1. Hi. Hello.Copy !req
2. I'm Blake Chesterfield Henderson,Copy !req
3. and this is my Thanksgiving video.Copy !req
4. Holidays are always
a little tough for me.Copy !req
5. Like many children in America
I'm from a broken home.Copy !req
6. But I think this turkey day'sCopy !req
7. gonna be a little
different because...Copy !req
8. I'm going to Hedonism II, y'all!Copy !req
9. Yeah! Jamaica's premiere sex resort.Copy !req
10. Four days, three nights.Copy !req
11. And we are just gonna...Copy !req
12. Oh! Oh oh oh!Copy !req
13. Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!Copy !req
14. Tag 'em and bag 'em!
Ha ha ha!Copy !req
15. I'm so excited.Copy !req
16. And I'm going with with
my real family, Adam and Ders.Copy !req
17. We're gonna have a blast.Copy !req
18. There's beaches, there's babes.Copy !req
19. And there is also...
Bum bum buh bummm...Copy !req
20. A little restaurant called Pastafari.Copy !req
21. Italian food with a Jamaican fusion.Copy !req
22. Jah, please. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
23. Let's go check on the guys...
I'm so excited!Copy !req
24. Oh! There he is.Copy !req
25. Anders. Say what's up to the camera.Copy !req
26. Uh, Ders? Who's Ders?Copy !req
27. My name's Buddy Ferrera.Copy !req
28. Whoa ho ho ho ho!Copy !req
29. You decided to shave
the playoff beard off.Copy !req
30. Well, here's the deal.Copy !req
31. You see, Anders Holmvik,
he can't go to Hedonism II.Copy !req
32. You know, he's gonna run
for city councilman someday.Copy !req
33. But Buddy Ferrera, well,
he's a goatee-sportin',Copy !req
34. Ahh.Copy !req
35. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
36. Oh, hey, what's up, Adam?Copy !req
37. You are lookin'
straight jacked, dude.Copy !req
38. - Dang, homie!
- Nice!Copy !req
39. I can't go to Hedonism.Copy !req
40. I'm not gonna have a good time.
I won't get laid.Copy !req
41. Oh! Just kidding.
I tucked it back.Copy !req
42. It actually hurts a lot.Copy !req
43. My dick's back here, though.Copy !req
44. Hey, you guys are
packin' sunscreen, right?Copy !req
45. Remember, this is their summer.Copy !req
46. No way, dude.Copy !req
47. I'm trying to get Beyonce dark!Copy !req
48. Sun is straight danger!Copy !req
49. Don't worry, dude.
I got the self Tanner.Copy !req
50. It's good too.
Linda Hogan endorses it.Copy !req
51. Hey, has anybody seen my Tevas?Copy !req
52. I really need my Tevas.Copy !req
53. Hey, fellas, please remember.Copy !req
54. I got us dinner reservations.Copy !req
55. Thanksgiving dinner at Pastafari,Copy !req
56. so pack a fancy outfit.Copy !req
57. I've got a blazer, no shirt.Copy !req
58. That's what I'm thinking.Copy !req
59. Bud, Ders, you're kinda GQ.Copy !req
60. Should the tie match my nipples?Copy !req
61. Ha ha!Copy !req
62. Guys, I found my Tevas.Copy !req
63. Just so you know,Copy !req
64. I'm really excited to end
my 11-month dry spell,Copy !req
65. but we're definitely gonna be seen
each other butt naked humping and stuff.Copy !req
66. - I just hope we're ready for that.
- Oh, yeah. Buddy's a go.Copy !req
67. Blakester is ready
to get his knob gobbled.Copy !req
68. All right!Copy !req
69. Let's get weird!
Let's get weird!Copy !req
70. Okay, everyone has
their plane ticket, right?Copy !req
71. Yeah, I thought we were
chanting "let's get weird."Copy !req
72. Good to go!Copy !req
73. Okay, bathing suits?Copy !req
74. Check!Copy !req
75. I will not be wearing a bathing suit.Copy !req
76. So, no.Copy !req
77. And, uh, passports.Copy !req
78. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
79. Huh?Copy !req
80. I printed out the forms,
I even filled them out for you!Copy !req
81. All you had to do
was sign it and mail it.Copy !req
82. You want to tell me
what the hell happened?Copy !req
83. You want to know what happened, Ders?Copy !req
84. I forgot all of that stuff, Ders!Copy !req
85. And I thought that Jamaica
was part of the U.S.Copy !req
86. I didn't think I needed a passport!Copy !req
87. That's the Bahamas, you buffoon.Copy !req
88. Otay, now I know.Copy !req
89. You're gonna need a passport, okay?Copy !req
90. We're not gonna go.
Just the two of us?Copy !req
91. Yeah, two guys going to Hedonism?Copy !req
92. That's not the kind of weird
I'm talking about, okay?Copy !req
93. I'm going for a very, very
specific type of weird here.Copy !req
94. Niche weird!Copy !req
95. Plus you're the only one that
knows how to speak Jamaican.Copy !req
96. Guys, our flight leaves in six hours.Copy !req
97. There's no way we can
get a passport by then.Copy !req
98. We can't, but I know one man...Copy !req
99. One life wizard... who can.Copy !req
100. Man.Copy !req
101. Hey, what's up, brah-gers?Copy !req
102. Ooh, what are you doin'
to the rape van, bud?Copy !req
103. Oh, check it out.Copy !req
104. When they throw
the grapes out, right,Copy !req
105. I grab 'em, throw 'em
in these crates,Copy !req
106. take 'em to the farmers market,Copy !req
107. and resell 'em.Copy !req
108. So I got me a grape van now.Copy !req
109. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.Copy !req
110. So they're... they're not organic.Copy !req
111. - No. I wrote that.
- Genius move.Copy !req
112. I'm just glad to seeCopy !req
113. you're not a drug dealer
anymore, to be honest.Copy !req
114. Well, when you really
think about it, Anders,Copy !req
115. are we not all drug dealers...
Brah?Copy !req
116. - No.
- Yeah, wow.Copy !req
117. Just so we're clear,
I do still deal drugs.Copy !req
118. - Oh. Thank God.
- Whew!Copy !req
119. - Whoo!
- Best in the business.Copy !req
120. You know, I'd love to chitchat,Copy !req
121. but we've got six hours
to get to Hedonism II.Copy !req
122. And I don't have a passport,
so I need your help, bud.Copy !req
123. Oh, I'm sorry, but I've been
out of the passport gameCopy !req
124. since college.Copy !req
125. Uh, red flag.
You didn't go to college.Copy !req
126. Well, I parked my van
outside of a collegeCopy !req
127. for three and a half semesters.Copy !req
128. Okay, no, but you have to have
some, like, scumbag friendsCopy !req
129. who can hook me up.Copy !req
130. Come on, I am desperate
house dude at this moment, dude.Copy !req
131. Ah... Dale and Betsy.Copy !req
132. Yeah, they make fake I.D.S.Copy !req
133. they could totally make you
a fake passport.Copy !req
134. They made me a birth certificate
when I lost mine.Copy !req
135. - Perfect! Nice!
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
136. Hold the phone!Copy !req
137. Fake passports?Copy !req
138. We never talked about this.Copy !req
139. Okay, I'll get you guys the address.Copy !req
140. I'm going on this trip.Copy !req
141. I'm going to Pastafari,Copy !req
142. and I will try
the Jamaican jerk lasagna.Copy !req
143. Fake passports equals felony, okay?Copy !req
144. If you guys want to get
involved in this,Copy !req
145. you're gonna have to sign
some sort of affidavitCopy !req
146. saying I had nothing to do with it.Copy !req
147. Yeah. I don't know what
an affidavit is, though,Copy !req
148. so how can I sign that?Copy !req
149. Is that like a fruit?Copy !req
150. It's basically, like,
what lawyers useCopy !req
151. when they need to win a case.Copy !req
152. To make a bill a law.Copy !req
153. - Yeah, okay.
- Yeah.Copy !req
154. Yeah, that makes sense.
Law and Order: SVU.Copy !req
155. We'll sign it.Copy !req
156. Okay, so check it out.Copy !req
157. Here, I drew you a little map.Copy !req
158. Just go ahead and follow
that line that I drew,Copy !req
159. and you'll be good.Copy !req
160. He drew us a map.Copy !req
161. Oh, that's so clutch.Copy !req
162. - That's so clutch.
- What a guy.Copy !req
163. Hey, do you guys want
some grapes for your journey?Copy !req
164. No, we're good.Copy !req
165. Not really, dude.Copy !req
166. Wow, this is great.
Thank you so much, Karl.Copy !req
167. Yeah, no problem.Copy !req
168. Oh, wait, hold...
Karl, is there, like,Copy !req
169. a password we need or anything?Copy !req
170. There's not a password.Copy !req
171. - Drug dealers have those.
- Hey-yo, maggots!Copy !req
172. - There's a password.
- Yep.Copy !req
173. - There ya go.
- Okay, cool.Copy !req
174. Hey-yo, maggots.Copy !req
175. I cannot wait to meet
these class acts.Copy !req
176. Can I help you?Copy !req
177. Hey-yo, maggots!Copy !req
178. - What?
- Eww!Copy !req
179. Maggots!Copy !req
180. Excuse me? I...Copy !req
181. Uh, I'm sorry on our behalf.Copy !req
182. Guys, wrong house, I'm telling you.Copy !req
183. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
184. We're here for the... passports.Copy !req
185. We're friends with... Karl.Copy !req
186. Oh!Copy !req
187. Oh, Karl!Copy !req
188. Oh, yes, of course.
Come on in!Copy !req
189. What was that about the maggots?Copy !req
190. You tell us.Copy !req
191. Misunderstanding.Copy !req
192. Sorry.Copy !req
193. Uh, just to clear things up,
you know Karl hevacheck?Copy !req
194. Uh, the guy who doesn't wear
underwear and has a dirt beard?Copy !req
195. Yeah. Karl and I go way back.Copy !req
196. He used to play keyboards
at my church.Copy !req
197. Okay, you're blowing my mind.Copy !req
198. 'Cause he's Karl,
and you have impeccable taste.Copy !req
199. Why, thank you!Copy !req
200. This is very nice.
Restoration hardware?Copy !req
201. Oh, you know what?Copy !req
202. Believe it or not,
it's actually pier one.Copy !req
203. Get out!Copy !req
204. - Ha ha ha! I know.
- That's pier one.Copy !req
205. I don't know what that means.Copy !req
206. Can I get you boys anything?
Some water or milk?Copy !req
207. Uh, a low-carb Red Bull?Copy !req
208. - Oh...
- Tired right now!Copy !req
209. Or some shark bites or gushers?Copy !req
210. We don't have
any sugar in this house.Copy !req
211. I think we're okay.Copy !req
212. Blake, if you would just get to it?Copy !req
213. I actually need a passport,Copy !req
214. and I heard that you and Dale
are the people to talk to.Copy !req
215. Dale is my ex.Copy !req
216. And we don't use that name
in this house.Copy !req
217. Is this something that was recent?Copy !req
218. Anywho, if you could
just get me your picture...Copy !req
219. Yeah, absolutely.Copy !req
220. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
221. Here it is, right here.Copy !req
222. That's me with the long hair.Copy !req
223. Oh, how cute.Copy !req
224. Well, I can have that passport
ready in a few days.Copy !req
225. No. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
226. We need that, like, now,
if you could.Copy !req
227. Yeah, our flight is in,
like, five hours.Copy !req
228. Oh, then I can't help you, then.Copy !req
229. Ma'am, please, can't you please,Copy !req
230. just do it right now, please!Copy !req
231. I'll be your best friend.Copy !req
232. Guys, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.Copy !req
233. I have to go to the grocery store,Copy !req
234. I have to pick up my son
from wrestling practice.Copy !req
235. I'm great at picking up sons!
That's my... that's my forte.Copy !req
236. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
237. You stay home, we'll be,
like, your little butlers.Copy !req
238. It'll be great.Copy !req
239. You could probably
finish it in time, right?Copy !req
240. Well, I mean, in theory,
of course I could.Copy !req
241. We can be your grocery genies!Copy !req
242. Yeah, make a wish, poof!
It arrives.Copy !req
243. No, no, no.Copy !req
244. Hang on, hang on.
Let me show you something.Copy !req
245. This is my driver's license.Copy !req
246. Clean record, okay?Copy !req
247. I've got insurance, triple-a
card... member since 2007.Copy !req
248. So responsible, very responsible.Copy !req
249. You have the hardest job
in the world.Copy !req
250. You're a single mother.
I was raised by a single mother.Copy !req
251. And also stone cold
Steve Austin via TV.Copy !req
252. And we'll pay
for your groceries, Bets.Copy !req
253. I'm talkin' whole foods,
the good stuff.Copy !req
254. Know what I mean?Copy !req
255. Help us help you help yourselfCopy !req
256. while also helping us.Copy !req
257. Oh, God!
Let me get the list.Copy !req
258. - Yes!
- Hey-oh! Maggots!Copy !req
259. Buddy, drop it, all right?Copy !req
260. Let's just get this guy
and get him home.Copy !req
261. Just saying if Betsy's
gonna make stuffing,Copy !req
262. she's gonna wish she had
craisins and I'm dropping it.Copy !req
263. Wait, there he is.Copy !req
264. Damien!Copy !req
265. Yeah?Copy !req
266. Hey, pal, we're the, uh,Copy !req
267. guys who are gonna
take you home, so come on.Copy !req
268. Yeah, my mom texted me,
but I'm not going.Copy !req
269. What?
We got snarks, dude.Copy !req
270. They were out of gushers,
but I got some licorice.Copy !req
271. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
272. Come on! Go get it!Copy !req
273. Go, guy!Copy !req
274. I don't get that.Copy !req
275. That worked on me as a kid.Copy !req
276. - That is weird, huh?
- That's a good trick.Copy !req
277. Guys, let me have a shot.
Hey, Damien...Copy !req
278. Get in that car right now!Copy !req
279. Hey, calm your old ass down.Copy !req
280. Tell my mom I'll be home later.Copy !req
281. Maybe.Copy !req
282. - Later maybe...
- Ders, Ders!Copy !req
283. Hey, little dude, you need
to show your elder dudesCopy !req
284. a bit of respect, okay?Copy !req
285. Now come with usCopy !req
286. 'cause your mom's
making us fake passports.Copy !req
287. Get the fuck away from me,
you longhaired jizz expert!Copy !req
288. Okay, no one talks to my
longhaired jizz expertCopy !req
289. like that, okay?Copy !req
290. You're comin' with me!Copy !req
291. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
292. That's a trick move!Copy !req
293. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
294. You're comin' with me!Copy !req
295. You're very strong!Copy !req
296. - No! No!
- Solid core!Copy !req
297. Help!Copy !req
298. Help! Help!
Stranger danger!Copy !req
299. - Stranger danger!
- Go!Copy !req
300. Rape! Rape!Copy !req
301. All right, and a Thanksgiving update.Copy !req
302. We got a little derailed,
but we're back on track.Copy !req
303. Picked up a real nice lad.Copy !req
304. - I'm gonna...
- Aaah!Copy !req
305. - Damien!
- Help!Copy !req
306. No horse play back there!
Not in my car!Copy !req
307. Keep your hands off my best friend!Copy !req
308. - Sorry, Ders.
- What?Copy !req
309. 'Cause he's my best friend,
and you're...Copy !req
310. Oh, hey, not cool!
Whoa! Not cool!Copy !req
311. What are you...Copy !req
312. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
313. Keep your hands off of me!Copy !req
314. Guys, no, no, no. Look!Copy !req
315. Fuck!Copy !req
316. What the fuck!Copy !req
317. That is our car!Copy !req
318. Fucking shit!
Shit!Copy !req
319. - Fuck! Fuck!
- What are we gonna do?Copy !req
320. - Hide the car!
- What?Copy !req
321. - Hide the car!
- That doesn't make any sense!Copy !req
322. You can't hide the car!Copy !req
323. - You can hide the car!
- You can't!Copy !req
324. Or... can we!Copy !req
325. Come on, dudes, we got to cover
this whole thing.Copy !req
326. Painting's fun!Copy !req
327. Hey, it's hot out here.Copy !req
328. Does anyone want
any grapes or anything?Copy !req
329. Hey, buddy, you gonna help us
over here or what?Copy !req
330. Help? I can't even watch!Copy !req
331. God, you know what, I can't
believe Dale and Bets split up.Copy !req
332. Man, that really chaps my hide.Copy !req
333. Karl, who cares about
Dale and Betsy, okay?Copy !req
334. You're raping my Volvo right now.Copy !req
335. Whoa, Ders, grow up, dude.Copy !req
336. Blake, aren't you
supposed to be in the carCopy !req
337. watching this kiddo?Copy !req
338. No. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
339. He's locked in there.Copy !req
340. What do you mean he's locked?Copy !req
341. You can't lock somebody in a car.Copy !req
342. Uh, I don't know if you know this,Copy !req
343. - but there's things called child locks.
- G-doy.Copy !req
344. Yeah, but those are for,
like, little children.Copy !req
345. He's not... he could just
reach around and like...Copy !req
346. Later, Jack-offs!Copy !req
347. - Oh.
- Wait!Copy !req
348. He just did what I was saying!Copy !req
349. He just did what I was saying!Copy !req
350. I'm not runnin'.
No way, no how, man.Copy !req
351. - Hold... hold on!
- The car!Copy !req
352. Hey! Stop!Copy !req
353. That kid has my ticket to Hedonism!Copy !req
354. Ya bumbaclot idiot!Copy !req
355. Someone call for a taxi?Copy !req
356. 'Cause it's yellow,
most of the parts.Copy !req
357. Let him in!Copy !req
358. We did a good job painting.Copy !req
359. How much time till our flight leaves?Copy !req
360. Four hours.Copy !req
361. We gotta get this kid now!Copy !req
362. Like, right now, or we're not
gonna be able to check bags.Copy !req
363. He's too fast.
He's too strong, man.Copy !req
364. Well, he's got that high school body.Copy !req
365. He's a young go-hard.Copy !req
366. Unbelievarle body.
I used to have that body.Copy !req
367. We all had that body, man!Copy !req
368. That's a high school body, man!
We all had that body!Copy !req
369. God, I used to look good in jeans.Copy !req
370. I had a six-pack in grammar school.Copy !req
371. It was ridiculous.Copy !req
372. Dudes!
Dudes, dudes, dudes, dudes!Copy !req
373. - He just got off the bus.
- Damien!Copy !req
374. You get back in this car right now!Copy !req
375. You are going home, mister!Copy !req
376. There he goes, right into
that porn theater.Copy !req
377. Go, go, go, Ders!
Pull up there!Copy !req
378. Wait up.Copy !req
379. All right, here we go.Copy !req
380. Hey, fellas, it's, uh, five bucks.Copy !req
381. All right.Copy !req
382. So you guys are, uh,
first timers, huh?Copy !req
383. Yeah.Copy !req
384. Ter... rific.Copy !req
385. Welcome to the Inland Empire's
oldest operating...Copy !req
386. Erotic theater.Copy !req
387. Now, since these doors
were opened in 1963,Copy !req
388. we've had but one motto.Copy !req
389. Okay, I'm sorry,
could we just get the ticketsCopy !req
390. and go into the show, please?Copy !req
391. We've had but one motto.Copy !req
392. Be courteous, have fun,Copy !req
393. and come again.Copy !req
394. And again and again and...
Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
395. I think it's funny.
Here ya go.Copy !req
396. You're gonna really enjoy this.
It's called Endless Hummer.Copy !req
397. Thanks.Copy !req
398. And I think the previews
are just about ending.Copy !req
399. Hey, dudes.Copy !req
400. Let's be respectful.Copy !req
401. Liberry voices.Copy !req
402. I can already smell the weird.Copy !req
403. You know, like I said,
we do everything together.Copy !req
404. Dude, buddy, you made the big screen.Copy !req
405. That looks... just like you.Copy !req
406. Whoa, you do.
You look just like him.Copy !req
407. I don't look like that guy.Copy !req
408. That's like your twin.Copy !req
409. Yeah, you look exactly like that guy.Copy !req
410. Damien... Damien.Copy !req
411. Damien?Copy !req
412. Shh.Copy !req
413. Sorry.Copy !req
414. Our bad.Copy !req
415. I can't see anything.Copy !req
416. - Sorry.
- Sorry.Copy !req
417. Hey, why don't I use
the night vision on my camera?Copy !req
418. Blair Witch this bitch.Copy !req
419. I can't believe it wasn't real.Copy !req
420. - Oh...
- What the...Copy !req
421. - Come on, buddy.
- Ugh.Copy !req
422. - Come on.
- Ugh, come on, guys.Copy !req
423. What are they doing?Copy !req
424. - Oh, jeez.
- Oh!Copy !req
425. - Oh.
- Good God!Copy !req
426. No, no, no, no, no.
Turn it off.Copy !req
427. - Turn it off...
- Don't...Copy !req
428. - Turn it off!
- Who is it?Copy !req
429. - Let's just go!Copy !req
430. - I dropped my keys.
- Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
431. Sorry about this, whoa.Copy !req
432. Hey, your dick's in your hand.Copy !req
433. We're just looking for a little boy.Copy !req
434. Have you seen a kid?
He's about this tall.Copy !req
435. Your dick is in your hand, dude!Copy !req
436. Ooh!Copy !req
437. Like being in between best friends?Copy !req
438. Hey.Copy !req
439. Full house tonight, huh?Copy !req
440. Oh, my God.Copy !req
441. Okay, so this is not good.Copy !req
442. That was gross!Copy !req
443. I can't look at skin,
I can't look at mouths anymore.Copy !req
444. I kept hearing...Copy !req
445. Stop it! Don't do that!Copy !req
446. I messed everything up.Copy !req
447. You guys should just go without me.Copy !req
448. Tell Pastafari I said I'm hungry.Copy !req
449. And if you remember,Copy !req
450. bring me home some
Jamaican jerk lasagna.Copy !req
451. - No.
- No, no.Copy !req
452. I'm not gonna bring you
anything, dude.Copy !req
453. 'Cause I'm not gonna
go anywhere without you!Copy !req
454. Besides the fact that this
is gonna take our friendshipCopy !req
455. to the next level
as sexual conquistadors...Copy !req
456. At least we learned that word...Copy !req
457. It's Thanksgiving, right?Copy !req
458. You know what I mean?Copy !req
459. And, ah, this little Indian
isn't going to go anywhereCopy !req
460. without his pilgrims.Copy !req
461. You guys are the pilgrims.Copy !req
462. And the more that I think about it,Copy !req
463. we should act out, like,
a Pocahontas situationCopy !req
464. with some leathery Hedo babes.Copy !req
465. Like, that would be awesome, right...Copy !req
466. Am I rambling a little bit?
I'm excited.Copy !req
467. No, no, you're not rambling.
We're all on the same page.Copy !req
468. - Pocahontas sounds great but...
- Thank you.Copy !req
469. I don't know, man.Copy !req
470. It just doesn't seem right.Copy !req
471. I say we call it.Copy !req
472. Yeah.Copy !req
473. We did spend $400 nonrefundable.Copy !req
474. Okay, so we definitely
have to go on this trip!Copy !req
475. We just gotta find that kid!Copy !req
476. Yes.Copy !req
477. - Well, maybe if we...
- Hey, guys.Copy !req
478. Thing's not gonna suck itself.Copy !req
479. Ooh!Copy !req
480. Holy meat rod!Copy !req
481. That is a real bat.Copy !req
482. Real meat stick.Copy !req
483. Hey, Gerald!
Is that you?Copy !req
484. Hey, Dan, the man with the mouth.Copy !req
485. I can't give this thing away today.Copy !req
486. Hey, do you know where Jimmy is?Copy !req
487. - Is he around?
- Oh, I wish.Copy !req
488. No. Andy's good, though.Copy !req
489. What, Andy the golf pro?Copy !req
490. No, black Andy. That guy.Copy !req
491. Oh, sweet chocolate.Copy !req
492. Ha ha... oh, sorry.Copy !req
493. Reach around? Reach around?Copy !req
494. Anybody?Copy !req
495. - You guys?
- I'm good.Copy !req
496. Hey.
Full house tonight, huh?Copy !req
497. Now as I sayingCopy !req
498. before we were so rudely interrupted,Copy !req
499. we're gonna smoke Damien out.Copy !req
500. Well, kind of.Copy !req
501. We're gonna pull this alarm,Copy !req
502. and then when everybody comes
rushing out of the theater,Copy !req
503. - we'll grab him.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
504. Okay, Blake,
that's... that's actually genius.Copy !req
505. It's also illegal.Copy !req
506. I think we're stacking crimes
pretty high today.Copy !req
507. Ders, desperate times
calls for desperate measuring.Copy !req
508. And it's not illegal.Copy !req
509. I've done it personally,
like... like 14 times.Copy !req
510. Middle school was wild.Copy !req
511. Blake, it's illegal.Copy !req
512. Bug that.
I ain't never scared.Copy !req
513. Don't move!
On the floor!Copy !req
514. I didn't touch it, I swear!Copy !req
515. - I said down.
- Oh, do we have to?Copy !req
516. It's like really gross.
Okay, okay, sure, yep.Copy !req
517. It's really sticky, actually.Copy !req
518. Are you the owners
of the Volvo parked out frontCopy !req
519. with the crappy paint job?Copy !req
520. Why? Did someone ding my car?Copy !req
521. Where's the kid?Copy !req
522. What in the hell is going on here?Copy !req
523. Just stand aside and relax, sir.Copy !req
524. No, I will not.
This is my place of business.Copy !req
525. I've got permits.Copy !req
526. Sir, these men are involvedCopy !req
527. in the kidnapping of a minor.Copy !req
528. No, no, no!
We didn't kidnap anybody...Copy !req
529. No, no!
There he is, ask him!Copy !req
530. Whoa, hold on.
That's my son.Copy !req
531. Now, Damien, you get out here.Copy !req
532. Did these guys try to
kidnap you or something?Copy !req
533. No, listen, please.Copy !req
534. We were sent to pick him up
by his momCopy !req
535. while she was gonna make...Copy !req
536. Look, we're friends with Betsy.Copy !req
537. We know Betsy.Copy !req
538. Yeah, we're friends with Betsy.Copy !req
539. Yeah, we know Betsy.Copy !req
540. Yeah, I mean,
we forced him in the car,Copy !req
541. but that's just 'cause he's,
like, really, really strong.Copy !req
542. He should be in American Gladiator.Copy !req
543. Is anything that they're saying true?Copy !req
544. Yeah. I just didn't
want to go home to momCopy !req
545. because I wanted to hang out
with you,Copy !req
546. and... and maybe see if we couldCopy !req
547. all eat Thanksgiving
together tomorrow.Copy !req
548. Like we used to.Copy !req
549. - Oh, that's sweet.
- That's beautiful.Copy !req
550. This carpet smells like semen.Copy !req
551. Yep, I found a semen.
That is semen right there.Copy !req
552. - We're just gonna get up.
- No, back down.Copy !req
553. Going back down.
Oh, we'll go back down.Copy !req
554. Don't point that.Copy !req
555. It's just semen.
Stop whining.Copy !req
556. So, I'm leaving.Copy !req
557. But you're still parked
in a red zone, kid.Copy !req
558. And don't check
"not guilty" by accidentCopy !req
559. and drag my ass into court, okay?Copy !req
560. - Yes, sir.
- Let's get out of here.Copy !req
561. Thank you, Officer.Copy !req
562. I am so sorry
about all this confusion.Copy !req
563. It's just... ever since our divorce,Copy !req
564. it's been very hard on Damien.Copy !req
565. Hey, my parents are divorced.
Holidays are rough.Copy !req
566. Nobody cares, crybaby.Copy !req
567. Well, he should've listened
to his mother.Copy !req
568. He knows he's not supposed
to come to my picture house.Copy !req
569. Picture house?
This is a porno theater, dude.Copy !req
570. Own it, man.
It's cool.Copy !req
571. Anyway, we gotta get Damien
back to the house pronto.Copy !req
572. Well, what's the rush?Copy !req
573. Betsy's making Blake a fake passport.Copy !req
574. Oh.Copy !req
575. Yeah, we've got flight to Hedonism IICopy !req
576. in, like, a couple of hours,Copy !req
577. so we better get going.Copy !req
578. Are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
579. I love Hedonism.
Ah!Copy !req
580. Oh, cool!Copy !req
581. Where do you think this
little rascal was conceived?Copy !req
582. Dad!Copy !req
583. Hedonism, really?Copy !req
584. Well, no, but an orgy just like it.Copy !req
585. - Hey.
- I think he's mine.Copy !req
586. - It's a joke we have.
- Dad!Copy !req
587. - Oh, come on.
- Stop.Copy !req
588. - See you, guys.
- Happy Thanksgiving.Copy !req
589. You too.
Gobble gobble.Copy !req
590. Oh, and, Damien.Copy !req
591. Later!Copy !req
592. I think we brought a family togetherCopy !req
593. just in time for Thanksgiving.Copy !req
594. - I think you're right.
- Get off me!Copy !req
595. I'm not on you.Copy !req
596. You and your stupid porn theater!Copy !req
597. - What is your problem?
- Let's get weird!Copy !req
598. Let's get weird!
We're getting weird!Copy !req
599. We're getting weird!Copy !req
600. - We-we-we-we-we-we-weCopy !req
601. we-we-we-we-we-we we-we-we-weCopy !req
602. we'll get so fucking weird.Copy !req
603. So, did we save room for dessert?Copy !req
604. Where are all the titties
and butt cheeks?Copy !req
605. Probably having Thanksgiving
with their families.Copy !req
606. That's... stupid.Copy !req
607. So, how's that Jamaican
jerk lasagna treating you?Copy !req
608. Hmm.Copy !req
609. It's fucking gross, Mike.Copy !req