1. - Whoo!
That is a mom butt right there-
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2. Long and low.
- Whoa.
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3. Daddy likes mom butts.
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4. - Have you guys ever looked
at your checks before?
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5. - Direct deposit, dude.
- No. No, I haven't.
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6. - It's bizarro, man.
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7. It says I only get, like,
half of my money here.
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8. - Seriously?
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9. Who's FICA?
Why am I paying him $55?
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10. - Meeda-Meed-a-care?
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11. I don't even know what that is.
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12. That's not even a real thing.
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13. - All right, guys.
They're taxes.
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14. - Ders, what are taxes?
- Yeah.
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15. - Uh, society-
It's a big pie, right?
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16. We got to help cook it?
- Yeah.
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17. - Okay, you guys know brackets-
basketball, you know?
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18. - Yeah, no, I know those.
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19. - So it's progressive
bracketology.
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20. - You're losing me, bud.
- Yeah.
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21. - Taxes,
they pay for roads,
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22. like, fire trucks,
schools, this park.
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23. - Really?
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24. So my tax money paid
for this whole park right here?
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25. - Yes. Yeah.
- That's awesome.
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26. - So you're saying that we paid
for everything at this park?
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27. - Yeah.
- We paid for the sand?
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28. - Mm-hmm.
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29. - Well, fine,
then I'm taking some.
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30. - So we paid for that slide
and that swing set
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31. and that bench
over there, right?
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32. I'm an owner?
- Yeah, you're owning.
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33. - That's-I like that.
Taxes are cool.
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34. - We definitely own
that, then...
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35. Right?
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36. - Oh, yeah, we do.
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37. Taxes rule!
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38. I forgot my paycheck.
Turn around.
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39. - Well, I think we can officially say
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40. this house is now a home.
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41. - Can you guys imagine going
to a bar and telling a babe,
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42. "Uh, yeah, you know,
I got a dragon at my house"?
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43. - "You should come over,
play with my dragon."
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44. And my-and that's also
another term for my dick.
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45. - Oh, you know what
we need to do?
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46. Name him.
- Yeah.
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47. - Yes, but it's got
to be something hard.
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48. It is badass.
- Yeah, very badass.
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49. - Hello, "Cee Lo Green."
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50. - Ooh, I like that.
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51. What about "Ivan Drago-n,"
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52. like the guy who had
the sinister flattop?
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53. - "Reptar," right?
From Rugrats.
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54. That's badass, dude.
- Yeah.
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55. - That was such a Tommy move
by me by naming him that.
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56. It's so Tommy.
- Reptar's good.
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57. - Should I get a flattop?
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58. - I really feel like you guys
aren't hearing me.
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59. I came up
with the perfect name.
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60. It's "Cee Lo Green."
He has those-
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61. those short, T-rex arms,
and, I mean, he's a thug.
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62. He was in Goodie Mob.
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63. - So that's a no
on the flattop?
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64. - Hey, fuck the Dragons!
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65. - What?
- Hey, hey, hey!
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66. Watch your mouth!
This is a family neighborhood!
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67. - Yeah!
Fuck you, dickhead!
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68. - Yeah, you got a problem
with Reptar,
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69. you got a problem with me!
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70. - Did you see that poseur
with the skateboard?
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71. Hey, skateboarder dude,
why don't you, uh,
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72. find a real identity?
'Cause you're lying to yourself.
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73. - I'm a taxpayer!
What are you?
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74. A sax player in the band,
you idiot?
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75. - Oh, get 'em.
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76. - Yeah, probably.
That's a cool instrument.
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77. - Nerd!
- Nerd!
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78. - Let's, uh-let's finish
drinking some beers,
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79. because the sweetest revenge
is living well.
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80. Darius Rucker said it,
so you know it's real.
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81. - I miss Darius Rucker.
- You're right.
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82. Let's cool our guns.
- Love that song.
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83. He was in Bush, right?
- I think not.
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84. - What do you say
we finish these beers
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85. and, uh,
celebrate at the bar?
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86. - I like it.
- I like that idea.
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87. Dibs on your hair gel, dude.
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88. - Our dragon
is gonna seal the deal,
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89. Cee Lo Green style.
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90. - Yeah, definitely.
But his name's Reptar.
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91. - But it's actually
Cee Lo Green.
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92. - Don't make me
swing on you, bro.
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93. - Yeah.
- Oh, you're gonna swing on me?
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94. - All right, all right.
- I'll swing on-
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95. - Okay,
everyone's a tough guy!
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96. Everybody's a tough guy!
- Swing on you, bro.
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97. - How about I swing
right over the top?
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98. - Kiya! Kiya!
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99. - Watch it, bro.
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100. I got the meanest uppercut
in freaking Cucamonga.
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101. - Let it all out, little guy.
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102. Oh, nice!
Good distance.
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103. Good work, bud.
Proud of you.
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104. Ders!
Ders, wake up! Wake up!
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105. - What's up?
We going to the bar?
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106. - They're robbing us!
- Oh, my God. What?
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107. - No! Cee Lo!
- That's our Reptar!
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108. - I got to get a photo.
I'm gonna get the plates.
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109. - Coming for you!
- What are you doing?
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110. - Ders!
- Wait. What are you doing?
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111. - Ders, grab!
- What are you doing?
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112. - Help! Grab me!
Don't let go!
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113. - What are you doing?
- Don't let go!
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114. - I got you.
I got you. I got you.
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115. You all right?
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116. - Reptar!
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117. - I got a picture.
- Did you take it for me?
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118. - Yeah, yeah, I got it.
- Reptar!
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119. - Oh, damn it.
The camera was the wrong way.
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120. - Reptar!
- Oh, my gosh.
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121. You look just like that guy
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122. who was raping his kids
in the basement in Austria.
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123. - I know. I know.
It's the eyebrows.
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124. - Okay, so what do we got?
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125. - Three suspects-
one I'm almost pretty sure
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126. was wearing
a letterman's jacket.
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127. - A letterman's jacket.
- Mm-hmm.
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128. - Okay, good.
Car?
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129. - Too drunk to see cars.
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130. - I was still vomiting.
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131. - That was pretty impressive.
That was a world record maybe.
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132. - Yeah, well, I told you.
Time it.
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133. - One stopwatch.
We'll buy that.
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134. Uh, what else?
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135. - Oh, I did find this-
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136. a filtered clove cigarette,
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137. which lets me know
there has to be
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138. at least one poseur involved
in this equation.
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139. - One clove, one poseur.
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140. - Okay, so what
are we thinking?
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141. Head down to the school,
bust some skulls,
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142. pull some rip-and-runs?
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143. - Eh, you know what?
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144. I think for once,
muscle's not our best play.
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145. We got to be smart.
- Yep.
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146. - We got to be sneaky.
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147. Going undercover.
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148. Check it out.
I brought some disguises.
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149. - Whoa!
Cool!
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150. Good idea.
- No.
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151. - I like that.
Underclassman them-very smart.
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152. Here's my only concern.
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153. Ders looks old as fuck.
Let's be honest.
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154. Look at that face.
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155. It's very old and wrinkly
looking.
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156. - No, it's not.
It's smooth.
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157. Uh, but we're
not going undercover.
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158. So why don't we go talk
to the principal
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159. like normal people,
bossmen-to-bossman?
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160. - Fuck principals.
- Yeah.
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161. - If we want justice, we have
to take it into our own hands.
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162. - Mm-hmm, we got to go,
"Where's the statue?"
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163. And they're like,
"Oh, don't hit-
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164. You're so much stronger than me.
Don't hit me."
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165. This is blood, and then they
tell us where the statue is.
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166. - That's the rip-and-runs.
- Oh, okay.
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167. But also undercover, though.
- Yeah.
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168. - I'm not gonna drive
unless we do it my way.
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169. - Well, then we walk.
- Then I'm out.
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170. - Then we go
to the principal's office.
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171. - Great.
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172. - This school has, like,
a real-deal football squad.
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173. This guy, their quarterback,
Quaid Franklin-
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174. he's just awesome.
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175. He's, like, so cool.
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176. - Hey, uh, hi.
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177. Uh, we need to see
the principal, pronto.
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178. It's an emergency.
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179. - Do you have an appointment?
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180. - Just tell him Adam DeMamp
from TelAmeriCorp
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181. is here to see him.
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182. - I'm sorry.
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183. If you don't have an
appointment, you have to leave.
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184. - Wow. Really?
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185. That's weird,
because as a taxpayer,
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186. I'm almost positive
that I pay your salary.
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187. Right, Ders?
- Yeah, absolutely right.
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188. So you kind of work
for us, lady.
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189. Chop, chop.
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190. - Look, three of your students
stole a statue
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191. that we as taxpayers legally
stole from a public park.
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192. - Taxpayers.
- Mm-hmm.
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193. - So what do you guys do?
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194. Do you coordinate with the fuzz?
Do you work alone?
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195. Rip-and-runs,
bust some skulls?
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196. I'm happy to rip-and-run.
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197. - I have your information.
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198. There's the door.
Use it.
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199. - Oh, "use it"?
Okay.
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200. Well, we might as well,
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201. since, as taxpayers,
we own that door.
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202. - We own that door.
- We own that door.
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203. - Okay?
- Yeah.
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204. - You know what?
You're fired!
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205. - You're fired!
- You're done here.
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206. - You're fired!
- You're done!
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207. - Hey, let's take this door.
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208. - We're taking this door.
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209. - Let's take the door out.
- We're taking this door.
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210. - Get the hinges.
- Let's take the-
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211. - You're fired, lady.
- That's for you.
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212. - You're never gonna
teach again!
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213. - Oh!
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214. JNCOs are coming back
hard, dude.
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215. Look at these.
- They are back.
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216. - Yeah.
- You look gorgeous.
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217. - Thank you.
You look like Russell Brand.
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218. - Both you guys look cool.
I want a disguise.
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219. - Okay, well, this is Plan B-
Plan Blake.
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220. We should have done it
right off the bat.
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221. This is what I'm gonna do.
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222. I'm just gonna hang out here,
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223. kind post up,
looking like a poseur.
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224. Dig around for dirt
with my mind shovel.
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225. - Ah, good call.
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226. I'm gonna go find
the football players,
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227. since they're, like, the popular
and attractive crowd.
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228. I'll slide right in
undetected,
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229. just like I did
in high school.
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230. - Wait, you hung out
with the jocks in high school?
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231. - Yes.
- Okay.
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232. - What about you, Ders?
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233. Can't run around
looking like that.
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234. You're gonna get hired
as a science teacher.
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235. - You're a funny guy.
I wouldn't worry about me, okay?
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236. Last night,
I watched Coach Carter,
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237. picked up a few pointers.
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238. I think I'll be fine.
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239. In fact, I'm gonna go
straight to the source,
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240. where the bebe kids be at.
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241. Dang!
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242. What's up
with all these books?
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243. - Hang on, now, son.
You here for detention?
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244. - Nah, man, I'm here for
the booty-scratching contest.
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245. Come on, man.
Keep up, keep up.
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246. Not playing today.
Jokes all day.
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247. Damn. Where you learn
how to draw like that?
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248. Will you do my name next?
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249. It's Shawn-ders.
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250. And yours is?
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251. - What's up, dudes?
Want a clove?
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252. - No, we're good, man.
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253. - You know what I like to do?
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254. Get together with some
of my close dude friends,
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255. share a clove,
steal statues.
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256. You guys ever do anything
exactly like that ever?
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257. - Can't say that we have.
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258. - Nice mustache,
by the way.
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259. - Thank you.
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260. What's up, big dog?
Want a clove?
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261. Here, try.
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262. - Oh, I get it.
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263. Coach probably doesn't like
you smoking, huh?
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264. But you don't care,
do you?
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265. 'Cause you're a bad dude.
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266. You like getting into trouble,
stealing stuff...
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267. maybe a statue?
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268. Talk to me, big man.
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269. - Yo, get the hell away from me,
you poseur.
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270. - No doubt.
No doubt. Definitely.
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271. What up, dogs?
Yeah, man.
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272. What's up?
I'm Adam DeMamp.
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273. I just transferred
from the other school
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274. that's pretty far away
from here.
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275. Um... little bit about me.
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276. I train with kettlebells,
and my favorite movies
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277. are Notorious and Blow,
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278. so I'm, like, a-just real.
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279. I'm so-a real dude
like you guys.
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280. - Hey, what's up,
dudes, babe?
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281. - Whoa.
You're Quaid Franklin.
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282. You're so good
at football, dude.
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283. I read this whole paper
about you.
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284. 14 touchdowns,
2,238 yards.
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285. He's going to Nebraska
next year.
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286. It's-you're the man, dude.
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287. - Yeah, who are you?
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288. I'm-I'm Adam DeMamp.
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289. I just introduced myself,
but...
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290. They used to call me
Meat Mountain in high school.
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291. - Yo, dudes.
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292. There's this nerd in
the bathroom that's trying to,
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293. like-I don't know-
fuck dudes or something.
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294. - That's one thing
that I hate-nerds!
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295. Right?
Ugh!
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296. Let's go pound this nerd!
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297. Quaid, let's go pound
this nerd-
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298. me and you, bro!
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299. Bash bros!
Bash bros!
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300. Let's go, Quaid and Adam!
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301. Let's go, Wolves.
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302. Let's go!
Copy !req
303. - Hey, man,
how come you're here?
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304. Me?
I was stealing, man.
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305. Got caught up
stealing statues.
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306. You ever steal statues, man?
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307. You ever steal,
like, a, uh-
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308. a dragon statue?
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309. - Excuse me.
- Huh?
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310. - Please be quiet.
Thank you.
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311. - Man, I didn't even
do anything.
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312. Dang!
Okay?
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313. - That's it.
You know, Shawn-ders-
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314. - What?
- That's it.
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315. We're going to the office.
- Okay.
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316. - Give me your I.D.
Let's see it.
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317. - You know anything
about a stolen statue?
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318. - We're going to the office.
- Man, stop. Get off me, dude!
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319. - How about we give
your parents a call?
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320. - What? Okay, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
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321. I'm not Shawn-ders, okay?
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322. - Let's go, Wolves!
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323. Let's go-oh!
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324. Wrong guy.
That's-
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325. We should go check
another bathroom.
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326. - No, no, no.
That's him.
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327. And it's time
to whup his ass.
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328. - No!
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329. Or hear me out.
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330. We could really punish
this perv...
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331. and...
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332. give him a swirly.
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333. - All right.
- Yeah!
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334. - I just washed my hair.
No, no, man.
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335. - Come on.
- Hold on!
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336. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
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337. - Everybody out, now!
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338. - Good thing I had this chain.
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339. Might have lost my wallet.
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340. Go, Wolves.
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341. - Gentlemen, this is
a high school.
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342. I could have you
thrown in jail.
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343. - Yeah, a jail we pay for
with our taxpayer money.
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344. Right, Ders?
- Correct-o-mundo.
Copy !req
345. - No, that's not cor-
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346. Good God, you smell.
Copy !req
347. So, what, some of my students
stole a dragon from you?
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348. - Cee Lo Green.
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349. She was classy and beautiful.
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350. - His name's Reptar.
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351. - Well, I imagine
they did this
Copy !req
352. because we're playing
the Dragons this weekend-
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353. our big rival.
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354. - You didn't think to notify
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355. surrounding community members
with dragon statues?
Copy !req
356. - That makes sense to me.
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357. - Here's what I'm gonna do.
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358. Good afternoon, RC South.
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359. It has come to my attention
that some students
Copy !req
360. have stolen property from
our residential neighbors-
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361. a dragon statue.
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362. Now, if the statue is not
returned within a week,
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363. the pep rally
will be canceled.
Copy !req
364. So if you want to have
a pep rally,
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365. please return the statue to-
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366. What's your damn address?
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367. - 1456 Halmin Drive.
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368. - 1456 Halmin Drive.
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369. Hey, let's show the community
Copy !req
370. what the Wolves
are really made of.
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371. Good day.
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372. - Nope.
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373. - God!
- There we go.
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374. - Dude, are you smoking
those for real now?
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375. - Yeah, they calm my nerves.
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376. I mean, I saw my life flush
before my eyes today.
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377. - Okay, just keep
the smoke out the door, man.
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378. - Yeah, lose the scarf too.
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379. You look like you're in
30 Seconds to Mars.
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380. - What the hell?
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381. - Ah!
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382. What the-
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383. - We're under attack!
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384. - This is war.
We're going to war now.
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385. We just got to start war.
Copy !req
386. - Yeah, well, maybe you
shouldn't have gave away
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387. our home address.
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388. - Guys, look!
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389. - Get him.
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390. Did that look awesome?
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391. - Uh, yeah!
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392. - But you are
in poop water, dude.
Copy !req
393. - Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Copy !req
394. - Welcome to the club,
dickhead!
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395. - Where's Reptar?
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396. - I don't know
what you're talking about.
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397. - The dragon, you bitch!
Copy !req
398. And he has a name,
and it's actually Cee Lo Green.
Copy !req
399. - No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
Copy !req
400. - No, it is isn't.
- I swear to God I don't know.
Copy !req
401. I only came here tonight 'cause
it's what everyone was doing.
Copy !req
402. - Give me a break,
little guy.
Copy !req
403. If everybody jumped off
a bridge,
Copy !req
404. would you do that too?
Copy !req
405. Huh?
Copy !req
406. - Sometimes I don't know.
Copy !req
407. - That's actually really sad.
Copy !req
408. - It is sad.
Copy !req
409. - Peer pressure, it's a very
real thing at their age.
Copy !req
410. But where's the dragon,
you bitch?
Copy !req
411. - I don't know
about any dragon.
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412. I was only trying
to fit in.
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413. I'm just the fat kid.
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414. They dared me to poop!
Copy !req
415. You got to believe me!
Copy !req
416. - I believe you.
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417. Guys, can we have the room?
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418. - Lucky I don't swing
on you, fool!
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419. - Swing on you so bad.
Copy !req
420. - All right, all right,
all right.
Copy !req
421. Come on, dry off.
Copy !req
422. Sorry about those dudes.
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423. It's just, uh,
they love that dragon.
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424. I love it.
It's crazy.
Copy !req
425. You ever had anything
stolen from you?
Copy !req
426. - I lost a bike once.
Copy !req
427. I went in for a Snapple,
I came out,
Copy !req
428. and it was gone.
Copy !req
429. - Yeah, I'll bet.
What kind of Snapple?
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430. - I don't remember.
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431. - Me neither.
See?
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432. We're not so different,
you and me.
Copy !req
433. So why don't you just
go ahead and tell me
Copy !req
434. where my dragon is?
Copy !req
435. - All right.
Copy !req
436. A couple of the guys
are taking it to a party
Copy !req
437. to chop it up.
Copy !req
438. - Okay, where's the party?
Copy !req
439. - You know the Panda Express
on Camilla Road
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440. right before the freeway?
Copy !req
441. - Yeah, I do.
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442. - They're
at a weird white house
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443. with a red door
right across from that.
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444. If you hurry,
you'll get there just in time.
Copy !req
445. - Ready to talk now?
Copy !req
446. - Oh, my God!
- Huh, tough guy?
Copy !req
447. - Hey, yo, DeMamp, I got it.
I got it. I got it.
Copy !req
448. - Oh, but-
Copy !req
449. All right, let's go figure out
how to put this
Copy !req
450. back in the 'Vo.
Copy !req
451. - Here we are, boys.
Copy !req
452. We ready to do this?
Copy !req
453. - I say we go inside
and show these pricks
Copy !req
454. what happens when you mess
with the Best Friend Brigade.
Copy !req
455. - That's us.
- Yeah, baby, let's do this.
Copy !req
456. Wait.
Copy !req
457. Let's do this right.
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458. Your katana, sir.
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459. - You just-
Actually, just, uh-
Copy !req
460. - Right.
Right.
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461. - Yeah.
Copy !req
462. Let's go.
- Get out.
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463. You didn't see me
with the sword?
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464. I was gonna flick it-
- No, it was great.
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465. It was really cool.
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466. - Game's over, little-
Copy !req
467. - Girls, what's going on here?
Copy !req
468. Oh, sweet Jesus.
Copy !req
469. - The principal was in on it
the whole time?
Copy !req
470. - No, Adam, I think
that chubby dude played us.
Copy !req
471. - Yuh-huh.
Copy !req
472. - Oh, yeah.
That makes sense.
Copy !req
473. - Again, we're sorry,
Principal Senn.
Copy !req
474. It just, uh, those kids-
Copy !req
475. I don't understand 'em.
Copy !req
476. - They're insane.
Copy !req
477. - They're just terrible people,
Copy !req
478. and I don't know
how you do it, Wes.
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479. - Well, I'm a functioning
alcoholic.
Copy !req
480. - Cool dad.
Copy !req
481. - Nice.
- One for the road, boys?
Copy !req
482. - Yeah.
- All right.
Copy !req
483. - Ders, take us home.
Copy !req
484. We got a fat boy
that needs a jump.
Copy !req
485. - Let's do it.
Copy !req
486. Again, take care.
Copy !req
487. - Hey.
Copy !req
488. - We hope you find
your dragon.
Copy !req
489. - Thank you, ladies.
Copy !req
490. - And we think your hair
is really cute.
Copy !req
491. - Still got it.
Copy !req
492. - Play on, player.
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493. - That's it.
Copy !req
494. Somebody's getting
the Tsongan death grip.
Copy !req
495. - Hey, what's going on?
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496. I live here.
You don't.
Copy !req
497. Might have to swing on a fool.
Copy !req
498. - Gonna double up on a guy.
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499. - Whoa.
Copy !req
500. Party's closed, boys.
Copy !req
501. - Quaid, what up, dude?
It's DeMamp.
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502. Bash bros.
Remember that from earlier?
Copy !req
503. - You can't come in.
Copy !req
504. - Hey, where you want me
to put these beers?
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505. - Ah, wherever, dude.
Copy !req
506. But, uh, stay out
of the front bedroom.
Copy !req
507. Deandre's banging
Leila Strachan in there.
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508. Dude, chick's on pace to bang
everyone tonight, you know?
Copy !req
509. - I can smell
the coochie already.
Copy !req
510. - Oh, where'd he learn that?
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511. - In my-in the front bedroom?
Copy !req
512. That's-that's my bedroom.
That's awesome.
Copy !req
513. - That's cool, dude.
- That's cool.
Copy !req
514. - Okay, I get it.
You took over our house.
Copy !req
515. Very good.
Good job.
Copy !req
516. But where's
the dragon statue and-
Copy !req
517. Ah! Ow! Ow!
Copy !req
518. - You're not getting in.
Copy !req
519. - That is it.
I'm calling the cops.
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520. Nobody smokes in my house.
Copy !req
521. Ow! Ow!
Don't, please! Ow!
Copy !req
522. You know what? You set us up.
We drove out to that house.
Copy !req
523. - Ha-ha.
That's awesome.
Copy !req
524. Did you say hi
to Principal Senn?
Copy !req
525. - You wish.
Ow!
Copy !req
526. Oh!
Copy !req
527. That wasn't even a-
Wasn't-
Copy !req
528. - Here's the deal.
Copy !req
529. You call the cops,
and we'll be back here
Copy !req
530. every weekend
for the rest of your lives.
Copy !req
531. We'll pass it down
from class to class
Copy !req
532. like a tradition
or some gay shit like that,
Copy !req
533. or you get lost,
let us party tonight,
Copy !req
534. and we'll call things even.
Copy !req
535. - What about our statue?
Copy !req
536. Bad news.
Copy !req
537. He's totally decapitated.
- Ouch.
Copy !req
538. - All right.
Copy !req
539. Uh, here's what I'm gonna do.
Copy !req
540. Since we ruined your statue,
Copy !req
541. I'll let you bros party.
Copy !req
542. - Thank you.
- All right, yeah.
Copy !req
543. - However, couple of rules-
Copy !req
544. head to the back
and stay there.
Copy !req
545. Beer only,
and don't talk to Ashley.
Copy !req
546. She belongs to AJ.
Copy !req
547. - I bet she's hot.
I bet she's hot.
Copy !req
548. - And if you decide
to grow some balls
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549. and break my rules,
Copy !req
550. my homey will light you up.
Copy !req
551. - Okay. All right.
- Cool.
Copy !req
552. - All right, cool.
- We got it. We got it.
Copy !req
553. - Thank you so much.
- All right.
Copy !req
554. 5 bucks a cup.
Copy !req
555. - Like-oh, okay.
Copy !req
556. Plus tax or whatever?
- What? No.
Copy !req
557. - Well, thank you.
- Cool.
Copy !req
558. - No taxes.
- Wow, no taxes.
Copy !req
559. Wow, you guys are rich
or something.
Copy !req
560. All right, hey, you know what?
My treat.
Copy !req
561. But you owe me later, so...
Copy !req
562. - All right, have a good time.
Copy !req
563. - Hey, thank you guys so much.
Thank you.
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564. This is really cool.
We really appreciate it.
Copy !req
565. Thank you very much.
- Don't be douches, dudes.
Copy !req
566. - Hey, did anybody
want a clove?
Copy !req
567. Ow, man!
Copy !req
568. All right.
Copy !req
569. - Nice.
Copy !req
570. Retail subrip by jeem.
Copy !req