A Bird in the Head (1946)

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Curly Howard as Curly • Larry Fine as Larry • Moe Howard as Moe • Vernon Dent as Prof. Panzer • Robert B. Williams as Mr. Beedle • Frank Lackteen as Nikko

The stooges are working as paperhangers in the home of Professor Panzer, a mad scientist looking for a brain to use in his experiments. The professor wants to put a human brain into a gorilla but has trouble finding a brain small enough, which leads ...

United States of America • Comedy

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Okay, men. Unload and get to work.

2. Oh.

3. Hey, Curly. What?

4. Why, you.

5. I'll murder you.

6. Gee, it's the boss.

7. Hurry, get this.

8. Hiya, Mr. Beetle.

9. Hi, boys.

10. Well, you seem to have everything.

11. So do a good job. Yes, sir.

12. Say, uh, you sure you men are experienced paper hangers?

13. Experienced? Sure we are. You go right ahead.

14. You won't know the joint when you get back.

15. The master wishes to see you.

16. Oh, the professor? Sure. Sure.

17. You wanted to see me, professor?

18. Yes. How soon will your men be through?

19. I have important work to do. They'll be through in a jiffy.

20. Good.

21. What size hat do you wear? May I ask?

22. Well, a hat?

23. Well, seven and a half. Why?

24. Tsk, tsk. Too large.

25. Oh, just a little joke of mine.

26. Uh— Sorry you're leaving, Mr. Beetle. We'll expect you back.

27. Yes, I'll come back soon. I gotta come back tomorrow.

28. It isn't safe to have Igor in here, Niko.

29. Take him to his room.

30. Yes, master.

31. May I ask why you had him brought here?

32. Because, through Igor, I'm going to become famous.

33. Igor, the beast of the jungle,

34. is going to have a human brain.

35. He would have one tomorrow if I could find one small enough.

36. What size hat do you wear, Niko?

37. Six and three quarters.

38. Oh, not quite small enough, Niko.

39. Ah, too bad.

40. Yes, master, too bad.

41. Yes.

42. Oof!

43. Why, you.

44. Oof!

45. Oh, I-I didn't mean to talk rough to you. Heh-heh!

46. Go on. Get the ladder away.

47. You bubble brain. Stand that plank up out of the way.

48. Hey, I thought I told you to get that plank up there.

49. Wise guy. I'll plank him.

50. I can see if I want anything done around here,

51. I gotta do it myself.

52. Oh, Larry.

53. Come here. I got something special for you.

54. Yeah? What is it?

55. This. Why—

56. Hey, we better get busy. He's plenty sore.

57. A blockbuster.

58. Okay, let's go.

59. Hey, that paste is lumpy.

60. Yeah.

61. Say, this wallpaper's got eyes.

62. This face looks like Moe. It is Moe.

63. Yes, it is me.

64. Get busy, you jugheads.

65. We got a lot of work to do.

66. Nahhh! Oof!

67. Now, go on.

68. Go on.

69. Oh, no.

70. No. Hi, Mr. Beetle.

71. I told you we'd do a good job.

72. Oh, no.

73. No.

74. No. No.

75. Well, this is silly. This is silly.

76. It can't be. It can't be.

77. Oh, yes, it is.

78. I said you wouldn't know the joint.

79. You.

80. I thought you said you were experienced paper-hangers.

81. Well, you're fired.

82. You're not only fired, I'm gonna tear you limb from limb.

83. Hey, quick.

84. Oh, a swap shop.

85. Quiet, birdbrain.

86. Birdbrain.

87. Beautiful.

88. Mmph!

89. Gentlemen, I am Professor Panzer.

90. I can use you.

91. Fine. We can use a job.

92. We just resigned.

93. Oh, perfect. Perfect. Ha-ha. Yeah.

94. Somebody's nuts around here.

95. It ain't us.

96. Oh, no, the heart does not matter.

97. It's the head.

98. The head.

99. Maybe he's a headhunter.

100. If he's a headhunter, he's hunting small game.

101. Practically unoccupied. Wonderful.

102. Say, I don't have to stand for this.

103. Wait a minute, professor. I'll take care of him.

104. What are you trying to do,

105. ruin our chance for the job?

106. Ooh! Ooh, not in the head.

107. Mmph!

108. Ooh.

109. Wait a minute.

110. Perfect. He's just what I want.

111. Say, what do we get?

112. Yeah, what do we get?

113. Gentlemen, if you remain here,

114. you will be surrounded by luxury as long as you live.

115. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

116. Suppose we don't live long?

117. Quiet, stupid, or I'll knock your brain out.

118. Did you hear what he said?

119. Silly, wasn't it?

120. Yes, silly.

121. Come with me, gentlemen. I'll show you to your rooms.

122. Well, gentlemen, here are your quarters.

123. Oh, two bits apiece.

124. I trust you'll be comfortable.

125. Boy, what a beautiful joint.

126. It's locked. How do you like that?

127. What's that? It ain't the crooner.

128. I don't like this setup.

129. How did we get into this thing?

130. The man liked my looks.

131. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

132. And he said he would keep us in—

133. Wh-what's that word? Luxury.

134. —luxury as long as we lived.

135. As long as we— As long as we—

136. Ah-ah-ah-ah! Let's get out of here.

137. Prisoners.

138. Wait a minute. Let me try this.

139. Look out, I'll get it down.

140. No use. It's too strong.

141. We gotta find some way out of here.

142. There's no telling what the professor's got roaming around.

143. Yeah, the doors are locked, the windows are barred,

144. and I don't like it if you ask me.

145. Well, nobody asked you.

146. Yes, sir.

147. There's liable to be almost anything running around in here.

148. Not that I'm scared, mind you.

149. Panzer can't bluff me.

150. I don't scare that easy, that's all.

151. Me either.

152. It's silly to be scared.

153. Yeah. Sure.

154. Boy, am I silly.

155. Don't breathe down my neck. I don't like it.

156. Ooh!

157. It's all right for you to do it?

158. Do what? Breathe down my neck.

159. Onions too.

160. You're crazy.

161. Stop it. You tickle me.

162. Who? You.

163. You're both nuts.

164. Hey, Curly.

165. H-h-have you got a fur coat on?

166. No.

167. But he has.

168. Take it easy. Help!

169. Oh! Ooh!

170. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!

171. Come on. Help! Help!

172. Let us out of here! Out of here!

173. Come here, please.

174. Stand behind the screen.

175. Lucky guy gets a screen test.

176. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

177. It's a bird.

178. Sure, a bird in the head's worth two in the bush.

179. Wonderful.

180. You've all seen Igor,

181. a gorilla, the beast of the jungle.

182. The next time you see him,

183. he will have the brain of a human being.

184. You wanna make a quiz kid out of him, doc?

185. It was very difficult to find a brain puny enough

186. to put into the skull of Igor.

187. But now the search has ended.

188. Where you gonna get this undersized brain?

189. Beautiful.

190. Let's go. Let's get out of here.

191. Why, you— Whoa!

192. Ouch! Ouch!

193. Ha-ha-ha! You fall down.

194. Eeeeee!

195. Shut up. This is no time to be singing.

196. But, Moe. Moe.

197. Shut up, I said.

198. Mmph! But, Moe.

199. Shut up!

200. I'll bet you do that to all the boys,

201. especially if you're gonna get their brain.

202. Hey, he's gonna grab Curly.

203. Yeah, we better do something.

204. He'll take him to the lab, won't he? Yes.

205. Well, we'll ambush him.

206. Then we'll "infilterate" him.

207. Then we'll give him the old pincers movement.

208. Wait a minute. Save that for him.

209. Okay. Okay.

210. Recede.

211. I know, boy. I know, boy.

212. Who is it?

213. It's me, Curly. Open up.

214. Argh! You monkey.

215. Why did you bring that a-a-ape in here for?

216. Get him out of here. No, he's my pal.

217. Five o'clock shadow.

218. Remind me, you gotta shave in the morning.

219. They're locked in the laboratory, the fools.

220. I'll use the secret entrance.

221. Get the gun. Yes, master.

222. Hey, you're smart.

223. Hey, cut it out.

224. What's the big idea, egghead?

225. He's my pal. He don't like people to hit me.

226. I'm sorry, pal. I apologize.

227. Is this what you mean?

228. Why, you— Ungh!

229. I was only kidding him, gaggy. Honest, I like it.

230. Look, go ahead. Do it again.

231. Now I'll fix them.

232. No, you don't. This stuff is bad for you.

233. It'll make a monkey out of you every time.

234. Listen to that monkey talking.

235. Don't move, any one of you.

236. Hey, look out. That thing's liable to go off.

237. It will go off.

238. I'm going to kill you.

239. Have you anything to say before you die?

240. Yeah. Have you got a permit from the OPA?

241. Ungh! Igor, Igor!

242. Igor. Igor. No, no.

243. Oh!