Adventureland (2009)

1. Look, I'm going to be paying off these student loans until, like, 2003.

2. Hey, you want to get out of here?

3. - What a rager, huh? - Yeah. Yeah.

4. Isn't it weird that all this,

5. this all happened at the end of the semester?

6. You and me.

7. James...

8. I don't think I can see you anymore.

9. You don't... What do you mean?

10. Sorry.

11. Women are mercurial, man.

12. - And you did just start dating last week. - It was 11 days ago.

13. You didn't tell her about the Scarlet V, did you?

14. - That has nothing to do with it. - Oh, Christ. Brennan.

15. - What? - You did! You promised me!

16. Look, I don't lie to people who I care about.

17. Yes, but you could've just left it out of the narrative. You know?

18. You don't want "virgin" to be your signifier.

19. He takes one semiotics class, and I'm supposed to...

20. Here, drink up.

21. You need to bed down the next lonely, plain-looking, insecure depressive

22. who throws herself at you and get it over with.

23. Look, I know most people have low standards.

24. I guess I'm... I'm different.

25. Well, you know what, we'll find you a girl, all right?

26. - When we're on the Continent. - Here's to sexually-permissive cultures!

27. Yes! Focus on Europe.

28. It's going to be a transformative experience.

29. - To the graduate. - To the graduate.

30. Yeah, so I researched some more youth hostels,

31. and the median cost is just a little higher than I expected,

32. about $7.68 more,

33. multiplied by the 42 days is $322.56.

34. Bill, do you want to take this?

35. Excuse me, can you get me a refill here? That's an old-fashioned.

36. So with the $368 I have from Grandpa's trust fund,

37. plus the $900 you guys are already giving me, thank you,

38. I do need an additional $279.11.

39. James, we didn't want to spoil your graduation,

40. but your father has been transferred to a different department.

41. Really? Is that... Is that bad?

42. Yes, we're making less, considerably less.

43. Because this trip was my graduation present, so...

44. Sweetie, I am so sorry about this trip, but I'm afraid we just can't afford it.

45. You could still help me with rent next year, right?

46. All right, James, you're not listening to me.

47. - Here you go, sir. - There we go. Thank you very much.

48. Listen, here's to you, kiddo. Happy graduation.

49. Wait. What am I going to do about grad school?

50. You know, Columbia's holding a spot for me.

51. Well, if you end up deciding that's what you want to do,

52. then obviously you're going to have to get a job.

53. A summer job?

54. Summer in Pittsburgh.

55. - That's fucking harsh. - It's a nightmare.

56. They don't like people like me where I'm from.

57. You know, we're romantics. I read poetry for pleasure, sometimes.

58. Hey, yeah, well, you know what, don't worry about it, all right?

59. You know, with my dad's connections, we'll get a great deal on an apartment.

60. And, hey, I'll float you for the first few months.

61. - Yeah? - Yeah.

62. - Thank you so much, Eric. - Hey, don't worry about it.

63. What the hell are you doing? Our parents are right over...

64. What, them? They're clueless.

65. Fuck, this is good weed.

66. Speaking of which, I just want you to know

67. that you'll be with me in spirit this summer.

68. - Hey, put that away. - Yeah. Take it.

69. - No. - Take it.

70. - Take it! - Okay.

71. Look, James, I know things suck right now, all right?

72. But look at it this way,

73. in a few short months, you'll be with me,

74. in New York City, the greatest fucking city in the world!

75. Like we always talked about, man. Living the adventure together.

76. Quit worrying, Brennan. That's what the weed is for.

77. - Bill, for God's sakes, pay attention. - All right, I'm just trying to drive.

78. I really haven't had that many jobs, per se,

79. but here are my academic records and my extracurricular activities.

80. I wrote for The Gordian Knot, it was a literary journal in college.

81. And in math, I got 770 on the SATs,

82. so I assume I'd be good at tabulating checks.

83. These are the only jobs you've ever had?

84. No, no, I also spent several years

85. taking care of a neighbor's lawn, the Palmieris.

86. I have their letter of recommendation here.

87. All right. Fill this out. I'll call you if anything comes up.

88. Okay.

89. No, I've never actually driven an asphalt mixer, per se,

90. but I did once drive my friend's van to Wisconsin

91. on a pretty lengthy road trip.

92. Yeah, so... Okay, is there any way I can take a lesson...

93. They hung up.

94. What am I supposed to do? I'm not even qualified for manual labor.

95. The only place I know I can get a job is with Frigo.

96. What, at Adventureland?

97. You got a concussion on the teacup ride there when you were six.

98. - You can do better, kiddo. - No, there's nothing.

99. I majored in Comparative Literature and Renaissance Studies.

100. Unless someone needs help restoring a fresco, I'm screwed.

101. Oh, for God's sake, Bill.

102. - Nad attack! - Frigo, Frigo! Hey, get off of me.

103. - Brennan, come here. - Frigo, stop. Okay.

104. There's the lawn mower, lawn mower, lawn mower!

105. - Yes! - Frigo.

106. Welcome home, Brennan!

107. Right here, sir! Right here, sir! Have a funtastic time!

108. I don't have much work experience, per se, but...

109. I'm sorry.

110. - Paulette? Come in, Paulette? Bobby? - Bobby?

111. - Paulette, come in, Paulette? - Channels.

112. - You just... You gotta press it. - Oh, they're gone.

113. Okay.

114. This is James, and he's applying for a games job.

115. Games! Oh, great, good. Let's get you set up.

116. Actually, Bobby, I'd prefer a rides job, if it's still open.

117. You look more like a games guy,

118. plus I've already got out the games application, so... All right?

119. Okay. Yeah, no. I just...

120. My name is Bobby.

121. Okay, rules. No freebies, no free turns for your friends,

122. - no free upgrades, no free food. - So, just nothing is free here.

123. Everybody has to pay for everything.

124. And more importantly, working in games,

125. no one ever wins a giant-ass panda.

126. Yeah, we don't have that many left.

127. Cool? Can you hand me a T-shirt, please?

128. Here, I have a resume. I don't know if you still want to take a look at it.

129. James? Am I pronouncing that right?

130. - James? James? - Yeah.

131. Okay, by accepting this T-shirt, you are...

132. Hired!

133. Well, usually I...

134. - More of a ceremonial thing, the T-shirt. - Sorry.

135. Okay, new guy, let's get this over with.

136. Here we are at the first of many shitty games.

137. This one is inexplicably called The Flighing Dutchman.

138. Even more inexplicable is how they decided to spell it.

139. Hey, Jerry.

140. $1 buys five rings.

141. If one of the rings lands on one of the red bottles,

142. they win a giant-ass panda.

143. - That is a giant-ass panda. - Yeah, it's the best prize in the park.

144. And that's because this game is un-winnable.

145. Observe. I'll drop a ring from three inches away.

146. So nobody ever wins?

147. If someone wins a giant-ass panda on your watch,

148. you should just go home because you're fired, okay?

149. So the object of the game

150. is to knock the hat off the dummy with a softball,

151. except, as you'll see, half the hats are glued on.

152. - Really? - Yeah.

153. I mean, we pay little Malaysian kids 10 cents a day to make these toys,

154. we can't just give them away.

155. You get a five-minute bathroom break every two hours.

156. I recommend saving a few of those up in case you have to go number two.

157. Brennan, they got you working on games?

158. What a pussy! You're such a pussy!

159. - You know that demented person? - Yeah. He used to be my best friend.

160. Then I turned four.

161. So if you stand directly below the hoop,

162. you will see that it's been hammered into an oval shape.

163. But from back there, the suckerjust can't tell.

164. Jesus, that's so wrong.

165. A criminal abuse of the laws of perspective.

166. Yeah, well, people are getting ripped off.

167. Yeah, yeah, Trotsky, let's get you a booth.

168. So your life must be utter shit, or you wouldn't be here.

169. I was supposed to go to Europe, but my family has money problems.

170. Wait till your parents start making you pay rent.

171. My dad even makes me pay utilities.

172. I don't want...

173. Hey, litterbug! In the clown mouth!

174. Okay, we have a winner. It's the purple horse.

175. Green's in second. Yellow's third. Congratulations.

176. Here you go. You can have that.

177. - Hey, James? - Yeah?

178. You think you can maybe, you know, take it up a notch?

179. Yeah, I know. Maybe I'm not the right guy to run this game.

180. I really... I think I should probably be on the rides department.

181. No. No, no, no. You're more of a game guy.

182. - No, you're very... You're very gamey. - Yeah.

183. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

184. Have you ever seen a horse race before?

185. Have you ever, like, heard one on the radio?

186. Harness racing or, like, the normal kind?

187. - That's a good question. - It doesn't really matter.

188. Look, the Kentucky Derby. Have you seen the Kentucky Derby?

189. The way they announce it on the radio, and it's really...

190. Yeah, yeah, yeah. "1 00, 200, 200, going..."

191. - That's an auction, sweetie. - Right.

192. So don't... Yeah, just get into it, you know?

193. Make it a show. Make it a performance. You know what I mean?

194. That's what people come for.

195. So, let's take it to a 10. All right, got faith in you, man.

196. Thank you.

197. - Take it to a 10. I like that. - Okay.

198. Ladies and gentlemen, put down your mintjuleps.

199. Horses are all at the starting gate. Okay, and they're off!

200. And Red bolts out of the gate, taking an early lead!

201. But look out! Here comes Green,

202. issuing a challenge from the outside lane.

203. Green runs well on a muddy track, folks,

204. so today's conditions give him a slight edge.

205. And Yellow is dead last!

206. What a disappointment after Yellow's strong showing at Saratoga last spring.

207. Wait! Look out! Wait a second!

208. Out of nowhere, Orange breaks ahead of the pack,

209. and now, in the backstretch, Orange and Green.

210. Orange and Green, and Orange takes it by a nose!

211. Green places and Red shows.

212. Please come to the window to collect your winnings!

213. - What window? There's a window? - No. No, there's not. Here you go.

214. Congratulations, sir.

215. I'm new.

216. Our original initiative rapidly got all tangled up in the sale of arms.

217. And the sale of arms got tangled up...

218. Hey, why don't you call one of your old friends?

219. I heard Danny's back in town. Or Pat?

220. And tell them I work as a carny? No, thank you.

221. - Yo! Guy! - Yeah?

222. - Give me five. - Okay.

223. Hey, I heard some big fat lady fell off the Paratrooper.

224. Oh, really? I didn't hear about that. Was she okay?

225. I don't know. Hey, you know what? Give me 10.

226. - Okay. - You know what? Make it 15.

227. Yeah, I heard she was this big, fat, slob of a woman, you know?

228. Hey, he won! Check it out! Way to go, Dom! Way to go, Dom!

229. - We got a winner! - Come on, check it out!

230. Okay, sir, actually, I saw you holding him over the bottles.

231. That's cheating.

232. Oh, no. He won fair-and-square, sir. You know, you gotta give him a prize!

233. - Yeah, I saw him throw it! - Hey, thank you, sir.

234. - Guys, hey, fellas, I could lose my job. - This faggot's trying to rip off a kid!

235. Why don't you give the kid a fucking panda.

236. Here you go, here's your panda.

237. Yeah, thanks. Here you go, Dom. I mean, he's just a little kid.

238. Look, am I gonna get in trouble?

239. No one's ever supposed to lose a giant-ass panda.

240. - Is it worth getting knifed over? - No.

241. - Hi. I'm James Brennan. I just started. - Em. Nice to meet you.

242. Sucks you're gonna lose your job your second day, James.

243. No. Shit. I need this job.

244. I'm kidding. You're okay.

245. I'll tell Bobby you lost the panda at knifepoint.

246. Yo, Connell! Rock on!

247. - Who's that? - Connell. He's the maintenance guy.

248. Hey, Joel, is that a pipe?

249. Yeah, I know.

250. It's a revolting affectation, but it relaxes me.

251. - Hey, Joel. Hey. - Hi.

252. You guys want some of this?

253. - I bagged it from Paulette. Cuban rum? - Thanks.

254. I think somebody was trying to write "Satan Lives" on that wall,

255. but they spelled it "Satin Lives."

256. One of those textile-worshipping cults, no doubt.

257. - That's quite funny. - Yeah.

258. Lou Reed? I like the tee, Em.

259. You know about Connell and Lou, right?

260. No, I don't know about them.

261. Time out, guys.

262. - Guys, he doesn't know the legend. - Oh, my God!

263. - Tell him. - Connell once jammed with Lou Reed.

264. - Really? - The historic Lou Reed.

265. - The Lou Reed. - So Connell's like a real musician?

266. Yeah, he's got his own band. It's frigging awesome.

267. - He's gotta get a lot of pussy with it. - He's married, you perv!

268. Nice pipe, Grandpa!

269. Oh, my God. That was a whole corn dog!

270. I'm sorry, Joel. My brother is such a douche.

271. Looks like it's us! Let's go, panty stain!

272. "Panty stain," that's me. Good night, everybody.

273. Hey, I could give you a ride, if you want.

274. Really? Frigo, I got a ride. Really?

275. - What? - Yeah.

276. - Thank you so much. I got a ride. - Hey, what?

277. You can go. Good night.

278. - You got a ride? - Yes.

279. All right, then. Then why don't you ride this?

280. - Oh, my God. - Frigo.

281. - All right, I'll see you, Brennan. - What the hell was that?

282. It's just my life.

283. - Here, have some rum. - Thanks.

284. Oh, shit. Sorry, my mother. She's very nosy.

285. Yeah, she used to read my journals. I had to start writing them in Italian.

286. I took Italian for a year. I went through an opera...

287. Okay, she's gone.

288. So, Joel told me that you're gonna go to Columbia for grad school.

289. - Yeah. - Wow. I'm at NYU right now.

290. Oh, really? Oh, that's cool.

291. Maybe I'll run into you on the streets of NYC.

292. - What are you studying? - Journalism.

293. Yeah, I want to be, like, a travel essayist.

294. But I want to report on the real state of the world.

295. You know, like Charles Dickens,

296. for example, wrote what you might call travel books,

297. but he visited prisons and mental asylums.

298. - That's cool. - Yeah, is it?

299. - Yeah. - Okay.

300. No, it is, it's...

301. But why do you have to go to grad school for that?

302. No, that's a valid question,

303. but, actually, journalism is kind of like this old boys' network still.

304. You need the right connections. It's very Ivy League, very exclusive.

305. Stupid. I think my mother would rather I intern at some Fortune 500 company

306. or something like that.

307. - Fuck that, right? - Yeah.

308. Yeah.

309. I got to go. I have to meet a friend.

310. - Okay. Yeah, thanks for the ride. - Sure.

311. Hey, I heard you jammed with Lou Reed.

312. - Don't believe everything you hear. - Okay.

313. I'll tell you about it sometime.

314. So, where does your band play?

315. Usual shitholes around town. I need better musicians.

316. - I'm starting a new band out in LA. - Los Angeles?

317. Yeah. It's going to be cool. Going this winter.

318. - Jesus. - Nasty.

319. You'll get better at avoiding that.

320. Hey, guys. Party at my house tonight. My dad's out of town.

321. - I'm invited? - Yep, that's why I'm telling you.

322. - Connell? - You kiddies have fun.

323. She's cool, right?

324. You're just smearing that around.

325. Hey, Sue, I'm a virgin at table games, so go easy on me.

326. We're having a ping-pong tournament!

327. - Hey. - Hey.

328. Nice digs.

329. Kind of begs the question of why the hell you're working at Adventureland?

330. Well, you know, my dad's a lawyer.

331. It's been his life-long dream for his daughter to work at Adventureland.

332. - High hopes. - Also gets me out of the house.

333. So we can drink your parents' booze. It's okay?

334. - Absolutely. - Yes!

335. - Awesome. - Don't touch me.

336. Hey, I actually brought something for the party.

337. - What is that? - It's a joint.

338. Yeah.

339. Bobby is weird.

340. I had to go back and get the extra employee key for the bathroom,

341. and I went back, I opened the door,

342. and there were all these pictures of him and Paulette, naked.

343. What a weirdo.

344. Hey, I'm gonna go for a swim. Anybody care to join me?

345. Okay.

346. Come on.

347. Is anybody else coming in here, or is it just us?

348. Yeah, okay.

349. - See, it's not so bad. It's okay. - No, it's okay.

350. - Do you have any more of that pot? - Yeah, at home. Why?

351. - We should make pot cookies. - Okay.

352. That would be so fun. Have you done that?

353. - I have not. I've had cookies. - All right.

354. My connections have all dried up. That's why I'm asking.

355. Your connections have dried up?

356. What, you think, I have ties to the underworld or something?

357. I have five joints.

358. You think I can, like, put a hit out on somebody?

359. - Yeah. - Yeah.

360. Oh, my God!

361. I got you. I got the door. It's only three feet, so I can handle it.

362. Okay.

363. - I'm gonna get a drink. - Okay.

364. You want one?

365. - Coming? - Yeah.

366. Yeah, I'll meet you inside.

367. - Okay. - I'll meet you inside.

368. - Okay. - Okay.

369. Shit.

370. Boner! You got a boner! Brennan's got a boner!

371. Yeah!

372. Thanks.

373. I like your records. Eno, Replacements, Big Star.

374. Hey, give me your underwear. I'll throw them in the dryer for you.

375. - I promise you'll get them back. - Yeah.

376. Thank you.

377. - Who's that? - It's my stepmom.

378. I don't think there's any pictures of my mom in here.

379. - She died two years ago. - Really? I'm sorry.

380. My dad remarried last year. That's Francy.

381. You see that unholy abomination on her head?

382. - Yeah. - It's a wig.

383. Is it?

384. She had, like, a nervous breakdown when her first husband divorced her.

385. Lost all her hair.

386. I would feel bad if she wasn't such a status-obsessed witch.

387. - I'm buzzed. You? - Yeah, kind of.

388. - What was that? - What was what?

389. I'm gonna go... You want to go see what they're doing?

390. Yes.

391. I think I drank, like, a whole bottle of vodka.

392. You were drinking vermouth the whole night, it's disgusting.

393. Yeah, it's a type of vodka.

394. You okay? Frigo? What are you doing?

395. Okay, good night!

396. Hello?

397. Hey. No, actually, the party broke up pretty early.

398. I'm in here.

399. - So we have, like, five minutes? - No.

400. There's not much point in wasting time, though.

401. Lisa P. is back!

402. - Lisa P. is back! - Lisa P.? Did you hear that?

403. Lisa P. is back! Lisa P. is back!

404. - Brennan, Brennan, Lisa P. is back! - Yeah? Who's Lisa P.?

405. - Holy mother of crap! "Who's Lisa P.?" - That's Lisa P.

406. Oh, my God, look at the shape of her ass.

407. It's a platonic ideal. That ass is a higher truth.

408. Look, look at that little portal of light, just below her crotch,

409. right where the thigh meets the pudendum.

410. The pudendum? Are you pre-med?

411. I'm telling you, man, I've had dreams about that diamond-shape portal.

412. She's coming over here, man. Be cool.

413. Okay, I'll try to hold it together.

414. - Hey, Lisa. Hey, Kelly. - Hey, Joel.

415. So, I didn't expect you to be back here.

416. Oh, man, I had my whole summer, like, mapped out.

417. Laying out by the pool by day, dancing by night.

418. But my dad got injured on the job, and he's laid up, so I got to help out.

419. Sorry to hear that. My mom has shingles.

420. Well, I gotta go run the Musik-Express.

421. I don't want Paulette bitching me out on my first day.

422. - I'm Lisa. - James.

423. I heard you lost a giant-ass panda at knifepoint.

424. Did you? I guess my legend precedes me.

425. - What? - It was nice to meet you.

426. Nice to meet you, too, James.

427. Bye, Lisa. Bye, Kelly.

428. A little more than 40% of these fish are dead.

429. I am amazed at how tiny my paycheck is,

430. after working doubles.

431. Well, we are doing the work of pathetic, lazy morons.

432. Jesus fucking Christ, they play this song, like, 20 times a day.

433. Fucking sadists. Fucking sadists!

434. Hey.

435. - Hey. - Hey, I made you a tape.

436. These are my favorite bummer songs.

437. They're truly miserable, pit-of-despair type songs.

438. - I think you'll love it. - Cool.

439. Yeah. Hey, you want to get a drink or something?

440. Sure.

441. - Hey, I feel like I should tell you. - Tell me what?

442. Yeah. I had my heart broken recently.

443. Is that... I don't know, I just thought I should tell you.

444. - That sucks. - Yeah.

445. - Who broke your heart? - A girl at school.

446. Yeah, it's typical. I actually... I think there was...

447. I think there was something there.

448. I think that we actually had, like, potential.

449. I don't know. I think she was afraid.

450. Afraid of what?

451. I don't know. Afraid of it being good or something.

452. Was the sex good?

453. She was very sexy.

454. You've been with a lot of girls?

455. Yep. Are we talking about, like, intercourse specifically?

456. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

457. No, in that case,

458. there were actually a few times that I...

459. Yeah, a few times I could've done that.

460. But it wasn't... It wasn't exactly right.

461. Wait, so you're telling me you're a virgin?

462. - There were circumstances... - Oh, my God!

463. - Oh, my God. - No, I went...

464. Okay, all right, for example, junior year, I was dating this girl, Betsy Cooke.

465. Betsy was kind of, like... She was kind of a prude, actually.

466. Anyway, one day, I was reading Shakespeare,

467. and I realized I don't really love this person. You know?

468. It was one of the sonnets.

469. "Being your slave, what should I do

470. "but tend upon the hours and times of your desires?"

471. And I realized I don't want to tend to Betsy's hours or her times.

472. All right, that doesn't matter.

473. Anyway, I drove to Betsy's house, and I was literally about to tell her,

474. and that's the night she said she wanted to have sex.

475. Can you believe it? It was the same... You know, it was the same night, so...

476. And you didn't just fuck her anyway?

477. No.

478. So what about you and intercourse?

479. - Can you stop saying "intercourse"? - Sure, sure.

480. I don't know. There were guys in high school,

481. and then, like, there were other ones.

482. - Were you in love with any of them? - No. Hell no.

483. Got you.

484. Oh, hey, it's Connell. Hey, Connell!

485. - Jimbo. - Hey, you know this place?

486. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody knows this is my joint.

487. These guys work at the park. This is Ronnie.

488. Nice to meet you.

489. - Hi. - Hey.

490. We're gonna go meet some friends in the back.

491. Cool.

492. Do it! My nephew!

493. Is that Connell's wife? She's, like, really pretty.

494. Yeah, she is.

495. She works at that lame disco, Razzmatazz.

496. - It's kind of sad. - Oh, yeah? I've never been there.

497. No, I mean their marriage is sad. He didn't want it. Now he's trapped.

498. Are you sure you want to go? The band is really awful.

499. - Yeah, I just needed some air. - Okay.

500. - Hey, can we go somewhere? - Yeah.

501. Hey.

502. - You made out with her? - Yeah. Yeah, I just kissed her.

503. I don't know what came over me. It was incredible.

504. Cool, man. How was that?

505. Fantastic. Joel, she's like... She's, like, perfect, you know?

506. - Good for you, man. - Yeah.

507. I got to open my booth.

508. Hey, do you have an ice-pick I can jam into my ears?

509. I can't listen to this song again.

510. I don't, but I have this.

511. - Be cool with that. - Okay. Thanks.

512. - Were you on a date last night? - I wouldn't call it a date.

513. Not into Em?

514. No, she's great. She's great. I just...

515. I don't know if I'm ready for a girlfriend yet.

516. I'm kind of getting over a broken heart.

517. - I hope you didn't tell her that. - Why?

518. You told her that, didn't you?

519. James, no girl wants to hear about some other chick you're hard up for.

520. - Right. They don't? - They don't.

521. Look, I'm not saying never be vulnerable with a girl.

522. I'm just saying don't play that card first.

523. Wait, it's a card? Like a card?

524. There's a science to it. You're probably pretty good at science.

525. - That works now. - Yeah. Okay.

526. Okay, observe. Two options.

527. I can play it safe, pick them off from back here,

528. or I can rush into the breach, guns a-blazing.

529. Make a run right at the cortex, and bombs away.

530. Fortune favors the bold. Virgil said that.

531. I'm sure Virgil had Bionic Mutant in mind. I'm gonna go punch out.

532. - All right, bye. - Your turn, man.

533. Okay, but I'm probably not gonna be very good at this.

534. - Hey. - Hey.

535. I really want to see you tonight.

536. - Tonight? - Yeah.

537. Unless you got something else going on.

538. You're doing really good.

539. I jump when he jumps just instinctively.

540. Where? Where do you wanna go? Not the backseat of your car.

541. We can go to my mom's.

542. - Hey, James? - Yeah?

543. Whoa, bonus round. Kudos.

544. I heard you might have some weed.

545. Yeah, I have a stash. Why, you like the ganja?

546. Sometimes.

547. Beer?

548. - Got anything stronger? - Yeah.

549. So what excuse do you give your mother

550. for coming down here so late?

551. Gotta pump some midnight iron?

552. Sometimes I come here to practice. Give Ronnie a break.

553. You still hot for your wife? What's the sex like?

554. Why? Why would you... Why would you say that?

555. - Don't be mean. - Jeez, you're sensitive.

556. No, I'm serious. When we're together, we're good to each other.

557. Let's not ruin it.

558. Okay.

559. So, how's your dad?

560. Since he can't work, he's been so fucked up.

561. Yeah. Stays in bed a lot. Won't see anyone.

562. - Men are prideful creatures. - Exactly.

563. Do you believe in God?

564. Wow, theology doesn't come up a lot around here.

565. Yeah, but you see someone you love in pain,

566. you sort of think about that kind of stuff.

567. I believe in love.

568. I mean, I think that love is very transferable,

569. I mean, transformable.

570. I think that love makes things transform together.

571. I'm majorly high.

572. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Yeah, me, too.

573. I'm having dinner with my parents.

574. Somebody's hungry.

575. James, I read that Pitt has some journalism courses.

576. - Is that so? - Oh, yeah?

577. Yeah, I was just thinking that,

578. you know, it might make fiscal sense for you

579. to stay close to home for a while.

580. And they have these broadcasting internships on Mister Rogers'.

581. I get to intern on a kids' show with marionettes.

582. Mom, I thought you wanted me to go to an Ivy League school,

583. like the one I've been accepted to.

584. I am... I am just trying to be pragmatic.

585. They're hand puppets, not marionettes, on Mister Rogers'.

586. You know, like, "Royal greetings, I am King Friday."

587. - That's a terrible impression. - James, what is wrong with you?

588. We, the people, in order to have a more perfect union, say, "Let's party!"

589. Hey! Jugglers, fireworks!

590. Mr. Fabulous' lncredible Performing Canines tonight!

591. Hey, kid. In the clown mouth. Come on.

592. - Be a pal. Thanks, buddy. - Eat it!

593. Son of a bitch!

594. Get him! Get him!

595. - Come here. - Be careful.

596. All right! Hey!

597. Oh, my God!

598. I don't even celebrate July 4th, you know? I celebrate Bastille Day.

599. That's why Bastille Day is gonna be a blast for me.

600. - Park's closed, Em. - Yeah.

601. - Rich, you scared the hell out of us. - Rich, it's me, James.

602. - Park's closed, James. - Okay, we'll leave soon, okay?

603. Better leave now. The park's closed.

604. - All right, we better leave now. - Okay. Here we go.

605. Okay. Thanks, Rich.

606. I think you're so beautiful.

607. Oh, fuck.

608. - Hey, kids! - Hey, hey. Hey, what's going on?

609. - It's my friend James, Dad. - Hi. Nice to meet you, sir.

610. - Nice to meet you, James. - You, too.

611. - Hi, James. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

612. Well, I'm gonna go do some work before bed.

613. - Good night. - Good night.

614. - Good night. - Good night, party pooper.

615. So, it was a lovely party at the Melnicks'.

616. And, you know, their daughter Lori is lovely.

617. Now, she said you two used to be best friends.

618. She used to sleep over in, like, junior high.

619. Did you know that she is at law school at Northwestern?

620. Lori Melnick,

621. she once violated our cat Gypsy with a ballpoint pen.

622. All right, Emily! That's enough, young lady.

623. See you later.

624. Sy.

625. I can't believe my dad wants to be with that.

626. Do you want to hear something fucked up?

627. What?

628. When my mom first started getting, like, really sick,

629. my dad starts going to temple.

630. He's never been serious about his faith.

631. But he decided to buddy up to God,

632. like he thought it was going to help save my mom.

633. And that's where he met Francy.

634. My mom loses her hair in chemo,

635. and my dad starts fucking a bald woman.

636. It's just weird.

637. I'll take you home.

638. It's nice when Paulette's got the day off.

639. Put that disco station on.

640. Hey, you know, I'm a one-man woman, so...

641. - Hey, Bobby. I'm on break. - All right, let's see how you did.

642. Hey, babe. How's it... Hello?

643. Yeah, he's right here.

644. It's your mother.

645. Sorry.

646. Hi, Ma. No, Ma, that's the pilot light. It's supposed to be on.

647. No, the place is not going to blow. Ma?

648. I'll be right there.

649. I gotta go.

650. - Jimbo, can I ask you something? - Yeah.

651. You got one of those little baby joints on you?

652. - I do. - Let's go.

653. - Is your mom okay? - Yeah, she's a little dramatic, my mom.

654. Kind of nutty since my dad skipped out.

655. Where'd he go?

656. I don't know. He left a long time ago.

657. - This is cool. - Yeah, Lou Reed.

658. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Satellite Of Love.

659. Of course. Right on.

660. You gotta tell me your Lou Reed story. He's like a real hero to me.

661. - Hey, man, how's it going with Em? - I don't know. It's going...

662. She's...

663. I think I'm in love with her.

664. This will just take a second, Jimbo. Don't finish that joint.

665. Hey.

666. I was hanging out with your boyfriend earlier.

667. - He's in love with you. - What?

668. He said, I quote, "I think I'm in love with her."

669. Right.

670. Hey, are you going to Razzmatazz tonight?

671. It's Two-for-Tuesday. You get two for the price of one.

672. You have to do something! You're not doing anything!

673. I can't take it anymore!

674. Maybe she needs to see Dr. Schacter again.

675. You have to do something, okay? Something has to change.

676. You know she works at that park, that trashy park, just to embarrass us!

677. What are you majoring in?

678. Russian Literature and Slavic Languages.

679. - Oh, wow, that's really interesting. - Yeah.

680. What career track is that?

681. Cabbie, hot-dog vendor, marijuana delivery guy.

682. The world is my oyster.

683. You kids need another round?

684. - Thanks, Ronnie, we're fine. - Actually, we'll take two more.

685. I'll have two. Joel, you can have one.

686. - What the hell? Are you gonna stop? - Two-for-Tuesday.

687. Em, I love this song! Come on, let's dance! Let's dance.

688. Come on. Come on.

689. - Come on. - Okay.

690. Here, ready? Stay with me.

691. - You like that? - Yes.

692. Marcy Feingold, ninth grade, taught me that one.

693. - Good one! - Thanks a lot.

694. - Nice moves, Brennan. - Thanks.

695. - Razzmatazz! - Come on, Razzmatazz, we're hungry.

696. - But we love you more! - It knows.

697. More.

698. Oh, my God. You okay?

699. - Razzmatazz. - Come on.

700. All right.

701. - There you go. - You're so strong-ish.

702. I'll take that.

703. I'm so surprised I'm making out with you.

704. Me, too.

705. Em, I think you're incredible.

706. Hey, there's a lot of shit in my life.

707. I'm not ready for this. I need to take things slow.

708. Okay, all right.

709. I'm sorry.

710. Hey. Let me help you with that.

711. I got it.

712. That is ugly.

713. Thanks.

714. - Hey, so how's your dad? - He's hanging in there.

715. - Yeah? Still... Still not working? - No, no.

716. The Musik-Express!

717. - These rides are safe, right? - Supposedly.

718. I wouldn't mess around on any of them.

719. Last summer, there was this drunk idiot goofing around on the Comet Booster,

720. trying to kick his buddy.

721. They found his Reebok in the parking lot, with his foot in it.

722. - Yo, Lisa. We're partners today. - Great.

723. So it's official.

724. My friend Boomer hooked me up with a job

725. at the Mercedes dealership on Route 30.

726. Yeah, I'm getting a car right away. Payments deducted from my check.

727. Yeah, I'm gonna go for a 560, convertible, in gold, leather interior.

728. I'm even gonna get a compact disc player.

729. - It's gonna be insane. - To the max.

730. So, hey, Lis, you wanna go see Judas Priest at Civic Arena?

731. - My friend Fitzy got me floor seats, so... - That's okay. Take Boomer.

732. And go get the hose. There's dried puke down there.

733. You don't like Priest?

734. - I'm busy that night. - I didn't tell you what night.

735. James, you and I should go out some night.

736. I get it, that's a funny one.

737. Face! Douche.

738. - Just let me know when. - Yeah?

739. Pete, dried puke.

740. I'm serious. I wouldn't mind going out with a nice guy for a change.

741. Cool. Yeah. That would be very cool.

742. Oh, come on, man!

743. - Want to push a button? - No, I'm on games only.

744. Okay, yeah, which one? Okay.

745. - Oh, my gosh! - Shit! Shit! Shit!

746. Wow! You fucked this up perfectly!

747. - I know. I work on games, so... - I'm impressed.

748. I know. I shouldn't have even been here.

749. - Shit. - Hey.

750. Connell, I need to ask you something.

751. Hand me the crescent wrench, would you?

752. Yeah.

753. So, Lisa P. just asked me if I wanted to go out with her sometime.

754. - Lisa P.? - Yeah. It's insane.

755. I think she might've just been trying to piss off Pete O'Malley but...

756. Can you imagine any universe where she would get with a guy like me?

757. She asked you out?

758. You're a fucking idiot if you don't go. It's Lisa P.

759. - Hold this, would you? - Yeah.

760. That girl's a virgin. Can you believe that?

761. In this day and age. You'd think...

762. Well, she's a Catholic girl. They usually won't let you screw them.

763. - But what they will let you do... - Yeah, but what about Em?

764. Are you getting all your needs met by her?

765. We're taking it slow.

766. Right. Right. Okay, here's the thing.

767. Every time you meet a beautiful woman,

768. don't you imagine what she'd look like underneath you, naked?

769. - What? No. No. - Someone like Lisa P.

770. I mean, Jesus Christ, it's like every cell in your body's on fire, right?

771. That's a little hyperbolic, but, yeah, I know, I see where you're going.

772. That's the way we're wired. It's the way we're wired.

773. It sucks, but it's just a fact of nature. It's also tragic.

774. My feelings for Em are vast.

775. James, imagine it. Lisa P.

776. I know. Lisa P. I know.

777. - Hey. - Hey.

778. I brought you this.

779. It's one of my favorite authors. Gogol. Russian.

780. He lost his mind, burned the only copy of his final book,

781. died a week later of self-starvation.

782. Well...

783. - Thank you. - Yeah.

784. Hey, do you maybe want to go see a shitty movie or something sometime?

785. Yeah, I just... You know, I did something kind of stupid.

786. I... I told my brother that we made out.

787. - That's bad? - No, no, no.

788. But he... He told my parents.

789. We're Catholic.

790. Pete told my parents that you're Jewish.

791. But I'm an atheist.

792. I mean, more of a pragmatic nihilist, I guess,

793. - or an existential pagan, if you will... - Yeah, yeah.

794. But my parents are really strict.

795. I'm sorry.

796. - It's still a good book. - Nah, I'm sorry.

797. - Hey, Joel. - Hey.

798. How'd it go with Sue?

799. Not so good.

800. Hey, Em, come on. Don't say anything!

801. Come on, worse things have happened to the Jews.

802. Fuck that!

803. You know, you don't deserve to date Joel!

804. I mean, you're an anti-Semitic asshole!

805. What do you, like, hate gay people, too?

806. Do you support apartheid? You are not my friend.

807. Bam! Child's play.

808. Look, you can't tell anybody, but I'm going out with Lisa P. tonight.

809. - You're what? - Yeah.

810. This morning she asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime.

811. What happened? I thought you were crazy about Em.

812. I am. I am.

813. But, you know, I don't know if she necessarily,

814. like, wants something, you know, kind of serious.

815. And, Joel, we're men. You know, we're, like, wired to meet our needs.

816. I get it, it's a biological imperative.

817. Frigo, you can't tell anybody, but I have a date tonight with Lisa P.

818. What? You know, I should give you a double-sack-whack

819. - for telling a lie like that. - Okay, don't believe me.

820. - Where are you going? - The Velvet Touch.

821. Thanks.

822. How's the wine?

823. - It's good! - Yeah.

824. I just need to tell you something.

825. Yeah, is it cool if we don't tell a lot of people about tonight?

826. 'Cause I think there's someone at the park

827. who may have a little thing for me, and I don't want her to feel bad.

828. - You mean Em? - Yeah.

829. So you like working at the park?

830. Yeah, I think it could be character building.

831. And, you know, I've made a lot of friends.

832. Yeah, you and Connell seem pretty tight.

833. Yeah, I like him. I think he's interesting.

834. I think he's kind of like a, you know, poetic soul.

835. - That guy's got some problems. - What do you mean?

836. Last summer, he was having this thing with this girl from the snack bar.

837. He used to take her to his mother's basement to have sex with her.

838. His mother's basement. How gross is that?

839. But he's married, right?

840. - Didn't stop him from hitting on me. - Wow.

841. - Is that Frigo? - Yeah, it is Frigo.

842. I wonder what he's doing here. I should say hi. I've known him since...

843. Excuse me.

844. - You son of a bitch, that's Lisa P.! - What the fuck are you doing here?

845. I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry, I thought you were full of shit, but holy shit!

846. There she is! Think you can get me naked pictures of her?

847. Frigo, get the fuck out of here,

848. and you can't tell anybody about this, okay?

849. All right, all right, relax, Brennan.

850. - What's it worth to you? - You're shaking me down?

851. No... Yeah, yeah.

852. I hate you with such great fervor. I...

853. Thanks, Brennan.

854. Sorry about that. What a coincidence.

855. Frigo was out to rent a video, saw us through the window, and...

856. - Wow. - Yeah.

857. And here we are. I wonder how the fondue is tonight.

858. I want to visit every continent, every country, really.

859. Charles Dickens actually wrote these really interesting travel pieces,

860. but he visited prisons...

861. Would you rather have a sailboat or a speedboat?

862. - Gee, I guess... - I think sailboats are, like,

863. way more cooler, you know, like more classic.

864. Though I bet speedboats would be a lot more fun.

865. What were you saying?

866. Just babbling.

867. I just need to get normal before I go inside.

868. Put on some perfume to cover the smell.

869. I was going to suggest more perfume.

870. - Shoot, my brush. - Yeah. Hold on.

871. - Jesus, what the hell is this? - Is that yours?

872. - No. I guess it's my dad's. - Here, pull over here.

873. Can you smell the pot?

874. You smell amazing.

875. Thanks for tonight. It was fun.

876. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

877. Fondue.

878. - Oh, God. - Tiger.

879. Sorry.

880. - Another time. - Yeah.

881. - Good night. - Good night.

882. - Hey. - Hey.

883. Hey. I missed your call last night. Sorry about that.

884. I was out with some old high-school buddies.

885. - Sounds fun. - Yeah, it was.

886. We got caught up reminiscing. I was out pretty late.

887. But what were you calling about?

888. Calling to say sorry. I felt like I was kind of a jerk the other night.

889. Okay. Sorry. Yeah, me, too. I was drunk.

890. And I brought you something.

891. - This bag? - What's inside the bag?

892. - Is that a couple ofjoints? - I think so. For pot cookies.

893. - Oh, my. You follow through. - I do.

894. Cool. This'll be fun.

895. - Let's do it. - Okay. I'm only having half, okay?

896. Walnuts? You want to see me go into anaphylactic shock? Fuck.

897. - Home-made? Yummy. - Brennan, you gonna eat the other half?

898. Sorry.

899. And what a race we have here today, ladies and gentlemen. Boy!

900. And nobody is in the lead. Nobody is in the lead.

901. In fact, what is so mind-blowing about this particular race

902. is how evenly-matched these particular competitors are.

903. And Yellow is dead last. I don't think Yellow's moved once.

904. This is a fall from grace for the once-great stallion, Yellow.

905. You know, Yellow has inseminated over 1,000 foals in his lifetime,

906. which might explain his current exhaustion.

907. And you won, Number 9, here you go... Here you go, great job.

908. Hey, Bobby.

909. Brennan, what are you doing?

910. - You been toking up? - What?

911. - You been drinking drugs? - No!

912. Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?

913. Yeah, maybe, like, a little bit before. But no, Bobby,

914. I'm feeling sick because I think I ate a bad corn dog before, Bobby.

915. That's why.

916. You know, why don't you go over to Hats Off To Larry

917. - and collect some balls? - Okay.

918. And I'll tell you what, I'll take over this.

919. Hey, you all right?

920. - Yeah, thank you. - All right.

921. This is how we met.

922. And they're off! In the lead is Green 5. Green is in the lead.

923. Green 5, Green 5 in the lead. And there you are, Green 5!

924. Green! You really got it going on! You know exactly what you're doing.

925. Green! You got it, Green! You won!

926. Pass that down to her. Loser, pass that down. Thank you.

927. - Can I get some balls? - You're gonna have to get more balls.

928. The customer's always right.

929. Here you go.

930. - I hit that thing dead-on! - Yet he still retains his chapeau.

931. Whoa, whoa. Come on.

932. Hey!

933. What the fuck? It's glued on, the fucking thing.

934. - It's not worth it. - We have a winner.

935. - Nicky. - Congratulations.

936. The fucking thing is glued on? His hat is glued on?

937. - Fuck this, Nicky. - What is so fucking funny?

938. - Yeah, what's so fucking funny? - I don't know.

939. - Oh, my God! - My God.

940. - What the fuck? - Not so funny now, is it?

941. You can't do shit like that. Like, what the fuck?

942. - You punch him in the face? - Back off, slut!

943. - Don't fucking touch her, man. - What are you gonna do, faggot?

944. Oh, fuck.

945. - You're fucking dead! - You jerk!

946. - The option of the flute? - Option of the flute...

947. People are trying to kill me.

948. Get the fuck out, motherfucker!

949. Move.

950. Get out of my doorway, motherfucker! Give me a reason!

951. Just give me a fucking reason! You don't know what I'm capable of!

952. Come on! Please! You don't know what I'm capable of!

953. - Bastard. - Thanks, Bobby.

954. - No problem. - Okay, I'm gonna take the back way.

955. Yeah, yeah, good.

956. You know what, now that I think of it, the flute is actually more expensive.

957. You guys should have seen Brennan wail on that greaseball, man.

958. - I can't believe you hit someone. - Me, either.

959. How'd you do it? Did you hit him like this? Oh, psych!

960. Dude, this guy was huge. I mean, Brennan went up, like, one hit...

961. - And just dropped the guy. - I can't believe they call that a hit.

962. Then his buddy started chasing him all around the park,

963. and then he hid in Bobby's office.

964. Yeah, see, that's more like the son of a bitch.

965. Bobby kicked the door down and came out all psycho with this bat like...

966. - And all his buddies just go, "Okay." - Where's the guy? Was he ever...

967. I don't know. They left him on the pavement.

968. Then I got his girlfriend's number.

969. Where are you taking me?

970. You've never been to this place before?

971. No.

972. I think you might be the coolest and cutest guy I ever met.

973. Really?

974. I mean, I'm really high, but...

975. I don't want to lose you.

976. - Forget to refrigerate these? - Yeah.

977. When did they get in, yesterday?

978. - Around what time? - In the morning.

979. - They smell weird? - Yeah.

980. - I think that's normal, though. - Yeah.

981. Stuffy, fry these up!

982. Hey, Brennan, I want to talk to you. Want to pick up some extra shifts?

983. - Yeah, sure. - Good. Because Joel quit.

984. - What? - He's passed on.

985. He moved on, honey. He didn't pass on, he moved on.

986. I know, I heard you!

987. - What are you doing here? - You didn't call me back.

988. Look, I can't abide the humiliation of you seeing the inside of my house.

989. The vile plastic slipcovers, the art-fair paintings.

990. And it's really messy. Just go around back. I'll meet you.

991. Okay.

992. Hey, Jeffrey! Turn off the fucking lawnmower.

993. - Fine. - I'm trying to have a conversation here.

994. - Fuck off, fuck face. - Nimrod.

995. I hate you, asshole.

996. - Hey, is it because of Sue? - What?

997. Why you quit. Because, Joel, you're a great guy, you know,

998. and she doesn't deserve you.

999. James, look at me. I'm not a good-looking guy.

1000. And I'm poor. Girls aren't gonna go near me

1001. when there's all these fucking yuppies around.

1002. That's ridiculous. Not all women are like that.

1003. You know, Em isn't like that.

1004. - Em? - Yeah.

1005. You don't even appreciate what you have.

1006. You're chasing after Lisa P.

1007. when you have this incredible, beautiful girl right fucking there.

1008. Fuck this.

1009. Don't do that.

1010. - I thought you were off today. - I need to tell you something.

1011. Last week I went on a date with Lisa P. She asked me out.

1012. It was nothing. We kissed a little bit at the end of the date,

1013. and I felt her breast a little bit, but nothing else.

1014. Right. No intercourse?

1015. No. No intercourse.

1016. Look, I'm sorry, it's just... You and I never talked about being exclusive.

1017. I don't want to see her again, okay? You're the one I...

1018. Look, we'll both be in New York soon, and I want to hang out with you.

1019. I want to get to know you better,

1020. if you want to get to know me better as well.

1021. James, you don't owe me anything.

1022. I know, but I want to owe you things.

1023. I'm ready to owe you things, okay? Because I really, really care about you.

1024. - Are you mad at me? 'Cause I'm sorry. - No, no. I'm not mad at you.

1025. Thanks for telling me. That was, like, really sweet.

1026. - Are you crazy? You can't come here. - I just can't do this anymore.

1027. I'm starting to really fucking hate myself, you know?

1028. Oh, Christ. My wife probably heard me come in.

1029. Just... I gotta... We'll find someplace to talk.

1030. I gotta go make an excuse. Park outside my mom's house, okay?

1031. - Okay. - All right.

1032. Brennan. Yo, Brennan. Come here!

1033. Brennan, you gotta hear this. Tell him. Tell him what you told me.

1034. I ate too many circus peanuts.

1035. No, what? No, not that, retard. The other thing, the thing about Em.

1036. Frigo, shut up. Wait, what thing about Em?

1037. I saw Em and Connell in his car.

1038. Right, right. What were they doing in the car, Rich?

1039. They were doing push-ups in his car. They didn't have any pants on.

1040. No pants. Naked push-ups, retard, for fucking.

1041. - James, they were fucking. - Frigo, Frigo. Shut up.

1042. - When did you see this, Rich? - Like, a while ago, a while ago.

1043. It was just a couple of weeks ago, right, Rich?

1044. - Hello? - Mr. Lewin, it's James. Is Emily there?

1045. She said she was with you. She said she was gonna go meet you.

1046. Oh, yeah. I think we got our wires crossed.

1047. Okay, bye.

1048. What'd he say?

1049. Can you get your mother's car?

1050. All right, I got the keys. Push me out.

1051. I don't want to drink.

1052. Did you know James went out with Lisa P. last week?

1053. - I know. - You know.

1054. - You want me to rat out James? - Right.

1055. - Slow down. - Shit.

1056. It's Em's car.

1057. Let's wait here.

1058. I stole some of my grandma's cough medicine if you want some.

1059. - No. - It's grape.

1060. - No, please. - Okay.

1061. Can you sit down, please, just for a second?

1062. - Look, you want to end this? - Yes.

1063. I got a hockey stick in the back, if you want to smash the windows.

1064. - Frigo, shut the fuck up, okay? - All right, okay, Brennan.

1065. - Just trying to help. - Oh, shit.

1066. What are you doing here?

1067. Are you and Connell, like...

1068. It started in, like... I didn't even know you when it...

1069. How did you... What are you... How did you find me here?

1070. Lisa P. told me that Connell used to take some other girl here last summer

1071. to his mother's basement.

1072. Right.

1073. Yeah, I just, like, don't understand how you could do this.

1074. I came here to...

1075. I know. I know I fucked up, too, okay?

1076. I fucked up one time, and I fucking told you about it, and you...

1077. You think I'm, like, some fucking pathetic idiot or something.

1078. You're not a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot.

1079. Yeah, that's right.

1080. Shit.

1081. I am the champion. To the victor go the spoils.

1082. - Here you go. - What? What is this?

1083. - Is it a banana? - It's a banana with eyes.

1084. I'd watch my mouth if I were you, carnival boy.

1085. Hey.

1086. What's up?

1087. I mean...

1088. I actually feel sorry for them, you know.

1089. Like, sneaking around and lying to everybody.

1090. It's, like, so pathetic. He's a married man.

1091. I know. I know.

1092. Hey, Lisa, you can't, like, tell anybody about this. Ever.

1093. Of course, I would never.

1094. Thanks.

1095. Hey, Em, what's up?

1096. Loving life, you know.

1097. Hey, you know I play the drums?

1098. I did this killer drum solo at the high-school talent show once.

1099. I played Limelight by Rush. One, two, three, four!

1100. Spin. Good night, Adventureland!

1101. - What the fuck was that? - You like musicians, right?

1102. Hey, honey, I'm running out of googly eyes.

1103. Do you have any more over there?

1104. Yeah, me, too, but I found these, so I've just been sort of...

1105. - Hey. - Hey, Em! What's up?

1106. I quit. See you.

1107. Tommy, you think there's something wrong with this car?

1108. Have your father check it

1109. because it's making a funny squeaking sound.

1110. I don't know what the problem is.

1111. Shit-head!

1112. Shake a leg and come aboard the SS Adventureland.

1113. I'm not friends with anybody. How the hell would I know?

1114. - I don't know. - No way!

1115. - Em? Em Lewin? - Yes, yes, yes. Can you believe that?

1116. Em has been sleeping with Connell all summer.

1117. - I'm telling you, man. - Connell is a freaking god.

1118. - Hey, Lisa. - Hey.

1119. Hi. Look, I don't know what to say,

1120. but everyone is talking about Em and Connell.

1121. Kelly's got such a big F-ing mouth.

1122. I'm sorry because I gave you my word. We were just so wasted that night.

1123. You know I can't hide nothing from Kell.

1124. Are you mad at me?

1125. Well, yeah. Connell's gonna freak out, and Em quit.

1126. I feel bad for Connell. I have a hard time feeling sorry for Em.

1127. Guys can't help themselves.

1128. - But he's the married one. - Yeah, Em's a frigging home wrecker.

1129. - He's cheating on his wife, though. - I can't believe you're defending her.

1130. What? Because guys can be shitty and women can't?

1131. The Musik-Express!

1132. Kell.

1133. It's fun because it's really more like dancing than exercising, you know?

1134. I have a blast. I've been trying to get him to go with me, but he won't go.

1135. No, you're not doing it right.

1136. Yeah, I don't like lifting my knees that high.

1137. Yeah, I've noticed.

1138. Emily, you know the Ostrows and the Waldsteins.

1139. Hi there.

1140. Can I get anyone a refresher?

1141. Francy, these pieces, I love them. So great.

1142. Those there? I love those. I think they are so fun.

1143. You're so artsy. I love what you've done with the house.

1144. - Thank you. - It's... It's clean.

1145. I thought the house was a lot nicer the way my mom used to have it.

1146. It's pretty barfarific, if you ask me.

1147. - Is that some kind ofjoke, Emily? - No, it's not.

1148. I think you owe me an apology. Right now.

1149. I don't owe you shit.

1150. All right, okay. You know what? Give me the drink.

1151. Look, you weren't invited, and I don't want you here, okay?

1152. - Right, I wasn't invited to this party. - Yes, you weren't invited,

1153. and frankly, I don't like you coming in here

1154. and saying whatever the hell you want, okay?

1155. I am sick and tired of your behavior, you ungrateful little bitch.

1156. - Give me the drink. - Okay, Em...

1157. God damn it!

1158. Emily! Emily, this has to stop. You cannot say those things no more.

1159. I can't say what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling every fucking day?

1160. - Sy, for God's sake! - I can't force her out.

1161. Yeah? Well maybe you can't...

1162. Hey, can I have another? Thanks.

1163. Oh, fuck!

1164. James, get out of the car.

1165. Now!

1166. Oh, God. Come with me.

1167. You care to explain how Mrs. Frigo's rhododendron got here?

1168. Good morning.

1169. What's this, mister?

1170. What the hell is wrong with you?

1171. You know, I think that Adventureland has made you regress or something.

1172. You're quitting that job.

1173. - I never want to go back there again. - Good. How much have you saved?

1174. $1,322, give or take.

1175. Well, the front axle is broken, but that might cover the damage.

1176. And you're gonna have to pay for Mrs. Frigo's rhododendron, too.

1177. I need every cent of that for New York.

1178. Well, I'm sorry, you know, you should have thought about that

1179. before you went out on this little joyride of yours.

1180. Brennan, I'm back.

1181. Thank God. How the hell are you?

1182. Well, Europe changed me. It was revelatory.

1183. There I was, going from one incredible city to the next.

1184. The ruins, the cathedrals, the endless art treasures.

1185. And I realized something.

1186. Fuck the Old World. I want the New World.

1187. - What? - And I want it now!

1188. - What do you mean? - I'm going to Harvard Business.

1189. You're what? You're applying?

1190. No, I'm in, actually. You know, strings were pulled, wheels greased.

1191. Wait, that's in Boston.

1192. What about New York and the apartment?

1193. Yeah. Sorry about that, man. I can't really help you out there.

1194. Hey, litterbug. Hey! In the clown mouth. These guys.

1195. - Hey, Bobby, Paulette. - Hey, Brennan.

1196. Hey, how are you?

1197. You know, we're just... It's the last weekend of the season.

1198. Just getting ready for winter, closing up shop.

1199. We have to turn all these lights off.

1200. - Your check's in the office. - Okay.

1201. We gonna see you next summer?

1202. Thank you, Bobby, for everything. Really.

1203. - Gonna see you next summer. - Well, thank you, really.

1204. We're halfway through our set, and we see him. It's fucking Lou Reed.

1205. - Oh, my... - Holy shit!

1206. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I keep thinking I'm about to wake up any second.

1207. And he gets up, gets on stage, puts on a guitar,

1208. and we do a whole fucking set of his songs.

1209. - We do Vicious, Shed A Light On Love. - Oh, my God.

1210. - What a pisser. - We do I'm Waiting For The Man.

1211. Wait, hold on, one second.

1212. - Hey, last paycheck? - Yep.

1213. So, how's it going?

1214. - Ronnie found out everything. - Sorry.

1215. Yeah, it was bad. It's blown over now, mostly.

1216. Hey, do you speak to Em?

1217. Not since she quit. You?

1218. You know the song is called Satellite OfLove, the Lou Reed song.

1219. You said Shed A Light On Love, but it's Satellite.

1220. - Yeah, I know. It's Satellite OfLove. - Yeah, it's like Skylab.

1221. Yeah, I know, it's... Yeah, it's called Satellite OfLove.

1222. Yeah.

1223. Take care of yourself, Brennan.

1224. Yeah, you, too.

1225. - Where were we? - You were telling us about the...

1226. - Satellite Of Love. - Yeah. Yeah.

1227. - That's what we were talking about. - That's my favorite one!

1228. Yeah, it's a good tune.

1229. Yes! We got the Viet Cong, fellas. We got the Viet Cong here!

1230. I need suppressive fire, but I can handle it.

1231. I think I got this under control.

1232. - Your friend Eric boned you, huh? - Yeah.

1233. How are you gonna pull off New York now?

1234. I can't pull it off. I'm stuck here.

1235. What's the point of being a writer or an artist anyway?

1236. Herman Melville wrote fucking Moby Dick,

1237. and he was so poor and forgotten by the time he died

1238. that in his obituary, they called him Henry Melville.

1239. You know? Like, why bother?

1240. They're just gonna forget our fucking names anyway.

1241. Viet Cong, Viet Cong! I'm coming!

1242. I got it!

1243. I heard Em went back to New York.

1244. I wish it didn't end like that. I should've...

1245. I don't know.

1246. Get behind me. Boom!

1247. I got two! There's one! There's two! What's that?

1248. Boom! Boom! Boom, baby, boom!

1249. Your Herman Melville story, that's bullshit.

1250. It's true. They called him Henry.

1251. No, I mean he wrote a 700-page allegorical novel

1252. about the whaling industry. I think he was...

1253. I think he was a pretty passionate guy, Joel.

1254. I hope they call me Henry when I die, too.

1255. Yeah? One can only hope.

1256. Brennan, don't get all drunk and fall asleep.

1257. - Why? - Because I'll jack off on your face.

1258. - Okay, I'm gonna go. - What?

1259. I'll see you around, Frigo.

1260. All right.

1261. Good luck with him. Even.

1262. Good one!

1263. That was nice, Brennan. That was nice.

1264. That must have hurt.

1265. Hi. I just got off the bus. I'm a New Yorker now.

1266. I guess I should probably buy an umbrella.

1267. I don't think I can see you.

1268. What?

1269. This summer was rough.

1270. I did things that I really, really regret.

1271. Yeah, me, too.

1272. I'm sorry I told Lisa P. about you and Connell.

1273. She, you know, told the rest of the world, but...

1274. I'm not gonna lie. I was really angry at you,

1275. but you didn't deserve that.

1276. You know, James,

1277. I am so sorry for fucking this up.

1278. You know, you were the only good thing that happened this summer.

1279. Wait, Em.

1280. I think I maybe see you a little differently than you see yourself.

1281. Yes, I see the person who fucked up, but I also see the person

1282. who saved me from being knifed over a giant-ass panda,

1283. who introduced me to psychotropic-chocolate-chip cookies,

1284. and who stood up for Joel, and who doesn't make apologies for herself.

1285. Look, my theory is you can't just avoid everybody you screw up with.

1286. And you should trust me. I'm a New Yorker.

1287. - You are soaking wet. - Yeah.

1288. Do you have anything else you can wear?

1289. I'll check.

1290. - Do you want some tea? - Yeah.

1291. No, everything in here is soaking wet.

1292. - Here. - Thanks.

1293. So you're going to Columbia?

1294. No. No. Maybe next year. No.

1295. Why?

1296. I wrecked my dad's car, and I lost all my carny money.

1297. So what's the plan?

1298. I'm gonna crash at the Y for a week. I'm gonna look for a shitty job and...

1299. I don't know.

1300. Here. Give me your shirt.

1301. - I'll get you another shirt. - Thanks.

1302. Hey, Em.

1303. I really missed you.

1304. You wanna wear this?

1305. I... No. No. I never wanna see that again.

1306. Why do you have that? Why do you have that stupid shirt?

1307. Is it okay that I did that?

1308. Yeah.

1309. - Are we doing this? - I think so.

1310. Okay, we are? Okay.

1311. Okay.

1312. Do you like adventure?

1313. - Adventureland totally rocks. - Adventureland totally rocks.

1314. It's perfect for me, my wife, my family. It's great here. This is wonderful.

1315. Adventureland is top shelf.

1316. Adventureland.

1317. It's a funtastic time.

1318. Adventureland!

1319. In Pittsburgh, PA.