Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man 1x5

1. I... am... Spider-Man.

2. Oscorp's best engineers now work round the clock for you.

3. The Scorpions are trying to move in on our turf, Don.

4. The guy runnin' the whole operation, Mac Gargan, is an even bigger psycho.

5. - You sent me in there using your name! - Wake up!

6. You wanna protect your family? Without us pushing back,

7. Gargan and Carmilla would be knockin' on their front door.

8. Now comes the fun part!

9. I will be back for you all.

10. Holy crap! You're Spider-Man.

11. No, I'm n... not.

12. Their accomplice, a woman known as Mila Masaryk,

13. is still at large.

14. Ms. Masaryk, how can I help you this evening?

15. Ms. Masaryk,

16. it's a pleasure to meet you. And right on time.

17. I can't help but admit that I'm pleasantly surprised.

18. Punctuality usually isn't a strong suit for many in this industry.

19. Uh...

20. - You are the man selling weapons? - Weapons?

21. No, my dear.

22. I sell enhancements

23. that assist hard-working individuals like yourself and your accomplices.

24. Speaking of which, I'm surprised to see you've come alone.

25. Yes. I know we discussed getting enhancements for myself and my friends,

26. but they've recently been incarcerated.

27. I'm thinking, instead of buying four pieces of tech,

28. you could sell me one that will allow me to free them.

29. Of course.

30. If you have the appropriate funds, that is.

31. Impressive, right?

32. I was expecting a bit more than a warehouse full of scrap metal.

33. Oh, yes. I'm sure there were those that questioned da Vinci

34. when he began to create masterpieces in a shack.

35. It often takes a genius to see what lies ahead

36. when most can barely see beyond the trees.

37. But with that said, I cannot disagree

38. that more fitting accommodations are a priority of mine.

39. And I'm one step closer, thanks to your generous funding.

40. Ah. Here it is.

41. With this prime piece of Octavius Tech, you'll free your associates in no time.

42. Oy.

43. I've picked up a language or five in my spare time.

44. But, yes, that helmet has been outfitted with constantly updating,

45. predictive technology that analyzes movement patterns.

46. It also fires lasers.

47. Lasers. That, I understand.

48. Excellent.

49. It was an absolute pleasure doing business with you, my dear.

50. If you have any questions, consult the instructions.

51. Please exit the same way you came in.

52. And thank you again for your patronage.

53. Vincent, begin disinfecting the lab immediately.

54. Yes, sir.

55. These people, this situation, it's all beneath me.

56. I know, sir, but we're almost there.

57. Soon enough, you'll have everything you need to show the world

58. the things a true genius is capable of—

59. "Soon enough" is never soon enough, Vincent.

60. My name should be held in higher regard than Stark, Banner, Osborn!

61. You will be.

62. We're so close to seeing your dream realized

63. and showing the world just how incredible you are.

64. You're right. I've waited this long,

65. but soon everyone will know and revere the name of Dr. Otto Octavius.

66. - Um, so... - So.

67. - Oh, sorry. I can't believe that you're— - I mean, yesterday was—

68. Peter,

69. thank you for stopping by this morning.

70. I know you have school soon,

71. but I figured this is a conversation that should happen in person.

72. The sooner, the better.

73. I've given what happened last night a lot of thought.

74. I've decided that the only course of action

75. is for Harry to join Team Spider-Man.

76. Wait, what?

77. Peter, as much as I want to assist you,

78. there are gonna be times in which I'm unavailable

79. due to my various duties here at Oscorp.

80. That's where Harry comes in.

81. He may only be 15—

82. Sixteen.

83. But I've raised him to be quite a responsible young man.

84. - He can be your— - Dude at the desk!

85. Not how I would have put it, but sure.

86. This is gonna be awesome.

87. Me, helping Spider-Man save the city?

88. Hell, yeah!

89. I don't really know about this, Mr. Osborn.

90. I mean, no offense, but I barely know Harry and—

91. Mr. Osborn,

92. you're needed for an investor meeting.

93. Thank you, Ms. Porter.

94. My apologies for getting cut short, but trust me, Peter,

95. this is the best course of action for us all.

96. So, that was somethin', right?

97. Yep.

98. So, you're my "Dude at the desk?"

99. Sure seems like it.

100. Uh... Ah...

101. Sorry, what was your name again?

102. - Peter. - Right.

103. Peter. Cool, cool.

104. Uh, good name.

105. Well, I guess I should get going to school before I'm late again.

106. Oh, uh... You need a ride?

107. - Who drives that car? - Who's that?

108. - Do you know him? - Harry Osborn?

109. - Thanks again for the ride, Harry. - No problem, Peter.

110. Have a good one, dude. Catch you after school.

111. Pete, are you kidding me?

112. I know! I'm on time for once. I can barely believe it myself.

113. Not that. You're hanging out with Harry Osborn?

114. Everyone in school is talking about it. Even the teachers.

115. Yeah, that's him.

116. I'm gonna wave. I'm gonna wave.

117. Okay, but why?

118. Take a look for yourself.

119. Yep.

120. When he's not acting as your personal Lyft driver,

121. he's also a social media celebrity.

122. Oh, I had no idea Harry was so popular.

123. I just know him as Mr. Osborn's son.

124. In addition to being a vapid pretty boy,

125. he's the heir of a big business tycoon.

126. Meaning, he'll undoubtedly pursue a political path 20 years from now.

127. And, of course, he'll win,

128. so the economy will tank, people will become restless,

129. and I'll have no choice but to join the revolution against him.

130. Okay, you have clearly put a lot of thought into this, Nico.

131. Here's a question for ya.

132. If you believe Harry's so bad, why are you following him?

133. Uh... Oh, obviously, I'm following him ironically.

134. Right.

135. I'm just saying, Pete.

136. You've been doing a lot lately and hanging out with a lot of people.

137. You know, juniors, seniors, billionaires.

138. I wanna make sure you're still making time for...

139. for you.

140. Thanks, Nico.

141. Yeah, things have been... mm, busy lately,

142. but I appreciate you worrying about me.

143. Someone's gotta do it.

144. Who knows what you'd do without me, Pete.

145. What in the name of Rockford T. Bales

146. is goin' on with you, Lincoln?

147. And you're good, but I can't justify lettin' you skip practice.

148. You're the team captain, for goodness' sake.

149. I know. And you're right.

150. I've just had some personal things goin' on, Coach.

151. I get that, Lonnie.

152. But you gotta get your head on straight, son.

153. This isn't just high school football for you.

154. You got the skills to go pro.

155. Don't throw it all away now.

156. I'm not gonna throw my chance away.

157. There isn't a guy on this team that's more dedicated toward this than I am.

158. I know it may not have seemed like that lately,

159. but you know there's nothing I wouldn't do for this team.

160. I know you're dedicated, but,

161. well, these college scouts that come to these games,

162. they don't know that.

163. Don't give 'em a reason to look past you, son.

164. I won't.

165. All right. Get your butt to class, Lonnie. I'll see you at practice.

166. Oh! Lonnie! Small world, right?

167. So, how much of that did you hear?

168. Just a little bit.

169. Okay, 100%.

170. What can I say? I'm an overachiever.

171. Overachiever?

172. I'd say expert-level snoop.

173. So, do you want to talk about it?

174. Nah, there's not much to talk about.

175. But what I would like to do is walk you to class.

176. Oh, Petey and I have been covering for you,

177. so you might have to convince Mr. Taylor you've had bronchitis for the last week.

178. Aw, you guys are great. Okay, how's this?

179. Sorry, Mr. Taylor.

180. I left it all on the field, even my voice. Huh?

181. Stick to football, Lon.

182. Because your acting is not it.

183. So, it's anyone's guess what's gonna happen with the Avengers now.

184. You know, I've never been a Tony Stark fan...

185. - Whoo! Look out! - Right.

186. But I can't say Captain America is totally in the right either.

187. - Yeah. - I mean,

188. maybe Super people should have to register...

189. - Mm-hmm. - ... for everyone's safety.

190. Like, imagine if me and you got super suits

191. and went around causing collateral damage and punching people.

192. That would be weird.

193. You know what's even more weird than that, though?

194. You ignoring me when I mention Captain America,

195. even though he's, like, your messiah.

196. You too busy texting your new pal, The Great and Powerful Osboy?

197. Ha-ha. Actually, I was buying two tickets for tonight's screening

198. of Teschio di Fuoco Two, Return of the Burn.

199. Holy crap! Are you messing with me right now?

200. Because if you are, I will throw you into orbit.

201. I know, I couldn't believe it either,

202. but one of the arthouse theaters got an unreleased copy somehow

203. and they're showing it tonight at 7:00.

204. You in?

205. To watch the sequel to the best worst B-movie of all time on the big screen?

206. - Of course, I am! - Great.

207. I'll see you tonight at 7:00.

208. - Oh, look who showed up. - Lonnie! Where you been, man?

209. - Finally. Finally. - Our star quarterback, everybody!

210. Yo, you remember what this is? It's called a football.

211. Yeah, yeah, okay. Look, get everything out now,

212. 'cause once we're back on that field, y'all gonna be eating those words. Okay?

213. Ha-ha, funny.

214. actually showed up for practice?

215. Hello.

216. Answer a question for me, Superstar.

217. I texted you earlier to get to the hideout ASAP, so why ain't you here?

218. Look, my coach is all—

219. I don't really care about your excuse.

220. The Scorpions are on our turf,

221. so I need every member of the One Tenth here, now!

222. What? I'm at school, man. Football practice.

223. Even if I left now, it would take a while to get back to Harlem.

224. Yeah, I know, that's why I sent Bulldozer to pick you up.

225. Him and some of the boys are parked outside right now.

226. Joinin' us today, Lincoln?

227. Oh. Oh, yeah, Coach. One minute.

228. Just dealing with some family stuff, you know.

229. Okay. But I want you on that field in 60 seconds.

230. I can't keep skipping out on practice.

231. I'm gonna get kicked off the team.

232. I'm sorry, I missed the part where that was my problem.

233. You signed up for this, Lincoln.

234. Now, I suggest you go outside

235. and meet Dozer before I send him inside to meet with you.

236. Fine. I'm on my way.

237. All right, everybody out there!

238. Let's get our butts in gear! Come on, now!

239. - So...

240. how was school today, Mr. Spider-Man?

241. Were you seriously just waiting for me to turn the comms on?

242. All right. I'm gonna be completely honest with you.

243. I most definitely was. I was so bored, dude.

244. Bored?

245. Don't you have millions of adoring fans to respond to?

246. Ninety percent of my DMs are people asking me, "How did you get rich?"

247. So, not much conversation there besides saying, "I was born."

248. Hmm. Fair point.

249. And what about school? I mean, no classes to distract you?

250. You'd think so, considering I'm homeschooled

251. by "the smartest instructors money can buy,"

252. as my dad likes to say.

253. But I'm a pretty quick learner, so that frees up my day quite a bit.

254. Man, being homeschooled sounds like the life.

255. Yeah. Hey, the first few years are a blast.

256. But once you realize there's no one around to talk to,

257. since all your old friends are busy at school

258. and all your new friends are either using you for clout

259. or are just spam bots, the shine starts to wear off the whole experience.

260. Hmm. Yeah, I mean, I guess I didn't consider that.

261. Since we're sharing, I gotta ask.

262. - What's up with the new suit? - What? You don't like my suit?

263. It's not that. It's cool. It's just kind of...

264. Sterile?

265. - That's it.

266. Honestly, it could use a lot more color too.

267. True. I... I would like a lot more red and blue.

268. - Like Captain America. - Captain America.

269. Wait, you're a Cap fan too?

270. I thought everyone was turning on him now.

271. No way, man.

272. So he broke a few laws to help his best friend.

273. Who wouldn't?

274. Besides, I read online the real Cap died four years ago

275. and it's his clone that's been doing all this.

276. For sure.

277. Wait, what?

278. Don't worry, it ain't gonna hurt.

279. - Hmm? - Better watch out.

280. - What the hell? Get back! - Mila?

281. Privyet, Mikhail.

282. I told you I'd be back for you.

283. - Did I not? - And I believed you.

284. Although, Dmitri and Roxanna may need convincing.

285. I believe they are convinced.

286. - How did you— - Hey, stop right there!

287. - Get on the ground. Put your hands up! - Freeze!

288. - Hands where I can see 'em! - I will show you.

289. Look out!

290. Mila?

291. Uh, the Octagonal man you mentioned. This is the tech you purchased?

292. Da.

293. It was expensive, but necessary to free you three.

294. Then I like it. Makes you look like a rhino, yes?

295. Nyet, nyet.

296. I'm more like a... yedinorog.

297. Ah, yes. The unicorn.

298. Yes, yes. You look wonderful.

299. We should be focused on escaping now, right?

300. Mm, no. First, we will have a bit of fun.

301. Hey, I just stole that bike and—

302. Nice work. What are you gonna do with the bike?

303. Good question.

304. If I put a note on it, people would respect the honor system?

305. Crap. Forget the note.

306. - There's a jailbreak in progress. - What? Where?

307. One sec, I'm uploading the GPS coordinates to your suit.

308. You can do that?

309. Oh, that's gonna be so helpful, especially at night.

310. It's so easy to get lost when you're swinging above—

311. - Peter, go! - Ah, right!

312. End of the road, little piggy.

313. I'm not one to give unsolicited advice,

314. but trust me, a little yoga and some anger management classes

315. will probably help with that whole

316. firing-lasers-from-your-forehead thing you got goin'.

317. I recognize you, bug!

318. Aw, a fan. I'll tell you what.

319. You surrender, I'll make sure you get a signed photo.

320. Dude, that lady is firing lasers at you!

321. Yeah, I noticed.

322. I gotta close the gap.

323. What?

324. That's new.

325. Perhaps now is the time in which we sneak away

326. before the arachnid notices us, huh?

327. - Good idea. Come on, Mikhail. - No.

328. I will not abandon Mila.

329. - She is only here to save us. - Da.

330. Because she abandoned us and felt guilty.

331. It's smarter to use this distraction while we can.

332. Unless you enjoyed being caged like a beast?

333. Very well. Then we shall see you around, hopefully.

334. Is that all you've got, little spider?

335. I'm just gettin' started.

336. 'Bout time you two got here.

337. You almost missed out on the fun.

338. Oh, man. You and I have very different definitions of fun.

339. Would you look at this!

340. They actually showed up.

341. See, the streets were saying that the One Tenth was all talk.

342. A bunch of nobodies, led by the biggest nobody of all.

343. But look at you, you're all here.

344. And all it took was me and the Scorpions coming over here to mark our territory.

345. Your territory?

346. I heard your ass is crazy, Gargan,

347. but we both know this is One Tenth turf.

348. Oh, is it?

349. Because from where I'm standing, this is moving day.

350. The only choice you gotta make is if you wanna hand the keys over,

351. or if I need to take 'em.

352. You listen to me, Gargan.

353. You got three seconds to get your ass off my turf,

354. or it'll be the last place you ever stand.

355. Three seconds?

356. Three, two,

357. one.

358. Slowing down, little spider?

359. Why don't you give up?

360. Well, you know what they say about the Itsy Bitsy Spider right?

361. They're— Whoa!

362. Harry! You find anything?

363. No. I mean, she's referred to as "a physically gifted athlete."

364. You sure she's not a distant cousin of the Hulk or something?

365. Gotta be the helmet.

366. I mean, the other villains you fought all had little upgrades, didn't they?

367. I'm tired of playing this game with you, bug!

368. Perhaps it's time I find new playmates?

369. Hey! No, wait!

370. Gotcha.

371. Mila, you've had your fun,

372. but perhaps now is the time to escape.

373. You would have me run from a battle like a coward,

374. when I can walk away the victor?

375. You okay?

376. After all of this fighting,

377. all you needed was...

378. a little distraction to lose your edge, hmm?

379. Yeah. No, I have a pesky habit of saving people that are in danger.

380. But now that everyone's gone, you've got my full attention.

381. Luckily, I have a contingency plan.

382. Mikhail!

383. Don, look out!

384. Watch this.

385. No!

386. Big mistake, kid.

387. We don't have time for him, Mac!

388. The police!

389. This ain't over.

390. - Let's go! - The police! We gotta go!

391. Come on, Lonnie! We gotta go, now!

392. All right. I'm comin'.

393. Spider-Man! Spider—

394. Come in, Spider-Man! Say s—

395. Aw. Looks like I win.

396. What in the hell was that?

397. I'd be dead if not for the bug!

398. What were you thinking?

399. The spider's foolish morals meant he would save you.

400. And you would gamble with my life to prove a point?

401. Oh, get over yourself, huh?

402. Farewell, little spider.

403. - Mikhail, what are you doing? - Stopping you.

404. The longer we linger here,

405. the more likely the Iron Man or his friends will appear.

406. - Now, let's go. - Oh, my God. You fool!

407. The only reason you're not in a cell right now is because of me.

408. You do not call the shots, Mikhail. I do!

409. You would do well to remember that.

410. You shouldn't have. But I didn't get you anything.

411. Oh, wait. Here!

412. Thanks for your help. I—

413. You may have saved my life,

414. but do not speak to me as if we are friends.

415. Thanks to you, now Mila and I will both rot in cells.

416. Consider us even, bug.

417. But if you are ever unfortunate enough to cross my path again,

418. all the web you can spin won't be enough to restrain me from ending your existence.

419. Oh. Uh, okay. That's... a lot.

420. Hey, Mr. Spider-Man, still alive?

421. Barely. I'm close to Oscorp.

422. Is it okay if I come take a nap on your dad's couch?

423. Yeah, I get it. I'm exhausted and I'm just sitting here.

424. You're fighting crime after a day of school.

425. I don't know how you do it, man.

426. It is not easy.

427. Usually, I'm getting pulled in so many different directions

428. that I make mistakes or forget something important—

429. Oh, crap! I'm supposed to meet my friend at the movies!

430. Come on, Pete. Where are you?

431. Nico!

432. Finally.

433. Pete, what happened to your face?

434. Oh, you know how in cartoons people slip on banana peels?

435. Uh, well, life imitates art.

436. Oh, uh, well, I'm glad you're okay,

437. but can't lie though,

438. I was beginning to think you were gonna bail on me again.

439. No such luck. You are stuck with me.

440. Lucky me.

441. Sorry about the wait, it's a nightmare finding parking around here.

442. Hey, thanks for letting me crash the movie.

443. - That's Harry Osborn. - Oh, and nice to meet you, Nico.

444. All right.

445. Well, I'm starving.

446. And I'll see you guys at the concession stand.

447. I hope it's cool I invited Harry.

448. He was nice enough to give me a ride,

449. and it seemed like he was just gonna have a lonely night at home.

450. Oh, yeah. Uh, just took me by surprise for a second.

451. It's no problem at all.

452. You sure?

453. Yeah. Totally.

454. Okay, awesome.

455. Come on, let's grab some snacks. My treat.

456. It's fine.

457. There he is.

458. What? What did I do now, man?

459. Besides become a human pincushion?

460. You saved my ass. That's what you did.

461. Y'all should've seen it.

462. I was giving those Scorpion punks the hands, son,

463. when Gargan tried to sneak me with a damn knife.

464. Luckily, Superstar was there.

465. Tackled Gargan like he was in the NFL,

466. planted his ass right in the ground.

467. Yeah! All right! Yeah!

468. - Yeah - All right!

469. He the man! Way to go!

470. Hey, uh, I had my doubts about you, Superstar.

471. But tonight, you proved where your loyalties lie.

472. You're certified One Tenth.

473. Yeah. Straight up.

474. Well, if that's the case, I need a favor.

475. I need you to stop calling me "Superstar," man, 'cause I hate it.

476. Deal.

477. Hell, the way you buried Gargan, we should start calling you "Gravedigger."

478. Nah, we should call you "Tombstone."

479. - Tombstone? - I like it. Yeah.

480. Yeah, I can't lie.

481. Kinda like it.