8½ (1963)

1. Counselor, I've got him.

2. Down. Come down.

3. Down for good.

4. Forgive the early intrusion.

5. How are you?

6. I'm a great fan of yours. Very pleased to meet you.

7. May I?

8. May I use your typewriter, sir?

9. Your arm, please.

10. Relax it.

11. - Your age? - Forty-three.

12. Now lean forward.

13. What are you cooking up for us now? Another film with no hope?

14. - First time taking the cure? - Yes.

15. Take a deep breath.

16. Come in.

17. Sorry. I'll come back later.

18. No, come in.

19. Breathe.

20. Deeper.

21. Good morning.

22. Mind if I smoke?

23. Cough.

24. Breathe in.

25. - Did you read it? - Yes.

26. Breathe.

27. So what do you think?

28. I made some notes, but we'll talk later.

29. Your system is a bit overworked. You may get dressed.

30. Nice-looking girl. American, right?

31. You've got some fine merchandise there.

32. This treatment will do you good. You'll see.

33. Nurse, 300 mL of holy water,

34. three doses at 15-minute intervals on an empty stomach.

35. A mud bath every other day, - What time is it?

36. Followed by ten minutes in the mineral water as prescribed.

37. - I'll wait for you at the springs. - Yes, thank you.

38. Sir!

39. Sir, your glass.

40. Over here.

41. - You want to talk about the film? - Yes, of course.

42. Fine. Just tell me if you'd like the producer to see my report.

43. Frankly, I wouldn't want to cause you any trouble.

44. No, don't worry. I'm the one who called you in.

45. On first reading it's evident

46. that the film lacks a central conflict, or philosophical premise, if you will...

47. Shall we sit down?

48. making the film a series of gratuitous episodes,

49. perhaps even amusing due to their ambiguous realism.

50. One wonders what the authors' point is.

51. To make us think? To scare us?

52. From the start, the action reveals an impoverished poetic inspiration.

53. Forgive me, but this might be the most pathetic demonstration ever

54. that cinema is irremediably behind all other arts by 50 years.

55. The subject matter doesn't even have the merits of an avant-garde film,

56. while possessing all its shortcomings.

57. Here are my notes. I doubt they will be helpful.

58. It's still a mystery that you'd think of me

59. for a collaboration that I frankly don't think could work.

60. No, on the contrary. You'll be most helpful.

61. You see, I really want to make this film.

62. I only postponed the shoot for two weeks because –

63. Mezzabotta!

64. Excuse me.

65. Mezzabotta! Mario! You're here too?

66. Guido!

67. Well, Well!

68. Mario, what's wrong?

69. Guido baby, how are you?

70. You've sprouted quite a few white hairs, old Snaporaz!

71. And you haven't?

72. Are you drinking that garbage? It's bad for you.

73. They said my liver isn't – And you, what's your treatment?

74. Just a second.

75. Gloria!

76. Your daughter? She's all grown up.

77. - No, she's not my daughter. - How awful.

78. The cruel bee has sucked all the life from these poor flowers.

79. Darling, this is my friend –

80. I'm sorry. My shoes.

81. - Gloria Morin. - Nice to meet you.

82. I'm fine, thank you.

83. I know all about you. Pupi always tells me.

84. We even had a big fight when I was very critical of your last film.

85. That's not true. You liked it a lot.

86. Shall we get something to drink? Come on.

87. Are you here alone? And your wife?

88. - Yes, I'm alone. - Better that way.

89. I mean, better in general.

90. - You heard about Tina and me? - Tina?

91. We're waiting for an annulment.

92. That's why we're here together. We're engaged.

93. Congratulations.

94. So, Guido baby, cooking up something good?

95. Sure is the ideal place to do some thinking.

96. This is the writer Daumier. This is Miss –

97. Pardon me, but your name again?

98. Nice to meet you. I'm a great fan of yours.

99. I'm flattered.

100. Are you an actress? Have I seen your picture somewhere?

101. An actress? Yes.

102. I have ambitions along those lines.

103. Actually, enormous ambitions,

104. but that's all they are for the moment.

105. She has a degree in philosophy. Allow me – Mario Mezzabotta.

106. I don't have a degree. I'm doing my thesis. It's a little different.

107. - And the subject? - A difficult one.

108. The solitude of modern man in contemporary theater.

109. Interesting subject. Right, Professor?

110. And what is the meaning behind the capricious apparitions

111. of the girl at the springs?

112. An offer of purity, of warmth to the protagonist?

113. Of all your story's overabundant symbols, this is the worst, and –

114. She didn't come. Just as well.

115. - Yak! How are you? - Not too bad.

116. - Did anybody recognize you? - I don't think so.

117. You brought all that luggage?

118. It's just five suitcases. Gowns take up so much space.

119. I brought one... you'll see. Did you get it all?

120. Carla, people go to bed early here. There's nothing going on.

121. But it's a fashionable spa. There must be some fashion shows.

122. Our hotel probably has a little nightclub, right?

123. - Have you been a good boy? - Yes.

124. Listen, I couldn't actually get you a room in my hotel.

125. Besides, it's full of people who know me.

126. So I found someplace else. A wonderful hotel. Very charming.

127. What do you mean?

128. And how's this guy?

129. Sgulp? Great.

130. You look a little pale. How come?

131. See, the hotel's right there.

132. Signora, guests.

133. As I said, it's not... but it's very quiet.

134. If you're hungry, I'll have some sandwiches brought up.

135. It's a little gloomy down here.

136. No, it's picturesque.

137. And I'm hungry. You had lunch, but I didn't.

138. Hello, sir.

139. How's the solitaire?

140. Everything's ready – the room, the bathroom.

141. Rest assured. Signora will feel at home.

142. Thank you. Would you have anything to eat?

143. - The bathroom? - Over there.

144. I'll see to it personally.

145. The train is horrible. It leaves your hands so black.

146. - Happy I'm here? - Of course.

147. - Very happy or a little happy? - Really happy.

148. What a nice smell!

149. I was sure this black velvet was going to wrinkle.

150. Really? Good.

151. But not a crease, even after a three-hour trip.

152. You didn't even say if you like it. Don't you like it?

153. What a beautiful lady!

154. So elegant.

155. That thing on her head – is it ploosh?

156. That's right. Plush.

157. It took forever to find it. I was quite desperate.

158. But you know me. When Carla sets her mind to something –

159. - Snarp! - Sgulp!

160. I read a good Donald Duck last week. There was a dinosaur –

161. Here they are, my little sweet buns.

162. Guido, be good.

163. What do you have in mind?

164. - Have you really been a good boy? - Of course.

165. Anyway, Sweet-buns is hungry.

166. Oh, my wedding ring.

167. Listen, Guido, about that little thing you promised –

168. What little thing?

169. Just wait – now she'll bring up her husband again.

170. Don't think so? You'll see, old Snaporaz.

171. Poor Luigi doesn't seem happy at all.

172. You know, my husband's not the pushy type.

173. That sort of thing depresses him.

174. He's not stupid, you know. He's actually very smart.

175. It's so hot here.

176. He knows all of Roman history by heart.

177. He just needs a push.

178. He's still working at the fuel company for the same salary.

179. Really?

180. Careful with that purse. You'll break it.

181. I love that little purse. He gave it to me.

182. Why don't you find him a job?

183. You know so many people. You've promised so many times.

184. I even had a dream about it.

185. I dreamed that you found him a job,

186. but he lost his mind and killed us both.

187. - Who? - You and me.

188. You know where we were?

189. That little street behind Via della Croce, where I bought you

190. the same tie your wife did, remember?

191. I never knew if you were wearing hers or mine.

192. There we were on a cot, in each other's arms, naked...

193. and he came in and killed us both with a broom.

194. Make it a little darker.

195. That's it.

196. Now go out into the hallway for a minute,

197. then pretend you've entered a stranger's room.

198. What fun! We've never done this one.

199. Hold it there. Let me look at you.

200. No, your makeup has to be more –

201. More what?

202. More slutty.

203. Come here. Give me your eyeliner.

204. Nice lamp.

205. - I'd like one for my place. - Don't move.

206. - What's this hotel called? - The Railway Hotel.

207. I'll write my husband to send me an express letter right away.

208. He writes such nice letters. I'll let you read them.

209. Fine, but keep still.

210. Make a slutty face.

211. Go out in the hallway.

212. So I'm playing a part now, huh? Think I'm one of your actresses?

213. Don't think I could do what they do?

214. Anyway, I wouldn't want a life like that.

215. I like staying home.

216. Go on. I'm sleeping now.

217. Tell me: If I did something like this for real,

218. would you be jealous?

219. Why? Would you really?

220. Who knows?

221. - Do you need something? - No, I just stepped outside.

222. - Shall I run you a bath? - No, I was just –

223. - A glass of water, perhaps? - No, thank you.

224. What did she want?

225. The innkeeper wanted to give me a glass of water.

226. Come here.

227. Come on.

228. Open up the sheet.

229. Guido, do you love me?

230. Yes, yes.

231. Is that you, Mama?

232. So many tears, my son.

233. Papa, wait! Don't go.

234. We've talked so little.

235. Papa, I had so many questions to ask you.

236. I can't answer them yet.

237. See how low this ceiling is?

238. I would have liked it higher. It's ugly, my son.

239. I'd have wanted something different.

240. Couldn't you take care of it?

241. You used to draw so well. I'd like –

242. Oh, the Commendatore. He shouldn't have taken the trouble.

243. Hello.

244. My respects. He has very little time.

245. How is he doing, this son of mine?

246. Careful. Don't let him play on your emotions.

247. What? He isn't doing well?

248. It's so hard, realizing that one has been so mistaken.

249. But I-

250. Mother prepared a little something for you.

251. Some cheese and two peaches.

252. Don't worry about me.

253. Sure, this place gets a little lonely,

254. but your mother comes every day.

255. She keeps me company, you know.

256. And she keeps everything in order.

257. A little decorum is always necessary. That's how we were brought up.

258. - Everything fine with your wife? - Yes. Luisa –

259. You two have been my joy. Good-bye, son.

260. What is this place? Do you like it here?

261. I haven't figured it out yet.

262. But it's going better.

263. Much better.

264. You know, son, at first...

265. Guido, I do my best. What more can I do?

266. Poor Guido, you must be tired. Shall we go home?

267. I'm Luisa, your wife. Don't you recognize me?

268. What are you thinking about?

269. Good day.

270. Good day.

271. Guido, in a few days, I'll get you an introduction

272. so you can get all the advice you need.

273. Nice mystical figure, right?

274. I brought you the three old men.

275. A Russian, a retired general –

276. - What old men? - For the role of the father.

277. Cover me, Cesarino.

278. Come here, buffoon.

279. How are you? So nice to see you, Super Tarzan!

280. - I've called you six times. - Yes, about a script for Claudia.

281. - Well? - I thought I'd mail it to you.

282. - In fact, it's practically in the mail. - Really?

283. You're young as ever. Why aren't you still acting?

284. I was up all night with an idea for the spaceship –

285. Conocchia, don't grab my arm! I hate it!

286. And put on a jacket!

287. Now I need tails to talk to you!

288. How are you? How was your trip?

289. Fine. It's been an hour.

290. What a dazzling vision!

291. Bellissima!

292. - Really? - Yes.

293. You're always calling me bellissima,

294. but you never tell me about my part.

295. - How was my screen test? - Wonderful, or you wouldn't be here.

296. I still don't know anything. You said to look motherly

297. and eat a lot of pasta.

298. I've gained almost seven pounds. Is that all?

299. See? You already know more than me.

300. You're the author. You might tell me a little more.

301. - What role does this woman play? - You mean you –

302. Agostini!

303. Excuse me.

304. I don't mean to bother you.

305. The hotel is grand, and the whisky is excellent,

306. but I have three questions.

307. We'll discuss them later. What is it?

308. Ah, yes. Pardon me.

309. Agostini, we have to –

310. I just didn't feel like talking to that guy. What is it?

311. Claudia has offers from all over the world.

312. I can't keep her waiting. Tell her something.

313. Do you have a script, a few pages, an idea?

314. Does she realize that this might be the best role she's ever played?

315. I'll explain.

316. - You're going to lose her. - You want to see the old men?

317. Are you crazy? We're ready to go.

318. - What do you want? - The old men.

319. - Where are they? - Here.

320. Signora Carla called. She doesn't want to stay in that hotel.

321. She says it's awful, and she's right.

322. I'll call the old men.

323. I'd like to introduce the little woman.

324. Delighted.

325. A great pleasure.

326. She writes too.

327. She works for some ladies' magazines.

328. She has a few questions for you too.

329. My readers go crazy for love stories.

330. Could you tell me something about your love life?

331. Here they are. Say hello to the Dottore.

332. Come forward.

333. You too, General. Say hello to the Dottore.

334. - How old are you? - Seventy.

335. - And you? - Sixty-four.

336. - And you? - Sixty-eight.

337. They aren't old enough.

338. What? This one's about to drop dead.

339. Next time I'll get three corpses.

340. You asked for a heartrending type.

341. One look at him and you wanna cry.

342. Hello, Commendatore.

343. If you kneel for me, what would I have to do for you?

344. Get up or you'll hurt yourself.

345. How are you, my little Guido?

346. Hello, Commendatore.

347. We took a helicopter. This one screamed the whole way.

348. - Where's the swimming pool? - We just got here. Be quiet.

349. - Has the treatment helped? - What's this?

350. Just a token.

351. - You're always giving me presents. - It never needs winding.

352. Ladies and gentlemen, observe the little wristwatch.

353. - So are your ideas any clearer now? - Yes, I really think so.

354. We've got the Americans in the palm of our hand.

355. I've seen her passport. She's 52 years old.

356. Just a young thing.

357. Good evening, signora.

358. And who are you, darling?

359. Mr. Director, may I ask another little question?

360. He wants to know the relationship between Catholicism and Marxism.

361. Thank you. I got that.

362. You want to know which political party I belong to.

363. As an honest man – which all of you Italians are –

364. you should be able to answer this:

365. Is Italy an essentially Catholic country?

366. Be quiet and eat your ice cream.

367. It's the estimate for the spaceship.

368. I'd like to speak with you privately later.

369. I'm at the end of my rope. This is a madhouse!

370. Fine, we'll talk later. What was that about cholesterol?

371. - Where are our great writers? - The early Fitzgerald.

372. Then his writing became an orgy of pragmatism and brutal realism.

373. I mean, what does Left or Right mean?

374. Are you optimistic enough to believe that in this confused and chaotic world,

375. some people's ideas are clear enough

376. that they belong exclusively to the Left or the Right?

377. The Americans have this new theory about lowering cholesterol...

378. - Is your asparagus good? - Very good.

379. Approximately how many scenes will there be?

380. What?

381. - How many scenes? - Five.

382. Just five'?

383. Perhaps six, or even seven.

384. Good evening, Commendatore.

385. Hi, Guido.

386. The ambassador's giving the signora the eye.

387. So?

388. - I thought you'd like to know. - Fine. Now I know.

389. - Shall I ask her to dance? - Yes, do.

390. But I'm so anxious to know, to understand my character.

391. I need a long time to live with my character.

392. The lady says she needs to get to know her character.

393. I need to get inside her skin, her ideas, or I just can't do it.

394. Hasn't our maestro explained the part yet?

395. I'm sorry, dear lady.

396. I don't have such information. I'm only the producer.

397. - Guido, isn't that right? - You mustn't know a thing.

398. And now three days of rest.

399. They look like glass.

400. The first cherries of spring.

401. Thanks. And for Guido?

402. Mario Mezzabotta, all 200 pounds of him.

403. Shall we take a little walk?

404. I know.

405. Naturally you think I've gone soft in the head.

406. Yes.

407. - I'm 30 years her senior. So what? - That's fine.

408. I may be the fool, the old imbecile, the one who foots the bill. So what?

409. Could you create

410. something real, important, and beautiful on demand?

411. For instance, if the pope asked you?

412. Yes, I'll think about it. Excuse me.

413. Listen, I'm not deluding myself.

414. Maybe she's just with me for the money.

415. In fact, I'm sure of it.

416. But I've never felt closer to anybody in my life.

417. Just look at her. She's pretty, charming, intelligent.

418. She has it all. Just for the money?

419. There are loads of rich young men around.

420. She clearly cares for you.

421. It's true.

422. And she hasn't tried to pressure me.

423. I made up my mind rationally.

424. The poor thing has never even mentioned

425. my wife, my family. Never a single reproach.

426. How did you meet her?

427. In London. She was in school with my daughter.

428. How long have you been married?

429. - Forever. Thirty-one years. - What does your wife...?

430. My wife took it very badly. She hates her.

431. Meanwhile, Gloria is fond of her.

432. Go ahead and say it: I'm an ass.

433. There must be dates, a shooting schedule.

434. Otherwise she'll lose a film in Germany. We have other offers.

435. Will you leave me in the dark till the end?

436. - You look like a lumachina. - What's that?

437. Une petite escargot.

438. Listen to the voice of the springs.

439. The Romans called them "happy waters."

440. Maya, let's entertain these bores a bit!

441. May I, madam?

442. Ready, Maya? What am I holding?

443. A velvet evening bag.

444. - And inside? - A white handkerchief.

445. A red one.

446. - No drugs, I hope. - No, it's aspirin.

447. - A change purse. - Is there any money in it?

448. 2,725 lire.

449. And this lady here – what is she thinking?

450. Nothing dirty, I hope.

451. - Think about something. - Like what?

452. Whatever you like. Are you thinking?

453. "I'd like to live another 100 years."

454. - Was that right? - Yes!

455. And what does this lovely lady have in her head?

456. Leave me alone.

457. - May I think about a person? - Yes!

458. Go ahead.

459. In that case –

460. - No, forget it. I'm too embarrassed. - What for?

461. May I really think of a person?

462. I'd be afraid to have my thoughts read.

463. Don't worry, darling. No risk there.

464. - A little kiss and a big slap. - Is that right?

465. Ladies and gentlemen, you're thinking, "What a trickster."

466. Sorry to disappoint you, but there's no trick,

467. and it's not just coincidence.

468. It's an exceptional experiment in magnetic force and telepathy.

469. I transmit your thoughts to Mademoiselle Maya.

470. Do you think you can hide your thoughts?

471. Please, leave her alone. Don't insist.

472. Thoughts are sacred.

473. It's just a game.

474. Maya, are you ready?

475. Just a moment, gentlemen.

476. May we know what you're thinking?

477. You, for instance.

478. What else? My director. "My cross and my delight."

479. - How are you? - Fine. And you?

480. - It's been years, hasn't it? - Yes, sadly, my friend.

481. I'll be right back.

482. - You're famous now. - Cut it out.

483. But tell me: What's the trick? How do you transmit –

484. It's partly a trick, partly real. I don't know how, but it happens.

485. Can you transmit anything?

486. Anything. Except to tell her to get lost.

487. - You want to try? - Yes. Wait.

488. Watch, with you I'll mess up.

489. I don't understand.

490. I can't repeat it.

491. Is that right?

492. Is that it?

493. But what does it mean?

494. Guido, come here! Where are you?

495. Don't be difficult.

496. I don't want a bath!

497. Come here. Let me catch you.

498. I know what this rascal wants.

499. He wants his sweetheart to carry him, doesn't he?

500. Come here.

501. He never wants to take the wine bath, the naughty boy.

502. Don't you know it makes you strong like a man?

503. Guido's afraid! Guido's afraid!

504. Hell and tarnation! The wood's all wet this year.

505. That cat is just like your grandfather.

506. Always out on the prowl and only comes home to eat.

507. Shame on you! Go to bed!

508. Last time I slammed the door in his face

509. and left him outside for two days.

510. I could have married again and found a handsome man,

511. far better than your grandfather, children.

512. What an idiot I am!

513. I thought that if I married again, my first husband,

514. whether in heaven or hell, wouldn't wait for me.

515. Quiet! Go to bed, children!

516. To bed!

517. Did you really drink the wine?

518. Nanny, Claudio wet the bed!

519. What are you doing? Go to sleep, all of you.

520. Little Guido, get under the covers. It's cold.

521. Lie Still!

522. Did you say your prayers?

523. My beautiful little sticky bun.

524. Give me a kiss too. Who do you love best?

525. Me, right?

526. I'll spank you all! Go to sleep now!

527. You can't fool me.

528. I know when you're pretending.

529. Sleep tight, little ones.

530. Close your eyes!

531. Guido, tonight's the night the eyes in the painting will move.

532. You're not scared, are you? You have to be quiet.

533. Uncle Agostino will look in a corner, and the treasure will be there.

534. Don't be scared. We'll be rich. Remember the spell?

535. Asa nisi masa... asa nisi masa.

536. Sir, you had two or three calls from Rome.

537. Your wife, I believe.

538. Really? Fine. Get me the line.

539. Gino, get the gentleman the line.

540. This is for you.

541. Good night, sir.

542. Marcella, that call from Rome, quickly.

543. Good night, sir.

544. No, I'm not offended.

545. There's only one thing that offends me.

546. Oh, you know me well.

547. I forgive him for everything.

548. Everything.

549. Can we have a little chat?

550. Come sit beside me.

551. Sorry, but I'm going to bed.

552. I'm very tired, and I'm expecting a call.

553. - Like some? - No, thanks. I have a bad headache.

554. Give me your hands.

555. No, sit down.

556. I have a healing fluid in my left hand.

557. I put it on my tummy when it aches.

558. Take off your hat.

559. Better?

560. Yes, perhaps.

561. Why do you look at me that way?

562. And don't call me bellissima.

563. You make it sound like an insult.

564. What's wrong with you?

565. I don't know.

566. I feel like I've made a mess of everything in my life

567. and my work.

568. Tell me, why do you enjoy torturing me?

569. Torturing you? Come now.

570. Talk to me as you would an old friend.

571. I need to feel close to my director.

572. Did you see the movie I shot in Belgrade?

573. I played a woman marked by the injustices of time,

574. yet still desirable.

575. A hysterical personality – purely fictional, of course.

576. - Play "Mystification." - I don't know it.

577. In this woman I played,

578. people find protection and love.

579. I am this character. I'm like her in life and love.

580. That's why I'm so alone.

581. I've always forgiven everything in the man – the men I love.

582. Sir, Rome's on the line.

583. I'm very sensual, and wicked too.

584. You're getting very close. I'll be right back.

585. Rome on the line. Go ahead.

586. Hello?

587. Do you want Luisa?

588. Feeling guilty, you monster? This is Rossella.

589. Rossella, how are you? Luisa was looking for me.

590. Where were you out so late?

591. A rest cure! Some excuse. Here's Luisa.

592. Thanks.

593. Guido, I called twice. Where were you?

594. I know. I'm sorry.

595. I was up in the production office. How are you?

596. Not bad. How's the rest cure?

597. Is it helping?

598. Maybe. I think so. I can't really rest much.

599. Are you having fun?

600. Oh, the usual, here with Rossella, Tilde, and Enrico.

601. They were just leaving.

602. But are you having a good time? Have you met anybody?

603. Hardly. It's a terrible bore. But it's better for my work.

604. You haven't run into anyone you know? Are you always by yourself?

605. Of course.

606. Really?

607. Luisa, why don't you come visit? It's a quick trip.

608. When do you start shooting, you jerk?

609. I don't know. Put Luisa back on, please.

610. So you want me to come?

611. If you'd like. Maybe even bring a friend.

612. - But would it make you happy? - Of course, or I wouldn't ask.

613. - More time, sir? - No, thanks.

614. - When should I come? - Whenever you'd like.

615. - Watch out, or I might really do it. - Darling, I wouldn't have asked.

616. I'd love it. Good night now.

617. So long, you madman!

618. Night, Guido.

619. Monsieur Guido, my agent thought –

620. Just a second, madam. I have to see Agostino.

621. - Shit! - It's important.

622. We'll discuss everything tomorrow morning, all right?

623. Beams for the central structure, 10,000.

624. Planks for steps, 260.

625. - Evening. - Do you need something?

626. No, thanks. Go on with your work.

627. What a production!

628. Hi, Eleonora.

629. Listen, Dottore, since you're here.

630. I called the pensione about the German girl, but she's gone.

631. - You must find her. - She's in Paris with a circus.

632. Really?

633. What should I do?

634. What an honor, Dottore!

635. You caught me with my pants down!

636. Listen, Guido. About that farm –

637. Ah, here it is. Where's this place?

638. There's no address or anything.

639. It's on the prince's estate.

640. - Who's in there? - My little nieces.

641. Eva and Dina.

642. Evening.

643. Come out here, silly.

644. He might give you a little part.

645. - It's a pleasure. - The pleasure's mine.

646. - Where are you from? - Trieste.

647. Hurray for Italy!

648. - You've settled in, eh? - Tell him about my cousin.

649. Guido, she has a female cousin six feet tall.

650. She might be good for the movie.

651. This little minx here –

652. It's true. She's as tall as me when I stand on the bed.

653. - See? - She's been Miss Nylon Stockings twice.

654. Is Guido in there? I'm coming in.

655. Conocchia, I'll see you tomorrow.

656. - May I ask a question? - Go ahead.

657. My friend here says

658. you don't know how to make a love story.

659. She's right.

660. - Shall I wake you in the morning? - No, thanks.

661. Pipe down, girls!

662. Our commander will never catch us unprepared!

663. This production crew never sleeps!

664. I've got a splitting headache. Stop that.

665. They're always horsing around, but they're good guys.

666. You need anything, Guido? Any new ideas to tell me about?

667. No, Conocchia, I don't need anything. Go back to bed.

668. - Anything at all. - No, thanks. Good night.

669. Good night my ass!

670. Who can get to sleep around here?

671. Conocchia, don't make a fuss.

672. Excuse me, but I've worked in this business for 30 years

673. on movies none of you could even imagine,

674. and I've never been afraid of anything!

675. Why are you shouting, you crazy old man?

676. Now you've said it. "Old man."

677. It finally came out. Conocchia's an old man.

678. What do you want? Get back inside.

679. You always keep me in the dark.

680. I never know what to do, when to talk or when to shut up.

681. I'm not trying to pester you. I don't want to know what it's about.

682. - Want to keep it a secret? Go ahead! - Please go back to bed.

683. If I'm to help you, like you've always appreciated,

684. you have to tell me something: "Get rid of the French woman"

685. or "This is how I want the spaceship" or "Go hang yourself!"

686. But tell me something!

687. You've changed, my friend.

688. Now you're crying too?

689. Aren't you ashamed?

690. I'm quitting tomorrow.

691. I don't want to be in your way. You need some young blood.

692. But be careful.

693. You're not the man you used to be either.

694. A crisis of inspiration?

695. What if it's not just temporary, my dear friend?

696. What if it's the final downfall of a big fat no-talent impostor?

697. Sgulp!

698. Let's suppose you're the symbol of purity

699. and spontaneity.

700. But what the hell does it mean to be truly honest?

701. Didn't you hear what that big hawk said?

702. "It's time to set all the symbols aside –

703. the lure of purity, innocence, escape."

704. What is it you want?

705. Yes, this could work.

706. There's a museum in the town, and you're the custodian's daughter,

707. who grew up among images of ancient beauty.

708. You're right.

709. I've come to stay and never leave.

710. I want to bring order.

711. I want to clean.

712. I want to bring order, I want to –

713. A call for you from the Railway Hotel.

714. Put it through.

715. Hello?

716. Who's there?

717. Hello!

718. Guido, I feel awful. The mineral water made me sick.

719. I have a fever. Come over right away.

720. At this time of night? I can't. I'll come tomorrow.

721. Come.

722. The poor thing was calling for you. Here's the ice.

723. She's burning up. Her temperature's at least 104.

724. - Should I bring the peas? - What peas?

725. In her delirium she asked for peas. A good sign.

726. No, forget about the peas.

727. If you need anything, let us know.

728. Carla.

729. Have you run a sudden high fever like this before?

730. Yes, the slightest thing and it shoots up to 104.

731. Then it passes. My husband's used to it.

732. It doesn't scare him.

733. No, don't get up. Stay under the covers.

734. I'm so hot. I'm thirsty.

735. Wait, I'll get it for you. Here.

736. Drink slowly or you'll get bloated.

737. Is it day or night?

738. Night? It's 4:00 in the afternoon.

739. We'll wait and see what the doctor has to say.

740. It wouldn't be a bad idea to send your husband a telegram.

741. We can't take responsibility. Yes, he ought to know.

742. No, I don't want it to be over. He'll take me away.

743. I bought so many pretty little dresses.

744. Why did you drink all that water?

745. That's for sick people. Are you sick?

746. Whenever there's something to gorge on, you always –

747. What am I supposed to do? You leave me alone all the time.

748. I drew up a will two years ago.

749. It's not like you die sooner just because you make a will.

750. You see, I have a brother and sister,

751. but I'd like the apartment to go to my husband.

752. It's mine, but how would the poor thing manage without it,

753. even if he does remarry?

754. Ah, these sheets!

755. Guido, tell me the truth.

756. The truth, you hear?

757. Why are you with me?

758. What can I say to the cardinal tomorrow?

759. Yes, I read the brief synopsis your producer sent us. Very interesting.

760. However, realistically speaking,

761. a prince of the church would never meet your protagonist

762. during a mud treatment.

763. I'm sorry, but it's quite impossible.

764. A high prelate has his own private room.

765. Yes, but I was seeking an unconventional encounter.

766. In what sense?

767. The protagonist received a Catholic upbringing –

768. - Good morning. - Monsignor, this is Guido Anselmi.

769. - A pleasure. - You must be the director.

770. Is this film of a religious nature?

771. In a way.

772. I was explaining that the protagonist had a Catholic upbringing,

773. like all of us,

774. so he has certain complexes, certain needs he can no longer repress.

775. A prince of the church seems to him like the guardian of a truth

776. he can no longer accept, although it still fascinates him.

777. So he seeks contact, some help, perhaps even a revelation.

778. - Saul in Damascus, right? - Don't we all harbor such hopes?

779. I realize it may sound a bit superficial, even clumsy.

780. No, that's not it.

781. I just don't believe cinema lends itself to certain topics.

782. You mix sacred and profane love too casually.

783. - Don't you think? - It depends.

784. Yours is a great responsibility. You can either educate

785. or corrupt millions of souls.

786. In any case, His Eminence will listen to you.

787. You may ask him a few questions.

788. Your Eminence, allow me to introduce the director.

789. Please have a seat.

790. Please pardon the intrusion, Your Eminence,

791. but my producer is beset by doubts,

792. perhaps with good reason, and he insisted that I –

793. - Are you married? - Yes.

794. - Any children? - Yes – I mean no.

795. - How old are you? - Forty-three.

796. - You hear this singing bird? - Pardon?

797. Do you know what it's called?

798. It's called Diomedeo.

799. Legend has it that when Diomedes died,

800. all these little birds gathered

801. and sang a funeral chorus as they accompanied him to his grave.

802. Hear that? It sounds like sobbing.

803. Guido, let's go see Saraghina.

804. I'm coming.

805. Saraghina!

806. Saraghina, dance the rumba.

807. Come here.

808. You should be ashamed!

809. It's a mortal sin, it's a mortal sin...

810. I don't believe it. It can't be.

811. Look at your mother!

812. Stop right there.

813. Oh God, the shame!

814. The shame and anguish!

815. The shame!

816. "Throughout his whole life, anywhere he lived,

817. the pious Luigi abhorred most of all any contact with women,

818. whose presence he so avoided

819. that everyone thought he had a natural antipathy toward them."

820. Get down!

821. "... even with his sister, the marquise,

822. and if it happened that while he was speaking to her... "

823. Don't you know that Saraghina is the devil?

824. No, I didn't know. I really didn't.

825. So what does it mean?

826. It's a character based on your childhood memories.

827. It has no connection with a true critical conscience.

828. No, if you really wish to engage in a polemic

829. about Catholic consciousness in Italy, my dear friend,

830. you'd need a much higher degree of culture,

831. as well as a rigorously clear-headed logic.

832. Forgive me...

833. but your naivete is a serious failing.

834. Your little nostalgia-bathed memories,

835. your harmless and essentially sentimental evocations –

836. "What?" said the parish priest. "With a communist?"

837. He didn't say "a man," you see?

838. Catholic consciousness!

839. Just think what Suetonius was in the time of the caesars!

840. No, you set out to denounce,

841. but you end up an accomplice.

842. I'm sure you see the confusion and ambiguity.

843. My dear doctor, I'm very angry with you, you know?

844. You don't need me anymore.

845. That's not true.

846. 127: showers and mud baths.

847. 129: massages.

848. 131: inhalations.

849. Hello, Commendatore.

850. I've figured out what you're trying to get at:

851. a man's inner confusion.

852. But you must be clear and get your point across.

853. Otherwise what's the use?

854. Let's go.

855. Attention.

856. Dr. Angelis, please report to the rest area.

857. If what you have to say is interesting, it must be so for everybody.

858. How can you not care if audiences understand?

859. I'm sorry, but that's arrogant and presumptuous.

860. Commendatore...

861. let's go over there. Breathe deeply.

862. Hi, Guido.

863. I've saved you a spot by the steam.

864. I saw the spaceship this morning. It's 165 feet tall already.

865. Mario.

866. Guido, His Eminence is waiting for you.

867. We repeat:

868. His Eminence is waiting.

869. Get dressed, quickly.

870. The cardinal is waiting. Tell him everything.

871. Confess everything. Don't hide anything.

872. If you can, put in a good word for me too.

873. This is a golden opportunity. The cardinal!

874. You're so lucky. He can grant anything.

875. Get me my Mexican divorce. He won't say no to you.

876. Above all, be devout. Fall on your knees,

877. kiss his ring, cry, say you've repented.

878. Getting in their good graces means you can have anything you want in life.

879. I beg of you, Guido. We're in your hands.

880. Just five minutes.

881. Your Eminence, I'm not happy.

882. Why should you be happy?

883. That is not your task.

884. Who told you we come into this world to be happy?

885. Origen says in his homilies,

886. "Extra ecclesiam nulla salus."

887. There is no salvation outside the church.

888. "Extra ecclesiam nemo salvatur."

889. No one will find salvation outside the church.

890. "Salus extra ecclesiam

891. non est."

892. There is no salvation outside the church.

893. "Civitas dei."

894. He who does not belong to the City of God

895. belongs to the City of the Devil.

896. Come see this great human phenomenon, the fakir Shiva,

897. who's broken all previous records.

898. Our experiment is monitored daily

899. by European experts.

900. 20,000... 22,000... 23,000. And the lady in the back?

901. 25,000.

902. The bid is 25,000.

903. Do I hear 30,000?

904. 35,000... 40,000. Very good.

905. Any more offers? I have 50,000.

906. - When did you get here? - At 5:00.

907. We went to the hotel, but you weren't there.

908. - How are you? - Fine.

909. - Who did you come with? - Rossella, Enrico, and Tilde.

910. - Where's Rossella? - Over there.

911. Good girl. You actually came.

912. You look good, you know?

913. Hey, Rossa!

914. The last time we danced together was a year ago.

915. Luisa, darling. You're such a sweetheart.

916. I'm so happy you came.

917. It's always the same. Whenever you're far away –

918. You feel lonely.

919. Is that true? Did you miss me?

920. You didn't have the company of all these lovely ladies?

921. Ah, so you noticed them.

922. No flings since you left?

923. Poor Guido. And your famous virility?

924. - You smell so nice. - You like it?

925. You're so light.

926. How's your project going? Better?

927. Well, I don't think I've made any great progress.

928. What's it about? What are you up to this time?

929. Sorry.

930. Am I mistaken, or is Enrico a little in love with you?

931. Adorable, isn't she?

932. Wonderful!

933. Good evening. So nice to have you here.

934. Maestro, we're at your disposition. Shall we get going?

935. I'm coming.

936. My dear lady, tonight you'll see

937. the depths of insanity to which a producer can fall.

938. Frankly, I'd rather not shake hands with this lovely lady.

939. One touch and she knows what you're thinking.

940. - I knew it! Who else? - Your guiding spirit.

941. Haven't you reached that stage of intimacy yet?

942. - May I introduce my sister? - Ah, the beautiful little sister.

943. You see the kind of women your director attracts?

944. How lucky to meet you, Commendatore.

945. I just finished a screenplay about nuclear warfare.

946. Only a producer of your courage could get it made.

947. Is the beautiful sorceress part of your harem too?

948. Let's just say I'm a sort of managing supervisor.

949. So are you any better? Has the solitude helped?

950. Actually, you do look like a new man.

951. But really, are you better? I was a little worried.

952. It was good of you to invite Luisa. She was so happy.

953. I'd rather not go. You don't really need me.

954. I insist, my friend. Get in Conocchia's car.

955. Sweetie, go ride with the others.

956. - Guido, where's your wife? - She was just here.

957. - Rossella, come with us. - Sit next to me.

958. I want to tell you a strange story.

959. - My sister was a nun who died young. - Luisa, come on.

960. One night her portrait suddenly changes expression –

961. Rossella, get in –

962. as if to warn me of some danger.

963. I'll sit in front.

964. A few days later my uncle tells me,

965. "Come to the market with me, kid." He drove an Isotta-Fraschini.

966. I was telling about a premonition.

967. What do you think? You gotta be crazy to listen to this director.

968. Bundle up. It's damp.

969. Renato, where are you?

970. Here, Commendatore. Good evening.

971. We've gotta be ready for the 20th.

972. Follow me. Careful. The ground's uneven.

973. - It seems we're a bit behind. - No, we're already up to 230 feet.

974. What's wrong with Luisa? Suddenly she's so nervous and angry.

975. I don't know. She was so happy to come see you.

976. Maybe you said something that upset her.

977. What's this?

978. I find this extraordinarily fascinating.

979. This model will be superimposed on the structure

980. to create the illusion that the rocket's on the launch pad.

981. - Am I right? - Yes, that's right.

982. And this is the launch ramp, for the most important scene.

983. Come on up. It's perfectly safe.

984. - No pictures. - Just one, Commendatore.

985. What's your husband up to?

986. A science fiction film?

987. How should I know? Ask him.

988. Giancarlo wrote him such a wonderful story about Martians.

989. What's this amusement park for?

990. No construction company wanted to take on this job.

991. It rests entirely on sand.

992. Cesarino, how many pounds of concrete did it take?

993. Pounds? Tons!

994. Four hundred tons.

995. If you don't mind, I'll stop at the first landing.

996. I have vertigo.

997. With 80 million you could buy at least ten apartments.

998. It's a pompous shack, just like him. A self-portrait.

999. The little sister-in-law isn't exactly tender toward our director.

1000. - Maybe she's in love. - With him?

1001. I pray day and night to be spared a husband like him.

1002. - Still more climbing? - I'll gladly carry you.

1003. When I think he spent 80 million on this structure.

1004. Wouldn't a nice painted backdrop have been better?

1005. A backdrop! That's from your grandfather's day.

1006. Besides, are they your millions, Conocchia?

1007. Luisa...

1008. are you cold? Take my jacket.

1009. No, thank you. We're going back to the hotel now anyway.

1010. Is something wrong? You got sad all of a sudden.

1011. Didn't you?

1012. No, I'm not sad at all.

1013. The sequence opens with an image of Earth

1014. completely destroyed by thermonuclear war.

1015. Guido seemed really happy to see you.

1016. and the spaceship, our new Noah's Ark, flees the atomic plague,

1017. while the rest of humanity seeks refuge on another planet.

1018. More than 15,000 extras, a tragic multitude in search of –

1019. We're really going to see all that in your movie?

1020. Mamma mia! The prophet speaks.

1021. He's decided to scare everybody.

1022. You mean you like stories where nothing happens too?

1023. I'm putting all kinds of things in this film.

1024. Even a tap-dancing sailor.

1025. Sailor, come here.

1026. Show us what you learned in America. No, I don't want water.

1027. Dance and I'll give you a part.

1028. Dance.

1029. Guido, what's going on?

1030. Rossella, cut the big-sister tone. It puts me off right away.

1031. Mr. Director, what part do I play?

1032. What does Luisa think about me? What does she want?

1033. - What's my part? - Go away!

1034. Luisa doesn't talk much. Not even to me, her best friend.

1035. I really don't know what she wants. She's lost.

1036. One day she says one thing, the next day something else.

1037. Unfortunately, I think the only thing she'd like

1038. is for you to be different.

1039. Why?

1040. It's the mistake we all make.

1041. Is that gentle fellow courting her? Is he in love with her?

1042. You'd like that, wouldn't you? No more guilty conscience.

1043. You're such a scoundrel.

1044. Poor Enrico.

1045. He's so clumsy at it that everyone's noticed.

1046. He hangs around her, listens to her, keeps her company.

1047. He's a wonderful friend.

1048. I thought my ideas were so clear.

1049. I wanted to make an honest film. No lies whatsoever.

1050. I thought I had something so simple to say.

1051. Something useful to everybody.

1052. A film to help bury forever

1053. all the dead things we carry around inside.

1054. Instead, it's me who lacks the courage to bury anything at all.

1055. Now I'm utterly confused,

1056. with this tower on my hands.

1057. I wonder why things turned out this way.

1058. Where did I lose my way?

1059. I really have nothing to say,

1060. but I want to say it anyway.

1061. Why don't those spirits of yours come to my aid?

1062. You always said they had lots of messages for me.

1063. Let them get to work.

1064. I've already told you: Your attitude is all wrong.

1065. You're curious in a childish way.

1066. You want too many guarantees.

1067. - Fine, but what do they say? - The same as always.

1068. They're very reasonable. They know you very well.

1069. Well then?

1070. They say you're free, but you have to choose.

1071. And you don't have much time.

1072. You have to hurry.

1073. Guido!

1074. Are you two coming up?

1075. - Room 320, please. - He's still out.

1076. I see. Thanks.

1077. Have you got a headache?

1078. No, it's a tranquilizer.

1079. You take them often?

1080. Sometimes, to help me sleep.

1081. What's worrying you now?

1082. What?

1083. Nothing. If you could only see yourself.

1084. Why are you laughing?

1085. I don't think I could ever cheat on you,

1086. if only because I couldn't bear the absurdity,

1087. the effort of having to hide

1088. and lie – but it's obviously easy for you.

1089. Listen, Luisa, I'm very happy you're here,

1090. but I'm very tired and sleepy.

1091. Then sleep.

1092. Good night.

1093. I don't know what you expect to discover in my life by reducing it all

1094. to the pettiness of somebody stealing from the cookie jar.

1095. What do you know about my life, what I hate and what I don't?

1096. I only know what you show me.

1097. And what do I show you?

1098. Tell me what you see.

1099. Where do you hope to get with your moral judgments?

1100. Nowhere.

1101. I know we've been stuck in the same place for years.

1102. You're the one who always asks me to come back,

1103. who thinks we can always start over.

1104. Once and for all, I don't want to start anything over.

1105. Just what do you want?

1106. Why did you ask me here? What good am I to you?

1107. What are you trying to get from me? What is it you want?

1108. Relax.

1109. I spotted her last night as soon as I got in.

1110. I've asked no questions. I don't want to know.

1111. Just spare me the embarrassment of hearing you swear to a lie again.

1112. She must have been born in March or April.

1113. She's a real Aries type.

1114. I'll tell you what type she is.

1115. Exactly the type to make

1116. a good companion for feeble, spineless,

1117. confused men.

1118. Luisa, I didn't know.

1119. I'm seeing her for the first time, like you.

1120. Really, everybody comes to this place.

1121. It's no surprise to run into the poor thing here.

1122. So that's why you've been tormenting me since last night.

1123. Why didn't you just come out and say it?

1124. What offends me most is that people could think

1125. I'd go around with somebody who dresses like that.

1126. Have you seen her getup?

1127. - Let's go for a walk. - Let's drop this now.

1128. It's been over for three years. Finished. Enough.

1129. He drives me crazy.

1130. He acts as if he's telling the god's honest truth.

1131. Look at him. He thinks he's in the right.

1132. How can you live this way?

1133. It's not right to lie all the time,

1134. never letting others know what's true or false.

1135. Is it really all the same to you?

1136. Forgive me. I know. I'm being a real pain.

1137. How sad to play the middle-class wife who doesn't understand.

1138. Tell me what I should do. I can't laugh about it like you.

1139. Sweetie, I'm not laughing.

1140. What do you talk to her about?

1141. What disgusts me most is that you've mixed her up in our life.

1142. She knows everything about you and me.

1143. That whore. Cow!

1144. You're the real pain, you know.

1145. And yet...

1146. Signora Carla, you sing so beautifully.

1147. No, I'm just an amateur.

1148. And how pretty you are.

1149. - I've wanted to meet you for so long. - Same here.

1150. You're so stylish.

1151. You're the stylish one.

1152. Frankly, I'm a bit trashy.

1153. Nonsense! You're very refined.

1154. You like it? It's a little outfit I saw in Vogue.

1155. It took me forever to find it.

1156. But when Carla gets an idea in her head –

1157. Here he comes!

1158. Guido's here!

1159. Good evening, ladies.

1160. Close the doors. There's a blizzard.

1161. How are you? Well?

1162. Every package has a name on it. Don't mix them up.

1163. This is for Caterina.

1164. He's a darling!

1165. For my dear sister-in-law,

1166. who finally likes me and understands how things should be.

1167. We'll draw your bath right away.

1168. Gloria, this is you-know-what.

1169. Thank you. I must speak to you, Guido.

1170. I know what she wants to tell you.

1171. We'll have to send her away now. She's acting jealous.

1172. What were you doing upstairs?

1173. I went to see those poor things. They'd be alone all the time if not for me.

1174. The role doesn't suit her.

1175. She's just a middle-class woman with no style.

1176. Leave him alone now. He's tired. He has to take his bath.

1177. Guido, it's splendid. I've always wanted one like it.

1178. Gloria, Carla, Hedy! Get the buckets.

1179. Guido, my husband wrote.

1180. He wants me home for New Year's, just for a day.

1181. - If you mind, I'll tell him I can't. - No, that's fine.

1182. Come on, Carlotta.

1183. - Who's that little black girl? - A surprise from us. From Hawaii.

1184. Don't you remember her?

1185. You always talked about her.

1186. Thank you, Luisa. You're so kind.

1187. What a sweet thought.

1188. - That tiara is mine. - I know. I'll give it back.

1189. Oh, darling!

1190. What a thrill to find you here.

1191. - How are you? - Fine.

1192. But tell me, lovely lady: Who are you?

1193. The name doesn't matter. I'm happy to be here.

1194. - Don't ask me any questions. - May I stay?

1195. Of course, you pretty thing.

1196. But I'm busy now.

1197. What about later?

1198. Rossella? What are you doing here?

1199. Playing Pinocchio's talking cricket. You mind?

1200. No, but why are you laughing?

1201. No reason. I just want to see how you manage.

1202. You finally have your harem, King Solomon.

1203. - Wasn't it about time? - Sure.

1204. Put me in.

1205. Guido, aren't you a little afraid?

1206. Of what? Everything's going fine.

1207. May I stay too? It's such fun.

1208. I don't want anything. I'll just watch you.

1209. Do you know the rule? It must be obeyed.

1210. Come help me.

1211. It's a two-piece outfit with busby in ostrich feathers. Like it?

1212. Ah, hello, Hedy. It's beautiful.

1213. What's this rule?

1214. I don't know. He promised me a part in his movie

1215. and said there'd be a lot of costume changes.

1216. That's enough now, girls. Get me out.

1217. - Gloria, the talcum powder. - Ah, yes.

1218. She prepared something just the way you like it.

1219. - Really? - A cake.

1220. - Are you happy, girls? - Of course.

1221. Isn't this just what you've always wanted?

1222. It certainly is.

1223. Isn't he the best little boy in the world?

1224. Nadine, hurry up with the powder.

1225. Nadine! What was it you used to say in Copenhagen?

1226. We're delighted to invite our passengers

1227. to spend the night in Copenhagen.

1228. Listen to that voice, girls.

1229. The company will pay all expenses.

1230. A wonderful night to all of you.

1231. Madeleine, come help us.

1232. Saraghina.

1233. Here I am. I'll carry Guido.

1234. The poor man! The scalding water turned him all red!

1235. - Such nice thin legs. - Straight as when he was a boy.

1236. He acts like a little boy, but he's really very complex.

1237. Don't be fooled. He's a hypocrite.

1238. No, he's not.

1239. Why should he explain to strangers? He knows how to protect us.

1240. Guido, help!

1241. - Who's screaming like that? - Jacqueline.

1242. She refuses to go upstairs with the older women,

1243. so we put her in the cellar.

1244. This is scandalous!

1245. I don't want to speak to those hags. They're all older than me.

1246. I'm 26.

1247. You can check with the Paris public registry.

1248. Jacqueline Bonbon, 26,

1249. July 4, 1938.

1250. You have no right to send me upstairs.

1251. It's not my time yet.

1252. Look how agile I am. Look at these legs.

1253. Which of you has such a firm little behind? Look at this bosom.

1254. Guido, don't send me upstairs.

1255. I don't want to go upstairs.

1256. It's the rule,

1257. and the rule is the rule.

1258. Calm down. It's nice upstairs too.

1259. - It's not true! - Your earring.

1260. You've always been fond of me.

1261. Please tell him to give me an extension.

1262. Guido, couldn't you give Jacqueline an extension?

1263. Now you're breaking my balls too?

1264. I beg you. Just for a year, Guido.

1265. No extension!

1266. - I won't go upstairs. - What's that?

1267. - I won't go. - Say that again, if you dare.

1268. I won't go upstairs!

1269. She's crazy. I told you we should never have taken her in.

1270. Learn the rules, sister.

1271. "Whoever exceeds the age limit shall go to the upper floor,

1272. where she shall be treated equally well... " - and bask in her memories.

1273. - It's disgusting and absurd. - We should never have agreed to it.

1274. It's not fair!

1275. A rule laid down by a man who fails the test himself.

1276. A real man loves women with no regard to their age.

1277. In France such a man would be the shame of the nation.

1278. Are we lemons to squeeze and toss out?

1279. - Guido, they're so right. - You're a monster!

1280. The hour of liberation has come!

1281. Hurray for Jacqueline, who showed us the way to freedom!

1282. Down with the tyrant! Down with Bluebeard!

1283. We have the right to be loved until we're 70 years old.

1284. Down with Guido!

1285. You think you're a young man?

1286. Let's make this clear: He doesn't know how to make love.

1287. He's all words and caresses.

1288. - And he falls asleep right away. - I'm not sleeping. I'm thinking.

1289. Guido, don't send us upstairs when we get old.

1290. That's enough! Down!

1291. Quick! They're revolting upstairs too.

1292. Oh, delicious!

1293. Bastard! Liar!

1294. I came all the way from Paris. What's my –

1295. What's my part?

1296. What's my role in the film?

1297. You liked when I danced the conga.

1298. I don't like it anymore.

1299. Luisa, help!

1300. No, my dear. This is my husband's business.

1301. If that's his decision, that's how it is. It's the rule.

1302. Guido, hurry up. The soup's getting cold.

1303. Can't you see I'm busy?

1304. What an extraordinary man.

1305. He needs to act this way. He does it almost every night.

1306. Guido, don't you remember me?

1307. Darling, you're hurt. I'll get you some cream.

1308. - No cream. - Some balm.

1309. - No balm. - Some drops.

1310. He doesn't toss you out like squeezed lemons.

1311. He'd like to keep you all forever.

1312. The truth is he's too good, too patient.

1313. No, Guido...

1314. He doesn't like you!

1315. You're old!

1316. Dear Jacqueline, we're happy we had the chance to live with you,

1317. and we wish you the best of luck upstairs.

1318. We assure you on Guido's behalf

1319. that you were the first showgirl in his life.

1320. You're now entitled to a last song and dance of your choice,

1321. with your very own spotlight.

1322. Thank you, girls. You're so good to me.

1323. Shall I sing a love song?

1324. No, better something sexy. That was my specialty.

1325. Guido, remember the Apollo Theater in Bologna?

1326. I remember.

1327. No, better a happy song!

1328. I dropped my pearls.

1329. Again!

1330. You're not even listening.

1331. Farewell, Guido.

1332. Farewell!

1333. I thought it was such an amusing situation,

1334. possibly even the funniest part of my story.

1335. I'd even prepared a little speech to give at the table.

1336. It went like this:

1337. "My darlings, happiness consists in being able to speak the truth

1338. without ever making anybody suffer."

1339. Carla would have played the harp, like every evening,

1340. and we'd have been happy hidden away here,

1341. far from the world.

1342. All of you and me.

1343. What's wrong?

1344. Why this sadness?

1345. See? We've made him feel guilty.

1346. No, Guido, it's been a wonderful evening.

1347. You mustn't be sad.

1348. Do you need anything?

1349. Now they'll all go off to bed...

1350. while I still have lots to do.

1351. There's laundry to do,

1352. the dishes to wash,

1353. sheets to mend,

1354. floors to scrub,

1355. and tomorrow's breakfast to prepare.

1356. We're happy living all together like this, aren't we?

1357. At first I didn't understand

1358. that this is how things are meant to be.

1359. But now...

1360. aren't I a good girl? I don't pester you anymore.

1361. I don't ask questions.

1362. I was a little dense, wasn't I?

1363. It took me 20 years to understand.

1364. Twenty years...

1365. since the day we got married...

1366. and you became my husband, and I your wife.

1367. You remember that day, Guido?

1368. If you could just be patient a little longer, Luisa.

1369. But perhaps you've had it.

1370. Frankly, I wish I could have offered a word of advice.

1371. But now I understand that you're trying to solve a problem

1372. for which there is no solution:

1373. to find clearly defined faces for a crowd of characters

1374. who in your script are so rough,

1375. so vague, so ephemeral –

1376. - What are we watching? - I don't know. Screen tests.

1377. - You're not feeling well. - I'm perfectly fine.

1378. Agostini, do a little dance on the ramp.

1379. I'll accompany you on the piano.

1380. Listen to this. "The solitary ego

1381. that revolves around itself and feeds only upon itself

1382. finally chokes on a great cry or a great laugh."

1383. Stendhal wrote that

1384. during his stay in Italy.

1385. If we'd only read those sayings on chocolate wrappers sometimes,

1386. we'd be spared many an illusion.

1387. There he is.

1388. By the exit, always ready to run away, eh?

1389. Good evening to all. Sorry I'm late.

1390. What are you doing up there?

1391. - Guido, where are you? - Up here.

1392. - Come down. - I'd rather stay here.

1393. Evening, ma'am. Good, you can help us too.

1394. - Let's get going. - Yes, sir.

1395. They canceled the variety act tonight just for us.

1396. Let's go!

1397. Young man, it's time to make up your mind.

1398. I brought all the screen tests –

1399. Listen, there's no more time for fooling around.

1400. He had all the time he wanted for doubts, second thoughts, and whims.

1401. - Tonight he has to choose. - That's why we're here.

1402. Exactly.

1403. Conocchia got all the screen tests from Rome,

1404. even the ones shot five months ago.

1405. We'll go through them one by one,

1406. and you'll say, "This is the mistress," "This is the wife,"

1407. "This is the cardinal," "This is Saraghina." Clear?

1408. I don't want to be the laughingstock of the Italian film industry,

1409. and I especially don't want you to be.

1410. They've all got you in their sights.

1411. You have few friends left on the Left or the Right,

1412. but I'm here to help you every way I can.

1413. But we must start shooting immediately.

1414. Roll the screen tests.

1415. Screen test, Miss Olimpia.

1416. Come in, Olimpia.

1417. - Should I shut it? - Yes.

1418. Sway your hips as you walk.

1419. Put your things down there.

1420. Now go over to the mirror.

1421. Admire yourself.

1422. More pleased with yourself.

1423. Swell out your chest.

1424. Good. Now go over to the phone. Slowly.

1425. - Why are you running? - I'm not.

1426. Go up to that mark on the floor.

1427. May I have the concierge, please?

1428. Speaking.

1429. - I'd like some uncarbonated water. - Very well. Fiuggi.

1430. - No, Fiuggi is carbonated. - No. Look this way.

1431. - Fiuggi is the least carbonated. - Fine, Fiuggi then.

1432. Will this one do, Guido?

1433. He has to decide. She's leaving for England.

1434. She leaves next week.

1435. - Who is she? - Be quiet.

1436. Or do you prefer this one?

1437. This is an important character. You have to like her right away.

1438. Right, Guido?

1439. Sit down as if exhausted.

1440. This is a woman who's lost her will to fight.

1441. Say your lines.

1442. - Without stopping? - Yes.

1443. I'm the one who's offering you total freedom.

1444. I'm no good to you this way. I'm just' a nuisance.

1445. Please give it some serious thought.

1446. Who's she supposed to be?

1447. Didn't you hear? She's the wife.

1448. Relax. We're all friends here. You knew the lines before.

1449. Still, she's likable, soulful. Don't you think?

1450. - Give me a cigarette. - I'm all out. Enrico, supplies!

1451. - Here you are. - Thank you.

1452. You're welcome.

1453. - I can't go on like this. - Now tell me how I should be.

1454. Someone who doesn't constantly lie while swearing he's telling the truth.

1455. That would be enough. It's not the actual things you do.

1456. It's never knowing the truth,

1457. even about the smallest things.

1458. Luisa, I love you.

1459. - Lying is like breathing to you. - Repeat that.

1460. Lying is like breathing to you.

1461. The nerve!

1462. - All right out of his life. - Of course.

1463. This is the princess. I know her.

1464. Aren't I alone already?

1465. What do you give me? What can I look forward to?

1466. Look this way. Put on your glasses.

1467. Repeat the last line. "Aren't I alone already?"

1468. Say it aggressively,

1469. but also with deep bitterness.

1470. He said,

1471. "You want a separation?

1472. What would you do all alone?"

1473. And you answer, "Aren't I alone already?"

1474. Go ahead.

1475. Guido, there's no doubt about this one. She's perfect.

1476. We've gone on like this for five months.

1477. They're all so old.

1478. Fiuggi is carbonated.

1479. No, ifs the least sparkling. Louder.

1480. Fine, send up the Fiuggi.

1481. Hang up the phone.

1482. Screen test, Miss Olimpia.

1483. What about this one?

1484. More seductively.

1485. It's dangerous leaving me alone.

1486. - Why? What do you do? - Should I repeat the line?

1487. No, put down the phone.

1488. Turn your head this way. Great. Cut.

1489. Luisa, where are you going?

1490. Back to the hotel. I'm sleepy. Good night.

1491. Wait a second. Listen.

1492. What's wrong? What happened?

1493. Nothing happened.

1494. Nothing ever happens between you and me.

1495. Did something you saw offend you? It's just a movie.

1496. Oh, I know that better than anyone.

1497. Another fiction, another lie.

1498. You put all of us in it, but the way it suits you.

1499. But the truth is something else entirely, and only I know the truth.

1500. You're lucky I'd never have the nerve

1501. to make it public the way you do.

1502. - Go on – make your movie! - No, I won't.

1503. Indulge yourself.

1504. Stroke your ego.

1505. Make everyone think you're so wonderful.

1506. But what could you have to say to strangers

1507. when you can't tell the truth to the one closest to you,

1508. the woman who's grown old at your side?

1509. Luisa, cut the melodrama.

1510. You were right to ask me to come.

1511. We needed an ending.

1512. I assure you, I won't be coming back.

1513. You can go to hell!

1514. That's it. Run! Faster!

1515. The man said to run!

1516. You keep quiet!

1517. Throw that ignoramus out!

1518. Now sing, ma'am.

1519. You may say I'm losing my marbles, but the figures are all right here.

1520. No, I'll never pay this! You are losing your marbles.

1521. Saraghina, look. We've got the money.

1522. Saraghina, the rumba!

1523. Guido, would you please say something?

1524. What about this one?

1525. Frankly, I preferred the one before. She's from Naples, isn't she?

1526. Can't you see that I'm stammering?

1527. When are you coming? I'm tired of waiting.

1528. Look at me.

1529. Don't leave me alone. You know it's dangerous.

1530. Turn around.

1531. Don 7 leave me alone. You know ifs dangerous, darling.

1532. Look over here.

1533. Why don't you come right away? You're making me wait.

1534. You know it's dangerous when I have to wait.

1535. Louder, louder!

1536. Countess, walk.

1537. I said to walk.

1538. Don't touch me with your hand.

1539. Screen test one, Miss Grazia.

1540. Bare your shoulders.

1541. Saraghina, we've got the money.

1542. Cut. Was that all right?

1543. Signora, what do you think?

1544. Speak up. This is a democracy.

1545. If he won't speak up, at least you might say something. Sacrebleu!

1546. You can't hide. We can find you anywhere. How are you?

1547. I'm Coletti, from Claudia's press agency.

1548. We met 15 years ago. You remember me?

1549. Look, she's here.

1550. Where?

1551. Excuse me.

1552. Claudia!

1553. - How are you? - Fine, and you?

1554. So you finally came. Let's go outside, shall we?

1555. This is Caroline, my secretary.

1556. I'd like to speak to you alone.

1557. - When do we start shooting? - Very soon.

1558. - What's my part? - I'll tell you everything later.

1559. I'm very happy to be working with you.

1560. I hope I'll be of help. But I want to know everything.

1561. Where are we going now?

1562. Well?

1563. That way.

1564. You're so beautiful. I'm tongue-tied.

1565. You make my heart beat like a schoolboy's.

1566. You don't believe me, do you?

1567. You inspire true and deep respect.

1568. Who do you love? Who do you care about?

1569. You.

1570. You've come just in time. Why do you smile that way?

1571. I never know if you're judging me, forgiving me, or mocking me.

1572. I'm listening.

1573. You said you'd tell me about the film. I know nothing.

1574. Could you leave everything behind and start life all over again?

1575. Choose one thing only and be faithful to it?

1576. Make it the reason for your existence,

1577. the one thing that contains everything,

1578. because your dedication to it makes it infinite? Could you?

1579. If I said to you, "Claudia... "

1580. Which way are we going? I don't know the way.

1581. What about you? Could you?

1582. The springs must be nearby. Listen. Turn here.

1583. No, this guy here couldn't do it.

1584. He wants to grab everything and devour it.

1585. He can't give up a single thing.

1586. He changes direction every day for fear of missing the right path.

1587. - He's slowly bleeding to death. - Is this how the film ends?

1588. No, this is how it starts.

1589. Then he meets the girl at the springs,

1590. one of those girls who pass out the healing water.

1591. She's beautiful...

1592. both young and ancient,

1593. a child and yet already a woman, authentic and radiant.

1594. There's no doubt that she's his salvation.

1595. You'll be all in white, your hair long, just as it is now.

1596. Turn off the lights.

1597. Now what?

1598. Let's leave this place.

1599. It makes me uneasy.

1600. It doesn't seem real.

1601. I really like it. Isn't that odd?

1602. I didn't understand much of your story.

1603. A guy like your character, who doesn't love anybody,

1604. isn't very sympathetic, you know.

1605. It's his fault.

1606. What does he expect from other people?

1607. You think I don't know that?

1608. You're a pain like the others.

1609. I see no one can tell you anything!

1610. You're so funny in that big ugly hat. You look like an old man.

1611. I don't understand.

1612. He meets a girl who can give him new life, and he pushes her away?

1613. Because he no longer believes in it.

1614. Because he doesn't know how to love.

1615. Because it's not true that a woman can change a man.

1616. Because he doesn't know how to love.

1617. Above all because I don't feel like telling another pile of lies.

1618. Because he doesn't know how to love.

1619. I'm sorry for making you come all the way here.

1620. Forgive me.

1621. You're such a phony.

1622. So there's no part in the film.

1623. You're right. There's no part.

1624. And there's no film.

1625. There's nothing anywhere.

1626. As far as I'm concerned, it can all end right here.

1627. Here they are!

1628. Where did you go? We're starting next week.

1629. Your producer had a great idea.

1630. The greatest cocktail party to ever launch a movie.

1631. The launch pad, tomorrow afternoon.

1632. Radio, television, the foreign press.

1633. Guido, we're starting for real.

1634. Grab him!

1635. Come on, walk!

1636. I want to go home.

1637. Come on!

1638. Here he is!

1639. Guido, where are you going? It's over here.

1640. Mr. Guido, I'm sure today will be a beautiful...

1641. I'm very curious to finally hear the story.

1642. Don't you take yourself a bit too seriously, Mr. Anselmo?

1643. Leave me alone! I can walk by myself!

1644. Hello, and good luck!

1645. Commendatore, here he is!

1646. We've been waiting for you for three days.

1647. It's winter already.

1648. Attention, please.

1649. Do you think pornography is an art form?

1650. Is pornography the most intense form of entertainment?

1651. Why don't you ever make a film about love?

1652. - I wish to announce that – - Tomorrow, tomorrow.

1653. What do you think you can teach us?

1654. Do you really think your life can be of interest to others?

1655. Can you honestly admit you have nothing to say?

1656. He'll now speak to you directly.

1657. Answer.

1658. Go on.

1659. Guido, say something.

1660. Anything at all. Do it for me.

1661. I promise you an art film!

1662. If this film flops, what will you live on?

1663. Are you for or against divorce? Tell me honestly.

1664. Your questions betray a certain hostility.

1665. I assure you that my director is in great form...

1666. What am I supposed to do?

1667. and should be treated with respect.

1668. Conocchia, forgive me if I treated you badly.

1669. You were wonderful, the best of them all.

1670. He ponders, considers, reflects.

1671. Say something. I've been paying

1672. for your confusion and crises for months.

1673. Quit this film and I'll ruin you.

1674. He'll now be at your disposal.

1675. Claudia, where are you? Rossella, where are your spirits now?

1676. What should I do? Leave you? Disappear?

1677. You'll never be what you once were.

1678. I'll no longer be your wife. When will you truly marry me?

1679. Luisa, do you really want a separation?

1680. How can I go on like this till the end?

1681. What does your wife think?

1682. In your right-hand pocket.

1683. So long, Guido.

1684. I put it in your right-hand pocket.

1685. No, nobody gets away with that!

1686. Buffoon!

1687. Lunatic!

1688. Get out here, you coward!

1689. Just a minute. I'm thinking of what to say.

1690. That's it!

1691. I'm coming, I'm coming.

1692. He's an incurable romantic.

1693. Where are you running off to, you naughty boy?

1694. Take it all down, boys. The film is off.

1695. It has to be gone in two days. Start right away.

1696. Get going. Tear it all down. Right, Dottore?

1697. Yes, thanks.

1698. So long, boys. See you on another film.

1699. Let's hope so.

1700. So long, sailor.

1701. You did the right thing.

1702. Believe me, today is a good day for you.

1703. These are tough decisions, I know.

1704. But we intellectuals – and I say "we" because I consider you one –

1705. must remain clear-headed right to the end.

1706. There are so many superfluous things in the world already.

1707. No need to add chaos to chaos.

1708. Besides, losing money is part of a producer's job.

1709. I congratulate you. You had no choice.

1710. He got what he deserved

1711. for embarking on such a frivolous venture so lightheartedly.

1712. No need for nostalgia or remorse.

1713. Destroying is better than creating

1714. when we're not creating those few truly necessary things.

1715. But is there anything so just and true in this world

1716. that it has the right to live?

1717. For him, a bad film is merely a financial matter,

1718. but for you, at this point, it could have been the end.

1719. Better to knock it all down and strew the ground with salt,

1720. as the ancients did to purify the battlefields.

1721. In the end what we need

1722. is some hygiene, cleanliness, disinfection.

1723. We're smothered by words, images, and sounds

1724. that have no right to exist,

1725. that come from the void and return to the void.

1726. Of any artist truly deserving of the name

1727. we should ask nothing but this act of faith:

1728. to learn silence.

1729. Remember Mallarme's homage to the white page?

1730. Guido, wait!

1731. We're ready to begin. Hello, sir.

1732. All my best wishes!

1733. If we can't have everything, nothingness is true perfection.

1734. Forgive me for making all these references,

1735. but we critics do what we can.

1736. Our true mission is to sweep away the thousands of miscarriages

1737. that try every day, obscenely,

1738. to come into this world.

1739. And you would actually leave behind you a whole film,

1740. like a cripple leaving behind

1741. his crooked footprint.

1742. What monstrous presumption to think that others could benefit

1743. from the squalid catalog of your mistakes.

1744. What do you gain by stringing together

1745. the tattered pieces of your life, your vague memories,

1746. the faces of those you never could love?

1747. What is this sudden happiness that makes me tremble,

1748. that gives me strength and life?

1749. Forgive me, sweet creatures.

1750. I didn't understand. I didn't know.

1751. How right it is to accept you, love you.

1752. And how simple.

1753. Luisa, I feel like I've been set free.

1754. Everything seems so good, so meaningful.

1755. Everything is true.

1756. I wish I could explain,

1757. but I don't know how.

1758. Now everything's all confused once again, like it was before.

1759. But this confusion is me,

1760. as I am, not as I'd like to be.

1761. I'm no longer afraid of telling the truth

1762. about what I don't know, what I'm looking for, what I haven't found.

1763. Only this way do I feel alive.

1764. Only this way can I look into your faithful eyes without shame.

1765. Life is a celebration. Let's live it together.

1766. That's all I can say, Luisa, to you or the others.

1767. Accept me for what I am, if you can.

1768. It's the only way we might find each other.

1769. I don't know if what you've said is right,

1770. but I can try if you help me.

1771. Welcome back. Follow me.

1772. Just a minute. I'll give the signal.

1773. There.

1774. Now go to the curtain.

1775. Open it.

1776. Everyone come down.

1777. Talk to each other.

1778. Mama.

1779. Sgulp!

1780. I understand what you meant: You can't do without us.

1781. - What time will you call tomorrow? - Fine, fine. Now join the line.

1782. Maurice!

1783. Come quickly! Stop fooling around.

1784. Everybody hold hands!

1785. Spread out!

1786. All together!

1787. Maestro!

1788. Everyone hold hands!