1941 (1979)

1. [ Wind Howling ]

2. [ Bird Squawking ]

3. [ Bird Wings Fluttering ]

4. [ Bird Cawing ]

5. [ Sea Gull Calling ]

6. Oh! Oh!

7. [ Sinister Music Playing ]

8. [ Gasps, Screams ]

9. [ Screaming ]

10. [ Screaming ]

11. [ Men Speaking Japanese ]

12. [ Japanese Continues ]

13. [ Sighs ]

14. [ German ]

15. [ Shouts in Japanese ]

16. - [ Replies in Japanese ] - [ Shouts ]

17. [ Japanese ]

18. - [ Speaking German, Japanese ] - [ Japanese ]

19. [ Muttering in Japanese ]

20. [ Muttering in German ]

21. - [ Soldier ] Hollywood! - [ Woman Screaming ]

22. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

23. - [ Woman Screaming ] - [ Muttering ]

24. - [ Shouts ] - [ Screams ]

25. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

26. - [ Screams ] - [ Grunts ]

27. - [ Woman Screaming ] - [ Shouting in Japanese ]

28. [ Shouting ]

29. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

30. - Hollywood! - [ Shouts ]

31. [ Japanese ]

32. [ Exasperated Murmur ]

33. ♪♪ [ Swing Band ]

34. ♪♪

35. ♪♪

36. ♪♪

37. Better get your mind off that dame and back on the job or we'll never get outta here.

38. This war's been goin' on for the last ten years.

39. You had Japs in Manchuria in 1931,

40. the Eye-ties in Ethiopia in 1935,

41. the Krauts been blitzkrieging your favorite European tourist attractions the last 3 years.

42. Last year in Africa, it took General O'Connor and his British tanks two months...

43. to grab Libya and it took Rommel 12 days to get it back.

44. TREE: That's the kind of tough customer We're gonna be dealing with.

45. What's your problem, Kid? You got ants in your pants?

46. No, I was just kind of practicing some dance steps.

47. Dance steps? Mmm-hmm

48. Do you got somethin' to be dancing about, bub?

49. I don't know. Maybe I do.

50. -Maybe you do? -Yeah.

51. Well, there's a war on, pal.

52. and I want to know why you're not in uniform.

53. I want to know what you're doin' dancin' around tables.

54. I want to know why you're not in the Army.

55. - 'Cause I don't take orders from anybody. - A tough guy, huh?

56. - Whoa! - [ Woman Gasps ]

57. [ Wally ] Are you okay? I'm really sorry.

58. - I'm terribly sorry. - You got egg on my uniform.

59. - I'm very sorry. - I hate eggs.

60. - Eggs are good for you. - I can't stand eggs. I hate eggs.

61. - Look out, Wally. - Watch it! He's got a leg.

62. - [ Shouting, Groaning ] - That ain't the way you do it!

63. Can it, Sitarski! Save it for the Japs!

64. For cryin' out loud, Sarge. Look at this bozo.

65. Anybody who wears a shirt like that is askin' for it.

66. He's an American, Sitarski.

67. If it's one thing we don't want, it's seeing Americans fighting Americans.

68. I won't stand for that. Not here, not anywhere.

69. We've had our chow. Move out.

70. - You okay, kid? - You're not gonna tip him, are ya, Sarge?

71. - That's okay. I don't need your tip. - I think you do.

72. Get rid of that shirt. It's in bad taste.

73. Come on! Clean them floors up like I told ya!

74. Floors haven't been washed in 10 years. It'll take me all night.

75. I don't give a damn if it takes 20 years.

76. He can't work tonight. Tonight's his big night.

77. - Tonight's the night of the Jitterbug contest. - Jitterbug? Hell!

78. That reminds me. Kill them cockroaches in that flour sack.

79. - Pop, he can't work. He's gotta dance! - [ Groans ]

80. Oh, no.

81. Fill 'er up. Ethyl.

82. Where?

83. [ Newscaster ] It was just a case of war nerves. Two squadrons of Japanese Zeroes--

84. [ Man ] The Japs tried to bomb San Francisco last night.

85. Two squadrons of Jap Zeroes. I've been trackin' them ever since.

86. I lost them somewhere over Fresno.

87. [ Man ] Radio says that's not true about San Francisco.

88. - It was just a case of war nerves. - War nerves?

89. - Yeah. - Who said, "war nerves"?

90. I heard it on that radio there.

91. - Radio's wrong. - [ Woman ] Oh, my God!

92. Oh, shit!

93. Oh!

94. Stop that plane!

95. Stop! Stop! Damn it! Stop!

96. [ Sirens Wailing ]

97. Madness. It's the only word to describe it.

98. This isn't the state of California. This is a state of insanity.

99. [ Woman ] General Stilwell, Colonel Grant suggests dispatching...

100. guard units to all the city reservoirs.

101. Intelligence suspects that Fifth Columnists are going to...

102. "pour poison into the water supply."

103. And G-2 should pour knockout drops into the water supply.

104. Maybe the people of the city would calm down and leave the war to the Army.

105. [ Sirens Wailing ]

106. Here he comes!

107. - You have a telegram from Colonel Maddox, sir? - Madman Maddox?

108. - What does he want? - Troops, sir.

109. Troops? It's a practice bombing range in Barstow in the middle of the desert.

110. What's he want troops for? Give me that.

111. "Request emergency troops. Invasion imminent.

112. Suspect hidden Jap airfield in Pomona alfalfa fields."

113. I blame myself. I put that lunatic out there.

114. Jesus H. Christ, DuBois. Is that the General's new secretary?

115. Yes, sir. She came in from G-2 this morning.

116. - Not bad, huh? - Not bad? She's a goddess. A goddamn goddess!

117. That is Donna Stratton. I knew her back in Washington.

118. She has got this thing for planes.

119. One of those real high-flyin' types, huh?

120. I've never seen anything like it.

121. She's got planes on the brain.

122. His brother had all those political connections in Georgia. What could I do?

123. Tell him to hold his position. I'll send someone up there later .

124. [ Stilwell ] Where's Birkhead? He's supposed to have my lunch.

125. [ Donna ] B-17.

126. [ Gasps ] Ooh.

127. No man has ever gotten to first base with her on the ground.

128. But get her into a plane, she'll bat your balls right out of the park.

129. - You can fly, sir? - Who said anything about flying?

130. I just gotta get her into that plane. I'll fake the rest.

131. - [ Gasps ] - Hello, Donna.

132. Donna Stratton, after all this time. How long has it been?

133. Not long enough.

134. You're not still sore, are you, Donna?

135. Yes! in a number of places.

136. [ Laughing ] Same old Donna.

137. Listen, I got a great idea.

138. Why don't we get together for dinner tonight? We got a lot to talk about.

139. [ Laughing ]

140. What could you and I possibly have to talk about?

141. Airplanes.

142. I seem to recall that you always had a very keen interest in aircraft.

143. Now, take this B-17, for example.

144. A woman like you is bound to appreciate a plane like the 17.

145. After all, it's big. It's the biggest one here.

146. You know what else? It's got a lot of range.

147. - You know what I mean by range, don't you? - Oh, sure.

148. It can stay up for a long time. A very long time.

149. It's built firm and solid.

150. It has to be, because of its tremendous forward thrust.

151. And when this baby delivers its payload,

152. devastating.

153. [ Both Laughing ]

154. - Oh, Captain. Let's get something straight. - Please do.

155. I don't like you. I don't like the way you act.

156. I especially don't like your immature sexual innuendoes.

157. - I was just kidding. - The B-17 happens to be...

158. - the most valuable strategic air bomber... - Damn it!

159. - When I went to flight school, we were taught to secure these.

160. I didn't know you went to flight school.

161. I only logged in a couple of hours in a little Beechcraft Trainer...

162. before I got kicked out-- upstairs to become the General's aide.

163. - But can you fly the B-17? - B-17?

164. - Can you fly the B-25? - A plane's a plane.

165. - Can you fly the 24 Liberator? - Propeller and four wings.

166. Can you fly the 38 Lightning?

167. You can fly one, you can fly them all.

168. Sure, I could fly the 17.

169. I'm sorry, Captain. I didn't realize you had a serious interest in strategic bombers.

170. Donna, my interest is very strategic.

171. How would you like me to show you the cockpit?

172. [ Airplane Passes Overhead ]

173. Uh-huh. I'm lost.

174. [ Murmurs ] Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

175. Oooh!

176. [ Grunts ]

177. - [ Squeaking ] - Huh?

178. - [ Squeaking Continues ] - Huh?

179. [ Squeaking ]

180. Oh.

181. Ah.

182. ♪ The stars at night are big and bright ♪

183. [ Squeaking in Rhythm ]

184. ♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

185. [ Squeaks ]

186. Starved.

187. Can opener!

188. [ Glass Shattering ]

189. Ha-ha! Ho-ho! Ha-ha!

190. [ Birkhead ] Clear the props!

191. Boost pump on. Energize. Engage. Ignition!

192. Are we cleared for takeoff?

193. [ Imitating Radio Static ] B-17, two, seven, one.

194. Cleared for takeoff on runway one-eight.

195. Winds from the southwest.

196. - You want the stick? - Yes, yes, yes. Give it to me.

197. All right. Now.

198. We are rolling.

199. We're rolling down that runway...

200. faster and faster.

201. - I don't feel any thrust. - Don't worry. You will!

202. You will. All right, all right.

203. Max power! We're past the point of rejection.

204. - Get your nose up! Pull back on that stick! - [ Airplane Passes Overhead ]

205. [ Grunts ]

206. - Oh, very good. - [ Sighing, Panting ]

207. Landing gear up.

208. And now we're leveling off at 20,000 feet.

209. Turn the wheel to the right.

210. Good. We're at 20,000 feet.

211. Ow! [ Groans ]

212. - What's that? - Nothing. It was a little turbulence.

213. We hit an air pocket. Nothing to worry about.

214. Objectives in sight.

215. We peer down the bomb sight.

216. We're on target.

217. We open the bomb bay doors.

218. [ Whirring ]

219. [ Stilwell Continues, Indistinct ]

220. We are getting closer and closer.

221. We are approaching target.

222. We are almost there. Here we go, Donna. Here we go.

223. - Bombs away. - [ Machinery Clattering ]

224. Who's playing in the cockpit? Goddamn it!

225. - Mission scrubbed. - Oh, Donna!

226. Sorry to have to bail out, Loomis, but it just won't work on the ground.

227. I tried it in the simulator once. It was no good there either.

228. We've got to be airborne.

229. But, Donna, listen. We'll try a different flight plan.

230. We are divebombing Tokyo. [ Imitating Automatic Gunfire ]

231. I'd like to say one final word about bombs.

232. The eventuality of an air raid on this city is highly unlikely.

233. Oh, Donna. You can't do this to me. You don't know what I've been through today.

234. Loomis, my father was a drill sergeant in the Marine Corps.

235. He taught me how to defend myself. Now, leave me alone.

236. Donna, please--

237. As long as I am here, I can assure you,

238. there will be no bombs dropped here.

239. [ Screaming ]

240. [ People Screaming ]

241. We think we've located Captain Birkhead, sir.

242. ♪♪

243. - [ Chattering ] - Okay, okay.

244. Bye! See you later!

245. ♪♪ [ Scatting ] Bye-bye!

246. Maxine, I don't know why I ever listen to you.

247. I can't do this to Wally. You know he's been waiting a long time for this.

248. - He's even learning how to dance. - Forget about Wally.

249. Think of all those soldiers and sailors we'll be dancing with tonight.

250. - I can't forget about Wally. - ♪♪ [ Humming ]

251. What are you gonna do? Turn your back on those brave men in uniform...

252. so you can dance with some criminal?

253. Wally is not a criminal. He's just-- He's just original--

254. - He stole your father's car. That's really original. - [ Door Closes ]

255. - Wally? What are you doing here? - [ Maxine ] Betty?

256. Oh, my God. If my father catches you here, he'll kill you.

257. - Would you listen? - You can forget about the dance tonight.

258. They won't let you near the place dressed like that.

259. It's a USO club now for servicemen only.

260. - And we're hostesses. - What do you mean, "hostesses"?

261. - That like a waitress? - It means we can only dance with servicemen.

262. Real men.

263. Oh, my God. Here comes my father.

264. And he's got a gun!

265. - [ Laughing ] - Quick, Wally. Go out the garage door.

266. I'll stall him.

267. [ Wally ] Come on! Oh! Hello? Come on!

268. - Hi, Dad. - Hi. How are you?

269. - Dad, I'd like you to meet my friend. - Hi!

270. It won't open!

271. Dad, Dad, I joined the USO.

272. Yes, I know. You told me, dear. We all got to do what we can.

273. [ Betty, Maxine Chattering ]

274. Aha!

275. Shit. I didn't hear any gunshots. He must have got away.

276. What's that rug-- That's my hat!

277. Gus, Gus, wait 'til they step on it.

278. That's my brand-new hat.

279. [ Screams ]

280. [ Giggling ]

281. Surrender!

282. - Macey Douglas, what is the meaning of this? - What is this?

283. Jap trap. We're gonna cover it over with sticks and stuff.

284. Dad says when the Japs sneak up, they'll fall in.

285. [ Vacuum Whirring ]

286. - [ Gasps ] - [ Vacuum Off ]

287. Ward Douglas.

288. - [ Truck Approaching ] - Wow! Look what we're getting.

289. I will not have guns in this house.

290. - [ Gasps ] - Uh, excuse us, ma'am.

291. - Heads up! - [ Woman Screams, Whimpers ]

292. - [ Whimpering ] - Hello?

293. Sorry, ma'am. Our gun kind of got away on us there.

294. - All right, move it back! Come on! - Shit! Oh, sorry.

295. Come on, move it out! Back it up, ya foul-ups.

296. Let's go, Reese. Move it out easy now.

297. Come on, Foley. Get in here and push.

298. - Gee whiz. - Corporal Sitarski, get on that wheel. Come on!

299. All right. Sitarski, lock it up!

300. - Ow! - Watch yourself.

301. Attention, Foley, Sitarski, Reese, let's go!

302. Fall in on the double. Hustle, hustle!

303. Oh, my God! My roses!

304. Ten-hut! At ease.

305. Sir, Sergeant Frank Tree, United States Army Tenth Armored Division.

306. Mr. Ward Herbert Douglas, 1313 Pelican Way?

307. Yes.

308. Uh-huh. The Coast Artillery Command has determined your property...

309. to be strategically advantageous for the installation...

310. of an enemy aircraft defense battery.

311. What?

312. We want to put this 40 millimeter antiaircraft gun in your yard, sir.

313. Joan, they want to put this gun in our yard.

314. No. Absolutely not. I refuse to let you...

315. bring the war into my own front yard.

316. No!

317. Hello, hello, hello.

318. Sitarski! Quit goldbrickin'! Go in that garage,

319. find a cement block and stabilize that ordnance.

320. - Move it! - Yes, sir!

321. - You heard your boss. Put me down. - Anything you say, doll.

322. [ Gasps ]

323. - Come on, get the lead out! Move, move, move! - Yes, sir!

324. Sergeant, there's no way this gun can go off by itself, is there?

325. Actually, I'm a motor pool maintenance sergeant.

326. I don't know too much about the gunnery stuff.

327. However, I can tell you this material is a 40 millimeter automatic gun...

328. effective against low-flying aerial targets.

329. The gun will displace a 1.96 pound, high-explosive armor--

330. [ Tree ] Projectile at 2,960 feet per second--

331. - Don't they teach you manners in the Army? - You're right. I'm sorry.

332. I'm Corporal Chuck Sitarski, United States Army.

333. But, uh, my good friends call me Stretch.

334. You shouldn't touch the ordnance at all.

335. But more specifically, you should never pull this hand-operating lever...

336. - to the rear. - Never.

337. Do not push a clip of ammunition down into the feed rollers here.

338. - You would never put the ammunition-- - No, sir. Never.

339. You never restore this lever to firing position.

340. Do not make sure that this cover is completely closed.

341. Never depress operator's foot triggers here, here...

342. - and at the rear here. - Never.

343. If an ordinary Joe like me...

344. went to one of those fancy USO dances,

345. and he saw an awful pretty girl like you, and--

346. And he wanted to ask her to dance,

347. - you think maybe she'd, uh, say, uh-- - Yes?

348. - Yeah. - [ Giggles, Screams ]

349. Don't listen to that jerk!

350. You!

351. You!

352. - You! - You.

353. You... have a really serious wardrobe problem, kid.

354. [ Wally ] It's isn't fair! No! No!

355. [ Shouting ]

356. Put me down! No! No! No, no, no, no, no!

357. I'm gonna be there at 8:00 in front of the Crystal Ballroom. I'll meet you there!

358. - No, you won't! - Yes, I will!

359. - No, you won't! - Yes, I will!

360. No, you won't.

361. [Japanese ]

362. [ Murmurs, Speaks Japanese ]

363. [German]

364. - [ Japanese ] - [ Japanese ]

365. [German]

366. [Japanese]

367. ♪ Bring on your tough hoss ♪

368. ♪ You never had one ♪

369. ♪ That would set me to guessin' or-- ♪

370. ♪ Bother me none ♪

371. Does that gun work?

372. You ain't gonna shoot nobody, are ya?

373. You ought to get some oil on that thing. You shouldn't leave it settin' out.

374. - [ Japanese ] - Down there? What is it? A Winchester?

375. That's what I got, a Winchester.

376. Lever action, shoots like a house on fire.

377. You ought to try to pick one up-- Don't go stepping on me.

378. Ought to try to pick one up while you're over here.

379. Damn good gun.

380. Ah!

381. - [ Japanese ] - [ Sighs ]

382. You sneaky little bastards ain't gettin' doodily shit outta me,

383. except maybe my name, rank and social security number.

384. Wood, Hollis P. Lumberjack.

385. Social security: 1-0-6...

386. 4-3... 2-1-8-5.

387. Where Hollywood?

388. - Right here. - What?

389. You're lookin' at him.

390. - Who? - Hollis Wood.

391. Where?

392. I'm right here. Shoot. Can't ya understand plain English?

393. - Hollywood? - Huh?

394. - Where? - Here!

395. Look. Where Hollywood?

396. North? South?

397. Oh. You want me to tell you where Hollywood is.

398. Well, shoot. That's easy. Hollywood is right--

399. Oh, no, you don't.

400. You thought you was gonna get me to show you where Hollywood was, didn't ya?

401. Tried to sneak up on me like ya did Pearl Harbor!

402. Bet you're gonna bomb John Wayne's house, ain't ya?

403. - John Wayne-o? - I knew it!

404. I knew it. I ain't gonna tell ya one stinkin' thing.

405. You can torture me, do anything you want to.

406. Jesus palomino.

407. A Nazi! I knew it!

408. You're all in cahoots!

409. Let me tell you something, Mr. Heinie Kraut,

410. I fought your kind in the great war.

411. And we kicked the livin' shit outta ya.

412. ♪ Over there, over there ♪

413. ♪ Send the word Send the word over there ♪

414. - ♪ That the Yanks are comin' The Huns are runnin' ♪♪ - [ Shouting in German ]

415. [ Japanese ]

416. Hey! What do ya go tearin' up my radio for?

417. What's the big idea?

418. [ Japanese ]

419. All right. Go ahead and search me if you want to.

420. [ Japanese ]

421. One genuine American jackrabbit foot.

422. [ Japanese ]

423. One authentic early American hari-kari knife.

424. Pass it around, boys. Maybe somebody's got a use for it.

425. One ten-cent box of delicious,

426. nutritious, caramel-coated Popperjacks.

427. [ Men Chattering in Japanese ]

428. Doggone it, this is my stuff.

429. [ Speaking German ]

430. - [ Japanese ] - [ Men Speaking Japanese ]

431. [ Kleinschmidt Speaking German ]

432. Compass. [ Japanese ]

433. [ German ]

434. [ Japanese ]

435. [ Crew Laughing ]

436. [ Gulps ]

437. Banzai, my balls-- [ Coughs ]

438. - [ Japanese ] - [ Coughing Continues ]

439. [ German ]

440. Let's see you try and find Hollywood now, you scrawny little--

441. - Hey, boy, watch that knife. - [ Japanese ]

442. [ Japanese Continues ]

443. [ Japanese ]

444. Prune juice.

445. Oh, no, you don't! Aah!

446. - ♪♪ [ Singing in Japanese ] - [ Sputtering, Coughing ]

447. - I love ferris wheels. - Relax, Claude. Everything's gonna be all right.

448. Here's what you gotta do.

449. If you hear or see any airplanes, you pick up the phone,

450. you yell, "Army flash!"

451. - You got a direct line to the Interceptor Command. - Hey!

452. Then you tell them exactly what ya saw and where. Here.

453. You know my problem with heights. I don't want to be stuck up there with him.

454. Jesus Christ, Angelo. They gave him a gun.

455. Don't worry. He got a license. He's an expert shot.

456. Don't worry. Try to adjust to him.

457. - To know him is to love him. - Ow!

458. Don't worry. You'll both be compatible.

459. If not, I'll get you a replacement. Just sit down, Claude.

460. Remember, you're both very vital to Civil Defense.

461. Safety bar? We don't need no safety bar.

462. What happens if we have to jump?

463. You keep the safety bar locked at all times.

464. And remember, don't act up, Herbie, like you did last summer.

465. No standing up and no rocking.

466. You mean this thing rocks? Whoa!

467. [ Claude ] Whoa! Whoa!

468. [ Herb ] Don't worry. You're perfectly safe.

469. Like a baby in its mother's arms. You got nothin' to worry about.

470. I once swung around in one of these things 180 degrees and I didn't get hurt.

471. No, sir, buddy. There's no way you can get killed in one of these,

472. unless you really try.

473. Like this one guy I knew. He committed suicide.

474. He just stood up and did a swan dive straight down.

475. Sit down, please. Just stay seated, please.

476. Don't look down, Claude. You'll be all right.

477. Up, up, up. I'll be back to pick you up after your shift. Ciao.

478. Hey, this grapefruit's rotten.

479. I'm gonna throw it away. Is it all right with you?

480. All right, I'm gonna throw it away.

481. Here it goes. It's going. It's going.

482. It's going. It's going.

483. Going. It's going. It's going.

484. Too bad I forgot to time it.

485. If I'd timed it, I would have known how long it took to hit the ground.

486. Because objects fall at 32 feet per second.

487. Would you just shut up about heights?

488. I don't want to hear another word about heights.

489. - Boy, I sure hope the wind starts-- - Just shut up!

490. Now don't say another word.

491. Scared of heights, huh? Ha, ha, ha! Me too.

492. [ Japanese ]

493. [ Sighs ]

494. [ Japanese ]

495. You ain't gettin' shit outta me.

496. I've been constipated all week and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.

497. [ Japanese ]

498. [German]

499. Now wait a minute, General!

500. I'm doin' the best I can.

501. You gotta tell these guys that I gotta have more privacy.

502. How in the hell do you expect a guy to take a bowel movement...

503. with a bunch of buffalo rifles a-pointin' at 'em?

504. I have enough problems just pissin' in a public restroom.

505. [ Japanese ]

506. [ Japanese ]

507. [ German ]

508. [ German ]

509. [ Hollis Screaming ]

510. - [ Hollis Continues Screaming ] - [ Japanese ]

511. - [ Screaming Continues ] - Hmph!

512. [ Screaming ]

513. [ Murmuring ]

514. [ Chattering in Japanese ]

515. [ Screaming ]

516. - Ahh! - [ Chattering ]

517. [ Chattering in Japanese ]

518. - [ Chattering Continues ] - Huh?

519. - [ Screams ] - [ Screaming ]

520. [ Toilet Flushing ]

521. All right, you!

522. [ Shouting ]

523. [ Shouting ]

524. [ Bullet Ricocheting ]

525. [ Conversing in Japanese ]

526. - Get outta my way! - [ Screams ]

527. - [ German ] - God bless America!

528. - Hey! [ German ] - [ Japanese ]

529. Let go of my foot, you son of a bitch you!

530. [ Shouting in German ]

531. [ Muttering in German ]

532. - [ German ] - [ Japanese ]

533. Which way's the damn beach? Oh, shit!

534. [ Muttering ]

535. ♪♪ [ Swing Band: "Down By The Ohio" ]

536. Detail, assume defense positions on the double!

537. - All right, move! - [ Man ] Clear all civilians outta here!

538. No civilians tonight. Get 'em back.

539. Get 'em out there. Keep 'em back.

540. Ah. Dumbo.

541. Sure be good to get my mind off things for a while.

542. - [ Car Horn Honking ] - [ Tires Screeching ]

543. Come on, I don't want to miss Dumbo.

544. General Stilwell, sir, an urgent message from Barstow!

545. -From Colonel Maddox, son? -Sir, they're worried about an invasion.

546. Christ, I thought I told Maddox to hold his position. Birkhead, see what he wants.

547. I'm sorry, sir. My orders are to give these directly to you.

548. "Request relief column. Invasion imminent.

549. Murderers parachuting in from the skies."

550. I'm getting that old sinking feeling.

551. Excuse me, General, but since it's a bombing range,

552. don't you think Colonel Maddox would have some planes there, sir?

553. Some airplanes.

554. Yeah, well, he might have a few planes there. So what?

555. Well, I seem to recall a huge stockpile of bombs, sir.

556. Stock-- I'm missing the movie. I'm missing the movie!

557. Considering Maddox's state of mind, there's no telling what he might do.

558. I thought it might be wise if I take a jaunt out there...

559. and see if I can't appease the girl-- uh, the colonel, sir.

560. With your permission, of course.

561. Take my car, go out there and keep that maniac at bay.

562. - And don't let him get his hands on an airplane. - Yes, sir!

563. Sir, I'm going to take a rain check on the movie. I've got a splitting headache.

564. I'm sorry about your headache. Can I call a car for you?

565. No, sir, I think I can persuade Capt. Birkhead to give me--

566. Can I have my ticket?

567. Loomis, use your head. Everybody knows you flunked out of flight school.

568. Trust me, it'll never get that far.

569. [ Coughing ]

570. [ Tires Screech ]

571. - [ Horn Honks ] - Whoa!

572. Thank you.

573. - Betty, I have to talk to you.

574. - Would you excuse us, sir? - I wanna apologize for this afternoon.

575. - We have nothing to talk about now. - Sir, we're late for the dance.

576. Don't go in there with him. I know him. I know what he's like.

577. - Miss Douglas? Allow me. - [ Groans ]

578. ♪♪ [ Trumpets, Swing Band ]

579. ♪♪

580. ♪ Down by the Ohio ♪

581. ♪ I've got the cutest sweetest oh-my-oh ♪

582. - ♪ He's just a country boy... ♪ - Wally's in the street!

583. - What? - Hey!

584. - You wanna dance? - No!

585. - You-- You wanna dance? - No!

586. - ♪♪ [ Continues ] - Care for a drink, Betty?

587. - I'm not hungry. - Gimme a couple of Cokes.

588. - I'm really not hungry. - Couple of donuts too.

589. Hey, you devil, how about a deviled egg?

590. - Oh, no, I hate eggs. - My grandmother made 'em.

591. - Would you care to dance? - Yes.

592. Excuse us, please. Listen.

593. That... is my port of entry.

594. Believe me, walk away. Just walk away.

595. I'm wa-- I'm walking away. I'm walking.

596. - ♪ They're just very ordinary ♪ - Your donut, Betty.

597. - ♪ By that I mean ♪ - I'll get it.

598. - ♪ Those heartbreakers haven't a chance ♪ - Wanna cut a rug with me?

599. - Maybe have a little pick-me-up. We could-- - ♪ With my new romance ♪

600. - ♪ Down by the old Ohio ♪ - Maybe later.

601. ♪ That's where I found him I've got the cutest oh-my-oh ♪

602. Betty, I think it's getting a little crowded around here.

603. - ♪♪ [ Continues ] - Why don't we go and dance?

604. ♪ And jumpin' jeepers creepers ♪

605. - ♪ When I'm in his arms ♪ - That's the man for me.

606. ♪ I get so oh-my-oh ♪

607. ♪ He is the only-- ♪

608. [ Tuning, Static ]

609. - Aaah! - ♪ --me so ♪

610. - ♪ He knows his chickens and his cabbages too ♪ - [ Speaks Japanese ]

611. ♪♪ [ Continues ]

612. ♪ He's got that oh-my-oh Oh-hi, oh-my ♪

613. ♪ Just wait 'til I get back to O-hi-o ♪

614. [ONSCREEN: Chains Clank ]

615. ♪ Baby mine ♪

616. ♪ Don't you cry ♪

617. ♪ Baby mine ♪

618. ♪ Dry your eyes ♪

619. ♪ Rest your head close to my heart ♪

620. - ♪ Never to part, baby of-- ♪♪ - [ Sniffles ]

621. - ♪♪ [ Continues ] - [ Barking ]

622. [ Chattering in Spanish ]

623. - ♪ He knows his chickens and his cabbages too ♪ - What's your real name, Sal?

624. ♪ But where the dickens did he learn to "woo-woo" ♪

625. - Raoul. - I knew it.

626. Lipschitz.

627. ♪ Just wait 'til I get back to ♪

628. ♪ O-hi-o ♪

629. ♪ You may think you've seen ♪

630. ♪ Lovers on the screen ♪

631. ♪ They're just very ordinary By that I mean ♪

632. ♪ Those heartbreakers haven't a chance ♪

633. - ♪ 'Gainst my new romance ♪ - Wally!

634. Betty!

635. - ♪ Down by the old Ohio ♪ - Wally!

636. - ♪ I've got the cutest oh-my-oh ♪ - [ Man ] Hey, come on!

637. You'll never drink in here again, you drunken son of a bitch!

638. [ Laughing, Shouting in Spanish ]

639. ♪♪ [ Continues, Faint ]

640. - ♪ I get so oh-my-oh ♪ - [ Panting ]

641. ♪ He is the only one who ever thrilled me so ♪

642. They want no drunks botherin' and grabbin' em.

643. ♪ He knows his chickens and his cabbages too ♪

644. - All right? I'm sorry. - [ Grunting ]

645. - ♪ He's got my oh-my-oh Oh-my-oh-my ♪

646. - ♪ Just wait 'til I get back ♪ - [ Bouncer ] No drinking!

647. - ♪ To O-hi-o ♪♪ - [ Grunting ] I'm sorry.

648. [ Groaning, Whimpering ] No!

649. [ Groaning Continues ]

650. Ladies and gentlemen, may I please have your attention?

651. - [ Applause ] - Attention, please, everyone.

652. Listen up now, everyone. All right.

653. Meyer, come on up here.

654. - ♪ Hey, listen ♪ - All right.

655. - The jitterbug contest is about to begin. - [ Cheering, Applause ]

656. And now I'm going to introduce our judge for the contest,

657. Mr. Meyer Mishkin of RKO Pictures!

658. - RKO Pictures! - [ Whistling, Cheering Continues ]

659. - Meyer is an agent at RKO Pictures and he's-- - Uh, talent scout.

660. Talent scout. All right.

661. Tell them about first prize, huh?

662. Uh, first prize is a seven-year contract at RKO Pictures.

663. - [ Cheering Continues ] - Seven years! Did you hear that?

664. Let's get outta here so these slobs can't bother us.

665. You wanna dance with me? I'm in the USO! I'll dance with you!

666. - ♪♪ [ Continues ] - [ Coughing ]

667. [ Man On P.A., Indistinct ]

668. [ Grunts ]

669. - ♪♪ [ Continues ] - Sailor, please!

670. Let's get outta here.

671. I don't wanna go!

672. Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to count down with me...

673. on this momentous, tremendous,

674. absolutely pretty... important occasion.

675. - ♪♪ [ Drumroll ] - All right.

676. - We can't go yet. You wanna dance? - Sure, dolly.

677. - And... - [ With Crowd ] Ten!

678. - What the hell are you-- Hey! - [ Crowd ] Nine!

679. You crazy son of a bitch!

680. Please.

681. Seven!

682. Help me.

683. - Gimme a break. - [ Crowd ] Six! Five!

684. - A what? - Gimme a break!

685. Time!

686. - Four! - Please.

687. - Three! - Aaah!

688. - Two! - Wait for me, Stretch!

689. One!

690. And grab your partner and take it away!

691. - [ Maxine ] Wait for me, Stretch! - ♪♪ [ Swing Band ]

692. ♪♪ [ Continues ]

693. - Wally! - Wait a minute, Betty! We gotta dance!

694. ♪♪

695. [ Both Gasp ]

696. - Ohh! - Ahh!

697. - Aah! - [ Woman Chattering, Indistinct ]

698. - Aah! - [ Gasping, Chattering ]

699. Ohh! [ Giggles ]

700. [ Man ] Look out!

701. [ Groans ]

702. - [ Grunts ] - Stretch!

703. ♪♪ [ Continues ]

704. [ Woman Giggling ]

705. [ Grunts ]

706. [ Cheering, Applause ]

707. Watch it!

708. [ Women Screaming ]

709. - Stretch! - [ Sitarski Grunting ]

710. - Ohhh! - Who's that?

711. - [ Kisses ] - [ Groans ]

712. Get awa-- Aah!

713. Ooh, Stretch.

714. Whoa!

715. [ Onlookers Gasp ]

716. Aaah!

717. [ Women ] Whoo!

718. [ Woman Laughing ]

719. [ Women ] Whoo!

720. [ Women Scream ]

721. - Whoo! - Whoo!

722. ♪♪ [ Continues ]

723. Uh-oh.

724. - [ Onlookers Gasp ] Look at that!

725. [ Cheering, Applause ]

726. [ Cheering Continues ]

727. Wally! Hey, Wally!

728. [ Shouting, Cheering ]

729. That's my best friend!

730. And he's dancin'.

731. What's that guy's name? What a dancer!

732. - Watch it, Wally! - ♪♪ [ Ends ]

733. - [ Onlookers Scream, Gasp ] - Wally!

734. - [ Groaning ] - [ Murmuring, Screaming ]

735. Well, well, well.

736. Just the son of a bitch I'm lookin' for.

737. [ Onlookers Scream, Gasp ]

738. You son of a bitch!

739. - [ Screaming Continues ] - Wait a second!

740. Wait, guys! Now wait a second! Wait!

741. [ Shouting, Yelling ]

742. [ Shouting Continues ]

743. [ Shouting Stops ]

744. - [ Bell Rings ] - [ Shouting Resumes ]

745. Are you okay?

746. - Stop! Stop! - [ Grunting ]

747. [ Sitarski, Betty Grunting ]

748. Ohh!

749. Ohh!

750. [ Men Groaning ]

751. [ Groans ]

752. I love you, Stretch!

753. Aaah!

754. [ Birkhead Muttering ] Right engine, left engine.

755. I don't see any planes out here, Loomis.

756. Do you know what's gonna happen to you if there aren't any planes?

757. - Can you possibly imagine? - Donna, would you just relax?

758. - Loomis. - Donna, I'm gonna look around.

759. - I'll be right back. - [ Engine Stops ]

760. Hello!

761. Hello!

762. Anybody home?

763. No! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

764. - Don't shoot! Please don't shoot! - [ Gunfire Stops ]

765. [ Man ] Identify yourself!

766. Captain Loomis Birkhead, United States Army!

767. Birkhead? What kind of stupid name is that?

768. Just stand right there. Winowski!

769. Little tall for a Jap, wouldn't you say?

770. Yeah, but those Japs are sneaky bastards, sir.

771. - You never know. - You're right.

772. Check him for stilts.

773. S-Stilts, sir?

774. - Do it. - Yo!

775. Oww! Ooh! God!

776. Son of a bitch!

777. Ah, thank God, Captain. [ Laughing ]

778. - Thank God you got through. - [ Groans ]

779. [ Chuckling ]

780. My troops. Where are my troops?

781. - Stilwell promised me troops. - Uh, you see, w-we're a little,

782. - uh, shorthanded, sir. - Shorthanded?

783. - Stilwell's trying to hold L.A. - Stilwell? L.A.?

784. Well, my God, doesn't he realize how desperate my situation is here?

785. They're parachuting murderers into these hills,

786. and now I'm getting reports of secret airstrips...

787. hidden away in the alfalfa fields of Pomona!

788. Colonel, you don't, uh--

789. You don't have any bombers here, do ya, sir?

790. Bombers?

791. If I had bombers, son,

792. I'd be bombin' the hell out of 'em right now! [ Laughing ]

793. - [ Troops Laughing ] - No planes?

794. Boy, am I in trouble now.

795. [ Laughing Stops Suddenly ]

796. Son, the only plane I got is that shit-on-a-shingle trainer sittin' over there.

797. [ Whispers ] It's fine, it's fine. Let's go.

798. Sir, I happen to have a reconnaissance expert...

799. from our intelligence office in Washington with us in the car and...

800. with your permission, sir,

801. we'd like to take that trainer and try to spot that enemy airfield.

802. Why, son, tha-that plane doesn't have any guns on it. You're talkin' suicide.

803. I have no other choice.

804. Ladies and gentlemen, everywhere I look...

805. soldiers are fighting sailors, sailors are fighting marines.

806. Directly in front of me I see a flying blond floozy.

807. Everywhere I look, everywhere, pure pandemonium-- pandemonium!

808. [ Scraping ]

809. Did you ever see an elephant fly?

810. - Well, I seen a horsefly. - I seen a dragonfly!

811. - I seen a housefly. - [ Crows Laughing ]

812. See, I've seen all that too.

813. I've seen a peanut stand...

814. and heard a rubber band.

815. I seen a needle that winked its eye.

816. ♪ But I be done seen about ever'thing ♪

817. - ♪ When I see an elephant fly ♪ - What you say, boy?

818. - I said, when I see an elephant fly. - [ Whispers ] Sir.

819. - They're rioting in the streets. - [ Chuckles ] Who's rioting?

820. - Soldiers and sailors. - I seen a polka dot railroad tie!

821. - And zoot suiters. - Zoot suiters?

822. - Yes, sir. - Sounds like a matter for the police.

823. - ♪♪ [ Continues ] - Police, shore patrols, MPs.

824. Let them handle the riots. I'll handle the Japanese.

825. - That's all, Sergeant. - Yes, sir.

826. Parking brake, release.

827. Uh, flaps up. Trim set.

828. We're ready. Radio on.

829. - Jesus Christ! - What?

830. This thing hasn't got a radio!

831. Colonel, this thing hasn't got a radio!

832. What radio?

833. It hasn't got a radio!

834. I gotta let Interceptor Command know I'm up there! I don't wanna get my ass shot off!

835. Hell, son, you can't call Interceptor Command!

836. That plane doesn't have a radio!

837. I know it doesn't have a radio!

838. I know it doesn't have a radio, but I got a telephone!

839. Don't worry! I'll call them for you!

840. You got a telephone. Okay.

841. [ Soldier ] Go!

842. Wonderful! Bomb the hell out of 'em, son!

843. That's it! Straight away, son!

844. Oh, no. Hey! Whoa, look out, son! Watch it! Hey!

845. [ Maddox ] Take your foot off the right brake, son!

846. - Loomis, stop showing off. - Aaaah!

847. Hey! Come on! Get down!

848. Hey! Son! You're goin' the wrong way!

849. Equest-ray emergency oops-tray and we're eady-ray to oll-ray.

850. [ Shouting, Indistinct ]

851. [ Shouting, Yelling ]

852. Everybody fall in!

853. And... salute!

854. Full throttle, max power, past the point of rejection.

855. You're gonnna hit the tower.

856. - [ Soldiers ] Whoa! - Naw, we missed it.

857. This is S.L.P.

858. [ Radio Man Talking, Indistinct ]

859. - [ Crash ] - How do you read me?

860. Interceptor Command, this is Colonel Maddox.

861. - Hello? - [ Airplane Passes Overhead ]

862. My God, we've been cut off!

863. Colonel Maddox!

864. - [ Airplane Buzzing ] Aircraft approaching, sir!

865. Hold your fire. Pass it on.

866. [ Soldier ] Hold your fire. Pass it on.

867. - Hold your fire. - Hold your fire.

868. [ Grunts ] Aah! Ohh! Mmm.

869. My leg. It won't wake up.

870. Come on, wake up. Wake up, wake up!

871. [ Muttering ]

872. Ground crew!

873. What form of lunatic is that?

874. What kind of lunatic runs this place? Come on!

875. Yo.

876. [ Muttering ] Come on, wake up, you moron.

877. - Not now, Winowski, you stupid soda jerk.

878. Come on--

879. Huh?

880. Mmm.

881. ♪♪ [ Humming ]

882. He's on the level, sir!

883. Yaah!

884. [ Blows ]

885. - [ Chamber Clicks ] - Identify yourself!

886. [ Spits ] Captain Wild Bill Kelso,

887. United States Army Air Corps.

888. Where the hell am I?

889. - Barstow. Where you comin' from? - San Francisco.

890. Been trackin' a Jap squadron for a day and a half.

891. Lost 'em somewhere over Fresno.

892. - I'm from Olene, Illinois. - Tough shit.

893. You see any Japs around here?

894. Hell, son, they're all over the place.

895. They got a secret air base down in Pomona. That's where they're all comin' from.

896. Pomona.

897. Which way is, uh, Pomona?

898. That way. Toward L.A.

899. [ Groans ]

900. - [ Grunts ] - Heave!

901. - [ Grunting ] Aaah! - [ Toy Squeaking ]

902. [ Kelso Muttering ]

903. Aaah!

904. Get away! Go on! Go on!

905. [ Muttering ]

906. My name's Wild Bill Kelso,

907. and don't you forget it.

908. That's the kind of talk I like to hear, boy!

909. That's it! Lemme hear your guns!

910. - My guns? - I wanna hear what they sound like.

911. Let me hear 'em! [ Imitates Machine Guns ]

912. [ Continues Imitating Guns ]

913. Aaaaaah!

914. Aaaaah-ha-ha-ha!

915. Aaah!

916. Vaya con Dios, my friend!

917. To Hollywood... and glory!

918. Ha-ha-ha!

919. This thing handles pretty well,

920. even if it's not a B-17.

921. But...

922. does it have much range, Loomis?

923. - Huh? - I mean,

924. do you think it'll stay up for a long time?

925. Sure. Hell, we've used less than a quarter of a tank already.

926. Look. We're already over the Riverside County Reservoir.

927. Army flash, Army flash.

928. Post, Riverside County Reservoir.

929. Code name, Strawberry.

930. Three single-engine aircraft.

931. Three single-engine aircraft heard...

932. five miles northeast of Strawberry,

933. proceeding west, high altitude. - Strawberry's in sector 14.

934. No clearance for aircraft in 14. I repeat, no clearance.

935. - Request visual information. - Visual information unavailable.

936. Try to contact aircraft by radio.

937. Tangerine confirms Strawberry aircraft proceeding west.

938. Attention, all units! Condition yellow!

939. I repeat, yellow alert!

940. [ Bell Dings ]

941. [ Shouting, Yelling ]

942. [ Tires Screeching ]

943. Ohh! [ Yelling ]

944. - What you need is a little pick-me-up. - [ Firemen Yelling ]

945. - [ Fire Truck Horn Blasting ] - I'll give you a--

946. Aaaah!

947. There they are, men! Let's get 'em!

948. [ Shouting, Yelling ]

949. - Oh, no! - [ Women Screaming ]

950. [ Shouting Continues ]

951. Aaaah!

952. Aaaaah!

953. [ Continues Yelling ]

954. Yaaaah!

955. [ Gunfire Continues ]

956. What the hell do you people think you're doing?

957. You're acting like a bunch of Tojo stooges!

958. You wanna put Yamamoto in the White House?

959. The Axis is crawling like a slime all over Europe.

960. I can't believe it! Americans fighting Americans! We got the lousy Huns to fight!

961. ♪♪ [ Swing Band: Slow Tempo ]

962. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that just about wraps up...

963. another evening's entertainment here at the Crystal Ballroom...

964. in downtown Los Angeles.

965. I hope you enjoyed tonight's program.

966. I'd like to thank all the GIs for helping make tonight's evening such a--

967. a memorable occasion.

968. Maybe in the future we can have some Negroes come in...

969. - and we'll stage a race riot right here.

970. Wally!

971. This is Sal Stewart saying, I hope you had a good time.

972. We're gonna be boogie-woogie-ing our way...

973. right... across... the street... soon.

974. So stay tuned to this station.

975. Next week we'll be back. Hope you had a good time.

976. ♪♪ [ Continues ]

977. Ohh. Ohh.

978. [ Chair Rattling ]

979. Aah! [ Whimpers ]

980. Ohh!

981. Oh, no!

982. Aah! Ohh!

983. Stretch! Oh, boy!

984. - Aah! Ohh! - [ Grunting ]

985. Hey, you!

986. Make no mistake about this:

987. Japs do not surrender and they don't take prisoners.

988. They have only one idea in mind. Do you know what that is, sailor?

989. - [ Crowd Together ] No! - To kill, that's right!

990. - To kill you, to kill your families! - [ Crowd Booing ]

991. To kill your families, mothers, loved ones and pets...

992. - and keep on killing until they conquer the world!

993. - And when they do... - Wally!

994. you won't be able to speak your free mind or worship God in your own way.

995. You won't be able to walk down Main Street anymore.

996. - Stretch! Stretch! - Hey, lady, what are you doin'?

997. - [ Crowd Booing, Shouting Angrily ] - Stretch!

998. Instead of turkey for Christmas dinner, how would ya like to have...

999. ...raw fish heads and rice? - [ Crowd Shouts ] No!

1000. - You think the Krauts believe in Walt Disney? - [ Crowd Shouts ] Yeah!

1001. Well, was that Mickey Mouse blitzkriegin' across France?

1002. [ Crowd ] No!

1003. - Pluto in Poland? - Oh, I'm sorry.

1004. - Or Donald Duck at Pearl Harbor? - [ Crowd Shouts ] No!

1005. - This time we free the world or we lose it! - [ Cheering ]

1006. We win or die tryin'!

1007. [ Crowd Cheering ]

1008. We sure didn't start this war,

1009. but, by God, we're gonna finish it!

1010. Donna, wouldja lay off? I'm tryin' to steer !

1011. What's wrong? You're not airborne yet.

1012. What are you talkin' about? Look out the window. Of course we're airborne !

1013. We are, but you're not.

1014. Post, Cauliflower, aircraft 12:00, proceeding west.

1015. Sector 12. They're heading for L.A.

1016. What about visual information, sir?

1017. To hell with visual information. They're Japs. Let's go to red.

1018. - Red alert for Los Angeles. - [ Bell Dings ]

1019. - Red alert. - [ Emergency Horn Honking ]

1020. This is it! Let's show those lousy Huns what we got!

1021. [ Cheering, Applause, Whistling ]

1022. Prepare to mount up. Foley, let's go.

1023. - [ Laughing ] - [ Siren Continues ]

1024. - All right, you wise "boids"! - Now what?

1025. [ Air Raid Siren Continues ]

1026. - You! - Aah!

1027. - Hi, Stretch! - [ Shouting ]

1028. [ Siren Continues ]

1029. - [ Siren Continues, Faint ] - [ Shouting, Cheering, Faint ]

1030. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1031. Ein Amerikan.

1032. [ Whispers ] Invasion.

1033. [ Whispers ] Japanese.

1034. [ Loud Whisper ] Joan!

1035. Mom, Dad's got something stuck in his throat!

1036. What is it, dear?

1037. Invasion!

1038. - [ Air Raid Siren Continues ] - [ Indistinct Chatter ]

1039. Get me a spotlight down here. Here we go.

1040. [ Indistinct Chatter Continues ]

1041. All right, you dog asses! Haul in here! Ten-hut!

1042. - Big brass, Sarge. - General Stilwell.

1043. - What a mess. What a goddamn mess! - [ Tires Screeching ]

1044. - Motor Sergeant Frank Tree... - Bressler!

1045. - reporting for combat duty, sir! - Get me Interceptor Command!

1046. - Is there a phone around here? - In the theater, sir.

1047. - Get on it. Sergeant! - Yes, sir!

1048. Secure this area. Give me a one-block perimeter.

1049. Yes, sir! What's the plan of action, sir?

1050. Hold the block.

1051. You can hold one block, can't you?

1052. [ Panting ] ls the target in sight yet, Loomis?

1053. Oh, it will be, just as soon as I make it through these...

1054. hills.

1055. [ Airplane Buzzing, Faint ]

1056. - [ Airplane Buzzing, Louder ] - Do you hear that?

1057. Yeah.

1058. - [ Both Panting ] - [ Donna ] More thrust! Oh!

1059. Ohh! Ohh!

1060. [ Panting Continues ]

1061. [ Gagging ]

1062. - I see the son of a bitch! I'm goin' in after 'em!

1063. Give it to me, Loomis!

1064. - Oh, give it to me! - [ Gunfire ]

1065. [ Donna Screams ]

1066. Ohh!

1067. It's a Zero!

1068. - I see him, I see him! - Where?

1069. Keep goin', keep goin'! Come on! Keep goin'!

1070. - I'm gonna hit the sign! - Forget the sign. Keep goin'. Perfect.

1071. Oh, my God.

1072. I've never felt anything like that before.

1073. You're damn right.

1074. - They think we're Japs! - [ Sinister Laughing ]

1075. What are you guys shooting at?

1076. I don't know. Whatever they're shooting at!

1077. Okay, let's go!

1078. God, am I in trouble now!

1079. Aaaah!

1080. I'm in trouble now!

1081. Donna!

1082. Oh, God, I'll be good!

1083. Quit fooling around!

1084. Donna! Level it off!

1085. [ Kelso ] ♪ The stars at night ♪

1086. ♪ Are big ♪

1087. - ♪ And bright ♪♪ - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

1088. Sarge, isn't it standard procedure during an air raid to have a blackout?

1089. - What are all these lights doin' on? - Must be a foul-up somewhere.

1090. We're gonna have to knock 'em out ourselves.

1091. Advance me 60 feet, column left!

1092. Take up a position! I'm gonna douse these lights!

1093. There's no place like home.

1094. There's no place like home.

1095. Kid, you're the greatest trick foot artist I ever seen,

1096. and I seen 'em all over the world.

1097. - Just sign right here. Seven-year contract. - Where's Betty?

1098. - Where's Betty? - She went out there.

1099. [ Mishkin ] Wait! Hey, wait!

1100. Whoa!

1101. Hey, you! You! You with the stripes!

1102. Hey wanna be a pal and help me pick up my ammo!

1103. Yeah, all right!

1104. Thanks a lot, buddy.

1105. Okay, forward ho!

1106. We're gonna draw trajectory on Dumbo!

1107. [ Airplanes Pass Overhead ]

1108. [ Gunfire Continues ]

1109. Look out!

1110. Uhh! Tommies!

1111. - Sarge? - Tommies! The Tommies!

1112. - Detroit is the arsenal of democracy! - He got knocked on the head.

1113. - He always did have a glass head. - What are we gonna do?

1114. You can't go out on me now, Sarge!

1115. I'll tell you what we're gonna do: go home, paint the scratches on this tank,

1116. put the sarge to bed and forget this night ever happened!

1117. I thought--

1118. Knock out those lights, kid.

1119. He wants me to knock out the lights.

1120. See the mess on the streets? I'm not gonna take the rap for this!

1121. He's that tap-dancin' fry boy from this morning.

1122. - Yeah, I know, but he's wearin' the stripes. - What'll it be, Sarge?

1123. Right.

1124. Let's knock out these lights!

1125. [ Sinister Laughing ]

1126. - Ohh! - [ Chamber Cocks ]

1127. [ Machine Gun Fire ]

1128. [ Gunfire Continues, Bullets Ricocheting ]

1129. Take that, Tojo! Take that!

1130. This... is war.

1131. [ Grunting ]

1132. Angelo, hurry! My husband is crazy!

1133. He says he sees Japanese coming from the ocean!

1134. Eat lead... slant.

1135. [ Machine Gun Fire ]

1136. [ Screaming ]

1137. - [ Gunfire Continues ] - [ Both Screaming ]

1138. [ Engine Sputtering ]

1139. Has anyone in your command seen these Zeroes?

1140. No, but we're shooting at 'em.

1141. Think about this: bombs! I don't hear any bombs!

1142. If they've come all the way from Asia, don't you think they'd bring a few bombs?

1143. - I don't know, sir, but-- - But nothing!

1144. You can't have an air raid without bombs!

1145. Come on! Fly!

1146. - [ Engine Sputtering ] - You can do it!

1147. Donna, don't worry about this!

1148. I'm gonna set this baby down if it's the last thing I do. Aaaaah!

1149. Sayonara, sucker!

1150. [ Laughs ]

1151. - Donna, are you okay? - Where are we? Where's the door?

1152. [ Both Scream ]

1153. - Aaah! - Ohh!

1154. [ Panting ]

1155. - Aaah! - [ Panting Continues ]

1156. [ Donna ] Eecch! Where are we?

1157. - [ Bubbling ] - What is this stuff?

1158. Oh, my God, are we in trouble now.

1159. - [ Gunfire Continues ] - What are you shootin' at me for?

1160. I'm an American! Can't you tell the difference?

1161. [ Bullets Hitting Plane ]

1162. Holy shit, I'd better get my ass out over the ocean.

1163. Hey, there's a Kraut on board too.

1164. We've got the whole damn Axis here.

1165. Hey, what're we gonna do?

1166. Defend our homes, Angelo!

1167. How do you expect to do that, Ward?

1168. The army gave me a gun.

1169. I think it's high time we used it.

1170. [ Boys ] Yeah!

1171. - [ Clicking ] - Hello? Hello?

1172. Hello! Scioli doesn't answer.

1173. [ Screaming ]

1174. Aw, Jesus Christ, it's a sub! Look, you guys, a Jap sub!

1175. [ Screaming ]

1176. Holy shit, Herb!

1177. The dummy's right.

1178. Japs. It's a full-scale invasion.

1179. Gimme that phone!

1180. [ Yells ]

1181. Japs!

1182. [Speaking German]

1183. Coordinates, 1305--

1184. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

1185. That's a Japanese Nakajima Type 97, or I'm a bigger dummy than he is.

1186. [ Click ]

1187. [ Explosion ]

1188. Oh, my God, I'm hit. I'm hit!

1189. [ Laughs ] Look at him burn!

1190. [ Japanese ]

1191. Oh, my God.

1192. It's a P-40 Tomahawk.

1193. It's one of ours.

1194. Mayday!

1195. Mayday! Mayday!

1196. [ Gunfire ]

1197. [ Gunfire Continues ]

1198. - Hiya, doll. - Oh, God! No!

1199. - [ Grunting ] - Oh!

1200. That's my kind of girl.

1201. It's the end of the line, kid.

1202. No more games.

1203. [ Panting ]

1204. - [ Clanging ] - Oh! God!

1205. [ Screaming ] Put me down!

1206. [ Screaming ]

1207. [ Betty Screaming ] Wally!

1208. - [ Screams ] Wally! - Betty.

1209. - [ Screaming Continues ] - Let's get this heap turned around now!

1210. Left! Now!

1211. Wally!

1212. [ Betty Screaming, Crying ]

1213. Let's go! Come on, let's move! Move!

1214. You know, I can't beat you in a fair fight.

1215. Stupid, I don't fight fair.

1216. - Neither do I. [ Yells ] - [ Grunts ]

1217. - [ Explodes ] - [ Men ] Aah! Oh! Gee!

1218. Hiya, doll. [ Gasps ]

1219. Follow that girl!

1220. [ Sobbing ]

1221. [ Soldiers Shouting ]

1222. - Give that back! - [ Shouting ]

1223. [ Airplane Approaching ]

1224. [ Mutters ]

1225. [ Airplane Approaching, Engine Sputtering ]

1226. - Oh--

1227. - My-- - God!

1228. Ohhhh!

1229. Whoa-aah!

1230. [ Jones, Kelso Screaming ]

1231. [ People Shouting, Screaming ]

1232. [ People Shouting ]

1233. [ Groans ]

1234. Huh? Hmm.

1235. Okay, goddamn it!

1236. Aah! Ohh! Hmm!

1237. [ Muttering Gibberish ]

1238. Okay, goddamn it!

1239. - I think he's gonna jump. - Geronimo! Aha!

1240. Whoa! Ha-ha!

1241. Made it! Ha-ha!

1242. Huh? Oh.

1243. [ Moans ]

1244. - [ Creaking ] - [ Screaming ]

1245. [ Crowd Screaming, Shouting ]

1246. I lost my plane.

1247. I lost my plane.

1248. My-- Sub! Jap sub!

1249. [ Kelso ] Jap sub!

1250. Hold on. We'll get you outta here in a second.

1251. Listen. Kid. You gotta get that sub.

1252. - What sub? - The Jap sub.

1253. - Where? - In the ocean, lame-o.

1254. Offshore near some goddamn amusement park.

1255. The Japs are at Pacific Ocean Amusement Park?

1256. That's next door to my parents' house!

1257. Kid!

1258. You gotta sink that sub.

1259. Come on, Sarge. Come on now! Sarge, come on!

1260. That's it, Sarge. We got a nice pad for that head of yours.

1261. - That's it, Sarge. - [ Mutters ]

1262. - We'll have a drink. - [ Laughing ]

1263. - Real Japs? - Nah, wooden Japs, Cheetah!

1264. What do you think? Get me outta here!

1265. Move it! Move it!

1266. What the hell is that?

1267. It appears to be an airplane, sir.

1268. We tried to hold the block. The plane broke through our perimeter.

1269. Head down Hollywood Blvd. to Highland!

1270. - Take Highland to Pico! Take Pico to-- - [ Shouting ]

1271. ♪ To your left The camp is on your left ♪

1272. ♪ The camp is on to your left The camp is on to your left ♪

1273. - ♪ Sound off Sound off ♪ - One, two!

1274. Wait, Sarge! Wait for me, Sarge! Please! Stop!

1275. [ Whimpers ]

1276. - What's that? - It appears to be a large Negro, sir.

1277. [ Whimpering ]

1278. - What's that? - Salesman.

1279. - Accountant. - A lawyer.

1280. I'll grease your face with those treads, you punk bastard!

1281. - And that? - A corporal.

1282. Stretch! I love you!

1283. Soldier, are you the pilot of that plane?

1284. Yes, sir. Captain Wild Bill Kelso, United States Army Air Corps.

1285. I'm proud to report that I'm the first American...

1286. to shoot down a Jap plane over the continental United States.

1287. - You shot down a Jap plane? - Yes, sir.

1288. A Mitsubishi Zero, sir.

1289. Got back some of that scrap metal we sold 'em.

1290. Blew the livin' hell outta him right into the Stone Age.

1291. We just got a report that a plane went down in the La Brea Tar Pits.

1292. That's him! That's gotta be the one! I told you I shot him down.

1293. - Is that a Jap plane? - They don't know.

1294. What do you mean they don't know? Of course it was a Jap plane.

1295. You don't think I'd shoot down one of our own, do ya?

1296. I'm not so sure.

1297. The plane's not important. What's important is the submarine! The sub!

1298. Submarine? Shot down a Jap sub too.

1299. No, sir. I could have, though.

1300. I had him in my sights.

1301. I had that bastard right where I wanted him.

1302. But I caught it in the radiator. He's still out there!

1303. What about that plane? There must be a pilot.

1304. That is the craziest son of a bitch I ever saw.

1305. How many more like him do you think are up there?

1306. Get outta here! [ Yelling ]

1307. [ Engine Starts ]

1308. Aw, look. A baby wolf.

1309. Where?

1310. [ Kelso Yelling ]

1311. [ Shouting ]

1312. Gus, you can get into anything. Open up this ammunition.

1313. - Yes, sir. - Stevie, round up the neighbors.

1314. I'm going to need help getting this gun over to where I can get a clear shot.

1315. - Macey, stay close. - Yes, sir!

1316. That nice soldier told you not to touch the ordnance.

1317. Don't you think you should call the army?

1318. The army doesn't know what they're doing. I can handle this.

1319. - Ward, you're acting like Errol Flynn! - Joan, damn it! Shut up!

1320. Porca miseria! I just remembered.

1321. I got two guys stuck on top of the ferris wheel. Somebody's gotta get 'em down.

1322. Macey, get on your bike, get over to the amusement pier.

1323. I gotta watch you sink the sub!

1324. - That's an order, son. - Yes, sir.

1325. Kid, this is the key to the control box in the ferris wheel.

1326. - I know. I know, I know. - Don't touch anything red or silver.

1327. - Yeah, I know. I know. - Only blue.

1328. Okay, everybody, over here! Get on this gun. We gotta move it over there!

1329. We're sinking a Japanese sub tonight.

1330. Are you sure you wanna go through with this, Ward?

1331. Okay. Okay.

1332. Now, we do this.

1333. Watch it! Oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh!

1334. Whoa! All right.

1335. There! There. Got him right in my sights.

1336. [ Gasps ]

1337. I don't think you're gonna hit him, boss.

1338. - [ Gunshots ] - [ Crewmen Shouting in Japanese ]

1339. [ Japanese ]

1340. [ All Shouting in Japanese ]

1341. I can't believe it. Why aren't they shooting back?

1342. They can't see us, that's why.

1343. [German]

1344. [ Gasps ]

1345. Do not... push a clip of ammunition into the feed rollers here.

1346. [ Gasping ]

1347. [ Horn Honking ]

1348. - Son of a-- - ♪ And a steamboat ♪

1349. ♪♪ [ Scatting ]

1350. - [ Glass Shattering ] - Oh, honey, I saw that movie. Watch this.

1351. Goin' my way, sister?

1352. Son of a bitch stole my tank.

1353. First he gets egg on my uniform...

1354. then he steals my girl...

1355. then he steals my tank.

1356. -That's the tank I sent to get that sub. -Yeah.

1357. - Near some amusement park. - Yeah, that's right.

1358. - You know where it is? - Yeah, sure.

1359. Get in.

1360. - Come on! Go! Go! Go, goddamn it! - Let's go!

1361. [ Laughing ]

1362. Turn right! Turn right here!

1363. [ Men Yelling ]

1364. [ Yelling Continues ]

1365. [ Laughing ] I'm a bug!

1366. [ Hysterical Laughter, Imitates Bug Buzzing ]

1367. - [ Bullet Ricocheting ] - [ Crewmen Chattering in Japanese ]

1368. [ Gunshots Continue ]

1369. [ German ]

1370. [ Japanese ]

1371. - [ Screaming ] - [ Yelling in Japanese ]

1372. - [ Screaming ] - [ Japanese ]

1373. You should never pull this hand-operating lever to the rear.

1374. Let's get outta here!

1375. Do not restore the lever to the firing position.

1376. - [ Ward ] Do not make sure that this cover is completely closed.

1377. - Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. - [ Crewmen Applauding ]

1378. Lots of luck.

1379. And never ever, under any circumstances,

1380. - [ Whimpering ] - should you disperse--

1381. Never ever, under any circumsta--

1382. Oh!

1383. Foot trigger!

1384. Whoa-oh-oh!

1385. [ Whimpering, Gasping ]

1386. [ Screaming ]

1387. [ Crewmen Chattering in Japanese ]

1388. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1389. I think about 150 to 200 dollars will fix that.

1390. Did it get 'em? Did it get 'em?

1391. Close, Ward. Close.

1392. Let's get this back out there. I'll-- I'll blast 'em again.

1393. All right.

1394. ♪♪ [ Maxine Singing ]

1395. - ♪ That's how people are ♪ - Great, we're lost! Where the hell is it?

1396. - By the ocean. - The ocean? That's left.

1397. - No, straight. Right. - Straight?

1398. - Right or straight? - I said straight, goddamn it!

1399. - Sayonara, sucker. - What are you doing?

1400. - ♪ Never get together ♪ - [ Yelling ]

1401. - [ Both Screaming ] - [ Yelling ]

1402. Geronimo!

1403. [ Screaming ]

1404. - [ Gasping ] - Oh! Oh! Oh!

1405. - ♪ Who's got the last laugh now ♪ - [ Yelling ]

1406. Hey, quit rockin' the car!

1407. - Yeah, quit rockin' the car. - Shut up! I wasn't rockin' it.

1408. - [ Gunshot ] - Hey!

1409. Hey, you guys! I'm supposed to get you down!

1410. Thank Christ!

1411. It rolls easy once it gets started. Just kiss it.

1412. - Don't worry, Ward. Gentle as a baby. - [ Shouting in Italian ]

1413. [ Yelling ]

1414. - There goes Dad! - Watch out!

1415. Open the door!

1416. ♪ I'll be home ♪

1417. ♪ For Chri-- ♪♪

1418. [ Crewmen Shouting in Japanese ]

1419. - Dad! - You're gonna wreck the whole house!

1420. Boys, go to your room and don't come down until I call you!

1421. - You're ruining Christmas! - Gliding it out!

1422. - [ Joan Yells ] - Ooh!

1423. - Too much. - You wrecked the stairs!

1424. - Which one do I pull? - The one on the right. No, the one on the left.

1425. [ Japanese ]

1426. Wait! W-Wait! Wait! Wait! Ooh!

1427. Coming back!

1428. [ Japanese ]

1429. [ Japanese ]

1430. - [ Japanese ] - Now I've got 'em!

1431. Ward Douglas, don't you dare...

1432. fire that gun in this hou--

1433. [ Yelling ]

1434. Whoa!

1435. Boy, that was fun!

1436. Whew! Wow!

1437. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1438. "Warning! Do not...

1439. - [ Shouting in Japanese ] - turn on...

1440. - [ Japanese ] - switch."

1441. [ Japanese ]

1442. Yeah!

1443. ♪♪ [ Calliope ]

1444. ♪♪

1445. - ♪♪ [ Continues ] - Oh, my God! That's the wrong switch!

1446. ♪♪

1447. Turn off those lights, you little asshole!

1448. - [ Generator Humming ] - ♪♪ [ Continues ]

1449. ♪♪

1450. - Oh, my God. - Trapped like beavers.

1451. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1452. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1453. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1454. - [ Japanese ] - [ Japanese ]

1455. - [ Japanese ] - [ Japanese ]

1456. Hollywood. [ Japanese ]

1457. Hollywood. [ Japanese ]

1458. - Oh, my God! - ♪♪ [ Calliope Continues ]

1459. [ Screaming ]

1460. [ Laughing ]

1461. - [ Screaming ] - I can't stop it!

1462. - [ Screaming ] - [ Ferris Wheel Creaking ]

1463. - [ Japanese ] - [ Japanese ]

1464. [ Both Screaming ]

1465. - [ Screaming ] - Ma!

1466. [ Japanese ]

1467. - [ Japanese ] - [ Japanese ]

1468. [ Screaming ]

1469. [ Cheering in Japanese ]

1470. [ All ] Banzai! Banzai!

1471. - [ Weeping ] Good-bye, Hollywood! - Banzai!

1472. [ Shouting in Japanese Continues ]

1473. Hey, are you okay? You all right?

1474. Boy, that was fun. Can we do it again?

1475. - You wanna do it again? - I wanna do it again.

1476. - You really wanna do it again? - [ Yelling ]

1477. [ Choking ]

1478. - [ Gasps ] - [ Laughing ]

1479. - [ Popping Sound ] - I blew the exhaust manifold!

1480. - There's the ocean! Hang a right! - Who cares about the ocean?

1481. [ Both Laughing ]

1482. [ Gasps, Screams ]

1483. Get it off me! [ Screams ]

1484. - Hey, hey, hey! Get in the back of the tank. - [ Screams ]

1485. - [ Kisses, Sighs ] - Wait for me.

1486. - Betty! - Macey!

1487. - How's Mom and Dad? - They're fine.

1488. Who knows how to load this gun?

1489. He does.

1490. [ Both Screaming ]

1491. [ Shouting ]

1492. [ All Yelling ] Banzai!

1493. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1494. Give me that! Give me that! Give me that! Give me that! Give me that!

1495. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1496. - What's that? - Uh, here, hold this.

1497. [ Japanese ]

1498. Now, Sarge,

1499. what is the loading and firing procedure...

1500. for the 75-millimeter cannon?

1501. - There are five basic components... - This is it.

1502. to the new General Motors electric refrigerator.

1503. - One, a freon compressor; - What?

1504. - two, the freon tube-- - No, no. Sarge. No, Sarge.

1505. three, the power transformer...

1506. [ Explosion ]

1507. [ Japanese ]

1508. [ Kelso Yelling ]

1509. Geronimo!

1510. [ Japanese ]

1511. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1512. Whoa! It's turning! Look, it's pointing this way!

1513. [ Japanese ]

1514. [ Japanese ]

1515. - Torpedo! - Torpedo!

1516. [ All Yelling ]

1517. [ Shouting in Japanese, Laughing ]

1518. Blackout! Blackout! Douse those street lights!

1519. [ Machine Gun Fire ]

1520. Kill that theater marquee!

1521. [ Japanese ]

1522. [ Grunting ]

1523. [ Japanese ]

1524. [ Japanese ]

1525. [ Grunting ]

1526. [ Grunting ]

1527. I made it! It's me, you yellow bastards!

1528. Come on! It's me, Wild Bill Kelso!

1529. [ Groans ]

1530. [ Grunting ]

1531. I know you're in there, you yellow-bellied zipperheads!

1532. [ Yelling ]

1533. Wally, did we get 'em?

1534. I think so. She's going down.

1535. All right! Hey! Where are ya?

1536. Oh, Geronimo!

1537. [ Japanese ]

1538. All right! My name is Wild Bill Kelso.

1539. And don't you... shoot.

1540. All right, turn this tub around.

1541. You're taking me to Tokyo.

1542. Anybody got a light?

1543. [ Birds Chirping ]

1544. [ Radio Newscaster ] ...out of a brilliant blue western sky,

1545. - ♪♪ [ Whistling ] - foreign aircraft, flying both...

1546. in large formation and singly,

1547. flew over Southern California last night...

1548. - and drew heavy barrages of antiaircraft fire--

1549. the first ever to sound over United States continental soil against an enemy invader.

1550. No bombs were reported dropped.

1551. Shortly before 10:00 p.m., police reported...

1552. that an airplane had been shot down into the La Brea Tar Pits.

1553. - [ Snoring ] - In other parts of the city,

1554. Fifth Column acts were reported during the air raid.

1555. - Mysterious lights were spotted in many locales. - [ Car Approaching ]

1556. In the Tarzana hills, Burbank police...

1557. saw a string of lights in a "V" form,

1558. pointing toward the Lockheed Aircraft plant.

1559. [ Officer ] All right, fall in the yard! Fall in the yard, men!

1560. Foley, Jones, Reese, Hinshaw! Ten-hut!

1561. [ Newscaster ] ...and immediately Army searchlights shot into the sky.

1562. Sergeant, what happened here?

1563. Sir, while suppressing a riot on Hollywood Blvd. last night with our tank,

1564. I... was, uh, struck unconscious.

1565. My men, however, received a report about a Japanese sub...

1566. off the Santa Monica Pier from a downed Army Air Corps captain.

1567. They responded immediately, went to the objective and at about 2300 hours...

1568. - they engaged the enemy. - Damage?

1569. Uh, the Japanese sunk both our tank and, uh, the ferris wheel, sir.

1570. I think we hit the sub. I saw it go down!

1571. [ Wally ] You see, sir, I--

1572. - [ Sighing ] - Donna! Donna! Donna! Not now!

1573. Oh, honey.

1574. My girlfriend was there-- There was this wild man--

1575. Is this a long story?

1576. - Yes, sir. - Then save it.

1577. Sir, I'd like to say something.

1578. We've been through a lot, all of us.

1579. We faced the enemy for the first time last night,

1580. right in our own backyards,

1581. and we came together,

1582. put our differences aside and carried on the true spirit of America.

1583. I think no matter what happens, what sacrifices we have to face,

1584. we can carry forward like Americans.

1585. While we're doing our repairs, I'm going to hang this wreath on my front door.

1586. This symbol of Christmas,

1587. this symbol of peace.

1588. I just want to remind us all that we're not going to let...

1589. a bunch of treacherous enemy killjoys...

1590. ruin our Christmas.

1591. [ Rumbling, Creaking ]

1592. - [ Gasping ] - [ Squeaks ]

1593. Boy, that's great!

1594. [ Joan Whimpering ]

1595. What?

1596. [ People Shouting, Arguing ]

1597. You're gonna need tanks for the Burma road, sir.

1598. I'm just a sergeant, but I'm a great mechanic.

1599. You know, this year wasn't the big year of the war, '41.

1600. I think the really big year is going to be 1942.

1601. - [ All Shouting ] - Let go of me!

1602. [ Shouting Continues ]

1603. It's gonna be a long war.

1604. [ Shouting, Arguing Continue ]

1605. [ Foley ] Let me go! Let me go!

1606. [ Shouting, Arguing Continue ]

1607. Oh! Open the door!

1608. Whoa-ohhh!

1609. [ Shouting in Japanese ]

1610. [ Laughing ]

1611. That is the craziest son of a bitch I ever saw.

1612. [ Screaming ]

1613. Torpedo!

1614. It was on that radio there!

1615. Ohhhh!

1616. Jesus Christ, it's a sub! Look, you guys, a Jap sub!

1617. I can't beat you in a fair fight.

1618. [ Explosion ]

1619. [ Airplane Approaching ]

1620. Back! Back!

1621. They're rioting in the street, sir.

1622. Whoa-aah!

1623. Let's get outta here!

1624. [ Screaming ]

1625. Hi, Stretch!

1626. Close, Ward. Close.

1627. That reminds me. Kill them cockroaches in that flour sack.

1628. - Look at that! - [ People Shouting ]

1629. There goes Dad!

1630. Kill a few Krauts for me, huh?