1. Do I have an original thought
in my head? My bald head?
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2. Maybe if I were happier,
my hair wouldn't be falling out.
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3. Life is short. I need
to make the most of it.
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4. Today is the first day
of the rest of my life.
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5. I'm a walking cliche'.
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6. I really need to go to the doctor,
have my leg checked.
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7. There's something wrong.
A bump.
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8. The dentist called again.
I'm way overdue.
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9. If I stopped putting things off,
I'd be happier.
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10. All I do is sit on my fat ass.
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11. If my ass wasn't fat,
I'd be happier.
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12. I wouldn't have to wear these shirts
with the tails out all the time.
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13. Like that's fooling anyone.
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14. Fat ass. I should start jogging again.
Five miles a day.
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15. Really do it this time.
Maybe rock climbing.
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16. I need to turn my life around.
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17. What do I need to do?
I need to fall in love.
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18. I need to have a girlfriend.
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19. I need to read more,
improve myself.
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20. What if I learned Russian
or something?
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21. Or took up an instrument?
I could speak Chinese.
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22. I would be the screenwriter who
speaks Chinese. And plays the oboe.
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23. That would be cool.
I should get my hair cut short.
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24. Stop trying to fool everyone into
thinking I have a full head of hair.
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25. How pathetic is that?
Just be real. Confident.
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26. Isn't that what women
are attracted to?
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27. Men don't have to be attractive.
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28. But that's not true,
especially these days.
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29. Almost as much pressure on men
as there is on women these days.
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30. Why should I be made to feel I have
to apologize for my existence?
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31. Maybe it's my brain chemistry.
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32. Maybe that's what's wrong:
bad chemistry.
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33. All my problems and anxiety can be
reduced to a chemical imbalance
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34. or some kind of
misfiring synapses.
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35. I need to get help for that.
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36. But I'll still be ugly, though.
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37. Nothing's gonna change that.
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38. Shut up! Shut up! Okay?
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39. Let's really try today
to solve our camera problems.
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40. Keep between-take time
at an absolute minimum.
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41. These masks are really hot. Okay?
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42. I wanna be very well-heard
on that from everybody.
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43. Don't futz unless it's absolutely
important to the shot, okay?
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44. I don't say that for me.
I say that for the people sitting here
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45. Thank you.
In the rubber.
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46. I like my dress. Okay?
Very good.
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47. So now, folks, you better
heed that advice.
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48. Okay? Heed that advice.
Stand by for picture.
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49. Have her rotate around the table
a little bit further.
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50. Hold on until we're clear.
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51. You. You're in the eyeline.
Can you please get off the stage?
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52. Yeah, just bring in the six-footer.
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53. What am I doing here?
Why did I bother to come here today?
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54. Nobody even seems to know
my name.
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55. I've been on this planet for 40 years,
and I don't understand a single thing.
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56. Why am I here?
How did I get here?
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57. U?"
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58. My leg hurts.
I wonder if it's cancer.
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59. There's a bump. I'm starting
to sweat. Stop sweating.
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60. I've got to stop sweating.
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61. Can she see it dripping
down my forehead?
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62. She looked at my hairline.
She thinks I'm bald. She—
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63. We think you're great.
Oh, wow.
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64. Thanks.
That's nice to hear.
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65. We all just loved
the Ma/kovich script.
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66. Thanks. Thanks...
Such a unique voice.
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67. Boy, I'd love to find
a portal into your brain.
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68. Trust me, it's no fun.
Heh, heh.
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69. So tell me your thoughts
on this crazy little project of ours.
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70. First, I think it's a great book.
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71. Laroche is a fun character.
Absolutely.
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72. And Orlean makes orchids
so fascinating.
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73. Plus, her musings on Florida
and orchid poaching, Indians.
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74. It's just— It's great,
sprawling New Yorker stuff.
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75. I'd want to remain true to that.
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76. I'd wanna let the movie exist,
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77. rather than be artificially
plot-driven.
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78. Great.
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79. I guess I'm not exactly sure
what that means.
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80. Oh.
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81. I'm not sure I know
what that means either.
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82. I don't wanna ruin it by making it
a Hollywood thing. You know?
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83. Like an orchid heist movie
or something, you know?
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84. Or changing the orchids
into poppies
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85. and making it about
drug running.
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86. Definitely.
Why can't there be a movie
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87. simply about flowers?
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88. I guess we thought that maybe
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89. Susan Orlean and Laroche
could fall in love, and—
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90. Okay. But I'm saying, it's like,
I don't wanna cram in sex
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91. OF guns OI" car chases,
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92. you know,
or characters, you know,
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93. learning profound life lessons.
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94. Or growing,
or coming to like each other,
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95. or overcoming obstacles to succeed
in the end, you know? I mean—
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96. The book isn't like that
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97. and life isn't like that.
You know, it just isn't. And— Ahem.
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98. I feel very strongly about this.
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99. U?"
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100. John Laroche is a
tall guy, skinny as a stick,
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101. pale-eyed,
slouch-shouldered,
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102. sharply handsome, despite the fact
he's missing all his front teeth.
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103. I went to Florida two years ago
to write a piece for The New Yorker.
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104. After reading a small article about a
white man and three Seminole men
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105. arrested with rare orchids
they'd stolen from a place
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106. called the Fakahatchee Strand
State Preserve.
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107. As natural selection works
solely by and for the good of each being,
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108. all corporeal and mental endowments will
tend to progress towards perfection.
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109. It's interesting to contemplate
an entangled bank...
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110. Po/yrrhiza lindenii.
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111. A ghost.
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112. Cut her down, Russell.
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113. Morning.
Hey.
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114. May I ask you gentlemen what you
have in those pillowcases?
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115. Yes, sir,
you absolutely may.
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116. Okay, then, I'm asking.
Well, okay, then.
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117. Let's see.
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118. We've got five kinds
of bromeliad,
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119. one peperomia,
nine orchid varieties.
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120. Uh...
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121. You know,
about 130 plants all told.
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122. Which my colleagues here
removed from the swamp.
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123. You're aware it's illegal to remove
plants or animals from state-owned land?
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124. Yeah, and don't forget,
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125. these plants are all endangered, sir.
Every one of them.
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126. VVeH, exacfly. That's exactly the issue.
This is a state preserve.
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127. Yes, sir. It is.
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128. But—
My colleagues are Seminole Indians.
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129. Did I mention that?
You're familiar, I'm sure,
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130. with the State of Florida
v. James E. Billie?
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131. So you know even though Seminole Chief
Billie killed a Florida panther,
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132. one of, what,
40 in the entire world?
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133. FOFtY- Forty-
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134. The state couldn't
successfully prosecute him,
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135. because, you know,
he's an Indian, and it's his right.
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136. As repugnant as you and I, as white
conservationists, find his actions.
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137. But—
Not to mention the failed attempts
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138. on three occasions to prosecute
Seminoles for poaching palm fronds.
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139. Which I believe they use to thatch the
roofs of their traditional chickee huts.
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140. How about that?
With the chickee huts, right?
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141. Yeah, he's right. That's exactly what
we use them for. Chickee huts.
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142. Yeah.
Yeah.
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143. Yeah.
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144. Yeah, but I don't—
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145. I can't let you fellas leave yet.
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146. Just hold on there a minute.
Okay?
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147. Charles, is that you?
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148. Did you eat lunch?
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149. I had that shrimp cocktail
in the fridge. Was it yours?
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150. I hope not. I couldn't remember,
so I ate it.
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151. Maybe we should write our names
on our food items from now on.
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152. What's with you?
My back.
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153. Charles, you'll be glad. I have a plan
to get me out of your house, pronto.
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154. A job is a plan. Ls your plan a job?
Drum roll, please.
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155. I'm gonna be a screenwriter.
Like you.
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156. I know you think this is one
of my "get rich quick" schemes,
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157. but I'm doing it right.
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158. I'm taking a three-day seminar,
and it's only 500 bucks.
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159. Screenwriting seminars
are bullshit.
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160. In theory, I agree with you.
But this one's different.
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161. This one's highly regarded
in the industry.
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162. Donald, don't say "industry."
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163. I'm sorry. I forgot.
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164. Charles, this guy
knows screenwriting.
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165. People come from all over
to study with him.
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166. I'll pay you back as soon as I—
Let me explain something.
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167. Anybody who says he's got "the answer"
will attract desperate people,
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168. be it in the world of religion—
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169. I need to lie down
while you explain this.
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170. Sorry. I apologize.
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171. Okay, go ahead.
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172. 80—
Sorry. Okay. Go.
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173. There are no rules, Donald.
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174. And anybody who says there are
is just, you know—
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175. Not rules. Principles.
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176. McKee writes that a rule says,
"You must do it this way."
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177. A principle says, "This works and
has through all remembered time."
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178. The script I'm starting,
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179. it's about flowers.
Oh.
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180. Nobody's ever done a movie
about flowers before.
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181. So there are no guidelines.
What about Flowers for Algernon?
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182. Well, that's not about flowers.
And it's not a movie.
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183. I'm sorry.
I never saw it.
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184. How—? Okay, keep going.
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185. Look, my point is that
those teachers are dangerous
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186. if your goal is to do
something new.
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187. A writer should always have that goal.
Writing is a journey into the unknown.
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188. It's not building, you know,
one of your model airplanes.
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189. McKee is a former
Fulbright Scholar, Charles.
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190. Are you a former
Fulbright Scholar?
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191. Say something. I dragged her
here, and now I'm not saying anything.
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192. Make her laugh.
Say something funny.
Copy !req
193. I hate parties, Amelia.
Why did we come here?
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194. Because we're hip, young
trendsetters on the make?
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195. More like old losers
sitting on the floor, maybe.
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196. Jesus, Charlie.
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197. Heh,heh, heh.
Speak for yourself. Okay...
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198. Charlie, we're gonna fix you up.
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199. We're gonna solve the whole Charlie
Kaufman mess for once and for all.
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200. Okay.
Okay, let me see.
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201. What do you need?
What, what, what?
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202. Well, I'm glad you took
the orchid script.
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203. I think it will be good for you
to get out of your head.
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204. It'll ground you to think about the
bigger picture, about nature and stuff.
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205. I still can't believe
they gave me that job.
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206. I mean, after that lunch.
I was sweating insanely.
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207. I was ranting. I was a mess.
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208. You were nervous
because she was pretty.
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209. How do you know
she was pretty?
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210. After eight months of knowing you,
I think I get what makes you sweat.
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211. Well, whatever.
Well, moving on, what next?
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212. You need a new getup.
This whole flannel-shirt thing,
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213. it's not really doing anything
for you anymore.
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214. [BOTH LAUGHING
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215. Thanks for coming out
with me tonight, Amelia.
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216. To begin.
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217. To begin.
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218. How to start?
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219. I'm hungry-
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220. I should get coffee.
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221. Coffee would help me think.
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222. But I should write something first,
then reward myself with coffee.
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223. Coffee and a muffin. Okay,
so I need to establish the themes.
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224. Maybe banana-nut.
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225. That's a good muffin.
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226. U?"
Copy !req
227. Orchid hunting
is a mortal occupation.
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228. Victorian-era orchid hunter
William Arnold
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229. drowned on
a collecting expedition.
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230. Osmers vanished without a trace
in Asia.
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231. Augustus Margary survived toothache,
rheumatism, pleurisy and dysentery,
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232. only to be murdered when
he completed his mission
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233. and traveled beyond Bhamo.
Copy !req
234. Laroche loved orchids, but I...
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235. I came to believe he loved the
difficulty and fatality of getting them
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236. almost as much as he loved
the orchids themselves.
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237. I've been a professional
horticulturist for like 12 years.
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238. Uh, I owned my own plant nursery,
which was destroyed by the hurricane.
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239. I'm a professional
plant lecturer.
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240. I've given over, like, 6O lectures
on the cultivation of plants.
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241. I'm a published author,
both in magazine and book form.
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242. And I have extensive experience
with orchids
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243. and the asexual micropropagation
of orchids under aseptic cultures.
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244. That's laboratory work.
It's not at all like your nursery work.
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245. Um...
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246. I'm probably
the smartest person I know.
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247. Thank you.
You're very welcome.
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248. Mr. Laroche'?
I'm Susan Of lean.
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249. I'm a writer for The New Yorker.
It's a magazine that—
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250. I'm familiar with
The New Yorker.
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251. "The New Yorker?
Yes, The New Yorker." Right?
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252. That's right.
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253. I'm very interested in doing a piece
on your situation here, and—
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254. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
You wanna put this in?
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255. I don't care what goes on here.
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256. I'm right, and I'll take it all the way
to Supreme Court.
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257. Because that judge
can screw herself.
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258. That for real would go in?
Absolutely.
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259. Hmm.
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260. U?"
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261. We open on State Road 29.
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262. A battered white van speeds along,
making a sharp, skidding right
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263. into the Fakahatchee Strand
State Preserve.
Copy !req
264. The driver of the van is
a skinny man with no front teeth.
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265. This is John Laroche.
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266. I need a break.
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267. I loved the Sibelius violin concerto.
Yeah, me too. It was great.
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268. The end was a little weird, but—
Oh, no! God, it was passionate.
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269. It was exultant.
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270. The soloist was amazing.
Such beautiful tones. So precise.
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271. God, it blows my mind.
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272. I wish I could play like that.
You do.
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273. Oh, Charlie. I don't.
I'm mediocre at best.
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274. Well, I love listening to you play.
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275. Oh, thanks, Charlie.
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276. Here we are.
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277. RAUGHS]
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278. So, uh...
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279. What are you up to now, then?
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280. Oh, urn, I should
probably get to bed.
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281. I have a lot of work
to do tomorrow.
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282. Well, good night, then.
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283. I would stay out.
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284. It's just that I've been struggling
on the script right now.
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285. Been thinking about it too small,
writing it like a story about Laroche.
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286. That's not enough. I mean,
I wanted to write about flowers.
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287. Anyway, I can't figure it out, and I
haven't been sleeping well lately,
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288. so I thought I should get home
Copy !req
289. and try to get a good night's sleep,
you know. Start fresh in the morning.
Copy !req
290. Hm.
Otherwise, I'd stay out.
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291. I understand. I hope you
figure it out, Charlie. I really do.
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292. Thanks. Thanks for coming out
with me and everything.
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293. Sure, it was fun.
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294. So I have to go to Santa Barbara next
weekend for this orchid show up there.
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295. I thought maybe you could come.
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296. No, I...
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297. I don't think I can make it
next weekend.
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298. I don't think I can.
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299. I've got something. Sorry.
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300. Okay -
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301. So, well, okay, then.
So good night, then.
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302. Good night, Charlie.
Copy !req
303. Why didn't I go in?
I'm such a chicken.
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304. I'm such an idiot. I should have
kissed her. I've blown it.
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305. I should go and knock
on her door right now and kiss her.
Copy !req
306. It would be romantic. Something
we could someday tell our kids.
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307. I'm gonna do that right now.
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308. Hi.
Hey.
Copy !req
309. Thanks for picking me up.
This van's a piece of shit.
Copy !req
310. But when I hit the jackpot,
I'll buy myself an awesome car.
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311. Hey, what are you driving?
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312. Um, it's— Well, it's a rental.
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313. It's a Lumina.
Awesome.
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314. I think I'll get one of those too.
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315. Here we go.
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316. Where do these people
learn to drive, huh? Ha, ha!
Copy !req
317. The world's insane.
Copy !req
318. So I was impressed to hear
Copy !req
319. how accomplished you are
in horticulture.
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320. The thing you gotta know is,
Copy !req
321. my whole life is looking for
a goddamn profitable plant, see?
Copy !req
322. And that's the ghost.
Copy !req
323. Why the ghost orchid?
Copy !req
324. Well, the sucker's rare.
Copy !req
325. You know?
Mm-hm.
Copy !req
326. And I'm the only one in the world
who knows how to cultivate it.
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327. Mmm.
Copy !req
328. See, the idea was, get the Indians
to pull it from the swamp.
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329. I researched it. Long as I don't touch
the plant, Florida can't touch us.
Copy !req
330. And I stop future poaching by making the
flowers readily available in stores.
Copy !req
331. I'm a hero, the flowers are saved,
Copy !req
332. Laroche and nature win.
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333. Oh. Great.
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334. Did you get that last part?
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335. Uh, yeah, I sure did.
Copy !req
336. Orchids are the
sexiest flowers on earth.
Copy !req
337. The name orchid derives from the
Latin orehis, which means testicle.
Copy !req
338. Hey, Charles.
Copy !req
339. I pitched my screenplay
to Mom.
Copy !req
340. Don't say "pitch."
Sorry.
Copy !req
341. Anyway, she said it was Silence
of the Lambs meets Psycho.
Copy !req
342. Maybe you guys could collaborate.
I hear Mom's good with structure.
Copy !req
343. So how come Amelia doesn't
come around anymore?
Copy !req
344. Did you put the moves on her
or something?
Copy !req
345. Hi.
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346. I'm looking for John Laroche.
Copy !req
347. Hi. Hi.
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348. I'm writing an article on John,
and I stopped by.
Copy !req
349. Hoped I could see him.
John's not here.
Copy !req
350. Oh.
Copy !req
351. Well, you were at the swamp
with him, weren't you?
Copy !req
352. Saw you at the courthouse,
that's how I know.
Copy !req
353. I'm Matthew Osceola.
Copy !req
354. Susan Orlean. Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
355. Maybe I could talk to you
for a second.
Copy !req
356. I'm just trying to get a feel
for the whole operation...
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357. You have very beautiful hair.
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358. Thank you very much.
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359. Thank you. I just...
Copy !req
360. I just washed it this morning.
Copy !req
361. I just used a new conditioner.
Copy !req
362. I can see your sadness.
Copy !req
363. It's lovely.
Copy !req
364. Well, I'm just tired, that's all.
That's my problem.
Copy !req
365. So maybe we could chat
a little bit,
Copy !req
366. and I could get some background—
I'm not going to talk to you much.
Copy !req
367. It's not personal.
Copy !req
368. It's the Indian way.
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369. Angraecum sesquipedale.
Copy !req
370. Beauty! God!
Copy !req
371. Darwin wrote about this one.
Copy !req
372. Charles Darwin?
Evolution guy? Hello?
Copy !req
373. You see that nectary down there?
Copy !req
374. Darwin hypothesized a moth
Copy !req
375. with a nose 12 inches long
to pollinate it.
Copy !req
376. Everyone thought he was a loon.
Copy !req
377. Then, sure enough,
they found this moth
Copy !req
378. with a 12-inch proboscis.
Copy !req
379. "Proboscis" means nose, by the way.
I know what it means.
Copy !req
380. Hey, let's not get off the subject.
This isn't a pissing contest.
Copy !req
381. The point is,
what's so wonderful
Copy !req
382. is that all these flowers
have a specific relationship
Copy !req
383. with the insect
that pollinates it.
Copy !req
384. There's a certain orchid
looks exactly like a certain insect.
Copy !req
385. So the insect is drawn
to this flower,
Copy !req
386. its double, its soul mate,
Copy !req
387. and wants nothing more
than to make love to it.
Copy !req
388. After the insect flies off,
Copy !req
389. it spots another soul-mate flower
and makes love to it, pollinating it.
Copy !req
390. And neither the flower nor the insect
will ever understand
Copy !req
391. the significance
of their lovemaking.
Copy !req
392. How could they know that because
of their little dance, the world lives?
Copy !req
393. But it does.
Copy !req
394. By simply doing
what they're designed to do
Copy !req
395. something large
and magnificent happens.
Copy !req
396. In this sense, they show us
how to live.
Copy !req
397. How the only barometer
you have is your heart.
Copy !req
398. How when you spot your flower,
you can't let anything get in your way.
Copy !req
399. U?"
Copy !req
400. He's really quite a character.
No front teeth.
Copy !req
401. Doesn't seem to bother him at all.
Why doesn't he get them fixed?
Copy !req
402. It seems almost sociopathic
to make everybody look at that.
Copy !req
403. Yeah, but he gives
a great blowjob, honey.
Copy !req
404. He is a fascinating character,
though.
Copy !req
405. Sounds like a gold mine,
Sue.
Copy !req
406. It could be. I don't know,
you know? He's, uh...
Copy !req
407. He lives with his dad, he's obsessed
with his dead mother, and...
Copy !req
408. He wears his sunglasses on a little
dingle-dangle around his neck.
Copy !req
409. Loving it.
Copy !req
410. Tell them about the van.
Okay, the van. The van.
Copy !req
411. I can't tell about the van. I gotta pee.
No, tell us about the van.
Copy !req
412. It's amazing. It's...
What's in it?
Copy !req
413. You did it in the van.
Copy !req
414. Shut up.
Copy !req
415. David, you tell— Don't you tell them.
Don't tell them.
Copy !req
416. Okay, the van.
Copy !req
417. David!
Copy !req
418. This van was
filled with junk—
Copy !req
419. Shut up!
Copy !req
420. Potting soil. Shovels.
Food wrappers. Fertilizer.
Copy !req
421. Susie said she hoped
it was fertilizer, anyway.
Copy !req
422. Said she couldn't be sure. Laroche had
a certain aromatic look about him.
Copy !req
423. And she said—
Copy !req
424. She said perhaps his obsessiveness
didn't leave room in his schedule
Copy !req
425. for personal hygiene.
Copy !req
426. Maybe the orchids got
all the available water.
Copy !req
427. I wanted to want something as
much as people wanted these plants.
Copy !req
428. But...
Copy !req
429. it isn't part of my constitution.
Copy !req
430. I suppose I do have
one unembarrassed passion.
Copy !req
431. U?"
Copy !req
432. I wanna know what it feels like to care
about something passionately.
Copy !req
433. "Should one be lucky enough
to see a ghost orchid,
Copy !req
434. all else will seem eclipsed."
Copy !req
435. If the ghost orchid
was really a phantom,
Copy !req
436. it was such a bewitching one that
it could seduce people to pursue it
Copy !req
437. year after year
and mile after miserable mile.
Copy !req
438. If it was a real flower,
I wanted to see one.
Copy !req
439. The reason wasn't that I love orchids.
I don't even especially like orchids.
Copy !req
440. What I wanted
was to see this thing
Copy !req
441. that people were drawn to
in such a singular and powerful way.
Copy !req
442. So how many turtles
did you end up collecting?
Copy !req
443. Oh, I lost interest right after that.
Copy !req
444. Oh.
Copy !req
445. I dropped turtles when I fell
in love with Ice Age fossils.
Copy !req
446. Collected the shit out of them.
Copy !req
447. Fossils were the only thing that made
sense to me in this fucked-up world.
Copy !req
448. I ditched fossils
for resilvering old mirrors.
Copy !req
449. My mom and I
had the largest collection
Copy !req
450. of 19th-century Dutch mirrors
on the planet.
Copy !req
451. Perhaps you read about us.
Mirror World, October '88?
Copy !req
452. I got a copy here somewhere.
Copy !req
453. I guess I'd just like to know
how you can detach from something
Copy !req
454. that you've invested
so much of your soul in.
Copy !req
455. I mean, didn't you ever
miss turtles?
Copy !req
456. The only thing that made
your 10-year-old life worth living?
Copy !req
457. Look, I'll tell you a story, all right?
Copy !req
458. I once fell deeply, you know,
profoundly in love with tropical fish.
Copy !req
459. I had 6O goddamn fish tanks
in my house.
Copy !req
460. I'd skin-dive to find
just the right ones.
Copy !req
461. Anisotremus virginicus, Holacanthus
ciliaris, Chaetodon capistratus.
Copy !req
462. You name it.
Copy !req
463. Then one day I say, "Fuck fish."
Copy !req
464. I renounce fish. I vow never
to set foot in that ocean again.
Copy !req
465. That's how much "fuck fish."
Copy !req
466. That was 17 years ago, and I have
never since stuck a toe in that ocean.
Copy !req
467. And I love the ocean.
Copy !req
468. But Why?
Copy !req
469. Done with fish.
Copy !req
470. If you'd really loved something,
wouldn't a little bit of it linger?
Copy !req
471. Evidently Laroche's finishes
were downright and absolute.
Copy !req
472. He just moved on.
Copy !req
473. I sometimes wished
I could do the same.
Copy !req
474. Good afternoon.
So, what looks good today?
Copy !req
475. The key lime pie, please.
Copy !req
476. A small slice.
Copy !req
477. And a coffee, please.
Skim milk, please.
Copy !req
478. Orchids. I love orchids.
Copy !req
479. Oh, cool. That's... Heh.
Copy !req
480. Well, I'll be right back
with your pie.
Copy !req
481. I'm so excited. I've always wanted
to come to an orchid show.
Copy !req
482. I think these flowers are so sexy.
Copy !req
483. Let's see what's around back.
Copy !req
484. What?
Copy !req
485. You wanna hear my pitch?
Go away, goddamn it.
Copy !req
486. You know, I'm just trying
to do something.
Copy !req
487. Hey, thanks a lot, buddy.
Cool.
Copy !req
488. Okay, there's this
serial killer, right?
Copy !req
489. Well, no, wait.
And he's being hunted by a cop.
Copy !req
490. And he's taunting the cop, right?
Sending clues who his next victim is.
Copy !req
491. He's already holding her
hostage in his basement.
Copy !req
492. So the cop gets obsessed
with figuring out her identity
Copy !req
493. and in the process
falls in love with her.
Copy !req
494. Even though he's never even
met her. She becomes like...
Copy !req
495. Like the unattainable.
Like the Holy Grail.
Copy !req
496. It's a little obvious,
don't you think?
Copy !req
497. Okay, but here's the twist.
Copy !req
498. We find out that the killer
Copy !req
499. really suffers from
multiple personality disorder. Right?
Copy !req
500. See, he's actually really the cop
and the girl.
Copy !req
501. All of them are him.
Isn't that fucked up?
Copy !req
502. The only idea more overused than
serial killers is multiple personality.
Copy !req
503. On top of that,
you explore the notion
Copy !req
504. that cop and criminal are
two aspects of the same person.
Copy !req
505. See every cop movie ever made
for other examples of this.
Copy !req
506. Mom called it
psychologically taut.
Copy !req
507. The other thing is, there's no way
to write this. Did you consider that?
Copy !req
508. I mean, how could you have somebody
held prisoner in a basement
Copy !req
509. and working in a police station
at the same time?
Copy !req
510. Trick photography.
Okay, that's not what I'm asking.
Copy !req
511. Listen closely.
What I'm asking is:
Copy !req
512. In the reality of this movie, where
there's only one character, right?
Copy !req
513. Okay?
Copy !req
514. How could you...?
Copy !req
515. What exactly would...?
Copy !req
516. I agree with Mom. Very taut.
Copy !req
517. Sybil meets, I don't know...
Dressed to Kill.
Copy !req
518. Cool. I really liked
Dressed to Kill.
Copy !req
519. Until the third act denouement.
That's not how it's pronounced.
Copy !req
520. Sorry. I—
Okay, sorry.
Copy !req
521. Hi.
Hey.
Copy !req
522. Some key lime pie for you today?
Okay, yeah. That sounds great.
Copy !req
523. I'll cut you an extra-large slice.
Preferred customer.
Copy !req
524. Thank you.
That's really sweet of you.
Copy !req
525. Well, I'm just a sweetie, ain't I?
Copy !req
526. Still reading about orchids, I hope?
Yes, I am.
Copy !req
527. This friend of mine
has this little, tiny pink one
Copy !req
528. that grows on a tree branch
just like that.
Copy !req
529. I can't remember—
It's called an epiphyte.
Copy !req
530. Right. Right!
Copy !req
531. Boy, you know your stuff.
Copy !req
532. No, not really.
I'm just learning.
Copy !req
533. Epiphytes grow on trees,
but they're not parasites.
Copy !req
534. They get their nourishment
from the air and the rain.
Copy !req
535. Well, I'm impressed.
That's great.
Copy !req
536. There are more than 30,000 kinds
of orchids in the world.
Copy !req
537. Wow, that's a lot, huh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Copy !req
538. Yeah.
Copy !req
539. I'll be back with an extra-large slice
of key lime pie for my orchid expert.
Copy !req
540. But— So anyway,
I was also wondering...
Copy !req
541. I'm going up to Santa Barbara this
Saturday for an orchid show, and I...
Copy !req
542. Oh.
Copy !req
543. I'm sorry.
Well, um...
Copy !req
544. I apologize. I'm sorry.
So I'll just be right back with your pie.
Copy !req
545. There are more than
30,000 known orchid species.
Copy !req
546. One looks like a turtle.
Copy !req
547. One looks like a monkey.
Copy !req
548. One looks like an onion.
Copy !req
549. One looks like a schoolteacher.
Copy !req
550. One looks like a gymnast.
Copy !req
551. One looks like that girl
in high school with creamy skin.
Copy !req
552. One looks like a New York
intellectual
Copy !req
553. with whom you do the Sunday
Tunes crossword puzzle in bed.
Copy !req
554. One looks like a Midwestern
beauty queen.
Copy !req
555. One looks like Amelia.
Copy !req
556. One has eyes that dance.
Copy !req
557. One has eyes that contain
the sadness of the world.
Copy !req
558. U?"
Copy !req
559. So I got married,
and me and my beautiful new wife,
Copy !req
560. my now ex-wife, the bitch,
Copy !req
561. opened up a nursery.
Copy !req
562. People started coming out
of the woodwork to ask me stuff
Copy !req
563. and admire my plants
and admire me.
Copy !req
564. I think people were spending time
with me because they were lonely.
Copy !req
565. And you know why I like plants?
Huh-uh.
Copy !req
566. Because they're so mutable.
Copy !req
567. Adaptation's a profound process.
Copy !req
568. It means you
Copy !req
569. figure out how to thrive
in the world.
Copy !req
570. Yeah, but it's easier for plants.
I mean, they have no memory.
Copy !req
571. You know, they just move on to
whatever's next. But a person, now...
Copy !req
572. adapting's almost shameful.
I mean, it's like
Copy !req
573. running away.
Copy !req
574. Keener!
Copy !req
575. Hey, man.
Copy !req
576. Please don't hit
on crew members, Donald.
Copy !req
577. What, the makeup girl? She was
hitting on me, bro. Heh,heh, heh.
Copy !req
578. Don't embarrass me.
I have to work with these people.
Copy !req
579. I won't. Anyway, listen,
Copy !req
580. I meant to ask you, I need
a cool way to kill people.
Copy !req
581. Don't worry. For my script.
Copy !req
582. I don't write that kind of stuff.
Copy !req
583. Come on, man, please?
You're the genius.
Copy !req
584. Here you go: The killer's
a literature professor.
Copy !req
585. He cuts off little chunks from
his victim's bodies until they die.
Copy !req
586. He calls himself
"The Deconstructionist."
Copy !req
587. That's kind of good. I like that.
See, I was kidding, Donald.
Copy !req
588. Oh, okay. Sorry.
Copy !req
589. You got me. Heh, heh.
Copy !req
590. Do you mind
if I use it, though?
Copy !req
591. It's really good.
I tried to split the Cassie scene
Copy !req
592. from the beginning to the end.
I saw that. Why did you do that?
Copy !req
593. Because I wanted there to be more
tension. Then you pick it up later...
Copy !req
594. But are you changing...?
Keeps more tension.
Copy !req
595. That way the audience
gets stuck early on.
Copy !req
596. You like it?
I really like it.
Copy !req
597. Heh. You look hot tonight, baby.
Copy !req
598. Thanks, Donald.
That's swell of you to say.
Copy !req
599. Don't you think she's hot, bro?
I'm heading home, Donald.
Copy !req
600. Really? Come on.
Copy !req
601. Hey, it's Amelia.
Copy !req
602. Hey, Amelia!
Copy !req
603. Hey, Donald. Hey, Charlie.
Copy !req
604. Hey. Hi there.
Copy !req
605. Amelia, we don't see you anymore.
What happened to you?
Copy !req
606. It's good
to see you.
Copy !req
607. Oh! This is my girlfriend, Caroline.
She's a makeup artist for the movies.
Copy !req
608. Hi.
Copy !req
609. Hi.
Copy !req
610. This is David, my friend.
Copy !req
611. Hi.
Hey. Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
612. Amelia's talked a lot about you.
Hi, I'm Donald.
Copy !req
613. Hey.
Caroline.
Copy !req
614. Cool camera.
So how are you?
Copy !req
615. You know me, a mess.
Oh, Charlie,
Copy !req
616. it's really good to see you.
ls the work good?
Copy !req
617. It's a disaster.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Copy !req
618. But, anyway, it's my problem.
I don't want to bore you.
Copy !req
619. You have your stuff, right? I mean,
we both have our own separate stuff.
Copy !req
620. Anyway, I should go. I was
heading home to do some work.
Copy !req
621. You coming?
No, I'm gonna stay at Caroline's.
Copy !req
622. A little push, push
in the bush.
Copy !req
623. Donald, you're such a tard!
Copy !req
624. See you, Charlie.
Copy !req
625. U?"
Copy !req
626. To write about a
flower, to dramatize a flower,
Copy !req
627. I have to show the flower's arc.
Copy !req
628. And the flower's arc stretches back
to the beginning of life.
Copy !req
629. How did this flower get here?
What was its journey?
Copy !req
630. Therefore, I
should infer from analogy
Copy !req
631. that probably all the organic beings
which have ever lived on this earth
Copy !req
632. have descended
from some one primordial form
Copy !req
633. into which life was first breathed.
Copy !req
634. It is a journey of evolution.
Adaptation.
Copy !req
635. The journey we all take. A journey
that unites each and every one of us.
Copy !req
636. Darwin writes that we all come from
the very first single-cell organism.
Copy !req
637. Yet here I am.
Copy !req
638. And there's Laroche.
There's Orlean.
Copy !req
639. And there's the ghost orchid.
All trapped in our own bodies,
Copy !req
640. in moments in history. That's it.
Copy !req
641. That's what I need to do.
Tie all of history together.
Copy !req
642. Start right before
life begins on the planet.
Copy !req
643. All is...
Copy !req
644. lifeless.
And then, like, life begins, um,
Copy !req
645. with organisms.
Those single-cell ones.
Copy !req
646. Oh, and it's before sex, because,
like, everything was asexual.
Copy !req
647. From there we go to bigger things.
Jellyfish.
Copy !req
648. Then that fish that got legs
and crawled out on the land.
Copy !req
649. And then we see,
you know, like, dinosaurs.
Copy !req
650. Then they're around for a long time.
Then an asteroid comes and "phwar!"
Copy !req
651. —the insects,
the mammals, the primates, monkeys.
Copy !req
652. The simple monkeys. Old-fashioned
monkeys giving way to the new ones.
Copy !req
653. Whatever. And then apes.
Whatever. And man.
Copy !req
654. Then we see the history of human
hunting, war, love,
Copy !req
655. heartache, disease,
loneliness, technology.
Copy !req
656. And we end with Susan Or/ean
in her office at The New Yorker
Copy !req
657. writing about flowers, and bang!
The movie begins.
Copy !req
658. This is the breakthrough I've been
hoping for. It's never been done.
Copy !req
659. McKee is a genius!
Copy !req
660. Hilarious. He just comes up with these
great jokes, and everybody laughs.
Copy !req
661. But he's serious too, Charles.
You'd love him.
Copy !req
662. He's all for originality, just like you.
Copy !req
663. But he says we have to realize
that we all write in a genre
Copy !req
664. and we must find our originality
within that genre.
Copy !req
665. See, it turns out, there hasn't been a new
genre since Fellini invented the mockumentary.
Copy !req
666. My genre's thriller. What's yours?
Copy !req
667. You and I
share the same DNA.
Copy !req
668. Is there anything
more lonely than that?
Copy !req
669. What'd you say, bro?
Copy !req
670. Yeah?
Hey.
Copy !req
671. Hey, Susie-Q.
Copy !req
672. What you up to?
Copy !req
673. I don't wanna bother you. Just thought
I'd call and get some more info.
Copy !req
674. I think you say some
pretty smart things, John.
Copy !req
675. Yeah, smartest guy I know, huh?
Copy !req
676. So...
Copy !req
677. whatever happened
to your nursery?
Copy !req
678. It was going pretty well.
Copy !req
679. But, you know, sometimes bad
things happen, darkness descends.
Copy !req
680. Nursery business good,
Johnny?
Copy !req
681. Everything's good, Uncle Jim.
Copy !req
682. This last year's been a dream.
Copy !req
683. I'm telling you.
Finally pulling out of debt.
Copy !req
684. Amen, honey.
I'm so proud of you two, and—
Copy !req
685. No, ma'am. I'm
sorry, I can't answer that.
Copy !req
686. Stay right there.
Hey.
Copy !req
687. Hold it. Which ones are dead?
Sir, please, don't move.
Copy !req
688. Which ones are dead?
Let's move it!
Copy !req
689. I killed my morn,
you know, and my uncle.
Copy !req
690. Um, that's how I lost
my front teeth.
Copy !req
691. And my wife was in a coma
for like three weeks.
Copy !req
692. And she divorced me soon after
she regained consciousness.
Copy !req
693. U?"
Copy !req
694. Well, I think if I almost died,
I would leave my marriage too.
Copy !req
695. Why?
Copy !req
696. Because I could.
Copy !req
697. Because it's like a free pass.
Nobody can judge you
Copy !req
698. if you almost died.
Copy !req
699. Well, I judged her.
Copy !req
700. Maybe I was being judged too.
Copy !req
701. It was like a month after that,
Hurricane Andrew came and just
Copy !req
702. swooped down
like an angel of God...
Copy !req
703. and just wiped out
everything I had left.
Copy !req
704. Everything.
Copy !req
705. I knew it'd break my heart
to start another nursery,
Copy !req
706. so, you know,
when the Seminoles called,
Copy !req
707. wanted a white guy or an expert to
get their nursery going, I took the job.
Copy !req
708. I wasn't gonna give them a
conventional little potted-plant place.
Copy !req
709. I was gonna give them
something
Copy !req
710. amazing, you know?
Copy !req
711. Yeah, I know, John.
Copy !req
712. I know.
Copy !req
713. "I was going to give
them something amazing."
Copy !req
714. It's beautifully written.
You have such a unique voice.
Copy !req
715. Thank you very much.
Ahem.
Copy !req
716. We're big fans.
Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
717. Laroche is such
a fun character.
Copy !req
718. Yeah.
It's funny and fresh.
Copy !req
719. And sad in a way.
Copy !req
720. So we were wondering
what's next.
Copy !req
721. Well, Random House
has asked me
Copy !req
722. to expand it into a book,
so I'm gonna be doing that.
Copy !req
723. And—
Susan, we would like to option this.
Copy !req
724. You wanna make it into a movie?
Into a movie.
Copy !req
725. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, God!
Copy !req
726. That's really...
How does that sound?
Copy !req
727. That's very exciting.
Good.
Copy !req
728. It's just comical. I hadn't thought of it.
I've never written a screenplay before.
Copy !req
729. Don't worry about that. We have
screenwriters to write the screenplay.
Copy !req
730. Hey, superstar.
It's Marty, super agent.
Copy !req
731. I just wanna remind you
it's been 13 weeks
Copy !req
732. and Valerie's anxious
to see a draft.
Copy !req
733. If you could wrap things up, get
it to her by Monday, that'd be great.
Copy !req
734. Call me when you get this.
Adiés, amigo.
Copy !req
735. What? What'd you laugh at?
Copy !req
736. You're a genius.
Which line?
Copy !req
737. You're a genius.
You're a genius.
Copy !req
738. U?"
Copy !req
739. "We see orchid
hunter Augustus Margary.
Copy !req
740. He wears a filthy, spittle-soaked rag
around his head to quell the pain.
Copy !req
741. The back of his trousers are stained
greasy black from an anal leakage
Copy !req
742. due to dysentery.
Copy !req
743. He moans with each tentative step
through the overgrown jungle."
Copy !req
744. I'm fucked.
Copy !req
745. We open with Laroche. He's funny.
He says, "I love to mutate plants."
Copy !req
746. He says, "Mutation is fun."
Okay, we show flowers and... Okay.
Copy !req
747. We have to have the case.
Show Laroche.
Copy !req
748. He says, "I was mutated as a baby.
It's why I'm so smart."
Copy !req
749. That's funny. Okay, we open at the beginning of
time. No! Laroche is driving into the swamp.
Copy !req
750. Crazy White Man!
Aah!
Copy !req
751. I don't know how to adapt this.
I should've stuck with my own stuff.
Copy !req
752. Don't know why I thought
I could write this.
Copy !req
753. See her?
Copy !req
754. I fucked her up the ass.
Copy !req
755. No. I'm kidding.
Copy !req
756. Um...
Copy !req
757. Maybe I can help.
Copy !req
758. It's about flowers.
Copy !req
759. Okay. Um...
Copy !req
760. But it's not only about flowers, right?
You have the crazy plant-nut guy?
Copy !req
761. He's funny. Right?
Copy !req
762. "There's not nearly enough of him
to fill a book."
Copy !req
763. So Orlean "digresses in long
passages." Blah, blah, blah.
Copy !req
764. "No narrative unites these passages."
New York Times Book Review.
Copy !req
765. I can't structure this.
It's that sprawling New Yorker shit.
Copy !req
766. Oh, man, I'd fuck her up the ass.
Copy !req
767. Sorry.
The book has no story.
Copy !req
768. All right. Make one up.
Copy !req
769. I mean, nobody in this town
can make up a crazy story like you.
Copy !req
770. You're the king of that.
No, I didn't want to do that this time.
Copy !req
771. It's someone else's material.
I have a responsibility to Susan—
Copy !req
772. Anyway, I wanted to grow as a writer.
I wanted to do something simple.
Copy !req
773. Show people how amazing
flowers are.
Copy !req
774. Are they amazing?
Copy !req
775. I don't know. I think they are.
Copy !req
776. I need you to get me out of this.
All right.
Copy !req
777. Charlie, you've been stringing
them along for months.
Copy !req
778. Not to give them anything at this point
would be a terrible career move.
Copy !req
779. Hey, my script's going amazing.
Copy !req
780. Right now, I'm working out
an image system.
Copy !req
781. Because of my multiple personality
theme, I've chosen a motif
Copy !req
782. of broken mirrors to show my
protagonist's fragmented self.
Copy !req
783. Bob says an image system increases the
complexity of an aesthetic emotion.
Copy !req
784. Bob says—
You sound like you're in a cult.
Copy !req
785. No, it's just good
writing technique.
Copy !req
786. I made you a copy
of McKee's 10 Commandments.
Copy !req
787. I posted one over
both our work areas.
Copy !req
788. You shouldn't have done that.
Copy !req
789. Because it's extremely helpful.
Hey, Charles, I'm putting a song on.
Copy !req
790. "Happy together."
Copy !req
791. Like when characters sing
in their pajamas and dance around.
Copy !req
792. I thought it'd break the tension.
Copy !req
793. At first I was nervous
about putting a song in a thriller,
Copy !req
794. but Bob says that Casablanca, one of
the greatest screenplays ever written,
Copy !req
795. did exactly that. Mixed genres.
Copy !req
796. I haven't slept in a week,
Donald.
Copy !req
797. I need to go to bed.
Oh. Okay.
Copy !req
798. Good night.
Copy !req
799. U?"
Copy !req
800. Yeah?
Hi.
Copy !req
801. John, it's Susan again.
Copy !req
802. Hey, Susie-Q.
Copy !req
803. Um...
Copy !req
804. How's it going?
Copy !req
805. Great. I'm training myself
on the Internet.
Copy !req
806. It's fascinating.
I'm doing pornography.
Copy !req
807. It's amazing how much these suckers
will pay for photographs of chicks.
Copy !req
808. It doesn't matter if they're fat
or ugly or what.
Copy !req
809. Well, that sounds good.
Copy !req
810. It's great, is what it is.
Copy !req
811. Listen, John, I hate feeling like
I'm being a pain to you, but I...
Copy !req
812. I still haven't seen a ghost.
Copy !req
813. Yeah'?
And I was hoping maybe you'd...
Copy !req
814. Yeah.
Copy !req
815. Yeah, I'll take you in.
Copy !req
816. Tomorrow.
Really?
Copy !req
817. Thank you so much.
Copy !req
818. Oh, John.
Copy !req
819. Damn it.
Copy !req
820. There are too many
ideas and things and people.
Copy !req
821. Too many directions to go.
Copy !req
822. I was starting to believe the reason
it matters to care about something
Copy !req
823. is that it whittles the world down
Copy !req
824. to a more manageable size.
Copy !req
825. Such sweet, sad insights.
Copy !req
826. So true.
Copy !req
827. U?"
Copy !req
828. I like looking at you.
Copy !req
829. I like looking at you too, Charlie.
Copy !req
830. U?"
Copy !req
831. I don't know how to do this.
Copy !req
832. I'm afraid I'll disappoint you.
Copy !req
833. You've written a beautiful book.
Copy !req
834. I can't sleep.
Copy !req
835. I'm losing my hair.
I'm fat and repulsive.
Copy !req
836. Shh. You're not. You're not.
Copy !req
837. Just Whittle it down, you know?
Copy !req
838. Focus on one thing in the story.
Copy !req
839. Find that one thing
Copy !req
840. that you care passionately about
Copy !req
841. and then write about that.
Copy !req
842. We see Susan Orlean:
delicate, haunted by loneliness,
Copy !req
843. fragile, beautiful.
Copy !req
844. She lies awake next to her sleeping,
insensitive husband.
Copy !req
845. Her voice-over begins,
Copy !req
846. "I suppose I do have one
unembarrassed passion.
Copy !req
847. I want to know how it feels to care
about something passionately."
Copy !req
848. Hey.
Morning.
Copy !req
849. Hey, you two.
Up early for a change?
Copy !req
850. You seem chipper.
I'm good. I have some new ideas.
Copy !req
851. God, you guys are so smart.
It's like a brain factory in here.
Copy !req
852. I got some ideas too this morning.
He got really, really good ones.
Copy !req
853. You know,
in a Donald sort of way.
Copy !req
854. I'm putting—
Hey! What?
Copy !req
855. I'm putting in a chase sequence. So the
killer flees on horseback with the girl.
Copy !req
856. Cop's after them on a motorcycle.
Copy !req
857. And it's like a battle between
motors and horses.
Copy !req
858. Like technology versus horse.
Copy !req
859. And they're still
all one person, right?
Copy !req
860. Well, that's the big payoff.
Copy !req
861. It sounds exciting.
Thanks, man.
Copy !req
862. Thanks.
See, I told you he was gonna like it.
Copy !req
863. You're my muse. You are.
I love being your muse.
Copy !req
864. I'm so happy about that.
Copy !req
865. I'm picking up
an order for Kaufman.
Copy !req
866. Oh.
Copy !req
867. Valerie.
Hi, Charlie.
Copy !req
868. It's quite a coincidence
bumping into you.
Copy !req
869. I'm sorry I didn't call you back.
I was away last week.
Copy !req
870. That's okay.
I meant to because
Copy !req
871. things are going well,
and I wanted you to know.
Copy !req
872. That's great.
I'm anxious to see something.
Copy !req
873. You should sit because
I'm here with Susan right now.
Copy !req
874. She's dying to meet you,
so it's funny bumping into you.
Copy !req
875. Have a seat.
Susan Orlean's here?
Copy !req
876. Yeah, she's here in town for a reading
or something. She's just on the phone.
Copy !req
877. Sit down. Have a seat.
She's dying to meet you.
Copy !req
878. Oh, urn, um— Well, I should
probably go, because...
Copy !req
879. Well, I'd love to meet her too,
Copy !req
880. but I don't want to be beholden.
And, well—
Copy !req
881. Once you meet somebody
that you've been writing about,
Copy !req
882. it becomes very hard
to separate. So...
Copy !req
883. Well, okay, I'll speak to you soon.
And I'm almost done.
Copy !req
884. I'm almost done.
Copy !req
885. Tell Susan that I would love
to meet with her at a future date.
Copy !req
886. As she sees fit.
Okay.
Copy !req
887. Who am I kidding? This
isn't Susan Orleans story.
Copy !req
888. I have no connection with her.
I can't even meet her.
Copy !req
889. I have no understanding of anything
but my own panic, self-loathing
Copy !req
890. and pathetic, little existence.
Copy !req
891. The only thing I'm qualified to write
about is myself and my own self—
Copy !req
892. We open on Charlie Kaufman.
Copy !req
893. Fat, old, bald, repulsive,
sitting in a Hollywood restaurant
Copy !req
894. across from Valerie Thomas,
a lovely, statuesque film executive.
Copy !req
895. Kaufman, trying to get
a writing assignment,
Copy !req
896. wanting to impress her,
sweats profusely.
Copy !req
897. Fat, bald Kaufman
paces furiously in his bedroom.
Copy !req
898. He speaks into his hand-held
tape recorder, and he says,
Copy !req
899. "Charlie Kaufman, fat, bald,
repulsive, old,
Copy !req
900. sits at a Hollywood restaurant
with Valerie Thomas."
Copy !req
901. Kaufman, repugnant, ridiculous,
Copy !req
902. jerks off to the book jacket photo
of Susan Or—
Copy !req
903. What do you want?
Copy !req
904. I've finished my script.
Copy !req
905. I'm done.
Copy !req
906. So would you show it
to your agent?
Copy !req
907. It's called The Three.
Copy !req
908. Thanks. I also want to
thank you for your idea.
Copy !req
909. It was very helpful.
I changed it a little.
Copy !req
910. Now the killer cuts off body pieces
and makes his victims eat them.
Copy !req
911. Caroline has this tattoo of a snake
swallowing its own tail, and—
Copy !req
912. Ouroboros.
I don't know what that means.
Copy !req
913. The snake.
It's called Ouroboros.
Copy !req
914. Don't think so. It's cool for my killer
to have this modus operandi.
Copy !req
915. When he forces the woman
who's him to eat herself
Copy !req
916. he's eating himself to death.
Copy !req
917. I'm insane.
Copy !req
918. I'm Ouroboros.
I don't know what that word means.
Copy !req
919. I've written myself
into my screenplay.
Copy !req
920. That's kind of weird, huh?
Copy !req
921. It's self-indulgent.
It's narcissistic.
Copy !req
922. It's solipsistic.
It's pathetic.
Copy !req
923. I'm pathetic.
I'm fat and pathetic.
Copy !req
924. I'm sure you had good reasons,
Charles. You're an artist.
Copy !req
925. It's because I'm too timid to speak
to the woman who wrote the book.
Copy !req
926. Because I'm pathetic.
Copy !req
927. Because I have no idea how to write.
I can't make flowers fascinating.
Copy !req
928. Because I suck.
Copy !req
929. Hey, am I in the script?
I'm going to New York.
Copy !req
930. I'll meet her. That's it.
That's what I have to do.
Copy !req
931. Don't get mad at me
for saying,
Copy !req
932. but Bob's having a seminar
in New York this weekend.
Copy !req
933. So if you're stuck...
Copy !req
934. And she said, "Laroche
is such a fun character."
Copy !req
935. No shit, I'm a fun character.
Copy !req
936. Who's gonna play me?
Copy !req
937. Well, I've gotta write
the book first, John.
Copy !req
938. Then, you know, they get
somebody to write the screenplay.
Copy !req
939. Hey, I think I should play me.
Ha,ha, ha.
Copy !req
940. Most people yearn for something
exceptional, something so inspiring
Copy !req
941. they'd want to risk everything for
that passion, but few would act on it.
Copy !req
942. It was very powerful,
Copy !req
943. and it's intoxicating to be
around someone so alive.
Copy !req
944. Come on, just follow me.
They're right nearby.
Copy !req
945. Okay -
Copy !req
946. U?"
Copy !req
947. Can I ask you
a personal question?
Copy !req
948. Look, we're not lost.
Copy !req
949. U?"
Copy !req
950. I've done this a million times.
Copy !req
951. When everything is killing me, I just
say, "Screw it," and g0 straight ahead.
Copy !req
952. Oh, fuck...
Copy !req
953. Sundial.
Copy !req
954. I'll just set this up,
we'll wait a few minutes,
Copy !req
955. and then we'll be able to tell
which way the sun's moving.
Copy !req
956. We should be headed southeast.
Copy !req
957. So you collect anything?
Copy !req
958. Not really, no.
Copy !req
959. Yeah, well, you know,
Copy !req
960. it's not really about
collecting the thing.
Copy !req
961. It's about being able...
Copy !req
962. The thing about computers,
the thing I like,
Copy !req
963. is that I'm immersed in them,
Copy !req
964. but it's not like a living thing that's
gonna leave or die or something.
Copy !req
965. John, I'm sorry. I just—
Okay.
Copy !req
966. I don't—
Hey. Okay.
Copy !req
967. Fuck the sundial.
Copy !req
968. I know how to get out of here.
I know how to get out of here.
Copy !req
969. I know this swamp like
the back of my goddamn hand.
Copy !req
970. You're just like everybody else.
Fucking leeches.
Copy !req
971. You just attach yourself to me
and suck me dry, spit me out.
Copy !req
972. Why don't you get your own life?
Your own fucking interests?
Copy !req
973. Fucking spoiled bitch.
Copy !req
974. U?"
Copy !req
975. Life seemed to be filled with things
that were just like the ghost orchid.
Copy !req
976. Wonderful to imagine
and easy to fall in love with,
Copy !req
977. but a little fantastic
Copy !req
978. and fleeting
Copy !req
979. and out of reach.
Copy !req
980. U?"
Copy !req
981. "--but a little fantastic
and fleeting and out of reach."
Copy !req
982. U?"
Copy !req
983. Hello?
Copy !req
984. Hey, it's Marty. How's it going?
Copy !req
985. Has it been helpful talking
to the writer? What's her name?
Copy !req
986. Susan Orlean. It's been okay.
Copy !req
987. Uh-huh. Well, I mean,
are you making headway?
Copy !req
988. Valerie's breathing down my neck.
Copy !req
989. You can't rush inspiration.
Okay. All right. Fair enough.
Copy !req
990. Listen, the other reason
I called was The Three.
Copy !req
991. It's just amazing.
Copy !req
992. I don't know what that is.
Donald's script.
Copy !req
993. A smart, edgy thriller.
It's the best script I've read all year.
Copy !req
994. Oh.
Copy !req
995. Good.
Yeah, I'm gonna sell it for a shitload.
Copy !req
996. Two fucking talented guys
in one family.
Copy !req
997. Maybe you could get your brother
to help you with the orchid thing.
Copy !req
998. Marty, don't say that. I mean—
All right. It's just a thought, buddy.
Copy !req
999. I mean, he's really
goddamn amazing at structure.
Copy !req
1000. I have to go.
All right. Adiés, amigo.
Copy !req
1001. Finish that—
Copy !req
1002. Fuck!
Copy !req
1003. Okay, thank you, thank you.
Copy !req
1004. We have a long three days ahead.
Copy !req
1005. Years from now, you'll be at a posh
cocktail party congratulating yourself
Copy !req
1006. on how you spent a weekend with an
asshole from Hollywood for your art.
Copy !req
1007. KAUFMAN".
I am pathetic. I am a loser.
Copy !req
1008. So, what is the substance
of writing?
Copy !req
1009. I have failed. I am panicked.
I have sold out. I am worthless.
Copy !req
1010. I— What the fuck am I doing here?
Copy !req
1011. What the fuck
am I doing here? Fuck!
Copy !req
1012. It is my weakness, my ultimate lack
of conviction that brings me here.
Copy !req
1013. Easy answers,
rules to shortcut yourself to success.
Copy !req
1014. And here I am because my jaunt
into the abyss brought me nothing.
Copy !req
1015. Well, isn't that the risk one takes
for attempting something new?
Copy !req
1016. I should leave right now. I'll start over.
I need to face this project head-on—
Copy !req
1017. And God help you if you use
voice-over in your work, my friends.
Copy !req
1018. God help you.
It's flaccid, sloppy writing.
Copy !req
1019. Any idiot can write narration to
explain the thoughts of the character.
Copy !req
1020. Okay, that's it.
One hour for lunch.
Copy !req
1021. You cannot have a
protagonist without desire.
Copy !req
1022. It doesn't make any sense.
Any fucking sense.
Copy !req
1023. You follow? Good.
Copy !req
1024. Anyone else?
Copy !req
1025. Yes?
Copy !req
1026. What if a writer is attempting to create
a story where nothing much happens?
Copy !req
1027. Where people don't change,
they don't have any epiphanies.
Copy !req
1028. They struggle and are frustrated,
and nothing is resolved.
Copy !req
1029. More a reflection
of the real world.
Copy !req
1030. The real world?
Copy !req
1031. Yes, sir.
Copy !req
1032. The real fucking world.
Copy !req
1033. First of all, you write a screenplay
without conflict or crisis,
Copy !req
1034. you'll bore your audience to tears.
Copy !req
1035. Secondly, nothing happens
in the world?
Copy !req
1036. Are you out of your fucking mind?
Copy !req
1037. People are murdered every day.
Copy !req
1038. There's genocide, war, corruption.
Copy !req
1039. Every fucking day,
somewhere in the world,
Copy !req
1040. somebody sacrifices his life
to save somebody.
Copy !req
1041. Every day, someone somewhere
takes a conscious decision
Copy !req
1042. to destroy someone else.
Copy !req
1043. People find love.
People lose it.
Copy !req
1044. A child watches a mother beaten
to death on the steps of a church.
Copy !req
1045. Someone goes hungry.
Copy !req
1046. Somebody else betrays
his best friend for a woman.
Copy !req
1047. If you can't find that stuff in life,
Copy !req
1048. then you, my friend,
don't know crap about life!
Copy !req
1049. And why the fuck are you wasting my
two precious hours with your movie?
Copy !req
1050. I don't have any use for it!
Copy !req
1051. I don't have any
bloody use for it!
Copy !req
1052. Okay, thanks.
Copy !req
1053. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Copy !req
1054. No. Thank you.
Copy !req
1055. Thank you so much, Mr. McKee.
Copy !req
1056. This course makes you look
at writing in a whole different way.
Copy !req
1057. Mr. McKee.
Yes?
Copy !req
1058. I'm the guy you yelled at
this morning.
Copy !req
1059. I need more.
Copy !req
1060. I'm the one who thought
things didn't happen in life.
Copy !req
1061. Ah. Right. Okay.
Copy !req
1062. Nice to see you.
I need to talk.
Copy !req
1063. Mr. McKee, my even
standing here is very scary.
Copy !req
1064. I don't meet people well.
Copy !req
1065. But what you said this morning
shook me to the bone.
Copy !req
1066. It was bigger than
my screenwriting choices.
Copy !req
1067. It was about my choices
as a human being. Please.
Copy !req
1068. Yeah.
Copy !req
1069. Well, you know, I could
sure use a drink, my friend.
Copy !req
1070. "--But a little fantastic
and fleeting and out of reach."
Copy !req
1071. Then what happens?
Copy !req
1072. Well, that's the end
of the book.
Copy !req
1073. I wanted to present it simply
Copy !req
1074. without big character arcs
or sensationalizing the story.
Copy !req
1075. I wanted to show flowers
as God's miracles.
Copy !req
1076. I wanted to show that Orlean never
saw the blooming ghost orchid.
Copy !req
1077. It was about disappointment.
Copy !req
1078. I see.
Copy !req
1079. That's not a movie.
Copy !req
1080. You gotta go back,
put in the drama.
Copy !req
1081. I can't go back. I've got pages of
false starts and wrong approaches.
Copy !req
1082. I'm way past my deadline.
I'll tell you a secret.
Copy !req
1083. A last act makes a film.
Copy !req
1084. Wow them in the end,
and you got a hit.
Copy !req
1085. You can have flaws, problems,
but wow them in the end
Copy !req
1086. and you've got a hit.
Copy !req
1087. Find an ending. But don't cheat.
Copy !req
1088. And don't you dare bring in
a deus ex machina.
Copy !req
1089. Your characters must change
Copy !req
1090. and the change
must come from them.
Copy !req
1091. Do that and you'll be fine.
Copy !req
1092. You promise?
Copy !req
1093. Mr. McKee.
Copy !req
1094. Have you taken my course before?
My brother did.
Copy !req
1095. My twin brother, Donald.
He's the one who got me to come.
Copy !req
1096. Twin screenwriters?
Yeah.
Copy !req
1097. Well, Julius and Philip Epstein,
Copy !req
1098. who wrote Casablanca,
Copy !req
1099. they were twins
You mentioned that in class.
Copy !req
1100. Finest screenplay ever written.
Copy !req
1101. DONALD".
Great writers' residence.
Copy !req
1102. Donald.
Hey, how's your trip going?
Copy !req
1103. You getting it on with that
lady journalist, you dog, you?
Copy !req
1104. Yeah.
Copy !req
1105. Listen, I'm just calling to say
congratulations on your script.
Copy !req
1106. Isn't that cool? Marty says he can
get me high-sixes against a mil-five.
Copy !req
1107. That's great, Donald.
Copy !req
1108. I want to thank you
for all your help.
Copy !req
1109. I wasn't any help.
Copy !req
1110. Come on,
you let me stay in your place.
Copy !req
1111. And your integrity
inspired me to even try.
Copy !req
1112. It's been a wild ride.
Copy !req
1113. Catherine says
she wants to play Cassie.
Copy !req
1114. Oh, please!
Ha,ha, ha.
Copy !req
1115. Please, Donald?
Copy !req
1116. Catherine Keener?
Copy !req
1117. Catherine Keener's in my house?
Yeah, we're playing Boggle.
Copy !req
1118. She's great. You should really
hang out with her, Charles.
Copy !req
1119. Yeah. Um, look...
Copy !req
1120. I've been thinking.
Copy !req
1121. Maybe you'd be interested in hanging
out for a few days in New York.
Copy !req
1122. Oh, my God, yes.
Copy !req
1123. Yeah?
Copy !req
1124. I was gonna show my script
to some people,
Copy !req
1125. and, well, maybe you could
read it too, you know, if you like.
Copy !req
1126. Of course. I'd be flattered.
Copy !req
1127. Okay -
Copy !req
1128. Thanks, Charles.
Copy !req
1129. Okay, bye.
Copy !req
1130. So, like, what would you do?
Copy !req
1131. The script kind of
makes fun of me, huh?
Copy !req
1132. I'm sorry. I was trying something—
Hey, I don't mind. It's funny.
Copy !req
1133. Good. Okay.
Copy !req
1134. So, what would you do?
Copy !req
1135. You and me are so different,
Charles. We're different talents.
Copy !req
1136. I know. Just for fun...
Copy !req
1137. how would the great Donald
end this script?
Copy !req
1138. Heh, heh. Shut up.
"The great Donald."
Copy !req
1139. I feel like you're missing something.
Copy !req
1140. All right. Like what?
Look.
Copy !req
1141. I did a little research
on the airplane.
Copy !req
1142. "Sometimes this kind of story
turns out to be something more,
Copy !req
1143. some glimpse of life
that expands
Copy !req
1144. like those Japanese paper balls
you drop in water
Copy !req
1145. and they bloom into flowers
and the flower is so marvelous
Copy !req
1146. you can't believe there was
a time all you saw
Copy !req
1147. was a paper ball
and a glass of water."
Copy !req
1148. First of all, that's inconsistent. She
said she didn't care about flowers.
Copy !req
1149. For God's sake, it's just a metaphor.
Well, but for what?
Copy !req
1150. What turned that paper ball
into a flower?
Copy !req
1151. It's not in the book, Charles.
Copy !req
1152. I don't know. You're reaching.
Maybe.
Copy !req
1153. But I think you actually need to
speak to this woman. To know her.
Copy !req
1154. I can't.
Copy !req
1155. Really.
I'll go.
Copy !req
1156. I'll pretend I'm you.
Copy !req
1157. I want to do it, Charles.
Copy !req
1158. We'll get to the bottom of this.
We're gonna fix your movie, bro.
Copy !req
1159. But you've gotta be
exactly me.
Copy !req
1160. I have a reputation
to maintain.
Copy !req
1161. You can't be a goofball.
Can't be an asshole.
Copy !req
1162. I'm not an asshole.
You know what I mean.
Copy !req
1163. No flirting.
No bad jokes.
Copy !req
1164. Don't laugh
how you laugh.
Copy !req
1165. I'm not gonna laugh. I get to
have people think I'm you.
Copy !req
1166. It's an honor.
Copy !req
1167. So I guess I'll bring out
the big guns now.
Copy !req
1168. Do you keep in touch
with Laroche?
Copy !req
1169. I felt I detected an attraction to him
in the subtext. Care to comment?
Copy !req
1170. Uh...
Copy !req
1171. Well, our relationship
was strictly reporter-subject.
Copy !req
1172. I mean, certainly an intimacy does
evolve in this kind of relationship.
Copy !req
1173. By definition, I was so interested
in everything he had to say.
Copy !req
1174. But the relationship ends
when the book ends.
Copy !req
1175. Mendacious deceit.
What?
Copy !req
1176. Nothing.
Copy !req
1177. I just have one more question.
Copy !req
1178. If you could have dinner with one
historical personage, living or dead,
Copy !req
1179. who would it be?
Copy !req
1180. Uh, well, I would have to say...
Copy !req
1181. Einstein.
Copy !req
1182. Or Jesus.
Copy !req
1183. Very good.
Copy !req
1184. Interesting answer.
Copy !req
1185. She's lying.
What do you mean?
Copy !req
1186. What happened?
Nothing. She said everything right.
Copy !req
1187. Too right.
Well, maybe because they're true.
Copy !req
1188. Did you embarrass me?
Copy !req
1189. People who answer questions
too right are liars.
Copy !req
1190. Everybody says Jesus and Einstein.
That's a prepackaged answer.
Copy !req
1191. "Jesus and Einstein"?
Listen, Charles, I have an idea.
Copy !req
1192. You'll need to buy me
a pair of binoculars.
Copy !req
1193. What's
"Jesus and Einstein"?
Copy !req
1194. Come on.
Copy !req
1195. Sing with me.
Copy !req
1196. What the hell do you need
binoculars for?
Copy !req
1197. Let's go, let's go.
Copy !req
1198. She hung up the phone.
She's upset.
Copy !req
1199. Stop watching her.
Leave her alone.
Copy !req
1200. She's crying.
Copy !req
1201. She's at her computer.
Copy !req
1202. This is morally reprehensible.
Copy !req
1203. United
Copy !req
1204. to Miami.
Copy !req
1205. Eleven fifty-five a.m.
tomorrow.
Copy !req
1206. Thought she was done with Laroche.
Her parents live in Florida.
Copy !req
1207. That was no parent phone call,
my friend.
Copy !req
1208. Don't say "my friend."
Copy !req
1209. A guy entering.
Copy !req
1210. Handsome.
Copy !req
1211. U?"
Copy !req
1212. Must be her husband.
Copy !req
1213. She's acting weird
with him, though, right?
Copy !req
1214. Don't you think?
Copy !req
1215. What's she hiding
from him?
Copy !req
1216. Maybe she's a lesbian
and doesn't know how to tell him.
Copy !req
1217. What do you think?
Copy !req
1218. Have you checked out
Laroche's porn site?
Copy !req
1219. No. I'm trying to read.
Copy !req
1220. Anyway, I'm gonna look
at the porn site. Research.
Copy !req
1221. Don't tell my old lady.
You mean Morn?
Copy !req
1222. No, I don't mean Mom.
Copy !req
1223. Still say we should go
to Miami tomorrow.
Copy !req
1224. Forget it.
Copy !req
1225. Some of these chicks
look okay.
Copy !req
1226. Hey, guess what.
We're going to Miami tomorrow.
Copy !req
1227. I said, no.
I said, oh, yeah, baby. Come here.
Copy !req
1228. U?"
Copy !req
1229. What I came to understand
is that change is not a choice.
Copy !req
1230. Not for a species of plant,
and not for me.
Copy !req
1231. It happens, and you are different.
Copy !req
1232. Maybe the only distinction
between the plant and me
Copy !req
1233. is that afterward,
I lied about my change.
Copy !req
1234. I lied in my book.
I pretended with my husband
Copy !req
1235. that everything was the same.
Copy !req
1236. But something happened
in the swamp that day.
Copy !req
1237. Hey, look.
Copy !req
1238. I told you I'd find
the jewel of the Fakahatchee.
Copy !req
1239. It's a flower.
Copy !req
1240. Just a flower.
Copy !req
1241. Well, might as well grab it.
Copy !req
1242. Long as I'm here.
Copy !req
1243. Oh, man.
Copy !req
1244. Boy, my porn site's
gonna be big.
Copy !req
1245. Look, something
I didn't tell you
Copy !req
1246. that I want to tell you
about the ghost. Okay?
Copy !req
1247. I think it might help you.
Copy !req
1248. I'd just started at the nursery.
Copy !req
1249. And I went back one night
to pick up something.
Copy !req
1250. They wanted the ghost
just to extract the drug.
Copy !req
1251. It had been a ceremonial thing,
Copy !req
1252. but the young guys, you know,
they liked to get stoned.
Copy !req
1253. So Matthew...?
Copy !req
1254. He was one of the guys who—?
Sure.
Copy !req
1255. Matthew lived on that shit
till they ran out.
Copy !req
1256. Because there was this one day
he was fascinated by me.
Copy !req
1257. By my hair and my sadness.
Copy !req
1258. Yeah, well, it does that.
That's what I wanted to tell you.
Copy !req
1259. I mean, I think you'd like it, Susie.
It seems to help people be fascinated.
Copy !req
1260. I can extract it for you.
I know how. I watched.
Copy !req
1261. I'm probably the only
white guy who knows.
Copy !req
1262. I want to do this, Susie.
Copy !req
1263. I'm done with orchids, Laroche.
Copy !req
1264. Hello?
Hi.
Copy !req
1265. It's John.
Copy !req
1266. Did you get my package?
Copy !req
1267. John?
Copy !req
1268. John!
Copy !req
1269. Johnny.
Copy !req
1270. Hey, John?
Yeah?
Copy !req
1271. Very happy now.
Copy !req
1272. Well, I'm glad.
Copy !req
1273. Very haPPY-
Copy !req
1274. Um, John?
Hm'?
Copy !req
1275. Will you go like this—?
Copy !req
1276. No. Keep going.
Copy !req
1277. No. No.
Copy !req
1278. I'm trying to make a dial tone.
And you have to sustain.
Copy !req
1279. And then I will join you,
and together—
Copy !req
1280. See, I can't do it by myself.
Which one do you want me to do?
Copy !req
1281. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Okay. Here we go.
Copy !req
1282. That's it.
We got it.
Copy !req
1283. We got it. That's fucking amazing.
Copy !req
1284. Do you ever get
lonely sometimes, Johnny?
Copy !req
1285. Well, I was a weird kid.
Copy !req
1286. Nobody liked me.
Copy !req
1287. But I had this idea...
Copy !req
1288. U?"
Copy !req
1289. if I waited long enough,
someone would
Copy !req
1290. come around and just,
Copy !req
1291. you know, understand me.
Copy !req
1292. Like my morn.
Copy !req
1293. Except someone else.
Copy !req
1294. She'd look at me and quietly say,
Copy !req
1295. lives. II
Copy !req
1296. Just like that.
Copy !req
1297. And I wouldn't be alone anymore.
Copy !req
1298. Oh, I wish I were an ant.
Copy !req
1299. Oh, they're so shiny.
Copy !req
1300. You're shinier than any ant,
darling.
Copy !req
1301. That's the sweetest thing
anybody has ever said to me.
Copy !req
1302. Well,
Copy !req
1303. I like you, that's why.
Copy !req
1304. HEY-
Copy !req
1305. U?"
Copy !req
1306. I don't have time for that.
Copy !req
1307. I'll get a closer look. You wait here.
Copy !req
1308. No, wait.
Copy !req
1309. I should go.
Copy !req
1310. I mean, it should be me, right?
Copy !req
1311. I mean, it's my...
Copy !req
1312. I was, you know—
Go for it.
Copy !req
1313. You're the man.
Copy !req
1314. U?"
Copy !req
1315. Rip them.
Copy !req
1316. Just rip them.
Copy !req
1317. Darling, I don't
know what's come over you.
Copy !req
1318. You came all over me last time
I was here, as I recall.
Copy !req
1319. Oh!
Copy !req
1320. Mmm!
Copy !req
1321. Ooh.
Copy !req
1322. Goddamn!
Copy !req
1323. Hey! Fuck. Hey! Hey;
Aah! Aah!
Copy !req
1324. Get in here!
Copy !req
1325. Shut the fuck up, now!
Sit the fuck down!
Copy !req
1326. Who is that, Johnny?
Who the fuck are you?
Copy !req
1327. I just— Nobody.
Huh?
Copy !req
1328. I just— I'm just—
Copy !req
1329. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Copy !req
1330. He's that screenwriter.
Copy !req
1331. The guy that's adapting our book?
Yeah.
Copy !req
1332. Well, that's Wild.
Copy !req
1333. It's nice to meet you.
Copy !req
1334. Hey, dude,
Copy !req
1335. who's gonna play me?
I don't know that. I should—
Copy !req
1336. Well, I thought
I should play me.
Copy !req
1337. Why—? Did he follow me?
No, of course not. I should go.
Copy !req
1338. Yeah, yeah. I mean,
it was nice to meet you,
Copy !req
1339. but let me give you
my number.
Copy !req
1340. I'm really freaking here, Johnny.
Why is he here?
Copy !req
1341. Why did he follow me?
Copy !req
1342. What does he know?
I don't know anything about anything.
Copy !req
1343. He did see the greenhouse.
Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1344. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1345. Are you gonna write about this
in your screenplay?
Copy !req
1346. I really don't know what "this" is.
Copy !req
1347. He's lying.
Copy !req
1348. Hold him.
Stay! Just—
Copy !req
1349. U?"
Copy !req
1350. We have to kill him.
What?
Copy !req
1351. What are we supposed to do?
Copy !req
1352. What can we do?
Sit the fuck down!
Copy !req
1353. Susie, you gotta
calm down.
Copy !req
1354. Now, you're getting
a little emotional.
Copy !req
1355. You don't know—
I can't have him writing about me.
Copy !req
1356. I can't have the whole world,
all the people knowing about us
Copy !req
1357. and about this.
Copy !req
1358. Why?
Copy !req
1359. You ashamed of me, Susie?
No, that's not it.
Copy !req
1360. No. How can you even think of that?
Well—
Copy !req
1361. I'm a professional
journalist, and the drugs and—
Copy !req
1362. Susie.
Copy !req
1363. We can't kill anyone.
Copy !req
1364. Okay. Okay.
Copy !req
1365. Then I'll do it.
Copy !req
1366. By myself.
Susan—
Copy !req
1367. Hey! Come on. Fucking get down!
Copy !req
1368. I wouldn't tell any—
Put him in his fucking car!
Copy !req
1369. U?"
Copy !req
1370. Turn it off. Just get out.
Copy !req
1371. Run! Run! Go!
Copy !req
1372. Susan! What the fuck was that?
Copy !req
1373. I don't know. I couldn't see.
Shit.
Copy !req
1374. Fuck!
Copy !req
1375. Come on!
Help me find the flashlight.
Copy !req
1376. U?"
Copy !req
1377. So it was a guy?
Copy !req
1378. Yeah. Fat.
Copy !req
1379. That's all I could tell.
Copy !req
1380. This is ridiculous.
We're gonna have to split up.
Copy !req
1381. I can't. I can't be by myself
out here. I'm not gonna do that.
Copy !req
1382. They're gonna find us.
I don't think so.
Copy !req
1383. I don't want to die, Donald. I've
wasted my life. God, I've wasted it.
Copy !req
1384. You didn't. And you're not gonna die.
I wasted it.
Copy !req
1385. I admire you, Donald, you know?
Copy !req
1386. I spent my whole life paralyzed,
worrying about what people think,
Copy !req
1387. and you, you're just oblivious.
I'm not oblivious.
Copy !req
1388. No, you don't understand.
I mean that as a compliment.
Copy !req
1389. There was this time in high school.
Copy !req
1390. I was watching you out
the library window,
Copy !req
1391. you were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Oh, God, I was so in love with her.
Copy !req
1392. I know. And you were flirting with her,
and she was being really sweet to you.
Copy !req
1393. I remember that.
And then, when you walked away,
Copy !req
1394. she started making fun of you
with Kim Canetti.
Copy !req
1395. And it was like
they were laughing at me.
Copy !req
1396. You didn't know at all?
Copy !req
1397. You seemed so happy.
I knew. I heard them.
Copy !req
1398. Well, how come
you were so happy?
Copy !req
1399. I loved Sarah, Charles.
Copy !req
1400. It was mine, that love.
Copy !req
1401. I owned it.
Copy !req
1402. Even Sarah didn't have
the right to take it away.
Copy !req
1403. I can love whoever I want.
Copy !req
1404. But she thought you were pathetic.
Copy !req
1405. That was her business,
not mine.
Copy !req
1406. You are what you love,
not what loves you.
Copy !req
1407. That's what I decided
a long time ago.
Copy !req
1408. U?"
Copy !req
1409. What's up?
Copy !req
1410. Thank you.
Copy !req
1411. For what?
Copy !req
1412. No, shh, shh, shh!
Copy !req
1413. Listen. I hear them.
Copy !req
1414. I hear them. I hear them breathing.
Copy !req
1415. Charlie?
Copy !req
1416. Charlie?
Charlie!
Copy !req
1417. Guys?
Charlie!
Copy !req
1418. Charlie!
Copy !req
1419. Where's the van?
Copy !req
1420. Are they gone?
I don't know. Maybe.
Copy !req
1421. John? John!
Copy !req
1422. Shit!
Copy !req
1423. I can't believe I got shot.
Isn't that fucked up? Heh, heh.
Copy !req
1424. Shut up. Stop laughing.
Copy !req
1425. Donald? You're gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay, Donald.
Copy !req
1426. Just don't go to sleep. Just don't
go to sleep, Donald. Look at me.
Copy !req
1427. Look at me, Donald.
Keep looking at me.
Copy !req
1428. Open your eyes.
Donald, please open your eyes.
Copy !req
1429. Donald. Donald, please
open your eyes, Donald.
Copy !req
1430. Donald! Donald, open your eyes!
Copy !req
1431. Look at me.
Copy !req
1432. U?"
Copy !req
1433. Help!
Copy !req
1434. John!
Copy !req
1435. U?"
Copy !req
1436. Halt!
Copy !req
1437. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1438. Now I have to do this too.
Copy !req
1439. I'm not a killer.
Copy !req
1440. You put yourself in—
Copy !req
1441. Johnny!
Copy !req
1442. Susan!
No!
Copy !req
1443. Help!
No, no!
Copy !req
1444. Johnny!Johnny! John!
Copy !req
1445. Oh, no, no, no.
Copy !req
1446. Oh, God.
Oh, you fat piece of shit!
Copy !req
1447. He's dead, you loser!
Shut up!
Copy !req
1448. You ruined my life, you fat fuck!
Shut up! Shut up!
Copy !req
1449. Fuck you, lady! You're just a lonely,
old, desperate, pathetic drug addict!
Copy !req
1450. U?"
Copy !req
1451. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1452. It's over. Everything's over.
Copy !req
1453. I did everything wrong.
Copy !req
1454. I want my life back.
Copy !req
1455. I want it back
before it all got fucked up.
Copy !req
1456. I want to be a baby again.
I want to be new.
Copy !req
1457. I want to be new.
Copy !req
1458. U?"
Copy !req
1459. WOMAN".
Hello?
Copy !req
1460. Hello?
Mom.
Copy !req
1461. Charles? Charles, is that you?
Copy !req
1462. U?"
Copy !req
1463. Charles, what's the matter?
You okay?
Copy !req
1464. U?"
Copy !req
1465. Donald says,
"That was her business, not mine.
Copy !req
1466. You are what you love,
not what loves you.
Copy !req
1467. I decided that a long time ago."
Copy !req
1468. Kaufman starts to cry.
Copy !req
1469. He tries to thank his brother,
but he can't put it into words.
Copy !req
1470. So how you getting on?
Copy !req
1471. I'm okay.
Copy !req
1472. I miss him, you know?
Copy !req
1473. How's the script coming?
It's good. I'm almost finished.
Copy !req
1474. I'll be really glad to move on
to something else.
Copy !req
1475. I'll bet.
Copy !req
1476. Things okay with you?
Copy !req
1477. And then in January, David and I went
to Prague. That was a high point.
Copy !req
1478. That sounds great.
There's amazing puppet theater.
Copy !req
1479. Yeah, I've heard.
I've gotta see that.
Copy !req
1480. And there's this church decorated
with, like, human skulls and bones.
Copy !req
1481. Forty thousand
skulls and bones.
Copy !req
1482. I thought about you
when I went there.
Copy !req
1483. U?"
Copy !req
1484. Charlie, I'm with someone.
Why are you doing this now?
Copy !req
1485. I love you.
Copy !req
1486. I should go. I have to...
Copy !req
1487. Stuff I have to do. I'm
going away this weekend...
Copy !req
1488. Million things, okay?
Yeah.
Copy !req
1489. I love you too, you know.
Copy !req
1490. KAUFMAN". I have to go right home. I
know how to finish the script now.
Copy !req
1491. It ends with Kaufman driving home
after his lunch with Amelia,
Copy !req
1492. thinking he knows
how to finish the script.
Copy !req
1493. Shit, that's voice-over.
McKee would not approve.
Copy !req
1494. How else can I show
his thoughts? I don't know.
Copy !req
1495. Well, who cares what McKee says?
It feels right.
Copy !req
1496. Conclusive.
Copy !req
1497. I wonder who's gonna play me.
Someone not too fat.
Copy !req
1498. I like that Gerard Depardieu,
but can he not do the accent?
Copy !req
1499. Anyway, it's done.
And that's something.
Copy !req
1500. So: "Kaufman drives off from
his encounter with Amelia
Copy !req
1501. filled for the first time with hope."
Copy !req
1502. I like this.
Copy !req
1503. This is good.
Copy !req
1504. U?"
Copy !req