0. Heads up! Good defense!Copy !req
1. Good defense!Copy !req
2. We're going downtown.Copy !req
3. Shut the hell up, you stupid mutt!Copy !req
4. What do you want?Copy !req
5. HDS, sir. How are you this afternoon?
Alrighty. I have a package for you.Copy !req
6. It sounds broken.Copy !req
7. Most likely. I'll bet it was something
nice. This is an insurance form.Copy !req
8. If you'll just sign here,
here, and here...Copy !req
9. ...we'll get the rest of the forms
to you soon.Copy !req
10. That's a lovely dog.Copy !req
11. -Do you mind if I pet him?
-I don't give a rat's ass.Copy !req
12. Oh, brother!Copy !req
13. That's fine. I can finish the rest.Copy !req
14. You just have yourself a good day.
Take care now. Bye-bye.Copy !req
15. Excuse me! HDS!Copy !req
16. HDS! Coming through!Copy !req
17. Got a package, people!Copy !req
18. Get away from the door.Copy !req
19. What's the matter with you?
I said, get!Copy !req
20. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
21. That was a close one!Copy !req
22. Unfortunately...Copy !req
23. ...in every contest
there must be a loser.Copy !req
24. Hungry, fellow?Copy !req
25. There you go.Copy !req
26. No problem. It gets flooded.
We'll just wait a few seconds.Copy !req
27. Or we can try it now.Copy !req
28. Putz!Copy !req
29. Come on!Copy !req
30. Get out! Get out!Copy !req
31. Warning: Assholes
are closer than they appear!Copy !req
32. Give me a push while you're back there.Copy !req
33. Alrighty, then!Copy !req
34. It's alive!Copy !req
35. It's alive!Copy !req
36. My little baby, come here.
You missed Mommy, didn't you?Copy !req
37. Yes, you did. Did Daddy hurt you?
I won't let him. No, I won't.Copy !req
38. He can keep the big TV, but he's not
gonna hurt my baby, no he's not.Copy !req
39. Thank you, Mr. Ventura.Copy !req
40. How can I ever repay you?Copy !req
41. A reward would be good.Copy !req
42. There is some damage to my car,
and I had to fill it with premium.Copy !req
43. Would you like for me
to take your pants off instead?Copy !req
44. Gee! Let me think.Copy !req
45. Sure.Copy !req
46. People are real friendly around here.Copy !req
47. Ventura!Copy !req
48. Yes, Satan?Copy !req
49. I'm sorry, sir.
You sounded like someone else.Copy !req
50. Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura.Copy !req
51. You owe me rent.Copy !req
52. Mr. Shickadance, I told you,
you're my first priority.Copy !req
53. I'm on a very big case right now.
Check this out.Copy !req
54. Look at that.
That's a true albino pigeon.Copy !req
55. Some rich guy lost it.
He's offering a $25,000 reward.Copy !req
56. As soon as I find this bird...Copy !req
57. ...you're paid.Copy !req
58. I heard animals in there.Copy !req
59. I heard them again this morning,
scratching around.Copy !req
60. I never bring my work home with me.Copy !req
61. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
62. What's all this pet food for?Copy !req
63. Fiber.Copy !req
64. Wanna take a look inside? Come on!Copy !req
65. Come on!Copy !req
66. Go ahead. Snoop around!Copy !req
67. Well?Copy !req
68. Are you satisfied?Copy !req
69. Just don't let me catch you
with an animal in here. That's all.Copy !req
70. All right.Copy !req
71. Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.Copy !req
72. Loser!Copy !req
73. Come to me, jungle friends.Copy !req
74. Roger, let me ask you one question.Copy !req
75. How in hell do you lose
a 500-pound fish?Copy !req
76. What?Copy !req
77. I'm sorry, I was just going to say...Copy !req
78. ...that it's not a fish. It's a mammal.Copy !req
79. Thank you, Miss Jacques Cousteau.Copy !req
80. She didn't mean anything by that.Copy !req
81. I don't give a good goddamn
about that fish!Copy !req
82. Fillet it and fast-food it
if you want to!Copy !req
83. All I give a damn about is
winning the Super Bowl!Copy !req
84. My athletes have got to have
their heads in the right place!Copy !req
85. Shit, Roger! You've been
in this business a long time.Copy !req
86. You know how superstitious
these players are.Copy !req
87. I have a quarterback that's put his
socks on backwards since high school.Copy !req
88. I've got a linebacker that hasn't washed
his jockey strap in two years...Copy !req
89. ...because he thinks flies are lucky.Copy !req
90. I want that fish on that field
Super Bowl Sunday.Copy !req
91. Find the fish...Copy !req
92. ...or find new jobs!Copy !req
93. Why did it happen now,
two weeks before the Super Bowl?Copy !req
94. I'll tell you, it's those
animal-rights activists!Copy !req
95. Always out with their signs:Copy !req
96. "Animals were born free!
Stop torturing Snowflake!"Copy !req
97. That fish lives better than they do.Copy !req
98. The police are checking into the animal-
rights groups. Have they called back?Copy !req
99. No, but I wanted to tell you,
when I lost my Cuddles...Copy !req
100. ...I hired a pet detective.Copy !req
101. A what?Copy !req
102. A pet detective.Copy !req
103. Thanks, Martha, but we better
leave this to professionals.Copy !req
104. Well, actually, he was quite good.Copy !req
105. Pet detection is a very involved,
highly scientific process.Copy !req
106. Like a glove!Copy !req
107. Mr. Ventura here to see you.Copy !req
108. Thanks, Martha.Copy !req
109. Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.Copy !req
110. Pleasure to meet you.Copy !req
111. Any trouble getting in?Copy !req
112. No, the guy with the rubber glove
was surprisingly gentle.Copy !req
113. Security's tight Super Bowl week.Copy !req
114. Why don't you have a seat?
I'll get right to the point.Copy !req
115. Our mascot was stolen from his tank last
night. Are you familiar with Snowflake?Copy !req
116. Negative.Copy !req
117. We got him from Miami.
He's a rare bottle-nosed dolphin.Copy !req
118. This is a new trick he was
going to do for the halftime show.Copy !req
119. Let's go.Copy !req
120. Blue 42, blue 42!Copy !req
121. Hut, hut!Copy !req
122. All right!Copy !req
123. Come on, let's go!Copy !req
124. Good boy!Copy !req
125. Would you like an ashtray?Copy !req
126. I don't smoke.Copy !req
127. It's a disgusting habit.Copy !req
128. The police came today.Copy !req
129. Apparently, the kidnappers
came in through the back with a...Copy !req
130. Four-wheel-drive van,
loaded from the rear.Copy !req
131. Roger, how you holding up?Copy !req
132. If I'm walking funny it's because
I got two dozen reporters up my ass.Copy !req
133. They've been asking me
about Snowflake all morning.Copy !req
134. Who's he?Copy !req
135. Roger Podacter, meet Ace Ventura.Copy !req
136. He's our pet detective.Copy !req
137. Nice to meet you. You came very
highly recommended by Martha Mertz.Copy !req
138. Martha Mertz?Copy !req
139. Oh, yeah, the bitch!Copy !req
140. Pekingese, lost in Highland Park area.
She was half-dead when I found her.Copy !req
141. Is that the tank?Copy !req
142. Excuse me.Copy !req
143. -Cops drain it?
-Yes, this morning.Copy !req
144. If I'm not back in five minutes...Copy !req
145. ...just wait longer.Copy !req
146. Captain's log, stardate 23.9, rounded
off to the nearest decimal point.Copy !req
147. We've traveled back in time to save
an ancient species from annihilation.Copy !req
148. So far...Copy !req
149. ...no signs of aquatic life,
but I am going to find it.Copy !req
150. If I have to tear another black hole,
I'm going to find it!Copy !req
151. I've got to, mister!Copy !req
152. Oh, great!Copy !req
153. I'll try to head them off.Copy !req
154. Ace, get out of the tank.Copy !req
155. I just can't do it, captain!Copy !req
156. I don't have the power!Copy !req
157. People!Copy !req
158. I said, get out of the tank now!Copy !req
159. For God's sake, Jim,
I'm a doctor, not a pool man!Copy !req
160. Where's Snowflake?Copy !req
161. Snowflake is not available right now.Copy !req
162. Roger, I've been waiting all day.
I got to get a shot of his new trick!Copy !req
163. What, is he sick?Copy !req
164. People, people!Copy !req
165. Lassie must be missing.Copy !req
166. Make any good collars lately?Copy !req
167. Or were they leashes?Copy !req
168. Homicide, Ventura.Copy !req
169. How are you gonna solve that one?Copy !req
170. Good question, Aguado!Copy !req
171. First, I'd establish a motive.Copy !req
172. The killer saw the size of the bug's
dick and became insanely jealous.Copy !req
173. Then I'd lose 30 pounds
perking his wife!Copy !req
174. Come on!Copy !req
175. Now, kiss and make up!Copy !req
176. Excuse me.Copy !req
177. I’d like to ass you a few questions.Copy !req
178. This is not the time, Ace.Copy !req
179. If Einhorn come down here and see me
talking to you or your ass, I'm history.Copy !req
180. I can keep him under control. You have
to tell me who's on the Snowflake case.Copy !req
181. I can't do nothing for you on that.
My hands are tied.Copy !req
182. All right, that's it!
Now it's my turn!Copy !req
183. Five minutes alone, that's all I need!Copy !req
184. Better look alive.
Einhorn's on her way down.Copy !req
185. Come on, now. Ace, please.Copy !req
186. What's that matter?
Afraid I'll make a stink? Come on!Copy !req
187. Aguado's working the case, all right?Copy !req
188. Aguado!Copy !req
189. Good call!Copy !req
190. We're just a little busy now...Copy !req
191. ...with murderers and burglaries
and drug dealers. Things like that.Copy !req
192. A missing dolphin isn't exactly
a high priority.Copy !req
193. Now you've pissed him off.Copy !req
194. -Would you give me a break?
-I can't hold him much longer!Copy !req
195. My boss is coming!Copy !req
196. Okay, look.Copy !req
197. We ran a check with local
animal-rights groups.Copy !req
198. We checked out the taxidermists
and we already checked on van rentals.Copy !req
199. So far, nothing, nathin', nada.
All right?Copy !req
200. Any unusual bets being made?Copy !req
201. Of course! This is Super Bowl!Copy !req
202. -What'd you find out about the tank?
-Nothing.Copy !req
203. Tire tracks, an escape route.
A guard didn't see anything.Copy !req
204. -That's it?
-I swear.Copy !req
205. Now will you please get out of here
before I get in trouble?Copy !req
206. Thank you for your cooperation.Copy !req
207. By the way, do you have a mint?Copy !req
208. Perhaps some Binaca?Copy !req
209. AssholomioCopy !req
210. OsadomiaCopy !req
211. Holy testicle Tuesday!Copy !req
212. What the hell is he doing here?Copy !req
213. I came to confess.Copy !req
214. I was the second gunman
on the grassy knoll.Copy !req
215. Spare me the routine. I know
you're working the Snowflake case.Copy !req
216. May I suggest you yield
to the experts on this one?Copy !req
217. We'll find the porpoise.Copy !req
218. Now I feel better.Copy !req
219. Of course, that might not do any good.Copy !req
220. Nobody's missing a porpoise.
It’s a dolphin that's been taken.Copy !req
221. The common harbor
porpoise has an abrupt snout...Copy !req
222. ...while the bottle-nosed dolphin,
or Tursiops truncatus...Copy !req
223. ...has an elongated beak, cone-shaped
teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage.Copy !req
224. But I'm sure you already knew that.Copy !req
225. That's what turns me on about you.Copy !req
226. Your attention to detail.Copy !req
227. Listen, pet dick...Copy !req
228. ...how would you like me
to make your life a living hell?Copy !req
229. Well, I'm not really ready
for a relationship, Lois.Copy !req
230. But thank you for asking.Copy !req
231. Maybe I'll give you a call sometime.Copy !req
232. Your number still 911?Copy !req
233. Alrighty, then!Copy !req
234. Excuse me. Is Greg here?Copy !req
235. Thank you!Copy !req
236. What's the password?Copy !req
237. New England clam chowder.Copy !req
238. Is that the red or the white?Copy !req
239. I can never remember that!Copy !req
240. White?Copy !req
241. Hey, Woodstock!Copy !req
242. Hey, Saint Francis, how's it going?Copy !req
243. Super, thanks for asking.
I hope you're having a lovely day.Copy !req
244. Do you?Copy !req
245. Don't l?Copy !req
246. So what are you up to?Copy !req
247. Just watching the fishies.Copy !req
248. You see those blips?
That's a Norwegian whaling fleet.Copy !req
249. I'm sending them new
directional coordinates.Copy !req
250. They'll find Jimmy Hoffa...Copy !req
251. ...before they find any whales.Copy !req
252. Gravy! So can you still tap into
the aquatic supply stores in the area?Copy !req
253. Of course I can. Why?Copy !req
254. I wanna trace the sale of equipment...Copy !req
255. ...for transporting or housing
a dolphin recently.Copy !req
256. Come on, I thought you had
a challenge for me.Copy !req
257. All right, we got marine winch, sling,
feeder fish, 20,000-gallon tank...Copy !req
258. Wait a minute. Look here.Copy !req
259. That's a lot of equipment
for a civilian.Copy !req
260. Ronald Camp? The billionaire?Copy !req
261. Billionaire and rare-fish collector.Copy !req
262. Really?Copy !req
263. That is the face of the enemy.Copy !req
264. Always trying to get his greedy hands
on endangered species.Copy !req
265. Hold on.Copy !req
266. Camp is connected with the dolphins?Copy !req
267. That sub-genius gave them the land
the stadium's built on.Copy !req
268. And look, he's throwing another "I'm
the richest man in the universe" party.Copy !req
269. Looks like it's time for me
to get myself a date.Copy !req
270. I'm really going out on a limb here.
His social events are strictly A-list.Copy !req
271. The date started good, Chuck, but before
we got to the party, she tensed up.Copy !req
272. If you do anything to embarrass me....Copy !req
273. What? Like this?Copy !req
274. Hi, Captain Stubing.Copy !req
275. How are Gopher and Doc?Copy !req
276. Permission to come aboard, sir.Copy !req
277. I'm sorry, ladies.Copy !req
278. Glad you could make it.Copy !req
279. Thank you.Copy !req
280. You look wonderful.Copy !req
281. And who is he, a friend?Copy !req
282. No, this is...
This is my date.Copy !req
283. He's a lawyer.Copy !req
284. Does he have a name,
or should I call him "Lawyer"?Copy !req
285. I'm sorry. This is Ace V...Copy !req
286. Tom Ace.Copy !req
287. Pleasure to meet you.Copy !req
288. Congratulations on all your success.Copy !req
289. You smell terrific!Copy !req
290. One of the first lessons we learned...Copy !req
291. ...back at...Copy !req
292. ...Stanford was the growth of food-
poisoning claims against wealthy-people.Copy !req
293. One could make quite
a lucrative law practice...Copy !req
294. ...with little else.Copy !req
295. How is everybody feeling tonight?Copy !req
296. Very, very well, thank you.Copy !req
297. Look, honey...Copy !req
298. ...there's the hors d'oeuvres.Copy !req
299. Are you insane? There is no way
that Camp stole Snowflake.Copy !req
300. What are you trying to do?Copy !req
301. Will you keep him occupied
while I work my magic, please?Copy !req
302. Smooshy, isn't it?Copy !req
303. We got a few cases
from my new dealer in Paris.Copy !req
304. Excuse me, Ron...Copy !req
305. ...I need to use the bathroom.Copy !req
306. I think it's the pâté.Copy !req
307. Sure, it's over there.Copy !req
308. Stuff probably looks better
on the way out.Copy !req
309. He wasn't feeling well earlier today.Copy !req
310. Gravy!Copy !req
311. Don't worry, Snowflake.Copy !req
312. Ace Ventura's here.Copy !req
313. Yummy!Copy !req
314. Snowflake!Copy !req
315. Here, Snowflake.Copy !req
316. I've got a snack for you.Copy !req
317. They're wonderful, aren't they?Copy !req
318. Yes, they certainly are.Copy !req
319. No matter what's going on in my life...Copy !req
320. ...I can always watch them swim...Copy !req
321. ...and be totally at peace.Copy !req
322. It's not Snowflake!Copy !req
323. It's not Snowflake!Copy !req
324. It's not Snowflake!Copy !req
325. Are you sure your date is all right?Copy !req
326. It's been an awfully long time.Copy !req
327. Who, Tom?Copy !req
328. Well, I'm sure he's fine.Copy !req
329. Do not go in there!Copy !req
330. I'm sorry. I'll have the plumbing
checked immediately.Copy !req
331. Do that! If I'd been drinking out
of the toilet, I might've been killed.Copy !req
332. I'm sorry again, Mr. Ace.Copy !req
333. What're you doing?Copy !req
334. I'm sorry, Ron.Copy !req
335. What's he doing?Copy !req
336. Let's go!Copy !req
337. Stop it!Copy !req
338. I don't even wanna know
why your pants are missing!Copy !req
339. You could've cost me my job!Copy !req
340. So you found a pebble
in Snowflake's tank. I'll call CNN.Copy !req
341. I found it in the filter, thank you.Copy !req
342. And it's not a pebble, it's a rare,
triangular cut orange amber.Copy !req
343. What're you talking about?Copy !req
344. Tonight I saw the same stone
in Camp's ring.Copy !req
345. I thought you said Camp didn't do it.Copy !req
346. No, his ring wasn't missing a stone.Copy !req
347. But whoever was in that tank
had a ring just like his.Copy !req
348. Ring? What ring?Copy !req
349. The 1984 Dolphin AFC championship ring.Copy !req
350. I find the ring with a missing stone,
I find Snowflake.Copy !req
351. How you gonna do that?Copy !req
352. Simple.Copy !req
353. Loser!Copy !req
354. Why don't you learn how to drive, pal?Copy !req
355. You wanna play?Copy !req
356. Damn it!Copy !req
357. That stone could've come from anywhere.Copy !req
358. It could've come from...Copy !req
359. ...a necklace or a pendant, an earring.Copy !req
360. It came from an '84 AFC
championship ring.Copy !req
361. Einhorn thinks it may have been
an animal-rights group. You know FAN?Copy !req
362. Free Animals Now, started by Chelsea,
daughter of industrialist Fisher Gamble?Copy !req
363. Over half a million members worldwide?Copy !req
364. No. Who are they?Copy !req
365. Did you know...Copy !req
366. ...they sent letters to college teams
demanding the release of their mascots?Copy !req
367. What do you feed your dog?Copy !req
368. Dog food. Why?Copy !req
369. He is miserable!Copy !req
370. What are you talking about?Copy !req
371. He's very unhappy. I feel sorry for him.
Bad diet, isolated environment.Copy !req
372. It's amazing he's still alive.Copy !req
373. You're just mad because your stupid
pebble theory didn't work out.Copy !req
374. You can't express anger.Copy !req
375. Yeah? And you're ugly.Copy !req
376. I'm not even gonna talk to you.
Would you please leave?Copy !req
377. Why? So you can beat him?Copy !req
378. Fatty!Copy !req
379. You're unbelievable!Copy !req
380. Hiring you was the biggest mistake
I ever made.Copy !req
381. Well, why don't you cry about it,
saddlebags?Copy !req
382. You like her, huh?Copy !req
383. Yeah, she's all right.Copy !req
384. Look, Melissa, l....Copy !req
385. I'm here at the North Beach Towers
condo complex in north Miami...Copy !req
386. ...where Roger Podacter, head of
operations for the Miami Dolphins...Copy !req
387. ...has apparently committed suicide...Copy !req
388. ...allegedly leaping to his death
from his 20th-story balcony....Copy !req
389. You okay?Copy !req
390. I told you. I was in my apartment...Copy !req
391. ...across the hall.Copy !req
392. I heard a scream...Copy !req
393. ...so I called the manager.Copy !req
394. The place was empty, except for the dog.Copy !req
395. I opened the balcony door
and looked out...Copy !req
396. ...splat, bang, pancake time.Copy !req
397. Okay, thank you very much.Copy !req
398. Hi there, fella.Copy !req
399. Have a bad night?Copy !req
400. So...Copy !req
401. ...animals can sense evil.Copy !req
402. Who let Dr. Doolittle in?Copy !req
403. Lieutenant, he came with Miss Robinson.Copy !req
404. This is police business. We'll let you
know if the coroner finds a tick.Copy !req
405. Face it...Copy !req
406. Forget it. She's right.Copy !req
407. Besides...Copy !req
408. ...I wouldn't want someone tracing
my steps, pointing out my mistakes.Copy !req
409. So...Copy !req
410. ...you don't think this is an obvious
suicide, Mr. Pet Detective?Copy !req
411. I wouldn't say that. There's plenty
of evidence here to support your theory.Copy !req
412. Except, of course, for that
spot of blood on the railing.Copy !req
413. May I tell you what I think happened?Copy !req
414. Alrighty, then!Copy !req
415. Roger Podacter went out after work,
had a few drinks, then came home.Copy !req
416. He wasn't alone. Someone else
was with him. There was a struggle...Copy !req
417. ..and he was thrown over that balcony.Copy !req
418. Roger Podacter didn't commit suicide.Copy !req
419. He was murdered.Copy !req
420. That's a very entertaining story...Copy !req
421. ...but real detectives have to worry
about that little thing called...Copy !req
422. ...evidence.Copy !req
423. I think I heard a toilet flush.Copy !req
424. Maybe somebody lost a turtle.Copy !req
425. Well, l....Copy !req
426. I guess I'm out of my league here.Copy !req
427. Good work.Copy !req
428. There is just
one more thing, lieutenant.Copy !req
429. This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor.Copy !req
430. She said she heard a scream. Right?Copy !req
431. And you had to open
the balcony door when you came in?Copy !req
432. -That's true.
-You're sure you had to open this door?Copy !req
433. I'm certain.Copy !req
434. What's the point, Ventura?Copy !req
435. Only this.Copy !req
436. This is double-paned, soundproof glass.
There is no way...Copy !req
437. ...she could have heard
Podacter scream on the way down.Copy !req
438. The scream she heard
came from inside...Copy !req
439. ...before he was thrown off the balcony.
The murderer closed the door upon going.Copy !req
440. Can you feel that, buddy?Copy !req
441. I have exorcized the demons!Copy !req
442. This house is clear.Copy !req
443. -Losers.
-Get him out of here!Copy !req
444. -Losers! Losers!
-Let's go, Ace.Copy !req
445. Losers.Copy !req
446. Come on.Copy !req
447. Back to the zoo.Copy !req
448. What are you thinking?Copy !req
449. This whole thing is connected, somehow.Copy !req
450. I want to find that other ring.Copy !req
451. Ace, you checked all the rings.Copy !req
452. Receipts? What about receipts?Copy !req
453. There's gotta be receipts.Copy !req
454. That was pretty impressive,
what you did at the apartment.Copy !req
455. You don't have to tell me.Copy !req
456. I was there.Copy !req
457. Maybe you should've joined the police
force, become a real detective.Copy !req
458. I don't do humans.Copy !req
459. You really love animals.Copy !req
460. If it gets cold enough.Copy !req
461. No, I have a kinship with them.Copy !req
462. I understand them.Copy !req
463. Wanna hear something spooky?Copy !req
464. Sure.Copy !req
465. One time when I was about 12, I had
a dream that I was being followed by...Copy !req
466. ...a big dog with rabies.Copy !req
467. He had these bloodshot eyes...Copy !req
468. ...and foam came out of his mouth.Copy !req
469. No matter how fast I ran, he just kept
gaining on me and gaining on me.Copy !req
470. Then just before I got
to my front door...Copy !req
471. ...he jumped and sank his teeth in.Copy !req
472. That's when I woke up...Copy !req
473. ...and felt the back of my neck.
Check that out.Copy !req
474. Bastard!Copy !req
475. I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself.Copy !req
476. Want to know why I do this?Copy !req
477. I'm not sure anymore.Copy !req
478. You better be sure...Copy !req
479. ...because once you get
inside my head...Copy !req
480. ...there's no turning back.Copy !req
481. So....Copy !req
482. Are these all? There's only a dozen.Copy !req
483. Maybe it's in another file,
in the back.Copy !req
484. Who the hell is that?Copy !req
485. What?Copy !req
486. That.Copy !req
487. Who the hell is that?Copy !req
488. That's Ray Finkle, the kicker.
Don't you know who he is?Copy !req
489. Why isn't he in this picture?Copy !req
490. This was taken earlier in the year.
Ray Finkle wasn't added till mid-season.Copy !req
491. He missed the final field goal
in the Super Bowl that year.Copy !req
492. Cost the Dolphins the game.Copy !req
493. But he got himself a ring, didn't he?Copy !req
494. Definitely.Copy !req
495. "Replacement kicker
having a great year."Copy !req
496. "Ready for Super Bowl,
all-star kicker boasts."Copy !req
497. "Field goal sails wide,
Dolphins lose Super Bowl."Copy !req
498. "The kick heard round the world."Copy !req
499. That was Finkle.
The Dolphins lost by one point.Copy !req
500. Poor guy.Copy !req
501. Poor guy with a motive, baby.Copy !req
502. Where is he now?Copy !req
503. I heard he went back
to his hometown in Collier County.Copy !req
504. Really?Copy !req
505. You're gonna drop me off before you go?Copy !req
506. No way. You shouldn't be
left alone right now.Copy !req
507. It might not be safe at your apartment.Copy !req
508. What do you suggest?Copy !req
509. Oh, my God!Copy !req
510. Oh, my God.Copy !req
511. Three times?Copy !req
512. I'm sorry, that's never
happened to me before.Copy !req
513. I must be tired.Copy !req
514. Okay, I'm ready again.Copy !req
515. I'm looking for Ray Finkle...Copy !req
516. ...and a clean pair of shorts.Copy !req
517. What do you know about Ray Finkle?Copy !req
518. Soccer-style kicker.
Graduated from Collier High, 1976.Copy !req
519. Stetson University honors graduate,
1980. Holds two NCAA records.Copy !req
520. Most points and distance.Copy !req
521. Nickname, "The Mule."
The only pro athlete from here.Copy !req
522. And one hell of a model American.Copy !req
523. Are you another one of them
Hard Copy guys?Copy !req
524. No, sir.Copy !req
525. I'm just a big Finkle fan.Copy !req
526. This is my Graceland, sir.Copy !req
527. Will you put that gun down?Copy !req
528. The boy is a fan of our son.Copy !req
529. So nice to meet you.Copy !req
530. I'm Ray's mother...Copy !req
531. ...and this is Ray's father.Copy !req
532. It's a real honor!Copy !req
533. It's an honor to have you here.Copy !req
534. My Ray is so appreciative of his fans.Copy !req
535. He'll be so pleased you stopped by.Copy !req
536. Are you expecting Ray anytime soon?Copy !req
537. Oh, yes. I expect him home any minute.Copy !req
538. Would you like some cookies?
I just baked them.Copy !req
539. Yummy!Copy !req
540. Ray Finkle's house.Copy !req
541. I can't wait to meet him.Copy !req
542. Ray ain't coming home.Copy !req
543. But your wife expects him any minute.Copy !req
544. She expects him home any minute.Copy !req
545. See, the engine's running
but there's nobody behind the wheel.Copy !req
546. Eight years ago...Copy !req
547. ...our son escaped from
Shady Acres Mental Hospital.Copy !req
548. And they're still bugging us
to pick up his stuff.Copy !req
549. It was all that Dan Marine's fault.
Everyone knows that.Copy !req
550. If he'd held the ball laces out,
like he's supposed to...Copy !req
551. ...Ray wouldn't have missed the kick.Copy !req
552. Dan Marino should die
of gonorrhea and rot in hell.Copy !req
553. Would you like a cookie, son?Copy !req
554. What do you know?Copy !req
555. They're little footballs.Copy !req
556. Laces out.Copy !req
557. When Ray gets back and starts
kicking again...Copy !req
558. ...he'll never even know he was gone.Copy !req
559. I've kept his room
just the way he left it.Copy !req
560. Oh, boy!Copy !req
561. What a sports nut, huh?Copy !req
562. May l?Copy !req
563. Oh, yes, by all means.Copy !req
564. Five seconds to go here
in Super Bowl 17.Copy !req
565. Dolphins trailing the 49ers...Copy !req
566. ...by one. This will
win the game for Miami.Copy !req
567. There's the snap.Copy !req
568. Marino holds.Copy !req
569. The kick...Copy !req
570. ...and it's high. No, it's...Copy !req
571. ...no good.Copy !req
572. Ray Finkle blew a 26-yard field goal!Copy !req
573. I don't believe it!Copy !req
574. The Dolphins lose!Copy !req
575. The Dolphins lose!
The Dolphins lose the Super Bowl!Copy !req
576. -Melissa, it's Ace!
-Where are you?Copy !req
577. I'm in psychoville, and Finkle's
the mayor. Where's Marino?Copy !req
578. Why?Copy !req
579. He's about to join Snowflake.
I've gotta know where he is!Copy !req
580. He has a commercial shoot
at the Bogart Sound Stage.Copy !req
581. Call the police. Get extra
security over there. Now!Copy !req
582. Ace, what's going on?Copy !req
583. Thought I left?Copy !req
584. I'm really gonna go this time.Copy !req
585. Here we go, folks. Very quiet.Copy !req
586. Action!Copy !req
587. I'm Dan Marino, and if anyone knows
the value of protection, it's me.Copy !req
588. So I take care of the hands
that take care of me...Copy !req
589. ...with Isotoner gloves!Copy !req
590. Cut! Again from the top.Copy !req
591. I said, cut!Copy !req
592. Guys, it's a cut!Copy !req
593. What the hell are they doing?Copy !req
594. That's a cut!Copy !req
595. -What is this, a rewrite?
-Shut up!Copy !req
596. -Where'd they go?
-Over there!Copy !req
597. Let's go!Copy !req
598. Excuse me, gentlemen!Copy !req
599. Pet detective!Copy !req
600. Come on!Copy !req
601. What's wrong?Copy !req
602. Can't you hit me?Copy !req
603. Have there been ransom demands?Copy !req
604. There's no communication
with the kidnappers.Copy !req
605. Will the Super Bowl be postponed?Copy !req
606. The game is on as scheduled.Copy !req
607. Why weren't we told
about the kidnapping?Copy !req
608. Secrecy was essential.
We couldn't risk any interference.Copy !req
609. -Are the crimes related?
-I'm sorry, I can't comment further.Copy !req
610. Now, if you'll excuse me....Copy !req
611. Get me the autopsy on Podacter!Copy !req
612. Aguado, send out a memo:
No one talks to the press!Copy !req
613. And somebody get me some coffee!Copy !req
614. Tonight on Miami Vice,
Crockett gets the boss a coffee!Copy !req
615. When I get out of that bathroom,
you'd better be gone!Copy !req
616. Is it number one or number two?Copy !req
617. I just wanna know how much time I have.Copy !req
618. By the way,
I went ahead and solved that...Copy !req
619. ...pesky Snowflake-Podacter-
Marino thing.Copy !req
620. You ever heard of a former
Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle?Copy !req
621. All right, Ventura...Copy !req
622. ...make it quick.Copy !req
623. I found a rare stone
at the bottom of Snowflake's tank.Copy !req
624. It belongs to a Dolphin '84 AFC
championship ring.Copy !req
625. It would've been a Super Bowl ring,
but Ray missed the kick.Copy !req
626. Blames the whole thing on Marino.Copy !req
627. We're talking paranoid, delusional
psychosis. I saw the guy's room.Copy !req
628. Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.Copy !req
629. So how does Roger Podacter fit in?Copy !req
630. My guess is, Finkle was snooping around.
Podacter recognized him. End of story.Copy !req
631. As for Snowflake, they gave him Finkle's
number, taught him how to kick a goal.Copy !req
632. Finkle took it personally.Copy !req
633. So where is Finkle now?Copy !req
634. Busted out of a mental institute. He's
been plotting his revenge for years.Copy !req
635. Waiting for the perfect time
to get back at them.Copy !req
636. The time when it'd hurt them most:Copy !req
637. Super Bowl time.Copy !req
638. Man, I'm tired of being right!Copy !req
639. Congratulations.Copy !req
640. You've done some fine detective work...Copy !req
641. ...Ace.Copy !req
642. I'm sorry, could you
speak into my good ear?Copy !req
643. I thought I heard you call me Ace.Copy !req
644. Maybe I was wrong about you.
Maybe you are more than just a pet dick.Copy !req
645. Your gun is digging into my hip.Copy !req
646. What's wrong?Copy !req
647. Want me to read you your rights?Copy !req
648. Maybe later.Copy !req
649. What is it?Copy !req
650. That bony little bitch...Copy !req
651. ...Melissa Robinson?Copy !req
652. You just don't do anything for me.Copy !req
653. Down, boy!Copy !req
654. Everything okay in here?
I heard some commotion.Copy !req
655. Fine, sergeant.Copy !req
656. You want me to throw him out?Copy !req
657. Why don't you throw yourself out?Copy !req
658. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
659. Ace, I want you to leave
everything to us.Copy !req
660. I can't do that, lieutenant.
I was hired to find Snowflake.Copy !req
661. When we find Marino...Copy !req
662. ...we'll deliver Snowflake.Copy !req
663. When I find Snowflake...Copy !req
664. ...I'll deliver Marino.Copy !req
665. Melissa, it's Ace!Copy !req
666. What are you doing here?
It’s the middle of the night.Copy !req
667. You have to commit me.Copy !req
668. Finkle escaped from Shady Acres.
They still have his stuff.Copy !req
669. They aren't gonna let us look around.Copy !req
670. I know.Copy !req
671. It's a good thing
I'm a master of disguise.Copy !req
672. Mrs. Robinson...Copy !req
673. ...I'm Dr. Handly.Copy !req
674. Now who is it you want us to look at?Copy !req
675. My brother...Copy !req
676. ..Larry.Copy !req
677. I'm ready to go in.
Just give me a chance!Copy !req
678. I know there's a lot riding on it,
but it's all psychological.Copy !req
679. Just gotta stay positive.Copy !req
680. I'm gonna execute
a buttonhook pattern, super slow-mo.Copy !req
681. Let's see that...Copy !req
682. ...in an instant replay.Copy !req
683. Your brother won't be
the first football pro we've treated.Copy !req
684. -Is that right?
-Yes, we're very sensitive...Copy !req
685. ...to the stress athletes
have to endure.Copy !req
686. I'm open! I'm open!Copy !req
687. I'm open!Copy !req
688. We'll do some preliminary evaluations...Copy !req
689. ...but I think he'll fit in nicely here.Copy !req
690. Over here!Copy !req
691. 351!Copy !req
692. 351!Copy !req
693. Rover, sit! Hut, hut!Copy !req
694. He seems to have some difficulty
letting go of the game.Copy !req
695. Has he had a history of mental illness?Copy !req
696. As long as I've known him.Copy !req
697. This is one of our therapy rooms.Copy !req
698. And we do arts and crafts
out here in the courtyard.Copy !req
699. And this is the storage room.
Down the hallway we have another...Copy !req
700. Halftime!Copy !req
701. He'll be fine there by himself
for the next 20 minutes.Copy !req
702. I'll show you the dormitories, then.Copy !req
703. Isotoners.Copy !req
704. Obsess much?Copy !req
705. Where are you going?Copy !req
706. -To clean the storage room.
-No, clean the cafeteria.Copy !req
707. I don't tell you how to do your job.Copy !req
708. The schedule says...Copy !req
709. -...clean the cafeteria.
-I know what I'm doing.Copy !req
710. You should've done it earlier.Copy !req
711. Man, come on. Cafeteria, my ass!
I'm cleaning in here!Copy !req
712. You take breaks too long. You smoke...Copy !req
713. Man, you're a pain in the ass!Copy !req
714. "Search called off for missing hiker."Copy !req
715. "A search ended today
when rescue workers...Copy !req
716. ...were unable to find the body
of Lois Einhorn."Copy !req
717. A hiker missing since Friday?Copy !req
718. Lois Einhorn?Copy !req
719. Holy shitballs!Copy !req
720. What're you doing out here?
Get back to work!Copy !req
721. "Love, Roger"?Copy !req
722. Ace, it's E.Copy !req
723. You think the article you found
was something?Copy !req
724. I got a note from Roger to Einhorn...Copy !req
725. ...thanking her for a wonderful evening.Copy !req
726. Something ain't stirring
the Kool-Aid, man.Copy !req
727. Wiggles, rewind.Copy !req
728. What the hell does Lois Einhorn
have to do with Ray Finkle?Copy !req
729. Come on, think!Copy !req
730. Finkle and Einhorn, in it together.
How? Why?Copy !req
731. All right! Here we go.Copy !req
732. Answer's right there!
Just gotta get blood to the brain!Copy !req
733. Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!Copy !req
734. Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!Copy !req
735. Quitter!Copy !req
736. What do you want?Copy !req
737. I don't have any food for you.Copy !req
738. I have to have money to buy food.Copy !req
739. I have to have a dolphin to get money.
Do you see a dolphin here?Copy !req
740. Let's face it...Copy !req
741. ...your master is a loser.Copy !req
742. What the...?Copy !req
743. That's it.Copy !req
744. That's it!Copy !req
745. Einhorn is Finkle.Copy !req
746. Finkle is Einhorn!Copy !req
747. Einhorn is a man!Copy !req
748. Oh, my God!Copy !req
749. Einhorn is a man!Copy !req
750. "Your gun is digging into my hip."Copy !req
751. God!Copy !req
752. And the big story in this
Super Bowl game is the abduction...Copy !req
753. ...of Miami's starting quarterback,
Dan Marino.Copy !req
754. It's gotta be a strain
on this Miami team, Bob....Copy !req
755. What's the matter, Dan?
Aren't you having fun?Copy !req
756. I just love Super Bowl Sunday.
Don't you, Dan?Copy !req
757. A magical afternoon...Copy !req
758. ...where dreams are made...Copy !req
759. ...and crushed.Copy !req
760. Look, if you want tickets,
you're going about it the wrong way.Copy !req
761. Do I look familiar to you?
Does it seem as if we've...Copy !req
762. ...met someplace before?Copy !req
763. I don't know.
I get hit in the head a lot.Copy !req
764. Now the coin toss.Copy !req
765. Kickoff time.Copy !req
766. My favorite thing.Copy !req
767. Laces out!Copy !req
768. I made some refreshments, Dan.Copy !req
769. Would you like some refreshments, Dan?Copy !req
770. I'll be right back, Dan.Copy !req
771. I don't know how much psycho-woman's
paying you, but I'll double it.Copy !req
772. Sorry.
"Psycho-woman" keeps us out of prison.Copy !req
773. Snowflake, here you go. Come on.Copy !req
774. Check it out, Marino.Copy !req
775. I'm throwing passes to a dolphin.Copy !req
776. Damn!Copy !req
777. Go get some more fish!Copy !req
778. I'm gonna kill that dolphin.Copy !req
779. Lovely party.Copy !req
780. Pity I wasn't invited.Copy !req
781. Where the hell's the smelt?Copy !req
782. Unconscious. Exactly as I planned.Copy !req
783. What the hell was that?Copy !req
784. Shit!Copy !req
785. What happened? What's going on?Copy !req
786. You okay?Copy !req
787. Guess what?Copy !req
788. It's nap-time!Copy !req
789. What a hit!Copy !req
790. Heads up!Copy !req
791. Who are you?Copy !req
792. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
I've been sent with a special play:Copy !req
793. The quarterback sneak.Copy !req
794. Penalty!Copy !req
795. Too many men on the field.Copy !req
796. I warned you, Ventura.Copy !req
797. Whatever happened to "Ace"?Copy !req
798. Good question.Copy !req
799. Be careful with that phone.
Ln time, you could develop a tumor.Copy !req
800. Aguado, it's Lieutenant Einhorn.Copy !req
801. Send some men over
to the Hallandale yacht basin.Copy !req
802. I've got the kidnapper
trapped in the warehouse.Copy !req
803. It's Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.Copy !req
804. Code 11 in progress,
343 Victorville Road...Copy !req
805. ...at the Palmdale basin.Copy !req
806. Officer needs backup.
Suspect's name: Ace Ventura...Copy !req
807. ...should be considered
armed and dangerous.Copy !req
808. It's Ace. We gotta break out of here.Copy !req
809. Is he in trouble?Copy !req
810. Don't worry, if there's
one thing I know...Copy !req
811. ...there's nothing Ace can't handle.Copy !req
812. Don't kill me!Copy !req
813. Please!Copy !req
814. I'll never tell anyone, I swear.Copy !req
815. -He's who you want! Kill him!
-Kill him!Copy !req
816. Kill him! He held the ball, remember?Copy !req
817. Come on, look at him!Copy !req
818. -Crybaby!
-Jock!Copy !req
819. -Wimp.
-Musclehead.Copy !req
820. Shut up!Copy !req
821. I think I'll kill the dolphin first.
I wouldn't want you to miss that.Copy !req
822. And there's the snap.Copy !req
823. The kick!Copy !req
824. And it's good!Copy !req
825. Good to see somebody who
doesn't buckle under the pressure!Copy !req
826. What would you know about pressure?Copy !req
827. Well, I have kissed a man.Copy !req
828. Of course, there's never been
a more crucial kick in a Super Bowl...Copy !req
829. ...than the "kick
heard around the world. "Copy !req
830. I mean, it's clear to me that it was
a good hold. Finkle just booted it.Copy !req
831. The laces were in!Copy !req
832. They were in!Copy !req
833. You like that?Copy !req
834. You like that?Copy !req
835. And that! And that!Copy !req
836. Having a little trouble with the lady?Copy !req
837. You don't understand...Copy !req
838. ...she's a...Copy !req
839. Get him, Lois! Get him!Copy !req
840. Get him!Copy !req
841. Shoot him!Copy !req
842. -Shoot him!
-Hold your fire!Copy !req
843. Don't shoot!Copy !req
844. Put your guns down, or this cop gets it!Copy !req
845. I mean it!Copy !req
846. She's not joking!Copy !req
847. He kidnapped Snowflake!Copy !req
848. He killed Roger Podacter and was about
to kill Marino and me!Copy !req
849. Fiction can be fun!Copy !req
850. But I find the reference section
much more enlightening.Copy !req
851. For instance...Copy !req
852. ...if you look up...Copy !req
853. ...professional football's
all-time bonehead plays...Copy !req
854. ...you might read about a Miami Dolphin
kicker named Ray Finkle...Copy !req
855. ...who missed a 26-yard field goal
in the closing seconds of Super Bowl 17.Copy !req
856. You wouldn't read that Finkle
was committed to a mental hospital...Copy !req
857. ...only to escape and join the police...Copy !req
858. ...in a scheme
to get even with Marino...Copy !req
859. ...whom he blamed for the entire thing!Copy !req
860. What are you talking about?Copy !req
861. She's not Lois Einhorn!
She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!Copy !req
862. He's lying!Copy !req
863. Shoot him!Copy !req
864. Let's just see who's lying, shall we?Copy !req
865. Would a real woman have to wear
one of these?Copy !req
866. Boy, that's really on there!Copy !req
867. But tell me this:Copy !req
868. Would a real woman...Copy !req
869. ...be missing these?Copy !req
870. That kind of surgery can be done
over the weekend.Copy !req
871. But I doubt very much...Copy !req
872. ...if he could find the time
during his busy schedule...Copy !req
873. ...to get rid of...Copy !req
874. ...big old...Copy !req
875. ...Mr. Knish!Copy !req
876. Oh, boy!Copy !req
877. Come here.Copy !req
878. Would you excuse me for just one second?Copy !req
879. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
880. ...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino...Copy !req
881. ...brought new evidence to my attention.Copy !req
882. Now...Copy !req
883. ...history has certainly shown
that even the most intuitive...Copy !req
884. ...criminal investigator can be wrong.Copy !req
885. But if I am mistaken...Copy !req
886. ...if the lieutenant
is indeed a woman...Copy !req
887. ...as she claims to be...Copy !req
888. ...then, my friend...Copy !req
889. ...she is suffering from the worst case
of hemorrhoids I have ever seen!Copy !req
890. That's why Roger Podacter is dead!Copy !req
891. He found Captain Winkie!Copy !req
892. Good night!Copy !req
893. You've been a wonderful audience.
Be sure to tip your waitress.Copy !req
894. Die, animal boy!Copy !req
895. Quick decision.Copy !req
896. Loser!Copy !req
897. You have any more gum?Copy !req
898. That's none of your damn business.
Stay out of my personal affairs.Copy !req
899. You're a weird guy, Ace. A weird guy.Copy !req
900. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
901. ...the Miami Dolphins are proud...Copy !req
902. ...to welcome back
to Joe Robbie Stadium...Copy !req
903. ...our beloved mascot...Copy !req
904. ...and the star of our halftime show:Copy !req
905. Snowflake!Copy !req
906. And now...Copy !req
907. ...returning for the second half,
the Dolphins' most valuable player...Copy !req
908. ...Dan Marino!Copy !req
909. Idiot!Copy !req
910. Do you know what you've done?
You just cost me 25 grand, Polly.Copy !req
911. Yeah? Blow me!Copy !req
912. Really?Copy !req
913. The National Football League...Copy !req
914. ... would like to offer a special thank-
you to the man who rescued Dan Marino...Copy !req
915. ...and our beloved Snowflake.Copy !req
916. A great humanitarian...Copy !req
917. ...and a lover of all animals:Copy !req
918. Mr. Ace Ventura!Copy !req
919. Get off me!Copy !req
920. Get off me!Copy !req
921. Tone, put that big-ass size 13 on
and kick it for the homies.Copy !req