Young Rock 2x6

1. - The latest polls show Taft has eaten away at our lead

2. in several key states, so this Julien situation is a problem.

3. - "The Rock attacking an average citizen" angle

4. - is hurting us. - I didn't attack Julien.

5. I mean, come on. I was just defending myself.

6. If anything, I was online bullied.

7. - Hmm, I once played an online bully

8. in a Lars von Trier film.

9. - We all have, Randall. How's Tennessee lookin'?

10. Not great.

11. - I'm not losing one of my home states.

12. No, sir, you're not.

13. We're going on the offensive in Tennessee,

14. starting with sending in General Monica Jackson.

15. - Oh, great. Is she on the ground?

16. - She's in Memphis prepping her rally speech

17. with Governor Juanita Patree.

18. - And Monica and the governor go way back.

19. They were on the armed forces' tae kwon do team together.

20. - Hmm, Chang Hon style or Songahm style?

21. - I don't know. Should I know that?

22. - Mm-hmm.

23. All right, brief me on how the rally goes

24. as soon as you have anything.

25. Of course.

26. That's a plus, huh,

27. your vice presidential pick being tight with the governor?

28. - I trust Monica to get the job done,

29. and, you know, sometimes the best way to solve a problem

30. is to surround yourself with the right people.

31. Mm.

32. Now, I know we're talking Tennessee,

33. but that reminds me of the story you were telling

34. about your mom stepping in to help your grandmother

35. run her business in Hawaii.

36. Good callback, Randall.

37. - I listen.

38. - I mean, what a crazy time that was.

39. My grandmother was about to go to trial on extortion charges,

40. and she handed the reins over to the best person for the job:

41. Mama Rock.

42. - Welcome to Honolulu International Airport.

43. We are days away from the event of the summer:

44. the Backyard Brawl-B-Q.

45. In fact, let's bring in two of the giants

46. of professional wrestling right now,

47. the one and only Nature Boy, Ric Flair,

48. and the man from Mud Lick, Kentucky, Hillbilly Jim.

49. Aloha, fellas. How was the flight?

50. - Crazy, Gene. The plane was so big.

51. Bathrooms were so small.

52. - I suppose better than the alternative.

53. - Ric, you're in Hawaii.

54. - What's gonna happen? - Woo!

55. What the hell?

56. Oh, that's no chauffeur.

57. That's The Iron Sheik.

58. This is you, bubba.

59. - This could get ugly. - Woo!

60. - I take your bag.

61. My luggage!

62. - All tighty-whities?

63. - Just undies? Is that all you brought?

64. Gentlemen, gentlemen.

65. This is an international airport.

66. This is no place for a brawl.

67. The only place for a brawl is the Backyard Brawl-B-Q,

68. and things may not settle down until then.

69. Security!

70. My mom was finding her rhythm

71. as a wrestling promoter,

72. and she was creating all these amazing story lines

73. for her events, but she was so busy

74. running the family business— Randall, what is this?

75. - What are we doin'? - Oh, this is a blanket.

76. I brought it from home. I'm just a hair chilly.

77. - Mm. Okay.

78. Well, she was so busy running the business

79. that she didn't realize that...

80. I was going through some changes,

81. let's say pushing some boundaries.

82. - He wrote on my pants— permanent marker!

83. A pigeon in the teachers' lounge!

84. Perfectly good cheese!

85. - Ten! Mark it.

86. - Everybody take your new pages.

87. I wrote your names on the top

88. so you know which ones are yours.

89. - Ah, sweet. Mine say "Macho."

90. That's right.

91. - Say, Rock, can I share with you?

92. I seem to have lost mine.

93. You guys are doing so great

94. with all the new story lines.

95. We aired the airport stunt during the match on Saturday.

96. The fans ate it up!

97. - Woo!

98. Now, just remember to take

99. your pages home with you, please.

100. Last week, I found a bunch of them in the men's room.

101. That was me.

102. Sorry to interrupt, ma'am.

103. But some people called for you.

104. - Wait, is that Downtown Bruno?

105. Yup, that's Bruno.

106. He looks so young.

107. - That was before he discovered

108. chicken wings and whiskey.

109. - Really? - Nah.

110. He was deep into both by then.

111. - Yeah, okay, so the first— vet called.

112. Francine's eye medicine is ready,

113. so I'll make sure to go get that.

114. And then—oh, yeah, yeah, Dewey's principal called.

115. Dewey's principal?

116. "Shenanigans," Mom.

117. That's the word he used to describe Dewey's behavior,

118. "shenanigans."

119. - Why are you doing shenanigans at school, Dewey?

120. I'm not!

121. - Shh! No talking. You're being punished.

122. - Fine! Francine's farting.

123. - Classic shenanigans.

124. - Rocky, this is serious.

125. Something's going on with Dewey.

126. - So the boy turns heel for a couple of weeks.

127. It happens.

128. We're lucky he's only tossin' cheese slices.

129. When I was his age,

130. I was boostin' car stereos.

131. - Ata, don't worry. Dewey's a good boy.

132. - I know he is. That's why I'm so confused.

133. Maybe because his dad's the champ,

134. now he's getting a big head.

135. A few weeks ago, he got in trouble

136. for stealing a janitor's ladder.

137. - And he killed the janitor? - No.

138. But it's still not good.

139. He's getting bigger—

140. bigger than the other kids in his class.

141. Andre know what that is like.

142. When I was Dewey's age,

143. I threw my teacher into the forest.

144. - You want me to talk to him? - Would you?

145. That would be great.

146. I'm sure Rocky's right

147. and I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing,

148. but I just don't want him to become, you know,

149. a bully.

150. Except for white chocolate,

151. being a bully is the worst thing on this Earth.

152. Thank you.

153. - Yeah, look, all I'm saying is,

154. I do 99% of the work.

155. But since Tony gets the pin, he gets most of the credit.

156. - Hey, I've been working with this promoter.

157. He's planning a match in Saudi Arabia,

158. wants to open up that whole territory.

159. - Mm! - He was sayin'

160. there's a Rocky-sized hole in the market.

161. Really?

162. - Thank you all for coming to my trial eve dinner.

163. To my jury, who I am confident

164. are gonna find me a lady innocent.

165. Hear, hear.

166. - Oh, that reminds me. I gotta ring Bob.

167. Bob, please.

168. Hello, FBI, connect me to Bob.

169. - Mrs. Maivia, again, I'm not an operator.

170. I'm tapping your phones.

171. Bob, please.

172. Pronto?

173. Bob, it's me.

174. Just checking on the brisket.

175. - Is it ready yet? - Ah, yes.

176. The brisket. The brisket is cooking.

177. [Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams

178. Wait!

179. I'm trying to give you mangos!

180. Before we begin,

181. it has come to the court's attention

182. that the defendant, Lia Maivia,

183. has attempted to illegally influence the jury

184. and the judge for some reason...

185. with fruit.

186. The bailiff will now collect all the mangos.

187. - What if we already ate our mango?

188. - My grandmother loved mangos too!

189. - Yes, they draw their power from the elderly.

190. What?

191. - The fruit do? - Yeah.

192. Mm.

193. Mm-hmm.

194. - I don't know how things work in the wrestling business,

195. Mrs. Maivia,

196. but in my courtroom, we follow the rules,

197. which is why I've chosen to sequester the jury

198. at the DoubleTree hotel until the conclusion of this trial.

199. Not the DoubleTree!

200. - But I have tickets to see Aerosmith!

201. - So while my grandmother was dealing with a setback

202. in her trial, my mom was trying to figure out

203. why I kept acting out in school,

204. so she called in the best man for the job.

205. - Where is my other coral earring?

206. I'm gonna be late!

207. - I don't understand why "Mary Worth" is in here.

208. Go on, answer it.

209. Bonjour, mon ami.

210. - Andre?

211. - Hi, Andre. - Hi, Ata.

212. What are you doing here?

213. - Well, today you spend the day with Andre,

214. - again. - But I have school.

215. - It's okay to miss one day. Go on, go get ready.

216. Yes!

217. Oh, hey, Speed Racer!

218. - Hey, Andre. - Rocky.

219. Ooh, babe.

220. Hey, sorry I can't make it to Lia's trial today.

221. I'm waitin' on Vince McMahon to call me back.

222. That's fine.

223. Her white lawyer, Herman,

224. says it's best to not have any wrestlers there

225. in case the jury has a bias.

226. All rise.

227. United States versus Lia Maivia,

228. the Honorable Judge Lamington presiding.

229. - All right, let's get started.

230. Prosecution, your first witness?

231. Thank you, Your Honor.

232. The prosecution calls Lonnie McGill.

233. Nice lady,

234. but she did threaten to bash my head in like a watermelon.

235. - Sylvester Ritter, AKA Junkyard Dog.

236. - Love Lia. Wrestled for her for years.

237. She was always good to me.

238. - Didn't she threaten to slap you?

239. - No. - May I remind you

240. that you're under oath?

241. - She was always threatenin' slaps.

242. Somebody do somethin' that she didn't like,

243. she was breakin' out them gloves.

244. Slap City. Slap City limits.

245. She was like Gladys Knight and The Slaps.

246. - Christopher Alan Pallies, AKA King Kong Bundy.

247. - One time, she said my ring outfits make me look like

248. a bald woman trying on swimsuits at the mall!

249. We need to change your image.

250. Mrs. Maivia.

251. Mrs. Maivia!

252. Yes?

253. - What are you doing? - Knitting,

254. like a grandmother does.

255. - It looks like you're just

256. hitting two knitting needles together.

257. - Oh, no. I'm making a gift.

258. It's a summer hand muff for your wife

259. for nighttime beach walks.

260. It's just the base.

261. - Then you lead the pony to the pumpkin patch, and voilà.

262. Your hook has been snelled.

263. - Got it. - Good.

264. Now we fish.

265. Remember how I show you?

266. C'est magnifique, Dewey.

267. So Andre tell Dewey a story, huh?

268. Once upon a time, there was a woman who had a cherry bush.

269. And one day, she see a toad eating her cherries.

270. And she say to the toad, "Hey, toad!

271. Get away from my cherries!"

272. But the toad was secretly a witch.

273. She put a spell on the woman so her baby would be born

274. covered in hair like a dog.

275. - I'm gonna shoot you straight here, Andre.

276. I have no idea what you're talking about.

277. - Just because you're becoming big

278. does not mean you can bully the children at school, huh?

279. - Hey, the bigger you are— - Oh.

280. This is about me getting in trouble?

281. - Oui. - I'm not doing that stuff

282. because I'm big.

283. I'm doing it because of a girl.

284. A girl?

285. - It felt weird to tell my mom because she's like an old girl,

286. and my dad would just be like, "Is she a wrestling fan?

287. Sell her my merch."

288. - I think I'm in love.

289. - And I've never felt these feelings before.

290. - Maybe we don't talk for a while, huh?

291. The fish are sleeping.

292. - Hello?

293. Rocky, it's Vince Mc—

294. One sec.

295. Rocky, it's Vince McMahon.

296. Sorry, I was eating a burrito.

297. Anyway, how are you, Rock?

298. - You left a message? - First of all,

299. I just wanna say I'm very excited

300. about getting back on the road for the WWF.

301. And I was thinking,

302. look, I know, for the most part,

303. it's gonna be Tony and I defending the tag team titles.

304. But... what if we threw a couple solo matches my way?

305. I feel like there's a Rocky-sized hole

306. in the market right now.

307. Oh, I agree, Rocky.

308. You're a wonderful singles competitor.

309. - Oh. Thank you. That's great.

310. - But you and Tony together, it's historic.

311. I mean, it's legendary. It's—it's inspiring.

312. - Uh-huh, yeah. - We can't break that apart.

313. Think about all the kids out there who love you, Rock,

314. that—that believe in you.

315. We can't do that to them, right?

316. - Uh... right. Yeah, no, no, no,

317. - we can't do that. - Good!

318. Glad we had this talk.

319. So look, I've got something big brewing.

320. I'm bettin' the farm on this one.

321. I don't know what I'm gonna name it—

322. maybe Wrestlefest or Wrestleplex.

323. It's gonna be huge.

324. I don't have the money.

325. - Then you have to pay a different price.

326. What do you mean?

327. Bang, bang.

328. - Mrs. Maivia, is that you on the tape?

329. Yes,

330. but I wasn't threatening Greg Yao.

331. That's just how I talk.

332. Bang, bang. Boom, boom.

333. It's a wrestling thing.

334. Bang, bang.

335. - That's how you talk? - That's right.

336. Boom, boom.

337. - I've never heard you add those words

338. to the end of your sentences until just now.

339. - I have been. Bang, boom.

340. - Can we get the court stenographer

341. to read back any part of the transcript that shows that?

342. - She missed it. Boom, bang.

343. You should fire her.

344. Boom, boom.

345. - I didn't know you wanted to talk about love.

346. I thought you were bullying because you're becoming big,

347. - so I take you fishing. - Andre, it's fine.

348. We don't have to talk about love if you don't want.

349. We can just fish.

350. - This is not Andre's area of expertise, huh?

351. Andre is a giant, not a Romeo.

352. But if you want to talk about love,

353. then we talk about love.

354. Okay, great.

355. So her name is Debbie Rose,

356. and she wears these little colored balls in her hair,

357. and she's a fan of REO Speedwagon.

358. She smells like Johnson's Baby Shampoo.

359. Oh, one time, I made a joke about that

360. because my last name is Johnson.

361. But she didn't laugh.

362. Anyways, whenever I see her,

363. my stomach feels like I just ate a bag of Pop Rocks.

364. Is that a question?

365. I guess my question is,

366. how do you get a girl to like you?

367. Women.

368. They're complex creatures, Dewey.

369. They are strong of will and firm of heart.

370. And they only go where they wish to.

371. If she like you, then she like you.

372. - And if she doesn't? - Que será, será.

373. - What does that mean? - It means c'est la vie.

374. - I don't understand any of that.

375. Andre, have you ever been in love?

376. Oui, mon ami.

377. Andre has loved.

378. Her name was Brigitte.

379. She was Andre's stewardess when he fly to Japan.

380. She had blonde hair and a...

381. beautiful, kind face.

382. And when Andre ask for a glass of wine...

383. Brigitte bring him the whole bottle.

384. - Did you tell her how you felt?

385. At the end of flight,

386. when Brigitte bring a hot towel,

387. Andre tell her how he feel,

388. and he ask her to join him for dinner.

389. Then what happened?

390. Brigitte belonged to the sky.

391. She's dead?

392. - No. No, she is working.

393. She's too busy to have dinner with Andre.

394. - So sad. - No.

395. No, Andre got to be in love.

396. Love does not have to be returned to be love, Dewey.

397. It's a feeling.

398. And if you feel it, then it's real.

399. It fills you up with...

400. The Pop Rocks.

401. - Oh, oh! - Oh!

402. - Oh, my God! It— - Reel her in, mon ami!

403. - Whoo!

404. - Yeah!

405. - Oh! Très bien, Dewey!

406. Okay.

407. Now we release her, huh?

408. - Release her? But I just caught her.

409. - You want her to stay. She does not want to.

410. So like Brigitte, we honor and respect her choice,

411. even though we do not share it.

412. We let her go, huh?

413. Bonne chance, ma choupette.

414. Bye, fish.

415. So if you only keep the fish that want to be kept,

416. how many fish do you actually end up getting to eat?

417. - Oh, Andre do not eat the fish.

418. The wine pairings do not speak to me.

419. - So Andre the Giant taught you about love?

420. I learned about it

421. from watching two squirrels in the park.

422. - Mm. - Yeah.

423. - They were goin' at it. - Mm.

424. - Well, I came out of that day changed,

425. and my mom was so happy about that,

426. and even if she didn't know it,

427. she sent in the right person for the job.

428. Mm.

429. - Hi, Debbie Rose. - Hi, Dewey.

430. I like you.

431. Oh, okay.

432. Like, like like?

433. - Yeah. Do you like like me?

434. No, sorry.

435. I just like you regular.

436. I understand.

437. You're a complex creature who is strong of will

438. and firm of heart, and nobody can tell you what to do.

439. I release you.

440. Que será—la-la, la-la.

441. - What? - It's French.

442. What was that about?

443. - I think Dewey Johnson just... respected me.

444. - Huh, I wonder if it'll catch on.

445. Fart pony, fart pony!

446. - Ow! - Oh!

447. - Ugh, Julien again? - Always been the worst.

448. Mom, what are you doing?

449. Packing for prison.

450. - Do you want my wooden spoons?

451. Don't need these where I'm going.

452. Don't be ridiculous.

453. There's still a lot of trial to go.

454. I'm tired of fighting.

455. I am a lady innocent.

456. But the court system's so cruel...

457. which is why I want you to take over the business permanently.

458. - No. - No?

459. Who's gonna run things?

460. You will...

461. because you're the strongest woman I know,

462. and you're going to get through this.

463. The jury doesn't believe me.

464. - The jury isn't any different from a wrestling audience.

465. We tell them what's real and what's not.

466. It's what we do.

467. Also, nobody believes you're tired of fighting.

468. You love fighting.

469. - I do, don't I?

470. We just need a plan.

471. Casey, hey.

472. - How's it goin'? - Not well.

473. It turns out that the governor and Monica were more rivals

474. than friends on the tae kwon do team.

475. And they decided pretty quickly for old times' sake

476. to throw on their doboks and have a grapple,

477. and Monica, being in far superior shape,

478. dispatched the governor with pace and brutality.

479. There is video, which we've managed to secure all of,

480. thank God, because it is not something that you wanna see.

481. At one point, the governor literally begs for mercy,

482. and Monica reminded her that tae kwon do means

483. "the way of the foot and fist"

484. and showed her none.

485. - Sounds like General Jackson had an old grudge

486. she couldn't let go of.

487. You know, like you and—

488. - Yes, we all see the parallels.

489. Thank you, Randall.

490. I think that's a good idea.