1. And that is what we call
the hammer tire!
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2. The sledgehammer does not come
with your Demamp Camp:
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3. Working Out With Tires DVD purchase.
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4. Blake, you get that?
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5. God damn it, Adam. Yes.
We got it.
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6. Hey, Blake,
don't talk to me like that.
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7. Ders, did we get that?
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8. That argument for the
behind-the-scenes camera?
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9. Oh, no, no, no, this camera's not
behind-the-scenes footage, okay?
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10. This is my MTV True Life:
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11. I'm in a Ménage A Braj.
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12. Heh, heh, Ménage A Braj.
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13. - Let's focus, all right?
- All right, yep.
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14. We're missing some exercises here.
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15. - Let me check the list.
- Pffft.
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16. We got the tire hammer.
We got tire jump.
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17. - Tire wiggle.
- Yep.
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18. - Tire waggle.
- Got it.
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19. - The tire flip lift!
- Yes.
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20. - That's right.
- Good call, good call.
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21. Blake, you getting this?
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22. Oh, I'm getting it, baby.
We got it.
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23. This next exercise,
your bis might turn into tris,
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24. while your tris might turn
into God knows what.
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25. Are you ready?
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26. Yeah.
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27. Oh!
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28. My shoulders!
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29. We gotta get you to a hospital!
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30. - Pop it back into place!
- No, no, no.
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31. - I'm gonna pop it back!
- No, don't...
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32. Ohhh!
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33. That made it so much worse!
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34. - Let me out.
- I cannot believe
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35. they let you walk out of
the E.R. looking this way.
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36. We gotta get you fixed.
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37. Yeah, for 2,000 bucks?
Yeah, right.
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38. I'm saving up for hair plugs
for when I need them
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39. - in the future.
- Well, what's the deal, man?
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40. I thought you had insurance.
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41. We laughed so much times at those
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42. - Geico Gecko commercials.
- Mm-hmm.
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43. I guess my Grandpa must have
taken me off his plan,
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44. which is fine,
'cause I hate that man.
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45. Don't wanna be on his stupid
insurance anyways.
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46. Could you let me out of here?
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47. You can't live like this,
Adam, come on.
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48. You have to start the wave today
at Jillian's hockey game.
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49. - I can lead the wave.
- I can...
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50. Okay, that actually hurts a lot.
I'll do it next time.
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51. Doesn't matter.
Could you open the door?
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52. All right, fine, it's settled.
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53. We're gonna go see Gramps Demamp.
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54. Yep. 'Cause you know what?
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55. You're lucky you even have a grandpa.
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56. I never even met mine.
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57. I bet he was awesome.
I be he had crazy hair.
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58. Yeah, I bet he did.
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59. I mean, old people are really cool.
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60. They're like...
they're like the crypt keeper.
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61. - They just tell you stories.
- Yeah, or like young wizards.
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62. Fine. I'll tell you guys.
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63. My grandfather touched me as a kid.
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64. - In the butt hole.
- What?
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65. Okay, he didn't actually touch me.
He refused to hug me.
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66. I am not gonna go see my Grandpa!
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67. You let me out of this car right now.
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68. No, we're taking you
to see him, all right?
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69. - Blake, map it. We're going.
- Got it.
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70. Hi. Here to see George Demamp.
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71. He's my grandfather.
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72. If he's dead, I'm okay with that.
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73. You act like you wouldn't
care, but you would.
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74. You would cry.
Sign in, please.
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75. Whoa, check it out, guys.
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76. This dude throws knives into cats.
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77. That's a gun and a coyote.
You can tell from the snout.
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78. - Oh.
- But yeah, this is my day job.
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79. My real passion is animal control.
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80. My little line is,
"the animals in here
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81. are way worse
than the coyotes out there."
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82. That's a good joke.
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83. - That's clever.
- That's funny.
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84. - Thank you.
- It's not clever.
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85. And it sure as hell
isn't a good joke.
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86. The people that walk these halls
built this country, okay?
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87. - It's my little line.
- All right.
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88. Which room is my dumb, stupid,
fat, ugly Grandpa in?
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89. Gun one, gun two...
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90. Hey, Grandpa!
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91. Oh.
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92. Well, well, well.
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93. Look who it is.
Short-wide.
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94. Mm, good one.
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95. You come out of the closet yet?
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96. No.
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97. Only closet I'm in is the one
that I'm trapped in.
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98. With R. Kelly, watching a rap opera.
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99. Ah, cut the crap.
I know why you're here.
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100. You want to weasel
back onto my health insurance,
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101. you damn freeloader.
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102. I'm not a freeloader, okay?
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103. It's just I can't afford health insurance,
and I expect it to be free.
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104. - I have to go to the hospital.
- Hospital?
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105. Hospital didn't help me
when I rode a Jeep
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106. out of a B-52 at 35,000 feet...
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107. - It was 25,000 last time.
- 35,000 feet,
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108. had to parachute
into enemy territory,
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109. and took eight bullets up my ass.
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110. Yeah.
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111. But you don't know anything about that
because you've never been in a war!
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112. Yeah, I've never been in a war
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113. 'cause there's never been
any big wars for me to serve in!
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114. Oh, jeez, you know,
I don't have time for this.
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115. I've got my annual Luau,
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116. and I am in charge of the pig.
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117. And I'm not talking
about your Aunt Holly.
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118. Aunt Holly has a glandular disorder.
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119. Hey, could you hold that door?
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120. I actually can't open doors!
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121. Ow! Ow!
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122. I demand...
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123. Why did you bring your flip cam?
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124. 'Cause I'm changing the plan.
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125. It's gonna be MTV True Life:
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126. I'm into old people.
I don't care.
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127. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Check out this old Braj.
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128. Oh, man. This dude is sick!
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129. I'm talking, like, terminally chill.
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130. He is chill.
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131. I'm just gonna need a fresher angle
than some aged rocker.
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132. I mean, W.W.K.L.D.?
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133. What would Kurt Loder do?
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134. Old people have been around
since the dawn of time.
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135. They have stories and messages.
Here's one now.
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136. Hey, ma'am, can I ask you
a few ques...
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137. we'll find a better one than that.
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138. Hey, nice shot.
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139. I know.
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140. Is it okay if I ask you
a couple questions?
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141. Questions?
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142. Just questions about your life.
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143. You know, I feel like people
of your generation
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144. have such wisdom that you can share.
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145. Why don't you tell me
about what you did
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146. before you lived here?
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147. I traveled to the world's
best cities,
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148. and in exchange,
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149. I married a rich man I didn't love.
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150. - Yeah.
- But enough about me.
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151. - Shoot.
- I-I don't know how to play.
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152. My dad never let me in the
billiards room growing up, so...
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153. Oh, that's heartbreaking.
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154. Maybe I can help you.
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155. Ow.
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156. All right, I'll start low?
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157. Now, before you shoot...
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158. Close your eyes,
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159. and put it in.
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160. Is everything okay in here?
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161. It's fine, Mark.
Just fine.
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162. Why don't we go somewhere where
we can be a little more private?
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163. All right.
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164. Whoo!
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165. Yeah!
That was awesome, man!
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166. Where'd you learn
how to play like that?
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167. I roadied for ZZ Top.
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168. Plus I started taking
guitar lessons last year.
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169. I love ZZ Top.
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170. They're like the champagne
of beer-drinking music.
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171. Brother, I could tell you
some stories.
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172. I would love to hear those.
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173. Oh, my gosh.
What are you...
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174. what are you doing?
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175. I... you got a cigarette in your neck.
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176. Hey, you can't smoke in here.
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177. He can't smoke in here.
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178. And he knows that, because we've
been through this, Arthur.
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179. Haven't we?
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180. I don't get to have
any fun in this dump.
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181. They took away my cigarettes.
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182. They took away my booze.
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183. I can't even steal any pills anymore.
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184. I mean, what is wrong
with young people today, huh?
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185. They need to respect their elders'...
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186. desire to do as many drugs
as they want.
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187. You seem to me to be
a pretty righteous hombre.
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188. I wish you were my grandpa.
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189. I tell you what.
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190. You run some interference for me,
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191. help me score some pills,
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192. you can call me
anything you want, son.
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193. I know that I haven't been
in, like, a war war.
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194. But last spring, I got
in a fight at a dodgers game,
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195. and yeah, he beat me up pretty good.
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196. It was a very, very violent
Mexican man.
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197. But I got the first laugh.
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198. But you're too fat to fight.
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199. Go home, short-wide.
I got a pig to carve.
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200. And I'm not talking
about your Aunt Silvia.
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201. Stop it! You stop!
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202. Ow!
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203. Ow.
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204. I am not a pussy.
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205. And I'm gonna prove it to you.
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206. I'm gonna launch off this roof
at 7 miles per hour
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207. like a war helicopter.
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208. Then I'm gonna deploy this bed sheet
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209. as my parachute...
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210. And gently drop down to safety.
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211. You're gonna die.
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212. So would your girlfriend
be mad if she knew
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213. you were all alone
in another woman's room?
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214. No, I don't even have a girlf...
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215. I'm between girlfriends right now.
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216. Models is what I'm usually dating,
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217. but no, this is
strictly journalistic, so...
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218. well, come and get your scoop.
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219. I know what you're doing, but...
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220. your husband's
sleeping right there.
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221. Oh, honey, my husband's
been sleeping there
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222. for the last six years.
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223. Drop your pants,
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224. and I'll tell you everything
you want.
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225. All right, I just...
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226. I really want to be on MTV True Life.
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227. Have you seen it?
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228. It's pretty good.
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229. Oh, not so fast, Bronco.
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230. - Ow.
- I may not be old,
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231. but I am old-fashioned.
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232. So, uh, dance for me first.
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233. Right? And then a little bit of this.
It's not the butterfly.
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234. It's the tootsie roll.
Know what I mean?
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235. Nice day.
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236. - Uh-huh.
- What kind of enchiladas
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237. were those, huh?
Road kill?
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238. Mm-hmm.
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239. Wouldn't mind if we had
some smooth pudding
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240. every once in a while.
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241. Oh! Oh!
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242. I'm coming, sir.
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243. - Oh, bacon bits!
- Okay.
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244. Oh, just the tip of my hip...
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245. no, no need to touch, really!
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246. No, it's fine.
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247. You got witch hands.
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248. - No.
- You got witch hands, okay?
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249. Oh, so tell me about the '60s.
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250. Did you march, and for what side?
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251. What happened?
Did somebody hit the emergency...
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252. Peggy, Jesus Christ.
Not again.
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253. Again?
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254. Nice, I think we got 'em, man.
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255. Hey! You are not two old men.
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256. You are an old man, but you are not.
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257. And in conclusion,
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258. as the civil rights activist
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259. Dr. Martens Luther King once said,
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260. take yee sleazy.
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261. And I'm out.
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262. Ow, my shoulders!
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263. Oh, God!
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264. Oh, God!
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265. Damn it.
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266. Okay, you three, guess what.
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267. Go to your rooms,
and say aloha to the Luau.
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268. But make it the good-bye aloha,
'cause you're not going.
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269. Get. And you three,
get the hell out of here.
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270. Don't film me.
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271. Don't film me anymore.
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272. This is all your fault.
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273. - Blake.
- See ya, Grandpa.
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274. This sucks.
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275. I finally get a grandpa
worth keeping and loving,
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276. and his beard slips
right through my fingers.
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277. Yeah, and I might as well
call my true life
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278. I can't make
an MTV True Life to save my life.
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279. - This isn't over. Mm-mm.
- No, it's not.
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280. You still need insurance
from your Gramps.
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281. I need to prove to that
old turd that I'm a real Demamp.
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282. I'm gonna steal
his wrinkly ass out of here,
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283. and then I'm gonna take him
to the yard,
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284. and the yard is our house,
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285. and I'm gonna bark at him
like a big dog,
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286. 'cause I'm a big dog,
and I'm ready to...
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287. Howwwl!
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288. - What are you talking about?
- I don't know, man.
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289. I'm in a lot of pain right now.
I think I might die.
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290. Lady and old dudes,
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291. welcome to the inautical
our Luau for old people party.
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292. Hey, what's up?
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293. - Jillian!
- Hey!
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294. - Where's the Luau stuff?
- What is this?
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295. I don't know.
It's a Luau.
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296. It's a different kind of Luau.
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297. Luau? Blake texted me Lou Albano.
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298. - What?
- I thought he meant, like,
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299. "Captain Lou" Albano,
the wrestling manager
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300. and Cindy Lauper's dad.
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301. Ohhh, yeah, psh.
Look at that.
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302. Phone must've auto-corrected
Luau to Lou Albano.
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303. Wow, that's insane.
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304. How often are you texting
the words "Lou Albano"?
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305. I don't know.
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306. Like, four to five times a week.
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307. But what's up with all the cool, uh,
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308. hip, happening chicks, Jillian?
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309. Oh, this is my hockey team.
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310. We were gonna go to the bar
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311. after our big win,
but this seemed like more fun.
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312. Yeah, bunch of crazy Russian bitches.
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313. No, they're dolls.
They're sweet girls.
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314. - Oh, I bet.
- What's up, babies?
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315. You know the mouth of the South
ain't gonna miss
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316. a "Captain Lou" Albano party
with hockey chicks!
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317. Slash-Luau.
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318. It's me.
Uh, it's Karl.
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319. I'm dressed as Jimmy Hart.
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320. So how does our Luau compare
to your old folks' Luau?
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321. I like this one a lot better.
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322. Thank you.
We worked kind of...
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323. Oh, I see what you're...
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324. God, you're...
hey! Here's the deal.
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325. I'll let you have a dance, one song,
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326. but then you gotta answer
one of my questions.
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327. - Sure thing, babe.
- All right.
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328. Have a good...
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329. have a good time.
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330. Ahh.
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331. - Now, this is my kinda party.
- Yeah.
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332. - What's going on here?
- Russian drinking game.
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333. No pussy men allowed.
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334. Whoa, okay,
USA all the way, all right?
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335. I bet 20 bucks my Gramps here
could drink y'all
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336. Dolph Lundgrenettes under the table.
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337. - Let's go.
- All right.
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338. Show 'em who's boss.
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339. Mm-hmm.
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340. - Whoo!
- Ahh.
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341. - Yeah!
- Lina.
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342. - We need more vodka.
- Why?
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343. We got plenty of good alcohol
right here.
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344. Oh, no, that's hand sanitizer.
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345. That's not...
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346. Ah.
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347. Want some?
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348. He beat me.
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349. Straight up.
Pay him.
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350. Pay this man his money.
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351. Whoo!
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352. Anybody got any hard drugs?
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353. USA.
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354. Uh-oh.
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355. Grandpa.
He's just taking a nap.
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356. - Grandpa...
- Whoo!
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357. Anybody got any hard drugs?
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358. Grandpa, I know you think
I pussed out earlier,
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359. but I'm gonna prove to you
once and for all
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360. I'm a real Demamp, starting now.
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361. - Jillian, you ready?
- Yep.
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362. - Okay.
- On action, okay? Ready?
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363. Yep.
Grandpa, you watching?
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364. - And action.
- Yo.
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365. What it is?
Adam Demamp here,
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366. here with Demamp Camp:
Working Out With Tires.
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367. As you saw earlier,
I de-located both of my arms
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368. doing my classic dead tire flip lift.
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369. But I plan on doing the impossible
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370. to prove to my grandfather
that I'm not a pussy.
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371. That's him right there, although that
has nothing to do with the video.
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372. But I shall do it right now,
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373. 1,000 times in a row,
starting right now.
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374. Okay. Are you getting this?
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375. Grandpa, are you watching?
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376. Oh!
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377. - Oh, my back!
- Adam...
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378. I ripped my back muscle in half!
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379. Hey, I'm so sorry to interrupt.
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380. Is it okay if I borrow
your dance partner, just for a second?
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381. Get over here.
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382. I don't know what your endgame is,
but that old horny lady over there
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383. thinks you're a guy,
so unless you want her
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384. to find out otherwise,
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385. you better answer some questions
for my new documentary, MTV True Life:
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386. I'm a Russian lesbian hockey
player living in America,
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387. maybe legally.
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388. How about I just beat your ass?
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389. I don't fight girls.
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390. Oh! No, please!
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391. Oh, yes!
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392. I love it when they fight over me.
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393. Fight, fight!
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394. You're dancing with a woman.
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395. Oh, and one...
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396. And two... And three!
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397. That's it.
We got a new winner.
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398. We've got a winner!
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399. She knocked you out like a bitch!
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400. Russian whip-its.
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401. Oh, dear.
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402. It will blow the hair
right off your babushka.
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403. We want to keep the hair on
his babushka today, thank you.
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404. - Okay...
- Ha, ha, ha!
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405. Hockey team...
hey, no!
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406. See what you...
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407. Great. All right.
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408. Do you need to go
to the restroom, or what?
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409. - Yeah, I...
- He can't breathe.
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410. He can't breathe.
He can't breathe!
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411. CPR! Anybody?
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412. - Blake...
- I got you, Grandpa.
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413. Uh, just, uh,
split the mustache, and...
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414. - no, no, no!
- And kind of just...
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415. no! Mouth to neck.
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416. - Huh?
- Mouth, neck.
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417. - You got to help me, Grandson.
- Oh, no, no.
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418. Maybe this is just your time
to go, my old man.
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419. I can't breathe.
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420. You got to help your old Grandpa.
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421. Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, fine, fine.
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422. Uh...
Uh...
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423. Eh... Uh...
Ugh...
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424. - Oh! Oh!
- I'm good.
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425. I got your... I got your
throat spluge on my mouth!
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426. Oh, my God!
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427. That was a rush.
Do you wanna keep it going?
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428. Just give me
the health insurance, please!
Copy !req
429. Just give me the health insurance!
Copy !req
430. Please! I don't know what else to do.
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431. Oh, Jesus!
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432. Oh, fuck, now I burned my hand.
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433. Just made it in time.
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434. George! Hey!
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435. It's time to go home.
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436. Oh, I don't think so, Mark.
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437. You took my pig away from me.
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438. And I'm not talking
about this piece right here.
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439. So sayonara.
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440. Yeah... no. No.
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441. Your Grandpa's a total dick.
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442. Grandpa!
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443. Come on.
All right, all right, all right.
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444. - Keep them in the truck.
- Saved your life, man.
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445. I saw George heading west.
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446. He's not gonna get far
on those artificial hips.
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447. Tranq gun.
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448. No. He's my Grandpa.
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449. I got this.
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450. Oh! Oh, that hurt.
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451. Yeah. Okay.
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452. - West is the other way.
- Okay.
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453. Yeah. Ugh.
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454. You hiding from me?
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455. I'm a way better hiderer
than you'll ever be.
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456. Oh, I found you.
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457. I... you... agh! Ow!
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458. Jeez.
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459. Get back here!
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460. Ow.
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461. I'm gonna shoot you so hard!
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462. Come on.
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463. Jeez, it's like Double Dare in here.
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464. Jesus, how many plants
does this... ugh.
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465. What's happening?
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466. You have a beautiful home. I love it.
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467. Ow. Is this marble?
It's beautiful.
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468. Hey! You get back here!
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469. Get back here!
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470. You get back here right now!
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471. Get down!
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472. Get down!
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473. Whoo! Whoooo!
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474. Oh!
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475. - Agh.
- Man down.
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476. Sorry about that. Family stuff.
You guys have grandpas, right?
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477. Grandpa? Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
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478. There was no other way.
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479. No, no, it's okay.
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480. I'm proud of you because...
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481. You proved yourself to be a real man.
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482. Unlike me.
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483. - What?
- I'm not a war hero.
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484. I got a dishonorable discharge
because...
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485. I shot myself in the leg
to avoid combat.
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486. And the only reason
I was so hard on you
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487. was because I didn't want you
to end up like me.
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488. I'm a loser.
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489. You're not a loser.
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490. You are a Demamp.
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491. It's not in our T.N.A.
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492. I'm gonna put you
back on the health insurance.
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493. You know why?
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494. Why?
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495. Because you learned
how to take a punch.
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496. Ow!
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497. Fuck!
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498. Welcome to Demamp Camp:
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499. Fully insured.
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500. On this new edition,
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501. I will be showing you
a brand-new exercise
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502. that I just created using my
own brain and intelligence.
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503. It's called "the roof-fly-delt-pump".
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504. Basically, you get a running start,
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505. pump your delts so hard that you come
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506. to a nice, soft landing,
because you've just flown
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507. for a few seconds.
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508. Let's do this!
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509. Come on, here we go. Yeah!
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510. - Ohhh!
- Oh! Adam!
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511. Blake, we get it?
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512. Dude, you don't have
to keep asking me
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513. if we got... oh.
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514. Actually, I ran out of batteries.
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515. Ders, did you get it?
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516. Yeah, did you get
the behind-the-scenes?
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517. Yeah, I got it.
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518. I'm trying to get on Tosh.0.
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