Young Sheldon 2x11

Directed by Jaffar Mahmood

Matt Hobby as Jeff Difford • Ryan Phuong as Tam Nguyen • Sarah Baker as Sheryl Hutchins • Paul Fusco as Alf • Bunnie Rivera as Prayer Group #1

Sheldon experiments on Missy, and Georgie joins Mary’s bible study to spend more time with his crush, Veronica.

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1. Previously on Young Sheldon...

2. Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you?

3. I'm tutoring her in trigonometry.

4. Just between us, she's a little slow.

5. That's not what I heard.

6. There's nobody at my house.

7. - You want to come over? - Yes.

8. - What's that? - Some stupid haunted house

9. my mother's doing for the church.

10. Mr. Lundy's scene about lust

11. made a deep impact on my brother's date.

12. She asked to be saved by Jesus.

13. I don't want to live like this anymore.

14. And as it turns out, she was.

15. Dear Lord Jesus, set me free.

16. In Conquest of the Planet of the Apes,

17. we learned how humans taught the apes to become civilized,

18. which I think should start with potty training,

19. but I'm not a screenwriter.

20. Can you help me with my math homework?

21. No.

22. Please. It's really hard.

23. "It" isn't the problem.

24. Sheldon.

25. Fine, what are you working on?

26. There's a number, then there's a line,

27. then there's another number under it.

28. Fractions?

29. Yes, fractions.

30. At that moment,

31. it occurred to me if I could teach mathematics

32. to someone as dull-witted as my sister,

33. I could create a race of superhumans

34. that would do my bidding.

35. And who wouldn't want that?

36. Please, Sheldon.

37. You know what, Missy? I'd be happy to help you.

38. Thank you.

39. Try thinking of it this way: imagine a pie.

40. The number on the bottom of the fraction

41. is how many pieces the pie has been sliced into.

42. What kind of pie is it?

43. Doesn't matter.

44. But it would help me picture it

45. if I knew the kind of pie.

46. Fine, it's banana cream.

47. I don't like banana cream.

48. Okay, what kind of pie would you like it to be?

49. What about those little apple pies from McDonalds?

50. - Sure. - I burned my mouth on one of those.

51. Didn't stop me. I still ate it.

52. Veronica. Hi.

53. Hey, Georgie.

54. You—you changed your hair.

55. I did.

56. It's shorter.

57. It is.

58. I like it.

59. Thank—thanks.

60. You here to see me?

61. I—I'm here for your mom's Bible study.

62. Oh, sure, of course.

63. I'm glad you could join us.

64. Come in, won't you?

65. You're part of the group, too?

66. Faith, the Bible, God, I'm nuts for that stuff.

67. So one fourth of the 12 pieces of pie is...?

68. Three?

69. Yes.

70. And one third of the 12 pieces is...?

71. Four?

72. Yes. Now how much is one-third of the pie plus

73. one-fourth of the pie?

74. Well, three plus four is seven, but there's 12 pieces,

75. so seven-twelve-iths.

76. It's twelfths. And yes.

77. I did it.

78. Actually, I did it.

79. In less than ten minutes, I taught fractions to a monkey.

80. Welcome, Veronica. We're so glad to have you.

81. What are you doing?

82. What's it look like? I'm here for Bible study.

83. Did you just take a shower?

84. No.

85. You did, too.

86. So I want to be clean for Jesus. Get off my back.

87. Interesting.

88. Georgie, if you want to be a good Christian,

89. maybe you should stop lying through your teeth.

90. Just be happy I brushed them, okay?

91. - Hmm... - Okay.

92. All done. Thanks.

93. While we're here, would you like me

94. to introduce you to algebra?

95. Al who?

96. Oh, boy.

97. It's not a person, it's an ancient Arabic method

98. of finding the value of variables.

99. Oh. Nah.

100. Clearly, I needed a more sophisticated technique

101. to motivate my simian sister.

102. Are you sure?

103. If you learn a little algebra, I'll give you a banana.

104. All right, now we're reading from Matthew 4.

105. Georgie, why don't you get us started on verse 17?

106. - Me? - Yes, you.

107. Oh. Okay.

108. Um... Verse 17...

109. Verse 17...

110. Give me a minute.

111. Here.

112. Bless you.

113. Okay, here we go. "From that time,

114. Jesus began to preach and say 'Repent,

115. change your inner self, your old way of thinking,

116. regret past sins,

117. live your life in a way that proves repentance:

118. Seek God's purpose for your life."

119. Powerful stuff.

120. Can I get an amen?

121. Amen.

122. Amen.

123. Need any help there, Sheldon? I'm looking

124. for some books on education theory.

125. - What for? - I'm trying

126. to develop a technique to teach someone

127. who falls into the conventional category of "stupid."

128. Oh. Well, now, there's a wide range of stupid.

129. Can you narrow it down?

130. She wrote a fan letter to Alf.

131. Got it. So you're looking to make a pretty radical change.

132. Well, ideally, I'd like to wipe my sister's brain clean

133. and start over, but my mom wouldn't like that.

134. Yeah. Moms are no fun.

135. Hey, Veronica.

136. - Georgie. - So, listen,

137. I was doing my prayers last night and, uh,

138. you won't believe it, but I think God spoke to me.

139. Really? What did he say?

140. Well, I couldn't understand

141. all of it, 'cause it was in an ancient language,

142. but the part I did understand

143. is he wants us to spend more time together.

144. Doing what?

145. Oh, you know, praying, helping the needy.

146. Your usual Christian activities.

147. Well, I'm okay with that.

148. Good. So you, me and God, we'll hang out.

149. Sounds good.

150. Okay. See you later.

151. See you.

152. I may be going to hell.

153. So you're hoping to create an army

154. of super-intelligent children who will do your bidding?

155. In a perfect world, yes.

156. You should spend more time with my mother.

157. That's her goal, too.

158. Ooh, this is interesting.

159. According to Socrates, all knowledge exists

160. within the student and just needs to be drawn out

161. through skillful questioning.

162. Are you saying I knew that before you even said it?

163. - I don't know, did you? - Well, according

164. to Socrates, you do know and the answer's inside you.

165. Well, then, ask me a skillful question to draw it out.

166. Do you know if I knew before I knew?

167. No.

168. Hey, it works.

169. It does.

170. I'm recording my findings

171. so that future generations of mankind can understand

172. the steps I took to create homo novus, "new man."

173. Of course, there's a strong likelihood that my homo novi

174. might've wiped out all future generations,

175. so I have no idea who's watching this.

176. What are you doing in here?

177. I'm keeping a video diary of my experiment to create homo novus.

178. Homo what?

179. Novus. It's Latin. It means "new man."

180. Oh. I guess that's okay.

181. Y—Your mom's at church. W—What do you want for dinner?

182. I believe you know what I want for dinner.

183. Is that right?

184. It's Thursday.

185. What does Mom always make me on Thursdays?

186. Spaghetti and hot dogs?

187. Socrates. Got to love him.

188. And now, why don't we take a moment to pray,

189. keeping in mind that our prayers

190. should not be for our own benefit,

191. but for our family, friends,

192. fellow Texans, Americans of all races and religions

193. and the world.

194. Well, most of the world.

195. Y'all know what countries to pick.

196. Lord, please look after my family.

197. Give them everything they need to be happy and healthy.

198. And this lovely young girl with me tonight,

199. help her stay on the path of righteousness.

200. God, please look after my sister.

201. You can find her at the women's correctional facility

202. in Lubbock.

203. Help her seek salvation in you

204. instead of cocaine, marijuana and bass players.

205. Jesus, I'm sure, even from Heaven, you can see

206. how hot the girl sitting next to me is.

207. And I know I'm not supposed to pray for myself,

208. but here's the deal: If you can get her

209. to fall in love with me, and, you know,

210. make some bad decisions,

211. I swear I'll come to church every Sunday.

212. And thank you for bringing Georgie tonight,

213. even though you and I both know why he came.

214. Speaking of which, whatever he's praying for right now,

215. ignore it.

216. And please protect me from impure thoughts,

217. and teach me to respect the sanctity of my body.

218. Now if, for instance, she and I were to go skinny dipping

219. and one thing were to lead to another

220. under the moonlit sky, get this:

221. Not only do I become a devout Christian,

222. I will also bug everybody I meet to do the same.

223. And you know I can be real annoying

224. when I set my mind to it.

225. Amen.

226. Amen.

227. I'm gonna take your silence as a yes. Amen.

228. What are you working on?

229. A list of possible boyfriends for my Cabbage Patch doll.

230. How do you think Celeste would look next to Joey Lawrence?

231. I don't know who that is.

232. He's Blossom's brother.

233. I don't know who that is.

234. It's a show. She wears hats.

235. Anyway, I've been doing some research,

236. and I've come to the conclusion that I don't need

237. to teach you anything.

238. You already know everything.

239. Cool.

240. Your brain already contains all the math

241. that will ever be known.

242. I heard you and I said, "Cool."

243. Well, wouldn't you like to explore

244. that great treasure trove of knowledge?

245. That depends. What's a trove?

246. We'll circle back to that. True or false?

247. At times, you have referred to yourself as being dumb.

248. True.

249. And do you enjoy feeling that way?

250. No.

251. Well, let me change that.

252. I'm presenting you with an opportunity

253. to achieve the full potential of your mind.

254. Are you gonna do some experiment where we switch brains?

255. No.

256. 'Cause I've seen it on Gilligan's Island

257. and I've seen it on The Flintstones

258. and it never goes well.

259. Ooh. Gilligan.

260. Oh, who do you think you're fooling here?

261. I have no idea what you're talking about.

262. Listen to me. Veronica has a rough family situation,

263. and she's trying to improve her life.

264. And I admire that. Very inspirational.

265. Georgie, believe me, I'm glad to see you in a church,

266. but I do not want you taking advantage of that girl.

267. Taking advantage? Veronica and I are Bible buddies, nothing more.

268. - I'm serious. - Right.

269. Maybe you should ask yourself what's in you

270. that makes you see sin in the hearts of others.

271. Okay, now you're pushing it.

272. Lord Jesus, please help my mother with her anger.

273. - Can I get an amen? - No.

274. Why do we need the camera?

275. So people in the future can see your transformation.

276. Where are you going?

277. To put on a dress for the future people.

278. Hello, people of the future.

279. My name is Missy Cooper and this is my best friend Celeste.

280. She's dating Joey Lawrence.

281. You want to hang out Saturday?

282. Can't. I signed up to get baptized.

283. Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to do that.

284. Well, why don't you join me? We could do it together.

285. Sure. You and me, getting double dunked. I like it.

286. Can you imagine afterwards?

287. All of our sins will be washed away.

288. Yeah, and we can start cranking out fresh ones.

289. I just don't know where I went wrong.

290. Are you sure your questioning was skillful?

291. I thought so, but after two hours of interrogation,

292. all I could extract from my sister's brain

293. was that there was some sort of block with new kids on it.

294. Sheldon, how's your educational project going?

295. Poorly. I've hit a wall.

296. Have you considered B.F. Skinner's behavior modification?

297. - What's that? - It uses punishment

298. and reward to get the results you want.

299. Ooh, punishment. I like the sound of that.

300. In the right context, so do I.

301. I took a real beating at the craps table,

302. and then I won it all back playing Caribbean Stud Poker.

303. Well, how does Caribbean Stud Poker work?

304. I have no idea. I was drunk off my ass.

305. Way to go, Mom.

306. Way to lead a Christian life.

307. Oh, does my daughter think poorly of me?

308. - Yes. - Good.

309. I can die happy.

310. Hey, Mom, just a heads-up. I'm getting baptized tomorrow.

311. Good Lord.

312. That boy's randiness knows no bounds.

313. What are you talking about?

314. He's only doing it 'cause of that Veronica girl.

315. Oh, sure. That makes sense.

316. What do you mean, it makes sense?

317. When I was his age, I hitchhiked to Florida

318. 'cause I had a friend that had a girlfriend

319. who knew a girl who might be willing.

320. But then you met my daughter and you didn't have

321. to travel so far.

322. According to B.F. Skinner,

323. if I can find the appropriate punishment to motivate Missy,

324. there's no limit to what she might be able to learn.

325. But what might that punishment be?

326. Whip her with a rubber hose?

327. No. That sounds like a recipe for tendonitis.

328. Administer small electric shocks?

329. Tricky.

330. If I get the voltage wrong, I could spend the rest of my life

331. in an institution for the criminally insane.

332. Or I inflict harm

333. on the object she loves more than life itself.

334. Celeste, you're about to become part of scientific history.

335. All right, everybody, welcome to the 1990

336. East Texas Baptist Olympics.

337. 'Cause we're in the pool of water.

338. Anyway, I want to welcome

339. our little sister Veronica Duncan,

340. who I will be dunkin'.

341. Sorry.

342. I can't turn it off. And I also want to welcome

343. George Cooper, who has recently found

344. his way to the Lord.

345. Howdy. Praise Jesus.

346. Are you ready to learn some advanced calculus?

347. Nope.

348. Be right back.

349. Take your time.

350. Veronica, do you trust in Jesus Christ

351. as your personal Lord and savior?

352. I do.

353. It's upon your profession of faith

354. that I baptize you, my sister,

355. in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

356. Dang.

357. All right, let's try this again.

358. Would you be ready to learn some advanced calculus

359. if it saved Celeste's pigtails?

360. What are you doing? Put her down.

361. Not until I modify your behavior.

362. In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

363. Sheldon, I'm warning you.

364. Hallelujah!

365. We did it!

366. Ooh, I'm so happy.

367. I love you.

368. Is it working? Are you feeling motivated?

369. Very.

370. Care to explain yourself?

371. I was trying to motivate Missy

372. to expand her intellectual horizons.

373. By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?

374. Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes,

375. - which was an option. - Enough.

376. To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll.

377. - That would be ineffective. - Enough!

378. And you.

379. Getting baptized just to kiss a girl? What were you thinking?

380. Sounds like you know what I was thinking.

381. Well, you are both grounded.

382. Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan.

383. I like you because you're an alien but you're funny,

384. unlike my brother, who's an alien but just a jerk.

385. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet

386. and have found things to eat other than cats.

387. I recommend chicken nuggets.

388. Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age ten.

389. P.S. My favorite color is pink. What's yours?

390. Ha. What a cutie pie.

391. Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any more of those pink T-shirts

392. with my face on them?

393. I want to send one to this Missy Cooper kid.

394. Oh, oh, and get me some chicken nuggets, huh?

395. Hello? Anybody out there?

396. Apparently not.

397. Barb!