1. What on Earth...?
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2. Hello?
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3. - Hello, Mom.
- Hi.
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4. - I bet you're wondering.
- I sure am.
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5. It's a shortwave radio.
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6. Dr. Sturgis is letting me use it.
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7. It picks up broadcasts
from around the world.
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8. Listen.
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9. This is the time being announced
every minute from Ottawa.
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10. At the sound of the tone,
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11. the local time in Ottawa
will be 5:13.
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12. Spellbinding, ain't it?
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13. And you thought this was okay
to go on in my house?
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14. It was that or my house,
so here we are.
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15. Wednesday morning,
the Nobel Prize winners are going
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16. to be announced in Sweden,
and we'll hear it as it's happening.
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17. Well, 2.8 milliseconds later.
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18. Sure, because
of the propagation.
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19. And what's this?
Some kind of antenna?
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20. Yes. It needs to go
up on the roof.
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21. You're not going on the roof.
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22. Of course he's not. I am.
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23. You're not going, either.
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24. Excuse me, I have six years
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25. of tai chi under my belt.
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26. I have the balance
of a jungle cat.
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27. You doing some kind of
slow-motion hula dance
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28. in the park is not gonna
change my mind.
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29. I do much more than just this.
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30. So you want me to put
that thing on that roof?
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31. Yes.
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32. So you can hear who won
a science prize?
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33. The Nobel Prize.
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34. Why can't you just read
who won in the newspaper?
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35. I could say the same thing
about the Super Bowl,
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36. but you still watch it.
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37. He got you there.
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38. The Super Bowl is football.
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39. Your thing is... I don't
even know what your thing is.
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40. It's the most prestigious award
in the field of physics.
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41. I'll think about it.
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42. When I win one, I might
just thank you in my speech.
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43. The things I do for you.
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44. Georgie, get out here!
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45. Got a chore for you!
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46. Good call.
You have no business up there.
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47. Radio Sweden International.
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48. There it is.
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49. Excellent. Which scientists
are you rooting for?
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50. Oh, I don't
have a favorite.
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51. There's so much good
work being done.
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52. I think it's time
Frederick Reines
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53. finally gets his due
for the neutrino.
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54. I suppose he has a shot.
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55. I should think so. He confirmed
the neutrino's existence
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56. 35 years ago.
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57. What the heck
are they waiting for?
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58. Lots of talented people
don't get recognized.
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59. Giraffes aren't able to have...
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60. You know if we had cable,
we'd have, like, 60 channels?
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61. We have plenty of channels.
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62. We have seven.
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63. Hey! There are starving kids
in Africa
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64. with no channels.
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65. Come on, it don't cost much.
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66. I'm not paying for television.
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67. Television is free.
Always was, always will be.
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68. You're so cheap.
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69. If you want cable,
pay for it yourself.
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70. Or better yet, try turning that
thing off and go read a book.
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71. "Read a book"?
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72. Hello, my sweet.
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73. What are you doing out here?
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74. Weeding. You have goosegrass.
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75. And you can't have a nice lawn
if you have goosegrass.
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76. It's kind of dark out.
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77. Goosegrass doesn't sleep.
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78. It kills the good grass
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79. and leaves
bald spots.
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80. But don't worry,
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81. I'm on the job.
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82. Oh. Okay.
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83. Can I get you a flashlight?
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84. I would prefer a headlamp,
such as one would use for spelunking.
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85. Okay.
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86. Let me check
my spelunking supplies.
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87. You're a peach.
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88. Good morning,
Medford High School,
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89. this is Class President
Sheldon Cooper
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90. with an important
science bulletin.
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91. This Wednesday morning,
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92. the Nobel Prize in Physics
will be announced,
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93. and I'd like to invite each and
every one of you to my garage
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94. to listen live at 5:00 a.m.
and be a part of scientific history.
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95. - Food and refreshments
will be served...
- You worried your kid
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96. just invited the whole school
to your house?
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97. At 5:00 in the morning
for a Swedish science thing?
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98. Not at all.
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99. In other school news,
this Friday night our football team
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100. will be playing
another football team.
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101. Hello?
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102. Hi, Connie.
This is Dr. Linkletter.
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103. I work in the physics department
with Dr. Sturgis.
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104. Oh, sure, I remember you.
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105. What can I do for you?
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106. Well, I'm just calling to let
you know that John is fine,
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107. but there's been a bit of
an incident at the school today.
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108. What happened?
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109. He broke into
the mainframe computer lab,
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110. tripped off an alarm.
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111. Security came,
and there was a chase.
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112. A chase?
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113. It was a short one.
He's not a fast man.
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114. Uh— well, where is he now?
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115. He's in the dean's office.
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116. He has you listed
as the emergency contact,
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117. so I just wanted
to let you know.
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118. Well, uh— thank you
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119. - so much for calling.
- My pleasure.
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120. If there's anything else I can do,
feel free to reach out.
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121. Or if you'd like to go
grab a coffee sometime,
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122. I know a cute little cafe.
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123. Do you like scones?
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124. You're not actually trying
to hit on me right now, are you?
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125. - Is it working?
- No.
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126. I should go.
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127. What kind of snacks
do you think I should serve
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128. at my Nobel gathering?
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129. It's on Swedish radio.
How about Swedish meatballs?
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130. But it's at 5:00 a.m.
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131. Swedish breakfast balls?
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132. I could offer an assortment
of breakfast cereal.
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133. My mom doesn't let me have
cereal with sugar in it.
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134. Or anything that makes me happy.
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135. Connie. What are you doing here?
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136. Well...
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137. I got a call
from your friend Linkletter,
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138. and, uh...
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139. I—I was a little worried
about you.
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140. What did he say?
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141. That you had some
kind of scuffle
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142. with the campus security?
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143. No scuffle.
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144. I was using
the university's mainframe,
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145. and they asked me to leave.
Simple as that.
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146. So nobody chased you?
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147. I was startled, and so I did
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148. what any normal person does
under the circumstances:
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149. Climb out a window
and run like the dickens.
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150. Hi, I'm Kurt Loder,
this is MTV News...
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151. Since when do we get MTV?
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152. Since I got cable.
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153. What do you mean, you got cable?
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154. I called up the cable company
and I said, "Hello,
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155. I'd like cable,"
and they put in cable.
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156. I'm not paying for that.
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157. Keep your shirt on.
I paid for it.
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158. Is that so?
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159. Yeah, with money
I saved from my job.
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160. Well, okay.
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161. So do we get any
of those movie channels?
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162. Dad, I'm trying
to watch the news.
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163. Billy Idol has recovered
so well from...
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164. What's so important
that I had to run over here?
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165. Come here. I want
to show you something.
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166. Look at this.
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167. John did it.
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168. Oh, dear.
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169. "Oh, dear" is right.
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170. Was he in here taking a bath
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171. and just started thinking
about science stuff?
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172. Read the top right part.
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173. "Time plus heat
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174. plus bread equals toast."
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175. That ain't science.
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176. Well, it's not wrong, either.
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177. Look at this.
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178. Yeah, well, that's... peculiar.
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179. You'll be amazed to know
that the Nobel Prize,
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180. while being the most prestigious
award in science,
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181. is not generally celebrated
in this country.
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182. No parades, no fireworks.
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183. Which is why I thought having
a breakfast celebration
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184. was not only appropriate,
but long overdue.
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185. You may have noticed
that I went with Cheerios,
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186. and believe me, it was
a decision that I came to
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187. after careful consideration.
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188. There were birds
on the Froot Loops,
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189. Cocoa Puffs and Corn Flakes,
so they were out.
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190. And leprechauns and elves
are magical creatures
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191. that would be a slap in the face
to the scientific community.
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192. Anyway, the festivities begin
at 4:30 a.m.
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193. You're most welcome to come.
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194. As are you, unhappy bag boy.
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195. What the hell is this?
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196. TV's asking me
for some kind of code.
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197. Yeah, that's the
parental control lock.
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198. - So how do I take it off?
- You don't.
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199. This is my cable
that I bought with my money.
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200. You got to be kidding me.
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201. Here's an idea.
How about you go read a book?
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202. Oh, this isn't over, little man.
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203. Not by a long shot!
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204. You know what I like
about you, Sheldon?
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205. You're incredibly smart,
but you're also really dumb.
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206. Why would you say that?
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207. You think people are gonna
come here to hang out with you?
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208. Yes.
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209. - To hear about science?
- Yes.
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210. - On the radio?
- Yes.
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211. At 5:00 in the morning?
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212. Yes.
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213. And you're asking me
why you're dumb?
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214. Well, I happen to have
a little more faith
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215. in the curiosity
of my fellows.
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216. See, you sound smart,
but you're still dumb.
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217. I bet you don't even know
the first thing about Sweden.
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218. Well, you're wrong,
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219. it's where those little
meatballs come from.
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220. And that chef on The Muppets.
That's two things.
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221. Oh, and it's in Canada.
That's three.
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222. Hello?
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223. Hello, Dr. Linkletter.
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224. This is Connie Tucker.
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225. Connie, how lovely
to hear from you.
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226. Stop. I'm worried about John.
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227. He was supposed to be here for dinner
and he never showed up.
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228. That's not good. He also missed
two of his classes today.
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229. Do you have any idea
where he might be?
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230. Hard to say.
If he's having another episode,
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231. he could be anywhere.
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232. Hold on, what do you mean,
"episode"?
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233. Oh, I thought you knew.
In the past,
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234. John has struggled
with his grip on reality.
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235. What kind of struggle
are we talking about?
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236. The kind where he's had
to be hospitalized.
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237. Well, he never said anything
about that to me.
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238. Well, I certainly wouldn't
fabricate such a story.
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239. Okay, look, if—if you
hear from him or see him,
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240. please let me know.
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241. Of course.
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242. Now, if down the road
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243. things don't work out
with you two, I'd love to...
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244. Good-bye.
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245. - Here, this is for you.
- What is it?
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246. Read it. You do remember
how to read, don't you?
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247. A bill? Really?
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248. Room and board, buddy.
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249. $50 a month for food?
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250. The way you eat,
I should've gone $50 a week.
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251. Laundry services?
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252. Your poor mother has to touch
your underwear.
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253. What's the $10 a month
"peema" charge?
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254. Oh, P-I-M-A,
that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax.
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255. My way of getting
compensated for you
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256. taking years off my life.
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257. John?
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258. John?
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259. Your bike's here. John?
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260. John?
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261. Well, look at that,
there's boobies on my TV.
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262. Ooh!
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263. Get out of here!
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264. I'm telling Mom!
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265. John?
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266. Hello.
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267. What—what're you doing?
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268. I was doing tai chi
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269. and then I realized
that I was
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270. continually being bombarded
by subatomic particles
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271. and it behooves me, perhaps,
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272. to pay slightly closer
attention to them.
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273. Maybe "chi" is the
ancient Chinese word
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274. for the subatomic universe.
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275. You're scaring me, John.
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276. Well, there's nothing
to be scared of.
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277. Tomorrow, somebody will win
the Nobel Prize
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278. about these particles...
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279. not me.
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280. But I'm experiencing
them firsthand...
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281. which could be better.
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282. Why don't you come down
and experience them
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283. on the floor?
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284. I think I just felt a neutrino.
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285. You know, neutrinos
are interesting.
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286. They never bond with anything.
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287. They're always alone.
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288. I think that one went
right through my pants.
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289. All right,
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290. why don't we
go downstairs,
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291. and I'll fix us both
a nice cup of hot tea
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292. and you can tell me
all about it.
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293. Please?
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294. Okay.
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295. It was my dream
to win the Nobel,
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296. and I'm not going to.
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297. I bet Sheldon will.
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298. That'll be something.
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299. Yeah.
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300. to Radio Sweden...
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301. How's it going, baby?
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302. I don't think anyone's
showing up, not even Tam.
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303. I'm here.
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304. Yeah, but you're my mom.
You live on the premises.
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305. At least Dr. Sturgis
should be here any minute.
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306. Shelly, I'm afraid Dr. Sturgis
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307. isn't coming this morning.
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308. Why not?
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309. He isn't feeling well.
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310. Oh, dear.
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311. Should we send him
a get well card?
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312. I think that'd be terrific.
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313. Good morning and welcome
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314. to the Royal Swedish
Academy of Sciences.
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315. The announcements are starting.
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316. You want me to stay?
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317. Uh, the Academy has
concluded its meeting and we are
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318. ready to announce this year's...
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319. I'll be in my room
if you need me.
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320. As usual, I will read the
announcements first in English,
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321. then in Swedish,
then the citation in German,
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322. French, and Russian.
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323. And this year's Nobel Prize
in Physics is awarded to...
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324. Come on, neutrinos.
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325. Henry Kendall,
Jerome Friedman,
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326. and Richard Taylor
for the discovery of quarks.
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327. A primary feature of quarks
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328. is that they're always
bonded together,
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329. but in that moment,
I felt like a neutrino,
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330. destined to be alone forever.
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331. Leonard, dear,
you should be in bed.
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332. Howard!
Turn off that fakakta game
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333. and go to sleep.
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334. Thankfully, I was wrong.
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