1. - Hi.
Hello.Copy !req
2. I'm Blake Chesterfield
Henderson,Copy !req
3. and this is
my Thanksgiving video.Copy !req
4. Holidays are always
a little tough for me.Copy !req
5. Like many children in America,
I'm from a broken home.Copy !req
6. But I think
this Turkey Day'sCopy !req
7. gonna be a little different
because...Copy !req
8. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
9. I'm going to Hedonism II,
y'all, yep!Copy !req
10. Jamaica's
premiere sex resort.Copy !req
11. Four days, three nights.Copy !req
12. And we are just gonna...Copy !req
13. Oh!
Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
14. Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
15. Tag 'em and bag 'em!
Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
16. I'm so excited.Copy !req
17. And I'm going with
my real family, Adam and Ders.Copy !req
18. We're gonna have a blast.Copy !req
19. There's beaches.
There's babes.Copy !req
20. And there is also...Copy !req
21. A little restaurant
called Pastafari.Copy !req
22. Italian food
with a Jamaican fusion.Copy !req
23. Jah, please.
Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
24. Hey, let's go check
on the guys.Copy !req
25. I'm so excited!Copy !req
26. Oh!
There he is.Copy !req
27. Anders, say "what's up"
to the camera.Copy !req
28. - Uh, Ders?
Who's Ders?Copy !req
29. My name's Buddy Ferrera.Copy !req
30. - Whoa, you decided to shave
the playoff beard off.Copy !req
31. - Well, here's the deal.Copy !req
32. You see, Anders Holmvik,
he can't go to Hedonism II.Copy !req
33. You know, he's gonna run
for city councilman someday.Copy !req
34. But Buddy Ferrera,
well, he's a goatee-sportin',Copy !req
35. Ahh.Copy !req
36. - Oh, hey, what's up, Adam?Copy !req
37. You are lookin'
straight jacked, dude.Copy !req
38. - Dang, homey!
- Nice!Copy !req
39. - I can't go to Hedonism.Copy !req
40. I'm not gonna have a good time.
I won't get laid.Copy !req
41. - Why?
- Why is that?Copy !req
42. - Because my dick fell off!Copy !req
43. Oh! Just kidding.
I tucked it back.Copy !req
44. It actually hurts a lot.
My dick's back here, though.Copy !req
45. - Hey, you guys are
packin' sunscreen, right?Copy !req
46. Remember, this is their summer.Copy !req
47. - No way, dude.Copy !req
48. I'm trying to get
Beyoncé dark!Copy !req
49. - Sun is straight danger!Copy !req
50. - Don't worry, dude.
I got the self-tanner.Copy !req
51. It's good too.
Linda Hogan endorses it.Copy !req
52. - Hey, has anybody
seen my Tevas?Copy !req
53. I really need my Tevas.Copy !req
54. - Hey, fellas,
please remember.Copy !req
55. I got us dinner reservations.Copy !req
56. Thanksgiving dinner
at Pastafari,Copy !req
57. so pack a fancy outfit.Copy !req
58. I've got a blazer,
no shirt.Copy !req
59. That's what I'm thinking.Copy !req
60. But, Ders, you're kinda GQ.Copy !req
61. Should the tie
match my nipples?Copy !req
62. - Ha ha!Copy !req
63. Guys, I found my Tevas.Copy !req
64. - Just so you know,
I'm really excitedCopy !req
65. to end my 11-month dry spell,Copy !req
66. but we're definitely going to be
seeing each otherCopy !req
67. butt naked humping stuff.Copy !req
68. I just hope
we're ready for that.Copy !req
69. - Oh, yeah.
Buddy's a go.Copy !req
70. - Blakester is ready
to get his knob gobbled.Copy !req
71. - All right!Copy !req
72. Let's get weird!
Let's get weird!Copy !req
73. - Okay, everyone has
their plane ticket, right?Copy !req
74. - Yeah, I thought we were
chanting, "Let's get weird."Copy !req
75. - Good to go!Copy !req
76. - Okay, bathing suits?Copy !req
77. - Check!Copy !req
78. - I will not be wearing
a bathing suit.Copy !req
79. So, no.Copy !req
80. - And, uh, passports.Copy !req
81. - Oh, yeah!Copy !req
82. - Huh?Copy !req
83. - I printed out the forms.
I even filled them out for you.Copy !req
84. All you had to do
was sign it and mail it.Copy !req
85. You want to tell me
what the hell happened?Copy !req
86. - You want to know
what happened, Ders?Copy !req
87. I forgot all
of that stuff, Ders!Copy !req
88. - Great.Copy !req
89. And I thought that Jamaica
was part of the U.S.Copy !req
90. I didn't think
I needed a passport!Copy !req
91. - That's the Bahamas,
you buffoon.Copy !req
92. - Otay, now I know.Copy !req
93. - You're gonna need
a passport, okay?Copy !req
94. We're not gonna go.
Just the two of us?Copy !req
95. - Yeah, two guys
going to Hedonism?Copy !req
96. This is not the kind of weird
I'm talking about, okay?Copy !req
97. I'm going for a very, very
specific type of weird here.Copy !req
98. - Niche weird!Copy !req
99. Plus, you're the only one that
knows how to speak Jamaican.Copy !req
100. - Guys, our flight leaves
in six hours.Copy !req
101. There's no way we can get
a passport by then.Copy !req
102. - We can't,
but I know one man-Copy !req
103. one life wizard-
who can.Copy !req
104. Man.Copy !req
105. - Hey, what's up, brah-gers?
- What's up?Copy !req
106. - Ooh, what are you doin'
to the rape van, bud?Copy !req
107. - Oh, check it out.Copy !req
108. When they throw
the grapes out, right?Copy !req
109. I grab 'em, throw 'em
in these crates,Copy !req
110. take 'em to
the farmers' market,Copy !req
111. and resell 'em, huh?Copy !req
112. So I got me
a grape van now.Copy !req
113. - Yeah, that makes
a lot of sense.Copy !req
114. - So they're-they're
not organic.Copy !req
115. - No, I wrote that.Copy !req
116. - Genius move.
- Yeah.Copy !req
117. - I'm just glad to see
you're notCopy !req
118. a drug dealer anymore,
to be honest.Copy !req
119. - Well, when you really
think about it, Anders,Copy !req
120. are we not all drug dealers...
brah?Copy !req
121. - No.
- Yeah, wow.Copy !req
122. - Just so we're clear,
I do still deal drugs.Copy !req
123. - Oh. Thank God.
- Whew!Copy !req
124. - Whoo!
- Best in the business.Copy !req
125. - You know,
I'd love to chitchat,Copy !req
126. but we've got six hours
to get to Hedonism II.Copy !req
127. And I don't have a passport,
so I need your help, bud.Copy !req
128. - Oh, I'm sorry, but I've been
out of the passport gameCopy !req
129. since college.Copy !req
130. - Uh, red flag.
You didn't go to college.Copy !req
131. - Well, I parked my van
outside of a collegeCopy !req
132. for three and a half semesters.Copy !req
133. - Okay, no, but you have to have
some, like, scumbag friendsCopy !req
134. who can hook me up.Copy !req
135. Come on, I am desperate
housedude at this moment, dude.Copy !req
136. - Ah... Dale and Betsy.Copy !req
137. Yeah, they make fake I.D.s.Copy !req
138. They could totally make you
a fake passport.Copy !req
139. They made me a birth certificate
when I lost mine.Copy !req
140. - Perfect! Nice!
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
141. Hold the phone!
Fake passports?Copy !req
142. We never talked about this.Copy !req
143. - Okay, I'll get you guys
the address.Copy !req
144. - Hey, I'm going on this trip.Copy !req
145. I'm going to Pastafari,Copy !req
146. and I will try
the Jamaican jerk lasagna.Copy !req
147. - Fake passports
equals felony, okay?Copy !req
148. If you guys want to get
involved in this,Copy !req
149. you're gonna have to sign
some sort of affidavitCopy !req
150. saying I had nothing
to do with it.Copy !req
151. - Yeah. I don't know what
an affidavit is, though,Copy !req
152. so how can I sign that?Copy !req
153. Is that like a fruit?Copy !req
154. - It's basically, like,
what lawyers useCopy !req
155. when they need to win a case...Copy !req
156. to make a bill a law.Copy !req
157. - Yeah, okay.
- Yeah.Copy !req
158. - Yep, that makes sense.
Law and Order: SVU.Copy !req
159. - Yeah, we'll sign it.
- Okay, so check it out.Copy !req
160. Here, I drew you
a little map.Copy !req
161. Just go ahead and follow
that line that I drew,Copy !req
162. and you'll be good.Copy !req
163. - He drew us a map.Copy !req
164. - Oh, that's so clutch.Copy !req
165. That's so clutch.
- What a guy.Copy !req
166. - Hey, do you guys want
some grapes for your journey?Copy !req
167. - No, we're good.Copy !req
168. - Not really, dude.Copy !req
169. - Wow, this is great.
Thank you so much, Karl.Copy !req
170. - Yeah, no problem.Copy !req
171. - Oh, wait, hold-
Karl, is there, like,Copy !req
172. a password we need
or anything?Copy !req
173. - There's not a password.Copy !req
174. - Drug dealers have those.
- Hey-yo, maggots!Copy !req
175. - There's a password.
- Yep.Copy !req
176. There ya go.
- Okay, cool.Copy !req
177. - Hey-yo, maggots.Copy !req
178. I cannot wait to meet
these class acts.Copy !req
179. - Can I help you?Copy !req
180. - Hey-yo, maggots!Copy !req
181. - What?
- Hey-yo!Copy !req
182. Maggots!Copy !req
183. - Excuse me?
I-Copy !req
184. - Uh, I'm sorry
on our behalf.Copy !req
185. Guys, wrong house,
I'm telling you.Copy !req
186. - No, no, no, no.Copy !req
187. We're-we're here
for the... passports.Copy !req
188. We're friends with... Karl.Copy !req
189. - Oh!Copy !req
190. Oh, Karl!Copy !req
191. Oh, yes, of course.
Come on in!Copy !req
192. What was that
about the maggots?Copy !req
193. - You tell us.Copy !req
194. - In you go.
- Cool.Copy !req
195. - Sorry.Copy !req
196. - Uh, just to clear things up,Copy !req
197. you know Karl Hevacheck?Copy !req
198. Uh, the guy who doesn't wear
underwear and has a dirt beard?Copy !req
199. - Yeah.
Karl and I go way back.Copy !req
200. He used to play keyboards
at my church.Copy !req
201. - Okay, you're blowing my mind,Copy !req
202. 'cause he's Karl,
and you have impeccable taste.Copy !req
203. - Thank you.
- This is very nice.Copy !req
204. Restoration Hardware?
- Oh, you know what?Copy !req
205. Believe it or not,
it's actually Pier 1.Copy !req
206. - Get out!Copy !req
207. - I know.
- That's Pier 1.Copy !req
208. - I don't know
what that means.Copy !req
209. - Can I get you boys anything?
Some water or milk?Copy !req
210. - Uh, a low-carb Red Bull?Copy !req
211. - Oh...
- Tired right now!Copy !req
212. Or some Shark Bites
or Gushers?Copy !req
213. - We don't have
any sugar in this house.Copy !req
214. - I think we're okay.Copy !req
215. Blake, if you would
just get to it?Copy !req
216. - I actually
need a passport,Copy !req
217. and I heard that you and Dale
are the people to talk to.Copy !req
218. - Dale is my ex.Copy !req
219. And we don't use that name
in this house.Copy !req
220. - Is this something
that was recent?Copy !req
221. - Anyhoo, if you could
just get me your picture...Copy !req
222. - Yeah, absolutely.Copy !req
223. Here it is, right here.Copy !req
224. That's me
with the long hair.Copy !req
225. - Oh, how cute.Copy !req
226. Well, I can have that passport
ready in a few days.Copy !req
227. - No.
No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
228. We need that, like, now,
if you could.Copy !req
229. - Yeah, our flight is in,
like, five hours.Copy !req
230. - Oh, then I can't
help you, then.Copy !req
231. - Ma'am, please!Copy !req
232. Can't you please just do it
right now?Copy !req
233. Please!
I'll be your best friend.Copy !req
234. - Guys,
tomorrow is Thanksgiving.Copy !req
235. I have to go
to the grocery store.Copy !req
236. I have to pick up my son
from wrestling practice.Copy !req
237. - I'm great at picking up sons!
That's my-that's my forte.Copy !req
238. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You stay home.Copy !req
239. We'll be like
your little butlers.Copy !req
240. It'll be great.Copy !req
241. You could probably
finish it in time, right?Copy !req
242. - Well, I mean, in theory,
of course I could.Copy !req
243. - We can be
your grocery genies!Copy !req
244. Yeah, make a wish, poof!
It arrives.Copy !req
245. - No, no, no.Copy !req
246. - Hang on, hang on.
Let me show you something.Copy !req
247. This is my driver's license.Copy !req
248. Clean record, okay?Copy !req
249. I got insurance,
AAA card, member since 2007.Copy !req
250. - So responsible,
very responsible.Copy !req
251. - Thank you.Copy !req
252. - You have the hardest job
in the world.Copy !req
253. You're a single mother.Copy !req
254. I was raised by a single motherCopy !req
255. and also Stone Cold Steve Austin
via TV.Copy !req
256. - And we'll pay
for your groceries, Bets.Copy !req
257. I'm talkin' Whole Foods,
the good stuff.Copy !req
258. Know what I mean?Copy !req
259. Help us help you
help yourselfCopy !req
260. while also helping us.Copy !req
261. - Oh, God.
Let me get the list.Copy !req
262. - Yes!Copy !req
263. - Hey-yo, maggots!Copy !req
264. - Buddy, drop it, all right?Copy !req
265. Let's just get this guy
and get him home.Copy !req
266. - Just saying if Betsy's
gonna make stuffing,Copy !req
267. she's gonna wish she had
Craisins, and I'm dropping it.Copy !req
268. - Wait, there he is.Copy !req
269. Damien!Copy !req
270. - Yeah?Copy !req
271. - Hey, pal, we're the, uh,Copy !req
272. guys who are gonna
take you home, so come on.Copy !req
273. - Yeah, my mom texted me,
but I'm not going.Copy !req
274. - What?
We got snacks, dude.Copy !req
275. They were out of Gushers,
but I got some licorice.Copy !req
276. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
277. Come on!
Go get it, little guy!Copy !req
278. - In the car.
- I don't get that.Copy !req
279. That worked on me as a kid.Copy !req
280. - That is weird, huh?
- That's a good trick.Copy !req
281. - Guys, let me have a shot.
Hey, Damien...Copy !req
282. Get in that car right now!Copy !req
283. - Hey, calm your old ass down.Copy !req
284. Tell my mom I'll be home later.Copy !req
285. Maybe.Copy !req
286. - Later maybe-
- Ders, Ders!Copy !req
287. Hey, little dude,
you need to showCopy !req
288. your elder dudes
a bit of respect, okay?Copy !req
289. Now come with us 'cause your
mom's making us fake passports.Copy !req
290. - Get the fuck away from me,
you long-haired jizz expert!Copy !req
291. - Okay, no one talks
to my long-haired jizz expertCopy !req
292. like that, okay?Copy !req
293. You're comin' with me!Copy !req
294. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
295. - Yeah, twist your arm
right now.Copy !req
296. - Ow! Ow!Copy !req
297. - You're comin' with me!Copy !req
298. - You're very strong!Copy !req
299. - No! No!
- Solid core!Copy !req
300. - Help!Copy !req
301. Help! Help!
Stranger danger!Copy !req
302. Stranger danger!
- Go!Copy !req
303. - Rape!
Rape!Copy !req
304. - All right,
and a Thanksgiving update.Copy !req
305. We got a little derailed,
but we're back on track.Copy !req
306. Picked up a real nice lad.Copy !req
307. - I'm gonna-
- Aaah!Copy !req
308. - Damien!
- Help!Copy !req
309. - No horseplay back there!
Not in my 'Vo!Copy !req
310. - Keep your hands off
my best friend!Copy !req
311. I'm sorry, Ders.
- What?Copy !req
312. - 'Cause he's my best friend,
and you're-Copy !req
313. Oh, hey, not cool!Copy !req
314. Whoa!
Not cool!Copy !req
315. - What are you-Copy !req
316. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
317. - Keep your hands off of me!Copy !req
318. - Guys, no, no, no.
Look!Copy !req
319. - Fuck!
- That is our car.Copy !req
320. Fuck!
- Shit!Copy !req
321. Fuck!
Shit!Copy !req
322. Fuck!
Fuck!Copy !req
323. - What are we gonna do?Copy !req
324. - Hide the car!
- What?Copy !req
325. - Hide the car!
- That doesn't make any sense!Copy !req
326. You can't hide the car!Copy !req
327. - You can hide the car!
- You can't!Copy !req
328. - Or... can we?Copy !req
329. Come on, dudes, we got to cover
this whole thing.Copy !req
330. - Tagging's fun!Copy !req
331. - Hey, it's hot out here.Copy !req
332. Does anybody want
any grapes or anything?Copy !req
333. - Hey, buddy, you gonna help us
over here or what?Copy !req
334. - Help?
I can't even watch!Copy !req
335. - God, you know what?Copy !req
336. I can't believe
Dale and Bets split up.Copy !req
337. Man, that really
chaps my hide.Copy !req
338. - Karl, who cares
about Dale and Betsy, okay?Copy !req
339. You're raping
my Volvo right now.Copy !req
340. - Whoa, Ders, grow up, dude.Copy !req
341. - Blake, aren't you
supposed to be in the carCopy !req
342. watching this kiddo?Copy !req
343. - No.
Don't worry about it.Copy !req
344. He's locked in there.Copy !req
345. - What do you mean
he's locked?Copy !req
346. You can't lock
somebody in a car.Copy !req
347. - Uh, I don't know
if you know this,Copy !req
348. but there's things called
child locks.Copy !req
349. - Ka-doy.Copy !req
350. - Yeah, but those are for,
like, little children.Copy !req
351. He's not-he could just
reach aroundCopy !req
352. and then, like, hit the switch
and unlock-Copy !req
353. - Later, jack-offs!Copy !req
354. - Oh.
- Wait!Copy !req
355. - He just did
what I was saying!Copy !req
356. He just did what I was saying!Copy !req
357. - I'm not runnin'.
No way, no how, man.Copy !req
358. - Hold-hold on!
- My car!Copy !req
359. - Hey! Stop!Copy !req
360. That kid, he's my ticket
to Hedonism!Copy !req
361. Ya bumbaclot idiot!Copy !req
362. - Someone call for a taxi?Copy !req
363. 'Cause it's yellow,
most of the parts.Copy !req
364. - We did a good job painting.Copy !req
365. - How much time
till our flight leaves?Copy !req
366. - Four hours.Copy !req
367. We gotta get this kid now,
like, right now,Copy !req
368. or we're not
gonna be able to check bags.Copy !req
369. - He's too fast.
He's too strong, man.Copy !req
370. - Well, he's got
that high-school body.Copy !req
371. He's a young go-hard.Copy !req
372. - Unbelievable body.
I used to have that body.Copy !req
373. - We all had that body, man!Copy !req
374. That's a high-school body, man!
We all had the body!Copy !req
375. - God, I used to look good
in jeans.Copy !req
376. - I had a six-pack
in grammar school.Copy !req
377. It was ridiculous.Copy !req
378. - Dudes!
Dudes, dudes, dudes, dudes!Copy !req
379. He just got off the bus.
- Damien!Copy !req
380. You get back in this car
right now!Copy !req
381. You are going home, mister!Copy !req
382. - There he goes,
right into that porn theater.Copy !req
383. - Go, go, go,
just pull up right there.Copy !req
384. - Eskimo Sluts.Copy !req
385. - Wait up.Copy !req
386. - All right, here we go.Copy !req
387. - Hey, fellas,
it's, uh, five bucks.Copy !req
388. - All right.Copy !req
389. - So you guys are, uh,
first-timers, huh?Copy !req
390. - Yeah.Copy !req
391. - Ter... rific.Copy !req
392. Welcome to the Inland Empire's
oldest operating...Copy !req
393. erotic theater.Copy !req
394. Now, since these doors
were opened in 1963,Copy !req
395. we've had but one motto.Copy !req
396. - Okay, I'm sorry,
could we just get the ticketsCopy !req
397. and go into the show, please?Copy !req
398. - We've had but one motto.Copy !req
399. Be courteous, have fun,Copy !req
400. and come again...Copy !req
401. and again and again and-Copy !req
402. I think it's funny.
Here ya go.Copy !req
403. You're gonna really enjoy this.
It's called Endless Hummer.Copy !req
404. - Thanks.Copy !req
405. - And I think the previews
are just about ending.Copy !req
406. - Hey, dudes.Copy !req
407. Let's be respectful.Copy !req
408. Liberry voices.Copy !req
409. - I can already smell the weird.Copy !req
410. - Well, whose board
am I gonna ride first?Copy !req
411. - Well, that all depends also.Copy !req
412. - You know, like I said,
we do everything together.Copy !req
413. - Dude, buddy,
you made the big screen.Copy !req
414. That looks... just like you.Copy !req
415. - Whoa, you do.
You look just like him.Copy !req
416. - I don't look like that guy.Copy !req
417. - It's like your twin.Copy !req
418. - Yeah, you look
exactly like that guy.Copy !req
419. - Damien.
- Damien.Copy !req
420. - Damien?Copy !req
421. - Shh.Copy !req
422. - Sorry.Copy !req
423. - Our bad.Copy !req
424. - I can't see anything.Copy !req
425. - Sorry.
- Sorry.Copy !req
426. - Hey, why don't I useCopy !req
427. the night vision
on my little camera?Copy !req
428. - Nice.
- Go, go, go, go.Copy !req
429. - Scope it out.Copy !req
430. - Yeah, Blair Witch this bitch.Copy !req
431. - I can't believe
it wasn't real.Copy !req
432. - Oh...
- What the-Copy !req
433. - Come on, buddy.
- Ugh.Copy !req
434. - Come on.
- Ugh, come on, guys.Copy !req
435. - What are they doing?Copy !req
436. - Oh, jeez.
- Oh!Copy !req
437. - Oh.
- Good God!Copy !req
438. - No, no, no, no, no.
Turn it off.Copy !req
439. Turn it off-
- Don't-Copy !req
440. - Turn it off!
- Who is it?Copy !req
441. - Oh, God, let's just go!Copy !req
442. - I dropped my keys.
- Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
443. Sorry about this, whoa.Copy !req
444. Hey, your dick's in your hand.Copy !req
445. - We're just looking
for a little boy.Copy !req
446. - You guys seen a kid?
He's about this tall.Copy !req
447. - Your dick is in your hand,
dude!Copy !req
448. - Ooh!Copy !req
449. - Hey.Copy !req
450. Full house tonight, huh?Copy !req
451. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
452. Okay, so this is not good.Copy !req
453. That was gross!
I can't look at skin.Copy !req
454. I can't look at mouths anymore.Copy !req
455. - I kept hearing-Copy !req
456. - Stop it!
Don't do that!Copy !req
457. - I messed everything up.Copy !req
458. You guys should just
go without me.Copy !req
459. Tell Pastafari
I said I'm hungry.Copy !req
460. And if you remember,Copy !req
461. bring me home some
Jamaican jerk lasagna.Copy !req
462. - No.
- No, no.Copy !req
463. I'm not gonna bring you
anything, dude.Copy !req
464. 'Cause I'm not gonna go
anywhere without you!Copy !req
465. Besides the fact that this
is gonna take our friendshipCopy !req
466. to the next level
as sexual conquistadors-Copy !req
467. recently I learned that word-Copy !req
468. it's Thanksgiving, right?Copy !req
469. You know what I mean?Copy !req
470. And this little Indian
isn't going to go anywhereCopy !req
471. without his Pilgrims,
and you guys are the Pilgrims.Copy !req
472. And the more I think about it,
we should act out, like,Copy !req
473. a Pocahontas situation
with some leathery Hedo babes.Copy !req
474. Like, that'd be awesome, right?Copy !req
475. Am I rambling a little bit?
I'm excited.Copy !req
476. - No, no, you're not rambling.
We're all on the same page.Copy !req
477. Pocahontas sounds great, but...
- Thank you.Copy !req
478. - I don't know, man.
It just doesn't seem right.Copy !req
479. I say we call it.Copy !req
480. - Yeah.Copy !req
481. - We did spend
$400 nonrefundable.Copy !req
482. - Okay, so we definitely
have to go on this trip!Copy !req
483. We just gotta find that kid!Copy !req
484. - Yes.Copy !req
485. - Well, maybe if we-
- Hey, guys.Copy !req
486. Thing's not gonna
suck itself.Copy !req
487. - Oh!Copy !req
488. Holy meat rod!Copy !req
489. That is a real bat.Copy !req
490. Real meat stick.Copy !req
491. - Hey, Gerald!
Is that you?Copy !req
492. - Hey, Dan,
the man with the mouth.Copy !req
493. I can't give
this thing away today.Copy !req
494. - Hey, do you know
where Jimmy is?Copy !req
495. Is he around?
- Oh, I wish.Copy !req
496. No.
Andy's good, though.Copy !req
497. - What, Andy the golf pro?Copy !req
498. - No, black Andy, that guy.Copy !req
499. - Oh, sweet chocolate.Copy !req
500. Ha ha.
Oh, sorry.Copy !req
501. Reach around?
Reach around?Copy !req
502. Anybody?Copy !req
503. You guys?
- I'm good.Copy !req
504. - Hey.
Full house tonight, huh?Copy !req
505. - Now, as I was sayingCopy !req
506. before we were
so rudely interrupted,Copy !req
507. we're gonna smoke Damien out,
well, kind of.Copy !req
508. We're gonna pull this alarm,Copy !req
509. and then when everybody comes
rushing out of the theater,Copy !req
510. we'll grab him.Copy !req
511. - Okay, Blake,
that's-that's actually genius.Copy !req
512. It's also illegal.Copy !req
513. I think we're stacking crimes
pretty high today.Copy !req
514. - Ders, desperate times
calls for desperate measuring.Copy !req
515. - And it's not illegal.Copy !req
516. I've done it personally,
like-like, 14 times.Copy !req
517. Middle school was wild.Copy !req
518. - Blake, it's illegal.Copy !req
519. - Fug that.
I ain't never scared.Copy !req
520. - Don't move!
On the floor!Copy !req
521. - I didn't touch it,
I swear!Copy !req
522. - I said down.
- Oh, do we have to?Copy !req
523. - It's like really gross.
Okay, okay, sure, yep.Copy !req
524. It's really sticky,
actually.Copy !req
525. - Are you the owners
of the Volvo parked out frontCopy !req
526. with the crappy paint job?Copy !req
527. - Why?
Did someone ding my car?Copy !req
528. - Where's the kid?Copy !req
529. - What in the hell
is going on here?Copy !req
530. - Just stand aside
and relax, sir.Copy !req
531. - No, I will not.
This is my place of business.Copy !req
532. I've got permits.Copy !req
533. - Sir, these men are involvedCopy !req
534. in the kidnapping
of a minor.Copy !req
535. - No, no, no!
We didn't kidnap anybody-Copy !req
536. No, no!
There he is, ask him!Copy !req
537. - Whoa, hold on.
That's my son.Copy !req
538. Now, Damien,
you get out here.Copy !req
539. Did these guys try to
kidnap you or something?Copy !req
540. - No, listen, please.Copy !req
541. We were sent to pick him up
by his momCopy !req
542. while she was gonna make-Copy !req
543. look, we're friend-Betsy.
We know Betsy.Copy !req
544. - We're friends with Betsy.
- Yeah, we know Betsy.Copy !req
545. - Yeah, I mean,
we forced him into the car,Copy !req
546. but that's just 'cause he's,
like, really, really strong.Copy !req
547. - He should be
in American Gladiator.Copy !req
548. - Is anything
that they're saying true?Copy !req
549. - Yeah, I just didn't
want to go home to momCopy !req
550. because I wanted to hang out
with you,Copy !req
551. and-and maybe
see if we couldCopy !req
552. all eat Thanksgiving
together tomorrow,Copy !req
553. like we used to.Copy !req
554. - Oh, that's sweet.
- That's beautiful.Copy !req
555. - This carpet smells
like semen.Copy !req
556. Yep, that is semen.
That is semen right there.Copy !req
557. - We're just gonna get up.
- No, back down.Copy !req
558. Going back down.
Oh, we'll go back down.Copy !req
559. - Don't point that.Copy !req
560. - It's just semen.
Stop whining.Copy !req
561. So I'm leaving.Copy !req
562. But you still parked
in a red zone, kid.Copy !req
563. And don't check
"not guilty" by accidentCopy !req
564. and drag my ass
into court, okay?Copy !req
565. - Yes, sir.
- Let's get out of here.Copy !req
566. - Thank you, officer.Copy !req
567. - I am so sorry
about all this confusion.Copy !req
568. It's just-ever since
our divorce,Copy !req
569. it's been very hard
on Damien.Copy !req
570. - Hey, my parents are divorced.
Holidays are rough.Copy !req
571. - Nobody cares, crybaby.Copy !req
572. - Well, he should've listened
to his mother.Copy !req
573. He knows he's not supposed
to come to my picture house.Copy !req
574. - Picture house?
This is a porno theater, dude.Copy !req
575. Own it, man.
It's cool.Copy !req
576. - Anyway, we gotta get Damien
back to the house pronto.Copy !req
577. - Well, what's the rush?Copy !req
578. - Betsy's making Blake
a fake passport.Copy !req
579. - Oh.Copy !req
580. - Yeah, we've got flight
to Hedonism IICopy !req
581. in, like, a couple hours,
so we better get going.Copy !req
582. - Are you fuckin' kidding me?Copy !req
583. I love Hedonism.
Ah!Copy !req
584. - Oh, cool!Copy !req
585. - Where do you think this
little rascal was conceived?Copy !req
586. - Dad!Copy !req
587. - Hedonism, really?Copy !req
588. - Well, no, but an orgy
just like it.Copy !req
589. - Hey.
- I think he's mine.Copy !req
590. It's a joke we have.
- Dad!Copy !req
591. - Oh, come on.
- Stop.Copy !req
592. - See you, guys.
- Happy Thanksgiving.Copy !req
593. - You too.
Gobble, gobble.Copy !req
594. - Oh, and, Damien...Copy !req
595. - Later!Copy !req
596. - I think we brought
a family togetherCopy !req
597. just in time
for Thanksgiving.Copy !req
598. - I think you're right.
- Get off me!Copy !req
599. - I'm not on you.Copy !req
600. - You and your stupid
porn theater!Copy !req
601. - What is your problem?
- Let's get weird!Copy !req
602. Let's get weird!
We're getting weird!Copy !req
603. We're getting weird!Copy !req
604. - We-we-we-we-we-we-weCopy !req
605. we-we-we-we-we-we
we-we-we-weCopy !req
606. we'll get so fucking weird.Copy !req
607. - So did we save room
for dessert?Copy !req
608. - Where are all the titties
and butt cheeks?Copy !req
609. - Probably having Thanksgiving
with their families.Copy !req
610. - That's... stupid.Copy !req
611. - So how's that Jamaican
jerk lasagna treating you?Copy !req
612. - Hmm.Copy !req
613. It's fucking gross, Mike.Copy !req
614. - Nice!Copy !req
615. Retail subrip by jeem.Copy !req