1. Previously on Young Sheldon...
Copy !req
2. - Paige?
- I'm so happy to see you.
Copy !req
3. Are you happy to see me?
Copy !req
4. Not immediately.
Copy !req
5. I don't usually see young people
at my lectures.
Copy !req
6. I enjoyed your paper on
accelerator mass spectrometry
Copy !req
7. and wanted to find out more.
Copy !req
8. - And you?
- I read this magazine.
Copy !req
9. - Uh-huh.
- It has puzzles, too.
Copy !req
10. Well, I think my parents
are getting a divorce.
Copy !req
11. - Why?
- They fight all the time.
Copy !req
12. - I guess I'm lucky.
- Why?
Copy !req
13. I'm the glue that holds
our family together.
Copy !req
14. What do you think of these?
Copy !req
15. They're nice, but you're
already taller than John.
Copy !req
16. Won't they make that worse?
Copy !req
17. No, makes it better.
Copy !req
18. He likes me to be dominating.
Copy !req
19. I don't want to hear that.
Copy !req
20. Sometimes he makes me wear these
when we're... messing around.
Copy !req
21. I said I don't
want to hear it.
Copy !req
22. I wanted to say it.
Copy !req
23. All right, I don't have the
Sperry loafers in your size,
Copy !req
24. but I do have the Hush Puppies.
Copy !req
25. I don't wear brown
Hush Puppies penny loafers.
Copy !req
26. I wear brown Sperry
penny loafers.
Copy !req
27. - But they're exactly the same.
- Well, do they come
Copy !req
28. in a box that says
Sperry penny loafers?
Copy !req
29. Because that one
says Hush Puppies.
Copy !req
30. Just try 'em on, honey.
Copy !req
31. - What if I like them?
- Well, then we'll get them.
Copy !req
32. All right, let's go
over this again.
Copy !req
33. I don't wear brown Hush
Puppies penny loafers,
Copy !req
34. I wear brown Sperry...
Copy !req
35. Would you give us a moment?
Copy !req
36. Happily.
Copy !req
37. When we get to
the Hello Kitty store today,
Copy !req
38. remember I was the good child.
Copy !req
39. Oh, hi, Mary.
Copy !req
40. Linda. So good to see you.
Copy !req
41. - Hi, Sheldon.
- Hello, Paige.
Copy !req
42. - Hi, Missy.
- Hi!
Copy !req
43. Look at these rain boots—
they have ducks on them.
Copy !req
44. And the ducks
are wearing boots.
Copy !req
45. Those are so cute.
Copy !req
46. - Well, what a nice coincidence.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
47. - Good to see you.
- Yeah. How are things?
Copy !req
48. Well, at the moment,
Copy !req
49. trying to get shoes for Sheldon,
Copy !req
50. but they only have these,
not the ones he likes.
Copy !req
51. Ah. You know, I think that brand
is the same kind Einstein wore.
Copy !req
52. Well, I've never seen a picture
of his feet.
Copy !req
53. And you're a grown-up,
so you wouldn't lie to me.
Copy !req
54. I guess I have no choice
but to believe you.
Copy !req
55. All right, I'll try them.
Copy !req
56. Great!
Copy !req
57. Hey, Mom, can Missy and I go
to the Hello Kitty store?
Copy !req
58. Well, it's okay with me
if it's okay with Mary.
Copy !req
59. It's okay, but you better be
on your best behavior.
Copy !req
60. I will, I promise.
Copy !req
61. Go ahead.
Copy !req
62. Boy, you steal
one pencil sharpener
Copy !req
63. and you never hear
the end of it.
Copy !req
64. How do they feel?
Copy !req
65. My brand loyalty is being
severely tested.
Copy !req
66. Did you guys know Paige
speaks three languages?
Copy !req
67. Really?
That's impressive.
Copy !req
68. You only speak one.
Copy !req
69. Two. I'm learning
conversational Klingon.
Copy !req
70. That's impressive, too.
Copy !req
71. Hey, Mom, can Paige
sleep over this weekend?
Copy !req
72. I guess,
if her mother says okay.
Copy !req
73. Wait, where is she
going to sleep?
Copy !req
74. In your bed.
You can sleep on the couch.
Copy !req
75. Absolutely not.
Copy !req
76. I've already changed
my brand of loafers.
Copy !req
77. I am not changing
my sleeping quarters.
Copy !req
78. How about you stay at
Meemaw's? You like that.
Copy !req
79. No, Meemaw has a date.
Copy !req
80. So?
Copy !req
81. So if those shoes I just bought
Copy !req
82. do their job,
Copy !req
83. that will be a "no children
allowed" scenario.
Copy !req
84. Well, I'm sleeping in my bed,
and that's that.
Copy !req
85. Fine. Paige and I
can share my bed.
Copy !req
86. You okay with that, Shelly?
Copy !req
87. I trust you two will stay quiet
throughout the evening
Copy !req
88. and go to sleep at
the appropriate time?
Copy !req
89. Absolutely.
Copy !req
90. All right, then.
I'm okay with it, Mom.
Copy !req
91. How is he ever gonna
get through this world?
Copy !req
92. Welcome, come on in.
Copy !req
93. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
94. You look nice. Going out
to dinner with your husband?
Copy !req
95. Ugh, no. Girlfriends.
Copy !req
96. Hi, Sheldon.
Copy !req
97. Hello.
Copy !req
98. What are you doing?
Copy !req
99. Chemistry homework
for extra credit.
Copy !req
100. Cute. I did that last year.
Copy !req
101. Paige!
Copy !req
102. Missy!
Copy !req
103. Aw, they're so sweet.
Copy !req
104. Yeah, life'll suck that
right out of them soon enough.
Copy !req
105. - Well, bye.
- Bye.
Copy !req
106. You gotta meet my dolls—
I told them all about you!
Copy !req
107. "Cute. I did that last year."
Copy !req
108. Thank you for agreeing
to the early-bird dinner.
Copy !req
109. When I eat too late,
the food just sits right here.
Copy !req
110. Yeah, gettin' old is no party.
Copy !req
111. Oh, I've had this problem
since I was ten.
Copy !req
112. When I was in grade school,
my nickname was Old Burpy.
Copy !req
113. Well, I will not be
calling you that.
Copy !req
114. You can if you'd like.
Copy !req
115. I'm good.
Copy !req
116. So, I have a little surprise
for you.
Copy !req
117. Oh, I love surprises.
Whatcha got?
Copy !req
118. I'm going to learn to drive.
Copy !req
119. Really?
Copy !req
120. Yes.
Copy !req
121. While I love having you be
the dominant personality
Copy !req
122. behind closed doors,
I think out in public
Copy !req
123. I ought to take on
more of a macho role.
Copy !req
124. Well, you're macho enough
for me, John,
Copy !req
125. but I would enjoy not having
to drive us all the time.
Copy !req
126. Then it's settled.
Copy !req
127. Well, when do you start?
Copy !req
128. As soon as you teach me.
Copy !req
129. Me? Do you really think
that's a good idea?
Copy !req
130. It's perfect.
I teach you about science
Copy !req
131. so you can impress
your grandson,
Copy !req
132. and you teach me to drive
so I can impress you.
Copy !req
133. Okay, but if we do this,
I'm in charge.
Copy !req
134. You have to do what I say when
and how I tell you to do it.
Copy !req
135. Hubba-hubba, it's like
we're back in the bedroom.
Copy !req
136. Did you know that tea was
discovered by accident?
Copy !req
137. I didn't, but I don't know
lots of stuff.
Copy !req
138. The Emperor Shennong of China
was boiling water in his garden
Copy !req
139. and a leaf from a tea tree
fell into his pot.
Copy !req
140. Tea comes from trees?
Copy !req
141. Where'd you think
it comes from?
Copy !req
142. The supermarket.
Copy !req
143. What, did the girls leave you out
of their little picnic?
Copy !req
144. Oh, they invited him.
Copy !req
145. Well, then why ain't you
out there?
Copy !req
146. Eat outdoors? Do I look
like a hippie to you?
Copy !req
147. I thought Paige
was your friend.
Copy !req
148. She's more of a colleague.
Copy !req
149. Oh.
Copy !req
150. Although for reasons unknown,
Copy !req
151. she's currently behaving
like a ten-year-old.
Copy !req
152. Maybe that's because
she is a ten-year-old.
Copy !req
153. Still no excuse.
Copy !req
154. All right, I'm just gonna
come out and ask it:
Copy !req
155. what the heck
is a colleague?
Copy !req
156. Okay, pick a number.
Copy !req
157. Three.
Copy !req
158. One, two, three.
Copy !req
159. Now pick a color.
Copy !req
160. Pink, duh.
Copy !req
161. The name of
your future pony is...
Copy !req
162. Sparkle Sunshine.
Copy !req
163. I would totally name it that!
Copy !req
164. Sheldon, do you want to
have your fortune read?
Copy !req
165. Absolutely not.
Copy !req
166. And I cannot believe a person
as smart as you is doing it.
Copy !req
167. Why? It's fun.
Copy !req
168. He doesn't know how to have fun.
He's an old man.
Copy !req
169. I'm not an old man.
Copy !req
170. Oh, yeah?
What's your favorite color?
Copy !req
171. Khaki.
Copy !req
172. Old man.
Copy !req
173. I'm trying to sleep.
Copy !req
174. Come inside and play with us.
Copy !req
175. Don't invite him.
Copy !req
176. This is a girls' fort,
Copy !req
177. not an old man fort.
Copy !req
178. I'm not an old man.
Copy !req
179. Then come inside.
Copy !req
180. Are you crazy? It's bedtime.
Copy !req
181. Old man.
Copy !req
182. What are you doing?
Copy !req
183. We're tying
Georgie's ankles together.
Copy !req
184. So when he gets
out of bed he falls down.
Copy !req
185. But he could get hurt.
Copy !req
186. If we're lucky.
Copy !req
187. Well, I will not be
a party to this.
Copy !req
188. Old man.
Copy !req
189. That's when
the bloodthirsty Goatman—
Copy !req
190. part goat, part man—
Copy !req
191. - crept up on the sleeping children...
- No.
Copy !req
192. and sank his sharp little
teeth into their necks...
Copy !req
193. - No.
- ... and drank their blood!
Copy !req
194. No.
Copy !req
195. Problem?
Copy !req
196. Several. First of all,
goats are herbivores.
Copy !req
197. They don't eat meat,
let alone drink blood.
Copy !req
198. Maybe the half man part
drinks blood.
Copy !req
199. Don't even get me started
on the "half man" stuff.
Copy !req
200. Sheldon, it's just
a fun scary story.
Copy !req
201. It's nonsense, is what it is.
Copy !req
202. Old man.
Copy !req
203. I'm not an old man. I'm ten.
Copy !req
204. More like 110.
Copy !req
205. You know, I read that adults
who had a stunted childhood
Copy !req
206. often become social misfits
and weirdos.
Copy !req
207. You didn't read that,
you're making it up
Copy !req
208. like your goat story.
Copy !req
209. Psychology Magazine,
February issue, 1988.
Copy !req
210. Well, um...
Copy !req
211. that doesn't make it true.
Copy !req
212. Guess you'll find out
when you're an adult.
Copy !req
213. I guess I will.
Copy !req
214. Well, we know
how this story ends.
Copy !req
215. I grew up to become
a well-adjusted
Copy !req
216. and charming fellow.
But at that moment in time,
Copy !req
217. she had me worried.
Copy !req
218. Hey, Georgie, breakfast.
Mom made Eggos.
Copy !req
219. Eggos, sweet.
Copy !req
220. Ow! Dang it!
Copy !req
221. - Oh, dear.
- What?
Copy !req
222. Paige was right.
Copy !req
223. "There's ample evidence
to indicate
Copy !req
224. that a stunted childhood
can cause one to be maladjusted
Copy !req
225. as an adult."
Copy !req
226. Then I'm screwed.
Copy !req
227. What do you mean?
Copy !req
228. When I'm not in school,
I'm doing homework.
Copy !req
229. When I'm not doing homework,
I'm practicing my cello.
Copy !req
230. And when I'm not doing that,
Copy !req
231. I'm working in my parents' store.
Copy !req
232. That must be why we're friends.
Copy !req
233. We're both stunted.
Copy !req
234. Sounds right.
Copy !req
235. Well, I for one
plan to do something about it.
Copy !req
236. Like what?
Copy !req
237. I'm going to goof off,
engage in horseplay,
Copy !req
238. and if time permits,
be quite immature.
Copy !req
239. If time permits?
Copy !req
240. I have homework, too.
Copy !req
241. Would you like to join me
in my shenanigans?
Copy !req
242. No, thanks.
Copy !req
243. Aren't you concerned about
being a maladjusted adult?
Copy !req
244. Nah. I'll just marry
an American woman
Copy !req
245. and hope she can fix me.
Copy !req
246. I'm usually the one
giving the tests,
Copy !req
247. but, uh, today I'm taking one.
Copy !req
248. No talking.
Copy !req
249. And I usually say that
to my students.
Copy !req
250. What?
Copy !req
251. How's it going?
Copy !req
252. I can't tell you.
There's no talking.
Copy !req
253. - No talking.
- Sorry.
Copy !req
254. - Mind if I join you?
- Doing what?
Copy !req
255. - Swinging.
- Seriously?
Copy !req
256. Yes. It's my hope to feel
the wind in my hair
Copy !req
257. and be carefree.
Copy !req
258. Um, okay.
Copy !req
259. Sheldon threw up on me.
Sheldon threw up on me!
Copy !req
260. Okay, rearview mirrors.
Copy !req
261. Um, all set.
Copy !req
262. Turn signal left.
Turn signal right.
Copy !req
263. Um, foot on the brake.
Copy !req
264. Transmission in drive.
Copy !req
265. You have to start
the car first.
Copy !req
266. Of course.
Copy !req
267. Sorry, I'm a bit nervous.
Copy !req
268. You're not alone.
Copy !req
269. And here we go.
Copy !req
270. This is crazy.
Copy !req
271. I'm doing it.
Copy !req
272. Excuse me.
I was hoping to purchase
Copy !req
273. some practical joke
paraphernalia
Copy !req
274. so that I may behave
childishly.
Copy !req
275. Rack in the corner.
Copy !req
276. Thank you.
Copy !req
277. "If it's funny, it's a Bazinga."
Copy !req
278. Interesting.
Copy !req
279. Yellow light!
Yellow light!
Copy !req
280. It's okay, keep going.
Copy !req
281. But yellow means slow down.
Copy !req
282. You can't slow down
in the intersection!
Copy !req
283. Keep going.
Copy !req
284. - Are you sure?
- Yes.
Copy !req
285. Go! Go!
Copy !req
286. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Copy !req
287. Oh...
Copy !req
288. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
289. It's okay, we're fine.
Copy !req
290. Nobody got hurt.
Copy !req
291. I don't think I can
do this, Connie.
Copy !req
292. Of course you can.
We're just getting started.
Copy !req
293. No, it's too much information.
I can't process it.
Copy !req
294. It was just a yellow light.
Copy !req
295. Not just the light.
There were other cars.
Copy !req
296. There's pedestrians.
Copy !req
297. - There was a guy on a bicycle.
- So?
Copy !req
298. That's just too many
random elements.
Copy !req
299. The—the—the stimuli
are overwhelming.
Copy !req
300. Okay. Okay.
Copy !req
301. I'm sorry.
I know I'm letting you down.
Copy !req
302. Oh, don't be silly.
You're not letting me down.
Copy !req
303. I love you whether
you can drive or not.
Copy !req
304. You love me?
Copy !req
305. Well, I...
Copy !req
306. I suppose I do.
Copy !req
307. Am I allowed
to reciprocate?
Copy !req
308. Sure, if that's
the way you feel.
Copy !req
309. Oh, it is.
Copy !req
310. I love you, too, Connie.
Copy !req
311. Well...
Copy !req
312. That's just great.
Copy !req
313. All righty.
Copy !req
314. Would you like
to switch seats with me?
Copy !req
315. Yes, but give me a minute
Copy !req
316. because my legs
are a little wobbly.
Copy !req
317. Is that from the yellow light
or the "I love yous"?
Copy !req
318. Both.
Copy !req
319. Dad, would you care
for a piece of gum?
Copy !req
320. No, thank you.
Copy !req
321. Please, take the piece of gum.
Copy !req
322. Why?
Copy !req
323. Just please.
Copy !req
324. Bazinga.
Copy !req
325. You understand any of that?
Copy !req
326. I don't know. I guess
he's just being a little boy.
Copy !req
327. Since when?
Copy !req
328. Georgie? Georgie?
Copy !req
329. What?
Copy !req
330. Would you like some
salted mixed nuts?
Copy !req
331. Nah.
Copy !req
332. Look, they're the fancy kind.
Copy !req
333. That's a trick can.
Copy !req
334. No, it's not.
Copy !req
335. Listen. When you shake it,
there's a rattling sound,
Copy !req
336. as if nuts are inside.
Copy !req
337. Fine.
Copy !req
338. Bazinga.
Copy !req
339. Sparks residence,
Billy speaking.
Copy !req
340. This is the electric company.
Copy !req
341. Hello.
Copy !req
342. I'm calling to see
if your refrigerator is running.
Copy !req
343. I'll go check.
Copy !req
344. I'm back. It's running.
Copy !req
345. Well, then you better
go catch it.
Copy !req
346. Bazinga.
Copy !req
347. This is Connie Tucker.
Copy !req
348. Leave a message
when you hear the... beep.
Copy !req
349. Hello, um, Meemaw,
Copy !req
350. this is Sheldon.
Copy !req
351. If you were home, I was going
to say, "Is Mr. Wall there?"
Copy !req
352. And then you would say, "No."
Copy !req
353. And then I would say,
"Is Mrs. Wall there?"
Copy !req
354. And then you would say, "No."
Copy !req
355. And then I would say,
"Well, if there are no walls,
Copy !req
356. then how does your roof
stay up?"
Copy !req
357. Um, okay. Bazinga.
Copy !req
358. That was pathetic.
Copy !req
359. It was.
Copy !req
360. I'm not sure I'm cut out
for these antics and shenanigans.
Copy !req
361. I guess you're gonna
grow up to be a weirdo.
Copy !req
362. I suppose I am.
Copy !req
363. Life is so confusing.
Copy !req
364. I always hoped
it would be easier for me
Copy !req
365. when I grew up, but...
Copy !req
366. now I'm not so sure it will.
Copy !req
367. It's gonna be all right.
Copy !req
368. You were faking?
Copy !req
369. Bazinga.
Copy !req
370. And that's how I became
Copy !req
371. the madcap prankster
all my friends know and love.
Copy !req
372. So, John, how was
your first driving lesson?
Copy !req
373. Intense.
Copy !req
374. At one point,
Copy !req
375. I was approaching
an intersection.
Copy !req
376. The light was green,
but at the last moment,
Copy !req
377. it turned yellow.
Copy !req
378. I didn't know what to do.
Copy !req
379. Should I keep going?
Should I stop?
Copy !req
380. There were
other cars nearby.
Copy !req
381. Connie was yelling.
Copy !req
382. A glare from the sun
was in my eyes.
Copy !req
383. So, what happened?
Copy !req
384. Somehow, I managed
to make it through,
Copy !req
385. turned on my directional,
Copy !req
386. and slowly pulled
to the side of the road.
Copy !req
387. That's how you
tell a scary story.
Copy !req
388. In lighter news,
your meemaw loves me.
Copy !req