1408 (2007)

1. reckless sinful way throughout this life.

2. The Lord has told me

3. that the open gates of Hell

4. are yawning up widely in our path.

5. Yes, the flames

6. of perpetual damnation

7. are ever ready to grasp our souls.

8. We know the way of the righteous man.

9. Yeah, we know the prayer

10. of the righteous man.

11. I'm telling you that the Lord has spoken.

12. Yes, the Lord has spoken to me.

13. Hi.

14. Mike Enslin. Checking in.

15. Honey. Mr. Enslin.

16. We were afraid you weren't going to show.

17. Oh it's such an honor to have you here.

18. - Terrible night out there. - If I could just get the key,

19. I'll settle in and we can talk in the morning after...

20. You probably want to hear all about our haunted history.

21. Well, this staircase here, this is where the maid

22. reputedly hung herself in 1860.

23. - Oh. - There's a picture!

24. - Can we do this in the morning? - Wait wait.

25. It's printed in our brochure.

26. - Did we send you one of these? - Uh, probably did.

27. - Do you see her in the window? - Yeah, there she is.

28. That's a photo that a guest took in 1986.

29. In your letter you mentioned that the rooms

30. with the most paranormal activity

31. were in the attic. Could I have one of those rooms?

32. That's right, because the attic is on the third floor

33. which is the former servant's quarters.

34. People say that all of Sylvia's children

35. died up there of tuberculosis.

36. - All of them? - Guests have reported strange sounds.

37. At the stroke of midnight there's been weird noises.

38. Now our best advice is to lock your door from the inside.

39. - Isn't that right, honey? - That's right.

40. You take care, you just lock it from the inside.

41. I will.

42. As soon as you give me the key.

43. I'm so... right. Got it right here.

44. - Number 14, you can't miss it. - Been a long drive.

45. - Good luck. - All right, we'll see

46. what the night brings.

47. Mrs. Clark, the proprietor,

48. says she hasn't slept a night

49. since acquiring the inn and I believe her.

50. No no no, I pity her.

51. But in any case, the eggs Benedict are delicious

52. and if you call in advance, Mrs. Clark says

53. she will bake her famous flourless chocolate cake.

54. On a Shiver Scale, I award the Weeping Beach Inn six skulls.

55. Screw 'em, five skulls.

56. - Hi. - Oh hey.

57. How's it going? Can I help you?

58. Yeah, I'm here for the big event.

59. All right. Cool.

60. I'm Mike Enslin.

61. Sorry?

62. - Book signing. - Oh, right.

63. Oh, that's you, yeah. I see the resemblance, yeah.

64. - That's a good picture. - Thanks, man.

65. All right, hold on.

66. Um... attention, book lovers.

67. Tonight we have noted occult writer

68. Michael Enslin

69. at the Author's Corner tonight.

70. He's the writer of the best-selling ghost survival guides,

71. um... with such titles as "10 Haunted Hotels,"

72. "10 Haunted Graveyards,"

73. "10 Haunted Lighthouses. "

74. That's tonight, 7:00 pm.

75. Anyway, so I really enjoyed writing it,

76. and that's kind of a history of the book.

77. And I hope you enjoy it, or enjoyed it.

78. Uh, you know, stay scared.

79. Right? Any questions?

80. Where's the scariest place you've ever been?

81. Scariest place I've ever been?

82. Uh, I've never heard that question before.

83. That's a joke.

84. Well, all these places have very colorful histories.

85. Um...

86. I would say, if I had to pick a top one,

87. I would say Bar Harbor,

88. the site of the grisly McTeig wedding night murders.

89. That's an intense place. Or maybe St. Cloud, Minnesota,

90. where the crazed war widow threw her baby down a well.

91. I mean, those all have a lot of... I mean, it's thick.

92. - The air is thick. - What about poltergeists?

93. Look, I'm a good researcher. I go into every gig locked and loaded.

94. I travel with an EMF meter, full-range spectrometer,

95. infrared camera. I mean, look, nothing would make me happier

96. than to experience a paranormal event,

97. you know, to get a glimpse of the elusive light

98. at the end of the tunnel.

99. So you're saying there's no such thing as ghosts?

100. I'm saying I've never seen one,

101. but they're awful convenient for desperate hotels

102. when the interstate moves away.

103. This thing has really gone off the rails. Who has a pen?

104. - I do. - Which one?

105. Uh, but seriously, Mike, if I want to see a real live ghost,

106. where's my best bet?

107. - Guaranteed? - Yeah.

108. Haunted Mansion, Orlando.

109. Awesome, thanks.

110. - Stay scared. - Thank you.

111. Hey, Ray, can you lock up?

112. I got band practice tonight.

113. Holy shit.

114. What rock did you find that under?

115. - Um, eBay. - eBay, huh?

116. How much did it go for?

117. Well, there weren't many bidders.

118. I would think not.

119. - Wow. - But it's, um...

120. - an amazing book. - Oh.

121. Um, so... unique

122. and inspirational and honest.

123. Thanks. What's your name?

124. - Um, Anna. - Okay, Anna.

125. Are you gonna write another one like this one?

126. Nah, it's a different guy.

127. Um...

128. - can I ask you a question? - Sure.

129. Um, the relationship in the book

130. with the father and the son... it's probably too personal,

131. - but, um, it's so authentic and...

132. well-constructed, and...

133. is it true?

134. No.

135. Well, thank you for this. I really appreciate it.

136. My pleasure.

137. Bye.

138. - Good boy! - Yo, homey...

139. Just a minute, Tiffany!

140. Yeah, I'm just gonna tie it inside my suit here.

141. Yo, Greg, check him out!

142. Did you see what happened?

143. Oh yeah.

144. Are you okay, buddy?

145. Hey, are you breathing?

146. - No! - Serious as a heart attack.

147. We got 325. That is back here, I think.

148. This is the one. Sign on the line, please, sir.

149. Oh, you mean right here?

150. - Have yourself a beautiful day. - Thank you.

151. - Thank you very much. - Hey, man, you've been gone a while.

152. - Hey, Jackson, what's up? - Oh by the way, dude,

153. I read your last book... the "10 Haunted Mansions" thing.

154. Man, that's some scary shit.

155. Cool.

156. Later on, dude.

157. - Hi. - Hi, how you doing?

158. - Hi. - Good.

159. Thanks.

160. That's cute.

161. Good evening, Dolphin Hotel.

162. How might I direct your call?

163. Yeah, hi, I'm calling about room 1408.

164. One moment please, sir.

165. How may I help you?

166. Yeah, I'd like to stay in room 1408 please.

167. That room is unavailable, sir.

168. I didn't tell you which date.

169. How about Saturday?

170. It's unavailable.

171. The following Tuesday?

172. Unavailable.

173. Next month?

174. Unavailable.

175. Next summer?

176. Somebody, anybody, where's good Chinese near 48th?

177. I got to have lunch with that idiot from Random House. Anybody?

178. Sam, Mike Enslin calling from Los Angeles again.

179. I'll take it in there.

180. Clay, you got a sec for Mike Enslin?

181. - Say yes. - Yes.

182. Great. Now look, this guy tends to get a little morose,

183. so try to keep the energy up. Otherwise he stews in his own funk.

184. - Mike! - Hey, Sam.

185. Hey hey, read the first five chapters last night.

186. Spooky shit, couldn't sleep a wink.

187. Great. Hey, did you take care of that thing?

188. You'd better believe I did. And I got our top lawyer here right now.

189. Mike, Clay, Clay, Mike.

190. - Hi, Clay. - Mike.

191. Talk fast, all right? This guy's $400 an hour.

192. All right, Clay, what's up with the Dolphin?

193. Yeah, the Dolphin.

194. That stick-up-its-ass relic on Lexington.

195. Too posh for a free plug, right?

196. Well, you are gonna love what Clay's cooked up.

197. He dug around and found you... are you sitting down?

198. - a Federal Civil Rights law.

199. Like somebody would discriminate against you,

200. a well-to-do white guy. But the law's the law, right, Clay?

201. Ergo, if the room's not occupied

202. - they have to give it to you. - Really?

203. Yeah. Now look, the manager there's gonna put up a stink

204. but he knows the drill.

205. - Nothing you can't handle. - So, Mike...

206. we'll book the room and if they refuse

207. we'll rattle our sabers and file suit.

208. - So it's all done? - Thanks, Clay. Get lost, all right?

209. Bye, Clay.

210. Yeah, Mike, are you there?

211. Yeah, uh, on a more personal note,

212. are you sure you want to come here?

213. Yeah, of course. It'll make a solid closing chapter of the book.

214. Yeah yeah, I know the routine.

215. But, I mean, it's New York.

216. All that happened... you really want to put yourself through that?

217. - I'll be quick. - Are you gonna call Lily?

218. No. I don't want to impose.

219. In and out. Nobody gets hurt.

220. It's just a job.

221. Here you are, Dolphin.

222. Hey! Taxi!

223. It's a beautiful room, with fabulous views of the city.

224. Pardon me, ladies.

225. Thanks very much.

226. Welcome to the Dolphin, sir.

227. - Are you checking in? - Mike Enslin.

228. One night.

229. And how are we spelling that today?

230. - N-S-L-I-N? - N-S-L-I-N.

231. Yeah.

232. Uh, would you excuse me for a moment, sir?

233. Sure.

234. Mr. Dempsey, Mike Enslin's just checked in.

235. - Where is he? - He's over at my desk.

236. That's fine, Marie. I'll take care of it.

237. Okay.

238. It'll just be a minute, Mr. Enslin.

239. Good evening, sir. Can I help you with your bag?

240. - No. - Very well.

241. Mr. Enslin, I'm Gerald Olin,

242. manager of the Dolphin.

243. If there's anything that I can do for you while you're here...

244. dinner reservations, theater tickets,

245. maybe a Knicks game? Anything...

246. just tell me. I am at your service.

247. Well, if I can just get the key to 1408, I can get out of your hair.

248. Oh, we were thinking of upgrading you to a penthouse suite.

249. 1408, please.

250. Insistent, aren't we?

251. Could you please humor me

252. by coming to my office for a more private conversation?

253. - Sure. - Excellent.

254. Come in. Make yourself comfortable.

255. 1408 a smoking room?

256. As a matter of fact, it is. Yes.

257. Good, one less worry in the watches of the night.

258. Care for a cigar?

259. No thank you, I don't smoke.

260. Oh this, yeah. That's...

261. in case nuclear war breaks out.

262. I gave it up a long time ago.

263. It's part habit, part superstition.

264. It's, you know, a writer thing.

265. You do drink, don't you?

266. Of course, I just said I was a writer.

267. Le Cinquante Sept Deces, 1939.

268. Exquisite.

269. About $800 a bottle, when you can find it.

270. I appreciate the bribe, but I intend on staying in that room.

271. - How long? - How long?

272. My usual is overnight.

273. I see.

274. No one's ever lasted more than an hour.

275. Jesus, man.

276. You ought to shave your eyebrows and paint your hair gold

277. if you're gonna try to sell that spookhouse bullshit.

278. Otherwise, you'll scare the children.

279. Why are you mocking me when I am genuinely,

280. to the best of my ability, trying to help you?

281. No, you're playing a little game.

282. You're selling the mystique.

283. But eventually, we both know

284. you're gonna give me the key and I'm gonna go up to the room

285. and I'm gonna write my story and your bookings are gonna go up 50%.

286. Do you mind if my little friend records our conversation?

287. I'll take that as a yes.

288. Sir, you quite misunderstand the situation.

289. Now, I know the Dolphin doesn't have the cachet of the Plaza

290. or the Carlyle,

291. but we operate at 90% capacity.

292. Always.

293. And my concern here is not for the hotel.

294. My concern here is not for you.

295. Frankly, selfishly,

296. I don't want you to check into 1408

297. because I don't want to clean up the mess.

298. Now hotels are all about presentation

299. and fertile creature comforts.

300. My training is as a manager,

301. not a coroner.

302. Under my watch there have been four deaths... four.

303. After the last one, I forbade any guest

304. from checking into 1408 ever again.

305. The last one was David Hide, orthodontist, manic-depressive.

306. Slit his wrist, did a little self-surgery,

307. turned himself into a eunuch, right?

308. Yes. So you've done your homework.

309. I'm a professional too.

310. Well, grievously, in its 95-year existence,

311. the hotel has seen seven jumpers,

312. four overdoses, five hangings,

313. - three mutilations... - Three mutilations...

314. two stranglings. General manager Gerald Olin

315. is well-versed in the hotel's tragic history,

316. dryly reciting the docket of carnage like a bookkeeper

317. discussing his ledger.

318. Well, you think you're clever, don't you?

319. I know the game.

320. Well, during your investigation,

321. did you discover the 22 natural deaths

322. that have occurred in 1408?

323. Natural deaths?

324. Ah, didn't find out about them

325. because the newspapers don't print anything about them.

326. All told, there have been 56 deaths

327. in 1408.

328. 56? You're shitting me.

329. You don't know anything.

330. The causes of death in 1408 range

331. from heart attack, stroke, drowning...

332. - Drowning? - Yes, one Mr. Grady Miller

333. drowned in his chicken soup.

334. That's hard to do. How... how did he do that?

335. How indeed?

336. Interesting. It's all in here.

337. I will let you have this and give you access to my office.

338. You can take notes, put it all in your book.

339. My only condition

340. is that you do not stay in that room.

341. You'll let me look at all that stuff?

342. I never did get that drink.

343. - Oh, that is good. - Here, keep it.

344. Compliments of the house.

345. - I'm still staying. - Damn it to hell!

346. I'm sorry.

347. All right here. Here, read the godforsaken thing.

348. I guarantee you, once you've read it

349. you won't want to stay in 1408.

350. The first victim: Mr. Kevin O'Malley,

351. sewing machine salesman.

352. Checked into the hotel the first week it opened...

353. - October, 1912. - Cut his own throat, right?

354. Oh, that's not the horrific part.

355. Afterwards, in a fit of insanity,

356. he tried to stitch himself back together

357. using an old sewing needle before he bled to death.

358. Easy, man.

359. Look, Mr. Enslin, you don't have to stay in 1408.

360. You can take photographs of 1404.

361. It has the exact same layout and no one will ever know the difference.

362. - My readers expect the truth. - Your readers?

363. Your readers expect grotesqueries

364. and cheap thrills.

365. "The headless ghost of Mr. Eugene Rilsby

366. still walks his abandoned farmhouse. "

367. "The Barking Phantom of Mount Hope Cemetery. "

368. A direct quote... how'd you know that?

369. Your books aren't hard to find.

370. They're on the bargain shelves

371. of any paperback novel store;

372. full of cynicism, written by a talented, intelligent man

373. who doesn't believe in anything or anyone but himself.

374. Guilty as charged.

375. Hey listen, this meeting's over. Why don't you give me the room?

376. Oh please, don't act like a hurt schoolgirl.

377. - In fact, you surprised me. - Oh.

378. You are not the hack-n-slash I expected.

379. I rather liked the first one, the hardcover.

380. What was it called? "The Last Walk... "

381. "Long Road Home. "

382. "The Long Road Home," yes.

383. I rather thought the father was a bastard.

384. Yeah, he was.

385. Um...

386. look man, just give me the key.

387. - Mr. Enslin... - Just give me the key!

388. Listen, I stayed at the Bigsby house.

389. I brushed my goddamn teeth right next to the tub

390. where Sir David Smith drowned his whole family.

391. And I stopped being afraid of vampires when I was 12.

392. Do you know why I can stay in your spooky old room, Mr. Olin?

393. Because I know that ghoulies and ghosties

394. and long-legged beasties don't exist.

395. Even if they did,

396. there's no God to protect us from them, is there?

397. So I can't talk you out of this?

398. I think we've reached an understanding.

399. Very well.

400. Come with me.

401. Most hotels have switched to magnetics.

402. An actual key. That's a nice touch... it's antiquey.

403. We have magnetic cards also, but electronics don't seem to work in 1408.

404. Hope you don't have a pacemaker.

405. General manager claims that the phantom in room interferes...

406. I have never used the word "phantom. "

407. Oh, I'm sorry. Spirit? Specter?

408. No, you misunderstand.

409. Whatever's in 1408 is nothing like that.

410. Then what is it?

411. It's an evil fucking room.

412. Please.

413. Mr. Olin.

414. Oh, oui. Tres bien.

415. Why don't the owners just close the room?

416. The Yasuko Corporation prefers to pretend there's no problem.

417. Just as they pretend there's no 13th floor.

418. The room, it's got to be filthy.

419. I mean, the sheets haven't been changed in what? 11 years?

420. No no no, we're very professional.

421. 1408 gets a light turn once a month.

422. I supervise, the maids work in pairs.

423. We treat the room as if it's a chamber

424. filled with poison gas.

425. We only stay 10 minutes and I insist the door remain open.

426. But still...

427. A few years ago, a young maid from El Salvador

428. found herself locked in the bathroom.

429. She was only there for a few moments,

430. but when we pulled her out, she was...

431. - She was dead. - No, blind.

432. She had taken a pair of scissors

433. and gouged her eyes out.

434. She was laughing hysterically.

435. - Ouch. - Your floor.

436. Well, this is where we part company.

437. This is as close as I get to 1408

438. unless it's that time of the month.

439. - See you tomorrow. - Mr. Enslin?

440. Please...

441. don't do this.

442. I'll call you about those Knicks tickets.

443. Stop it!

444. Okay. It's okay, sweetie. We're home now.

445. Here we go.

446. This is it?

447. You got to be kidding me.

448. Round one goes to the hideous Mr. Olin for effective aggressiveness.

449. I have to admit, he had me going for a moment.

450. But where is the bone-chilling terror?

451. Show me the rivers of blood.

452. It's just a room.

453. $8 for beer nuts.

454. This room is evil.

455. Olin said hotels are about fertile creature comforts.

456. It's a good line, but I wonder

457. whether they're really about reassuring platitudes,

458. a prosaic sense of the familiar.

459. "Yes, I've been here before.

460. It's safe. "

461. There's a sofa,

462. a writing desk, a faux antique armoire,

463. floral wallpaper.

464. Carpet's unremarkable, except for a stain

465. beneath a thrift-store painting of a schooner lost at sea.

466. The work is done in the predictably dull fashion

467. of Currier & Ives.

468. The second painting is of an old woman

469. reading bedtime stories... a Whistler knockoff...

470. to a group of deranged children

471. as another Madonna and child watch from the background.

472. It does have the vague air of menace.

473. The third and final painfully dull painting

474. is the ever-popular "The Hunt. "

475. Horses, hounds and constipated British lords.

476. Some smartass spoke about the banality of evil.

477. If that's true,

478. then we're in the seventh circle of Hell.

479. It does have its charms.

480. The panorama is typically cramped New York City view of nothing:

481. Dull, grey buildings all around;

482. Honking traffic below. The view of a...

483. - Holy shit.

484. Bravo, Olin. That is very unsettling.

485. That means someone's in the room.

486. Hello?

487. Hello!

488. That is bizarre.

489. Finally I got something to write about.

490. A ghost that offers turn-down service.

491. All right.

492. All right, let's Encyclopedia Brown this bitch.

493. Started off the window,

494. hear the music, nab my head.

495. I turn around, go to the bed for the chocolate.

496. Then I go into the closet which would have...

497. my back was turned. It would have let

498. Houdini have time to come in here do the paper trick...

499. and he's in the living room.

500. Out!

501. Hello?

502. You're gonna have to try harder, asshole!

503. Nice and warm for you up there?

504. It's hot down here, bubba.

505. Come on.

506. - Front desk. - Hello, this is Mike Enslin.

507. - Guess which room. - Good evening, sir.

508. - Good evening. - Are you ready to check out?

509. Check out? No no no no no.

510. Check out, check out, no. Why would I check out?

511. Especially with this wonderful maid service. It's so discreet.

512. No no no, I need you to send somebody to fix my thermostat.

513. - Room's on fire. - Of course, sir.

514. We'll send an engineer right up.

515. - You will? - Absolutely.

516. - Thank you. - You're welcome.

517. How many thin walls

518. have we put up with together,

519. old boy?

520. How many sarcophagal chambers?

521. Hotel rooms are a naturally creepy place...

522. don't you think?

523. I mean, how many people have slept in that bed before you?

524. How many of them were sick?

525. How many of them lost their minds?

526. How many of them... died?

527. We came here to get the story,

528. and we don't rattle, do we?

529. It's not that what I'm seeing is not real.

530. It just ain't as real as it seems.

531. Hello?

532. You got a problem with the temperature?

533. Yeah.

534. Come on.

535. Is it too hot or too cold?

536. What does it look like?

537. Come on in.

538. The box is right over here.

539. It's stuck around 80.

540. I said the box is right here.

541. I know where the hell it is, but I ain't going in this room.

542. You just have to walk six or seven feet.

543. I said I ain't going in. You know what happened in here?

544. Yes, I'm well aware of that.

545. Look, I'll talk you through it.

546. Any jackass can fix that thing.

547. Just remove the panel.

548. Okay, now above that coil

549. is a little tube filled with mercury.

550. That's supposed to activate the contact switch.

551. But this hotel's so goddamn old, half the shit in here don't work.

552. Just give the tube a little tap.

553. Just tap the damn thing!

554. Yeah, there it is.

555. Oh, sir, you're a genius.

556. A gentleman and a scholar.

557. Thank you. Let me give you...

558. a tip.

559. Sir?

560. Son of a...

561. Nobody lasts more than an hour.

562. Very effective.

563. Oh fuck! Jesus!

564. Oh, God.

565. Son of a...

566. Fuck!

567. God!

568. Hello?

569. - Hello? - Sir, I'm afraid there was

570. a miscommunication in the kitchen.

571. There's going to be a 10-minute delay with your sandwich.

572. Sandwich? What sandwich?

573. I didn't order any sandwich. What are you talking about?

574. I'm sorry. You're welcome to substitute

575. a side dish for your French fries.

576. We have cottage cheese, macaroni salad,

577. - coleslaw... - Listen to me. You win.

578. I'm checking out. I'm hurt.

579. Do you understand? My goddamn hand is hurt.

580. I understand. If you leave your dry cleaning out by 10:00 AM,

581. we'll have it pressed and returned by 5:00...

582. Shit, bitch! Call me a cab to the nearest hospital!

583. I'm hurt! Do you comprehend what I'm telling you?

584. Sir, I will not tolerate you speaking to me in that tone of voice.

585. You're an idiot! I'm gonna sue your ass!

586. I'm gonna take legal action! What's wrong with you?

587. If you wish, I can connect you with our manager Mr. Olin.

588. Good! Good good good good good! Put him on.

589. Put him on. I'm gonna blitz the son of a bitch.

590. Olin... good! Put him on now!

591. When staying at the Dolphin, be certain to enjoy

592. New York's finest dining at the fabled Sea Bream restaurant

593. on our mezzanine level. Muscles tense?

594. Then make an appointment to visit our deluxe spa

595. on the Coral level. With full massage,

596. facial and aromatherapy facilities,

597. - it will leave you feeling relaxed... - Hello?

598. and revitalized. Your call is important to us...

599. You bitch.

600. You win. You win.

601. All right. Okay!

602. Come on. Come on!

603. Come on. Come on.

604. Hey!

605. Help! Help!

606. Help! Help!

607. Can anybody hear me?

608. Help!

609. You! Sir! Sir! Help!

610. Yeah! Yeah, you! Help!

611. Help! Help! You, sir!

612. Help! Can you see me?

613. Yeah! The Dolphin Hotel!

614. Call the police!

615. Help!

616. Help!

617. Hey! Look out!

618. Hey!

619. I'm losing my mind.

620. I can see you, Dad.

621. Daddy? Daddy, where are you?

622. I'm gonna get you.

623. Ready or not,

624. here I come.

625. Here you are.

626. I see you, Daddy.

627. Get ahold of yourself.

628. You're running to places that aren't real.

629. Get up. Get up.

630. You're losing the plot.

631. You're losing the whole goddamn structure.

632. Daddy! Find me.

633. Psychokinetic fibrillations.

634. A tired mind among classic haunted-house powers of suggestion.

635. Gaslit features, faded rugs,

636. like that motel in Kansas.

637. There's a reason for everything. Just think.

638. What's that?

639. What is that? Is that a spycam?

640. Who is that? Are you enjoying this?

641. Is that the sadistic owner of the hotel or is that Olin?

642. Wait a minute.

643. He gave me booze.

644. He gave me booze. Did he take a sip?

645. I can't remember.

646. He dosed me!

647. It was the booze or the chocolates.

648. Never take candy from strangers.

649. All right, all right. I'm just hallucinating.

650. I'm just hallucinating.

651. I've just got to ride this out.

652. I've got to ride this out

653. for four or five hours and I'm straight. Okay.

654. You can do this.

655. Oh, man. I'm gonna get you.

656. You are finished. Come here. Come here!

657. Dad! Sit down!

658. You want me to sit down?

659. You want me to sit down?

660. - Yes! - Okay, hold on, hold on.

661. Let me find a good...

662. let me find a good frame here.

663. Ladies and gentlemen,

664. welcome to the Most Ugliest Person Competition.

665. Fifth and fourth place

666. goes to Boris and Doris the goldfish.

667. Ladies and gentlemen! Let's get a closeup of those guys.

668. Let's have a closeup of Boris and Doris.

669. Look at that. Those are some ugly fish.

670. They're so ugly they're running from you.

671. Third place goes to Mike Enslin.

672. Surprise surprise.

673. Right, how's this for ugly?

674. Second place goes to Lily Enslin.

675. That was good.

676. That's kind of like Beowulf meets a redneck.

677. - I like it. - And first place goes to Katie Enslin.

678. That is a terror. That is...

679. oh, God! Don't show me that face!

680. Oh, I can't look at it again.

681. Whatever you do, don't turn around.

682. Whatever you do, don't show us that face.

683. Ma'am, can you hear me?

684. Ma'am, I need your help.

685. Please, ma'am, can you hear me?

686. Kid, be quiet.

687. Please, ma'am.

688. Quiet!

689. I... wish...

690. I was dead.

691. Where's my garden?

692. I can't smell anything.

693. I hate this place.

694. How did I get here?

695. Pop.

696. Dad.

697. It's Michael.

698. As you are...

699. I was.

700. As I am...

701. you will be.

702. Maybe I'm not real.

703. Maybe I'm just having a nightmare...

704. an incredibly vivid

705. lucid nightmare.

706. When is the last time I remember going to bed?

707. I flew in yesterday.

708. Or was that... today?

709. I can't remember.

710. Was I on a train?

711. I woke up somewhere

712. and I had breakfast.

713. Where was I? What did I eat?

714. Here it comes.

715. They say you can't die in your dreams.

716. Is that true?

717. The shock would wake you up.

718. So you couldn't really die.

719. All right, what are our options?

720. Got the hallway, got guest rooms on either side,

721. stairwell, fire exits.

722. And that's the next window...

723. the next room.

724. How many feet across is that?

725. One...

726. three,

727. four, five,

728. six, seven, eight...

729. nine.

730. Nine, nine... 18 feet across.

731. Okay. I can do this.

732. If something should happen, if I should slip and fall,

733. I want it to be known that it was an accident.

734. The room...

735. did not win.

736. Okay.

737. Okay, I can do this.

738. 18 little steps.

739. Four...

740. Don't look down. Five...

741. Keep moving.

742. Here we go.

743. All right. Okay.

744. Number nine...

745. eight...

746. six...

747. Where is it? Where is it?

748. Get ahold of yourself.

749. You're running to places that aren't real.

750. Hotel rooms are naturally creepy places.

751. Strangely, the bedroom has no window.

752. Strangely, the bedroom has no window...

753. Dr. Edwards to Oncology.

754. Please, please.

755. No. No. Doctors don't know everything.

756. We can get another opinion, look for other treatment.

757. - You hear about... - Look at me.

758. miracle cures. - Lily.

759. Oh God. Please, something.

760. What kind of god would do this to a little girl?

761. Katie.

762. Daddy, I can't see you.

763. Daddy, I can't find you.

764. Daddy, I'm scared.

765. - Katie. - I'm scared, Daddy.

766. Help.

767. Help me.

768. Daddy, help me.

769. Okay, how about the wireless?

770. Come on.

771. Give me a signal. Give me a signal.

772. Good evening, Mike.

773. Oh, yes!

774. Mike?

775. Mike, is that... is that you?

776. - I can barely see you. - Yes yes.

777. - It's like seeing a ghost. - No no no. Yes, it's me.

778. - It's me. It's Mike. - This is a little bizarre.

779. I mean, I haven't talked to you in a year

780. and suddenly you pop up in a box on my computer.

781. I'm sorry, Lily. Listen to me, please, quickly.

782. Look, I'm at work, okay? So why don't you call me at home tonight?

783. I'm trapped in this room, this place.

784. Mike, you're always trapped in weird places. That's your job.

785. No no, please, Lily. Listen to me.

786. - Please. - Lily Enslin.

787. - Hi. Yeah yeah. - Lily!

788. - I've got those. I'll be right down. - No. Lily!

789. Lily, please! Call the cops.

790. Send them to the Dolphin Hotel.

791. I'll call you back.

792. - You're in the city? - Yes!

793. - 2254 Lexington. - What are you doing in New York?

794. I'll tell you later. The Dolphin Hotel, room 1408.

795. - That's just perfect. - Please.

796. You walk out, you disappear. Leaving me what?

797. Not divorced. Separated? I don't know, it's not clear.

798. - Suddenly you need me? - Lily, I'm in a real bad spot here.

799. - I'm in danger. You understand? - Okay, Mike. Slow down.

800. You're not making any sense.

801. There's something trying to kill me right now.

802. No, Lily!

803. No no no!

804. I've got a knife!

805. That's the way out.

806. Or that way. Or that way.

807. All right, that's the way out.

808. Lady, let me in!

809. - Help! Help! - Please, sleep.

810. - Lady, I'm coming through! - Mike!

811. Mike, can you help me? Where'd you go?

812. I got to get some cigarettes. You want something?

813. Jesus Christ!

814. I've got to go. I'll be in California.

815. Mike, you can't do this.

816. She needs you. She lost a kid too.

817. You've got an amazing talent for stating the obvious, Pop.

818. You think I don't know that?

819. I'm trying to talk some sense into your head!

820. - Don't put your hands on me, old man! - Mike!

821. Talk? Why change what appears to be the habit of a lifetime, Pop?

822. You were always great at passing judgment,

823. but the problem is you never gave a shit.

824. I never gave a shit because you're a bullshit writer!

825. Shit!

826. Hello!

827. Oh.

828. Kevin O'Malley.

829. No.

830. No no no no no no.

831. I can't help you.

832. No!

833. It's good to be back.

834. That's enough of that.

835. Alcohol.

836. I was just checking to see if the accommodations

837. are exceeding your expectations.

838. You know goddamn well they are!

839. - What do you want from me? - No no no.

840. What do you want?

841. What do you want, Mr. Enslin?

842. - You sought this room. - It was a job. I was doing the job.

843. - I beg your pardon? - My job! I'm a writer.

844. Oh, that's right. You don't believe in anything.

845. You like shattering people's hopes.

846. Oh, that's bullshit!

847. Why do you think people believe in ghosts?

848. For fun? No.

849. It's the prospect of something after death.

850. How many spirits have you broken?

851. She was in so much pain.

852. I'm sure she's smiling down on us right now.

853. What do you want from me?

854. What do you want from me?

855. You...

856. you little...

857. What do you want?

858. What?

859. I want my drink!

860. You win. You win.

861. - Mommy?

862. Why is the Bible purple?

863. I don't know why it's purple.

864. It was a wedding present.

865. My grandmother brought it all the way from Hungary.

866. Someday it'll be yours.

867. Are there people where I'm going?

868. Hey, you're not going anywhere, kiddo.

869. You're gonna stay right here with us.

870. Daddy...

871. everyone dies.

872. When they're old.

873. When they're much older.

874. Okay, and then they go to a better place.

875. And it's beautiful there.

876. And all your friends will be there.

877. Is God there?

878. Yes.

879. Do you really believe that, Daddy?

880. Yes.

881. You know what I think! We should have done more!

882. - We did everything we could! - No, we didn't!

883. - We should have helped her fight... - Oh my God.

884. instead of filling her head full of these stories

885. about heavens and the clouds and nirvana

886. and all that bullshit!

887. Those stories, she like them.

888. I'm going to get some cigarettes, okay?

889. We ponder the situation.

890. I'm trying to accurately describe...

891. Orpheus on the Orpheum Circuit

892. bathed in tango light,

893. the kind of light that makes the dead...

894. get out of their graves and tango.

895. Now this is level nine...

896. the deepest level of hell,

897. furthest removed from all light and warmth.

898. This is six.

899. It's goddamn five.

900. I think I see the pattern.

901. Yes, I can see the pattern.

902. Mike.

903. Mike, can you hear me?

904. - Michael, where the hell are you? - Lily.

905. Michael?

906. - Mike. - Lily.

907. Michael, can you hear me?

908. Lily.

909. Oh my God. Thank God. Jesus, I've been trying to get through!

910. - Did you call the cops? - Yeah yeah, they're at the hotel.

911. - Didn't you say the Dolphin? - Yes.

912. - You're sure? - Yes yes, 1408.

913. Mike, they're in 1408.

914. The room's empty.

915. Mike?

916. Michael, can you hear me?

917. Michael?

918. Michael, where the hell are you?

919. I'm afraid I can't express myself in this climate.

920. Calm down, okay? We'll figure this out.

921. - Don't panic. - I'm supposed to die here.

922. Michael, stop it! You're not gonna die, okay?

923. Don't move. I can be there in 15 minutes.

924. Mike? Michael?

925. 15 minutes isn't enough time.

926. - It'll be too late. - No, it won't be too late.

927. - Lily. - Don't...

928. Actually, 15 minutes is perfect.

929. It's perfect. Just come up. Come now.

930. - Good, yes. - I need you.

931. You've always been someone I can count on.

932. I know we haven't talked a lot since... since Katie died,

933. - but I need you, sweetie. - Wait!

934. I can't explain it here. You just have to come here and talk to me.

935. I miss you too, but...

936. When you get here, don't talk to anybody.

937. Just come straight up to the 14th floor.

938. - Walk through the door. - Shut up! Shut up!

939. - It's life or death, sweetie. - Do not come up to the room!

940. - Okay. - Don't come up to the room!

941. - I need to talk to you about Katie. - Don't! Shut up!

942. - Lily, don't listen to him! - Yes, good.

943. - It's a trick! Don't come up here! - I'll be right there.

944. Lily! Lily!

945. My baby! My baby!

946. She's heading for the rocks!

947. I don't want to die!

948. Oh God!

949. Man overboard!

950. Come on!

951. Are you okay, buddy?

952. Hey, are you breathing?

953. Come on, talk to me.

954. You guys, give me a hand here!

955. Dr. Edwards to Oncology, please.

956. Hey.

957. How are you feeling?

958. - Am I out? - You're okay. You're okay.

959. Lie down, lie down, lie down.

960. Lie down, lie down, lie down. You're okay.

961. You're in the hospital.

962. Hospital where? In New York?

963. New York? No no, you're in LA.

964. You got hit on the head with your board.

965. I can't believe you still surf.

966. You flew here just for me?

967. Yeah. Yeah, I was worried.

968. They called.

969. I think I'm still listed as your next of kin.

970. Okay, I'm not in New York.

971. - I'm out. - Why do you keep saying that?

972. I was in New York. I was trapped.

973. In New York, I was dying

974. in this Kafkaesque hotel,

975. the Dolphin.

976. - What? - The Dolphin Hotel on 45th and Lex.

977. - I spoke with you there. - 45th and Lex?

978. - I called you. - I've never heard of it.

979. You're gonna be okay. You just need to rest.

980. Oh, we have a winner.

981. 600 bucks.

982. Unbelievable.

983. I can see why you live here.

984. Why did you leave?

985. Because every time I looked at you,

986. I saw her face.

987. I think it's pretty clear.

988. I think in the dream the room's your subconscious

989. and it brought up a lot of stuff.

990. That's a good thing for you.

991. But this was... I mean, I was down the rabbit hole.

992. I was rattled. I was shook up.

993. And I can't shake it. I think after dinner

994. you should drive me back to the hospital,

995. check me into the psych unit.

996. You look really great.

997. I can't believe I'm sitting here with you.

998. Tell me about it.

999. Is everything all right? Can I get you anything else?

1000. I'll have another glass of wine, please.

1001. The same.

1002. Mike?

1003. Yeah, I'll have another tequila...

1004. Patron, chilled, double.

1005. Be right back.

1006. Katie was there.

1007. Can you imagine

1008. what it feels like to have the sensation?

1009. I mean, the very real sensation

1010. that I talked to her, like, two days ago?

1011. I talked to her, saw her, touched her.

1012. Yeah.

1013. I see her every night when I shut my eyes.

1014. Yeah, but it was so vivid.

1015. It was so real.

1016. Maybe you should write about it.

1017. About Katie? Shit.

1018. - You always were tougher than me. - Why not?

1019. Seriously, it sounds like you're ready to deal with this stuff.

1020. Can you stay?

1021. I'm sorry.

1022. Okay, we have got 148.

1023. 148 is gonna be right about...

1024. So if you'd like to sign on the line.

1025. Hey! Hey, man!

1026. You've been gone a while.

1027. Oh, by the way, dude, I read your book.

1028. What is it? "10 Most Haunted Motels," right?

1029. That's some scary shit.

1030. See you around.

1031. Did I drop a postcard?

1032. - What? - Did I?

1033. - A postcard.

1034. No, I think I would have seen it.

1035. But if I find it, I'll put it in your mailbox.

1036. Okay?

1037. My experience in the room was terrifying,

1038. a fragmented loop of unease and despair.

1039. 1408 was a horrible dream,

1040. yet somehow I awoke from it renewed.

1041. Mikey! You sound happy.

1042. - You're scaring me. - I wouldn't go that far,

1043. but I must say that the work is just pouring out of me.

1044. I think I've actually reinvented myself

1045. in the form of a kind of a fictional memoir...

1046. "Autobiography of a Nightmare:

1047. Truman Capote meets H.R. Giger. " What do you think?

1048. I love it! "'In Cold Blood' with 'Aliens!"'

1049. That's sexy. I wanna put it out to auction,

1050. start a bidding war. When can I read it?

1051. Easy, tiger. Any day now. You're gonna get it as soon as I finish.

1052. Okay, Mike. Less talking, more writing.

1053. Hey, where's that decaf? I'm dying here.

1054. Thank you.

1055. Hey, Pop.

1056. How are you doing, old boy?

1057. Can you hear me?

1058. I don't think so.

1059. I know I haven't been here in a few months,

1060. but I just wanted to...

1061. come by and see how you're doing and...

1062. tell you I was doing okay.

1063. Doing pretty good, actually.

1064. I started talking to Lily again.

1065. And I wrote a new book,

1066. which I actually think you would like...

1067. believe it or not.

1068. Michael.

1069. Dad.

1070. Michael.

1071. Yeah.

1072. So...

1073. Hey, you can't park there! Move it down, will you?

1074. Hey, I got a package I need to overnight.

1075. Is this the right form? I got to get this to New York by tomorrow morning.

1076. I'm sorry, sir, but we're closed.

1077. Very well.

1078. I was out.

1079. Is that Katie?

1080. Is that Katie?

1081. I was out.

1082. I was out!

1083. I was out. Please, God.

1084. I know I was out.

1085. Yeah.

1086. Open it.

1087. are yawning up widely in our path.

1088. We know the way of the righteous man.

1089. Daddy.

1090. - Daddy? - No.

1091. - You're not Katie. - I need help.

1092. Please.

1093. You're not real.

1094. I'm cold.

1095. - You're not Katie. - So cold.

1096. I love you, Daddy.

1097. Don't you love me anymore?

1098. Of course I do, sweetheart.

1099. There we go. I got you.

1100. I got you now, Katie.

1101. - Oh my God. - They won't let me stay.

1102. - Yes, they will. - They won't let me stay.

1103. - What? - They won't let me stay.

1104. No no no no no. Nobody's ever going to take you away again.

1105. I got you now, Katie. Oh my God.

1106. - I'm not gonna let you go. - Do you love me, Daddy?

1107. Of course I do. I love you more than anything in the world.

1108. I wish we could stay together,

1109. you, me, and Mommy.

1110. We can, we can. I got you right here.

1111. I got you right here, sweetie. Everything's fine.

1112. Everything is fine.

1113. No. No.

1114. No. No.

1115. You can't take her twice.

1116. You can't.

1117. Not again. Please, God.

1118. You can't.

1119. Please.

1120. No!

1121. No.

1122. - You bastard.

1123. You little...

1124. where is it?

1125. Where? Where?

1126. Why don't you just kill me?

1127. Because all guests of this hotel

1128. enjoy free will, Mr. Enslin.

1129. You can choose to relive this hour over and over,

1130. or you can take advantage of our express checkout system.

1131. Mr. Enslin?

1132. Are you ready to check out, Mr. Enslin?

1133. No.

1134. - Not your way. - I understand.

1135. By the way, Mr. Enslin, your wife just called.

1136. She'll be here in five minutes and we'll send her straight up.

1137. She's not involved.

1138. You can't have her.

1139. I'm done arguing with you.

1140. I'm gonna end this.

1141. Five. This is five.

1142. Ignore the siren. Even if you leave this room,

1143. you can never leave this room.

1144. Eight. This is eight.

1145. We have killed your friends.

1146. Every friend

1147. is now dead.

1148. I lived the life of a selfish man.

1149. But I don't have to die that way.

1150. If I'm going down,

1151. I'm taking you with me.

1152. This may not all be real,

1153. and I may not even be real,

1154. but this fire...

1155. that's got to be real.

1156. Go to hell!

1157. Get out onto the street!

1158. Out the doors and onto the street, please.

1159. Everyone stay calm.

1160. - What's going on? - I don't know, lady.

1161. This might take a while. Something must have happened.

1162. Thanks.

1163. Keep quiet, you bastard.

1164. Please, you've gotta help me. No, help me.

1165. - Calm down. - My husband's inside.

1166. My husband's inside. You've gotta help him.

1167. You've gotta help him, please!

1168. What floor? What floor?

1169. 14th floor, 1408. Mike Enslin.

1170. Please come here.

1171. You're wasting your time.

1172. We're here to do the job,

1173. and we don't rattle.

1174. The decor is in tatters

1175. and the staff surly.

1176. But on the Shiver Scale...

1177. I award the Dolphin 10 skulls!

1178. Never kill more than you can eat.

1179. Daddy, everyone dies.

1180. We commend to Almighty God our brother,

1181. and we commit his body to the ground,

1182. earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

1183. dust to dust.

1184. May you rest in peace.

1185. Amen.

1186. Amen.

1187. Well, they're together now.

1188. Let's go.

1189. Mrs. Enslin?

1190. I...

1191. I am sorry to intrude at such a delicate time,

1192. but I knew your husband. I worked at the Dolphin.

1193. Oh.

1194. While we were cleaning up, we came across some of his belongings.

1195. No, thank you.

1196. They are of such a personal nature, ma'am.

1197. - I figured maybe you would want to... - No, please.

1198. It's not how I want to remember him.

1199. I'm sure you understand.

1200. Oh yes, yes. Of course I understand.

1201. But it's important that you know that he did a great thing.

1202. He did not die in vain.

1203. What are you talking about?

1204. Because of him, the room won't reopen. It's been...

1205. All right, okay, stop.

1206. Just give the lady some air.

1207. She's been through enough, don't you think?

1208. Round one goes to the hideous Mr. Olin

1209. for effective aggressiveness.

1210. I have to admit, he had me going.

1211. Get ahold of yourself.

1212. You're running to places that aren't real.

1213. Daddy,

1214. don't you love me anymore?

1215. Of course I do, sweetheart.

1216. - Don't you love me, Daddy? - Of course I do, honey,

1217. more than anything. I got you now.

1218. I got you right here, sweetie. Everything's fine.

1219. I got you, Katie. Nobody's ever gonna take you away again.

1220. Daddy?

1221. Daddy! Daddy!

1222. Daddy!

1223. Hey, sweetie.

1224. Daddy!

1225. Daddy!

1226. Yes, of course.