(500) Days of Summer (2009)

1. This is a story of boy meets girl.

2. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey,

3. grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy...

4. until the day he met "the one."

5. This beliefstemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music...

6. and a total misreading of the movie The Graduate.

7. Elaine! Elaine!

8. The girl, Summer Finn ofShinnecock' Michigan'

9. did not share this belief.

10. Since the disintegration of her parents' marriage'

11. she'd only loved two things.

12. The first was her long' dark hair.

13. The second was how easily she could cut it off...

14. and feel nothing.

15. Tom meets Summer onJanuary 8.

16. He knows almost immediately she's who he's been searching for.

17. This is a story of boy meets girl.

18. But you should know up front'

19. this is not a love story.

20. We didn't know who else to call.

21. It's Amanda Heller all over again.

22. You did the right thing.

23. Now' where is he?

24. Thomas.

25. Rachel. What are you doing here?

26. I'm here to help you. Help me how?

27. First' put down the plate.

28. Drink this.

29. - What is that? - Vodka.

30. Um' does Mom know that you're here?

31. 'Cause it's probably past 10:00. Don't worry about it.

32. Just start from the beginning, and tell us what happened.

33. Things were going so well.

34. Then what?

35. I think we should stop seeing each other.

36. Just like that? Just like that.

37. - Did she say why? - I mean' this thing— what are we doing?

38. I mean, is this normal?

39. Norm— I— I don't know. I don't care. I'm happy. Aren't you happy?

40. You're happy? You're not?

41. All we do is argue. That is bullshit.

42. Maybe she was just in a bad mood.

43. Yeah, maybe like a— a hormonal thing.

44. - P.M.S.? - What do you know about P.M.S.?

45. - More than you' Tom. - Then what happened?

46. This can't come as a total surprise to you.

47. I mean, we've been like Sid and Nancy for months now.

48. Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy... seven times with a kitchen knife.

49. I— I mean, we have some disagreements, but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious.

50. No. I'm Sid.

51. Oh, so I'm Nancy?

52. Let's jus t eat, and we'll talk about it later.

53. Mmm. That is good.

54. I'm really glad we did this.

55. I love thes e pancakes.

56. What?

57. Tom, don't go. You're s till my bes t friend!

58. - Jes us. - You've broken up with girls before.

59. Yes.

60. And girls have broken up with you before.

61. This is different. Why?

62. 'Caus e it's Summer.

63. So you'll—you'll meet somebody new.

64. Point is, you're the bes t guy I know. You'll get over her.

65. I think it's kind of like how they s ay. There's, uh—

66. There's plenty ofother fish in the s ea.

67. No. They- They say that.

68. Well, they're lying.

69. I don't want to get over her.

70. I want to get her back.

71. Maybe playing it s afe is the wrong approach.

72. The nuclear family is dead'

73. and we need a new holiday that recognizes that.

74. May 21 st.

75. Other Mother's Day.

76. Thank you.

77. I'd s ay we've got s ome potential here. What do you think, Hans en?

78. Could you write up s ome prototypes for thes e?

79. Uh' Mr. Vance, there's a telephone call for you on line three.

80. Oh. Thank you. Uh' everyone, this is Summer, my new as s istant.

81. Summer just moved here from—

82. Michigan. Right. Michigan. Right.

83. Uh, Summer, everyone.

84. Everyone, Summer. Excus e me. I have to take this.

85. It's nice to meet you all.

86. There's only two kinds of people in the world.

87. There's women, and there's men.

88. Summer Finn was a woman.

89. Height, average. Weight, average.

90. Shoe s ize, s lightly above average.

91. For all intents and purpos es,

92. Summer Finn, jus t another girl.

93. Except she was n't.

94. To wit, in 1998,

95. Summer quoted a song by the Scottis h band Belle and Sebastian...

96. in her high school yearbook.

97. "Color my life with the chaos oftrouble."

98. This spike in Michigan sales of their album...

99. The Boy with the Arab Strap...

100. continues to puzzle industry analys ts.

101. Summer's employment at the Daily Freeze during her sophomore year...

102. coincided with an inexplicable 212% increase in revenue.

103. Every apartment Summer rented...

104. was offered at an average rate of9.2% below market value.

105. And her round-trip commute to work...

106. averaged 18.4 double takes per day.

107. It was a rare quality, this "Summer effect."

108. Rare, and yet s omething every pos tadoles cent male has encountered...

109. at leas t once in their lives.

110. For Tom Hans en to find it now in a city of 400,000 offices,

111. 91,000 commercial buildings and 3.8 million people-

112. well, that could only be explained by one thing:

113. fate.

114. Dude, I hear she's a bitch.

115. Really?

116. Yeah. Patel tried to talk to her in the copy room. She's totally not having it.

117. Maybe s he was jus t in a hurry.

118. And maybe she's an uppity, "better than everyone" superskank.

119. Damn. I know. She's pretty hot.

120. That sucks. Why is it pretty girls...

121. think they can treat people like crap and get away with it?

122. Centuries of reinforcement.

123. You know what? Screw her. I don't care.

124. If s he wants to be that way, fine.

125. Smiths?

126. Hi.

127. I love the Smiths. Sorry?

128. I s aid I love the Smiths.

129. You have- You have good taste in mus ic.

130. You like the Smiths? Yeah.

131. I love 'em.

132. Holy s hit.

133. There you go. Have another piece.

134. Ah. Drinks?

135. Arthur, did you get a piece? Thanks.

136. Want one? Yeah.

137. Want one? Mmm.

138. Summer, right? Oh. Yeah.

139. Smiths fan. Yeah. Tom.

140. Want s ome, uh, uh—

141. It's not champagne. I don't know what it is. Sure.

142. So, how's it goin'?

143. Pretty good. You just moved here, right?

144. Mm-hmm. When?

145. Saturday. Oh, wow.

146. And, uh, what brought you?

147. Boredom mostly.

148. Wanted to try s omething new and exciting. Mmm.

149. Well, clearlyyou've come to the right place.

150. So, have you worked here long? About three or four years.

151. Wow. You've...

152. always wanted to write greeting cards?

153. No, I don't even want to do it now.

154. Well, you should do s omething els e then.

155. Yeah. I studied to be an architect, actually.

156. You did? That's cool. What happened there?

157. It didn't work out.

158. I needed a job, and here we are.

159. You any good?

160. Well, um, I wrote this one.

161. "Today you're a man.

162. Mazel tov on your bar mitzvah."

163. It's a big seller. I meant as an architect.

164. Yeah.

165. I doubt it. Well,

166. you're a perfectly adequate greeting card writer.

167. Thank you. That was actually my nickname in college.

168. They called me "Perfectly Adequate" Hansen.

169. They us ed to call me Anal Girl.

170. I was very neat and organized.

171. Well, I should get back, s o— Uh—

172. All right. See you later.

173. I don't know, man. I think it's official.

174. I'm in love with Summer. I love her s mile.

175. I love her hair. I love her knees.

176. I love this heart-shaped birthmark she has on her neck.

177. I love the way she sometimes licks her lips before she talks.

178. I love the s ound of her laugh.

179. I love the way s he looks when s he's s leeping.

180. I love how I hear this s ong every— every time I think of her.

181. I love how she makes me feel.

182. Like—

183. Like anything's possible, or like- I don't know. Like—

184. Like life is worth it.

185. This is not good.

186. She likes Magritte and Hopper.

187. And we talked about Bananafish for like 20 minutes.

188. We're so compatible, it's insane.

189. She's— well, she's not like I thought at all. She's amazing.

190. Oh, boy. What?

191. Just 'cause some cute girl likes the same bizarro crap you do,

192. that doesn't make her your soul mate, Tom.

193. - Red team wins! - What do you mean?

194. - It's off. - what?

195. - Me and Summer. - Was it ever on?

196. No, but it could have been, in a world where good things happen to me.

197. - Yeah, well, that's not really where we live. - No.

198. Lucky.

199. So, what happened?

200. All right. You ready? Yeah.

201. So there we are. Nine more floors to ride, just me and her.

202. Hey, Summer.

203. Hi.

204. How was your weekend?

205. It was good.

206. Can you believe that shit?

207. I'm sorry. What shit?

208. - I think I missed something. - She said, "It was good." Emphasis on the "good."

209. She basically said she spent the weekend having sex with some guy she met at the gym.

210. Skank. Whatever. I'm over it.

211. What the hell is wrong with you? She's not interested in me.

212. There's really nothing I can do about that.

213. Just because she said it was good? And some other things.

214. Like, did she say, uh, "hey" instead of'hi"?

215. I mean, 'cause you know that that— that means that she's a lesbian, right?

216. I gave her plenty ofchances.

217. I'm going to the supply room. Do you guys need anything?

218. I think you know what I need.

219. Uh, toner.

220. Okay. Sure. No problem.

221. Whatever, man. It's fine. I don't need this crap really. I just, you know—

222. I'm comfortable. I'm unhassled.

223. People don't realize this, but loneliness-

224. - It's underrated. - You could just ask her out.

225. Don't be stupid.

226. Hey.

227. This Friday, all you can karaoke at the Mill. No.

228. Come on. They're not gonna let you back in there after last time.

229. Ah, I wasn't that bad.

230. Dude, you threw up on the stage, you tried to fight the bartender...

231. and you threatened to burn the place down.

232. But I didn't burn the place down. We're not going back there, man.

233. Look. It's not like that, okay? It's a work thing. The whole office is going.

234. I can't go, even if I wanted— You're not listening to me.

235. What? The whole office is going.

236. Hi. Hi.

237. They said you weren't coming. You asked if I was—

238. Goddamn. That song is brilliant!

239. what's up, Hansen? Summer. Summer—

240. That's me. Come on up.

241. You—

242. Okay. I'm new, so no making fun of me. Whoo!

243. Thanks, chief.

244. Ah, thanks. Yeah, man.

245. Cheers.

246. Like, that's what I was— I guess.

247. Hello. Hi.

248. I didn't, uh— I didn't know you were gonna join us.

249. I would have gotten you, you know, a drink, or-

250. I'm good. You're good?

251. You— You were great— great up, uh, singing. Thank you.

252. I wanted to sing "Born To Run," but they didn't have it.

253. I love "Born To Run." Me too.

254. Tom's from New Jersey. Really?

255. Yeah. I grew up there. Uh, I lived there till I was 12.

256. I named my cat after Springsteen.

257. No kidding. What-what was his name?

258. Bruce.

259. oh. That makes sense.

260. So, do you have a boyfriend?

261. - No. - Why not?

262. - 'Cause I don't want one. - Come on. I don't believe that.

263. You don't believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent?

264. Are you a lesbian?

265. No, I'm not a lesbian.

266. I just don't feel comfortable being anyone's girlfriend.

267. I don't actually feel comfortable being anyone's anything, you know.

268. - I don't know what you're talking about. - Really?

269. Nope.

270. Okay. Let me break it down for you.

271. - Break it down. - Okay. I like being on my own.

272. Relationships are messy, and people's feelings get hurt.

273. Who needs it? We're young.

274. We live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

275. Might as well have fun while we can and...

276. save the serious stufffor later.

277. Holy shit. You're a dude. She's a dude.

278. Okay. But wait, wait. What happens if you fall in love?

279. What?

280. Well, you don't believe that, do you?

281. It's love. It's not Santa Claus.

282. Well, what does that word even mean?

283. I've been in relationships, and I don't think I've ever seen it.

284. Well, maybe that's- And most marriages end in divorce these days.

285. Like my parents. Okay. Mine too, but—

286. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

287. The lady dothn't.

288. There's no such thing as love. It's a fantasy.

289. Well, I think you're wrong.

290. Okay. Well,

291. what is it that I'm missing then?

292. I think you know it when you feel it.

293. I guess we can just agree to disagree.

294. Yeah.

295. Okay. Who's singing next?

296. I nominate Young werther here.

297. I'm not nearly drunk enough to— Bartender.

298. It's not? No, that's not it.

299. what is that then? I don't know. That—

300. That— That's something, but that's not it. I know.

301. Ah, I used to watch it every week. Oh. Yeah!

302. It was the best show on TV. I know.

303. Knight Rider? Come on. And the theme song is really good.

304. So good. This is gonna bother me for a week.

305. Me too.

306. - You were amazing. - I know, buddy.

307. You're amazing.

308. This was so much fun. Yeah.

309. You guys are so much— Wait! wait! Hey.

310. What's up? Not you.

311. You.

312. He likes you. Okay.

313. He likes likes you! Good night, McKenzie.

314. why don't you just tell her, Tom? Yeah.

315. You guys are the best! Sorryyou had to see that. He's—

316. Happens every time we come here. He, uh— I don't know.

317. Something about that guy and singing.

318. Is that true? Yeah, yeah.

319. He drinks, and he sings and just loses his shit.

320. No, uh, not McKenzie.

321. Um, the other thing.

322. What thing?

323. Do you... like me?

324. Yeah.

325. Yeah, of course I like you.

326. As friends?

327. Right. As friends.

328. Just as friends?

329. Yeah. I mean, I— I don't know. I hadn't really thought about, um—

330. Yes. Why?

331. No reason. I just—

332. I think you're interesting, and I'd like for us to be friends.

333. Is that all right?

334. Yeah. It's, um—

335. Yeah. You and me. We should be friends. Mmm.

336. Okay. Good.

337. Well, I'm that way, so—

338. Okay. Well, good night. Good night.

339. - Hey. - Hi.

340. So, that was fun the other night.

341. You son of a bitch. Shh!

342. The same girl you've been obsessing over for weeks now? I've not been obsessing.

343. The girl you said was out of your league, that you'd never have a chance with.

344. That girl. Paul, seriously.

345. Did you bang her? No.

346. what, hum job? Hand job? Man, no.

347. Nojobs. I'm still unemployed. We- We kissed.

348. Level with me, man. Come on. This is your best friend, huh?

349. Your best friend who tolerated you whining about this girl for weeks on end.

350. Paul— You were essentially stalking her!

351. Paul! Shh!

352. - Hi. - Hey.

353. I'm Summer. Summer.

354. I'm Paul. Hi, Paul. Nice to meet you.

355. Well, I gotta go. I gotta do some, you know.

356. Yeah, man. Um, pretend I was never here.

357. Oh, wait! Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom. Um, ifanyjobs come up—

358. Thanks, Paul! See ya!

359. He's, uh, you know, an old friend.

360. If you heard any of, um—

361. Heard what? Nothing. You wanna go?

362. Yeah. I'm stalking. I mean, I'm starving.

363. Ah, hon?

364. Our sink is broken.

365. Man, all of our sinks are broken.

366. what are we looking for again?

367. Uh, trivets. How 'bout a flygel?

368. No, I don't think so.

369. No? You don't want a flygel?

370. Home sweet home.

371. Our place really is lovely, isn't it?

372. Yes.

373. Ooh! Idol's on.

374. The TV's not working.

375. Oh.

376. Well, I'm famished.

377. Let's eat.

378. Mmm. Smells delicious.

379. Oh, honey, that's because it is delicious.

380. I made it myself.

381. Bald eagle. Your favorite.

382. Mm-hmm.

383. The sink's broken.

384. Well, that's okay, because...

385. that's why we bought a home with two kitchens.

386. You're so smart.

387. I'll race you to the bedroom.

388. Darling, I don't know how to tell you this,

389. but... there's a Chinese family in our bathroom.

390. This is fun.

391. Thanks.

392. Hey, um,

393. I just wanna tell you that, um,

394. I'm not really looking...

395. for anything... serious.

396. Is that okay?

397. Yeah.

398. 'Cause some people kind offreak out when they hear that.

399. No, not me.

400. You sure?

401. Yeah. Like, casual. Right? Take it slow.

402. Right.

403. No pressure.

404. Can you, uh— Can you wait one second?

405. Okay. Settle. She's just a girl.

406. Just a girl.

407. She wants to keep it casual,

408. which is why she's in my bed right now.

409. But that's casual. That's what casual people do.

410. That's fine. That's great.

411. Hi. Hi.

412. You know, I'm gonna— I'm gonna— I'm gonna get Alfredo's number.

413. okay. And I'll— And I'll bring it to you.

414. okay. Okay?

415. Is this Solitaire?

416. So, did you get her back yet or what?

417. Working on it.

418. Hey, maybe you should write a book. What?

419. Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman...

420. is to turn her into literature.

421. Well, that guy had a lot more sex than me.

422. Oh, this is it! This is it!

423. So great to hear from you.

424. I can't this week, but maybe next?

425. I hope this means you're ready to be friends.

426. Yeah, that's it. That is it.

427. Your girl is losing it.

428. Can you just be serious, forjust a second?

429. I am being totally serious. No, you'rejoking around.

430. No, I am notjoking around. "Octopus's Garden"?

431. Yes, "octopus's Garden" is the best Beatles song ever recorded.

432. Why don't you just say "Piggies"?

433. Come on. I love Ringo Starr!

434. Nobody loves Ringo Starr. That's what I love about him.

435. No, no.

436. ooh, this looks good.

437. Gets really good reviews.

438. You know what? That looks pretty doable.

439. why are you asking me now? Because this was your idea.

440. Put your hand there. Wait one second.

441. okay. Three, two, one! One.

442. Yeah, the street level isn't so exciting, but-

443. The Fine Arts Building.

444. The guys who designed this, Walker and Eisen, are... two of my favorites.

445. This is my favorite spot. This is?

446. This is your favorite spot?

447. Right here.

448. How come?

449. Uh, I don't know. It's kind of hard to explain, I guess.

450. Well, try.

451. Um— Well, okay.

452. Like, that building— that's, uh—

453. That's been there since 1 91 1.

454. And that— that's the Continental. That's L.A.'s first skyscraper.

455. It was built in 1904.

456. What is that?

457. That?

458. That's a parking lot. Oh!

459. Yeah. That's- That's also a parking lot.

460. That's, um— Yeah.

461. There's a lot of beautiful stuff here too though.

462. I don't know. I just... wish people would notice it more.

463. If it were me, then, uh—

464. If it were you what?

465. I don't know. I think I'd... make 'em notice.

466. How would you make them notice?

467. I don't know. There's a lot ofdifferent stuffyou could do.

468. Show me.

469. Please. I don't know anything about architecture.

470. You want me to drawyou something? Yeah.

471. I don't have any paper. Well, use my arm.

472. Please, I need a tattoo.

473. well, let's see your arm. That's the spirit.

474. Well, the buildings need to be integrated better, so—

475. You could maximize light capacity here.

476. It's kind of messy.

477. That's okay.

478. For Tom Hansen, this was the night where everything changed.

479. That wall Summer so often hid behind—

480. the wall ofdistance, ofspace, ofcasual—

481. that wall was slowly coming down.

482. For here was Tom, in her world,

483. a place few had been invited to see with their own eyes.

484. And here was Summer, wanting him there.

485. Him, no one else.

486. Have you ever been in a tornado? No.

487. It's that and my teeth falling out.

488. I have that too! You do?

489. Yeah! It's so weird. It's like being an old man.

490. What else do you have?

491. Um, earthquakes?

492. Really? No.

493. You know, I dream sometimes about flying.

494. It starts out like I'm running really, really fast.

495. I'm, like, superhuman.

496. And the terrain starts to get really rocky and steep.

497. And then I'm running so fast that my feet aren't even touching the ground.

498. And I'm floating, and it's like this amazing, amazing realness.

499. I'm free. I'm safe.

500. Then I realize,

501. I'm completely alone.

502. And then I wake up.

503. As he listened, Tom began to realize...

504. that these weren't stories routinely told.

505. These were stories one had to earn.

506. He could feel the wall coming down.

507. He wondered ifanyone else had made it this far.

508. which is why the next six words changed everything.

509. I've never told anybody that before.

510. I guess I'm not just anybody.

511. So what are you exactly?

512. I don't know. Are you her boyfriend?

513. It's not that simple. Sure, it is.

514. What, like, are we going steady? Come on, guys.

515. You know, we're— we're adults. We know how we feel.

516. We don't need to put labels on it.

517. I mean, "boyfriend,"girlfriend."

518. All that stuff is— It's reallyjuvenile.

519. You sound gay. You really do.

520. Okay, first of all,

521. your last girlfriend was Amy Sussman in the seventh grade,

522. and you dated for, like, three hours.

523. And you— you've been with Robyn since what— like 1998?

524. '97. '97. See—

525. Shoot.

526. I don't think the two of you are exactly authorities on modern relationships.

527. So, what should I do? You should ask her.

528. what?

529. Well, why rock the boat, is what I'm thinking.

530. I mean, things are going well.

531. You start putting labels on it, that's like the kiss ofdeath.

532. It's like saying, "I love you." Yeah, I know what you mean.

533. That's what happened between me and Sean.

534. Who the hell's Sean? My boyfriend before Mark.

535. Who the- Never mind.

536. So, what you're saying— I'm saying you do want to ask her.

537. It's obvious. You'rejust afraid you'll get an answeryou don't want,

538. which will shatter all the illusions of how great these past few months have been.

539. Now look, if it were me,

540. I'd find out now before you show up at her place...

541. and, well, she's in bed with Lars from Norway.

542. Who's Lars from Norway?

543. Just some guy she met at the gym...

544. with Brad Pitt's face and Jesus' abs.

545. Wait! No, Coach. We're not done here.

546. Rachel! Look, it's easy, Tom.

547. Just don't be a pussy.

548. You okay?

549. Yeah. You sure?

550. Summer, I gotta ask you something.

551. what? What are we, um—

552. What are we doing? I thought we were going to the movies.

553. Yeah. Nah, I mean, like, what are we, like-

554. What's going on here, with us?

555. I don't know.

556. Who cares?

557. I'm happy. Aren't you happy? Yeah.

558. Good.

559. London, 1964.

560. Those girls knew how to dress.

561. Nowadays, it's all these giant sunglasses...

562. and tattoos.

563. It's handbags with little dogs in them.

564. who okayed this? Some people like it.

565. I like howyou dress.

566. I was thinking about getting a butterfly tattoo about yea big on my ankle.

567. No.

568. Oh.

569. Yo.

570. How's it going?

571. Uh, okay.

572. You live around here?

573. Um, yeah, not too far.

574. I've never seen you here before.

575. You're not too observant.

576. That's funny. You're funny.

577. So let me buy you a drink. No, thank you.

578. You with this guy? Hey, I'm Tom.

579. Whatever. So, come on. One drink. What are you drinking?

580. I said no, thanks.

581. You're serious? This guy?

582. Hey, buddy- You know what? Don't be rude.

583. I'm flattered, but I'm not interested.

584. So why don't you go over there and leave us alone? Thanks.

585. It's a free country.

586. I can't believe this is your boyfriend.

587. What are you doing?

588. It was really just a crazy thing.

589. It happened like— It felt like it happened fast, but really,

590. it— it also felt like it was happening really slowly,

591. like everything all was just—

592. I don't know. It doesn't feel like you think it would—

593. Hey, what's the matter?

594. I just— I can't believe you.

595. You can't believe me?

596. You were so completely, completely uncool in there.

597. Wait. Are you mad at me? I just got my ass kicked for you.

598. Oh, really? Was that for me? Was that for my benefit?

599. Yes, it was.

600. Okay, well, next time don't, 'cause I don't need your help.

601. You know what? I'm really tired.

602. Can we talk about this tomorrow?

603. No. You know what?

604. I'm not going anywhere till you tell me what's going on.

605. Nothing's going on.

606. We're just—

607. What? We're just what?

608. We're just friends. No! Don't pull that with me!

609. Don't even try to—

610. This is not how you treat your friend.

611. Kissing in the copy room? Holding hands in IKEA?

612. Shower sex? Come on! Friends, my balls!

613. I like you, Tom. I just don't want a relationship—

614. well, you're not the only one that gets a say in this!

615. I do too! And I say we're a couple, goddamn it!

616. Afteryou, please.

617. I shouldn't have done that.

618. Done what? Gotten mad at you.

619. I'm sorry.

620. Look, we don't have to put a label on it.

621. That's fine. I get it.

622. But, you know, I just- I need some consistency.

623. I know.

624. I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning...

625. and... feel differently.

626. And I can't give you that.

627. Nobody can.

628. That hurt? I'm sorry.

629. No, it doesn't hurt.

630. I like you.

631. All right.

632. Shh. Well, what about you? Did you ever even have a boyfriend?

633. Well, of course. Yeah?

634. Yeah. Well, tell me about them.

635. No. Oh? why not?

636. Because it's not important.

637. I'm interested.

638. All right. Fine. You want to go there?

639. Yeah. I can take it. Fine.

640. So—

641. Well, in high school there was Markus.

642. Quarterback-slash-homecoming king?

643. No. He was a rower.

644. He was very hot.

645. For a brieftime in college there was, um— there was Charlie.

646. She was nice, but—

647. And then there was my semester in Sienna.

648. Fernando Belardelli.

649. Also known as "The Puma."

650. - The Puma? - Yeah, The Puma, 'cause, you know.

651. So—

652. Oh, that's it? The ones that lasted, yeah.

653. What happened? Why- Why didn't they work out?

654. What always happens. Life.

655. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

656. No, it's not. It's awesome. Trust me.

657. I'm serious.

658. I'll go first.

659. Penis.

660. Penis.

661. Penis! Penis!

662. Penis! There's kids around.

663. There are no kids around.

664. Penis! Penis!

665. You having fun? Yeah.

666. This is the kind ofthing you did with The Puma, isn't it?

667. Oh, we rarely left the room.

668. Penis!

669. Sorry. Tourette's. You know how it is. Penis!

670. She has it too. Penis! Penis!

671. Shh. Everyone's looking over here. I'm done. I'm done.

672. Are you done? I'm done.

673. You're done? Yeah.

674. This is too much. Unleash me. I'm done.

675. Promise? I promise.

676. I promise.

677. Penis!

678. It's very complex. Mmm.

679. In a way, it sort of, like,

680. says... so much...

681. by...

682. saying so little.

683. Do you want to go to the movies? Yep.

684. Suffering.

685. So much suffering.

686. Suffering. Suffering.

687. T-Tom?

688. Mr. Vance would like to see you in his office.

689. Tom.

690. Have a seat.

691. Has something happened to you recently?

692. What do you mean?

693. A death in the family, someone taken ill— Anything like that.

694. No.

695. Look, I don't mean to pry, but...

696. does this have something to do with Summer leaving?

697. Who? My assistant.

698. Your, um— Tom, everyone knows.

699. Never mind.

700. The reason I'm asking is, latelyyour work performance...

701. has been... a little off.

702. I'm not following. okay.

703. Um, here's something that you wrote last week.

704. Uh, "Roses are red, violets are blue.

705. Fuck you, whore."

706. Now, most shoppers at Valentine's Day-

707. Mr. Vance, are you firing me? No. No.

708. Relax, Hansen. You're one of the good ones.

709. Okay. Uh, yeah, I'm sorry.

710. Things have been a little difficult.

711. That's okay. I completely understand that.

712. I'm just saying that perhaps you could channel those energies,

713. um, into something like this.

714. Funerals and sympathy.

715. Misery, sadness, loss offaith,

716. no reason to live.

717. This is perfect for you.

718. Uh— Good. Okay.

719. Now back to work you go.

720. Thank you.

721. Hey. Hey.

722. Don't you have, like, 20 cards to write by Friday? Nope. All done.

723. Really? Can you help me? 'Cause I've run out ofways to say "congrats."

724. Okay. I got "Good job," "Well done" and "Way to go."

725. That's it.

726. How 'bout, "Every day you make me proud,

727. but todayyou get a card."

728. Shit, that's good! I know.

729. Have you tried "Merry"?

730. Wow! That's perfect! Merry! wow!

731. We've been stuck on this for an hour.

732. Hmm. How about...

733. "I love us"?

734. Aw.

735. I hate Summer.

736. I hate her crooked teeth.

737. I hate her 1960s haircut.

738. I hate her knobby knees.

739. And I hate her cockroach-shaped splotch on her neck.

740. I hate the way she smacks her lips before she talks.

741. And I hate the way she sounds when she laughs.

742. I hate this song!

743. Son, you're gonna have to exit the vehicle.

744. I normally don't do blind dates,

745. but Paul and Robyn spoke very highly of you.

746. Ah. They said you write greeting cards.

747. That's so interesting. I wanted to write.

748. I actually majored in English in college,

749. but what are you gonna do with that degree?

750. I went to Brown. where did you go? Alison.

751. Hmm?

752. Listen, it's great to meet you,

753. and... you're a very attractive girl.

754. I just wanted to say up front that this isn't—

755. It's not gonna go anywhere. oh.

756. I liked this girl. I mean, I loved her.

757. What does she do?

758. She took a giant shit on my face.

759. Literally. Literally?

760. Not literally. That's disgusting. Jesus.

761. What's the matter with you?

762. The point is,

763. I'm messed up. I am.

764. You know, on the one hand, I want to forget her.

765. On the other hand,

766. I know that she's the only person in the entire universe that will make me happy.

767. Mm-hmm. You ever do this?

768. You think back on the times you had with someone, replay it in your head over and over again,

769. and you look for those first signs oftrouble.

770. There's two options really.

771. Either... she's an evil,

772. emotionless, miserable human being,

773. or... she's a robot.

774. Small Wonder. You know, Vicki.

775. That would explain a lot actually. Can I ask you a question?

776. Yeah. She never cheated on you?

777. No. Never. She ever take advantage of you in any way?

778. No.

779. And she told you up front that she didn't want a boyfriend.

780. Yeah.

781. I got a great idea.

782. Oh, fine! Go! That's fine. See ya.

783. Waste oftime. You don't look anything like Summer.

784. Now departing on Track 2, Pacific Surfliner.

785. Full service to Santa Barbara.

786. All aboard, please.

787. Hey, baby. Hey, you here?

788. Hell no. What do you mean, "Hell no"?

789. I'm not going to that. Yes, you are.

790. No, man. It's gonna be all old people.

791. Yeah, but you said you were going. That's why I'm going.

792. And that's why I called her last night, told her I was sick.

793. Like a ninja. Dude! I'm gonna— I'm not gonna know anybody at this thing.

794. Maybe you'll meet some hot granddaughters or something.

795. I'm hanging up now. Bye, baby.

796. May I have your attention, please?

797. Passengers boarding the train in Los Angeles, please...

798. have your tickets out and ready for collection.

799. Hi, Tom!

800. Hey. Summer.

801. I must have walked right byyou. Yeah.

802. Well, um, what are you doing? Are you going to Millie's?

803. Me too. Cool.

804. - I forgot you knew her. - Yeah, we worked together all that time, so—

805. of course. I love Millie. She's the sweetest.

806. She is.

807. - How are you? - I'm good.

808. Good. I-I wrote to you. I never heard back, but—

809. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that. I— I just, you know-

810. It got kind ofcrazy, and the holidays came up, so work was—

811. You still working forVance?

812. Yeah.

813. Well, I was gonna go get a coffee if you wanna—

814. "The Architecture of Happiness."

815. Yeah. That looks like a good book.

816. Yeah, it's-

817. Well, I don't want to botheryou. No, no. I, um—

818. Yeah, let's get coffee.

819. Afteryou.

820. You look nice. Thanks.

821. Penis.

822. No.

823. I now pronounce you husband and wife.

824. You may kiss the bride.

825. Well, you snore. No, I don't.

826. You do. No, I don't.

827. Yeah. Well, you do too.

828. Oh, I definitely do. And your feet reek.

829. That one time! No, every time.

830. That one time! No.

831. That one time especially, but every time.

832. And when you wake up, your hair, it sticks up like that.

833. It's ridiculous. You're ridiculous.

834. Your favorite Beatle is Ringo.

835. Damn right!

836. Ringo's the best. Ringo is-

837. Goose! Oh! oh! oh!

838. Man! He's fast. Damn! All right.

839. You got me. Duck.

840. Duck.

841. One, two, three.

842. Wanna dance? Yeah.

843. Okay.

844. I was gonna maybe have a party on Friday, um,

845. on our rooftop that has, like, a really nice garden,

846. if you want to come.

847. If you're not busy.

848. They're good, huh? They are good.

849. I guess I just got lucky.

850. Um, we met in elementary school.

851. In seventh grade we had the same class schedule,

852. and, uh,

853. we just clicked, you know?

854. Love?

855. Shit, I don't know.

856. As long as she's cute and she's willing, right?

857. I'm flexible on the cute, so—

858. Twenty-one years.

859. She's the light that guides me home.

860. Yes, that is from one of our cards.

861. No. Someone else wrote it.

862. Doesn't make it less true.

863. I think technically the "girl of my dreams"...

864. would probably have, like, a really bodacious rack, you know.

865. Maybe different hair.

866. Probably- You know, she'd probably be a little more into sports.

867. But, um, truthfully,

868. Robyn's— Robyn's better than the girl of my dreams.

869. She's real.

870. Tom walked to her apartment,

871. intoxicated by the promise of the evening.

872. his expectations would align with reality.

873. Hi. Hey.

874. Yeah. Thanks.

875. I like your tie. Wow! Hi.

876. How you doing? Good. How are you?

877. You shouldn't have. That's so nice. It's the-

878. Thank you so much. No problem.

879. I'm excited to read it. Yeah.

880. Come on.

881. - So, Tom, what is it that you do? - Uh, I write greeting cards.

882. Tom could be a really great architect if he wanted to be.

883. That's unusual.

884. I mean, what made you go from one to the other?

885. I guess I just figured,

886. why make something disposable, like a building,

887. when you can make something that lasts forever, like a greeting card?

888. I've been calling you every five minutes. Are you okay?

889. I'm great. What happened to you?

890. I don't wanna talk about it. You always wanna talk about it.

891. Not this. Okay. Well, come on. Let's go.

892. where are we going? It's Thursday!

893. This one says, "Go for it!"

894. And this one says, "You can do it!"

895. we have a whole line of inspirational photographic cards...

896. featuring Pickles, my cat.

897. I think people will really enjoy them.

898. - Thank you. - Good job, Rhoda.

899. That's inspirational stuff.

900. Okay. Who's next?

901. We haven't heard from Sympathy in a while.

902. Hansen? Yeah?

903. The Winter Collection? Do you have anything to contribute?

904. Uh, no.

905. I really don't.

906. Okay.

907. We'll come back to you. Uh, McKenzie?

908. Actually, you know what? Yes, Tom?

909. Can I say something about the cat? Well, okay.

910. Yeah, uh, this is—

911. And, Rhoda, no disrespect here,

912. but, um, this is total shit.

913. Tom! "Go for it" and "You can do it"?

914. That's not inspirational. That's suicidal.

915. If Pickles goes for it right there, that's a dead cat.

916. These are lies. We're liars.

917. Think about it. Why do people buy these things?

918. It's not 'cause they want to say how they feel.

919. People buy cards 'cause they can't say how they feel, or they're afraid to.

920. We provide the service that lets them off the hook.

921. You know what? I say, to hell with it! Let's level with America.

922. At least let them speak for themselves! Right?

923. I mean, look! What— what is this? What does it say?

924. "Congratulations on your new baby." Right?

925. How 'bout, "Congratulations on your new baby.

926. - That's it for hanging out. Nice knowing you." - Sit down, Hansen.

927. How 'bout this one, with all the pretty hearts on the front? I know where this is going. Yep!

928. "Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. I love you."

929. That sweet? Ain't love grand?

930. This is exactly what I'm talking about.

931. What does that even mean, "love"?

932. Do you know? Do you? Anybody?

933. Tom.

934. Ifsomebody gave me this card, Mr. Vance, I would eat it.

935. It's- It's these cards, and the movies, and the pop songs—

936. They're to blame for all the lies...

937. and the heartache, everything.

938. And we're responsible. I'm responsible.

939. I think we do a bad thing here.

940. People should be able to say how they feel— how they really feel—

941. not, you know, some words that some strangers put in their mouths.

942. Words like "love"...

943. that don't mean anything.

944. Sorry. I'm sorry. I, uh—

945. I quit. I'm—

946. There's enough bullshit in the world without my help.

947. All right. Next we do running drills.

948. Hey, you're sketching again.

949. Yeah, well, just doodling.

950. Okay, Tom. We got 20 seconds. Talk to me. You okay?

951. Yeah, I'm good. I'm great.

952. You know, my friends are all in love with you.

953. You know, it's like we said.

954. Plenty ofother fish in the sea. Thanks.

955. But, uh, those are guppies.

956. Yeah.

957. Hey, Tom? Mmm.

958. Look, I knowyou think that she was the one,

959. but I don't.

960. Now, I think you'rejust remembering the good stuff.

961. Next time you look back, I, uh—

962. I really think you should look again.

963. It's playing at 5:00. Do you wanna see it?

964. Um, I don't know. We could just go back to your place or-

965. No, I really want to see it. Let's go.

966. You okay? Yeah.

967. What— what is it? The movie?

968. It's nothing. I'm just— I'm just being stupid.

969. Yeah? Yeah.

970. It pains me we live in a world...

971. where nobody's heard ofSpearmint.

972. I've never heard of them. I put 'em on that mix I made you.

973. They're track one.

974. Oh, yeah.

975. So, what do you wanna do?

976. I think I'm just gonna call it a day.

977. You don't wanna get some dinner? Are you hungry?

978. You all right?

979. I'm just tired. okay.

980. I got it. Pancakes!

981. Hey, Tom.

982. I thought I might see you here.

983. I always loved this place, ever since you brought me.

984. So I, uh—

985. I guess I should say congratulations.

986. Only if you mean it.

987. Ah. Well, in that case—

988. So, are you okay?

989. I will be, eventually.

990. You wanna— Hmm.

991. I like your suit. Ah, thanks.

992. You look sharp.

993. So do you. Thanks.

994. I quit the office. You did?

995. I didn't know. That's great!

996. And you, um—

997. you're married.

998. Yeah. It's crazy, huh?

999. You should have told me when we were at the— I know.

1000. You know, at the wedding when we were dancing.

1001. Well, he hadn't asked me yet. But he was in your life.

1002. Yeah. So why'd you dance with me?

1003. 'Cause I wanted to.

1004. You just do what you want, don't you?

1005. You neverwanted to be anybody's girlfriend,

1006. and now you're somebody's wife.

1007. Surprised me too.

1008. I don't think I'll ever understand that.

1009. I mean, it doesn't make sense.

1010. It just happened.

1011. Right, but that's what I don't understand. Whatjust happened?

1012. I just— I just woke up one day, and I knew.

1013. Knew what?

1014. What I was never sure ofwith you.

1015. You know what sucks?

1016. Realizing that everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit.

1017. It sucks. What do you mean?

1018. Uh, you know, destiny, and soul mates, and true love,

1019. and all that childhood fairy tale nonsense.

1020. You were right. I-I should have listened to you.

1021. No. Yeah. What? What are you smiling at?

1022. Tom. what?

1023. What are you looking at me like that for?

1024. Well, you know,

1025. I guess it's 'cause...

1026. I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray

1027. and... a guy comes up to me...

1028. and asked me about it,

1029. and... now he's my husband.

1030. Yeah. And... so?

1031. So, what if I'd gone to the movies?

1032. What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch?

1033. What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later?

1034. It was—

1035. It was meant to be.

1036. And I just kept thinking,

1037. Tom was right. No.

1038. Yeah, I did.

1039. I did.

1040. It just wasn't me that you were right about.

1041. I should go.

1042. But I'm really happy to see that you're doing well.

1043. Summer!

1044. I really do hope that you're happy.

1045. Most days of the year are unremarkable.

1046. They begin and they end...

1047. with no lasting memories made in between.

1048. Most days have no impact...

1049. on the course of a life.

1050. May 23 was a Wednesday.

1051. Are you interviewing? Sorry?

1052. Are you interviewing for the position?

1053. Oh, yeah. Why? Are you? Yeah.

1054. Mm-hmm.

1055. My competition.

1056. It would appear.

1057. Yeah. So, a little awkward.

1058. Yeah.

1059. Well, I hope you, um, don't get the job.

1060. Well, I hope you don't get the job.

1061. Have I seen you before?

1062. Me? I don't think so.

1063. Do you ever go to Angelus Plaza?

1064. Yes. That's, like, my favorite spot in the city.

1065. Yeah. Okay. Except for the parking lots, but—

1066. Yeah. I— I agree. Yeah, yeah.

1067. I think I've seen you there. Really?

1068. Yeah. I haven't seen you.

1069. You must not have been looking.

1070. lfTom had learned anything,

1071. it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance...

1072. to a simple earthly event.

1073. Coincidence. That's all anything ever is.

1074. Nothing more than coincidence.

1075. Tom Hansen. Yeah.

1076. Come on back. Thank you.

1077. Tom had finally learned there are no miracles.

1078. There's no such thing as fate.

1079. Nothing is meant to be.

1080. He knew. He was sure of it now.

1081. Tom was— Sorry. Um—

1082. I just left, uh— Can I— one second.

1083. He was pretty sure.

1084. - Hey. - You again.

1085. Yeah. I, uh, was just wondering...

1086. if maybe after this, if, um, you—

1087. you want to get some coffee or something.

1088. Oh, I'm sorry.

1089. I'm sort ofsupposed to meet someone after this.

1090. Okay.

1091. Sure.

1092. What's that? why not?

1093. Okay. Well, then I'll just, uh— I'll wait for you—

1094. we- We'll figure it out. we'll figure it out.

1095. - My name's Tom. - Nice to meet you. I'm Autumn.

1096. English US - PSDH