1. Good evening.Copy !req
2. - Is it the penthouse?
- Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
3. Welcome to another
edition of...Copy !req
4. "Lifestyles of the
Average and Anxious."Copy !req
5. We move about the apartment
of Peter Mitchell,Copy !req
6. young architect about town.Copy !req
7. It's his late 30s,Copy !req
8. or is it his early 40s—Copy !req
9. We'll never know—Copy !req
10. birthday party.Copy !req
11. Entranced by the
euphoria and ease...Copy !req
12. these glamorous people exude!Copy !req
13. I think I spy the
birthday boy himself!Copy !req
14. How are you, old chum?Copy !req
15. You're looking
so well, so well.Copy !req
16. Over here is his
semi-main squeeze,Copy !req
17. Rebecca Davidson.Copy !req
18. The public wants to know...Copy !req
19. what an attractive,
successful woman...Copy !req
20. sees in a bozo
like my roommate.Copy !req
21. Well, he's uh...
charming and he's sweet.Copy !req
22. He's very thoughtful.Copy !req
23. He's sort of boyishly
handsome, but...Copy !req
24. he has got the most amazing—Copy !req
25. Thank you, Rebecca!Copy !req
26. You're welcome, Michael.Copy !req
27. So Peter, tell me.Copy !req
28. Are you and Rebecca
still exclusive?Copy !req
29. Me and Rebecca?Copy !req
30. We both see other people.Copy !req
31. Really?Copy !req
32. That's nice to know.Copy !req
33. Bye.Copy !req
34. Hey, birthday boy.Copy !req
35. Hi, Adam.Copy !req
36. - Rebecca's looking sexier thanever.
- Yeah.Copy !req
37. You two still together?Copy !req
38. Yeah, for 5 years now.Copy !req
39. - Tight.
- Tight as ever.Copy !req
40. James! Whatever happened
to the"Young Rascals"?Copy !req
41. - They old. Real old.
- Don't say that.Copy !req
42. One of them's a senator now.Copy !req
43. Oh, God, no!Copy !req
44. Real old!Copy !req
45. Can I talk to you a minute?Copy !req
46. I'm not doing
commercials anymore.Copy !req
47. No more talking T-bones,
or cowboys with heartburn.Copy !req
48. I'm only doing
serious stuff now.Copy !req
49. Hi.Copy !req
50. Jack!Copy !req
51. Angela... phew!Copy !req
52. - You look different. What
happened?
- I'm dressed.Copy !req
53. That's it!Copy !req
54. Gentlemen, I'm in love.Copy !req
55. - You?
- Yeah.Copy !req
56. In a generic sense.Copy !req
57. Right.Copy !req
58. So many women...Copy !req
59. so little time.Copy !req
60. So, Jack—Copy !req
61. - What's up?
- You're not really going
to do this movie in Turkey?Copy !req
62. Yes, I am.Copy !req
63. I leave in a few short hours.Copy !req
64. What is it?
"Zalmon the Beautician?"Copy !req
65. "Zalmon the Barbarian."Copy !req
66. What about the play in
Soho you wanted to do?Copy !req
67. Excuse me.Copy !req
68. You said it was
a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.Copy !req
69. You want my inevitably
brilliant reviews,Copy !req
70. or next month's rent?Copy !req
71. Forget about next
month's rent. Do the play.Copy !req
72. That's sweet of you.Copy !req
73. You are a very decent man.Copy !req
74. I'm a goddamn saint.Copy !req
75. "Saint" is a bit much.Copy !req
76. Hey, how's it going, baby?Copy !req
77. Name's Johnny.
Give me five.Copy !req
78. I mean, give me three, yeah.Copy !req
79. Yeah.Copy !req
80. I can't believe you
draw"Johnny Cool."Copy !req
81. Coolest cat
in the world, right?Copy !req
82. No one cooler, baby.Copy !req
83. I can't believe it.
It makes me so happy.Copy !req
84. What's wrong?Copy !req
85. - David.
- The guy you broke up with?Copy !req
86. The good looking one.Copy !req
87. Incredibly good looking.Copy !req
88. He used to read me
"Johnny Cool" every morning.Copy !req
89. Hey, hey.
Poor baby.Copy !req
90. Know how to get over a lover?Copy !req
91. Dance with a stranger.Copy !req
92. David's an incredible dancer.Copy !req
93. He studied 3 years
with the Joffrey Ballet.Copy !req
94. 3 years?Copy !req
95. Joffrey Ballet?Copy !req
96. You guys will get back together.Copy !req
97. Could I call him
and invite him to the party?Copy !req
98. Uh, yeah.Copy !req
99. Twins!Copy !req
100. There it is!Copy !req
101. Yeah!Copy !req
102. One of the best
clutch shots of all time.Copy !req
103. Nobody played better than...Copy !req
104. Reed, West,
Chamberlain, Baylor.Copy !req
105. I'll run it for you
again in slow motion.Copy !req
106. People are asking for you.Copy !req
107. Let's go mingle.Copy !req
108. "Mingle" sounds like something
sea lions do before mating.Copy !req
109. You are the guest of honor.
They love you.Copy !req
110. But these guys need me.
Don't you?Copy !req
111. - Go on.
- Leave your money.Copy !req
112. Wait, there it is.Copy !req
113. Yeah!Copy !req
114. The greatest clutch shot
in basketball history.Copy !req
115. Unarguably.Copy !req
116. The best.Copy !req
117. Paul, listen.Copy !req
118. You are my friend
and a great director,Copy !req
119. but I'm not doing
commercials ever again.Copy !req
120. I don't want you
to do a commercial.Copy !req
121. I need a favor.Copy !req
122. All right, shoot.Copy !req
123. I'm having a package
delivered tomorrow,Copy !req
124. but I'm going to San Francisco
on a shoot.Copy !req
125. - You're going to shoot in San
Francisco?
- Yeah.Copy !req
126. Who are you using?Copy !req
127. - Len Peters.
- Lennie?Copy !req
128. Didn't you like my last
dog food commercial?Copy !req
129. That was a classic.Copy !req
130. Could I have this
package delivered here?Copy !req
131. Sure, no problem.Copy !req
132. Let me ask you something.Copy !req
133. Do you think I'm overexposed?Copy !req
134. Overexposed?
No, not at all.Copy !req
135. It'll be delivered tomorrow
and picked up Thursday.Copy !req
136. Tomorrow; picked up Thursday.Copy !req
137. This is a delicate matter.Copy !req
138. Don't mention it.Copy !req
139. All right.
Delicate.Copy !req
140. Speech!
Speech!Copy !req
141. Oh, uh...Copy !req
142. first of all,Copy !req
143. I want to thank Jack
and Michael and Rebecca...Copy !req
144. for embarrassing me
with this flow of sentiment.Copy !req
145. Awww.Copy !req
146. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
147. All right.
All right.Copy !req
148. I think everybody had a great
time.Copy !req
149. - Don't you?
- I sure did.Copy !req
150. Why don't you stick
around a while?Copy !req
151. I thought sentiment
made you uncomfortable.Copy !req
152. - I can handle it,
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
153. as long as it's
disguised as sex.Copy !req
154. Stay tonight.Copy !req
155. I can't.Copy !req
156. I have to be up at 7 am
for a pretrial meeting.Copy !req
157. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
158. Happy birthday, Peter.Copy !req
159. Mmmm.Copy !req
160. Yeah, right.Copy !req
161. It was a great party.Copy !req
162. You know, in this light...Copy !req
163. you're kind of ugly.Copy !req
164. That rut in the middle
of your forehead...Copy !req
165. is getting out of hand.Copy !req
166. - Why does that happen to you?
- What?Copy !req
167. As soon as you get
a woman in your room,Copy !req
168. you turn into her brother
and solve her problems.Copy !req
169. Unlike you, and our sexually
insatiable roommate,Copy !req
170. I'm a sensitive guy.Copy !req
171. I have more on my mind
than pronging chicks.Copy !req
172. What's a good year
for pronging chicks?Copy !req
173. The "82 Bordeaux
works every time.Copy !req
174. Thank you very much.Copy !req
175. Did somebody die here?Copy !req
176. Rebecca left early.Copy !req
177. Michael saved another
doomed relationship.Copy !req
178. Post-party depression.Copy !req
179. Listen, I'm out of here
tomorrow for 10 weeks.Copy !req
180. What do you say
I get rid of Cherise,Copy !req
181. we hunker down with a
bottle of wine and shoot pool?Copy !req
182. I got a better idea.Copy !req
183. You two hunker down,
and I'll—Copy !req
184. No, no, no.Copy !req
185. Just go have a good time.Copy !req
186. Enjoy yourself.Copy !req
187. Oh, guys, tough job,
but it's gotta be done.Copy !req
188. He's unbelievable.Copy !req
189. The man is one giant gland.Copy !req
190. Jack? Jack?Copy !req
191. - He left already, Cherise.Copy !req
192. I think he took my mousse.Copy !req
193. That's our boy.Copy !req
194. Thanks, Peter.Copy !req
195. See you around.Copy !req
196. Yeah.Copy !req
197. It's me, Jack.Copy !req
198. I'm at the airport,
but I forgot to tell you
something.Copy !req
199. A package is going
to be delivered today.Copy !req
200. Some guys will pick it up
Thursday before noon.Copy !req
201. Just put it aside,
and don't worry about it.Copy !req
202. It's a very delicate matter,
so don't tell anybody.Copy !req
203. I'll bring you back
something from Turkey.Copy !req
204. Maybe a drumstick.Copy !req
205. See you later.
Bye-bye.Copy !req
206. Hi, Harry.Copy !req
207. Morning, sir.Copy !req
208. Michael?Copy !req
209. Get out here.Copy !req
210. What is it?Copy !req
211. Just get out here.Copy !req
212. What?Copy !req
213. What's going on?Copy !req
214. I don't know. What?Copy !req
215. Oh, okay.
Just look in the hall.Copy !req
216. Yeah?Copy !req
217. Just look out in the hall.Copy !req
218. Okay.Copy !req
219. That's a baby.Copy !req
220. I know it's a baby.Copy !req
221. What's it doing there?Copy !req
222. It's sleeping.Copy !req
223. Who do you suppose it belongs
to?Copy !req
224. Peter, there's a note.Copy !req
225. All right, I'll just go ahead...Copy !req
226. and play along.Copy !req
227. "Dear Jack, here is our baby."Copy !req
228. Oh, no.Copy !req
229. You really don't know
anything about this?Copy !req
230. I knew it. I knew this would
happen to him sooner or later.Copy !req
231. "I can't handle this.
I don't know where to turn."Copy !req
232. Right.Copy !req
233. - "Someday I hope you can
both forgive me.
- Unbelievable.Copy !req
234. Her name is Mary.
Love, Sylvia."Copy !req
235. Who's Sylvia?Copy !req
236. You need a secretary to
keep track of all his women.Copy !req
237. He left a message
about a package...Copy !req
238. being delivered today.Copy !req
239. He said to put it aside
and not worry about it.Copy !req
240. He said that about a baby?Copy !req
241. He takes procreation
a little lightly.Copy !req
242. What are we supposed to do?Copy !req
243. Pick it up.Copy !req
244. You pick it up.Copy !req
245. I'm not picking it up!Copy !req
246. You found it!Copy !req
247. One of us has to pick it up.Copy !req
248. It's not going to be me.Copy !req
249. I don't know
anything about babies.Copy !req
250. Neither do I.Copy !req
251. - We've got to do something.
- Be my guest.Copy !req
252. It's not my responsibility.Copy !req
253. It's not mine, either.Copy !req
254. Don't yell at me!Copy !req
255. It can't be that difficult.Copy !req
256. Just feed it.
It'll shut up.Copy !req
257. I don't know what babies eat!Copy !req
258. Soft stuff.Copy !req
259. We were babies once.
What did we eat?Copy !req
260. It couldn't have been
very good; I can't remember.Copy !req
261. Wait!
Where are you going?Copy !req
262. To get baby food. We can't
feed it cake and goat cheese.Copy !req
263. What am I supposed to do?Copy !req
264. Entertain it.Copy !req
265. "Entertain it!"Copy !req
266. Entertain it?
How do you entertain a baby?Copy !req
267. Hey, Junior.Copy !req
268. Look at my hands.Copy !req
269. Look at this.Copy !req
270. It's a glass; a prism.Copy !req
271. Look at those colors.Copy !req
272. This is nice; expensive.Copy !req
273. You don't like that.Copy !req
274. How about... Oh, look.Copy !req
275. It's almost like
Japanese origami!Copy !req
276. It's a bird! It's a bird!Copy !req
277. No, huh?Copy !req
278. I'm getting a headache.Copy !req
279. You're giving me a headache.Copy !req
280. How about this?Copy !req
281. A hairy chest!Copy !req
282. Like that?
You want one of these?Copy !req
283. Excuse me.Copy !req
284. Where can I get
a jar of baby food?Copy !req
285. 3rd aisle to the right.Copy !req
286. Right.Copy !req
287. They gotta be kidding.Copy !req
288. What's happening, baby?Copy !req
289. How you doing today?Copy !req
290. My name is Johnny.Copy !req
291. That's right,
but you can call me Mr. Cool.Copy !req
292. What's your name?Copy !req
293. Haven't I seen you
around the neighborhood?Copy !req
294. What's the matter?Copy !req
295. Cat got your tongue?Copy !req
296. Why can't you talk?Copy !req
297. Come on, kid. Laugh it up.
I'm doing my best.Copy !req
298. Excuse me.Copy !req
299. Is this a good meal for a baby?Copy !req
300. - That's for toddlers.
- What's a toddler?Copy !req
301. 11/2 to 2 years.Copy !req
302. I need something for a baby.Copy !req
303. This is your first?Copy !req
304. - First what?
- Baby.Copy !req
305. Yeah.
First and last.Copy !req
306. No matter how you prepare,
you're never ready.Copy !req
307. No, you're not.Copy !req
308. What an infant eats...Copy !req
309. Can you—Copy !req
310. can determine its entire future.Copy !req
311. That's fascinating,
but all I need is food.Copy !req
312. That's all.Copy !req
313. What's the best-selling brand?Copy !req
314. - That white can.
- Great.Copy !req
315. This is the best?Copy !req
316. No, it's the cheapest.
That's why it sells.Copy !req
317. How about this one?Copy !req
318. That's good,Copy !req
319. but it's got iron in it.Copy !req
320. Is that bad?Copy !req
321. If your baby's allergic to it.Copy !req
322. How do you know
if she's allergic?Copy !req
323. They throw up all over you.Copy !req
324. But they throw up even
if they're not allergic.Copy !req
325. Some babies can't
hold anything down.Copy !req
326. What about this one?Copy !req
327. That's for older babies.Copy !req
328. How old is your baby?Copy !req
329. About that old.Copy !req
330. You don't know
how old your baby is?Copy !req
331. Yes I do.Copy !req
332. - Is she teething?
- Teething?Copy !req
333. Does she cry all night,
chew her fist and drool?Copy !req
334. All right,
I'll take 3 of these,Copy !req
335. and some of these—Copy !req
336. Thanks for your time.Copy !req
337. You've been a source
of great distress.Copy !req
338. If she's less than 3 months old,Copy !req
339. you've got to
sterilize the nipples.Copy !req
340. Here it comes.Copy !req
341. Hey! Look!Copy !req
342. I'll give you $10
if you stop crying.Copy !req
343. 10 bucks, huh?Copy !req
344. I'm going to pick you up, now.Copy !req
345. There you go, Jr.Copy !req
346. Is that better?Copy !req
347. How about a little walk?Copy !req
348. Wait a minute.Copy !req
349. Okay.
Hey, how about this?Copy !req
350. No, we're not going
to keep crying.Copy !req
351. No, no, wait.Copy !req
352. Come on!
Where the hell is he?Copy !req
353. Milking the cows or something?Copy !req
354. Look! No crying.Copy !req
355. Hey wait a minute!Copy !req
356. You can drive a guy to drink.Copy !req
357. No, not you.
You're a cute little thing.Copy !req
358. How about:Copy !req
359. All right, here we are.Copy !req
360. Here we are in my room.Copy !req
361. Look around here.
This is nice, huh?Copy !req
362. We'll sit down here.Copy !req
363. Look! We're going
to watch a little TV.Copy !req
364. Yeah, just you and me.Copy !req
365. Here you go.Copy !req
366. Amuse yourself.Copy !req
367. Women are wondering,
are they having an orgasm?Copy !req
368. - Men are worried maybe their
penis—Copy !req
369. Whoa, whoa.Copy !req
370. No, you don't
want to hear that.Copy !req
371. We'll have a nice conversation
with uncle Peter...Copy !req
372. and let him have some fun.Copy !req
373. That's a good idea.Copy !req
374. Where the hell have you been?Copy !req
375. Oh, hi, Mrs. Hathaway.Copy !req
376. Oh, what a darling little baby!Copy !req
377. Is it yours?Copy !req
378. - No, it's not mine.
- Mr. Mitchell's?Copy !req
379. No, someone loaned it to us.Copy !req
380. We're watching her for a while.Copy !req
381. What's its name?Copy !req
382. Its name is uh, uh, Sylvia.Copy !req
383. No, Mary, Mary.Copy !req
384. We've had a tough morning,
and we're tuckered out.Copy !req
385. We have to say good-bye.
Bye-bye, Mrs. Hathaway.Copy !req
386. By the way,Copy !req
387. this package just arrived
for you downstairs.Copy !req
388. All right, great.Copy !req
389. Could I hold her?Copy !req
390. I don't think so.Copy !req
391. I love babies.Copy !req
392. - Oh, yes. Tch, tch, tch.Copy !req
393. I just love babies.Copy !req
394. Unfortunately,
Mr. Hathaway and I...Copy !req
395. were never able to have any.Copy !req
396. Mr. Hathaway has
a low sperm count.Copy !req
397. Some guys have all the luck.Copy !req
398. Oh, you are a cute little
bundle,
aren't you?Copy !req
399. You do realize she did a doodle?Copy !req
400. Yes, you did.Copy !req
401. Would you like me to change her?Copy !req
402. No, I can do it.Copy !req
403. I'm used to it.Copy !req
404. Thanks, we've got to go now.Copy !req
405. We're gonna say bye-bye, now.Copy !req
406. Bye-bye.Copy !req
407. Bye-bye.Copy !req
408. Bye-bye-bye.Copy !req
409. - If you ever need a
baby-sitter—Copy !req
410. All right, thanks.Copy !req
411. She's a lovely baby.Copy !req
412. Adorable.Copy !req
413. This baby hasn't stopped crying.Copy !req
414. She did a doodle.Copy !req
415. What the hell is that?Copy !req
416. Don't tell me.
I don't want to know.Copy !req
417. You're gonna know,
because she did it.Copy !req
418. I had to go 3 places
and get 4 kinds of formula.Copy !req
419. 2 kinds of diapers,
bottles, towels, nipples—Copy !req
420. You have no idea how
much crap kids need.Copy !req
421. How old is she?Copy !req
422. You want me to check
her driver's license?Copy !req
423. You can tell how old she
is by feeling her teeth.Copy !req
424. I'm not feeling her teeth!Copy !req
425. I'm tired of holding her.Copy !req
426. I can't hold her
and make her bottle.Copy !req
427. I'll hold her.
You check the teeth.Copy !req
428. Come on!Copy !req
429. I can't feel anything.Copy !req
430. What's that mean?Copy !req
431. She doesn't have any teeth!Copy !req
432. Neither did Gabby Hayes,
and he was 90.Copy !req
433. We'll give her the
stuff for newborns...Copy !req
434. and hope she's not allergic.Copy !req
435. You've no idea what
they can be allergic to.Copy !req
436. What's that stench?Copy !req
437. - Hold her.Copy !req
438. Just hold her.Copy !req
439. This is a girl.
Should we be doing this?Copy !req
440. Just hold her,
so I can get the diaper off.Copy !req
441. - Ohh!
- Awww!Copy !req
442. How could something
so small...Copy !req
443. create something so disgusting?Copy !req
444. Beats the shit out of me.Copy !req
445. Hand me the other diaper.Copy !req
446. Oh!Copy !req
447. Shouldn't we wash her?Copy !req
448. We'll wash her later.Copy !req
449. Get me the cotton.Copy !req
450. Oh!Copy !req
451. Here it is.Copy !req
452. Just give me a little cotton.Copy !req
453. I don't need a package.Copy !req
454. Get me the cotton wipies.Copy !req
455. This is disgusting.Copy !req
456. It's all over
and it's sticky.Copy !req
457. We're going to need some
kind of cleaning fluid.Copy !req
458. How about after-shave?Copy !req
459. Come on, Michael,
just get a diaper.Copy !req
460. Oh!Copy !req
461. Do these tapes go
in front or back?Copy !req
462. How am I supposed to know?Copy !req
463. These are way too big!Copy !req
464. - What size did you get?
- They're ultra absorbent.Copy !req
465. The more absorbent,
the better!Copy !req
466. Hold her!
She's going crazy.Copy !req
467. - I don't want to.
- Come on, Michael!Copy !req
468. - You're going to rip it.
- I'm not going to rip it.Copy !req
469. - Yes, you are.Copy !req
470. Get me another diaper.Copy !req
471. I'll use the tape.
I'll tape it up.Copy !req
472. I'm an architect,
for Christ's sake.Copy !req
473. I build 50-story skyscrapers.Copy !req
474. I assemble cities of the future.Copy !req
475. I can certainly put
together a goddamn diaper.Copy !req
476. Take it easy, kid.Copy !req
477. There, see?Copy !req
478. It's working.
A piece of cake.Copy !req
479. Yeah.Copy !req
480. Nice job, Pete.Copy !req
481. The little insect
was just waiting...Copy !req
482. for that diaper to fall off.Copy !req
483. I think we're in trouble.Copy !req
484. I'm going to kill Jack.Copy !req
485. I'm going to kill him.Copy !req
486. This is the deal.Copy !req
487. - Michael.
- What?Copy !req
488. You're going to have to
wash where the poop was.Copy !req
489. Come on.Copy !req
490. All righty.Copy !req
491. You're not getting
anything off that way.Copy !req
492. There you go.
That's clean.Copy !req
493. I'll rinse her.Copy !req
494. Rinse her a little bit.Copy !req
495. There we go.Copy !req
496. This is for moisturizing—Copy !req
497. Don't use the baby lotion now.Copy !req
498. It says,"prevents chapping."Copy !req
499. Just wash her.Copy !req
500. I'll put some in just to make
sure.Copy !req
501. We gotta get some help.Copy !req
502. Jack said this is a
delicate situation,Copy !req
503. that we shouldn't tell anybody.Copy !req
504. Can you believe him
putting us through hell...Copy !req
505. to save his precious reputation?Copy !req
506. I'm not doing it anymore.Copy !req
507. Odds.Copy !req
508. You're going to have a headache.Copy !req
509. Mary, let me have the pen.Copy !req
510. I'm later than usual
for the deadline.Copy !req
511. Come here.
Okay?Copy !req
512. Actually, I don't seem
to have them after all.Copy !req
513. I must have left
them at the office.Copy !req
514. I'll get them in the morning.Copy !req
515. Right.Copy !req
516. Your daddy's a dead man.Copy !req
517. Rebecca you're—Copy !req
518. I came as soon as I could.Copy !req
519. Who are you?Copy !req
520. This is Jan Clopatz;
Peter Mitchell.Copy !req
521. How do you do.Copy !req
522. Jan is a cellist
from Hungary.Copy !req
523. He's playing at Carnegie Hall.Copy !req
524. What a thrill.Copy !req
525. What's the emergency?Copy !req
526. Just come with me.Copy !req
527. This is the big emergency.Copy !req
528. It's a baby.Copy !req
529. Why's that the first
thing everybody says?Copy !req
530. Of course it's a baby.Copy !req
531. It's your baby?Copy !req
532. It's not mine. It's Jack's.Copy !req
533. Jack has a baby?Copy !req
534. I realize that
tends to negate...Copy !req
535. our belief in a benevolent God.Copy !req
536. It doesn't look like Jack.
He has more hair.Copy !req
537. I'm glad you can joke
at a time like this.Copy !req
538. She needs to be held.Copy !req
539. Babies like to be held.Copy !req
540. Where is he?Copy !req
541. Jack's in Turkey,Copy !req
542. which is where I'd be
if my baby was in New York.Copy !req
543. We're dying here.Copy !req
544. Michael doesn't
know about babies.Copy !req
545. I don't know about babies.Copy !req
546. I've got deadlines
hanging all over me.Copy !req
547. I've been reading
books about babies.Copy !req
548. I can't figure it out.Copy !req
549. It says,
"Feed every 2 hours."Copy !req
550. It takes me 2 hours
to get her to eat.Copy !req
551. Does it mean 2 hours from
when I start or finish?Copy !req
552. I've been feeding
her from when I start,Copy !req
553. and I'm feeding
her all the time.Copy !req
554. Which is it?Copy !req
555. - Why are you asking me?
- You're a woman.Copy !req
556. That doesn't mean
I know about babies.Copy !req
557. Rebecca—Copy !req
558. Please stay with me
and help me take care of her.Copy !req
559. You want me to take care of her?Copy !req
560. - Yes.
- Now?Copy !req
561. No, when she graduates
from college. Yes, now.Copy !req
562. I can't do that.Copy !req
563. Baby take...
very, very much work.Copy !req
564. Thanks for telling me.
Is he an idiot savant?Copy !req
565. Rebecca, we be late.Copy !req
566. Rebecca—Copy !req
567. Rebecca, please.Copy !req
568. Stay with me.Copy !req
569. I have got a date!Copy !req
570. Oh?Copy !req
571. Excuse me for cramping
your romantic style.Copy !req
572. Rebecca, we be late!Copy !req
573. You can't be serious about him.Copy !req
574. You go out with other people;
so do I.Copy !req
575. I don't care if you date
the whole string section.Copy !req
576. - Right now, I need you.
- I can't be here now.Copy !req
577. Oh, she doodled!Copy !req
578. Doodled.Copy !req
579. Yes, doodled!Copy !req
580. Don't babies doodle in Hungary?Copy !req
581. We're leaving.Copy !req
582. Rebecca!Copy !req
583. Wait.Copy !req
584. Come on, Rebecca.Copy !req
585. Don't go.Copy !req
586. You're a very big boy.Copy !req
587. You're very capable.Copy !req
588. You'll get through this fine.Copy !req
589. I hate the cello!Copy !req
590. Don't.Copy !req
591. I keep waiting for
"Candid Camera"...Copy !req
592. to walk through the door.Copy !req
593. What'd you cancel for tonight?Copy !req
594. Box seats at Shea.
You?Copy !req
595. Dinner with Cheryl.Copy !req
596. Two more days.Copy !req
597. Where'd you put
the baby powder?Copy !req
598. I'll get it.Copy !req
599. Why'd you put it there?Copy !req
600. We're bathing her in here.Copy !req
601. It's just down the hall.Copy !req
602. We don't bathe her there.Copy !req
603. Maybe we should start,
goddamn it!Copy !req
604. You're going to clean that up.Copy !req
605. What time are they getting here?Copy !req
606. - Before noon.
- Good.Copy !req
607. I see my editor about 1:00.Copy !req
608. Did you move my blueprints?Copy !req
609. I need them.Copy !req
610. Sorry.Copy !req
611. I think she did a doodle.Copy !req
612. Your turn to change her.Copy !req
613. I'll give you
$1000 if you'll do it.Copy !req
614. Check this out.Copy !req
615. Coming.Copy !req
616. Does Jack Holden live here?Copy !req
617. Someone asked us to
pick up a package.Copy !req
618. A package? I love the way
everyone calls it a package.Copy !req
619. - Who's Sylvia?
- When she first got here,Copy !req
620. we considered
calling the cops.Copy !req
621. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
622. totally disrupted our lives.Copy !req
623. We haven't worked or slept.Copy !req
624. There's been shit
all over the place.Copy !req
625. Shit?Copy !req
626. What?Copy !req
627. The package busted?Copy !req
628. Busted?
You could say that.Copy !req
629. Did you put the shit back?Copy !req
630. No, we had it
bronzed for posterity.Copy !req
631. Michael.Copy !req
632. Her next bottle is in 45
minutes.Copy !req
633. It's in the basket.Copy !req
634. It's a baby.Copy !req
635. You're sharp, aren't you?Copy !req
636. 20 minutes after eating
she gets tired.Copy !req
637. Put her to bed.Copy !req
638. I'll get the powdered milk.Copy !req
639. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
640. Right, powdered milk.Copy !req
641. Yeah, powdered milk.Copy !req
642. We'll take the"powdered milk"
and get out of here.Copy !req
643. You want us to take the baby?Copy !req
644. That was the arrangement.Copy !req
645. Are you sure?Copy !req
646. You're damn straight.Copy !req
647. If you say so.Copy !req
648. Let's go.Copy !req
649. You won't forget what we said?Copy !req
650. No.Copy !req
651. She likes to be
rocked to sleep. Gently.Copy !req
652. Gently. Absolutely.
I can handle it.Copy !req
653. Leave your phone number,
in case you need advice.Copy !req
654. I'll call you.Copy !req
655. Do you hear that, Peter?
Just listen.Copy !req
656. Isn't it wonderful?Copy !req
657. Isn't what wonderful?Copy !req
658. Quiet.Copy !req
659. Peace and quiet.Copy !req
660. Something screwy is going on.Copy !req
661. I've got a funny feeling.Copy !req
662. You've been tense
the last 5 days.Copy !req
663. It's just your nerves unwinding.Copy !req
664. Maybe you're right.Copy !req
665. Michael...Copy !req
666. what is this?Copy !req
667. A package.Copy !req
668. When did it get here?Copy !req
669. Sunday.
Mrs. Hathaway—Copy !req
670. Go to the window.
Stop them.Copy !req
671. I'll catch up with them.Copy !req
672. You're beautiful.Copy !req
673. Want to go for a ride?Copy !req
674. Hey, up here!Copy !req
675. Where will I put her?Copy !req
676. On your lap.Copy !req
677. We need a baby car seat.Copy !req
678. Put her in the trunk.Copy !req
679. You want to ride in the trunk?Copy !req
680. Want to go in the trunk?Copy !req
681. Umph!Copy !req
682. Oh, no.Copy !req
683. Oh, my God!Copy !req
684. Want to try this?
It's an adventure.Copy !req
685. Why do I listen to you?Copy !req
686. It's absurd to put
a baby in the trunk.Copy !req
687. Hey!Copy !req
688. Wonderful.Copy !req
689. I gave you the wrong package.Copy !req
690. I made a terrible mistake.Copy !req
691. I gave you the wrong package.Copy !req
692. Give me the baby first.Copy !req
693. Give me the baby!Copy !req
694. You're disturbing the baby.Copy !req
695. Give me the baby.Copy !req
696. Hey, Satch.Copy !req
697. This guy's an animal.Copy !req
698. I keep him chained
and feed him raw meat.Copy !req
699. What's going on?Copy !req
700. It's Roy and Trigger.Copy !req
701. What's going on?Copy !req
702. Nothing, Officer.Copy !req
703. You putting the kid in the
trunk?Copy !req
704. No, it's unhealthy
and it's illegal, also.Copy !req
705. No, he's not, Officer.Copy !req
706. Let me see your
license and registration.Copy !req
707. Why?Copy !req
708. You're double-parked, wise guy!Copy !req
709. All right.
Wait a minute.Copy !req
710. Be gentle.Copy !req
711. I'll be right
with you.Copy !req
712. Come back here!
You, freeze!Copy !req
713. I have no intention of moving.Copy !req
714. I'm not a criminal.Copy !req
715. I'm an architect with a baby,
see?Copy !req
716. Let me see some I.D.Copy !req
717. I don't have any with me.Copy !req
718. Up against the car, spread "em.Copy !req
719. My wallet's in my apartment.Copy !req
720. You can come up with me.Copy !req
721. I'll show you some I.D.,Copy !req
722. but I won't spread 'em
because I have a baby.Copy !req
723. Let's go, architect.Copy !req
724. Here we are.Copy !req
725. Can I get you
a cup of coffee?Copy !req
726. No thanks.
I'll just wait here.Copy !req
727. I'll just be a second.Copy !req
728. Come with me, Michael. Here we
go.
I'm coming.Copy !req
729. The package those
guys came for...Copy !req
730. is full of drugs.Copy !req
731. - What?
- Drugs!Copy !req
732. Here.Copy !req
733. Coming.
Do something with it.Copy !req
734. - Like what?
- Hide it!Copy !req
735. I'm coming.Copy !req
736. Sorry to keep you waiting.Copy !req
737. Remove that from
the cover, please.Copy !req
738. - Sure.Copy !req
739. Thank you.Copy !req
740. Shh. Shh. Shh.Copy !req
741. Shhh. Shhh.Copy !req
742. Thanks for coming up, Officer.Copy !req
743. If there's anything else
I can do, let me know.Copy !req
744. I was just doing my job.Copy !req
745. Hi.Copy !req
746. I'm Detective Sergeant
Melkowitz, Narcotics.Copy !req
747. Officer, you can saddle up now.Copy !req
748. I'll handle this.Copy !req
749. Aren't you going
to ask me in?Copy !req
750. Can I get you a cup
of coffee, water, beer?Copy !req
751. Thanks, I'm fine.Copy !req
752. You don't mind me
asking a few questions?Copy !req
753. No, not at all.Copy !req
754. Is that your baby
I saw downstairs?Copy !req
755. No, it's my roommate Jack's.Copy !req
756. Who were those 2 men
you were talking to?Copy !req
757. Friends...
of the mother's.Copy !req
758. They were going to
take her for a ride.Copy !req
759. The baby, not the mother.Copy !req
760. They couldn't because the car...Copy !req
761. had no baby seat.Copy !req
762. Mind if I have
a look at that baby?Copy !req
763. I just love little babies.Copy !req
764. She's sleeping.Copy !req
765. Sounds like she's awake.Copy !req
766. Mind if I see her?Copy !req
767. She doesn't like strangers.Copy !req
768. She may not be decent.Copy !req
769. I don't think she'll mind.Copy !req
770. There she is,
and she's got a friend.Copy !req
771. This is my other roommate.Copy !req
772. Detective Melkowitz,
Michael Kellam.Copy !req
773. Hello.Copy !req
774. What a cutie.Copy !req
775. Mind if I hold her?
I just love kids.Copy !req
776. I'd rather not.Copy !req
777. Go ahead.
It won't hurt.Copy !req
778. You know how
she is around people.Copy !req
779. Let him hold her.Copy !req
780. He won't hurt her.Copy !req
781. He's a police officer.Copy !req
782. All right.Copy !req
783. Ohhh.Copy !req
784. You're a heavy little girl,
aren't you?Copy !req
785. Yes. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
786. She really is heavy,
isn't she?Copy !req
787. She's a good eater.Copy !req
788. Good. It means she won't
grow up to be nervous.Copy !req
789. You've got nothing to
be nervous about, sweetie.Copy !req
790. She's ready for a change.Copy !req
791. Oh!Copy !req
792. You know babies:
eat, sleep, and poop.Copy !req
793. - I'll change her.
- Good idea.Copy !req
794. What a cute
little baby.Copy !req
795. Do you know where
her father is?Copy !req
796. No. He's on location
doing a TV movie,Copy !req
797. but I have no idea where.Copy !req
798. Do you know this guy?Copy !req
799. Not very well.
He's a friend of Jack's.Copy !req
800. I don't remember his name.Copy !req
801. He's Paul Milner.
He directs TV commercials.Copy !req
802. On the side, he dabbles in heroin smuggling.Copy !req
803. Really?Copy !req
804. Yeah.Copy !req
805. I don't know him.Copy !req
806. I'd appreciate that
glass of water now.Copy !req
807. Of course.
No problem.Copy !req
808. Thank you.Copy !req
809. I've got it.Copy !req
810. Hi, this is Peter, Michael, andJack.Copy !req
811. We're out playing.Copy !req
812. Shit!Copy !req
813. Whoever it is, I'm here.Copy !req
814. Peter? Jack.Copy !req
815. How are you?Copy !req
816. I got a message that
you were trying to reach me.Copy !req
817. Michael and I really
have to talk to you,Copy !req
818. but you called us
at a bad time.Copy !req
819. We'll call back later.Copy !req
820. I'm calling from Turkey.Copy !req
821. It took me
an hour to get through.Copy !req
822. It's not an easy
place to phone from.Copy !req
823. This place is amazing.Copy !req
824. You will not believe
the stuff I bought for you.Copy !req
825. This shit is so cheap here.Copy !req
826. I probably bought too much, but I can always smuggle it in.Copy !req
827. Ha, ha.
I was kidding.Copy !req
828. Thanks for calling. We'll see you when you get back.Copy !req
829. Oh!Copy !req
830. I gotta get him
a glass of water,Copy !req
831. so his mouth isn't dry
when he reads me my rights.Copy !req
832. - Here you are, Sergeant.
- Thanks.Copy !req
833. Good-bye.Copy !req
834. Nice talking to you.Copy !req
835. It was very illuminating.Copy !req
836. - He heard the phone call.
- We're dead.Copy !req
837. - You think Jack's involved?
- I don't know.Copy !req
838. We gotta talk to Paul Milner.Copy !req
839. Why?Copy !req
840. He is involved.Copy !req
841. Couldn't you think of somewherebetter to hide the drugs?Copy !req
842. It was perfect until youinsisted that he hold the baby.Copy !req
843. I'm sorry.
Where'd you put 'em now?Copy !req
844. In the garbage pail
under the dirty diapers.Copy !req
845. Nobody's gonna
look for it there.Copy !req
846. You realize we're in
trouble with this cop?Copy !req
847. You realize that no one's
coming back for this kid?Copy !req
848. Jesus, you're right.Copy !req
849. We're stuck with her
"til Jack gets back.Copy !req
850. This is disconnected.Copy !req
851. Oh, I'm late.Copy !req
852. Wait a minute.
So am I.Copy !req
853. Oh, damn it.Copy !req
854. Mr. Kellam?Copy !req
855. Mr. Mitchell?Copy !req
856. Hello, Mrs. Hathaway.Copy !req
857. It seems that a horse...Copy !req
858. has befouled the front walk.Copy !req
859. Do you know anything about it?Copy !req
860. Mrs. Hathaway,
how nice to see you.Copy !req
861. Really nice to see you.Copy !req
862. Oh.Copy !req
863. - She can sit "til 5 P.M.
- I'll hurry.Copy !req
864. Me, too.
I'm worried.Copy !req
865. I got the one
with the moustache.Copy !req
866. I'll tell Melkowitz
we're moving.Copy !req
867. There.Copy !req
868. There you go, pal.Copy !req
869. What can I do for ya?Copy !req
870. I'd like"Sports Illustrated,"
"Popular Science,"Copy !req
871. some gum and
that giraffe up there.Copy !req
872. Which one's the giraffe?Copy !req
873. The rubber one.Copy !req
874. That's not a giraffe,
that's a dinosaur.Copy !req
875. Whatever.Copy !req
876. The one with the polka dots?Copy !req
877. - Yeah, that's it.
- That's a dinosaur, not a
giraffe.Copy !req
878. I don't care.
Just gimme the damn thing.Copy !req
879. - What about your change?
- Never mind.Copy !req
880. Mrs. Hathaway, I'm home.Copy !req
881. Mrs. Hathaway!Copy !req
882. - Mrs. Hathaway, where's Mary?
- I don't know.Copy !req
883. Mary?Copy !req
884. Oh, my God.Copy !req
885. Mary!Copy !req
886. Mary!Copy !req
887. Mary!Copy !req
888. Mary!Copy !req
889. Mary!Copy !req
890. Mary!Copy !req
891. Mary!Copy !req
892. Thank God.Copy !req
893. Thank God.Copy !req
894. No, everything's fine, darling.Copy !req
895. Everything's fine.Copy !req
896. Don't you worry.Copy !req
897. Nobody's gonna hurt you.Copy !req
898. No, it's okay.Copy !req
899. Peter!Copy !req
900. Peter!Copy !req
901. She's okay.Copy !req
902. She's not hurt.Copy !req
903. How are you?Copy !req
904. I'm fine, just fine.Copy !req
905. Did you see what those bastardsdid to my videotapes?Copy !req
906. We got a message.Copy !req
907. What'd it say?Copy !req
908. "Next time, we'll take the
baby."Copy !req
909. It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
910. Mr. Kellam?Copy !req
911. Mr. Mitchell?Copy !req
912. "The champ caught Smith
with a savage left hook...Copy !req
913. "that sent the challenger
crashing into the ropes.Copy !req
914. "Smith, his left eye swollen,Copy !req
915. "and the cut above his right eyenow much more bloody,Copy !req
916. countered with a barrage
of vicious body blows."Copy !req
917. What are you reading her?Copy !req
918. It doesn't matter what I read,Copy !req
919. it's the tone you use.Copy !req
920. She doesn't understand
the words, anyway.Copy !req
921. Now, where were we?Copy !req
922. "The champ began the 5th round
like a man possessed,Copy !req
923. "going straight for his
opponent's body...Copy !req
924. with ferocious energy."Copy !req
925. Ooohhh!Copy !req
926. Jeez! My face!
Watch out for my face!Copy !req
927. - Peter! It's me, Jack!
- Jack!Copy !req
928. Jesus, Jack!Copy !req
929. - Jack!
- No, wait.Copy !req
930. - Get him off me.
- You irresponsible—Copy !req
931. What is it with you guys!Copy !req
932. We should be asking you
that question.Copy !req
933. What'd I do?Copy !req
934. What the hell are you doing
back so soon anyway?Copy !req
935. - My part got cut, okay?
- Good!Copy !req
936. What is with him?Copy !req
937. Look at this place.Copy !req
938. What the hell is
going on around here?Copy !req
939. Aw, shit!Copy !req
940. What was that?
I'm not going anywhere...Copy !req
941. - "til you tell me what's goingon.
- We'll be glad to.Copy !req
942. - That really hurt, Peter.
- Ow, ow, ow.Copy !req
943. Sunday morning,
I come back from jogging...Copy !req
944. to find this basket,
with this baby in it...Copy !req
945. waiting in the vestibule.Copy !req
946. Wha— What?Copy !req
947. Inside is a note from Sylvia
saying the baby was yours,Copy !req
948. and she was leaving it here
for you to deal with.Copy !req
949. Mine?Copy !req
950. Then, along comes another
package with your name on it.Copy !req
951. Only this time,
the package has heroin in it,Copy !req
952. - and the narcotics squad,
campeddownstairs, knows all about it.- The cops?Copy !req
953. I don't believe this.Copy !req
954. I don't know anything about
any drugs or any police.Copy !req
955. I thought I was just
doing a favor for Paul.Copy !req
956. I didn't know
what was in that package.Copy !req
957. I certainly don't know
anything about that baby.Copy !req
958. Somebody drops a baby off,
and you assume he's mine?Copy !req
959. The child doesn't look
anything like me.Copy !req
960. I'm bigger...Copy !req
961. and I have more hair.Copy !req
962. "Dear Jack, here's our baby.Copy !req
963. I can't handle this now.
I don't know where else to
turn."Copy !req
964. "Sylvia."Copy !req
965. Oh, my God!Copy !req
966. Stratford.
A year and a half ago—Copy !req
967. I was doing
"Taming of the Shrew."Copy !req
968. She was the shrew.Copy !req
969. I did some of my best work in
that.Copy !req
970. I got great reviews.Copy !req
971. Jack, you're such a jerk.Copy !req
972. You're always thinking about
yourself.
I want to kill you.Copy !req
973. Michael, we won't have to.Copy !req
974. Jack, I would like to introduceyou to your daughter, Mary.Copy !req
975. Wait a minute.
You can't be sure this is my
kid.Copy !req
976. Uh, uh—Copy !req
977. What the hell am I
supposed to do with it?Copy !req
978. We've put our lives on hold,
Jack, taking care of this kid.Copy !req
979. Now, it's your turn.Copy !req
980. Okay, all right.
Fine.Copy !req
981. Until I straighten this mess
out,Copy !req
982. I'll take care of her.Copy !req
983. Why not? I'm an actor.
I can do a father.Copy !req
984. Yeah. What can be so difficult?Copy !req
985. - Good night, Jack.
- Good night.Copy !req
986. - Oh, down we go.Copy !req
987. Wait a minute!
What's the matter with her?Copy !req
988. - Good night, Jack.
- Good night, Jack.Copy !req
989. Hold still, kid.
Jeez.Copy !req
990. How do you put on these
goddamn things, anyway?Copy !req
991. - Figure it out for yourself,
dickhead.
- Nice shot.Copy !req
992. Look at that stuff!Copy !req
993. Oh, my God.
What are you guys feeding her,
huh?Copy !req
994. Oh, no, not on the silk sheets! Not on the silk sheets!Copy !req
995. Maybe I should show him
how to put on the diaper.Copy !req
996. Oh, no. I don't believe this.
Why me? Please!Copy !req
997. Come on, baby!Copy !req
998. Nope. Let's give him
another half hour.Copy !req
999. Let him suffer.Copy !req
1000. - Yes, yes.I'm trying to reach Paul Milner.Copy !req
1001. No, he was supposed to be
in San Francisco, but I can't
find him.Copy !req
1002. Please tell him to call Jack
Holden
as soon as he gets in.Copy !req
1003. Is this urgent?Copy !req
1004. Yeah,"urgent's"
an understatement...Copy !req
1005. lady.Copy !req
1006. I don't know why I bother
to give you this.Copy !req
1007. It just goes right through you.Copy !req
1008. Did you get ahold of your
friend?Copy !req
1009. - No.- Don't forget to bolt the door.Copy !req
1010. I won't.Copy !req
1011. Remember, there's $250,000
in heroin in that diaper pail.Copy !req
1012. The baby wipes
are in the cabinet.Copy !req
1013. Right.
Heroin's in the diaper pail,Copy !req
1014. baby wipes are in the cabinet.
Where else would they be?Copy !req
1015. I can't believe this.Copy !req
1016. You're kidding me? Thirty-twoBenningtons in the London area?Copy !req
1017. Yes, sir.Copy !req
1018. Uh, I'll get back to you.
I, I—Copy !req
1019. Oh, boy.Copy !req
1020. I know, I know.
Yes, yes, yes. Sshh.Copy !req
1021. Oh, God.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1022. Well, we tried your mommy.
Maybe I should, uh,Copy !req
1023. maybe I should try mine, huh?Copy !req
1024. Yeah.Copy !req
1025. Mom!Copy !req
1026. Well, where is she?Copy !req
1027. Oh, Mom. Wait "til you see her.You won't believe this.Copy !req
1028. She is so beautiful.
She looks just like you.Copy !req
1029. You know,
you boys live like pigs.Copy !req
1030. Oh, Mom.Copy !req
1031. Look, there.
Isn't she beautiful?Copy !req
1032. There she is!
Look at that little baby!Copy !req
1033. Will you come to me?
I'm gonna pick you right up.Copy !req
1034. Yes, I'm gonna
pick you right up.Copy !req
1035. Oh, I'm in awe.
I mean, look at you.Copy !req
1036. You pick her up like a pro.Copy !req
1037. I pick her up
like a grandmother.Copy !req
1038. - That's called experience.Copy !req
1039. Darling, let's see you.Copy !req
1040. - She's so lovely. What's her
name?
- Mary.Copy !req
1041. - Mary!Copy !req
1042. Well, Mary!Copy !req
1043. Look at the way
she's looking at me.Copy !req
1044. For a moment, there,
I had her laughing.Copy !req
1045. Yeah, just like me, huh?Copy !req
1046. Don't ruin this for me, Jack.Copy !req
1047. Oh, she adores you.Copy !req
1048. She knows that
you're her grandmother.Copy !req
1049. It's like a biological thing,
an instant connection.Copy !req
1050. Cut the crap, Jack.
What do you want?Copy !req
1051. Mom, I can't take care of her.Copy !req
1052. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
1053. I was hoping that you could
take her for a little while,Copy !req
1054. not forever. You know,
until she's ready to vote?Copy !req
1055. Oh, I would love to.Copy !req
1056. Do you know, Jack,
some people live all their
lives...Copy !req
1057. without having anything this
wonderful to show for it?Copy !req
1058. I know, Mom.Copy !req
1059. I'm going to do the most
wonderful thing for you:Copy !req
1060. absolutely nothing.Copy !req
1061. Why?Copy !req
1062. Jack, you've always run
away from responsibility.Copy !req
1063. Now you have to
turn and face it.Copy !req
1064. Mom... I'm a screw-up.Copy !req
1065. You were a screw-up.
Now you're a father,Copy !req
1066. and you'll be a fine one.Copy !req
1067. Think so?Copy !req
1068. I know it.Copy !req
1069. Your father, God rest his soul, he was a screw-up,Copy !req
1070. and he turned out just fine.Copy !req
1071. Really?Copy !req
1072. - Don't you remember?
- Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
1073. Now, give me a kiss.Copy !req
1074. Mary, give me a kiss.Copy !req
1075. Now, you and your friends...Copy !req
1076. clean this place up.Copy !req
1077. If not for yourselves,
do it for my granddaughter.Copy !req
1078. We will, we will.Copy !req
1079. Bye.
Thanks anyway, Mom.Copy !req
1080. Well, looks like
it's just you and me now, kid.Copy !req
1081. - What?Copy !req
1082. Oh, Jack?
There's 4 bottles prepared
already,Copy !req
1083. so you should be fine
until tomorrow morning.Copy !req
1084. If her bottom gets red,
give her a bottle of water.Copy !req
1085. In about 3 hours...
white as marble.Copy !req
1086. We'll be in seats
D-11 through 14.Copy !req
1087. If there's a problem,
the usher will get us.Copy !req
1088. Oh, here's the number.Copy !req
1089. - Wait a minute.
Are you leaving right now?
- Yeah, now.Copy !req
1090. When are you coming back?Copy !req
1091. Around midnight.Copy !req
1092. Don't worry about us.Copy !req
1093. - Is this a four?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1094. - It's good to have.Copy !req
1095. So, uh, what do
you want to do?Copy !req
1096. This show's been running
longer than Mary's been alive.Copy !req
1097. Peter, we agreed not to mentionher name tonight, right?Copy !req
1098. Right.
My mistake.Copy !req
1099. Who did you guys con
into sitting for you?Copy !req
1100. Jack.Copy !req
1101. Jack?
Daddy?Copy !req
1102. Wooo—Copy !req
1103. Are you hungry?Copy !req
1104. Well, we're in luck here.Copy !req
1105. Tonight, the chef has...Copy !req
1106. cooked up something
very special for you.Copy !req
1107. He has taken the
juice of one cow,Copy !req
1108. and sauteed it
with a fine sauce.Copy !req
1109. It is presented,
surrounded by a bottle,Copy !req
1110. and topped off with a
delicious rubber nipple, eh?Copy !req
1111. Excellent choice!
Yes, yes, here we go.Copy !req
1112. Ah, yes.Copy !req
1113. - What, what?Copy !req
1114. Here you go.
Come on.Copy !req
1115. - Please?Copy !req
1116. You don't want it, huh?Copy !req
1117. I just changed you. Huh?Copy !req
1118. And you're not hungry.
What else is there in life?Copy !req
1119. I always wanted to be
a musical comedy star.Copy !req
1120. - Did you ever try?
- No.Copy !req
1121. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1122. Act II will begin
in three minutes.Copy !req
1123. Three minutes.Copy !req
1124. Michael, have you
ever done any acting?Copy !req
1125. No, no, I leave that to Jack.
The idiot.Copy !req
1126. Maybe he fell asleep,
or fell and hit his head.Copy !req
1127. He's probably unconscious.Copy !req
1128. Come on, it's started.Copy !req
1129. - There's an emergency.
- It's terrible.Copy !req
1130. - I had a great time.
- See you at P.J."s.Copy !req
1131. Sing us a song
from the 2nd act.Copy !req
1132. Are they always
this strange?Copy !req
1133. Yes...Copy !req
1134. since they got involved
with another woman.Copy !req
1135. Wasn't that fun, huh?
Yes.Copy !req
1136. Ooh, cover that.Copy !req
1137. - Jack, where are you?
- Jack!Copy !req
1138. I'm right here.
What, what?Copy !req
1139. What are you doing?Copy !req
1140. What's it look like
I'm doing, Peter?Copy !req
1141. Is everything all right?Copy !req
1142. Everything's fine, yeah.
Why are you back so soon?Copy !req
1143. Uh, we thought that we
might have left the stove on.Copy !req
1144. No, no.
The stove's not on.Copy !req
1145. I think that Uncles
Peter and Michael...Copy !req
1146. are having a nervous breakdown.Copy !req
1147. I called, Jack.
I let the phone ring for 5
minutes.Copy !req
1148. Why didn't you answer the phone?Copy !req
1149. Well, because Mary and
I were taking a shower,Copy !req
1150. weren't we?
We didn't hear anything.Copy !req
1151. Isn't that the truth,
Mademoiselle?Copy !req
1152. Oh, you are cute.Copy !req
1153. I never put a phone
in a shower before.Copy !req
1154. Do you get many calls in here?Copy !req
1155. A steady stream.Copy !req
1156. Here.Copy !req
1157. "Commercial Director
Hospitalized After Mugging."Copy !req
1158. Yeah, take a look at this.
It's your friend, Paul Milner.Copy !req
1159. "Don't let this happen to you.
Be at the phone booth...Copy !req
1160. at the corner of 81st and
Columbus at 8 pm tonight."Copy !req
1161. They're trying to intimidate us.I hate that.Copy !req
1162. I've had enough of this doo-doo!Copy !req
1163. I want to finish this, okay?Copy !req
1164. Wa-wa-wa-wa.Copy !req
1165. Hello?Copy !req
1166. Yeah, we got your message.Copy !req
1167. Uh-uh. No good.
We do it our way.Copy !req
1168. Because we got the stuff, and if you don't do it our way—Copy !req
1169. Come on!
Say it, say it.Copy !req
1170. We flush it down the toilet!Copy !req
1171. Okay, now.
Listen and listen good.Copy !req
1172. There's a construction site—Copy !req
1173. Car 20 following suspects,
southbound, Central Park West.Copy !req
1174. Come on, Peter!Copy !req
1175. Damn it, Joe, we lost them!Copy !req
1176. I've got 3 blocks to turn
around!Copy !req
1177. That was great.
That was great.Copy !req
1178. Everybody remember what
they're supposed to do?Copy !req
1179. Come on, Peter.
It's not that complicated a
plan.Copy !req
1180. Next, he'll want us
to synchronize our watches.Copy !req
1181. Should we do that?Copy !req
1182. Yes, thank you.
Hello, Sergeant Melkowitz.Copy !req
1183. My name is Jack Holden.I think you know my 2 roommates.Copy !req
1184. I must have been crazy
to agree with that guy.Copy !req
1185. "Orange elevator."
Here it is.Copy !req
1186. "Close door."Copy !req
1187. Okay.
15, please.Copy !req
1188. - 15?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1189. I'm all filthy.Copy !req
1190. What's wrong, sweetheart?Copy !req
1191. Come here.
What is it, huh?Copy !req
1192. Well, you should have
told me before we left.Copy !req
1193. Oh, boy. This is not
a good time to do this.Copy !req
1194. Hold still.Copy !req
1195. There you go.Copy !req
1196. Michael!Copy !req
1197. They're here.Copy !req
1198. You know, this is
really aggravating.Copy !req
1199. I'm here, by the pipes.Copy !req
1200. I don't have a lot of time—Copy !req
1201. - Hold it, just hold it.
- What? What?Copy !req
1202. Look, where is the stuff?
Give it to me.Copy !req
1203. - It's in the elevator.
- Oh, bullshit!Copy !req
1204. It's in the control panel.
Check for yourself.Copy !req
1205. What am I supposed to do,
bring my handy tool kit here?Copy !req
1206. You realize that...Copy !req
1207. we had absolutely
nothing to do with this.Copy !req
1208. - We had no idea what was in thepackage.
- No kidding.Copy !req
1209. I could've figured
that out in 4 seconds.Copy !req
1210. I mean, you guys
don't behave like pros.Copy !req
1211. Right!
We're not pros.Copy !req
1212. I just said that, didn't I?Copy !req
1213. Why make it so complicated?Copy !req
1214. We've never done this.Copy !req
1215. - I've got it!
- Great.Copy !req
1216. You're forgiven this time.Copy !req
1217. Very wise of you to cooperate.Copy !req
1218. Glad it's over.Copy !req
1219. No happier than I am, believe
me.Copy !req
1220. Dealing with amateurs
is a real pain in the ass.Copy !req
1221. So is dealing with
professionals.Copy !req
1222. No doubt.Copy !req
1223. Hey, what is that?Copy !req
1224. What are you,
abusing my trust here?Copy !req
1225. - Whoa!Copy !req
1226. There's someone in there!
Come on!Copy !req
1227. Come on, Michael!Copy !req
1228. Oh, no.
Look out!Copy !req
1229. - I lost my balance.
- You all right?Copy !req
1230. - Did you get it?
- Yeah, I got it!Copy !req
1231. Who's doing this?
I want that camera, punk!Copy !req
1232. There's 6 switches!Copy !req
1233. Aw, these guys
wrecked my day!Copy !req
1234. - Jack!
- What the hell happened?Copy !req
1235. - He hit the wrong button.
- He what?Copy !req
1236. - Can it go any faster?
- This is it!Copy !req
1237. You punks!Copy !req
1238. Jack!Copy !req
1239. Jack!Copy !req
1240. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.Copy !req
1241. I want that home movie.I'll wait for you... I want it!Copy !req
1242. Oh, no.Copy !req
1243. Jack!Copy !req
1244. Hit the button on the left!Copy !req
1245. The one on the left, Jack!Copy !req
1246. What, what?Copy !req
1247. Hit the button on the left!Copy !req
1248. There is no left.Copy !req
1249. - Come on, get it going faster!- I can't!Copy !req
1250. - Please—Copy !req
1251. What's the matter?
Why is this elevator stopped?Copy !req
1252. I got "em!Copy !req
1253. - What's going on?
- It just ain't runnin'.Copy !req
1254. - Did you hit the buttons?
- Yeah. It's dead.Copy !req
1255. Oh, boy.Copy !req
1256. Uncles Peter and Michael will beplenty ticked off with Daddy.Copy !req
1257. Aren't you glad
he's on our side?Copy !req
1258. You wait for me!
I know where you live!Copy !req
1259. Oh, no, Vince.Copy !req
1260. Why is this happening?
Why is this happening?Copy !req
1261. Why?Copy !req
1262. It's okay, guys, it's okay.Copy !req
1263. Hi. Are you Sergeant Melkowitz?Copy !req
1264. Yeah. Are you the father?Copy !req
1265. Yes, yes, I am.Copy !req
1266. Thanks for the phone call.Copy !req
1267. It was Peter's idea.
Hi, guys.Copy !req
1268. She's okay.Copy !req
1269. Hello, Sergeant. The guys you
want
are in that elevator.Copy !req
1270. The drugs are up there, too.
All you need to know is here.Copy !req
1271. It's very illuminating.Copy !req
1272. Thanks a lot.
If I have any questions,Copy !req
1273. I know where to reach you guys.Copy !req
1274. Can I hold the baby?Copy !req
1275. No.Copy !req
1276. No.Copy !req
1277. Uh, I guess not.Copy !req
1278. Go again, please.Copy !req
1279. I will see you
burn in hell.Copy !req
1280. You'll see me where?Copy !req
1281. In hell.
You heard me.Copy !req
1282. Yes? And where will you be
while I'm burning in hell?Copy !req
1283. I'll tell you where
I'll be, you silly bitch.Copy !req
1284. I will be in Niagara Falls,
that's where.Copy !req
1285. - Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
1286. Can you say"Michael"?Copy !req
1287. Huh?
Yeah, can you say"Michael"?Copy !req
1288. One bottle, please.
One bottle.Copy !req
1289. - Bottle.
- Bottle, please.Copy !req
1290. Here it comes.Copy !req
1291. Hup. Ho, yup!Copy !req
1292. Ho!Copy !req
1293. Uh-oh.Copy !req
1294. Ho!Copy !req
1295. Ho!Copy !req
1296. Ho, ho!Copy !req
1297. Hup!Copy !req
1298. - Hey, hey, yo! Yeah!Copy !req
1299. Sshh. I know,
I know. Yes, yes.Copy !req
1300. What's the matter?Copy !req
1301. She doesn't want
to stop crying.Copy !req
1302. That's not like her.Copy !req
1303. Well?Copy !req
1304. Let's give it a try.Copy !req
1305. Really?
All right.Copy !req
1306. I didn't know you sang so well.Copy !req
1307. Well, it kind of helps her
sleep.Copy !req
1308. This is having quite
an effect on you.Copy !req
1309. You gonna have any more kids?Copy !req
1310. I don't want to talk about it,
Rebecca. Good night.Copy !req
1311. Peter, I'm having a lot
of trouble sleeping.Copy !req
1312. Could you sing to me?Copy !req
1313. All right, I'll see you later.Copy !req
1314. Thank you.Copy !req
1315. Great.Copy !req
1316. Good morning.Copy !req
1317. Hello.Copy !req
1318. There you go.Copy !req
1319. Yes?Copy !req
1320. I'm Sylvia...Copy !req
1321. Mary's mother.
I've come to get her.Copy !req
1322. Just a minute.Copy !req
1323. How is she?Copy !req
1324. She's fine.Copy !req
1325. She's teething.
That can be rough.Copy !req
1326. Can I see her?Copy !req
1327. Sure.
Come on in.Copy !req
1328. I don't believe
how wonderful she looks!Copy !req
1329. Oh!
Hello, Mary!Copy !req
1330. Hello, my darling.Copy !req
1331. It's your mommy.
Yes, it's your mommy.Copy !req
1332. You're very beautiful.Copy !req
1333. Your hair is growing.
You've changed so much,Copy !req
1334. and I've missed it.Copy !req
1335. Mommy has missed you.Copy !req
1336. Oh, I never thought
I'd miss her this much.Copy !req
1337. Hello!Copy !req
1338. Hello!Copy !req
1339. Where's my baby?
Is Jack here?Copy !req
1340. I'll get him.Copy !req
1341. Mary, look how big you've
gotten!Copy !req
1342. Ah!Copy !req
1343. Michael.
Michael.Copy !req
1344. Sylvia's here.Copy !req
1345. Mary's leaving.Copy !req
1346. She looks very happy, Jack.Copy !req
1347. You've obviously taken
good care of her.Copy !req
1348. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1349. I shouldn't have left her
the way I did.Copy !req
1350. I hope it didn't
cause too much trouble.Copy !req
1351. No, no.
No trouble at all.Copy !req
1352. Sylvia...Copy !req
1353. there's something
I need to know.Copy !req
1354. Is she really mine?Copy !req
1355. Yes, she is.Copy !req
1356. So, what are you going to do
now?
Do you have any idea?Copy !req
1357. I, uh...
I'm going home.Copy !req
1358. I can't work and take care
of Mary on my own, so, uh...Copy !req
1359. we're going to move
in with my family.Copy !req
1360. They said they'd help.Copy !req
1361. You're going to London?Copy !req
1362. Yeah.Copy !req
1363. When?Copy !req
1364. Tonight.Copy !req
1365. Is that what you
really want to do?Copy !req
1366. Sorry?Copy !req
1367. Never mind.Copy !req
1368. You pack all the bottles?Copy !req
1369. Yeah.Copy !req
1370. And the cans of formula?Copy !req
1371. You packed "em.Copy !req
1372. Yeah.Copy !req
1373. What about the blender?Copy !req
1374. Should we give her that,
to mash up bananas and stuff?Copy !req
1375. Sure.Copy !req
1376. And diapers.
You pack extra Pampers?Copy !req
1377. Yeah.Copy !req
1378. How can he let her go?Copy !req
1379. If I were Jack,
I would not let her go.Copy !req
1380. Neither would I, Michael,
neither would I.Copy !req
1381. But he's the father.Copy !req
1382. I don't think
he wants her to go.Copy !req
1383. But he just can't admit it.Copy !req
1384. You know, if you want
anything at all, you call us.Copy !req
1385. She'll probably be
hungry in an hour.Copy !req
1386. She's a real good eater, so—Copy !req
1387. Like her daddy.Copy !req
1388. Some of this stuff's fragile.Copy !req
1389. I got it.Copy !req
1390. If she wakes up at night,
she likes to be sung to.Copy !req
1391. "50s and '60s music works best.Copy !req
1392. I'll remember that.Copy !req
1393. You're all set.
Everything's packed.Copy !req
1394. If you need anything
else, call us.Copy !req
1395. Anything.
Okay?Copy !req
1396. Thank you.Copy !req
1397. Well, here, let me.
Go ahead.Copy !req
1398. There we go.Copy !req
1399. Gloucester Hotel, please.Copy !req
1400. I'll write and let you
know how we're doing.Copy !req
1401. Look, darling.Copy !req
1402. Wave good-bye, sweetheart.Copy !req
1403. Bye, Mary.
Bye, Mary.Copy !req
1404. Guys like us shouldn't
be raising kids, anyway.Copy !req
1405. Right?Copy !req
1406. Well, should we?Copy !req
1407. I suppose not.Copy !req
1408. She's better off
with her mother.Copy !req
1409. And we are definitely
better off...Copy !req
1410. now that everything's
back to normal. Right?Copy !req
1411. Whatever you say, Jack.Copy !req
1412. Right.Copy !req
1413. So how come I feel so bad?Copy !req
1414. What'd you say?Copy !req
1415. How come I feel so bad?Copy !req
1416. I have this ache, right here.Copy !req
1417. I don't know.
What do you think, Mike?Copy !req
1418. Could be the wine.Copy !req
1419. It's not the wine.Copy !req
1420. Well, what is it, then?Copy !req
1421. I don't know.
I wish it would go away.Copy !req
1422. Maybe it's something you ate.Copy !req
1423. Maybe you're not
getting enough sleep.Copy !req
1424. It's not that.Copy !req
1425. Then what the hell is it?Copy !req
1426. I miss Mary.Copy !req
1427. Okay?Copy !req
1428. I miss Mary.Copy !req
1429. I just wish there was
something I could do.Copy !req
1430. Well, maybe there is.Copy !req
1431. What?Copy !req
1432. When's her flight leaving?Copy !req
1433. Yo, taxi!Copy !req
1434. Taxi!Copy !req
1435. Yeah, Kennedy.Copy !req
1436. Who are you guys chasing?Copy !req
1437. My baby girl.
Her mother's taking her to
London.Copy !req
1438. How old?Copy !req
1439. 7 months.Copy !req
1440. 7 months.
That's hard work.Copy !req
1441. Pretty soon,
they start to walk.Copy !req
1442. The first time you
hear the word"Daddy,"Copy !req
1443. your heart just melts.Copy !req
1444. Can you drive
a little faster, please?Copy !req
1445. Yeah.Copy !req
1446. Thank you.Copy !req
1447. Good luck, guys.Copy !req
1448. It's four, gate four!Copy !req
1449. Excuse me, sir. Hold it, fellows. One at a time.Copy !req
1450. Hold it.
Any metal?Copy !req
1451. Put it in here, please.Copy !req
1452. Go through.Copy !req
1453. Thank you, sir,
one at a time—Copy !req
1454. 1, 2, 3, 4!Copy !req
1455. Miss, Flight 176?Copy !req
1456. That's it.Copy !req
1457. Thank you.
Good night.Copy !req
1458. Sylvia.Copy !req
1459. Are you all right?
We thought you'd gone.Copy !req
1460. I couldn't go, Jack.
I couldn't do it.Copy !req
1461. I don't want to make
another mistake.Copy !req
1462. I knew if I took her,
I'd be making another mistake.Copy !req
1463. I have to work...Copy !req
1464. and I can't do that
and take care of Mary alone.Copy !req
1465. Do you know what's it's like?Copy !req
1466. A one-room flat,
on your feet all day,Copy !req
1467. working or auditioning.Copy !req
1468. I'm on the job sometimes
until 3 in the morning.Copy !req
1469. Since Mary gets up at 5:30,
I don't get much sleep.Copy !req
1470. And after 5:30,
it starts over at 9:00.Copy !req
1471. By the time I change her
and play with her, it's 8:00.Copy !req
1472. Forget about sleep after that.Copy !req
1473. With baby-sitters, all my moneyis sucked down the tubes.Copy !req
1474. And me so tired,
I can't take Mary to the park.Copy !req
1475. Getting time for
the park is a bitch!Copy !req
1476. I mean, I love my job but...Copy !req
1477. I sometimes feel like I'm just
working to pay the sitters...Copy !req
1478. and I run around all day,Copy !req
1479. and I don't get enough sleep.Copy !req
1480. I don't think I'm taking
very good care of Mary.Copy !req
1481. - Of course you are.
- I am? I couldn't cope.Copy !req
1482. We know how hard it is.Copy !req
1483. The 3 of us could hardly manage.Copy !req
1484. I don't want to go to London.Copy !req
1485. I want to work in New York.Copy !req
1486. But I can't do that alone.Copy !req
1487. I hope I don't have to.Copy !req
1488. I need help.
I need someone to help me.Copy !req
1489. We'll help.
We will help!Copy !req
1490. You can leave her
anytime you want.Copy !req
1491. When you go for an
audition or shopping,Copy !req
1492. or you want to be by yourself.Copy !req
1493. I hoped you'd say that.Copy !req
1494. - Really?
- Thank you so much!Copy !req
1495. Of course!Copy !req
1496. Hold it, guys.Copy !req
1497. I don't like
this arrangement.Copy !req
1498. I just don't want to
be Mary's baby-sitter.Copy !req
1499. I want— we want to be able
to see her all the time.Copy !req
1500. I agree, so what are you saying? What do you mean?Copy !req
1501. I'm saying...
that I think...Copy !req
1502. Mary should move in
with us permanently,Copy !req
1503. that we should
be her family.Copy !req
1504. It's lovely of you to offer...
but I couldn't let Mary—Copy !req
1505. No, no, no, no—Copy !req
1506. You're right.
She's your daughter.Copy !req
1507. She needs a full-time mother.
That's why...Copy !req
1508. we think that you
should move in, too.Copy !req
1509. - It's a great idea!
- Yeah!Copy !req
1510. - Oh Sylvia, come on.
- 4 is better than 3.Copy !req
1511. Uh, do you have room?Copy !req
1512. I'll build you and Mary rooms.Copy !req
1513. - Yeah, he builds rooms!
- Please say yes!Copy !req
1514. Yes!Copy !req
1515. Yes!Copy !req
1516. Yes!Copy !req
1517. Yes!Copy !req