1. In tenth grade,
high school students
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2. are presented with picking
a class of their own choosing.
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3. This is called an elective.
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4. Courses on offer
included wood shop...
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5. I'm happy with ten fingers,
thank you.
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6. Introduction to agriculture...
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7. I think you know
the answer to that.
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8. Wrestling...
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9. I'd rather milk that cow.
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10. All of which led me to the
elective I reluctantly chose...
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11. Psychology 101,
an investigation
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12. into why people think and feel
the way they do. Ugh.
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13. All right,
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14. with Thanksgiving
weekend approaching,
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15. it's the perfect
opportunity to observe
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16. family dynamics
and how our parents, relatives
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17. and siblings affect us.
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18. Now, the...
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19. Yes, Sheldon.
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20. I don't find that interesting.
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21. Well, tough knuckles.
That's the assignment.
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22. Now, you'll all be expected
to collect data on your family,
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23. form a hypothesis,
and make a prediction.
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24. So you're giving us
homework for Thanksgiving?
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25. Yes.
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26. Oh, boy.
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27. Hey, listen, something
came up today
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28. - that we need to talk about.
- What's that?
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29. I maybe have a shot
at a better job.
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30. Oh, George, they're finally
gonna make you head coach?
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31. Better than that.
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32. Special Teams Coach,
University of Tulsa.
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33. In Oklahoma?
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34. That is where they're keeping
Tulsa these days.
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35. No need to be lippy.
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36. You're not seriously
thinking about moving
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37. this whole family
to Oklahoma, are you?
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38. It's 400 miles away.
I wasn't gonna commute.
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39. Well, that's not gonna work.
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40. The kids are all settled in
with school and friends,
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41. and I've got my job
at the church,
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42. and then there's Mom.
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43. Am I supposed to just
walk away from her?
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44. No, what
you're supposed to do
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45. is support my efforts
to improve our life.
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46. Notes for psychology paper.
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47. Whatcha doing?
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48. Shh. Family conflict
has been observed.
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49. Subject M and Subject D have
opposing views on relocating.
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50. You better not be recording
over my Janet Jackson tape.
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51. Would you please?
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52. Who's Subject M and Subject D?
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53. I can't tell you that.
You might skew the results.
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54. Okay, then tell me
what skew means.
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55. Are you going to talk
the whole time?
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56. It seems to be annoying you,
so, yeah.
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57. Mary, I just can't thank you
enough for inviting me today.
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58. You're very welcome, John.
Love having you here.
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59. Last Thanksgiving, I just sat
in my apartment all by myself
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60. and ate a turkey sandwich.
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61. That is so sad.
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62. Well, it wasn't
at the time,
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63. but now that I have something
to compare it to,
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64. I realize what
a pathetic loser I was.
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65. You were never a loser.
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66. Yeah, you were.
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67. Hey, Georgie,
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68. you have any sentimental
attachment to this town?
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69. - I don't know, why?
- I'm just curious if,
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70. you know, we ever did
pick up and live somewhere else,
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71. how you'd feel about it.
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72. Well, if it was Hawaii,
I'd feel pretty great.
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73. That's where they make
Magnum, P.I.
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74. I don't think Hawaii's
in the cards.
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75. How about Miami?
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76. Let me guess,
'cause of Miami Vice?
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77. Golden Girls.
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78. Course.
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79. Car.
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80. I saw this one
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81. where Blanche dates
this little guy
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82. who breaks up with her 'cause
she's not Jewish. So good.
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83. Forget about Miami
and Hawaii and Blanche.
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84. I mean, how do you feel about
not staying in Medford forever?
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85. Well, I guess
I'd be okay with it.
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86. All right.
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87. Good to know.
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88. Subject D is attempting
to influence Subject G
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89. regarding relocating.
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90. What about you, Sheldon?
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91. What about me what?
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92. Could you ever see yourself
leaving Medford?
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93. I'm sorry, Dad,
but I'm unable to express
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94. an opinion at this time.
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95. Why not?
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96. In the interest of science,
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97. I have to remain
a neutral observer.
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98. Glad I asked.
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99. Hey, fellows, may I join?
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100. Sure. Here you go.
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101. Dang, nice catch.
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102. Car.
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103. Listen, I'm gonna need
your help with something.
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104. - Is it about money?
- No.
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105. Then I'm your gal.
What's up?
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106. George is up for a coaching job
at the University of Tulsa.
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107. Tulsa? Ugh.
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108. Last year, I lost $800
on that damn team.
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109. I'm sorry to hear that.
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110. I'm fine with most
of the Division I stuff,
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111. but these independent teams,
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112. I j—I just can't seem
to get a handle on it.
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113. You think if George got that job
he might give me an inside line?
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114. Mom.
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115. Well, I'd cut him in,
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116. make it look like
a Christmas present.
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117. Would you please listen to me?
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118. If we move up there,
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119. other than holidays,
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120. you're not gonna
see your grandkids.
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121. Well, that's a point.
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122. You make it sound like
a Sophie's Choice kind of deal.
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123. During dinner,
maybe you could express
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124. how devastating it would be
to be away from the kids.
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125. Well, I don't think I'd use
the word "devastating."
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126. That doesn't sound like me.
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127. Okay, well,
use whatever word you want.
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128. I might use... "heartbroken."
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129. Good, use that.
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130. Yeah, maybe.
Have you got a thesaurus?
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131. Oh, dear.
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132. Don't be scared, Sheldon,
it's just a parade.
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133. I already
don't like dogs.
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134. Gigantic and floating
does not help.
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135. - Hey, how's the parade?
- Great.
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136. Alf is one of the hosts.
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137. Alf, cool. Hey, so listen.
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138. How attached are you
to living here in Medford?
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139. I don't know
what that means.
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140. If we moved away,
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141. do you have really good friends
that you'd miss a lot?
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142. I have really good friends,
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143. but I think they
would mostly miss me.
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144. 'Cause you make friends
wherever you go.
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145. I do. People
are drawn to me.
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146. Ugh.
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147. Sorry, I'm neutral.
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148. Okay, so what I'm hearing
is that
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149. you'd be happy no matter
where we lived.
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150. I guess. Dad, please,
I'm trying to watch TV.
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151. Sorry. I'll leave you to it.
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152. Oh dear, Big Bird.
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153. You're making a sandwich?
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154. I'm a creature of habit.
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155. Hey, why don't we all
go around the table
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156. and say what we're thankful for?
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157. Come on, really?
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158. Yes, really.
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159. I'll start.
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160. I'm thankful to be surrounded
by my loving family.
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161. What about that guy?
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162. That guy, Dr. Sturgis,
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163. is part of our
extended family.
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164. Mm, thank you.
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165. And I'm also thankful
for this warm and comfy home
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166. that God has blessed us with,
and this great neighborhood
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167. with my mom living
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168. right across the street,
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169. and of course
our excellent
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170. school system
that provides our children
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171. with a world-class education.
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172. Missy?
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173. I'm thankful that there's two
different Ghostbuster cartoons.
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174. That's it?
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175. Unless you know
about a third one.
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176. Okay, my turn.
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177. Um, I am so thankful
to be able to watch
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178. my grandchildren grow up.
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179. And I can't
even tell you
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180. how much it
means to me
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181. that y'all live
right across the street.
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182. And if y'all weren't,
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183. I would just be... heartbroken.
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184. And not just heartbroken—
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185. crestfallen and chagrined.
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186. And, uh,
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187. I'm also thankful
for my health,
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188. that that mole on my hip
turned out to be nothing,
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189. and, uh,
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190. I'm very thankful for John here,
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191. who has
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192. brought so much happiness to me.
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193. That's it for me.
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194. - Oh, my.
- Lovely, Mom.
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195. Oh, my, I don't know
where to begin.
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196. Well, first of all,
I'm thankful to you, Connie,
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197. for how you make me laugh,
make me feel cared for,
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198. all the ways you're
affectionate to me
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199. that I can't discuss
in—in front of children
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200. because that would be
inappropriate, right?
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201. Right.
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202. And I'm thankful
to be here
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203. with your wonderful family.
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204. This is something I didn't
experience growing up.
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205. See, my father was away
a great deal on business
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206. and it was just me and my mother,
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207. and she was a cold
and distant woman
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208. who blamed the world
for her club foot.
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209. - Sweetie.
- And I...
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210. Wrap it up.
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211. Sorry.
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212. My gratitude
knows no bounds.
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213. - Thank you.
- Georgie?
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214. Um, I'm thankful for my job
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215. at the auto shop.
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216. Uh, let's see...
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217. Oh, Alyssa Milano
from Who's the Boss?
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218. She's really hot.
Mm... That's about it.
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219. That's wonderful. Shelly?
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220. I'm sorry, Mom, but if
I answer that question,
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221. I'd be violating
my experimental protocol.
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222. Okay, moving on. George?
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223. Well...
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224. I'm thankful to share
Thanksgiving dinner
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225. with my family, of course.
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226. I'm also thankful
for this fine country we live in
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227. and all the opportunities
it provides us.
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228. Especially when
those opportunities
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229. come once in a lifetime
and require taking a small risk
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230. and believing in one another.
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231. We're really gonna do this now?
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232. Hey, you started it with
all that school system crap.
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233. I only did that
because you've been
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234. trying to twist
the kids' heads around.
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235. All right, who talked?
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236. - Who do you think?
- Missy.
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237. Yup.
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238. Well, it doesn't matter
because you obviously
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239. went to your mother
and made her your stalking horse.
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240. Of course she went to me.
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241. Move to Oklahoma,
what's wrong with you?
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242. Wait, we're moving
to Oklahoma?
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243. I thought Texans
don't like Oklahoma.
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244. You're damn right we don't.
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245. - What's wrong with Oklahoma?
- I'll tell you later.
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246. Okay, that's enough of this.
Nobody's moving anywhere.
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247. Let's just have
a nice, quiet dinner.
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248. That's it? Y-You're gonna
make the decision for me?
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249. I'm making a decision for us.
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250. All right, then.
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251. Where are you going?
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252. George.
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253. George!
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254. As we sat in silence,
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255. I had a horrible realization.
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256. For the first time in my life,
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257. I didn't look forward
to doing my homework.
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258. Just watch the TV.
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259. Second down, nine...
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260. Difficult day.
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261. Yes.
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262. Psychology? Is that a
new interest of yours?
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263. - It was either this or milking cows.
- Oh.
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264. I once was
licked by a cow.
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265. You made the
right choice.
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266. I'm not so sure.
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267. Why is that?
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268. Well, I was supposed
to observe family dynamics
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269. over Thanksgiving
for my hypothesis,
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270. then make a prediction.
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271. Oh. All right.
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272. So, um, what
did you observe?
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273. My mom and dad arguing
over moving to Oklahoma
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274. for my dad's job.
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275. I would concur
with that observation.
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276. Now, can you form a
hypothesis based on that?
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277. Well, their marriage
is a zero sum game.
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278. What's good for my father
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279. isn't good for my mother
and vice versa.
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280. Excellent.
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281. And your prediction?
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282. Well, based on
previous arguments
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283. I've observed,
my father will try
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284. to reassert his dominance
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285. by making a meaningless
symbolic gesture.
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286. Really? That seems
a bit of a stretch.
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287. I will never
question you again.
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288. Are you insane?
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289. We can't afford a Ferrari.
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290. It's a Fiero.
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291. Ferrari, Fiero, same thing.
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292. Not really.
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293. Now, do you mind?
I'm trying to watch the game.
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294. Everybody's going to Meemaw's.
Come on.
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295. Leave that tin can...
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296. It's not like we haven't
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297. - heard them fight before.
- Just keep moving.
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298. Are we sleeping there?
Do I need to bring pajamas?
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299. Just sleep in
your underwear.
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300. In my underwear?
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301. I hardly think so.
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302. Wait, I forgot something.
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303. Just so you know,
you're sleeping out here tonight.
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304. Perfect, then I won't
have to move.
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305. I just want to thank you
for a lovely dinner.
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306. Good.
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307. Come on!
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308. You kids excited
to go back to school?
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309. Of course I am.
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310. He doesn't speak for me.
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311. What are you doing?
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312. Having coffee.
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313. Uh, no, not in my house.
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314. Oh, come on,
the best part of waking up
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315. is Folgers in your cup.
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316. Put it down.
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317. I can't drink coffee,
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318. I can't chew tobacco.
Is there anything I can do?
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319. Yeah, quit talking.
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320. Where's Dad?
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321. He went to Oklahoma
for that job interview.
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322. I thought you put your
foot down on that one.
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323. Just keep eating your breakfast.
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324. You really think
we might move there?
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325. I don't know what to think.
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326. Spending the
Thanksgiving weekend
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327. working in my family's
convenience store,
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328. I observed my father
and mother working
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329. from 6:00 in the morning
till 10:00 at night.
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330. My hypothesis was that
economic advancement
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331. for immigrant families
is more important than celebrating
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332. a holiday where people eat
until they pass out
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333. in front of the TV.
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334. All right, Tam.
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335. Well, based on your
observations and hypothesis,
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336. were you able to
make a prediction?
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337. Yes. At some point,
my father will die
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338. prematurely from stress,
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339. and my mother
will come live with me,
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340. where she will
constantly disapprove
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341. of my hot, blonde,
American wife.
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342. Okay. Uh, I think we all
learned something there.
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343. Uh, thank you, Tam.
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344. Uh, Mr. Cooper,
you're up.
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345. Beginning on Wednesday night,
I observed my parents
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346. arguing over the possibility
of us moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma.
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347. Ugh, Oklahoma.
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348. The argument escalated
and then my father stormed out
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349. and bought a Fiero.
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350. And then I went to my Meemaw's
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351. and slept in my underwear!
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352. That's it. I've wasted my life.
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353. You want to tell
me what happened?
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354. Instead of remaining
a neutral observer,
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355. I got emotional
in front of the whole class.
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356. Well, that's
not a big deal.
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357. Yes, it is. I'm a scientist.
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358. You never hear about Newton
crying like a baby
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359. when he got brutalized
by an apple.
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360. I think you're being
a little tough on yourself.
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361. I wonder why this
is affecting me so much.
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362. Well, maybe it has something
to do with your parents arguing.
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363. Us moving? I don't think so.
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364. Texas, Oklahoma...
what's the difference?
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365. Hey, now, I think you
might want to crack open
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366. your psychology textbook
'cause that there is crazy talk.
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367. I did read a chapter
on repressing emotions.
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368. I suppose I could've been
doing that to avoid dealing
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369. with the fear of change,
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370. and moving would certainly
be a big change.
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371. - That's very astute.
- I'd have a new room,
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372. in a new house,
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373. and the new house would probably
have a different smell,
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374. and I probably
wouldn't like that smell
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375. because I don't like new smells,
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376. and I'd be going to a new school
with new kids and new teachers,
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377. and I bet they'd all
smell different, as well.
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378. Okay, now calm down.
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379. That's easy for you to say.
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380. Your olfactory senses
aren't about to be assaulted
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381. by the state of Oklahoma.
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382. Okay, let's try
a different approach.
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383. Can I take you
to get some ice cream?
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384. I'm having an emotional
crisis, Meemaw.
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385. You can't fix that
with ice cream.
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386. Right. Sorry.
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387. You want to go
to Radio Shack?
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388. Yes, I want to go
to Radio Shack!
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389. Well, sir, that's the tour.
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390. What do you think,
nicer than East Texas?
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391. Very impressive.
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392. Not sure how
you did it,
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393. but that is the least disgusting
locker room I've ever been in.
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394. Yes, sir.
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395. Every bit of it's brand,
spanking new.
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396. I bet if you had to, you could
even eat lunch in there.
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397. So what do you say, George?
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398. I could sure use a man
with your track record
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399. to coach special teams. Please.
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400. Thank you. I got to say,
I'm real tempted.
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401. How does the family feel
about relocating?
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402. Oh, they're all pretty excited
about the opportunity.
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403. The kids see it as an adventure.
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404. So why am I feeling like
you got some hesitation?
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405. If it's about the money,
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406. I believe I can get you
some more money.
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407. No, no, no, the money's good.
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408. Well, that's it, then.
You're gonna fit in perfectly
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409. with our program here.
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410. We got a lovely little house
for you and your family,
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411. and best of all,
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412. you're gonna be out of Texas.
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413. I thought you started out
in Houston?
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414. Shh. I'm trying
to fit in around here.
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415. So, we have a deal?
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416. What happened?
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417. Can I take my coat off?
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418. No. What happened?
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419. I turned it down.
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420. Why?
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421. 'Cause you're
afraid of Mom?
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422. 'Cause I don't want to live
in Oklahoma.
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423. George.
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424. What difference
does it make, Mare?
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425. We're not moving.
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426. As a child,
I never understood
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427. the sacrifices my father made
for his family's happiness,
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428. which made me somewhat
less compassionate
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429. than I should've been.
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430. Yay! We're not moving!
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431. We're staying in Texas!
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432. - John?
- Yes?
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433. Could we do it
just one more time?
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434. Really? I don't want you
to get tired of it.
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435. I won't.
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436. Please?
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437. Well, I can't say no to you.
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438. Fire in the hole.
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439. Unbelievable.
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440. Again, again.
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