1. Oh, yeah! That was for all you pinheads too
hip to take off your jackets in the 95° heat.Copy !req
2. When the weather gets like this
it brings all you nutbags out...Copy !req
3. and since I am a trouble magnet, I have
one thing to say to you bozos: back off.Copy !req
4. Here's the Sons of Thunder from their album
Scrambled Eggs and Wobbly Legs.Copy !req
5. This is Ian the Shark on the station with
more hair, more flair, yet so debonair: KPPX.Copy !req
6. Rebel Radio-oh-oh-oh-oh!Copy !req
7. Hey! Hey! You've gotta check in here!Copy !req
8. Get Security on the second floor.
We've got a bogey in elevator one.Copy !req
9. It's that guy in the
delivery uniform again.Copy !req
10. OK, be wild. Be as wild as you wanna.Copy !req
11. If you feel like wetting yourself, go with it,
OK? Anarchy's good. They like anarchy, OK?Copy !req
12. - But what are we supposed to say?
- What? Don't say anything.Copy !req
13. Jeez, do you wanna blow this? You know
how much these stupid hats set me back?Copy !req
14. - Hi.
- Oh, no. Hey, excuse me?Copy !req
15. Mike, it's him. The wacko's back.Copy !req
16. Yeah, I'm up here in A&R right now.Copy !req
17. I'm not goin' anywhere.Copy !req
18. Oh, hey, dude.Copy !req
19. - Hey, hi. Are you an executive here?
- Yeah.Copy !req
20. How you doin'?
My name's Chazz. Chazz Darby.Copy !req
21. I'm in this band and we've got this incredibly
sweet demo. I think you should hear it.Copy !req
22. I can't take that tape from you.
It's called unsolicited material.Copy !req
23. Hey, but this is the real thing, man. This is
rock 'n' roll. None of that gimmicky stuff.Copy !req
24. I would love to hear it,
but if it's unsolicited, I can't touch it.Copy !req
25. We've been trying to get solicited...Copy !req
26. Well, then maybe a gimmick would help.
The cream always rises, OK?Copy !req
27. Super-duper. Thanks.Copy !req
28. All right, dude. Thanks a lot. Whoa!Copy !req
29. You again!
You just can't learn, can you, scumbag?Copy !req
30. Take care now.Copy !req
31. Here's your tape.Copy !req
32. Hey. How was your day?Copy !req
33. Oh, Gary is a tremendous asshole.Copy !req
34. He had this whole stack of invoices
and he made me arrange them by date.Copy !req
35. - He's such a tweaker.
- It sucks.Copy !req
36. - Did you mail the rent?
- You, uh... you didn't leave me a stamp.Copy !req
37. Well, maybe you could have
gone and bought one.Copy !req
38. Ow!Copy !req
39. Chazz! What the hell
happened to my make-up?Copy !req
40. It fell in the toilet.Copy !req
41. Shit! Babe, come on.Copy !req
42. - I told you not to leave it on the tank.
- You ruined my make-up, butt!Copy !req
43. What's this attitude, Kayla?
Know what I've been through today?Copy !req
44. I guess you woke up
when the sun was warm...Copy !req
45. and rode your Harley up and down Melrose
impressing all the 15-year-old girls, right?Copy !req
46. I was down at Palatine Records.
That's where I was.Copy !req
47. Really? What happened?Copy !req
48. I had a meeting with
a big record executive and, uh...Copy !req
49. What did he say? Why didn't you tell me?Copy !req
50. Well, we talked about solicitation...Copy !req
51. and the guy said he'd snap us up
in a second if it weren't for the lawyers.Copy !req
52. - Did he like the tape?
- I was about to give it to him...Copy !req
53. then a security guard showed up
and ruined everything.Copy !req
54. - Come on.
- Please.Copy !req
55. Hey, it's true. I'm making
really good contacts. I am.Copy !req
56. When they hear this song they'll go apeshit.
It's just gonna take time. What's the big deal?Copy !req
57. The "big deal" is that I'm doing the bullshit
work and you're living the rock 'n' roll life.Copy !req
58. - I wanna live the life, too.
- I'm doing this for us.Copy !req
59. Come on, babe. You know that
once I make it you got a free ride.Copy !req
60. I'm gonna treat you like gold.Copy !req
61. Chazz, it's been months.Copy !req
62. Maybe you should get a job.Copy !req
63. This is my job. I am trying managers, record
executives, club owners. That's hard work.Copy !req
64. You get to sit in a nice office all day
smoking and drinking coffee.Copy !req
65. - Oh!
- This is bullshit!Copy !req
66. - Oh, my snout.
- You bastard!Copy !req
67. I hate you. You are nobody
and you are never gonna be anybody.Copy !req
68. You're treating me like I'm a goober
after I wrote this song for you?Copy !req
69. You wrote that song before you even met me.Copy !req
70. - So?
- So you get out!Copy !req
71. Get out now! Get lost!Copy !req
72. - OK, OK, OK, OK. Kayla!
- Go!Copy !req
73. - Keep going!
- Kayla!Copy !req
74. You poser!Copy !req
75. I always knew you were a loser!Copy !req
76. Everyone warned me!Copy !req
77. I hate your music! I always have!Copy !req
78. She booted you out again, huh?Copy !req
79. What a bitch.Copy !req
80. I mean, that that happened.Copy !req
81. Hey, she's gonna be jealous
in six months from now...Copy !req
82. when we're on the cover
of Rip magazine lookin' cool.Copy !req
83. - Shut up.
- I'm just sayin'.Copy !req
84. - Rex.
- What?Copy !req
85. I told you to stock the end caps
and mop the employee lounge.Copy !req
86. - Too late. I'm outta here.
- I'll tell Covington.Copy !req
87. Oh, be quiet.Copy !req
88. Hey, Chazz, what's up?Copy !req
89. - He's movin' in with us for a while.
- Great! We can rock out after breakfast.Copy !req
90. Things are gonna happen to us no matter
what that chimp from Palatine Records says.Copy !req
91. You see, that's just it. You think
everything's gonna happen to you.Copy !req
92. You gotta make it happen.Copy !req
93. How many practices have you missed
cos you're cleaning up some stiff's pool?Copy !req
94. Get in the truck, dingus.Copy !req
95. I'll be right there.Copy !req
96. Man, Chazz is right. All we gotta do
is make our own action, you know?Copy !req
97. That's the way it is, little bro.
D'you think Tommy Lee waited for the bus?Copy !req
98. Man, he hustled. That's how come
he gets to pork Heather Locklear.Copy !req
99. Yeah, well, we got the look, man.
We're gonna be huge.Copy !req
100. Yeah, we're almost there.Copy !req
101. Chazz says once we get a contract, chicks
with breast implants pick out your clothes.Copy !req
102. Cover your mouth.
You're shooting phlegm all over my ass.Copy !req
103. Say "gesundheit". I say it for you, man.Copy !req
104. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
105. - Hey, Pip, check this out.
- Oh! Oh!Copy !req
106. The Incredible Crash Dummies. Whoo!Copy !req
107. You must have five-fingered
most of the store by now.Copy !req
108. Oh, man. Most of these guns
are discontinued anyway.Copy !req
109. Like this Uzi water pistol.
They got rid of it cos it looked too real.Copy !req
110. - Yo!
- Mama.Copy !req
111. Wow. Now you got yourself
a whole arsenal here.Copy !req
112. What are you doing?Copy !req
113. Pepper sauce. Active ingredient: capsicum.Copy !req
114. You blast this in somebody's face
and they're all like "Oh! Oh!"Copy !req
115. Some Hollywood Boulevard trash
comes shimmying up the rain pipe...Copy !req
116. - Hey!
- Whoa!Copy !req
117. Listen up, you lowlifes, what the hell
are we doin' here on a Thursday night?Copy !req
118. That's right.Copy !req
119. Rock 'n' roll!Copy !req
120. OK, we're here to party tonight...Copy !req
121. with our little buddies...Copy !req
122. the Sons of Thunder.Copy !req
123. Sons of Thunder? Didn't we blow them off
the stage at Chez Bang six months ago?Copy !req
124. So why don't all you little idiots
press your faces up against the speakers...Copy !req
125. and blow your brains out!Copy !req
126. Look at this crap. What do we give away
first, hats or hair-care products?Copy !req
127. Girls, you wanna get us
a couple of drinks, please?Copy !req
128. Ooh, serious bumper.Copy !req
129. You wanna punch it up, Ian?
You're as spunky as a corpse.Copy !req
130. The Sons of Thunder,
for Christ's sake? Pablum.Copy !req
131. - How can you even tell these bands apart?
- I read the trades.Copy !req
132. First of all I'd like to say thanks to Ian
and Rebel Radio for playing our single...Copy !req
133. and basically getting us signed.Copy !req
134. Is this on?Copy !req
135. Look at them stupid pantaloons.Copy !req
136. - That's what we gotta do.
- Looks like they got a load in them pants.Copy !req
137. No, they played this song on the radio, and
they got an album. That's what we gotta do.Copy !req
138. All we've got to do is get 'em
to play the tape and we're golden.Copy !req
139. - This is never gonna work.
- Pip, what is your problem?Copy !req
140. Remember that guy Doper Greg?
Remember that guy, man?Copy !req
141. He used to blow bong hits in his iguana's
face and make the thing watch cartoons.Copy !req
142. - So what? Will you shut up?
- Just get to the point. What?Copy !req
143. He won a radio giveaway and when he went
to the station they wouldn't let him in.Copy !req
144. It was like this total security building. They
slid his ticket through a slot with salad tongs.Copy !req
145. So just because that anus couldn't get in
means that we can't?Copy !req
146. If anybody gives us any static,
I shove this in their face.Copy !req
147. Agh!Copy !req
148. But remember that fat kid
on Hard Copy with a toy gun?Copy !req
149. The cop zapped him with a Taser
till he went bald.Copy !req
150. Then he sued for a million bucks
when his pubes didn't grow.Copy !req
151. He's still got no hair on his balls, man.Copy !req
152. Go to the back.Copy !req
153. - It's locked.
- Pip, give me your bank card.Copy !req
154. - Come on, let's go. I'll get this door open.
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.Copy !req
155. Piece of cake. Watch this.Copy !req
156. - What's your secret code?
- Huh? What for?Copy !req
157. That's how these things work.Copy !req
158. - I can't tell you my code.
- Will you tell him the code? And hurry up.Copy !req
159. You punch it in, OK?Copy !req
160. Please don't look.Copy !req
161. - Hey! The thing took my card!
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
162. All right. Stand back.Copy !req
163. What are you doing, MacGyver?Copy !req
164. Open it up. I'm gonna short-circuit it.Copy !req
165. - Nah.
- We almost got in. That's too bad. Let's go.Copy !req
166. - Hey, Pip, you quitting on us?
- The door's locked.Copy !req
167. You flake! You don't care about this band.
You run around all day in your fudgies.Copy !req
168. - Not true.
- It is too!Copy !req
169. - I always gotta tell you to put pants on.
- He's making this up!Copy !req
170. Will you both shut up, please?
OK. You're brothers, all right?Copy !req
171. We haven't lucked out yet. Stay here, Pip.Copy !req
172. Agh! You got a big mouth, man!Copy !req
173. Hey, Pip.Copy !req
174. Oh, my God.Copy !req
175. Pip. Pip.Copy !req
176. Oh, my... Here.Copy !req
177. Are you all right? Cos I'm really sorry.
I just came out for a cigarette.Copy !req
178. - It's all right. Don't worry about it.
- I'm really sorry. I just came out and bonk!Copy !req
179. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
180. Suzzi, caller 50 needs some tickets.Copy !req
181. Shit. I gotta go. Bye.Copy !req
182. Yeah! Sweetness.Copy !req
183. Come on.Copy !req
184. There we go.Copy !req
185. You wanna make a change, right? Get serious
about your look at Hair Bomb on Melrose.Copy !req
186. - What, Doug?
- Um, here, see. It's all there.Copy !req
187. Coloring, razor cuts, popcorn, perms and
weaves. It brings out the rock star in you.Copy !req
188. - Well, this is beautiful.
- Well, I try to be a team player.Copy !req
189. I may need you to come in tomorrow.Copy !req
190. I'm cutting loose some dead weight.
There'll be a lot going on.Copy !req
191. Oh, boy.Copy !req
192. - What's the problem?
- Well, I've been having a little bit of, uh...Copy !req
193. - ... itching on my... It could be hemorrhoids.
- I don't wanna hear that.Copy !req
194. I know. It's just that I made
an appointment with my proctologist...Copy !req
195. to get some type of cream or something.Copy !req
196. So you're gonna leave me high and dry?
That's a nice team attitude.Copy !req
197. Well, I suppose I could
come in for most of Saturday.Copy !req
198. - And Sunday.
- Well, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
199. Now, when are you planning
on breaking this to everyone?Copy !req
200. I thought I'd wait for
exactly the right moment.Copy !req
201. I mean, these things require
a certain measure of delicacy.Copy !req
202. Sunday! Swamp motorcycle racing
at its best.Copy !req
203. The USSCA brings you the ultimate
in swamp-race action.Copy !req
204. 60,000 cubic feet of
muddy slop poured into...Copy !req
205. Hey.Copy !req
206. We're a band.Copy !req
207. Of course. The Partridge Family.
Which one of you is Laurie?Copy !req
208. - Get out.
- We came to talk to you about a demo tape.Copy !req
209. We were wondering if you could set us up
like you did with the Sons of Thunder.Copy !req
210. How did you morons get in?
They've got electronic locks on the doors.Copy !req
211. We had to break in.Copy !req
212. - This place is sealed up like a dolphin's butt.
- Watertight!Copy !req
213. Let me get this straight.Copy !req
214. Um...Copy !req
215. You guys are an unsigned band...Copy !req
216. and you broke into the radio station
to get your demo played on the air?Copy !req
217. - That's about the skinny of it.
- And what sound...Copy !req
218. are you megastars of the future hip to?Copy !req
219. What is your musical vibe?Copy !req
220. - Well...
- That's a good question.Copy !req
221. - We could play anything.
- Not that slap-bass noise. I hate that.Copy !req
222. - It's more like a power slop.
- But we don't limit ourselves to labels.Copy !req
223. There's always someone who wants to lump
you together with the other buttholes.Copy !req
224. This is one of the things
we're struggling against.Copy !req
225. - I'm telling you, it is tough.
- This guy knows.Copy !req
226. I got booted out of Palatine Records, my
girlfriend kicks me out of the apartment...Copy !req
227. Well, I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to conjure up...Copy !req
228. the kind of woman
who would go out with you.Copy !req
229. She's not like what you'd think.
She's actually really cool...Copy !req
230. and, well, I guess what it all comes down to
is that we really care about each other and...Copy !req
231. I screwed up. She's been
there for me from the beginning.Copy !req
232. I think I let her down,
but I still want us to be tight.Copy !req
233. Uh-oh, I think we're busted.Copy !req
234. - What did I do now?
- Get these guys out. Are we still on air?Copy !req
235. Milo, I get six minutes of talk an hour.
What do you care how I spend them?Copy !req
236. Get these morons off the air.
I'm warning you.Copy !req
237. - Ease up. Somebody gave you a break once.
- Even though you're a goon.Copy !req
238. I say we make this an open forum.
Let's hear the man out.Copy !req
239. Go ahead, Conan. Explain to Milo
why we should play your tape.Copy !req
240. I'm not pulling pud here.
My entire life force is on this tape...Copy !req
241. and I don't know what else to say.
Come on, man, can you give us a shot?Copy !req
242. - How can you say no to that?
- You're on thin ice. You're not untouchable.Copy !req
243. - You think you are, but you're not.
- Get out. Without me you have no ratings.Copy !req
244. We'll see about that.
Let's go. Out! All you losers.Copy !req
245. - Get your hands off me, Jackson.
- You wanna try gettin' physical with me?Copy !req
246. Listen, you shaved ape, I could have you
picking up garbage for the rest of the decade.Copy !req
247. You wanna get smart with me? Try it.Copy !req
248. I will not be pushed around
by Hollywood Boulevard trash like you.Copy !req
249. I'm trash?Copy !req
250. You think you're better than me? Huh?Copy !req
251. - Oops.
- He's got a gun! He's got a gun!Copy !req
252. Hey, stop squirming, pussy!Copy !req
253. I'll fill your face so full of lead,
you'll be shitting bullets for a week!Copy !req
254. - Come on, Rex.
- Shut up.Copy !req
255. - Ian, you wanna talk to these fellas?
- What do you suggest?Copy !req
256. - Say something. They like you.
- Shut up, dick-smoke!Copy !req
257. Chazz, come on.Copy !req
258. All right. You would've been cool, but then
this penis had to step in and get heavy.Copy !req
259. All we wanna do is to
be heard, and then go.Copy !req
260. Believe me, I understand.
Just cool it, huh?Copy !req
261. Why don't you cut your losses?
You're in over your head.Copy !req
262. Shut your face! Just shut your stupid face!
I know exactly what I'm doing.Copy !req
263. That's the problem with you guys. You think
cos you have a big job you know something.Copy !req
264. - Wrong! You got Hagar slacks, a pony-nub.
- Bet it ain't even real.Copy !req
265. - Ow!
- Hey, hey, hey. Just cool it, huh?Copy !req
266. Hey, guys, we're all rock 'n' rollers here.Copy !req
267. You look like half a butt-puppet that...Copy !req
268. Do you know what it's like to be
on the bill, play for 15 minutes...Copy !req
269. and the only people there
are the other bands?Copy !req
270. Don't talk to me about rock 'n' roll!
I'm out there in the clubs living it!Copy !req
271. I am rock 'n' roll!Copy !req
272. It's guys like you and Jimmie Wing
that ruin everything...Copy !req
273. - ... for everyone.
- Jimmie, they're talking about you on KPPX.Copy !req
274. Come here.Copy !req
275. Then you realize there's a million
of these Jimmie Wing bone-smugglers.Copy !req
276. These guys are running the industry...Copy !req
277. and they don't know
a damn thing about rock 'n' roll!Copy !req
278. OK.Copy !req
279. Hello. Police.Copy !req
280. I'll tell you what, Mr. Program-Director
Man, you put our goddamn tape on the air.Copy !req
281. It's gonna get some airplay or
my man's gonna gank you here and now!Copy !req
282. - Shit, yeah.
- Well, let's not go ganking anyone.Copy !req
283. - Um, if we play the tape, will you go?
- That's all we need, d-cheese.Copy !req
284. Play the thing, Milo. Do what he says.Copy !req
285. Play it! What are you waiting for?Copy !req
286. - Sorry about all this. Enjoy.
- I can't wait.Copy !req
287. We can't play this tape.
We're only set up for CDs and cassettes.Copy !req
288. We should've brought a cassette.Copy !req
289. A cassette makes my background vocal
sound like someone's stepping on my nuts.Copy !req
290. - God. Mr. Perfectionist.
- Quit necking. All we got was a quarter-inch.Copy !req
291. There's gotta be a reel-to-reel.
Find it. It's a radio station.Copy !req
292. Yeah. That's it there.Copy !req
293. Milo, didn't I tell you
to knock when you come in?Copy !req
294. Just keep quiet and get that
reel-to-reel deck down to the booth.Copy !req
295. Telling me to shut up now? A brother can't
talk without the white man slap him down.Copy !req
296. Just do it, Marcus!Copy !req
297. Damn.Copy !req
298. White man with a gun. Same shit been
happenin' to my people for 425-odd years.Copy !req
299. Hey, you like working here, man?Copy !req
300. We're down, man. Hendrix was God.Copy !req
301. You wanna take a step back?
You're standing on my dick, man!Copy !req
302. Yeah, I seen that. Anthrax and Public
Enemy, that was outta control, man.Copy !req
303. Together, you know. You catch that one, G?Copy !req
304. Don't call me G.Copy !req
305. - What do you want me to call you?
- Hey, come on.Copy !req
306. All right, that's it.Copy !req
307. I can't wait for you to put that gun down,
cos when you do we're gonna throw down.Copy !req
308. That's right. We're gonna get serious.
Mano a swine.Copy !req
309. Hey, look, just shut
your pie hole and keep working.Copy !req
310. Pie hole? That supposed
to be some Cracker slang?Copy !req
311. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
312. Agh!Copy !req
313. Ooh! Ooh!Copy !req
314. You can't smoke here, babe.Copy !req
315. Yeah? What am I doin' now?Copy !req
316. You should put it out.
The smoke could damage the equipment.Copy !req
317. - Are you ready?
- Almost.Copy !req
318. OK, give us a real nice intro.Copy !req
319. And don't say anything about us
having a gun to your head.Copy !req
320. - OK, who are you guys?
- My name's Pip.Copy !req
321. - The band. The band name.
- Sorry about that.Copy !req
322. - He doesn't wear a helmet, does he?
- It's right there on the box. Read it.Copy !req
323. "The Lone Rangers." That's original.Copy !req
324. - How can you pluralize "The Lone Ranger"?
- What's wrong with that?Copy !req
325. Well, there's three of you.
You're not exactly lone.Copy !req
326. Shouldn't you be The Three Rangers?Copy !req
327. I've no idea what you're saying right now.Copy !req
328. - You lost me.
- Forget it, Ian. Just play the thing!Copy !req
329. Yeah, forget it. Come on, just play it.Copy !req
330. Listen up, guppies, Ian the Shark is back
and have I got a surprise for you.Copy !req
331. I've got goose bumps, frankly.Copy !req
332. For the first time ever,
I'm willing to bet...Copy !req
333. here's that hit single
by The Lone Rangers.Copy !req
334. - Turn it off! Come on, man.
- What did you do? What you doing?Copy !req
335. - Tonto must have loaded the tape in wrong.
- Hey, your machine dilapitatled it, man.Copy !req
336. Hey!Copy !req
337. Oh, what? Hey! Oh!Copy !req
338. - Hey, that's my jacket!
- Put it out!Copy !req
339. Please!Copy !req
340. - Oh, man. The demo's wasted.
- What are we gonna do now?Copy !req
341. Run!Copy !req
342. It's the inbreeding.Copy !req
343. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
344. - Man.
- How'd they know we were here?Copy !req
345. I don't know. I don't know.
OK. Look, maybe they're just on patrol.Copy !req
346. All right, we didn't do nothing, right?Copy !req
347. - What?
- You go.Copy !req
348. You guys suck.Copy !req
349. Everything's all right. It's cool.Copy !req
350. Let me in! Let me in!Copy !req
351. I don't wanna go to jail. I'm fragile.Copy !req
352. Go!Copy !req
353. Argh!Copy !req
354. Shit! We're surrounded.Copy !req
355. Why don't we give ourselves up?
We could say we were joking around.Copy !req
356. They'll cart us off
before you can say "Rudolph Redpecker".Copy !req
357. - Well, you didn't have to break out the gun.
- They wouldn't play the tape.Copy !req
358. - You didn't have to do that!
- Shut up.Copy !req
359. - You shut up!
- Both of you shut up!Copy !req
360. If we go outside, we get roped.
We stay and figure it out.Copy !req
361. Excuse me?Copy !req
362. - Oh, jeez.
- More people. OK.Copy !req
363. We round everyone up, put 'em in the station
and nobody leaves until we figure this out.Copy !req
364. What was she on the Clydesdale scale?Copy !req
365. Yeah, that's where you gotta figure how many
Clydesdales it'd take to tear her off your face.Copy !req
366. Later. Let's go.Copy !req
367. I knew from looking at him
that he was a bomb about to go off.Copy !req
368. A big fat media bomb!Copy !req
369. They're gonna be all over the news now.Copy !req
370. Time magazine, Larry King Live.Copy !req
371. If the song's in English,
it's a gold record.Copy !req
372. Come on, come on, let's go.Copy !req
373. Hi again.Copy !req
374. Hi.Copy !req
375. Hey, hey, you guys think
you're gonna waste anybody?Copy !req
376. Cos if you are, pop Milo first.
That guy's a bozo de luxe.Copy !req
377. Uh-huh? Go.Copy !req
378. Perhaps it won't be long
until this thing blows over.Copy !req
379. Argh!Copy !req
380. Argh!Copy !req
381. All right, everybody on
the floor right now.Copy !req
382. Do you mind if I sit in a chair?
I don't wanna get all cruddy.Copy !req
383. - Uh, yeah.
- Thank you.Copy !req
384. If she doesn't sit on the floor,
I don't know why I have to.Copy !req
385. You heard the man.
Hit the deck or I smoke you.Copy !req
386. Sit down on the floor now! Everybody else
gets to sit in a chair except for you.Copy !req
387. Are we... are we still on the air?Copy !req
388. - Have you made contact?
- No. One guy came out, but he went back in.Copy !req
389. Have Dispatch give us their number.
Let's call them.Copy !req
390. - You getting this, Wilson?
- Establish contact, ensure it's no false alarm.Copy !req
391. I know the procedure.Copy !req
392. - Could I get something to eat, man?
- You hungry, buddy?Copy !req
393. Hey, Chazz. Chazz.Copy !req
394. What?Copy !req
395. - Why is everyone staring at me?
- That guy says he's hungry.Copy !req
396. Who gives a shit?
I'm trying to think here, OK?Copy !req
397. KPPX, where the action never stops.Copy !req
398. Oh, hi.Copy !req
399. Well, there's three psychotic musicians
with guns. How would you feel?Copy !req
400. I have no idea.Copy !req
401. The leader? Hold on.Copy !req
402. It's the police.Copy !req
403. They wanna talk to you.Copy !req
404. He doesn't wanna talk.Copy !req
405. What am I supposed to do, beg him?
What are you doing to get us out of here?Copy !req
406. OK, fine.Copy !req
407. He wants you to go out and talk to him.Copy !req
408. Bag that. What for?Copy !req
409. He wants to know your demands
for releasing the hostages.Copy !req
410. - Oh, my God!
- Demands? What's he mean by "hostages"?Copy !req
411. I've got a reality check for you, curly.
What you're doing is a felony, maybe worse.Copy !req
412. - What are your demands?
- Nothing. I just don't wanna go outside.Copy !req
413. OK. Come here, come here.Copy !req
414. - What do we need?
- A hockey stick up the backside of his head.Copy !req
415. I'm warning you. Don't bring Chazz down!Copy !req
416. Thank you, Rex.Copy !req
417. All right. Now, what do we want?Copy !req
418. Uh, Chazz?Copy !req
419. I like your hair.Copy !req
420. - What's that?
- My name's Suzzi, with two z's.Copy !req
421. - Oh, hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
422. So you, like, answer the phones
and all that stuff?Copy !req
423. Mm-hm. Yeah, for, like, six hours a day.Copy !req
424. Oh, what a drag, huh?Copy !req
425. I understand you're trying to make a
statement, but this is getting out of hand.Copy !req
426. Hey, come on, you know where
I'm coming from. Be a sport, will ya?Copy !req
427. All right, but can we move this along?
Now, why did you come here?Copy !req
428. I came here for a lousy three minutes
and 31 seconds of airplay. That's it.Copy !req
429. Fine. Now there's cops outside with guns,
and you're holding people hostage, right?Copy !req
430. - Uh, yeah.
- On top of that, your tape is destroyed.Copy !req
431. So, there's only one thing that you can do.Copy !req
432. Get the other copy of the demo.Copy !req
433. Yeah!Copy !req
434. Rex!Copy !req
435. Bastard!Copy !req
436. You called on the phone,
but we're not at home.Copy !req
437. Leave a message for Chazz. We'll
call you back soon, so don't have a spaz!Copy !req
438. Come on, come on.
Stay back now! Back there!Copy !req
439. Hold it! Hold it!Copy !req
440. I want you to control this crowd.Copy !req
441. If they give you any trouble,
cuff 'em and throw 'em in the squad car.Copy !req
442. Technically I can't do that, Sergeant.
The Civilian Review...Copy !req
443. I know what the Civilian Review Committee
says, but they're not doing crowd control.Copy !req
444. Listen, when you're in the line of fire you
do what's necessary to get the job done.Copy !req
445. You don't break the law but occasionally you
bend it. When that time comes, improvise.Copy !req
446. Yes, sir.Copy !req
447. Cover me.Copy !req
448. Get your hands up over your head.
Get down on the pavement! Get down!Copy !req
449. - What the f...
- Sergeant.Copy !req
450. What?Copy !req
451. You men, back off. Get back,
goddammit! Put those guns down!Copy !req
452. It's OK. You can get up when...
Goddammit, get back!Copy !req
453. What the hell is this?
You invited me to come out!Copy !req
454. You surprised us. I'm Sergeant O'Malley.
I'm here to work with you.Copy !req
455. - What's your name?
- My rhythm section's watching me!Copy !req
456. Nobody's gonna hurt you. Everybody OK?Copy !req
457. - They're all fine. My name's Chazz.
- Great. It's good to meet you, Chazz.Copy !req
458. Tell me what I can do
to get you to end this.Copy !req
459. - You gotta find my tape.
- Sure. OK. What kind of tape is it?Copy !req
460. It's a demo tape. We wanna
play it on the air.Copy !req
461. You wanna play this tape on the radio,
then you'll come out?Copy !req
462. Right. The machine inside ate the original.
My girlfriend's got the only other copy.Copy !req
463. - Give me her number. I'll call her.
- I already tried that. She's off for the night.Copy !req
464. - You're gonna have to find her.
- Where is she?Copy !req
465. I don't know. Try the Strip somewhere.
Maybe The Whisky.Copy !req
466. She's...Copy !req
467. She's totally pissed at me, but...Copy !req
468. Is that her? She's a... real looker.Copy !req
469. Yeah.Copy !req
470. Why don't black people like me?Copy !req
471. - Excuse me?
- It's just that I listen to a lot of rap music...Copy !req
472. and I know how angry black people are.Copy !req
473. And I feel bad for all you guys
gotta put up with.Copy !req
474. Well, that's very nice of you.Copy !req
475. How about when you go into a store
and all the clerks start starin' at you...Copy !req
476. like you're gonna rob the place and
you're like "I just wanna buy something"?Copy !req
477. That's never happened.
Does that happen to you?Copy !req
478. Ah, no, but I'm just saying
that would be bad if it did.Copy !req
479. Look at Chazz doing his thing.Copy !req
480. Listen, Chazz...Copy !req
481. this is gonna take some time, OK?Copy !req
482. You have to send out one of the hostages just
as a sign of good faith. That's my rules.Copy !req
483. All right, fine. You have
your orders, Chief. Now get cracking.Copy !req
484. It's more like power slop but with an edge.Copy !req
485. OK. The cops are going to get Kayla.Copy !req
486. I cut a deal with them.
We've gotta send one person out.Copy !req
487. Please.Copy !req
488. I'll go.Copy !req
489. - A hostage, doof.
- Sorry.Copy !req
490. But not me, man. It's just too cool.Copy !req
491. Why don't we let Yvonne go, man?
She's very nice.Copy !req
492. Wait a minute. I don't see why you
automatically have to choose a woman.Copy !req
493. Well, it's kind of sexist, don't you think?Copy !req
494. I mean, we could draw straws.Copy !req
495. - We could...
- OK.Copy !req
496. Yvonne, go. You'll be home
in time for The Simpsons.Copy !req
497. Stay strong, sister.Copy !req
498. Congratulations.Copy !req
499. Hey, butterball, I think you're exceeding
the maximum weight limit for that belt.Copy !req
500. Wilson, get over here!Copy !req
501. I'm sending out a sweep of Sunset Strip for the
girlfriend. I want you there to supervise.Copy !req
502. Whoa.Copy !req
503. Oh, God. Oh, God.Copy !req
504. Oh, God. Oh, God.Copy !req
505. Argh!Copy !req
506. - Whoa, look, we got fans.
- I didn't know that many people knew us.Copy !req
507. Hey, hold this. Thanks.Copy !req
508. Hey!Copy !req
509. - I'm gonna miss Yvonne.
- Let me tell you something.Copy !req
510. Don't chitchat with them.
They're not buddies. They're hostages.Copy !req
511. I was trying to be nice.Copy !req
512. I know, but then every time you tell
somebody to get on the floor...Copy !req
513. they're gonna be like "Even me, Pip?
I thought we had something going."Copy !req
514. You gotta scare these people.
Practice. Just try it.Copy !req
515. I just feel a little goofy trying
to be a badass with a water pistol.Copy !req
516. They don't know that. They think it's real.
Now show me what you got. Come on.Copy !req
517. OK. Get over there, please. Thank you.Copy !req
518. What are you, a crack baby?
Give me that. I'll show you.Copy !req
519. All right.Copy !req
520. Hey, you! You shut your mouth,
you bastard...Copy !req
521. or I'll stab your eyeballs out
and piss all over your brain!Copy !req
522. It's gonna be a slaughterhouse, with bodies
flying through the air like dolls on fire!Copy !req
523. Oh, my God.Copy !req
524. - OK?
- OK, all right. Thank you.Copy !req
525. - All right, against the wall.
- Come on, tough, tough!Copy !req
526. - Seriously, move it.
- I'm not scared, Pip. Come on.Copy !req
527. - I'm gonna stab your heads off.
- With what? With what?Copy !req
528. - With my dick!
- Yeah!Copy !req
529. Yeah! Blood's gonna come
out of your head...Copy !req
530. and there's nothing you can do
about it cos I'm a madman!Copy !req
531. - That's good.
- It kinda hurt my throat.Copy !req
532. Come on, come on, move, move.Copy !req
533. Shit! Here comes the cavalry.Copy !req
534. So she boots me out of my own house
and now I'm at the motor lodge.Copy !req
535. 12 years of marriage and devotion
down the tubes.Copy !req
536. - Hello, O'Malley.
- They called you too soon. It's solved itself.Copy !req
537. Good, cos I'm taking over the interior
perimeter. You and your boys can fall back.Copy !req
538. Like hell you are. Didn't you hear?
We don't have a situation.Copy !req
539. Well, what do you call
an office full of hostages?Copy !req
540. Mace, I'm in the middle of negotiations...Copy !req
541. and until I decide there are no options,
you don't use force.Copy !req
542. Well, OK, O'Malley.Copy !req
543. It's your show.Copy !req
544. - Hello?
- Hello.Copy !req
545. - May I help you, sir?
- Hello.Copy !req
546. Please could you put me through to someone
on the scene. I don't have much time.Copy !req
547. Oh, Christ.Copy !req
548. Looks like you got your hands full,
Mr. Hostage Negotiator.Copy !req
549. Let's go.Copy !req
550. I want those media people back.
Come on! Move it! Get it back!Copy !req
551. - Dispatch has another call from inside.
- Swell.Copy !req
552. Listen, you sick sack of swill,
if you hurt one single...Copy !req
553. - I don't have much time.
- What? Who is this?Copy !req
554. Doug Beech. I work at the radio station.Copy !req
555. - Speak up, Beech. Are they molesting you?
- No, I'm hiding in the air-cooling system.Copy !req
556. They don't know that I'm here.Copy !req
557. I want you to do something
but I can't let you put yourself at risk.Copy !req
558. - What?
- You got any kind of training?Copy !req
559. - I was in the merchant marines.
- Yeah, I copy that.Copy !req
560. - Get them away from the van.
- I was an accountant.Copy !req
561. Nah, you won't be held accountable.Copy !req
562. Listen, I want you to be my man inside.Copy !req
563. This is what I want you to do, Beech. I
want you to check in with me periodically.Copy !req
564. I want you to talk to me directly
and me only. I have a number for you.Copy !req
565. Check it out. Come on in.Copy !req
566. - I'm gonna clip us some Cs, dude.
- Sweet.Copy !req
567. We've got these guys by the short curlies.
We could demand free stuff from the cops.Copy !req
568. What am I talking about? There's
probably cool stuff here. Play track two.Copy !req
569. As long as we're here
let's hear decent jams.Copy !req
570. Oh, yeah! This is the real Rebel Radio.Copy !req
571. The voice of the resistance:
this is Chazz speaking. Yo!Copy !req
572. Shit, man, you guys oughta to have fun.Copy !req
573. You can't cuss on the air.Copy !req
574. Hey, look at all the stuff we found.
There's $5,000 worth of backstage passes.Copy !req
575. - You guys scored.
- Can I bogart one of these?Copy !req
576. You've gotta see this. We've got CDs,
we've got T-shirts, we've got...Copy !req
577. Oh, what have we here?Copy !req
578. Those sound like concert tickets to me.
What do you say we take a few calls?Copy !req
579. You're on the air.Copy !req
580. Ooh, let's turn down your radio, asshole.Copy !req
581. I'm sorry. I wanna talk
to the guy with the gun.Copy !req
582. I just said you're on the air,
numbnuts. So talk already.Copy !req
583. I want some tickets to that show with
Penelope Lovestocking and Crimson Shroud.Copy !req
584. Oh, man, you actually listen
to that Seattle bullshit?Copy !req
585. - Shroud rips, dude.
- All right, bro, no problem.Copy !req
586. You gotta come down because
we've got free tickets to give away...Copy !req
587. but we are completely surrounded by
cops. We need some feedback here. Go.Copy !req
588. - You're on the air.
- Whoa, am I on the air?Copy !req
589. - Come on, Butt-head, give me the phone.
- Am I speaking English, dipshit?Copy !req
590. - Come on, Butt-head! No way.
- Shut up, Beavis.Copy !req
591. - So what do you guys want?
- You guys are, like, The Lone Rangers, right?Copy !req
592. - Yeah.
- We saw you at The Wheel Well last month.Copy !req
593. - You suck.
- Come down here and say that, you punks!Copy !req
594. - Yeah, you can kiss my ass.
- Why don't you make the chicks get naked?Copy !req
595. Usual crop of retards.Copy !req
596. Hey, guys, you're on TV.Copy !req
597. A band of failed musicians lashing out
at the society that won't listen to them.Copy !req
598. Their target, the only capitalist edifice
their MTV-soaked minds recognize:Copy !req
599. - a rock 'n' roll radio station.
- Oh, man. This is complete bullshit.Copy !req
600. and I quote: "White urban males
are the least likely to elicit tears...Copy !req
601. from a city already beleaguered
by people with real problems."Copy !req
602. - The mayor is on holiday...
- I'd like to croak that bitch.Copy !req
603. Mace, we have contact with the man inside.Copy !req
604. - Beech, is that you?
- They've got six hostages.Copy !req
605. - It's three weirdos with Uzis.
- Outstanding, Beech.Copy !req
606. You just keep your eyes open
and your tail down.Copy !req
607. Have you got any personnel at home
you want me to call, like a wife?Copy !req
608. No, no, I don't even have a home.
I've got a condo.Copy !req
609. Listen, I guess I've just tried
to wait to meet the right woman.Copy !req
610. I guess I should have waited longer myself.
Let me tell you about the shrew I married.Copy !req
611. I used to come home tired every night,
sometimes five or six in the morning.Copy !req
612. I dropped my underwear
on the floor one time...Copy !req
613. had a teeny-weeny little skid mark in it.
You'd have thought I started World War Nine.Copy !req
614. - There you go.
- Thank you.Copy !req
615. You've really great arms.
You should show them off.Copy !req
616. How does he do that?Copy !req
617. Pip? He gets his hands
on more bumper than a body shop.Copy !req
618. With that "I seem so stupid
I must be cute" routine?Copy !req
619. That's the quiet cool.
Chicks, man, they just flock on it.Copy !req
620. Man, you got hot CDs here and I never hear
them. Why don't you ever play these guys?Copy !req
621. That's Milo's call. Why don't we play 'em?Copy !req
622. If they're so hot, how come
they're not tearing up the charts, babe?Copy !req
623. Cos you never play 'em, babe. You suck.Copy !req
624. - What do you think, Ian?
- To tell you the truth, I stick to the classics.Copy !req
625. Rock 'n' roll's been all downhill
since Lennon died.Copy !req
626. My whole life, people have been cramming
this classic-rock crap down my throat.Copy !req
627. Think I give a shit about the Beatles?Copy !req
628. No offense, but today's music
doesn't have a whole lot to say.Copy !req
629. Is that right? So you're gonna tell me
that "Purple Haze" says something?Copy !req
630. Hey, Ian, man, wait till
you hear our stuff. We kick ass.Copy !req
631. Swell. Yeah, I can't wait
to hear your brilliant song.Copy !req
632. Beats the shit out of the fruity music
you listen to, tough guy.Copy !req
633. He's got himself a whole crate of
Kenny G CDs and you're talking trash?Copy !req
634. A crate of CDs?Copy !req
635. He's got a stockpile of easy-listening
shit-shingles in his office.Copy !req
636. You don't even listen to music. What
are you doing with a whole crate of CDs?Copy !req
637. Those are free promos.
I use 'em as stocking stuffers.Copy !req
638. It's the middle of July!Copy !req
639. Aloha out there in radio land.
This is Oedipus Rex on WKPP-Rex...Copy !req
640. comin' at ya,
smooth-talking DJ terrorist.Copy !req
641. These guys rule.
You're gonna hear some new shit.Copy !req
642. There's a box of that crap right there.Copy !req
643. Yeah, dude.Copy !req
644. Blonde, wearing something tight and black.Copy !req
645. Great. Grand. Wonderful.Copy !req
646. Come on, fellas. Let's
put a sock in it, OK?Copy !req
647. What the hell are these?Copy !req
648. They're shorts, Ian.
You know, pants with little legs?Copy !req
649. And this?Copy !req
650. Hey, I don't have
to explain myself to you, man.Copy !req
651. - Come here.
- What? I'm right here.Copy !req
652. Speak to me. What's goin' down?Copy !req
653. OK, um...Copy !req
654. We're changing formats.Copy !req
655. Sunday at midnight
the station goes soft rock.Copy !req
656. - Rebel Radio's goin' soft?
- We're changing our name to The Rain.Copy !req
657. You know, "Relax to the mellow
sounds of The Rain on KPPX."Copy !req
658. That, and we're being forced to re-staff.Copy !req
659. - You pud!
- All those blow jobs for nothing.Copy !req
660. You're firing me, you little
snake-in-the-grass bastard?Copy !req
661. Where do you get the balls to fire me?Copy !req
662. This was handed down from above, Ian!
I fought this kicking and screaming!Copy !req
663. You've just begun to kick and scream,
you sniveling putz. I'll kill you!Copy !req
664. - Agh!
- A fight!Copy !req
665. - Yeah!
- Ooh! Ow, my spine!Copy !req
666. You're Kayla!Copy !req
667. I need to talk to you about Chazz Darby.Copy !req
668. If Chazz needs any bail money,
you can just tell him to forget it.Copy !req
669. Look, there's a situation down at Rebel
Radio. I'm gonna need to take you in.Copy !req
670. Look, Chazz says you've got a tape.Copy !req
671. Please!Copy !req
672. Hey, check out Barney Fife.Copy !req
673. Don't you think you're
out of your league, chunk-style?Copy !req
674. Look, I don't wanna have
to bring you boys in on a 148.Copy !req
675. That's obstruction.Copy !req
676. Now what are you gonna do about that?Copy !req
677. Ow!Copy !req
678. Improvise.Copy !req
679. So she says to me "He was only
cleaning the pool filter, Sniggles."Copy !req
680. And I'm thinking to myself "It's 7 PM, he's
in dungarees and his equipment is bone-dry."Copy !req
681. Pool filter, my ass!Copy !req
682. Thing is, she could have left me for a
plastic surgeon, but a lousy pool cleaner?Copy !req
683. Kayla, if you're listening,
I really need that demo tape.Copy !req
684. You gotta get it to the station.Copy !req
685. Dammit.Copy !req
686. Shoo, dog. Oh, shoo!Copy !req
687. Ugh.Copy !req
688. Now stay.Copy !req
689. Uh, 67 copies of Moby-Dick.Copy !req
690. - The movie or the book?
- They made a book out of that?Copy !req
691. - Yeah, I think so.
- Yeah, get the book.Copy !req
692. - What are you guys doing?
- We're taking the cops up on those demands.Copy !req
693. - We've got a killer list.
- Yeah. We ask for airplay and whatever else...Copy !req
694. then we demand a bunch of weird stuff
so we can plead insanity later.Copy !req
695. - Where did this come from?
- Pip's idea.Copy !req
696. Way to go, Pip.Copy !req
697. You guys are crazy, man.Copy !req
698. You're all whoo-hoo and shit.Copy !req
699. - So, what else we got so far?
- Number one: airplay, underlined twice.Copy !req
700. Number two:
a helmet filled with cottage cheese.Copy !req
701. Number three: a Zon walnut bass
with a graphite neck.Copy !req
702. - Thank you.
- Hey! What about me?Copy !req
703. - Go for broke. It's on the LAPD.
- Oh.Copy !req
704. - I want a PRS Guitar with the dragon inlay.
- Nice.Copy !req
705. I'm coming, you bastard.Copy !req
706. Number 13: naked pictures of Bea Arthur.Copy !req
707. - Excuse me?
- The chick from The Golden Girls.Copy !req
708. Look, I know who she is. I'm just a street
cop. How am I supposed to find all this stuff?Copy !req
709. A giant baby bottle? Give me a break.Copy !req
710. You better figure it out,
or it's curtains for everyone.Copy !req
711. Oh yeah, and we want a record contract, so
let's get some record executive here pronto.Copy !req
712. - What?
- Why'd you ask for a record contract?Copy !req
713. - That's what we want.
- You don't demand one from the cops.Copy !req
714. It's gotta come unsolicited.Copy !req
715. - What's unsolicited?
- Forget it. Just forget it.Copy !req
716. What did I do? I'm just yankin' the guy.Copy !req
717. It's one thing to goof around but we do have
a serious agenda here. Are you with that?Copy !req
718. - Yeah, I'm with that.
- Good.Copy !req
719. Moody.Copy !req
720. Pip?Copy !req
721. What are you thinking about?Copy !req
722. Swimming pools.Copy !req
723. - Swimming pools, huh?
- Yeah. I wish I was in one right now.Copy !req
724. The water's all clear and cool,
and you spin around in there like an egg.Copy !req
725. Do you have a girlfriend?Copy !req
726. Mm-mm.Copy !req
727. No?Copy !req
728. It's kind of weird us
meeting like this, huh?Copy !req
729. I don't know.Copy !req
730. - We got that background check in.
- Yeah, let me see this.Copy !req
731. "Chazz Darby, born Jerkwater, Iowa.
Real name: Chester Ogilvie."Copy !req
732. DMV says his occupation
is master of ceremonies.Copy !req
733. - Arrests?
- Just two tickets for helmet violation.Copy !req
734. Just another small-town punk
comin' out west to be a star.Copy !req
735. - Anything else?
- Yeah. The local PD just faxed us his picture.Copy !req
736. Chester.Copy !req
737. I'm giving you the same rate
as everybody else.Copy !req
738. I know it's steep, but think
how many people will listen.Copy !req
739. This is primo advertising.Copy !req
740. Yo, scumbag,
are you selling ads on our airtime?Copy !req
741. Hold on a second, Brad.Copy !req
742. D'you mind? I've got a station to run here.Copy !req
743. Yeah, I'm back. If the cops kill him before
the spot runs, you'll get a complete refund.Copy !req
744. Oh! Uh, Brad.Copy !req
745. You just hung up on an important man.Copy !req
746. Agh!Copy !req
747. Oh.Copy !req
748. Help.Copy !req
749. D'you find anything in that van? Drugs?Copy !req
750. Nah, just some toys and
a bunch of pool-cleaning gear.Copy !req
751. Pool-cleaning gear?
Give me that damn phone.Copy !req
752. What? A gun!Copy !req
753. Affirmative. These cowboys
are more dangerous than I thought.Copy !req
754. Work your way up the vent ducts to the
roof. Two of my men will meet you there.Copy !req
755. - Yeah, but a gun?
- Mace out.Copy !req
756. Can I ask you something?
What's with you guys and these tattoos?Copy !req
757. Check it out. I got this barbed wire here.Copy !req
758. A gecko. And this one is so cool.Copy !req
759. It's, uh... the Grim Reaper. See?Copy !req
760. I'm gonna get some more cash and probably
color it in or put some chaps on it.Copy !req
761. You know, I can understand "Mom"
or "I Heart Wanda", but why the Reaper?Copy !req
762. Well, it's like death is stalking me...Copy !req
763. and it's telling me I better get
off my ass and get this band rolling.Copy !req
764. This is for real. I gotta cut a record.Copy !req
765. I figure I'm screwed up enough that I could
write a song that'll live on for ever...Copy !req
766. and then after that it don't matter.Copy !req
767. You know?Copy !req
768. OK, kiddies, listen up because this is
Ian the Shark's final night at KPPX.Copy !req
769. Special unscheduled announcement:
effective Monday, this station goes...Copy !req
770. easy listening.Copy !req
771. We're having a big
farewell party tonight...Copy !req
772. so come on down!Copy !req
773. As part of our final hurrah
we have a special segment:Copy !req
774. "Getting To Know Your Armed Assailant."Copy !req
775. Now we have Chazz Darby here.Copy !req
776. Now, Chazz, you say
all you wanna do is be heard.Copy !req
777. Well, you've got the whole world listening.
What have you got to say?Copy !req
778. Well, I guess all we have to say
is that we wanna be heard.Copy !req
779. Yeah, well, we've kind of
established that. What else?Copy !req
780. Um...Copy !req
781. Hey, man, you can't
be putting me on the spot.Copy !req
782. You want him to make a speech?
Who does he look like, Sting?Copy !req
783. OK, you've sold out the Forum, you're
standing in front of 20,000 screaming fans.Copy !req
784. - What are you gonna say to 'em?
- I'm gonna say...Copy !req
785. rock 'n' roll!Copy !req
786. Warp speed, Mr. Sulu!Copy !req
787. Yeah.Copy !req
788. That's it? You'll scream "Rock 'n' roll"?
You're gonna go to jail for that?Copy !req
789. There's a saying, Milo:
"If it's too loud, you're too old."Copy !req
790. - Where are you goin'?
- You mind if I take a pee, man?Copy !req
791. Good luck.Copy !req
792. Don't forget to shake.Copy !req
793. Milo.Copy !req
794. What are you doing, you little buttnut?Copy !req
795. Milo, Milo, Milo.Copy !req
796. Milo!Copy !req
797. - Open the door, Milo.
- Quiet.Copy !req
798. I said open the door, Milo.Copy !req
799. - What was that?
- I don't know.Copy !req
800. - Don't yell at me, Milo.
- You're screwing on a $1,400 leather couch!Copy !req
801. You're so rude! You don't just
burst in here without knocking.Copy !req
802. - If there is one stain on that couch...
- You'll what?Copy !req
803. Fire me? Well, guess what? I quit!Copy !req
804. Oh, don't. I don't want you to lose your
job over this. Milo, this was my bust.Copy !req
805. - A screamfest... Oh, Pip.
- Get your filthy shoes off my furniture!Copy !req
806. - Suzzi, you can leave right now.
- No, I can't, because I'm a hostage...Copy !req
807. and Pip is my...Copy !req
808. Pip is my man with a gun.Copy !req
809. - And he says I get to stay. Right, Pip?
- Sorry, dude.Copy !req
810. Pip, put the monster away.Copy !req
811. Oh, now what?Copy !req
812. - All right, everybody back to the booth.
- Argh!Copy !req
813. Oh, please, no. Don't do this. I can't
take it, man. My aunt was buried alive!Copy !req
814. - Give it a rest.
- Not in the closet!Copy !req
815. - What are they doing?
- Messin' with our heads.Copy !req
816. Chazz! Chazz. Guys.Copy !req
817. - Hey, Chazz, let me in.
- Keep an eye on him, Pip.Copy !req
818. Chazz. Hey, guys. Chazz, let me in.Copy !req
819. - Who are you?
- Chris Moore, Capitol Records. Let me in.Copy !req
820. - I told you, man. Things are going our way.
- Take a few steps back from the door!Copy !req
821. And toss me some ID.Copy !req
822. - OK, here.
- How'd you find us?Copy !req
823. The cops told me you're looking for a record
contract. We've gotta take advantage of this.Copy !req
824. - Yeah, what's that?
- Will you look? This is hot.Copy !req
825. - You're the hottest thing since Marky Mark.
- Marky Mark! That guy sucks.Copy !req
826. OK, forget him.
There's magic here. Let's talk contracts.Copy !req
827. I promise you, someday we're gonna be
backstage at the Forum laughing about this.Copy !req
828. All right, what side did you take
in the big David Lee Roth-Van Halen split?Copy !req
829. - What?
- What a question.Copy !req
830. - What side did you take? Halen or Roth?
- Van Halen.Copy !req
831. - He's a cop.
- Later, bacon.Copy !req
832. Strictly a judgment call. They sold a lot of
records after David left. One more question.Copy !req
833. Right, right, right. Who'd win
in a wrestling match, Lemmy or God?Copy !req
834. - Lemmy.
- Ah!Copy !req
835. - God.
- Wrong. Trick question. Lemmy is God.Copy !req
836. - Oh, come on.
- Get the hell out of here!Copy !req
837. Get out of here! Get out of here!Copy !req
838. What the hell is this, O'Malley?
Now you bring in a cop to try to kill me?Copy !req
839. Is that it? I'm not going nowhere, pal!Copy !req
840. - You put the power back on.
- You're stirring the crowd up.Copy !req
841. I got free concert tickets here!Copy !req
842. For me and you and you...Copy !req
843. What the hell is going on? Get those
people outta here! Get 'em outta here!Copy !req
844. I love a parade!Copy !req
845. Hey, man, check out all that poony! We could
parley this into a hummer! They love us!Copy !req
846. Yeah, they love us.Copy !req
847. - You put the power back on!
- No, I won't, Chazz. I'm drawin' the line there!Copy !req
848. - Yo, is everyone havin' a good time tonight?
- Yeah!Copy !req
849. Wanna see the cops shut this party down?Copy !req
850. So they got the cards. We got the numbers!Copy !req
851. Rodney King! Rodney King!Copy !req
852. Rodney King. Rodney King.Copy !req
853. Holy shit!Copy !req
854. Rodney King?
What's that supposed to mean?Copy !req
855. He's that guy.Copy !req
856. Rodney King!Copy !req
857. All right, dammit!
Turn the goddamn power back on!Copy !req
858. Chazz! Chazz!Copy !req
859. Kayla! I tried to call you.
I'm sorry, it was my fault.Copy !req
860. No, I was being a bitch.Copy !req
861. Why don't you give it up, Chester?
You can talk it over later.Copy !req
862. - Stay out of this and get your hands off her!
- Why did he call you that?Copy !req
863. - Uh...
- There's a lot Chester didn't tell you about.Copy !req
864. - What's he talking about, Chazz?
- It's, uh... He's, uh...Copy !req
865. Ah, shi... You, man...
Kayla, there's something I gotta tell you.Copy !req
866. What?Copy !req
867. Um...Copy !req
868. I was a geek in school.Copy !req
869. I had really short hair.Copy !req
870. I played Dungeons and Dragons.Copy !req
871. - I had a bug collection. I ate my boogers.
- Ugh!Copy !req
872. My name's not Chazz.Copy !req
873. It's Chester.Copy !req
874. And I understand if
you don't love me any more.Copy !req
875. I play D&D, too!Copy !req
876. I was editor of the school magazine.Copy !req
877. Yeah!Copy !req
878. I used to wear corduroy pants.Copy !req
879. I used to masturbate... constantly.Copy !req
880. - We're with you, Chazz.
- I want your body!Copy !req
881. Hey, Chazz! Chazz!Copy !req
882. Whoo!Copy !req
883. OK, this is my girlfriend Kayla.
She brought the tape.Copy !req
884. - About time.
- What's happening?Copy !req
885. We're going on the air, Pip.
We're going live!Copy !req
886. Oh, whoa. What happened to this?Copy !req
887. It fell off the nightstand.Copy !req
888. What did you do to my tape?
Can we even play this?Copy !req
889. Maybe if I clean it up
and re-spool it. Christ!Copy !req
890. - I came all the way down here just to bring it!
- And you took real good care of it, Yoko!Copy !req
891. OK, everybody, shut up!Copy !req
892. Chazz, I have been with you...
almost as long as these two assholes!Copy !req
893. I think it's about time
they treated me with a little respect!Copy !req
894. This thing smells like piss, man.Copy !req
895. Kayla, I don't have time for this noise. Did
you come to bitch at Rex or to help us out?Copy !req
896. Cos you're being a complete...Copy !req
897. I can't believe this, after
all I've done for you!Copy !req
898. And then you chew me out
in front of your friends!Copy !req
899. - You're acting like a spaz!
- Well, what about you?Copy !req
900. You go and pull this moron stunt.Copy !req
901. If you would just think for one second
instead of trying to be little glory boy.Copy !req
902. - Is that so, huh?
- Yeah, that's so, Chester.Copy !req
903. You're outta here.Copy !req
904. - What?
- Get outta here! Get lost, all right?Copy !req
905. I got a million things to think about,
I don't need you, too.Copy !req
906. I'm a part of this. You wrote
that song for me. That's my song!Copy !req
907. I wrote that song before I even met you.Copy !req
908. You'd better go about your business.Copy !req
909. Go about your business.Copy !req
910. Nobody look at me!Copy !req
911. - My Christ! What are you doing?
- You don't even care.Copy !req
912. You don't even care what happens to me!Copy !req
913. What have I got? My guitar, my bike and
my woman. That's all I got in the world.Copy !req
914. And you keep kicking me out!
It's making me insane!Copy !req
915. I figure if I get a record contract, I can
make it up to you. I'm doing this for you!Copy !req
916. I suppose now you're gonna say you love me.Copy !req
917. Come on! I'm holding a gun to a guy's head
just so the whole world can hear your song.Copy !req
918. Is that love or what?Copy !req
919. Tell me.Copy !req
920. - What do you want from me?
- Tell me.Copy !req
921. All right.Copy !req
922. - I love you.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
923. What else can I say?Copy !req
924. Oh, God!Copy !req
925. Oh! Dammit!Copy !req
926. Well, that fried out most of the board.Copy !req
927. - Great.
- Shit!Copy !req
928. Goddamn.Copy !req
929. Hey, guys, bring in the stuff.Copy !req
930. Yeah!Copy !req
931. I can't believe
they actually found all this crap.Copy !req
932. I don't know. Maybe we didn't
make the demands weird enough, huh?Copy !req
933. Man, these are my people.Copy !req
934. Hey, hey, we're partyin' in here. Whoo!
We got all kinds of beer.Copy !req
935. Am I rockin' or what?Copy !req
936. Shit.Copy !req
937. Die, dog!Copy !req
938. It's a plastic gun!Copy !req
939. Oh, my eyes!Copy !req
940. It's a plastic gun!Copy !req
941. A plastic gun?Copy !req
942. Did you hear that?
It's a plastic gun. We're moving in.Copy !req
943. Everybody get back to the booth!Copy !req
944. Hold it!Copy !req
945. Don't anybody move!Copy !req
946. Now back up against the wall
and put your hands above your heads.Copy !req
947. - It's a real gun!
- Fall back behind the barriers.Copy !req
948. God help us all!Copy !req
949. It's all right, Chazz.
Stay calm. We're pulling back.Copy !req
950. Body count! Body count!Copy !req
951. Everybody get back to the booth!
Get back! Hurry up!Copy !req
952. - Move it, move it, move it.
- Cockroach.Copy !req
953. Argh!Copy !req
954. - Hello.
- Yes, hello. Put the pig on!Copy !req
955. - Chazz, is everybody OK?
- What the hell was that bullshit?Copy !req
956. - I'm gonna grease somebody in here, I swear!
- Chazz, don't do anything crazy.Copy !req
957. - What was all that firing?
- You tell me. You've got guys in the ceiling!Copy !req
958. Calm down. We don't have anybody
trying to break in. I wouldn't do that.Copy !req
959. OK, if this bullshit happens again,
I'm gonna start blasting!Copy !req
960. You have my word.
How long before you play your tape?Copy !req
961. Uh, how long?Copy !req
962. Uh, we're workin' on it.
I don't know, pretty soon.Copy !req
963. I'll have a record executive
for you here soon.Copy !req
964. Now, you know my rules. How about sending
out another hostage just as a sign...Copy !req
965. - That guy in the ceiling, what was that?
- He says he doesn't know.Copy !req
966. - Man, back there, that was huge. Thanks.
- Rock 'n' roll.Copy !req
967. Whoo. OK, who's got a Tic Tac?Copy !req
968. Hello there, boys.Copy !req
969. Hi, Chazz. Jimmie Wing. Remember me?Copy !req
970. I wanted to get in touch with you,
but you didn't leave me your phone number.Copy !req
971. Yeah. Well, I figured you'd come around.Copy !req
972. This is the chimp from Palatine?
I told you, man. We scored.Copy !req
973. - Hi there. Jimmie Wing.
- Hi. How are you?Copy !req
974. Bea Arthur. Outstanding.Copy !req
975. Can you believe it? A record exec came
all the way down here to meet you guys.Copy !req
976. - You have to be careful.
- Jimmie!Copy !req
977. Entertainment executives
make their living screwing people.Copy !req
978. - Got a proposition for you.
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
979. I know you think I'm a dick... cheese... burger,
or whatever, but you need a negotiator.Copy !req
980. I will offer my services for 10%
of the pretax gross. That's standard.Copy !req
981. Shine on that, Chazz. It ain't worth it.Copy !req
982. Think about it.
These things can be very tricky.Copy !req
983. He's right. My ex-boyfriend Parker was
a model, and one time they stole his shoes.Copy !req
984. - He hasn't even heard the demo yet.
- Well, if he likes it, I'd like to help.Copy !req
985. What do you think, Ian?Copy !req
986. No, he's right. But make that 5%, Milo,
you scum-sucking weasel.Copy !req
987. OK, done.Copy !req
988. - Untie me.
- You're doing so good, babe.Copy !req
989. Now what?Copy !req
990. Hey, Rex. Rex, it's me. Rex!Copy !req
991. - That surfer guy wants to come back inside.
- What? Will you tell that guy to piss off?Copy !req
992. Guys! Guys!Copy !req
993. - Hey, no dice, man. Get outta here.
- Oh, come on, Rex.Copy !req
994. - I won't try anything.
- You shouldn't have escaped then.Copy !req
995. Come on, bro. I was havin' a blast!Copy !req
996. Come on, Rex. Rex!Copy !req
997. I wanna get a drum set
that goes underwater...Copy !req
998. so in the middle of our show they can
dunk me in a tank and I can do my solo.Copy !req
999. Cool!Copy !req
1000. I'm gonna get a leather jumpsuit
with the crotch cut out.Copy !req
1001. Rex, can you set up the sound system
so Jimmie Wing can hear the tape?Copy !req
1002. - I'm just... I gotta...
- Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
1003. Hey, Rex, man. We're gonna go to jail, huh?Copy !req
1004. Small price to pay to be a legend.
Remember when Ozzy pissed on the Alamo...Copy !req
1005. and was banned
from San Antonio for a decade?Copy !req
1006. Did his time, went back, rocked the place.Copy !req
1007. Section G, the force majeure, where it says
"riots, disturbance, war, acts of God", etc.Copy !req
1008. - What about it?
- Amend that to exclude this hostage crisis.Copy !req
1009. That can be construed as
an act of public enemy.Copy !req
1010. - Done.
- Where's the tape deck?Copy !req
1011. Oh, why? We need that, too?Copy !req
1012. - Let me see your arm.
- Why?Copy !req
1013. - Ow!
- Get it, retard.Copy !req
1014. - The board's fried. I can't fix it.
- Oh!Copy !req
1015. - No, Ian. Come on, man, you gotta help me.
- There's nothing more that I can do.Copy !req
1016. - This is it, babe.
- All set, Chazz.Copy !req
1017. - Here we go, my man.
- This is so exciting!Copy !req
1018. - Oh, my God. Here it is.
- All right.Copy !req
1019. - Record contract?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
1020. We got a record contract!Copy !req
1021. Everything's square. Just autograph it on
the last page and you got yourself a deal.Copy !req
1022. Hah! We got a contract!Copy !req
1023. We got a contract!Copy !req
1024. We made it, babe. We made it.Copy !req
1025. - Stop!
- Hey, man, what are you doing?Copy !req
1026. Hey, bro, we got signed.Copy !req
1027. - Are you crapping me?
- Didn't you play the song for him?Copy !req
1028. No. We didn't hook this thing up yet.Copy !req
1029. - So you two haven't heard the demo?
- I heard it on the radio earlier.Copy !req
1030. You heard it for about five seconds
and then it got ate.Copy !req
1031. Well, Chazz, my man...Copy !req
1032. it's not just the music, it's the way
you talk about it. You have such passion.Copy !req
1033. - Whoa, whoa. What am I hearing?
- What's wrong, man?Copy !req
1034. No deal. No.Copy !req
1035. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1036. No deal! Yesterday he kicks me
out of Palatine Records...Copy !req
1037. and today he has a record contract for me to
sign. He hasn't even heard my tape. No deal!Copy !req
1038. - But this is what you wanted!
- Wanna know what I think of your contract?Copy !req
1039. Allow me to demonstrate.Copy !req
1040. He wipes his ass with his record contract.Copy !req
1041. - I love this guy.
- But we still have a deal, right?Copy !req
1042. I wanna be a rock star someday
but on my own terms.Copy !req
1043. Well, I got some news for you, big guy.
You already are a star.Copy !req
1044. You can't buy this kind of media exposure.Copy !req
1045. We are sitting on a gold mine here.Copy !req
1046. I am offering a long-term contract to get your
music out to millions, plus a whole lot more.Copy !req
1047. Like what "a whole lot more"?Copy !req
1048. Ever since you signed this contract you've
been under the umbrella of Palatine Records.Copy !req
1049. We have an army of attorneys
looking out for all our investments.Copy !req
1050. Chazz...Copy !req
1051. rock stars don't go to jail. Christ.Copy !req
1052. Vince Neil only got 30 days
and he killed somebody.Copy !req
1053. Hey, buddy, you swear you can get us off?Copy !req
1054. I swear, if you guys play ball.
That's what I'm here for.Copy !req
1055. Chazz, let's just play the tape on air.
They'll throw deals at us.Copy !req
1056. Can't do that, man. Console's busted.Copy !req
1057. It's this or nothing.Copy !req
1058. OK. Super-duper.Copy !req
1059. We're making records.Copy !req
1060. - What about the song? How we gonna play...
- Ah.Copy !req
1061. I'm already ahead of you.Copy !req
1062. Officer O'Malley. Jimmie Wing.Copy !req
1063. What are you doing sending me in
with these animals? They're out of control.Copy !req
1064. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1065. They have some more demands.Copy !req
1066. We're gonna soon witness the culmination
of this extraordinary rock 'n' roll drama:Copy !req
1067. a live performance by The Lone Rangers.Copy !req
1068. Wait a minute. That can't be right.
You can't pluralize "Lone Ranger".Copy !req
1069. Get the guy who did the
Guns N' Roses video.Copy !req
1070. - Try for John Landis.
- Landis is huge.Copy !req
1071. This is great.Copy !req
1072. This is a major media event. We have lights,
crowds... We are gonna bury Lollapalooza!Copy !req
1073. - I said no!
- Look at the boots they gave me. Excuse me.Copy !req
1074. - How is this? I feel kinda goofy.
- You look like an idiot.Copy !req
1075. Remember, this only works if you still
have the hostages. OK, Kayla? Guns up.Copy !req
1076. Hey, what about me?Copy !req
1077. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1078. I love you, Chazz!Copy !req
1079. This is a soggy dream come true!Copy !req
1080. This is rockin'. Yeah!Copy !req
1081. - All right!
- Whoo!Copy !req
1082. Let's give it to 'em.Copy !req
1083. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1084. Hey, man.Copy !req
1085. - What? It's not turned on.
- They ain't givin' us no juice.Copy !req
1086. The amps are props. We'll play your tape
through the PA system and you pantomime.Copy !req
1087. - What, are you yankin' me?
- If you don't do it this way...Copy !req
1088. we won't be able to sync it up in post.
OK, Rex, lift up the gun so they can see it.Copy !req
1089. - I ain't lip-syncing, man.
- It's a video. People always lip-sync.Copy !req
1090. - Oh, come on, this is bullshit.
- That's all we are to you, some freak show?Copy !req
1091. For all you care our album
could be Pip farting on a snare drum.Copy !req
1092. - Guys!
- I ain't fartin' on no snare drum.Copy !req
1093. If you guys don't do it,
we don't have a deal.Copy !req
1094. Me, and the lawyers from Palatine Records,
we walk. Now do you get that?Copy !req
1095. All right. Come here.Copy !req
1096. Come here. We can't do that.
Don't make us be lame.Copy !req
1097. OK. Roll tape.Copy !req
1098. Listen, dirthead,
shut your mouth and do what you're told.Copy !req
1099. What are you doing? We're filming.Copy !req
1100. Play, you little maggot.Copy !req
1101. Jimmie, get out of there.
You're ruining my shot.Copy !req
1102. Listen, I own you! I own you!Copy !req
1103. Oh, yeah! You can't see nothin'
from back there, you filthy scumbags!Copy !req
1104. Come on down!Copy !req
1105. Come on! Let's go!Copy !req
1106. Holy shit!Copy !req
1107. - Back it up!
- Just get outta the way. Let 'em go.Copy !req
1108. It's total anarchy!Copy !req
1109. - Whoo!
- Check it out, man. They dig our song.Copy !req
1110. All right! Rock 'n' roll!Copy !req
1111. What are you doin', man?Copy !req
1112. We start touring in six months.Copy !req
1113. Well, three months
if they behave themselves.Copy !req
1114. Ow!Copy !req