1. It's typical for young people
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2. to admire rock stars.
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3. For my sister,
it was Cyndi Lauper.
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4. For my brother,
it was Bon Jovi.
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5. Well, Jon, we look good.
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6. For me, the rock star
I admired most was...
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7. Albert Einstein.
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8. Did you know Einstein
loved playing the violin?
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9. - So?
- He believed music
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10. helped him formulate
his theories.
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11. So?
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12. Einstein was arguably
the greatest
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13. scientific mind
of the 20th century.
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14. If music helped him,
maybe it could help me.
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15. So?
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16. I got to go talk to my mom.
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17. - Everything okay?
- Yeah,
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18. she's just got some problems
she's dealing with.
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19. Kind of personal.
Will you make the kids lunch?
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20. - Ah, do I have to?
- George?
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21. Happy to.
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22. Be right back.
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23. What do y'all want for lunch?
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24. Peanut butter and jelly, please.
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25. Great. Missy?
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26. Tuna salad on rye toast,
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27. with sliced pickles and...
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28. Two PBJs, got it.
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29. What is going on?
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30. - Well...
- Well, what?
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31. - I'm trying to say it.
- You woke me up.
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32. Spill it or I'm going
back to bed.
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33. I'm pregnant.
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34. I'm awake now.
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35. Are you sure?
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36. Yes. I'm late.
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37. - How late?
- Two days.
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38. Oh, two days.
That's nothing.
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39. Last time I was two days late,
I had the twins.
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40. Last time I was two days late,
I had menopause.
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41. Just trying to lighten the mood.
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42. So do you have...
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43. reason to think
that you might be?
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44. Well, we try to be safe, but...
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45. you know, heat of the moment.
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46. Still? After three kids
and that beer belly
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47. - hanging over his pants?
- Mom?
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48. I think you might be getting way
ahead of yourself.
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49. I'm telling you, I just know.
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50. You were also convinced
that Georgie was gonna be a girl.
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51. That's true.
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52. Although he does have
very pretty hair.
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53. - Hello.
- Hi, Sheldon.
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54. I'd like to learn to play
the violin.
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55. Really?
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56. Well, that's terrific.
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57. Do you have any experience
with stringed instruments?
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58. Stringed instruments, no.
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59. String theory, yes.
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60. That was a joke.
I'm a joker.
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61. I think I have an old violin
you can take home
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62. and get the feel of.
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63. That's great.
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64. Thank you.
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65. But I have to warn you,
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66. it can be a frustrating
instrument to learn.
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67. - Can you play it?
- Yes.
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68. I'll be fine.
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69. I don't see them.
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70. Excuse me.
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71. Where do you keep
your pregnancy tests?
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72. - Mom.
- Behind the counter
at the pharmacy.
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73. Thank you.
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74. Would you please be
a little more discreet?
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75. She doesn't know it's for you.
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76. Well, it sure isn't for you.
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77. Come on.
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78. Ow. No.
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79. Well, go ahead.
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80. - I can't.
- Why not?
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81. His daughter goes
to Missy's school.
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82. You are being ridiculous.
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83. I don't need the world
knowing my business.
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84. Okay, fine.
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85. - Hello!
- Oh.
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86. Excuse me.
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87. - Hi, can I help you?
- Yes.
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88. Uh, I need a...
pregnancy test.
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89. Sure.
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90. We have a few options.
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91. Hey, Connie.
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92. Oh, hey, Brenda.
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93. Oh, you-you pick.
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94. Is that a pregnancy test?
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95. Uh, yeah.
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96. It's for me.
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97. - Really?
- Yes.
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98. I come from a long line
of really fertile women.
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99. My mother had me
when she was 57.
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100. Can you believe it?
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101. I don't think I can.
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102. Dr. Sturgis and I
have been dating
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103. for some time
and we really try to be careful,
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104. but you know how it is.
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105. Heat of the moment.
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106. Hi, Mrs. Cooper!
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107. Hi, Billy.
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108. Are you playing
hide-and-seek?
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109. Um, yeah.
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110. Don't tell anybody. Shh.
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111. Bye, Mrs. Cooper!
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112. Oh...
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113. Thank you so much. Bye.
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114. Wish me luck.
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115. It's a bit worn.
But it's fine for a beginner.
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116. That was unpleasant.
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117. It just takes some practice.
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118. Very well.
When is my first lesson?
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119. I'm... pretty busy
right now.
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120. But I can give you
this in the meantime.
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121. Anyone Can Play Violin.
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122. They don't set the bar very high.
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123. You know what you need to do?
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124. Yes.
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125. How's it going?
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126. It'd be a lot easier to pee
if you'd stop talking.
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127. Sorry.
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128. Now it's too quiet.
Say something.
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129. I know you didn't expect this,
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130. and you still might not be,
but...
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131. but if it turns out you are...
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132. I'm here for you.
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133. Thanks, Mom.
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134. You're not the one
I'm worried about.
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135. If I'm pregnant,
George is gonna flip out.
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136. I'm sure he would at first.
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137. Then he would
calm down.
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138. Take a few beers.
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139. Maybe some malt liquor.
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140. I suppose.
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141. The truth is,
he and I were both
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142. freaked out
about having twins.
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143. But now I can't imagine
life without them.
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144. Well, see,
there you are.
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145. So, no matter what
that test says,
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146. you're gonna be okay.
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147. You're right.
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148. What's it say?
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149. I'm gonna go
buy that malt liquor.
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150. To get started,
place your violin
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151. in rest position.
Your feet should be together.
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152. Your right arm should be
over your instrument,
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153. not touching the strings
or the bridge.
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154. - Put your left hand...
- What are you doing?
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155. What does it look like?
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156. Like you're looking for another
excuse for kids to pick on you.
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157. Now, you are ready
to position your feet.
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158. Zip your feet open
and step forward
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159. with your left foot.
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160. - Your feet should...
- What are you doing?
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161. I was gonna watch DuckTales,
but this looks funnier.
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162. procedure for positioning
the violin on your shoulder.
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163. Hold your violin
above the left foot
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164. with the neck
of the instrument pointing up.
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165. Left foot, neck up.
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166. Now rotate the neck
of the instrument
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167. counterclockwise,
so that the neck points
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168. at your left foot.
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169. - Oh, boy.
- I was right.
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170. Bend your left elbow
so that the violin
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171. rests on your shoulder
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172. and place your head
on the chin rest.
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173. Now try dropping your left hand.
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174. See if you can
hold your instrument
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175. without your hands.
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176. - Time yourself at this...
- What's going on?
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177. I'm learning to play the violin.
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178. It's my new favorite show.
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179. Once you feel you have control
of your instrument,
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180. try moving your hands around.
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181. Repeat this procedure
until you can position
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182. your instrument
comfortably and quickly.
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183. He'll just be another minute.
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184. Thank you.
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185. - What's that about?
- Oh...
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186. just trying not
to breathe the smoke in.
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187. Come on.
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188. It already went through
the filter and my lungs.
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189. This stuff is squeaky clean.
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190. Well, still.
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191. He's all yours,
your highness.
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192. All right.
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193. Hey, Mare, what's up?
Other than the big guy.
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194. God joke.
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195. Actually, um,
I could use some guidance.
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196. I got some news today,
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197. and I'm not quite sure
how I feel about it.
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198. Of course. Sit.
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199. Well... I am...
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200. um...
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201. with child.
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202. That's wonderful!
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203. Congratulations!
How far along are you?
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204. Uh, could you keep it down
just a little?
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205. I haven't exactly
told George yet.
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206. Got it. And why not?
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207. It is his, right?
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208. Of course.
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209. Apologies.
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210. Hey, I'm a pastor
in a small town.
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211. You wouldn't believe
the juicy things I hear.
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212. This just wasn't
part of our plan.
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213. Well, luckily...
it's part of God's plan.
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214. And let me tell you
about another Mary
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215. who didn't know how to tell
her husband she was expecting.
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216. And her story is way
weirder than yours.
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217. In order to practice this,
move your bow
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218. in a counterclockwise direction.
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219. Keep your hand moving right
with the tip of the bow.
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220. For our next song,
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,"
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221. remember posture
is our most important thing.
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222. Set, play.
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223. Did you hear that?
I did it.
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224. I don't think you did.
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225. And now we see how
it helps my science.
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226. Hmm.
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227. Hmm...
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228. Come on, think.
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229. Probably needs more
"Twinkle, Twinkle."
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230. for learning new songs.
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231. You can play them
along with me.
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232. What the hell is that?
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233. Sheldon's learning
to play the violin.
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234. Oh. Well, that's
unfortunate.
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235. Mm-hmm.
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236. I'm gonna go change.
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237. Hey, Dad. Can you believe
I only started playing today?
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238. I really can.
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239. Hey, so there's something
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240. I've been meaning
to talk to you about.
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241. Sure, what's up?
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242. Now, before I say it, um...
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243. I want to tell you a story
of another Mary.
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244. Um...
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245. Okay, anytime...
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246. Are you kidding me?
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247. Keep your voice down.
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248. Are you kidding me?
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249. Look, I was a little thrown,
too, but Pastor Jeff said...
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250. Pastor Jeff?
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251. Pastor Jeff knows before me?
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252. Well, yeah,
I needed someone to talk to,
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253. - and, you know, my mom...
- Your mom?
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254. - Shh!
- Does the whole damn town know?
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255. No. Just my mom and Pastor Jeff.
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256. And maybe Brenda Sparks.
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257. Probably Peg...
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258. and whoever she told,
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259. - but that is it.
- Oh, is that it?
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260. Great news!
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261. Not a good time, Sheldon.
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262. But it's really important.
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263. Ugh.
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264. I figured out why the violin
worked for Einstein
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265. and not for me.
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266. I need to become
a Jewish person.
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267. - Sheldon, dinner!
- Coming!
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268. Sorry I'm late.
Shalom.
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269. What's on your head?
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270. - A yarmulke.
- A yama-what?
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271. It's a special Jewish hat.
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272. It reminds the wearer
that God is always over you.
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273. Mom.
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274. Oh, come on, it's funny.
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275. It's not funny
and it's not a yarmulke.
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276. It is a coaster I crocheted
at Bible camp.
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277. Are you gonna say
something to him?
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278. Normally I would, but I got
bigger problems right now.
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279. - Let's just say grace.
- Hold on.
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280. Are these
hot dogs kosher?
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281. Over the next few days,
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282. I continued to play the violin
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283. in an effort to replicate
the mental prowess of Einstein.
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284. I was asked to confine
my practice to the garage
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285. by my father, mother,
sister and brother.
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286. Meemaw was fine with me
practicing in the house,
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287. but why would she care?
She doesn't live with us.
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288. Hey, George.
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289. Hey, Herschel.
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290. Let me guess.
You're here to complain
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291. about Sheldon's violin playing.
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292. Well, under normal circumstances,
I'd say yeah,
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293. but since he started,
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294. my chickens been
dropping eggs like crazy.
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295. - That's weird.
- Hey, uh,
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296. I hear congratulations
are in order.
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297. What's that you hear?
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298. Maybe I didn't hear it.
Never mind.
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299. It's all right.
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300. Seems like everybody knows.
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301. You don't seem
terribly enthusiastic.
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302. It's the money, Herschel.
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303. It's all about the money.
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304. Well, there's only one
solution to that.
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305. - Which is?
- You got to make more money.
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306. - Thank you.
- Welcome.
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307. Hey, I got to ask,
did that fiddle playing
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308. increase the fertility
in all the females
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309. around here or just my chickens?
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310. I was just throwing it out there,
never mind.
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311. Wait here,
I'm-a go get you some eggs.
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312. - That's okay.
- You're getting eggs.
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313. Guess I'm getting eggs.
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314. All right, George,
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315. - what's so damn important?
- Well...
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316. I don't want to get into
the why's and wherefore's,
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317. but I'm gonna
need a raise.
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318. Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant?
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319. You got to be kidding me.
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320. Does everybody in this damn town
know my business?
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321. I just—it was taking a guess.
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322. - Tom.
- My wife told me.
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323. Doesn't matter.
What do you say?
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324. Are you threatening to quit
if you don't get it?
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325. - No, Tom, I'm threatening
to rob a bank.
- Okay.
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326. All right, well,
let's not do that.
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327. $100 a week do the trick?
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328. Yes. Thanks. Bye.
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329. Temple Judea.
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330. How can I help you?
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331. Hello. I'd like
to become Jewish.
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332. Who would be in charge of that?
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333. How old are you?
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334. I'm ten.
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335. Please hold.
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336. Hello, this is
Rabbi Schneiderman.
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337. To whom am I speaking?
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338. Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.
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339. Hello, Sheldon.
Um, how can I help you?
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340. I'm currently a Baptist
and I'd like to convert to Judaism.
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341. A Baptist named Sheldon.
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342. Okay.
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343. And why do you want to convert?
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344. Very simple. It's my intention
to become a great scientist,
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345. and I couldn't help but notice
most of the great scientists
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346. are Jewish, so logic dictates
it's time to switch teams.
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347. Well, I'm sure there are
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348. many Baptist scientists
you could emulate.
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349. That's kind of you to say,
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350. but other than Cornelis Drebbel
in the 1500s,
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351. it's pretty slim pickings.
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352. Well, Sheldon, you sound like
a very smart young man.
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353. Oh, you have no idea.
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354. Can I ask how your parents
feel about this?
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355. Well, when I presented them
with my plan,
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356. the words "over my dead body"
were used.
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357. I'm not surprised.
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358. But they were
similarly resistant
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359. when I wanted to get an ant farm
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360. and eventually they came around.
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361. All right, here's what
I'm gonna tell you to do.
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362. Read your Bible.
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363. Already did, cover to cover.
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364. - Really?
- Quiz me.
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365. No, that's okay.
I believe you.
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366. All right, my advice to you
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367. is to stay with the faith
of your parents.
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368. - What else you got?
- Okay.
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369. Then I'm gonna tell you
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370. to be your own man.
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371. But I want to be a great
scientist like Albert Einstein.
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372. Sheldon,
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373. when your days are over,
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374. God will never ask you,
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375. "Why weren't you Einstein?"
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376. But he might ask you,
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377. "Why weren't you Sheldon?"
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378. What's going on? You all right?
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379. I'm not feeling great.
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380. Is it a pregnant thing?
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381. 'Cause I got
some good news on that.
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382. I got a decent raise.
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383. It doesn't matter.
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384. What do you mean,
it doesn't matter?
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385. We can pull this off now.
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386. I lost the baby.
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387. Oh.
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388. You're probably relieved, huh?
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389. Actually...
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390. no.
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391. I love the first three.
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392. Fourth one's the charm, right?
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393. Dad?
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394. Mom?
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395. Yeah, Shelly?
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396. I just thought you should know
I'm not going to be Jewish.
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397. I'm going to remain the atheist
Baptist you've come to love.
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398. Good to hear.
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399. Are you crying?
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400. Yeah, but don't worry.
Everything's okay.
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401. Good.
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402. Once again,
I brought my mother so much joy
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403. she was moved to tears.
I don't know how I do it.
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404. Tom,
George Cooper's here for you.
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405. Send him in.
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406. Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
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407. Pretty busy.
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408. Make it quick.
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409. It turns out I don't
need that raise.
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410. What happened,
you win the lottery?
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411. No, no.
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412. Aw, George, I am so sorry.
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413. Well, what can you do?
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414. Listen, I cleared
your raise already.
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415. Why don't you just
keep the money.
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416. - Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
- No.
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417. No, I mean it. It's yours.
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418. Okay.
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419. Thanks. Bye.
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420. Thank you, but I will
no longer be needing these.
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421. You're giving up
so soon?
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422. What happened?
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423. - Did it hurt your fingers?
- No.
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424. I'm following the advice of
a very wise Rabbi Schneiderman
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425. from Temple Judea in Houston.
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426. Is this another one
of your jokes?
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427. No. If it were a joke,
your mouth would be open
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428. and the sound "ha-ha"
would be coming out.
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