1. During the debate, if you're
thirsty, don't hesitate
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2. to stop and take
a sip of water.
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3. Hydration is not weakness.
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4. Casey, I took on a tidal wave
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5. with my bare hands
in San Andreas.
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6. - I'm good around water.
- At some point,
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7. they will ask you what
you want your legacy to be.
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8. Our polling of swing voters
shows your weakness
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9. is foreign policy,
so you want your legacy
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10. to be that you were tough but fair
on the Middle East.
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11. Got it, tough and fair
on the Middle East.
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12. Is it cool if I refer
to my opponent
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13. as a "Little Candy Ass"?
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14. I could say, "I'm gonna check
your little candy ass
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15. into the Smackdown Hotel."
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16. I'm gonna go...
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17. do something that's not
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18. you having ideas, so...
But good luck.
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19. Kill it.
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20. So, no, I'm not
for combining
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21. the police department
and the fire department
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22. into a super unit
called "The Fire Police,"
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23. as cool as that sounds.
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24. Thank you,
Candidate Johnson.
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25. Let's move on
to the next question.
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26. If elected, what do you
want your legacy to be?
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27. Yes.
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28. Middle East.
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29. We'll begin with you,
Senator Taft.
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30. Well, as the great-great-great
grandson
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31. of President
William Howard Taft,
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32. I know a thing
or two about legacy.
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33. And carrying forward
that proud history,
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34. I'll turn pain into strength
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35. and setbacks into victories.
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36. Meanwhile, my opponent
is a movie star
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37. who lets his stunt doubles
fight his battles for him.
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38. Okay, as a fitness
advocate,
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39. let me first point out
that William Howard Taft
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40. was the only president to ever
get stuck in his own bathtub.
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41. I'm sorry, pics or it
didn't happen, Mr. Johnson.
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42. It's a fact.
The other fact, America,
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43. is that no one has had
to fight more than I have.
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44. I come from a long line
of fighters.
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45. Let me take a quick moment
to tell you a little story
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46. about my family.
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47. Starting with my grandmother,
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48. the first female wrestling
promoter in the country.
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49. No one was tougher than her.
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50. She set the tone.
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51. Lia.
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52. Lonnie McGill.
Thank you for meeting me.
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53. Bob tells me you've been
calling the office
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54. every day since Battle Royale,
leaving messages.
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55. I wanna do what you do.
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56. After 40 years of slinging
insurance, I retired.
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57. And me and the missus thought,
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58. "Why not finally do something
that we love?"
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59. So she's growing cucumbers,
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60. and I'm trying to get into
the wrestling promotion biz.
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61. And I figured,
who better to talk to
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62. than the Queen
of Hawaiian Wrestling?
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63. Nice story.
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64. Here's why you're really here.
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65. You heard Greg Yao was
trying to steal my wrestlers.
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66. - First, King Kong Bundy...
- He signed a deal
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67. - to wrestle for Yao.
- Then Junkyard Dog.
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68. He upgraded me
to the Radisson.
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69. He even tried to take Rocky.
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70. It says "Number 1,"
'cause that's what you'll be
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71. when you sign with me.
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72. And you say, "Hey, I wanna
get in on that too."
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73. - I... I'm sorry?
- You see me as weak.
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74. "What's grandma gonna do?
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75. Hit me with your purse?"
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76. That's what you say
to yourself.
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77. I... that doesn't
sound like me.
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78. You know how a queen
keeps her throne?
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79. By ruling with an iron fist.
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80. Excuse me.
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81. Now, obviously,
my grandmother was not afraid
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82. to get her hands dirty.
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83. Neither was I.
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84. Aired on:
April 20, 2021
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85. Damn.
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86. I need that.
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87. Episode Title:
"A Lady Named Star Search"
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88. I need a boogie board.
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89. But sometimes,
she would go too far,
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90. and she knew it.
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91. Today, my mom
left you mangoes.
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92. Look, she pre-sliced some
of them the way you like it.
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93. Why does she keep
leaving fruit?
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94. Why doesn't she
just talk to me?
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95. She's ashamed.
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96. She uses big fruit
to intimidate people,
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97. and small fruit
to apologize to people.
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98. She lets the fruit
do the talking.
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99. I can't believe
she thought I would stab her
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100. in the back and sign
an exclusive contract with Yao.
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101. I mean, if anything,
I'm the one that should be mad
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102. about that screwjob she pulled
on me at the Battle Royale.
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103. What the hell are you doing?
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104. Lia changed finish
last minute.
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105. I saw you with Yao.
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106. I double-cross you before you
could double-cross me!
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107. I did meet with Yao.
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108. You are a degenerate
scumbag loser
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109. with bad hair
and a cocaine problem.
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110. Rocky...
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111. Honey, yeah, I think she
does think you're mad.
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112. That's why she feels so bad.
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113. Oh.
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114. - Good.
- Ugh, that red light is back.
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115. It's been blinking
since yesterday.
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116. It's driving me crazy!
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117. Just call the front desk.
They'll fix it.
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118. Or throw a towel over it.
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119. Oh, hey, I spoke with Vince
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120. about my run
in the New York Territory.
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121. He wants to pair me up
with Tony Atlas,
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122. and if things go well,
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123. set us up to be future
tag team champs.
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124. Oh, remind me to call Tony,
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125. and tell him to stop talking
about women's feet in public.
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126. "Rocky Johnson,
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127. WWF tag team champion"
sounds pretty good.
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128. So does "Ata Johnson,
'Star Search' champion."
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129. It's been a couple weeks.
When are you gonna hear back
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130. from that audition tape
you sent in?
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131. I'm not holding my breath.
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132. I'm sure they just
threw it in the trash.
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133. Hey, you can't think
that way.
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134. Oh.
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135. Dewey, did you put this
under my pillow?
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136. That's where that is.
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137. I was looking for it.
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138. We've been through this.
You're too young.
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139. Ugh, not the age thing again.
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140. Hey, careful!
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141. That towel is there
for a reason.
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142. I've seen kids half my age
riding these.
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143. You've seen a five year old
on the open ocean
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144. - boogie boarding?
- Hey.
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145. Remember when Dewey was five,
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146. and I used to let him sit
on my lap and "drive" the car?
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147. What are you talking about?
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148. I don't know.
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149. I just walked in
mid-conversation
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150. and wanted to be in the mix.
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151. It started blinking
a day ago.
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152. I think you need
to replace the phone.
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153. Your phone's not broken.
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154. The red light means
you have a message.
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155. A message?
But I pressed the red light.
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156. - Nothing happened.
- No, no.
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157. You have to press the button
with the envelope.
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158. - The envelope?
- I thought that was
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159. - to summon the mailman?
- It's fine.
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160. I'm listening to your message
right now.
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161. It's some lady named...
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162. "Star Search"?
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163. She loved your tape.
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164. She's inviting you
to come to Los Angeles
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165. - for an in-person audition.
- Oh, my God!
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166. - What is it?
- A spider?
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167. "Star Search"
loved my audition!
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168. - Yay!
- Yes!
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169. And the phone's not broken!
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170. - Yay!
- Yes!
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171. And your dry cleaning's
ready to be picked up.
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172. Uh-huh.
Okay, thank you.
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173. They're flying me
to LA tomorrow
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174. for the second round
of auditions.
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175. They want me to sing
my original song
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176. I auditioned with,
and prepare a second song,
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177. - a cover.
- "My Sharona."
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178. "Don't Go Breaking
My Heart."
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179. I need to make a list
of emergency contacts.
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180. I need to write out
Dewey's allergies.
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181. Oh, you need to forgive my mom.
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182. Oh, uh,
why is that a thing?
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183. Because it's time,
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184. and we need her to watch
Dewey while I'm gone.
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185. I'll get her to go
to the beach,
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186. find you a beautiful
apology seashell,
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187. she can rinse it and wrap it...
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188. Babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe?
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189. I got time before Vince
needs me in New York.
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190. I can watch Dewey.
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191. You've never
watched me before.
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192. Boy, yes I have.
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193. - No, you haven't.
- Haven't I?
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194. - Definitely not.
- You haven't.
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195. Oh.
Huh.
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196. Okay, well,
we'll start right now.
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197. It'll be easy.
The boy's ten,
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198. he's practically grown.
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199. He's still a little boy.
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200. Who are you calling
a little boy?
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201. I can pick you up.
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202. Oh, hey, no, no, no, no, no!
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203. - Stop.
- Look,
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204. I was 13 when I went out
on my own.
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205. Now, I'm sure Dewey
can handle being watched
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206. by his own father
for a few days.
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207. Okay.
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208. Okay, yeah.
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209. You can have some father-son
bonding time.
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210. That's right, ah!
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211. The Johnson boys
are gonna hit the town!
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212. I'm only talking spaghetti
and go-carts, baby.
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213. Okay, so, I'd like
to bring us back
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214. to the boogie board idea.
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215. If Dad left home at 13,
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216. feels like I can lie down
on a piece of foam
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217. shaped like a Pac-Man ghost
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218. and feel the joy
of being pushed by a wave.
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219. Okay.
You can get the boogie board.
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220. - Yes!
- And to celebrate
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221. my good news,
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222. I'm taking the family
to Lorenzo's tonight
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223. for a nice dinner.
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224. Great idea, baby!
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225. Ha, I love it.
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226. Ooh!
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227. That's how you do it, son.
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228. And I'm inviting my mother.
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229. Mm-hmm.
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230. Even though it wasn't
my mom's fight,
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231. she was the best at bringing
the family together.
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232. I gotta say, Lia,
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233. this is one beautiful
apology shell.
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234. - Thank you.
- Peter gave it to me
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235. when I caught him watching
women's volleyball.
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236. I'm so happy we squashed this.
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237. I'll never doubt
your loyalty again.
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238. - Ah, water under the bridge.
- That's right.
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239. - We are family.
- Family.
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240. Always got your back.
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241. Your back will always be had.
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242. Are you guys done?
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243. Can I please have some
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244. of Grandma's attention now?
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245. - Sorry.
- Mm, go ahead.
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246. Look at my new
boogie board, Grandma!
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247. My goodness, sweetheart.
I love it!
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248. - Her name's Tanya.
- So wonderful.
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249. I had something very similar
when I was a kid,
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250. but it was a piece
of driftwood.
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251. I can't believe
this is happening.
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252. I can't believe
I'm going to LA
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253. to try out for "Star Search."
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254. That's wonderful,
la'u pepe.
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255. Your father used to say
your voice was so special.
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256. Thank you, Mom.
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257. You'd be so proud, Peter.
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258. This is all for you.
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259. And while you're gone,
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260. Rocky and I are going to plot
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261. a revenge against Yao.
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262. I already took
his cowboy boots.
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263. He'll be feeling that
for a while.
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264. That's only the beginning.
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265. Next, we're gonna
crush his spirit.
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266. Mom, you can't do that.
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267. Yao is after our business.
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268. Your father's business
and our family legacy.
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269. In this family,
we stand up for ourselves.
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270. Isn't that right?
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271. - That's right.
- Definitely.
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272. He must pay.
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273. "He must pay"?
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274. - What are you planning to do?
- Nothing.
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275. Then why are you
smiling like that?
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276. No reason.
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277. No!
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278. What?
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279. Oh, my God.
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280. My bird of fire!
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281. Greek Gods and Goddesses!
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282. Sugar's corrosive
on a clear coat!
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283. Just declined the insurance
on these.
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284. Now, some fights
you choose...
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285. and some fights,
they choose you.
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286. Hey.
I'm Sebi.
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287. Hi, Sebi.
I'm Dewey,
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288. and this is my boogie board,
Tanya.
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289. Kenny wants to fight you.
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290. I didn't know who Kenny was
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291. or even why he wanted
to fight me,
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292. but like my grandmother said,
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293. in our family, we always
stand up for ourselves.
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294. Hell yeah, I'll fight him.
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295. - Who's Kenny?
- That's Kenny.
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296. By the way, I'm not affiliated
with him.
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297. He stole my shaved ice
and said
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298. he wouldn't give it
back until I...
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299. Can't talk.
My ride's here.
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300. You missed that one!
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301. I know, Sebi!
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302. Hey, sorry to interrupt.
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303. I know you said this is
the perfect acoustic chamber
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304. for you to practice your song,
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305. but it's also the perfect
chamber for something else,
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306. if you know what I mean.
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307. I just need
five more minutes.
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308. You know what?
I love you so much,
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309. I'll give you six.
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310. They took Tanya!
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311. - Who's Tanya?
- My boogie board.
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312. Who did?
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313. Kenny, heard you wanted
to fight.
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314. You're in my surf spot.
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315. If you don't want
to get your ass kicked,
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316. you gotta pay the price.
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317. Pay the price?
What price?
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318. 50 bucks.
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319. And your boogie board.
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320. Well, I don't have
any money,
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321. and you sure as hell
ain't getting that.
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322. So...
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323. looks like we're gonna
have to settle this
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324. another way.
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325. I was ready to fight Kenny.
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326. Hey, yo.
Check this kid out.
Copy !req
327. But Kenny rolls deep.
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328. Thinks he can take on
the local boys.
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329. Uh-oh.
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330. Your board...
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331. is gonna make a great present
for my mistress.
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332. They cut my leash,
took my board, and beat my ass.
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333. They were gonna bury me
up to my neck in the sand,
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334. but I ran away.
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335. - I'm sorry, Dad.
- Hey.
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336. Never apologize
for standing up for yourself.
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337. Oh, no, I wasn't
apologizing about that.
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338. I was saying sorry
because I lost.
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339. - Oh, okay, good.
- Yeah, I'm glad I fought.
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340. All right, good.
Um, listen, Dewey.
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341. Let's not tell your mom
about this.
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342. She's got a lot
going on right now,
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343. and we don't want her to worry.
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344. But as soon as she leaves
for the airport,
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345. you and I will deal
with those kids.
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346. Lia?
Yao called.
Copy !req
347. He says he wants to have
a sit-down with you.
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348. I think our threats worked.
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349. He says he wants
to end this beef.
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350. I already know
what I'm gonna wear.
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351. Lia.
Bob.
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352. Greg.
Drab boots.
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353. They're temporary.
Okay?
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354. I'm having new ones
custom made.
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355. I'm just waiting for this
special African yellow dye...
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356. We're indoors,
take your hat off.
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357. Show some respect.
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358. I know you're the one
who's been threatening me
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359. and damaging my property.
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360. Then you stay away
from my wrestlers.
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361. I run the Hawaii territory,
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362. and if you want to put on
a match, you go through me.
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363. I don't work for you anymore.
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364. You think because
you take my wrestlers
Copy !req
365. that we are equals?
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366. I am a shark, and you are...
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367. Bob, what's the name
of those small fish?
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368. - Guppy.
- No, no, no.
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369. The ones that attach themselves
to the sharks
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370. and eat their leftovers.
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371. - Oh, remora?
- Yes.
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372. You are remora.
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373. And you eat what I let you eat.
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374. You know,
this business is tough.
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375. People die in this business.
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376. My husband, he died
because of this business.
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377. Didn't Peter die of cancer?
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378. He died how I say he died!
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379. Okay.
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380. Fine.
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381. Just tell me
what you want me to do.
Copy !req
382. Pay.
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383. You rent the rings
and the venues through me.
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384. You book my wrestlers,
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385. and you pay my tribute fee
of $5,000.
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386. I don't have that kind
of money lying around.
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387. Then get it!
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388. Hi, Lia.
What are you having today?
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389. Oh, good morning, Marisa.
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390. I'll have silver dollar
pancakes short stack
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391. with a side of sausage.
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392. - Home fries with gravy.
- I'll have a cobb salad...
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393. No, no, nothing for him.
He's leaving.
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394. Hey, you tell Bob
when you have it.
Copy !req
395. And I keep some extra money
in a coffee can
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396. in the closet, just in case.
Copy !req
397. Oh, don't let Dewey
eat too many mangoes.
Copy !req
398. He's mildly allergic.
He gets puffy lips.
Copy !req
399. Please check in on my mom.
She's under so much pressure.
Copy !req
400. - I'm really worried about her.
- I will.
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401. You just concentrate
on this audition.
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402. I'm gonna blow the doors
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403. - off "Star Search"!
- Oh, I know that's right.
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404. I'm so proud of you!
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405. - Oh.
- Good luck, Mom.
Copy !req
406. Oh, I'm gonna miss you
so much.
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407. I'll see you in a few days,
okay?
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408. - See you in a few days.
- Well, hopefully not.
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409. - What do you mean?
- I mean,
Copy !req
410. hopefully this is just
the beginning.
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411. You kill the audition,
they put you on the show,
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412. a label signs you,
you go on tour!
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413. I mean, how cool would that be?
Copy !req
414. Both of us on tour,
you with your music,
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415. me with the WWF?
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416. Okay, let's not get
ahead of ourselves.
Copy !req
417. But that's the dream, right?
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418. Right.
I... I...
Copy !req
419. So, if we're on tour,
what about Dewey?
Copy !req
420. Uh, he'll split time
between me and you.
Copy !req
421. Sometimes he'll stay
with your mom.
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422. We'll figure it out.
Copy !req
423. So, I just wouldn't see him
half the time?
Copy !req
424. No, no, not half.
Copy !req
425. You wouldn't see him, like,
40% of the time.
Copy !req
426. But... but don't worry about
that right now.
Copy !req
427. That's in the future.
This is just the beginning.
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428. Yeah.
It's just the beginning.
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429. Hm-mmm.
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430. - Okay.
- All right.
Copy !req
431. - I love you both so much.
- Bye, Mom.
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432. Now, you drive safe.
You got precious cargo.
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433. Bye, babe.
There she goes.
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434. Bye.
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435. Bye!
Copy !req
436. All right.
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437. Show me those punks
who jumped you.
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438. Let me tell you,
if you were ever jumped
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439. by a gang of bullies,
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440. you wanted Rocky Johnson
in your corner.
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441. - There they are.
- Hey!
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442. Heard y'all jumped my boy.
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443. That's a bitch-ass move.
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444. Eight against one.
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445. Now, listen up.
My son
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446. would kick the crap
out of any one of you
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447. one-on-one,
and he'll do it right now.
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448. - Uh...
- And I heard
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449. one of y'all pulled a knife!
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450. No one pulled
a knife on your...
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451. You shut the hell up!
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452. Y'all like knives, huh?
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453. Well...
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454. I got the knife now.
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455. That's what I thought.
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456. Dewey!
Get your board.
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457. All right!
Dewey and Dewey's dad!
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458. Sebi, are you okay?
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459. I'm buried straight down,
but I'm fine.
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460. I'm clapping right now.
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461. You can't see, but I am.
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462. Anytime, one-on-one.
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463. Anytime.
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464. Dad, that was amazing.
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465. - Bye, Dewey!
- Thank you, Dew.
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466. We believe in standing up
for ourselves in this family.
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467. But sometimes, the fight
isn't always fair.
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468. When that happens, know
I always got your back.
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469. Dad, do you wanna
go boogie boarding with me?
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470. No, son.
You know I don't like
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471. to get my hair wet.
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472. Aloha flight 24
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473. will be boarding shortly.
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474. You into surfing?
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475. Oh.
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476. No, I just got my son
one of those boogie boards.
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477. Uh, that'll be $6.50.
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478. He's not here
with me... my son.
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479. But I thought he'd like
the magazine when I get back.
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480. I'm only gone a few days.
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481. And, you know, if I have
to be gone longer next time,
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482. we'll figure it out.
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483. I mean, when I was growing up,
we traveled all the time.
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484. My dad was a wrestler and
my mom and I were on the road
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485. constantly with him,
and it was fine.
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486. Of course, my mom
was always with me.
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487. She was that steady presence.
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488. I remember
that made me feel like
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489. no matter where we were,
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490. that was home.
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491. That's sweet.
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492. Please take the change
from my hand.
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493. Mom?
What are you doing here?
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494. I have bad news.
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495. "Star Search" called
and changed their mind.
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496. Really?
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497. Wait, they called you
at the airport?
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498. Yep.
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499. Announced it
over the loudspeaker.
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500. Said they made a mistake
and accepted
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501. too many talented people,
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502. but they're gonna keep me
in mind for the future.
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503. I'm sorry, Mom.
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504. - Are you sad?
- No.
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505. Because now I get
to be here with you.
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506. Mm.
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507. Did you have some good
bonding time with your dad?
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508. Yeah.
We had fun at the beach.
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509. Is that a knife?
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510. Let's sing a song together.
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511. Sure.
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512. - Your favorite?
- Yeah.
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513. Ultimately, my mom
decided the fight
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514. to become a star could wait.
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515. It wasn't worth losing
these moments with her family.
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516. Francine, go pee-pee
for Mama.
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517. No, don't lick my shoes.
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518. Go pee-pee.
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519. Hey, Lia.
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520. Hey.
Where's Dewey?
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521. He's relaxing at the hotel.
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522. But I got these for you.
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523. Ooh.
Yao's boots.
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524. Look how they glow
in the moonlight.
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525. Ooh, look how the pores
in the leather accept the dye.
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526. Mm!
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527. Anyway, how is everything?
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528. You okay?
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529. I think I finally
got everything
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530. under control.
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531. Good.
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532. 'Cause Ata was worried
about some of the stuff
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533. you were saying
at the restaurant.
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534. I shouldn't have said
those things in front of her.
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535. But you know, Peter built
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536. Polynesian Pacific
Pro Wrestling...
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537. and I won't let it
be torn down.
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538. No one can question,
you are one badass woman, Lia.
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539. Respected.
Feared.
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540. Loathed.
And loved.
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541. I like that.
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542. Put it on a T-shirt.
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543. Come on.
Help me put on my new boots.
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544. Sometimes, when you think
a fight has been won,
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545. you find out it's only
just beginning.
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546. Did you hear, FBI?
Did you get it?
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547. We got her asking you
for a tribute fee,
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548. which sounds to me
like extortion.
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549. Yes, good!
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550. - So you can arrest her?
- Yeah.
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551. If we can get more,
we have a better chance
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552. of making sure
the charges stick.
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553. My grandmother
didn't know it,
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554. but her biggest fight
was yet to come.
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555. My whole life,
I've watched my family
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556. fight to keep what's theirs,
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557. fight to keep us together,
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558. and fight to keep
their dreams alive.
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559. And as President,
I will follow their example,
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560. and I will always fight
for the American people.
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561. And that's what I hope
my legacy will be.
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562. That was your "quick story"?
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563. You exceeded your allotted
time by, what, 20 minutes?
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564. Yes.
Thank you very much.
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565. Thank you,
candidate Johnson.
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566. Let's move on
to the next question.
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