1. - Y qué mira?
- Sí, gózale!Copy !req
2. My friend saw you
with Ramón Camacho.Copy !req
3. - It ain't true, Ricco.
- Shut up, ho!Copy !req
4. It's time to teach you two a lesson.Copy !req
5. I wouldn't do that if I was you.Copy !req
6. Step back unless you want me
to bust a cap in your ass.Copy !req
7. This is my hood
and these girls belong to me.Copy !req
8. Belong?Copy !req
9. That is a very sexist way
to talk about these bitches.Copy !req
10. Hola. Ay qué rico estás, papito!Copy !req
11. Bonjour. Je m'appelle Ali.Copy !req
12. J'habite in Staines.Copy !req
13. You made me use me last tissue.
Me ain't got another one now.Copy !req
14. Hijo su chingada madre.
Te crees chingón, cabrón?Copy !req
15. No sabes que te puedo matar,
pinche canario.Copy !req
16. You what? Speak to the handCopy !req
17. cos the face, it ain't listening.Copy !req
18. Mátalo!Copy !req
19. Ooh!Copy !req
20. Sorry.Copy !req
21. No!Copy !req
22. Remember, life is the most
precious gift that Jah has given us.Copy !req
23. Unlucky.Copy !req
24. You saved us.
I just really want to thank you.Copy !req
25. Ay, Dios mío!Copy !req
26. That's gonna need the two of us.Copy !req
27. Here, let me help you with that.Copy !req
28. And I'm-a give you
some attention...Copy !req
29. That's very nice.Copy !req
30. Yes, please.Copy !req
31. Thank you very much. That's good.Copy !req
32. 2 Pac, no!Copy !req
33. Whatever.Copy !req
34. Yeah, baby, play with the balls.Copy !req
35. - Ali, are you awake?
- For real.Copy !req
36. Ali-Pally, do you know how late it
is? You're still in bed, all asleep.Copy !req
37. Sorry, Nan.Copy !req
38. It's nice to get up in the morning
in the good old summertimeCopy !req
39. Four and five and six o'clock
in the good old summertimeCopy !req
40. When the winter comes...Copy !req
41. It's nice to get up
in the morning...Copy !req
42. But better to stay in bedCopy !req
43. That's better.Copy !req
44. It's not nice to play with your
poopik when Nana's in the room.Copy !req
45. - You're teaching your class today.
- Wicked.Copy !req
46. Out of bed, choppy chop.Copy !req
47. - Yo, yo! Aight?
- Aight!Copy !req
48. Urgh.Copy !req
49. Respect.Copy !req
50. So, what's going down
in Staines town, my nigger?Copy !req
51. Nigger, we just be kicking back,
sucking on some gin and juice.Copy !req
52. Laid-back.Copy !req
53. - Aight.
- For real.Copy !req
54. Jezzy, is you wearing green?Copy !req
55. I knew it. You is defected
to the lver Heath posse, innit?Copy !req
56. - Let's stab him.
- Wait!Copy !req
57. Me mum washed me yellow top with
my brother's blue football socks.Copy !req
58. All right. But you tell that slag
that in the ghetto,Copy !req
59. washing non-colourfast synthetics
at 60 degrees could be fatal.Copy !req
60. Will you boys move?
I've told you it's a fire risk.Copy !req
61. Hey, yo, yo, yo, what's the problem?
Four brothers chilling out,Copy !req
62. maxing, relaxing,
it ain't too taxing.Copy !req
63. Boof!Copy !req
64. - Move!
- We'll sit on the bench. Yes.Copy !req
65. The East Staines Massiv.Copy !req
66. If it ain't the West Staines Massiv
outside their precious centre.Copy !req
67. Booyakasha!Copy !req
68. Wickety-wackety-sha! Boo!Copy !req
69. Eastside is the best.Copy !req
70. Westside is the best.Copy !req
71. - Eastside is the best.
- Westside is the best.Copy !req
72. - Westside is the best.
- Eastside is the best.Copy !req
73. Shit, I meant Westside is the best.Copy !req
74. Anyways, you is on our turf.Copy !req
75. Once you pass
the Bumblebees Day Nursery,Copy !req
76. just before the mini-roundabout,
then you is in the Westside.Copy !req
77. - We don't care.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
78. Your mama is so fatCopy !req
79. that when she volunteered to clean
the cages at the zoo,Copy !req
80. people them-a walk by and say,
'Look at that hippopotamus.'Copy !req
81. That ain't fair. It's glandular.Copy !req
82. - Let's leave these batty boys.
- Your mama's a batty boy.Copy !req
83. Oooh!Copy !req
84. Slow down!Copy !req
85. Stop!Copy !req
86. - Eastside!
- He's gonna get himself killed.Copy !req
87. Yo, yo, G, it's the LAPD.Copy !req
88. Yeah? And?Copy !req
89. Oh, man, you are one bad mofo.Copy !req
90. I is feeling it. You rocking it?Copy !req
91. - I'm feeling it.
- I'm checking it.Copy !req
92. - I'm kissing it.
- I'm checking it.Copy !req
93. Wicked!Copy !req
94. Wicked!Copy !req
95. Wicked now, wicked now, wicked!Copy !req
96. Me got the chick-ahn,
me like the chick-ahn!Copy !req
97. Me got the chicken-wicken,
a-rockin' and a-pickinCopy !req
98. Me got...Copy !req
99. A to the I to the I to the G,
Ali G, that's me, that's meCopy !req
100. A to the I to the I to the G,
that's G - that's me, that's meCopy !req
101. R to the I to the C
to the K to the YCopy !req
102. That's Ricky C
Ricky C to the C to the CCopy !req
103. Ricky C—Copy !req
104. Wait. I is gonna be late
for me class. Let's go.Copy !req
105. Crack cocaine
is destroying our community.Copy !req
106. So when a brother makes it through,
they deserve our respect.Copy !req
107. So let's big it up for Darren,Copy !req
108. who's been clean and off the crack
now for eight years.Copy !req
109. - Eight and three-quarter years.
- Whatever.Copy !req
110. Me don't wanna say this but
most of you ain't never gonna see 11.Copy !req
111. Booka!Copy !req
112. Drive-bys.Copy !req
113. - Look, he's crying. Homo! Homo!
- Hey!Copy !req
114. We'll have none of that
language here. The word is batty boy.Copy !req
115. Batty boy! Batty boy!Copy !req
116. Better. Everybody up!
Time to give out this week's badges.Copy !req
117. First, big it up
for me main man Andy,Copy !req
118. who has finally got
his Hot-Wiring badgeCopy !req
119. and his Advanced Swearing badge.Copy !req
120. - Shit off, you hairy dog's cock.
- Respect.Copy !req
121. Since you has got your fifth badge,
you has earned your second slit.Copy !req
122. Hopefully one day
you'll get to be Tyrone's level.Copy !req
123. If you gets any better,
we'll have to start doing your pubes.Copy !req
124. - I don't have any.
- Well, I is got millions.Copy !req
125. Now, remember -
without realness, we is nothing.Copy !req
126. So, posse, keep it real!Copy !req
127. Keep it real!Copy !req
128. On the streets, your homie
would take a cap in his ass for you.Copy !req
129. So let's start with
a very basic trust exercise.Copy !req
130. - One, two, three.
- Ali, can I have a word?Copy !req
131. - Sure.
- It's about the centre.Copy !req
132. I know how much these classes
mean to youCopy !req
133. and how much the kids enjoy them.Copy !req
134. But the government's withdrawn
our funding.Copy !req
135. They're closing down
the John Nike Leisure Centre.Copy !req
136. You what? How is these kids meant
to make it out of the ghetto now?Copy !req
137. - They'll have to go somewhere else.
- Somewhere else?Copy !req
138. Do you know what this centre
means to them? And to me?Copy !req
139. This is the spiritual home
of the West Staines Massiv.Copy !req
140. This is like what Mecca is
to the Jews.Copy !req
141. It's like what Kentucky is
to chickens.Copy !req
142. And it was here when me
first felt me Julie's...Copy !req
143. Ali, there's nothing you can do.Copy !req
144. Now, you better go and tell the kids.Copy !req
145. I ain't never gonna let them
close us down.Copy !req
146. Keep it real, yeah?Copy !req
147. Dinner with
the Belgian prime minister at eight.Copy !req
148. And the Deputy Prime Minister
wishes to speak to you.Copy !req
149. - Has he heard the poll results yet?
- Yes, I wish I hadn't.Copy !req
150. Gallup puts us 22 points behind.Copy !req
151. - And MORl?
- 23 points behind.Copy !req
152. The youth vote's
deserting us in droves.Copy !req
153. Focus groups say we're out of touch.Copy !req
154. - We are.
- Don't be silly.Copy !req
155. Will we lose this by-election?Copy !req
156. We haven't lost Staines in 20 years
and we're not about to start.Copy !req
157. We just have an image problem.Copy !req
158. We have to find a candidate
who will improve that image.Copy !req
159. Somebody young.Copy !req
160. - Somebody ethnic.
- Somebody in touch.Copy !req
161. - Exactly.
- You're right.Copy !req
162. We need an intellectually superior
candidate to guarantee us victory.Copy !req
163. - Easy now, Mrs Hugh.
- Booyakasha.Copy !req
164. - Is me Julie about?
- She's upstairs.Copy !req
165. Hello, baby, I's been missing you
so much today.Copy !req
166. You is looking so fine. All I want
to do is pull your panties down...Copy !req
167. Ali.Copy !req
168. - Hello, me Julie.
- Stop feeling up Nina.Copy !req
169. - I got confused.
- You're never confused with Tracey.Copy !req
170. - Hello, Ali.
- Hello.Copy !req
171. You know you is me only bitch.Copy !req
172. Ho. Lady?Copy !req
173. When me close me eyes,
you is the only girl me think about.Copy !req
174. - Ali, open your eyes.
- Sorry, there was something in them.Copy !req
175. Because there's these fleas
going around,Copy !req
176. two of them, coming in again
and they're in me eyes!Copy !req
177. You've been a very bad boy
and you need to be punished.Copy !req
178. - Are you a bad boy?
- Yes, I am.Copy !req
179. My skin is so dry.Copy !req
180. So for being a bad boy,
I want you to rub oil into me,Copy !req
181. paying special attention
to my breasts and my batty crease.Copy !req
182. OK, I will do that.Copy !req
183. But first, I want you to
take your hat off, you naughty boy.Copy !req
184. But me never take me hat off.Copy !req
185. You take that off
and I'll take these off.Copy !req
186. OK.Copy !req
187. Now I'm going to milk you.Copy !req
188. - 'Ali.
- Give me one more sec.Copy !req
189. - Behave, Alistair.
- J-Lo.Copy !req
190. They is closing down the centre.Copy !req
191. I is gonna go on hunger strike
until they save it... or until I die.Copy !req
192. So just in case I do join Tupac
and Biggie in that ghetto in the sky,Copy !req
193. I's come here to bone you
one last time.Copy !req
194. Mr Johnson might have something
to say about that.Copy !req
195. - Can I watch?
- I got not problem with that.Copy !req
196. Ali!Copy !req
197. Don't do nothing stupid, all right?Copy !req
198. Hear me now.
She ain't really me Julie.Copy !req
199. In real life I is going out
with someone much fitter.Copy !req
200. But they do that
to make me more accessible.Copy !req
201. Which means you girls think I will
knob you, even if you is a minger.Copy !req
202. OK, you got ten seconds
till you start.Copy !req
203. More! More!Copy !req
204. OK, and go.Copy !req
205. Mr G, why are you on hunger strike?Copy !req
206. In the struggle for...Copy !req
207. In the struggle for justice,
I is willing to lay down me life.Copy !req
208. Just like
Martin Luther... Vandross did.Copy !req
209. Local party chairman Alan Swan
has some names for the by-election.Copy !req
210. This is a great honour.
I've always admired...Copy !req
211. - The names, Swan.
- Right. Well, er...Copy !req
212. There are three really outstanding
candidates that match your criteria.Copy !req
213. Top of the list is Andrew Hamilton,
PhD political science,Copy !req
214. studied PPE at Oxford,
gained a starred first.Copy !req
215. Have you tried these new
chicken dippers?Copy !req
216. - They're really good.
- What sauce are you going for?Copy !req
217. I think it's barbecue.Copy !req
218. I can't take it!Copy !req
219. Chicken dippers!Copy !req
220. - Good, we can go home now.
- Oh, nips.Copy !req
221. I'll get the keys, yeah?Copy !req
222. Starting again from... now!Copy !req
223. No.Copy !req
224. - What has we got here, then?
- I is doing a serious protest.Copy !req
225. In that case, we'll leave you to it.Copy !req
226. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
227. There was just one thing, though.Copy !req
228. Grow, Biggie, grow.
I has gotta get a semi lob-on.Copy !req
229. Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Lopez.Copy !req
230. Jennifer Lopez lezzing off with the
big-thighed one in Destiny's Child.Copy !req
231. Look here now!
Look at my massive beast!Copy !req
232. You filthy animal!Copy !req
233. Oh, Shep, this rail is very dirty.Copy !req
234. It's going to need
a lot of polishing.Copy !req
235. PhD in economics,
three years at Harvard, age 34...Copy !req
236. Swan? ls there any reason
why there should beCopy !req
237. an absurdly dressed,
half-naked man chained to a fenceCopy !req
238. being tossed off
by an old, blind council worker?Copy !req
239. Ignore him. It's the local idiot
making some pathetic protest.Copy !req
240. Unchain him and bring him in here.Copy !req
241. - But I'm trying to...
- Bring him in, Swan.Copy !req
242. Straight ahead
at the top of the stairs.Copy !req
243. Let me do all the tings
you want me to doCopy !req
244. Cos tonight, baby,
I wanna get freaky with youCopy !req
245. I'm Kate Hedges, the Deputy
Prime Minister's secretary.Copy !req
246. Come in
and you can pull your pants up now.Copy !req
247. Hello, I'm David Carlton,
the Deputy Prime Minister.Copy !req
248. Hello.
I is Ali G, the dominating MC.Copy !req
249. Making bitches touch their punani.Copy !req
250. - The number after two, it be...
- Three.Copy !req
251. Not Ali A, not Ali B,
not Ali C, not Ali D,Copy !req
252. not Ali...Copy !req
253. E...Copy !req
254. not Ali...Copy !req
255. F...Copy !req
256. - but Ali...
- G.Copy !req
257. Bo! Your rhymes is tight
for a honkey, yes, sir.Copy !req
258. That's his full name and address.Copy !req
259. Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?Copy !req
260. I is recently gone on the dole.Copy !req
261. - When?
- Eight years and three months ago.Copy !req
262. It says here you claim disability.
Are you...?Copy !req
263. Yes, I is actually spasticated.Copy !req
264. I is got a terrible DJing injuryCopy !req
265. and still ain't got full mobility
in me mixing finger.Copy !req
266. Fok-chickety-fok-fok-fresh. Ow.Copy !req
267. Everything down there
is still working. Oh, yes. Yes.Copy !req
268. Ali, erm... would you sit down?
Please, sit down.Copy !req
269. - Would you ever become an MP?
- What for? It's full of pricks.Copy !req
270. That's a little harsh.
I'm an MP, am I a prick?Copy !req
271. - Yes.
- Let's try a different angle.Copy !req
272. Is there nothing
you'd like to change?Copy !req
273. Me'd wanna save the John Nike
Leisure Centre, obviously.Copy !req
274. As the MP for Staines,
you could achieve that.Copy !req
275. Would you stand in this by-election?Copy !req
276. Me gotta be honest,
me ain't actually bi.Copy !req
277. - Well...
- I mean,Copy !req
278. obviously I done it with two girls.Copy !req
279. Well, I seen it on the internet.Copy !req
280. But me would never feel completely
comfortable being bummed by a man.Copy !req
281. A lot of people say never say everCopy !req
282. but me feel strongly that me
exit hole should stay me exit holeCopy !req
283. and never become me entry hole,
you know what I is saying?Copy !req
284. Yes, yes.Copy !req
285. Well, it's been
a pleasure meeting you.Copy !req
286. David.Copy !req
287. Later, sweetheart.Copy !req
288. David?Copy !req
289. What are you doing? He was
the biggest idiot I have ever met.Copy !req
290. - Choose him and we'll never win.
- I know.Copy !req
291. There'll be a leadership crisis.
The PM will be out.Copy !req
292. And who could possibly replace him?Copy !req
293. Ali has two weeks
to lose us 18,000 votes.Copy !req
294. Let's get him on the campaign trail.Copy !req
295. Easy, rude boy. Me name be Ali G
and me is here representing Staines.Copy !req
296. Can me count on your vote?Copy !req
297. - Definitely not.
- Hairy muff.Copy !req
298. Seeing as I is here,Copy !req
299. could me interest you in
a quarter of Moroccan black?Copy !req
300. It's well good shit!Copy !req
301. Dave, it's your turn
to shit through the letterbox.Copy !req
302. Our anti-bullying programme
has won lots of praise.Copy !req
303. Instances of bullying in
this school are at an all-time low.Copy !req
304. Jonathan used to suffer terribly
from bullies.Copy !req
305. I ain't surprised. Look at him.Copy !req
306. Hey, fatty bum bum. Hey, fatty bum
bum. Want another cream cake?Copy !req
307. Boiiing! Boiiing! Boiiing!Copy !req
308. He is well fat, though.Copy !req
309. All you motherfuckers,
fuck-fuck-fuck fuckers!Copy !req
310. Vote for the G, the motherfuckin' G.
Me, the motherfuckin' G.Copy !req
311. All the bitches in the house say yo.Copy !req
312. Vote for me
cos me know what you lezzers want.Copy !req
313. I is a big supporter of your cause
and I is got many of your videos.Copy !req
314. If you vote for me, me give you me
pledge to lower taxes on strap-ons.Copy !req
315. Why is you getting so eggy?
Is you all on?Copy !req
316. Ladies and gentlemen, to commemorate
the town hall extension,Copy !req
317. we're asking all the candidates
to lay down a brick.Copy !req
318. Ali, would you lay one for us now?Copy !req
319. - What, here?
- We would be honoured.Copy !req
320. - In front of everyone?
- Yes.Copy !req
321. Not bad.Copy !req
322. This is absolutely vital.Copy !req
323. 10 days ago we were 14 points ahead,Copy !req
324. with one day to go
we are eight points behind.Copy !req
325. Listen. Did you get the manifesto
that I sent to you?Copy !req
326. - You got a roach?
- Er... For real.Copy !req
327. - You got another roach?
- Yeah, for real.Copy !req
328. - Yeah.
- Wicked.Copy !req
329. Yes. it was very helpful.Copy !req
330. 30 seconds till we're on air.
Come with me.Copy !req
331. Good luck. Don't hold back.Copy !req
332. In the most crucial by-election
of the past decade,Copy !req
333. we're joined by ex-Environment
Secretary David GriffithsCopy !req
334. and newcomer Ali G.Copy !req
335. This debate will help you
make up your mind.Copy !req
336. Ali, if elected,
what would you do for Staines?Copy !req
337. Me'd save
the John Nike Leisure Centre.Copy !req
338. You can't mean your sole policyCopy !req
339. is to save a centre that's barely
used and a terrible drain on funds?Copy !req
340. What are your other policies?Copy !req
341. - My other policies?
- Yes, you must have some.Copy !req
342. Well...Copy !req
343. I think it is well important
to reduce inflay-tee-onCopy !req
344. and also to invest in the nehuss.Copy !req
345. The nahuss.Copy !req
346. - Oh, the NHS.
- You're reading from my sheet.Copy !req
347. No, I ain't. I is thought of them
things meself, you copied from me.Copy !req
348. It wasn't me.Copy !req
349. Then perhaps you'd tell me
where you stand on the ERM?Copy !req
350. No problem. Me thought
their first album was wack.Copy !req
351. Me hate all indie music.Copy !req
352. The voters deserve better, you're
making a mockery of this debate.Copy !req
353. What? ls you looking in the mirror?Copy !req
354. You're making it obvious
to the voters what a buffoon you are.Copy !req
355. Talking about yourself again?
I think so.Copy !req
356. You are an embarrassment
to the people of Staines.Copy !req
357. That is not a nice way
to talk about your mum.Copy !req
358. I put it to you that you are
the worst possible candidateCopy !req
359. ever put forward
by your miserable party.Copy !req
360. Well, I put it to you...Copy !req
361. that you sucked off a horse.Copy !req
362. I did not, er... suck off a horse.Copy !req
363. I have already dealt with this issue
with the party chairmanCopy !req
364. and as I explained to him,Copy !req
365. I was out hunting with a friendCopy !req
366. and I slipped onto
the end of a horse's phallus,Copy !req
367. which, unfortunately,
owing to it being the mating season,Copy !req
368. was aroused.Copy !req
369. Why is he going?
Does he need to go and do a pony?Copy !req
370. Is that a yes or a neigh?Copy !req
371. Why isn't he speaking?
Is he a bit hoarse?Copy !req
372. Was that a lie or the tr-hoof?Copy !req
373. Tell you what, they ought to read
the gallop polls tomorrow!Copy !req
374. More drama with the unexpected
withdrawal of David Griffiths.Copy !req
375. Tomorrow's vote is now between
Thomas Alvarez and Ali G,Copy !req
376. with the result too close to call.Copy !req
377. Thomas Alvarez,
Liberal Democrat, 5,080 votes.Copy !req
378. Alistair Leslie Graham...Copy !req
379. Who? What a stupid name.Copy !req
380. - 5,086 votes.
- You won! You did it!Copy !req
381. And I now declareCopy !req
382. Ali G has been duly elected
as Member of Parliament for Staines.Copy !req
383. Do you want to see the new
Member of Parliament, aight?Copy !req
384. Look how I is touching meself.
Do you like that?Copy !req
385. Is that turning you on?Copy !req
386. - 'Not really.
- 'Mm.Copy !req
387. Give a kiss to Mr Gherkin.Copy !req
388. - 'You're so long and hard!
- 'That's the handbrake.Copy !req
389. Now, let's get jiggy.Copy !req
390. Mr Boombastic, reggae fantasticCopy !req
391. Take it as a dooby-dooby-doogyCopy !req
392. Mr Ro-Ro-Ro-Ro-Ro...Copy !req
393. Mmmmmmantic!Copy !req
394. Is it in yet?Copy !req
395. Big up yourself. Respect.Copy !req
396. - Big up yourself.
- MP for Staines.Copy !req
397. I know you. You was the geezer
that did it with that prossie.Copy !req
398. Respect.Copy !req
399. - Because this government...
- Order! Order!Copy !req
400. This government's conduct
of economic policyCopy !req
401. has not only been incompetent,Copy !req
402. it has been unscrupulous,
untrustworthy and untruthful.Copy !req
403. They is dissin' our posse.
I is gonna sort this.Copy !req
404. - Order. Order now.
- And look at this!Copy !req
405. Order! Order! Will the Member
for Staines return to his seat?Copy !req
406. Will the Member for Staines
return to his seat?Copy !req
407. Order! Order in the House!Copy !req
408. - What is he doing?
- I'm not sure, Prime Minister.Copy !req
409. - For you to come down to me...
- Shhh.Copy !req
410. Relax ya batty.Copy !req
411. Look at you!Copy !req
412. All you ever do all day long
is cuss each other.Copy !req
413. R-E-S-T-E-C-P.Copy !req
414. - Do you even know what that spells?
- Restecp?Copy !req
415. - Yes. Restecp.
- Restecp.Copy !req
416. How's anyone out there
meant to restecp each otherCopy !req
417. if you lot in here don't even start
restecp-ing one another?Copy !req
418. Sergeant, eject him.Copy !req
419. Wanna know how to make this country
better? It's simple. Two words.Copy !req
420. - Keep it real.
- That's three words.Copy !req
421. Don't be a spanner. "it" ain't
a real word. It's short for "innit".Copy !req
422. - Keep it real!
- He is banned from the House.Copy !req
423. Is it cos I is black?Copy !req
424. What in God's name
have you done to me?Copy !req
425. I want that idiot in my office
with his resignation.Copy !req
426. Yes, Prime Minister.Copy !req
427. Come in.Copy !req
428. - Listen, me know me done wrong.
- Haven't you read the papers?Copy !req
429. I can't believe it.Copy !req
430. This dog can play table tennis.Copy !req
431. - It's the press, they love you.
- But how can he hold the bat?Copy !req
432. The Deputy Prime Minister and I
were wondering,Copy !req
433. what if I asked you
to join the Cabinet?Copy !req
434. No, think about it.Copy !req
435. Ali joins the Cabinet,
the two of them are publicly aligned.Copy !req
436. Ali slips up,
he takes that old prat with him.Copy !req
437. Why would Ali join?Copy !req
438. I've told the Prime Minister
to offer to save his leisure centre.Copy !req
439. - Are you mad? That would...
- Let me finish.Copy !req
440. Offers to save his leisure centre
if Ali gets him a 20-point poll lead.Copy !req
441. Now I is in the Cabinet and all,
could I see the red button?Copy !req
442. - Can I trust you?
- Yes.Copy !req
443. All right. Here we are.Copy !req
444. One touch on that red button
could destroy the whole world.Copy !req
445. - That is very interesting because...
- No!Copy !req
446. Fell for it!Copy !req
447. Ali, please, stand away. Dear me.Copy !req
448. - Can't we blow up something?
- No!Copy !req
449. - Please?
- No.Copy !req
450. - Somewhere shitty like Wales.
- Ali.Copy !req
451. Their Prime Minister
called your mum a slag.Copy !req
452. I am the Prime Minister of Wales!Copy !req
453. You shouldn't say that
about your mum.Copy !req
454. Your first Cabinet meeting is
Thursday. It's about asylum seekers.Copy !req
455. I'm sending you
on a fact-finding mission.Copy !req
456. Anyone trying to smuggle
will probably come through here.Copy !req
457. And it's not just immigrants.
Look at this.Copy !req
458. You'll be appalled.
Look at this crap.Copy !req
459. Marijuana smuggled in from Europe,
South America and the Middle East.Copy !req
460. That is terrible.Copy !req
461. - Is there any skunk?
- Yes.Copy !req
462. Some scumbag
smuggled in 15 kilos of this.Copy !req
463. It's the strongest
super skunk ever discovered.Copy !req
464. Over here are the confiscated
weapons and this is where we keep...Copy !req
465. You must have such a laugh here.Copy !req
466. - No, we don't.
- Oh.Copy !req
467. Next we have the mountains
of hardcore pornography,Copy !req
468. most of it from Germany.
You may want to look away.Copy !req
469. No. I is got a job to do.Copy !req
470. I know. It makes me feel sick, too.Copy !req
471. I have to compile me report now,
so if you'd fuck off.Copy !req
472. Certainly, sir.Copy !req
473. Westminster will be sending down
experts to help with me research.Copy !req
474. Hello. We is experts.Copy !req
475. Sprütze in die Arse!Copy !req
476. Ali, tell us,
what did you find out in Dover?Copy !req
477. Me saw a lot of stuff,
most of it from Germany,Copy !req
478. of these blokes going in
through the back door.Copy !req
479. He's right.
In Germany, I experienced it myself.Copy !req
480. - Respect.
- I remember one timeCopy !req
481. there were these
two huge African menCopy !req
482. who managed to squeeze themselves
into... this tiny box.Copy !req
483. - How long was they in there for?
- 15 hours.Copy !req
484. - It was incredibly emotional.
- It must've hurt.Copy !req
485. - It still does.
- Sorry.Copy !req
486. So, John, what are we going to do
about these asylum seekers?Copy !req
487. We can't let them all in,
it would cripple the economy.Copy !req
488. Oooh!Copy !req
489. - Yes, Ali?
- Let's think about this.Copy !req
490. What's the main thing
we ain't got enough of in the UK?Copy !req
491. - Hospitals.
- No.Copy !req
492. - Libraries?
- Behave!Copy !req
493. We ain't got enough fit women.Copy !req
494. And we's got too many mingers.Copy !req
495. No offence, Karen.Copy !req
496. So we let in all the fit refugees
and turn away the rank ones.Copy !req
497. Then we solve both problems.Copy !req
498. We is knobbing two birds
with one connie.Copy !req
499. - This is ludicrous.
- What do you think?Copy !req
500. I think... we should keep it real.Copy !req
501. Fit.Copy !req
502. Fit... fit.Copy !req
503. Wait.Copy !req
504. Back to Slovenia.Copy !req
505. Education standards
are at their lowest for 15 years.Copy !req
506. That is because kids is learning
stuff that ain't no use to them.Copy !req
507. Who here has ever used maths?
Or English?Copy !req
508. Exactly. Let's start
making education relevant.Copy !req
509. If Kevin buys six ounces
of Jamaican sinsemilla from Fat TonyCopy !req
510. for Ł480 cash in hand,Copy !req
511. and has to divide it
amongst 11 of his customers,Copy !req
512. how much should he charge
for an eighthCopy !req
513. so he can make Ł100 profit
to pay off his child support?Copy !req
514. The situation in Northern Ireland
is spiralling out of control.Copy !req
515. Hear me now.Copy !req
516. The only way you is ever gonna get
Hindus to stop killing lslams...Copy !req
517. - Catholics fighting Protestants.
- Whatever.Copy !req
518. is to get some really fit woman
to get her babylons out for peace.Copy !req
519. - Prime Minister...
- Not you, love.Copy !req
520. The army is costing the British
taxpayer Ł4.2 billion a year.Copy !req
521. How will the government
reduce this figure?Copy !req
522. We is gonna hire the A-Team.Copy !req
523. Her Majesty the Queen.Copy !req
524. Your Majesty, may I introduce
Ali G, MP for Staines?Copy !req
525. Hello, cheeky. You is much fitter
than you look on them coins.Copy !req
526. Next time me put a 50p piece
in me pocketCopy !req
527. me will feel honoured having
your head so close to me nuts.Copy !req
528. Nothing's working, the jobless
figures are at their highest level.Copy !req
529. The UK has a special relationship
with the US. Do you like Bush?Copy !req
530. Me love bush. Me love anything that
gives foliage to the punani area.Copy !req
531. Would you do a dance for me, please?Copy !req
532. - Oh, my God.
- Shaven haven. Respect.Copy !req
533. - 'As Ali G's influence grows...
- '..a 12-point lead.Copy !req
534. The Queen says
he's a breath of fresh air.Copy !req
535. - 'Ali G mania sweeps the UK.
- 'Charismatic MP Ali G...Copy !req
536. 'As of 12 o'clock,
all Rizlas will be free.Copy !req
537. 'To discourage their use, there
will be a levy of 25p on panties.Copy !req
538. 'This will exclude thongs.Copy !req
539. 'As for the health service,Copy !req
540. 'marijuana will be made available
free on the NHSCopy !req
541. 'for the treatment of chronic
diseases such as itchy scrot.Copy !req
542. 'Furthermore, I am a bell end...'Copy !req
543. - I can't be expected...
- Get along, David.Copy !req
544. 'I like to take it up da batty.Copy !req
545. 'Yes, I do. it feel really nice
and is me favourite.Copy !req
546. 'I used to be a girl
and wear knicks. Honest.Copy !req
547. 'Ask me mum.'Copy !req
548. War looms in Central Africa.
Britain to host a peace conference.Copy !req
549. A triumphant budget
from Britain's most controversial MP.Copy !req
550. A fancy frock don't make up for
months of neglect.Copy !req
551. Me know.Copy !req
552. This is new to me
so don't leave me on my own.Copy !req
553. Don't worry, baby.Copy !req
554. It's the Prime Minister,
let me get his autograph.Copy !req
555. - Boss, this is me Julie.
- Lovely.Copy !req
556. Should we meet our delegates?
President Wattana from Thailand.Copy !req
557. - It is an honour to meet you.
- Thai, aight? Present.Copy !req
558. Let's move along. Do forgive me.Copy !req
559. This is the Mongolian delegate.Copy !req
560. Is you a genuine mong?Copy !req
561. That is fantastic that you lot
is also being represented here.Copy !req
562. I will... go and get you...Copy !req
563. some nice... crayons.Copy !req
564. Shall we carry on?
Thank you, do forgive me.Copy !req
565. They really can do anything.Copy !req
566. This is Borat from Kazakhstan.Copy !req
567. Jagshemash.Copy !req
568. - Bless you.
- It is nice to meet you.Copy !req
569. Get off, you batty boy!Copy !req
570. Ali, all right. Please forgive me.Copy !req
571. You are a cocksucker.Copy !req
572. Bonjour.Copy !req
573. Canapé, sir?Copy !req
574. Me Julie.Copy !req
575. Julie.Copy !req
576. Hello?Copy !req
577. What you doing up here? Why not
stay downstairs with that posh girl?Copy !req
578. - We was talking about politics.
- I ain't interested, just shut up!Copy !req
579. Well, me won't speak no more.Copy !req
580. You really are a prat.
Now, come here.Copy !req
581. We can't. This is the PM's bedroom.Copy !req
582. Well...Copy !req
583. Why don't you pretend to be
the Prime Minister?Copy !req
584. Cheeky.Copy !req
585. Ladies and gentlemen, please.
In advance of tomorrow's summit,Copy !req
586. I shall be having private talks
with both parties.Copy !req
587. First, President Mwepu,
would you care to join me upstairs?Copy !req
588. - A pleasure.
- Thank you.Copy !req
589. I must say, I enjoyed that.Copy !req
590. So did l. I'm so glad we thrashed it out.Copy !req
591. Ladies and gentlemen,
I want everyone here to knowCopy !req
592. that President Mwepu here
is a very big man.Copy !req
593. And I would like you to know that
the Prime Minister was very hardCopy !req
594. but very straight.Copy !req
595. The President was very much on top
to start off withCopy !req
596. but I don't mind telling you,
I was in a deep hole.Copy !req
597. Oh, very deep.Copy !req
598. We had some sticky patches
but I'm delighted to sayCopy !req
599. we came together in the end.Copy !req
600. Yes, I lapped up everything
that you had to offer.Copy !req
601. Now President Oompeba,
would you care to join me upstairs?Copy !req
602. No bloody way.Copy !req
603. Can I come?Copy !req
604. Come on, honey, let's go home.Copy !req
605. - I'll cook you up your favourite.
- Angel Delight?Copy !req
606. Yeah, butterscotch.Copy !req
607. Mmmm. Butterscotch.Copy !req
608. This bit is for the girls,Copy !req
609. to show that me can be
well sensitive.Copy !req
610. By the way, if any of you bitches
is fit and into doggy,Copy !req
611. here is me mobile number.Copy !req
612. Callers must be over 16.Copy !req
613. But not by too much.Copy !req
614. Me can't. They need me at
the peace conference tomorrow.Copy !req
615. You what? What about the people
who really need you?Copy !req
616. What about Ricky?
What about Dave?Copy !req
617. What about me, Ali?Copy !req
618. Please come back to Staines.Copy !req
619. The world is bigger than Staines.
And me gotta save it.Copy !req
620. You'll have to do it
on your own, then.Copy !req
621. Me Julie. Me Julie?Copy !req
622. Let me call you back.Copy !req
623. We've gotta get rid of him
before the centre's saved.Copy !req
624. - What I thought...
- You thought?Copy !req
625. The US will do everything
in its powerCopy !req
626. to support Chad in its struggle
against its neighbours.Copy !req
627. Russia will not allow this
Western oppression to continueCopy !req
628. and in order to support
Burkina Faso,Copy !req
629. is prepared to utilise
all our military capabilities.Copy !req
630. - That's outrageous!
- How can you make such a statement?Copy !req
631. Ali, Ali, Ali.Copy !req
632. - Armageddon's breaking out, help.
- Sure, bro.Copy !req
633. The United States
will not be intimidated.Copy !req
634. We will meet any show of force
with our full military might!Copy !req
635. Oi!Copy !req
636. You know why they is shouting?
They ain't been fed their teas.Copy !req
637. Come on, choppy chop.Copy !req
638. Moving to a motion,Copy !req
639. all those in favour of sending Iran
to the gas stationCopy !req
640. to get some potato chips
and chocolate, raise your hand.Copy !req
641. For real.Copy !req
642. Oh, bummer.Copy !req
643. I'm sorry we invaded you.
It was really uncool.Copy !req
644. Who cares? It's all in the past.Copy !req
645. If I was going to be invaded
by anyone,Copy !req
646. I am happy it was you.Copy !req
647. You are really cool.
You have nice clothes.Copy !req
648. - You saved my white ass, Ali.
- No problem, bredrin.Copy !req
649. Big up the herbal tea, aight?Copy !req
650. Hey, you, Britain!Copy !req
651. Respect.Copy !req
652. How does he do it?Copy !req
653. We're quite a team, Ali.
Thanks to you we're 22 points ahead.Copy !req
654. - I'm gonna save your centre.
- Wicked! Bo! Bo! Bo!Copy !req
655. - Check out all the Peperami!
- For you - this is your moment.Copy !req
656. Will you comment on accusations
that you drugged the world leaders?Copy !req
657. - You what?
- Our evidence proves you're guilty.Copy !req
658. Er...Copy !req
659. 'Our evidence proves you're guilty.'Copy !req
660. - This is just childish.
- "This is just childish!'Copy !req
661. By employing this rhetorical tactic
you incriminate yourself further.Copy !req
662. By... tactic... your father.Copy !req
663. This bag was sent to my office
anonymously.Copy !req
664. Do you deny that you stole it
from Customs & Excise?Copy !req
665. That could be anyone's.Copy !req
666. I is gotta go. I is turtling.
I is actually touching cloth.Copy !req
667. A few more questions!Copy !req
668. There goes your leisure centre.
Clear your desk before you go.Copy !req
669. Prime Minister.Copy !req
670. Big up yourself, Ali.Copy !req
671. - It won't be the same without you.
- We'll miss you, Mr G. Respect.Copy !req
672. - Booyakasha.
- Westside.Copy !req
673. Flippin' heck.Copy !req
674. Nan, can I borrow your car?Copy !req
675. Having a bad day? Maybe I can help.Copy !req
676. - Is it nippy outside?
- Very.Copy !req
677. - What is you doing here?
- Let me show you.Copy !req
678. So today's main news again.Copy !req
679. The Prime Minister has resigned
after the discovery of security tapeCopy !req
680. showing him having perverse sexual
intercourse with a prostitute.Copy !req
681. That's no prostitute, that's me ho!Copy !req
682. As of now the Deputy Prime Minister
will be acting Prime Minister.Copy !req
683. That ain't fair, that weren't the
PM. Where's the rest of the tape?Copy !req
684. My boss has locked it
in a safe at Chequers,Copy !req
685. - where it's staying.
- You won't get away with this.Copy !req
686. If you keep your mouth shut,
David's willing to be very generous.Copy !req
687. I'm willing to be very generous.Copy !req
688. All that you have to doCopy !req
689. is keep your mouth... shut.Copy !req
690. I'm tuning up my engine, Ali.Copy !req
691. Fill me with petrol.Copy !req
692. I is gonna pump you
with me five-star unleaded, aight!Copy !req
693. - Let me see your nozzle.
- What?Copy !req
694. You wanna see me knob? All right.Copy !req
695. Give me your fuel injection.Copy !req
696. In tomorrow's phone-in, we ask,Copy !req
697. have you ever slept with a pig?
I certainly have.Copy !req
698. And we'll find out what
turns girls like this into slags.Copy !req
699. No one calls me Julie a slag.Copy !req
700. Come to mama.Copy !req
701. Take them off.Copy !req
702. Keep it real! Keep it real! Keep it real!Copy !req
703. This ain't right. Here...Copy !req
704. Set it to vibrate
and finish yourself off.Copy !req
705. Open up!
Yo, blood, I need your help.Copy !req
706. Everyone's calling me Julie a slag.Copy !req
707. They heard about our three-header?Copy !req
708. What three-header?
Anyways, I can prove she ain't.Copy !req
709. Bredrin, we gotta restart
Drive-By FM. What ya say?Copy !req
710. - Drive-By FM is back!
- Wicked!Copy !req
711. - Let's go.
- Is you any good at knots?Copy !req
712. Yo, hear me now,
hear me now, rewind.Copy !req
713. This is Drive-By FM,
the sound of the ghetto,Copy !req
714. from deep in the heart of Berkshire.Copy !req
715. Phut-phut-phut-phut,
phut-phut-phut-phut!Copy !req
716. - What was that?
- Helicopter.Copy !req
717. Oh, you was doing the wings.
That's good.Copy !req
718. Hear me now, gangstas. There is
some serious shit going down.Copy !req
719. The Prime Minister, check it,Copy !req
720. has been chucked out by a geezer
who is a massive dong.Copy !req
721. He is even more eviller
than Skeletor.Copy !req
722. To get the PM back in,
me needs to get hold of this tapeCopy !req
723. of me knobbing me bitch.Copy !req
724. If you help me rescue this video,
we can save the country.Copy !req
725. - Plus you will see Julie's babylons.
- Wicked!Copy !req
726. That is why I is calling all of you
to end the Berkshire turf wars.Copy !req
727. There has been enough
brothers slain.Copy !req
728. So put down your AKs,
lay down your Uzis,Copy !req
729. and uniteCopy !req
730. into one massive...Copy !req
731. massive.Copy !req
732. - 'So big up the Eton Wick Crew.
- 'Hold tight.Copy !req
733. Hold tight the lver Heath Posse.Copy !req
734. Shout going out
to the Englefield Green Massiv.Copy !req
735. And me never thought
me would ever say this...Copy !req
736. but big up the East Staines Massiv.Copy !req
737. - Ali, what you doing, man?
- Shh.Copy !req
738. Hear this, Hassan B.Copy !req
739. If you join us,
then I is prepared to hand overCopy !req
740. the Boris the Spider climbing frame
in Leagrove Park.Copy !req
741. Let's do what Tupac and Biggie
never managed. Aight?Copy !req
742. If you is joining
this military operation,Copy !req
743. meet up in camouflageCopy !req
744. at John Nike Leisure Centre,
nine tomorrow morning.Copy !req
745. That's a bit early.
Can we make it 12?Copy !req
746. Sorry I is late.Copy !req
747. But there was something on the telly
about monkeys.Copy !req
748. They is well funny, what?
With their arms and...Copy !req
749. Respect for wearing camouflage.
It will help you go undetected.Copy !req
750. Now, let's go to Chequers
and rescue that tape.Copy !req
751. Let's do this for Britain.
Let's do this for me Julie.Copy !req
752. And let's do this for hip-hop!
Selecta!Copy !req
753. Selecta!Copy !req
754. I has drawn up
a detailed plan of Chequers.Copy !req
755. The tape is in the PM's office,
in a safe.Copy !req
756. First up, Ricky, Dave and me
will go in.Copy !req
757. Jezzy, you stay here.
We's gonna be like the A-Team.Copy !req
758. - And I is BA Baracus.
- I wanna be BA Baracus.Copy !req
759. Urgh.Copy !req
760. But I is very much like him.
'l ain't gettin' in no plane.'Copy !req
761. Uh-uh -
'l ain't gettin' in no plane!'Copy !req
762. - "I ain't gettin' in no plane!'
- "Shut up, fool.'Copy !req
763. Look, gold.
'l ain't gettin' in no plane!'Copy !req
764. - "Step back, kiss myself.'
- That's James Brown.Copy !req
765. You'll be Murdock.
Dave, you'll be Face.Copy !req
766. - What do we do?
- Stay here and we all hideCopy !req
767. and blend into the natural habitat.Copy !req
768. Then, when it gets dark,
me will make the secret signal.Copy !req
769. Fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh, rewind.Copy !req
770. Let's go!Copy !req
771. Then tune all your radios
to the baddest street garage stationCopy !req
772. and crank up the volume to the max.Copy !req
773. This will bring out the guardsCopy !req
774. and at that point we will use
our cunning to overpower them.Copy !req
775. Bundle!Copy !req
776. - Sir?
- What's going on?Copy !req
777. I'm sure it's nothing
but I've sent some men out.Copy !req
778. I want maximum security.
Patrol the house.Copy !req
779. The Great Hall is exactly
like the one in Lara Croft's houseCopy !req
780. in Tomb Raider 2 on PlayStation.Copy !req
781. So Dave, if you run at the pillar,
that goes to the underwater kingdomCopy !req
782. and on to the next level.Copy !req
783. Urgh.Copy !req
784. If that don't work, we must somehow
cross the touch-sensitive floor.Copy !req
785. If we lift our feet at all,
we're dead.Copy !req
786. Nothing. We'll keep on looking.Copy !req
787. Next up, we is gotta go through
the laser room.Copy !req
788. Dave, you'll use your
special skills to help us through.Copy !req
789. Remember, if we break any beams
it will set the alarms off,Copy !req
790. so extra careful. Now, let's do it.Copy !req
791. This must be the PM's office.
The tape is in there.Copy !req
792. Intruders in my office. This is
a terrorist attack, shoot on sight.Copy !req
793. Repeat, shoot on sight.Copy !req
794. - Ah, safe.
- Yeah, safe, man.Copy !req
795. - No, the safe.
- Yeah, I is safe. Open that.Copy !req
796. - Ali, this safe.
- Yeah, I is feeling fine.Copy !req
797. - The safe, the safe.
- Yeah, man, I is safe!Copy !req
798. Behind you!Copy !req
799. Hold on.
I thought you couldn't speak.Copy !req
800. I've just always been terribly
embarrassed about my voice.Copy !req
801. All right, don't go on about it.
Stop giving it all that.Copy !req
802. Now, if me can just interrupt
your life story for one second...Copy !req
803. let's tie these geezers up
and get that safe open.Copy !req
804. No.Copy !req
805. I got it. Link up the batteries
of all the cars outside,Copy !req
806. transfer the current
through a human chainCopy !req
807. and blow this mother open!Copy !req
808. - Won't we get electricalocuted?
- We won't get friedCopy !req
809. cos we've got rubber-soled trainers.
Trust me, I got a D in physics.Copy !req
810. Wicked. I'll text them.Copy !req
811. No, b-eight-two-rez - be-attories,
batteries.Copy !req
812. 2-geh-4 - together...Copy !req
813. Me was trying to save time.Copy !req
814. Bambaclat.Copy !req
815. - Switch on the engine, pass it on.
- Switch on the engine, pass it on.Copy !req
816. Your voice!
Switch on the engine, pass it on.Copy !req
817. - Switch on the engine, pass it on.
- Switch on the engine, pass it on...Copy !req
818. - Bitch on a pension, suck my dong.
- What?Copy !req
819. - Should I turn the engine on?
- Yeah.Copy !req
820. - What is you doing?
- I'm being pulled!Copy !req
821. No!Copy !req
822. Ha-ha! Bo! Bo!Copy !req
823. We open up the safe!Copy !req
824. - Peace, man.
- Peace, bredrin.Copy !req
825. Ali! Ali!Copy !req
826. - The tape ain't here.
- What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?Copy !req
827. Look for yourself.Copy !req
828. All it is is some photographs...Copy !req
829. Eugh.Copy !req
830. And there's a map of Staines.Copy !req
831. Jah Ras Tafari, Haile Selassie.
They is extending Heathrow Airport.Copy !req
832. That means...
they is gonna destroy Staines.Copy !req
833. And they is starting in...
three hours.Copy !req
834. Two hours, 57 minutes, to be precise.Copy !req
835. Why build it over Staines?Copy !req
836. Because I have bought 600 acres
of land there. Give me those.Copy !req
837. Don't try escaping because this room
doubles as a nuclear bunker.Copy !req
838. It is completely impenetrable
to the outside world.Copy !req
839. And I've forgotten to put on
the air supply.Copy !req
840. Why don't you nip out now
and stick it on?Copy !req
841. You really are unbelievably stupid.Copy !req
842. Oi! Knob-end!Copy !req
843. - What?
- Give me them plans.Copy !req
844. - Or what?
- Or nipple cripple, that's what.Copy !req
845. Chinese burn!Copy !req
846. You hurt my nose,
you fucking nutcase.Copy !req
847. Look behind you because there's
a thousand police officers.Copy !req
848. Look behind you,
there's Jennifer Lopez.Copy !req
849. What? You want to bone him right
this second cos you is so horny?Copy !req
850. Look, there's 20 squid on the floor.Copy !req
851. There's a squirrel
with the head of a chickenCopy !req
852. and with, like,
wings and everything that's just...Copy !req
853. - Is you gonna hit me again?
- Mmm.Copy !req
854. Now I'm going to shoot you.Copy !req
855. Booyakasha!Copy !req
856. This is from the people of Staines.Copy !req
857. Ooh. I think I followed through.Copy !req
858. Me Julie, you there?
Me know what you must think of me.Copy !req
859. I been a piece of knob cheese but
me got to save Staines with your helpCopy !req
860. and I has shat meself.Copy !req
861. Shit. Ricky and Dave!Copy !req
862. Ricky?Copy !req
863. We thought if we was gonna die
we might as well give it a go.Copy !req
864. - Well, what's it like?
- It's not bad.Copy !req
865. - Dave?
- Quite nice, actually.Copy !req
866. We'll talk about this later.
We gotta save Staines.Copy !req
867. Two minutes, see you in the car?Copy !req
868. Be quick. The Feds is coming and
you don't want to finish up inside.Copy !req
869. Save our centre! Save our centre!Copy !req
870. Hold on tight.Copy !req
871. Leave 'em alone,
you pigs, they're senile!Copy !req
872. Send in, send in!Copy !req
873. I wouldn't do that if I was you.Copy !req
874. Ali! I love you!Copy !req
875. Juliiieeee!Copy !req
876. - Hello.
- Start the demolition.Copy !req
877. Wait! Don't listen to him!
He's a criminal.Copy !req
878. And not even the good kind
that sell drugs or do drive-bys.Copy !req
879. I is got proof here that he is
trying to destroy Staines.Copy !req
880. So what? It's a shithole.Copy !req
881. - Arrest them.
- Oh, shit. We is going to jail.Copy !req
882. Every day for the next 20 years
we'll get bummed in the showers.Copy !req
883. - Hold it. Release him.
- Under what authority?Copy !req
884. I'm the acting Prime Minister.
You are the disgraced one.Copy !req
885. Disgraced by you.
And this tape proves it.Copy !req
886. - Kate.
- No, David.Copy !req
887. When I first entered politics,
it was to create a better world,Copy !req
888. a world of honesty,
integrity and truth.Copy !req
889. But somewhere along the way
that vision was lost.Copy !req
890. My dream was tarnished
and instead I discovered greed,Copy !req
891. - avarice and corruption...
- Boring!Copy !req
892. Arrest him.Copy !req
893. Enjoy your life with this fool.
You two deserve each other.Copy !req
894. Piss off.Copy !req
895. Oh, nice!Copy !req
896. We're not going to build Terminal 5
over Staines.Copy !req
897. - We'll demolish Slough instead.
- Wicked.Copy !req
898. As of now I need
a new Deputy Prime Minister.Copy !req
899. How do you feel about being
my right-hand man?Copy !req
900. Right-hand man!
Batty boy, batty boy!Copy !req
901. What do you say, Ali?Copy !req
902. I has shown you the way.Copy !req
903. You'll have to carry on the journey
by yourself now.Copy !req
904. As for me,
I is gonna stick with me posseCopy !req
905. and me bi...Copy !req
906. me lady.Copy !req
907. Ahem. Actually, there is
one thing you could do for me.Copy !req
908. Mr Ambassador.Copy !req
909. - Your crop is ready for inspection.
- Bo.Copy !req
910. Good morning, Ambassador.Copy !req
911. Ambassador,
will you try the harvest?Copy !req
912. This is good shit.Copy !req
913. The man from Staines, he say yeah!Copy !req
914. Ice, please.Copy !req
915. Ali, this is a great Jacuzzi.Copy !req
916. That ain't a Jacuzzi.Copy !req
917. Sorry.Copy !req
918. Bring her in.Copy !req
919. Dance for me, bitch.Copy !req
920. Me Julie,
me got something to ask you.Copy !req
921. Will you make me
the happiest man in the world?Copy !req
922. Yeah, I will.Copy !req
923. Let me shag her, then.Copy !req
924. So, what did you think of the film?
It weren't bad, was it?Copy !req
925. It was easily better than
Harry Potter,Copy !req
926. which me thought was very childish.Copy !req
927. If you is watching this, Potter,
I is better than you.Copy !req
928. You probably ain't even
slept with a girl.Copy !req
929. I has slept with three.Copy !req
930. And I got one of them
to play with herself.Copy !req
931. Whatever you thought of this film,
please tell your mates it was wickedCopy !req
932. cos if this flops, me won't be able
to get me nan a new hip.Copy !req
933. So the choice is yours. No pressure.Copy !req
934. Nan, come tell them about it.Copy !req
935. What? You is fallen over again?Copy !req
936. You done the other one in as well?Copy !req
937. Don't cry there, all mashed up,
a lump of bones.Copy !req
938. Me will get you the cash
to make it better, somehow.Copy !req
939. Don't be selfish.Copy !req
940. Buy the merchandise and all.Copy !req