
Copy !req
1399. How did you know I was here?
Copy !req
1400. I called a couple of weeks ago.
Copy !req
1401. Didn't Steven tell you that
I was gonna drop by sometime?
Copy !req
1402. I guess it slipped his mind.
Copy !req
1403. What's your name?
Copy !req
1404. Jeanine.
Copy !req
1405. Okay, well...
Copy !req
1406. I've been thinking, and,
you know, I'm 19 years old.
Copy !req
1407. There's a whole world out there.
I can't be obsessed with one woman.
Copy !req
1408. - Just can't be.
- I'm glad you're learning, Finchy.
Copy !req
1409. Good.
Copy !req
1410. - You want to get it on?
- You better clear your schedule.
Copy !req
1411. See you guys later.
Copy !req
1412. Where are you goin', man?
What about Dog Years?
Copy !req
1413. Give me, like, three days.
Copy !req
1414. Wait, was that who I think...
Copy !req
1415. - No.
- Yeah!
Copy !req
1416. - I think it was.
- I think so too.
Copy !req
1417. Who the hell was that?
Copy !req
1418. That was...
Copy !req
1419. That was... Someone was lost.
Copy !req
1420. - Lookin' for the lake.
- Yeah, all turned around.
Copy !req
1421. What a dumb ass. The lake's right there.
Copy !req
1422. Incredible. How does Finch get so lucky?
Copy !req
1423. What are you worried about?
You got a girlfriend now.
Copy !req
1424. Everything in. Let's go.
Pony up. Dog Years awaits.
Copy !req
1425. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do.
Copy !req
1426. - I have a girlfriend now.
- Yeah, you do.
Copy !req
1427. - She's my girlfriend.
- All right, Jimbo.
Copy !req
1428. Let's go! Let's go!
Copy !req
1429. - Where's Shitbreak?
- The movies.
Copy !req
1430. - Took the bus.
- Coffee.
Copy !req
1431. Wait a second.
Copy !req
1432. Who the fuck was in that car?
Copy !req
1433. Oh, Finchy, I missed you.
Copy !req
1434. Oh, Jeanine. Jeanine.
Copy !req
1435. Call me Stifler's mom.
Copy !req
1436. Oh, Stifler's mom!
Copy !req