1. Hey!Copy !req
2. I'll be right with you.Copy !req
3. So, Cameron. Here you go.Copy !req
4. Nine schools in 10 years.
My, my. Army brat?Copy !req
5. - Yeah. My dad is...
- That's enough.Copy !req
6. I'm sure you won't find Padua
any different than your old schools.Copy !req
7. Same little ass-wipe shit-for-brains
everywhere.Copy !req
8. Excuse me? Did you just say...
Am I in the right office?Copy !req
9. Not anymore, you're not. I've got
deviants to see and a novel to finish.Copy !req
10. Now, scoot. Scoot!Copy !req
11. Okay.Copy !req
12. Thanks. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
13. Patrick Verona.Copy !req
14. I see we're making
our visits a weekly ritual.Copy !req
15. Only so we can have these moments
together. Should I hit the lights?Copy !req
16. Oh, very clever, kangaroo boy.Copy !req
17. Says here you exposed yourself
in the cafeteria?Copy !req
18. I was joking with the lunch lady.
It was a bratwurst.Copy !req
19. Bratwurst?Copy !req
20. Aren't we the optimist?Copy !req
21. Next time, keep it in your pouch, okay?Copy !req
22. Scoot!Copy !req
23. Hello! Michael Eckman.
I'm supposed to show you around.Copy !req
24. Oh, hi. Thank God. You know...Copy !req
25. Normally they send down
one of those audio visual geeks.Copy !req
26. No, I do. I know what you mean.Copy !req
27. Hey, Michael,
where should I put those slides?Copy !req
28. Michael? So... Cameron.Copy !req
29. Here's the breakdown. Over there,
we've got your basic beautiful people.Copy !req
30. Now listen. Unless they talk
to you first, don't bother.Copy !req
31. - Wait. Is that your rule or theirs?
- Watch. Hey, there.Copy !req
32. - Eat me.
- You see that?Copy !req
33. To the left, we have the coffee kids.Copy !req
34. - That was Costa Rican, butthead!
- Very edgy.Copy !req
35. Don't make any sudden movements
around them.Copy !req
36. These delusionals
are your white Rastas.Copy !req
37. They're big Marley fans.
They think they're black.Copy !req
38. - Semi-political, but mostly...
- Smoke a lot of weed?Copy !req
39. - Yeah. These guys...
- Wait, wait. Let me guess. Cowboys?Copy !req
40. Yeah, but the closest they've come
to a cow is McDonald's.Copy !req
41. McDonald's.Copy !req
42. These are your future Mvys.
We're all Ivy League accepted.Copy !req
43. Yuppie greed is back, my friend.Copy !req
44. - Hey, guys, how you doin'?
- Close it, Bogey!Copy !req
45. - Yesterday, I was their god.
- What happened?Copy !req
46. Bogey Lozenstein
started a rumor that I...Copy !req
47. That I buy my Izods at an outlet mall.Copy !req
48. - So they kicked you out?
- Hostile takeover. But don't worry.Copy !req
49. - He'll pay. Now, over here...
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
50. - What group is she in?
- The "don't even think about it" group.Copy !req
51. That's Bianca Stratford.
She's a sophomore.Copy !req
52. I burn, I pine, I perish.Copy !req
53. Of course you do.
You know, she's beautiful and deep.Copy !req
54. I'm sure.Copy !req
55. Yeah, but see, there's a difference
between like and love.Copy !req
56. Because I like my Skechers,
but I love my Prada backpack.Copy !req
57. But I love my Skechers.Copy !req
58. That's because you don't have
a Prada backpack.Copy !req
59. Listen, forget her.
Incredibly uptight father.Copy !req
60. And it's a widely known fact thatCopy !req
61. the Stratford sisters
aren't allowed to date.Copy !req
62. Yeah.Copy !req
63. Whatever.Copy !req
64. Okay, then. What did everyone
think of the Sun Also Rises?Copy !req
65. I loved it. He's so romantic.Copy !req
66. Romantic? Hemingway?Copy !req
67. He was an abusive, alcoholic
misogynist who squandered half his lifeCopy !req
68. hanging around Picasso
trying to nail his leftovers.Copy !req
69. As opposed to a bitter,
self-righteous hag who has no friends?Copy !req
70. Pipe down, Chachi.Copy !req
71. I guess in this society,
being male and an assholeCopy !req
72. makes you worthy of our time.Copy !req
73. What about Sylvia Plath,Copy !req
74. or Charlotte Bronte
or Simone de Beauvoir?Copy !req
75. What'd I miss?Copy !req
76. The oppressive patriarchal values
that dictate our education.Copy !req
77. Good.Copy !req
78. - Hey, hey!
- Mr. Morgan.Copy !req
79. Is there any chance we could get Kat
to take her MidolCopy !req
80. before she comes to class?Copy !req
81. Someday you're gonna get
bitch-slapped,Copy !req
82. and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it.Copy !req
83. And, Kat, I want to thank you
for your point of view.Copy !req
84. I know how difficult it must be for you
to overcome all those yearsCopy !req
85. of upper-middle class
suburban oppression.Copy !req
86. Must be tough.Copy !req
87. But the next time you storm the P.T.A.,
crusading for better lunch meat,Copy !req
88. or whatever it is
you white girls complain about,Copy !req
89. ask them why they can't buy a book
written by a black man!Copy !req
90. - That's right, mon!
- Don't even get me started on you two.Copy !req
91. Anything else?Copy !req
92. Yeah, go to the office.
You're pissing me off.Copy !req
93. - What? Mr. Morgan...
- Later!Copy !req
94. Undulating with desire,Copy !req
95. Adrienne removes her red...Copy !req
96. Crimson capeCopy !req
97. at the sight of Reginald's stiff and...Copy !req
98. Judith!Copy !req
99. What's another word for "engorged"?Copy !req
100. I'll look it up.Copy !req
101. Okay.Copy !req
102. - Swollen. Turgid.
- Tumescent?Copy !req
103. Perfect.Copy !req
104. So, I hear you were terrorizing
Mr. Morgan's class again.Copy !req
105. Expressing my opinion
is not a terrorist action.Copy !req
106. The way you expressed your opinion
to Bobby Ridgezay?Copy !req
107. By the way, his testicle
retrieval operation went quite well,Copy !req
108. in case you're interested.Copy !req
109. I still maintain
that he kicked himself in the balls.Copy !req
110. The point is, Kat...Copy !req
111. Cat.Copy !req
112. People perceive you as somewhat...Copy !req
113. Tempestuous?Copy !req
114. "Heinous bitch" is
the term used most often.Copy !req
115. You might want to work on that.Copy !req
116. Thank you.Copy !req
117. As always, thank you
for your excellent guidance.Copy !req
118. I'll let you get back
to Reginald's quivering member.Copy !req
119. "Quivering member." I like that.Copy !req
120. Virgin alert. Your favorite.Copy !req
121. Lookin' good, ladies.Copy !req
122. Oh, she's out of reach, even for you.Copy !req
123. - No one's out of reach for me.
- You wanna put money on that?Copy !req
124. Money, I've got.Copy !req
125. This I'm gonna do for fun.Copy !req
126. - Who's that guy?
- That's Joey Donner.Copy !req
127. He's a jerk off, and a model.Copy !req
128. - He's a model?
- A model.Copy !req
129. Mostly regional stuff, but he's rumored
to have a big tube sock ad coming out.Copy !req
130. - Really?
- Really.Copy !req
131. Man, look at her. Is she always so...Copy !req
132. - Vapid?
- How can you say that? She's totally...Copy !req
133. - Conceited.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
134. There's more to her than you think.Copy !req
135. Look at the way she smiles,
and look at her eyes, man.Copy !req
136. She's totally pure.
You're missing what's there.Copy !req
137. No, no, Cameron, no. What's thereCopy !req
138. is a snotty little princess wearing
a strategically planned sun dressCopy !req
139. to make guys like us realize
that we can never touch herCopy !req
140. and guys like Joey realize
that they want to.Copy !req
141. She, my friend, is what we will spend
the rest of our lives not having.Copy !req
142. Put her in your spank bank, move on.Copy !req
143. - Move on.
- No, no. You're wrong about her.Copy !req
144. I mean, you know,
not about the spanking part,Copy !req
145. but the rest, you're wrong.Copy !req
146. All right... I'm wrong?
You wanna take a shot, be my guest.Copy !req
147. She's actually looking
for a French tutor.Copy !req
148. Are you serious? That's perfect!Copy !req
149. Do you speak French?Copy !req
150. Well, no, but I will.Copy !req
151. Hey. Your little Rambo look is out, Kat.Copy !req
152. - Didn't you read last month's Cosmo?
- Run along.Copy !req
153. I know you can be overwhelmed,
and you can be under whelmed,Copy !req
154. but can you everjust be "whelmed"?Copy !req
155. - I think you can in Europe.
- Hi, ladies.Copy !req
156. Would you szeet young things
like a ride?Copy !req
157. Careful on the leather.Copy !req
158. That's a charming new development.Copy !req
159. It's disgusting.Copy !req
160. Remove head from sphincter,
then drive!Copy !req
161. - You okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
162. Just a minor encounter with the shrew.Copy !req
163. - That's your girlfriend's sister.
- That's Bianca's sister?Copy !req
164. The mewling, rampalian wretch herself.Copy !req
165. - Stay cool, bro.
- Yeah, see you later.Copy !req
166. Look out!Copy !req
167. My balls! Oh, boy.Copy !req
168. Yeah!Copy !req
169. Hello, Katarina.
Make anyone cry today?Copy !req
170. Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.Copy !req
171. - Hi, Daddy.
- Hello, precious.Copy !req
172. - And where have you been?
- Nowhere.Copy !req
173. Hey, what's this?
It says Sarah Lawrence.Copy !req
174. I got in!Copy !req
175. Honey, that's great,Copy !req
176. but isn't Sarah Lawrence
on the other side of the country?Copy !req
177. Thus the basis of its appeal.Copy !req
178. I thought we decided you were
going to stay here and go to school.Copy !req
179. "U-Dub," like me. Be a Husky.Copy !req
180. No, you decided.Copy !req
181. Oh, okay, so what, you just pick up
and leave, is that it?Copy !req
182. Let's hope so.Copy !req
183. Ask Bianca who drove her home.Copy !req
184. Kat, don't change the...
Drove? Who drove you home?Copy !req
185. Now, don't get upset, Daddy,
but there's this boy...Copy !req
186. - Who's a flaming imbecile.
- And I think he might ask me...Copy !req
187. Please. I think I know
what he's going to ask you.Copy !req
188. And I think I know the answer. No.
It's always no.Copy !req
189. What are the two house rules?Copy !req
190. Number one,
no dating till you graduate.Copy !req
191. Number two,
no dating till you graduate.Copy !req
192. - That's it.
- Daddy, that's so unfair.Copy !req
193. All right, you want to know
what's unfair? This is for you, too.Copy !req
194. This morning I delivered a set of twins
to a 15-year-old girl.Copy !req
195. Do you know what she said to me?Copy !req
196. I'm a crack whore who should haveCopy !req
197. made my skeezy boyfriend
wear a condom?Copy !req
198. Close, but no.Copy !req
199. She said,
"I should have listened to my father."Copy !req
200. - She did not.
- Well, that's what she would have saidCopy !req
201. if she wasn't so doped up.Copy !req
202. Can we focus on me
for a second, please?Copy !req
203. I am the only girl in school
who's not dating.Copy !req
204. Oh, no, you're not.
Your sister doesn't date.Copy !req
205. And I don't intend to.Copy !req
206. And why is that again?Copy !req
207. Have you seen the unwashed
miscreants that go to that school?Copy !req
208. Where did you come from?
Planet Loser?Copy !req
209. As opposed to
Planet Look At Me, Look At Me.Copy !req
210. Okay, here's how we solve this one.Copy !req
211. Old rule out. New rule, Bianca can dateCopy !req
212. when she does.Copy !req
213. But she's a mutant!
What if she never dates?Copy !req
214. Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.Copy !req
215. And I'll get to sleep at night.Copy !req
216. The deep slumber of a fatherCopy !req
217. whose daughters aren't out
being impregnated.Copy !req
218. - We'll talk about Sarah Lawrence later.
- Fine.Copy !req
219. - Wait! Daddy!
- Gotta go.Copy !req
220. Can't you just find
some blind, deaf retardCopy !req
221. to take you to the movies
so I can have one date?Copy !req
222. I'm sorry. Looks like
you'll just have to miss outCopy !req
223. on the witty repartee
of Joey "Eat Me" Donner.Copy !req
224. You suck.Copy !req
225. Hi. Can we make this quick?Copy !req
226. Roxanne Corinne and Andrew Jarrett
are having an incredibly horrendousCopy !req
227. public break-up on the quad, again.Copy !req
228. Oh, yeah, okay. I thought that we'dCopy !req
229. start with pronunciation,
if that's all right with you.Copy !req
230. Not the hacking and gagging
and spitting part, please.Copy !req
231. Well, there is an alternative.Copy !req
232. - There is?
- Yeah, French food.Copy !req
233. We could eat some togetherCopy !req
234. Saturday night?Copy !req
235. You're asking me out?Copy !req
236. That's so cute.
What's your name again?Copy !req
237. Cameron. Listen, I know
that your dad doesn't let you date,Copy !req
238. but I thought
that if it was for French class...Copy !req
239. - Oh, wait a minute. Curtis...
- Cameron.Copy !req
240. My dad just came up with a new rule.
I can date when my sister does.Copy !req
241. You're kidding.
Let me ask you, do you like sailing?Copy !req
242. 'Cause I read about this place
that rents boats...Copy !req
243. A beaucoup problemo, Calvin.Copy !req
244. In case you haven't heard, my sister's
a particularly hideous breed of loser.Copy !req
245. Yeah. Yeah, I noticed
she's a little antisocial.Copy !req
246. - Why is that?
- Unsolved mystery.Copy !req
247. She used to be really popular,
and then it was likeCopy !req
248. she got sick of it or something.Copy !req
249. Theories abound as to why,Copy !req
250. but I'm pretty sure she's just
incapable of human interaction.Copy !req
251. Plus, she's a bitch.Copy !req
252. Well, yeah, but I'm sure,
you know, that there areCopy !req
253. lots of guys who wouldn't mind
going out with a difficult woman.Copy !req
254. I mean, you know, people jump
out of airplanes and ski off cliffs.Copy !req
255. It'd be like "Extreme Dating."Copy !req
256. You think you could find
someone that extreme?Copy !req
257. Yeah, sure, why not?Copy !req
258. - And you'd do that for me?
- Hell, yes!Copy !req
259. I mean, you know, I could look into it.Copy !req
260. Now, I have gathered a group of guys,
couldn't be more perfect.Copy !req
261. Padua's finest.Copy !req
262. Hi. How you doin'?Copy !req
263. Would any of you be interested
in dating Katarina Stratford?Copy !req
264. I've never been that ripped.Copy !req
265. Maybe if we were
the last two people alive,Copy !req
266. and there were no sheep.Copy !req
267. Are there sheep?Copy !req
268. Did I or did I not tell you
it was pointless?Copy !req
269. No one will go out with her.Copy !req
270. Hey, hey, what about him?Copy !req
271. Him? No, don't...
Don't look at him, okay?Copy !req
272. He's a criminal.
I heard he lit a state trooper on fire.Copy !req
273. - He just did a year in San Quentin.
- Well, at least he's horny.Copy !req
274. I'm serious, man. He's whacked.Copy !req
275. He sold his own liver on the
black market for a new set of speakers.Copy !req
276. He's our guy.Copy !req
277. Hi. How you doin'?Copy !req
278. Listen, I...Copy !req
279. Okay. Later, then.Copy !req
280. How do we get him to date Kat?Copy !req
281. I don't know.Copy !req
282. I mean, we could pay him,Copy !req
283. but we don't have any money.Copy !req
284. Yeah, well, what we need is a backer.Copy !req
285. - What's that?
- Someone with money who's stupid.Copy !req
286. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
287. Is that a peach Fruit Roll-Up?
Because you don't see many...Copy !req
288. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right.Copy !req
289. - Are you lost?
- No.Copy !req
290. Actually, I just came by to chat.Copy !req
291. - We don't chat.
- Well, actually, I thoughtCopy !req
292. that I'd run an idea by you,
just to see if you're interested.Copy !req
293. - I'm not.
- Well, hear me out.Copy !req
294. Now, you want Bianca, right?Copy !req
295. But she can't go out with you
because her sisterCopy !req
296. is this insane head case, and no one
will go out with her, right?Copy !req
297. Does this conversation
have a purpose?Copy !req
298. What I think you need to do,Copy !req
299. is you need to hire a guy
who'll go out with her.Copy !req
300. Someone who doesn't scare so easily.Copy !req
301. That guy?Copy !req
302. - I heard he ate a live duck once.
- Everything but the beak and feet.Copy !req
303. Clearly, he's a solid investment.Copy !req
304. - What's in it for you?
- Hey.Copy !req
305. I'm walking down the hall and
I say hello to you, you say hello to me.Copy !req
306. Yeah, yeah, I get it.
You're cool by association.Copy !req
307. I'll think about it.Copy !req
308. - We're done now.
- Yeah.Copy !req
309. What are you doing
getting him involved?Copy !req
310. Relax, now. Relax.Copy !req
311. We let him pretend
he's calling the shots.Copy !req
312. While he's busy setting things up,
you have time with Bianca.Copy !req
313. That is a good idea. All right.Copy !req
314. I have a dick on my face, don't I?Copy !req
315. Now, remember, guys,Copy !req
316. grip it and rip it.Copy !req
317. Hey. How you doin'?Copy !req
318. I had some great duck last night.Copy !req
319. Do I know you?Copy !req
320. You see that girl?Copy !req
321. - Yeah.
- That's Kat Stratford.Copy !req
322. I want you to go out with her.Copy !req
323. Yeah, sure, Sparky.Copy !req
324. Look, I can't take out her sister
until Kat starts dating.Copy !req
325. You see, their dad's whacked out.
He's got this rule where the girls...Copy !req
326. That's a touching story. It really is.
Not my problem.Copy !req
327. Would you be willing
to make it your problemCopy !req
328. if I provide generous compensation?Copy !req
329. You're gonna pay me
to take out some chick?Copy !req
330. - How much?
- Twenty bucks.Copy !req
331. Fine, 30.Copy !req
332. Well, let's think about this.Copy !req
333. We go to the movies, that's 15 bucks.Copy !req
334. We get popcorn, that's 53.Copy !req
335. And she'll want Raisinets, right?Copy !req
336. So, we're looking at 75 bucks.Copy !req
337. This isn't a negotiation.
Take it or leave it, Trailer Park.Copy !req
338. Fifty bucks and we got a deal, Fabio.Copy !req
339. Great practice, everybody.Copy !req
340. - Good hustle, Stratford.
- Thanks, Mr. Chapin.Copy !req
341. Hey there, girlie. How you doin'?Copy !req
342. Sweating like a pig, actually.
And yourself?Copy !req
343. Now, there's a way to get
a guy's attention, huh?Copy !req
344. My mission in life.Copy !req
345. But obviously, I struck your fancy,
so, you see, it worked.Copy !req
346. The world makes sense again.Copy !req
347. - Pick you up on Friday, then.
- Oh, right. Friday.Copy !req
348. Well, the night I take you places
you've never been before.Copy !req
349. Like where?
The 7-Eleven on Broadway?Copy !req
350. Do you even know
my name, screw boy?Copy !req
351. I know a lot more than you think.Copy !req
352. Doubtful. Very doubtful.Copy !req
353. We are screwed.Copy !req
354. Hey, I don't want to hear
that defeatist attitude.Copy !req
355. - I want to hear you upbeat.
- We're screwed!Copy !req
356. - There you go.
- Hey, Coach Chapin!Copy !req
357. Run, Bogey!Copy !req
358. Have you ever considered a new look?Copy !req
359. I mean, seriously. You could
have some definite potentialCopy !req
360. buried under all this hostility.Copy !req
361. I'm not hostile. I'm annoyed.Copy !req
362. Why don't you try being nice?Copy !req
363. People wouldn't know what to think.Copy !req
364. You forget,
I don't care what people think.Copy !req
365. Yes, you do.Copy !req
366. No, I don't.Copy !req
367. You don't always have to be
who they want you to be, you know.Copy !req
368. I happen to like being adored,
thank you.Copy !req
369. Where'd you get the pearls?Copy !req
370. They're Mom's.Copy !req
371. And you've been what,
hiding them for three years?Copy !req
372. No. Daddy found them
in a drawer last week.Copy !req
373. So you're just gonna start
wearing them now?Copy !req
374. It's not like she's coming back
to claim them!Copy !req
375. Besides, they look good on me.Copy !req
376. Trust me. They don't.Copy !req
377. Nice ride. Vintage fenders.Copy !req
378. Are you following me?Copy !req
379. I was in the Laundromat.
I saw your car. I came over to say hi.Copy !req
380. Hi.Copy !req
381. - Not a big talker, huh?
- Depends on the topic.Copy !req
382. My fenders don't really whip me
into a verbal frenzy.Copy !req
383. - You're not afraid of me, are you?
- Why would I be afraid of you?Copy !req
384. - Well, most people are.
- Well, I'm not.Copy !req
385. Well, maybe you're not afraid of me,Copy !req
386. but I'm sure
you've thought about me naked.Copy !req
387. Am I that transparent?Copy !req
388. I want you, I need you.
Oh, baby, oh, baby.Copy !req
389. What is it, asshole day?Copy !req
390. - Do you mind?
- Not at all.Copy !req
391. You bitch!Copy !req
392. Whoops.Copy !req
393. "Whoops"?Copy !req
394. My insurance does not cover PMS!Copy !req
395. Well, then tell them I had a seizure.Copy !req
396. Is this about Sarah Lawrence?Copy !req
397. Are you punishing me because
I want you to stay close to home?Copy !req
398. Aren't you punishing me
because Mom left?Copy !req
399. You think you could
leave her out of this?Copy !req
400. Fine.
Then stop making my decisions for me.Copy !req
401. I'm your father. That's my right.Copy !req
402. So what I want doesn't matter.Copy !req
403. You're 18.
You don't know what you want.Copy !req
404. And you won't know
what you want till you're 45,Copy !req
405. and even if you get it,
you'll be too old to use it.Copy !req
406. I want to go to an East Coast school!Copy !req
407. I want you to trust me
to make my own choices,Copy !req
408. and I want you to stop trying
to control my lifeCopy !req
409. just because you can't control yours!Copy !req
410. Yeah? Well, you know what I want?Copy !req
411. We'll continue this later.Copy !req
412. Can't wait.Copy !req
413. Did you just maim Joey's car?Copy !req
414. Yeah. Looks like you're gonna
have to take the bus.Copy !req
415. Has the fact
that you're completely psychoCopy !req
416. managed to escape your attention?Copy !req
417. Daddy!Copy !req
418. - When I shell out 50, I expect results.
- Yeah, I'm on it.Copy !req
419. Watching that bitch violate my car
doesn't count as a date.Copy !req
420. Now, if you don't get any,
I don't get any.Copy !req
421. So get some.Copy !req
422. I just upped my price.Copy !req
423. - What?
- Hundred bucks a date.Copy !req
424. - In advance.
- Forget it.Copy !req
425. Well, forget her sister, then.Copy !req
426. You better hope you're as smooth
as you think you are, Verona.Copy !req
427. - Go.
- No, you go.Copy !req
428. I went before.Copy !req
429. We know what you're trying to do
with Kat Stratford.Copy !req
430. Is that right?
What do you plan to do about it?Copy !req
431. - Help you out.
- Why's that?Copy !req
432. The situation is,Copy !req
433. my man Cameron here
has a majorjones for Bianca Stratford.Copy !req
434. What is it with this chick?
She have beer-flavored nipples?Copy !req
435. - Hey!
- I... I think I speak correctlyCopy !req
436. when I say that Cameron's love is pure,Copy !req
437. purer than, say, Joey Donner's.Copy !req
438. I'm in this for the cash.
Donner can plow whoever he wants.Copy !req
439. Okay, there will be no plowing.Copy !req
440. Patrick... Pat...Copy !req
441. Let me explain something to you here.Copy !req
442. We set this whole thing up
so Cameron can get the girl. Cameron.Copy !req
443. Joey's just a pawn.Copy !req
444. So, you two are gonna
help me tame the wild beast.Copy !req
445. Absolutely.Copy !req
446. We'll do some research,
we'll find out what she likes.Copy !req
447. We're your guys.Copy !req
448. And he means that in
a strictly non-prison movie type of way.Copy !req
449. Let's start here.Copy !req
450. Now, Friday night,
Bogey Lozenstein is having a party.Copy !req
451. It's the perfect opportunity.Copy !req
452. - Perfect opportunity for what?
- For you to take out Kat.Copy !req
453. I'll think about it.Copy !req
454. And for a little payback.Copy !req
455. This is gonna be some party.Copy !req
456. Let's do this.Copy !req
457. Now, this is really important, okay?Copy !req
458. Which one do you like better?Copy !req
459. I think I like the white shirt better.Copy !req
460. - Yeah, it's... It's more...
- Pensive?Copy !req
461. Damn. I was going for thoughtful.Copy !req
462. So, are you going to
Bogey Lozenbrau's thingCopy !req
463. on Friday night?Copy !req
464. Yeah, I might.Copy !req
465. Good, 'cause you know, I'm not
gonna bother if you won't be there.Copy !req
466. See you there.Copy !req
467. - Okay.
- All right.Copy !req
468. So, have you heard
about Bogey Lowenstein's party?Copy !req
469. Yes, and I really, really,
really want to go.Copy !req
470. But you know I can't.
Not unless my sister does.Copy !req
471. Yeah, I know.
I'm working on that, but so far,Copy !req
472. you know, she's not going for my guy.Copy !req
473. - She's not a...
- K.D. Lang fan? No.Copy !req
474. I found a picture of Jared Leto
in her drawer once,Copy !req
475. so I'm pretty sure she's not
harboring same-sex tendencies.Copy !req
476. Okay, so that's the kind of guys
she likes... Like, pretty guys.Copy !req
477. I don't know. All I've ever heard her sayCopy !req
478. is that she'd die
before dating a guy that smokes.Copy !req
479. Okay, all right, no smoking. What else?Copy !req
480. You're asking me
to investigate the inner workingsCopy !req
481. of my sister's twisted mind?Copy !req
482. I don't think so.Copy !req
483. Well, nothing else has worked.Copy !req
484. We need to go
behind enemy lines here.Copy !req
485. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
486. Class schedule, reading list,Copy !req
487. date book, concert tickets,
concert tickets.Copy !req
488. Black panties!Copy !req
489. What does that tell us?Copy !req
490. She wants to have sex someday,
that's what.Copy !req
491. You... She could just like the color.Copy !req
492. You don't buy black lingerie
unless you want someone to see it.Copy !req
493. So... Can I see your room?Copy !req
494. No.Copy !req
495. A girl's room is very personal.Copy !req
496. Oh, okay.Copy !req
497. - Nice bike.
- Yeah, you think so?Copy !req
498. Wow. Is this what a bar looks like?Copy !req
499. Don't touch anything.
You may get hepatitis.Copy !req
500. So, what have you got for me?Copy !req
501. A little insight
into a very complicated girl.Copy !req
502. Excuse me.
Just one question before we start.Copy !req
503. Should you be drinking alcohol
when you don't have a liver?Copy !req
504. - What?
- Nothing. Nothing.Copy !req
505. All right, first thing. Kat hates smokers.Copy !req
506. So, you're telling me I'm a non-smoker.Copy !req
507. - Yes. Well, just for now.
- And here's another problem.Copy !req
508. Bianca said that Kat likes pretty guys.Copy !req
509. Are you telling me I'm not a pretty guy?Copy !req
510. He's very pretty!Copy !req
511. - This is a gorgeous guy.
- I just wasn't sure. I didn't know.Copy !req
512. All right. Yeah, okay. Here's this.Copy !req
513. "Likes.Copy !req
514. "Thai food, feminist prose
and angry girl musicCopy !req
515. "of the indie rock persuasion."Copy !req
516. Here's a list of CDs
she has in her room.Copy !req
517. So, I'm supposed to buy her
some noodles and a bookCopy !req
518. and sit around listening to chicks
who can't play their instruments, right?Copy !req
519. Have you ever been to Club Skunk?Copy !req
520. Her favorite band's
playing there tomorrow night.Copy !req
521. I can't be seen at Club Skunk, all right?Copy !req
522. But she'll be there. She's got tickets.Copy !req
523. Assail your ears for one night.Copy !req
524. She has a pair of black underwear.Copy !req
525. If that helps.Copy !req
526. Couldn't hurt, right?Copy !req
527. Verona! What are you doing here?Copy !req
528. I need agua!Copy !req
529. Two waters.Copy !req
530. If you're planning on asking me out,
you might as well just get it over with.Copy !req
531. Do you mind?
You're kind of ruining this for me.Copy !req
532. You're not surrounded by
your usual cloud of smoke.Copy !req
533. I know. I quit.
Apparently they're bad for you.Copy !req
534. You think?Copy !req
535. You know, these guys
are no Bikini Kill or the Raincoats.Copy !req
536. But they're not bad.Copy !req
537. - You know who the Raincoats are?
- Why, don't you?Copy !req
538. I was watching you out there before.
I've never seen you look so sexy.Copy !req
539. - Come to Bogey's party with me.
- You never give up, do you?Copy !req
540. Was that a yes?Copy !req
541. - No.
- Well, then, was that a no?Copy !req
542. - No.
- I'll see you at 9:30 then!Copy !req
543. Should have used the window.Copy !req
544. - Hi, Daddy.
- Hi.Copy !req
545. Where are we going?Copy !req
546. Well, if you must know,
a small study group of friends.Copy !req
547. Otherwise known as an orgy?Copy !req
548. Mr. Stratford, it's just a party.Copy !req
549. And hell is just a sauna.Copy !req
550. Do you know anything about a party?Copy !req
551. - People expect me to be there.
- Kat's not going, you're not going.Copy !req
552. Why can't you be normal?Copy !req
553. - Define "normal."
- Bogey Lozenstein's party is normal.Copy !req
554. - What's a Bogey Lozenstein?
- Bogey's party is just a lame excuseCopy !req
555. for all the idiots at our school
to drink beerCopy !req
556. and rub up against each otherCopy !req
557. in hopes of distracting themselves
from the pathetic emptinessCopy !req
558. of their meaningless...Copy !req
559. - Meaningless, consumer-driven lives.
- Meaningless, consumer-driven lives.Copy !req
560. Can you, forjust one night,Copy !req
561. forget that you're completely wretched
and be my sister?Copy !req
562. Please?Copy !req
563. Come on, Kat. Please do this for me.Copy !req
564. Fine. I'll make an appearance.Copy !req
565. - It's starting.
- It's just a party, Daddy.Copy !req
566. I want you to wear the belly.Copy !req
567. Daddy, no.Copy !req
568. Not all night.Copy !req
569. Just around the living room for a minute
so you can understandCopy !req
570. the full weight of your decisions.Copy !req
571. - I am perfectly aware...
- Listen to me.Copy !req
572. Every time you even think
about kissing a boy,Copy !req
573. I want you to picture wearing this
under your halter top.Copy !req
574. You are so completely unbalanced.Copy !req
575. - We're going now.
- All right, wait a minute.Copy !req
576. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing,Copy !req
577. no tattoos, no piercings,
no ritual animal slaughters of any kind.Copy !req
578. Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas.Copy !req
579. Daddy!Copy !req
580. - What are you doing here?
- 9:30, right?Copy !req
581. - Oh, I'm early.
- Whatever. I'm driving.Copy !req
582. Who knocked up your sister?Copy !req
583. So then, Bianca says that I was right,Copy !req
584. that she didn't wear the Kenneth Coles
with that dressCopy !req
585. because she thought that it was
mixing genres, right?Copy !req
586. And the fact that I noticed,
and this is a direct quote, listen,Copy !req
587. "Really meant something."Copy !req
588. You told me that part already.Copy !req
589. I've been thinking about her
all the time.Copy !req
590. Stop being so self-involved
for one minute. How do I look?Copy !req
591. You look like my Great Uncle Milton.Copy !req
592. - You think I should lose the tie?
- Yeah.Copy !req
593. Maybe you're right. I'm just so nervous.Copy !req
594. And I'm also very excited.
I'm nervous, I'm excited.Copy !req
595. It's all very mixed up.
I don't know what to do!Copy !req
596. All right, just calm down, all right?Copy !req
597. The last party I went to
was at Chuck E. Cheese.Copy !req
598. You want to talk about some fun.
That's a good time.Copy !req
599. Now, remember, guys.
Don't touch anything.Copy !req
600. What did I tell you?Copy !req
601. Must be Nigel with the Brie.Copy !req
602. You know, I'm...
I'm thinking of getting a Tercel.Copy !req
603. Yeah, that's a Toyota.Copy !req
604. It has dual side air bags
and a spacious back seat.Copy !req
605. - Kiss me!
- Kiss him.Copy !req
606. - Okay.
- Good.Copy !req
607. Hey, thanks, man!Copy !req
608. Sweet.Copy !req
609. Looking fresh tonight, pussycat.Copy !req
610. Wait. Was that...
Did your hairline just recede?Copy !req
611. - Hey, where are you goin'?
- Away.Copy !req
612. - Your sister here?
- Stay away from my sister.Copy !req
613. Oh, I'll stay away from your sister.Copy !req
614. But I can't guarantee
she'll stay away from me.Copy !req
615. - Fight!
- Fight!Copy !req
616. You guys, please! Take it outside!Copy !req
617. Thank you!Copy !req
618. Hey, Kat. Look who found me.Copy !req
619. - Bianca, wait.
- Please do not address me in public.Copy !req
620. No, there's something I need to tell you.Copy !req
621. I am busy enjoying my adolescence,
so scamper off and do the same.Copy !req
622. Bu-bye.Copy !req
623. Want one?Copy !req
624. - What is this?
- Right on, sister!Copy !req
625. I've been looking
all over the place for you.Copy !req
626. I'm getting trashed, man. Isn't that
what you're supposed to do at a party?Copy !req
627. I don't know.
I say do what you want to do.Copy !req
628. Funny. You're the only one.Copy !req
629. Later.Copy !req
630. Lord of the dance! Hi, Heather.Copy !req
631. - Bite me.
- Should've kept the tie.Copy !req
632. Hey. Hey, have you seen her
around anywhere?Copy !req
633. - Relax.
- Relax? I'm fine.Copy !req
634. Follow the love.Copy !req
635. Hi, Bianca.Copy !req
636. Oh, hi, Cameron.Copy !req
637. You know Chastity?Copy !req
638. Yeah. I think
we have art together, right?Copy !req
639. Neat.Copy !req
640. So, you...Copy !req
641. You really look amazing.Copy !req
642. - Thanks.
- And we all know I look amazing.Copy !req
643. Yeah.Copy !req
644. Bianca, let's go. We're all
congregating around Mr. Cuervo.Copy !req
645. I'll see you around, okay?Copy !req
646. So, I've got
the Sears catalog thing going,Copy !req
647. and the tube sock gig,
that is gonna be huge.Copy !req
648. And I'm up for
a hemorrhoid cream ad next week.Copy !req
649. I know it sounds kind of bogus, but...Copy !req
650. I get to do some acting.Copy !req
651. You see what I did there?Copy !req
652. That was underwear. I'll show you
the bathing suit one again.Copy !req
653. You see the difference?Copy !req
654. All right, I'll show you guys.Copy !req
655. Is it me, or does this party
all of a sudden suck?Copy !req
656. Really, really,Copy !req
657. thank you!Copy !req
658. Hey. Hey, Kat, why don't you
let me have this one, huh?Copy !req
659. No! This one's mine.Copy !req
660. My man! How did you get her to do it?Copy !req
661. - Do what?
- Act like a human.Copy !req
662. Yeah! All right!Copy !req
663. Go!Copy !req
664. See this?Copy !req
665. - Are you okay?
- I'm fine.Copy !req
666. You're not fine. Come on.Copy !req
667. I just need to lie down.Copy !req
668. You lie down and you'll go to sleep.Copy !req
669. - Sleep is good.
- Not if you have a concussion.Copy !req
670. Come on. Here, sit down.Copy !req
671. - Sit.
- Hey, hey, we need to talk.Copy !req
672. - I'm a little busy right now.
- Can you give me a second?Copy !req
673. - What?
- It's off, okay? The whole thing's off.Copy !req
674. What are you talking about?Copy !req
675. She never wanted me.
She wanted Joey the whole time.Copy !req
676. Cameron, do you like the girl?Copy !req
677. - Yeah.
- And is she worth all this trouble?Copy !req
678. I thought she was, but, you know, I...Copy !req
679. Well, she is or she isn't.Copy !req
680. See, first of all,
Joey is not half the man you are.Copy !req
681. Secondly, don't let anyone
ever make you feelCopy !req
682. like you don't deserve what you want.Copy !req
683. Go for it!Copy !req
684. - Come on.
- Why?Copy !req
685. This is so patronizing.Copy !req
686. Leave it to you to use
big words when you're smashed.Copy !req
687. - I don't think so.
- Kat.Copy !req
688. - Why are you doing this?
- I told you. You may have a concussion.Copy !req
689. You don't care if I never wake up.Copy !req
690. - Sure I do.
- Why?Copy !req
691. Because then I'd have to start
taking out girls who actually like me.Copy !req
692. - Like you could find one.
- Oh, see? That, there.Copy !req
693. Who needs affection
when I have blind hatred?Copy !req
694. - I just... Let me sit down for a while.
- All right. There.Copy !req
695. - So, why'd you let him get to you?
- Who?Copy !req
696. - Joey.
- I hate him.Copy !req
697. Well, you've chosen the perfect
revenge, mainlining tequila.Copy !req
698. - Well, you know what they say.
- Nope. What do they say?Copy !req
699. No, no, no, no. Kat, come on, wake up!
Look at me!Copy !req
700. Listen to me, Kat! Open your eyes!Copy !req
701. Hey.Copy !req
702. Your eyes have a little green in them.Copy !req
703. I don't know if we should go.Copy !req
704. Hey, a bunch of us
are going to Jarrett's. Ready?Copy !req
705. I have to be home in 20 minutes.Copy !req
706. Well, you know I don't have to be home
till 2:00, so...Copy !req
707. - One more chance.
- Man, I can't.Copy !req
708. - Damn.
- That's a shame.Copy !req
709. - You wanna go?
- Sure.Copy !req
710. - Chastity!
- Hey, you passed.Copy !req
711. Bitch.Copy !req
712. - Hey. Have fun tonight?
- Tons.Copy !req
713. Hey, Cameron?Copy !req
714. Do you think you could
give me a ride home?Copy !req
715. I should do this.Copy !req
716. - Do what?
- This!Copy !req
717. - Start a band?
- No, install car stereos.Copy !req
718. Yeah, start a band.
My father would love that.Copy !req
719. You don't strike me as the type that
would ask your father for permission.Copy !req
720. - Oh, so now you think you know me?
- I'm getting there.Copy !req
721. The only thing people know
about me is that I'm scary.Copy !req
722. Yeah, well, I'm no picnic myself.Copy !req
723. So what's up with your dad?
Is he... Is he a pain in the ass?Copy !req
724. No, he just wants me to be
somebody that I'm not.Copy !req
725. - Who?
- Bianca.Copy !req
726. Oh, Bianca.Copy !req
727. No offense or anything... I mean
I know everyone "digs" your sister,Copy !req
728. but she's without.Copy !req
729. You know,Copy !req
730. you're not as vile
as I thought you were.Copy !req
731. Maybe we should do this another time.Copy !req
732. You never wanted
to go sailing with me, did you?Copy !req
733. Yes, I did.Copy !req
734. No, you didn't.Copy !req
735. Okay, no, not actually...Copy !req
736. Well, then that's all you had to say.Copy !req
737. Have you always been this selfish?Copy !req
738. Yes.Copy !req
739. You know, just 'cause you're beautiful,Copy !req
740. that doesn't mean that you can
treat people like they don't matter.Copy !req
741. I mean, I really liked you, okay.Copy !req
742. I defended you
when people called you conceited,Copy !req
743. I helped you when you asked me to,Copy !req
744. I learned French for you and then
you just blow me off so you could...Copy !req
745. And I'm back in the game!Copy !req
746. Kat, me lady.
You szay to the rhythm of me heart.Copy !req
747. Dance for me, cozgirl.Copy !req
748. Kat, babe, what do we oze you
for the table dance?Copy !req
749. All right, not that I give a damn,
but how was everybody's weekend?Copy !req
750. Oh, I don't know.
Maybe we should ask Kat.Copy !req
751. Unless she kicked the crap
out of your dumb butt,Copy !req
752. I don't wanna hear about it.Copy !req
753. Okay, let's open up our books
to page 73, Sonnet 141.Copy !req
754. And listen up.Copy !req
755. "In faith, I do not love thee
with mine eyesCopy !req
756. "For they in thee
a thousand errors noteCopy !req
757. "But 'tis my heart that loves
what they despiseCopy !req
758. "Who, in despite of view,
is pleas'd to dote"Copy !req
759. Now, I know Shakespeare's
a dead white guy,Copy !req
760. but he knozs his shit,
so we can overlook that.Copy !req
761. I want you all to write
your own version of this sonnet.Copy !req
762. Yes, Miss I-Have-An-Opinion-
About-Everything?Copy !req
763. Do you want this in iambic pentameter?Copy !req
764. You're not gonna fight me on this?Copy !req
765. No, I think
it's a really good assignment.Copy !req
766. You're just
messin' with me, aren't you?Copy !req
767. No, I'm really looking forward
to writing it.Copy !req
768. Get out of my class.Copy !req
769. - What?
- Out. Get out!Copy !req
770. - Thanks, Mr. Morgan.
- Shut up.Copy !req
771. Hey. Cool picture.Copy !req
772. What's that collar for? Is that
to keep him from licking his stitches?Copy !req
773. Kidding. No, because I know
you're a fan of Shakespeare.Copy !req
774. More than a fan. We're involved.Copy !req
775. Okay.Copy !req
776. "Who could refrain
That had a heart to loveCopy !req
777. - "and in that heart..."
- "Courage to make love known."Copy !req
778. - That's Macbeth, right?
- Right.Copy !req
779. So, listen, I... I have this friend,Copy !req
780. and he likes your friend...Copy !req
781. What did you do to her?Copy !req
782. I didn't do anything. She would've been
too drunk to remember.Copy !req
783. But the plan was working.Copy !req
784. What do you care?
I thought you wanted out.Copy !req
785. Yeah, well, I did, butCopy !req
786. that was until she kissed me.Copy !req
787. - Where?
- In the car.Copy !req
788. Sorry.Copy !req
789. - Dweeb! Putz!
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
790. All right, I talked to her.Copy !req
791. - I got the scoop.
- What'd she say?Copy !req
792. "Hates him with the fire
of a thousand suns."Copy !req
793. That's a direct quote.Copy !req
794. Thanks, Michael.
That's very comforting of you.Copy !req
795. We don't know.
She could need a day to cool off.Copy !req
796. Maybe two.Copy !req
797. Hey!Copy !req
798. Can you imagine who would go
to that antiquated mating ritual?Copy !req
799. I would, but I don't have a date.Copy !req
800. Do you really want
to get all dressed up,Copy !req
801. so some Drakkar Noir-wearing dexter
with a boner can feel you upCopy !req
802. while you're forced to listen
to a band that by definition blozs?Copy !req
803. All right, all right, we won't go.Copy !req
804. It's not like I've got a dress anyway.Copy !req
805. You're looking at this
from entirely the wrong perspective.Copy !req
806. We're making a statement.Copy !req
807. Oh, goody.
Something new and different for us.Copy !req
808. - Hey there, Cupid.
- Hi, Joey.Copy !req
809. You're concentrating awfully hard
considering it's gym class.Copy !req
810. - Can I help you?
- I want to talk to you about prom.Copy !req
811. Look, you know the deal.
I can't go if Kat doesn't go.Copy !req
812. Your sister is going.Copy !req
813. - Since when?
- Let's just say I'm taking care of it.Copy !req
814. This should take care of the
flozers, the limo, the tux, everything.Copy !req
815. Just make sure she gets to the prom.Copy !req
816. Do you know what?
I'm sick of playing your little game.Copy !req
817. Okay, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
818. You sick of, let's say, 300?Copy !req
819. Excuse me. Have you
seen The Feminine Mystique?Copy !req
820. I've lost my copy.Copy !req
821. - What are you doing here?
- I heard there was a poetry reading.Copy !req
822. - You're so...
- Charming.Copy !req
823. Wholesome.Copy !req
824. Unwelcome.Copy !req
825. You're not as mean as you think
you are, you know that?Copy !req
826. And you're not as badass
as you think you are.Copy !req
827. Someone still has her panties in a twist.Copy !req
828. Don't for one minute think that you had
any effect whatsoever on my panties.Copy !req
829. Then what did I have an effect on?Copy !req
830. Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.Copy !req
831. You're right, she's still pissed.Copy !req
832. "Sweet love, renew thy force"Copy !req
833. Hey! Don't say shit like that to me.
People can hear you.Copy !req
834. Look, you embarrassed the girl.Copy !req
835. Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity
and even the score.Copy !req
836. Listen, don't say shit like that to him.Copy !req
837. People can hear you.Copy !req
838. You're just too good to be trueCopy !req
839. Can't take my eyes off of youCopy !req
840. You'd be like heaven to touchCopy !req
841. I wanna hold you so muchCopy !req
842. At long last love has arrivedCopy !req
843. And I thank God I'm aliveCopy !req
844. You're just too good to be trueCopy !req
845. Can't take my eyes off of youCopy !req
846. I love you, babyCopy !req
847. And if it's quite all right
I need you, babyCopy !req
848. To warm the lonely night
I love you, babyCopy !req
849. Trust in me when I sayCopy !req
850. Oh, pretty babyCopy !req
851. Don't bring me down, I pray
Oh, pretty babyCopy !req
852. Now that I found you, stay
and let me love you, babyCopy !req
853. Let me love youCopy !req
854. You look pretty nervous.Copy !req
855. Yes, sir.Copy !req
856. You're szeating like a pig.Copy !req
857. Yes, sir.Copy !req
858. Your eyes are all bloodshot.Copy !req
859. Yes, sir.Copy !req
860. You've got pot, don't you?Copy !req
861. I'm confiscating this.Copy !req
862. This, too.Copy !req
863. Mr. Chapin, can I talk to you
for a second?Copy !req
864. What can I do for you, Stratford?Copy !req
865. I have some ideas on how
we can improve the girls' soccer team.Copy !req
866. Great! Let's talk about it later.Copy !req
867. The window.Copy !req
868. As you know, we have
a really big game with Hillcrest High...Copy !req
869. Your bicep is huge!Copy !req
870. Oh, my God.
The other one's even bigger.Copy !req
871. You don't take steroids, do you,
because I've heard steroidsCopy !req
872. can severely disintegrate
your package?Copy !req
873. Not that I'm thinking about
your package.Copy !req
874. - That's not the point.
- Let's hope not.Copy !req
875. The point is they kick our butts
every year.Copy !req
876. I was thinking, I devised a plan that
will enable us to finally defeat them.Copy !req
877. Which is?Copy !req
878. - That thing that you taught us.
- What thing?Copy !req
879. - Misdirection.
- I taught you that?Copy !req
880. Yeah, you or Siegfried or Roy?
Anyway, that's not important.Copy !req
881. The... Think about it.Copy !req
882. They're looking left
and we're running right.Copy !req
883. Bang, we score. We win.Copy !req
884. Okay, but how do we get 'em
to look left?Copy !req
885. Like this.Copy !req
886. Okay. Well,Copy !req
887. now that you've seen "the plan,"Copy !req
888. I'm gonna go and show "the plan"
to someone else.Copy !req
889. Okay.Copy !req
890. Hi.Copy !req
891. I can't thank you enough
for helping me sneak out of detention.Copy !req
892. - Very cool.
- No problem.Copy !req
893. I thought for sure I was busted when I
was climbing out that window, I tell ya.Copy !req
894. So, how did you keep him distracted?Copy !req
895. I dazzled him with my wits.Copy !req
896. - So, what's your excuse?
- For?Copy !req
897. For acting the way we do?Copy !req
898. I don't like to do what people expect.Copy !req
899. Why should I live up to other people's
expectations instead of my own?Copy !req
900. So, you disappoint 'em from the start
and then you're covered, right?Copy !req
901. Something like that.Copy !req
902. - Then you screzed up.
- How?Copy !req
903. You never disappointed me.Copy !req
904. Are you up for it?Copy !req
905. Up for what?Copy !req
906. All right, come on.Copy !req
907. No, none of that stuff is true.Copy !req
908. - State trooper.
- Fallacy. Dead guy in the parking lot?Copy !req
909. Rumor. The duck?Copy !req
910. Hearsay. Bobby Ridgezay's balls?Copy !req
911. Fact. But he deserved it.
He tried to grope me in the lunch line.Copy !req
912. - Fair enough.
- The accent?Copy !req
913. It's real.
I lived in Australia until I was 10.Copy !req
914. - With the Pygmies?
- Close.Copy !req
915. With my mom.Copy !req
916. Where were you last year?
I know the porn career is a lie.Copy !req
917. Do you?Copy !req
918. - Tell me something true.
- Something true.Copy !req
919. I hate peas.Copy !req
920. No. Something real.
Something no one else knozs.Copy !req
921. Okay. You're szeet,Copy !req
922. and sexy,Copy !req
923. and completely hot for me.Copy !req
924. You are amazingly self-assured.
Has anyone ever told you that?Copy !req
925. I tell myself that every day, actually.Copy !req
926. - Go to the prom with me.
- Is that a request or a command?Copy !req
927. Come on. Go with me.Copy !req
928. - No.
- No? Why not?Copy !req
929. Because I don't want to.
Because it's a stupid tradition.Copy !req
930. Come on.
People won't expect you to go.Copy !req
931. Why are you pushing this?Copy !req
932. What's in it for you?Copy !req
933. So now I need to have a motive
to want to be with you?Copy !req
934. You tell me.Copy !req
935. You need therapy, you know that?Copy !req
936. Has anyone ever told you that?Copy !req
937. - Anszer the question, Patrick.
- Nothing!Copy !req
938. There is nothing in it for me,Copy !req
939. just the pleasure of your company.
Okay?Copy !req
940. Wait. Wait a minute.
That... That's not on this page.Copy !req
941. Seven!Copy !req
942. Good.Copy !req
943. - Daddy?
- Hi, honey.Copy !req
944. I'd like to discuss tomorrow night
with you. As you know, it's the prom...Copy !req
945. The prom? Kat has a date?Copy !req
946. Well, no.Copy !req
947. Don't think you're fooling me.Copy !req
948. I know who you wanna
bend the rules for.Copy !req
949. It's that hot-rod Joey.Copy !req
950. What's a hot rod?Copy !req
951. It's a... If your sister's not going,
you're not going. End of story.Copy !req
952. Okay, let's review.Copy !req
953. Kat, not interested, me, dying to go.Copy !req
954. Do you know what happens at proms?Copy !req
955. Yes, Daddy. We'll dance,
we'll kiss, we'll come home.Copy !req
956. It's not quite the crisis situation
you imagine.Copy !req
957. Kissing, huh?
That's what you think happens?Copy !req
958. Got nezs for you.Copy !req
959. Kissing isn't what keeps me up to
my elbozs in placenta all day long.Copy !req
960. Can we for two seconds ignore the fact
that you're severely unhinged,Copy !req
961. and discuss my need for a night
of teenage normalcy?Copy !req
962. What's normal?
Those damn Dazson's River kids,Copy !req
963. sleeping in each other's beds
and whatnot?Copy !req
964. - Daddy, that is so not...
- Got nezs for ya.Copy !req
965. I'm down. I've got the 4-1 -1.Copy !req
966. And you are not going out
and getting jiggy with some boy.Copy !req
967. I don't care how dope his ride is.Copy !req
968. My mama didn't raise no fool.Copy !req
969. Thanks, Bill.Copy !req
970. Ridiculous amounts of love
across this nation worldwide.Copy !req
971. Believe it.Copy !req
972. This is the true story.Copy !req
973. Seattle.Copy !req
974. Come in.Copy !req
975. Listen, I know...Copy !req
976. I know you hate having to sit at home
because I'm not Suzy High School.Copy !req
977. - Like you care.
- I do care.Copy !req
978. But I'm a firm believer in doing
something for your own reasons,Copy !req
979. and not someone else's.Copy !req
980. Well, I wish I had that luxury.Copy !req
981. You know, I'm the only sophomore
that got asked to go to the prom,Copy !req
982. and I can't go
because you don't feel like it.Copy !req
983. Joey never told you
that we went out, did he?Copy !req
984. - Yeah, okay.
- In ninth, for a month.Copy !req
985. - Why?
- Because he was, like, such a babe.Copy !req
986. - But you hate Joey.
- Now I do.Copy !req
987. So, what happened?Copy !req
988. Please tell me you're joking.Copy !req
989. Just once, right after Mom left.Copy !req
990. Everyone was doing it, so...Copy !req
991. I did it.Copy !req
992. Afterwards I told him I didn't want to
anymore because I wasn't ready,Copy !req
993. and he got pissed and he dumped me.Copy !req
994. After that I szore I'd never do anythingCopy !req
995. just because everyone else
was doing it.Copy !req
996. And I haven't since,Copy !req
997. with the exception of Bogey's partyCopy !req
998. and my stunning
digestive pyrotechnics.Copy !req
999. How is it possible
that I did not know about this?Copy !req
1000. I warned him that if he told anyone,Copy !req
1001. the cheerleading squad would find out
how tiny his dick is.Copy !req
1002. Okay, so why didn't you tell me?Copy !req
1003. I wanted to let you
make up your mind about him.Copy !req
1004. Then why did you help Daddy
hold me hostage?Copy !req
1005. It's not like I'm stupid enough
to repeat your mistakes.Copy !req
1006. I guess I thought I was protecting you.Copy !req
1007. By not letting me experience
anything for myself?Copy !req
1008. Not all experiences are good, Bianca.Copy !req
1009. You can't always trust
the people you want to.Copy !req
1010. Well, I guess I'll never know, will I?Copy !req
1011. Ladies with thinning hair or bald spots,Copy !req
1012. G.L.H. solves the problem instantly.
G.L.H. is not a paint or a cover-up.Copy !req
1013. It's an amazing powder that clings
to the tiniest hairs on your head.Copy !req
1014. It actually builds on itself,Copy !req
1015. leaving you with great,
great-looking hair.Copy !req
1016. And the G.L.H. hair system
is not expensive.Copy !req
1017. Interesting.Copy !req
1018. Order your G.L.H. hair package now.Copy !req
1019. Bye, Dad. I'm going to the prom.Copy !req
1020. Funny, szeetie.Copy !req
1021. It instantly covers your bald spot
leaving you with great looking hair.Copy !req
1022. - What's that?
- A prom dress.Copy !req
1023. I seem to be hearing that word
a lot lately.Copy !req
1024. - Hi.
- Wow. I...Copy !req
1025. Wow.Copy !req
1026. - Bye, Daddy.
- Stop.Copy !req
1027. Turn. Explain.Copy !req
1028. Okay. Remember how you said
I could date if Kat dated?Copy !req
1029. Well, she found this guy
who's actually kind of perfect for herCopy !req
1030. which is perfect for me,Copy !req
1031. because Cameron asked me to go to
the prom and I really, really wanna go,Copy !req
1032. and since Kat went, I guess I'm allozed
to, based on the aforementioned rule,Copy !req
1033. and its previous stipulations, of course.Copy !req
1034. - Nice to meet you.
- Let's go.Copy !req
1035. I know every cop in town, bucko!Copy !req
1036. This is not good.Copy !req
1037. Wow.Copy !req
1038. You, too.Copy !req
1039. Where'd you get a tux
at the last minute?Copy !req
1040. Oh, just something I had,
you know, lying around.Copy !req
1041. Where'd you get the dress?Copy !req
1042. Oh, just something I had,
you know, lying around.Copy !req
1043. Listen, I'm really sorry
that I questioned your motives.Copy !req
1044. I was wrong.Copy !req
1045. You're forgiven.Copy !req
1046. Okay.Copy !req
1047. - Ready for the prom?
- Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
1048. Hi, Mr. Stratford. I'm Joey.
I'm here to pick up Bianca.Copy !req
1049. - Have you seen him?
- Who?Copy !req
1050. William.
He asked me to meet him here.Copy !req
1051. Oh, Mandella,
please tell me you haven'tCopy !req
1052. progressed to full-on hallucinations.Copy !req
1053. - Milady.
- Good sir.Copy !req
1054. Oh, my God, it's...Copy !req
1055. I called in a favor!Copy !req
1056. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1057. I know you didn't think you were
the only sophomore at the prom.Copy !req
1058. Joey just picked me up.Copy !req
1059. Oh, well, congratulations.
He's all yours.Copy !req
1060. Very generous, princess.Copy !req
1061. And just so you know,
Joey only liked you for one reason.Copy !req
1062. He even had a bet going
with his friends.Copy !req
1063. He was gonna nail you tonight.Copy !req
1064. - Milwaukee.
- What?Copy !req
1065. That's where I was last year.
I wasn't in jail.Copy !req
1066. I don't know Marilyn MansonCopy !req
1067. and I didn't sleep with a Spice Girl,
I don't think.Copy !req
1068. You see, my grandpa, he was ill
so I spent most of the year on his couchCopy !req
1069. watching Wheel ofFortune
and making SpaghettiOs.Copy !req
1070. End of story.Copy !req
1071. No way.Copy !req
1072. Hey. What's Bianca doing here
with that cheese dick?Copy !req
1073. I didn't pay you to take out Kat so some
little punk could snake me with Bianca.Copy !req
1074. Nothing in it for you, huh?Copy !req
1075. The shit hath hittethCopy !req
1076. the faneth.Copy !req
1077. Joey, pal, compadre?Copy !req
1078. You messed with the wrong guy,
and now you're gonna pay.Copy !req
1079. You and that little bitch.Copy !req
1080. All right, that's enough, okay!
You crossed the line.Copy !req
1081. Oh, come on! Get up, you little punk!Copy !req
1082. Shit, Bianca!
I'm shooting a nose spray ad tomorrow!Copy !req
1083. That's for making my date bleed!
That's for my sister!Copy !req
1084. And that's for me.Copy !req
1085. Are you okay?Copy !req
1086. Never been better.Copy !req
1087. Would you give me a chance...Copy !req
1088. You were paid to take me out
by the one person I truly hate.Copy !req
1089. I knew this was a set-up!Copy !req
1090. Kat, it wasn't like that, okay.Copy !req
1091. What was it like, a down payment now
and a bonus for sleeping with me?Copy !req
1092. No, I didn't care about the money!
I cared...Copy !req
1093. I cared about you.Copy !req
1094. You are so not who I thought you were.Copy !req
1095. You want?Copy !req
1096. Thanks.Copy !req
1097. So, you sure you don't want
to go sailing with us? It'll be fun.Copy !req
1098. No, I'm fine.Copy !req
1099. Look, I don't know if I ever thanked you
for going last night,Copy !req
1100. but it really meant a lot to me.Copy !req
1101. I'm glad.Copy !req
1102. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
1103. You ready?Copy !req
1104. - See you later.
- Bye.Copy !req
1105. - Is... Is she okay?
- I hope so.Copy !req
1106. Where's your sister going?Copy !req
1107. She's meeting some bikers,
big ones, full of sperm.Copy !req
1108. Funny.Copy !req
1109. So, tell me about this dance.
Was it hoppin'?Copy !req
1110. Parts of it.Copy !req
1111. Which parts?Copy !req
1112. The part where Bianca
beat the hell out of some guy.Copy !req
1113. Bianca did what?Copy !req
1114. What's the matter,
upset that I rubbed off on her?Copy !req
1115. No, impressed.Copy !req
1116. Fathers don't like to admit it
when their daughtersCopy !req
1117. are capable of running their own lives.Copy !req
1118. It means we've become spectators.Copy !req
1119. Bianca still lets me play a few innings.
You've had me on the bench for years.Copy !req
1120. And when you go to Sarah Lawrence,
I won't even be able to watch the game.Copy !req
1121. When I go?Copy !req
1122. Oh, boy. Don't tell me
you changed your mind.Copy !req
1123. I already sent 'em a check.Copy !req
1124. All right, I assume everyone
has found time to complete their poem,Copy !req
1125. except for Mr. Donner,Copy !req
1126. who has an excuse.Copy !req
1127. Shaft, lose the glasses.Copy !req
1128. All right, anyone brave enough
to read theirs aloud?Copy !req
1129. I will.Copy !req
1130. Lord, here we go.Copy !req
1131. "I hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hairCopy !req
1132. "I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stareCopy !req
1133. "I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mindCopy !req
1134. "I hate you so much it makes me sick
It even makes me rhymeCopy !req
1135. "I hate it...
I hate the way you're always rightCopy !req
1136. "I hate it when you lieCopy !req
1137. "I hate it when you make me laugh
even worse when you make me cryCopy !req
1138. "I hate it when you're not around
and the fact that you didn't callCopy !req
1139. "But mostly, I hate the way
I don't hate you, not even closeCopy !req
1140. "not even a little bit, not even at all"Copy !req
1141. - Nice, huh?
- A Fender Strat?Copy !req
1142. Is it for me?Copy !req
1143. Yeah, I thought you could use it,
you know, when you start your band.Copy !req
1144. Besides,
I had some extra cash, you know.Copy !req
1145. Some asshole paid me
to take out this really great girl.Copy !req
1146. Is that right?Copy !req
1147. Yeah, but I screzed up. I... I fell for her.Copy !req
1148. Really?Copy !req
1149. It's not every day you find a girlCopy !req
1150. who'll flash someone
to get you out of detention.Copy !req
1151. Oh, God.Copy !req
1152. You can't just buy me a guitar
every time you screw up, you know.Copy !req
1153. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
1154. But there's always drums and bass
and maybe even one day a tambourine.Copy !req
1155. And don't just think you can...Copy !req
1156. No offense. I know everyone "digs"
your sister and all,Copy !req
1157. but she's without.Copy !req
1158. You know, you're not as vile
as I thought you were.Copy !req
1159. You suck.Copy !req
1160. Okay. Let's go!Copy !req
1161. You're just messin' with me,
aren't you?Copy !req
1162. No, I'm really looking forward
to doing it.Copy !req
1163. Go see Miss Perky.Copy !req
1164. - What?
- Go. Perky's. Go, now.Copy !req
1165. Once again.
"Perky, now" is the second one.Copy !req
1166. - Perky's now. Perky's, now.
- Right away.Copy !req
1167. - Now, Perky's.
- Hey, hey.Copy !req
1168. - Now, Perky's. Perky's now.
- At the beginning of the shot.Copy !req
1169. Perk...Copy !req
1170. Bianca, let's go. We're all
congregating around Mr. Cuervo.Copy !req
1171. I'll see you around, okay?Copy !req
1172. Don't worry. There's better for you,Copy !req
1173. and it's right here.Copy !req
1174. Come here.
No, I wanted you for so long.Copy !req
1175. You messed with the wrong guy,
and now you're gonna pay.Copy !req
1176. You and that little bitch.Copy !req
1177. All right, that's enough, okay!
You crossed the line.Copy !req
1178. What, are you kidding me?Copy !req
1179. - I'm driving, so I pick the tunes.
- And it's my car.Copy !req
1180. I want some coffee!Copy !req
1181. Could I get a prophylactic?Copy !req
1182. A prophylactic.Copy !req
1183. - Let go!
- How could you set me up like that?Copy !req
1184. Oh, God, I just wanted...Copy !req
1185. To completely damage me,
send me to therapy forever?Copy !req
1186. - No, I just wanted...
- Ladies.Copy !req
1187. Shall we go to my office?Copy !req
1188. Oh, my God!Copy !req