1. REUBEN: I, Reuben, take you, Lisa...Copy !req
2. I, Reuben, take you, Lisa,
to be my lawfully wedded wife.Copy !req
3. I do.Copy !req
4. - Lois, the room looks beautiful.
- Thanks.Copy !req
5. The candles have been replaced
by the mini-lamps you asked for.Copy !req
6. - So no fire hazard.
- Great. Did we sanitize these?Copy !req
7. The best man is in the house!Copy !req
8. (EXCLAIMING)Copy !req
9. LOIS: Oh, my God!
REUBEN: Sandy, are you okay?Copy !req
10. Jorgé, ice. The best man went down.Copy !req
11. Dance floor's a Slip 'N Slide, dude.Copy !req
12. I thought I told them
not to wax this.Copy !req
13. 23% of the guests are over 70.
I don't want anyone breaking a hip.Copy !req
14. Don't worry,
I'm gonna take care of it.Copy !req
15. I analyze risk for a living.
It's my job to worry.Copy !req
16. Let me do the worrying,
because you got to get married.Copy !req
17. I'm good.Copy !req
18. You got my note that Harry Bard
at table 7's allergic to seafood?Copy !req
19. His chicken will go nowhere
near the fish.Copy !req
20. We're putting the finishing touches
on the cake.Copy !req
21. This looks great.
Lisa is gonna love it.Copy !req
22. This looks great.
Lisa is gonna love it.Copy !req
23. Hit me, dude.Copy !req
24. (EXCLAIMING) Aren't you that kid
from Crocodile Tears?Copy !req
25. That's right. I'm Sandy Lyle.Copy !req
26. I saw that movie in high school.Copy !req
27. That bagpipe scene
was the funniest shit.Copy !req
28. We had a good time on that picture.
Want an autograph?Copy !req
29. No, thanks.Copy !req
30. It's good to see you, man.
I thought you died 15 years ago.Copy !req
31. Ah! Nah.Copy !req
32. I'm very much alive.
I've been stage-acting.Copy !req
33. - Getting back to my roots.
- We should...Copy !req
34. They're making
an E! True Hollywood Story on me.Copy !req
35. That'll clear up questions.Copy !req
36. They're really doing a show
about your life?Copy !req
37. I got a camera crew
following me the next few weeks.Copy !req
38. - It's gonna be huge.
- Cool!Copy !req
39. Reuben! Two-minute warning.
Lisa's on her way down.Copy !req
40. Thanks.Copy !req
41. - Look, Reuben.
- Yeah?Copy !req
42. I'm asking you thisCopy !req
43. because you're my oldest friend
in the world.Copy !req
44. - And I'm your wingman.
- Okay. What?Copy !req
45. Are you sure you want to do this?Copy !req
46. Sandy, there's not a doubt
in my mind.Copy !req
47. Okay?Copy !req
48. I found the perfect woman.
We're totally in love.Copy !req
49. My life's working out
just like I planned.Copy !req
50. Let's go get married.Copy !req
51. MALE GUEST: Mazel tov!Copy !req
52. Go on. Kiss each other.Copy !req
53. Big smile, everyone!Copy !req
54. Come on, you love each other.Copy !req
55. Smile, Grandma.Copy !req
56. Having fun.Copy !req
57. (TRADITIONAL WEDDING MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
58. (EXCLAIMING)Copy !req
59. (LAUGHING)Copy !req
60. Hello, everybody.
I'm Stan Indursky, Reuben's boss.Copy !req
61. Thank you. You're very kind.Copy !req
62. Now Reub's not the sort of fellow
to brag about his own successCopy !req
63. so I'm going to do it for him.Copy !req
64. The fact is this young man here,Copy !req
65. is the best
risk assessment expertCopy !req
66. in this whole meshugaas
we call the insurance business.Copy !req
67. Irving, Vivian,
you've raised a wonderful son.Copy !req
68. Let's hear it for him.Copy !req
69. Reuben, Lisa, let me just say...Copy !req
70. that I would insure your marriage
any day of the week.Copy !req
71. Mazel, you two. Good things.Copy !req
72. Oh, and, Lisa, don't tire him out
too bad on the honeymoon.Copy !req
73. I need this kid fresh
when he gets back.Copy !req
74. Mazel! Good things.Copy !req
75. You know, the truth is,Copy !req
76. I've been waiting for this day
my entire life.Copy !req
77. About four-and-a-half years agoCopy !req
78. I met a real-estate agent
named Lisa Kramer...Copy !req
79. who showed me an apartment,
which I rented...Copy !req
80. just so she'd go out with me.Copy !req
81. - I gave him a good price.
- Not good enough. She's a killer.Copy !req
82. No, seriously...Copy !req
83. after about a month of dating,
I knew she was the one.Copy !req
84. And I couldn't be happierCopy !req
85. that on this day that I've been
dreaming about for so long...Copy !req
86. the woman I'm standing next to
is you.Copy !req
87. (ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING)Copy !req
88. (UPBEAT CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
89. LISA: Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
90. REUBEN: Look at this place!
LISA: I lost my shoe!Copy !req
91. - So pretty!
- It's beautiful.Copy !req
92. - What?
- (BOTH SCREAMING)Copy !req
93. (UPBEAT REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
94. - How's your bruise?
- It's okay.Copy !req
95. You know, it's a little sore.Copy !req
96. REUBEN: They really should tell you...Copy !req
97. if they let Komodo dragons
run around the hotel.Copy !req
98. Really.Copy !req
99. Oh!Copy !req
100. - How about this one?
- Let's see.Copy !req
101. "Recently renovated colonial
in Montclair, three-bedroom..."Copy !req
102. Sweetie, we took a virtual tour
of this one on the Internet.Copy !req
103. It was perfect,
but just a little pricey.Copy !req
104. Oh, right. That's right.Copy !req
105. It's probably off the market anyway.Copy !req
106. - Why do you say that?
- Because I bought it.Copy !req
107. You what?Copy !req
108. I bought it!Copy !req
109. Reuben, I'm in shock.
You don't do things like that.Copy !req
110. - You love it, right?
- I do, but, Reuby...Copy !req
111. - We have a house!
- Oh, my God, we have a house! Honey!Copy !req
112. (FRENCH ACCENT) Hi. Hello.Copy !req
113. (FRENCH ACCENT) Hi. Hello.Copy !req
114. (GASPS)Copy !req
115. How's it going?Copy !req
116. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)Copy !req
117. It's going great. Thank you.Copy !req
118. I see you gang
are new to the island,Copy !req
119. I want to come have a meet with you.Copy !req
120. I show you my boat. That is
my boat there on the sandbar.Copy !req
121. It's very big.Copy !req
122. Yeah, it's pretty good size.Copy !req
123. So, tell me true,
are you guys for scuba?Copy !req
124. What does that mean?Copy !req
125. I'm the unofficial scuba king
of St. Barts.Copy !req
126. So if you're for scuba,
I take you out on the boat,Copy !req
127. I show you the coral reef
and we have like a scuba party?Copy !req
128. That sounds great, but we're not
certified, so we'll have to pass.Copy !req
129. That is no biggie.
I get you resort-certified...Copy !req
130. couple of hours.Copy !req
131. - I have always wanted to try it.
- Yeah?Copy !req
132. Good. My name is Claude.
What is you guys' name?Copy !req
133. My name is Reuben.
This is my wife, Lisa.Copy !req
134. CLAUDE: I am here all afternoon.Copy !req
135. All right, au revoir, Reuben, Lisa.
Solid.Copy !req
136. Solid.Copy !req
137. CLAUDE: Hi. Hello. How's it going?Copy !req
138. (UPBEAT REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
139. Reuben! Lisa!Copy !req
140. - Hi.
- Hello.Copy !req
141. - Isn't this exciting?
- It is. It's fun.Copy !req
142. You know what? I think
I'm gonna skip the scuba diving.Copy !req
143. Reuben, no. You called eight hotels.
They all said this guy was the best.Copy !req
144. I know, but you know how I am
about boats, and I feel queasy.Copy !req
145. Your stomach's acting funny?Copy !req
146. It's okay now, but you know
how it gets. So why don't you go?Copy !req
147. We're on our honeymoon.
I won't go without you.Copy !req
148. No, you've been wanting to try this.
I want you to go, okay?Copy !req
149. It will be fun.
I'll pick you up at 4:00, all right?Copy !req
150. - I love you.
- I love you, too.Copy !req
151. You're not for scuba, Reuben?Copy !req
152. No, Claude, I'm gonna go
run some errands in town.Copy !req
153. But you guys go. Have fun.
Can I talk to you for a second?Copy !req
154. Of course.Copy !req
155. Listen, this woman means more to me
than anything else in the world,Copy !req
156. so be careful.Copy !req
157. Scuba can be very dangerous
if proper precautions aren't taken.Copy !req
158. Reuben, look to me in my eyeball.Copy !req
159. I promise you I take care of LisaCopy !req
160. as if she were
my own flesh and blood.Copy !req
161. - Thank you.
- Okay?Copy !req
162. - Solid.
- Okay, solid.Copy !req
163. CLAUDE: All right? Are you ready?Copy !req
164. Yeah. Will a little boat come over...Copy !req
165. Ally oop.Copy !req
166. (SHRIEKING)Copy !req
167. Au revoir, Reuben.Copy !req
168. - REUBEN: Bye-bye, honey! I love you!
- I love you!Copy !req
169. (EASY-GOING REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
170. Lisa!Copy !req
171. Claude!Copy !req
172. Guys?Copy !req
173. Hello!Copy !req
174. Lisa?Copy !req
175. (CLATTERING)Copy !req
176. Knock-knock!Copy !req
177. Oh, my God.Copy !req
178. CLAUDE: I love you!
LISA: Ooh, la la!Copy !req
179. Oh, my God!Copy !req
180. Holy shit, Reuben!
This is not what it looks like.Copy !req
181. You're staying on the island
with Claude?Copy !req
182. I'm a little confused
right now, Reuben.Copy !req
183. I think I need a little time
to figure things out.Copy !req
184. What did you do to her?
Did you mess with her oxygen tanks?Copy !req
185. I did nothing, Leuben.Copy !req
186. My name's not Leuben! It is Reuben.Copy !req
187. Look, we had a scuba, we talk about
life, we drink some white wine.Copy !req
188. We cannot help it.
It is like love at first sight.Copy !req
189. She make like the fire
in my trouser.Copy !req
190. LISA: What he's trying to say, Reuben...Copy !req
191. is that we didn't plan it.
It just... It happened.Copy !req
192. It's like the story of the hippo.Copy !req
193. I'm not familiar with that story.Copy !req
194. The hippopotamus is not born going,Copy !req
195. "Cool bean, I am a hippo."
No way, José.Copy !req
196. So he tried to paint a stripe
on himself to be like the zebraCopy !req
197. but he fool no one.Copy !req
198. Then he tried to put the spot
on his skin to be like the leopard.Copy !req
199. But everyone know he is a hippo.Copy !req
200. So, at certain point,Copy !req
201. he look himself in the mirror
and he just say,Copy !req
202. "Hey, I am a hippopotamus...Copy !req
203. "and there is nothing
I can do about it."Copy !req
204. And, as soon as he accepts this,
he live life happy.Copy !req
205. Happy as a hippo.Copy !req
206. You understand?Copy !req
207. - I'm gonna kill you!
- Reuben, no!Copy !req
208. No, Reuben. This is not the way.Copy !req
209. - You're gonna be fine, Reuben.
- No, I'm not gonna be fine.Copy !req
210. I'm not gonna be fine at all.Copy !req
211. Don't come back to me
when you change your mind,Copy !req
212. because this ship has sailed.Copy !req
213. (HORN HONKING)Copy !req
214. REUBEN: Hey, Tina.Copy !req
215. Hey, Mitch.Copy !req
216. Hey, Reub.Copy !req
217. - Cheryl.
- Hey.Copy !req
218. TINA: Indursky & Sons, how may I help you?Copy !req
219. What?Copy !req
220. How does everyone know about this?Copy !req
221. Your mother called Mr. Indursky
and told him what happened.Copy !req
222. - I am so sorry, Reuben.
- Thanks, Gladys.Copy !req
223. - Come here.
- Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
224. - All right.
- I know.Copy !req
225. Hey, there he is!
The big man's back.Copy !req
226. Come on in here, I want to spitball
something with you.Copy !req
227. Can you give me a minute?
I'm just going to the men's room.Copy !req
228. I'll join you.Copy !req
229. I heard about your honeymoon.
Just terrible.Copy !req
230. I knew that girl was a slut
the second I met her.Copy !req
231. Well, it's kind of complicated.
I mean, there's...Copy !req
232. Don't make excuses.Copy !req
233. She's a dime-store hooker and always
will be. Just put it behind you.Copy !req
234. Speaking of which, you ever hear
of a guy named Leland Van Lew?Copy !req
235. REUBEN: Leland Van Lew...
Yeah, Australian guy, right?Copy !req
236. - Made the cover of Forbes last year?
- STAN: Exactly.Copy !req
237. (STAN FARTS)Copy !req
238. He started one of those high-tech,
modem-scrotum,Copy !req
239. God-only-knows-what-they-do
companies anyway. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
240. They want to take
the company publicCopy !req
241. and to remain CEO of the company,
guess what he needs?Copy !req
242. - Life insurance.
- Bingo was his name.Copy !req
243. - You want me to check him out?
- Yeah. There's just one catch.Copy !req
244. This Van Lew has a reputation
as a cowboy.Copy !req
245. Apparently, he's one
of these extreme-sports nuts.Copy !req
246. So, it's a long shotCopy !req
247. but if you can
pull this thing together,Copy !req
248. there might be
a lot of dough in it for us,Copy !req
249. an extra bonus for you,
help you with those house payments.Copy !req
250. All right. Let's make sure
he checks out first, and...Copy !req
251. You see? This is why you're the only
one I can trust with these jobs.Copy !req
252. I was worried you'd been
through hell and backCopy !req
253. with that whore wife of yours.Copy !req
254. You sure you don't need
some more time off?Copy !req
255. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
256. - I'm good. I'm fine.
- Absolutely sure?Copy !req
257. All right, good things.Copy !req
258. SECURITY GUARD: Excuse me.
This is private property.Copy !req
259. REUBEN: Yeah, I know.
I just bought this house.Copy !req
260. I move in next month.Copy !req
261. Oh, sure. Mr. Phifer, right?Copy !req
262. Feffer. But you can
just call me Reuben.Copy !req
263. - Okay. Welcome to the neighborhood.
- Thanks.Copy !req
264. SECURITY GUARD:
Sorry about your wife, Reuben.Copy !req
265. REUBEN ON VIDEO: First ofall, I want
to thank everybody for coming out.Copy !req
266. This has been
an incredible day and night.Copy !req
267. It's just so great to see all these
people, friends and family.Copy !req
268. (DOORBELL RINGS)Copy !req
269. To tell you the truth, I've waited
for this day my entire life.Copy !req
270. I'm so sorry, Reuben.Copy !req
271. Thanks, Sandy.Copy !req
272. - SANDY: I'm here for you, brother.
- Thank you.Copy !req
273. DUSTIN: We're rolling.
VIC: Sound speed.Copy !req
274. - What the hell is this?
- Remember Dustin and Vic?Copy !req
275. They're doing the
E! True Hollywood Story on me.Copy !req
276. Sorry about your wife.Copy !req
277. VIC: Sandy, you want us over here?
SANDY: By the table.Copy !req
278. VIC: Are you sure?
SANDY: Yeah.Copy !req
279. - Is this better?
- Yeah, thanks.Copy !req
280. Look, forget it.
I'm not going to a party?Copy !req
281. What do you think will happen?Copy !req
282. Lisa'll waltz through that door,
saying she made a mistake?Copy !req
283. No, of course not, I'm just...Copy !req
284. I'm trying to make sense
out of what the hell she did.Copy !req
285. What can I say,
you're my best friend.Copy !req
286. You're my partner...Copy !req
287. Hold on. Let me see something.Copy !req
288. REUBEN ON VIDEO: You're my wife!
Man, it feels good to say that!Copy !req
289. AndCopy !req
290. you're my wife!
Man, it feels good to say that!Copy !req
291. Check out her expression.
She's terrified.Copy !req
292. - She's smiling.
- I'm a student of acting.Copy !req
293. She's faking it.
The woman got spooked.Copy !req
294. She needed to explore,
which is exactly what you'll do.Copy !req
295. You've been gifted with freedom.
Don't turn your back on it.Copy !req
296. I don't want freedom!
I want to be married!Copy !req
297. I bought a goddamn house!Copy !req
298. I got to move out of this apartment
in, like, six weeks!Copy !req
299. (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)Copy !req
300. Look at her.
She's not thinking about havingCopy !req
301. a deep, committed relationshipCopy !req
302. with a complex individual
like yourself.Copy !req
303. - She's not?
- SANDY: No!Copy !req
304. She's daydreaming about having hot,
shallow sex with a French nudist!Copy !req
305. "Oh, I'm hugging.
Oh, I love you so much." Liar!Copy !req
306. Whose party? Is this again?Copy !req
307. It's an art opening
for this Dutch guy, Jost.Copy !req
308. His art sucks, but he used
to sell me really good pot.Copy !req
309. Oh, man, I'm so frigging horny.Copy !req
310. (RHYTHMIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
311. Just don't leave me alone.Copy !req
312. I haven't been to a party? By myself
in a long time.Copy !req
313. Relax. I'm your wingman.
I'll be by your side the whole time.Copy !req
314. So what do we do?Copy !req
315. Do we get a drink
or take a lap around the...Copy !req
316. Sandy?Copy !req
317. - More wine?
- Sure.Copy !req
318. Thank you.Copy !req
319. This party? 's so boring,
and there are no cute guys.Copy !req
320. I haven't noticed.
I'm appreciating the art.Copy !req
321. I'm not looking for cute guys.Copy !req
322. You swore off men
since dumping your last boyfriend?Copy !req
323. He was not my boyfriend.
We went out for three days.Copy !req
324. - It was two months!
- Really?Copy !req
325. I hope he doesn't have
to buy that now.Copy !req
326. Oh, my God! I think I know that guy.Copy !req
327. (BELL RINGING)Copy !req
328. - You're Reuben Feffer, right?
- Yes?Copy !req
329. I'm Polly Prince.Copy !req
330. We went to junior high
or middle schoolCopy !req
331. or whatever it's called, together.Copy !req
332. - Yeah! Polly Prince!
- Yes.Copy !req
333. It's coming back to me now.
You left before high school.Copy !req
334. After seventh grade,
my mum and I moved to Michigan.Copy !req
335. - Now you live here in New York?
- Moved here a few months ago.Copy !req
336. - So, you know.
- REUBEN: Wow.Copy !req
337. (GIGGLING)Copy !req
338. - Friend of yours?
- Yeah, that's Roxanne.Copy !req
339. She does that with bread,
wine bottles, and... Anyway...Copy !req
340. So what's your deal?Copy !req
341. You've got to be married
with kids and the whole thing.Copy !req
342. No, I'm not. I'm single.
I haven't taken the plunge.Copy !req
343. Can I talk to you for a sec?Copy !req
344. Sandy, this is Polly Prince.
Remember? From middle school?Copy !req
345. - How you doing?
- Wow.Copy !req
346. Okay, Sandy Lyle,
last time I saw you,Copy !req
347. you were playing bagpipes
in that movie.Copy !req
348. Croco Tears. Yep, that's me.Copy !req
349. Polly! Can I have a word with you?Copy !req
350. - Sorry.
- Excuse us.Copy !req
351. What happened to you?Copy !req
352. I'm in a situation here.
We must leave now.Copy !req
353. Can we stay a couple more minutes?Copy !req
354. Dude, no. This is serious.
I just sharted.Copy !req
355. I don't know what that means.Copy !req
356. I tried to fart, and a little
shit came out. I sharted.Copy !req
357. Now let's go.Copy !req
358. You're the most disgusting person
I've ever met in my life.Copy !req
359. You have to walk around
and pour wine.Copy !req
360. Polly? Focus for one second, okay?Copy !req
361. So, hey, I got to go circulate.Copy !req
362. So, Sandy, you're good though?
You're still acting?Copy !req
363. I am.
Yeah, it's going incredibly well.Copy !req
364. I'm actually headlining a new
revival of Jesus Christ Superstar.Copy !req
365. POLLY: That's great!Copy !req
366. - It was really good seeing you guys.
- You, too.Copy !req
367. - See you!
- All right. Bye, Polly.Copy !req
368. SANDY: Be good.Copy !req
369. POLLY: More wine?Copy !req
370. Polly Prince. It's funny, huh?
Seeing her.Copy !req
371. POLLY: Are you okay?
GUEST: Great, thank you.Copy !req
372. She looks good.Copy !req
373. Let it rain!Copy !req
374. Let it rain!Copy !req
375. REUBEN: I did a lot of thinking
last night...Copy !req
376. and there's something
I'm excited about.Copy !req
377. SANDY: What's up? Nice. Let it rain!Copy !req
378. I feel like I might be ready
to move on,Copy !req
379. get my life back on track.Copy !req
380. So, I am going to ask
Polly Prince on a date.Copy !req
381. That's a mistake!
She's not right for you, dude.Copy !req
382. Rain dance!Copy !req
383. PLAYER 1: You guys want
to play some twos?Copy !req
384. Actually, we're in
the middle of a conversation.Copy !req
385. Did you douche bags
bring your "A" game?Copy !req
386. What was that?Copy !req
387. I'm just messing
with you, Sasquatch.Copy !req
388. Let's get it on.Copy !req
389. Pick and roll! Take it rough!
Outlet!Copy !req
390. Rain dance!Copy !req
391. REUBEN: Sandy, come on.Copy !req
392. PLAYER 1: I got him.Copy !req
393. White Chocolate!Copy !req
394. Raindrops!Copy !req
395. Old school!Copy !req
396. T. Time-out.Copy !req
397. I'm burning. My lungs are burning.Copy !req
398. Time-out.Copy !req
399. So why do you think
Polly's so wrong for me?Copy !req
400. (PANTING)Copy !req
401. You don't even know this girl.Copy !req
402. You haven't seen her
since seventh grade.Copy !req
403. How different could she be?Copy !req
404. She was a senior delegate
at the Model UN,Copy !req
405. she was in the chess club,
a Mathlete.Copy !req
406. Her yearbook stats are impressive.Copy !req
407. Did you see the tattoo on her back?Copy !req
408. Yeah. So what?Copy !req
409. Mathletes don't wear body art
like that. Enough said. Ball in!Copy !req
410. I really feel like I ran
into Polly for a reason. Really.Copy !req
411. I'm sorry if you don't agree.Copy !req
412. But I believe
in a little thing called destiny.Copy !req
413. PLAYER 1: You guys ready?Copy !req
414. You know what? You think maybe
you could put your shirt back on?Copy !req
415. PLAYER 1: You guys ready to play?Copy !req
416. Good shot.Copy !req
417. Could I have the ball for a second?Copy !req
418. You know what? Could we switch?Copy !req
419. I'd rather not. I just found out
how to cover this man right here.Copy !req
420. PLAYER 1: Let's play.Copy !req
421. (SLOW-MOTION SLUSHY SOUND)Copy !req
422. (SLOW-MOTION HOWLING)Copy !req
423. (SLOW-MOTION GROANING)Copy !req
424. Can I get the number for a Polly
Prince, please? Prince with a "P."Copy !req
425. Okay, great.
Can I get the address as well?Copy !req
426. (PHONE RINGING)Copy !req
427. POLLY: Hello.Copy !req
428. (PHONE RINGS)Copy !req
429. REUBEN: Oh, shit!Copy !req
430. - REUBEN ON MACHINE: Hi. This is Reuben.
- No!Copy !req
431. I'm unable to get to the phone
right nowCopy !req
432. but please leave a detailed message
after the beep.Copy !req
433. If you're calling for Lisa...Copy !req
434. (UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
435. Gladys, I got to call you back.Copy !req
436. This is so funny.
I didn't know you lived down here.Copy !req
437. Yeah, I do.
Do you live around here, too?Copy !req
438. No, I don't. I don't live down here.Copy !req
439. Hey. Did you call me last night?Copy !req
440. No. I don't think so.Copy !req
441. Are you sure?Copy !req
442. Because I got a hang-up
so I did that star-69 thingy.Copy !req
443. And I swore
I got your answering machine.Copy !req
444. Really? I heard that
from a few people,Copy !req
445. so maybe the phone lines
got crossed or something.Copy !req
446. - You doing some shopping?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
447. Gosh, I spent like $200
on this loofah.Copy !req
448. It's supposed to be specially made
in Sweden or something.Copy !req
449. Wow.Copy !req
450. Would you like to go
to dinner sometime?Copy !req
451. Oh, yeah. Okay.
You know, I'm not sure.Copy !req
452. Okay. Really?Copy !req
453. Not that I wouldn't. I'd like to.Copy !req
454. It would be great
to catch up on stuff and all that.Copy !req
455. I just got to check my schedule.Copy !req
456. All right, how about
I give you my card?Copy !req
457. Here you go.Copy !req
458. On the back I've written
my home and my cell number.Copy !req
459. - There's also a fax number.
- Right on.Copy !req
460. And a pager number, too.Copy !req
461. "Reuben Feffer,
Senior Risk Assessment Analysist."Copy !req
462. - Right. Analyst.
- Analyst.Copy !req
463. POLLY: Right.Copy !req
464. All right.Copy !req
465. See you.Copy !req
466. POLLY: See you.
REUBEN: See you later.Copy !req
467. Leland Van Lew's office.
This is Deborah.Copy !req
468. Reuben Feffer from Indursky & Sons
calling for Mr. Van Lew.Copy !req
469. DEBORAH: Right. The insurance man.
He's in the hospital.Copy !req
470. He got bit swimming
with great whites.Copy !req
471. - Swimming with who?
- DEBORAH: Great white sharks.Copy !req
472. But don't worry.
It was only a flesh wound.Copy !req
473. (PHONE RINGING)Copy !req
474. DEBORAH: He's due in Los Angeles
next week.Copy !req
475. - Should I set something up for then?
- Could you hang on, please?Copy !req
476. DEBORAH: No worries.Copy !req
477. - POLLY: Hi, Reuben. It's Polly Prince.
- Hey, Polly.Copy !req
478. How's it going?Copy !req
479. Good. I'm calling to sayCopy !req
480. I'm free tomorrow night
if you want to get together.Copy !req
481. I'd love to get together.
That would be great.Copy !req
482. Should I pick a restaurant, or...Copy !req
483. No. You know what?Copy !req
484. I should probably check my schedule,
see if I can even do it.Copy !req
485. Okay. Did you say you were free?Copy !req
486. No, I'm actually not sure.
I'll talk to you later. Bye!Copy !req
487. Okay, hello?Copy !req
488. DIRECTOR: One, two, three, and...Copy !req
489. CAST: (SINGING) What's the buzz?
Tell me what's a-happeningCopy !req
490. What's the buzz?
Tell me what's a-happeningCopy !req
491. What's the buzz?
Tell me what's a-happeningCopy !req
492. What's the buzz?
Tell me what's a-happeningCopy !req
493. What's the buzz?
Tell me what's a-happeningCopy !req
494. What's the buzz?
Tell me what's a-happeningCopy !req
495. Why should you want to know?Copy !req
496. Don't you mind about the futureCopy !req
497. Don't you try to think aheadCopy !req
498. Save tomorrow for tomorrowCopy !req
499. Think about today insteadCopy !req
500. WONSUK: Sandy?
SANDY: What?Copy !req
501. I'm playing Jesus. That's my song.Copy !req
502. I know it's your song, but I felt
something and decided to go with it.Copy !req
503. But you're playing Judas.Copy !req
504. Judas. Look, here's the deal.
I'm the star of the show, okay?Copy !req
505. So if I decide to bust out a solo,
give me the freedom to rock out.Copy !req
506. From the top, Wonsuk.Copy !req
507. - So the play's going well?
- Yeah, I think it's gonna be fun.Copy !req
508. I just wish they wouldn't surround
me with a bunch of amateurs.Copy !req
509. Isn't that
the point of community theatre?Copy !req
510. Whatever.Copy !req
511. REUBEN: So I'm going on a date with Polly.
SANDY: All right! Where you taking her?Copy !req
512. Some restaurant in the East Village.
She left the address on my machine.Copy !req
513. How could you let
Polly pick the restaurant?Copy !req
514. I had no choice.Copy !req
515. She called me seven times
to confirmCopy !req
516. and then cancel
and then confirm again.Copy !req
517. Why? What's wrong with letting her
pick the place?Copy !req
518. You've got
irritable bowel syndrome, dude.Copy !req
519. If she chose an ethnic restaurant,Copy !req
520. you'll be running to the bathroom
every five seconds.Copy !req
521. Oh, my God. You're right.Copy !req
522. Thank you.Copy !req
523. I doubt it will get this farCopy !req
524. but if she turns out
to be easier than I thought...Copy !req
525. there's something you need to know.Copy !req
526. - I'm not a virgin, Sandy.
- Not technicallyCopy !req
527. but times have changed
since you were last single.Copy !req
528. Now listen...Copy !req
529. when I'm making out with a girl
for the first time,Copy !req
530. I like to give her
a little spanking.Copy !req
531. - What?
- Nothing violent.Copy !req
532. Just tap her real light
on the tush and say,Copy !req
533. "Hey, I'm your daddy."Copy !req
534. Listen to me.Copy !req
535. SANDY: What are you doing?
REUBEN: I'm blotting the grease.Copy !req
536. That's the best part. Don't be shy.
It's just a little tap.Copy !req
537. It's like saying,
"Boop, I'm your daddy."Copy !req
538. I'm not gonna tap her.Copy !req
539. Brings them right back to childhood.Copy !req
540. Trust me, they're putty
in your hands after that.Copy !req
541. I'm really excited about this.Copy !req
542. I feel like
this could be one of those...Copy !req
543. defining moments of my life,
or something, you know?Copy !req
544. I actually think it's not gonna
work out, but I'm pulling for you.Copy !req
545. Just pray to God
she doesn't go ethnic.Copy !req
546. - The place didn't sound ethnic.
- What was the name?Copy !req
547. Al Hafez.Copy !req
548. (ARABIAN INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)Copy !req
549. - So, when did you live in Morocco?
- In the late '90s.Copy !req
550. I bounced around to a bunch
of places over the past few years.Copy !req
551. - Like where?
- Oh, God, where?Copy !req
552. Let's see, Austin, Istanbul,
Sri Lanka, Portland,Copy !req
553. Costa Rica, Buffalo,
a couple other places.Copy !req
554. - Wow. Were you in the Peace Corps?
- No, I just like to move a lot.Copy !req
555. I get stir-crazy if I'm stuck
in one place too long, you know?Copy !req
556. Yeah, completely.Copy !req
557. REUBEN: Remember,
you were the person who...Copy !req
558. POLLY: Oh, my God!Copy !req
559. I can't believe you remember that.Copy !req
560. Of course! You were the greatest
delegate in Model UN history.Copy !req
561. POLLY: I guess I did manage
to pass a few resolutions.Copy !req
562. Are you okay? Because you're
sweating pretty profusely.Copy !req
563. No, I'm fine. I always react
this way to spicy food.Copy !req
564. But I love it.Copy !req
565. I can't believe you're not married.Copy !req
566. Even when we were kids,Copy !req
567. I saw you as the guy
who'd settle down at a young age.Copy !req
568. You were always kind of
like an old young guy.Copy !req
569. Well, it just hasn't happened.Copy !req
570. (GASTRIC RUMBLING)Copy !req
571. But what about you?
You ever gotten close?Copy !req
572. To the whole marriage thing?
Oh, God, no. No way, no. No.Copy !req
573. I'm not really big on the whole
long-term commitment thing.Copy !req
574. Why, are you coming
out of a bad relationship?Copy !req
575. No. I'm coming
out of eight bad relationships.Copy !req
576. Eight?Copy !req
577. - You sure I can't get you a towel?
- No, I'm good.Copy !req
578. But if the right person came along,
things might be different, right?Copy !req
579. Yeah. You're probably right.Copy !req
580. (GASTRIC RUMBLING)Copy !req
581. Sorry.Copy !req
582. - You mind if I go to the men's room?
- Please, sure.Copy !req
583. POLLY: Oh, gosh!Copy !req
584. MAN: Occupied. I'm going to be here
all night, dude.Copy !req
585. - All right, well, this is me.
- Great.Copy !req
586. Why don't you come upstairsCopy !req
587. and I'll make you
some coffee or tea.Copy !req
588. REUBEN: Great.Copy !req
589. I just got to find my keys here.Copy !req
590. Oh, shoot.Copy !req
591. (GASTRIC RUMBLING)Copy !req
592. POLLY: Right there, I hear them.Copy !req
593. Oh, yeah. Okay.Copy !req
594. - Wow! This is great, so cozy.
- Thanks.Copy !req
595. - Wow! This is great, so cozy.
- Thanks.Copy !req
596. - Did you just move in?
- No, I've been here four months.Copy !req
597. Rat! Rat in the house!Copy !req
598. Oh, no. This is Rodolfo.
He's a ferret.Copy !req
599. I got him in Sicily
at a flea market years ago.Copy !req
600. He's old.
He can't really see anymore.Copy !req
601. Cute. You mind
if I use your bathroom?Copy !req
602. POLLY: Sure.Copy !req
603. That's not the bathroom.
My bathroom's right here.Copy !req
604. Okay. Yeah, because I just...Copy !req
605. had a lot to drink, a lot of water.
I'll just be a second.Copy !req
606. Okay, take your time.Copy !req
607. (EXHALING)Copy !req
608. I don't believe this.Copy !req
609. (FARTING)Copy !req
610. Go away.Copy !req
611. (SHOOING)Copy !req
612. (FARTING)Copy !req
613. (TURNS ON SHOWER)Copy !req
614. (RUNNING WATER)Copy !req
615. Oh, no.Copy !req
616. (TOILET FLUSHES)Copy !req
617. God, I beg you, please,
if you make this water go down,Copy !req
618. I'll sit at your feet
and serve you for all of eternity.Copy !req
619. I'll adopt a Somalian kid
or I'll work in CalcuttaCopy !req
620. or I'll just...
Please, make the water go down.Copy !req
621. Oh, my God!Copy !req
622. POLLY: This was fun.
REUBEN: Yes.Copy !req
623. If I'd known your grandmother
embroidered that towel,Copy !req
624. - I would've never...
- Really, that's okay.Copy !req
625. - Okay, well, good night, Polly.
- Good night, Reuben.Copy !req
626. - Good night.
- Okay.Copy !req
627. - REUBEN: All right, okay.
- All right, that's nice.Copy !req
628. SANDY: Why would you make
number two in her apartment?Copy !req
629. She asked me to come upstairs.
What should I have done?Copy !req
630. Tell her you're tired
and shag ass out of there.Copy !req
631. Guys.Copy !req
632. - What was that?
- REUBEN: I called her to apologize.Copy !req
633. It doesn't matter, because I doubt
she'll ever want to see me again.Copy !req
634. - I got to call you back.
- SANDY: Cool.Copy !req
635. REUBEN: Mr. Van Lew?Copy !req
636. - Feffer?
- Yes. Hi, Reuben Feffer.Copy !req
637. I recognized you
from the Forbes cover.Copy !req
638. You're way early, sport.
Come on, then. Get in.Copy !req
639. - REUBEN: Is this the service elevator?
- Yeah.Copy !req
640. I don't think we'll have a problem
with this insurance business.Copy !req
641. Sure, I take chances, but you can't
build a successful businessCopy !req
642. - without the occasional risk.
- Of course.Copy !req
643. What I'm trying to determine are the
kinds of risks you actually take.Copy !req
644. Only the calculated ones.Copy !req
645. Trust me, I plan on being around
for ages.Copy !req
646. I know we'd really love to give you
a policy if we can make it work.Copy !req
647. - We'll make it work, sport.
- Great.Copy !req
648. - So, what are we doing on the roof?
- I'm doing a bit of a BASE jump.Copy !req
649. Here, keep the walkie on channel 13,
all right?Copy !req
650. I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
651. LELAND: A free-fall
from an inanimate object.Copy !req
652. Always carry me chute in case
I find a good launching point.Copy !req
653. - Oh, no.
- (PHONE RINGS)Copy !req
654. Look, just don't do anything,
all right?Copy !req
655. - (ON PHONE) Hey, Reuben, it's Polly Prince.
- Polly, how's it going?Copy !req
656. - I'll shout when I'm through, okay?
- No, that's not all right.Copy !req
657. Can I call you back?Copy !req
658. POLLY: I just wanted to tell you
I got your message.Copy !req
659. Let's just start over
and forget about the loofah thing.Copy !req
660. Holy shit! No!Copy !req
661. (LELAND WHOOPING)Copy !req
662. Holy shit!Copy !req
663. POLLY: I didn't even like that loofah.Copy !req
664. Relax. Leland's meeting
with the insurance guy right now.Copy !req
665. LELAND: Whoa! Yeah!Copy !req
666. LELAND: Oh, crap!Copy !req
667. - Oh, shit!
- POLLY: I'll call you in the next few days.Copy !req
668. LELAND ON RADIO:
Leland to Feffer. You there, mate?Copy !req
669. Yes, Feffer to Leland, hello?Copy !req
670. LELAND ON RADIO:
Come on down and give us a hand.Copy !req
671. I think I fractured me coccyx.Copy !req
672. (SOOTHING INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
673. (SOOTHING INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
674. POLLY: Look at that.
You got me a new loofah.Copy !req
675. It's from FinlandCopy !req
676. and the salesman said
it has a very ergonomic design.Copy !req
677. Oh, Reuben, that's really...
Thank you, that's really sweet.Copy !req
678. Oh, my God!Copy !req
679. I don't believe this!Copy !req
680. What are you doing here?Copy !req
681. We're having an early supper.Copy !req
682. I wanted your father
to try new cuisines.Copy !req
683. It's only 3:00.Copy !req
684. It's a crime to beat
the dinner crowds?Copy !req
685. - Who is this young woman...
- REUBEN: This is Polly Prince.Copy !req
686. Polly, these are my parents,
Irving and Vivian Feffer.Copy !req
687. - It's so good meeting you.
- How are you?Copy !req
688. I can't believe you're
eating Indian. You hate spicy food.Copy !req
689. REUBEN: No, I don't.Copy !req
690. Well, I'm going to... Psst!
I'm going to ask...Copy !req
691. I'm going to ask
this nice Native American manCopy !req
692. to get us a bigger table.Copy !req
693. They're Indian.
You can call them Indian. It's okay.Copy !req
694. Hi. Need big table, please.
Four people. Many thanks.Copy !req
695. Okay.Copy !req
696. VIVIAN: Now, how do you kids
know each other?Copy !req
697. We went to middle school together.
We were both in the Model UN.Copy !req
698. You still work in government, honey?Copy !req
699. No. I'm a waitress.Copy !req
700. She's also writing
a children's book.Copy !req
701. Oh, very nice.Copy !req
702. You'll never guess
who I ran into yesterday.Copy !req
703. - Who's that?
- VIVIAN: Lisa's mother.Copy !req
704. REUBEN: Mmm-hmm. That's good.Copy !req
705. Dad, did you try this...
What's this called?Copy !req
706. - Saag.
- Saag. Did you try this?Copy !req
707. Apparently, Lisa's doing wonderfully
down there in St. Barts...Copy !req
708. selling villas, happy.Copy !req
709. That's good for her.Copy !req
710. - Now, who's Lisa?
- Not important.Copy !req
711. Lisa is Reuben's wife.Copy !req
712. She left him for another man
on their honeymoon.Copy !req
713. Are we ready for the check?
I think we'll take the check.Copy !req
714. What?Copy !req
715. - Well, your dad seems really nice.
- Yes, a man of few words.Copy !req
716. I just want you to know, I was going
to tell you about Lisa. I just...Copy !req
717. I was embarrassed and I...Copy !req
718. I guess because I hadn't seen you
for so long...Copy !req
719. It's so okay. I understand.Copy !req
720. I was an idiot. I should've told you
the truth from the start.Copy !req
721. Really, I'm not upset.Copy !req
722. - But when did this happen?
- Two weeks ago.Copy !req
723. Two weeks ago?Copy !req
724. Oh, my God! Are you okay?Copy !req
725. Well, it was a pretty big shock.Copy !req
726. I walked in on her, on Lisa with...Copy !req
727. a scuba instructor on the first day
of our honeymoon.Copy !req
728. They were still wearing
their flippers. Anyway...Copy !req
729. POLLY: I mean...Copy !req
730. (ON ANSWERING MACHINE)
Hey, Reuben, it's Polly Prince.Copy !req
731. I don't know
if you have any plans tonightCopy !req
732. but if not, you should swing by
37 Gansevort Street around 9:00...Copy !req
733. if you can make it.
You know, it's no big deal.Copy !req
734. But it could be fun,
so, you know, think about it.Copy !req
735. Okay, so...Copy !req
736. I'll see you later.Copy !req
737. Or not. I mean, either way.Copy !req
738. Oh, if you do come,
you should wear comfortable shoes.Copy !req
739. That is, if you come,
which you totally don't have to.Copy !req
740. I mean, I might not even be there.Copy !req
741. I am so glad that you came.Copy !req
742. I wore comfortable shoes
like you said.Copy !req
743. So, what are we doing?Copy !req
744. Oh, crap.Copy !req
745. (SALSA MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
746. POLLY: This place is a total secret.Copy !req
747. It's the best underground
salsa club in New York.Copy !req
748. - I'm not really a big dancer.
- It's easier than it looks.Copy !req
749. - There you go. Feel it in your legs.
- REUBEN: All right.Copy !req
750. Sorry.Copy !req
751. It's okay. Just step on my feet
a little less than that.Copy !req
752. FEMALE SINGER: Work it!Copy !req
753. - Looking good, Pollyanna.
- Hey, Javi.Copy !req
754. Oh, you should stop that.
This is my friend Reuben.Copy !req
755. This is Javi.Copy !req
756. Mind if I dance
with the beautiful lady?Copy !req
757. - I guess not.
- Thanks, man.Copy !req
758. (MUSIC SLOWS DOWN)Copy !req
759. - I think I might take off.
- Really?Copy !req
760. Are you having a bad time?Copy !req
761. No, I'm just not into
this whole dirty? Dancing thing.Copy !req
762. What do you mean, "dirty? Dancing"?Copy !req
763. I saw that movie. I know that's what
you and that Spaniard were doing.Copy !req
764. Whoa! Wait a minute.
First of all, he's Cuban.Copy !req
765. And that wasn't dirty? Dancing,
that was just salsa.Copy !req
766. Okay, I'm just really, truthfully
not the kind of guyCopy !req
767. that's ever gonna be
into these kind of clubs...Copy !req
768. Okay, Reuben, then...Copy !req
769. tell me, what kind of guy are you?Copy !req
770. What kind of guy am I?
What do you mean?Copy !req
771. Up until now, you haven't exactly
been the portrait of honesty.Copy !req
772. So just come clean, okay?
Just tell me who you are.Copy !req
773. - I hate spicy food.
- I knew it!Copy !req
774. I don't like it at all.
I have a mild case of IBS and...Copy !req
775. - What's that?
- Irritable bowel syndrome.Copy !req
776. - What?
- Irritable bowel syndrome.Copy !req
777. Oh, God. That's terrible. What else?Copy !req
778. The thing is,
I assess risk for a living.Copy !req
779. So I know I have a 0.013% chance
of being hit by a carCopy !req
780. on my way home,
or a 1 in 46,000 chanceCopy !req
781. - of falling through a subway grate.
- Really?Copy !req
782. I manage that risk by
avoiding danger, having a planCopy !req
783. and knowing my next move.Copy !req
784. And I guess
you don't live your life that way...Copy !req
785. No, I do it a little differently.Copy !req
786. Which is great, but I'm not
gonna ever be a dirty? DancerCopy !req
787. and I don't eat food
with my handsCopy !req
788. and I really like youCopy !req
789. but I just don't think
this is gonna work out.Copy !req
790. POLLY: I just have to go pee.
REUBEN: Okay.Copy !req
791. (SENSUAL SOUL MUSIC)Copy !req
792. (RUNNING WATER)Copy !req
793. POLLY: Just kidding!Copy !req
794. Oh! Funny.Copy !req
795. Hi.Copy !req
796. POLLY: Ow!Copy !req
797. Did you just spank me?Copy !req
798. No! I don't...Copy !req
799. Are you sure? Because it felt
like you just swatted me.Copy !req
800. No, I have a little crick
in my wrist.Copy !req
801. You felt that, I was just...
Do you hear that?Copy !req
802. - Really?
- Yeah, you hear that?Copy !req
803. Well, I got it out.Copy !req
804. (SENSUAL LATINO MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
805. REUBEN: Oh, wow. This is incredible.Copy !req
806. Oh, man.Copy !req
807. Oh, God. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
808. Oh, no! No, you can't be done yet.Copy !req
809. Come on, Reuben, focus.Copy !req
810. You have to last
at least five minutes here.Copy !req
811. Four minutes, twenty-seven,
twenty-six, twenty-five.Copy !req
812. Two minutes, twenty, nineteen,
eighteen, seventeen.Copy !req
813. Come on, you can do it.
55, 54, 53, 52, 51, oh, God!Copy !req
814. Fifty!Copy !req
815. (LAUGHING) Fifty? Yeah!Copy !req
816. Whoo!Copy !req
817. SANDY: Let it rain!Copy !req
818. I think I might end up marrying
this woman.Copy !req
819. SANDY: Really? After one night?Copy !req
820. Did you spank her?Copy !req
821. Yeah, I tried,
but I don't think she liked it.Copy !req
822. Yeah, some women find it offensive.Copy !req
823. Iceman!Copy !req
824. POLLY: I did not sleep with him
out of charity.Copy !req
825. You weren't interested
till you found outCopy !req
826. his wife boned a guy
on their honeymoon.Copy !req
827. That's not it.
He is a kind, decent, solid guy.Copy !req
828. I've never been
with anybody like that.Copy !req
829. Still sounds like a charity boning.Copy !req
830. Do you have to use
the word "bone" every time?Copy !req
831. I use it when it's appropriate.Copy !req
832. Ever heard of a guy shouting out
"fifty" when he orgasmed?Copy !req
833. Okay, so throw pillows
go in this cabinet here.Copy !req
834. You don't sleep on these?Copy !req
835. No, they're decorative.Copy !req
836. - For who?
- What do you mean?Copy !req
837. You're the only one who sees them,
but you don't sleep on them.Copy !req
838. You take them off the bed,
put them in a box,Copy !req
839. take them out, put them...
I just don't understand the point.Copy !req
840. I don't know.
Lisa thought they looked nice.Copy !req
841. Oh, I see.Copy !req
842. I don't see what the big deal is.
They make the bed look nice.Copy !req
843. What are you doing?
That's goose down.Copy !req
844. I'm liberating you.Copy !req
845. - Try it.
- No, I'm not going to...Copy !req
846. Just one stab.
Come on, see how you feel.Copy !req
847. - This is ridiculous.
- It's not ridiculous.Copy !req
848. It's not like driving a knife
into a pillowCopy !req
849. is suddenly going
to make me feel...Copy !req
850. Wow. That feels really good.Copy !req
851. POLLY: Right?Copy !req
852. - What did I tell you?
- You're right.Copy !req
853. Come on, bigger one!Copy !req
854. - REUBEN: What's the point of these things?
- No point.Copy !req
855. POLLY: Stupid.Copy !req
856. - Am I running a bed-and-breakfast?
- Not anymore.Copy !req
857. Know how many minutes I spendCopy !req
858. - getting them on and off?
- How many?Copy !req
859. Four in the morning, four at night.
Eight minutes.Copy !req
860. Fifty-six minutes a week,
two days a year,Copy !req
861. spent putting pillows
on and off a stupid bed!Copy !req
862. Whoa!Copy !req
863. Wait, you hit mattress.Copy !req
864. Oh!Copy !req
865. You know what? I really got to go.
I'm late. Shoot!Copy !req
866. REUBEN: What's wrong?
Lose your keys again?Copy !req
867. No, they're just not
where I left them before.Copy !req
868. Why don't you use that key-finder
I bought you?Copy !req
869. - I don't...
- I think it could help.Copy !req
870. ...need the stupid key-finder!Copy !req
871. All right. Anyway, I was thinking
I'd come meet you.Copy !req
872. Really? I thought you hated
dirty? Dancing clubs.Copy !req
873. (BEEPING)Copy !req
874. It's just salsa. It will be fun.
I'll watch.Copy !req
875. - What's that noise?
- Nothing.Copy !req
876. - It's the key-finder, isn't it?
- It's so not the key-finder.Copy !req
877. - Yes, it is!
- It's not. I'll see you later. Bye.Copy !req
878. How?Copy !req
879. (LOUD SALSA MUSIC)Copy !req
880. (LOUD SALSA MUSIC)Copy !req
881. - Reuby Tuesday, ¿cómo estás?
- Doing all right.Copy !req
882. You know what? Actually,
me no estás too good, Javier.Copy !req
883. I want you to stay away from Polly.
Find yourself another dance partner.Copy !req
884. Why?Copy !req
885. Because she and I are a couple.
Yeah, we're dating.Copy !req
886. And I'm not going to let
some big-shot salsa kingCopy !req
887. sweep in, with your mambo moves
and your Erik Estrada lookCopy !req
888. and take her away. That's happened
before, and it won't again...Copy !req
889. - Reuben, I am gay.
- I don't care what you... What?Copy !req
890. I'm homosexual.Copy !req
891. My boyfriend, Hector, plays
the keyboards in the house band.Copy !req
892. Oh.Copy !req
893. You think maybe you could give me
some salsa lessons?Copy !req
894. (UPBEAT SALSA MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
895. (EXCLAIMS)Copy !req
896. - You hated it.
- No, I don't. It's just...Copy !req
897. It's very graphic
for a children's book.Copy !req
898. You know? Like this one...Copy !req
899. - "The boy with a nub for an arm."
- That one has a moral.Copy !req
900. To teach kids to be careful when
they're playing with fireworks.Copy !req
901. Right, and I think it's brilliant,
by the way, seriously.Copy !req
902. I mean, you really convey...Copy !req
903. the pain and the fear,
and I love the little doggy, too.Copy !req
904. But, and I don't mean this
in a bad way...Copy !req
905. Right.Copy !req
906. ...just what were you thinking?Copy !req
907. (UPBEAT SALSA MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
908. I put all the risks and rewards
into the program,Copy !req
909. which helps me finalize my
recommendations...Copy !req
910. "Leland Van Lew. BASE jumping."Copy !req
911. That's supposed to be so much fun!
That should be on the rewards side.Copy !req
912. It's one of the most dangerous
activities a human being can do.Copy !req
913. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
914. Have you done it?Copy !req
915. Have I parachuted
off the top of a building?Copy !req
916. No.Copy !req
917. So how do you know what it's like?Copy !req
918. I don't.Copy !req
919. Interesting.Copy !req
920. Would you like some more bulgogi?Copy !req
921. Sure, thanks. I actually like this.Copy !req
922. - POLLY: You do?
- It's good.Copy !req
923. (REUBEN VOMITING LOUDLY)Copy !req
924. LELAND: Now you look like
a pro racquetballer.Copy !req
925. - How's that shirt fit?
- It's fine.Copy !req
926. I thought maybe
we could just sit and talk.Copy !req
927. I'm not a big racquetball player...Copy !req
928. No worries.
We'll have a few giggles.Copy !req
929. (BOTH SCREAMING)Copy !req
930. I've been running the numbers.Copy !req
931. And I got to say, things don't look
good from our end.Copy !req
932. LELAND: Bollocks!
REUBEN: Jesus!Copy !req
933. Please, Leland, I mean,
it's not just the BASE jumping.Copy !req
934. It's the heli-skiing,
volcano-luging, shark-diving.Copy !req
935. Bottom line is, unless you
drastically alter your lifestyle,Copy !req
936. - we won't be able to insure you.
- Reuben, I came to you for a reason.Copy !req
937. I was told you had more imagination
than other blokes in the big firms.Copy !req
938. That you analyze the man
and not just the numbers.Copy !req
939. I guess I was wrong.Copy !req
940. Are you trying to manipulate me?Copy !req
941. Of course I am.
But I want to hold on to me company.Copy !req
942. I'll tell you what.Copy !req
943. I'll be in Nantucket
at the end of the month.Copy !req
944. Come up and be my guest
aboard The 'Roo Shooter.Copy !req
945. - Aboard the what?
- My sailboat.Copy !req
946. I'll take you for a sail,
give you a chance to know me.Copy !req
947. By the end of the weekend,
you'll know what a safe bet I am.Copy !req
948. You know what?
You're bleeding pretty bad.Copy !req
949. I think I've swallowed a tooth.Copy !req
950. No. Got it.Copy !req
951. Your serve.Copy !req
952. REUBEN: So I tell Leland
we can't insure him.Copy !req
953. He responds by inviting me
to NantucketCopy !req
954. for some
Death Race Sailing Challenge.Copy !req
955. Really? We got to go do that.
I've never been to Nantucket.Copy !req
956. - You want to come?
- Is that rude, to invite myself?Copy !req
957. Lt'd be great! Good, you'll actually
commit to something in advance.Copy !req
958. - Yeah.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
959. Okay, yeah, I am.
I think that would be really fun.Copy !req
960. - What?
- What are you doing?Copy !req
961. I'm going to have some nuts.Copy !req
962. No. You don't eat mixed nuts
at a bar. Everybody knows that.Copy !req
963. What are you talking about?Copy !req
964. Okay, let's say, conservatively...Copy !req
965. 17 people eat these nuts
on a given night. Okay?Copy !req
966. If they've been here for two weeks,
we're talking about...Copy !req
967. 238 people who've dipped their
dirty? Hands into that bowl.Copy !req
968. Dirty? Why are their hands dirty??Copy !req
969. Only one out of six peopleCopy !req
970. wash hands
when they go to the bathroom.Copy !req
971. When you think you're innocently
eating a bar snack,Copy !req
972. you're ingesting
potentially deadly bacteriaCopy !req
973. from 39 soil-handed strangers.Copy !req
974. People wonder why
they get E. Coli poisoningCopy !req
975. or salmonella or hepatitis.Copy !req
976. They should look at the snack bowl
at their local watering hole.Copy !req
977. I'm not being neurotic.
It's a hot zone in there.Copy !req
978. How could you have eaten those?Copy !req
979. I made such a compelling argument.Copy !req
980. I like to live life on the edge.Copy !req
981. POLLY: Thank you.
REUBEN: Yeah, you never know.Copy !req
982. You don't have to do this.Copy !req
983. I don't care that you don't know
how to dance!Copy !req
984. I thought I'd give it one last try.
Hey, Javi.Copy !req
985. Hey, Reuben. You ready?Copy !req
986. Uh-huh.Copy !req
987. POLLY: What's happening?Copy !req
988. - IFuerte!
- POLLY: What?Copy !req
989. What are you doing?Copy !req
990. (SALSA MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
991. (EXCLAIMING)Copy !req
992. (YIPPING)Copy !req
993. I don't know where that came from!Copy !req
994. POLLY: It was just awesome.Copy !req
995. Holy shit.Copy !req
996. What are you doing here?Copy !req
997. I'm back.Copy !req
998. Who's this?Copy !req
999. - Who's this? This is my girlfriend.
- What?Copy !req
1000. - You have a girlfriend?
- I'm not your girlfriend.Copy !req
1001. I mean, we're just, kind of...
Hi, I'm Polly.Copy !req
1002. - Lisa.
- POLLY: Right.Copy !req
1003. You guys probably have a lot
to talk about, so I'll just go.Copy !req
1004. - REUBEN: I don't want you to go.
- Please, I want to go. Bye, Lisa.Copy !req
1005. - Nice to meet you.
- REUBEN: I don't want you to go.Copy !req
1006. You got to talk about it.Copy !req
1007. I'm just going to go.Copy !req
1008. REUBEN: I don't understand.Copy !req
1009. I thought you were really happy
with Claude.Copy !req
1010. I was, for a few weeks, but all he
talked about was scuba diving.Copy !req
1011. - Really?
- I missed you, Reuben.Copy !req
1012. I missed you, too, but come on!
What was I supposed to do?Copy !req
1013. I moved on. I'm in a relationship.Copy !req
1014. - What, with that Polly person?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1015. She doesn't call herself
your girlfriend.Copy !req
1016. That's... No, she just doesn't like
the phrasing.Copy !req
1017. LISA: Okay, then,
let me just ask you this.Copy !req
1018. Are you really going to spend
the rest of your life with her?Copy !req
1019. I don't know, Lisa.Copy !req
1020. Because I'm ready to do that
with you.Copy !req
1021. I made a mistake,
and I took you for granted.Copy !req
1022. But I promise you that I will
never, ever hurt you again.Copy !req
1023. I love you, Reuben.Copy !req
1024. REUBEN: You know what?Copy !req
1025. I think you should
go stay with your parents. Okay?Copy !req
1026. - I've to leave in a week.
- LISA: What? Where are you going?Copy !req
1027. I'm going into the house
I bought for us. Remember?Copy !req
1028. Let's do it together.
Let's go move into our house.Copy !req
1029. We don't just...
No. We can't just go... I can't...Copy !req
1030. I don't even know
what to say right now, okay? So...Copy !req
1031. Okay.Copy !req
1032. POLLY: If you want to get back together
with her...Copy !req
1033. No, I wouldn't be seeing you
if I was planning...Copy !req
1034. It's cool. You guys are married.
She came back.Copy !req
1035. How's it coming
with Herb Lazare, D.D. S?Copy !req
1036. I haven't even gotten to it.
I'm still working on Van Lew.Copy !req
1037. I thought you decided on Van Lew
two weeks ago.Copy !req
1038. We present to AFLAC on Wednesday.Copy !req
1039. - Can you hang on? Hang on.
- POLLY: I have to go.Copy !req
1040. - Better not be bonus-hunting on me.
- REUBEN: Bonus-hunting?Copy !req
1041. That man's career's on the line.
I owe him a thorough analysis.Copy !req
1042. All right.Copy !req
1043. I'm going to Barbados with
my mistress for the weekend.Copy !req
1044. I want this Van Lew thing settled
by the time I get back.Copy !req
1045. I am on it, and I'll make it happen.Copy !req
1046. Good things.Copy !req
1047. (DIAL TONE)Copy !req
1048. Damn!Copy !req
1049. - LARRY: Hey, pal.
- Hey, Larry.Copy !req
1050. Lisa dropped this off for you.Copy !req
1051. Oh!Copy !req
1052. Thanks.Copy !req
1053. (SENTIMENTAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING)Copy !req
1054. REUBEN: I met Lisa Kramer, who showed me
an apartment, which I rented...Copy !req
1055. - just so she'd go out with me.
- LISA: I gave him a good price.Copy !req
1056. REUBEN: Not good enough. She's a killer.Copy !req
1057. (SIGHING)Copy !req
1058. ('80S POP SONG)Copy !req
1059. I just can't believe she came back.Copy !req
1060. Can we just focus for a second?
I'm almost finished.Copy !req
1061. - What's next?
- Polly's career prospects.Copy !req
1062. Risky. She's writing a children's
book where kids get maimed.Copy !req
1063. Her lack of career is a positive.
She'd have more time for the kids.Copy !req
1064. SANDY: You're skewing the numbers in
her favor. Why are we doing this?Copy !req
1065. Because I'm confused.Copy !req
1066. My goddamn wifeCopy !req
1067. shows up on my doorstep
wanting to get back together.Copy !req
1068. Polly's freaking out.Copy !req
1069. I just want to make sure
I'm making the right decision.Copy !req
1070. SANDY: I don't see how putting these
two girls in the RiskmasterCopy !req
1071. will help you make up your mind.Copy !req
1072. REUBEN: Interesting.
SANDY: What's it say?Copy !req
1073. Polly!Copy !req
1074. - Polly?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1075. No way. Just cut your losses
and get back with Lisa.Copy !req
1076. I checked it three times.
It says she's the safer choice.Copy !req
1077. Whatever.Copy !req
1078. By the way, is your health okay?
You're looking thin.Copy !req
1079. Polly's been making me
eat ethnic food,Copy !req
1080. so I've been throwing up
a lot lately.Copy !req
1081. Cool.Copy !req
1082. Polly Prince.Copy !req
1083. Polly Feffer.Copy !req
1084. Polly Prince-Feffer.Copy !req
1085. You can't cancel.
You were so excited to go.Copy !req
1086. I know, but...Copy !req
1087. HOSTESS: We fell in love
with these funny Bolivian mud huts.Copy !req
1088. - Hold on.
- So we had our designerCopy !req
1089. use a similar color palette
in here.Copy !req
1090. Hi. I'm sorry, I'm on the phone.
Would you just please keep it...Copy !req
1091. (SHUSHING)Copy !req
1092. Also, I feel weird going away
for the weekendCopy !req
1093. - when your wife just came back.
- You're making this such a big deal.Copy !req
1094. REUBEN: I told you, I'm not getting back
together with her.Copy !req
1095. - So are you coming?
- I'm coming.Copy !req
1096. - All right.
- Okay?Copy !req
1097. Bye.Copy !req
1098. (UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
1099. LELAND: You're good. You're a natural.
POLLY: This is amazing!Copy !req
1100. Hey, Leland, are those storm clouds
up ahead?Copy !req
1101. No, we might get a light dusting.
Nothing to write home about.Copy !req
1102. Are you sure you're all right?Copy !req
1103. REUBEN: I'm okay. I don't think I have
my sea legs yet.Copy !req
1104. - I'll be out in a sec.
- POLLY: All right.Copy !req
1105. Oh, God.Copy !req
1106. (RISKMASTER PROGRAM OPENS)Copy !req
1107. I know we haven't been seeing each
other long, but I feel like...Copy !req
1108. it's time we take things
to the next levelCopy !req
1109. and I'd like you
to consider moving in with me.Copy !req
1110. Why don't we just move in together?Copy !req
1111. Oh, yeah, we're going to have
ourselves a tussle.Copy !req
1112. (RODOLFO SQUEAKS)Copy !req
1113. Rodolfo's in your toiletry kit.
Did you know that?Copy !req
1114. Did you pack him, or did you...Copy !req
1115. What is this?Copy !req
1116. Why am I in your computer
on your Riskmaster thingy?Copy !req
1117. Okay, you know what?
I can explain this.Copy !req
1118. It's fascinating, actually.
I learned a lot about myself.Copy !req
1119. I've learned that I have no career,
I'm flaky, I like ethnic food.Copy !req
1120. Would you let me explain?Copy !req
1121. Lisa came back, and I've been trying
to figure things out.Copy !req
1122. - What are you figuring out?
- Just about us, and our future.Copy !req
1123. Future? What are you talking about?
What future?Copy !req
1124. Reuben, come on.
This is a fling, you know?Copy !req
1125. What, did you think
we'd get married?Copy !req
1126. REUBEN: Whoa! Maybe.Copy !req
1127. I was gonna ask you
to move in with me first.Copy !req
1128. You expect me to move to the
suburbs with you? Are you insane?Copy !req
1129. Why is that so crazy?
People do that all the time.Copy !req
1130. They have kids, they make plans,
they get married, they buy houses.Copy !req
1131. That's you, Reuben. You do that.Copy !req
1132. That's what you do.
I don't live my life that way.Copy !req
1133. Is your lack of a plan
that different than my plan?Copy !req
1134. - I don't have a plan.
- You're on the non-plan plan.Copy !req
1135. - I am not on a non-plan plan.
- You are, too.Copy !req
1136. I've never met anybody
more afraid of commitment.Copy !req
1137. You were a senior delegate
at the Model UN, Polly.Copy !req
1138. What the hell happened to you?Copy !req
1139. (LELAND WHOOPING)Copy !req
1140. Come on, you mother!
You can do better than that!Copy !req
1141. I've been living my life, okay?Copy !req
1142. I've been in good relationships
and in shitty ones.Copy !req
1143. And I've moved a lot
and I've been happy and sadCopy !req
1144. and lonely and that's what
I've been doing.Copy !req
1145. Which is more than I can say
for some freakCopy !req
1146. who thinks he'll get Ebola virus
from a bowl of mixed nuts.Copy !req
1147. Those nuts have pee on them!
It's common sense.Copy !req
1148. Trust me, that is so far
beyond common sense.Copy !req
1149. REUBEN: You don't understand
what I grew up with.Copy !req
1150. My mother made me
afraid of everything.Copy !req
1151. Big deal, Reuben.
My dad had a whole second family.Copy !req
1152. - What?
- Yeah, on Long Island.Copy !req
1153. A wife and kids
and a golden retriever.Copy !req
1154. A second family?Copy !req
1155. Whatever. Hey, you know what?Copy !req
1156. I'm glad I saw that. I am.Copy !req
1157. Because I'm going to make this
really easy for you, Reuben.Copy !req
1158. I have no interest...Copy !req
1159. in getting married
and moving to the suburbs.Copy !req
1160. And obviously that's
really important to you.Copy !req
1161. So here's what I think
your new plan should be.Copy !req
1162. You should get back together
with Lisa, move into your houseCopy !req
1163. and move on with your life.Copy !req
1164. And I think you guys
will be really happy together.Copy !req
1165. Oh, dear Lord.Copy !req
1166. (CRASHING)Copy !req
1167. REUBEN: You're not making my job
any easier, Leland.Copy !req
1168. Come on, Reub.
Weather report said sunny skies.Copy !req
1169. (PEACEFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING)Copy !req
1170. (ON RECORDING) Hey, it's Polly Prince.Copy !req
1171. Leave me a message,
or call back, or not.Copy !req
1172. You know, whatever. Okay, bye.Copy !req
1173. Hey, Polly, it's me. Listen...Copy !req
1174. I'd like to talk to you, because I
feel bad about what happened.Copy !req
1175. Give me a call on my cell phone.Copy !req
1176. (REUBEN SIGHING)Copy !req
1177. (PHONE RINGS)Copy !req
1178. - Hello?
- LISA: Hi. It's Lisa.Copy !req
1179. LISA: So, how's the house?Copy !req
1180. The house is great.Copy !req
1181. It's big, but, you know, great.Copy !req
1182. I can't wait to see it.
Did you get the gift I sent you?Copy !req
1183. Yeah, I did. Thanks.Copy !req
1184. I really want to see you.Copy !req
1185. I don't know, Lisa.Copy !req
1186. Let me think about it.Copy !req
1187. M. C: Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.Copy !req
1188. The premiere ofJesus Christ
Superstar is about to begin.Copy !req
1189. Hey, Reuby Tuesday!Copy !req
1190. - ¿Cómo estás?
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
1191. What else? Hector's playing
keyboards in the band.Copy !req
1192. I didn't figure you a fan
of musical theatre.Copy !req
1193. My friend Sandy Lyle is in the show.Copy !req
1194. Have you talked to Polly?Copy !req
1195. She was upset, bro.
It must've been some kind of fight.Copy !req
1196. Yeah, I keep calling her
and she won't pick up the phone.Copy !req
1197. I don't know, I was thinking about
maybe dropping by tomorrow.Copy !req
1198. It's a bit too late, papi.
She's leaving town in two hours.Copy !req
1199. What?Copy !req
1200. Why? Where is she going?Copy !req
1201. I don't know. She said goodbye.
That's it.Copy !req
1202. - Hi, I'm sorry I'm late.
- No, yeah. Hi.Copy !req
1203. Hey, Javi, this is Lisa, my wife.Copy !req
1204. Her mother told me she was back.
You're doing the right thing here.Copy !req
1205. - Relax. I'm not promising anything.
- It's very exciting.Copy !req
1206. (PLAYING UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)Copy !req
1207. (PHONE RINGS)Copy !req
1208. STAN: Reuben, Stan. Change of plan.Copy !req
1209. The meeting with Van Lew's board
and AFLAC has moved to 4:00.Copy !req
1210. 4:00? I don't know if I can do that.Copy !req
1211. STAN: What's wrong with you?
Get your ass over here!Copy !req
1212. SANDY: Good evening, folks.
I'm Sandy LyleCopy !req
1213. and I've got
a very special announcement.Copy !req
1214. Please note
that in tonight's performance,Copy !req
1215. in addition to playing Judas,
I'll be playing Jesus as well.Copy !req
1216. Thank you and enjoy the show.Copy !req
1217. DIRECTOR: Sandy, what are you doing?
Wonsuk is playing Jesus.Copy !req
1218. SANDY: It's cool. I'll play dual roles.
Give me the crown, Wonsuk.Copy !req
1219. WONSUK: Screwyou, Sandy,
you're a has-been.Copy !req
1220. No one even cares
you were in that stupid movie.Copy !req
1221. - Oh, no.
- WONSUK: Oh, shit!Copy !req
1222. (ALL EXCLAIMING)Copy !req
1223. WONSUK: Judas is biting me!Copy !req
1224. What happened in there?Copy !req
1225. I'm a professional and I won't put
my reputation on the lineCopy !req
1226. for a group of freaking amateurs.Copy !req
1227. IRVING: It's always the same story
with you, pal.Copy !req
1228. You did this one movie
a hundred years ago.Copy !req
1229. From then on, you thought you were
better than everybody else.Copy !req
1230. Why don't you let go,
move on with your life?Copy !req
1231. It's not about
what happened in the pastCopy !req
1232. or what you think
might happen in the future.Copy !req
1233. It's about the ride,
for Christ's sake.Copy !req
1234. There's no point in going through
all this crapCopy !req
1235. if you don't enjoy the ride.Copy !req
1236. And you know what?Copy !req
1237. When you least expect it,
something great might come along.Copy !req
1238. Something better than
you even planned for.Copy !req
1239. You were funny as hell
playing those bagpipes, though.Copy !req
1240. Did I ever tell you that?Copy !req
1241. I don't think I've ever heard you
speak before, Mr. Feffer.Copy !req
1242. So, Reuby, are we going to grab
a bite after your work thingamajigy?Copy !req
1243. No, Lisa...Copy !req
1244. I shouldn't have asked you
to come down here.Copy !req
1245. I'm not getting back together
with you.Copy !req
1246. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1247. - Why?
- REUBEN: "Why?"Copy !req
1248. You screwed a scuba-diving
instructor on our honeymoon.Copy !req
1249. What kind of cold, heartless bitch
would do that to someone they love?Copy !req
1250. I'd have to be an idiot to get back
together with you after that.Copy !req
1251. And by the way, I destroyed
all your little throw pillows.Copy !req
1252. Yeah, because throw pillows suck.
They serve no purpose.Copy !req
1253. They're purely decorative.Copy !req
1254. SANDY: Dude, that was incredible!Copy !req
1255. You told me I should get back
together with her.Copy !req
1256. Whatever you do, don't ever take
my advice again.Copy !req
1257. Your dad totally put it
in perspective for me.Copy !req
1258. I was barely famous back then,
and I'll never be famous again.Copy !req
1259. What about your
E! True Hollywood Story?Copy !req
1260. The E! Channel doesn't even know
we're making this show.Copy !req
1261. What do you mean?Copy !req
1262. I hired Dustin and Vic myself.Copy !req
1263. I was going to try and sell it
to the network when I'm done.Copy !req
1264. You're doing an
E! True Hollywood Story on yourself?Copy !req
1265. Sandy, that's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.Copy !req
1266. I know. I'm such a loser.Copy !req
1267. I need you to do something for me
that's really importantCopy !req
1268. so promise me, this one time
you won't screw it up.Copy !req
1269. Reuben, I'm your wingman.Copy !req
1270. Whatever it is,
I will not let you down.Copy !req
1271. You're Reuben's proxy?
What the hell does that mean?Copy !req
1272. He's dealing with
a personal situation,Copy !req
1273. so he asked me to fill in.
Relax, I'm a professional actor.Copy !req
1274. They will never know the difference.Copy !req
1275. - I can't freaking believe this.
- Quiet. I'm trying to prepare.Copy !req
1276. I'm going to vomit.Copy !req
1277. I am so sorry
for the delay, folks...Copy !req
1278. but one of our senior analysts,
Reuben Feffer,Copy !req
1279. had his spleen burst
just a few moments ago and...Copy !req
1280. - That's not good. Will he be okay?
- STAN: God willing.Copy !req
1281. Be that as it may, we have
Mr. Feffer's associate here...Copy !req
1282. Mr. Sanford Lyle,
who's been briefed on the caseCopy !req
1283. and will present
Reuben's recommendations.Copy !req
1284. Thank you, Stanley.Copy !req
1285. (CLEARS THROAT NOISILY)Copy !req
1286. I just need a little water.Copy !req
1287. As you know, this is a highly
complex case.Copy !req
1288. Let me see here.Copy !req
1289. On the plus side, Leland's
blood pressure is pretty solid.Copy !req
1290. And he's at a decent weight.Copy !req
1291. And he looks
pretty damn healthy, right?Copy !req
1292. I mean, he's a sexy guy.Copy !req
1293. Right?Copy !req
1294. And he is sexually active
in the community.Copy !req
1295. (HONKING)Copy !req
1296. Polly!Copy !req
1297. JFK, please.Copy !req
1298. (RODOLFO SQUEAKS)Copy !req
1299. (RODOLFO SQUEALS)Copy !req
1300. Let's not bullcrap each other.Copy !req
1301. On paper, Van Lew is one of
the riskiest sons of bitches alive.Copy !req
1302. But, people,
we cannot sum up a man's lifeCopy !req
1303. with a bunch of numbers
on a computer screen.Copy !req
1304. We all need to look
into our hearts and go,Copy !req
1305. "Do I think this dude is going
to die in a few years or not?"Copy !req
1306. Is Leland here going to fight off
a man with the last name Reaper...Copy !req
1307. first name...
Who goes by the last name Reaper...Copy !req
1308. first name Grim?Copy !req
1309. Or will this BASE-jumping...Copy !req
1310. crocodile-wrestling...Copy !req
1311. shark-diving...Copy !req
1312. volcano-luging...Copy !req
1313. bear-fighting, snake-wrangling...Copy !req
1314. motocross-racing bastard die?Copy !req
1315. And the answer...Copy !req
1316. is no, friends.Copy !req
1317. Which is why myself...Copy !req
1318. Reuben Feffer, Stan...Copy !req
1319. and all of us here
at Indurby & Friends,Copy !req
1320. are willing to lay our asses
on the lineCopy !req
1321. and proudly recommend
that Leland Van LewCopy !req
1322. receive $50 million,Copy !req
1323. in life and health
and automobile insurance,Copy !req
1324. for a duration
of no less than 20 years.Copy !req
1325. What do you think, guys?Copy !req
1326. Are you that kid
from Crocodile Tears?Copy !req
1327. - You're goddamn right I am.
- I thought so.Copy !req
1328. Impressive presentation.
He's insured.Copy !req
1329. - Congratulations.
- Bloody ripper!Copy !req
1330. Love you, son!Copy !req
1331. (BEEPING)Copy !req
1332. POLLY: Rodolfo, wait!Copy !req
1333. I'm so sorry!Copy !req
1334. Reuben, it's too late. I have to be
on a plane in 45 minutes.Copy !req
1335. I don't think
you really want to leave here.Copy !req
1336. You have no idea what I want.Copy !req
1337. You left Rodolfo behind.
Does that mean anything?Copy !req
1338. (SQUEAKS)Copy !req
1339. I made a mistake. I should've
never put you in the Riskmaster.Copy !req
1340. Truth is, no matter what happened
on our honeymoon,Copy !req
1341. - you're much riskier than Lisa.
- Yes! Right!Copy !req
1342. That's why it won't work out
between us.Copy !req
1343. Reuben, you're a nice,
safe, conventional guy.Copy !req
1344. It's not going to work out.Copy !req
1345. I don't think
that's who I really am.Copy !req
1346. It is. That's okay.Copy !req
1347. What do I have to do
to prove it to you?Copy !req
1348. POLLY: What are you... Oh, my God.Copy !req
1349. Hey, look! Look, I'm eating nuts.Copy !req
1350. - What are you doing?
- Those nuts aren't even dirty?Copy !req
1351. (GROANS)Copy !req
1352. Since we've been together,
I've felt more uncomfortable,Copy !req
1353. out of place, embarrassed
and just physically sickCopy !req
1354. than in my entire life.Copy !req
1355. But I couldn't have
gone through all that...Copy !req
1356. I couldn't have thrown up
19 times in 48 days...Copy !req
1357. if I wasn't in love with you.Copy !req
1358. Maybe you're right.
Maybe this is just a fling.Copy !req
1359. But if you get on that plane
and go to Cincinnati or TanzaniaCopy !req
1360. or wherever, we'll never know
if it could've been more.Copy !req
1361. POLLY: Oh, no.Copy !req
1362. Please don't eat those.Copy !req
1363. POLLY: No, really.Copy !req
1364. I don't want you to go away.Copy !req
1365. - I'm not going to marry you.
- I don't want to get married.Copy !req
1366. I just want to take you to dinner.Copy !req
1367. Sometime this week.Copy !req
1368. Can I pick the place?Copy !req
1369. (UPBEAT CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
1370. CLAUDE: Solid!Copy !req
1371. Excuse me. Hi. Hello.Copy !req
1372. I see you two are new to the island.
I want to come have a meet...Copy !req
1373. Oh, my stars and stripe, Reuben!Copy !req
1374. Oh, my God,
I cannot believe it is you.Copy !req
1375. - This is Polly.
- Hi, Polly. I am Claude.Copy !req
1376. Wow, hi.Copy !req
1377. So, how's it going?Copy !req
1378. In truth, it has been a little bit
tough noogies for me.Copy !req
1379. Lisa, she broke my heart.Copy !req
1380. - I'm sorry to hear that.
- That is life.Copy !req
1381. Well, you have to be like the hippo.Copy !req
1382. Exactly. Like the hippo.Copy !req
1383. So, let me guess.
You are here on honeymoon again?Copy !req
1384. - This is your beautiful bride?
- No, we're just hanging out.Copy !req
1385. - It's more serious than that.
- I'm just saying we're not married.Copy !req
1386. Right. Definitely not married.
But it's possible.Copy !req
1387. It is possible.Copy !req
1388. We're taking things step by step,
seeing how they work out.Copy !req
1389. I don't really understand
what you're talking about...Copy !req
1390. but any chance
you're for scuba today?Copy !req
1391. You know what,
actually we are for scuba.Copy !req
1392. - No way, José!
- Yes way, José!Copy !req
1393. But, we're going out with that guy.Copy !req
1394. REUBEN: We'll be out there in a minute!Copy !req
1395. You know what? As long as
you're for scuba, I am happy.Copy !req
1396. Oh, that's sweet.Copy !req
1397. So, au revoir, my good friend.Copy !req
1398. Thank you for everything, Claude.Copy !req
1399. It's good to see you again.
Good-bye, Polly.Copy !req
1400. POLLY: Nice to meet you, Claude.
CLAUDE: You, as well.Copy !req
1401. - So you're ready?
- Let's do it!Copy !req
1402. (UPBEAT LOVE SONG PLAYING)Copy !req
1403. (UPBEAT CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
1404. (UPBEAT SALSA MUSIC)Copy !req