24 Hour Party People (2002)

1. Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

2. No, it's the latest craze sweeping the Pennines.

3. To be honest, I'd rather be sweeping the Pennines right now.

4. You're supposed to have three weeks' training for this.

5. Granada Reports don't have that kind of money...

6. ..so I'm just going to literally launch myself off this mountain.

7. This is very possibly the late Tony Wilson, for Granada Reports.

8. Wish me luck.

9. Just pull the bar in to get control back again.

10. Hear it flapping, it's OK. if it stops flapping, I'm in trouble.

11. Pull it in till it's flapping again.

12. One, two, three, go.

13. Whoa!

14. Whoo!

15. I'm flying!

16. This is a physical... high.

17. A physical, legal high.

18. This is the most amazing feeling, better than sex.

19. Ooh.

20. Forward, forward... Whoa!

21. Whoa!

22. Whoo!

23. He-hey!

24. Oof!

25. Help. There's a barbed-wire fence!

26. There's... There's a barbed-wire fence.

27. No!

28. Ohh.

29. Shit.

30. Whoa!

31. Aah! Fucking hell!

32. Well, I'm battered,

33. ..I'm bruised,

34. ..I've done something unfortunate to my coccyx, I'm slightly upset...

35. .. and I'm utterly elated.

36. I'll definitely be doing it again.

37. This is Tony Wilson, a shadow of his former self, for Granada Reports.

38. Back to the studio.

39. Take care. I'm sure I'll be in touch. So exciting, I'd love to do it again.

40. - No problem. - OK, cheerio.

41. You're, er, gonna be seeing a lot more of that sort of thing in the film.

42. All of that actually did happen.

43. Obviously it's symbolic, it works on both levels.

44. I don't wanna tell you too much, don't wanna spoil the film,

45. ..er, but I'll just say "lcarus".

46. if you don't know what I mean, OK. But you should probably read more.

47. - How's the Birdman of Derbyshire? - Not... Not bad.

48. Loved the hang-gliding!

49. See? What are you complaining about?

50. He doesn't have to deal with the consequences of...

51. The consequences?

52. - The possibility of death. - You're insured.

53. How's that supposed to be of any comfort to me?

54. I realise the danger involved...

55. Well, let me tell you, I am not doing any more kamikaze stuff. That's it.

56. - Hello, Tony. - Hello. Hi.

57. - Ooh, Alan... - Tony, I've got the tickets.

58. Alan, did you see the hang-gliding article the other night?

59. - Oh, I did, yeah. - We had people phoning in.

60. - I know people phoned in. - It's what the public want!

61. I know, but the public, let me tell you, like public executions.

62. I went to Cambridge University, Charles.

63. I'm a serious... Hello, love. .. fucking journalist,

64. ..in one of the most important fucking times of human history.

65. - There's no need to swear. - I mean it.

66. The Buzzcocks can't play cos we're not ready.

67. So it's just the Sex Pistols.

68. June 4th 1976. The Sex Pistols play Manchester for the very first time.

69. There are only 42 people in the audience...

70. .. but every single one is feeding on a power, an energy and a magic.

71. lnspired, they will go out and perform wondrous deeds.

72. For instance, Howard Devoto, at the front, Pete Shelley, at the back.

73. They organised this gig.

74. They're way ahead of everyone in Manchester.

75. They're already the Buzzcocks.

76. Howard later sleeps with my wife.

77. Behind me are Stiff Kittens,

78. .. soon to become Warsaw, later to become Joy Division,

79. .. finally to become New Order.

80. Ginger nut: Mick Hucknall.

81. That's John the Postman.

82. He's... a postman.

83. And that guy dancing at the front, that's Martin Hannett,

84. .. the only bona fide genius in this story.

85. Well, one of the only two bona fide geniuses in this story.

86. He will later try to kill me.

87. Goodnight, Manchester.

88. Thanks for your bullshit.

89. Must go.

90. Oh, no, not David. No.

91. He goes.

92. - What's wrong?

93. These jeans, they sort of, er, they go right up me crotch.

94. - Too tight for you.

95. I'm telling you, they cut... they cut straight between my balls.

96. You're not a regular shape, though, are you?

97. - Pardon? - For jeans.

98. - What do you mean? - You've got big hips.

99. I have not got big hips.

100. Yeah, you have. You've got huge hips for a man.

101. That's fucking ridiculous... Lindsay, I've not got big hips.

102. - You've got bigger hips than me. - That's fucking bullshit.

103. It's really good stuff, isn't it?

104. Yeah, this is good. Where... Where'd you get it from?

105. Mate of mine brought it back from his holidays.

106. What, Caribbean?

107. Rhyl. The Sun Centre in Rhyl.

108. Right.

109. Right.

110. I would describe it as history.

111. How could it be history? There were only 42 people at the gig.

112. What difference does that make? How many were at the Last Supper?

113. Er, 12.

114. Well, er, 13 including Jesus.

115. - Hi, Tony. Have you recovered? - It's not historically documented.

116. In other words, not many. How many were at the murder of Julius Caesar?

117. - I don't know, Tony, you tell me. - Five. So shut up, then.

118. I'm Tony Wilson. Here we are, as we are, So It Goes.

119. On tonight's show I'll be talking to Alice Cooper, live at the Apollo.

120. Apparently he'll be hanging a dwarf live on stage.

121. But, first, two minutes of the most important music...

122. .. since Elvis walked into the Sun Studios in Memphis.

123. The Sex Pistols and Anarchy In The UK.

124. In 1976 two or three people controlled all the music on television.

125. And they didn't like punk.

126. So, for a year,

127. .. if you wanted to see the most exciting bands in the world,

128. .. they were on a regional show coming out of Manchester.

129. My show.

130. - .. when foundation's on my face

131. The Stranglers. Amazing.

132. - Class act, that. - They're shit.

133. - They're a bunch of wankers. - Hey. Language.

134. - This is better.

135. Now, this guy...

136. I fuckin' love this guy. This guy is fantastic.

137. Listen to that voice.

138. - Listen to him. - Looks a bit... homo, with that...

139. Nah, man, that's part of it, the big drop-handle moustache.

140. - Oh, no, I don't know about that. - Brilliant.

141. Guy with the handlebar moustache, that is Karl Denver.

142. This is Shaun Ryder and that one is Paul.

143. Later they become the Happy Mondays and get Karl Denver to sing with them.

144. We'll be hearing more from the Happy Mondays later...

145. .. but right now I'm getting tired of just putting bands on television...

146. ..so I'm about to open a live-music venue.

147. It's, er...

148. - It's a bit of a dump, isn't it? - Not Las Vegas, is it?

149. - Go round to the left, Tony. - Dog shite everywhere. Disgusting.

150. Yeah, well, it's urban, it's exciting. It's exactly the place we should be.

151. You don't think those kids will nick the car?

152. - They're not gonna nick the car. - Are you sure?

153. - Right, the reason we're here... - Margaret?

154. Because of the explosion of music with New Wave,

155. .. there's lots of exciting bands happening...

156. .. and I just think that, culturally, Manchester's slightly lagging behind.

157. Yeah, to get into a nightclub you have to dress like a hairdresser.

158. - Yeah. - The wife's a hairdresser.

159. Well, that's great...

160. .. but some people aren't, and they've got a right to dance and party.

161. - I'm Tonay. - Hi. Nice to meet you.

162. Sorry, this is Tony.

163. Tonay doesn't believe in, er, television.

164. I was just saying, cos it's funny cos, erm, Tony's on the telly.

165. You know what I call television? The idiot box.

166. - Idiot box. - Yeah, there's a lot of rubbish on.

167. We split the door 60/40 to me.

168. The band, they get a crate of ale. You can have Fridays. All right?

169. - OK. - Look round while I do the till.

170. OK. Thank you.

171. Linds. Come on.

172. - It stinks in here. - Erm, there's a problem.

173. You never told me he was called Tony.

174. - Who? - What's up?

175. Tony. There's two Tonys.

176. Yeah?

177. Well, that... that... that... Straightaway that's a... that's...

178. Can you not see how that's a potential problem?

179. He's in charge of the club, I'm in charge of whatever it is we're doing.

180. There's two Tonys on equal pegging, there's a confrontation.

181. - Who's Tony one, who's Tony two? - For fuck's sake, Tony.

182. - We'll need some differentiation. - Yeah, but he's not called Tony.

183. He's called Tonay. You know, Don... Tonay.

184. It's his fucking surname, Tone.

185. - Is it? - Yeah.

186. It's a bit grubby.

187. Yeah, I know, but we can get it cleaned up for the nights we're in.

188. - Use your scrubbers to clean it up. - That's worse.

189. What is worse, Tony?

190. Well...

191. Sorry to harp on about this, but that makes him Mr Tonay and I'm just Tony.

192. - What's wrong with that, Tony?

193. Well, there's a hierarchy there Mister.

194. Mr Tonay is more important than Tony. "Hello, Mr Tonay."

195. "Yes, Mister. No, Mister." And plain old Tony. "Tony, me mate."

196. I've got to have some credibility.

197. Why don't you just call him Don? How about that?

198. See if he goes for that. Call him Don.

199. - Don... - We're trying to set up a club.

200. - What kind of music you bringing in?

201. Erm, sort of, er, New Wave.

202. Kinda indie.

203. - lndian? - No, indie.

204. Don't want any of that. Don't like that ska.

205. - OK. - Don't want any of that.

206. A notion. I'll leave you with this: heavy metal.

207. Get one of them bands in here. They drink like the fuckin' Queen Mother.

208. - Leave you with that. - Nice car, Don.

209. - She's thirsty. - See you, Don!

210. - I think the name thing went OK. - He heard you that time.

211. - I was gonna be a don.

212. I was gonna be a Virgil till me mum lost her bottle at the last minute.

213. - No, he means he was gonna be a don. - I went to Cambridge.

214. What about a name for the club?

215. Call it Factory. I like that. Bit Andy Warhol.

216. Bit LS Lowry.

217. I just saw a sign on the wall, said "Factory closing",

218. .. and I thought we can have one going "Factory opening".

219. Mal, when you come down to me,

220. .. can you just make sure you just get a glimpse of my boot?

221. Just... OK, if it gets on screen I get a clothing allowance.

222. - OK. - Yeah. OK.

223. That is the Clash, this was So It Goes,

224. .. and, as it goes, so it went. It's all over.

225. if you wanna hear good music from now on, get off the couch...

226. .. and go down to the Factory night at the Russell Club every Friday.

227. Go forth and preach the gospel. Good night.

228. There's quite a few.

229. if they've started letting them in, that's a good crowd.

230. - Fucking cock! - Wanker.

231. - That's original. - I like your hair

232. - Oh, fuck you. - Why does he let people say that?

233. He doesn't care what they say as long as they're talkin' about him.

234. You know that, Alan.

235. - Someone who likes me. Hi. - I love you. Will you sign this?

236. - Yeah. What's your name? - John.

237. - Oh, hello, Mark. - Hi, Tony. All right?

238. Tony, I really miss your programme so I thought, to get it back on telly...

239. Oi, oi. He don't want it to come back.

240. He wants it to be gone forever so it can become a legend. Don't ya?

241. A man with a grasp of semiotics. There's your answer, sweetheart.

242. - Can I get you half a lager? - You can get me a pint.

243. Right, OK. Right.

244. - Wilson, you fucking cunt! - That's original.

245. Your drink's coming.

246. - Is he a friend of yours? - Yeah, he's our singer.

247. Out the way, Steve.

248. Hi, Tony Wilson. Pleased to meet you.

249. Is he gonna hit me?

250. - You're quite close to me there. - Yeah, I know. I wanna be.

251. Why?

252. - Cos you're a cunt, mate. - I know, I heard you the first time.

253. Got to stop him singing, Tony.

254. It's avant-garde. You wouldn't understand it.

255. It's very poor. Very poor.

256. - Try and dance to that... - It's provocative.

257. Provocatively poor.

258. Appallingly poor.

259. They're not calling you the new George Epstein, you know.

260. - It's Brian Epstein. - George Epstein, Beatles manager.

261. - That's Brian Epstein, you dickhead. - George Epstein.

262. - It's fucking Brian Epstein. - It's Brian Martin.

263. It's George Martin, you knob.

264. Brian Martin the producer, George Epstein the, er, manager.

265. - Come on, let's sit down. - You're just fucking wrong.

266. The introduction's not usually this long.

267. I think the singer's in the toilet.

268. Where've you been, you twat?

269. - 60/40 to you, we said. - Smashing.

270. There's a pound, get yourself a drink. Come with me. Follow Uncle Tonay.

271. Yeah. Well... Well... I'm not... I'm not... I don't do any coke.

272. Where are we going?

273. Cos, you know, it's just that I've got, er...

274. - Shh. Come on. - What are we doing?

275. Let's have a nosh to seal the bargain.

276. - I've eaten, actually, Don. - Oh, we won't be eating, my friend.

277. When the Don's hungry, the Don eats.

278. Wahey!

279. Hello, girls! Your Uncle Don's here.

280. - Come on. Jump in, Tony. - How's about a tit-wank?

281. - Don't be shy. Come on. - Yes, please. Is that all right?

282. - On your knees and eat! - Careful!

283. Alan, where is he?

284. - Where's who, babe? - Tony. I can't find him.

285. I think he went out... Aah! I think he went outside with Don.

286. - Do you mind if I just... - Take it all off.

287. l... You don't mind if I just poke it through the side?

288. - No!

289. - Well, that's what I normally do. - I think it's too big for that.

290. Come on, Tony, don't be shy!

291. - Is that what you do at home? - Yes.

292. - Feel that. Just have a feel. - Oh, that's nice, that, innit?

293. Oh, aye, yeah.

294. Do you mind if I touch your tits while you're doing it?

295. - Mm-mm. - Thank you.

296. Go on, Tony. Put that on your TV show.

297. Tony?

298. Tony.

299. - 'Ey, shut the fuckin' door. - 'Ey, 'ey, 'ey!

300. - It's not how it looks, love. - Come in, love!

301. What are you doing, Tony?

302. - Come on in, love! Join the party. - It's not how it looks.

303. - Don put me up to it. He made me. - Comin' in?

304. - Yeah?

305. - It's not how it seems, right? - Are you comin' in, or what?

306. - if you're not comin' in, fuck off. - Leave it, that's my wife.

307. - Go on! - That's my wife... Tonay?

308. - What you doing, Tony? - Go on.

309. That's my wife. Listen, l... I love you.

310. - I love you.

311. Can you... Can you finish me off?

312. - God bless. - See ya.

313. - Hello. - Ah, posters, Tony.

314. You've got the posters? This is the fucking gig.

315. Yeah, I know. Took ages to get the right yellow.

316. - The gig's over. - I know.

317. That's fucking great, actually.

318. Yeah, it's really nice.

319. It's beautiful. But useless. And as William Morris once said,

320. .."Nothing useless can be truly beautiful."

321. - You know what? - All right, Tone.

322. Yeah.

323. - Heather, this is Tony Wilson. - All right, love.

324. You seen Lindsay?

325. She went off with Howard.

326. She, er...

327. She just caught me getting a blow job off a hooker in the back of a van.

328. Better go and get her.

329. Excuse me.

330. - Hi, Tony. - Hi.

331. Erm, have you got the car keys?

332. - In me bag. - Thanks.

333. I only got a blow job. That's full penetration.

334. - See you, Howard.

335. See ya, Tony.

336. All right?

337. I definitely don't remember this happening.

338. This is the real Howard Devoto.

339. He and Lindsay insisted we made clear that this never happened.

340. But I agree with John Ford.

341. When you have to choose between truth and legend, print the legend.

342. I thought their name was Warsaw.

343. You can't have a band called Warsaw. You can't put that on a poster.

344. People would think it was a holiday advert.

345. Joy Division: do you know what that is, Mr Wilson?

346. It's when the Nazis, er, picked out racially pure women...

347. .. and, er, had sex with them.

348. Yeah, well, Joy Division, that's us, eh?

349. - Well, it's a very Nazi name. - So?

350. Yeah, but it's quite... cheery, as well.

351. - You know: "joy". - Yeah.

352. Like a... division of joy or something.

353. - Joy. - Joy... Division.

354. Let's all say that together. One, two, three...

355. - Joy. - Joy.

356. Look at that flat-bottomed valley.

357. It wasn't always crazy between me and Lindsay.

358. Most days we were just another young couple,

359. .. who wanted all the things young couples want.

360. Nice house, nice car and a couple ofkids.

361. Enjoy the walk, cos it's just you and me.

362. Would you like a little Tony and a little Lindsay walking around?

363. No, it'd be a nightmare.

364. - I like to be free. - OK.

365. OK. All right, that's the last... last word I'll say on the subject.

366. Two words: body clock. OK? Body clock.

367. - How are you doing? - All right?

368. - Hello, I'm here. - All right, Tone?

369. That's us. That's us.

370. The majors are the status quo and we're not, we're the anarchists.

371. It's gonna be like a co-op, we're all gonna share in the proceeds.

372. We pay for the costs and everything and the rest of it is 50/50.

373. 50 Factory, 50 per cent goes to the artist.

374. Alan's gonna be head of business affairs.

375. It's Red Leb, that. Have you smelt it? Smell that.

376. Smell that.

377. I'm giving you total creative freedom. Right?

378. It's dead fucking simple.

379. You don't like us, you fuck off. I don't like you, I fuck off.

380. I'll write you a contract saying there's no contract in me own blood.

381. - I'll do it if you want. - Not in his own blood!

382. - Here you are. - I'll do it.

383. - You write it... in your own blood. - No, don't give him the dirty knife.

384. In the wo... In the words of the great prophet, "l dares do owt."

385. - Oh, it ain't legal, this. - Come on.

386. - Oh, he's done it, he's done it! - There you go. Real blood.

387. "l..."

388. ".. Tony..."

389. How can you read that?

390. I'm not sure that'd stand up in court!

391. What more do you want? He's written the contract in his own blood!

392. Martin?

393. What you doing?

394. Recording...

395. .. silence.

396. You're recording silence?

397. Now I'm recording Tony fucking Wilson.

398. Erm, we want you to produce a band for us.

399. Who's us?

400. Er, Factory Records.

401. Right, 50 quid an hour.

402. Plus I wanna be a partner in the company.

403. See ya.

404. - See ya.

405. Stop, stop, stop. Stop that horrible fucking racket, please.

406. What's wrong with it?

407. Nothing was wrong with the drumming as such,

408. ..it's just that, erm,

409. .. people have been playing like that for about... 20,000 years...

410. .. and quite frankly, erm, it's boring the arse off me.

411. Now, let's just try something... a lot simpler, OK?

412. Faster but slower.

413. There's logic there somewhere.

414. - I know what he means.

415. Right, stop. We got... We got a rattle.

416. We're going to have to dismantle the whole fucking kit.

417. You what?

418. How long's that gonna fucking take?

419. I don't fucking know. As long as it takes.

420. ls, er...

421. Is this still costing us 50 pounds an hour?

422. We're still workin', aren't we?

423. What I'd like...

424. ..is to rebuild it on the roof.

425. On the roof?

426. - Yeah. - On the actual roof of the studio?

427. Bloody hell.

428. Start playing.

429. How will I know when to stop?

430. Don't worry about stopping. I'll send someone out when it's time to stop.

431. Sorry.

432. Just remember, Tony Wilson's money.

433. Right, stop, stop.

434. Hey.

435. Stop!

436. Stop!

437. Fucking retard!

438. - You... You wear it very well. - What?

439. You wear it very well, now play like a fucking musician.

440. Fucking prick.

441. - Listen to it in the car. - It'll sound rubbish in the car.

442. We've got to see what it sounds like on a transistor radio.

443. I sound like Bowie.

444. - That's good. You like Bowie. - I hate fucking Bowie.

445. In All The Young Dudes he sings about how you should die when you're 25.

446. Do you know how old he is?

447. He's 30, 29, something. He's a liar.

448. Look, it doesn't matter.

449. A lot of great artists produce their best work when they're... older.

450. - You know, WB Yeats... - I've never heard of him, mate.

451. Yeats is the greatest poet since Dante. If he'd have died at 25...

452. - I would have heard of him, Tony. - Hang on.

453. Listen to it. This is... This is great.

454. This is fucking excellent.

455. - Are you listening to it? It's great. - It's brilliant.

456. It is. It's very good.

457. There's nothing else out there that sounds like it.

458. - That's the best thing about it. - It's wonderful.

459. - You like it? - I do.

460. I love what he's done with the drums.

461. Yeah?

462. Joy Division were a great band but they were Rob's band.

463. I wanted a band of my own.

464. A Certain Ratio had all the talent and energy of Joy Division...

465. .. but better clothes.

466. - You look absolutely fantastic. - You reckon?

467. - It's great. - We look like the Hitler Youth.

468. - You don't say that to Mr Wilson. - I think you look more like Scouts.

469. Have you seen our legs? They're like fucking milk bottles.

470. I wouldn't worry about it, although, that... that reminds me,

471. ..l must get some chicken drumsticks on the way home.

472. All right... No, it's all right, I've got it covered.

473. lnstant tan: "Tanfastic".

474. It's hedonism, it's shorts,

475. ..it's... it's funk,

476. ..it's... tans.

477. - It's sexy. - Ah, it's cold, man.

478. I like the haircuts, Barney.

479. - No, they look good, don't they? ♪ Take your time

480. - Crap, though. - Fucking shit.

481. What's the worst band name you've ever heard?

482. - Worst? - Skinny Monkey.

483. The worst one I heard was, a mate of mine had a band called, er, Barabbas.

484. - Fucking Barabbas!

485. "Who do you want?"Barabbas!"

486. The National Front took to the streets of Manchester today...

487. ..in the biggest demonstration ofneo-fascists since the '30s.

488. The Transport and General Workers' Union...

489. .. tightened their stranglehold on the nation's petrol supplies,

490. .. bringing the country to a grinding halt.

491. Thousands of motorists queue all day...

492. .. amid rumours of fuel rationing and a return to the three-day week.

493. More chaos in the public services...

494. ..as mountains ofrubbish fill London's West End...

495. .. and nurses bring the hospitals close to collapse.

496. Now grave diggers in Liverpool refuse to bury the dead.

497. lan!

498. - lan!

499. - What the hell's the matter with him? - Fuck knows. I dunno.

500. Oh, fuckin' hell! lan? lan!

501. Fucking come on, then!

502. What you doing? Fuck this.

503. Rob. What the fuck are you doing, you cunt?

504. Come on! Come on, then!

505. - Right, watch his head.

506. - All right, mate.

507. Ah, fucking hell. His fucking mouth's bleeding.

508. Has someone got a doctor?

509. - I've just dropped two skinheads. - Come on, mate, come on.

510. - What you doing? - He's got me fags.

511. Oh, you fucking twat! He's fucking bleeding here!

512. - And I need a cigarette.

513. Where's Rob?

514. - Can you get a fucking doctor?

515. He's fucking bleedin' here!

516. Tony Wilson, how do you answer the charge that you're a fascist?

517. What?

518. Your band, Joy Division, named after women...

519. .. captured by the SS for the breeding of perfect Aryans. Isn't that sick?

520. Have you never heard of situationism or postmodernism?

521. We need a doctor in here!

522. Do you know nothing about the free play of signs and signifiers?

523. Yes, we've got a band called Joy Division.

524. We've also got a band called Durutti Column.

525. I'm sure I don't need to point out the irony there.

526. What the fuck's going on?

527. We need a doctor. I don't know. He's had a fit or summat.

528. Oi. Fuck off.

529. Fuck off or I'll lay one on you.

530. - He will. I've seen him do it. - Will someone ring a fucking doctor?

531. - I'll get a doctor. - Calm down, Barney.

532. Don't fucking tell me to calm down! You fucking calm down!

533. - Fine! - For fuck's sake.

534. You all right there, lan?

535. - Yeah, I'm fine, mate. - Are you sure?

536. I said I'm fine, Rob, yeah? Just shut up.

537. All right, then, all right. Fair enough.

538. Not even to tell you that we're gonna tour America?

539. - Fuck off. - Fuck off.

540. I'm telling you now, straight up, we're gonna tour America.

541. - Nice one. - Are you serious?

542. I've just told you, straight up, we're gonna tour America.

543. - Oh, come on! - Fucking hell, boys!

544. Fucking cheers. We're going to the US of A.

545. Cheers.

546. Can't fucking believe it.

547. I thought you'd like that, boys.

548. Are we gonna be staying in, like, top-class hotels and...

549. You're in knocking shops and I'm in five-star hotels.

550. - Suits me fine!

551. I think we did better there, mate.

552. - I think I'd better rework that.

553. Around!

554. Go left! Go left!

555. Go left!

556. Come by!

557. - Peter, I won't interrupt your flow.

558. Go left.

559. I am doing, obviously.

560. - No, you're all right. - Right. Why a duck?

561. He just started, you know, er, .. and he just started, er...

562. Ooh, he was... he was... he was biting ankles.

563. Er, but it... it don't harm 'em, not like if a dog did it, you know.

564. Right, yeah. Extraordinary.

565. - Unbelievable. - Right.

566. - Have a go. - Right, OK.

567. - What do I do? What do I say? - Well, "Go left."

568. - And then do what? - Just shout.

569. Shout what?

570. - "Go left." - Oh, shout "Go left."

571. Go left! Go left!

572. - See? - That's remarkable.

573. I've not quite got the command of the, er...

574. Whistle.

575. Aye.

576. - Can't do it that well. Go on, then. - Go left!

577. Stick to what you're good at. Unless you're a duck, then branch out.

578. lan.

579. - How are you? - All right.

580. - Is he in? - No, no, he's at Granada.

581. I've got a spliff going. Gonna come in?

582. Nah. I can't. Gotta get back.

583. Cheers.

584. That's fantastic news about America.

585. Yeah, it's good. I'm looking forward to it.

586. I'm really chuffed.

587. I'm bored. You could stay with me for a little while.

588. No, I've gotta go. I'll catch him later.

589. All right. I'll tell him you called.

590. Er,

591. - .. send you a postcard, yeah? - Yeah, do, that'd be great.

592. "Wish you were here."

593. Debbie?

594. So...

595. .. your car's kaput.

596. And your girlfriend is gone.

597. When thine house they have sold...

598. Aber wirklich nicht.

599. Prost.

600. Prost.

601. - .. all the buildings or whatever. - Mm-hm.

602. What I'll do is, apart from asking you any anecdotes about town criers,

603. ..I'll say "How is it relevant today..."

604. - Tony. - And not just being for tourists...

605. - Can I just have a word? - Yes.

606. - The office have just called. - Right?

607. lan Curtis has died.

608. - What d'you... What d'you mean? - He's hanged himself.

609. He was found at his home this morning.

610. - Are you joking? - No.

611. - I'm sorry. - Well...

612. He's dead?

613. Yeah.

614. What a stupid bloody bugger.

615. Sorry about this, mate.

616. It's a... friend of mine.

617. lan Curtis,

618. .. lead singer...

619. .. of Joy Division,

620. .. has died... today!

621. Oyez/

622. Oyez/

623. - It's really beautiful.

624. Oyez/

625. lan Curtis,

626. .. writer of...

627. ..Love Will Tear Us Apart,

628. - .. has died today/ - I like it.

629. - Do you? - Yeah, I do.

630. Oyez/

631. if you listen to lan's music and you know he killed himself,

632. .. then you probably imagine some very dark, depressive figure.

633. A... prophet of urban decay and alienation.

634. But I have some wonderful memories of him,

635. .. such as the very last Factory night at the Russell Club.

636. Pogo like a bastard!

637. Fuck off!

638. Mr Wilson.

639. Tony, hi. I know this isn't a very good time...

640. .. but I've made a tape of me singing Joy Division songs.

641. - You probably need a singer... - Don't hang about, do you?

642. - Tony. Can you give this to him? - I've been practising the dance...

643. - I'll make sure he gets that. - Yeah, but... he meant a lot to us.

644. - All right, mate. - Mr Wilson!

645. It's not the time for autographs but thanks for coming...

646. Tony. Tony.

647. Michael. Michael, what are you doing here?

648. I'm not here as a journalist, I'm just... I'm mourning. I'm gutted.

649. Well, you... You are gonna write about it, though?

650. - Oh, I don't think I can. - Yes, you must. You have to.

651. - Come in. It's good that you're here. - Is that all right?

652. Aye, well...

653. It's good that you're here.

654. How you doing?

655. Hello. All right, mate.

656. - How you doing, darling? - Can't believe it.

657. Good to see you.

658. - I want you to write the book. - Whoa!

659. You're the right person in the right place. You should do it.

660. - It's just so soon, Tony, it's sad. - It's historic. It's historic.

661. Come on, this is... this is where your book should start.

662. - Right. - Where it should start.

663. All right?

664. - Didn't realise you were here. - Hi, Tony. How you doing?

665. Er, this is lan's gran.

666. - Oh. - Tony Wilson.

667. Thanks for all you did.

668. I've seen you on the telly. You always look so smart.

669. Come on, let's go and get a cup of tea, shall we?

670. That is the musical equivalent of Che Guevara.

671. I'm gonna go.

672. - Why? - I just don't feel, you know...

673. I'll, erm... I'll speak to you. Bye.

674. - Take it all in. - Yeah.

675. Bye, son.

676. Don't beat about the bush, Lindsay.

677. I'm gonna ask you a straight question and I want a straight answer. Right?

678. Give me the dignity of that.

679. Are you leaving me?

680. Yes.

681. - Bad energy around here now.

682. Well, what does that mean, bad energy? What the fuck does that...?

683. Energy? You don't know what energy is.

684. - That is late 20th-century hokum... - Don't say another word.

685. - .. masquerading... as spirituality. - Shut up. Shut up.

686. Don't... Don't... Don't touch me.

687. That is the last time you will ever touch me.

688. - All right. - Ever.

689. No... All right, that is the last time you will ever touch me.

690. I'm asking you really nicely.

691. Please...

692. Please don't leave me.

693. Oh, just fuck off. Go. Don't...

694. - Don't. - Don't leave me.

695. Right. OK.

696. - Right, thank you, yes.

697. Fuck off.

698. This is a low point for me, obviously,

699. .. but, er,

700. ..l think it was Scott Fitzgerald who said...

701. .."American lives don't have second acts."

702. Well, this is Manchester.

703. We do things differently here.

704. This is the second act.

705. Two lickle dicky birds sitting on a wall,

706. ..one called Peter and one called Paul.

707. Just like you, Louby-Lou,

708. .. Turkey-Lurkey...

709. .. Goosey-Loosey, Henny-Penny. D'you know what I mean?

710. No.

711. The history of popular music is like a double helix, OK?

712. That's two waves that intertwine.

713. So one wave... goes like this, the other one goes like that,

714. ..so you've got two...

715. .. waves doing that, OK?

716. Like, one like that and one like that.

717. Basically, when one musical movement's in the descendant,

718. .. another one is in the ascendant.

719. Right now we're in a kind of a crisscross, a kind of a hiatus,

720. .. but the two guys that are gonna be on the crest of the next wave...

721. .. are Paul and Shaun Ryder.

722. This is a true incident,

723. ..a bit like the hang-gliding, which, remember, works on two levels.

724. This takes place in 1980,

725. .. when Shaun and Paul put rat poison into some bread...

726. - .. and fed it to 3,000 pigeons. - Rassam, rassam, rassam...

727. - Rick Rastardly, wing-ding,

728. .. forever and ever, amen.

729. Ohhh! Here you go!

730. - Catch it! - It's down! Ohh!

731. Ahhh!

732. - Whoo!

733. Hi-yah!

734. Obviously it's a reconstruction.

735. No... pigeons were harmed in the making of this film.

736. Although there are those that say they're pests.

737. Rats with wings.

738. - Die!

739. Fac 51, aka the Hacienda.

740. Buildings create synergy. They're a focus for creativity.

741. When the Victorians built railways, they didn't just put up Portakabins.

742. - Jesus Christ. - They went to town.

743. Listen to the reverberations. Lovely, isn't it?

744. Sound of... The sound of my voice.

745. Buildings change... the way people think.

746. That's how it happened in Renaissance Florence.

747. Yeah, but this isn't Renaissance Florence,

748. .. this is... Dark Ages Manchester.

749. It's like a fuckin' abattoir.

750. Tony.

751. Tickets for tonight.

752. - Right. Er... - What fuckin' good are they now?

753. I'm sorry they're a bit late, erm,

754. .. thought we might use them as a souvenir or something.

755. Yeah. That's... Yeah. That's all right.

756. It's OK, it doesn't matter. We don't... You know.

757. This will be the number-one invitation.

758. They didn't hand out tickets for the Sermon on the Mount.

759. People just turned up. They knew it was a good gig.

760. So how much has come out in total from our music budget?

761. 700 grand.

762. Well, goodbye. We obviously have nothing in common.

763. I'm a genius, you're fucking wankers. You'll never see me again.

764. You don't deserve to see me again.

765. Martin?

766. - Nice, though, isn't it? - Fantastic, mate.

767. May 21st 1982. The night the Hacienda opened.

768. Everyone wanted to play.'

769. .. Bowie, Queen, the Stones.

770. I chose A Certain Ratio because they were my band.

771. And that was the point of the Hacienda.

772. It was a place for people we knew, people we could trust.

773. I can't believe this. They have totally betrayed us here.

774. What a fucking joke!

775. Oh, I dunno, Rob. You know, it might work.

776. Has there ever been a Wythenshawe jazz band?

777. - No, there hasn't, thank fucking God. - No, let me tell you, right.

778. Jazz is the last refuge of the untalented.

779. Jazz musicians enjoy themselves far more than anyone listening to 'em.

780. It's like theatre.

781. It's what you do when you can't get a gig.

782. It's one down from Celebrity Squares.

783. Excellent, well done. Very good, very good.

784. - So where... So where is everyone? - There you go.

785. - Erm... - We had 100 on the guest list.

786. You were at the Sex Pistols gig. How many people were in the audience?

787. - There was about 40. - Right. And it was history.

788. Yeah, but there's only 30 here tonight.

789. Exactly, exactly.

790. The smaller the attendance, the bigger the history.

791. There were 12 people at the Last Supper,

792. .. half a dozen at Kitty Hawk.

793. Archimedes was on his own in the bath.

794. Pick on someone your own size/ Or maybe not.

795. We're here at Chester Zoo...

796. ..to see a bath-time version of David and Goliath.

797. It's, er, a bit of a mammoth task...

798. .. for, erm, a young chap like yourself.

799. - Yeah. - ls, erm...

800. Is this, er... Now, this isn't your normal job, is it?

801. No, I'm an entertainer.

802. Right, OK. And, er, I saw there's a little baby elephant.

803. Watch yourself there.

804. There's a... There's a baby elephant. Hello. How do you do?

805. There's people like that I work with at Granada.

806. Er, except that... he's a little bit more attractive.

807. This morning, I was doing a feature on an elephant being washed by a midget.

808. He was... He was a dwarf.

809. - It doesn't matter. - Well, it matters to him.

810. It's... l... Look, I'm a serious journalist, I've got a degree,

811. .. get me a proper gig or let's forget we ever met.

812. Tony, listen.

813. - What d'you reckon? - Very good, very good.

814. I'll make you a big star.

815. - Catch you later! - Right. Don't call me...

816. You know your problem? You take yourself too seriously.

817. Yeah. Yes, I do. I take myself veryfucking seriously.

818. All right, what about a feature on Northwest's tallest man?

819. Fuck off!

820. No band ever survives the death of their lead singer.

821. So when Joy Division became New Order,

822. ..no-one expected them to succeed.

823. As you've no visual imagination, I've done you a mock-up.

824. - It's like a floppy disk. - Floppy disk.

825. It's fucking brilliant.

826. - It's pure, workmanlike, poetic. - It's expensive.

827. Four-colour printing, cut-out gatefold.

828. Well, it's fucking beautiful.

829. I never count the cost of beauty. You should know that.

830. - Talk to you about these sleeves? - Yeah, sure.

831. Have you costed it? Cos I have.

832. We lose five pence on every single one of these records that we sell.

833. We're gonna sell fuck-all so... it doesn't matter.

834. Blue Monday became the biggest-selling 12-inch single ever,

835. .. which made loads of money for New Order.

836. Not that they saw any of it.

837. Because every penny they earned...

838. .. was swallowed up by the debts of the Hacienda.

839. Thank you.

840. Bravo.

841. Vini...

842. - What do you want?

843. Erm, I'll... I'll have a Coke, please. Thank you.

844. Coke, and a... gin and tonic.

845. - How was that? - It was great. It was wonderful.

846. It's great, it's just...

847. I love it, I love it.

848. - Tuesday night. - Yeah.

849. We need to have a rethink of our strategy.

850. You know, what... whatever... Whatever we achieve,

851. .. the important thing to remember is that you...

852. ..you know, you make... wonderful music.

853. Great.

854. Spare 20 pence, mate, please? Cup of tea.

855. There you go. Keep that.

856. Ta, mate.

857. I'm Boethius, author of The Consolation ofPhilosophy.

858. It's my belief that history is a wheel.

859. "lnconstancy is my very essence" says the wheel.

860. "Rise up on my spokes if you like...

861. .. but don't complain when you're cast back down into the depths."

862. "Good times pass away but then so do the bad."

863. "Mutability is our tragedy but it's also our hope."

864. "The worst of times, like the best, are always passin' away."

865. I know.

866. I know.

867. And finally, there were sightings last night...

868. of an unidentified flying object...

869. .. over the Little Hulton district of Manchester.

870. Apparently the aliens flew low over the district and then disappeared,

871. .. which is... kind of understandable.

872. if you're listening, spacemen, next time you might wanna try Marple.

873. Just don't land on my house. Good night.

874. Fuckin' hell!

875. Every great band needs its own special chemistry...

876. .. and Bez was a great chemist.

877. Could I offer anybody, like, the best drug experience they've ever had?

878. His favourite chemical was ecstasy.

879. Whoa! Stop! Stop!

880. Shut the fuck...

881. I first saw them at the Battle of the Bands at the Hacienda.

882. They came last but I signed them anyway.

883. - All right, lads. - I'm gettin' in the front.

884. No, you're not.

885. Here y'are, get the... get the gear in the back first.

886. It's dance music and it's rock music. It's got that kind of, er...

887. It's got that indie sound, that indie guitar sound,

888. .. and it's got the kind of "whacka-whacka" wah-wah thing.

889. - Yeah. - It's soulful and it's rocky.

890. It's got the rawness of rock and it's got this soulful feel to it.

891. Give him an example of your lyrics. Listen to this. Go on. Just anything.

892. Good, good, good.

893. Good, good, double good.

894. That is fucking horrible.

895. Shaun's lyrics on a good day...

896. .. are on... par with... WB Yeats on... on an average day.

897. I've got some sweet and sour over there you can have.

898. Shall we do a song, then?

899. - Let's do it, man. Come on, Horse. - What, now?

900. We've gotta go. Come on, Bez. Comin' in?

901. - No, stay here. What's the point? - He adds to the fuckin' vibe.

902. He's not in the fucking band.

903. It's... I think it's top.

904. Someone's out of tune.

905. - Can you stop? - What you fuckin' stoppin' for?

906. - Somebody's outta tune. - Who's outta tune?

907. - Fuckin' not me. - Barney's outta tune.

908. - Mark, can you give me an E? - Yeah, yeah, Bez is your man, mate.

909. He'll sort you out!

910. He wants an E.

911. - Yeah, that'll tune you in, Barney. - That'll take you right in, mate.

912. - The stage, Bez!

913. Come on, Bez!

914. What you fuckin' doin'?

915. That is dance music. To me, that is dance music.

916. Well, no-one's dancing.

917. - Bez, come on, man. - Twat.

918. What the fuck you doin', man?

919. Shut up, fucking Horse. Play your banjo, man.

920. - This is Bez.

921. 4,000 years ago, the Egyptians built the very first canal.

922. The first canal in Britain was built by the Romans:

923. .. the Fosse Dyke in Lincoln.

924. This is the Rochdale Canal, built in 1804,

925. .. when Manchester was the greatest industrial city in the world.

926. And their neglect mirrors the decline of post-war industrial Britain.

927. Suddenly, everything came together.'

928. .. the music, the dancing,

929. .. the drugs, the venue, the city.

930. I was proved right.' Manchester was like Renaissance Florence.

931. Mike Pickering was right.' you don't need bands in a club.

932. Shaun Ryder was right. New Order were right.

933. We all came together.

934. Everyone came to the Hacienda.

935. It was our cathedral.

936. Manchester.' birthplace to the railways,

937. ..computer,

938. .. the bouncing bomb.

939. And tonight something equally as epoch-making is taking place.

940. - See?

941. They're applauding... the DJ.

942. Not the music, not the musician, not the creator,

943. .. but... the medium.

944. This is it.

945. The birth of rave culture.

946. The beatification of the beat.

947. The dance age.

948. This is the moment when even the white man starts dancing.

949. Welcome to Madchester.

950. A Guy Called Gerald: Voodoo Ray

951. I have with me a very special new friend of mine,

952. ..Mr Peter Duff,

953. .. who worked on the canals not just in this century...

954. .. but, can you believe it, in the last one.

955. - Peter... - Mm-hm?

956. The canals. How many years ago is that...

957. What... What year was it that you started working on the canals?

958. 1900.

959. - 1900, right. - Yeah.

960. On the cusp... the cusp of a new... a new age.

961. Mm-hm.

962. What do you remember about, er, the canals in those days?

963. Very little.

964. - Very little? - Yeah.

965. Peaceful.

966. - Peaceful? - Yes.

967. I don't think... I don't think we're gonna be able to use much of that.

968. D'you want... I mean...

969. The chap's... barely standing. D'you...

970. - All right, Tony? - OK?

971. - You all right, Tony? How's it going? - Great. Wonderful.

972. Thought we'd get the kids in...

973. This is in the Mondays' video?

974. - Yeah, yeah, this is gonna be it. - But that's Brian and Michael.

975. Yeah, I know, but they've not actually finished the single yet.

976. The single was supposed to be done two weeks ago.

977. Yeah, but you know what he's like, he's always a bit slow, the producer.

978. Why, who... who's producing this?

979. Martin Hannett.

980. Oh, for fuck's sake!

981. Did you not know?

982. No, I didn't know.

983. Well, anyway, must crack on, get these rehearsals done.

984. These are great, the kids are great.

985. - Hello. ♪ So come on down

986. The last time I'd seen Martin was five years earlier.

987. The Hacienda was costing New Order 10,000 pounds a month.

988. None ofus had a clue what to do.

989. You know broccoli?

990. Broccoli, the vegetable?

991. Yeah.

992. That was, er...

993. That was invented by Cubby Broccoli, producer of the James Bond films.

994. - Little-known fact. It's true.

995. It's a crossbred vegetable.

996. - It's half... cauliflower,

997. - .. half... - What?

998. Half, er, something... a green...

999. Half... gr... a... a green thing.

1000. Half a green thing that I don't know, half a cauliflower.

1001. And the Broccoli... Cubby Broccoli's family...

1002. Was inventing... vegetables before they started making movies

1003. That's... That was... That bankrolled the Bond films.

1004. - I don't believe you, Tony. - It's a... That is a fact.

1005. I don't believe you.

1006. It's a fact. Look it up, er, Encyclopaedia Britannica.

1007. - Where am I gonna look that up? - It's absolute fact, that.

1008. Jesus!

1009. Thanks, Martin.

1010. I'm still waiting.

1011. - So are we. - Hi, guys.

1012. - All right, Tone? - Where is the mad professor?

1013. - Try a bit? - Fuckin' crying in there.

1014. - Fucking hell. - We can't get fuck-all done.

1015. - I'm still waiting... - He's fucking enormous.

1016. .. and it's very fucking boring.

1017. - He's a mess. He's a fuck... - He's been like this all day.

1018. I'm gonna stick Bez's maracas up me fucking jacksie.

1019. He's back in his closet.

1020. Hello, Hannett, you wanker.

1021. - Awesome... - Hello, Wilson, wanker!

1022. I'm trying to get these shower of cunts that masquerade as a band...

1023. ..to play some fuckin' music,

1024. .. which seems to be the greatest, most difficult thing...

1025. ..I've ever had to do in my fucking life.

1026. Take it down, Mart, sorry, come on.

1027. He's calmed down a lot since I last worked with him

1028. - Martin... - Fuck off!

1029. Kickin' off, man. Fuck off...

1030. You can't threaten me any more, Martin.

1031. You're a big man but you're out of shape.

1032. Although you could sit on me.

1033. I've got something for you.

1034. Turn that porn off. We've got a lady on the bus.

1035. No, leave it on.

1036. - I think I'm in this one.

1037. Go on, Roe!

1038. Hey! Pull those curtains to!

1039. What's up with you? What are you lookin' at me like that for?

1040. - I'm not lookin' at you. - Yes, you are, you're lookin' at me.

1041. I was lookin' at Bez.

1042. You are lookin' at me. What's up with you, are you jealous?

1043. Jealous of what? I'm not jealous.

1044. if I wanted you, I could have you right now.

1045. - I'm not jealous of nothin'.

1046. Tony! Sir Anthony, sir!

1047. Can I interest you in some charleston, sir?

1048. No, I think cocaine's a suit's drug, it's a destroyer of talent.

1049. No, thank you.

1050. We haven't got any fuckin' talent. Roe, chop one out.

1051. - That's why it's fine for you. - Come on, Tony!

1052. - You're a very giving person, sir. - Come on, Tone.

1053. One of us!

1054. Never judge a book by its cover. You've got a nice cover, by the way.

1055. First edition, very collectable.

1056. - Thank you. - Hi, Tony!

1057. - Hello, love. All right? - Yeah.

1058. This is Yvette. She's actually Miss United Kingdom,

1059. .. but that's not what attracted me to her.

1060. .. where they do Stars In Their Eyes, erm, interiors of Coronation Street.

1061. - Hello, love. You all right? - Hi, Tony.

1062. - Nice to see you. - And you, as ever.

1063. - And what do you do? - How do you mean?

1064. Well... You know, your job, here.

1065. Well, I'm... I'm Tony Wilson.

1066. - It's a bit chilly. - Pop this... Have this.

1067. - Put that on. - Oh, thank you.

1068. You can keep it. It's cashmere.

1069. - Are you sure? - Course. Least I can do for Miss UK.

1070. I haven't got a tiara so you'll have to make do with that, sweetheart.

1071. So, I mean, Granada really is just sort of my hobby.

1072. Erm, my proper job... Have you heard of the Happy Mondays?

1073. - Yeah, I love 'em. - I look after them. Factory Records.

1074. - Really? - Yeah. Yeah, that's my... my label.

1075. - Er, New Order? Heard of them? - Yeah.

1076. Sometimes see them at the Hacienda. Do you know the Hacienda?

1077. It's fantastic, yeah.

1078. - I own that nightclub. - Really?

1079. Part-owner. If you ever want reduced admission, come and see me.

1080. Better still, you get in free if you escort me.

1081. - OK. - I'm flirting, by the way.

1082. You are, yes.

1083. - It's that obvious?

1084. Don't judge. Piety is a very unattractive quality.

1085. Flirting is a very natural process,

1086. .. she's aware of it, I'm being postmodern,

1087. .. before it was fashionable.

1088. - 'Ey up, Tony. - Hi.

1089. Hi.

1090. Being at the Hacienda was like being at the French Revolution.

1091. Bliss it was that dawn to be alive.

1092. But to be young was very heaven.

1093. OK, so I was nearly 40, which isn't really young,

1094. .. but these days it isn't that old either...

1095. .. and Yvette said the age difference didn't bother her.

1096. - Oh, story of my life.

1097. And, by the way, we're still together.

1098. So, whatever you're thinking, you're wrong.

1099. D'you know, I think that Shaun Ryder is...

1100. .. on par with WB Yeats... as a... as a poet.

1101. - Really? - Ab... Absolutely. Totally.

1102. Everyone else thinks he's an idiot.

1103. Shaun! Where the fuck are ya?

1104. We can't do anythin' without the fuckin' singer!

1105. Listen, one of you fuckers is gonna have to do it. Get busy, man.

1106. - I'll sing. - Horse, man, step in, mate.

1107. - Come on, you're gonna have to do it. - All right, I'll do it.

1108. Factory believes in artistic freedom.

1109. And Shaun is an artist but he's also an addict.

1110. I knew then that choosing Nathan as the new manager of the Mondays...

1111. .. was not necessarily a good idea.

1112. Nathan's gonna be our new manager.

1113. - I'm gonna look after them. - And he does it very well.

1114. But I wanted Shaun to be happy so I indulged him.

1115. - What you doing? What you doing?

1116. Oh, God, you're not that out of it, are you?

1117. - I am not a lump of hash.

1118. I'm in charge of Factory Records... I think.

1119. They're living legends. Here we go!

1120. It's an adventure. It's the Magical Mystery Tour, the Merry Pranksters.

1121. It's like Scooby Doo, innit? Cos they had a bus, didn't they?

1122. It is a little bit like Scooby Doo.

1123. Manchester became the centre of the universe.'

1124. .. the best drugs, the best clothes,

1125. .. the best women, the best music,

1126. .. the best bands, the best club.

1127. Suddenly everyone wanted to be from Manchester...

1128. .. and if you were a Manc, everyone wanted a part of you.

1129. Tone? Tone? Come in the back for a wabosh, mate? Come on.

1130. It's all right, I've eaten, thanks.

1131. - You're looking very beautiful. - He owns the Hacienda.

1132. - I'm the big guy. - He's the big boss.

1133. - Oh, yeah? - Well, metaphorically speaking.

1134. It was like being on a fantastic fairground ride,

1135. .. centrifugal forces throwing us wider and wider,

1136. .. and it's all right because there's a brilliant machine at the centre...

1137. ..to bring us back to earth.

1138. That was Manchester. That was the Hacienda.

1139. Now, imagine the machine breaks.

1140. For a while it's even better because you're really flying...

1141. .. but then... you're fucked...

1142. .. because nobody beats gravity.

1143. I'm back!

1144. What you doin' here? I thought you were in... glamorous fuckin' London.

1145. I went to interview Sir Keith Joseph.

1146. It's very important. He likes to be called Sir Keith.

1147. His knighthood's important to him.

1148. They call him the Mad Monk. That's important at the end of the story.

1149. I was supposed to get the train, right?

1150. But I didn't, I drove. OK?

1151. So I'm driving along, driving really well,

1152. ..er, and I end up on this fucking Pennine.

1153. There you go: a mobile phone. Do you know how to work one?

1154. Yeah. I've used 'em before.

1155. And l... I make a phone call on this mobile-phone thing.

1156. It's like listening to a fucking headache.

1157. And then... I was walking along a railway line...

1158. .. and a train goes roaring past.

1159. And I climbed... onto the train.

1160. Whoa, whoa! You can't come in here, son. No, no, whoa.

1161. Er... l... Er... Sorry, do you know who I am?

1162. Ernie, we've got one here don't know who he is!

1163. Only kiddin' you. Go on, Tony. Sorry. Go on.

1164. Anyway, it was meant to be. Comes the hour, comes the man.

1165. God, fate, events conspired...

1166. ..to transport me to London cos I was gonna bring down the Government.

1167. OK, I was late, but it didn't matter cos I had dynamite in my pockets.

1168. I knew what I was gonna do.

1169. I was gonna be nice as pie to him, call him Sir Keith,

1170. .. ask him about the latest Government policy initiative...

1171. .. and he was gonna fall apart.

1172. Hi. Sir Keith Joseph, my humble apologies.

1173. I'm Anthony, by the way.

1174. Anth-ony.

1175. Er, medieval rather than classical.

1176. Yes, Anthony of Pa... Padua. That's who I'm named after.

1177. - Saint... Saint Anthony. - Mm-hm.

1178. Er, Saint Anthony. Yes, er...

1179. He was a monk, funnily enough.

1180. Funny?

1181. In what way, funny?

1182. Well, you know,

1183. .."Brother Keith."

1184. You must know.

1185. - Brother?

1186. I'm not a trade unionist, Mr Wilson.

1187. No, no... No, but, you know, the whole monk thing...

1188. The Mad Monk. That's... That's what they call you, isn't it?

1189. Well, you are a mad bastard.

1190. Did I say that out loud?

1191. You know your trouble, Tony?

1192. You don't know what you are.

1193. I fucking know what you are but you don't know what you are.

1194. My curiosity's got the better of me, Rob,

1195. .. tell me, what am l?

1196. You're a cunt.

1197. Well, l... I knew that, you see. That was something I did know.

1198. Timing is everything.

1199. When we built the Hacienda, it was too soon.

1200. When we built the Factory office, it was too late.

1201. It did, however, have a zinc roof, which was very, very cool.

1202. Even though you could only see it if you were in a helicopter.

1203. At last, Factory has... a proper office.

1204. It's MDF.

1205. It's made of MDF.

1206. What are all these about?

1207. How much was it?

1208. - It's not the materials, Hooky, - That's brilliant.

1209. ..you're paying for design.

1210. Er, I didn't ask about the material, I asked how much it was.

1211. It was 30 grand... but, er...

1212. - Did you pick the shape? - It was what?

1213. No, the shape... the shape is something that...

1214. - 30 grand? - 30 grand?

1215. The point is, if you go to any London...

1216. - For a fucking table? - ... any London record company...

1217. For a fucking table?

1218. - 30 grand for a fucking table? - Rob! Rob!

1219. Are you outta your mind, you dozy...

1220. Shall we let go of him and shall we not fuckin' do that?

1221. - 30 grand for a fuckin' table! - All right, sweetheart?

1222. - Are you OK? - Yeah, no, no, I'm absolutely fine.

1223. Rob, sit down.

1224. - Rob, Rob, Rob... - No, I'm all right.

1225. Come on! Rob!

1226. 30 grand for a fucking table, you... cunt!

1227. Will you stop? For God's sake!

1228. There was a problem with the Hacienda. It never made any money.

1229. There were huge crowds and a great atmosphere...

1230. .. but it was all fuelled by ecstasy, not alcohol.

1231. And we didn't sell E at the bar.

1232. Although we did talk about it.

1233. We were spending money on the building,

1234. .. the staff, the DJs, the sound system...

1235. .. but most of the money went to the drug dealers.

1236. And guess what? They didn't give the money to us.

1237. They spent it on clothes, or cars, or restaurants, or houses,

1238. .. or girls, or guns.

1239. Especially guns.

1240. All right, man?

1241. Drug dealers are like any other businessmen.

1242. They like to increase their market share.

1243. Oi, you little fuckin' pricks, tell your mum I give you this!

1244. Only suppliers don't tend to undercut each other on prices,

1245. .. they just try and get rid of the competition.

1246. Soon the violence spread to the Hacienda.

1247. All right, big fella.

1248. - Everybody pays, even gang members. - Give him a slap.

1249. - He shot him, he shot him!

1250. Now, this is bad in itself but it's also bad for business.

1251. When you know someone's carrying a gun it's hard to turn them away,

1252. ..so soon there's shootings in the club...

1253. ..as well as on the door.

1254. if you've got a lot ofdrugs and guns in your club...

1255. ..you're gonna get shut down, so you had to try and control it.

1256. I took advice from Plutarch's Life OfCaesar,

1257. .. where it says "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. "

1258. The problem is often the solution in a different set ofclothes.

1259. - Tony. - Hiya. Hi.

1260. In this case we gave the drug dealers the doorman's uniform...

1261. ..so now we didn't control the door or the drugs.

1262. - And you as well, love. Come on. - Oh, come on... No, come on, mate.

1263. - It's not your scene. Come on. - I pay your fuckin' wages, mate.

1264. - You're on a wind-up, aren't you? - Just fuckin' do one.

1265. According to William Blake,

1266. "The road ofexcess leads to the Palace of Wisdom. "

1267. I was on my way there... in a Jag.

1268. Hello.

1269. - Hiya. - Hi.

1270. - Hello. All right, lad? - Hiya.

1271. Kiss.

1272. There's some very unspectacular flowers...

1273. .. and, er, grapes.

1274. - Thanks. - Er...

1275. Nice views.

1276. Yeah.

1277. Beautiful.

1278. Trolls!

1279. I used to have Trolls when I was little.

1280. - Do they still call them Trolls? - Yeah.

1281. - I've got you... a mobile phone. - Thanks.

1282. Mum... Mummy's got a phone and I've got one too, see,

1283. ..so it's like a...

1284. It's like tin cans with string.

1285. Remem... Remember when we made tin cans with string?

1286. - Yeah. - Yeah?

1287. Talk down the end of it.

1288. Got to go to Martin Hannett's...

1289. - .. funeral. - Who?

1290. Martin Hannett.

1291. Had a heart attack.

1292. OK.

1293. I should have found time to tell you earlier,

1294. ..l did have children with my second wife, Hilary,

1295. .. and there was a time when I was with Lindsay when that was all I wanted...

1296. .. and, no, I've not been the best father in the world,

1297. .. yes, I could have been there more than I have,

1298. .. and obviously I've got regrets.

1299. But this is not a film about me.

1300. I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be.

1301. I'm a minor character in my own story.

1302. This... is a film about the music.

1303. And the people who made the music.

1304. lan Curtis,

1305. .. Shaun Ryder,

1306. .. and Martin Hannett.

1307. Take your time, gentlemen, it's very heavy.

1308. This coffin's not going to go down so we're going to leave it on top.

1309. - Yes, we'd better leave it on top. - OK? Leave it on top.

1310. OK. Gentlemen, leave the straps, please.

1311. Thank you... very much.

1312. Death puts things in perspective.

1313. We're all equal in the grave.

1314. Except Martin, obviously, who was a huge character.

1315. So huge, his coffin wouldn't fit in his grave.

1316. I remember thinking "Martin Hannett.' too big for death. "

1317. .. strengthen the hope of resurrection...

1318. ..in those whose bodies are subject to decay.

1319. We'd been running on empty for months.

1320. We survived by shuffling cash from the club to the record company...

1321. .. and back again.

1322. Tony.

1323. - How are you doing? - Good, good.

1324. - What can I get you? - No, I'm right, thanks.

1325. You know, we do have to... to restock the bar occasionally.

1326. - Mm. - You might wanna pass that to your...

1327. - Mm. - ..to the guys.

1328. Mm, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1329. We're actually thinking of having a temperance night.

1330. That's lovely.

1331. And I'll see you next week, then.

1332. We had to make some money, so we had to release records.

1333. - New Order want to record an album. - Thank Christ for that.

1334. In lbiza.

1335. Why... Why lbiza?

1336. Why not lbiza?

1337. It's gonna be monsoon season by the time we get there.

1338. Well, it... it's sunny, actually.

1339. New Order went off to lbiza and took two fucking years to make the album.

1340. The Mondays wanna make another album.

1341. That's fantastic news.

1342. And the great thing is, we can do it in Manchester.

1343. - Enjoy. - You know Shaun's had some trouble...

1344. - .. with, er, - Yeah.

1345. - ..like, heroin recently. - Yeah.

1346. I've tried to get him off smack onto methadone but now he's doing both.

1347. Both barrels.

1348. So I've been readin' about this place where there isn't any. It's an island.

1349. Wouldn't be the lsle of Man, would it

1350. No, Tony. Barbados.

1351. Look, they're all mine, they're all in my name.

1352. It's my bag, it's my methadone. I need it, I'm a sick man.

1353. Nathan had supplied enough methadone...

1354. ..to keep Shaun going for four weeks.

1355. That's how long they were supposed to stay in Barbados.

1356. - Oh, you fuckin' wankers!

1357. Sorry, man.

1358. It's fuckin' coming out of your wages, you fuckin'... wankers!

1359. It was just bad luck...

1360. .. that the methadone didn't even make it onto the plane.

1361. X, just snort it, man.

1362. Nathan!

1363. - Nathan! - Here y'are, get it off your fingers.

1364. There was no heroin on the island. But there was plenty ofcrack.

1365. Every week, we sent over all the cash we had to pay for the studio...

1366. .. and Nathan used it for drugs instead.

1367. When the cash ran out, the stole the recording gear,

1368. .. then they stole the furniture,

1369. .. and then they sold their clothes.

1370. I was stranded on a desert island...

1371. .. with no shelter nor companionship.

1372. Every day I kept watch for rescue...

1373. .. but no-one came.

1374. My only distraction was to write lyrics for my forthcoming album.

1375. But then I thought...

1376. .. why the fuck should l?/

1377. Very good. Very good.

1378. So, Nathan, the tape, the music, where is it?

1379. Shaun's kidnapped it.

1380. Come again?

1381. Shaun's kidnapped the tape.

1382. Rob, Rob, what you doing?

1383. - It's nothing to do with me. - We spent?200,000 on that recording.

1384. - Yeah, yeah. - At least. That's before we mixed it.

1385. And now Shaun wants you to buy it off us.

1386. - You cheeky... - Wait, wait... No, wait...

1387. Don't! Rob... Rob!

1388. He's a fucking kid!

1389. Calm down. How do we buy it off him?

1390. He wants you to meet him tomorrow.

1391. Dry Bar, ten o'clock.

1392. This is your fuckin' fault for letting 'em go out there in the first place.

1393. Why is it my fault? Well, don't, you know...

1394. But what if he... what if he asks for, like, 100 grand?

1395. if he says 100 grand, he won't back down.

1396. if we mention a figure, we'll... we'll be all right.

1397. - He just wants a gesture. - All right, Tone, how are ya?

1398. - All right, mate. How you doing? - Jesus Christ!

1399. - What the fuck are you doin'? - What are you doing? Fuck's sake!

1400. Shit!

1401. Fuck! Really ought to be careful with that, Shaun.

1402. You could... You could take someone's eye out.

1403. - Have you got a new toy, mate? - I have, yeah.

1404. Are you man enough for that?

1405. - It's great to see you. - You, too, yeah.

1406. It's great to see you, despite... that incident.

1407. Erm... Right, I've got...

1408. I'm gonna make you an offer. Glad you came.

1409. In my wallet... The sum total of my wallet,

1410. ..is, if I'm not mistaken,

1411. ..40...

1412. That's 50 quid, that's all I've got.

1413. - Nice, Tone. There you go. - Yeah.

1414. - Master tapes and DATs. - Pleasure doing business with you.

1415. Put that away.

1416. - Seven years' bad luck, that. - I know.

1417. - Fuck off. - Come on, fucking get out of here.

1418. - Don't talk to any strange men.

1419. - What you laughing at? - Twats.

1420. Fucking Tony Wilson... Martin Hannett revisited!

1421. 50 pounds. That's, er...

1422. You wouldn't get that in the January sales.

1423. I have in my hand... a DAT.

1424. Which my beautiful assistant Yvette is gonna put on.

1425. - The Mondays. It's here, it's here. - Hope it was fuckin' worth it.

1426. A total fuckin' nightmare.

1427. A total nightmare.

1428. Thank you, Barney.

1429. At least there's something on the fuckin' thing, anyway.

1430. So far, so-so.

1431. It's good. It's got a good groove.

1432. When are the vocals gonna kick in on it?

1433. Next break.

1434. There's no fuckin' vocals on it, is there?

1435. - Apparently not. - Ohh...

1436. So does that mean you'll have to go back into the studio?

1437. No, it fucking doesn't mean we're going back in the studio.

1438. - All right. - No, we've got no money.

1439. And we can't get any credit...

1440. .. and we are shelling out... bucketloads,

1441. .. thousands... on this stupid... this stupid office.

1442. We have to...

1443. .. release a record. We have to release a record.

1444. New Order, with respect, have done fuck-all...

1445. ..so we'll have to finish the Mondays.

1446. We just... need someone to... .. dist... to pay for the studio,

1447. - .. distribute the record... - Who?

1448. - .. and we'll share in the profits. - Who's gonna do that? Who? Who?

1449. - It's the Mondays. Lots of people. - Who?

1450. - Who's gonna pay for that? - A number of people.

1451. - Who? - Princ... Principally London Records.

1452. - Fucking... - What's wrong with London Records?

1453. The name, for a start.

1454. Oh... It's just a fucking name, Rob.

1455. - You've dropped a bollock, ain't you? - Yeah, I've dropped a bollock.

1456. - Yeah, I don't mind, I've... - You've dropped one massive bollock.

1457. Yes, I've dropped a big, fucking, massive, hairy bollock.

1458. Wheel OfFortune/

1459. With... Anthony Wilson...

1460. and... Teri Seymour/

1461. Welcome to the Wheel ofFortune.

1462. There it is, the wheel,

1463. .. that throughout the centuries has been used as a symbol...

1464. .. for the vicissitudes of life.

1465. Boethius himself, in his great work The Consolation OfPhilosophy,

1466. .. compares history to a great wheel,

1467. .. hoisting us up, then dropping us down again.

1468. "lnconsistency is my very essence" says the wheel.

1469. "Raise yourself up on my spokes if you wish...

1470. .. but don't complain when you're plunged back down."

1471. Let's spin the wheel.

1472. What a load of bullshit. We'll remove that in the editing.

1473. Just go straight from "Wheel of Fortune", cut to "spin the wheel."

1474. The guy over there playing the director,

1475. .. that's the real Tony Wilson, OK? The real me.

1476. There's plenty of other real people in the film. There's Paul Ryder...

1477. Tony.

1478. - How you doing? - Good.

1479. - Mark E Smith from the Fall. - Are you opening this club or what?

1480. - Mani from the Stone Roses. - Where's Shaun?

1481. lnspiral Carpets: what's his name? Clint Boon.

1482. That's one with a table.

1483. Mike Pickering.

1484. Dave Haslam.

1485. And, er, Vini Reilly.

1486. Although this scene didn't actually make it to the final cut.

1487. I'm sure it'll be on the DVD.

1488. I'm in security now, Tone. And repossession.

1489. That's where the money is.

1490. Are you still keeping the pub going?

1491. Oh, yeah. You got to.

1492. Boys!

1493. Hi, Tony? Have a listen to this.

1494. It's an old Joy Division song with a soul slant.

1495. - Yeah. - I know what it is.

1496. I've got a big repossession number next week. Next Tuesday.

1497. Massive.

1498. Whitworth Street. Hacienda.

1499. I'm saying fuck all.

1500. - Yeah. ♪ Love will tear us apart

1501. Can you tell them I've had enough?

1502. Yeah. Whoa!

1503. Great. Well done, lads. Fantastic. I'll... I'll call you.

1504. What's the crack with this spread, Tony?

1505. This is sophisticated food for... Londoners.

1506. - It's fuckin' leaves! - For Londoners?

1507. It's stuffed vine leaves, they're very nice.

1508. - Is this what they eat down there? - Broaden your horizons.

1509. Fuckin' southern food for southern cunts!

1510. Roger. Is it Roger? Very pleased to meet you.

1511. Tony, this is Terry.

1512. Nice to meet you.

1513. - Can I just... see the band? - These are the guys.

1514. Roger Ames, London Records.

1515. - How you doing? OK? - No, that's Roger.

1516. What you've done, I think it's brilliant, and, erm...

1517. .. if you don't mind me saying, what a table!

1518. And there's food on it, too, if you'd like to help yourselves.

1519. I wouldn't fuckin' eat it if I were you, it's rabbit food.

1520. We like shaggin' like 'em but we don't wanna eat like 'em.

1521. if music be the food of deals, why don't we, erm, eat that?

1522. Absolutely. Yvette, do you wanna do the honours?

1523. Terry, have you met Tony?

1524. - Yeah, we said hello. - OK, fine.

1525. - What's the tune called?

1526. Nice to meet you.

1527. We're gonna do a cover of Silence is Golden.

1528. Terry, Terry.

1529. - Turn it up! - This is brilliant.

1530. - Turn it up! - Turn it up!

1531. I like that!

1532. - This is... That...

1533. - I was really into that. - Play some more!

1534. Let's hear some lyrics.

1535. You'll hear the vocals, Roger, when we hear the offer.

1536. That's the way we do things at Factory.

1537. Shaun, where you going?

1538. I'm not eating fuckin' bunny rabbit food, I'm going for a Kentucky.

1539. - Are you coming? - See you later.

1540. - We'll get you a Kentucky. - See you later, Tone.

1541. All right, mate, see you later.

1542. Yvette? Just keep an eye on them.

1543. So, Tony, why don't we listen to the tune while they're out?

1544. Erm...

1545. Hey, Tony, come on.

1546. I do understand that Shaun can be... a bit of a handful.

1547. Mm, yeah. He's a genius, though.

1548. Yeah, you're right, he is a genius.

1549. And I've got to say, if I owned a record label,

1550. .. and I had signed Shaun to it,

1551. .. then I would not be selling him on for a fee.

1552. I'm going to make you an offer. Can I lean on this?

1553. Erm, yes. You've got to be a bit... It's fine.

1554. I'm gonna make you an offer for the whole company.

1555. OK.

1556. Five million.

1557. What do you want for that?

1558. - What do I want? - Yeah.

1559. I want everything.

1560. I want everything: the back catalogue, this table, this food, these windows.

1561. - OK. - You want Factory?

1562. Quite right.

1563. OK. We're very, very flattered, Roger,

1564. .. terribly flattered that you think we're worth such a princely sum,

1565. .. however, what you're... what I have to explain to you is...

1566. .. Factory Records are not actually a company.

1567. We are an experiment in human nature.

1568. You're labouring under the misapprehension...

1569. .. that we actually have... a deal...

1570. .. with, er, with our bands,

1571. .. that we have any kind of a contract at all.

1572. And I'm afraid we... we don't.

1573. Because that's the sum total of the paperwork...

1574. ..to do with Factory Records' deal with their various bands.

1575. "The artists own all their own work, the label owns nothing."

1576. "Our bands have the freedom."

1577. "To fuck off."

1578. Oh, yeah. Quite right.

1579. ".. the freedom to fuck off."

1580. I don't have to deal with you at all.

1581. Correct. But my epitaph will be...

1582. .. that l... never literally nor metaphorically...

1583. .. sold out.

1584. I protected myself from ever having to have the...

1585. .. dilemma of having to sell out...

1586. ..by having nothing to sell out.

1587. Tony, you're fucking mad.

1588. That's a point of view.

1589. Most of all, I love Manchester.'

1590. .. the crumbling warehouses, the railway arches,

1591. .. the cheap, abundant drugs.

1592. That's what did it in the end.'

1593. .. not the money, not the music, not even the guns.

1594. That is my heroic flaw.' my excess ofcivic pride.

1595. Ryan!

1596. Tony Wilson, is it true the Hacienda is closing down?

1597. Yes, it is.

1598. How does it feel now it's fucked up in your face?

1599. Glorious. The Hacienda is dead, it will never grow old.

1600. Unlike your good self, Tony.

1601. I feel like a big dandelion cock...

1602. - What? - Clock.

1603. Cock or clock, it doesn't matter, whose seed is catching the wind,

1604. ..it's gonna fly off, land, take root and spawn...

1605. .. dozens, thousands of little baby dandelions,

1606. ..like the biggest ever fuck.

1607. And now she wants one so I've gotta go.

1608. Come on. I've got the horn, Ryan.

1609. - I've got the horn.

1610. - Tony! - All right, love?

1611. - Tony! - Hello, mate. How you doing?

1612. Thanks for coming.

1613. Vini! All right, mate. Go on in.

1614. - OK, love. - Vini... Let him in.

1615. You couldn't just give us ten minutes, could you?

1616. - Fuckin' hell! I'm full of flu! - Just ten.

1617. Ladies and gentlemen, the hour is upon us.

1618. I'd like now to ask you to leave in a disorderly fashion.

1619. Before you do...

1620. Before you do,

1621. ..l want you to invade the offices, which are over there in the corner,

1622. .. through that door, and as far as you can, loot them.

1623. Office equipment, computers, musical equipment,

1624. .. take it all, use it wisely,

1625. .. let a thousand Mancunians bloom.

1626. Good night, God bless.

1627. Morning.

1628. All right, Tone, how you doing, mate?

1629. - Good, very good. - Great, T.

1630. I'm really sorry about what happened, d'you know what I mean?

1631. - It just fuckin'... - Don't worry about it, mate.

1632. It's just... you know...

1633. This is fuckin' great, this is. This is brilliant stuff.

1634. Yeah, Shaun brought it back from Barbados.

1635. - Well done, Shaun. - Don't mention it.

1636. So it wasn't a complete waste of time?

1637. No, I had a great time, what I can remember. Know what I mean?

1638. Tony, you did a good job.

1639. Basically, you were right:

1640. .. Shaun is the greatest poet since Yeats.

1641. This is amazing. Can I have it in writing?

1642. It is already written in the sinews of history and the hearts of men.

1643. It's a pity you didn't sign the Smiths...

1644. .. but you were right about Mick Hucknall.

1645. His music's rubbish and he's a ginger.

1646. Vini Reilly, by the way,

1647. ..is way overdue a revival.

1648. You might think about a greatest hits.

1649. It's a good idea.

1650. It's good music to chill out to.

1651. Yeah, you're right.

1652. I usually am.

1653. Are you all right, there, Tony?

1654. Yeah, I've just seen God.

1655. - You did what? - I've just seen God.

1656. - Did you? - Yeah.

1657. What did he look like?

1658. He looked like me.

1659. How d'you mean?

1660. He was the double of me.

1661. It's written in the Bible, isn't it?

1662. God made man in his own image.

1663. Yeah, but not a specific man.

1664. No, but...

1665. .. if you'd have spoken to him, he woulda looked like you.

1666. But you didn't. I did.

1667. And he looked like me.

1668. It's fucking top gear, man.