1. [ © anoXmous
@ http://thepiratebay.sx/user/Zen_Bud/Copy !req
2. Heads up! Good defense!Copy !req
3. Good defense!Copy !req
4. We're going downtown.Copy !req
5. Shut the hell up, you stupid mutt!Copy !req
6. What do you want?Copy !req
7. HDS, sir. How are you this afternoon?
Alrighty. I have a package for you.Copy !req
8. It sounds broken.Copy !req
9. Most likely. I'll bet it was something
nice. This is an insurance form.Copy !req
10. If you'll just sign here,
here, and here...Copy !req
11. we'll get the rest of the forms
to you soon.Copy !req
12. That's a lovely dog.Copy !req
13. - Do you mind if I pet him?
- I don't give a rat's ass.Copy !req
14. Oh, brother!Copy !req
15. That's fine. I can finish the rest.Copy !req
16. You just have yourself a good day.
Take care now. Bye-bye.Copy !req
17. Excuse me! HDS!Copy !req
18. HDS! Coming through!Copy !req
19. Got a package, people!Copy !req
20. Get away from the door.Copy !req
21. What's the matter with you?
I said, get!Copy !req
22. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
23. That was a close one!Copy !req
24. Unfortunately...Copy !req
25. in every contest
there must be a loser.Copy !req
26. Hungry, fellow?Copy !req
27. There you go.Copy !req
28. No problem. It gets flooded.
We'll just wait a few seconds.Copy !req
29. Or we can try it now.Copy !req
30. Putz!Copy !req
31. Come on!Copy !req
32. Get out! Get out!Copy !req
33. Assholes
are closer than they appear!Copy !req
34. Give me a push while you're back there.Copy !req
35. Alrighty, then!Copy !req
36. It's alive!Copy !req
37. It's alive!Copy !req
38. My little baby, come here.
You missed Mommy, didn't you?Copy !req
39. Yes, you did. Did Daddy hurt you?
I won't let him. No, I won't.Copy !req
40. He can keep the big TV, but he's not
gonna hurt my baby, no he's not.Copy !req
41. Thank you, Mr. Ventura.Copy !req
42. How can I ever repay you?Copy !req
43. A reward would be good.Copy !req
44. There is some damage to my car,
and I had to fill it with premium.Copy !req
45. Would you like for me
to take your pants off instead?Copy !req
46. Gee! Let me think.Copy !req
47. Sure.Copy !req
48. People are real friendly around here.Copy !req
49. Ventura!Copy !req
50. Yes, Satan?Copy !req
51. I'm sorry, sir.
You sounded like someone else.Copy !req
52. Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura.Copy !req
53. You owe me rent.Copy !req
54. Mr. Shickadance, I told you,
you're my first priority.Copy !req
55. I'm on a very big case right now.
Check this out.Copy !req
56. Look at that.
That's a true albino pigeon.Copy !req
57. Some rich guy lost it.
He's offering a $25,000 reward.Copy !req
58. As soon as I find this bird...Copy !req
59. you're paid.Copy !req
60. I heard animals in there.Copy !req
61. I heard them again this morning,
scratching around.Copy !req
62. I never bring my work home with me.Copy !req
63. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
64. What's all this pet food for?Copy !req
65. Fiber.Copy !req
66. Wanna take a look inside? Come on!Copy !req
67. Come on!Copy !req
68. Go ahead. Snoop around!Copy !req
69. Well?Copy !req
70. Are you satisfied?Copy !req
71. Just don't let me catch you
with an animal in here. That's all.Copy !req
72. All right.Copy !req
73. Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.Copy !req
74. Loser!Copy !req
75. Come to me, jungle friends.Copy !req
76. Roger, let me ask you one question.Copy !req
77. How in hell do you lose
a 500-pound fish?Copy !req
78. What?Copy !req
79. I'm sorry, I was just going to say...Copy !req
80. that it's not a fish. It's a mammal.Copy !req
81. Thank you, Miss Jacques Cousteau.Copy !req
82. She didn't mean anything by that.Copy !req
83. I don't give a good goddamn
about that fish!Copy !req
84. Fillet it and fast-food it
if you want to!Copy !req
85. All I give a damn about is
winning the Super Bowl!Copy !req
86. My athletes have got to have
their heads in the right place!Copy !req
87. Shit, Roger! You've been
in this business a long time.Copy !req
88. You know how superstitious
these players are.Copy !req
89. I have a quarterback that's put his
socks on backwards since high school.Copy !req
90. I've got a linebacker that hasn't washed
his jockey strap in two years...Copy !req
91. because he thinks flies are lucky.Copy !req
92. I want that fish on that field
Super Bowl Sunday.Copy !req
93. Find the fish...Copy !req
94. or find new jobs!Copy !req
95. Why did it happen now,
two weeks before the Super Bowl?Copy !req
96. I'll tell you, it's those
animal-rights activists!Copy !req
97. Always out with their signs:Copy !req
98. "Animals were born free!
Stop torturing Snowflake!"Copy !req
99. That fish lives better than they do.Copy !req
100. The police are checking into the animal-
rights groups. Have they called back?Copy !req
101. No, but I wanted to tell you,
when I lost my Cuddles...Copy !req
102. I hired a pet detective.Copy !req
103. A what?Copy !req
104. A pet detective.Copy !req
105. Thanks, Martha, but we better
leave this to professionals.Copy !req
106. Well, actually, he was quite good.Copy !req
107. Pet detection is a very involved,
highly scientific process.Copy !req
108. Like a glove!Copy !req
109. Mr. Ventura here to see you.Copy !req
110. Thanks, Martha.Copy !req
111. Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.Copy !req
112. Pleasure to meet you.Copy !req
113. Any trouble getting in?Copy !req
114. No, the guy with the rubber glove
was surprisingly gentle.Copy !req
115. Security's tight Super Bowl week.Copy !req
116. Why don't you have a seat?
I'll get right to the point.Copy !req
117. Our mascot was stolen from his tank last
night. Are you familiar with Snowflake?Copy !req
118. Negative.Copy !req
119. We got him from Miami.
He's a rare bottle-nosed dolphin.Copy !req
120. This is a new trick he was
going to do for the halftime show.Copy !req
121. Let's go.Copy !req
122. Blue 42, blue 42!Copy !req
123. Hut, hut!Copy !req
124. All right!Copy !req
125. Come on, let's go!Copy !req
126. Good boy!Copy !req
127. Would you like an ashtray?Copy !req
128. I don't smoke.Copy !req
129. It's a disgusting habit.Copy !req
130. The police came today.Copy !req
131. Apparently, the kidnappers
came in through the back with a...Copy !req
132. Four-wheel-drive van,
loaded from the rear.Copy !req
133. Roger, how you holding up?Copy !req
134. If I'm walking funny it's because
I got two dozen reporters up my ass.Copy !req
135. They've been asking me
about Snowflake all morning.Copy !req
136. Who's he?Copy !req
137. Roger Podacter, meet Ace Ventura.Copy !req
138. He's our pet detective.Copy !req
139. Nice to meet you. You came very
highly recommended by Martha Mertz.Copy !req
140. Martha Mertz?Copy !req
141. Oh, yeah, the bitch!Copy !req
142. Pekingese, lost in Highland Park area.
She was half-dead when I found her.Copy !req
143. Is that the tank?Copy !req
144. Excuse me.Copy !req
145. - Cops drain it?
- Yes, this morning.Copy !req
146. If I'm not back in five minutes...Copy !req
147. just wait longer.Copy !req
148. Captain's log, stardate 23.9, rounded
off to the nearest decimal point.Copy !req
149. We've traveled back in time to save
an ancient species from annihilation.Copy !req
150. So far...Copy !req
151. no signs of aquatic life,
but I am going to find it.Copy !req
152. If I have to tear another black hole,
I'm going to find it!Copy !req
153. I've got to, mister!Copy !req
154. Oh, great!Copy !req
155. I'll try to head them off.Copy !req
156. Ace, get out of the tank.Copy !req
157. I just can't do it, captain!Copy !req
158. I don't have the power!Copy !req
159. People!Copy !req
160. I said, get out of the tank now!Copy !req
161. For God's sake, Jim,
I'm a doctor, not a pool man!Copy !req
162. Where's Snowflake?Copy !req
163. Snowflake is not available right now.Copy !req
164. Roger, I've been waiting all day.
I got to get a shot of his new trick!Copy !req
165. What, is he sick?Copy !req
166. People, people!Copy !req
167. Lassie must be missing.Copy !req
168. Make any good collars lately?Copy !req
169. Or were they leashes?Copy !req
170. Homicide, Ventura.Copy !req
171. How are you gonna solve that one?Copy !req
172. Good question, Aguado!Copy !req
173. First, I'd establish a motive.Copy !req
174. The killer saw the size of the bug's
dick and became insanely jealous.Copy !req
175. Then I'd lose 30 pounds
porking his wife!Copy !req
176. Come on!Copy !req
177. Now, kiss and make up!Copy !req
178. Excuse me.Copy !req
179. I'd like to ass you a few questions.Copy !req
180. This is not the time, Ace.Copy !req
181. If Einhorn come down here and see me
talking to you or your ass, I'm history.Copy !req
182. I can keep him under control. You have
to tell me who's on the Snowflake case.Copy !req
183. I can't do nothing for you on that.
My hands are tied.Copy !req
184. All right, that's it!
Now it's my turn!Copy !req
185. Five minutes alone, that's all I need!Copy !req
186. Better look alive.
Einhorn's on her way down.Copy !req
187. Come on, now. Ace, please.Copy !req
188. What's that matter?
Afraid I'll make a stink? Come on!Copy !req
189. Aguado's working the case, all right?Copy !req
190. Aguado!Copy !req
191. Good call!Copy !req
192. We're just a little busy now...Copy !req
193. with murderers and burglaries
and drug dealers. Things like that.Copy !req
194. A missing dolphin isn't exactly
a high priority.Copy !req
195. Now you've pissed him off.Copy !req
196. - Would you give me a break?
- I can't hold him much longer!Copy !req
197. My boss is coming!Copy !req
198. Okay, look.Copy !req
199. We ran a check with local
animal-rights groups.Copy !req
200. We checked out the taxidermists
and we already checked on van rentals.Copy !req
201. So far, nothing, nathin', nada.
All right?Copy !req
202. Any unusual bets being made?Copy !req
203. Of course! This is Super Bowl!Copy !req
204. - What'd you find out about the tank?
- Nothing.Copy !req
205. Tire tracks, an escape route.
A guard didn't see anything.Copy !req
206. - That's it?
- I swear.Copy !req
207. Now will you please get out of here
before I get in trouble?Copy !req
208. Thank you for your cooperation.Copy !req
209. By the way, do you have a mint?Copy !req
210. Perhaps some Binaca?Copy !req
211. AssholomioCopy !req
212. OsadomiaCopy !req
213. Holy testicle Tuesday!Copy !req
214. What the hell is he doing here?Copy !req
215. I came to confess.Copy !req
216. I was the second gunman
on the grassy knoll.Copy !req
217. Spare me the routine. I know
you're working the Snowflake case.Copy !req
218. May I suggest you yield
to the experts on this one?Copy !req
219. We'll find the porpoise.Copy !req
220. Now I feel better.Copy !req
221. Of course, that might not do any good.Copy !req
222. Nobody's missing a porpoise.
It's a dolphin that's been taken.Copy !req
223. The common harbor
porpoise has an abrupt snout...Copy !req
224. while the bottle-nosed dolphin,
or Tursiops truncatus...Copy !req
225. has an elongated beak, cone-shaped
teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage.Copy !req
226. But I'm sure you already knew that.Copy !req
227. That's what turns me on about you.Copy !req
228. Your attention to detail.Copy !req
229. Listen, pet dick...Copy !req
230. how would you like me
to make your life a living hell?Copy !req
231. Well, I'm not really ready
for a relationship, Lois.Copy !req
232. But thank you for asking.Copy !req
233. Maybe I'll give you a call sometime.Copy !req
234. Your number still 911?Copy !req
235. Alrighty, then!Copy !req
236. Excuse me. Is Greg here?Copy !req
237. Thank you!Copy !req
238. What's the password?Copy !req
239. New England clam chowder.Copy !req
240. Is that the red or the white?Copy !req
241. I can never remember that!Copy !req
242. White?Copy !req
243. Hey, Woodstock!Copy !req
244. Hey, Saint Francis, how's it going?Copy !req
245. Super, thanks for asking.
I hope you're having a lovely day.Copy !req
246. Do you?Copy !req
247. Don't I?Copy !req
248. So what are you up to?Copy !req
249. Just watching the fishies.Copy !req
250. You see those blips?
That's a Norwegian whaling fleet.Copy !req
251. I'm sending them new
directional coordinates.Copy !req
252. They'll find Jimmy Hoffa...Copy !req
253. before they find any whales.Copy !req
254. Gravy! So can you still tap into
the aquatic supply stores in the area?Copy !req
255. Of course I can. Why?Copy !req
256. I wanna trace the sale of equipment...Copy !req
257. for transporting or housing
a dolphin recently.Copy !req
258. Come on, I thought you had
a challenge for me.Copy !req
259. All right, we got marine winch, sling,
feeder fish, 20,000-gallon tank...Copy !req
260. Wait a minute. Look here.Copy !req
261. That's a lot of equipment
for a civilian.Copy !req
262. Ronald Camp? The billionaire?Copy !req
263. Billionaire and rare-fish collector.Copy !req
264. Really?Copy !req
265. That is the face of the enemy.Copy !req
266. Always trying to get his greedy hands
on endangered species.Copy !req
267. Hold on.Copy !req
268. Camp is connected with the dolphins?Copy !req
269. That subgenius gave them the land
the stadium's built on.Copy !req
270. And look, he's throwing another "I'm
the richest man in the universe" party.Copy !req
271. Looks like it's time for me
to get myself a date.Copy !req
272. I'm really going out on a limb here.
His social events are strictly A-list.Copy !req
273. The date started good, Chuck, but before
we got to the party, she tensed up.Copy !req
274. If you do anything to embarrass me...Copy !req
275. What? Like this?Copy !req
276. Hi, Captain Stubing.Copy !req
277. How are Gopher and Doc?Copy !req
278. Permission to come aboard, sir.Copy !req
279. I'm sorry, ladies.Copy !req
280. Glad you could make it.Copy !req
281. Thank you.Copy !req
282. You look wonderful.Copy !req
283. And who is he, a friend?Copy !req
284. No, this is...
This is my date.Copy !req
285. He's a lawyer.Copy !req
286. Does he have a name,
or should I call him "Lawyer"?Copy !req
287. I'm sorry. This is Ace V...Copy !req
288. Tom Ace.Copy !req
289. Pleasure to meet you.Copy !req
290. Congratulations on all your success.Copy !req
291. You smell terrific!Copy !req
292. One of the first lessons we learned...Copy !req
293. back at...Copy !req
294. Stanford was the growth of food-
poisoning claims against wealthy-people.Copy !req
295. One could make quite
a lucrative law practice...Copy !req
296. with little else.Copy !req
297. How is everybody feeling tonight?Copy !req
298. Very, very well, thank you.Copy !req
299. Look, honey...Copy !req
300. there's the hors d'oeuvres.Copy !req
301. Are you insane? There is no way
that Camp stole Snowflake.Copy !req
302. What are you trying to do?Copy !req
303. Will you keep him occupied
while I work my magic, please?Copy !req
304. Smooshy, isn't it?Copy !req
305. We got a few cases
from my new dealer in Paris.Copy !req
306. Excuse me, Ron...Copy !req
307. I need to use the bathroom.Copy !req
308. I think it's the pâté.Copy !req
309. Sure, it's over there.Copy !req
310. Stuff probably looks better
on the way out.Copy !req
311. He wasn't feeling well earlier today.Copy !req
312. Gravy!Copy !req
313. Don't worry, Snowflake.Copy !req
314. Ace Ventura's here.Copy !req
315. Yummy!Copy !req
316. Snowflake!Copy !req
317. Here, Snowflake.Copy !req
318. I've got a snack for you.Copy !req
319. They're wonderful, aren't they?Copy !req
320. Yes, they certainly are.Copy !req
321. No matter what's going on in my life...Copy !req
322. I can always watch them swim...Copy !req
323. and be totally at peace.Copy !req
324. It's not Snowflake!Copy !req
325. It's not Snowflake!Copy !req
326. It's not Snowflake!Copy !req
327. Are you sure your date is all right?Copy !req
328. It's been an awfully long time.Copy !req
329. Who, Tom?Copy !req
330. Well, I'm sure he's fine.Copy !req
331. Do not go in there!Copy !req
332. I'm sorry. I'll have the plumbing
checked immediately.Copy !req
333. Do that! If I'd been drinking out
of the toilet, I might've been killed.Copy !req
334. I'm sorry again, Mr. Ace.Copy !req
335. What're you doing?Copy !req
336. I'm sorry, Ron.Copy !req
337. What's he doing?Copy !req
338. Let's go!Copy !req
339. Stop it!Copy !req
340. I don't even wanna know
why your pants are missing!Copy !req
341. You could've cost me my job!Copy !req
342. So you found a pebble
in Snowflake's tank. I'll call CNN.Copy !req
343. I found it in the filter, thank you.Copy !req
344. And it's not a pebble, it's a rare,
triangular cut orange amber.Copy !req
345. What're you talking about?Copy !req
346. Tonight I saw the same stone
in Camp's ring.Copy !req
347. I thought you said Camp didn't do it.Copy !req
348. No, his ring wasn't missing a stone.Copy !req
349. But whoever was in that tank
had a ring just like his.Copy !req
350. Ring? What ring?Copy !req
351. The 1984 Dolphin AFC championship ring.Copy !req
352. I find the ring with a missing stone,
I find Snowflake.Copy !req
353. How you gonna do that?Copy !req
354. Simple.Copy !req
355. Loser!Copy !req
356. Why don't you learn how to drive, pal?Copy !req
357. You wanna play?Copy !req
358. Damn it!Copy !req
359. That stone could've come from anywhere.Copy !req
360. It could've come from...Copy !req
361. a necklace or a pendant, an earring.Copy !req
362. It came from an '84 AFC
championship ring.Copy !req
363. Einhorn thinks it may have been
an animal-rights group. You know FAN?Copy !req
364. Free Animals Now, started by Chelsea,
daughter of industrialist Fisher Gamble?Copy !req
365. Over half a million members worldwide?Copy !req
366. No. Who are they?Copy !req
367. Did you know...Copy !req
368. they sent letters to college teams
demanding the release of their mascots?Copy !req
369. What do you feed your dog?Copy !req
370. Dog food. Why?Copy !req
371. He is miserable!Copy !req
372. What are you talking about?Copy !req
373. He's very unhappy. I feel sorry for him.
Bad diet, isolated environment.Copy !req
374. It's amazing he's still alive.Copy !req
375. You're just mad because your stupid
pebble theory didn't work out.Copy !req
376. You can't express anger.Copy !req
377. Yeah? And you're ugly.Copy !req
378. I'm not even gonna talk to you.
Would you please leave?Copy !req
379. Why? So you can beat him?Copy !req
380. Fatty!Copy !req
381. You're unbelievable!Copy !req
382. Hiring you was the biggest mistake
I ever made.Copy !req
383. Well, why don't you cry about it,
saddlebags?Copy !req
384. You like her, huh?Copy !req
385. Yeah, she's all right.Copy !req
386. Look, Melissa, I...Copy !req
387. I'm here at the North Beach Towers
condo complex in north Miami...Copy !req
388. where Roger Podacter, head of
operations for the Miami Dolphins...Copy !req
389. has apparently committed suicide...Copy !req
390. allegedly leaping to his death
from his 20th-story balcony...Copy !req
391. You okay?Copy !req
392. I told you. I was in my apartment...Copy !req
393. across the hall.Copy !req
394. I heard a scream...Copy !req
395. so I called the manager.Copy !req
396. The place was empty, except for the dog.Copy !req
397. I opened the balcony door
and looked out...Copy !req
398. splat, bang, pancake time.Copy !req
399. Okay, thank you very much.Copy !req
400. Hi there, fella.Copy !req
401. Have a bad night?Copy !req
402. So...Copy !req
403. animals can sense evil.Copy !req
404. Who let Dr. Doolittle in?Copy !req
405. Lieutenant, he came with Miss Robinson.Copy !req
406. This is police business. We'll let you
know if the coroner finds a tick.Copy !req
407. Face it...Copy !req
408. Forget it. She's right.Copy !req
409. Besides...Copy !req
410. I wouldn't want someone tracing
my steps, pointing out my mistakes.Copy !req
411. So...Copy !req
412. you don't think this is an obvious
suicide, Mr. Pet Detective?Copy !req
413. I wouldn't say that. There's plenty
of evidence here to support your theory.Copy !req
414. Except, of course, for that
spot of blood on the railing.Copy !req
415. May I tell you what I think happened?Copy !req
416. Alrighty, then!Copy !req
417. Roger Podacter went out after work,
had a few drinks, then came home.Copy !req
418. He wasn't alone. Someone else
was with him. There was a struggle...Copy !req
419. and he was thrown over that balcony.Copy !req
420. Roger Podacter didn't commit suicide.Copy !req
421. He was murdered.Copy !req
422. That's a very entertaining story...Copy !req
423. but real detectives have to worry
about that little thing called...Copy !req
424. evidence.Copy !req
425. I think I heard a toilet flush.Copy !req
426. Maybe somebody lost a turtle.Copy !req
427. Well, I...Copy !req
428. I guess I'm out of my league here.Copy !req
429. Good work.Copy !req
430. There is just
one more thing, lieutenant.Copy !req
431. This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor.Copy !req
432. She said she heard a scream. Right?Copy !req
433. And you had to open
the balcony door when you came in?Copy !req
434. - That's true.
- You're sure you had to open this door?Copy !req
435. I'm certain.Copy !req
436. What's the point, Ventura?Copy !req
437. Only this.Copy !req
438. This is double-paned, soundproof glass.
There is no way...Copy !req
439. she could have heard
Podacter scream on the way down.Copy !req
440. The scream she heard
came from inside...Copy !req
441. before he was thrown off the balcony.
The murderer closed the door upon going.Copy !req
442. Can you feel that, buddy?Copy !req
443. I have exorcized the demons!Copy !req
444. This house is clear.Copy !req
445. - Losers.
- Get him out of here!Copy !req
446. - Losers! Losers!
- Let's go, Ace.Copy !req
447. Losers.Copy !req
448. Come on.Copy !req
449. Back to the zoo.Copy !req
450. What are you thinking?Copy !req
451. This whole thing is connected, somehow.Copy !req
452. I want to find that other ring.Copy !req
453. Ace, you checked all the rings.Copy !req
454. Receipts? What about receipts?Copy !req
455. There's gotta be receipts.Copy !req
456. That was pretty impressive,
what you did at the apartment.Copy !req
457. You don't have to tell me.Copy !req
458. I was there.Copy !req
459. Maybe you should've joined the police
force, become a real detective.Copy !req
460. I don't do humans.Copy !req
461. You really love animals.Copy !req
462. If it gets cold enough.Copy !req
463. No, I have a kinship with them.Copy !req
464. I understand them.Copy !req
465. Wanna hear something spooky?Copy !req
466. Sure.Copy !req
467. One time when I was about 12, I had
a dream that I was being followed by...Copy !req
468. a big dog with rabies.Copy !req
469. He had these bloodshot eyes...Copy !req
470. and foam came out of his mouth.Copy !req
471. No matter how fast I ran, he just kept
gaining on me and gaining on me.Copy !req
472. Then just before I got
to my front door...Copy !req
473. he jumped and sank his teeth in.Copy !req
474. That's when I woke up...Copy !req
475. and felt the back of my neck.
Check that out.Copy !req
476. Bastard!Copy !req
477. I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself.Copy !req
478. Want to know why I do this?Copy !req
479. I'm not sure anymore.Copy !req
480. You better be sure...Copy !req
481. because once you get
inside my head...Copy !req
482. there's no turning back.Copy !req
483. So...Copy !req
484. Are these all? There's only a dozen.Copy !req
485. Maybe it's in another file,
in the back.Copy !req
486. Who the hell is that?Copy !req
487. What?Copy !req
488. That.Copy !req
489. Who the hell is that?Copy !req
490. That's Ray Finkle, the kicker.
Don't you know who he is?Copy !req
491. Why isn't he in this picture?Copy !req
492. This was taken earlier in the year.
Ray Finkle wasn't added till mid-season.Copy !req
493. He missed the final field goal
in the Super Bowl that year.Copy !req
494. Cost the Dolphins the game.Copy !req
495. But he got himself a ring, didn't he?Copy !req
496. Definitely.Copy !req
497. "Replacement kicker
having a great year."Copy !req
498. "Ready for Super Bowl,
all-star kicker boasts."Copy !req
499. "Field goal sails wide,
Dolphins lose Super Bowl."Copy !req
500. "The kick heard round the world."Copy !req
501. That was Finkle.
The Dolphins lost by one point.Copy !req
502. Poor guy.Copy !req
503. Poor guy with a motive, baby.Copy !req
504. Where is he now?Copy !req
505. I heard he went back
to his hometown in Collier County.Copy !req
506. Really?Copy !req
507. You're gonna drop me off before you go?Copy !req
508. No way. You shouldn't be
left alone right now.Copy !req
509. It might not be safe at your apartment.Copy !req
510. What do you suggest?Copy !req
511. Oh, my God!Copy !req
512. Oh, my God.Copy !req
513. Three times?Copy !req
514. I'm sorry, that's never
happened to me before.Copy !req
515. I must be tired.Copy !req
516. Okay, I'm ready again.Copy !req
517. I'm looking for Ray Finkle...Copy !req
518. and a clean pair of shorts.Copy !req
519. What do you know about Ray Finkle?Copy !req
520. Soccer-style kicker.
Graduated from Collier High, 1976.Copy !req
521. Stetson University honors graduate,
1980. Holds two NCAA records.Copy !req
522. Most points and distance.Copy !req
523. Nickname, "The Mule."
The only pro athlete from here.Copy !req
524. And one hell of a model American.Copy !req
525. Are you another one of them
Hard Copy guys?Copy !req
526. No, sir.Copy !req
527. I'm just a big Finkle fan.Copy !req
528. This is my Graceland, sir.Copy !req
529. Will you put that gun down?Copy !req
530. The boy is a fan of our son.Copy !req
531. So nice to meet you.Copy !req
532. I'm Ray's mother...Copy !req
533. and this is Ray's father.Copy !req
534. It's a real honor!Copy !req
535. It's an honor to have you here.Copy !req
536. My Ray is so appreciative of his fans.Copy !req
537. He'll be so pleased you stopped by.Copy !req
538. Are you expecting Ray anytime soon?Copy !req
539. Oh, yes. I expect him home any minute.Copy !req
540. Would you like some cookies?
I just baked them.Copy !req
541. Yummy!Copy !req
542. Ray Finkle's house.Copy !req
543. I can't wait to meet him.Copy !req
544. Ray ain't coming home.Copy !req
545. But your wife expects him any minute.Copy !req
546. She expects him home any minute.Copy !req
547. See, the engine's running
but there's nobody behind the wheel.Copy !req
548. Eight years ago...Copy !req
549. our son escaped from
Shady Acres Mental Hospital.Copy !req
550. And they're still bugging us
to pick up his stuff.Copy !req
551. It was all that Dan Marino's fault.
Everyone knows that.Copy !req
552. If he'd held the ball laces out,
like he's supposed to...Copy !req
553. Ray wouldn't have missed the kick.Copy !req
554. Dan Marino should die
of gonorrhea and rot in hell.Copy !req
555. Would you like a cookie, son?Copy !req
556. What do you know?Copy !req
557. They're little footballs.Copy !req
558. Laces out.Copy !req
559. When Ray gets back and starts
kicking again...Copy !req
560. he'll never even know he was gone.Copy !req
561. I've kept his room
just the way he left it.Copy !req
562. Oh, boy!Copy !req
563. What a sports nut, huh?Copy !req
564. May I?Copy !req
565. Oh, yes, by all means.Copy !req
566. Five seconds to go here
in Super Bowl 17.Copy !req
567. Dolphins trailing the 49ers...Copy !req
568. by one. This will
win the game for Miami.Copy !req
569. There's the snap.Copy !req
570. Marino holds.Copy !req
571. The kick...Copy !req
572. and it's high. No, it's...Copy !req
573. no good.Copy !req
574. Ray Finkle blew a 26-yard field goal!Copy !req
575. I don't believe it!Copy !req
576. The Dolphins lose!Copy !req
577. The Dolphins lose!
The Dolphins lose the Super Bowl!Copy !req
578. - Melissa, it's Ace!
- Where are you?Copy !req
579. I'm in psychoville, and Finkle's
the mayor. Where's Marino?Copy !req
580. Why?Copy !req
581. He's about to join Snowflake.
I've gotta know where he is!Copy !req
582. He has a commercial shoot
at the Bogart Sound Stage.Copy !req
583. Call the police. Get extra
security over there. Now!Copy !req
584. Ace, what's going on?Copy !req
585. Thought I left?Copy !req
586. I'm really gonna go this time.Copy !req
587. Here we go, folks. Very quiet.Copy !req
588. Action!Copy !req
589. I'm Dan Marino, and if anyone knows
the value of protection, it's me.Copy !req
590. So I take care of the hands
that take care of me...Copy !req
591. with Isotoner gloves!Copy !req
592. Cut! Again from the top.Copy !req
593. I said, cut!Copy !req
594. Guys, it's a cut!Copy !req
595. What the hell are they doing?Copy !req
596. That's a cut!Copy !req
597. - What is this, a rewrite?
- Shut up!Copy !req
598. - Where'd they go?
- Over there!Copy !req
599. Let's go!Copy !req
600. Excuse me, gentlemen!Copy !req
601. Pet detective!Copy !req
602. Come on!Copy !req
603. What's wrong?Copy !req
604. Can't you hit me?Copy !req
605. Have there been ransom demands?Copy !req
606. There's no communication
with the kidnappers.Copy !req
607. Will the Super Bowl be postponed?Copy !req
608. The game is on as scheduled.Copy !req
609. Why weren't we told
about the kidnapping?Copy !req
610. Secrecy was essential.
We couldn't risk any interference.Copy !req
611. - Are the crimes related?
- I'm sorry, I can't comment further.Copy !req
612. Now, if you'll excuse me...Copy !req
613. Get me the autopsy on Podacter!Copy !req
614. Aguado, send out a memo:
No one talks to the press!Copy !req
615. And somebody get me some coffee!Copy !req
616. Tonight on Miami Vice,
Crockett gets the boss a coffee!Copy !req
617. When I get out of that bathroom,
you'd better be gone!Copy !req
618. Is it number one or number two?Copy !req
619. I just wanna know how much time I have.Copy !req
620. By the way,
I went ahead and solved that...Copy !req
621. pesky Snowflake-Podacter-
Marino thing.Copy !req
622. You ever heard of a former
Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle?Copy !req
623. All right, Ventura...Copy !req
624. make it quick.Copy !req
625. I found a rare stone
at the bottom of Snowflake's tank.Copy !req
626. It belongs to a Dolphin '84 AFC
championship ring.Copy !req
627. It would've been a Super Bowl ring,
but Ray missed the kick.Copy !req
628. Blames the whole thing on Marino.Copy !req
629. We're talking paranoid, delusional
psychosis. I saw the guy's room.Copy !req
630. Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.Copy !req
631. So how does Roger Podacter fit in?Copy !req
632. My guess is, Finkle was snooping around.
Podacter recognized him. End of story.Copy !req
633. As for Snowflake, they gave him Finkle's
number, taught him how to kick a goal.Copy !req
634. Finkle took it personally.Copy !req
635. So where is Finkle now?Copy !req
636. Busted out of a mental institute. He's
been plotting his revenge for years.Copy !req
637. Waiting for the perfect time
to get back at them.Copy !req
638. The time when it'd hurt them most:Copy !req
639. Super Bowl time.Copy !req
640. Man, I'm tired of being right!Copy !req
641. Congratulations.Copy !req
642. You've done some fine detective work...Copy !req
643. Ace.Copy !req
644. I'm sorry, could you
speak into my good ear?Copy !req
645. I thought I heard you call me Ace.Copy !req
646. Maybe I was wrong about you.
Maybe you are more than just a pet dick.Copy !req
647. Your gun is digging into my hip.Copy !req
648. What's wrong?Copy !req
649. Want me to read you your rights?Copy !req
650. Maybe later.Copy !req
651. What is it?Copy !req
652. That bony little bitch...Copy !req
653. Melissa Robinson?Copy !req
654. You just don't do anything for me.Copy !req
655. Down, boy!Copy !req
656. Everything okay in here?
I heard some commotion.Copy !req
657. Fine, sergeant.Copy !req
658. You want me to throw him out?Copy !req
659. Why don't you throw yourself out?Copy !req
660. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
661. Ace, I want you to leave
everything to us.Copy !req
662. I can't do that, lieutenant.
I was hired to find Snowflake.Copy !req
663. When we find Marino...Copy !req
664. we'll deliver Snowflake.Copy !req
665. When I find Snowflake...Copy !req
666. I'll deliver Marino.Copy !req
667. Melissa, it's Ace!Copy !req
668. What are you doing here?
It's the middle of the night.Copy !req
669. You have to commit me.Copy !req
670. Finkle escaped from Shady Acres.
They still have his stuff.Copy !req
671. They aren't gonna let us look around.Copy !req
672. I know.Copy !req
673. It's a good thing
I'm a master of disguise.Copy !req
674. Mrs. Robinson...Copy !req
675. I'm Dr. Handly.Copy !req
676. Now who is it you want us to look at?Copy !req
677. My brother...Copy !req
678. Larry.Copy !req
679. I'm ready to go in.
Just give me a chance!Copy !req
680. I know there's a lot riding on it,
but it's all psychological.Copy !req
681. Just gotta stay positive.Copy !req
682. I'm gonna execute
a buttonhook pattern, super slow-mo.Copy !req
683. Let's see that...Copy !req
684. in an instant replay.Copy !req
685. Your brother won't be
the first football pro we've treated.Copy !req
686. - Is that right?
- Yes, we're very sensitive...Copy !req
687. to the stress athletes
have to endure.Copy !req
688. I'm open! I'm open!Copy !req
689. I'm open!Copy !req
690. We'll do some preliminary evaluations...Copy !req
691. but I think he'll fit in nicely here.Copy !req
692. Over here!Copy !req
693. 351!Copy !req
694. 351!Copy !req
695. Rover, sit! Hut, hut!Copy !req
696. He seems to have some difficulty
letting go of the game.Copy !req
697. Has he had a history of mental illness?Copy !req
698. As long as I've known him.Copy !req
699. This is one of our therapy rooms.Copy !req
700. And we do arts and crafts
out here in the courtyard.Copy !req
701. And this is the storage room.
Down the hallway we have another...Copy !req
702. Halftime!Copy !req
703. He'll be fine there by himself
for the next 20 minutes.Copy !req
704. I'll show you the dormitories, then.Copy !req
705. Isotoners.Copy !req
706. Obsess much?Copy !req
707. Where are you going?Copy !req
708. - To clean the storage room.
- No, clean the cafeteria.Copy !req
709. I don't tell you how to do your job.Copy !req
710. The schedule says...Copy !req
711. - clean the cafeteria.
- I know what I'm doing.Copy !req
712. You should've done it earlier.Copy !req
713. Man, come on. Cafeteria, my ass!
I'm cleaning in here!Copy !req
714. You take breaks too long. You smoke...Copy !req
715. Man, you're a pain in the ass!Copy !req
716. "Search called off for missing hiker."Copy !req
717. "A search ended today
when rescue workers...Copy !req
718. were unable to find the body
of Lois Einhorn."Copy !req
719. A hiker missing since Friday?Copy !req
720. Lois Einhorn?Copy !req
721. Holy shitballs!Copy !req
722. What're you doing out here?
Get back to work!Copy !req
723. "Love, Roger"?Copy !req
724. Ace, it's E.Copy !req
725. You think the article you found
was something?Copy !req
726. I got a note from Roger to Einhorn...Copy !req
727. thanking her for a wonderful evening.Copy !req
728. Something ain't stirring
the Kool-Aid, man.Copy !req
729. Wiggles, rewind.Copy !req
730. What the hell does Lois Einhorn
have to do with Ray Finkle?Copy !req
731. Come on, think!Copy !req
732. Finkle and Einhorn, in it together.
How? Why?Copy !req
733. All right! Here we go.Copy !req
734. Answer's right there!
Just gotta get blood to the brain!Copy !req
735. Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!Copy !req
736. Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!Copy !req
737. Quitter!Copy !req
738. What do you want?Copy !req
739. I don't have any food for you.Copy !req
740. I have to have money to buy food.Copy !req
741. I have to have a dolphin to get money.
Do you see a dolphin here?Copy !req
742. Let's face it...Copy !req
743. your master is a loser.Copy !req
744. What the?Copy !req
745. That's it.Copy !req
746. That's it!Copy !req
747. Einhorn is Finkle.Copy !req
748. Finkle is Einhorn!Copy !req
749. Einhorn is a man!Copy !req
750. Oh, my God!Copy !req
751. Einhorn is a man!Copy !req
752. "Your gun is digging into my hip."Copy !req
753. God!Copy !req
754. And the big story in this
Super Bowl game is the abduction...Copy !req
755. of Miami's starting quarterback,
Dan Marino.Copy !req
756. It's gotta be a strain
on this Miami team, Bob...Copy !req
757. What's the matter, Dan?
Aren't you having fun?Copy !req
758. I just love Super Bowl Sunday.
Don't you, Dan?Copy !req
759. A magical afternoon...Copy !req
760. where dreams are made...Copy !req
761. and crushed.Copy !req
762. Look, if you want tickets,
you're going about it the wrong way.Copy !req
763. Do I look familiar to you?
Does it seem as if we've...Copy !req
764. met someplace before?Copy !req
765. I don't know.
I get hit in the head a lot.Copy !req
766. Now the coin toss.Copy !req
767. Kickoff time.Copy !req
768. My favorite thing.Copy !req
769. Laces out!Copy !req
770. I made some refreshments, Dan.Copy !req
771. Would you like some refreshments, Dan?Copy !req
772. I'll be right back, Dan.Copy !req
773. I don't know how much psycho-woman's
paying you, but I'll double it.Copy !req
774. Sorry.
"Psycho-woman" keeps us out of prison.Copy !req
775. Snowflake, here you go. Come on.Copy !req
776. Check it out, Marino.Copy !req
777. I'm throwing passes to a dolphin.Copy !req
778. Damn!Copy !req
779. Go get some more fish!Copy !req
780. I'm gonna kill that dolphin.Copy !req
781. Lovely party.Copy !req
782. Pity I wasn't invited.Copy !req
783. Where the hell's the smelt?Copy !req
784. Unconscious. Exactly as I planned.Copy !req
785. What the hell was that?Copy !req
786. Shit!Copy !req
787. What happened? What's going on?Copy !req
788. You okay?Copy !req
789. Guess what?Copy !req
790. It's naptime!Copy !req
791. What a hit!Copy !req
792. Heads up!Copy !req
793. Who are you?Copy !req
794. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
I've been sent with a special play:Copy !req
795. The quarterback sneak.Copy !req
796. Penalty!Copy !req
797. Too many men on the field.Copy !req
798. I warned you, Ventura.Copy !req
799. Whatever happened to "Ace"?Copy !req
800. Good question.Copy !req
801. Be careful with that phone.
In time, you could develop a tumor.Copy !req
802. Aguado, it's Lieutenant Einhorn.Copy !req
803. Send some men over
to the Hallandale yacht basin.Copy !req
804. I've got the kidnapper
trapped in the warehouse.Copy !req
805. It's Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.Copy !req
806. Code 11 in progress,
343 Victorville Road...Copy !req
807. at the Palmdale basin.Copy !req
808. Officer needs backup.
Suspect's name: Ace Ventura...Copy !req
809. should be considered
armed and dangerous.Copy !req
810. It's Ace. We gotta break out of here.Copy !req
811. Is he in trouble?Copy !req
812. Don't worry, if there's
one thing I know...Copy !req
813. there's nothing Ace can't handle.Copy !req
814. Don't kill me!Copy !req
815. Please!Copy !req
816. I'll never tell anyone, I swear.Copy !req
817. - He's who you want! Kill him!
- Kill him!Copy !req
818. Kill him! He held the ball, remember?Copy !req
819. Come on, look at him!Copy !req
820. - Crybaby!
- Jock!Copy !req
821. - Wimp.
- Musclehead.Copy !req
822. Shut up!Copy !req
823. I think I'll kill the dolphin first.
I wouldn't want you to miss that.Copy !req
824. And there's the snap.Copy !req
825. The kick!Copy !req
826. And it's good!Copy !req
827. Good to see somebody who
doesn't buckle under the pressure!Copy !req
828. What would you know about pressure?Copy !req
829. Well, I have kissed a man.Copy !req
830. Of course, there's never been
a more crucial kick in a Super Bowl...Copy !req
831. than the "kick
heard around the world."Copy !req
832. I mean, it's clear to me that it was
a good hold. Finkle just booted it.Copy !req
833. The laces were in!Copy !req
834. They were in!Copy !req
835. You like that?Copy !req
836. You like that?Copy !req
837. And that! And that!Copy !req
838. Having a little trouble with the lady?Copy !req
839. You don't understand...Copy !req
840. she's a...Copy !req
841. Get him, Lois! Get him!Copy !req
842. Get him!Copy !req
843. Shoot him!Copy !req
844. - Shoot him!
- Hold your fire!Copy !req
845. Don't shoot!Copy !req
846. Put your guns down, or this cop gets it!Copy !req
847. I mean it!Copy !req
848. She's not joking!Copy !req
849. He kidnapped Snowflake!Copy !req
850. He killed Roger Podacter and was about
to kill Marino and me!Copy !req
851. Fiction can be fun!Copy !req
852. But I find the reference section
much more enlightening.Copy !req
853. For instance...Copy !req
854. if you look up...Copy !req
855. professional football's
all-time bonehead plays...Copy !req
856. you might read about a Miami Dolphin
kicker named Ray Finkle...Copy !req
857. who missed a 26-yard field goal
in the closing seconds of Super Bowl 17.Copy !req
858. You wouldn't read that Finkle
was committed to a mental hospital...Copy !req
859. only to escape and join the police...Copy !req
860. in a scheme
to get even with Marino...Copy !req
861. whom he blamed for the entire thing!Copy !req
862. What are you talking about?Copy !req
863. She's not Lois Einhorn!
She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!Copy !req
864. He's lying!Copy !req
865. Shoot him!Copy !req
866. Let's just see who's lying, shall we?Copy !req
867. Would a real woman have to wear
one of these?Copy !req
868. Boy, that's really on there!Copy !req
869. But tell me this:Copy !req
870. Would a real woman...Copy !req
871. be missing these?Copy !req
872. That kind of surgery can be done
over the weekend.Copy !req
873. But I doubt very much...Copy !req
874. if he could find the time
during his busy schedule...Copy !req
875. to get rid of...Copy !req
876. big old...Copy !req
877. Mr. Knish!Copy !req
878. Oh, boy!Copy !req
879. Come here.Copy !req
880. Would you excuse me for just one second?Copy !req
881. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
882. my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino...Copy !req
883. brought new evidence to my attention.Copy !req
884. Now...Copy !req
885. history has certainly shown
that even the most intuitive...Copy !req
886. criminal investigator can be wrong.Copy !req
887. But if I am mistaken...Copy !req
888. if the lieutenant
is indeed a woman...Copy !req
889. as she claims to be...Copy !req
890. then, my friend...Copy !req
891. she is suffering from the worst case
of hemorrhoids I have ever seen!Copy !req
892. That's why Roger Podacter is dead!Copy !req
893. He found Captain Winkie!Copy !req
894. Good night!Copy !req
895. You've been a wonderful audience.
Be sure to tip your waitress.Copy !req
896. Die, animal boy!Copy !req
897. Quick decision.Copy !req
898. Loser!Copy !req
899. You have any more gum?Copy !req
900. That's none of your damn business.
Stay out of my personal affairs.Copy !req
901. You're a weird guy, Ace. A weird guy.Copy !req
902. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
903. the Miami Dolphins are proud...Copy !req
904. to welcome back
to Joe Robbie Stadium...Copy !req
905. our beloved mascot...Copy !req
906. and the star of our halftime show:Copy !req
907. Snowflake!Copy !req
908. And now...Copy !req
909. returning for the second half,
the Dolphins' most valuable player...Copy !req
910. Dan Marino!Copy !req
911. Idiot!Copy !req
912. Do you know what you've done?
You just cost me 25 grand, Polly.Copy !req
913. Yeah? Blow me!Copy !req
914. Really?Copy !req
915. The National Football League...Copy !req
916. would like to offer a special thank-
you to the man who rescued Dan Marino...Copy !req
917. and our beloved Snowflake.Copy !req
918. A great humanitarian...Copy !req
919. and a lover of all animals:Copy !req
920. Mr. Ace Ventura!Copy !req
921. Get off me!Copy !req
922. Get off me!Copy !req
923. Tone, put that big-ass size 13 on
and kick it for the homies.Copy !req
924. [ © anoXmous
@ http://thepiratebay.sx/user/Zen_Bud/Copy !req