1. No! That movie
was irreplaceable.
Copy !req
2. Shut it.
Copy !req
3. Where's that magic tape?
Copy !req
4. I'll never give you that tape.
Copy !req
5. You still owe me late fees.
Copy !req
6. Fuck your late charges!
Copy !req
7. Don't you understand?
Copy !req
8. You can't have that power.
Copy !req
9. It belongs to someone who can
use it for world domination.
Copy !req
10. - Someone who's worth it.
Copy !req
11. Like me.
Copy !req
12. Fuck you
and your fucking mustache.
Copy !req
13. Tear this place apart!
Copy !req
14. - Fuck yeah!
Copy !req
15. Kill him!
Copy !req
16. Aha!
Copy !req
17. I am terminating
your membership.
Copy !req
18. You! Shoot him!
Copy !req
19. Kill yourself.
Copy !req
20. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
Copy !req
21. Kill yourself.
Copy !req
22. Aha!
Copy !req
23. - Get over here!
Copy !req
24. - Aha!
Copy !req
25. Bring it.
Copy !req
26. Amateur.
Copy !req
27. You have served
your master well.
Copy !req
28. The video store will rise again.
Copy !req
29. Tonight, beers are on me.
Copy !req
30. Everyone I run into today...
Copy !req
31. Huh?
Copy !req
32. Mama.
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33. It's the king of the fairies!
Copy !req
34. He needs help.
Copy !req
35. The bubbles means it's working.
Copy !req
36. Do you think
he has a tummy ache?
Copy !req
37. Get some water from the ditch.
Copy !req
38. Maybe he needs fairy dust.
Copy !req
39. We have to go.
We will check on you soon.
Copy !req
40. I hope you feel better.
Copy !req
41. He's not bleeding anymore.
Copy !req
42. And his bug friends
came to help him.
Copy !req
43. We brought you
some more fairy dust.
Copy !req
44. He's asleep. Let's go.
Copy !req
45. Damn, man! He stinks.
Copy !req
46. Well, if you would
have buried him the first time,
Copy !req
47. we wouldn't have
this problem now, would we?
Copy !req
48. If you're waiting
for him to smell any better,
Copy !req
49. it ain't gonna happen.
Copy !req
50. So whenever you're ready,
feel free.
Copy !req
51. We should have never
touched that green stuff.
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52. I'm telling you we
should have never touched it.
Copy !req
53. Why the hell
is he in a tutu?
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54. He's gone.
Copy !req
55. He got better and flew away.
Copy !req
56. - What the fuck are you doing?
Copy !req
57. When I tell you
to do something, you do it!
Copy !req
58. What is that?
Copy !req
59. - No.
Copy !req
60. You're just like Mama.
Copy !req
61. Shit for brains!
Copy !req
62. What the fuck...
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63. Oh, please! Please help me.
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64. Please!
Copy !req
65. - Hurry, hurry.
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66. - No!
- What the fuck
Copy !req
67. do you think you're doing, boy?
Copy !req
68. Get out of here now.
Copy !req
69. No.
Copy !req
70. I should've done this
a long time ago.
Copy !req
71. - Fuck!
Copy !req
72. Shit for brains!
Copy !req
73. Whoo!
Copy !req
74. Woo-hoo!
Copy !req
75. Are you sure
about this, Jay? I...
Copy !req
76. I think I'm just
gonna stand in the back.
Copy !req
77. Oh, come on, little cuz.
Copy !req
78. Only wimps stand in the back.
Copy !req
79. You need to experience the fury
of Cock Strangler up close.
Copy !req
80. You're gonna love this,
little bud.
Copy !req
81. It's death metal.
Copy !req
82. D-E-A-T-H metal.
Copy !req
83. Greetings, puny earthlings.
Copy !req
84. I am Lord Cock,
Copy !req
85. and these are my servants
in cockering and debauchery.
Copy !req
86. Together, we are Cock Strangler.
Copy !req
87. This first one is called
Copy !req
88. "Traveling Through Time
As Embryonic Fecal Matter."
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89. Jay, I think
I'm gonna get out of...
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90. Louise.
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91. I'd like you to visualize
your husband's face.
Copy !req
92. I see him.
Copy !req
93. Now when I say
your name again...
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94. I want you to see me.
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95. Your Steven.
Copy !req
96. No holding back.
Copy !req
97. Not anymore.
Copy !req
98. I'm sorry, I hurt you, Louise.
Copy !req
99. Do you even understand
how stupid that sounds?
Copy !req
100. Calm down.
Copy !req
101. There is nothing...
Copy !req
102. that can hurt you physically.
Copy !req
103. Doctor,
what's happening to us?
Copy !req
104. We're all connected, Louise.
Copy !req
105. Specifically, you and I
Copy !req
106. are more connected
than most, at this moment.
Copy !req
107. I don't wanna hurt you.
Copy !req
108. Then stop hurting yourself, Louise.
Copy !req
109. I love you, Louise.
Copy !req
110. - I wanna fix this.
Copy !req
111. You wanna fix this.
Copy !req
112. You fucked your assistant.
Copy !req
113. God knows how many times.
Copy !req
114. And even after I found out,
you invited her into our home.
Copy !req
115. - As if nothing had happened!
- Yes.
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116. - Let him know.
Copy !req
117. Communicate it.
Copy !req
118. Let it all go!
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119. I gave you everything.
Copy !req
120. And what did you do?
Copy !req
121. You shit on me. You shit on us.
Copy !req
122. And every time
I think of your face,
Copy !req
123. all I wanna do is spit on it.
Copy !req
124. I'm gonna make sure
Copy !req
125. that you know
every day, until you die,
Copy !req
126. what a shit you are.
Copy !req
127. Now open your eyes,
Copy !req
128. and see the
physical manifestation...
Copy !req
129. of your hatred.
Copy !req
130. Hate shows itself
in a million different ways.
Copy !req
131. And now that it is
no longer inside of you,
Copy !req
132. you can do anything.
Copy !req
133. - Dr. Christian.
- Get out!
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134. You're early, Steven.
Copy !req
135. Thank you.
Copy !req
136. On this, our final day,
Copy !req
137. we all gather to pay tribute
to our brother.
Copy !req
138. For our sins, our anger,
our secret desires...
Copy !req
139. all go with him.
Copy !req
140. Hi.
Copy !req
141. Without his sacrifice,
Copy !req
142. we wouldn't be here in purity
Copy !req
143. and with righteousness.
Copy !req
144. Thank you.
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145. Really, kid?
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146. Thank you.
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147. Because he journeys
into the darkness,
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148. we may all go on forever...
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149. in the light.
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150. I'm really sorry about this.
Copy !req
151. No, it's fine. I'm here all day.
Copy !req
152. - Got it!
Copy !req
153. Great.
Copy !req
154. Thank you. That was delicious.
Copy !req
155. Thank you.
Copy !req
156. You're welcome.
Copy !req
157. Because he journeys
into the darkness,
Copy !req
158. we may all go on forever...
Copy !req
159. - in the light.
Copy !req
160. So that we may live forever
in the light.
Copy !req
161. So that we may live forever
in the light.
Copy !req
162. So that we may live forever
in the light.
Copy !req
163. So that we may live forever
in the light.
Copy !req
164. Amen.
Copy !req
165. Amen.
Copy !req
166. Your food is ready, sir.
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167. I hope you enjoyed
your meal, sir.
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168. Thank you, sir.
Copy !req
169. Your car is waiting.
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170. Can you not do that?
You're scaring off the fish.
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171. Yeah, right. When I was a kid...
Copy !req
172. - Here we go.
- ... my dad
Copy !req
173. used to throw me in as bait.
Copy !req
174. - Bullshit.
- It's true, man.
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175. It doesn't even matter.
Copy !req
176. I mean,
whether we're casting lines,
Copy !req
177. picking up skanks at the bar.
Copy !req
178. Doesn't matter, I always
go home with the biggest prize.
Copy !req
179. Yeah, the biggest prize.
Copy !req
180. Hey, fatties count, right?
Copy !req
181. Catch. What a fucking day, man.
Copy !req
182. I'm gonna get a sandwich.
Copy !req
183. Hey, Garrett,
something's on your line.
Copy !req
184. Your line, you got something
hooked on the line.
Copy !req
185. - Pull. Pull.
- No, I got it. I got it.
Copy !req
186. Oh, shit. Garrett, I got you.
Copy !req
187. Come up. Come on, Garrett.
Copy !req
188. Come on, buddy.
Copy !req
189. Grab the pole.
Grab the fucking pole.
Copy !req
190. I don't
even know what it is,
Copy !req
191. but it's fucking huge, man.
Copy !req
192. Holy shit!
Copy !req
193. - Dude, grab the tail.
- Yeah, I'll grab the tail.
Copy !req
194. We've got it.
Help me out. Pull it.
Copy !req
195. Lift that up. Come on.
Copy !req
196. Here we go.
Copy !req
197. It's okay, stop! Fuck!
Copy !req
198. - It's a fucking fish, man.
- It's a fucking mermaid.
Copy !req
199. No, listen to me.
Are you crazy? Look at her.
Copy !req
200. - This is a person.
- I caught it, it's my fish.
Copy !req
201. I'm killing it, man.
Catch of the day, buddy.
Copy !req
202. Bullshit, stop it! No!
Copy !req
203. Just get off!
Copy !req
204. Hey, I'm not gonna let him
touch you.
Copy !req
205. What, you're in love
with the thing?
Copy !req
206. No, I'm just not gonna
let you kill her.
Copy !req
207. Back off, Garrett.
Copy !req
208. Hey, hey, it's okay.
Copy !req
209. I won't let him touch you.
Copy !req
210. I gotta say, man.
Copy !req
211. You had me going.
Copy !req
212. Thought you were really in love
with this one or something.
Copy !req
213. Well, what can I say.
You can't win 'em all.
Copy !req
214. I'd call you a cheat.
Copy !req
215. But fuck it.
Copy !req
216. - To the catch of the day.
- Catch of the day.
Copy !req
217. Jesus, pipe down,
you little shit.
Copy !req
218. Don't know why it's
so fucking hard these days.
Copy !req
219. Do you ever get the feeling
Copy !req
220. what you're doing
is completely pointless?
Copy !req
221. I'm serious.
Copy !req
222. Every day, every year,
Copy !req
223. it all just blends into one.
Copy !req
224. What am I achieving?
Copy !req
225. What am I actually contributing
to anyone's life?
Copy !req
226. Well, you know,
what you're doing is important.
Copy !req
227. Yeah? Kids need to be afraid.
Copy !req
228. Well, you're helping Santa,
if anything.
Copy !req
229. Yeah, well,
it's all awesome for him.
Copy !req
230. Everybody loves Santa,
Copy !req
231. but how am I
gonna be remembered?
Copy !req
232. Some miserable goat-fuck
that ruins people's lives.
Copy !req
233. Where's my appreciation?
Copy !req
234. 'Cause it's not like this
makes me feel good anymore.
Copy !req
235. I don't wanna be remembered
as Krampus the Christmas
Copy !req
236. whilst everyone wanks
over that fat, smug prick.
Copy !req
237. Yeah, fuck you
and your fucking beard.
Copy !req
238. You haven't got it
in you anymore, have you?
Copy !req
239. You remember that beating
you gave me?
Copy !req
240. - You remember that?
Copy !req
241. Yeah.
Copy !req
242. When was the last time
you felt like that?
Copy !req
243. You know what, though?
Copy !req
244. I could have been a good guy.
Copy !req
245. I want the fucking
Coke endorsement.
Copy !req
246. Well, you know,
it's not too late.
Copy !req
247. Put a bit of Christmas spirit
Copy !req
248. into that cold,
cold heart of yours.
Copy !req
249. Start right now, if you want.
Copy !req
250. All you've got to do
is just take this off.
Copy !req
251. - Really?
- Yeah, of course.
Copy !req
252. - Just you and me?
- Yep.
Copy !req
253. Best of friends.
Copy !req
254. Spreading Christmas cheer
and making people happy.
Copy !req
255. Now that's how
I wanna be remembered.
Copy !req
256. Just the two of us?
Copy !req
257. Yeah, it's just you and me, pal.
Copy !req
258. - Taking on the world.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
259. - Like in Cop and a Half!
- Bit weird.
Copy !req
260. "I'm an eight-year-old
with a badge!"
Copy !req
261. Except that could be you.
Copy !req
262. And I can be Burt Reynolds.
Copy !req
263. Yeah, you know,
just take these off.
Copy !req
264. - We are buddies, right?
- Yeah, of course.
Copy !req
265. You're like a brother to me.
Copy !req
266. You know,
you're all that I know.
Copy !req
267. They're gonna
sing songs about this.
Copy !req
268. About us.
Copy !req
269. Now I'm gonna be
a chocolate in a calendar.
Copy !req
270. Fuck you, Krampus,
you thick cunt.
Copy !req
271. What are you doing?
What about Cop and a Half?
Copy !req
272. Oh, fuck.
Copy !req
273. Have you ever seen
Cop and a Half?
Copy !req
274. Honey, dinner!
Copy !req
275. - Hmm.
Copy !req
276. Mmm.
Copy !req
277. - No!
Copy !req
278. Hi, how are we
doing today?
Copy !req
279. Fine.
Copy !req
280. We're missionaries
Copy !req
281. from The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints.
Copy !req
282. We go around preaching
the teachings of Jesus
Copy !req
283. and how they can
bless our lives.
Copy !req
284. We were wondering if you'd
be interested in learning more.
Copy !req
285. We have our own religion,
thank you.
Copy !req
286. Do you have
a faith in Christ yourself?
Copy !req
287. Yes, I do, but, uh...
Copy !req
288. Well, we'd just like
to add to your faith.
Copy !req
289. I'm Elder Dean,
this is Elder Archibald.
Copy !req
290. Hello.
Copy !req
291. He doesn't say much, does he?
Copy !req
292. Yeah, I'm more of the talker.
What's your name?
Copy !req
293. Look, you two
seem like nice boys,
Copy !req
294. but my husband
isn't in right now,
Copy !req
295. and I would really
feel more comfortable
Copy !req
296. if you would come back
when he's here.
Copy !req
297. - No.
- Excuse me?
Copy !req
298. Yeah, that's not
gonna work for us.
Copy !req
299. But we can
discuss it more inside.
Copy !req
300. You're not coming in here.
Copy !req
301. Uh, yeah, I'm afraid we are.
Copy !req
302. Elder.
Copy !req
303. So is this
what you're working on?
Copy !req
304. You know, I'm pretty handy
with a hammer.
Copy !req
305. Maybe Elder Archibald
and I can help you out.
Copy !req
306. Would you like that?
Copy !req
307. You can let her speak.
Copy !req
308. Why are you doing this?
Copy !req
309. Please. You can take my money.
Copy !req
310. Just please don't hurt me.
Let me go, please.
Copy !req
311. - Hold her down.
Copy !req
312. What happened?
Copy !req
313. Why would you do this?
Copy !req
314. I don't understand.
Copy !req
315. Oh, no.
Copy !req
316. Oh, I'm so glad you're home.
Copy !req
317. - What have you done?
Copy !req
318. They bashed my face in.
Copy !req
319. You're fine.
Copy !req
320. - You're... You're fine.
Copy !req
321. Em?
Copy !req
322. Em.
Copy !req
323. All right,
let's get this over with.
Copy !req
324. I got a date in 20 minutes.
Copy !req
325. What are we dealing with?
A cockroach? A mouse?
Copy !req
326. Spider.
Copy !req
327. Oh, my god!
Copy !req
328. I can't believe
you killed that thing.
Copy !req
329. Don't move.
Copy !req
330. That's just the baby.
Copy !req
331. Is it... Is it gone?
Copy !req
332. Is it...
Copy !req
333. Is it gone?
Copy !req
334. - Hmm?
Copy !req
335. Put your mouth on it.
Copy !req
336. There's one thing
that I know
Copy !req
337. to be true in my heart
Copy !req
338. and millions of good Christians
out there also know it,
Copy !req
339. that is that the Almighty
is tired of mankind playing God.
Copy !req
340. And now, he visits
his judgment upon us.
Copy !req
341. We must pray together
for forgiveness.
Copy !req
342. So one theory
is the virus is a result
Copy !req
343. of the recent meteorite impact
in Southern Australia.
Copy !req
344. The fact is the impact
was on May 23.
Copy !req
345. The first recorded outbreak
of the M216 virus
Copy !req
346. was on May 24, one day later.
Copy !req
347. Professor, if you had read
the Institute's manuscript
Copy !req
348. that came out yesterday...
Copy !req
349. - Yeah, I've read it.
- You've read it?
Copy !req
350. More nonsense from a corporation
trying desperately to cover up
Copy !req
351. - some of the biggest bungles...
- That is an outrageous...
Copy !req
352. Okay.
Copy !req
353. We're gonna have to leave it
there for the moment,
Copy !req
354. as we go live now
Copy !req
355. to Australian correspondent
Sonja Patel in Melbourne.
Copy !req
356. Sonja, what can you tell us
about the situation there?
Copy !req
357. - Hi, Jim, I'm here at Miranda...
Copy !req
358. that meteor crash
six months ago.
Copy !req
359. As you can see,
Copy !req
360. it's just a... just a complete
sense of bewilderment across...
Copy !req
361. What measures
have been put in place
Copy !req
362. to help the people there?
Copy !req
363. Very little, I'm...
Copy !req
364. Jim, there are these
crazy bat things in the sky
Copy !req
365. right above us right now.
Copy !req
366. There seems... There seems
to be a situation developing...
Copy !req
367. - Elvis has left the vehicle.
Copy !req
368. Incoming!
Copy !req
369. Whoo!
Copy !req
370. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Copy !req
371. Dance, bitch.
Copy !req
372. You'd better run back
to your cozy office, sweetheart!
Copy !req
373. The world belongs
to us now. Whoo!
Copy !req
374. This is the mother lode
right here.
Copy !req
375. They're fuckin' everywhere!
Copy !req
376. - Time for the big guns, mama!
Copy !req
377. - Whoo!
Copy !req
378. Whoo!
Copy !req
379. Fuck you, zombies,
you motherfuckers!
Copy !req
380. Whoo!
Copy !req
381. - Return to sender!
Copy !req
382. - Whoo!
Copy !req
383. Having fun?
Copy !req
384. - I've never felt more alive.
Copy !req
385. - Whoo!
- Honka, honka!
Copy !req
386. God, you're beautiful.
Copy !req
387. Shut up and kiss me.
Copy !req
388. Lord, have mercy!
Copy !req
389. Incoming.
Copy !req
390. - Whoo!
Copy !req
391. Whoo!
Copy !req
392. Fuck you, zombies,
you motherfuckers!
Copy !req