1. Hey, Marla.
My cleaning service flaked,Copy !req
2. so I can't make it.Copy !req
3. Yeah, it's been
a big ol' shit show.Copy !req
4. I had people checking in
to units that weren't clean,Copy !req
5. and now I'm here with a vacuum.Copy !req
6. No. No. You stay. I'm fine.
You know, I got my music.Copy !req
7. It's — It's kind of relaxing.
Okay, now. Bye-bye.Copy !req
8. Hi. Can I help you?Copy !req
9. Yes. I'm having
a little bit of car trouble.Copy !req
10. These steep
mountain roads.Copy !req
11. They got me stuck.Copy !req
12. Can I borrow
your phone?Copy !req
13. My phone?
Don't you have a cellphone?Copy !req
14. It — It died.Copy !req
15. Guess this just
ain't my day.Copy !req
16. Oh.
This here is my son.Copy !req
17. Wait. What are you —
No, you can't —Copy !req
18. No! What are you —
You can't come in here!Copy !req
19. Diane Hamby.
She's the first one to die.Copy !req
20. This guy did it.Copy !req
21. That is fucked up.Copy !req
22. Yeah, that's just the beginning
of the fucked up.Copy !req
23. That log matches the oneCopy !req
24. that killed the couple
in the car.Copy !req
25. I think he used it
as a weapon.Copy !req
26. But in the 911 call,
it said that the logCopy !req
27. was flying by itself.Copy !req
28. Ha! I'll let you know
if I see a flying log, Chief.Copy !req
29. Yeah. I just started
watching it.Copy !req
30. Yeah. There's one there.Copy !req
31. Alright. You're
digitizing this, right?Copy !req
32. Not yet. I don't have
the right cables.Copy !req
33. Well, you better get your ass
over to Best Buy, then,Copy !req
34. cause you're
digitizing this tonight.Copy !req
35. Oh, come on, Chief.
I got trivia.Copy !req
36. The FBI will be here
in the morning,Copy !req
37. and I just know they're
gonna take over this case,Copy !req
38. and I want my own copy.Copy !req
39. You understand?
Yes, Chief.Copy !req
40. Alright.Copy !req
41. Oh, by the way, uh,
the couple in the car.Copy !req
42. The girl.
Yeah. She's still alive.Copy !req
43. What?
Yeah.Copy !req
44. Her face looked like
bone chili.Copy !req
45. Oh, well, that was her
boyfriend's skull matter.Copy !req
46. Turns out that she fell
underneath the steering wheel,Copy !req
47. and that protected her, so...Copy !req
48. Not sure I'd want
to be alive after that.Copy !req
49. Wait. Hold on.
Okay. I'm ready.Copy !req
50. Yes!Copy !req
51. Looks like this city girlCopy !req
52. finally learned
how to throw a lasso.Copy !req
53. Right next
to this cozy yule log.Copy !req
54. There's just one problem.Copy !req
55. Mistletoe.
Turn it off.Copy !req
56. Oh, I don't
consider that a problem.Copy !req
57. Turn it off! Turn it off!Copy !req
58. Turn it off! Turn it off!Copy !req
59. You know, you should give
those movies a chance.Copy !req
60. They're cheesy,
but they make you feel good.Copy !req
61. Where is Alex?Copy !req
62. Let me get the doctor.Copy !req
63. Is he still alive?Copy !req
64. I'll get the doctor.Copy !req
65. Alex? Alex?Copy !req
66. Thanks for
letting us stay.Copy !req
67. - Oh. No problem.
- You don't have to thank them.Copy !req
68. We're paying for it, too.Copy !req
69. We shouldn't
have to pay anythingCopy !req
70. 'cause the host
fucked up, right?Copy !req
71. We're gonna figure it out
in the morning.Copy !req
72. So is there any room
off limits?Copy !req
73. Yeah, actually, our room has
our luggage in it, so it's...Copy !req
74. This one has the hot tub.Copy !req
75. Speaking of which...Copy !req
76. let's hot tub!Copy !req
77. Oh, hell yeah.
Now we're talking.Copy !req
78. Okay. Whoo!Copy !req
79. Excuse me.
You're not gonna come?Copy !req
80. The door's open!Copy !req
81. Just come in!
Okay.Copy !req
82. You don't know
what's been in there.Copy !req
83. I'm gonna take a...Copy !req
84. Just hang on.Copy !req
85. Do you two want to hot tub?Copy !req
86. I'm coming!
Hold your horses!Copy !req
87. Uh, why not?Copy !req
88. Hello?Copy !req
89. Hello?Copy !req
90. What the fuck is that?Copy !req
91. Who's there?Copy !req
92. Come out! I have a gun!Copy !req
93. No! No! Fuck that.Copy !req
94. What the...Copy !req
95. Fuck!Copy !req
96. Nice loggy. No. I love trees.
I never cut trees.Copy !req
97. I don't even use fucking paper.Copy !req
98. Help! Help!Copy !req
99. Uh... fuck.Copy !req
100. Hey, hey. Whoa.
Here's some fentanyl. Yeah.Copy !req
101. Holidays are stressful,
you fucker!Copy !req
102. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Now we're talkin'.Copy !req
103. Ooh. Fuck yeah. I see that.Copy !req
104. Ooh, shit!Copy !req
105. Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
106. Yeah ha ha!Copy !req
107. Yeah, baby!Copy !req
108. Hey! Hey, Mr. Loggy!
You know what this is?Copy !req
109. Ha! It's a chainsaw.Copy !req
110. Whoo-hoo! Oh, yeah.
You better hide!Copy !req
111. 'Cause I'm gonna whip
your wooden ass!Copy !req
112. No! No!Copy !req
113. No. No What are you fucking
doing, you stupid log?Copy !req
114. No! You fucker! No!Copy !req
115. I told her to stay homeCopy !req
116. at least until
after the holidays.Copy !req
117. But she was stubborn.Copy !req
118. And what's with the axe?Copy !req
119. Oh. Here she comes.Copy !req
120. Thank you, everybody.
It's really good to be back.Copy !req
121. I just want to
get in the work.Copy !req
122. Want to get really lost
in the work.Copy !req
123. Just as long
as everyone knowsCopy !req
124. it's not me cracking the whip.Copy !req
125. I don't mind
donating a million,Copy !req
126. but I do mind
donating a millionCopy !req
127. to lobby the government
and then nothing happens.Copy !req
128. Obviously, world governments
have been slow,Copy !req
129. but there are steps that
private entities can take,Copy !req
130. like growing coral
in nurseriesCopy !req
131. that we then reintroduce
into the wild.Copy !req
132. Ahh. So colorful.Copy !req
133. Coral is just beautiful,
isn't it?Copy !req
134. I think we have a deal.Copy !req
135. Hold on a sec.
I'll get my checkbook.Copy !req
136. Oh, my God! Look out!Copy !req
137. It's gonna murder us all!
It's gonna murder us all!Copy !req
138. No!Copy !req
139. - What's going on here?
- Zoe: It's gonna murder us all.Copy !req
140. I think it's an issue
with the connection.Copy !req
141. We'll call you right back.
What's happ—Copy !req
142. Oh, my God.
Why aren't you guys hiding?Copy !req
143. She just freaked out
right in front of a donor.Copy !req
144. Oh, wait. Here she comes.Copy !req
145. What do you mean
the case is closed?Copy !req
146. The killer used a log
on you and your fiancé.Copy !req
147. Then he went back to the cabin
and died in the fire.Copy !req
148. That's not
at all what happened!Copy !req
149. The log flew, okay?
It's all on tape!Copy !req
150. The tape has been
destroyed, unfortunately.Copy !req
151. Yeah, 'cause you're trying
to fucking cover it up.Copy !req
152. What about the alien —
the alien bodyCopy !req
153. and — and the giant UFO?Copy !req
154. We didn't find anything,
and neither did the FBI.Copy !req
155. Okay. What about Holly?
I-I think she survived.Copy !req
156. She saw something,
for sure!Copy !req
157. I suggest you get help.Copy !req
158. That's what
I'm trying to get!Copy !req
159. Hello?Copy !req
160. What the...Copy !req
161. Who is it?Copy !req
162. You can see it's me.Copy !req
163. Are you alone?Copy !req
164. Don't rub it in.Copy !req
165. Fuck them.Copy !req
166. You're the best thing that
ever happened to Coral.Copy !req
167. Not too much.
I'm on painkillers.Copy !req
168. I just don't know how
I'm gonna survive the holidays.Copy !req
169. It's not easy.Copy !req
170. That Yule Log
wants to kill me.Copy !req
171. It's gonna find a way!Copy !req
172. I just feel like I'm trapped
in a horror movieCopy !req
173. that I can't get out of.Copy !req
174. Zoe, you have been
in a horror movie,Copy !req
175. which is why
you need a reset.Copy !req
176. Move to a new movie.Copy !req
177. Something warm and fuzzy.
Like a Hallmark movie.Copy !req
178. No. No Hallmark.
Too Christmasy.Copy !req
179. Okay, okay.
How about... this?Copy !req
180. Mexico!Copy !req
181. Just sun and beach
and sexy pool boys.Copy !req
182. No fireplaces!Copy !req
183. Just an open bar.Copy !req
184. I can bring my axe?Copy !req
185. Uh-huh...Copy !req
186. How much is it?Copy !req
187. I'm hitting "buy."
No!Copy !req
188. I'm hitting "buy," Aah!
No! Wait! No!Copy !req
189. Whoop! Too late.
It's done.Copy !req
190. I see a tree.Copy !req
191. That's a palm tree.
And I'm gonna bop you.Copy !req
192. Ooh! They have
three infinity pools.Copy !req
193. Aww. Look.
Isn't that cute? "Mistletoe."Copy !req
194. Gross.Copy !req
195. See? This —
This is how we die!Copy !req
196. No, no.
Zoe, friend, okay...Copy !req
197. We're flipping the script.
We're manifesting.Copy !req
198. The tow-truck driver
is gonna beCopy !req
199. a 300-pound psycho
with a chainsaw!Copy !req
200. Or maybe he'll be
a total snack,Copy !req
201. recently widowed
and on the rebound, hm?Copy !req
202. If he's wearing a ski mask,
I am running.Copy !req
203. Well, could you at least
put down the axeCopy !req
204. or else he'll think
we're the psycho killers?Copy !req
205. Oh!Copy !req
206. Someone call a tow truck?Copy !req
207. Told ya.Copy !req
208. Come on, gang!
Let's go, let's go!Copy !req
209. Who's got the charging cables?
Madison!Copy !req
210. Okay. So... do you want
the good news or the bad news?Copy !req
211. Whatever you recommend.
I mean, you're the...Copy !req
212. Mechanic.Copy !req
213. mechanic.Copy !req
214. Your radiator's shot.Copy !req
215. Now, it can be fixed,
but it's not going to be cheap.Copy !req
216. Okay. So what's
the good news?Copy !req
217. That was the good news.Copy !req
218. The bad news is the landslide
blocked the road.Copy !req
219. You guys aren't getting
out of here for a few days.Copy !req
220. No, no, no, no, no, no.
T-That's not gonna work.Copy !req
221. That's not until
after Christmas!Copy !req
222. Baby girl.
It will be fine.Copy !req
223. This place is lovely!Copy !req
224. We'll get an awesome room —
top of the line.Copy !req
225. Yeah, that might be
kind of hard.Copy !req
226. Hotels get pretty booked up
this time of year.Copy !req
227. For the festival.Copy !req
228. Festival?Copy !req
229. Yeah. It's the annual
Yule Log Festival.Copy !req
230. The annual...
Yule log Festival?Copy !req
231. But your town's
called Mistletoe!Copy !req
232. Well, we used to have
a mistletoe festival.Copy !req
233. Uh, I guess people
thought it was rapey.Copy !req
234. Oh.
We are still in a horror movie.Copy !req
235. Okay? Our car breaks down
in a creepy little town,Copy !req
236. and they have
a Yule Log Festival?Copy !req
237. This type of thing
happens all the time in Hallmark movies.Copy !req
238. A wacky mishap forces sexy
city people — that's us —Copy !req
239. to temporarily live
in an adorable small townCopy !req
240. where we meet-cute
with total hotties.Copy !req
241. What?Copy !req
242. It happens. Look it up!Copy !req
243. So, I sleep on that
pull-out couch over there.Copy !req
244. Y'all are welcome to share.Copy !req
245. That's very kind of you.
No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
246. We are going into townCopy !req
247. and we are going to rent
a helicopter or something.Copy !req
248. Uh, I don't know
about that.Copy !req
249. But there are
some cute antique stores.Copy !req
250. Y-Yeah.Copy !req
251. You go and report back.Copy !req
252. And I'll stay here
with TannerCopy !req
253. and see if we can't get
our... engine purring.Copy !req
254. Hm?Copy !req
255. Love you. Bye-ee!Copy !req
256. Whoa!Copy !req
257. Whoa! Why don't you look
where you're going?Copy !req
258. You were the one walking
around with the selfie stick.Copy !req
259. It's my job. I have
millions of followers.Copy !req
260. You probably
recognize me.Copy !req
261. I don't.Copy !req
262. I'm Beauregard. My channel
is BeauRevolution.Copy !req
263. I was voted in the
top ten brands at the Influencer Awards.Copy !req
264. Thrice. Heh.Copy !req
265. What's up,
my BeauRevolutionaries?Copy !req
266. I just met-cute with
one of the local yokels.Copy !req
267. I'm not a local yokel!Copy !req
268. Hm, with that axe, I assumed
you were a lumberjack.Copy !req
269. Oh, oh, hey!
You're getting a lot of likes!Copy !req
270. Think the fans want me
to ask you to dinner.Copy !req
271. I'm not interested.Copy !req
272. Here. Let's exchange
contact info.Copy !req
273. Zoe!
This is perfect. How did you —Copy !req
274. I do "Beauregard's
Love Life A to Z."Copy !req
275. And you can be my Z.Copy !req
276. Wait.
Tonight at 8, okay?Copy !req
277. I'll text you the deets.
And don't worry.Copy !req
278. It's my treat.
Because I'm rich.Copy !req
279. Wait.
Uh, Beauregard.Copy !req
280. Hi. Um...
Do you have a helicopter?Copy !req
281. You bet I do.Copy !req
282. Here's money
for the dry cleaners.Copy !req
283. Wait. That's $1,000!Copy !req
284. Is that not enough?Copy !req
285. I have no idea
how much regular things cost.Copy !req
286. I'll see you tonight.Copy !req
287. Oh, my —
Oh. My goodness.Copy !req
288. I am so sorry.Copy !req
289. I was loading these bails of hay
from my heifers,Copy !req
290. and I guess I just —
It's okay.Copy !req
291. Oh. My manners.
I-I'm Dale.Copy !req
292. Let me at least get you
a glass of fresh milk.Copy !req
293. No. Really. It's okay.
Thank you.Copy !req
294. O... kay.Copy !req
295. Oh, my goodness!
Are you okay?Copy !req
296. I am getting a little sore.Copy !req
297. I was just toting around
this here fire hose,Copy !req
298. and I wasn't watching
where I was going.Copy !req
299. Ohh.
Where are my manners?Copy !req
300. I'm Blaze.Copy !req
301. Blaze?Copy !req
302. I know.
Kind of ironic.Copy !req
303. Blaze. Fireman.Copy !req
304. The guys like to
razz me about it.Copy !req
305. And you are...?Copy !req
306. In a hurry. Goodbye.Copy !req
307. Oh! I'm so sorry!Copy !req
308. I was just taking these tools
to the construction site,Copy !req
309. and I must have —
Help! Help!Copy !req
310. I'm sorry to grab you.
But you seem new here.Copy !req
311. Our town is known
for its clumsy hunks.Copy !req
312. Um, thank you.Copy !req
313. Birt. Birt Card.Copy !req
314. Zoe. I don't think
I've ever met a Birt before.Copy !req
315. Short for Birthday.
Birthday card.Copy !req
316. Ohh...
My mom has a sense of humor.Copy !req
317. That's her, by the way.Copy !req
318. Oh, uh, nice to
meet you, Mrs. Card.Copy !req
319. Call me Nana.Copy !req
320. And that's my son,
Jaxon.Copy !req
321. I make the superhero
ornaments!Copy !req
322. Welcome to our humble little
Christmas ornament store.Copy !req
323. Christmas ornament store.
This is all year round?Copy !req
324. Have you ever had
pancakes for supper?Copy !req
325. Uh, yeah. Yes.Copy !req
326. Mom always said
you should be able to enjoyCopy !req
327. the things you like
anytime you want.Copy !req
328. She sounds like
a very smart woman.Copy !req
329. Uh, where is she?Copy !req
330. Heaven.Copy !req
331. Oh! I am —
I am so sorry.Copy !req
332. Savannah left us
two years ago.Copy !req
333. My, uh — My fiancé,
he passed a couple months ago.Copy !req
334. We are in the club
no one wants to be in.Copy !req
335. I-I'm so sorry.Copy !req
336. At least Savannah left you
this store as a legacy.Copy !req
337. Hmm.
Not for long, I'm afraid.Copy !req
338. A big corporate
Christmas ornament storeCopy !req
339. just opened up downtown.Copy !req
340. They're taking
all our customers.Copy !req
341. I keep saying
you should do a billboard!Copy !req
342. Advertise! And put me on it
where I can be famous!Copy !req
343. Nana wants
to be famous.Copy !req
344. Hmm!
Great.Copy !req
345. Well, uh, I think
that the coast is clear.Copy !req
346. So, um, goodbye.Copy !req
347. Ohh!Copy !req
348. Our winter collection!Copy !req
349. Oh, my gosh!
I am so sorry!Copy !req
350. Oh! Wait.Copy !req
351. I have cash.Copy !req
352. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Your money's no good here.Copy !req
353. It's not just about
the money.Copy !req
354. Our customers ordered those!Copy !req
355. And I thought
the hunks were clumsy.Copy !req
356. These women from the big city
are worse!Copy !req
357. Look. I think
that I fixed it.Copy !req
358. Damn it.Copy !req
359. May I?Copy !req
360. Please.Copy !req
361. You're doing great.Copy !req
362. Thanks.Copy !req
363. It's just that, uh...Copy !req
364. in the big city,
you all rush everywhere.Copy !req
365. Here in a small town,
we take our time.Copy !req
366. Like giving the glue
time to set.Copy !req
367. Hm.Copy !req
368. And be gentle.Copy !req
369. As gentle as if you are
mending a broken heart.Copy !req
370. You won't stay single long
in Mistletoe.Copy !req
371. What? No. I —Copy !req
372. I don't plan to stay long
in Mistletoe at all.Copy !req
373. Oh, crap. I, um —
I gotta go.Copy !req
374. This place
is really nice.Copy !req
375. I own it.Copy !req
376. It's called Disruptions.
'Cause I'm a disrupter.Copy !req
377. So, um, you had said
that you have a —Copy !req
378. Hello,
my BeauRevolutionaries!Copy !req
379. We're here at my restaurant,
Disruptions,Copy !req
380. with my beautiful date,
Zoe!Copy !req
381. Zoe, have you heard
of avocado toast?Copy !req
382. Could you please not?Copy !req
383. Then you are gonna love
avocado fruitcake!Copy !req
384. Signing out. Ohh!Copy !req
385. Feeding the engaging-content
beast is exhausting.Copy !req
386. So tell me about Zoe.
What makes Zoe tick?Copy !req
387. I just really need
your helicopterCopy !req
388. to get out of this town
today.Copy !req
389. Are you having
a PTSD flashbackCopy !req
390. because of what happened
to your fiancé?Copy !req
391. How do you know
about that?Copy !req
392. My team researches
everyone I date.Copy !req
393. But have no fear.Copy !req
394. You see that guy
over there?Copy !req
395. Bodyguard.Copy !req
396. Nothing can harm you
when you're with me.Copy !req
397. So, um...
about that helicopter.Copy !req
398. Oh, yeah. It's here.Copy !req
399. Ah. It is picking up
some people tonight.Copy !req
400. Can I get on it?Copy !req
401. Zoe, so soon?Copy !req
402. If you need a place to stay,
I have a suite.Copy !req
403. I just really need
to leave. Please.Copy !req
404. Okay.Copy !req
405. It leaves tonight
at 9:30 sharp.Copy !req
406. I'll have my car
take you.Copy !req
407. Really? Oh, thank you!
Thank you!Copy !req
408. But, first,
avocado fruitcake!Copy !req
409. Hoh-hoh!Copy !req
410. It is disruptive
and delicious!Copy !req
411. Yeah, I'm sponsoring the
Yule Log Festival this year.Copy !req
412. I'm flying in influencersCopy !req
413. from all over the country
to help promote it.Copy !req
414. That's what my chopper's doing,
picking up influencers.Copy !req
415. Oh!Copy !req
416. Oh, my gosh.
I'm so sorry.Copy !req
417. I-I was taking these presents
to the orphanage.Copy !req
418. Hey!
She's with me! Beat it!Copy !req
419. Didn't expect
to see an angel.Copy !req
420. My name's Sean,
by the way.Copy !req
421. Alright, alright, alright!
Nobody cares!Copy !req
422. Get out of here!
Let's go! Get outta here!Copy !req
423. Oh, no. The children.Copy !req
424. I should probably
get to that chopper.Copy !req
425. Come on. We got
a couple more minutes.Copy !req
426. I want to show you
my latest disruptive business.Copy !req
427. Get ready!
Ohh!Copy !req
428. Morenaments!
Hoh-hoh!Copy !req
429. I am completely disrupting
the Christmas ornament industryCopy !req
430. because ornaments
can be so much more.Copy !req
431. So you're the one putting
Birt's store out of business.Copy !req
432. I'm a disrupter!
Look.Copy !req
433. I have talking ornaments,
3D-printed ornaments,Copy !req
434. ornaments with A.I.Copy !req
435. Oh! Here.
Check this one out.Copy !req
436. They're racing through time
to fight the British in 1776!Copy !req
437. "17 Fast 17 Furious."
Now in theaters.Copy !req
438. The movie studios
pay me to advertise.Copy !req
439. Then I sell an ornament.
Double the money!Copy !req
440. Mr. Beauregard, it's time to
get Miss Zoe to the helicopter.Copy !req
441. We were just having fun!Copy !req
442. Are you sure
you want to go?Copy !req
443. I'm sure.
Thanks for everything.Copy !req
444. That's a gift.Copy !req
445. For until we meet again.Copy !req
446. Mamma mia!
Here we go yet again!Copy !req
447. "Mamma Mia 7"
is laying its love on you.Copy !req
448. In theaters now!Copy !req
449. I don't normally
like sequels,Copy !req
450. but this one's pretty good.Copy !req
451. Can we make
one more stop?Copy !req
452. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
453. Get her out of here!Copy !req
454. Jakester!
I got us a chopper!Copy !req
455. Let's get out of here!Copy !req
456. Oh. Uh... sorry.Copy !req
457. I was hoping you'd be
charmed by our little town.Copy !req
458. Am I a bad friend
if I want to stay?Copy !req
459. You can stay.
I'm getting out of here.Copy !req
460. Ohh! Oh. So sorry.Copy !req
461. I was just refilling
these gas cans.Copy !req
462. I hope I didn't
cause any sparks.Copy !req
463. Wait! No!
I'm coming! Wait!Copy !req
464. Hey! I'm coming!
Wait for me!Copy !req
465. Hey! Hey! Down here!Copy !req
466. Fuck!Copy !req
467. Hey. We were just looking
at Christmas lights.Copy !req
468. Oh, no. Zoe...Copy !req
469. It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.Copy !req
470. Thank you
for letting me stay here.Copy !req
471. Think nothing of it.Copy !req
472. Oh. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
473. Let me move that.Copy !req
474. I feel so guilty.Copy !req
475. I feel like
I'm putting you out or —Copy !req
476. No. No, no.Copy !req
477. My wife would love
that you're here.Copy !req
478. Wouldn't you, honey?Copy !req
479. I'm — I'm teasing.Copy !req
480. I-I don't actually speak
to my wife's ashes.Copy !req
481. I speak to Alex.Copy !req
482. Oh, I totally talk
to Savannah, too.Copy !req
483. H-How did she —
I'm sorry to ask. I just —Copy !req
484. No, no.
There was, uh —Copy !req
485. She was jogging one night,
and a lumber truck full of logsCopy !req
486. made a sharp turn,
and a-a cable snapped.Copy !req
487. That is so strange.Copy !req
488. A similar thing
happened to my fiancé.Copy !req
489. He was killed
by, um...Copy !req
490. a Yule log.Copy !req
491. Is that why
you carry the axe?Copy !req
492. Oh. If anyone asks,
I tell them I lost a bet.Copy !req
493. It seems to work.Copy !req
494. Nice.Copy !req
495. Uh, this is him.Copy !req
496. I was on my way to Mexico
to scatter the ashes,Copy !req
497. but I'm not sure
if that's what he wants.Copy !req
498. I've been there.Copy !req
499. I bought the Christmas
ornament.Copy !req
500. I don't know if Savannah
wants to be in the houseCopy !req
501. or at the beach or what.Copy !req
502. And once you scatter the ashes,
you can't un-scatter them.Copy !req
503. Hm.Copy !req
504. S-Should we put them
together?Copy !req
505. Oh.
On the shelf?Copy !req
506. Um...Copy !req
507. They can chat.Copy !req
508. Um, yeah. Okay.Copy !req
509. Plenty of room.Copy !req
510. Oh, gee. Uh...Copy !req
511. Towels are
in the guest bath.Copy !req
512. Mm.Copy !req
513. Uh, sleep —
Sleep well.Copy !req
514. I am so glad
you decided to stay.Copy !req
515. I said I'm stranded.
And I'm terrified.Copy !req
516. And you have
two men after you?Copy !req
517. Oh. The perfect
holiday distraction.Copy !req
518. I said I'm terrified.Copy !req
519. Am I gonna be
Team Beauregard or Team Birt?Copy !req
520. I have to admit.
I hate both of those names.Copy !req
521. You know, I feel like
we're havingCopy !req
522. two different
conversations.Copy !req
523. The one I'm having
is more fun.Copy !req
524. So one's sweet
and one's rich?Copy !req
525. I wouldn't
put it that bluntly.Copy !req
526. Oh, and I didn't tell you.Copy !req
527. Beauregard's
ornament store is the oneCopy !req
528. that's putting Birt's
out of business.Copy !req
529. And you're sleeping
with them?Copy !req
530. Ugh! Boo, that is cold!
You've got to tell Birt!Copy !req
531. I'm not sleeping
with anyone.Copy !req
532. I'm sleeping
at Birt's house.Copy !req
533. And Beau and I
just had dinner.Copy !req
534. Oh, he's "Beau" now?
Things are heating up.Copy !req
535. I gotta go. We're binging
all the "10 Things I Hate About You" movies.Copy !req
536. Wait.
There's more than one?Copy !req
537. Love you. Bye!Copy !req
538. Creepy voice:
You're gonna die tonight!Copy !req
539. That's right!Copy !req
540. Jigsaw is back with
a whole new set of traps!Copy !req
541. Watch "Saw 19."Copy !req
542. Only in theaters.
January 1st.Copy !req
543. Banana pancakes.Copy !req
544. Is there a better way
to start the day?Copy !req
545. Thank you.Copy !req
546. Morning, Zoe.
How'd you sleep?Copy !req
547. Um, what does it
look like?Copy !req
548. She was tossing and turning
all night long... screaming.Copy !req
549. I-I'm sorry
if I, um, kept you up.Copy !req
550. Oh. That's okay.Copy !req
551. Nana, would you and Jaxon
go open up the store?Copy !req
552. I want to talk to Zoe.Copy !req
553. Come on, Jaxon.Copy !req
554. We have got some
broken ornaments to glue.Copy !req
555. Okay.
That's not helpful.Copy !req
556. So...Copy !req
557. you kicking me out or...?Copy !req
558. No, of course not.Copy !req
559. But, Zoe — And I really
don't mean to overstep, but I...Copy !req
560. I think you may have
some untreated trauma.Copy !req
561. It's not trauma.
It's a curse.Copy !req
562. N— Sure.Copy !req
563. When Savannah died,
I thought that I was cursed.Copy !req
564. I drowned myself in booze.Copy !req
565. No. You're not listening.
Nobody listens.Copy !req
566. Okay.Copy !req
567. I'll listen.Copy !req
568. I am locking my mouth shut.Copy !req
569. You don't want to hear it.
It's — It's too crazy.Copy !req
570. Hm...Copy !req
571. You're talking to someone
whose name is Birthday Card.Copy !req
572. Try me.Copy !req
573. My fiancé, Alex.Copy !req
574. He had rented us
this cabin.Copy !req
575. And, um...Copy !req
576. we weren't the only guests
at this location.Copy !req
577. Zoe!Copy !req
578. Anyway, it doesn't —
It doesn't make sense.Copy !req
579. I understand it.Copy !req
580. T-There's a log
of the Yule variety.Copy !req
581. It has some sort of curse.Copy !req
582. It followed you.
It killed your fiancé.Copy !req
583. It tried to kill you.
Yes.Copy !req
584. Not to mention all
the other dark forces.Copy !req
585. The man in the fire
and so forth. Yes!Copy !req
586. But let me ask you this.Copy !req
587. What if...Copy !req
588. the log did blow up
in that police station?Copy !req
589. Then you're spending
your whole lifeCopy !req
590. worrying for nothing.Copy !req
591. And what if it
didn't blow up?Copy !req
592. What if it's
coming for me?Copy !req
593. We're all gonna die.Copy !req
594. We're all waiting for our
own Yule Log to kill us.Copy !req
595. But until that day comes...Copy !req
596. wouldn't you rather live
in a Hallmark movieCopy !req
597. than in a horror movie?Copy !req
598. Yes, obviously.Copy !req
599. I got an idea.Copy !req
600. When Savannah died, we didn't
have a trauma doctor in town.Copy !req
601. And we still don't.
But that's another story.Copy !req
602. Have a seat.Copy !req
603. The point is,
I did my own research.Copy !req
604. You can learn anything
on YouTube.Copy !req
605. And I created
my own treatment.Copy !req
606. It saved my life.Copy !req
607. I want to try it on you.Copy !req
608. Is this, like, um, EMDRCopy !req
609. with the eyes moving
back and forth?Copy !req
610. That's part of it.Copy !req
611. I know it looks dumb,
but try it for five minutes.Copy !req
612. Palms up.Copy !req
613. Does it hurt?Copy !req
614. Don't open that.Copy !req
615. Now, I want you to follow
the light with your eyes.Copy !req
616. I know it seems ridiculous.Copy !req
617. It seems
absolutely ridiculous.Copy !req
618. Just trust me, okay?
Now...Copy !req
619. I want you to thinkCopy !req
620. of what you're most
scared of right now.Copy !req
621. But don't say it.Copy !req
622. Okay.Copy !req
623. Now blurt it out!
A flying Yule Log!Copy !req
624. Open the card.Copy !req
625. And close the card.Copy !req
626. Zoe, you're doing great.
Keep looking at the light.Copy !req
627. Deep breaths.Copy !req
628. You said this wouldn't hurt!Copy !req
629. What are you most
afraid of right now?Copy !req
630. A flying Yule Log.
An alien. A cult.Copy !req
631. A hanging tree.
A little man in the fire.Copy !req
632. Open the card!Copy !req
633. I can't do this!Copy !req
634. No, no, Zoe.
This is all good.Copy !req
635. Keep going.Copy !req
636. What are you afraid of
right now?Copy !req
637. That I have a curse...Copy !req
638. and that people will die
because of me.Copy !req
639. Open it!Copy !req
640. One word.
What are you afraid of? Log.Copy !req
641. One word.
What are you afraid of? Log!Copy !req
642. Look at the lights.
I can't hear you.Copy !req
643. One word.
What are you afraid of?Copy !req
644. Log! A log! A log!
God damn you! A log!Copy !req
645. Open the card!Copy !req
646. Zoe, keep going.
You are doing great.Copy !req
647. Zoe! Zoe.Copy !req
648. I am so sorry.
I pushed you too hard.Copy !req
649. I shouldn't have done that.
Are you okay?Copy !req
650. Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
651. Holy shit!Copy !req
652. Oh, my gosh!
I feel great!Copy !req
653. You do?Copy !req
654. Yes!
Oh, my God.Copy !req
655. Is this how normal people
feel like every day?Copy !req
656. Hey. Open the card.Copy !req
657. Congratulations.Copy !req
658. Hi! Merry Christmas!Copy !req
659. Hello!
Happy holidays!Copy !req
660. Hi!Copy !req
661. Well! Don't you
have a glow!Copy !req
662. Did you do a little
boom-chicka-wow-wow?Copy !req
663. Gosh.
It is not like that, Nana.Copy !req
664. Oh, I know
what it's like.Copy !req
665. Oh, no. It's Dawn.Copy !req
666. Hello. Welcome.Copy !req
667. Uh, what kind of ornament
can I interest you in?Copy !req
668. Ohh, I bought
all my ornamentsCopy !req
669. at that new store,
Morenaments.Copy !req
670. Well, they're so much...
more.Copy !req
671. No, I'm here on
real-estate business.Copy !req
672. We are not selling.Copy !req
673. Well, I know
change can be hard,Copy !req
674. but this store could make wayCopy !req
675. for something
people actually want.Copy !req
676. I don't know.
Like, 100 different olive oilsCopy !req
677. or flavored popcorn.Copy !req
678. Birt, your business
is a failure.Copy !req
679. Dawn, you were a bitch
in high schoolCopy !req
680. and you are a bitch now!Copy !req
681. You're just jealous.
She wanted to be famous.Copy !req
682. And yet I'm the one
on TV and billboards.Copy !req
683. Real-estate famous
doesn't count.Copy !req
684. I knew you couldn't
leave me!Copy !req
685. I missed the chopper.Copy !req
686. That's because
you want a second date.Copy !req
687. My BeauRevolutionaries
agree.Copy !req
688. Your video is getting
a lot of engagement.Copy !req
689. Okay, can we just
talk later, please?Copy !req
690. It's a date.
I'll text you the deets.Copy !req
691. I was gonna be a star,
but you sleptCopy !req
692. with the drama teacher
and got my role in "Grease"!Copy !req
693. You're such
a beauty-school dropout.Copy !req
694. At least meet the buyer.Copy !req
695. Yes! What's up,
BeauRevolutionaries?Copy !req
696. I'm gonna, uh...Copy !req
697. I'm here at
my competitor'sCopy !req
698. quaint, failing
ornament store.Copy !req
699. But I like it!Copy !req
700. I'm prepared
to make an offer.Copy !req
701. You should see your faces!Copy !req
702. Come on, guys.
It's quality, engaging content!Copy !req
703. I'm just —
I'm just kidding.Copy !req
704. Here's my real offer.Copy !req
705. We'll think about it.Copy !req
706. But this store
is part of the family.Copy !req
707. Well, think of
your grandson.Copy !req
708. College costs money.Copy !req
709. Just because
your dreams flopped,Copy !req
710. that doesn't mean
his should, too.Copy !req
711. - Let me help you out!
- Oh! Thanks, little dude!Copy !req
712. Jaxon. You shouldn't
have done that.Copy !req
713. Where have you been?Copy !req
714. Uh, uh, just looking
for glitter.Copy !req
715. What did I miss?Copy !req
716. Some asshole
with a lot of moneyCopy !req
717. wants to buy the place.Copy !req
718. But if I sell the place,Copy !req
719. it's like Savannah dies
all over again.Copy !req
720. Oh! I found this.
It's a shrimp fudge recipe?Copy !req
721. Isn't that weird?Copy !req
722. Give me that.
Give me that!Copy !req
723. Birt! Birt!Copy !req
724. Birt.
I-I am so sorry.Copy !req
725. I shouldn't have snooped.Copy !req
726. When we were
on our honeymoon,Copy !req
727. we went to Mexico.Copy !req
728. We had this amazing
shrimp mole.Copy !req
729. And Savannah
got this dreamCopy !req
730. of inventing
a new type of fudge.Copy !req
731. Shrimp fudge.Copy !req
732. Like the shrimp mole we had
in Mexico, but in a fudge.Copy !req
733. We were gonna sell it
in the store.Copy !req
734. "Savannah's
Shrimp Fudge."Copy !req
735. But then she died.Copy !req
736. And, uh...Copy !req
737. I tried to copy her recipe,
but it never came out right.Copy !req
738. I failed.Copy !req
739. I think that sounds like
a wonderful dream.Copy !req
740. But I'm not sure if shrimp
and fudge can go together.Copy !req
741. Oh, you don't understand.Copy !req
742. She made it.
It was... delicious.Copy !req
743. Like the shrimp mole
we had in Mexico.Copy !req
744. But in a fudge.Copy !req
745. And it — Right.
Yeah.Copy !req
746. Even the kids liked it.Copy !req
747. They were getting protein
with their fudge.Copy !req
748. But I can't re-create it.
I just can't.Copy !req
749. And now if I sell the store,
it's like...Copy !req
750. You have helped me
so much.Copy !req
751. I just wish there was
something I could do for you.Copy !req
752. Ah.
Just listening helps, Zoe.Copy !req
753. Hey. Um...Copy !req
754. Let's not go back
to the store.Copy !req
755. Let's play hooky.Copy !req
756. You know what?
What?Copy !req
757. I have always wanted to slide
down a firefighters' pole.Copy !req
758. Ooh!
Benefits of a small town.Copy !req
759. Come on!Copy !req
760. Whee!Copy !req
761. Ahh!Copy !req
762. Never gets old!Copy !req
763. Blaze! Thank you!Copy !req
764. No problem.Copy !req
765. You can do striptease
on it, too.Copy !req
766. Oh.
Thank you, Blaze.Copy !req
767. I have the immune system
of, like, a brown bear.Copy !req
768. What's next
in Zoe's future?Copy !req
769. I don't know.Copy !req
770. Until what you
did for me, I...Copy !req
771. I didn't even think
I had a future.Copy !req
772. Aww.
I didn't do anything.Copy !req
773. It was all you.Copy !req
774. Hm.
Yeah.Copy !req
775. I believe you.Copy !req
776. Gotcha!Copy !req
777. Turn it on!Copy !req
778. Turn it on!Copy !req
779. Help — Holly, help me!
Holly, help me!Copy !req
780. - I warned you!
- Holly, help!Copy !req
781. Get him out.Copy !req
782. We did it.Copy !req
783. I'd high-five you,
but my fingers are burnt.Copy !req
784. I told you to wear
asbestos gloves.Copy !req
785. Okay. You stay here
until the cement is dried.Copy !req
786. And don't forget
to say the blessing.Copy !req
787. A-And what about you?Copy !req
788. I'm leaving.Copy !req
789. My debt to Zoe is paid.Copy !req
790. Where you gonna go?Copy !req
791. Off the grid.
Maybe Asia.Copy !req
792. Well, how will I reach you?Copy !req
793. You can't.Copy !req
794. Holly! Wait!Copy !req
795. A goodbye hug?
Holly?Copy !req
796. "We bless this land
and begin by acknowledgingCopy !req
797. that we are on the traditional
homeland of the Sakogee tribe.Copy !req
798. We consecrate this site
as a burial of evil."Copy !req
799. What — Is that — Mom!Copy !req
800. You can't do that.
You're gonna get arrested.Copy !req
801. Your brother's the sheriff.
I'm not too worried.Copy !req
802. Well, at least Jaxon
isn't here to see this.Copy !req
803. I'm here!
I'm lookout!Copy !req
804. And you were supposed to
warn me if you saw anybody!Copy !req
805. I didn't think
Dad and Zoe counted!Copy !req
806. Well, let's go home.
I made apple pie.Copy !req
807. Isn't that for
Christmas Eve dinner?Copy !req
808. Well, I messed it up,
so I gotta make another one.Copy !req
809. Nana's mess-ups are better
than most people's best.Copy !req
810. Race you to the house!Copy !req
811. Try and keep up.Copy !req
812. Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req
813. You gotta let
an old lady win!Copy !req
814. Oh! Ow!Copy !req
815. What happened?Copy !req
816. It's just a splinter.
Let's eat pie!Copy !req
817. Birt, will you go get
the ice cream?Copy !req
818. Oh, I'll get it, Nana.Copy !req
819. Oh.
Yeah.Copy !req
820. Come here!Copy !req
821. Come here, dear!Copy !req
822. Come on! Come on in!Copy !req
823. Come on!Copy !req
824. Want some corn?Copy !req
825. It says it's expired,
but I don't believe that.Copy !req
826. Do you?Copy !req
827. People are never
really expired.Copy !req
828. Or logs.Copy !req
829. You know about the log?Copy !req
830. Well, of course
I know about the log!Copy !req
831. Why else am I sitting
in here freezing my tits off?Copy !req
832. A-Are you evil now?Copy !req
833. Does this look evil
to you?Copy !req
834. Thank you...Copy !req
835. You're not dead.Copy !req
836. I have a very important
message for you!Copy !req
837. It's in...Copy !req
838. Where is it?
I thought I had it in here.Copy !req
839. Oh...Copy !req
840. Switch up. Come on.Copy !req
841. The chair...Copy !req
842. Alex? Alex!
Alex!Copy !req
843. Zoe! Oh, my God!Copy !req
844. Hm!Copy !req
845. Oh, my God!
I've missed you so much!Copy !req
846. I've missed you —Copy !req
847. I've missed you more.Copy !req
848. There is just so much
I want to tell you.Copy !req
849. You've missed out
on so much of life and —Copy !req
850. Uh, baby, I love you.
Yeah.Copy !req
851. Just it's — it's not
a great time right now.Copy !req
852. W-We have to train.Copy !req
853. Come on, Alex.
Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
854. Come on.
Yeah.Copy !req
855. "Not a great time."Copy !req
856. Yeah.Copy !req
857. I'll see you soon.Copy !req
858. Come on. Let's go.
Come on. Give me a left.Copy !req
859. Alex!Copy !req
860. I think that message
was in my other pants.Copy !req
861. Anyway,
I remember the gist.Copy !req
862. "Hate is vanquished
when love remains."Copy !req
863. Or maybe it's...Copy !req
864. "Hate is conquered"?Copy !req
865. Oh... oh...Copy !req
866. Oh. Something like that.Copy !req
867. Mm. That's
incredibly generic.Copy !req
868. I thought it was pretty.Copy !req
869. It's getting soft.Copy !req
870. It's getting soft!Copy !req
871. You looked so peaceful.Copy !req
872. We didn't want
to wake you.Copy !req
873. I wanted to wake you!
I want ice cream!Copy !req
874. Merry Christmas Eve, Zoe!Copy !req
875. Merry
Christmas Eve, Jaxon.Copy !req
876. Okay! Bye!Copy !req
877. I can't go
into the store today.Copy !req
878. My stomach's
all jacked up.Copy !req
879. And I have
Christmas Eve dinner!Copy !req
880. Can I help, Nana?Copy !req
881. Uh, yes.
You can stay out of my way.Copy !req
882. I don't need your big-city ways
burning my casseroles.Copy !req
883. Well, you know we
have casseroles in the big city, right?Copy !req
884. Go open the store
with Jaxon.Copy !req
885. Birt had to run an errand.Copy !req
886. Okay.
Come on, buddy.Copy !req
887. Ohh! Huh!Copy !req
888. I don't remember
eating salad.Copy !req
889. Is that for me?Copy !req
890. Open it.Copy !req
891. Well, shouldn't I wait
for Christmas?Copy !req
892. No. You should
open it now.Copy !req
893. It'll make sense
when you open it!Copy !req
894. Ohh!Copy !req
895. I know you like coral.Copy !req
896. Jaxon, this is
the sweetest thingCopy !req
897. anyone has ever done
for me.Copy !req
898. Oh, crap. Uh...
Hold on.Copy !req
899. Oh.Copy !req
900. What's that?Copy !req
901. It's the second page to your
mom's shrimp fudge recipe.Copy !req
902. No wonder your dad
couldn't replicate it!Copy !req
903. There was a page missing!Copy !req
904. Can we make it?Copy !req
905. This would be the best Christmas
present for dad ever!Copy !req
906. Please, Zoe? Please?Copy !req
907. Okay. We're going
to the market.Copy !req
908. Here it is.
Moment of truth.Copy !req
909. Mmm-mmm-mmm!Copy !req
910. Holy fudge!
That is good!Copy !req
911. Fudgin' A!Copy !req
912. Okay. Let's close up shop
and get back to the house.Copy !req
913. Your aunts and uncles
will be home soon.Copy !req
914. They're gonna love
this mother fudger!Copy !req
915. That's enough
with the fudge jokes.Copy !req
916. Can you grab
the ornament, J-Man?Copy !req
917. That's weird.Copy !req
918. - Zoe.
- Jakester.Copy !req
919. Why don't you pick up
your phone?Copy !req
920. The car's fixed.
The road is clear.Copy !req
921. Let's go. We can go.Copy !req
922. I-I-I have plans.Copy !req
923. I made fudge.Copy !req
924. Fudge?Copy !req
925. But the Yule Log Festival
is tonight.Copy !req
926. Surely you want to get far
away from that. I know you.Copy !req
927. Look, I don't — I don't know
what I think anymore.Copy !req
928. And don't you want me
to like it here?Copy !req
929. Don't you have plans
with Tanner?Copy !req
930. We had a fight.Copy !req
931. The relationship
has gotten stale.Copy !req
932. Stale?
It's been three days.Copy !req
933. I just want to
get out of here, okay?Copy !req
934. Okay. Look. We gotta go.
Just make it up with Tanner.Copy !req
935. What? Zoe —
We gotta go.Copy !req
936. Zoe!
Come on, Jaxon.Copy !req
937. Who is Jaxon?Copy !req
938. it's gonna
be so much fun.Copy !req
939. Ohh!Copy !req
940. Sacre bleu! I was
carrying my baguettes.Copy !req
941. I wasn't watching where
I was going, and —Copy !req
942. I am Francois.
You are...Copy !req
943. Jakester.Copy !req
944. But I think I twisted
my ankle, Francois.Copy !req
945. Can you help me?Copy !req
946. I'm sorry, monsieur.
Désolé. Désolé.Copy !req
947. Oh. Thank you. Ohh!Copy !req
948. I was wondering
where you guys were.Copy !req
949. Oh. What do you got there?
Ah-ah!Copy !req
950. It's a surprise.
And where were you?Copy !req
951. You know how Nana's always
wanting to be famous?Copy !req
952. Yeah. She won't stop
talking about it.Copy !req
953. I got her a billboard.Copy !req
954. No way.Copy !req
955. The works. Yeah.Copy !req
956. I'll worry about
paying for it later.Copy !req
957. Come on.
Let's meet the family.Copy !req
958. - Hey, everyone.
- Hey, hey!Copy !req
959. - This is Zoe.
- Oh. Hi, Zoe.Copy !req
960. Zoe, this is Chris,
for Christmas Card.Copy !req
961. - Ann.
- Short for Anniversary.Copy !req
962. Hi.
That's Val for Valentine's Day.Copy !req
963. Her husband, Joe. And Sym
for Sympathy Card.Copy !req
964. And now I have sympathy
for the world.Copy !req
965. Ah, he's the baby,Copy !req
966. so all the good names
were taken.Copy !req
967. Right?Copy !req
968. Okay, guys. Let's go
set the table for Mom.Copy !req
969. Her stomach
is acting up.Copy !req
970. Ah...Copy !req
971. I'm fine!Copy !req
972. It's butterflies, is all!Copy !req
973. You'd mess it up anyway!Copy !req
974. Just let me
put down my... axe.Copy !req
975. Oh, my God.
You alright?Copy !req
976. No. Birt, I left my axe
at the store!Copy !req
977. Uh, Zoe, I'll go get it.Copy !req
978. No, no, no, no.
It's okay. We're, um —Copy !req
979. We're about to have dinner.Copy !req
980. You sure? I don't mind.Copy !req
981. Yeah.Copy !req
982. This is actually
the first time in foreverCopy !req
983. I haven't even thought
about the axe.Copy !req
984. This is the best
Christmas present ever!Copy !req
985. I could kiss you!Copy !req
986. I'm not stopping you.Copy !req
987. Get a room!Copy !req
988. Chris.Copy !req
989. Come on!
Food's getting cold!Copy !req
990. Come on!Copy !req
991. Okay.Copy !req
992. Buckle in for a Cards
family Christmas.Copy !req
993. Okay.Copy !req
994. Looks pretty good.Copy !req
995. Go ahead, Jaxon.Copy !req
996. Bless this food for the
nourishment of our bodies.Copy !req
997. And bless this family.
And bless Zoe.Copy !req
998. Amen.Copy !req
999. Wait. Don't eat!
We have a surprise!Copy !req
1000. Let's go. Okay.Copy !req
1001. Do you need a hand?
No. It's okay.Copy !req
1002. - Early Christmas present?
- I hope so.Copy !req
1003. Ta-da!Copy !req
1004. - Ooh!
- Hey.Copy !req
1005. What is it?Copy !req
1006. It is...Copy !req
1007. It's shrimp fudge!
Zoe found the recipe!Copy !req
1008. There was a second page!Copy !req
1009. Whew.Copy !req
1010. I hope that
you are not mad.Copy !req
1011. Mad?Copy !req
1012. Aw, Jaxon.Copy !req
1013. Zoe, you've — you've
made me so happy.Copy !req
1014. So happy.Copy !req
1015. Oh, and it looks —
Gosh! It looks incredible!Copy !req
1016. - Whoa!
- Oh. Oh. Excuse me. I'm —Copy !req
1017. Excuse me. I — It's just
butterflies.Copy !req
1018. Is she having a —
Is she having a —Copy !req
1019. Are you having a stroke?Copy !req
1020. Not on the food!Copy !req
1021. Oh! Nana! Whoa!Copy !req
1022. Nana, point your head
away from the table!Copy !req
1023. Somebody call 911!Copy !req
1024. - Oh!
- Oh, God!Copy !req
1025. She keeps vomiting
right on the food!Copy !req
1026. Stop talking about
the damn food!Copy !req
1027. Ohh!Copy !req
1028. - She's choking.
- I'll give her the Heimlich!Copy !req
1029. - I'm — I'm trained in this!
- You thought it was a stroke!Copy !req
1030. Get it out.
Get it out, Nana!Copy !req
1031. You're gonna be okay.Copy !req
1032. Mom?Copy !req
1033. Thank God.
You're gonna be fine, Nana.Copy !req
1034. Ohh!Copy !req
1035. - Oh, God!
- Bro!Copy !req
1036. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1037. Call 911!Copy !req
1038. - Oh, God!
- Okay!Copy !req
1039. She's turning into Groot!Copy !req
1040. Nana, what is —Copy !req
1041. Oh! Nana! Ohh!Copy !req
1042. It's okay, Nana!Copy !req
1043. Mmm!Copy !req
1044. Zoe?Copy !req
1045. Zoe! I'm scared!Copy !req
1046. Dad told me
to stay inside, but...Copy !req
1047. I'm afraid
they're gonna hurt Nana!Copy !req
1048. They think she's bad, butCopy !req
1049. I jus think she turned
into a superhero!Copy !req
1050. She just killed Uncle Sym
because she didn't know her powers yet.Copy !req
1051. You should father —Copy !req
1052. You should listen
to your father, sweetie.Copy !req
1053. Jaxon! Jaxon!Copy !req
1054. Jaxon!Copy !req
1055. This is just immature.Copy !req
1056. Immature.
Bet I know who did it.Copy !req
1057. I see debris.
I told you to clear this yard.Copy !req
1058. It has to show.Copy !req
1059. Ay, Alejandro.
Do you have beans for brains?Copy !req
1060. Oh, goodness.Copy !req
1061. What the hell?Copy !req
1062. Nana Monster: You were
a bitch in high school...Copy !req
1063. And you are a bitch now!Copy !req
1064. Oh, my goodness!
Look at everyone!Copy !req
1065. You look beautiful!Copy !req
1066. It is time for
the Yule Log FestivalCopy !req
1067. to officially begin!Copy !req
1068. And — And, everyone...Copy !req
1069. Whoever gets the most views
on their videoCopy !req
1070. using my Morenaments
is gonna get $10,000!Copy !req
1071. Have fun, everyone!
Be more!Copy !req
1072. Jaxon!Copy !req
1073. Jaxon!Copy !req
1074. Zoe. Zoe!Copy !req
1075. Jaxon's in the house.
Is everything okay?Copy !req
1076. No. Jaxon went
looking for Nana!Copy !req
1077. He thinks she's some
sort of superhero! Shit.Copy !req
1078. Don't shoot unless I order.
Jaxon might be with her.Copy !req
1079. I am so sorry.
I'm cursed.Copy !req
1080. I brought —
I brought it here.Copy !req
1081. You are not cursed.
I am!Copy !req
1082. Zoe, this isn't
your fault.Copy !req
1083. We need to —
We need to fan out.Copy !req
1084. No, no, no.
That's what it wants.Copy !req
1085. It wants to isolate us
and kill us one by one.Copy !req
1086. We have to stick together.
And I need my axe.Copy !req
1087. Listen to Zoe.
She's dealt with this before.Copy !req
1088. Found it! Found it!Copy !req
1089. Take your shot.Copy !req
1090. No! No!Copy !req
1091. Jaxon! No!
I told you to stay at home!Copy !req
1092. You're trying
to shoot Nana!Copy !req
1093. That wasn't Nana —
That —Copy !req
1094. it might have been her body,
but her soul is long gone!Copy !req
1095. Just trust me.Copy !req
1096. It ran off. But where?Copy !req
1097. It feeds off of trauma
and murder. It needs people.Copy !req
1098. Yo, what's going on, chat?Copy !req
1099. I'm here with my boy
at the Yule Log Festival.Copy !req
1100. And I've got
the Morenament, baby!Copy !req
1101. I'm gonna win that 10K!Copy !req
1102. Yo, I wonder if I can smash
this Morenament on my head.Copy !req
1103. Chat, what do you think?
Huh? You dare me?Copy !req
1104. Alright. Ready?
One, two...Copy !req
1105. Here are three waysCopy !req
1106. my redneck husband hangs
his ornaments wrong!Copy !req
1107. And this is brought to you
by Morenaments,Copy !req
1108. who were generous enough
to fly us out here.Copy !req
1109. Number one...Copy !req
1110. I just love
my new pendant.Copy !req
1111. Quick question.
What color was my dress?Copy !req
1112. Answer. It's yellow!Copy !req
1113. As you can hear,
everyone's screamingCopy !req
1114. over my Morenaments, baby!Copy !req
1115. That's one way to get views.Copy !req
1116. Oh. Here we go. Oh! Alright!
Yeah!Copy !req
1117. Sir! We have a situation.
We have to evacuate now.Copy !req
1118. What? Wait.
What's happening? No!Copy !req
1119. My Morenaments!Copy !req
1120. Sir, we have to go!Copy !req
1121. My God.Copy !req
1122. It's possessing
the other Yule logs.Copy !req
1123. I want you to fire
on any flying logCopy !req
1124. where you have
a clear shot!Copy !req
1125. Flying what?
You heard me!Copy !req
1126. - I'm sorry, Birt.
- Zoe, I don't want to hear it.Copy !req
1127. You defeated this thing once.
You can do it again!Copy !req
1128. I believe in you.Copy !req
1129. Yeah, I'm more of
the, you know,Copy !req
1130. "getting a cat out of a tree"
type small-town sheriff.Copy !req
1131. This was supposed
to be a cushy jobCopy !req
1132. where I could just blaze
a fat one.Copy !req
1133. Blaze! That's it!Copy !req
1134. The fire department!Copy !req
1135. Water! Axes!
That's what we need!Copy !req
1136. Holy shit!Copy !req
1137. We need the fire department
at the Yule Log Festival!Copy !req
1138. Go onto a private channel, Dina.Copy !req
1139. This shit's about to
sound weird.Copy !req
1140. Ah, shit!
Shit, shit! Did I get that?Copy !req
1141. Ah, shit!
I didn't get it!Copy !req
1142. Oh, shit. Okay.Copy !req
1143. Hey, BeauRevolutionaries.Copy !req
1144. We're hiding
at what some are callingCopy !req
1145. the Yule Log Massacre
and we're —Copy !req
1146. Sir! Sir! Quiet! Shh!Copy !req
1147. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1148. There's a setting.
I can dim it.Copy !req
1149. God damn it,
Beauregard!Copy !req
1150. Aah!Copy !req
1151. Roger?Copy !req
1152. Roger?Copy !req
1153. Okay, BeauRevolutionaries.Copy !req
1154. I'm about to disrupt
the Evil Yule Log.Copy !req
1155. Okay.Copy !req
1156. Oh, no.Copy !req
1157. No.Copy !req
1158. No. No.Copy !req
1159. No. No, no.Copy !req
1160. No!Copy !req
1161. No. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
1162. No. No.Copy !req
1163. Oh, no. No!Copy !req
1164. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Oh!Copy !req
1165. Help! Help! Hey!
Please! Someone!Copy !req
1166. It's Beauregard!
I'm rich! Please! I'll pay you!Copy !req
1167. Zoe!Copy !req
1168. Take her. Not me.Copy !req
1169. Zoe!Copy !req
1170. I always knew you were
my Yule Log queen.Copy !req
1171. "Take her, not me"?Copy !req
1172. I was talking to the fireman,
to save you first!Copy !req
1173. Who knew that our second date
would be so action-packed?Copy !req
1174. Second date?Copy !req
1175. Beauregard is the guy
you went on a date with?Copy !req
1176. Birt, it's not what you think.
I-I meant to tell you.Copy !req
1177. It's okay.
It's — It's your life.Copy !req
1178. Birt!Copy !req
1179. Guys? Uh, guys?Copy !req
1180. You're aiming it too high!Copy !req
1181. You gotta aim it
for the center of the log!Copy !req
1182. I know
how to aim a hose.Copy !req
1183. - Birt?
- It's okay, Zoe. It's your choice.Copy !req
1184. Guys, guys!Copy !req
1185. Beauregard, you win.
I know when I'm beat.Copy !req
1186. I don't think
anyone's winning!Copy !req
1187. The logs! They're lighting back
up after you blast them!Copy !req
1188. It's not working!
Wait. What?Copy !req
1189. He's right.Copy !req
1190. They just keep coming back
after we blast 'em.Copy !req
1191. Any more ideas, Zoe?Copy !req
1192. Maybe if you kill the leader
the logs will die?Copy !req
1193. Does seem like
a common trope in movies.Copy !req
1194. Point the hose at Nana!Copy !req
1195. We got her on the run!Copy !req
1196. Nana never ran that fast.Copy !req
1197. - I think we lost it.
- She could be anywhere.Copy !req
1198. It's weakened.
It needs another kill.Copy !req
1199. Hello?Copy !req
1200. Hello?Copy !req
1201. Nana!Copy !req
1202. You must be hungry!Copy !req
1203. We have food.Copy !req
1204. Or do you prefer
fertilizer?Copy !req
1205. Did you know
fertilizer's poop?Copy !req
1206. I guess you eat poop now.Copy !req
1207. Nana Monster: Arson!Copy !req
1208. No! I'm your grandson!
Grand son!Copy !req
1209. Don't be scared. You're
just learning your powers.Copy !req
1210. You probably got scratched
by a radioactive branch.Copy !req
1211. Arson!Copy !req
1212. Nana!
You're hurting me!Copy !req
1213. Remember. You have
super strength!Copy !req
1214. No, Nana! Please!
I don't want —Copy !req
1215. Back off,
you splintery bitch!Copy !req
1216. Go hide, son.
This is about to get messy.Copy !req
1217. It's safe now, Jaxon.Copy !req
1218. Jaxon?Copy !req
1219. Hey.Copy !req
1220. It's okay.Copy !req
1221. She's gone.Copy !req
1222. But I didn't want her
to be gone.Copy !req
1223. I know.
But that wasn't Nana.Copy !req
1224. Nana lives on
in our hearts.Copy !req
1225. Are you fucking
kidding me?Copy !req
1226. Language!Copy !req
1227. Our axes!Copy !req
1228. Nana Monster: Arson!Copy !req
1229. Hate is vanquished...Copy !req
1230. when love remains!Copy !req
1231. I love you.Copy !req
1232. What?Copy !req
1233. A dream I had.Copy !req
1234. "Hate vanquished
when love remains"Copy !req
1235. or something like that.Copy !req
1236. "Or something like that."Copy !req
1237. I guess now
is as good a time as anyCopy !req
1238. to say I love you, son.Copy !req
1239. I love you, too, Zoe.Copy !req
1240. I love you, too, Birt.Copy !req
1241. I'm not sure if it's romantic
since we've just metCopy !req
1242. and I'm —
I'm still in mourning.Copy !req
1243. I'm sorry I didn't tell you
about Beauregard.Copy !req
1244. Not even on my mind
right now.Copy !req
1245. I love you, too, Jaxon.Copy !req
1246. That's it.
It's the ashes.Copy !req
1247. It's love's remains.Copy !req
1248. "Hate is vanquished...
with love's remains."Copy !req
1249. I'm Blaze, by the way.Copy !req
1250. Abigail.Copy !req
1251. Zoe?Copy !req
1252. Birt.Copy !req
1253. This isn't an easy letter
to write.Copy !req
1254. I've decided to leave.Copy !req
1255. By now, it should be clear
I am cursed.Copy !req
1256. And the best thing
for the people I loveCopy !req
1257. is to be far away from them.Copy !req
1258. She stole my car.Copy !req
1259. Don't try to find me.Copy !req
1260. But please...
always remember me.Copy !req
1261. As I will remember you.Copy !req
1262. Zoe.Copy !req
1263. That's it?Copy !req
1264. You're just going to
run away?Copy !req
1265. You could've just said,Copy !req
1266. "Dump the ashes
on the Log Monster,"Copy !req
1267. instead of all
that secret-code shit.Copy !req
1268. Hey!Copy !req
1269. I'm sorry we didn't haveCopy !req
1270. much of a Christmas
this year, Jaxon.Copy !req
1271. I just wish
Nana was here.Copy !req
1272. And Sym. And Zoe.Copy !req
1273. Hey. I want you
to know something.Copy !req
1274. Your mom
helped save the day.Copy !req
1275. I just want you
to know that.Copy !req
1276. I know.Copy !req
1277. Maybe Nana will get to
be famous — in heaven.Copy !req
1278. Maybe.Copy !req
1279. Oh, my God. Is this Savannah's
Christmas Ornament Store?Copy !req
1280. That's us. Welcome in.Copy !req
1281. And your mother
was the monsterCopy !req
1282. behind the Yule Log
Massacre of Mistletoe?Copy !req
1283. My mother
was a lot of things.Copy !req
1284. She was a beautiful singer,
a mean cribbage player.Copy !req
1285. Ahh.
I prefer not to dwell on the negatives.Copy !req
1286. Are these the ornaments
she actually touched?Copy !req
1287. She made a lot of them.
She made them?Copy !req
1288. Can we buy the ornaments
she made?Copy !req
1289. I'll pay you $50 each
if you sign them!Copy !req
1290. Okay.
What's going on here?Copy !req
1291. Dude.
Your mom's famous!Copy !req
1292. Do you have
souvenir T-shirts? Huh?Copy !req
1293. I was never one for
public speaking, but here goes.Copy !req
1294. I want to thank you allCopy !req
1295. for being here to celebrate
our store being saved!Copy !req
1296. And I hope you all enjoy
some shrimp fudge!Copy !req
1297. Cheers!Copy !req
1298. I gotta get this recipeCopy !req
1299. because it is
deliciously disruptive!Copy !req
1300. Absolutely not.Copy !req
1301. And — And I also hope
that you all can s—Copy !req
1302. Zoe.Copy !req
1303. You came back.Copy !req
1304. I guess I wanted to live in
a Hallmark movie after all.Copy !req
1305. You know, since
you came into my life,Copy !req
1306. I have become
quite the axe man.Copy !req
1307. Get a room!Copy !req
1308. Now, everyone,
it is timeCopy !req
1309. to officially present
to all of you,Copy !req
1310. for the very first time,Copy !req
1311. our commemorative plaque
honoring all those lives lostCopy !req
1312. at the Yule Log Massacre
of Mistletoe.Copy !req
1313. Tatiana!
What are you doing here?Copy !req
1314. Tatiana, this is Birt.Copy !req
1315. Birt, this is
my former boss, Tatiana.Copy !req
1316. And I hope to be
your boss again.Copy !req
1317. Can we rehire you?Copy !req
1318. - What?
- It's that shrimp fudge!Copy !req
1319. We don't know how, but it
brings the coral back to life.Copy !req
1320. But how did you even —Copy !req
1321. I called her!Copy !req
1322. Jaxon. You little
mother fudger.Copy !req
1323. And, yes,
you can work remotely.Copy !req
1324. If I lived
in this cute town,Copy !req
1325. I would never
want to leave.Copy !req
1326. Did you say coral reefs?
I love coral reefs!Copy !req
1327. Can I give to your charity?
I'm rich.Copy !req
1328. Absolutely.
Hm.Copy !req
1329. Oh, you like that deep V?Copy !req
1330. Um, if you'll
excuse me,Copy !req
1331. I have some, um,
business to discuss.Copy !req
1332. Oh, one last thing.
I swear. One last thing.Copy !req
1333. Today only we are offering
20% off our shirts —Copy !req
1334. "I survived the Yule Log
Mistletoe Massacre."Copy !req
1335. You know Nana
would have loved that.Copy !req
1336. Hm. Yeah.Copy !req
1337. It's true. I'm famous!Copy !req
1338. And look!
I'm dating a celebrity!Copy !req
1339. This is all so wonderful.Copy !req
1340. There's just one problem.Copy !req
1341. What is it?Copy !req
1342. Mistletoe.Copy !req
1343. I don't consider that
a problem.Copy !req
1344. Don't worry, Nanagroot.
I'll take care of you.Copy !req
1345. I can heal you.Copy !req