1. I think there must be
something wrong with me, Linus.
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2. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy.
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3. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.
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4. I just don't understand Christmas,
I guess.
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5. I like getting presents
and sending Christmas cards...
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6. and decorating trees and all that,
but I'm still not happy.
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7. I always end up feeling depressed.
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8. Charlie Brown,
you're the only person I know...
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9. who can take a wonderful season
like Christmas and turn it into a problem.
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10. Maybe Lucy's right.
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11. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world,
you're the Charlie Browniest.
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12. Hello in there.
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13. Rats.
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14. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today.
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15. I almost wish
there weren't a holiday season.
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16. I know nobody likes me.
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17. Why do we have to have a holiday season
to emphasize it?
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18. Thanks for the Christmas card
you sent me, Violet.
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19. I didn't send you a Christmas card,
Charlie Brown.
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20. Don't you know sarcasm
when you hear it?
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21. Pigpen,
you're the only person I know...
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22. who can raise a cloud of dust
in a snowstorm.
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23. Try to catch snowflakes
on your tongue.
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24. It's fun.
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25. Mm. Needs sugar.
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26. It's too early.
I never eat December snowflakes.
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27. I always wait until January.
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28. They sure look ripe to me.
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29. You think you're so smart
with that blanket.
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30. What are you gonna do with it
when you grow up?
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31. Maybe I'll make it into a sport coat.
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32. I think you have a customer.
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33. May I help you?
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34. - I'm in sad shape.
- Wait a minute.
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35. Before you begin,
I must ask that you pay in advance.
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36. Five cents, please.
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37. Boy, what a sound.
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38. How I love to hear that old money plink,
that beautiful sound of cold, hard cash.
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39. That beautiful, beautiful sound.
Nickels, nickels, nickels.
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40. That beautiful sound of plinking nickels.
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41. All right, now,
what seems to be your trouble?
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42. I feel depressed.
I know I should be happy, but I'm not.
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43. Well, as they say on TV...
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44. the mere fact
that you realize you need help...
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45. indicates that you are not too far gone.
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46. I think we'd better pinpoint your fears.
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47. If we can find out what you're afraid of,
we can label it.
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48. Are you afraid of responsibility?
If you are, then you have hypengyophobia.
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49. - I don't think that's quite it.
- How about cats?
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50. If you're afraid of cats,
you have ailurophasia.
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51. Well, sort of, but I'm not sure.
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52. Are you afraid of staircases?
If you are, then you have climacophobia.
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53. Maybe you have thalassophobia.
This is fear of the ocean.
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54. Or gephyrophobia,
which is the fear of crossing bridges.
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55. Or maybe you have pantophobia.
Do you think you have pantophobia?
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56. - What's pantophobia?
- The fear of everything.
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57. That's it!
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58. Actually, Lucy, my trouble is Christmas.
I just don't understand it.
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59. Instead of feeling happy,
I feel sort of let down.
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60. You need involvement.
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61. You need to get involved
in some real Christmas project.
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62. How would you like to be the director
of our Christmas play?
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63. Me? You want me to be the director
of the Christmas play?
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64. Sure, Charlie Brown.
We need a director, you need involvement.
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65. We've got a shepherd, musicians,
animals, everyone you need.
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66. We've even got a Christmas queen.
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67. I don't know anything
about directing a Christmas play.
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68. Don't worry, I'll be there to help you.
I'll meet you at the auditorium.
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69. Incidentally, I know how you feel
about all this Christmas business...
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70. getting depressed and all that.
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71. It happens to me every year.
I never get what I really want.
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72. I always get a lot of stupid toys
or a bicycle...
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73. or clothes or something like that.
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74. - What is it you want?
- Real estate.
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75. What's going on here?
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76. What's this?
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77. "Find the true meaning of Christmas.
Win money, money, money.
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78. Spectacular, super-colossal neighborhood
Christmas-lights-and-display contest."
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79. Lights-and-display contest? Oh, no.
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80. My own dog gone commercial.
I can't stand it. Oh...
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81. I've been looking for you, big brother.
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82. Will you please write a letter
to Santa Claus for me?
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83. Well, I don't have much time.
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84. I'm supposed to get down to the school
auditorium and direct a Christmas play.
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85. You write it,
and I'll tell you what I want to say.
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86. Okay, shoot.
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87. Dear Santa Claus, how have you been?
Did you have a nice summer?
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88. How is your wife?
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89. I have been extra good this year...
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90. so I have a long list of presents
that I want.
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91. Oh, brother.
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92. Please note the size and color of each item
and send as many as possible.
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93. If it seems too complicated,
make it easy on yourself:
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94. Just send money.
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95. - How about 10s and 20s?
- Tens and 20s? Oh...
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96. Even my baby sister.
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97. All I want is what I have coming to me.
All I want is my fair share.
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98. All right, quiet, everybody.
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99. Our director will be here any minute
and we'll start rehearsal.
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100. - Director? What director?
- Charlie Brown.
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101. - Oh, no, we're doomed.
- This will be the worst Christmas play ever.
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102. Here he comes.
Attention, everyone, here's our director.
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103. Booooooo.
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104. Man's best friend.
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105. Well, it's real good seeing y'all here.
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106. As you know,
we are going to put on the Christmas play.
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107. Due to the shortage of time,
we'll get right down to work.
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108. One of the first things
to insure a good performance...
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109. is strict attention to the director.
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110. I'll keep my directions simple.
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111. If I point to the right,
it means focus attention stage right.
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112. If I make a slashing motion
across my throat...
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113. it means cut the scene short.
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114. If I make a revolving motion with my hand,
it means pick up the tempo.
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115. If I spread my hands apart,
it means slow down.
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116. It's the spirit of the actors that counts,
the interest that they show in their director.
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117. Am I right? I said, am I right?
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118. Stop the music! All right, now.
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119. We're going to do this play
and we're going to do it right.
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120. Lucy, get those costumes and scripts
and pass them out.
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121. Now, the script girl
will be handing out your parts.
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122. You're the innkeeper's wife.
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123. Do innkeepers' wives
have naturally curly hair?
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124. Pigpen, you're the innkeeper.
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125. In spite of my outward appearance,
I shall try to run a neat inn.
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126. Shermy, you're a shepherd.
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127. Every Christmas it's the same.
I always end up playing a shepherd.
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128. Snoopy, you'll have to be all the animals
in our play.
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129. - Can you be a sheep?
- Baa.
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130. - How about a cow?
- Moo.
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131. How about a penguin?
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132. - Yes, he's even a good penguin.
- Ooow!
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133. No, no, no.
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134. Listen, all of you.
You've got to take direction.
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135. You've got to have discipline.
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136. You've gotta have respect
for your director.
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137. I ought to slug you.
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138. Ugh. I've been kissed by a dog.
I have dog germs.
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139. Get hot water,
get some disinfectant, get some iodine.
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140. - Waaah.
- Ah.
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141. All right, all right, script girl,
continue with the scripts.
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142. Linus, you've got to get rid
of that stupid blanket.
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143. And here, memorize these lines.
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144. I can't memorize these lines.
This is ridiculous.
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145. Memorize it and be ready to recite
when your cue comes.
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146. I can't memorize something like this
so quickly.
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147. Why should I be put through such agony?
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148. Give me one good reason
why I should memorize this.
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149. I'll give you five good reasons:
One, two, three, four, five.
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150. Those are good reasons.
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151. Christmas is not only
getting too commercial...
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152. it's getting too dangerous.
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153. And get rid of that stupid blanket.
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154. What's a Christmas shepherd
gonna look like...
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155. holding a stupid blanket like that?
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156. Well, this is one Christmas shepherd...
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157. who's going to keep his trusty blanket
with him.
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158. See? You wouldn't hit
an innocent shepherd, would you?
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159. Okay, Mr. Director, the cast is set.
Take over.
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160. All right, let's have it quiet.
Places, everybody.
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161. Schroeder, set the mood for first scene.
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162. Cut, cut. No, no, no.
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163. Look, let's rehearse the scene at the inn.
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164. - Frieda, this is—
- We can't go on. There's too much dust.
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165. It's taking the curl
out of my naturally curly hair.
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166. Don't think of it as dust.
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167. Think of it as maybe the soil
of some great past civilization.
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168. Maybe the soil of ancient Babylon.
It staggers the imagination.
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169. He may be carrying soil
that was trod upon by Solomon.
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170. Or even Nebuchadnezzar.
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171. It sort of makes you wanna treat me
with more respect, doesn't it?
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172. You're an absolute mess.
Just look at yourself.
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173. On the contrary,
I didn't think I'd look that good.
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174. Sally, come here.
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175. - What do you want her for?
- She's gonna be your wife.
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176. Good grief.
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177. Isn't he the cutest thing?
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178. He has the nicest sense of humor.
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179. - Lunch break, lunch break.
- Lunch break?
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180. All right, now,
there's no time for foolishness.
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181. We've got to get on with our play.
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182. That's right. What about my part?
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183. What about the Christmas queen, hmm?
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184. Are you going to let all this beauty
go to waste?
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185. You do think I'm beautiful, don't you,
Charlie Brown?
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186. You didn't answer me right away.
You had to think about it first, didn't you?
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187. If you really had thought I was beautiful,
you would've spoken right up.
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188. I know when I've been insulted.
I know when I've been insulted.
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189. Good grief.
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190. All right, let's take it from the top again.
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191. Places. Action.
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192. Charlie Brown, isn't it a great play?
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193. That does it.
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194. Now, look, if we're ever to get this play
off the ground...
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195. we've gotta have some cooperation.
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196. What's the matter, Charlie Brown?
Don't you think it's great?
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197. - It's all wrong.
- Look, Charlie, let's face it.
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198. We all know that Christmas
is a big commercial racket.
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199. It's run by a big Eastern syndicate,
you know.
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200. Well, this is one play
that's not gonna be commercial.
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201. - Look, Charlie Brown, what do you want?
- The proper mood.
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202. - We need a Christmas tree.
- Hey, perhaps a tree.
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203. A great big, shiny,
aluminum Christmas tree.
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204. That's it, Charlie Brown. You get the tree.
I'll handle this crowd.
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205. Okay. I'll take Linus with me.
The rest of you practice your lines.
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206. Get the biggest aluminum tree you can find,
Charlie Brown, maybe painted pink.
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207. Yeah, do something right for a change,
Charlie Brown.
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208. I don't know, Linus. I just don't know.
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209. Well, I guess we'd better concentrate
on finding a nice Christmas tree.
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210. I suggest we try those searchlights,
Charlie Brown.
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211. This really brings Christmas close
to a person.
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212. Fantastic.
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213. Gee, do they still make
wooden Christmas trees?
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214. This little green one here
seems to need a home.
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215. I don't know, Charlie Brown.
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216. Remember what Lucy said?
This doesn't seem to fit the modern spirit.
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217. I don't care.
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218. We'll decorate it,
and it'll be just right for our play.
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219. Besides, I think it needs me.
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220. This is the music I've selected
for the Christmas play.
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221. What kind of Christmas music is that?
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222. Beethoven Christmas music.
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223. What has Beethoven got to do
with Christmas?
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224. Everyone talks
about how great Beethoven was.
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225. Beethoven wasn't so great.
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226. What do you mean,
Beethoven wasn't so great?
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227. He never got his picture
on bubble-gum cards, did he?
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228. Have you ever seen his picture
on a bubble-gum card?
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229. - Hmm?
- How can you say someone is great...
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230. who's never had his picture
on bubble-gum cards?
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231. Good grief.
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232. Say, by the way,
can you play "Jingle Bells"?
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233. No, no. I mean "Jingle Bells."
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234. You know, deck them halls
and all that stuff.
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235. No, no. You don't get it at all.
I mean "Jingle Bells."
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236. You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho.
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237. And mistletoe
and presents to pretty girls.
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238. That's it!
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239. We're back.
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240. Boy, are you stupid, Charlie Brown.
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241. - What kind of a tree is that?
- You were supposed to get a good tree.
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242. Can't you even tell a good tree
from a poor tree?
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243. I told you he'd goof it up.
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244. He's not the kind you can depend on
to do anything right.
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245. - You're hopeless, Charlie Brown.
- Completely hopeless.
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246. Rats.
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247. You've been dumb before, Charlie Brown,
but this time you really did it.
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248. What a tree.
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249. I guess you were right, Linus.
I shouldn't have picked this little tree.
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250. Everything I do turns into a disaster.
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251. I guess I really don't know
what Christmas is all about.
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252. Isn't there anyone
who knows what Christmas is all about?
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253. Sure, Charlie Brown.
I can tell you what Christmas is all about.
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254. Lights, please.
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255. And there were in the same country
shepherds abiding in the field...
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256. keeping watch over their flock by night.
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257. And, lo, the angel of the Lord
came upon them...
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258. and the glory of the Lord shone round
about them...
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259. and they were sore afraid.
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260. And the angel said unto them:
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261. "Fear not, for, behold,
I bring you tidings of great joy...
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262. which shall be to all people.
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263. For unto you is born this day,
in the city of David, a savior...
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264. which is Christ the Lord.
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265. And this shall be a sign unto you.
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266. Ye shall find the babe wrapped
in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."
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267. And suddenly, there was with the angel...
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268. a multitude of the heavenly host
praising God and saying:
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269. "Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth,
peace, goodwill toward men."
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270. That's what Christmas is all about,
Charlie Brown.
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271. For, behold,
I bring you tidings of great joy...
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272. which shall be to all people.
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273. For unto you is born this day...
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274. in the city of David, a savior,
which is Christ the Lord.
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275. And this shall be a sign unto you.
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276. Linus is right.
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277. I won't let all this commercialism
ruin my Christmas.
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278. I'll take this little tree home
and decorate it...
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279. and I'll show them it really will work
in our play.
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280. First prize?
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281. Oh, well.
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282. This commercial dog
is not going to ruin my Christmas.
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283. I've killed it. Oh...
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284. Everything I touch gets ruined.
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285. I never thought
it was such a bad little tree.
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286. It's not bad at all, really.
Maybe it just needs a little love.
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287. Charlie Brown is a blockhead,
but he did get a nice tree.
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288. What's going on here?
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289. Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown.
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